Take It From Us | Reading Reddit Stories

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Plus, you'll see which discounts you may qualify for, like the online quote discount or savings for paying in full. In fact, 99% of Progressive auto customers earn at least one discount. See if you could save when you switch to Progressive. You'll feel good about making a savvy choice. Visit Progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. National average 12-month savings. Of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary. Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is advice. That's right. And I'm joined by two people who you should definitely take advice from, Ian and Damian. Thanks, Shane. Yeah, I don't think I've ever led anyone astray with my advice. Ever. I think I've always given very fair, level-headed, and serious advice. Yeah. And that's why I was brought on for this episode. Every bit of advice I'm going to say is completely in earnest. Okay. And I 100% back. Okay. Take whatever stance you don't, and then we'll get a fair and sort of balanced system. That's probably a good idea, Damian. You know what? I do actually, as a friend, I do really like your advice that you give. Because even if I, you know, sometimes it's like dead on. Sometimes I don't agree with it 100%, but it's always coming from like a really good and well-thought-out place. So no matter what, it's always like, oh, okay, I hadn't thought about it like that. And it helps me get to where I need to be. So. Yeah. Yeah. He hit you with that genuine shit right off the bat. Yeah, I was waiting for the. How does that feel? I was waiting for the, the, the, you know. The joke. The uppercut to come. There's no uppercut today. That'll be later. All right. He's letting that sit back. Thank you, Damian. No worries. Appreciate you. Thank you. Yeah. I, uh, look, I was a camp counselor for a very brief period of time and no one ever really came to me for advice, but I'd like to think if they did, I'd be able to offer them some wisdom that sticks with them to this day. Today, we're going to be covering some, uh, some subreddits we really haven't touched on much. Uh, there's a bunch of advice subreddits. Nice. So we're going to be hearing a lot of people's situations. Um, a lot of them are asking for advice. A lot of the advice is given in the comments. That might be very illuminating for all of us. Hmm. But I think there's a lot of fun conversation topics that are going to come about from all of these things. Perfect. Great. All right. Load it up. All right. Here we go. It's just always going to be like, have you tried shooting it? Kill it. Kill it with a gun. Here we go. Our first post. This was posted back in February of 2020. They said, we're doing a podcast with a friend and he's telling the entire Dragon Ball timeline. We've been here for 15 years. We've been doing this for 15 years. We've been doing this for 15 minutes and it doesn't stop. How can we politely tell him that he's been talking for way too long? Wait, so he's like literally typing as the guy's talking about it? It's a very short post. Yeah. So he's typing this. He typed this out while they're doing the podcast. The other guy's in the zone, not even paying attention to the fact that they're on the phone. Just locked in on Dragon Ball. 15 minutes doesn't sound like that long. Well, he's probably not finished with Dragon Ball yet. Right. He hasn't gotten to Dragon Ball Z. Z. Oh. And then there's GT, which is like a different timeline. And then it's Super, right? Dragon Ball Super. There's all the movies. There's like the Broly movie. Oh, yeah. Well, I hope he covers that. Yeah, he's got to do that. He's got to cover that. And if he wants to really get into it, he's got to do Dr. Slump, which is what Akira Toriyama made before Dragon Ball. I've never heard of this. Yeah, it's about a little robot girl named Arale and there's a lot of poop humor. It's more like childish. Oh, okay. See, it sounds like you could use 50 minutes. It sounds like I need that. Dang. Okay. So they write, when we tell him that he is taking up all the conversation, he just laughs and says it's content. We're kind of trapped here and cannot say anything. How do we break it to him? This is no joke. This is serious. Mods, if this is too trivial for this sub, just delete this post. I'll understand. No problem. Okay. So they're in a real sticky situation where they're filming a podcast. They're trying to get him to stop, but he continues going, we don't know what podcast this is. Because if it's an anime podcast, I'm like, hey, man, par for the course. In the comments, they find Joe Rogan talking about Dragon Ball for 50 minutes. He's just like, so there's Goku. Jamie, pull up Dragon Ball Z. What? I can't imagine they have a central theme to their podcast and or have done this very long. Because if this is a regular thing, it's a problem. Or if it's a one-time thing, this feels like the first episode. Like, let's sit down and do a podcast finally. This might be an incompatibility thing. It might be the first and last podcast. Yeah. Yeah. This might be tough. I was going to say, there's so much opportunity on TikTok for one person to talk to you about a niche interest for 50 minutes. That guy will be by himself. And do just fine. Yeah. To be clear, this is borderline an episode of Smosh Games where Spencer just explains the Resident Evil timeline. Which was great, by the way. I'm never going to play number six. And so I got to watch that. I watched that whole damn thing. And I hate Smosh Games. And I hate Spencer. Yeah. No, that's, I mean, like, it doesn't matter. Like, just doesn't fucking matter, man. Just delete the podcast after. Just, like, sit there, go on your phone. Wow. Like, delete the podcast. I think the, like, the real advice I can give, because before I was just like, what are they doing? Real advice, like, if they are friends and they really want to make this work, think about why you want this friend with you. And just, you know, appeal to that and be like, dude, Jake, I don't know, you're so good at, like, being, you know, making these insightful comments. Or you're like, you're so funny when you banter back and forth like this. And, like, obviously, you got a lot of Dragon Ball knowledge. But, like, we don't really get to have those moments. And if we want this podcast to be a cool thing, I think what we have going for us is your relationship with this or your insight on this, you know. It needs to be a conversation. Yeah. Like, and people, like, if people want to, like, if people want to yap, I mean, I think that's, that's a good point of, like, TikTok or have your own, like, YouTube channel. Like, people love to watch people yap about one specific interest for, like, four hours. Like, I know I do. So, I feel like that's a medium for that. Like, if you want to talk about the entire timeline of Dragon Ball Z, I'm kind of seeded for that. Oh, yeah. This guy's, this guy's actually missing out. Yeah. He needs to make his own YouTube channel. Just do this. The entire Dragon Ball timeline explained. Yeah. I know there's probably already a million of those videos out there, but it sounds like he's ready to do this himself. Yeah, there's probably other people who've done it better, but he can do his own. Yeah. For fun. Yeah. For shits and gigs. Find your niche. Yeah. I think he's misunderstanding the point of a podcast. Yeah. No, he's being very, very, he's being shitty to his co-hosts. Like you'd said before, that's the bigger issue of someone being like, hey, man, we want to have a conversation. He'd be like, no, this is content. Like, no. You're like, well, yes, yes, it is content. Whether it's good or bad is the question. Comments. So, people responded to this guy, and they said, let's be honest, the Dragon Ball timeline is pretty interesting. OP said, it sure is, but the other guys don't care about anime or anything about that after all. It was interesting for a good 20 minutes, but then after an hour, really tired. Damn. So, it's not even an anime podcast. It's not even about that. Someone said, have the great idea of making it a live podcast. Tell him, hold up, got a great idea. Let's do this live and tell him you're signing into YouTube. It's something and just prop your phone up. If he doesn't stop, then tell him he's got it and walk away to grab a snack or something. Let him talk to your phone or just tell him, dude, stop, that this isn't the point of the podcast. Someone said, turn off the equipment. We asked you to please stop. This isn't the content we're interested in producing. And lastly, someone left a long comment saying, it sounds like he is trying to fill time perhaps because your podcast is open-ended discussion with no guidelines. Try telling him that from the audience's perspective, they will expect to hear content from all podcasters. If you find it awkward, the listeners will too. Perhaps also work out an agenda before your podcast to break up roles and responsibilities for the content. Decide which topics are discussions, multiple people versus rants, one person talking versus interview style, structured ask and reply. I hear some podcasters even announce their agenda at the beginning of the podcast. Maybe have designed roles for facilitator slash timekeeper, snarky comment guy, and deadpan response guy. Don't just sit down and start talking. If there are guidelines and he is not following them, then say, dude, I am delighted you have passion for the topic. We do too. Let's follow our agenda so we can showcase all the stuff we plan to cover. Maybe some of your content can help fill in our next one. Where do you want to cut off for today? I think that's a good point of like having an actual plan. Sure. Because if it is a completely unstructured podcast, then like you were kind of asking for a situation like this. You know, if you didn't set those guidelines. Especially when you asked this friend to be on the pod. I mean, I wonder if this is not par for the course for this friend. It's like, oh, well, I invited my buddy who goes on rants about anime for hours on end. It's like, oh, well, he did the thing. A completely quiet finance guy. And the moment he's got a microphone, he's just like, so Goku. Oh, he's this little boy with a monkey tail. Check this out. Update. Oh. Everything's fine now. I did the presidential debate thingy after one hour counting down from three and saying, it's someone else's time to talk for an hour now. God. Fuck. They fixed the friendship, but that probably didn't fix the podcast. No, not at all. I gotta say, Smosh Games, which I know you hate, and that's okay. Big hater. The biggest hater. The biggest hater. They really killed it with the Spencer Explains stuff because there is no better gift than getting to go on a rant about something you love to somebody who's like, tell me more about Pokemon. I don't know anything. And you're like, oh! Like, it's just, it's the best feeling. And for him to, like, set it up in a way that Angela and Amanda were there and they made it content and people got to enjoy and learn through him and all that stuff. Like, I know we're talking in the future. This was 2020. But if these folks are here now, explain DBZ to your friends for an hour and make it a video. Yeah. And it's a delight. The market's ripe for it. We primed it for you. But you need to make sure, that, like, your friends actually want to hear you rant about this stuff. Yeah. Where these people, they clearly did not know what they were getting themselves into. I mean, if it's a planned Dragon Ball Z rant, maybe that's fun. But if it happened by surprise, I love anime. If you were just, like, surprised, I'm going to talk to you for an hour about anything, I'd have a panic attack. Yeah, yeah. I've got to feel like I can go if I need to. Right. Yeah. Our next story does involve some death and grief. Just letting you know before we get into it. Our next post, posted in "Advice" in August of 2025: "I feel dirty for being included in a co-worker's will." Back to school starts now. So say goodbye to destruction. No distractions. And hello to more free time because you finished your work faster. Limited-time deals and free shipping on PCs and more await you at dell.com/deals. That's dell.com/deals. ♪ ♪ You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over 90% of their time. That's about $900 on average. Plus you'll see which discounts you may qualify for, like the online quote discount or savings for paying in full. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company & Affiliates, national average 12-month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. I'm a 27-year-old man and work in lower management at my job. I've always been an old soul and have made friends easier with older folks. One of my coworkers turned lifelong friends is a 67-year-old woman, formerly a retired police detective of 30 years, who began working for the company about two years ago. She has no family, children, siblings, nothing. We always got along very well and had more in common than with the younger people at the job. I eventually became friends with this coworker outside of work and introduced her to my mom, who's the same age as she is, and they also became very close. Fast forward to this year, and my friend was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer, inoperable. She tried to stay at work, but ultimately decided to retire and quickly degraded health-wise over the next couple of months. She passed away this week, and I found out that she left me her father. That's when I realized she had a fairly new SUV, along with an investment that I'm yet to learn the sum of. My mother was also included in the will and was left $350,000 with the instruction to buy a home and move in with me so I can take care of her as she ages and have a home to raise a family in or sell in the future. In total, that's almost half a million dollars being left to us. She was also very close with another of my coworkers, a woman my age, and left her the deed to her $400,000. I only know this because I was around while the will was being discussed. Whether she tells anyone is her decision, but I'm airing it out anonymously here. I feel all kinds of emotions, obviously sadness because I just lost a close friend to a horrible disease, joy because my life is being changed for the better in an instant, and also, the point of this post, guilt. I know that most of my other coworkers were unaware of our friendship outside the workplace, and I feel like it may be seen as highly inappropriate, rumors will swirl, by others if a 27-year-old man in a position of power at work inherits a hefty sum from a female coworker who was much older and worked as my immediate subordinate. I know that the obvious choice is not to tell anyone, but I don't know how to keep it a secret when I show up in a new vehicle that was previously hers and when I inevitably have my other coworker friends over to my new home. They know that I've always lived paycheck to paycheck, and suddenly buying a home will certainly spark conversation. My best friend is also a coworker in a different department, and while I love the guy, I know if I tell him about the money, he's going to let it slip to the rest of the workplace eventually. I guess my question is, should I keep the inheritance a secret, lying to my friends to hide the situation, or should I just stay quiet and tell people the truth if they end up asking me about it? My mother has already told me to keep it a complete secret, even to other family, but I don't know if it's necessarily healthy to live like that, hiding things from friends and family simply because it's an unusual circumstance. What would you guys do in my situation? I do not want to come off as bragging if I do tell people. I'm afraid how workplace jealousy could affect the way my employees treat me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Okay. Okay. I think I figured it out. Okay. Because I think keeping a secret like that eats you up inside over time, and I would never want to keep something like that from people and keep having to lie to people, but I don't think people need all the information. I think you could say. "I had a very close friend pass away, and they willed this to me." It's not like everyone's going to ask you about this new house right away, so there is plausible deniability that it is this friend specifically. But if people are like, "Wow, this is a great house. How did you get this place?" You're like, "Well, I had a very close friend that passed away. They willed it to me." That's all they need to know. They're not going to go, "Who?" I think regarding the car, unfortunately, I think just sell it. Sell it, get a different car. That way, you don't have that connection, because that was the first thing I thought of was like, "Oh, there's no way they're going to know," but it's like you're driving up in your former coworker's car. That's a bit of a red flag, so I would say, yeah, sell the car, keep the place, just say it was a very close friend. If we're going on this route of tell a half-truth or keep some of it secret, she was also the mom's close friend. You could say, "Oh, a close friend of my mom's passed away, and my mom inherited all of this." Family friend? Yeah. It's one of those things where nobody is entitled to know this stuff, technically, but it's also really uncomfortable. This reminds me of a lot of the stories I hear about when people win the lottery and how that is an actual fucking nightmare. It is terrifying shit, so coming about a large inheritance of money in any way or form, this is the type of advice I do here, of just like, "Yeah, however you can to keep it secret." Do I like that in my head? No. I am someone who doesn't like to keep secrets at all. I would feel really weird about it, but I also understand what they're saying is like, "Oh, I'm worried that everybody at my work is going to treat me differently." I don't know this guy. I don't know his workplace, but I'm just like-- I'm curious of how closely people interact and work with one another because if this person who passed away… They're like, "Oh, that's her SUV." It's like, "Well, how unique is the SUV?" Right. Show up in a GMC Yukon or whatever, people are going to be like, "That's hers." Right. On top of that, I know for me, so I'm maybe projecting here, guilt comes up a lot when if you boil it down, I don't have control over something or there's another emotion that's very difficult to process. Guilt for me means like, "Oh, if I'm guilty about this, then I'm actually… there's something I could have done. Then I'm actually in control about this. Then it's my choice that this happened." They didn't befriend this person to inherit something from them. They just had an older friend who passed away. If they wanted to send their money elsewhere or give it to a relative or something like that, they would have done it. The fact that this person, a younger person, gave this older person the time of day and also became a true friend of them probably meant a lot. They're like, "This is the best thing I can do." Like they were also clearly of sound mind they were like, I'm dealing with stage four cancer. This could be it. If I go, what do I want to leave behind and to whom? Yeah. So taking the guilt outside of it and just looking at it as it is, people don't need to know your situation. Not everybody in that place is going to go to your home. Not everyone's going to be like looking at your SUV with like an eagle eye and being like, I know what this is. And you know, it doesn't have to, I don't know, separate thought. It almost feels like survivor's guilt sometimes, not just in the way of like losing a friend, but like when people do live paycheck to paycheck in the way things are set up now and people are like, I don't have money for whatever. And now you suddenly have all of this money. Yeah. You know, it's like a life, it's a life changing sum of money. Right. It's yeah. I, I definitely, I definitely understand the feeling of guilt. Like, did I deserve this on the, on the emotional side of things? Cause I think we're talking about the practical stuff on the emotional side. It's like, Hey, this was her decision. You don't have like, I know you feel guilt. Right. And you can only do so much. You can't just like, like I'm done feeling guilty. Like, you know, right. But it's like, but what, what you're saying, I feel like is like, you can acknowledge in some part of your brain of like, and that's not warranted. Like you, you, this person made a choice. Yeah. They, with, with, with their free will and, and their, their mind to, to give you this money because of the part you played in their life. And they wanted that, like that meant something to them to give you this, that probably made them feel some joy at the end to know that they were doing this for someone who was so kind to them and they were close to. Yeah. I don't know if I was in that position, it would give me some peace knowing that I was like leaving people that I cared for something that could change their lives for the better. I'm also curious about, they brought up like, oh, it's, I don't know if it's appropriate because they were my direct subordinate. I feel a little bit less strongly about the power dynamic difference there simply because this person clearly had so much in savings or things to pass on. I don't know what the job was, but if someone's 67 and has at the very least, it sounds like half a million dollars to pass on to somebody. It's not like, I guess it could, but it's not like the boss is like, you better work. Well, they did give things to me because I don't know. And they retired. They did. They had to retire early, but I think the subordinate thing only, and maybe I'm off on here. And if I am that like, you know, please let me know. But like that type of workplace dynamic is important for so many things, right? Where it's like, oh, well, if their power could sway you, but it's like, she's dying. What does she, she doesn't, you can't really hold anything over her in that stage. Sure. Like there's. She kind of has like a, a, a type of free will in that moment where she's like, I can make whatever decision I'm about to die. Nobody can coerce me in any sort of way. She wasn't coerced by him. Like he had no power over her in that moment, but both because she had so much money already, but also because it's like, what, what could he have? Sure. You know, like the only argument. I wouldn't want that like scrutiny from my coworkers if I was in that, if I was in that position. So I think like, yeah, I would do. I, I, I would take, yeah, a lot of precaution and not revealing that like, oh, I got this from this coer, this person that worked underneath me. Cause like, whether or not it was like totally above board and like, obviously they, it was because they had a true friendship, people aren't going to see it that way. He's worried about the perception of it. And people are so jealous too, because I mean, what a blessing to like, you know, to like, you know. One day you're, you are living paycheck to paycheck. The next day you're a homeowner. Like that's, that's the dream for, for so many people. And if somebody finds out about that in the workplace, like there's going to be so much like unnecessary, like animosity towards that person. Cause like, oh, what did you do to get this? Like, no way I would, I would quit. I would quit the job if, if people found out. Yeah. It's the unfortunate thing. And I think I feel it with a lot of Reddit stories where it's like, here's the correct thing. Here's the, here, oh, this is the right thing. And it's like, and the world is so wacky and weird and you can do the absolute right thing, but be perceived in a completely different way. And you cannot control that. And that sucks. And you see that with a situation where it's just like, hey man, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Um, some comments, I would stay quiet. And if someone asks, then tell them you did nothing wrong. And the woman was your friend. There is nothing to feel weird about. And you made a difference in her life. And she returned the favor 2.3,000 upvotes. And some responded that saying, and truthfully say the house slash money was left to your mom, her friend. OP responded that comment as well. Thank you for the reply and the help. I'll definitely stay quiet. But the only reason I feel weird about it is because of the boss slash subordinate thing. I hope that the other people who work under me that I like to think of as friends as well. Also die and give me their money. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Uh, that I like to think of as friends as well. I like to think of as friends as well. Won't think I did some dirty play to get into the will or be jealous and feel left out if they weren't included. For example, I know that a few weeks before her death, my friend blocked several of my coworkers on Facebook because she always saw them as gossip girls and didn't want to be part of it. As she tried to enjoy her last days, they asked me if I knew why they were blocked and I just acted oblivious as to not hurt their feelings. I'm worried the workplace relationships could get tense if they also find out. That I was close enough with her to be treated as a son, but maybe I'm just overthinking. Thank you again for the reply and the help. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I don't think they're overthinking it. I sadly, yeah, it's tough. It's a valid worry. It's, it's hard, but I very much question what kind of workplace this is and what kind of boundaries are in place. Right. Because even like Smosh is an example. We are like more close than a lot of workplaces would be. And that goes across like cast. It's friends with crews, friends with these people in productions, friends with everybody. Like, and even then there's no, like, did you hear the thing about the whatever, or at least not that I've experienced. No, it's, it's true. I will also say though, like, we're lucky for that. We're lucky for that. Like, I do think like a lot of workplaces, it's not like. Yeah. I will say if one of you died and one of the other of you rolled up in their car, I would know. Cause I know what all you guys drive. Okay. So I would know. I would be like, why are you driving my dead coworkers car? Why are you driving it? Because I can't. Someone's got to drive Shane's cool car. Someone's got to drive Shane's Honda Civic. Yeah. He would drive forever. He would want this. I'm like bicep curling while I'm like ghost riding your car. I'm just like, yeah, this is what Shane would do and would want. It is crazy that my Honda Civic will be driving long after I die. It probably will. Yeah. I don't think that's, I don't think that's true. No, it's cause that thing's going to go for like a hundred years. It's going to go for a hundred years. You're a healthy man. It's, but it's going to be a tight race. It's going to be good. Is that a four cylinder? I think you could take it. I could punch it to death. Someone said, sell the car, keep the secret. Yep. Oh, that's the name of a self-help book by that person. Sell the car, keep the secret. Someone said, tell absolutely no one, not coworkers, friends, or even family. Warn your mother to do the same. Never discuss your finances at all. You need to tell no lies. It simply is none of their business. I just like, I, that's also just very easy, like convenient. It's like, that's awesome. In a world where nobody speaks to you and ever asks you questions. Like, I'm just like, it's this thing of like, yes, that is fair and just. And the world is not that. So if you're going to keep the secret and like be, you know, fully clandestine about it, I think what would be fun is if anytime someone mentions her name, you just sort of look off in the distance and start sweating. And like, if you're holding something, like drop it and be like, ah, yes, Marguerite, I knew her. And just, you know, if you're, if people are going to talk anyway, lean into it. Build into the knives out, you know. Yes, 100%. Be like, I don't even have a space in my backyard. The soil is so hard, I couldn't bury anyone. Lastly, someone said, people will always talk. The sad loss of your friend could be an important reminder not to spend any of whatever time you have left on others' opinions. Take care of yourself. Be gentle with your grief. And feel proud and fortunate that your friendship and presence, in another wonderful human's life, meant that, in her final moments, she chose to honor everything you and your relationship meant to her, and to celebrate both with a gift of life-changing generosity. While I obviously don't know either of you, I imagine she would want you to feel peace and deep appreciation for who you are. That's very sweet. You know, occasionally Reddit has a good comment. Yeah. Pretty good. That was pretty solid. No, I mean, it's, I definitely think OP should, I hope they find solace and, like, peace and, like, resolution in this world. This whole thing. But I also simultaneously do think there is something to the comments that are advising for, like, some conscientious movement in their next actions. Like, I hate to say it, but it's just like, yeah, be smart. Be smart about it. Yeah. I also hope they got some, like, financial advice from a professional because it's a lot of money. It's a lot of money and, like, yes, get a house. That's great. But if it's a $350,000 down payment, that better damn well not be the 10%. Minimum, that better be, like, a lot of it. You know, keep the car, sell the car, whatever. But, like, it doesn't have to be, like, yeah, I just. I show up in all these like fancy watches and like Gucci slides, like I'm like really hoping they don't think of me differently. Like, no, just let it change your life. Don't be. Right. Yeah. All right. Get ready for a bit of a tone shift. Oh, no. Our next story comes from. Sorry. Stupid. Nice. Thanks. Our next one was posted on Ask Men and it was posted in 2019. They ask, how many kindergartners do you think you could personally take on in a fight before being overpowered? Dude. Stipulations in context. Number one, the kindergartners are released five at a time every 30 seconds. Oh, my God. Number two, the arena is a standard sized classroom. Let's say 40 feet wide by 25 feet deep. However, the room is completely empty. Three, the kindergartners are unarmed. They are just going to run at you attempting to punch, kick, bite and scratch you. Their ultimate goal is to cumulatively dog pile on you and pin you to the ground. If they can pin you for 15 consecutive seconds, you lose. Four, you have to knock a kindergartner unconscious in order to defeat them. Once they are knocked unconscious, they vanish from the classroom arena. Five, you can use any strategy you want to fend them off, but you are also unarmed and you are not allowed to leave the room. Get long lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core so you can work from anywhere. Now, it's $699 with exclusive student pricing starting at $599. And it's lightweight, portable and packed with enough processing power to make multitasking a breeze. Complete your setup with savings on select monitors and more must have electronics and accessories. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with coverage options tailored to your choices. National average 12-month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Okay. So there's no, so there's no weapons. There's no weapons. There's no objects in the room. I guess there's no objects in the room that you could pick up and use. So you've just got to. Can you hurl them through a window? I wonder. And out of the arena? Ooh. See, I'm thinking he should have stipulated that. That's the thing. When they say there's like no, it's otherwise like an empty, you know, classroom. There goes any like, you know, obstacle advantage you might have. Yeah. They say you have to knock the kindergartner unconscious in order to defeat them. And see, unlike this realistic situation, that's some movie stuff where like, you know, you're just like, and then they just pass out. Like that doesn't happen. That's a severe concussion. Right. Especially at that young age. But it says they, once they are knocked unconscious, they vanish from the classroom arena. So they, they do just poof out of there. Kind of like, you know, video game style. God, man. I don't know. So these aren't real kindergartners. They're a simulation of. Right. They're sim, they're sim kindergartners. Okay. Okay. Just cut that part out. And then the rest of the conversation looks like we're fucking monsters. Let's establish it would, not be fun. No. No one wants to beat up a hundred kindergartners. I enjoy it. Like, I don't, I don't like the idea of hurting anyone or anything, but I, I, you know, there's the ones of like, oh, how would you rather fight a human sized duck or a duck sized human or no, what? I forget what it is. Oh, it's like a hundred ducks or one giant duck or something like that. Human sized horse or a horse sized duck. That's right. Yeah. Stuff like that. Nah, whatever. But I'm like, I don't want to do any of that. I don't want to fight those things. But realistically, I think I'm losing pretty fast in this. I think so too. I think five, if five can like grapple you all at once, then you're just kind of like, I mean, like a kindergartner is pretty heavy. Yeah. It's right. If five, like armor, like if one latch latches onto your arm, right. That's like what? 50 pounds. Yeah. It's, it was funny. That's, that's the number I literally just laid it on my head. I'm like, that gotta be like, what? 50 pounds. But it's also not just that. It's like the fact that they're running at you with so much like oomph. It's, you know, it can take the most minor, thing in the world to like tweak your back. And then you're just true. Like imagine like if you got a little nieces or nephews, but they're just like, ha ha ha, catch me. And you're like, Oh, okay, buddy. Like, yeah, it's intense enough. No. At one point I remember, uh, my, my niece had latched onto my leg, you know, like kind of that thing where it's like, Oh, like walk and all like, you know, and, and so I'm like walking while, while she's like on my leg and I'm like, Oh, I can barely move now. That's what I feel like you need. And I'm like, so that's two there, two on the arms. And then the other one's just punching your face. Yeah. Yeah. Or like biting you. Oh yeah. No, it's I'm, I'm losing. Like I'm losing. Yeah. I'm round one possibly. Yeah. But if you give me like a push broom or something, then I think, then I think like a push broom, like you need like, I've just never heard it referred to as a push. Yeah. If you need like some, like you need like a weapon to keep them like at a distance, you know, and like scatter them. This is literally like a, what's that one game? Uh, what's the Kung Fu game where you, you beat up a bunch of people and you can grab like items. It's like a broom. Sifu maybe? Sifu. Yeah. No. Cause in Sifu, I would always grab brooms. That shit was so fun. Yeah. You got to keep them at a distance, but if you don't have anything, they just close distance on you and latch onto you like little, little monsters. You'd have to, or if there's like desks as they're charging, you like jump up onto a desk, get a good kick in. Cause otherwise you're dealing with a real like height differential. Thing here. We're like, they're so small. You're not like, Oh, I'm just going to whack them away. It's like, you kind of either have to get on their level or use a kick of some kind, but there are no, you know, there's no anything in the room. I think, are they coming at you all at once? Is that, is that five at a time? I think. Yeah. And I'm wondering do they come from all, all angles? I mean, British army. I'm thinking the door opens and five rush in. Yeah. Okay. I think. Okay. So here, okay. So I think you might need to charge, like you charge at them as they're charging at you. So you nail these two of them, send them, send them sliding across the floor, like 20 feet. Then you got like three feet. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for me, it'd be more like 30 feet, but, uh, but, uh, then you got, then you're dealing with maybe three while the two are like, you know, trying to recover. Right. Then maybe you can like, you know, two latch on your arm. You got one here. Then you got this, this one's free. You go, ah, you know, like taking me to the one of their heads. Right. I think you're under us. I also, what is giving me some, some thought is like, you can do the classic move where you grab two of their heads and go bonk. And then I'm out. This is the Mike Tyson with the pigeons, except aggressively. I want to say something I think is kind of awful, but I've been, I've been more quiet on this part and it's because I've been in, in the noggin and trying to think about how you would actually have to do it. I think the only way you're going to survive more than one round is to play on their fear. That's true. Um, I think, cause what it's, what you have on you, there's nothing around you. They're all coming at you. They can barrel into you. I think first one near you, you need to catch and like, just make an example of, oh my God, you just grabbed them by the mouth. I'm not even saying what it would be. I don't want those kinds of thoughts to enter my brain of like violence. I just am like, it would have to be like shock and awe. I'm saying the impaler of like they're marching on your army. And then they see like 10,000 of your own guys are like, is this what you were about to fight? Let's go home. It has to be something like that because I'm going to get tuckered out real fast. Like forget the amount of therapy I'm going to need afterwards. Well, these are SIM children. They're not real. It's going to your body. It's real to me. Here's the problem. That argument doesn't work because these are SIM children. I'm thinking this, they're not feeling fear. I don't think they feel fear. I don't think they're real. If they don't feel fear, do they feel adrenaline? Cause if they don't feel adrenaline that goes out the window, we're winning. I don't even know if they take because when you, when you were saying like, you got to make them like afraid, my thought went to a much more innocent thing of like dress up as a dress up as a dentist. You don't have a dentist outfit. Yeah. It's not in the classroom. I don't want to fight these kids either. Yeah. Or like a barber. Cause like kindergarten hate getting their hair cut. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Look, let's see what the comments say. Okay. Yeah. We got to see what the, we got to see what the comments say. That's why I always keep a clown mask in my back pocket. OP commented, no moral constraints at all. The only things that exist are you and an unlimited number of kindergartners coming at you. Okay. But buddy. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. He's like, he's like, actually just don't feel bad about it. Someone said, why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of picking one up as a weapon? This would be an extreme waste of energy picking up and lugging around an extra 50 pounds. Plus we all think everyone Comment how much you think a kindergartner They're all going to say 50 pounds now. Don't cheat. Here's how I arrived there, though. I was kind of a larger, like, second grader. I remember having that as the moment that I was like, oh, am I the chubby kid? And I think I was like 89 to 90 pounds in second grade. So I was like, okay, so what would be, like, normal for a kid? I'm guessing, like, maybe 70. And then, okay, so that's two years prior. I'm going to say 50 pounds. So just, I don't know. Sorry. Just using kicks or punches would do the same thing and conserve way more energy. 6,000 upvotes. Someone said, every fifth and tenth wave, there's a third grader boss to assist them. I love that. Someone said, I've got a huge advantage and a huge disadvantage. I'm a big guy. That comes with strength, but a lack of cardio capability. I'd need to destroy each wave fast so I could have a small breather between waves. So is it allowed to just drop onto the five children, like, full on fall? I reckon I could spark three out and kill two with each fall. Spark three out? As long as they line up nicely on the spawn. Being bigger, it'd take more to pin me, too. But there isn't an infinite number that I could beat. Maybe 15 to 20 waves? Wow. After wave 10, I'd be getting tired, and I reckon it'd take 25 kids to effectively pin me. So 15 slash 20 waves survived. Okay, I think people really underestimate this shit. Because have you ever heard about when people are like, oh, you think boxing is, like, easy? It's like, box for 60 seconds. Yeah. And you are. Yeah. And you are dying on the mat. Like, it is so exhausting. For a guy to think he could do 15 waves, I'm like. That's absurd. That is simply silly. Has he not seen weapons? Yeah. No, truly. That's what I'm imagining. Okay, let's. These are weapons children. Okay. Yeah. They said no weapons. No weapons, but the children are weapons. No, but unlimited games is no bacon. But, no, these kids are coming for you, and they're going to rip your face off. Yeah. I also think people underestimate how much it takes to get, like, really knocked out. Like, yes, in a boxing match, if you get hit just right, they're like, oh, it's a total knockout, whatever. But, like, these kids have to be unconscious. I think they're thinking of, like, I kick this one, and it's down. I kick this one, and it's down. No. Nope. Yeah. You're going to have a lot more. Lastly, someone said, I would say max three minutes before I am too tired. So, 25 to 30. Jesus. Someone said, finally, a realistic answer. No, the realistic answer is, it's probably over immediately. Because 30 seconds, after 30 seconds, another five enter. That's insane. Whether you've defeated them or not. So, even if you've defeated a couple of children. Even if you've knocked out a couple of the kids, more come in after 30 seconds. So, you're not succeeding. If they try to sort of, like, keep away from you, which is another horrible situation, for, like, I don't know, three minutes to build up their ranks, and then they go for it, you're lost. Also, the big guy's like, oh, if I just fall on them. It's like, falling on them as soon as you knock them out. He's thinking, like, some cartoon logic. Yeah. He's like, these aren't Goombas. Like, Tweety birds around their head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, he got me. Anyways. I don't like that we had to think about that. I don't like it either. I much prefer thinking about how many men it would take to fight a gorilla. I hated, I hated thinking about that. I didn't think about that when I was Chuck E. Cheese, and they were kicking me in the shin at all. Can I, then you had reason. That's self-defense. This does remind me, though. There's a subreddit that is my favorite subreddit right now. And it has been popping off, and it's called Power Scaling. And all they do is. Because they pit fictional characters against each other. They go, Superman versus Omni-Man. And people are like, Superman would fucking crush him. Obviously. But they, and it's just a ton of that, right? They're like, oh, you know, Black Widow versus some other person. Like, who would win the fight? And they're constantly doing this, and it's really fun to debate this. Especially when they get really niche. I have one that I really want to post, but I don't have a Reddit account. But I'm like, okay, think about this Power Scaling. There is an evil dictator who gets to have one guest come and stay with them for a week. And you get to send a fictional character who you think would do the best chance of swaying them to good. And I'm like, okay, so it's Ted Lasso versus Paddington versus, like, Spongebob. Versus, like, who would you send that could actually sway an evil, evil emperor or king or something? Yeah. And I'm like, that's the type of Power Scaling I want. Okay. Like, who's the most powerful of, like, positive sway? And it's like, Paddington's got to be up there. But I'm like, who else fits that bill, you know? Anyways, comment down below. I like that a lot, though. This is my Power Scaling predicament. Who is the most, like, positive influence? You think Paddington would sway a dictator? Tell me Paddington 4 won't be like, oh, this evil emperor of this nation. It's like, oh, Paddington, you were invited to go stay with him for a week. And he's like, oh, dear, I don't know what to do. He's Paul McCartney to me. And he goes, and then the evil dictator's like, what's this little bear? And then he, like, after a while, he's like, you know what? He sends Paddington off to the gulag. Jesus Christ. I mean, he's already been to jail. He's already been through the jungles of Peru. I mean, this is a classic Paddington storyline. But also Ted Lasso, you know, it's like maybe he would also, like, he'd give him, like, because he's a sports guy, you know? I'm trying to think of other characters that fit that trope. You know what I mean? Can there be coercion as opposed to persuasion? Sure. Light Yagami. Oh. That's a crazy one. But he's also evil. Sure. Well, it didn't say that he's just got to change his mind. Oh, okay. He's a goal for the day for whatever reason. Yeah. Okay. Fair. And it's lightweight. Portable and packed with enough processing power to make multitasking a breeze. Limited-time deals and free shipping on PCs and more await you at Dell.com slash deals. You'll feel good about the price. -I said Ian Hecox. -Yeah. -Yeah. -That was a good one. No, there was a good one recently where it was Dexter versus Hannibal, and everyone's like, "Oh, dude, Hannibal walks Dexter." And I didn't realize, people rank this shit, and they're like, if you look-- -Because it gets in your mind. -They go based on the lore and the feats of what Hannibal has done versus Dexter. It's fun. I love when it gets out of sight of superhero territory. Our next advice comes from Advice. Posted in May of 2023 on r/advice, they write, "Boner after bee sting." -Never been sicker. Bee sting after boner. -Jesus Christ. Yesterday, I traveled to another country. After I arrived, I did some work, and in the evening as I was heading to my hotel, somehow a bee got under my shirt, and I got stung a few inches under the belly button. It was very painful, and the area got swollen. Weird thing is, I got a huge boner right away. Last night, I thought it would go away if I sleep it off. But to my horror, it's still there as I woke up. Thought it might be morning wood, but nope, that fucker is raging. I tried everything. I'm in another country, and I have to go out now to do things as scheduled. And I'll have to deal with the embarrassment, because I give up. I just need someone to assure me I'm not going to die, and it will go away someday. -This is those commercials. Like, back in the day, they had those, like, Cialis commercials. -Yeah. -If you have an erection lasting longer than five hours, like, seek a doctor. It's that. -That is because, I'm just scientifically here, like, the—and I know it's graphic, but sorry. The blood that is in there that is giving you, like, the boner is, like, after a week, it's like, "Oh, my God." After four hours, it's not, like, circulating. It's starting to, like, rot. Like, it's not— -Because this is in the pit. -Oh, really? I haven't seen the pit. -This was an episode of the pit. They have a guy come in with a boner, and they—the pit shows the full boner. -Do they have to, like, suck out the venom? -They have to drain it. I'm not kidding. They fucking show it. -Yeah, that's a real thing. -They show that shit. -It's going down in the pit. -It's really going down in the pit. -Once they drain it. -Once they drain it. -I'm sorry. -Yeah, yeah. -Look. I mean, I love how he says, he's like, "I did everything." It's like, "Everything?" -Everything? -I would have had a crazy night over there, you know what I mean? -What? -Yeah, we get crazy. -Where was he, Colombia? -He just said it out of the country. -He didn't say it. He didn't say where he was. -That's crazy. -I don't know why I thought he said he was, like, in Peru or Colombia. -He just said he was in another country. -They got those dick bees there, huh? -Also, I want to say that, I thought the title was, after beasting beasting like when you're all done with your feast after watching mr beast yeah so i was like what's beasting okay yeah beasting um comments if you have an erection for four hours or longer you need to seek emergency medical care immediately hope your wiener doesn't fall yeah might might dude so he was he was just living with that thing for like over a day he went to bed and he woke up and he still had a boner so not good not good well if you let it let it sit there for too long it does form its own consciousness and a face it is like it's like hello good morning david hello there this is cockney take me to a urinal he would be cockney huh he would be cockney damn damn all right someone said this is an actual medical emergency if true the blood in your penis is going to run out of oxygen which starves your penis tissues it can cause permanent scarring and irreversible erectile dysfunction if left for four to six hours if left longer it can actually cause total loss of function due to the damage it doesn't matter what caused it the end result is the same if left untreated please go to the emergency room it sounds like this bee used horn attack on him hey nice nice dude nice uh op responded that saying good news after 18 hours it's finally back to normal it's only just extremely purple now yeah it's just really very bold thing to just ride out someone said this has real tube cylinder energy that is a that is a deep reddit call out that we'll have to explain some other time yeah i don't have that elite ball knowledge cylinder shaped just cylinder shaped anyways someone said well you should just rename it to your penis i gotta be so real i was thinking it you were thinking venus you've thrown out venus as a word before i think so update oh does it work still they're a bee now someone said this new version of spider-man is fuck yeah bee penis update i already got a dm asking me what type of bee and where exactly was the sting to replicate it i'm not going to tell you buddy people die from bee stings edit number two okay it's gone thank you for the support edit number three i don't have picture proof you sick fox all right so i guess they're fine i guess they're be their penis survived their penis their penis yeah well i guess we all learned a valuable lesson today huh folks yeah i gotta find out what country that is and go there those bees just sounds like it just have it out go to another country get arrested no it was a bee i'm looking for bees a bee did this like that was a protected bee and now you are officially a member of their hive and now we have to arrest you final story okay this was posted in needed advice in january of 2020 found injured pigeon and housed it now it can fly again and it's flying in my house what should i do it couldn't fly and now it's literally flying around my house i'm scared it's gonna fly on me who do i call or what do i do you pick a god and thank them you have a pigeon now you have a pigeon now give it a message the only way it will leave is if you give it a message and a destination i like that their problem is like help this bird is doing bird things yeah i didn't know it could do that i found it it was fucked up and i tried to fix it and then i did what do i do i thought birds weren't real conspiracy comments open all the doors and windows to outside what if a bunch of other pigeons fly in yeah yes that's how they get you pigeon party yeah yeah and you know someone said check out if there's a pigeon and dove friendly rescue near you they do exist believe it or not they can help and get your feathery new friend to a safe place lastly someone said open your door and put food outside op said like let it go outside now someone responded yes it's healed it wants to go back outside yeah what does he expect what does he what does he want yeah that's what i'm wondering i'm saying like they're like i'm gonna fix this pigeon that can't you know do anything okay it's fixed now what do i do i'm like let it go or adopt it yeah i mean look that one obviously grew up elsewhere but pigeons in general were domesticated by humans and that's why it's so sad that they just sort of like chill on the streets and they're like we don't know what to do it's because they're not meant for that so you know most of my for you page is just birds in general but a lot of it is just like pet pigeons or rescue pigeons and things like that and i love it um thank you algorithm but uh yeah dude damn you should have had a step two to your plan really should have thought this through i mean a good you did a good deed but you should have assumed that the bird was gonna fly what if it flies on me i don't know let it do i don't know it's a pigeon yeah right we have a little update uh it's just a couple edits they go edit thanks everyone i let it go it walked around for a minute then flew away if i could figure out how to post a picture here i will it was a pretty bird it had purple and bluish green on it so they're learning how photos work too they're also learning what a pigeon is is it gray with some bluish and green yeah yeah yeah i think i've seen a pigeon that looks like that that matches that description i've seen this one for sure feathers yeah yeah edit number two fuck the asshole who thinks i'm helpless i was wondering at first if i should call an animal habitat place i wasn't sure if it was all the way healed but it did well once my friend put it outside i have muscular dystrophy and can't open my windows because it's very hard and i live alone let alone push all the screens out because i can't bend down to retrieve them my friend came over and got him out for me besides my physical disability i am perfectly fine that one's on me that i mean i i guess i had assumed not i didn't realize the op had muscular dystrophy and couldn't do the things that well we didn't know yeah we did we literally didn't know we didn't know i i i'm curious how long this person was rehabbing this pigeon like 45 minutes because yeah because it's like it's like yeah like this these things will happen sometimes where like a bird will get injured i had a friend that uh these like seagulls made a nest in their chimney and then the the baby seagulls dropped down into their into their fireplace the fire there was no fire um but it was like what do we do with these like birds right and you you know immediately call around see if um if you have like a local rehabber or um if your city has like um what do you call it animal control um and and yeah they showed up and they and they took them yeah but but it's it almost this person making it sound like they were like rehabbing this pigeon themselves for a while and then was like what should i do after several days yeah i i also think you know i know they're looking for advice but i i think this could be a lesson in clear communication because when it did like frankly the beginning of the post did sound helpless where it's like a bird is flying what if it flies on me it's like homie i and i've raised this pigeon so that it can fly again i'm not sure what the next step is is it appropriate to let it outside or should i call an animal control i would also have difficulty grabbing the pigeon like it's like all right thank you for the information that's important it's like oh well let it walk outside it's like oh i'm actually living on a boat and i'm in the middle of the ocean it's like oh well you know that's information to have you know like we kind of need that if you're seeking advice you should really give us the details yeah um ultimately this is a silly conundrum to have but i also understand that when you have a bird in your house that is very intense that feels like a lot right but unexpected bird yeah unexpected bird but they they had the bird they brought the bird inside and then it yeah yeah it was a thing also thing to know a lot of these wild birds they got these like mites on them and you let you let those into your house yeah and then you could have yourself a problem i had a bird mite infestation and that required me to be out of my living space for a while and i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna be out of my living space for a while while it was fumigated yeah and it's the saddest thing in the world because i uh yeah actually sadder than everything is what i mean to say um is uh i there was like a bird nest that would be outside of one of my windows like all the time and it was like from you know these birds laying eggs there and having babies recently i noticed some like birds scoping out the same area and i had to like completely bird proof that area which was the most like heartbreaking thing to me because i'm like i've loved watching these baby birds grow up every year like it happened every year and i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna every year and i'm just like set up a little house on a tree maybe next as long as they're distant yeah i don't know i don't know if those birds like to nest in bird houses yeah it's just something to keep in mind it's birds got mites and like you said like didn't they have to like heat your place up like to a certain like degree yeah they were like we got to cook every living thing in your place so we're gonna it's gonna be like 150 degrees in here so you got to be out and and then you get a bunch of swedish kids and they're like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna guys chilling in there because it's like a sauna yeah they're just there with towels suddenly and you just it just happens get out of here um it's truly sound advice that no matter how good your intentions are to be very smart about bringing a wild animal into your home yeah no matter what yeah um and i think and i think like with rehabbing animals like oftentimes like they don't even want you to bring them in like you're not even supposed to bring them inside i think they like for a lot of animals they say like you get like a shoe box and you kind of like lightly cover it or something for like birds. What I did for that baby possum I found. Yeah. A shoe box and like a little t-shirt in there and some like scraps. Yeah. But like you shouldn't bring a wild animal. You should be careful bringing things inside. Yeah. Don't bring a wild animal into your house. Yeah. Like oh I got this cute doggy and it's a coyote. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But look OP in this situation OP did it sounds like they helped save a pigeon. They did a great thing. It's very nice. And what I love about this post too is the fact that they don't have photos. It feels more legit in a way because every time you see a video where it's like I helped this bird that was in a vat of acid and there's like footage of it floating there in the vat of acid I'm like go get it. Go get it. Like why are you filming? And it's always so weird watching those moments where you're like what is the deal here? Is this in any way staged? What did you do? Right. The fact that they're like I found it there was no time to take photos I don't even know how to do it. Yeah. I was too busy saving them. Saving a life. Yeah. All right. Well that's it. That's all our stories. Wow. Dude. I feel like we we really changed people's lives with our advice today. I'd say probably 10 for kindergartners. Yeah. I would get them to turn on each other. Oh psychologically mess with their heads. Yes. That's true. You got to use that degree. Psychology. That's what it's for. We had a class on that. Anyways thank you both for being here and giving some solid advice. Hey. No worries. You're welcome. Yeah. If you ever you know are worried about anything or something's rough at home you know you can always talk to us. That's right. We're your counselors. Thank you. Counselors. We love you. Okay. I'd take it or leave it. Oh right. Okay. I respect both of you in a way. You know. Community college is weird. Yeah. By the way. I don't even go here man. No I'm not going to make that joke. Jesus. All right. Thank you both for being here and thank you for watching. Hey look you can take or leave our advice. You don't have to. It's up to you. But do comment down below my power scaling dilemma because I'm I'm curious who is the greatest positive influence fictional character fictional Mr. Rogers. That's real. It's got to be fictional. It's got to be a fictional Mr. Rogers. All right. And also how much do you think a kindergartner waits? All right. We'll see you next Saturday. Bye. Enjoy your pancakes. That's what we say here. Find the vacation you're looking for in Missouri. Whether you're searching for this wanting something like this. Oh that's cute. Maybe up for something like this. Or just really really need something more like this. You'll find the vacation you want in Missouri. Missouri. It's the getaway that gets you. You. Plan your fun at visitmo.com. Every journey needs a guide. 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