309: Talking About Our Traumatic Childhoods

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plural or tear like it's uh four letters four that's four letters of course but you could do tears but you're not gonna get it because why because the wordle answer is never a plural word like it's never is that in the rules that will never be a plural word i used to do that and a friend told me that it was like you never want to play plural because it never will be i'll do well in general i do tears train i'll do um you should do shouts a lot there's one that's but i did oh today was arise and that's what i've been playing for the past three months i used to do a-r-i-s-e yes because you get the a you get the i you get the e get an r and an a to the a to the e yes and it just uh because i was playing a do for a long time but for some weird reason because i broke my streak i was off wordle i had a feeling maybe that word had been already used uh as the main word so i was like i'm gonna switch it up yeah did arise my gosh that rush it's like hitting the jackpot yeah on a slot machine yeah it's just green green green green green could not believe you got here like today's gonna be a good day yeah it's gonna be a great day great day i um i also had an amazing day too actually no amazing night i decided to i decided to stay in you know because we were recording yeah and um my danielle my roommate she she's right behind us she's walking behind heath and i and she's like um oh because she was going to her friend's like birthday or something yeah i'll be back early just like daniel just be like i'll be back early i'm gonna be responsible leaves i swear it was probably what two and a we just like chilled on the couch watch some tv for a second and then we're watching we're watching the new squid games i was the game show oh the game show yeah we'll tell you more about it i went into the bedroom to go to bed around like maybe 11 45 11 45 she left at like maybe 9 30 9 45 around there yeah so i'm climbing into bed and i'm in my bed like i had my got my melatonin in i'm ready to fall asleep and i just hear boom boom boom on my front door and it was a knock where like it's it's pretty it's like oh shit like who the fuck's up at the door at this late at night i walk closer i'm like who is it and it's like i hear some dude and i'm like oh that's weird i come closer and i'm like hello he's like i'm i hear something something danielle and i was like i'm sorry what was that and he goes i have your friend danielle she's drunk i was like oh my god she is on the floor like like a pretzel like a pretzel oh no and i'm like oh my god i i and he's like i just like brought her here i was like in my head i was like thank god he wasn't the uber driver or yes oh dear yeah and so so i was like oh my god thank you so much i'm sorry um and i was like worried because like oh my god did she get like spiked or something because like two hours she went to venice too so my head was like what happened in those two hours exactly it's like back that quick i need to talk to her about it still but um she uh she better be tipping that uber driver good what you should better be tipping that uber driver a nice tip i'm sure she did yeah um and uh i had a carrier to her bed oh my gosh poor danielle but you know she she deserved it she had a hard she had a rough week but it was it was just funny oh my gosh it's so funny when you have nights like that because when you wake up obviously she didn't remember anything like in the stage that she was so i when she wakes up she comes in my room she's like hey you know you when you act like you know how you got home it's like the confidence that you have like oh i had a good i was like hey i was like i was like you don't know do you she's like what i was like how'd you get in your bed she's like what i i got home i was like no bookie i had a i had to pick you up uber driver had to get you up there and the hallways are so tiny i had to boom boom i hit her head it's like it's like pinball going down the hallway oh my god no i felt so but she was out so i was like okay boom but i just love the confidence in the morning when it's like you make it to your room after a night like that you think nobody knew or saw yeah it's kind of so funny oh yeah but he and i were watching squid games yesterday and the reason why we were watching squid games yesterday is because marcus john y'all remember marcus john's from vine yes he's in the show he's in the season so we're like we gotta find him to watch this we gotta find him we're watching we're watching we can't find it because you know it's like a hundred people there's 400 and 450 something it's like it's 456 oh that is 400 people yeah so crazy they're only they're only really capturing maybe 15 to 20 people of like people that are either like loud or obnoxious or you know good strategists or someone who's talking a lot or someone who's like weird or whatever um and we're just like we're we're like where's marcus where's marcus and we see him for a quick split second we got him and we didn't see him for the rest of the time we're like he get eliminated so we found out on episode i don't want to ruin it but yeah no because it just came out i don't want to ruin it people are watching it but um pretty much all we have to say is that we we have like it's been four episodes we haven't seen him except for that one little shot that was a mistake maybe they're saving him for later it's just like it's just weird you don't see him yeah sometimes there's like silent sleepers they keep in like reality shows or even like the bachelor starts yes you get the introductions but you really don't get to see one girl until like episode three it's so weird because we're like four episodes in and i'm like i've never seen that person in my life and it's only down to like 20 people i'm like they've been showing so much i'm like i don't i've never seen that person who is that i always i always imagine myself in a show like that because you always wonder like are they gonna put the cameras on you are they never gonna put the cameras on you are you gonna even talk to anybody yeah are you gonna strategize with anybody are you gonna keep silent and keep to yourself like i i always wonder how i would i would love to be on a game show like that but it being filmed fucking stresses me out because like as soon as they got a camera on you and you did something or made a decision that makes you look really bad because like you can wipe out a lot of people on your own mistake yeah and like just the people the looks the looks that they're giving of like somebody that just got them out there like this like you good because like you go on that thinking like i'm gonna do my best right uh-huh and you can go do your best but if somebody else drops the ball on you you're like and you drop the ball and 30 people behind you out you know like it's just game baby it's insane that's how it goes one mistake that you made gets a whole team out i don't think i could live with myself yeah because you run all their chances for 4.5 mil yeah i get it it's a lot speaking of game shows i just auditioned for one did you really yeah can you say what it is um sure i can say what it is i don't know if i've gotten it yet oh okay do you want to guess oh it's a game show the mass singer jeopardy pop culture jeopardy it's like a team of three you have a team of three and uh you audition and the audition is like it was just like a digital audition everyone has to do it yeah um and it was 50 questions 15 seconds to respond and 15 minutes total of the test do you know your teammates yeah i know my teammates you get you get to like we created our got it okay oh who is it um it's oh yeah sure i'll say it it's matt grippy and megan guter oh wow yeah so it's like a they're like two of my friends that are big pop culture just nuts and it was megan's idea to start it and uh we're auditioning but we'll hear back if we get the big virtual audition yeah and then that would be cool this is only pop culture jeopardy only pop culture jeopardy it's hosted by colin jost it's on on tv yeah i think i don't i think netflix just bought it it was on prime but i think it's now switching to another oh it's not out yet it's season one is out oh season one you're getting ready for season two and i watched season one and i can fucking hang yeah like i can get most of the questions right out of every category i feel like pop culture would be the best yes or if you're like you know that's where a regular jeopardy uh college jeopardy i can hang but i'm not that big of a brainiac yeah but pop culture i feel like we have a good trio i'm excited we'll see they should do a game of thrones jeopardy also last night last night i lost my cool i've never yelled this hard at somebody at your wife no not my wife not my wife i was at a party i was at a disney drinking games party it's you know like the disney games what wait you know you know like disney drinking games parties okay do you know the disney games that happened like in the early 2000s x games so it wasn't x games it was the x games it looked like x games but it was like they would do challenges okay it was like zach efron miley cyrus okay okay oh yeah okay yeah so my friends pablo and alex they hosted their fourth annual one uh this year and they put so much effort into it everyone gets assigned a team i was on team blue and they do a bunch of like drinking games okay okay and like the first game was like we had to drink all of these like beers and four locos and then uh stack up like a puzzle of like um ours was the cheetah girl someone else had lindsey lohan other people had that okay and then like the first game was like we had to And then the next one was the biggest game of rock, paper, scissors I've ever seen. scene so everyone it's like squid games we're all on the floor everyone playing and you have to go up against someone and it's just kind of honor rules whoever loses then has to go on the wall and it gets smaller and smaller and smaller so and then it gets down to two people okay i have a feeling it's kind of like that basketball game that we're watching right knockout no the basketball game we're watching on squid games oh something like that like on the court yeah so when you win you have to stay up there and face the next person yeah so once you win you then have to play someone else who's also still in it and you gotta keep going and it gets smaller and smaller so i i won my first round and then i was out but then i started noticing some motherfucking cheaters playing the game because they were just some people after they won they would just stand around and not play another game you know what i'm saying so they would just wait around not playing for it to get smaller but doesn't the person that's on the wall pick no so i just realized that there were these cheaters and i'm like i go okay are you still in you're still in y'all are playing each other y'all are playing each other oh all right are we playing for are we playing for money or is it just for you know what i don't know what really the top prize was because at the end of the night it's about principle for you yeah it's about principle it's the principle of the fucking game and pablo and alex they spot me on the ground making sure people are playing and these girls on the red team they were in these juicy jumpsuits bond dutch hats they were just keeping it low not playing i go you're cheating you are cheating don't like i raised my voice people's heads were turning is everybody drunk at this point okay okay but i was like what came out of me because i was just i had never felt like more right and just like true genuine sportsmanship and they were breaking the fucking rules yeah and they kind of were like oh my god you know what because because that's gonna that's gonna tell everybody they won the whole night you know they're gonna probably brag about it and yes no you don't wanna we were in good spirits but i was worried like it was gonna get out of hand like i don't know it was just i had never been there and i was like oh my god that like drunk and angry and yelling in my life it was quite a rush but that's what happened it was a great game but we lost in the flip cup quarterfinal do you think you lost because you kind of lost your cool and you brought the whole team no i'm good at flip cup did it did it build morale or do you think it brought people down no it boosted morale for sure that's good for sure i just flip cup you know people they play flip cup it's it's just gentle it's right there in the finger people who like doing six flips they're doing like oh it's crazy because i think they think there's bricks in the cup and they're like sorry and you have all those eyes on you like if it gets down you feel stupid if you can't get it oh it's the worst yeah but it's sometimes you're watching it's like oh it's definitely their first time playing but they're like no no i play this all the time it was like how do you not know you just gotta yeah are you open to feedback we need to talk and like strategize a little bit oh but man i love flip cup actually all right so i we all had our own kind of game games yesterday you know that's good it's good games disney yeah but i you know i wish i got to play a game i want to play games last night i do love a good game i wish beard i was out when we were younger beard i is just all the rage yeah it's still people play it a lot still no yeah it's like it's like one of like the bigger games now but like that was on the way in when i was on the way out and but not everyone can really play it or you have to be kind of coordinated and good at it there's like athleticism to it yeah like beer punk's pretty inviting like you could be like okay and you can have a good time and you can have a good time and you can have a good time and it's like can i play sure beard i it's like uh-uh there's a group of people playing it and they're doing it all night and they're not inviting anyone else to play yeah they're they're doing like full-blown dives and they're like yes oh i can like i can hit the table but if that dice bounces on that table i'm not catching it oh yeah it's just so hard to catch that guy that die goes literally it has 180 degrees of where it can go i cannot react that fast it's so damn quick i even when i jump because i'll jump you can tear your acl play that's one of the games where you could really impress people or you could really embarrass yourself yeah like it's and of course you're always with somebody that's really good and you suck you're trying your best what is the object of the game like are we drinking so like everybody's got like a beer like on the corner basically and then you have to like throw it up but it has to land on their side of the table if it hits the table and bounces and they catch it they're saved if it hits the table and bounces and it hits the ground the other team has to like drink so there is a drink punishment or if you throw it up really doing like going up drink i think the drink is uh like a boat it's like a bonus in it yeah it's more of like you get to drink while you're counting points so people are counting points yeah and then i think it's like okay i wish i knew exactly how to play it but i think also if you throw it up and it lands in their corner drink they immediately have to like chug it which is like amazing right it's a beer bottle or a cup it's a beer bottle if you hit the beer bottle they have to like that's like three points yeah there's like something like that and then and then you like chug it you keep the dye in your mouth and then you spit it out and it rolls and if it lands on a certain number it's like automatic game over i don't know disgusting there's like so much to it but we're like we're too i mean we're grown from that yeah we don't play that type of shit anymore no no us playing beard i todd can play good beard i see you play you're pretty good at it i'm not i'm not it's it's it's really tough and i i would pull up with like knee and elbow pads though if we were like to get like a game going i mean you know i gotta i gotta prepare the few times i played was at the beach so you could like dive in the sand you're not hurting yourself you could lose the damn dice in that sand true it's yeah but like it's not gonna yeah you kind of know where it's going skid and it fell and like oh yeah you can still find it's not it's not like that tough has it always been around or did it just like did someone invent it i don't feel like anyone was playing it at all in college never saw it not now when we're at college now that's gonna be great when you come up with a drinking game and it just takes over like what's the social network for flip cup it's like beer yeah beer pong and i mean they still do those like relay those relay races for drinking beer die all also known as snappa was invented in the early 70s with the most widely cited origin being the alpha tau omega shout out ato at the university of maine in 1972 so it must have been kind of like an up east thing and then just spread i bet the rise of social media like yeah videos of it and people playing it yeah i bet that had a lot to do with it i bet it's kind of wild we lived in a time where like micro video content was just like it was just vine but like twitter didn't have video instagram didn't have video no it was maybe you could upload like little videos but it wasn't like this it was dream of discovery you would see more vine videos on twitter than like yeah yeah there's only six seconds it wasn't like how to play beer die like then it's over like crazy i thought this was thanksgiving themed it is where you told me to wear a fall i'm wearing fall colors you told me to wear a fall sweater well because you would like to wear fall sweaters because you would have been disappointed in yourself if you didn't get to wear a fall sweater and if we posted this on thanksgiving you would have been annoyed that we didn't tell you it was a thanksgiving episode so that's why we told you it's not mad there's no decorations but it's just like i feel like i'm the only festive thing in here we don't we don't do it's usually usually how it is i wore my matching socks too i know but in your cup you're fully mad you like to do that though that's why we told you right okay okay i literally don't have a fall sweater like i have no fall sweaters you should get some i had enough room to pack five t-shirts in my suitcase here yeah the same one that's right i kind of like that you know i'm getting a little bit bigger i only have a select group of clothes that still fit me so that is just what gets back or even t-shirts you're like that affects the size is that was the pants what's wrong with that i don't know what size shirts do you wear large large were you wearing mediums when you were are you shaming me no i'm not i just feel like i was wearing mediums oh you were okay just there's nothing there's nothing wrong nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong i was just my pants are a little tight too you want to talk about that try being his size matt you don't understand try sympathy eating for your life you know what when she wants ice cream i gotta be right there by her side and have twice as much yes to make her feel good that she's even having exactly are y'all quoting something no oh it sounded very quotable i was like was that from the no yeah no so i just you know when she wants pizza we get pizza okay pizza fridays yeah that's good from where um so our favorite spots out in tennessee so far there's one place uh i really like called minios there's a place called minios there's a place called little hats that's really good love it and then there's another place uh that we just went to i forget what it's called but dude everybody there full-blown italian it is unbelievable hell yeah very very good hello what's good shorty wait by the way that clock behind your head is like my life are you the melting time no i'm just saying i'm like i have like time blindness i'm like i look at the clock and i'm like what time is it it's not a working clock but it's always 4 20 yeah it should be oh it is it is it at 4 20 yeah it is everyone else has the same i didn't set it but it is i didn't set that either from where i probably did it y'all hoes ready yeah let's do it it's coffee tall baby let's go oh welcome back to zany heath unfiltered i'm zane i'm heath i'm matt and today we have a special guest we have the funniest comedian i've ever seen in my entire life annie letterman what's up welcome and you know he's a real insanity because he pronounced my last name right what's up yes thank you everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids but what about protecting them outlet covers kitchen cabinet locks baby gates where do you even start well protecting your home and auto is a great place to start progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage for you and your loved ones They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, and baby gates insurance don't wait get your quote today at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company affiliates and other insurers not available in all states do the satellite texting like when he's when he's out like hiking he has a thing where he maybe you can't do it you can't do a satellite call yet oh well figure it out before we continue this episode is sponsored by mountain dew baja blast i feel like every year the summer disappears way too fast one minute it's pool days and cookouts the next i'm walking into a store and getting attacked by pumpkins and cinnamon scented everything i'm just not ready to surrender yet and that's why i'm stretching summer however i can i'm talking good music friends around and an ice cold baja blast within reach that tropical lime flavor has a way of making whatever you're doing feel a little more fun having a long day boom baja blast a grocery run you've been putting off boom baja blast a great time to be out and about and have a great time and have a great time and have a great time plans three days ago and now you deeply regret leaving the house boom baja blast and honestly that's what i like about it you don't need a reason to have a blast it's got that bold mountain dew taste with a splash of tropical lime flavor cold refreshing and somehow capable of making even the boring stuff feel a little more worth doing so when the summer starts packing its bags let it go baja blast can stick around crack one open turn the music up and keep a good time anytime with a splash of baja blast look for the iconic ocean teal color at your local retailer have a baja blast and thank you mountain dew baja blast for sponsoring this podcast we love you speaking of tesla though did you see that it's finally happening the roadster what dude go on their website there's a count the first time i saw you ever was i think like seven years ago or eight years ago i remember i came into the comedy club and you were in a lineup with like top top people and then it was you and and i remember again i've never like heard of you i'm a bottom i'm not a top and i remember you that day that night you made me cry i was cry laughing at your entire set i wish i remember what it was but i was crying laughing at your entire set that's my goal bring people to you made me laugh so hard where i had to dm you after which i never fucking do i dm'd you after and i saw it when i dm'd you yesterday to get your number for this and i was like oh that's so embarrassing did i write you back what did i write you back you did you did you yeah you're being sweet i dm you saying damn you made me cry a lot today uh today like thank you for that and you said you like you said you're welcome peasant um but yeah i saw that yesterday and reminded me of that is so embarrassing when that happens what when you like realize you sent someone a dm like a fan dm so long ago and you finally got like an experience where you got to meet them like as peers try to delete it real quick oh god i never delete i will never delete because i'm so i think the most embarrassing thing you get caught doing is deleting a dm yeah and also it notifies them it says unsent a message so like you know that but don't you think that sort of that is like more embarrassing than anything you could have actually sent to someone yeah yeah just getting caught trying to hide you're retracting it have you ever have you ever accidentally sent the wrong message to somebody else like talking shit about someone and you sent it right to their inbox you said that like you have a good one oh it's happening it's never i've never done it but i've gotten no way you got one someone talking on you multiple times multiple times but actually probably two times but no this one's mad i didn't know you were such a piece of shit that's literally what the text message was and that is such a little shit but it was like it was a good friend too it was my roommate in college oh awesome the other one the other one was even better i can't even say what that one is because it's everyone would know who it is yeah it's too specific it was it was really bad but yeah no okay and then what do you do when that happens do you pretend you didn't see it of course i well no i've waited for him to realize he sent it because it it's gonna hurt them more than you yeah because they realize they're so fucked it is crazy how much it hurts that other person immediately the moment they send that accidentally oh you lost i had a guy that was working for me he was like a videographer and um he was a new comic but he wasn't good or anything yet like he was so so new and he texted me i guess he thought he was texting his wife he's like i had this big show with like bill burr on it and stuff and it was like it was just completely sold out like such a good show and he wrote his wife and was like annie said she was gonna put me up but i guess she forgot and i was like i wrote you're not ready i was like so mad but i also was like that's so embarrassing for him because i totally stopped working with him i was like i don't want to work it's so annoying that he's like angling for this and you know what it sucks because like everybody does it a lot everybody but like it just sucks when you see it the moment you see you're like oh wow you know immediately that that is you can no longer be friends with that person like always think about it it is it's just cut off like that's it but this one the one we're talking about we can't do you want to talk about it there's gotta be a way oh the snapchat one yeah that one's really good oh yeah but this one like this one hits close okay the snapchat one basically um i told a friend that i was like going through a breakup that i told anybody about this breakup at all and then I get a DM on Snapchat from like a fan or something saying like this really rude thing about me about us like breaking up I wish I could remember the exact message but I'm like this is really strange and I sent this screenshot to our friend and I'm like do you know who this is is this you what is this and he's like oh no no no man no that's um that was just like a fan who's like been harassing you and I've been sticking up for you and stuff and so that's not that no that's not me that's just this really mean fan or whatever and the handle on it was like skaterboy8765 whatever and I'm like interesting I'm just like how would this fan know this information I then go on the internet and I search skaterboys6758 or whatever and I find it's my friend's old YouTube channel from when he was in high school it's his burner account on Snapchat so he was like trying like cyberbullying he was trying to troll you whoa oh because then he sends a screenshot of him corresponding with this fan and him sticking up for me and all of this stuff so he sends oh no he sends it to me before no he sends it to me before and then I caught I catch him just red-handed with this screenshot that he sends me with this whole correspondence and his YouTube page and I'm like you lied to me buddy that person has to leave hot like I'm so glad you need to be done yeah I'm so glad you said something though like that you kept pushing it yeah and because you called him out on it right like I did I did it was really hard like having to send that to a friend even at that point after you heard all that you still don't want to hurt them yeah after they did all that to you well it's so bad what they did that's so crazy it's so calculated playing two characters yeah but then like they're like their whole they're gonna crumble when you but it's and a year went by I didn't talk to him for a year and then I was at Coachella on Molly and we were walking around and I said hey buddy I forgive you man he was like really dude and I was like yeah man we like hugged each other and you know you woke up you regret it every moment and that's why drugs are bad I still like the guy he was battling his own demons yeah it's like yeah it's about him it's not about you yeah that's so psychotic very psychotic I'll never forget it yeah but we've all had moments like that I I've never done it but sometimes you're like I want to play two people I wish I could or yeah you wish you could like yeah I've never done like a fake account where you go and like troll or whatever or defend yourself I'm always like I kind of sometimes I want my brother-in-law to do I'm like yo can you like I'm like I'm just gonna really bring it back to you you need a burner account to really defend you sometimes I feel like that happens a lot on reddit like some influencer will be in some scandal and then like someone will start commenting like defending the person and everyone like looks at the account it's this is you by the way it's so easy I would never even attempt because it's too the getting busted being fake it's not worth it oh yeah no way and then like just the that's not me it's funny when someone goes oh okay yeah yeah they're like someone's here yeah and you're like were you like a chronically online kid were you like into like myspace chat uh aol one of my best friends I met on myspace and we're still but we've been just friends for 20 years beautiful we went to a party together that was a themed party it was an 80s prom party nice and so I saw his like picture was from the part his profile picture was from the party and then I thought he was like funny and he doesn't he's like a boob guy so we never had like a sexual oh okay it's like I really was like I'm so glad like we have such a good friendship there was never like a question and uh yeah we've just been best friends for so long he actually my fiance works for him works out oh cool on outlast wow yeah the the reality show oh I love the viking show no outlast is the it's a um it's like survivor survival show oh shit my bad I don't know why that was they just dropped season two for that right season three oh wow could you do something like that no but I kind of want to do a series uh like a series of videos of me learning to be like that because I couldn't oh so kind of like I want to learn to like make fire and oh you should do that like but do that for like on your own channel yeah exactly yeah and then you go on a show like this after like preparing yourself and you brush it making a fire is so much harder than you think I know you're like this would be so easy can you have flint is flint allowed so I think on so on this show you're allowed to bring a few items right like you're allowed to like - The rules change every season. - You get to pick your load out. - Yeah, so like, you could bring like, a knife, or you could bring your flint. - You could bring a magnifying glass and then, you know, get it kind of. - Well, people on Survivor one year. Do you guys watch Survivor? - I used to, yeah. - Yeah, I used to. - So one time, a guy used his glasses and was able to start a fire. But on Survivor, they have. You play for flint, like you can win the flint and stuff, but sometimes people have no. Yeah, they have no fire. It's crazy, you could just die on one of these shows. - What's flint made out of? Can you like, find flint? - It's like a mineral. - Yeah, it's basically like a rock, like a stone type thing that you. - Oh, I thought flint was like the twig. - He's thinking about Flint, Michigan. He's like, "I thought it was a place that doesn't have water." - The spinny thing. - Oh, that's flint? - Yes. - Bro, in my head, like I think of flint, I think of thread. - It like sparks it. I did too, I'm not gonna lie, I did too. - I'm thinking of like, hair that's gonna help make the fire. I just didn't know that was a fucking flint. That image does not look like the word flint. I'm sorry. For some. Like, first, you see me, I've never. - 'Cause there's lint in flint, that's what you're thinking. - Yeah. - That's where the fabric comes from. - Thank you for being my brain alien. - It's fucking lint. - Mariah would've caught that. - But lint is really good to start a fire, right? - Yeah, it's a good fire starter. - It's very. Is it flammable? Or like, yeah, it's a good. - Use magnesium shreds. - There we go. - So that'd be one of the few items you'd run. - Oh, shit, okay. You have a little extra knowledge here. - I prep for the end of the world. - Do you? - I get really excited for it. - So you would crush Survivor? - I'm one of those people, if I have to, I feel like I'd thrive. I would not voluntarily go do it. - Yeah, well, we're too cool for Survivor now. I don't wanna be rude to Survivor, but their contestants are nerds now. - Yeah. Can I tell you what your character would be for Survivor? - Yeah, yeah, sure. - This is you. You're not strategizing at all. There's no strategy. You are just literally just helping them get food, make shelter, and all that. And you're so sweet, where they feel bad to vote you out, but you're really bringing in the group because you are doing everything. - I appreciate that. - But then, at some point, they're gonna kick your ass out because they're just like, "Okay." - Well, you can't be too likable. - This guy doesn't wanna win the money. He just wants the-- - You can't be too likable, yeah. - Yeah, you can't be too likable. - It's a personality game, big time. - See, that's what throws me off with those things. We were talking about Squid Games earlier. It's all politics inside of there, and you're just trying to good-side people and the backstabbing that goes on. - Alliances, all of it. - Because if I watched that show back and I saw what was going on that I was unaware of, I would be so mad. - It would ruin me. - Do you think that people on the show, when they're watching the other seasons, preparing for it, do you think they're watching, they're like, "I'm not gonna backstab anybody," and then they're on the show-- - Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. - Yes, 100%. - God, I feel like when you're in there, it's just everything fucking changes. - I feel like, yeah. - How about when the people get voted off and they're like, "Well, I would rather get voted off with my integrity." It's like, would you or have $5 million? You could start a whole campaign becoming a person with integrity afterwards. - Because no one's gonna remember that. Yeah, your family and friends are gonna remember that, but they're gonna forget about it, and you're not gonna make money from that. - You're all caught up with the amount that's out now with the Squid Game? - Yes, we watched all four yesterday. - Mm, I know, you can't stop. - Is it $5 million? What's the prize? - 4.53? - But last year, he made it 10. - Oh, really? - At the end. - Oh, sorry. - Oh, no, I'm sorry. No, I'm thinking, no, no, no, I was thinking Mr. Beast. I confused them, I confused them. - That was so good. - I confused it at the end when he did that. - Big fan of that show. - Oh, my God, all of them are so fucking good. - So good. - I love reality TV. - It's too much money, though. I think it ruins people. - Oh. - That is a good point, no, you're right, because who's gonna have any integrity when it's too crazy, but maybe that's what it is. - Yes, when you go on Wheel of Fortune and you could win like 10 grand, it's like, if you lose the 10 grand or whatever it is, or any other competitive show, you're like, oh, fuck, all right, whatever, it was 10 grand. Like, yeah, it's a lot of money, but it's like, okay, when you have the opportunity to win 4.5 million. - That's so much. - And it's within your reach, and you mess up, I would not be able to live. - Oh, yeah, you got wife and kids at home all watching everything for you. - I ruined it. - Yeah, that would, I need a therapist more. - It's too much. - It's way too much money. - And it's crazy, 'cause people online will complain about people that like hold these type of shows, like, oh, this is so like hunger, like this. - Unethical. - Unethical, and it's like, they're at least giving them a chance to win some money. - It's so fun, that's what justifies it. The big chunk at the end, that's the problem though, 'cause you can fuck with these people if you have that much money. - Yeah. - Waiting at the end, you can really mess with them. - Yeah. - It's really funny. - 'Cause if you only have like a little bit of money, you're like, that's kind of messed up, you did that. - Yeah. - Like, people in this position. - All that blood. - But they all sign on, they all sign on, that's the thing about reality TV that's so fun. - Yeah. - It's like, you guys signed on. - They knew what they were signing up for. - And a lot of these shows, it's like, you know, people go on first season of these shows, like you have no clue what it is. And I think people just wanna be, do you, have you guys ever watched Married at First Sight? - Yes. - I think that's like a horror, that's like a horror movie, watching that. - Oh, gosh. - It's like literally the craziest thing in the entire world. - Wait, is it, is it like a Love is Blind, like type like reality show? - No, no, they're married. They get legally married to a stranger. - For real? - Oh, that's, that, you see, to me, that's fucked up. - Is there a prize though, or is this just a social experiment? - There's no prize, it's a social experiment. And it's horrible, they pair them with the worst people. There was one person that was named Noi, and that her, they married her to a guy named, whose last name was Moi. So her name was Noi Moi. I was like, you should be in prison. - Noi Moi. - You should be in prison for doing that. - But what is the incentive, that you're just finally getting a match? - That they wanna get married. - Yeah. - It's like, what a loser. - What a loser scenario this is. - Are all these people, they can't find anybody, so they put themselves in this situation, 'cause they're like kind of desperate? - I think, but I have a theory, that it's people that wanna be on reality TV, just wanna, they just apply for everything. - And this is what it is. - Yeah. - And then, they don't even get that many followers. I'm like, these people, I'm like, oh my God, you need to break at least 100K. - Do they like- - Give 'em a shot. - Do they ever like, spotlight the matchmakers? Like, we're the people that put all these people together? - Yes, they come in, it's Pastor Cal, it's a woman named Dr. Pepper Schwartz, and- - No. - You cannot go by Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper Schwartz- - Legitimately, her name is- - Her name is Dr. Pepper Schwartz, and no one's making jokes about it. - I do like the name Pepper. - Oh, her name, oh, her first name's Pepper. - And she happened, she got her doctorate, so- - But you wouldn't just say, call her Dr. Schwartz, Dr. Pepper Schwartz. - But you know she loves it, though. - She loves it. - If you're given the name Pepper, you're like, I might as well get my doctorate, just to be like- - Isn't there a cartoon character, Pepper? - Peppa Pig. - Peppa Pig. - I love Peppa Pig. - Look at our queen. And then they have like a sexpert, and there's been two different ones. And they come out, and these people are just, they just put them in hell, it's evil. - Damn. - But it's their fault for wanting to be on the show. - What reality TV isn't hell, though, right? - I know, it really is. - I mean, there's not one reality TV that's like, this is nice. - Have you guys been contestants on reality shows ever? - No. - No. - I was on Let's Make a Deal. - Really? - Yeah. - How'd it go? - I went down for the final, or the big deal. - Yeah. - I got to risk it all for the big deal. I won. I won a outdoor patio, but I risked it, and I had to pick between the three doors, and I went with door number two. I spent the night before watching all the episodes, trying to figure out if there was a strategy. In the game before, there was a car in door number three, and I was like, they wouldn't keep a car in that, they would move it, and I felt like the middle would be it. - And what was the right door? - Well, all of them are prizes. The first one, door, so I go, I'm going to door number one, or door number two, and he goes, let's see what was in door number one. It was $6,660. - Okay. - Oh, that's satanic. - I know. And then the second door, which is what I won, and in that moment, I knew I wasn't winning the grand prize. I won a Samsung 75-inch OLED TV with a mid-century modern credenza from West Elm. I was happy I won. And then the final one was a seven-day trip to London, staying at all the finest resorts and doing all the best things. But Matt, it's not just the trip of London. You would have won everything here. You would have won the $666. - We're flying you private. - We still went home with the TV. That's good. - Yeah. - Well, the thing, well, you can't lose, right? There's a prize. - You can get zonked. In any of the games leading up, it's either you make a choice or you get zonked. - Because that would be fun. There should be an option to leave with nothing. I mean, that really keeps the stakes high. But I guess the TV was the nothing. - But when you get down to the final one, only one person out of all the contestants goes down, and I just couldn't believe it was happening to me in that moment. - And to make it even better, it was a Christmas episode. - He got to wear a reindeer costume. I mean, that's the best way to do Let's Make a Deal, if you ask me. - I feel, yeah, I guess, yeah, patio furniture's not the best. I would've risked it. - And it's always patio furniture. - Yeah, why do a patio, or even when they're like, a new dining room set, you're like, ugh. So I have to get rid of my dining room set already? - And now looking back, when you look at it, you're like, oh, this whole set is $200. - It's like Ikea, yeah. - Yeah, you sit in that, it just breaks down to like, fuck. - That's terrible. - And you're just like, I guess, I just don't see a scenario where that's the most needed thing. - An outdoor barbecue. - A barbecue grill. - You're like, oh, I live in an apartment. You're like, I have a condo, shit. - Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids, but what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates, where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage for you and your loved ones. They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, and baby gates of insurance. Don't wait. Get your quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, affiliates, and other insurers. Not available in all states. - Do the satellite texting. - Like when he's out like hiking, he has like a thing where he can- - Maybe it's a text only thing? - You can't do a satellite call yet. - Oh. Well, figure it out. - Before we continue, this episode is sponsored by Mountain Dew Baja Blast. I feel like every year the summer disappears way too fast. One minute, it's pool days and cookouts. The next, I'm walking into a store and getting attacked by pumpkins and cinnamon-scented everything. I'm just not ready to surrender yet. - And that's why I'm stretching summer however I can. I'm talking good music, friends around, and an ice-cold Baja Blast within reach. That tropical lime flavor has a way of making whatever you're doing feel a little more fun. Having a long day? Boom, Baja Blast. A grocery run you've been putting off? Boom, Baja Blast. Agreed to plans three days ago and now you deeply regret leaving the house? Boom, Baja Blast. And honestly, that's what I like about it. You don't need a reason to have a blast. It's got that bold Mountain Dew taste with a splash of tropical lime flavor cold, refreshing, and somehow capable of making even the boring stuff feel a little more worth doing. So when the summer starts packing its bags let it go, Baja Blast can stick around crack one open, turn the music up and keep a little summer going all year round. Escape to the tropics anytime with a splash of Baja Blast. Look for the iconic ocean teal color at your local retailer. Have a Baja Blast. And thank you Mountain Dew Baja Blast for sponsoring this podcast. We love you. Speaking of Tesla though did you see that it's finally happening? The Roadster? What? Dude, go on their website there's a count. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. I know, and then the cars are never the dopest cars. Like, just get a G-Wag. The new Yaris. Kia Forte. A Yaris. And what's annoying too is when you win a car you have to pay the taxes on it. I know, so if you're broke. What do you do? You go, I can't accept it. Well, no, you just, well, in that moment you just sell it, right? Because you don't have to pay for taxes. You have to pay the taxes to get the car and then you can sell it. Or they do like a cash alternative if you can't accept the car. Oh, they give you an alternative. I didn't know that. They did give me that opportunity as well. How much was your TV? It all, the total with the mid-century modern credenza was like $3,000. So I think it was like a $1,500 TV $1,500 credenza. And you took the money? No, I took the TV and the credenza. And you have it? Yeah. It's great when people come over like, great TV? I'm like, yeah, I fucking want it. Who the fuck is coming to your house saying great TV? A lot. A lot of people. This is a great TV. It's a big ass TV. Can we see what the credenza looks like? It's a mid, when I'm saying a mid-century modern credenza, it's What is a credenza? Like a TV stand? That's a credenza? Yeah. I thought it was an entertainment center. It's so stupid. They all have so many different names. Sideboard, buffet, credenza, dresser. It's like the one You know what I mean? It looks just like that. It's like walnut. It would be cool if it was like a Roman, like they gave you like a really crazy, epic thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Start giving out some ancient artifacts as prizes. Oh my God, a human skull? Here's a mummified skull. A real shrunken head. Princess Diana's like tiara. Give people something they want. Yeah. Here's Gene Hackman's wife, mummified. Sorry, I'm still traumatized for them telling us that. They're like, she was found mummified. We're like, why did. Wait, who? Gene Hackman. Do you remember when Gene Hackman was found dead in his house? And they're like, his wife was mummified. I'm like, guys. Yeah, it was him and his wife. Were their dogs dead as well? He died too, but I love New Mexico. I lived there for seven years, so he died in Santa Fe in his house. He had Alzheimer's, so he probably didn't even know what was going on. His wife died. I guess they got some sort of like neurovirus or something. Some sort of virus they got. And so she was his caretaker. She passed away like in the. I'm like traumatized by this and I'm making everyone else be traumatized. And so she passed away in the bathroom with one of their dogs. And then he. He didn't know she's dead and then he ends up dying. And then he's dying. Oh, that's so sad. But I'm kind of like, is it the justification come in? She was mummified when they found her. I don't know why we had to know this, but now you guys know too. I don't under. Like, what do you mean mummified? I thought mummified was when you. I bet they kept it really cold in the house and just the corpse just mummified. She just was there a while. Why was that such a big part of our childhood that we had to know about them putting the thing up the nose into the brain to drain it? And quicksand. You don't remember all that? Quicksand. And dinosaurs we know a lot about. If you think about it. A lot of information about dinosaurs. You went to. I feel like I've read this somewhere. You went to a Quaker school? Yeah, I grew up. What is a Quaker school? And like. A Quaker school is um. So it was an elementary school. It's called they're called friend schools. My school was Green Street Friend School. Lovely. And so Quaker meeting is like church, but it's silence. So you sit in silence and you're all facing each other. And if you feel moved to speak, it's like God speaking through you. You can stand up and talk. This is every day? You could say, no, you do it like on Sundays, but then at school. Well, they had it on Wednesdays for the kids, but you're in hell because you're a little kid, so you're like, I don't want to. Yeah, do that. Is someone like moderating it? Like, all right, Becca. That's my meeting house. That's where we would have it. Wow. And if you feel moved to speak, is someone timing it or someone like, all right, Becca, you've been speaking too long. No, no, no. I spoke every time. I have a twin brother and he was like, you were up every time. You're doing bits up there. I was doing bits. I love it. I think it's why I do stand up. I literally think it's why I do stand up because I was like. I would get so nervous. I'd be like, all right. And sometimes you would false start. You'd be like, no, I'm not ready. Just making kids laugh. And you would see someone false start and they'd try to play it off. And I would stand up, but Max said I would always try to say something really profound. Like, I would stand up and I'd be like, sometimes I think about the kids in Somalia. He's like, you always had the teachers like. Or I remember standing up and saying really like, like crazy thoughts I was having. I remember standing up and being like, do you ever think about what if you weren't you and you were born and it was like someone else's eyes you were seeing through and you wouldn't have the same teachers or mom? Why am I me? And everyone's like, what? That's a really mature way to like. I was in like first grade. I was like, can someone help me? I feel weird. Were you popular in high school? Well, I went to a juvenile delinquent high school, so there were 17 of us. So, yeah. What? I'd say I was top. Wait, that's sick. You had 17 people in your class? Yeah, there were 17 kids in my graduating class. What did you do to go to a juvenile delinquent school? They had a good art program. My parents didn't realize, like, if you put a kid, like, towards juvenile delinquents, they shall become one. They were like, that's a cool art program. The school was weird. It just had, like, pillows on the ground and. Okay. Yeah. Okay. It kind of vibed. I mean, let's be real. We had to take some of the teachers to court. It wasn't the best school, but it was, but it was like a weird place that was like an artsy. Do you want to open that up? It's kind of a story I've hit a lot, but. Oh, okay. Then work at it. I mean, I took my teacher to court when I was in high school. It's just when I talk about it on podcast, people are like, oh, here she goes. And I'm like, no, I mean. Like, we get it. And I'm like. No, I took my. I had an art teacher that Jackson Pollocked my leg. Oh. With his paint. Wait, what? I'm sorry. And also, yeah, he was your art teacher, and you, like, convinced your parents to, like. Let me sleep over. It was like a. What? Oh. Yeah. It was a grooming. That is crazy. Get hot in here. Jackson Pollock, like, he, like, spackles. He spackled on you. Oh, okay. Um. But I took him to court. But the school was, like, a shady. It's just, like, I really, like, I see in my future having a fun little Netflix special. Oh, yeah. Exposing. Oh. I see that in my future, but making it funny somehow. Yeah. Every time I take pictures, they're like, how would it be funny? I'm like, I promise. I promise you it'll be hilarious. Oh, boy. But I think, it was like, you know, I think that happens a lot at schools like that, because the kids are less trustworthy. So the teachers are like. It's the pillows on the ground. It makes you feel comfortable. Well, that's what I told my parents. No, the pillows. I was like, it was easier to fuck us on them. They're like, lay down, children. Have a nap. But we, yeah, no, we were, like, all druggies, too, so we were, like, going and smoking weed and opium. Breaking into people's houses. We were breaking, yeah, we were bad. Those religious schools have the worst kids. No, the Quaker elementary school, and then I went to the juvenile. Oh, got it. Well, I meant the. Oh, the Quaker school is not the juvenile. They're separate schools. But the Quaker school is actually good. I like Quaker schools. I think they're really cute, and it's very, like, it's just sweet. It's very, like, open. Yeah. It's cute. Quaker seems, like, chill. Pennsylvania? Yeah, it was in Philadelphia. Okay, cool. Yeah, but Quakers, there's, yeah, there's different types of Quakers all around. Pete Holmes, I think, went to a Quaker school, as well. Yeah. Yeah, Pete and I have, like, parallel a lot of. Oh, I bet. I didn't think. Yeah. Okay, does that have anything to do with Quaker? I still don't really understand, like, the whole Quaker thing. I don't either. I, like, keep saying Quaker school. You want to ask me some questions? Well, my wife family is all in Allentown. Okay. Oh, fun. Okay. So, like, I know a little bit. Yeah. But, yeah, just, like, the whole. That's Quaker as shit. There's Allentown Friends School. There's Allentown Meeting House. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we just, like, see Quaker town all the time, and I'm just like, what? All I can picture is the Oats. Amish people and stuff? And, yeah. Yeah. It's like a lifestyle. Okay, yeah. So, this makes sense. Okay. What does it say? It says, uh, Quakers are a Christian group that arose in 17th century England, emphasizing a direct personal relationship with God through an inner light. They are known for their practice of silent, unprogrammed worship, where anyone can speak if they feel moved through, though some modern meetings also. Yeah. Okay. So, it's a branch of Christianity. There's. And there's two. But there's two different kinds. So, they kind of hit on it. So, there's programmed and unprogrammed. So, I was brought up unprogrammed, which is just. Hell, yeah. It's hippie shit. You sit in silence. You feel moved to speak. You stand up. You speak. You do whatever you want. Like, there was one guy that would, like, talk about the Bible, but we never really. It wasn't pushed on us at all. Mm-hmm. And people would just stand up. People would fall asleep. There was this one guy that would snore all the time. Like, it was kind of, like, a fun gangster little group. It was cool. And then I went to these Quaker youth retreats called. It was middle school friends and then young friends. Mm-hmm. And then it was just all these Quaker kids from around, and we would all hang out. It was fun. It was, like, little hippies hanging out. Everyone was dyeing their hair with Kool-Aid. Yeah. We could smoke cigarettes. We were, like, smoking cigs. Also drinking. And. Yeah, we were little drunk asses. And then there was a bigger one that was called Youthquake, and it was once a year or once every few years. All of the youth groups would get together. Yeah, you're like, we're gonna. It's like Coachella. oh, I'm going to get fingered. But it was fun. I was like, oh, Quaker boys. And so we like, we all went to that. But the programmed Quakers were there too. And the programmed Quakers were like really religious and homophobic and stuff. They were saying like, that was the first time I heard God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. And we were like, we were just these like nerdy little like, I mean, I was fucking cool. I had like my nipples pierced. I was fucking sick and stuff. You're like, what the fuck? What the fuck was that? I was like, what the fuck did you say about gay people? I'm an ally. That's crazy that they said that in the school. Yeah. Well, it was like we were at like a, it was like a dorm or something. Okay. On break or something. They were trying to be chill. And it was just like, yeah, but we were surprised because we didn't think it was going to be like that. So it was a meeting of the different types of Quakerism. And then me and my friend snuck out. We kept saying we're going to sneak out and go hook up with these guys, these other Quaker boys. Down the hall. So they had the adults sit in front of the door. Our door. So we went and sneaked out. So we fucking tied our sheets together and we climbed out and we scaled the wall and snuck into the- I honestly thought that was just in movies. No, we really did it. We really did it. That's amazing. We really did it. We could have died. If I died, that would have been wild. It was snowing. I could have just slid off, but they were going to send me. Yeah. We really did. He's like, that's actually the exact building that they're in. Yeah. That's cool. I actually want to do that. Me too. Should we do that? A Brooklyn ad early on. Parachute. Yeah, parachute. These are strong enough to make it happen. I feel like it's much harder. These are quince sheets. I feel like it's harder than you think to go up and down those things. Do you remember? I always think about the rope in gym. I really enjoyed that experience. Do you remember the rope in gym? It's harder than it. It's hard. I've never done it. We never had it. We never had the rope either. We had a parachute, but no rope. The parachute was weird. What did that teach us? I don't know. Vibes, man. Everybody under. It was just creepy. It was magical. It was weird. Be in the secret place with your teacher. The other adults can't see it. No, but the rope was pretty dope. Not to rhyme, but it really was like- I think that's AI, because there's no way a kid reached that high. No, we- Because I couldn't. I reached. Really? Yeah. Was there a bell at the top you had to ding, and then- You just touched. It was duct tape- That is insanely high. That was holding everything to the ceiling, by the way. That? The reason they discontinued had to have been kids fell. There can't be another- Of course. Yeah. No, that's- Or it's like ableist. They're like, there's a kid here with no hands. And kids can do it easier because they're lighter, right? Because I couldn't do that. I could never do it. I want to challenge you to it. I can't. It's all about that. You're strong enough now, Zane. You pitch that rope and you step. It's your feet. Yeah, it's your feet. But think about rock climbing. I like a knotted rope, so you can kind of work your way up. How many pull-ups can you do? But you're not using your feet. It's feet. How many squats can you do? You put the rope in between your feet, and then you step on it, and you step up, and you grab. What? I've also wanted to climb a coconut tree. Do you ever see those coconut tree climbers? And they're just like, I'm like, can I do that? No, I can do that. It's like that scene in Mulan with the fucking- Yeah, yeah, yes. They're just like- We had these guys at my old house when I used to live here. They had these shoes that they would put these- It was like a metal plate underneath it that had spikes just going forward, and they'd strap it over their shoe, and they would just stick it into the tree. And it was like probably a 35, 40-foot tree, and they would just dig in and climb the whole thing. Where the front of the shoe- Yes. Insane. Yeah, it is. It's a mental thing because you have to be like, look, I'm going to- This could be- But with those, I wonder if you lost your grip with your hands, if you would just be hanging by your feet. Oh, you're fucked. Yeah. I mean, you'd tear your- Look at those ankles about to fall off. Oh. No, I'd love to be able to climb a tree. I don't know if those years have passed. I just want a pair of crampons. You know? That's all I want. What are crampons? Is that what those are called? Oh, Heath wants another thing. Give me- Are you a thing guy? Yes. I love things, too. I love things. Gadgets, just stuff. I know. When they started doing targeting ads, I was fucked. I'm such a hoarder now. I'm like, damn. What was your last crazy purchase that you bought that just doesn't make sense, but you're like, I have to have it? Probably a Labubu. That was for my niece. That's a pretty Labubu. I got the good one. Is that the real one? No, I got the secret one. And this little girl the other day, she saw it. Little kids get the vapors when they see it, and I'm such an asshole. I'm like, got it my first try. You can smell it. You can smell it. Is that the rainbow one? That's like, yeah, with the rainbow. Sorry, our friend, right? She's a big Labubu. The secret one is like, they have a different texture to them, too. Oh, the rainbow teeth. Okay. I got it. I got them for my nieces, and then the one I picked was, I was like, oh, sorry, bitches. Oh, damn, that sucks. That sucks. You guys didn't get it. I got these. See, I'm a big Wakukulu guy. What's that one that I got? Wakuku? The Wakuku. You're like me. You're like, I'm so obsessed with this thing. What's it called? The Wakukus are sick. Look at it. That's fucking cool. That's so cute. That's cute. Have they caught on? No. They're getting there. Because it is about, it's the gambling of it all. But like, I'm putting my money on Wakukus. Comes with a beanie and a necklace. 30 bucks? I like the accessories. Accessories are really cute. Oh, the last beanie I got, I signed up for a marathon in April, and I have done no training, and I think I'm not going to do it, but I did get the beanie. Well, when is the marathon? It's the end of April. Okay, got it. I signed up for it. I just felt, like, called to it. The half? The half marathon or the full marathon? I fucking signed up for the full marathon. I'm like, why did I just do a 5K first? I know, and I'm like, I don't want it. And then my mom was like, you don't remember when you were little what happened to me? And I was like, what? And she's like, I walked a marathon. I was like, oh, I started to have memories of my mom embarrassing us at the mall, like, walking. We were like, why is love speed walking everywhere? And she walked a marathon, and she's like, my hip has been fucked up the rest of my life. Oh, no. Do you like running? No. I hate it. I hate it, but I keep thinking, I bought a Peloton at the end of the Peloton craze. Like, right when the pandemic had ended, everyone was like, Peloton, Peloton. And I was like, I had been to two spin classes. I hated it. I was like, this is, like, painful. I can't walk for a week. I hate it. It's not fun. And then I got talked into it. Like, I finally was like, all right, I must be wrong. And I had this Peloton just sitting there, and I put my clothes on it. I never used it. And I look at it, and I go, trust yourself. Believe yourself. But I feel like I did that with the marathon, where I was like, everyone else loves running. Runner's high. Everyone's into it. So you're going to do it? Yeah, come on. You got to. You got to raise money, too, as well. I love raising money. I do like to raise money. I've already decided, like, two weeks ago, I'm doing, I'm going to do the LA, the half LA marathon. I want to do the half. Maybe I'll just be like, let me. The half one's doable. Because it was only, like, $130. It's like, it doesn't matter that way. It's just embarrassing to commit to something. I was so sure I was going to do it. I was like, I was on an airplane, and I just went, marathon. Like, it was like, I was like, marathon. You stand up and say it. Yeah. I was like, everybody. You moved to speak. I moved to speak. They literally were like, God wants me to do this marathon. And then I got, like, excited, but I went and bought, like, really expensive shoes, and I ran, like, twice. And when I say ran, I did, like, one minute running, four minutes walking, one minute running for, like, four minutes straight, you know? My knees hurt for, like, a week, and I was like, It's practice. You have to, like, there's a whole, like, 12-week. Are you doing it? I'm going to do it. When is it? Nike has this, like, 12-week. It's a course thing you have to take. Yeah. And before the marathon. To prep for it? To prep for it, yeah. Like, on an app? When is it? I think it's on their site or on the app. Yeah, and, like, every day you have to run, like, four miles, and then you go up to five, then you go up to six, you go up to eight. Where's the start with half a mile? Give me a slower intro. I need to walk. We got to start by walking. But the thing is that a lot of people, everybody can do half a mile. You have to, like, it's the marathon. You have to, like, work your way up. Yeah, they have a couch-to-marathon, like, program as well. That's what we need, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, you can do it. Oh, that's really good, too. But you need, like, four months or maybe more to do it. Crown Coins Casino. Winning never sounded so good. What would you do if you won big? At Crown Coins Casino, real people win real prizes every single day. Hi, this is Michael from Dallas, and I won 40K and finally renovated my home. Visit crowncoins.com. Sign up in seconds, enter code CROWN, and get a free Lucky Wheel bonus. You may win up to 10,000 Sweeps coins. crowncoins.com. That's C-R-O-W-N, coins.com. No purchase needed. Code valid for new users only. Void when prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. Crown Coins Casino. You want to do the half L.A. Marathon with me? Yeah, when is it? Because I hate running. I'm doing it because I hate running. Yeah, I know, and I feel like everything I don't like once I do it, I'm so happy. And just seeing how positive it is in the end. Like, everyone's crying, celebrating, champagne popping. I'm seeing alcohol everywhere. They just want the alcohol at the end. People with the signs, I'm like, I want to feel that when I cross the finish line. I think you should do the full. I think you're going to do the half. No, I'm going to do the half. And then you're going to be like, I should have done the full. No, because the full is. Are you just fucking with them? No, I just know Zayn. I think you're going to do the half and you're going to go, I should have done the full. Would you say he's in Zayn? He's really good. I mean, I'll be so proud of you either way. I'll be there at the finish line. I want to do both. No, but I do think it's like you work your way up. It's like, why did I just sign up for the fucking marathon? Exactly. And then I even went into the running store and I was like, I signed up for a marathon. And people were like. Yeah, we hear that a lot. They're like, you did? Oh, no one was like, this is awesome. How many miles is the marathon again? 26? 26.2. Have you done it? That's ridiculous. Oh, God, no. 26 miles is ridiculous to run at once. I'm telling you, I didn't know one minute was going to be challenging. The minute I tried and I went, one minute is hard. Annie, you should film yourself doing the marathon. You know when your lungs get cold? I'm like, why are my lungs cold? It's hot out. I'm like, I have like, not leukemia. Pneumonia? Pneumonia. I'm like, how did I get pneumonia? Annie, you should do a whole video prepping for the marathon, like for three weeks. And then you run just a mile. You're like, fuck this. I mean, it's the truth. Then you have someone film you leaving it after a mile. But then when I was signing up for it, they're like, do you want any extras? And I was like, I won't get the bumper sticker. but I'll get the beanie. And now I have the fucking beanie. Like driving that? I would never even drive that. And then I keep in my head being like, this is going to be easy. It's only like, it's like hours. It's not days. Wait, that's so silly. Like you make you go to the West side and then you got to go back to Century City to finish. I want to end in Venice. Yeah, end on the beach. Yeah, that's. I don't understand the runner's high. Everybody's like, oh, you get this. I've never, I've, I've tried it. I've, I've ran a lot. I've never once gotten a runner's high where I'm like, this is why we do it. You know what the runner's high is? I think when your feet are numb and you don't feel it anymore, I think that's when the high starts. Like when you got off the treadmill? When you got off the treadmill and you're like, whoa. Yeah, you don't feel it anymore. You don't feel your body. No, but my dad's had it a lot. My dad, like, that's why he loved running was, he liked getting to that high. But does he have fucked up knees now? Not really. My dad ran a lot and then he did a marathon. He's like, I'm not going to like run that much, but he ran a lot growing up. See, even the runner was like, this was a mistake. Yeah. And now he bikes. He's a big cyclist, but that's his thing. That's cute. Does he have all the equipment? Yeah, pretty. But he's like kind of, he calls himself like an urban cyclist. He's not like the dudes with like the glasses and like the stuff. I thought that was you like telling us your dad's black without saying it. I want that cone helmet. Yes. No, my dad's not like that, but. No, I kind of like how like, cause there's something about how dorky the cycling outfit is where it's like, you're fucking committed, man. And it's always these guys that are like, kind of want to get away from their kids. It doesn't need to be that tight. Like, let's be, let's be like for real. Cause the wind is going to like be a parachute. Remember the parachute in gym? Right. Yes. Yes. That's why they did the parachute. It could be just a little looser. I feel like I would want to die if I had something so fucking tight on me and I had to fucking bike for miles. I don't know. Me swimmers, they like shave their hair and stuff. I don't know. You were a swimmer, right? I was. You were on my Wikipedia. No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. You were training. You were training though for the junior Olympics. I did. And I got in a car accident. I know. Thanks Matt for bringing that up. But I know. No, my Wikipedia is like a, it's like a fucking Dateline episode. My Wikipedia is like, then she went to, took her teacher to court. There's a dolphin. You have a whole documentary that's coming. There was a dolphin training too. That's on the Wikipedia page. I did train dolphins. Yeah. You trained dolphins? Yeah. I did this thing called the, it was at the Koala Basin Marine Mammal Lab, but all the dolphins died. Look up. Well, you guys mistreated them. That's why. Well, you can't take them. It takes a really, it's really hard to get the government to let you get a dolphin because it's so, but they, they got it. It was University of Hawaii was doing this program and they got four dolphins and then they all ended up dying. Oh. Oh no. One died of like stomach cancer and then I guess they tried to say the other ones were broken hearts. And did that crush your love then for dolphin training? Did they get trained? I mean, I was not even, I kind of just randomly did it. It wasn't like a thing. You weren't like a marine life. I thought dolphins were like cool, but I wasn't like drawing them on, well, I guess maybe I did draw dolphins. I did draw some dolphins on my trapper keeper. Yeah. But, um, I can fuck up a dolphin. I know the dorsal, I know the fins. No, you did. You fucked up four. I fucked, I killed them. I fucked them to death. No, they do have big, there was one boy and he had the very giant penis. They bully each other with them too. They rape. Yeah, they rape. They have giant penises. Oh, and it comes out like this. Oh yeah. And then they'll swim around to other male dolphins and attack them and like poke at them. Oh, we do that all the time. I know. That's why you don't want the room and I like, yeah, no, that's why you don't want this. The tight outfit. It's harder to poke. See, that looks like it hurts. Oh God. Look at it. That's, that thing is sassy. You know, cats penises are barbed. What? So you can't, that's why when they try to run away, they can only go in. You can't reverse over. Yeah, it's, Oh, Oh my God. I forgot what it looked like. What the fuck? That is, why would God do that? I know. Why them specifically? Oh no. Why? Because cats have like litters of like cats or they produce so much. And so maybe it's like, maybe they'll fuck a little less. Is there any other animal that has fucking, is it a trap? Ducks have a corkscrew. Yeah. Oh boy. Oh, so like you go in and you can't pull it out. I think that, yeah, they're spinners. You have to spin them out. Look at that thing. I mean, it's crazy. Wait, imagine if we had that noodle, like just like, uh, yeah. Oh gosh. It looks like a macaroni. Oh, it looks like, uh, the chip, those chips, the, um, David's chips, the waivers. Insane. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. I don't know what the cat thing is. Maybe that's why cats are like, don't love us that much. Have you ever eaten any exotic animals? My mom, my mother-in-law is, is Laotian. So there's the opportunity for sure. Oh, a who? A Laotian? She's from Laos. So she's, they eat like crazy shit. Oh wait. So how is your, half your family from Hawaii? You're, you're a part Hawaiian? Well, it's Laos. That's like Thailand. Laos. No, wait, what? I thought Laos is Luau. You're thinking of like a Luau. You're so funny. Same, you're so funny. Same, you're fun. Because you went to the University of Hawaii, so in my eyes, like obviously she went there because her family's there. No, I didn't go to the University of Hawaii. I just did a thing with them. Yeah, Laos is by Thailand. I went to my college. I've never heard of, never heard of that country. It's on the crossword a lot. Wow. Yeah, Laos is a, yeah. Nah, it's probably because I have to Google that one. That is so funny. I have to cheat on that one. Oh, wow. So you're, you're half Laotian. Well, my mother-in-law, my family is Asian. Wait, that's kind of sick. My in-laws are, yeah. So you're not like white. No, I'm, mother-in-law. No, no, like mother-in-law. No, it doesn't matter. Like when you're in the family, you are not. I know what you're saying. I do, I claim Asian. I claim to be Italian. You are white passing. Yeah, you're white passing. It's good. No, I'm a white passing Asian. You're correct. No, so yeah, he's half, my fiance's half Asian. And then, but his aunts are like, I mean, there's just like this, this gaggle of crazy old Asian ladies in my life that are so full. They're just so hilarious. And the food is just unbelievable. I'm very well fed. Have you gone to visit? No, they don't, they haven't been back since they, they don't excite me. Yeah, they're like, get out whitey. No, no, they, um, they came over when they were young. His grandfather, my fiance's grandfather was a spy for the Americans during the war. And so they got sponsored and they had, they were refugees. Whoa. There's a bunch of, it's like one of the most bomb per capita places in the world because, because they were dropping, um, after the war, they were, they didn't want to take the, the United States didn't want to take the bombs back. So they just dropped all these mines. Oh yeah. Oh, there's tons of mines, landmines everywhere. That's my, my, my mother-in-law got me a, a bracelet that's made out of one of the mines. It's like a, that's sick program that they have out there. They sell these bracelets because they have to go out and they have to ignite all the bombs. Isn't that crazy? They got fucked. They got fucked. Yeah. So this was, this was after the Vietnam war. Yeah. It was right after they were bringing it over. And so there's tons of them there and, um, really hard to find. They don't know what is it? The silent war. They're still all over the place that haven't been discovered yet that are, so they go and they, they go and they ignite them. I kind of want to do my wedding there and have them like, when we say I do, they light a bomb. Guys, check this out. Their bombing rate, a bomb was dropped approximately every eight minutes, 24 hours a day for nine years. Yeah. But, but we're the good guys. I know. And Obama, I think was the only one which ironic. His name was Obama was the only one that even acknowledged and apologized to. Oh, that's good. Yeah. They just don't talk about it. Who was behind it? Nine years. It's like, keep doing it. Let's do it again. Again. I know. Look at that little place. Oh, that's crazy. It's crazy that we like go to war. That's so, so fucking immature. Two million tons. I know. That is disgusting. I know. It's so dark. There's a lot of missing limbs out there. Imagine like creating that shit. That's crazy. It's worse than being the dropper, I guess. Yeah. Or, oh my God, you have to believe, you have to like believe so badly you're doing something. I just, I just saw this video. It was world war two pilots. They would put grenades in Mason jars. So, they would pull the pin, set it down in there so that it wouldn't be activated yet. And then when they would fly over, they would drop the Mason jar. So it would shatter. So it would shatter. And then it would. Oh, man. That's crazy. I was just watching. Do you remember, did you guys watch the, um, Reno 911 movie? Yeah. Do you remember when the rock, do you remember when the rock came in with the, it's like, I just, someone just showed me that scene. I had forgotten about it, but he comes in and he's a SWAT team. And he's like, I don't know. Guy, the rock. And he's like showing them. Oh, yeah. And then he said it for like 10 seconds. He's like barely in it. So he dies immediately. It's so funny. I do regret never watching that show. Reno 911. I really see are amazing. It was like always on comedy central. I love it. They played it all the time. Yeah. Like I need to go back and watch it. I know there needs to be more shows like that, that are just kind of lightly scripted. Yeah. Curb your enthusiasm stuff. I think that's so funny. They don't have enough. I'm so ahead of myself. I'm so ahead of its time. I'm too. What was this whole comedy group called? Weren't they like a sketch comedy? The state. The state. Yeah. Oh, wait. Oh, I didn't know there were a comedy group that, but I guess you can't really, cause TV is not really doing that. It's not really TV. TV is not really much of a thing anymore. How, uh, stand up. How's it going? Are you like on tour or anything right now? Always. Do you love traveling? Do you like to grind? I do like it. It's hard. It's, it's hard just cause you're tired, but it's so fun. It's so cool to go everywhere. Yeah. It's just really fun to meet my fans. Different places and people and, and it's just really fun. Cause you're just exchanging energy. It's fun. I do these meet and greets afterwards. It's really, really fun. Where do you, uh, what's your process like for your own material? Are you like, do you ever make time for yourself to sit down and write stuff? Are you just like voice noting stuff? And when an idea. I wish I was. I wish I was. I always try and it never really works, but I kind of get struck by lightning with an idea, and then I can, I'll just have like a little kernel of something, and then a lot of times I just write on stage and stuff, but it's not, I mean, it's like, I don't know, I just want to make people be stupid and make people laugh. I'm not like the craft company, I have like a quill, I'm like get ready for this important material, I'm changing the world over here, but it's just like, I don't know, it's just fun, it's just so fun. Because I know you're saying, I don't know if it was a joke or not, but like, oh, I'm going to make a special, but like. Oh, I've been making a special for ten years. I've been cleaning my house for six years, I've been making a special for ten years. How much time do you have ready? Oh, I have hours of material. Oh, so let's just, why don't you put it out then? Well, because first it was like, I was scared to, it was like my own self-sabotage and I was like, oh, I can't, and then it was just like, the funding that has to go into a special, so if you were going to get a special on like a streamer or something, on Netflix or Hulu or whatever, they now want you to film it, and then they'll give you a licensing fee for it. Possibly. But they're almost the same price. So you have to like, you're like, okay. To break even, I gotta get on one of these streamers and stuff. And then doing it on YouTube's like, okay, but I feel like it's not really. That's what I was going to ask about, because Sal did it on YouTube and apparently he did really well, where I think on Netflix took it, or which network took it? One of them took it I love Sal, isn't Sal awesome? He's so fun. But yeah, he did it on YouTube, and then he went on every podcast they all pushed people to watch his special that did really well, and then they saw that. You have something to go for it. It's kind of like, either like, it really just depends, because it could be the right thing, and I think a couple years ago, doing it on YouTube would completely like, blow your career up. But yeah, it just depends on if it gets. Do you record your sets and then review how you did, or do you just make mental notes of like, oh, maybe I need to work on that I have recorded every set I've ever done I've listened to two or three You can't watch it back, right? I've started to do it now, and it's so helpful, it's so funny I haven't done it. Everything I resist is exactly the thing I'm supposed to be doing It's so crazy, we gotta run this fucking marathon I mean, it really is like, it is actually crazy, it's like, the exact thing I need to do So, yeah, I started I started doing a thing, I asked this comic Dustin Ybarro, because he always has new really strong material, I was like, what do you what's your writing process? And he goes, I'll just listen to a comic I like I'll just watch like, ten minutes of their special, and then I'll just think about my jokes And I was like, huh, because I kind of don't watch people's stuff that much because I don't want to, I never want to absorb someone else's cadence or anything like that But I don't, I've always just been exactly myself, so I don't even think I'm really susceptible to that, maybe I just was had comedy fatigue and didn't really want to watch comedy But once he said that, I was like, oh and I would start putting on old Stanhope specials and Louis specials, and just like all these different specials, and you're like, oh, you sort of realize how much more you could be doing in a joke Like, oh, I opened for Louis like, six months ago, and I was watching a set like, oh, fuck I'm like, just doing one joke about a topic I could be just doing like, 15 minutes Yeah, I love the tension And so it's not that you're taking from them but you're sort of inspired by their being so prolific So then you're like, oh, okay Yeah I can do that too, so that's really helpful And then I go on these walks where I just start thinking about stuff And then you write a bunch of stuff down, and I perform almost every night Yeah Do you have a mic in your house? No, that's so funny Wait, wait, wait, it's so funny, or wait If I had a mic in my house Do you practice like, at home, in front of your fiancee? No, no, no, no No, sometimes I just sort of like, say it in my head I try to get the beats down and then I just try it on stage Oh, that's your, like, your practice I'm so in the moment on stage, like, I don't give a fuck of things I do I'm like, that'll be funny if it doesn't work Do you have a favorite place you like to go workshop stuff at? Comedy store's the best And I used to only love the OR for trying stuff out which is the smaller room in the comedy store but I love the main room I just started open mic-ing the main room once because the main room's like the big it's the big room with all the lights and stuff so I used to get so scared and this is like, you know, 15 years ago when I first got passed but I would be scared to perform in the main room and then I just had to be like treat it like shit almost in a way, like, just go in there and do all new stuff and just don't even worry and then I kind of build up so now I love it in there, it's really fun Would you say all the, would you say you posted, because I see your clips a lot I've been seeing a lot lately, your clips Good, I hope more people see it, algorithm high TikTok and just feed in general Do you think that's been helping just bring more people to your shows? I think so It's hard because, you know, I do do crowd work I love doing crowd work because I think it's like uniting the room, it's like in the moment we're all together, we're all making these jokes together but I've so many written jokes and I like my writing, I like my jokes but people think you're just doing not that there's anything wrong with it but it's, you know, some people don't want to see crowd work so they think you're just a crowd work comic you're like, no, I'm gonna put all my jokes into a special motherfucker I can't stop putting my jokes out I love crowd work because to me it's so authentic, you didn't sit at home and try to perfect it, like, you're just doing your thing Because there is something that's disingenuous about being like, the other day Exactly, no, every time someone's doing crowd work on my feed I'm like, oh my god, I'm gonna do this I always watch it, because it's like, in the moment it's not playing, that's what I think There's one thing about being slick and being funny and having good comebacks, and then just completely being like, not an asshole Sometimes you'll see ones that go viral and you're like, where? And everyone's laughing, you're not like It's like the joke in the room with us Yeah, and you're like, I trust that everyone thinks this is funny there but I'm like, where is this? Yeah, I feel like it's like super, super hit or miss Sometimes I feel like it's so, like, there's some where I'm just like, it's too, no, no, set up Oh, I thought you were gonna say satisfied Oh, wow Wait Planted heckler But let me tell you, Zane, there's something where I literally feel like there's a channel from above Sometimes I'm just like, talk to that guy and it will be something so crazy that he says and it'll be so, I was talking to this one guy and this clip didn't go viral and sometimes I'm like, I just have to re-edit them because I'm like, this was so crazy when it happened but there was a guy in the front row and I was asking him I was like, when's the last time you had blue balls? He's like, last week. I was like, really? He's like, yeah, and then I was like, well, tell me about it He was like, well, I was having phone sex, and I was like, wait How could you possibly get blue balls if you're the one jerking yourself off? And it just kept unfolding and unfolding I could not believe he said that. I was like, wait, what? And there's those moments where people just almost hang themselves with these jokes And what did he say in the end? He was like, well, like, you know the other girl, I can't remember exactly how it ended, but it was just that moment when he said that, I was like, wait How is that fucking possible? It's like, you're in control I'm like, wait, but you're in control I'm like, how would it be? I'm like, are you like Yeah, she stopped talking Even if she hung up, you're still like, finished But also, it takes a type of person to sit in the front at a comedy And I like it, too. I like when people are into it I'm good at poking I like to I always think of my whole career, my whole personality I'm poking the shadow, kind of, like the things people don't want to talk about I'm kind of like, how much do you really Because if we talk about it, it's probably going to be funny and then we won't be upset about it anymore So it's like fun to kind of like find the people, like if there's like a lesbian couple in the front I hate it Or I hate getting like You hate lesbians? The timing of that was See what I'm saying? It's like, I hate it I hate though when I'm at like a stand-up comedy show and you get targeted by like the comic But I would know, but I would be able to kind of tell Wait, the socks matching the sweaters every time That's fucking crazy I'm a festive guy You just gave Matt You thought he was about to make fun of me If I'm at a comedy show like this I know, he's like wearing a little thong But I would probably know But where are you sitting? I guess the times it's happened like in the front But like, I know, you're asking for it Yeah, kind of But I feel like the last time It was like the ha-ha club But I feel like we're just like a table right there You're tall too, yeah I probably would have found you I haven't been to a show in a while though Right by the improv I've only been to, I think three total And the third one was yours It was like it was so good I never went back Yeah, I don't know what's going on It was like six years ago Come to my next anyone and friends I just saw one When is that? Well, this one's coming out after it But it'll be on the 18th Do we have to sit in the front? No But if we sit in the front Are you gonna like make Are you gonna like I wouldn't give you the satisfaction How is the You want it too bad How is the female stand-up comedy like Seen as like a circle? Is it clicky? Is it really welcoming? Are you guys supportive of one another? Like, I don't know I think it's kind of like Depends on who it is I mean, it's like Like I have a lot of Female comedians And then, you know There's female comedians That I'm not friends with And kind of just normal Do you have to make time To like socialize with other comedians? Like when you No, you don't We're all It's like our whole job Is just like Hanging out in a green room And going on stage We're all always hanging out All the time Okay, yeah, of course That's why it's like A lot of like In comedy beefings going on And I'm like Oh, you guys are making The green rooms weird You guys are making The green rooms weird as hell Do you ever get to yourself Like involved in like drama? Or wasn't there I have been I've totally been involved in drama And totally not on purpose And then I'm in it And it was crazy And it's weird Because it's like funny Because you're You're creating memes Right Does drama start on stage? Like how is drama No, on podcasts It's always on podcasts Oh, podcasts It's always podcasts Because it's, you know You just say something You think you're being slick And no one's going to know Who you're talking about And then everyone knows And you're like Oh, shit I just feel like Any time Like in my head Like any comedian That ever says anything If it's about In my head A joke Like there's You could say anything It's just like Oh, that's a joke - That's what you hope, yeah. I always try to check myself. I try to not have a big, like, be too serious about everything. But it's hard. I mean, you get. What about that big comedy festival that happened? Was it in Saudi Arabia? Oh, the Riyadh? Yes. That was a big controversy. That was the reason I was like, you're so happy you weren't invited. You're like, I got to sit on the sidelines of that one. I'm so uneducated with things, too. I'm like, wait, is that bad? I'm like, it's bad? Okay. Do you do corporate gigs? Do you ever get, like, asked to go do stand-up in the worst? I did a weird corporate gig recently that I found out I didn't get paid enough for. But I was like, oh, yeah, this will be fine. It's just, like, one show. And then I told my friend, she's like, that's how you get paid. And I was like, oh, shit. It was an experience. But you're basically getting paid to, like, be in a weird situation. Yeah. I don't know. I haven't heard many stories of these corporates. So it's just, like, a company that just wants to have fun with their employees? I got called in by this guy to do. A stag party at a golf course for these, like, old men. Yeah. And they all are, like, friends with, like, Trump and, like, own, like, super cuts. Like, it was, like, people that, like, own. So do you have to try to cater? Or are you just saying it doesn't matter? So the guy that hired me really wanted me to roast these people. So I was basically, like, taking his information, trying to write jokes and stuff. But in the end, it was weird because they were just, like, he, you know, because I didn't know. There were, like, moments that were really funny. But it was, like, it's weird to get roasted by someone who doesn't know you. Yeah. You know? Like, the roasts back in the day were so good. And the Tom Brady one, too, was good because a lot of the people do know each other. Yeah. It's funny when it's coming from, like, uh. Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids. But what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates. Where do you even start? They're basically that. Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, and baby gates of insurance. Don't wait. Do the satellite texting. Like, when he's out, like, hiking, he has, like, a thing where he can't. Maybe it's a text-only thing. You can't do a satellite call yet. Oh. Well, figure it out. Before we continue, this episode is sponsored by Mountain Dew Baja Blast. One minute, it's pool day. And that's why I'm stretching summer however I can. Having a long day? Boom. Baja Blast. Boom. Baja Blast. Agreed to plans? Three days ago, and now you deeply regret leaving the house? Boom. Baja Blast. It's got that bold Mountain Dew taste with a splash of tropical lime flavor, cold, refreshing, and somehow capable of making even the boring stuff feel a little more worth doing. So, when the summer starts packing its bags, let it go. Baja Blast can stick around, crack one open, turn the music up, and keep a little summer going all year round. Escape to the tropics anytime. With a splash of Baja Blast. Have a Baja Blast. And thank you, Mountain Dew Baja Blast, for sponsoring this podcast. We love you. Speaking of Tesla, though, did you see that it's finally happening? The Roadster? What? Dude, go on their website. There's a count. You're my friend. I know all the shit on you. The boss was just trying to, he thought this was a good idea. And then after he saw Nova, and he's like, oh, fuck, okay. He was like, he's like, half the people really liked you. Oh, great. He was like, I have some constructive criticism. I was like, you know, block number. No, that is good, because you're performing in front of people, a crowd that maybe doesn't know you. Of course, yeah. Thank God the people that worked there knew me. So I had some moments where the guys saw me get wrecked. Because it's like, sometimes you just want to be like, I'm a thing, okay? Like, people know who I am. Like, look at my TikTok clips. Yeah, look. Look at that. Look at my clips. It was weird. It was definitely very weird. And you have to be very, a lot of times they want you to be clean. Yeah. Which, it's so hard. When someone tells me to be clean, it's like, I just want to be so dirty. It's like, my brain wants to be like, oh. I love the Nickelback shirt. That's great. I just noticed that. Oh, my God. I want that. It's cool, right? It's Meth Syndicate. But now they're called, he had to change his name to something. But if you look at Meth Syndicate, you can find him. But he had to, because he kept getting in trouble for having meth in his name. Oh, yeah. But I have another shirt that has three shrimps, but they look like sixes. So shrimp, shrimp, shrimp. Oh, wait. That's, you can't have meth in your brand name? They keep flagging it for it. Yeah, they probably flag it. But he does really funny shirts. Yeah. So now it's a microwave? What's that? It's microwave salad. Defend Rick Moranis. He's hilarious. Rick Moranis is coming back, I think. Is that OJ? Yeah. Isn't that so funny? We have the same birthday. So he just makes wild t-shirts? Yeah, he just makes wild t-shirts. Mambo number five rules. But I went to, I went to. Reminds me of Daddy Yanked. The Viagra Boys concert with him. Viagra Boys. So good. Yeah. People are loving Viagra Boys. It was such a good concert. Are they German? What are they? The Swedish? Yeah, they're from Sweden. Yeah, that's what they are. But so we went to the show and my friend Eric, who does Mess Syndicate, he was recognized more than me. Whoa. As a t-shirt man. He's a famous t-shirt man. Isn't that incredible? That is dope. It was really cool. Are the shirts good quality too? Yeah, they're nice. They're good. Cool. And he prints them out fast. Oh, that's the shrimp one you're talking about? And the 666 one is so funny. Wait, I want the 69 shirt. The 69 one. Yeah. The 666 one brings heat. It does bring heat. People get mad. Yeah. I don't want anybody getting mad. They get mad at me. So I'll just do the 69. They get so mad. People don't like the devil. Well, it's like, it's shrimp. It's shrimp. What are we doing? Do you believe in demons? No. No? No demons? Maybe. I don't think so. Damn, wow. I've met a few. I'll say from last guest to this guest. I've met a few. My next merch shop he's doing with me. Oh, really? Yeah, I got some good ones. What is it? Well, I want to do, remember when Fabio was on the, got hit by the bird? Yes. I'm photoshopping myself in. I'm photoshopping the thing with him like this. Brilliant. Next to him. And then I want to just put myself in like moments like that. It's just me there. That's good. That Fabio moment of him getting hit by the bird. It's the best thing that ever happened. Yes. It's like the universe just like made this moment happen. You have the most beautiful man with these gorgeous women in front of a roller coaster. Yeah. Can I? I want to watch this. You've never seen it? I've seen like a picture of it, but I want to see the video. Yeah. He was riding this roller coaster. The fact that it was also filmed. Big publicity moment and everything. And it just, they caught it on camera. And I don't think you ever, he has blood all over his nose. Oh, so you didn't see it. Damn. I want to be that girl. Dude, he looks so pissed. The girl next to him was like. I thought there was a video of Impact. No, I don't think there is one of Impact. It's just like. Well, if you want one of Impact, we can make it on Sora. True. Oh, Sora. I see him at the gym sometime. Do you? Yeah, Fabio. Are you serious? He's really funny. Like he'll like dip women and take pictures of them a lot. Like I think there's a lot of pictures of him. And someone's like, can I get a picture with him? He'll like. Yeah, because he was on all the romance like cover. Oh, that's. But wouldn't that be funny if I'm next to him just like. That's great. You have to. Fabio. He kind of reminds me of the Jeremy Fragrance. Oh, yes. Do you know who Jeremy Fragrance is? Uh-uh. Oh, my God. He's like the cologne guy on TikTok who's just like. Yeah, he is something. Oh, yeah. No, he's definitely trying to be Fabio. You have to. You have to watch one of his videos. Dude, and all of the videos I see of him are just people exposing his snaps to them. And he is. He is just. A freak. So out of touch. Oh, yeah. And the things he says, I'm just like, this is crazy that this is a real person. I'm impressed that he can like smell people and know exactly what they're wearing too. Yeah. That's pretty. That's. I mean, that's a. That's a talent. Yeah. I don't really want to be smelled though. Oh, okay. I don't like the idea of some man sniffing me. Just come up and sniffing me and knowing things about me. I guess that is weird. Like, if you know what a girl's wearing, it could be. That's not sexy. Do you like scents? Do you like candles? Do you like candles? I do. That's so funny. Guys, we asked the best question. I know. Is this like the worst episode you've ever had? You just asked me if I flip candles. You know, like a scented candle. I'm bad at blowing them out though. I'm like scared to have candles. I don't feel responsible enough. Oh, yeah. I won't light them. Oh, it was. Oh, it was. My vagina. Great. Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah. Gwyneth Paltrow made, which is crazy. Yeah. Not the person you would expect. I know. Vagina candle. I had it. Also, let us see. You could tell. You want. I wanted to be quirky. She wanted to be fun. Smells like my vagina. It smells like. Oh, it doesn't smell. Oh, it's my vagina. Yeah. Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina. So how did they do that? Do you think they like got a cotton swab and like took a little DNA and like used that DNA? That was the original Sidney Sweeney soap bar. It was. It was. Sidney Sweeney's have been kind of just dropping the ball in weird ways. Yeah. She hasn't been making the best decisions. It's so crazy to be with Scooter Braun right now. Yes. Wait, what happened? She's now dating Scooter Braun. There's like very few like hated. Hated people in Hollywood, like truly like right now targeted. And she just is with the most hated guy. Right. Like you're not winning over anybody by dating him. Or do you go, you're the most hated girl right now. And you just go harder. I got to go with the most hated guy. Right. I don't know. Well, also, do we think she has, do we think how much like longevity is her career going to have? I don't know. I mean, she's had good roles. But like. but I don't know, I don't think she's incredible. She's not Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, - Right. - No. - That level. She's not. - But she's not that cool. She's like cute and has big tits. - But movies, they want her in their shit. - Oh, so now she's doing like ugly roles, which is fun. - Yeah. Did you ever see Liberty? Was that the name of the movie? - When she was in, when she was the cop? - Or she was a girl who leaked information and like it's the whole interrogation. Yeah. But she kind of was all mid in it, I felt like. - Yeah, like I don't know if I've even seen her eyes. - We have to stop. We can't. - No, listen. - This part. - I don't want to be rude to her, but I've never seen her face. I've never looked at her face. I have no clue if she's pretty or not, to be honest. - Jared, what are we playing here? - The internet went out, so I can't look anything up. - Even the internet's like, we can't. I know she's obviously like so pretty. Well, I was, when What's-His-Name started, when the coach What's-His-Name started dating that young, his young girlfriend. - Yes. - Oh, Bill Belichick. - Bill Belichick. I was like, she's not that hot. I just saw one picture of her squinting a little bit. You know? And I was like, oh, she's not that hot. And I said that. And then I kept being like sent picture. And I was like, oh, this girl's so hot. I sound like such a psycho being like, she's fine. - She's fine. - Well, sometimes you just don't get the right angle on someone and then you're like, oh wait, okay. Game over. - That's why I try not to take pictures. - Of yourself? - Yeah, it's just angles. You know, you get the bad angle. You just like, that's, yeah. It's just not, not there. - You got to know your angles. - Yeah. - And I said, when we weren't recording that it's funny that it's their like wives and then your mom. - I know. - I met your mom. - You did? - Yeah, at Jason's party. - You did? - I met your mom. - Oh shit. - She's lovely. - I forgot that I fucking saw you there. - Your mom's cool. I love Florida bitches. I just like a Florida. - Yeah. - Let's go Florida. It's not Philly. So Florida and Philly are very similar. - Yeah. I kind of geeked out when I saw you there. I was like, oh my God, it's Annie Letterman. - I was like. - I was like fangirling because I remember that one show and I was like, oh my God, that's her. Should I say hi? Nah, that's not cool anymore. - Six years later, we finally connected. - Exactly. - Yeah. I was like, she's not that. And I was like, okay, that dress came out. I was like, all right. - What is the age difference? Like at least 30 years, probably? - I think it's more than 30. - Oh boy, 40? - I think so. - 70 and she's like 25 or something. - All right. - I mean, that will is probably looking real nice though. I mean, let's. - Wow. - Get it girl, who cares? If you can do it, I've never been able to. - But his children have to be like older than her. - A 50 year age difference is pretty wild. - Look. - Have you ever heard of a football player before he was a coach? - Probably. - I feel like it's a pre-requisite. - 'Cause that might be some jostling around of the brain. - What's your favorite sport? - My favorite sport. Do you play pickleball? - I can play, but I'm not pickleball crazy like some people. - I mean, I watched the World Series, that was fun. - You watched the World Series, but can you play the World Series? - I played, I was on the boys baseball team when I was a kid. - Oh really? - I feel like baseball is one of those sports that's way more fun to play than it is to watch. - Yeah. - I mean, that last game though was crazy. I didn't even mean to watch it. I was at one of those crab restaurants. I was like eating crab legs and it was on the TV and I was like, wait, what? I got so drawn into the last. - Was it the Dodgers game? - Yeah, the last one. I saw the whole thing. - I'm mad I didn't watch it. I didn't even know there was a fucking game. - I'm embarrassed. - That's what I thought. I didn't care at all. And then I got sucked into it and then I was like, we have to watch the rest of this game. - I was so embarrassed though. I embarrassed myself so bad at that party because I thought, oh, the team we were playing, if they win this, they win the World Series. But if we win, there's still another game. - The Dodgers? - Yes. Like I didn't really, until the end, I'm like, so we have another game? Like they just won. And I was like, I don't know. Everyone at the party was like, dude, stop drinking. - Well, it's funny to be, sometimes it's funny to be dumb. - Yeah, yeah. - Because also you get so into it. If you get too into sports, it's like crazy. I'm like, my heart's beating. - It can ruin your day if your team doesn't win. - Well, I do like sports betting. So that's fine. - Oh, you gamble? - I like to gamble. I enjoy watching my fiance gamble. - What about casinos? Like playing blackjack, poker? - I'm a slot slut. - Oh, what's your favorite slot? - Oh, there's a lot. It's always changing. - Huff and Morpuff. - Huff and Morpuff, I never win. I always get wrecked. - Do you know what you're doing on those slots? Or are you just? - There's no doing. What are you talking about? There's a psychotic thought where you're like, I know what I'm doing. We do have kind of a plan to not get super wrecked, but we love watching my fiance and I always watch Vegas Matt. Have you ever seen his YouTube channel? - Yeah. - He's the best. And we became friends with him. So I'll go out and I'll gamble with him sometimes. - Oh no. - He makes me nervous. - It's addicting. - Yeah. - He drops so much money, like it's nothing. - But it doesn't affect him. He's like, he's unaffected by it. - He does like what? Like thousand dollar slot pulls? - Yeah, he'll do different. - Each pull, a thousand bucks. - Oh boy. - And you're watching like, I cannot believe this is real. - But then he makes so much money out of that. - He has money from real estate and he was in sales for a long time. He's so good. He's the best. He's so fun. - My favorite slot's the fish bowl one. The fishes. They're really big. - Good, yeah. - 'Cause right when they're about to bust, odds are high. - So you have to wait 'til they're like real big. - Yeah, you gotta see like multiple cracks. - But then sometimes you'll just be there forever and it never busts. And you're like, what's that all about? - I'm hooked on the Willy Wonka one. - Oh, that one's fun. - Oh, Willy Wonka, Wizard of Oz. - Shit gets me going, man. - I love more chili. - The guy in the sombrero and like the peppers. - For a while, sometimes they go cold. Like there'll be a really good one and then it just stops hitting. There was the Little Shop of Horrors for a while I was obsessed with it. ♪ Little shop, little shop of horrors ♪ And you gotta turn it, Vegas Matt always says it's the winnability, you turn it up high. You gotta turn up the winnability. So you're just like blasting out loud. Yeah, exactly. - Wait, what? - Little Shop of Horrors. It's a musical. Rick Moranis, Steve Martin. - No, yeah, no. - I like Zayn's brain. - Yeah, no, it's not. Very few things that I really care about and that's all I know. - What do you care about? - I care about. - Game of Thrones. - What do I care about? - Isn't it so funny when people ask you such a broad question? - Yeah, fuck you. - What's your favorite movie question is that? Like, what do you care about? And don't say comedy, don't say standup. - I don't care about standup. What am I, a loser? - Do you have hobbies? - I'm kind of a, I'm like a spiritual bitch. I like meditating. - Meditating? - I tried it, I can't get into it. Not that I can't get into it or I want to get into it, I just haven't hit that moment. - You know what I think it is? Because again, our egos, it's 'cause you need to do it. Your body's like, I can't do this, I can't do this. 'Cause it would be so beneficial to you. - Can you do transcendental meditation? - I did TM for a little bit, yeah. - Did you do like the David Lynch Foundation? - I did, yeah. - You did? Okay, you did. How much was it? - Okay, so it was, I think I got a discount. This was in like 2013, I think I did it. - Okay. - And I got, I showed them like how much I made. 'Cause this was, I mean, comedy varies. And this was a, the year was like, I think I was like, I made $4,000 a year or something. You know, you just tell them. And they gave me a, I got a scholarship. I think it was only, I paid like a couple hundred bucks or something. - Wow. - And what exactly is it? - I think it's like 1300 or 1800, which I don't know that they need to pay that much. It's the, it's transcendental meditation. They give you a mantra. You can find it online. - What the mantra is, it's not personalized to you? - It's, I think for me, I think what I realized was it was like age and gender. - Okay. - But they teach it to you and you go to these classes and stuff. I think the good thing about it costing a lot of money is you, you give it more value and just do it more. - Yes, of course. - Like if someone gives you something for free, you're like, eh, I don't have to show up. Who cares? - You kind of honor it. - Have you ever done ayahuasca? - Yeah. - Zane is super ayahuasca curious. - No, no, no, I'm very, yeah, ayahuasca curious. After last episode, I will not do it. But- - Really, what did they say? - Well, the exorcist- - Was getting something out of someone. - Yes, he said when, when obviously, like when you take drugs like that, your body is very, very open to the demons. Like, it's like, your guard is down by a lot, especially something like as powerful as ayahuasca. So, I feel like- - He was saying like, you're opening your body up to anything, really. - Anything, so I- - Could be good, could be bad. - Yeah, I would be unlucky enough to get all the demons. - Yeah, I guess- - To like, set their seed in me. - I guess like, okay, so part of like, different like facets of spirituality that I've gone to is like hallucinogens, but also- - Oh my gosh. - Jesus, man. - Are you okay? What was it? - Oh, that was the clock. - A demon. - A demon. - Oh, back to what you're saying? - But there's like different facets of things that I've done. So it's like, you know, psychedelics and stuff, but also meditation and hypnosis is something I've had a lot of fun in. And what I learned with like subconscious reprogramming and hypnosis is you really can control your brain and your thoughts. So you can, I could go into an ayahuasca ceremony and I can be like, I will never have a bad entity. - Yeah. - And I believe I can control that. - With an intention too. - Got it. - Yeah. - I'm not nervous. You have to not be nervous. I'm guessing like- - No, you could be nervous. I mean, I think you'd be crazy. I mean, you're going to be like vomiting and it's crazy. - How many times have you done it? - Seven. - Kind of. So you do it over a weekend. You'll do it like two nights in a row. - Down in Peru? - I have a shaman that comes. - Oh, you got the plug. - Yeah. - Oh, he comes to you. You do it here? - I've done it around different places. - Oh, I thought you had to like do it there. - 'Cause you can, but to me, that's so scary. I don't want to be in a place. Maybe that makes it better. - Thousands of miles away. - Get me out of here. - I just don't want to be traveling too. And you're like, where's my stuff? - You know what, maybe it is better to do it in like the comfort of your own space. - Yeah. - You got to fly home like this. - Yeah. - I know. - Super confused. - Well, the first time I did it was in San Diego and I drove home afterwards and I was like, I remember being like, life is so beautiful. And I'd like look at the mountains, but I'd turn the wheel. I'm like, oh wait. I was like, oh God, I probably shouldn't be driving. But, and my shaman will use San Pedro, which is like, mescaline afterwards. So you do two, you do ayahuasca one night, breathwork and ayahuasca one night, breathwork and ayahuasca the next night. And then the next day is San Pedro and San Pedro is like a heart opener, so it's like, very light so i feel like any sort of darkness you reach during the ayahuasca you i really like doing the same page at the end because you can really lighten it up well you should start with wim hof just do breath work yeah maybe i should breath works hard it's everything's so hard it's like because your ego wants to stay you're you're so comfortable and you're even if you're unhappy that you're at and there's things you want to strive to you're still comfortable so your ego keeps you i i have done i have done the um i i forget what it was that we did out in um tree joshua tree it was like a sound bath lady but like it was intense where she was like putting her hand over here and like yeah like that type of shit and i i swear to god i was in a different fucking realm i could not believe how well it worked because i didn't believe in it did you do breath work too or she just was that not breath work when she was just like go yeah yeah like it was like crazy i felt like i felt like i was in that movie um you uh midsummer oh yeah fucking i just felt like i was gonna wake up and i was not gonna be there anymore um have you done a lot of mushrooms or anything like that i have but never to the point where i'm like tripping oh it's trumes have trumes have changed my life like i do it like i had massive doses when i was like younger like in college and then right after and it just i don't feel like we would not be doing what we're doing now if it wasn't for shrooms or for myself i guess i don't know it got me out of my head it got me more comfortable and loving myself and my personality you do it still um i haven't done like heroic doses in a long time i'll like occasionally microdose but sometimes i'm just i don't know i'm kind of content i need it yeah if i'm in a funk maybe i'll consider it and i've had some microdose times and i'm like oh that was great but i'm out partying i need to have a time and a space where i'm like oh yeah i do think i do think that sometimes i'll see people that find psychedelics and then they're doing it so much where i'm like i i think you have to be like grounded with it too you need to have time to integrate back in you know it has to be like a life chapter like it opens up like a new moment and stuff but it is cool it's it makes you more i think more loving and more understanding of other people and stuff but yeah my fiance is very cool he's very like his ego is very content and cool and he thinks it's because he did so many mushrooms in high school he like because he doesn't really do he won't do stuff with me but i've done like i've gone on i did a joe dispensa a week of meditation with joe dispensa who's a guy that leads leads all these different seminars but i did a whole week of it which was really awesome and there was no you don't take any hallucinogens or anything and you can get to some crazy places that way too it was really wild it's really insane i i like i need some healing i think yeah i'm like that's my world i need to do a week and a half to two week of just like no phone i know well a dopamine uh dopamine detox that's hard yeah yeah very like when you wake up do you look right at your phone huh do you look right at your phone when you wake up immediately i know and it's so hard because your alarm's on it the only time i'm not on my phone is when we're recording yeah and you're itching yeah you know i'm like i need to be on my phone i should probably check some sort of app i know and our jobs are related to our phones too there's so many justifications i'm doing research i'm looking for topics so when i got out of when i got out of joe dispensa retreat i was on this really good routine where i would wake up and meditate and sometimes i would imagine for an hour which is crazy but you could do like 15 minute ones does it so i've never hit that like zen zone does it feel like you're there for an hour or is it kind of just not really like so do you have you done guided ones or you're just no i just tried to really focus it's refusing to react because thoughts are gonna come and go and you have like a monkey chatter brain that's always wanting to fixate on something it's like looking at a bunch of cars but refuse and all the cars basically have like oh uh bills but you're marriage this stuff but you're just watching them pass but refusing to react to those i love cars i'd be trying to figure out what it is i know but you would just go you would just go you would go all right i'm trying to figure out what it is okay i'm gonna release that it's kind of like in life like if you think if you're like a binge eater crown coins winning never sounded so good what would you do if you want big at crown coins casino real people win real prizes every single day hi this is michael from dallas and i won 40k and finally renovated my home visit crown coins.com sign up in seconds enter code crown and get a free lucky wheel bonus you may win up to 10 000 sweeps coins crown coins.com that's c-r-o-w-n coins.com no purchase needed code valid for new users only void were prohibited by law 18 plus terms and conditions apply why are you binging because you're shaming yourself after you ate and then you're binging again oh is that what i'm doing zane i'm just i just like the taste of it focusing on like your weight and the chair you're sitting on in your breath your mind will sometimes veer but just as long as you keep yourself centered and just focus on your weight and the chair you're sitting on in your breath that's all you're thinking about you just keep releasing it it's this like empty plane there's all these different so tm is a mantra so you're saying a mantra but you're not saying it right so you're thinking it but you're not like moving your mouth and thinking it and you're trying to like almost like not even the the mantras are just it's like nonsense because if it were a cup cup cup you're going to be envisioning a cup and thinking about a cup you know so it's it's just like a word to think about and then with joe dispensa he has guided meditations that are pretty and there's some that are walking meditations and you like step into your new self how to do this it's crazy it's really cool but the week long was so wild people were having these like brain orgasms basically so they do this thing where it was so weird so you squeeze basically your that's your perineum but it's basically your taint so you're like squeeze your taint you're supposed to put your cervical spinal cervical fluid up you're doing this yourself he's like squeeze your perineum yeah no it's crazy though i'm like this is weird why are you upping my shit joe back to joe okay well you're like squeezing and then you're like you breathe you suck in and you are supposed to like squeeze up like you're imagining like a straw and this like cervical fluid is like going up you're squeezing your taint and it's going up and then you have a pineal gland that's like your your brain's clit yeah and then you're you're supposed to like hit it and imagine you put your head back and people are like like like fucking come it's funny the opposite because they would think it was crazy oh my god i'm open to this but it was really cool and it was no hallucinogens no substances nothing so i really liked that you know it's a brain you know it's a brain orgasm i did uh i did fucking the korean hair spa the other day oh i want to do that oh my god i think that's the same thing really squeeze my that squeeze my taint also yeah i know i'm like which hairs were they working on they do your pubes yeah no those look awesome how long did how many hours was it it was like it was like 45 minutes to an hour of them just massaging did they take video of your scalp yeah it was really it was gross nasty yeah but she said it was not that bad there's a little bit of buildup but not as bad as she expected and then after it was done it was a cleanest my hair like you should see my taint a lot of buildup down there how much was that it was it was expensive yeah how much it was like it was over a hundred dollars yeah okay zane poor well i get haircuts for like 60 bucks so to me 145 dollars to do like a massage it's pretty crazy is usually over 100 yeah yes massages but to me that's not that's like a do you get massages every week really yeah but it's like that it's not like the relax massage it's like the one where they hurt like it hurts yeah yeah i need it i like i fucking yell yeah that's the only way it's gonna um no i'm i'm i'm down with the deep tissue massages i hate when they when it's reiki you go and they're like they're just putting energy i'm like i'm gonna need a refund what a what a great job though okay but i've done weird energy healings over zoom that are like that i it could be fake but there are times where i've had like weird energy or like you remember like a grudge with someone you're like why am i still thinking about this person i've done weird energy clearings with people where they they like cut their hair the cords for me like the emotional and spiritual yes and i don't think about the person anymore and not in like a it's not even like a shitty way or i don't feel like i've sold myself out and i don't feel like there's just nothing to it just exact from you it's like and they're not touching you they're squeezing her tan they are not touching no i'm saying it's like it's a good retreat because you come back tighter my fans are like what the hell holy shit i'm just keegling the whole time but it was so weird i never had the brain orgasm i was pissed but i but when i got back from that i was so untrustworthy because it really just shows you how you you create your own world so anything that's going wrong in your life is just it's your subconscious has planted that or is like seeing it that way and just creating more and more of that how long are you on track for when you do that okay so i did like how often do you think you need to do these type of retreats or oh retreat and stuff it would be i mean if i could do one you know one or two a year that's great to just stay on it but i had i had buddied up with two people from that i had met on the retreat and we were all three were meditating together and then three was too much so then two of us started meditating together and then it started just get like i don't want to like talk to this person every day you're just sort of like i don't know you i have my whole life not in a shitty way he's like nice guy but you're like now i'm taking on your life and then but when i was good it was we were meditating for like anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour right when i would wake up then i got this this journal that was like a like a calendar and it was called folk it's a folk i think it's called full focus and it has like you set up your day if you set it up the night before then you don't have any decision fatigue like the next day if your whole day is planned the next day or the day before so then you wake up and it's like all right so i meditate i do that but then i always so when you first wake up your brain's in theta and that every that's like the most important part of your day that's why it's so bad when we look at our phones because that your brain is half dreaming and half awake and it's susceptible to things so that's when it's really good to either meditate do breath work get light in your eyes yeah get some yeah get light in your eyes huber man i'm always like my eyes are burning i want to do a sketch of my eyes are like yeah you have to get sun in your on your but i mean as long as you're like yeah yeah getting light in your eyes but you know or you do like subconscious because your brain can like you can you can get into your brain then and you can rewire your brain so it's like that time in the morning is so good and i'm always like fuck do i do that have you ever heard of the artist way yes of course so then there's like the yeah we have a thing yeah yeah yeah what is it i'm like i know you're like oh you're like can we go back to taint the artist way is like the biggest like self-help like creativity like it's good for if you have writer's block or anything it's really cool it's actually really fun it's it's fun like the first chapter she talks about there's shadow artists so there's like people around you and it's like your agents and your managers and like people that are in the business yeah but um producers yeah um no that are in the business that wanted to be artists but they couldn't be artists you have to watch out for them because they're like they're like they're like they're like they're kind of fun it's yeah you make playdates with yourself but you're but you're supposed to every morning do morning pages where when you wake up you just stream of consciousness right for three pages and you get all this gunk out but then i'm like oh fuck so do i do that so then i wake up and i'm like am i supposed to do that am i supposed to meditate i'm like okay jonas benza says to meditate this bitch says to write down three pages i write your goals make this is what i did make my bed i just sort of go like i just kind of like do the lightest bed i just go with the flow baby but then whatever comes up my way it comes up my way and i get it done that's also a good thing to do because being in the flow state is good but it's so it's in the morning just trying to figure that out but but i did have a really good couple months when i was like doing that and i was writing down my goals i also read i've just read so many self-help books that they're competing i have like a hundred gurus like fighting in my brain i try not to write my goals because i just know i'll never accomplish them really if i were to write my goals for the 80 percent of them so as a hypnotist girly hypnosis girly that's bad to say because you'll never get them done if you say you'll never get them done but if you were like i'm gonna get all these done then you've tricked your brain and now you're gonna be seeing things easier things are gonna you're gonna have more opportunities if you exactly it's your mindset all right i'm buying a journal yeah i just got a ho i got a hobo nichi the other day oh really a hobo nichi planner it's just like a daily planner i got the weeks one the hobo nichi because i've been a moleskin guy in the past and i haven't committed to them but hobo nichi i got on hobo nichi and i've been on hobo nichi and it hasn't like templated out yes yes you just like write down like your your week and stuff and you can uh do your kind of daily grind on that there's pages in the calendar it's just i've been looking at the subreddits all the tick tocks it's like a whole life but i do like writing yes i feel like with the with the phone and then i'm on my phone immediately in the morning writing is writing i feel like it's so much better yeah and i got i got little stickers i feel like a little like korean school girl because i'm getting all into it your your thing looks like that um it's going because they can sell out and right now is the time to buy your planners for hobo nichis because once we have to come up with our own we have to come up with our own journal guys there's going to be a specific journal coming out he's gonna have your exorcisms at 3 p.m you're gonna do all this shit and then you're gonna have to get the devil out of your marathon planning but yeah that's a hobo nichi it's a whole it's a whole community of uh the hobos but it is yeah no it's cool to plan this stuff out but then and then you have to be very graceful with yourself if you don't know how to do it and then you gotta bump it to the next day yes yeah i just moved but i'm such a but then i'm fighting i'm like what should i do this my whole thing you should see my last day my week is just everything that i did well it's hard because you there's easy things to get done and then you feel like good about it so it's like oh i have to return something yeah if you return something then you're like oh but then you're exhausted and then you're home you're like i know i'm so tired i want to lay down i know but so i read this book called brian tracy goals and i'm listening to the audiobook okay the minute i read one line i fall asleep yeah that's crazy i pass how you feel about wanting to do this marathon is how i feel about books i'll be like i gotta order this book and i'll be like i'm gonna do it i'll order it and then i'll be like no i can't believe it i was watching this um this interview with jacob valori they were talking about frankenstein and it was this guy that was like tell me your your favorite three books and he kind of like looks off into space and i'm like oh this is gonna be hilarious he's a fucking dumb dumb such an idiot you know and then i was like this is great he's frankenstein he probably doesn't read and the guy goes it's like spongebob squarepants when you have all those things going on and i'm like there's no way that's what it's like and then he goes and then he really takes a beat and he's like well i've read like 15 books and then i was like oh you're like a book guy jacob like if they asked me that they're like what are your top three books i'd be like well like there was that one where the tree was a stump at the end and the boy turned into a man yeah i don't know reading sorry but i do i'll listen to audiobooks but this one's cool because this helped me quit drinking i quit drinking in 2000 like 15 16 years ago 17 years nice congratulations thanks but obviously i do drugs but uh i do drugs but ayahuasca i'm suburb i'm spur um but you write your goals down positive present tense and this is weird like where you're saying you don't want to write your goals down i so i did this when i was like living on my friend's couch in new york and i wanted to write my goals down and i was like i wanted to start doing stand-up but i hadn't even started it i wrote 10 things down i wanted to do you write it in positive present tense like i am this and one of the things was i wanted to do that show chelsea lately but i was embarrassed to even write it down because i was like just some like drunk bitch like living on my friend's couch in new york i was like i think i'd be able to do that i want to be a touring comedian i want a manager and an agent all these things and or i have them and then you write like three things positive present tense you could do and then i found it like three years later and i'd already gotten montreal comedy festival like everything i wanted i got that i was humiliated to even write down to even think it was crazy so it's like cool it's like so if i could do this how many other things could i do i mean you could write down like you could win a an oscar okay you know which one that is yeah yeah that's the music one right but it's like yeah it's it's kind of crazy do you like motivational speakers do you like tony robbins or any of that or are you like sometimes yeah is that how you say it's over yeah is just in front of me and will not leave right down this fly is bothering me have fun sign is good it's nice thank you oh jared just put that up the other day it's good but it is to remember to have some fucking fun i don't know if that's why you put it up or not but it but that's hypnosis that's like reminding yourself like training yourself like course correcting getting back on track because you can i'll get into these like phases where i'm just like watching true crime and and i'm just scrolling and everything's like feels horrible and if you if you do watch true crime about the victim that they watch true crime they're like she loved eight lines oh yeah like yeah of course she fucking manifested this shit not that i'm victim shaming but my algorithm is so messed up i do like watching so bad i like watching dark shit and that's probably why i'm constantly in my head like just it's also fun but if you can compartmentalize there's a way to do it where you're like this is my work and this is you know my entertainment yeah yeah i have to like separate things but it's just always course correcting but this stuff rules i i definitely yeah i like maybe not tony robbins is good i just don't like that all these motivational people their way is the right way and everybody else is wrong and they gotta nitpick everybody else's like methods and things it's like who the fuck do i trust at this point because every it's like what works for you it's like doctors you trust archbishop ronnie i feel like every doctor i go to is like oh wow i definitely wouldn't have done it that way every dentist they're like oh who did this before it's like the fact that you're looking at your dentist like a guru might be the problem you're gumballing gurus what should i do no but i think i think what i've learned because i am always kind of i have that problem too where i'm like oh i'll get like a new person's ideas i'm like oh i should do it this way and it's like really you have to just you can just learn all this information then you have to create your own pick and choose i have analysis paralysis oh really bad really bad and then you have too many options and it's impossible so then in the morning you're like should i do breathwork should i do this should i do that and then you're like oh i'll just watch like somebody or get people hit on their or get people hit on their breathwork and then you're like oh i'll just do it on their scooter oh yeah there's so many videos on on instagram now it's crazy and they're like i hope this is ai if they're like really really obese i'm like this is ai i'm like this is ai this is ai it's gotta be but yeah no it's it's hard yeah but that's why i think if you set it up the night before you're kind of not confused by what you're gonna do in the morning do you pick out your outfits the day before no but that's maybe a good idea my workout clothes right next to my bed so i'm like it's just right there at night and you have it out ready to go for you the next day it's just the first thing to do i should start doing that again or like you just wake up in your workout clothes right there you have to make things easy you have to you have to take away any difficulty because it's already going to be difficult you're already tired but now you're strapped and you're in your gym outfit what are you going to do not go to the gym like yes but also yes i can do that i can totally wear a yoga outfit for an entire day and not go to yoga i'm like oh fuck i did it I can push past, but it is better. It's like, yeah, especially, The gym is such a good example, too, because you know it makes you feel good, but you don't realize it until after. Yeah. Yeah. We used to go to the gym and sit outside, smoke cigarettes for like 30 minutes. We had to do fake water on our McDonald's shirts when we got home. I used to go into the bathroom. We'd sit there, smoke cigarettes. We'd get Bud Light Platinum, and we would be drinking on the bench in front of the gym. Because it's fun. There's something fun about being a fuck-up, too. There really is something funny. I don't know why we were lying to our parents about this. Because I couldn't sit there and be like, I'm going to go out with my friends. But if I was like, hey, mom, I'm going to go to the gym, she'd be like, okay. So we'd get there, and then right before we're about to leave, we'd be like, all right, let's go in real quick. We'd splash some water all over here. Were you guys fit-looking, though? No. Wow, man. We were so out of shape. And every time we got back home, we were just getting bigger. Yeah. Oh, my God. We weren't looking good after the gym. Do you guys have trainers, or do you just work out by yourselves? I have a trainer. I haven't really done that. I need a trainer. I have a trainer who has me on a program. But I don't go crazy about it. You have to be a little loose. Yeah, a little loose. I'm pretty strict. I'm catching this vibe, okay? I agree with you. I think that's good. I think that's good to just be like a little. Yeah. Because you don't want to be too strict, because that's where I always end up getting off track, because I'm like, oh, it's. I don't want to fall. And then I just resent my trainer. Yeah, exactly. Fucking asshole, tell me what to do. Who do you think you are? Yeah, who the fuck do you think you are? I know. I need to get a trainer. I've been trying to get back on a routine, and I'm like, I need a fucking. I just need someone. I've gone to the point where I'm pretty. I'm very strict with my workout routine, but I don't mind it now. No, yeah. It's just like, to me, it's just part of work. Well, because you. I mean, it's such a habit that it's like. Yeah, it feels weird not doing it. How much do you switch it up? What do you switch it up? Workout? How much do you switch up the workout? Yeah. I mean, I'm in the gym. What do you mean by that? You just know you're going to be. You don't do the exact same sequence of exercises every week, or you do? In some way, yeah, sure, because it's whatever equipment's at the gym. Right. I just work with that. But you have the trainer there every time? I'm not doing it by myself. I just won't. I'm going to get there and be like, eh. I could see a running trainer. Yeah. I think if you had a trainer that would just sit there and run with you, I'd be like, okay. I could. Someone's doing it. Someone could get behind that. I know a guy who. He wrote a book about running. It's so funny. He was a friend of mine from my coffee shop, because I just. I'm basically doing crowd work with everyone at all times. I'm just collecting people all throughout the day. My friend, Corey, and he wrote a book. He's a running trainer for Nike, and he wrote a book about running. And when he gave it to me, I was like. It's so funny that he's giving me two things I'm not going to do. I'm definitely not reading this, and I'm definitely not running. I've always wanted to read Born to Run. That one is like a big running book. Isn't that a song? Born to Run? Oh, yeah. Bruce Springsteen. Yeah. It is. It's just you get the wrong one. Yeah. By Christopher McDougal. How is their whole book about running? It's about the Tarahumara, I think. I don't know. Yeah. It's about the Tarahumara, who are like that tribe that can run hundreds of miles without injury. I think two pages. Like a whole book about running. Just make it a couple. I'm just going to put it in a chat sheet between me. Like, can you read this out loud to me? Yeah, give me that. Yeah. Can you cliff note this for me? I get torn, too, between being like, is there a running high? Is there a thing I'm missing? Should I strive for it, or is that not for me? Because I do think we have unlimited possibilities, but is it at my point in life, is this worth it for me to do this, or do I just stay in another fucking lane? I think you should try running. Do the marathoning. Do the marathons. And do it with me. We'll do it together. We'll do it. Okay. I know, because a full one, though, is like great. I don't know. I saw a motivational speaker say running is bad for your knees, and it does more damage than good. So then I'm like, okay, I guess I'm not running. It's not good to run every. I wouldn't say run every day, but a marathon. Are you sure it was a motivational speaker? I think you think everyone's a motivational speaker. You're like, you know when your dentist is a motivational speaker? Some random dude on TikTok. It's always your chiropractor. Yeah. But, oh, I love a chiropractor where you're like, is this helping? I cannot tell. I've never been to one. It feels good for like a day. Does my neck feel good or worse? I can't tell. But yeah, no, I get that, too, though, where I'm like, I was so gung-ho, and I was like, it's going to be great. I'm just going to tell myself it's going to be easy. I'm going to run this marathon. And then, like, two people were like, it's bad for your knees. How about this? It's a Burj Khalifa marathon, and you got to walk the stairs. Okay. The stairs of the Burj Khalifa. That's the marathon. Up and down. You're not running. There's no impact. You're just. They do that for like 9-11, I think. What? Like firefighters. Or they do it as like. It's like you do a whole bunch of flights of stairs for like the firefighters of 9-11. It's like you do the amount of stairs that they had to do that day. And then you go to the. Some firefighters like actually do it like in. Then you go to the Riyadh Comedy Festival. I have no idea. Do you have anything you would like to plug? Well, when does this come out again? Thanksgiving. Yeah, plug your dates. Oh, my God. That's so cute. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Oh, Amy, what are you thankful for? Let's end it like that because it's a Thanksgiving episode. Oh, I'm thankful this fucking podcast. It's the worst podcast I ever did. You took it from Zane. The worst I was. No, I'm grateful for every. It's so fun. I have a fun job. It's fun to hang out with you guys. I'm grateful for. It doesn't seem like you fucking care you're on your phone. I'm trying to get my damn dates. She's looking up what to be grateful for. My fucking. Chat GPT. Chat GPT. What? I'm grateful for chat. You're pulling up your dates? Yeah, I was going to pull up my dates. Your dates for your tour? Do you not want that? Yeah, absolutely. Let's do it. It's the dates that she's going on with her fiance. Anyway, I'm all over the place. I'm on tour. I'm grateful that I get to go on tour. I have cool-ass fans. It's fun. I don't know. Life is good. What's the date that we're going to come to? Well, that's going to be in the past. November 18th. Because it's going to be the. You're going to be coming on the 18th, and this is the. The 18th is your show here? Well, yeah. It's the fun one. That's my birthday. Oh, it's your birthday? Oh, yeah. I do not want to do that on my birthday. Yeah, don't come. Don't come. Yeah, he's like, ew, see you again on my birthday? That's the only date that you're. No, I perform all the time. Honeywood and Friends. I don't know what the date. I don't have it on the schedule. Oh, if it's in December, I'll bring my mom. I have one. Bring your mom. We're here in Houston, Texas on November 20th. Okay. 22nd. Yeah, you read on. At the Riot Comedy Club, December 12th to 13th in Botvia, Illinois at the Comedy Vault. Suburbs. December 26th through the 27th, Pottstown, Pennsylvania. That's right, baby. At Soul Joel's at Sunnybrook. They're Allentown. And that's for the rest of the year. But then, do you want me to go all through 2026? Yeah, do the rest of the time. You are booked. Oh, boy. Okay. Okay. Boston, Texas, January 9th, January 10th. We have Columbus, Ohio, January 16th, 17th. Bloomington, Minnesota. Minnesota! The 23rd of the 24th of January. Fort Worth, Texas, my home state. Go see it. January 30th. And we have Dallas, Texas, my hometown. This is so funny. January 31st. And we have Winnipeg, Florida. Zane? No, I'll be back. I'll be back in Florida, though. Tampa's my shit. That's like my spot. Oh, really? Oh, it's so fun to perform in Tampa. Do you like Miami or Fort Lauderdale? Yeah, but Miami, the club in Tampa, like, rules. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. All right. Anyway, there's just a bunch. If you guys go see our show, make sure to send a front. Come to my shows. Come to AnnieLetterman.com for the shows. My Instagram is AnnieLetterman, L-E-D-E-R, man. My podcast, Annie Wood, every Thursday on YouTube, Annie Letterman. Come find me. You're a rock star. Thank you for coming. Well, happy to come back. You're easy. Yeah, you're a great guest. No, great guest. No, really, truly. Oh, look at the tides have turned. No, it was so fun. You guys, I love you guys. This was so fun to come do. If you were someone else, about 45 minutes ago, I'd have been like, this is out. Yeah, we usually do about an hour 15. Oh, it was so fun. We did two 15s. No, this was really good. Thank you, Annie, for taking the time. We really appreciate it. And I love you. Guys, make sure to check her out. You can check out these episodes every Monday, audio form on all podcast platforms, and every Tuesday video form on YouTube.com, slash Zayn and Heath. That's right. Also, make sure to check out our Patreon, patreon.com, slash Zayn and Heath. We keep these cameras rolling. You get an extended cut of every single podcast episode. We do a bonus episode every month. We do a live Q&A every single month, all early access, ad free. Again, patreon.com, slash Zayn and Heath. We're also posting videos of all of us, including Annie, squeezing our taints there. And we're going to film it, and we're going to show everything on this. Brain orgasms. Toodles. All right. Thank you, guys. Love you, guys. Bye. Crown Coins Casino. Visit crowncoins.com, sign up at seconds, enter code CROWN, and get a free, lucky wheel bonus. crowncoins.com. No purchase needed. Void where prohibited by law. Crown Coins Casino.