Taking a bite out of Ireland | History Hyenas

- Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. Shop exclusive merch. And enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Bring your crew and save. Get your tickets today at netflix.com/house. - Guys, got some live standup going on. Go to chrisdcomedy.com. August 21st, 22nd. I'm in Portland, Maine at the Empire Comedy Club in October 23rd, 24th. Coming back to Levittown, Long Island, Governor's Comedy Club, chrisdcomedy.com. - Yo, see me in Philadelphia. August 14th and 15th at the Punchline. Then Austin at the Comedy Mothership, August 21st and 23rd. And then Batavia, Illinois, Chicago, October 8th and 10th. Tickets, Giannis. That's at chrisdcomedy.com. This is a fun one. And our Patreon this week, our bonus episode was wild. Enjoy them both. - I hope you enjoyed it. - What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. Today, we're gonna be celebrating the Irish. - Yeah, I went to Ireland. We talked all about it at patreon.com/historyhyenas. If you really, really, really wanna laugh and go wild, go to the Patreon and listen to that episode all about me being in Ireland. And I had on an Irish hat. And I will ask you to, please, if you're gonna listen to that at work, listen to that on low volume or with headphones in, because you will absolutely be fired from your desk if you laugh at some of the jokes that we made. - It was a wild one. It was one of the funnest Patreons we had. I suggest, listen, there's too many ads out there. Just join patreon.com/historyhyenas. That's what I say. That, yes, I'm pitching you. Yes, we make money on it. You know what it is. We're not socialists yet. Please, please, please just go to patreon.com/historyhyenas because we really just are having a good time over there. It's ad-free. How many times, I mean, here, you listen to us here, sure, but it's like, then you gotta hear a fucking, you know, all about Quo and Quince, which is a good company, and Blue Chew. Over there, you don't gotta hear any of it. You just hear us saying things that we cannot say on YouTube 'cause we'll get demonetized, and it's ad-free, and it's just fun. And to be honest with you, we do that episode first, so we just give our best shit there, 'cause we're both kind of exhausted. I'm exhausted now, and I really just wanna go eat pasta. Yeah, Chrissy was just over in Ireland, as you will learn all about on the bonus episode, like we just said. So today, we're gonna be talking about the Irish, and then from there, you know, we're basically Christopher Columbus. We are. We get in the boat. We have a destination, but we're trying to go to India, but we will end up somehow in the Americas. It's what it is, and I'm gonna be honest with you. Okay? I've had four coffees. My glucose monitor is going off. My glucose is through the roof right now, so I'm not feeling great, so we might just do 20 minutes and start reading off these fucking patron names, 'cause we know that's your favorite part anyway, okay? Just reading off the patron names at the end, you scumbag. It is a fun, fun part of the show. I wanna go to Paros in Tribeca again. I wanna go to Paros the island. I wanna go to Paros the island, and I wanna go to Paros in Tribeca, and I wanna just be. Get an Aperol spritz in my ass, get some calamari, and. A lot of 14. 'Cause make no mistake. And we get, and for our. Tackle all that in case they listen to the show, which they probably do. And we, just make no mistake, we are just two guys, and I understand why. We're just friendlier with the retarded ones. Just even in this podcast business, they're. Successfully just says hi, and bye, and then there's. Last 14. Tackle it all. And that's just who we are, because make no mistake, even though I don't have a brother, I would be the fat retard of my family, and Yannis is the fat retard of his family, and he has a brother on special needs. Yeah! It's what it is. I mean, look at us. Look at this crew we got. Yeah. We definitely. Yeah. We definitely. I mean, look at. Yeah! We definitely didn't make our crew win a competition of merit. I mean, guys, make no mistake. They've been telling us and telling us that what you really need is like an autistic Asian kid to run the podcast, and we picked a 55-year-old sculptor and a fucking Spanish kid who wears cargo shorts. We said, "Let's give them money to run the operation." Forget about the Chinese autistic kids that'll fucking. Yeah. make this thing go tenfold. Yeah. You know what? Let's deploy Jesse the sculptor and Nick the stick. A lot of 14. It's part. It's just what it is 'cause we're a little thing called a fat retard. It's who you and I are. We're the Lesser Brothers, is what you think? We're the Lesser Brothers. Maybe I'll say it kinder like that. You and I are the Lesser Brothers. There's always a Lesser. There's always a Brent Price. There's always a Gerald Wilkins. Yes, and that's who we are. There's always just a Vinnie DiMaggio. Yeah. Did you know that there was. I think his name was Donnie DiMaggio. Yeah. There's always a Michelle Obama. There's always. There's always a Frank Stallone. Yeah. Yeah. There's just always a brother. Yeah. There's a. What's his face? Kevin James has a brother who doesn't even go by the last name James. I think it's like Gary Valentine. Yeah. There's just. That's just what we got. There's always. That's who we are. Yeah. Our older brothers are big, big deals. Yeah. They're big, big deals. Yeah. We're just the Lesser Brothers. It's what it is. It's okay. It's okay. And that's the way Ireland has always felt. They're kind of. They feel like the Lesser Brother even though. Than England. Than England. And I love England. I plan to go there hopefully in February. I'd like to do a run of shows in February and then go watch a Premier League soccer game in London. I'd like to see Arsenal play even though I am a Sunderland fan, which I confirmed on the Patreon. And I'll tell you the reasons why over there. But I will tell you, Ireland. And I'm going to tell you this right now. I have to tell you this right now. Ireland. I have not been everywhere. I haven't even been close to as many nations as you have or as Jesse and Nick have. I will tell you though, for me, traveling, Ireland is the nicest country I've ever been to. I heard that. And I love Ireland. You've never been to Ireland? You've never stepped foot in Ireland? I've never been to Ireland. Never been to Dublin? I've been to Scotland, not Ireland. Never been to Belfast? Never been. Never been to Limerick or County Mayo or Sligo? Never. Or County Tyrone? Never. Never been to Ireland? Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Would you have it there? But the good thing about growing up in New York is. Jesus, Mary and Saint Peter. You go to some places and it's kind of just the same as the. it's like I've never been to Uruguay, I've never been to Venezuela, but I've been to Miami, so I kind of have. Yeah, it's the same with me, I guess. In a way, it's like, yes, you've never been to Ireland, but you have been to Woodside, Queens. Yes. So it's kind of very similar. I mean, I grew up around Irish kids. One of my closest friends was Irish. He had nine aunts. Okay. There's no abortions. You just have babies. Well, that's the thing with the Irish people too, is they have a lot of unprotected sex. Yeah. And they're banged out banging. They're banged out banging, and his father just used to drink a 40 of Ballantyne, and that's just what Dick did, and his name was Richard, but we called him Dick. It's what it is. Ireland is a beautiful place. The amount of rain they get there, it's so green. I was there with an. it was so hot. I mean, it was very, very hot. I mean, at one point, we were standing in a place where there was a lot of sun. Jasmine started putting on sunblock, and I said, "Jasmine, give the sunblock to these pasty fucks." They need it. Okay? You don't need it. You're Puerto Rican. Your skin. Look at that. I mean, they were frying. Yeah. Now, I think you have like 30% Irish or 20%? I do have Irish. My mom. Listen, even though my mom. I'm mostly German. My mom does have natural red hair, so she's got to be Irish. The only country in the world that has natural red hair. By the way, because I know that you're a guy, the women you like, you want to get off the island. You know, women who don't look like Greek at all. There was a red-headed girl in Ireland. Except my wife. My wife's Greek. Your wife is beautiful. There was a red-headed girl that I was laughing, because I know if you would have seen her, you would have went like this. And your glasses would have been tilted, and you would have been fogged up. You would have been going like. Because I see you sometimes, and you see a real Scandinavian girl, you go like that. And you start looking up at the glasses, and the glasses, they start to get tilted, and he starts looking like that with his hat. And I said, "Oh, my God." Even Jazz was like. She might be one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. I mean, natural red hair. Yeah. You can't take her to the beach, though. Can't take her to the beach. I mean, big tits. You could have a good time with her indoors. Indoors. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So if she goes to the beach, you got to cover her up like a Muslim. You got to really throw a tarp on her. I know. That's the thing. The Muslims are on the beach in Ireland, but they're just the women. They're the Irish women. They just can't get the sun. It's funny. The pale people can't really enjoy the beach, and also the blacks can't enjoy the beach. You ever go to a. Did you ever go to the beach for the black people? That's why being white like us is kind of a little thing called the Goldilocks zone. Lad of 14. Kind of just the perfect humans. Well, we're all kind of. Nick is also in the Goldilocks zone. Nick's in the Goldilocks zone. He's in the Goldilocks zone. Yeah, because. We're not too white. We're not too black. Yeah, we're just in the Goldilocks zone. We're the Goldilocks zone. Which is just the thing we got to say. get offended by it but it is just the truth the truth we're in the goldilocks zone yeah because have you ever gone to the beach with a black guy it looks like they're on safari yeah they have like that on and they're wearing sweatpants yeah because it's just i get it i get it they just don't want they don't want to become charcoal i get it and the white people in ireland same thing i mean though the amount of sunblock these people were putting on was wild i mean clumps of it they have to yeah the sun could kill them yeah yeah because they just don't get much sun up there there's a lot of clouds clouds a lot of clouds and a lot of catholicism and clouds but i'll tell you what man if you if you if you're into catholicism and clouds and ireland's for you or if you just if you if you're looking for a place to go thing to do and you know and you've never been to ireland i would put it high up on that buck list i mean we were on we flew into shannon our part which is on the west coast and that's beautiful i mean that's the mythical place the cliffs of moore and and you know um the ring of carrie driving around uh had a wee bit of a drive over there when it comes to fumes you don't want to overlook the environment i know we talk about a little region here on the face that maybe shows that there's no fumes but i think the reason why a lot of the northern europeans have no fumes is because it's cool there's not a lot of sweat in the crop nothing yeah cackle all this oh we can't say that okay it's fine though it's totally fine throw that on the page just drop it in no just cackle it it's fine they'll hear you if you want you just go to the patriotic it's what it is what it is sometimes because i'm just in a wild mood i've had three coffees i got my glucose monitor going and i had a ketone iq new here's the new fun that we could do is now now you're fueled by substances i'm fueled by substance but now we have a new we have a fun new thing is we can check our we get little alarms um uh on the glucose so let's just check what is our glucose not too bad it's 88 right now not bad but we did have a big spike about an hour ago and what was it was that was because just the meal we had just the meal you didn't need anything bad yeah but the meal but but your boy but that's the thing with glucose is there's a range you know i popped up oh i went down to 86 so that's not bad no that's not bad to be to be hovering around there you want to be in a solid range of between 70 and 120 yeah so not too bad but if the problem is with me is because i've been getting lightheadedness out of nowhere so you want to stick this thing on my shoulder because he's like you might have a little pre-diabetes where your glucose might be going too low he said sometimes when i eat a black and white cookie you got to think about like at a carnival yeah when you when you hit it so high and it goes ping and it's and it drops he said that's what might be happening to you but i think a lot of i think a lot of the mystery surrounding this is my opinion a lot of the mystery surrounding your numbers and why things don't make sense because you're so healthy you work out right you look so good but then you got you basically have the cholesterol of a 600 pound suburban white woman yes who's living with depression who hates her husband hates her life yeah you it doesn't make any sense nothing about you makes sense and i think it's because the doctors can't quantify or diagnose what the real problem is which is what your personality it's what i think you just i think you spike your own stress and i think you're just on the go i think your system thinks that you're being attacked you're in a war i'm in a war yeah so but that's why one of the things that we scooped up and i talked about this at patreon.com history hyenas i had a shopping spree at the doctor's office this morning the lexapro might really help us out yeah because he said oh maybe let's start off with some ashwagandha and i said how about i kill you yeah let's go for the real i'm not getting i don't want anything i could buy at cbs yeah i'm not chewing on a root guy no fucking numb me out okay i don't want any of that pakistani shit yeah give me the real deal shit give me lexapro and he said okay and then he took my blood pressure and it was through the roof he said we're gonna start 15 milligrams yeah you want uncut real stuff i need the real shit and i'm gonna snort it because you gotta make it fun i gotta make it fun and i gotta get it into the street you gotta yeah and i gotta get i'm gonna get some lexapro and then we'll see what happens we'll see if i calm down what we're gonna find out is how lexapro mixes with steroids yes how and what the good news is for me yeah is bless you nick bless us all is is the good news is for me is for whatever reason for the last three months i haven't been able to get an erection anyway so it doesn't matter if lexapro makes me not go peeing so something else has been causing me to go peeing less so lexapro it doesn't matter so we take that we take that side effect out of the equation what's going on because i don't know but i just lexapro doesn't affect the erections though but it may numb out your tip it may numb out the tip a little bit which is fine yeah which is fine because you don't i don't need to feel anything in my tip when i'm getting pecked last 14. that's right it's just what it is it's a good point so for me lexapro the big side effect with lexapro you get a numb tip of the penis for me doesn't matter because you're getting pecked so i felt like i was a good candidate to be a lexapro yeah it's a little space it's just a little space yeah the little space it's what we call a restraining order against ourselves yeah because i said i met this doctor for the first time and in the first five minutes when we were talking you didn't really know me and he said i don't think we need to jump to medication yet let's talk some ashwagandha whatever and then 30 minute after the 30 minute meeting he hit he had me on 15 milligrams he said you know what you've convinced me in the short span let's throw it on let's throw it off for the kid a little space well 15 that's what they call yeah that's what they call a medicinal dose yeah that's what we call a dose appropriate for a man of your side he said to me he said to me when i was leaving he was like you know he's like i you know we're going to get everything taken care of don't worry he goes i got and he said i got to be honest you're a very fun patient so i think i think they i think they look at a guy like me and say this kid's fun yeah he's a fun kid yeah so 15 from 15 you can go up or you can go down so we'll see right in the middle right in the middle but it's fun i got a big butt so i need to just pump it with lexapro got a lot of meat on you yeah now the irish are good people excited to learn you grew up around a lot of irish i mean because i mean you know paddy fly balls all these kids irish kids i grew up i i grew up on the irish shout out o'neill's pub in mass smith yeah the irish irish the irish the germans in italian we have fun together and the jews kind of meshed up a little bit but the jews not so much in ridgewood the jews not in ridgewood it's germans but a lot of irish and yeah i mean look you know christianity is big but the thing is too you know them speaking gaelic like when you go to you know when i flew into the airport everything is in gaelic first and then english so gaelic is and then you know at the hurling match you had some people speaking gaelic i mean gaelic is a wild language it is it's one of the hardest languages to learn or speak yeah so and you know these people that was their native language the celts the celts and that you know and then christianity came so you know first it was hunter gatherers you know everyone's just getting potatoes out there having a good time then four thousand bc the farming community started to come you know all the you know uh stonehenge type people even though that's in england it was all celtic stuff then celtic ireland this is where like ireland really becomes ireland that's 500 years 400 to 500 a.d 500 years after christ the celtic speaking peoples gradually become dominant ireland divided into many small kingdoms the druids that was big they they were the priest the judges the scholars that was like the high ranking people like the yeah the celtics and then the druids were the guys in charge but unlike britain ireland was never conquered by the roman empire although it traded with rome because it was really hard to subdue these mcfox there's really these fire crotches were hard to take i mean they're fun people and make no mistake irish men are strong lads you cannot put them down they are strong strong strong like a beating but they won't get knocked out well they are because they're literally 10 out of 10 drunk most of the day most of the day yeah and they just got that just that potato diet just makes you a just a just a brick now let me tell you we will get to it in the history but i do i was learning a little bit i mean the english were scumbags to them the english were scumbags to the irish especially during the potato i mean i mean the english scum yeah we're talking about the anglo-saxon tribes yeah that's where it started they went over there and they gave they tossed them around a little bit they gave them a little beating yeah they gave them a little beating they gave them a little beating yeah jess if you could just go back to that uh chat gpt uh thing yeah yeah don't take our trading wheels away yeah yeah now ireland now um you know saint patrick you know we know the story he was a british kid but he brought christianity that's really how christianity got to ireland with saint patrick and he was a british kid and we rewarded him by getting plastered and peeing on the street what it is he was an english kid a kid from from from england um you know and uh irish monks you know um you know preserved everything the classical learning during europe's early middle ages and a big part of ireland because i went to a castle over there in limerick saint jones castle the vikings the vikings are a humongous part of it they took a bite out of ireland as well big they that's why some you have some beautiful blonde blue haired irish girl all even some of the red hair that's a viking that's a viking danish blood yeah what they did was they went over there and they did a little pillaging they did a little raping but then they settled down everyone settles down that's what it is i've you know i'm tired of giving you a beat and i just want to settle down the biggest cities in ireland dublin kark limerick washerford and wexford viking cities viking strongholds they would raid all the settlements in 1014 irish high king brian buru defeated a viking-led coalition at the bottle of klontarf reducing viking political benefits political power and then the big big thing the norman invasion of 1169 anglo-norman knights with the anglo-norman knights invading ireland 1169 that would be like english french knights right anglo anglo-saxon anglo is english and then the normans was like that was france wasn't it these were all germanic tribes like genetically it was just tribal europe was tribal so they were just tribes in different areas so genetically they just kept walking and they separated from each other and then they met back up to kill each other that's what it is it's kind of just the human story but 1169 is when you know when when they invade ireland because before then they're you know the vikings are there but mostly Celtic scattered clans or whatever, but it's England's King Henry II. He's the one that put the authority over Ireland and that was the one, that began really the feud here is where he just treated them like slaves. Yeah. He really was not nice to them. You know, over time, a lot of the settlers, the Norman settlers, they adopted the Irish customs while English control shrank largely to an area around Dublin known as the Pale. So there was, they would fight back a little bit. England, that's the thing with England and Ireland is they had centuries of subduing them and the Irish would just, you know, fight their way out. They just, yeah, eventually, look, they're independent. I mean, they did never stop fighting. They just didn't want, they wanted to, they wanted to get the yoke off. That's what it is. They just not, there are people that likes to be free. I love the Irish people. So Henry VIII, fat fuck Henry VIII. That kid. They said his leg, the sores on his leg smelled. I mean, he was a real fat bastard. He was a real fat fuck. Probably a fun guy. A fun guy. A little bit like an evil guy. Oh yeah. Yeah. But he declared himself king of Ireland in 1541. So that's the first time that happened. Then the Tudor conquest. Then you had, they had plantations in Ulster, which I believe is my Northern Ireland. They settled English and Scottish Protestants on confiscated Irish land. So Scotland was, you know, siding with England during this time. And I guess in some ways they still do because that's the UK, but Ireland is separate. Oliver Cromwell, he came around, he, took a bite out of Ireland as well. Took a bite out of Ireland. And Ireland's a cookie. It's a black and white cookie and mostly a white cookie. Yeah. And a lot of people came and took a bite out of it. I like Oliver Cromwell because I don't know much about him and he's not, he's, he's just a guy with a regular first and last name. It's not King Henry VIII. It's not Sir this. He's like, my name's Oliver Cromwell. Yeah. It's like, it's like Stephen Williams came along. Yeah. Yeah. Was he the king? Oliver Cromwell? I don't know anything about Oliver Cromwell. I don't know much about Oliver Cromwell. We gotta learn, can we do an episode about Oliver Cromwell? I think Oliver Cromwell, I think he was, I think he was a ruler of some sort and he definitely took, all I know is he took a bite out of Ireland. But Oliver Cromwell, I know he's like a big, big part of like Irish, I mean, he really was, he was a British kid. These British kids were pieces of shit to the, to the Irish. Well, the British, you know, they, the Angles and the Saxons, they were, you know, that basically the British may, are Angles and Saxons combined. Right. These two German tribes and they were just a little bit more violent. They didn't know how to chill out. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. See, here's, here's the kid, Oliver Cromwell. He was an English statesman. Okay. He, okay. He looks like a dick. He looks like Tony Hinchcliffe. Also, this is interesting. Yes, he does. Does he look like him a little bit? He executed, he was part of the execution of King Charles and he abolished the monarchy and ruled the British Isles as Lord Protector. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Some view him as a champion of parliamentary democracy and others as a ruthless military dictator. So that's interesting. So he got rid of the monarchy. Yeah. And then he ruled, he led the parliamentary forces called the Roundheads during the English Civil Wars. He defeated Charles, King Charles I. He established the Commonwealth of England and then he got to work on Ireland. It's just what it is. He arrived in Ireland in 1649 to crush a coalition of Irish Catholics, Royalists, and Confederate forces. And the siege of Drogheda in 1649 after the town refused to surrender, Cromwell's forces stormed it and killed much of the defending garrison. Many civilians and Catholic clergy also died. He did not spare the clergy. Even by the standards of 17th century siege warfare, the killings became infamous. So this is what really was a big part of the feud. And then he also had a siege at Wexford same year and a lot of civilian casualties. Wow. And they burnt down the town. And look at this for, see, this kid Oliver Cromwell had an issue with certain people. He granted broad religious toleration to, Protestant sex and readmitted Jews to England. So that's one, one, Jesse's saying that's one for the good guys. One for the goodies. So he strictly banned Catholicism. Yeah. I don't like that. So that's why he hated Ireland. He did not, this kid did not like the Catholics. Well, now it's coming. So that he was like the reason he's what started this fucking problem with the Protestants and Catholics. Why didn't this kid Cromwell like the Catholics? What do we do to you guy? Because they just, they don't want to have nothing to do with the Catholic church. They don't want to do nothing to do with the authority of the Catholic church. What is the real difference between Protestant, Christians and Catholics? What is the big thing? One says Mary directly to God and Martin Luther hated Jews. It's just what he did, right? He did not. That's Martin Luther from the 1500s and Martin Luther King. Well, the original Martin Luther, who let's be honest, Martin Luther King probably hated Jews too. I think he was more tolerant of Jews because they were, but you know, they were, he, a lot of Jews were marching with him and stuff. Right. But the original Martin Luther, who's responsible for the Protestant Reformation, really hated Jews. Right. He was big on Jews and he hated Catholics. He said, hey, all you need is a Bible. You don't need this whole structure. You don't need the church. You don't need all this stuff. Right. That's basically he, so Martin Luther would look at somebody like my mom, who's like, you got to go to church. You're going to go to hell. If you don't go to church, it's like, lady, what are you doing? All you need is to read the Bible and have your own relationship with God. That's what he would say to your mom. And then he turned to Jesse and go, you leave. He would say, yeah, put him on the stake. He just, for some reason, just did not like Jews. So, okay. So we, I'd like to do an episode on Oliver Cromwell and Martin Luther. I really like to go deep on Martin Luther. We'll do that. We probably already did an episode on Martin Luther. We'll do it again. We'll do it again. I think, I don't think we ever did. To be honest with you, I don't remember us ever doing one. Shout out. I want to shout out Eric Bernal from Phoenix. Great comic. He's been a fan of the hyenas from the beginning. He had a good idea. He was like, look, it's been long enough. A lot of your fans, even if, you know, they're fans from the original, from the beginning of the first Reich. He was like, you should just redo some of your bangers. Like, just like we do in standup. He's like, we're going to end up doing it anyway because we don't remember. Like he was like, just do another episode on Pearl Harbor. Yeah. Just do it again. Yeah. Yeah. Cause he, let me tell you right now. All right. I'm not a young guy anymore. So every time I drink, I need Z biotics. Cause I just told you I did a wedding in Ireland. Thank God. I had the Z biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink with me. Yeah. All you got to do is really pregame with this. And then you won't be as banged up afterwards. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink alcohol gets converted into a toxic by-product in the gut. It builds up this by-product, not dehydration. That's the blame for rough days after drinking. Right, dude. It's every time I have these pre-alcohol, the pre-alcohol before the Z biotics drinks, basically, I, I notice the difference the next day. I really do because it's, it's guy. The thing is, it's not one of these placebo. It's science. Yeah. They're talking to getting down to the, to the gut. It's one of the good things about living in the modern era is, you know, you can kind of mitigate the downside of boozing. And you do it with Z biotics. And here's the thing. Drink that pre-alcohol before you go out and wake up ready for whatever Sunday brings. Remember to head to Z biotics.com slash hyenas and use the code hyenas at checkout for 15% off that Z B I, O T I C S.com slash hyenas. Use code hyenas. Check out for 15% off guy, guy running a business means you're always reachable until you're not. And the moment you miss that call, text follow up, a competitor is the one that picks it up. That's why today's episode is brought to you by quo. Q U O the business phone system built. So you never miss an opportunity. Yes, it is so good. Listen, all your calls, texts, and voicemails are in one place. So anyone on your team can pick up a conversation, see the full history, and respond fast. This is a really good place to have everyone gathered in your business. Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2, trusted by over 90,000 businesses who rely on it to stay reachable and look professional every day. It sets up in minutes on any device, keeps your existing number and adds teammates as you grow. No I T no hassle. It just integrates all these tools. Chrissy, you could just tell them where to get it because listen, go quo money is on the line. Always say, hello with quo, try quo, Q U O for free. Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com slash hyenas. That's Q U O.com slash hyenas. So, but the conflict between the Protestants and Catholics, I think, and we got to talk about the potato famine. I think the great famine was bad. Yeah, we talked to, you know, we, we already did an episode of the Protestant Catholics, but so it had that, that beef had started before Cromwell. Cromwell just made it fucking worse. Right. So, um, right. Jessica, if you go back to that, what you just had right here. Yeah. So, so, um, the great famine, which was between 1845 and 1852, um, because of the potatoes, about 1 million people died and another million emigrated permanently changing Ireland's population and fueling anti-British sentiment because the British had potatoes and wouldn't give them an Ireland. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Can you, can you Google that? Uh, put that up in, in chat. Jess, like why, why, what did the British do to the potatoes that pissed off the Irish? And here's, here's just a little interesting fact while you do Ireland, including Northern Ireland. Is this an HHFOD? This is an HHFOD. I think, I think the problem is Northern Ireland is probably, I think a lot of Scottish and British Protestant settlers. Well, Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. Ireland is not. Yeah. So I think that part, cause what England was doing was encouraging a lot of Scottish and British, uh, Protestants to settle in Ireland. So I think, you know, cause they were, they were the Protestants, but the Irish, the Irish were like fiercely Catholic. And here's an interesting thing. Ireland, including Northern Ireland is only like 7 million people, but like 70 to 80 million people in the diaspora around the world claim Irish ancestry. So what that means. is the Irish got to fucking once they left Ireland. What it is. Yeah, they really, the Catholics, they like to have kids. Yeah, it's what it is. So now, here's what it is. I knew this. I had just forgotten it. The Irish potato famine, as you said, 1845 to 1852, the British government, who was ruling Ireland, continued to export massive amounts of grain, meat, and dairy out of Ireland to Britain while millions of Irish peasants starved. So they had, that's the thing. The Irish had the food to feed their own citizens, but they were being told, being forced to send it to England. Yeah, it was basically, Ireland was like a plantation. So they killed their own people. It was like a plantation for England. And Irish Catholics were denied land ownership and were forced to live as impoverished tenant farmers. That's why there are a lot of people in Ireland where I was, like in the Republic of Ireland, they can't imagine liking the English because of what they did to their ancestors. And Irish people who are like, no, we fuck. The English like in Northern Ireland, that's really where it's, it's, I get it from both sides. Cause one side, the Northern Irish, you know, the Protestant people are saying like, yeah, but Britain has helped us a lot. And you know, England has helped us a lot and given us money and given us, you know, they've, they've, they've given a shelter, but then the other people are saying, what are you talking about? They like took everything from us and killed our citizens. So I get it. I got, I would have to think though, because I'm Catholic, I would be, if I was alive during those times, I'd be more on the fuck the British side. Yeah. But I, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, I think the Germans mostly Protestant too. Are they not? Germans are Protestant. No, you got a lot of Catholic Germans too, but I don't know what the majority are. Yeah. Who knows? Yeah. Shit. The Germans have different things. The thing is we don't deal with any of that because we're orthodox. We don't deal with any of that. We stayed orthodox since the beginning. We don't, we don't deal with any of that. I don't deal with none of that. We don't got beef with nobody. So now here's what happens. So, so you got the potato famine, 1845 to 1852. Great famine. Of course, Irish are pissed. Blah, blah, blah. Then you kind of have the beginnings of the, of, of the troubles. 1916, you have the Eastern rising in Dublin. This is basically the war of, of independence. The Irish people are starting to say, we want to be free from Britain, the United Kingdom led largely by Michael Collins and the IRA, the Irish Republican army, Michael Collins. Great movie over there. I forgot the name of it, but I believe Liam Neeson plays Michael Collins. So then you have the Anglo Irish treaty, basically Anglo, you know, English Irish treaty. Creates the Irish free state. Six Northeastern counties remain part of the United Kingdom in Northern Ireland. The treaty sparked the Irish civil war from 1922 to 1923. Kind of goes on like that. Trouble brewing, trouble brewing, but then the actual troubles from 1960s to 1998. It just boils over baby. Northern Ireland experienced decades of sectarian conflict between unions, loyalists, Protestant. These are the people who are basically for the English side who wanted to remain in the UK versus the national. And Republicans, mostly Catholic, the IRA, the Irish Republican army who wanted a united Ireland. They wanted the basically Northern of Ireland say, forget about England. Let's just be one country. Forget about the UK. We will all just be Ireland and people to this day. Still, they don't really, they don't segregate it. Like they start to say what they say. We're all Ireland. Yeah. They don't really, we say Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland, but they're, they're all Irish. Yeah. They kind of 1998 is kind of when they officially put down their bayonets. Right, right. Yeah. Well, that's what happened is you had the good Friday agreement. The comp, the conflict involved the IRA who was, you know, mostly Catholic loyalist paramilitary groups and British security forces and 3,500 people were killed before the good Friday agreement in 1998, which kind of made a power share in government and greatly reduced the violence. They basically gave everybody a little bit of what they wanted and kept it at bay. But now they're, I think there was a bombing like a month ago or something happened like a month ago. Yeah. Like, so it's not. And when you go there, if I've been to Belfast, I think Belfast is a must see city. I think you should, everybody on this planet, if they have the means, go see Belfast because it's one of the only cities you can see in Europe where like the people fighting the war, like their civil wars are still walking around today. I mean, they're getting older, but it's kind of like the Middle East for white people. Yeah. That's what Belfast is. What we need, what we need. Did they have a, we are the world video. That's what they needed. They needed all their singers to get together and sing. We are the world. That's what I stopped. All their rappers to sing, stop the violence. Yeah. So right now, Ireland, Republic of Ireland is one of Europe's wealthiest economies. There you go. Then Ireland joined what the EU in 1973, Northern Ireland remains part of the United Kingdom. No discussion about possible Irish reunification continues. So because in our lifetime, we might see, we might see all of Ireland unite. It's possible. That would be really nice. You know, that would be really nice or not. Yeah. Or, you know, if it happens, it'd be great for them. Or if not, you know, I'm, you know what? I'm still getting ready. I'm still getting ready to go to the U.S. Open either way. Either way. Because at the end of the day, let's be honest, it's nice to talk about history. It really is. And I love my Irish brothers and sisters, but like most of the other problems, like, you know, at the end of the day, I don't really give a fuck. Yeah. At the end of the day, do what's best for you. At the end of the day, for me, there's only one enemy I have to fight and wake up every day and fight and that's Zoran Mamdani. We're focused on another front on another war. You Protestants and Catholics, you just figure it out. It's all, everyone's intermingled at this point. Like back in the day, I think it was a big deal. It was a bigger deal if you were like, this is a Scottish settler or a British settler who's Protestant coming on my land. I think now everybody's all mixed up and whatever. The Vikings at one point, they're like, oh, they're invaders. And the next thing you know, some Viking marries some girl. Yeah, it's like at the end. Everyone's all mixed in. You're all mixed in, mixed up. You're a mixed bag. At the end of the day, let's all just get along. Who gives a shit? You know, clean your own stoop. Take care of your own garden. Yeah. And also, everyone's just got to kind of accept their grape. Everyone's just got a little bit of a grape gene somewhere. At the end of the day, Sunderland. Sunderland die. Yeah. I mean, there's a reason why Nick looks like a mestizo and also a European conquistador. Right. Somewhere back in. A little grape juice in there. There was a little non-consensual sex in his family line. What it is. Everyone's got a little non-consensual sex in their family line. It's what it is. And I'll tell you what, Ireland, though, they have been keeping it together. The town is beautiful. And the food. People like to shit on the food in Ireland. Because of shit. I'm telling you, guy. I enjoy their food. What is their food? It's a. Well. Chips. What I had. On a newspaper. I had fish. I had chips. Yeah. I had Guinness. Yeah. The food tastes good because you always wash down with a little Guinness. Yeah. So I think that's the holy trinity of their cuisine. Now, let me ask you this, because a lot of times alcohol, you know, there's beers and all that. I always get tired after a beer or two. Like, I get, I have Asian genes. Like, I don't even know if I can metabolize alcohol. But Guinness was giving me energy. I felt like I was drinking coffee. Is there something in Guinness that gives you energy? Yeah. It's supposed to have some iron in it. It's supposed to, like, be, if you have, like, heart issues, you're supposed to, for some reason, drink. Guinness is not as bad for you. Why does Guinness give me more energy? Well, they say it has less, Guinness has less calories than, like, milk, than, like, light beers. It doesn't have less calories than a Michelob light, though. I don't. Or as I like to call it, lady beer. A lady beer. Do you like lady beers? Good. I have a. Guinness says to stimulate. As a central. Guinness acts as a central nervous depressant. Okay. Rather than. Roasted barley and higher iron content. Yeah, iron. Temporary liquid. Red energy boost. Got it. Woo. Got it. The idea of Guinness as a stimulant largely stems from historical myths. Okay. Yeah. Guinness does contain more B vitamins and iron than lighter lagers. Yeah, so you get a little something. You get some iron in there. The Guinness effect, because it's nitrogenated, it creates a rich, creamy mouthfeel that can trick the brain into feeling more satisfied or full than a standard carbonated beer. Yeah, because. Unfortunately, the Irish, their food is so bad that I think they do involve Guinness as a food group. They do, yeah, and it looks like. It's a milkshake, so I was in. Yeah, I think they just go. Yeah, I think for them, it's like a smoothie. Because even though I have physical therapy, I. You want to go to Ireland today? I do have a little time for Van Leeuwen. You want to go to Van Leeuwen or you want to go to Ireland? I'd like to go to Ireland. Let's go to Ireland. Do you want to do a reverse commute from all the Irish that came during the potato famine and get on a ferry and just tell them to keep going to Ireland? Just get out there. I'll tell you what, because the flight out there was not bad. It was about five hours. The flight coming home was about six and a half. That wasn't bad. Bad. It's not bad. The next place before Ireland, though, I would like to go see Iceland. You want to go see Iceland? You've been to Iceland, right? To Reykjavik? I want to move to Iceland. You've been there? I have. I've been to the airport. I've been to the airport, too. I've been to the airport on my way to the other Scandinavian countries. Right. You always make it stop overnight. But Iceland from New York is only like a four-hour flight, guy. It's a four-hour flight. That's about it. It's not bad. And you know if you look. And the ratio is like, I think, 10 girls to one guy. Yeah. Which I think is what it currently is in the Ukraine. A lot of 14. I mean, what it is. So when you look at even where the UK, even where England and Ireland are, they're so far north. I just thought they were like on the opposite side of us, but that's just a little deception by the map. They're across the ocean and north. They're like in line with Canada, these countries. Yeah, well. They're like big time. When you fly, when I flew back, because I was watching the map the whole time, once you get over the Osh, they go in a straight line over the Osh, but we were in northern Canada. And then it takes two hours, two and a half hours. They come down. Yeah, because you know what's so interesting is Europe is actually much higher up. Yes. Than the United States. It's just that they get some warm, it's like warm for another reason, because it's actually higher, closer to the north. Yeah, look, look, look. And then scroll over, if you scroll over to the left, you see Ireland and Scotland, it's Canada. Yeah. And Norway's even higher. Yeah. Look at, you could just, looking at that, you could just, there was just white people in boats just moving around there. It's just what it was. They just moved around there. And everywhere they went, they took a little bite. When you look at a map, that's not snow, that's the people. Yeah, that's just, this is where white people kind of just, they moved around a bit. They shuffled around white. It's just White's In-N-Out. White's In-N-Out. It was an In-N-Out white burger. Guy, I told you I was in Ireland this weekend, and I had a rock-hard cock the entire way. Do you want to know why? Because I had my Blue Chews, Guy. This episode brought to you by Blue Chew. I was rock-hard. My four-leaf clover was out. Yes, Blue Chew Gold is better sex in a tablet. They combine four ingredients into one powerful solution. Two ingredients to get you hard, and two support arousal and desire in the brain. It works fast and lasts. Guys have a complete experience in the bedroom with Blue Chew Gold. It's really a nice way to just make it hotter. Make it hotter, and here's the thing, and I can tell you from personal experience, that Blue Chew dicks feel good in pussies and assholes. They really do. They don't discriminate. I met a guy in Houston. We've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of Blue Chew Gold, you get the third free with promo code HIJENAS. That's promo code HIJENAS. You will also receive an additional 10% off free overnight shippings on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the History of HIJENAS. Because I love pushing. Let me tell you the truth. It's amazing. I am telling you the truth. I have tushy on every single one of my toilets. Yeah. It's just, you have to have it. And you know what's crazy? It's guys like us who aren't handy. I installed my own tushy. They're so easy. Did you install it? Yeah, it's so easy. Yeah, it's great. You just screw it into the water. You screw it. You take out the tube. They give you a paper mounting plate where you just put it on that. It's literally the easiest thing ever. Yeah. Dude, it's like you need to have a clean ass. Toilet paper just doesn't do the freaking job. What I like to do is I. Is I take a poop and then I flush it. And then I let the tushy. I turn on the water and I let it hit my ass for another 90 seconds. And then I wipe. Is that what you do? Exactly. Or do you wipe first and then hit the water? No, no, no. I hit the water. And sometimes I leave it. I let it go for a little while because it feels good. It just feels good. And then I just. Just a little piece of toilet paper and it just. So easy, dude. To make sure there's nothing there and there's never anything there. Now they got tushy e-bidets, which have instantly modernized your daily routine and bathroom. They got a heated seat, adjustable water temperature, and a powerful yet gentle dryer. Ooh. Tushy bidets. Easily attach to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing. E-bidets only require an outlet. That's it. Ooh, it's time. Yanni's going to upgrade. Get a little e-bidet. Because I got all the originals on mine. Yeah, I'm going to. Because, yeah, for me, it's the same thing. I have the original, but I love the. I mean, there's no reason to go out and buy a freaking expensive bidet. No, no. Just put the tushy on your toilet. And this is so easy to put on any toilet. And it looks nice. It's perfectly. And it prevents micro-tears in your ass with soothing water. Yeah, it just. Instead of scratchy toilet paper on. Or damaging wet wipes. I actually just recommend. And I've had my tushy for years. They're well-made. It's great. It's just, you know, everyone should have a bidet. Plus, you save on toilet paper. It's just. There's no reason not to have this. We love it. Every Hello Tushy bidet comes with a 30-day hassle-free return and a 12-month warranty. Look, for a limited time, our listeners are going to get 10% off their first bidet order when you use code HIJENAS at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at HelloTushy. HelloTushy.com, promo code HIJENAS. I'm going to use it and get one. It's what it is. And I watched on the plane ride home, because I was just in a mood, I watched two kind of. I watched two love stories. You did? I was watching romance stories, and even Jasmine looked over, and she was like, people definitely think you're gay with what you're watching. I like to watch those, too. I watched two romance. I watched one called Midwinter Break, which is about an older couple trying to find themselves. Trying to find themselves. Yeah, Midwinter Break. Let's pull this one up. I watched this one. Yep, this is what I watched. I went. What was it? It was a drama film based on. What's the synopsis? It was based on a 2017 novel, and I liked it. I liked that. And then I watched Solo Mio with Kevin James, which is about a guy who gets left at the altar. Solo Mio. Wait, so you watched. Oh, so Midwinter. Is that a. That's a foreign movie? Midwinter Break. I like to. I watch foreign movies, and I watch Solo Mio, and I'll tell you what. Solo Mio was actually a really good movie, and go to Solo Mio Cast. The woman in Solo Mio who's his love interest, Nicole Grimado, is. We should probably edit that part out. Just cackle that. Just having a little fun. Just give him a little cackle. Yeah, I mean, she was beautiful, and this movie was good, and Andrea Bocelli is in it. Did you see the. Did you see the Isles of Dover? What's Isles of Dover? I don't know. It just seems like people say there's something on Dover with Ireland. No, what is that? The River of Dover, the Isles of Dover, the Cliffs of Dover. Dover! The Cliffs of Dover. I thought it was the Cliffs of Moher. There's Cliffs of Dover as well. Of Dover? No, I didn't see that. Cliffs of Dover? I spent most of. I spent almost the whole four days in a one-mile radius. You did? Yeah, because. So you didn't really see Ireland. You saw the wedding. I saw the wedding, and I saw Limerick. I saw the town of Limerick and the town of Adair. Nice. But really, but we got there Friday, and we didn't leave the. We didn't walk past the castle gates until Sunday. Do they have, like, apartment buildings there? Is there a skyline, or is it mostly. Everything looks like cottages. It's cottages, but in Limerick, there were some buildings. But Limerick, there's a lot of places in Limerick that are not good. Right. Like, shitholes. Right. Like, dangerous crackheads. It's just. That is just a world problem now. Did you see any travelers? I didn't see any Irish travelers. No. I didn't see any, like. They're like gypsies, right? We need to do an episode on the Irish travelers. That's fun. The way they do those boxing videos and promos, and they fight. These families fight. Yeah. Do you think that the Irish families settle disputes, fisticuffs, all the way back, where the father would just go, all right, you guys go outside and work this out with your fists? Yeah. Because that's how the Irish do it. Yeah. The brothers have a fight. The father goes, all right, go outside. Put up your dukes. Yeah. Tommy, you grab your gloves. Yeah. Ray, Ryan, you grab your arms. There was a fist fight at the wedding. I mean, I think that's just part of Irish culture is you just get into a fist fight. Fist fighting is just part of it. Yeah. Limerick, can you scroll down? They call Limerick Stab City. Woo. Yeah, because they have a lot of. Because, you know, they don't call them projects there. They call them estates. They have estates. So they call them estates. That's the projects. Yeah, that's different than us, which is interesting because that's the reverse of us. Estates is nice here. Also, another thing that's reverse is the suburbs here we tend to think are nice, but in Europe, the suburbs are bad. Really? Yeah. Interesting. It's weird. It's like the reverse. So you don't want to live outside the city anywhere? You don't want to live outside the city. Yeah, you want to live in Stockholm. You don't want to live. You want to live within the walls kind of thing. You want to live within the walls. That's what it is. Yes. It is interesting that Ireland was never, ever conquered by the Romans. They couldn't get us. They took Christianity by choice. Right. With missionaries. Right. They were just like, they were like, we dig this. We spoke the good word. Yeah, and they just went with it. Did you also know that Newgrange. I want to go with you. Let's go. I want to go with you too. Yeah. Did you know that Newgrange is older than Stonehenge and the pyramids? Yes, and Newgrange is the Irish version of like the monolithic structure that. Yeah, it was built around 3200 BC and every winter solstice, the rising sun illuminates its inner chamber with astonishing precision. So these guys, whoever did this kind of new shit. So why does Stonehenge, why do they get all the press when it should be the Irish shit getting the press? It's just the way, it's just, you know, you got to have a good publicist. What still blows my mind, and I know I've, we've brought it up every week for the past three weeks, but what still blows my mind is how Cleopatra was living in a time when they already had ancient Egyptian history. Yeah, it's crazy. It just made, it actually freed me from something where it's like. How did that free you? Because we're all just like a blip on the radar here. Yeah. And like, we're all just like, however big and grand you think your life is, it's just not. So be comfort and have some freedom and comfort in that where it's like, whatever you're doing is okay. Even if you commit a heinous crime and you go to jail for the rest of your life, it's like, you're going to die, we're all going to die and nobody's going to remember us. Yeah, but you know, the thing is, we are a product of American conditioning. Okay, tell me that. We've been cut off from thousands of years of tradition and wisdom. Okay. Because when we were, our parents were immigrants here. So they came here, they started a new life and they were here to like, they were just in survival mode. Okay. And then we were born and marketing and everything is just going, go, get famous, get to go. Like, so we got attached to the material world probably a little bit more than we should. So, but now, but we can find ways to back out and get out of it. Yeah, yeah. You just have to know, you just have to get out of it. Yeah, yeah. But I think our worldview in a lot of ways is dominated by our environment and upbringing. Where Europeans weren't, people in Ireland weren't as conditioned to that as we were as Americans. I think, yeah, Europeans, people in other countries, you know, we, there's a lot of beneficial things to that. I mean, one of the beneficial things I think is sometimes culture can become a little bit of a crutch. Like the rules get a little too stringent. Right. You know? So, I'm not trying to make this religious, or anything. This is just, I'm pointing out one of the big things that Jesus did was he was yelling at the Jews about how you guys are following the rules, but you don't have it in your heart. It's all hypocrisy. It's all bullshit. I think that happens. Right. Everything becomes performed through no matter what. Right. So, that was a good thing about America is I think it was like, people were like, fuck the rules. Right. I'm going to be me. I'm going to, you know, do, so that was a good, but I think the bad part of it maybe is we got a little too attached to materialism. To materialism. We're a materialistic culture. A material girl and we got a little too attached to American shampoo and conditioning. We did. We got a little attached to accumulating shit. We are the only country in the world where a regular person can have a fucking mansion in North Carolina. Yeah, because in Ireland, the guy that I met who owned the bar, we went to his house after because that's what Irish people just always invite you over. And he has a lot of money, like millions of dollars, I would assume. But his house is very nice. But it's not an estate, an American estate. It's not, he doesn't have three acres. Yeah, it was very eye-opening to me when I spent a lot of time in Scandinavia, how even Magnus Bettner, who I toured with, was like one of the biggest there and he lived in like an apartment. They don't look at it that way. And it was strange to me because I'm going like, where's your. So nobody would go into Magnus' apartment and say you're not doing well. They also never go like, what do you do? They never go like, what do you do? And also the rest of them didn't look at him like he was special because he was a comedian. Right. He was just like, it's just weird. It's almost, it's so weird. It lets you know that we are just so, we're just conditioned animals. Well, that's why. It's not even a thing. But that's, even that, within the conditioning, that's why I think the people who really set themselves free, if you can actually believe it, actually practice what you preach and not care about what other people think of you and you just live your life, but that goes against what America wants you to do. America wants you to impress everybody. So if you can find a way to say, I'm just going to do what I think is good for me and my family, you'll be free. Well, I think it wasn't just, I think it was the industrial revolution where these, where it was just like, it created, and this is where socialism came out, is because it just created the industrial, which is over. The industrial revolution is over. But it's like, there was like factory owners and like industrialists and then there was workers and they, you know, this was before technology. Now we have robots making a lot of shit, but it's like they needed output. Right. So they were just like, you know, you were just working. I mean, the seven day work week, they gave us two days off. Like, it's like, that was created by that system going like, all right, let these guys sleep for a couple hours. So before that, everybody worked every day. Kind of like, yeah, it went from the seven day to the five day and then they tried to- Now it's on the way to the four day. Yeah, because things are changing. Things are changing. But yeah, I mean, I think outside the mathematics of everything, of like the universe and reality and everything, truth is often subjective and conditional. I mean, and contextual. And I think we spend so much time examining the world that we rarely examine the filter by which we see the world. Right. So, and I think, I think that's how you kind of become aware of conditioning. Because remember what we always say, nothing's actually happening to you. Your perception of what you think is happening to you is happening to you. Any response you want, anxiety, depression. Unless someone's stabbing you in the chest. Right. Unless you're in Stab City Limerick. Or unless you get a blow job and something's happening. Anything, but it's just your feelings, it's all coming from within. You're in control, baby gorgeous. Yeah, I just think, I think it's just, it's, you know, I think that's the difference between humans and animals. Humans and animals is we can, we can examine the filter. Right. Because we are, the truth is contextual, right? And so we always examine outside of us, but we rarely examine our filter. Right. We never clean the filter. We never go to the pool and clear, we got to clear the debris out of the filter. You got to clean your air conditioning filter. You got to clean your filter. You got to wash your ass. Yeah, you got to wash your ass. You got to clean your orifices. Now, Guy. Orifices have to, wherever there's juice you got to clean. Wherever it's a little wet, it's got to be clean. Your mouth, your ass, and your pee hole. You got to get clean. You got to clean. Now, baby. Holes need cleaning. The only clean people that I ever see. Pieces need cleaning. The only clean people that I ever see out in the world are out in the internet. Because they shower with, they wash their ass with water. You got to give them credit where credit's due. Yeah. When we were fucking rubbing leaves on our ass, they were splashing their asshole with water. Yes. So they were walking around with crystal clear fucking halal asses. They had, they had the cleanest hummus factories out of anybody. They really were cleaning their poop chute before we were. Now, the other clean people I see are the people who went to patreon.com slash history hyenas and have decided to join the matriarchy who have decided to get every episode ad free who have decided to get extra bonus content each week who have decided to create funny Patreon names that we all laugh at and give a prize to at the end of every episode. I mean, I love, I love and appreciate everyone who's a fan of this show, but really, the family aspect of it, it's patreon.com slash history hyenas is not only a comedy website and a content website, it's also a dating app. It's also, you know, we talk about loneliness, how that kills people. A lot of people on the internet, it's a community. You're not lonely if you're on Patreon. They have meetups and everything. Go join it. Give it a shot for a month. If you don't like it, then you can stop. There's no long-term commitments here. It's five bucks or ten bucks, whatever you want to give us, hun. Yeah, and you get these two episodes with no ads. No ads. How great is that? You don't have to deal with commercials. No censorship, and our weekly bonus episodes, probably our best episodes. So go over there and join. Give a funny name. Also, all those pictures they make on Instagram, those are the fans because I sometimes see people post like, who is making this? They're genius. It's the fans, and they're talking to each other in the chat. And you're getting them exclusively from patreon.com. That's where they come from. All right, so here we go. The newest members of the matriarchy, Christer's Mister. Welcome. Mud Puddle Cake. Freaky Shark. Oil Money House. Call it a sandcastle. Put them on the list. There we go. That is very good. Very good, and it was always there for the taking. Nobody ever said it. It was there in the world for the taking. I've never heard it. Philip Ayer. Mexican Leroy. Call me Cafe Con Leche. There it is. Okay. Yeah. Wow, coming out strong. Watermelon Monkey. Who knows Kung Fu? Call me Bruce Leroy. Loud 14. But it's him. But it's him. But it's him. But it's him. Watermelon Monkey. Who knows Kung Fu? Kung Fu. So he's- Call him Bruce Leroy. I mean- Just put him on the list. Put him on the list. I mean, it's him, right? Yeah. He is a Leroy, so he can do it. Then we got, he got, then we, it's I, Wanton, Peter, Rougers, in Beijing Hurst. Beijing Hurst. Yeah. Oh, I went to Peter Rougers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, here's the deal. Beijing Hurst? Yeah. I mean, look, it's inside- Because Beijing Hurst is mostly Chinese people now. Yeah, so to explain to the people not in New York how brilliant this is, Bensonhurst, a traditionally Italian neighborhood, has now become very Chinese. Yeah. So instead of Bensonhurst, he called it Beijing Hurst. Yeah, and he said, I Wanton, Peter Rougers, which is Peter Lougers, the famous Brooklyn Steakhouse. We're going wild today, and we're putting them, we're just, from now on, we're just putting you on the fucking list. So out of the first eight names, four have made the list. Yeah, what we're going to do from now on is like, if you walk in, you know what, we're going to, we're going to ask for forgiveness later. Yeah, then we got a chick. She goes, I'm a naughty little Juden, plays hard to get, in the diaries of Anne Spank. Way song she aims. Okay, almost. She's a naughty little Juden. Yeah, she's a naughty little Juden. Pocket cum conquistador. Okay. What's a pocket cum? Maybe because last week when I said I'd cum in my pocket. Can we make that a clip, Nick? I did. Oh, you did? I didn't post it. Oh, we didn't post it yet? Okay, we got to post that one. Yeah, we'll get to it. Rick DeVro, blind and deaf, stinking barn cat. Okay. What? I don't know. Tampetoni fixed my leaky roof, and now my basement's flooded. Okay. Okay. Cross my legs so I can sit on my balls. Drexler. Trans biker identifying as a pedestrian today. Okay. Josh Wilson, Lane, I have cash app and I'm not black. Bukkake backshot banquet. Okay. Serial tingle chaser, Captain Punch. Just funny. Danny G, Artan, carbon dated my twin bed, call it the shroud of urine. Put him on the list. Contender. Max Houston, for the last time, I'm not gay, it was one bro job. It was one bro job? Bro job. Ooh. Nice. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not a blow job, it's a bro job. Is a bro job a thing? Never heard it. Nick, have you heard of a bro job? It's unique enough. Yeah, we'll put him on the list. Okay, it's unique. For a bro job? That's funny. Then we got mommy's little shoe sniffer. Chicken figure, good one. Scott E, hocus potus, Trump's on fucking notice. Okay. Yeah, Drexler. Zay, then we got went to Bangkok for a trans, and now live here as a trans man. Okay. Okay. Recon Stallion, I can't believe Yanni P cream-pied me. Uh-oh. Anthony Aiella, Kim Wan-Oon, Mitchell. Kim Wan-Oon? King, Kim Wan-Oon. Okay. Okay. Carlos Almeida, fluctuate. Okay. Last four games. Remember, because that was the episode where I called you the fluctuator. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. Money, okay. Chicken figure, chicken figure. Zachary Tanner, Yanni is Jackie Kennedy's opposite. It's the eyes. I don't get it. I don't get it. Okay. Her eyes far apart. Oh, her eyes far apart, yeah. Bradoff Pitler. Bradoff what? Bradoff Pitler. Oh, Brad, Brad Pitt. Yeah. It's a good, good one. Good joke. Chicken finger rip. Hazy, Vishal Mishra, Holly Doke, BH, switch it up this Christmas, molest your uncle. Okay. It's just funny. Rhymes with Blink Maggot. Blink Maggot. Rhymes with Blink Maggot, probably. Yeah. Ladder 14. Told my friends I did the inverted rainbow last night, but my wife just calls it pegging. I don't know what that is. I don't know what the inverted rainbow is. I'm in. Then we got Hijab of the Hut. Wow, a chicken finger contender. uh yes i'm trans yes i'm proud yes i got a dick guy put him on the list for the funny factor we got a big list so you know what it is about that one sometimes you get one where it's not a joke it's just funny it's just fun yeah yeah then we got marty druski i'd like to say that's personality driven elliot runs like she has yanni's eyes and chris's feet okay okay austin harkis rich loose poots elliot ruiz ross arsini ad fell asleep with the condom on woke up with trench cock what is trench cock trench foot it's like uh right right yeah yeah call me a necrophiliac the way i crack a cold one kid likes beers yeah kylo flattery it's a good one yeah i like that it's a good word play i'm gonna direct to that okay yeah because you know he fucks cold bodies cracks a cold beer swallowing too much cum cum hurts my tum tum that's what happens kenneth bishop india jones and the temple of fumes i think we've had that yeah austin two to the greek one in the squeak s lo ks lily aurora hope solos world cup winning roast beef because i think hope solo yeah and she had a puss out yeah ari arasan he's a piece by the piece thomas carlson aka super wasp yeah card bounce had to sign up again it's what it is it happens it happens hamilton the musical aka moulin yon rouge it's ladder 14 yeah list it fuck it it's just what it is i mean technically it's technically you could win i'm sorry to um the man uh who was sitting next to me at the table at the wedding anthony ramos who was one of the people who was sitting next to me at the table at the wedding anthony one of the leads of the play hamilton who told me he listens to the podcast and he's definitely gonna be listening this week so i apologize to you mr ramos that this one has made the list i mean listen it's just it's it's naughty but it's funny it's funny and he's great kid anthony he would probably just laugh at it um scissoring hurts my balls um list yeah i mean this is the biggest list we've ever had we're like for the rest of our lives 15 because that's the visual of that it's fucking hilarious yeah he's just singers he scissored with another guy yeah yeah yeah put him on the list okay then we got dick zillow gi doc who likes to paint call me jackson polyp um like it dick jockey russ guten looks like brian callen on peptides the dentist was checking out my wife so now i make her chimney sweep me before every appointment uh-huh chachi hd my wife only has black toys is that bad black toys oh right right yeah i get it leroy minus two-fifths because i'm five six call me roy okay okay too much jose medina attila the hung until the hung is a chicken finger ceiling cricket blends in with the nba on tv no more houses because the chaos numbers are down that's true chelsea akash singh street toilet huh akash sings street toilet i don't know d11 man iceman van rich chrissy can't stop eating dominic de perespero chris the windmill monkey lazarus uh dp squeakney if he was a muzzy he would be napoleon blown apart if who was just napoleon if he was a muzzy he would be napoleon blown apart list it okay uh gabraham stinking chicken figure my cousin is finally a 25 dollar member but he is also gay okay holden tucks tim d's cats he's a lot of cum giant chicken figure uh joseph sistuli okay chicken figure and then we got call triple a i blew a tranny again what about the list what it is yeah i mean tim dylan's cat probably is seeing just a lot of yeah s jadge then we got chris mullen's other daughter danny spaghetti super fumario cracking open princess piece yeah sandra d's nuts on your chin exclusive auto shipping is back yanni joshua who's exclusive auto shipping oh he was an old sponsor of your yeah okay he's back he's back joshua libros and jay all right so oh god so we got a big list fuck i'm crying okay so here we go yeah so we got hamilton the musical aka moulin rouge keep it around scissoring hurts my balls keep it around if he was a muzzy he would be napoleon blown apart keep it around call triple a i blew a tranny again we're gonna we're gonna direct to that it's very funny yeah very funny oil money house call it a sandcastle we're gonna direct to that i mean this is the definition of it you could any of these guys could have won on another list mexican leroy call me cafe con leche and we're gonna drexler it watermelon monkey who knows kung fu call me bruce leroy the drexler okay i want on peter rugers in beijing hearst the thing is i i'm i'm biased that because we're from the we're from this area but it's too inside we're gonna check okay uh carbon dated my twin bed call it the shroud of urine very good is the definition of a drexler unfortunately for the last time i'm not gay it was one bro job i'm just gonna just shot out bro job but we're gonna drexler it okay um switching up this christmas molester uncle very funny we're gonna drexler it hijab of the hut we're keeping that around just what it is yes i'm trans yes i'm proud yes i got a dick guy see that's personality yeah but i'm gonna direct all right but it made me laugh the hardest so i mean this is what makes this so hard okay so that was the biggest list we've ever had yeah i mean we've got a lot to talk about you know we've got a lot to talk about but we've got a lot to talk about so here's the four the fans came out swinging okay so here's the four let me just read them out hijab of the hut uh if he was a muzzy he would be napoleon blown apart hamilton the musical a.k.a moulin rouge or scissoring hurts my balls wow it's one of my favorite brackets one this is one of my favorite brackets what do you think guys this is like the world cup a lot of good teams yeah wow uh start with that last one again he jobbed the hut hijab of the hut it's a great pun this you know any other day okay yeah it's just you you would win on another list if he was a muzzy he would be napoleon blown apart keep that around hamilton the musical a.k.a moulin rouge or scissoring hurts my balls so that's what we're down to those are the three yeah i feel bad about the hijab of the hut because that's so funny but it's just hey you agree with that drexler i mean look dude look at the world well what are you guys like knocked out yeah you know it wasn't fair that you know england had to play argentina in the semi-finals but it's what it is but i this is the first time this i'm being honest with you this is the first time i feel like i may i may make a mistake because the job of the hunt yeah should i is hijab of the hut too good no i i think it's right because i think that personally out of all these napoleon blown apart is really really good hamilton the musical moulin rouge is excellent but scissoring hurts my balls is just one of those ones that's been there for the taking the whole time nobody ever thought of it and it feels unique it does to me and it made you laugh big yeah it's really funny what are you guys jesse what's your vote yeah you got you funny you got your inventive you got your racist take your pick yeah we got it all uh yeah scissoring hurts my balls it just is like unexpected and hilarious yeah nick what do you like i like hamilton because i'm a theater kid yeah right moulin rouge well but i think you're going scissor and hurts your balls well what do you like well what's the other one scissoring hurts my balls hamilton the musical aka moulin rouge or if he was a muzzy he would be napoleon blown apart which is also really funny which is really funny um i mean i might go napoleon napoleon's really funny napoleon blown apart instead of bone apart should we do uh should we do put this to the fans yeah let's do all three yeah let's just put them all three because i don't want to put a vote in for that when i know the kid who's the lead of the musical yeah yeah but if the fans vote for it yeah what it is just put it all right so go to patreon.com history because you know comedy's subjective dude you know it's like let the fans decide these are the three times there's a clear winner sometimes we need the fans if he was a muzzy he would be napoleon blown apart hamilton the musical aka moulin rouge or scissoring hurts my balls those are the picks this is our professional job that's how we feed our families go to patreon.com/moulinrouge history hyenas we love you endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix irl inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house.