T.J. Miller

This episode is sponsored by Helix Sleep. If you go to helixsleep.com, you take their sleep quiz. It takes like a minute. Are you a back sleeper? Are you a back or side sleeper? Side. Same? Funny you ask, okay? Thanks. Because I used to be a side sleeper all my life, but the last three weeks, both my sides hurt. I forced to sleep on my back, and I never could, and I'm doing it now. And the only reason I'm doing it now is because I'm on a Helix mattress. Also, I've told you about this. Are you putting a pillow under your legs? No. I'm telling you, Dad. Put pillows under your legs. It puts pressure off your lower back. I love Helix mattresses. They will mail the mattress to you. Aunt Lauren has one. Right. Teddy got one. Teddy got one. We got one here and in the guest room. We got one here and the guest room. People are loving their Helix. Mark, if you want to try one at your place, you get a 120-day money-back guarantee. Go to helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off site-wide. 20% site-wide. That's helixsleep.com slash TISO. helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off site-wide. You know what I mean. What's the site? Do it. Helix Sleep. Helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off the site. Do you have kids? Not yet. Do you think you love your nephew more because you don't have kids? I couldn't answer that. Well, then don't. Fucking asshole. I've been waiting a while to tell Rick Glassman to go fuck himself. Jesus Christ. And the cardigan. Fuck! I know you guys are a country apart, but I don't know if I could think of a podcast that would hit harder than Rick Glassman. Dude, the T.J. Miller and Rick Glassman podcast would fucking slap. Can I have a water? Yeah. You want cold or room temp? Whatever's easier for you. Free plug for Rocco. And free plug for Mountain Valley Water. I got sparkling as well. I'm okay with red. Thank you. Do you mind if I hand it to you in a cool way? Yeah. You do mind? I don't mind. Oh. Sometimes when people ask a question, especially if it's in the negative, I prefer to not say yes or no. You don't want one of these waters? Yes. Yes, you don't want one, or yes, you do want one. It could be confusing. So when somebody asks me, a question, I like to say correct if it's a yes or not correct. Mostly if it's not correct, I will just correct it. You don't, so you, so would you not like a water? I would say, no, I would like one. You know, something like that. I think it's important to recognize the possibilities of coaster much? Of miscommunications. I say something, it gets encoded into sound waves. And then it goes into your ears, into the receivers ears where that person's brain decodes it. And based on a similar language, there's this mutual understanding that the decoding process is not only great, you're actually a huge fan of it. Does that make sense? Are you familiar with Dakota Fanning? Now, if I didn't explain that you might not have understood what I meant. That's not to say it's funny or valuable, but the point I'm trying to make is sometimes when we recognize that I'm not sure how the other person receives it, it's nice to say added things like correct. I would like a water. I am not going to make any assumptions of what my relationship with TJ is going to be like. We've met each other a couple of times. We don't know each other well. I think he's a brilliant comedian and I would then think maybe, oh, we're probably on a similar frequency. I also would think we're probably on a very different frequency that overlaps a lot. So we'll see how that goes. I took a little bit of an edible that will probably kick in maybe 30 minutes into this episode. So I have about 30 minutes to get to know him before I turn into. We don't have to do it, but like, it would be fun if like I turned into the mask. You know, because TJ is going to be smoking. Scoop-Doo. Blubber-Dee-Bloo. Scoop-Dee. Oh, yeah. Where is he? Oh. Estimated time of arrival, 1.27 p.m. Pacific Standard. All right. TJ will be here soon, but before he is, I want to give a couple of heads up, first of all. Last week, I had had an episode with Paul Rudd where there was an issue with a camera lens. I wanted to get rid of this lens, but my assistant suggested before I do, maybe it just wasn't compatible with that camera, so he suggested that I try it with the other camera. So I used a bad lens for this episode on TJ Miller. It's not that big of a deal. I just wanted to acknowledge that, and I'm really excited to tell you about AG1. This episode is sponsored by AG1. Guess how many verified five-star reviews it has? 50,000 plus. 50,002 now, and it comes with a 90-day money-back guarantee. Go to ag1.com slash TISO to get their best offer. For a limited time only, get a free AG1 duffel bag and free AG1 welcome kit with your first subscription order. Buddy, duffel bags, they ain't a bad idea. Hey, Dad, you just moved into your new place. How you been sleeping? I've been sleeping so good, it's unbelievable. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you why? Yeah, but this is the pre-roll. This is supposed to be a quick one, and then we'll talk more about it later in the episode. So we'll tell you why in a little bit, but if you want to check out this mattress, go to helixsleep.com slash TISO now for 20% off site-wide. That's helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off site-wide. Make sure to enter our show name after checkout. Why, Dad? Because they want to know where you got it, and you get 20% off. That's right. TISO. Thank you to Underdog Fantasy. Make picks, win money. So what are you waiting for? Download the app today and use promo code TISO to score $75. Bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code what, Dad? Promo code TISO. Terms apply. See site for details. Ricky's on the loose. I'll start this. I'll start. Go ahead, Dad. Rick, I know you just finished a bunch of shows in Phoenix, and they went well. They were great. You even had some sellouts. I know you enjoyed the venue. Where else are you going? Well, we got Super Bowl coming up pretty soon, and the day before, February 7th, I will be doing two shows at Combs Comedy Club. In San Francisco. In February, I will also be. Rick, excuse me. Excuse me. Go ahead. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I think everybody has to know, anybody going to the Super Bowl, Ricky's performing the night before. So if you are ready to go to the Super Bowl, but you need something to do Saturday night, Ricky is in Super Bowl San Francisco. So he's on the loose during Super Bowl. That's a great idea. You never know who you're going to see there. You never know who you're going to see. What do you mean? They're going to see me. Yeah, but you know, in the audience, you know, I know you got some fans in there. You're saying you don't know what audiences you're. You don't know who you're going to see in the audience? You might get some of these Super Bowl players in the audience. Oh, that's right. There might be some Super Bowl players in the audience at the show. You do have some fans. All right, let me keep going with this so we can get to the episode, huh? Denver, Colorado, February 26th through 28th. Houston, Texas, March 26th through 28th. Cleveland, Ohio, first time headlining my hometown, May 1st and 2nd. The next weekend, Irving, Texas, May 7th and 9th. If you want to go, get. If you want to go, get tickets. Go to punchup.live slash rickglassman to get tickets and go to punchup.live slash rickglassman to also find out when I might be coming to your city. Sign up for my email list. Anything you want to add, Dad? Just be sure to go see him. It's a great show and believe me, you will love it. And there's merch available. You can buy t-shirts, trading cards. You'll make a whole day out of it. And listen, if you go to the show and you bought a ticket and you're like, I want some merch, but I don't know if I want to spend the 40 bucks or the 15 bucks or whatever things cost. Just name a price. Say, hey, I want this, but I only want to pay this much. To be honest with you, if you need one for free, just take the shirt. Yeah, we'll sell it to you. Name your price at Ricky's show. Get a shirt, get a hoodie. Name your price. Ricky's in a good mood. He'll go, yeah, you got it for that price. You're in a good mood, Dad. All right. TJ, would you like something to drink? A coffee, a water? Whoa, and I'm just walking in and it's already going. You didn't ask. You didn't ask at all. To be honest with you, I didn't even think about telling you. I didn't even remember, but anything could be taken out. Do you want to come in in a different way? Come in. Let's see what it would look like if you came in and you knew that this was happening, but you're pretending that you didn't know. Oh, I see. This will all be in. It doesn't have to be. This isn't a gotcha podcast. Where's your restroom? I think it's kind of fun because I wore. Pajamas? My jammies. Because you like all the comfort. Oh, you're wearing an outfit to do. comment what's the word commentary on the the tone of which i've sold is my safety yeah that might be right i'm not sure because i don't understand anything you said it's the guy from deadpool i hear you got a little dick go look oh your passport is that about three times as big as your dick rick's funny when he's whispering yeah he's got whisper funnies hey that's a cool passport i bet it's about four times as big as your dick you got me again tj what do we do here tj you're gonna sit on the couch oh and i need to get my marijuana ready did you take your edible uh yes uh tj i'm gonna actually give you a tray oh wow and you can keep in fact you must keep anything on there i'm gonna get my marijuana ah you're molested yeah i have marijuana i have something i guess you marrow don't want to uh i guess you marijuana it don't want it what would the joke be the joke of me not saying any of that don't come in here doing your alpha stuff if you want to put comfort energy in talking about a tiny dick i was making fun of how people make fun of people i wasn't making fun of your dick it just feels like you misbehave yourself i'm not asking you to not be alpha whoa yeah man you have all kinds of yeah i had stuff ready for you that's so exciting um so if you're going to um so did coyote coyote is her dog yes oh she brought it with so um tj so you can't have yeah things be on other things because of your ocd i could just do that no it's okay i mean i can have i'm fine having all this stuff so you live in a podcast studio sort of yeah i never really thought that's really interesting isn't it when you come home you're going into a podcast studio say that again backwards put that in rewind and let's see if that worked this feels like a lot of alpha i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm really i talk to my editor sometimes and this is gonna be taken out after i give that direction cut to him but have it john michael have him actually what was the sentence that you said exactly is his name really john michael yes i'm not fucking with you really i'm not i'm doing a lot of editing seems like bullshit time out tj he's he's got two names tj your editor's first name is john michael tj you have to be hyphenated we're losing the bit we're losing the bit i don't think there was a bit what did you say in the first oh fuck i'm getting high this is gonna be bad if you're not i'm gonna ask you to just trust me and make fun of me and do all your things but every now and then like this moment when i'm asking for something specific i'm begging you to either give it to me or say you won't give it to me john michael what was the sentence go ahead and let john michael handle it what was the sentence two names one editor do you remember the sentence yeah it was uh exactly hey drop your alpha shit no fuck dude drop your alpha shit it's not worth it it's not it wasn't worth getting high to do this episode with you because all the bits that i'm going to want to be able to do and we're not gonna be able to do because you're going to pretend that you don't think that they're real oh are you already high i think so that's pretty fun i was interested when you said should we get stoned and i was like wow he smokes weed that doesn't seem like something that he would do and i don't know you from adam or from john michael there see we're having a great time this is so fun two for three what two for three three three four four four five six now we know it's gonna be fun theme music what's going on are we okay yeah it is i'm just gonna focus it up just ask john michael um so tj this is out now uh john michael i obviously i guess we just leave all that that part in i um so is that what he calls the the camera tj i need you to i need did he name that john michael please don't touch this don't touch this just don't touch this you can touch it if you go like this there you go listen now you can touch it john michael is a great man and he's real you just don't know him he goes to a different school of course it's the school of jesus christ he's one of the apostles oh i get it tj's being a apostle bull wait isn't that matthew mark luke and john i don't talk i fuck no this isn't going yeah oh no we got it in the water did we though yeah did we uh tj for a guy who lives in a podcast studio uh you just didn't even have one of them running look at this dog hey tj will you look into the lens for me got it don't touch anything you're are you an ocd guy that's kind of a little messy or is everything here sort of what uh i didn't need you to vamp up back in like 10 minutes just talk okay what are you doing in there okay do you think he's the type of guy who would go through people's stuff because i don't think so i can't go through your stuff i don't even need to be in there i don't talk i all right i'm gonna i'm just returning i'm just returning all these uh things that i used on sunday at the raleigh improv because you know what we did and i i do want to hear what you think about this because this scene this what i'm about to tell you is a type of humor that i'm really interested in if you like this type of stuff and you're really into it or if you kind of are like what were you saying i'll take a pass on that say it again i have a headphones worn on and so what i was doing was i was in i can't hear myself oh there we go so what i was doing is i was in um where was it uh raleigh at the improv and we were getting ready for a sunday show i didn't know what i was doing and i was like i'm gonna get two shows on you're talking to me yeah can you hear me now first base theme music again john michael don't fuck us on this one okay and we know it's jean-michel don't we i know about your past i know about your future tell us about his past he was born on a cold winter's day lucky guys that night only to be replaced by his twin brother who i'm sure you know a little bit about tell me about his background fun rick john michelle born august 14th 1826 died a vampire but he was born a werewolf yeah i love that kind of humor is that what you were saying no so i was at the uh raleigh improv and it was a sunday and it was gonna be a six o'clock show and we were like six is so early for a show what do you think is the ideal uh time for a show 7 30 to start if i'm going on at eight yeah i like 7 30 i like eight but it just isn't done anymore isn't that strange if it's a if it's a one or you could do eight if there's no second show that's a good point so um rick glassman thank you i just got glassed blasted i got glassed um so we said 6 p.m is like it's early you know and i was like i'm gonna do it at 8 p.m and i'm like i'm gonna do it at 8 p.m and i'm like i'm gonna do it at 8 p.m i was laughing i was going i mean it might as well be a drag brunch that's how early the sunday thing is i don't think that's funny to joke about that kind of stuff and we were all laughing and joking because we have um good sense of humor and what i said is i said what if we uh all dress and drag and do the show just regularly don't acknowledge it and not acknowledge it but also well kind of acknowledge in the sense to go we thought that it was a drag brunch that had just to order 587 dollars worth of drag costume so you got how many i don't know how many costumes is that so is it one really nice one it was the cleopatra costume uh the queen of hearts a pink powdered beehive drag wig uh of i guess this would be called a cheerleader's outfit three feather boas wait how many performers were on or is this for the audience why was this to give to the audience or is this for the performers the performers there was four of us but that's too many costumes no it's not because we didn't wear all of them like i wore a 1950s boat neck uh polka dot dress we didn't use the um we didn't use the fishnet sort of body suit or the cheerleading outfit and then we got a wig i got silicone breastplates giant size e but they wouldn't fit in the dress because i'm a larger man but then we got a santa claus costume and they were costume changes so the santa claus costume was it a sex sexy so they call it yeah it's a girl's like candy strip yeah this is really fun um yeah and got a fishnet tank top with a hood we did the whole thing is 587 and i'm returning all of it it all got there in one day even the stuff you used yeah because we didn't we didn't like use it use listen i'll be honest with you i when i was younger i used to do that my dad would call it amazon rentals yeah it's great it's really great but you have to do it from amazon store yeah but then you know because there's a ma and pa or the ma or the pa and pa in this situation this is this is mama and papa because it was all chinese stuff so that made me feel slightly better about it it's all tough dude it's but listen i get it you want to do a bit you don't want to have to pay for the bit yeah exactly and it's it's the it's the worst whatever and uh but it was it's totally i don't know it's great i feel really good about it to be honest with you sure but is that the type of thing and then at the end of it at the end end um he said i had the mc kind of vamp to use your word and sort of go hey um you know uh thank you guys so much i mean this was a crazy show we thought it was gonna be a drag brunch and then he's finished i run on stage with an inflatable clown costume i thought you were in the 1950s polka dots yeah i took that off after and we all sang i will survive when i was done and i ran off then come back on with an inflatable clown suit and i'm like we're all the children but this is the children's birthday party that's after the drag brunch and he's like that got canceled and i mean my inflatable clown costume is so amazing i was gonna maybe wear it here i returned it then uh i kept it but then my friend it was the funniest costume my friend i felt bad like i could tell maybe he wanted to try it on also so i gave it to him to try he felt bad that he didn't get to try on the costume exactly what did he give you energy wise that made you think he was in a bad mood because he couldn't try on the costume i feel like i'm just a person who was overthinking and it wanted him to be happy did you say do you want to wear this i said it seems like you want to get in it and he's like yeah i'll get in it do you think he maybe felt a little bit of like i want to make sure that i make tj happy i'll get in this thing because it seems like he might think it's funny because he didn't say yeah i want to he said yeah i'll get in it no i i it could have been a little bit of both to be think about that think about how human psychology can be almost counterintuitive you can have some cognitive dissonance that ends up at the same place tj miller hey we never thought it would happen but do you think those kinds of jokes and then my friend broke the costume and i was very upset but i got a new one and it was delivered the next day amazon rentals baby look at this look where we are rick glassman who knew tj sometimes i'm able to see a person opposite me in a way where i'm viewing it like high school and right now i'm seeing the senior the senior in high school varsity i don't know about that i was not a sportsman but if in the sport of comedy and you're sitting on my couch and you don't know me but i've been watching you play since i was since i started jerking off like i mean i don't know you five years ago yeah if i were in high school yeah and i were a freshman so you'd been you're masturbating a lot as a freshman i was masturbating before i knew it was even sexual i used to put my penis under the faucet part where like if you're going to start a bath not the way you shower but the fast one i found out that if you put your penis under there and you just leave it under there for i mean sometimes 10 minutes that it's like oh it feels really good i'm telling you since i was six or seven years old and put my cock under that faucet and i really think that's why i'm so funny today come again no thank you i already have you look so similar to a guy named david angelo do you know that comic he writes for the daily show yes yeah he once sent me i think it was him let's pretend it is okay a text really yeah about that he said he went in for something that said a rick glassman type really yeah wow and you got your youtube award yeah that's great man tj it but what i'm getting at is i know of you so much and you don't know of me however that dynamic between two people that we still know each other a little i don't know if i've ever had on my podcast before put that down i was silencing it or would you rather that i turn it on and i'm actually having deja vu right now so eight years ago we did this and then i hit you on the head oh i don't remember that maybe you'll remember this now put that one down i was silencing it no i'm having would you rather it first base but it's really just about setting stuff up so we could play in it and sometimes we don't have to play in it you ever put leaves in a pile and not jump in no exactly stop putting leaves in a pile they're supposed to biodegrade and give shelter and warmth to the insects during the winter instead of being in a landfill right so you live here i more think of it as we live here because i can't see outside of the present it's a curse but it's also a superpower well it's a gift what's the difference superpower you could actually do things with it to save people really yeah so if you're blind would you call that a gift a superpower if you're blind yeah oh explain to me daredevil then you fucking bleep that daredevil keep the word in um hey by the way my edible kicked in i don't really watch and we don't know each other really and i want to let you know something and this is real and you're going to believe it or you won't i'm a huge fan i'm so glad we're doing this i'm in a silly place i'm hoping that you either join me or at least stay outside and accept what's happening i feel like you're a very silly man and it'll happen too but i just want to let you know if you could see into my soul for a second i don't want to see you in my soul for a second i don't want to see you in my soul for a second i don't want to see you in my soul for a second i don't want to have to apologize for anything but i am sorry you never have to apologize with me and i actually get angry when people apologize too much so a lot of people would say so are you talking to i say don't waste your breath john were you talking to the microphone yeah sure please and i say john michelle who are you talking to yeah all right well then i guess i should smoke marijuana uh great wait a second i'll bet you that you're not going to apologize for anything marijuana uh great wait a second i'll bet you ready for this this is how i make my money you've got the podcast this is how i make my money ready for this i'll bet you 125 dollars that people aren't allowed to smoke in here um so basically what you're saying is if i normally don't let people smoke in here will i let you do it with a lie to get 125 bucks the truth is money in the bank people smoke in here however i am getting over a bit of a sickness and i'm sensitive in my throat oh really seriously you you're exactly how i expected you to be because i've already i already know you so let's let's smoke weed um or not you yeah i'm just gonna open this up no no i can go out yeah you don't even have to go outside just blow it out out there yeah just do it there do it there because i don't want you to go on the balcony with your socks ah that's very interesting too all right well then while i smoke you go hide in the bathroom because you're good over a little bit of a sickness i'll stand over here because i really do care about you i think you've got some real issues that you're trying to get through let me get you a ashtray what i really need is a paper clip that was smoked uh last on this podcast with adam ray and brent moran and the best friends club and we got pretty they got pretty fun stoned really yeah do you have a um paper clip i don't well hold on i mean maybe i can find something because you need to get this out well oh my god now we can't show this we can't show it youtube demonetizes so i'll just have to explain what's happening yeah so tj lit up a um candle he is now putting his lips to the candles wow this weed is great it's way better than lighting candles dude dude he's just he's fucking around oh man the best part about this weed is it makes you not fuck around but uh we're gonna have to blur that this episode is sponsored by helix hey daddy hi rick hey dad i hear that you have been getting a pretty nice night's sleep in your new place so let me tell you something i love my new place i have decided to waterfall outside of my backyard at this beautiful weather but what makes me sleep like a baby is my helix mattress and it is unbelievable let me tell you something my helix mattress is two years old now okay and it's like it was when it was brand new we most of our family is our helix users now we're all helix users your sister we'll say yes cousin teddy yes our bro my brother your son yes my son me you me you hey if you want to sleep well get a helix if you don't want to sleep well watch this podcast and i'll see you next podcast because you're going to be up laughing and pissing yourself now you take a sleep quiz it's about one or two minutes long you say if you like to sleep on your back your side if you like a firm mattress stuff like this right and match you up with a mattress if you don't like that mattress you get it how many days is it 20 day money back guarantee dad you know what ricky you can pull that bid on somebody but i happen to know this is helix it's a six month warranty 120 nights make that a four month four month warranty you can sleep free shipping you get seamless delivery they deliver the mattress right to your door and if you don't like it have them pick it up and even if you do like it just be like buy this mattress use it for a couple months give them a call pick it up it helps the podcast out it's so fun to open i've always wanted to do this this is go to helixsleep.com for 20 off site wide that's helixsleep.com for 20 off site wide make sure you enter our show name at checkout so they know we sent you dad where do they go do it they go to they go to helixsleep.com slash tyso 20 off your entire purchase the entire site is available all right all right let's go on the next one okay this episode is sponsored by underdog fantasy what a weekend coming up to use underdog fantasy all your favorite football teams are playing it's the biggest week in football for the season you got four big games and there's a lot of picks to make these are all honed good football teams they play tough for the first 18 19 weeks now make your pick pick your favorite picks and enter it on underdog fantasy and 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to get a lot of money and you're going to get a lot of and it's a good time for you and you don't regret it continue doing it i will say that if this is a problem give one of those things a call and disregard this advertisement so you know how there's no right time for better health yes there's never a right time you just have to realize you need it that's right well actually that's not right because it turns out there is there's there is now oh no kidding yeah it's new ag1 is the easiest and most impactful habit you can implement this year did you know that maybe even more so than ag1 is oh well let me tell you about it so sustainable health is the easiest and most impactful habit you can implement this year is about consistency not perfection agree or disagree agree well you could simplify your nutrition with ag1 they have multivitamins they have pre and probiotics they have superfoods and antioxidant antioxidants and guess how many scoops five six just guess how many scoops something like that with all those supplements yeah i'm gonna guess four scoops one scoop get the hell out one scoop see ag1 is the scoop in water what's that or anything you want what is the scoop i think i think most people do water but you could probably do milk or soda or something if you had to you haven't done it yet have you i have done this yes would you think that ag1 is complexity or the opposite of complexity the opposite got it okay it says here you do want to do in eight ounces of water so you probably shouldn't put in milk or soda i've never done that but i just thought you could probably put it in anything right drink it first thing before your coffee before checking your phone it will become a micro habit that anchors everything else that's actually a great idea that's kind of like the self-care routine you just have a little bit of routine to get you on the right start and then you start doing it again and again and again and again and again and again and you start making more decisions throughout the day that benefit you you know i think i'm like so many other people that they don't have that foresight to say hey let's drink something good in the morning that keeps you going all day ag1 yeah it sounds great ag1 pitch ag1 has over now fifty thousand and two verified five-star reviews and comes with a 90-day money-back guarantee dad you could drink it for 80 days love it and be like give me my money back let me tell you something i'm i'm a guy that knows about five-star reviews and fifty thousand that's a ton of five-star reviews and i'm a guy that knows about five-star reviews and fifty thousand that's a ton of five-star reviews you go to drink ag1.com slash tyson to get their best offer and for a limited time only get a free ag1 duffel bag you need a duffel bag dad i should get you this duffel bag and free ag1 welcome kit with your first subscription order only well i'm in you said enough well i have to let people know because they might run out it's only while supplies last that's drink ag1.com slash tyson drink ag1.com slash tyson okay i can't wait this episode is sponsored by helix sleep you go to helix sleep.com you take their sleep quiz it takes like a minute are you a back sleeper are you a back or side sleeper side same funny you ask okay because i used to be a side sleeper all my life but the last three weeks both my sides hurt i forced to sleep on my back and i never could and i'm doing it now and the only reason i'm doing it now is because i'm on a helix mattress also i've told you about this are you putting a pillow under your legs no i'm telling you dad put pillows under your legs it puts pressure off your lower back i love helix mattress they will mail the mattress to you aunt lauren has one right teddy got one teddy got one we got one here and in the guest room and the guest room people are loving their helix mark if you want to try one at your place you get 120 day money back guarantee go to helix sleep.com slash tyson for 20 off site wide that's 20 percent sat site wide that's helix sleep dad slash tyson helix sleep.com slash tyson for 20 off site wide you know what i mean what's this do it helix sleep.com slash tyson for 20 off the site you're welcome you're welcome we'll be funny because we put it up you know you are that candle up yeah the candle's gonna go right out along with the weed i was um oh man i'm such a fan of his for real yeah i'm interested in that too what that you're a fan of mine of course you're nobody you're one of the first people that's ever been like i'm a huge fan of yours like santa comics well obviously not the cat department over at the whatever bear thing that you did i was just talking i was just talking about that with stephen baldwin one of the baldwin brothers they did his podcast today yeah you haven't shut up about it i haven't mentioned it yet but i could see that i wonder if you like headphones as much look the dog came right over yeah this is why people like dogs when they're over to you and it's kind of like the only way that sense makes sense is if this building you named secure because that dog is very confident very loving yeah but you're not oh i didn't think of it that way but maybe you see something in me that i don't know and i would love to learn that so i could become better and happier and accept myself even quicker uh i uh i don't have a dog i have two cats and i have a good friend of mine steven baldwin who i don't like to talk about all the time but i just did his podcast so that was pretty he was in biodome with paulie shore i remember the movie now if if you would have i remember the movie i didn't see the actual sorry it was don't get to him go to him and then swear big to me uh wait wait wait wait wait yeah i haven't seen the movie yeah or the book no okay you don't know that's fine no no we can use that go to him go to him try it again or the book it's uh or the movie yeah neither of us have seen if you had a dog we don't know anything about it i all i know is that that's a word tj if you had a dog and you did steven baldwin's podcast would you say that you did his podcast oh this has been so much fun already anything you want to plug can't wait yeah um i don't know if you've heard the rick glassman take your shoes on podcoost and i've seen the guy back to me seeing the clips uh back to me i didn't have anything i just wanted to say do not go to me don't go to me so what got you into comedy well so as a kid i loved um i'm sure you're the same way but steven baldwin and so i would always kind of look to him and thought he was funny and so he started trying to you know what do you see in your isms was that backdraft no i hadn't seen him in anything really i just loved i love the idea of him and i love him as a as an actor and a brother really i think i look now i look back i don't think it had anything to do with comedy i i loved him as a brother i thought he was a good brother how did you get into comedy you sitting down yeah yes i got a comedy class at the hollywood at the uh at the cleveland improv oh you're wearing the cleveland improv no less not hilarities yeah back then it was the cleveland improv so i wore special socks i mean that was the place to be um i did wear two of my best socks but beneath them are even better socks because i wonder do people so you have to think about your socks when you do your podcast right not a lot of people do but people have do people do you let i can't imagine that you would ever let someone be barefoot in here i don't like it i have i have a lot of people who are barefoot in here i don't like it i have i have a lot of people who are barefoot in here i don't like it i have a lot of people who are barefoot in here i don't like it i have a lot of people who are barefoot in here i don't like it i have a lot of people who are uh guest socks do you really yeah what an interesting life interesting life happy wife you have one no i that's why i always thought my life wasn't that interesting but i'd like one do you would you like to have a wife i'm ready i'm ready i'm ready for kids yesterday angelo who is i mean really you're quite similar it's very interesting like facially you have some similarities he's not even jewish though which is which seems yeah he's italian yeah but anyway it's very funny to me because he's He also, once we were in college, I went to college with him. I went to college with him and I, what's that? I can hear you. So I went to college with him. And one time he got not super upset, but pretty upset that I left the cap off of a gallon of water. Are you guys sharing the water or is it your water? No, it's just his. I think I had poured a little bit, but I left it off. And he said, now I have to throw all the water away. Are you that kind of guy? I'm the kind of guy that wouldn't let you go near my water. Interesting. But I'm also the kind of guy that would offer you your own. I would love a water. Yeah. Sparkling. Sparkling? Yes. Sparkling. Sparkling is a big one. Would you like a glass or a full bottle? A full bottle. I was also going to bring you bitters to go with soda, but I didn't know. You know, I went into this flying blind. I prefer when you're going to do a podcast. Do you watch the podcast before? A lot of it or no? As much as I can without resenting it. So like a lot of times I'll watch, you know, if somebody's coming on, you watch at least one or two episodes of a show or you watch their special or whatever. And then sometimes you're like, whoa, this is really good. I just didn't miss Pat on. I hadn't seen the show before. I watched five episodes in a row. Loved. I wasn't planning on watching that much of it. Really? But yeah, I get what you're saying, but it's different. I feel differently about it than you do, but I understand. Are you the type of person who auditions and has the sides in their hand or do you memorize it? I memorize it, but I also don't try and sabotage myself by selling myself as something that I don't need to be. So I still keep it in my hand. Oh, interesting. You go halfway. I never have the paper ever. That's great. You work a lot more than me. However, I will say that. I thought at first you had, you work at things a lot harder than me. So congratulations. No, I, I, I, I almost never look at it. I don't know if I ever do. But an acting coach wants to let me know. Yeah, because if you're, if you're in the middle of something and you can't remember something just to be able to be able to look down and get back in it, I don't like that because it's been, you remove being present. However, you also do a lot of things where I think you are, not only you book it because, but they're probably looking at you for this specifically, all the improvisation. I'm at a level to where I'm not at that level that you are to where I would love to do that. And I do do that. But respectfully, at first I want to get it the way they, they haven't written, you know, because they don't know me yet. Yeah, I'll do that though. Usually I'll probably, I always exit on a different line that I kind of made up. Do you want to be an actor? Do you like acting? I love acting as, acting is my favorite thing to do. Acting and direct. I want to make my own stuff. I want to direct. I very, very much want to direct. It's harder to get that. Wow. That's so interesting. Yeah. I would not want to direct at all. I like writing and I like being in the stuff that I write. Yeah. For sure. And then do you, would you call your, oh, back to David Angelo. He sort of, you guys are similar and he just out of nowhere got this girlfriend. She was a little bit uneven, but then he totally got her pregnant. Yeah, kind of. She, she had a lilt and a tilt. She had a tilted lilt. One leg was shorter than the other. He got, right. He got her pregnant and now he's a father. So sometimes out of the blue, you kind of people where you're like, how would that work? You know, but so you, you, you wanted a family yesterday. It's a figure of speech. I'm saying I'm, I want, I'm, I'm, that's a big want for me. And it's, and it's, uh, it's something that I, that I think about a lot, you know? Interesting. Well, I think you're set. I would. Thank you. I would really, um. Um, yeah, I would really like to have kids, but it's, it's kind of a tough, you've been married for quite a while now. Yes. 10 years or so. Yeah. 10 years. And then, but Kate, I know each other since college. So we've known each other for like 23 years. It's crazy. We were, we were like partied in college together and now we like own a home. It's like very, very bizarre. Yeah, truly. But yeah, I think we both would like kids, but it's kind of not shaping up to be the way that it's going to go, but never say never. But yeah, you would be a great. Yeah, exactly. To Justin Bieber. You could be Justin Bieber's father. No, I'm saying never say never that song from the karate kid. No, I know. Oh, then what are you saying about me being Justin Bieber's father? Yeah. It was just taking the Justin Bieber. He said out of context and then, well, that's not really out of context. You can't stop talking about the Baldwin's. I know. God, that was so weird. I did it on purpose to do that. And then you forgot first and then to come to you. Like, I just thought it was so weird. I just thought the weirdest day. When you said never say never, you were truly thinking Bieber, Baldwin, or once I said Bieber, then you were thinking Baldwin. I took Justin Bieber and just because you wanted to be a father, I said you'd be a great father and you were like. And you were thinking Baldwin at that moment? No. And what are you talking? Yeah. Exactly. First base. Exactly. I love it so much. I wish there was another double act that had something that funny and then you could go first base and then I'd do their thing. Yeah. You could say second base. Yeah. Who? That's kind of more your thing. I don't want to like step on that. That's too bad. So? So I think you could be a great father. I guess that's what I'm saying. And I just thought, what would it be like to wake up this morning and get ready to go to Stephen Baldwin's podcast and then to Rick Glassman's podcast? And what will be the difference between those two things? Each equally enigmatic. Individuals. And I say that without irony. So I know. And I don't even know what irony means. I know. But I'll tell you what it means to me. I need you to tell me. I'm the host of the podcast. I just don't know what enigmatic means. You're in my house. But I just don't know what that word means. You're a mystery. You're a puzzle. But people know that you're an enigma wrapped in an enigma. Enigma. Enigmatic. Yeah. I get it. Great. So you and Stephen Baldwin are two of the most enigmatic people in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The most enigmatic people I've ever come across. So I said, why don't we do both podcasts? Funny stuff, dude. Right away. I met Brian Austin Green. No shit. Who will I meet here? Corey Feldman is going to Stephen Baldwin's podcast. Here I am with Rick Glassman and his secure compound. Anything you want to plug? Thanks for coming over, dude. Do you feel that? Do you feel that candle at all? I'm not doing any of this. The one that I smoked with the weed in it? Yeah. I don't know. I totally feel that. No. Yeah. I think we're just settling into being two guys that don't know each other that are high. I'm Rick. I'm TJ. Hi. First base. Fuck. You could do it. No, I shouldn't have done that. TJ, you said that no comedians. Sorry. I've said that weird. You said that no comedians ever say to you that they're a fan. Yeah. Outside of the insecurity of you wanting to highlight that to kind of get here more nice stuff that exists within human nature. My question for you is what's the truth there? Are you saying you don't think people are fans of yours or they don't speak that way to you? So interesting. I'll I'm going to back up and I'm going to say that most things it might be because of my brain injury. Most things to me are interesting. So I don't. No part of me is like, I don't get it. Why don't more people come up to me and compliment me? Or I don't go like, I wonder if people have nice things to say behind my back or when I'm not around. That doesn't. What happened was you said, I'm a huge fan. And the way that you said it, I kind of was like, that's so interesting. Most people don't do that. And I thought, why is that? And so it really was not about me as a question about you, because, you know, are you a person who, you know, is sincerely goes and says, I'm a fan of you. You're as I respect your work. Does that happen in general or like, is that part of your personality? The way, the way after you asked me that you looked at me with curiosity, it felt so genuine that I think it's a character. You know, is that something that's like party personality? That's right. I was suddenly making fun of like the scene at the radio station in a movie. Yeah. And like, I am, I am curious. Like when he says he wipes his ass with his record contract. I love this guy. He wipes his ass with his record contract. I love this guy. From Airheads. Oh, I haven't seen that yet. Let's watch it real quick. Okay. Wait, where's Airheads? It said it's on Amazon. Is it two words? Airheads. I mean, I don't think so. That's bizarre. What if we were the first to find out that Airheads had been erased from culture? Like for whatever reason, it's right now. And we're just like, where is Airheads? With me in the background, but maybe it's two words. And we asked other people. We asked other people and nobody knows what we're talking about. Dude, this is crazy that we can't see Airheads. I have the DVD. I just don't have my DVD player hooked up. That's fucking crazy, dude. I'm, I'm hating. Is it two words? It should be on Prime. It's one word. It's one word. It's one word. We're going to stream it. That's insane. tubi might have it i don't have to be installed on here i love tubi do you want me to ask my ai assistant resting with like my dad your dad nowhere okay that's crazy so we just tried to watch airheads and sincerely there's nowhere you could watch it online there's nowhere you could stream it and if you found a place that we can stream airheads let me know can we get airheads the movie with adam sandler and everyone is that can you stream that anywhere i'm talking about currently this moment as of now airheads isn't available on streaming platforms but you can purchase it on amazon let me know if you need it yeah purchase that on amazon meaning a physical copy yeah that's wild so it has it's been erased you cannot see it in a modern way i have the dvd i just don't have my dvd player hooked up i think that's so funny man and also i have to go into my i have my dvds like filed away this is one thing i i knew that i knew i would like about you is that's why i asked about the drag brunch thing is it feels like you are a guy who for being fairly controlling in terms of my interactions with you you'll really go all the way for a bit and we really i really just saw you kind of be like i cannot believe the best thing is we just watched airheads we'll get the end of it and we're going to sit down and i saw you be like well maybe i mean it says it's on amazon and you really tried to figure out to the point where you texted your father and it's amazing that he just knew how bizarre is that but i knew i would like that about you and i'm glad we're doing this together absolutely i love that kind of dedication to the bit deep and figure out all the details even if it means digging through dvds or texting family for the answers it's all part of the fun and uh i'm glad it's something you appreciate too you know oh wait a second you thought i was talking to you i was talking to my ai i'm sorry what's up everything that i just said where i was like you know i knew you i knew i would like this about you and you know you're really uh you go all the way for the bit i was i was talking to my ai i wasn't talking to you i would say omg but instead i'll say omw because how bizarre first phase no i went i went in early so airheads is a great movie man i loved it when we saw it and it was wonderful how many streaming platforms it's available on you while we were looking for it you were suggesting to be and then you were telling me how much you love to be i love to be because the critics on it i downloaded to be ups and my upstairs tv just so i could watch the critic oh oh i love the critic come on greatest funniest shows a lot of people forgot about that show that's one that i think my father even liked that we would watch that like around the kitchen table when we were eating that's so interesting you brought that up i was thinking about that the other day i think everything's interesting because of your brain injury though that's possible possible hey tell me i'm sure you talked about it and don't want to talk about it anymore but i don't know much and we don't have to talk about anything but just for me to understand you had a tumor in your brain no you had a brain contusion no let me keep guessing yeah of course you had a you were hit in the head you fell no your head was hit let me think about it no but what would you know i don't anymore first base wait sorry first base so what happened so your whole life is basically whip panning and hoping to catch rick glass you know it's interesting because because we only started working together recently this is a newer addition to the podcast that's too bad the instincts on you are fantastic the instincts between us i would love to find a shorthand and that's on me to acknowledge because there are some times that something's happening and i know something i want to do and you don't know that and not because you should you don't know that you're not even the right move necessarily but sometimes i do it and what i want because i'm expecting just to make sure is i want to look to you to like give you a heads up because the camera's not on me so i could do that but you don't feel me looking to you look to him for a second right the reason you don't feel me is because you're looking at your screen what i would love to suggest is because you're so great at this and improvisationally this we have to cannibalize something this is why he's going to be a great uh director because he's going to take like 10 or 15 minutes to say something he could just say what i would love just stop looking at the screen so you can see him in your peripheral so that maybe you would catch i don't know maybe all of the whip pans that glass's ass deserves now that's a way to say it look at him man what the are you doing buddy buddy i'm over here the gym cam i mean this guy are you a person that does a lot of references like do you do a lot like remember from airheads i would which now i do remember because we just saw it but i'm saying in general do you quote the thing is they already know that we didn't see it because we couldn't and we acknowledge that so in this world we have to be honest if you don't use that we we have to use we have to well didn't seem very honest when you said we were going to be able to stream airheads and then it was nowhere to be found and you know what i hope i don't think i'm going to melt i made a mistake oh i'm still here it's okay to admit when you make mistakes instead of trying to double down is that um so popular is it because you sort of weave self-help into comedy yeah because people love just be yourself treat yourself well i have a i have a t-shirt that says self-care club members it's 2023 or something and it's just popular people just love talking about that so i think it's great is it because of coven it took covert i'm saying for you to love yourself no no what is it that you think about when you think about watching tv while you're reading this these are coming off to reveal my favorite socks and i've rarely rarely worn them look at this you gotta take america off after all we got here well you don't have to put your foot on the tray i would love if you didn't put your foot on the tray newsflash it's not on the tray it's on my phones oh really where is your right ankle it's in my right pant leg uh but i'm excited this is my first time kind of really taking these out on the town yeah tj uh i'm a huge fan of your comedy and uh one of my favorite clips and that comes around often um and i didn't see the full set just the clip of when the guy in the audience is wearing cargo shorts you're wearing cargo pants what kind of cargo are you rolling with what are you carrying what's your freight i just enjoy cargo pants like all the time so even though i even though i even though i do not carry anything here in here in the pockets but i just enjoy you know cargo pieces i want you guys to know that i am not going to make fun of him at all oh that's great right we did we did that now that was a plant right always and he travels with me in nationwide and it's expensive i don't make much money on the road because his rider is a double suite yeah it is to get a double suite in fort wayne indiana it's not easy let me put it that way don't zoom in it can be just as funny when you're got a master shot uh and i'm smaller in the frame i like your zoom well i do like your zoom instincts that one felt forced but it was also a joke so i understand that was called an exposition zoom oh that's a ton of fun man um but yeah that guy was a plant but so that was interesting because i went and i did nashville i shot a special there called dear jonah it's now called in that that guy's name is jonah could that be streamed anywhere yes where youtube tubi tubester tuberino wait tubi has all those other ones tube tube why do they have all those other ones we've got tubanet tubanet.com tubanet.com tubanet.com it's great i love tubi i would love to be on tubi i want to do a stand-up special that isn't to be exclusive i want to do i'm making a movie with tubi i'm about i am about tubi your special could be called announced and it could be called to be announced you could i met with them and at the end i was like i mean because the question is guys to be yeah or is it getting canceled they didn't laugh at all they didn't think that was funny they didn't even they didn't understand or they didn't think it was funny i think i've thought about this a lot because it was a big meeting for me because i love to be so much and so that's so great and so i uh i really killed it i killed the meeting it was like three executives or something and uh and then i did the joke at the end because i was like what am i not gonna do the joke and then somehow be like i could have probably done the j you gotta do the joke but i i've thought about it a lot that i go all right we guys this is great and uh obviously you know really at the end of the day the question is to be and they all kind of scattered you know and nobody they either pretended like they didn't hear it or they just were basically like we're not even going to acknowledge that because we have to hear that every day every single place they don't hear it every day day you don't think so i know they don't how do you know that look behind you did you do it did you get me one uh because shut the fuck no no no no let me tell you why oh that's awesome dude this is great and of course of course he hit it of course of course he hit it behind the couch it's so funny no no no no i was wrong there's no joke there's no joke don't touch everything oh whoa oh okay now i overreacted just to get just to have you stop but it wasn't as triggered as it appeared i want you to know to calibrate either way because you really helped me out because i didn't want to do that for that long great i just wanted to tell you the truth which was i don't think that they hear it all the time where can i put these i love you to keep them on the floor no not throwing them do you are you a guy who in terms of the germs and everything is there it's kind of levels yes and layers of it's okay to have this be dirty but this can't be what's not about being dirty it's about what's allowed where for example if i had something in the freezer and i put it there that doesn't go there but it's not that that's dirty but some things could create not dirt but something i don't want for example then that thing defrosts and now my counter's wet or that gets ringed so things work in some places and the negative qualities about them don't affect me poorly because that's what it's supposed to be a sock is allowed to be on the ground a bag unless somebody who most people most women and i could i could speak i can't i can't i've sampled at least 100 women and i always say most women out of a test of 108 now women most of them say that their purses even if they think it doesn't go on the floor when i ask in the past week has your purse been on a floor before they say yes which i then designate as a floor bag they not necessarily because they don't usually or they don't think of it that way but if your bag goes on the floor then at my place it doesn't go on a table that's so interesting my wife say it like borat never what's that say it like borat tell me tell yourself say it like borat yeah there it is that was great my wife yeah see he did it he wanted me to do it but with just a little verbal trickery he ended up saying my wife won't put um her bag on the floor she'll never put a bag on the floor she she her chinese best friend um i think either said it or didn't but if you put your bag on the ground money will go away that's the chinese thinking there's a lot of those things and i don't like when people tell me theirs really why superstitions i have adopted some of them i'm better with them now but that used to be a thing well do you do i mean you must but like do you have a psychologist and a psychiatrist just a psychiatrist i'm not medicated for my obsessive compulsive disorder and i'm actually then why go to a psychiatrist that's more expensive i go to a psychologist i said it wrong you did but you know what it doesn't matter because we arrived now knowing each other's sentences exactly yeah my ocd manifests much stronger in my home than it does outside i'll give an analogy i don't want my house to be filled with dirt but i'm not afraid of dirt i like being outside i like camping i like i'm okay getting dirty there's something about being in my house and it's not particular to germs it's just the rules that i've made up and adopted that just leave me at quite an unease that i found by me controlling and being a difficult partner sometimes with somebody who's opposite me this much it saves me this much of stress and what i like to do is i try and lower this by keeping this without growing too much getting a dog has helped with that i'm now more okay with things oh because you can't control the dog because i don't want to i guess like there isn't anything i could do i'm not going to not let the dog walk around in the dirt so i wipe his paws but i'm not going to shower him every time and i've just become more comfortable i now sometimes will get in bed with my indoor clothes but not my bed clothes and so everything here all of these things are in a specific place for you no because it's pretty messy yeah no it's not the case and i actually i'm going to take that back because not everyone can see the room it's not pretty messy but it's in a minor state of disarray it was just too much stuff yeah i also bring my brought my office down recently i'm still trying to figure it out but there's just too much stuff in here i know i got to get rid of this some stuff no i don't care about if you get rid of some stuff i was just interested in if yeah keep it yeah what do you need it for just yeah that is what she said you know my uh sister are you talking about a black girlfriend of yours yeah well at the at church and she one time once that that's what she said kind of became at the zenith of its zeitgeist sort of everybody was saying it or she started saying it and it just didn't work like she's funny and she kind of got it but it's remained bizarre when a woman is like yeah that's what she said why a woman it's like who is she but really why am i being serious why a woman why did she say that's what she's saying why is it bizarre if a woman says that when it's when it's kind of not ironically now versus a guy like even when the guy says that's what she said and is being serious with making that joke i i'm i'm judging that person yeah of course but he the point is i didn't ever say that i'm not a guy that we've walked around going that's what she's it's like it's the worst joke in the world the only thing that was worse than that was that was that that was the worst it only became worse because of how many people were adopting it but when when michael scott was doing it in the show that character was like oh my god i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that i think is absolutely brilliant i love that he thinks that's funny what when michael scott says that's what she said that's why that joke became so popular from the office oh really that joke always existed yeah yeah it was i don't she's not a fan of the office or anything she just kind of heard people saying that's what she said and she thought it was funny to start saying it but every time she said it it makes me laugh because with a guy he's saying that's what she said like when i was fucking her doing whatever types of things you want to do to a woman sometimes you surprise them and you just hide behind the refrigerator and then when they come home and you can hear them you don't move hold your breath and then when they get close enough but you've bought them caviar and blinis and some creme fraiche they love it i just feel i know that you're joking but i feel it's important to acknowledge because there is such danger being a man behind refrigerators hate making jokes like that i have to say i i don't think that's something that we should be putting out there and giving anybody ideas okay you can because then you might have bad bad guys hanging out in refrigerators i think yeah cut it out but uh callum would always go like this she'd go somebody would say she was that's what she said and it was always funny to me because like who is she maybe she's maybe she's bisexual i know but is it but she's not it doesn't the the idea in general is that she's a woman and she's a woman and she's a woman and she's a woman that's what she said is just like it doesn't it doesn't work it's like you know what it's like rick it's like uh somebody goes uh goes up to a woman in the audience goes so do you have any children and she goes not that i know of that has worked that's one for the guys can i can i challenge something for you unfortunately can i challenge you in something yeah of course okay nobody can make you feel inferior without your own consent great eleanor roosevelt that's what she said why can't a woman do that well you just did it first base yeah you quoted eleanor roosevelt and that is what she said that's what i'm saying yeah so there you go but yeah not that i know of that doesn't really work as well would you call this a lull in the podcast episode i watched you i watched you feel it 20 seconds ago and you weren't sure and you had to sit there for 20 seconds and now i think i think you're right i think you're right i think you're right now it kind of feels like we've had which is great because now we can kind of ramp up into the penultimate moments which is the second last yeah which you know for somebody who just wants to get to it just say second last because a lot of people are going to say what does penultimate mean that's what she didn't she never said that no because she was too scared to speak up to her male supervisor because he wants to fuck her well he was hanging out behind the fridge that's for sure yeah and let me tell you something because that dick was frozen i was gonna say yeah he does sound cold penultimate moment do you become kind of more like is the dog to help you relax yes and you do you think you're a you're a person who feels a lot of stress anxiety i do think those are different right do you think that that's uh negative for your health your actual physical health yeah i'm 29 jesus christ yeah wow that's okay man that's all right he does call me it's great right you know i think about it because like jordan jensen and i were talking about him like her dog um and him shitting and then she picks it up yeah it is what she said and he kind of the dog i i just i can't do that in new york city i don't i can't sort of walk the dog then it shits there's crap it really is crap it craps on the ground yeah and you have to pick it up and carry it i think about that i get to pick it up how great I am that he's pooping regularly and that I could take care of him. Have you said this to Jordan? No, this is that is you are perfect. The two of you. Do you think I should start eating her out? I think I date her first. No, that's not how it works. Then right into, you know, you don't want to date somebody before you eat them out. Eleanor Roosevelt. That's what she said. Is it a different accent each time? That's fun. I've never pushed it before. You know what I've been doing is give me a hint. Let me guess. Okay. Yeah. Start with a wide hint, but something that's possible one in a hundred. I could guess what it is and then just keep giving me more hints and make the hints a little bit stronger until it's actually try and get me to guess because that's probably something specific. It's similar to what we were just talking about. Which part? It was it has to do with some advice we were giving just a little while ago. Got it. What you've been now. Remind me, is this something that you've been doing or you've been thinking that's something I've been doing. You've been doing. Okay. So you've actually, you've seen me do it. Oh, unless you don't pay attention to anyone except for yourself. Got it. You go into the bathroom to change into your pajamas. Because that's reminds you of like the bed where you get busy with your wife. No, I I've been when he goes to you, I've been sort of looking and then when he tries to whip back to catch me, I'll look right back to you, but he's not doing what I'm doing it. Oh, gotcha. So now you can be looking at it, but but now are you and I are you? Thank you. So you're never going to look at it and I'll constantly look at it. I like this thing sometimes where like sometimes when I'm when I'm meeting somebody new, let's call it a date. And you know, like if like you guys are sitting watching a movie or something and then you were to look over to her and she sees you, you look away. But I like to only I like to look toward her as if I was supposed it would be weird if I wasn't looking at her, but I was. So I'll give you an example. Just we'll watch the movie that way every now and then. Look at me. That is great. That's really funny. That's really funny. Thanks, man. Now this bottle, if it goes on the floor. Totally fine. And it could go then after. And then it can go here. Yeah. But you won't lick it at all. No, dude. You know, this guy that I worked with. Give me a hand. Tell me what you think about this. I will. He, uh, he did a KFC sauce thing with me in verybadporn.com. So his name's Cole Norvell and he was like one of my favorite people. But he was a director. And one time after we'd done something together, he had me come in for this like beer commercial. And he had me sort of like look at the beer and he was giving me direction the whole time. And he was like, you know, NASA, rub your nose on the beer. It's so cold. And I kind of lick the kiss the beer and lick it. And so I'm doing all this stuff. I'm like, all right. He was just pranking me in front of his friends. What do you think about that? I think it depends on your relationship with him and pranks. But personally, I just I don't know. I wouldn't have licked it. And if I really needed to, I would ask why I need to. I would want to understand the reason. Oh, he was saying like, it's so fresh. It's such great beer. What's the tone of this commercial? I've never you know, it's just sort of funny. So like it's being sexual. Like you want me to be the joke is being sexual. Then I would do it. I would do it if that's what was needed for a thing. And then if he said I was just joking, I'd be like, oh, that sucks. I didn't want to have to lick this. But I probably I would just express myself that way. And that would be the end of it. I think I forget if I hung out with him after that. But I think it kind of you know, now that I bring it up, I also had and I want to know if you've had an experience like this, but I also had another friend in the Bitcoin world. Great guy helped me out so much was almost a mentor to me all this. And then he got fired from a company. So he started doing like conferences. They do this thing called the un-conference and they had a gong. They were trying to be like, we're out. We're left of center when it comes to conferences, you know, so they had a gong. Was that meaning that on the right they don't want Asian people and the left they are more inclusive? No, we're the, but who wants Asian? Well, you know, I also want to say those types of jokes. I don't think are okay. I didn't make the one that you made. I agree. So it's kind of you know, this is a different conference. This ain't your father's Star Wars. Exactly. This is not your father's. This ain't your grandmother's conference is what they should have done. But they had a gong that you hit sort of when the panel is over. These panels like 20 minutes. So when I did this panel, I didn't even really want to do it, but he's going to throw me some cash and like. So you were doing a job. You're just explaining jobs. Yeah, totally. I did something I didn't want to do, but he gave me money. Yeah, it was terrible. And so I went and I do the panel and I know a lot about Bitcoin and I like it. And I liked one of the two people on my panel. This girl, Natalie Brunel, who's like a big Bitcoin journalist. Shout out to Natalie Brunel, by the way. She's fucking cool. She's fucking cool, man. Yeah. She's awesome. And so she introduces herself. And then it comes to me and I'm kind of. I remember I was sort of sweating a little bit and I was like, why am I here? I just had this feeling, not of dread, but of like, this is. What am I doing here? Why am I. It was very talking heads or whatever. You know? And then it came to me to introduce myself. I started to talk and this guy, this friend of mine hit the gong. Like right as I started talking, he hit the gong. To make a joke. And everybody in the entire room. Was he in charge? Was he in charge of the gongs? Or did he walk up to the gong and just stole the. He's one of the people organizing the conference. The un-conference. Yeah, yeah. The un-conference, right. So he then, he's part of it. He's in charge of this. He's like, that'll be funny. I'm going to gong my buddy. Exactly. And he did that and I just stood up and I was like, oh, is it over now? That's it? Because you thought it actually was over? Or because you were just yes-anding the bit and you were frustrated? It was both, really. At once, it was really interesting. I was like, okay, is it over? Is it over? And then I realized what's happening. I was like, well, if that's it, then all right, you guys bye. And I get off stage and I turn and I go, I have an Ethereum concert to go to a conference. And I just left and I walked out and everybody was like, what the fuck just happened? And I thought that was really funny. And then the guy sort of runs backstage and he's like, TJ, TJ, you got to go back out there. I was like, why would I go back out there? And he's like, it was a joke. It was a joke. It was just a stupid joke. It wasn't funny. And I was like, no, it's not funny at all. He goes, but it's, you know, it was just a dumb joke. Like, you don't think I'm funny? Because he always talks about how he's so funny. He could be a comedian, but he's not. He's like dad jokes. Reminds me of somebody I know who don't shut up about the Baldwins. You did it. That's my first base from here on out. You did it. Yum. Yeah, but I thought Steve Baldwin was going to be a lot more like political, I think, because what? Yeah. That's Red Lobster, right? You did it was a Red Lobster melody. No, I just made it up. Did you? Do it again? You did it. Now put up the Red Lobster. Red Robin. Red Robin. Yeah! From the three point line, swish. Forget his name, but won't after I hear it a second time. Well, he's got unlimited an unlimited basket of fries. Am I lying? Is that true? Red Robin does. Robin. Yum. Oh, that's what it is. And then, uh, no, that's not from that, but I guess that is a pretty common doo-doo-doo. So I don't think I sold that. So the guy, the guy made a joke. You left. You committed to something, got paid for it, and you refused to go back on. I think you're the jerk there. Really? I didn't get paid. Yeah, because you didn't do the job and you you, you, somebody was counting on you to do something that you committed to and you didn't do it. No, you're wrong. It's not the instinct to leave. Yeah, I get that bit. No, but I, so I got off stage and he's like, you got to go back up there. You got to do it. You're wrong. You just said it's true. No, it's interesting that you would sort of see it from that perspective because he sort of got the gong. Wasn't the guy who hired you? Yes, he was the guy that hired you. Yeah. Okay, but he didn't even hire me. He asked me to go to do this panel and you said he would throw some money and I said yes and I went to do the panel but he also told me the gong happens when the end when the panel you're talking about a technicality. If you were saying if you were bringing this to court, technically, did you do the thing? It depends on how the judge wants to rule that, but I understand the loophole that you're suggesting. What I'm saying in human relationships, you knew what he wanted from you to an extent. He did a joke that didn't go over well. I'm sure you've been on the other end of that at some point in your life. Lord knows I have there was a misunderstanding. He's like, dude, I'm sorry. I was trying to be funny, but I still I wanted you to do this thing. I was counting and you do this thing that you said you would do and you're like, nope, not going to do it. Or as Ross Perot would say, not got that short form you didn't do it yeah no you're wrong okay because it's interesting like i now can see your perspective but he did his joke and then when we went backstage and he was like you got to come back out here it was like you did your joke so i'm gonna do mine but he didn't bring you up there to do a joke he brought you up there to talk then he shouldn't have done that joke. And there, therein lies the, the, the difference and the mis of intention and miscommunication that happens when something leaves my mouth and gets encoded and then into your ears and then gets decoded. However, I don't believe that you don't know that he wanted you to do something more. And had he known that the gong was going to stop you from doing that, he wouldn't have done the gong. You never asked him to not do the gong. I'm sure you believe he wasn't trying to offend you. I'm not saying you thought it was funny. It went complete. It should be completely unspoken that you would not do that. And what it did instead was it showed that he had gotten too friendly with me because I do all these good things for him. Cause I'm a celebrity. It showed that he was fine, disrespecting me in front of like a large group of people. And it showed me that he was the type of guy who kind of can't take his own medicine. Because there is a thought here where he made his joke, which is gong, TJ's done talking. TJ, a comedian, did his joke, which was, if I'm done talking, I'm leaving to go to an Ethereum conference. So that's kind of, that is the end of that story. I appreciate that. I don't know him and I don't know you and the difference. And now I'm unironically getting into therapy talk. Yeah, I was just, I'm serious. I was just about to mention, I was like, he's kind of trying to become my therapist. This isn't about a therapist. This isn't about trying to change you. This is, we're having a, having a, I think a debate about something with two conflicting points of views. And I am interested in having that conversation. There aren't really stakes to this and I'm very fine moving on, but this stuff interests me because I see it so differently than you. Do you have a degree in psychology? Yes. So do I. I don't. I don't either. Me neither. It's neither. So I'm now reading. Are you reading that you don't want to continue talking about this? Well, I think I realized that you're biased and it's not your fault, but you're biased and you can't really understand the parameters of the relationship or any of that. And so when you say, look, I don't know him and I don't know you. Which is me admitting the bias. So me admitting that I cannot tell you what you felt. I believe you're telling me what you felt. I guess what I'm saying is no. Okay. No, not talk about it. Because you, you, a, how could you, my life is completely affected specifically in people in sort of outer circles, which would be blockchain and crypto, which would be outside of family, which would be, you know, new managers at comedy clubs, whatever, stuff like that. Right. All of that is affected by TJ Miller, the celebrity. It's not my favorite thing at all. It's pretty dark. You're saying this is a global sense of like the idea of celebrity. And you're TJ. So it's your version of it. Yes. Yeah. A reputation, an idea that people have. And it would be difficult for you to understand how he was sort of using me in a way that is so inappropriate that you kind of, you don't have that, that friendship doesn't make sense to have anymore. It's really interesting. It's like the licking the bottle thing is what I'm saying. I don't understand the analogy unless you're joking. No, it's that director took such kind of. Yeah. I'm that's Umbridge. I under, I do understand that. That's not the word. Hey, TJ, if you feel that this person is being disrespectful to you and that's the way you want to handle being disrespected, not for better or worse. I'm being that quite literally no subtext. I understand. And then that's what it is. But to me, that's not you doing a joke back. That's you responding in a way to feeling disrespected when you came on here. And I don't know how long into this podcast it was. But let's talk about that. Let's say we're 10 minutes and I say, great. Anything you want to plug making a joke like we're going to wrap it up. If you then plugged something real or fake and then got up and left and that was it. I think that would be a funny choice. I would either be down for that or I would let you leave and then I would go outside and I would say, hey, dude, that's funny. If that's how you really want to end it, then we absolutely can. I that's actually that's that's a fun episode. That being said, I would love to have you back on more. And I meant no disrespect. I'm sorry for what I said upset you. If you don't want to come back in, I totally get it. If you do, I would love to have you back in. You could still be like, no, I don't want to. I think that's funnier. Or you can be like, no, I don't want to. Fuck you. You were disrespectful. Both leave the same outcome. But there's a different reason you did it. The only thing I wanted to have a conversation with you about was what was the reason? Because I have been on the other end. No, but it would be twofold. Because first of all, I wanted to leave because of how disrespectful that was. And then the second fold would be it's really funny if you get gonged to leave to go to an Ethereum conference. That is the funniest thing that I could have done. It's Yogi Bear doing the audition with a real bear. It's like that to me is super funny. Yogi Bear. Have you seen Yogi Bear 3D? No. Then that's disrespectful. Rick. I told you I watched the pilot. So, yeah, this guy's not a friend of yours. He watched the pilot fucking kamikaze in a death spiral. Crash. Bang. This. Podcast out. It's so distracting how much you're zooming. I feel really strongly about as somebody talking about myself who has made jokes that I didn't realize stepped on other people. Oh, so here's how I was going to respond to that. So, no, that would not. There was nothing. There's nothing disrespectful. Not even one moment or inkling of being disrespectful. In saying, do you have anything you want to plug? That's you're joking. I know that it's not. We're both comedians there. You clearly you have not sort of taken advantage of me. You're not trying to make me look like a fool in front of your podcast listeners. So that that isn't even that's not even analogous, you know. So there's the specificity to it makes it kind of for boring podcast talk. But I did get a real grizzly bear and did a fake audition for Yogi Bear 3D with the actual bear. Wait, did you audition for Yogi Bear 3D? Is that an audition thing? Yeah, but you don't have to audition for it. Do you in 2010? Wait, was Yogi Bear 3 for whatever reason? I was picturing Yogi Bear 3D is the third Yogi Bear movie. Oh, that's funny. I like the first one. I wanted that. Yes. That's why I said the pilot met the first one. I understand that. I wanted to make two more because the third one would be Yogi Bear 3D 3. That's so fucking ridiculous. Wait, but Yogi Bear 3D is Yogi Bear 1. Yeah, it has 3D in it to just be like, it's going to be 3D. So when you auditioned for it, you weren't really auditioning? No, I went and I read for it, but I found out I was probably going to get it. But what I thought it would be so funny is to go and get an actual bear. And I auditioned in the park, the ranger outfit. And I sort of, I did an audition with a bear. You got a bear handler? Yeah, I was at Hollywood Animal Ranch, which is this great place. Was this a public thing? Did I see this or did somebody tell me? No, it was a video. It's online. I'll be playing Ranger Jones in this scene. The bear will be playing Ranger Smith. Here you go. Here are your sides. Those are more to be read than anything else. Okay, let's start. Ranger Smith, we've got a 423 in Redwood Valley. A bear disturbance, sir. Okay, copy that. I'm going to give him. You're not taking this seriously, or at least you're not helping me get the job. Do you understand what I'm saying? We talked about this beforehand. I gave you several marshmallows. You promised you would help me get this part. All right. I don't mean to threaten you. And so, yeah. All right. Okay. So, um, hello. Hi. All right. Here we go. Wow. That's great, man. So I, uh, yeah, it was, it was all Yogi bear 3d all the time and I found I was going to get it anyway. And I did a really funny audition. I went in with a, like a park ranger hat and I, and this was like the callback or something. I went in with the park ranger hat and I was like, Hey, I was just wondering, um, I, I want to use the hat for the audition. That's how I prepared. Um, but I don't have to, it's not, you can't refund it. There's no refunds or exchanges, so I'd love to use it. But with that, and they're all like, yeah, okay. But if I don't use it, I just want, you know, it's fine. It's $150. I'm not, I'm not going to, I think I did say how much it was. And I think it was like $85 or something funny like that, like sizable, but not something you should tell a group of people that you're auditioning for. And then I, I kept talking to the girl with the camera and I was like, okay, um, check your frame. Do you have? Uh, how much room do I have above? Cause I need some space. I need head headroom. Cause I do a lot of work like whoa that type of thing and this poor girl was just like what is going on with this guy is any of this possibly real and uh so i got the part from that but i sent the yogi bear i think i sent a dvd of it because it was 2010 and i sent it to warner brothers and to the producers and everything and they thought it was so funny and they passed it all the way up to alan horn the the head of warner brothers like the actual ceo and he watched it he doesn't laugh at anything and he didn't laugh at this but he was like uh you know i think that's the guy isn't that great classic classic story alive yeah uh was you scared with a bear no that's the difference between you and me well you're a bear i'm a bear you're actual you're a human bear no i'd be scared of the bear would you well that's what's interesting it doesn't seem like you're certainly not timid no one could call you timid they could wouldn't affect me though yeah because you don't give a shit doesn't affect me yeah what does affect you i mean licking a bottle i guess yeah that would be affecting yeah um um do you believe in boundaries do you think about boundaries a lot why don't you get jordan jensen on the line and ask her that question about me okay because i think that's part of it too when people cross a boundary with you it's not about forgiving them or kind of working it out or something oh it's like they cross that boundary and it it indicates that they would cross other boundaries that they didn't have not the first time maybe i didn't establish it clearly maybe they didn't understand when i did it's the intention behind it i think also i don't think you've had crazy people try and come after you that's probably another thing let's get jordan on the rack what do you call phones racks pat pretty bad service but see is this the the cable that you use probably not because i have the other one too what do you mean do you use this input so we could put it in for our sound the old one oh yeah no these ones are the new ones yeah um somebody i don't know who it was but at a show and if it was you leave a comment thank you as a gift because that's what's happened before uh said when people have newer phones here you have this so i haven't used it yet and now i have this adapter wow thank you very much it was a woman and if i'm mistaken i i don't know black hair i think i think like mostly asian if not fully asian but if you aren't i don't remember that well there we go your call has been forwarded to voicemail the person you're trying to reach is not available at the tone please record your message when you have finished recording you may hang up jordan it's tj and rick glassman and i just asked him about having boundaries and what happens when people cross boundaries and he said yeah i said that you should call jordan jensen and go yourself that's not how she's gonna think and now what if she thought we were really saying that that would be such a bummer for us if she thought that thing that we meant to be funny was actually disrespect people keep saying fuck you to jordan jensen you don't know this but that keeps happening he doesn't know what was happening to you possibly so if i were to if jordan were to say but i jordan and i are in love and that's the difference so i think it's a different people have different batteries we went to this thing that you would love called pcs psychological counseling services and it's an intensive yeah would you like this i wonder you go in there i went with my wife and it's seven days seven full days of therapy from 7 a.m to 7 p.m and at lunch it's group therapy and everybody has therapy while they're eating well that's what i need because i have misophonia really that's that's that's tough man i'm so sorry to hear that oh it's not that big i just don't like eating around people that chew with their mouth open oh really yeah yeah i don't know what misophonia is just a sensitivity to sounds and it could sometimes not just be loud and annoying but like it triggers a like a chemical response in your body of anger and it's like hard to hear wow that's crazy um yeah that's wild but anyway so psychological counseling services it's all these different therapists so they do emdr they do uh like couples therapy they do uh you know clinical stuff they do equine therapy that's is that is that water is that horses it's horses and uh and so it's just uh it's wild and you do like 84 hours of 86 hours of therapy in seven days it's equivalent to one year three months and like two weeks and then you're like two weeks of therapy all in one week and it's wild kate said something i thought was interesting she said it's like getting a phd in yourself and almost all of the theory that they talk about because there's one kind of harmonizing thing is boundaries it's five days seven days that makes more sense so you have circle one circle two circle three and then you know as the circles get bigger and circle one is yourself and you can never put anyone before yourself and then circle two is you and your partner or your like children also circle three is your family and circle four is like the guy you see at the bodega every day whoa and then there's there's still two circles outside of five and maybe he's at six or something and five is comedy club managers that you see every year maybe it's people that uh you're friends with and acquainted with but you don't see all the time yeah you could it could be that also that's one of the things it could be six would then be people that you see every year and then you have like are more peripheral like that you see often like the bodega guy but not on a daily basis and then seven would be everyone else just like anyone that you meet just that they represent not that person necessarily but they represent somebody that you need to be able to identify in a certain way uh an airline um host yeah and then the eighth circle people you've never met and you're never going to meet them so you should never put them before you so then you never even think about the eighth circle and then the ninth circle is hell i mean it's fucking hell rick i'm fucking serious so but there's only seven circles right one circle per day you got it and then on the seventh circle he rested yeah that's why chick-fil-a isn't open i like chick-fil-a i would never eat there but i like it i like what they stand for if chick-fil-a doesn't open on sundays because that's the day of rest then wouldn't they want to be open for god the one day that he could go there that's an interesting thought i never would have said out loud um no i think god kind of can have chick-fil-a when he wants he can sort of do anything so he could have it on a sunday well he and he might just want the essence of chick-fil-a because otherwise he'll gain god weight and if god you know puts on a lot of god weight it's then he gets insecure or something so he becomes santa claus but the right that's the next movie i'm doing god eats too much and becomes santa claus that would be amazing it's called oh god i heard matthew mcconaughey might be doing a santa movie yeah a lot of uh arnold schwarzenegger just did one what was that called uh the man with the sack matthew mcconaughey the bag matthew mcconaughey is called ho ho ho yeah be laughing at oh sometimes i like to pretend that we're on zoom all right all right all right cartman i mean my god do you uh record this every day seven days a week and this one's hell do you really john michael when i said zoom freeze me but then when i talk just have my lips move gross um are you still feeling that candle yeah it's gonna be for hours it's gonna keep keeps going a little bit i feel i feel great it's great i love it i just can't do it i worry that i won't be i do it i'll eat edibles for sure but i can't like it doesn't make me feel great that you are going to like go on this ride and you have no idea because how much did you eat today yeah but it's something you usually take so i i love kiva but i've been pretty much uh exclusive with this brand called wild w-i-l-d oh they're great so good and i know what i do i do the same flavor which is also the same compound and i do i mean at least that's what we're told and it feels that way and i do relatively the same amount i do between two and a half and ten milligrams every time i take it i know what i'm getting at each of those four levels i think of it as four levels because it's in quarters basically it's actually usually three levels i either do two and a half five or ten right because after five if you're doing it if you're doing anything after five it's like you're just getting just go to ten you know yeah yeah it's like saying it's like saying you know i'm five nine and a half sure say that but when you're like when you're six when i think when you're over six foot you don't need say haves anymore yeah i think that's right yeah because then you just go just quit being effective bleep it bleep it and covers marthy said it again um steven baldwin to me is best known for the usual suspects i think of him from backdraft and that's exactly the thing is i think other people know him and he mentioned something else that he was in where i was like what so and he you know he said he's been in a hundred films i've been in 25 but that's that's four times as take that off of me you stay on rick you little shit i know exactly what you're doing over there with your sims i'm gonna fill up some of my water do you want a beef stick it's grass-fed i do but i don't does that make sense yeah i'm gonna have one would it be would that be communal no i'm gonna have my own and you can have your own and you also don't have to have one okay but i'm saying would there be a sense of community in us both having a stick no and let me ask you a question because if it's a great stick it's it's really good and so i think part of my question is are you kind of like i would love him to try this and he's gonna love it really not why not there's pros and cons to both pro i give it to you you enjoy it it's really great and you want one you get it but now i have one less of them okay i don't it's worth it i'd like to get i like sharing i like sharing as long as i have my own thing for example you want some of my fries no i'm okay okay oh you're saying hypothetically go no it was changing subject no no i'm sorry i guess i could connect it to what we were saying do you want some of my fries would be something like oh um if i want all these fries i want to order two orders of fries and if you're like oh i only want a couple i'll be like okay but i don't want you to take them off my plate i'll want to put them on your plate oh wow that's all you're giving me no i'll get you your own order of fries but i don't want to have a half order of fries because you want to have i don't want your want for a half order of fries to get in the way of my want for a full order of fries nor do i want my full order of fries to get in the want of your half order of fries if you are unwilling to not eat half the fries and either take them home or get rid of them that's on you but i'll get two orders of fries and if you truly only want a couple i'll give you those off my plate but don't be like that's all you're gonna get me because no now i'll get you more in fact i have an idea how about i give you half of these and i'll order another order now and i'll have half of those that way when i'm done with these i'll get fresh fries but i just want to know what we're doing so we could set it up timing wise because if now i'm out of fries and i order another thing of fries by the time it comes i'm done with my sandwich eleanor roosevelt that's what she said so beast it i mean you have a knack for kind of uh a good pay a good case for both options and then no one wants to do anything do you have a girlfriend no all right i guess no that's what she said yeah i wish that was on mike it's okay man a lot of people don't get but i'm joking it's happened once or twice before um so i've been getting these beef sticks by the way making a case for both both options is something if something wonderful thank you so much sure but that's what i was wondering about that you're perfect you know when i said do you have a paper clip you just no i'm a paper clip you didn't even say what needed to be done but here you said let me see it and then you got this perfect tool i believe i want to make this humans do you know what i mean you said it there okay see i don't know that and then if it goes you can put it on the ashtray then it's forever it can never be loved again man free plug to this brand what is it american wagyu is that the name of the brand that's the name of the brand technically you cannot be wagyu i love that i remember some company called themselves something organic but they weren't organic but people saw the organic i think there's a lawsuit yeah you can't do that you can't say something's organic and it's not my wife grew up picking asparagus on my wife that sounds like a the beginning of a sentence you want to try one of these do you ever get stoned when you perform yes really a lot of animals yeah i'll do it on the second show sometimes that's fine and then do you tell the audience you're on i don't tell the audience i'm high nor do i try and keep it from them rory scoville told me something years ago that i'm paraphrasing and i'm just taking from it what i what i am taking from it i don't remember exactly what he said but he doesn't let the audience know he's high and he didn't mean it or at least i didn't take it into me meaning like it's a secret but he doesn't ever and i don't ever want to use it as an excuse to say that i'm so like for context if i'm high if they need to know that to appreciate it then it wasn't worth me doing the thing oh interesting does that make sense no you just thought it was interesting yeah i thought it was interesting that you would try and explain that no problem man you've got great style not enough people talk about the rick glassman style people have been talking about my style the past couple weeks i like it What style are you like? It's coming together. The sweater? What? You like the sweater? It's the whole package. But it starts with the shorts, the long, long shorts, the basketball shorts. How do you feel? I'm feeling pretty good. Yeah, I think it's great. I mean, this has been, I mean, I know you're making fun of me about it, but this has been one of the craziest podcasting days of my life. but just in general, because of Baldwin, because Stephen Baldwin and you, you have to understand. And I almost said to him, he kind of was like, well, can you do it? Um, like late afternoon. So like after this, um, and I was like, yeah, but like, could you do it at like 10 30? And so he kind of got it together to do a 10 30, because in my mind, I was like, it's so much funnier if it's Stephen Baldwin and then Rick Glassman Funnier for your energy that you're bringing? Or for the world. I think just the concept, conceptually, it's so, so funny. So it is kind of, to me, that's funny. Because I didn't know anything about him, but you have kind of conceptions. And then I didn't know anything about you, but I have kind of conceptions. And so it's very strange to have clarity on two people that are also incredibly different. How would you say that Stephen Baldwin and I are alike? You're thoughtful. You use certain words a lot. Like the. And. A. Your hair is different. No, but we're similarities. That's fine. Two similarities. I'm trying to go through it. I think. Yeah, you've got very personalized style, the two of you. And you think big. And you're positive. You're both very positive people and you're fans of people. Who is he say he's a fan of? Yeah. I mean, he had a, he had a bunch of people that he just loved, but he, he was really nice. He was like, I'm a fan of yours. Yeah. He's like a big fan of movies and people's performances. Yeah. But just, he loves the idea. Do you have his phone number? What? Yes. Do you feel comfortable texting him and asking if he has seen airheads? Yeah, for sure. And if he knows where we could watch it, if he has any end. I love the idea I also just want to ask him How it went with Corey Feldman Spoiler alert, Corey Feldman is about to be on Stephen Baldwin's podcast That is a spoiler alert I feel like We're going to take care of the chewing sounds You just mute this microphone when I'm chewing on it But then when I'm talking it stops, don't I guess it is funny to say have you seen Airheads But I know that he has Wow, oh because he's in it, but you wouldn't know that Or would you, watch this, bars and tone Take us to Best Buy, we buy Airheads or whatever God wouldn't that be amazing It's easy to do, you know If I wasn't high I would say let's do it You can probably be here tomorrow since we're in Los Angeles I really think I have a DVD You can play it through your Xbox probably Yeah, I don't know what's hooked up to what I mean, go get my DVDs and then we can watch Airheads But you're both equally crazy But in very different ways You know But also not really traditional That's why I'm asking so many questions About your sort of Psychology because it's Different from most anyone else's That I've come across Have you ever done Alec Baldwin's podcast? No, but Alec has done Stephen's podcast and I was allowed To watch that He sent you a video of it or you were there in the studio? No, it was on YouTube So anyone could watch it It was a little misleading the way you said it. There's two sides to that coin. There's two sides to every coin. That I've come across. But when you said that, it's implying a single coin. As if it's exclusive to this particular coin. Well, that particular coin, yeah. That has four sides. It's called a die. That has six. Exactly. You know, I saw Sinners for the first time. What did you think of that? Is that what you, you know, when you have like lulls in the podcast, just little ones, do you have things that you go to? Like, will you kind of say, this is a movie I saw recently, or? Yeah, got me. No, I think it's because you're a consummate. Professional. Yeah, podcast host. You are. I would talk about Sinners, but I'm trying to sit in the lull. I saw it. It might be, I mean, it's one of the best movies. What did you think of the vampires? The entire movie from the opening shot of the sunrise, or the sun, I should say. Yeah. Is one of the most impressive movies I've ever seen in my entire life. Really? Did you see it? I saw it in 70 millimeter last night. I've been wanting to see it. Really? The reason I haven't watched it on my television is because. Yeah, what? Okay. I really want to see it in theaters. And like, oh, I missed out, but maybe you still can. And then, yeah, my buddy who you actually, I don't know if you remember him, but do you know who John DeWalt is? Yeah, totally. What a good dude. One of my best buds. Yeah, he's such a good guy. And there was a screening of it at Warner Brothers, and they had the 70 millimeter theater, and we went last night, and I was blown away. I mean, like doing this with my mouth open during so much of the movie. Really? Yeah. That's what I felt about. And once upon a time in Hollywood, I saw that like on the huge screen in New York City. That movie was unbelievable. But what I saw that I think is like Sinners in terms of your reaction was weapons. Did you guys see weapons? No, I hear it's great. Could you stand up and fix the back of that, or I'd be happy to do it. I'd love to do it. Sorry. Oh, thanks, man. But yeah, I have to. Weapons was like one of the coolest. Don't you think weapons were? It's so. It's so good. It's wild. And I don't think I really like keyed into Sinners. I think maybe we watched that when we were not paying attention enough. Yeah, but weapons is like. I hear that's great. I got to watch it, huh? It's unbelievable. It could not be better. What just fell? Those earrings? It's part of this. The below. Yeah, I see this. Yeah, I think it'll be fine. I do, too. I'll fix it later. But yeah, weapons. The ending of weapons is one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my entire life. In film. Do me a favor. Wait, wait. Do me a favor. And I understand wanting to do jokes and stuff. If that's what you get. I. Things are spoilers to me that people don't think are spoilers. Oh, that's the end of the conversation. Even saying how you feel about an ending. Okay. But it's. But you know what happened? I'm not going to do it. Is the guy. I said to the guy. Like, did you see weapons? I knew nothing about it. And the guy in the. The counter doing the popcorn and shit. But he don't. Don't do it. Don't listen to me. He did say something. And I was like, why did you give me that much context? So. So even saying that lets me know that there's some kind of twist. Do you understand? Everything is a spoiler. I could see that, but it will not matter. You know what? What? It's not available to stream. We're just still needing to get the DVD player. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. What's your relationship with Stephen Baldwin? And why are you doing this podcast? He kind of hit me up on Instagram or something or something like. Teenage millionaire. I thought he was so interesting. Yeah. Teenage millionaire. And I don't know. I think he's interesting and I'm kind of a fan. And so when he said, will you do my podcast? I thought that was hilarious. Whereas this is kind of more like I was really interested in this as a comedy podcast. Do you consider it a comedy podcast? No. Really? What do you. What do you say when you describe it? When people are like, what is what's the show like? I would say I would love for you to just watch some clips if you need to know. But it's it's different based on the energy that I'm in and the chemistry I have with the guest. I think of it as a podcast. It's funny a lot, but I don't want to put it under a comedy category podcast because then it'd be like, this isn't common. It's like, yeah, I don't I don't want to have to be funny all the time. I want to be a lot of the time. Most of the time. Yeah. But yeah, I want to be able to just meet people and have conversations. And I feel I'm being sincere when I say. I feel like I'm being very, very lucky and grateful that at least enough people are interested in seeing what I'm curious about and what other people bring to my curiosity. And I it sounds a bit superficial, but I mean that literally like I'm talking about stuff I'm curious about or playing ways I want to play. And sometimes it's very serious. Yeah. Can I ask this question in terms of stand up now? All right. But in terms of stand up, do you see it as like like Pete Holmes always would say it's. He needs attention. He wants attention. It's about him. He needs that validation. That that's sort of I think that's one sort of version of stand up in terms of the mentality. And then the other one is kind of wanting to do it for the audience and have it be about the audience and about them. And the show must go on. And that. So which side of that coin, which has three, which side of that coin do you think is kind of where you stand or where you're thinking? I could answer that question. I could answer that question by saying the second one. But that's just because those are the two options I was given. I think it's a little bit different. I think there's maybe a third side to this coin at least. Yeah. What would it be? I love making stuff. And I mean that both in a final product that is the podcast or movies or ideas that are executed just for me and or my friends. Sometimes even making something is just like making a joke, like watching Airheads, right, would be a fun thing to do. And I. There's different ways and fun ways of actually showing. We just show the ending. So it's not there. We actually make this a twelve hour episode. We watch tons of movies, whatever it might be. There's lots of bits, but also just really even pitching the bit to me is doing something. It's not necessarily the best version of it, but it's making something. It's hey, I have this idea that I see. Do you see it? And could you either add to it? And if not, do you at least appreciate it? Right. As a performer, I feel very similar to how I do on stage as I do to when I'm with my friends like this doing bits, which is. Let's make stuff. And when I'm on stage, typically I'm taking charge and I might be making ninety nine percent of the stuff that's happening in that show. But if, you know, there's any interaction with other people, we're doing it together. I don't know how to explain it other than it feels like playing a sport, like a team sport and. I'd stand up is like that for you. It's stand up doesn't feel like a team sport. I miss improv. I used to do improv and I. Did you? Where did you do improv? I mean, literally, when I started. In Cleveland. In Cleveland, I did it. And then when I first moved here. But what did you do? UCB? I went to UCB. Yeah, improvising is kind of more fun than stand up. And that's the team sport of it. Yeah, it's really nice. I loved it. But it was clear pretty quickly that you're not there's no way to make money doing that. It's a lot harder, at least. Yeah. And it's just, you know, you're either going to get on Saturday Night Live or not. And that was kind of the whole thing, which is to me also was like, that's crazy. But it's a great way for actors to get found for. Yeah, for sure. For roles. But I did Second City and that was also headed to Saturday Night Live or something. Right. I just doing stand up and I was like, I got to get better at stand up. I just got to do more and more stand up. And you could control your fate with stand up a little bit better. And it's easier to get on stage doing stand up than it is with a group and an audience, you know. But but stand up still has that same thing to me. It's missing it. And it's not directly analogous, but like I'm up on stage and like, isn't this funny? I don't know. You know, it's like, this is funny. I want to try this. Like when I'm with my friends, I am playing with them. Sometimes I'm performing to them and sometimes I'm the audience for them. I love all of it. And on stage, you happen to be performing for them. But yeah, it's still this thing of like, I hope you think this is funny. I want you to think this is funny. I'm doing this because it's funny to me. And I don't mean fuck you. What you think doesn't matter. I want you to like this. So like, yeah, I want people to like this. I'm coming out here to do it in front of you guys. But like what drives me and why I love it so much is this is funny. Watch this. Yeah. That's an interesting third side to it. I think you're right. And I think there's probably even more. Like a die. Yeah. Maybe six. Four. It's just, that's the kind of die I'm rolling with. That's the kind of guy I am. There are four side of die. I love them. There's 10 side of die. We did a whole bunch of. Do you ever do Dungeons and Dragons? Are you that kind of dude? No, but I play Magic the Gathering. So I'm familiar with the 20 side of die. Okay. Yeah. I was wondering about that also. Were you into comics? A little bit. I mean, I see a little, you know, do you remember slash slash roll? No. You're too young for that. You may be too old for it. I'm 29. So it was right in that sweet spot. But in chat rooms or things like when you're playing games, like strategy games with people, you could, you could have a, by default, it was a six sided die, but you could change the, the, the, the, sorry, And it basically is a random number generator in chat rooms. And if you went slash slash roll, it would say something. Oh, that's great. Anyway. So Sinners? Yeah. Well, so just as a stand up, how much do you improvise? I realize I've really only seen you once at the improv. I think it's the one we met. Yeah. And I think you just saw a minute or two of it. Yeah, that's right. It was just sort of the end of it. But that's how I met you. And then you said something to me. And then you liked something. And I said, that's awesome. Thanks. I've been wanting you on my podcast for years. And that was probably a year and a half ago. And then we ran into each other in New York. Yeah. How often do you go up there? Three, four times a year. I was just there. Yeah. I think I want to film my special. I don't know because I was just there at the Bell House in Brooklyn. Oh, yeah. That would be amazing. You'd kill there. It was awesome. It was one of my favorite venues I performed at. Really? Yeah. I don't perform in Brooklyn. So I kind of just don't know those places. Then why did you say that I would like it there? Just assuming. Because I've heard great things about it. And I think the audience will fucking, you'll crush. Why don't you perform in Brooklyn? That's an interesting rule. Where do you live? It is interesting. I live in Greenwich Village. Yeah. I assume Manhattan. Yeah. Why wouldn't you perform in Brooklyn? Is it a rule? It kills. No. It's like I'm so lucky. I can get up at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can get up at all of the clubs. Right. So there's no need. And so going and doing a set in Brooklyn would just, you know, it would burn two sets in Manhattan. So. Based on how much time? Yeah. How many shows you can do. So you have to, based on, you know, it takes this long to get to Brooklyn, this long to get back. I can do 82nd and 2nd, then go over and do 73rd in Amsterdam or something. And that's just like 10 minutes in between. So. Is there something to getting just like. You know, new smells. You know, like I take my dog when I take a dog on the walk and we come back, I try to if we're coming back the same way, I try to go on the other end of the street so he gets new smells. You know, that's a good call. I think I don't know how much performing in Brooklyn helps me do what I'm trying to do. It's not about performing in Brooklyn. It's not. It's not performing at the same. How many clubs are you in New York? Like 10. Oh, really? I feel like I do four of them or something. So, yeah, I mean, I can do Rodney's Comic Strip Live, West Side Comedy Club and the New York Comedy Club. So that's for just uptown. And you like doing that many shows in one night? Yeah, if I can. I was talking about I don't know what made it in the beginning of this episode, but I was talking about how when I'm here, like if I have two shows and they asked me, somebody asked me to do it on the show, a third show, the only way I'll do it is as if it's like it's before my first one or right after my last one. But like if there's. If there's an hour in between, like I did two, that's enough. I feel New York's a different vibe for that because you do go right to it and you go up. Yeah, I think that's that's what I'm drawn to there. I think Los Angeles, I couldn't do Los Angeles, but you like Los Angeles, right? You strike me as the type of guy who would be like, I love Los Angeles and be able to convince oneself of that. I like my friend group and I work here. And where are you from? Are you from Cleveland? Yeah. Boy, my arm's tired, but I don't know if I would want to be here if it wasn't for me already being here and having my routine here. I've thought about I want to move to New York. I want to like move to New York, not move to New York. I want to go to New York for a month or two and feel that. It's amazing. It's amazing. But it smells the older. Yeah, the older I get having spent eight years here, the more I actually do appreciate the I appreciate now being a New Yorker. I'm like, I see what's great about Los Angeles. So I understand it more, but I hated it for eight years. It was terrible. Does that also have to do with what that eight years of your life may have meant? No, it's just about the city. Because why? Getting places? Oh, God, the traffic and the fucking the weather is crazy. You're like, is it January? What's happening right now? I have a huge litany of reasons that I couldn't stand it here. But I think it's also it's in your DNA. You're more of this or you're more of that. You know? Oh, I don't know. I think there might be a third side of that coin because I'm here. It's like I'm Phoenix. And that's what I am. I want to be in nature more. I think it's a great city. More nature. Yeah, I want to be in nature more. It's just the access to clubs and to podcast guests and to my friends and to. There's value to it. Of course, you know, but like, yeah, I don't know. I go home to Cleveland and I'm just it's the happiest I am. And and I'm there for, you know, oftentimes four or five weeks at a time. And just I take my dog out without a leash. There's places to run around. There's different colors of the leaves depending when I'm there. Yeah, there's always something to be said for kind of like Denver. If I could live in Denver, Colorado, which is where I'm from. I think that's where Rory Scovel just moved. Yeah, I believe it because it's fucking amazing there. And there is performance opportunities. And for me, I can fly out. I can fly out of there, too. So why not? Because my dream as a child was to be a Manhattan stand up comic who writes movies and stars in them. And my wife is like a very important installation artist. And we always wanted to live in New York. It's like a fairy tale. It's so bizarre. I saw my first Manhattan stand up comic perform at Dangerfields. And I was just like standing in the, you know, the lobby outside because I couldn't go in because I wasn't 21. I was just standing there. I was just standing watching Artie Foucault just fucking crushing. And I was like, oh, my God. This is ridiculous that I'm doing this while you're talking. And I heard everything you said. And I want to continue. But I felt myself thinking about the moving and the focus. And I switched to autofocus. And I wouldn't be listening to you enough if I didn't stop and do that. So I'm sorry. And here we are. No, no reason to say you're sorry. So you're going to stay there then? Yeah, I think that it's the type of place that. Again, you just are a New Yorker or you're an Angelina, I think. But Denver, it's not appealing to me in the sense that. Yeah, it was a fucking. Isn't that kind of cool? It's like I'm a Manhattan stand up comic. And as a kid, it's like a 20 something, whatever. I was like, that would be the coolest job in the world. Yes, that is cool. And also. So many things that you've accomplished that you could think of that you want to do as a kid that you've done. Are much more rare of an opportunity that you have also done. But yeah, I get what you're saying. Yeah, I think that's weird or not weird. I think it's really something that I just I think stand up is so fascinating. It's like the most fascinating thing you can do. And it's so fun. And it's the drug that's good for the. Most fascinating thing you could do, meaning you. I think one, I think an artist. I think it's really, really like. For art. Got it. Yeah. But yeah, I just love it. And so acting and kind of all of that is very interesting. I think writing is really interesting. I wrote this movie with my buddy, Jason Landon Marcus, and he's a very good. The Apostles. What's that? The Apostles. Yeah. All three of them. Is this three people or one person? It's the Apostles. No, it's this guy, my buddy, Jay. What's his full name? Jason Landon Marcus. Kind of like Jean-Michel. Yeah, I just think it's interesting. Go on. And he's a great writer. Do you know anybody who's just a great writer who you've like written? John DeWalt, dude. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So then there you go. And so I've been writing with him and it's been really interesting to like get better at writing and understand editing and rewriting. So that stuff is really fun to me, I think, right now more than anything else. But that's staying current, right? You kind of go in a year, I could be really excited about something else. Yeah, I think staying in touch with what it is that you want to do as opposed to what it is that you used to want to do or that you think you're supposed to do. One of the reasons I like acting so much is because of that team sport thing. I love working with different people to make something and to get help from them and to feel that you have value to offer to the thing as well. Well, I feel exactly the same way. Like I have said this exact speech to people over the course of my life a lot of times because it is stand up is just for you. And so you don't. You don't have to be selfish because that's that. You get to be selfish. Yeah. And yeah, I think so. I don't. It still isn't. I'm not. It's just I get to do the thing where I control all of it. Yeah. You know? And so then it's fun to play with others, like plays well with others. I've had some people like famous people like John Stamos said like, can't wait to get in the sandbox with you. I always thought that was weird, but it is true. It's fun to go and play around and make things. And yeah, that's. It's having friends. Yeah. It's having friends, which I like to consider, you know, if not the second, at least the third ring. Yeah. Right. Really? No, it's. And you're making. And you have this common goal. It's if, you know, if you score a bucket, our team gets the points. Yeah. It's truly about making this thing. And then you get to make choices and you get to do stuff and you trust that there's people that are going to help. Yeah. Oh, dude. Being on set. But, and, uh, and, and rehearsing, knowing that like, we're, we're still finding it. And like, it could, this, this thing, depending on what you're making could be anything. And like, you get to that, that is like a high for me, the rehearsal. Yeah. And improvising it is, it makes sense kind of that you're an improviser like first, you know? Um, but I think standup just kind of trumps everything else. Like if I could make, um, if I could make more money just doing standup as I'm sort of building to, but if that was happening right now, I think I'd sort of just do standup, I think. I understand. But I'm not sure, like, you know, what would be your happiest scenario? I want to Rick Glassman, happiness personified. And we're talking about professionally. Yeah. Or no, in general. Well, I mean, that's back to the family stuff. Like I very much like, I want to be building something that isn't just this thing that I've been so focused on for a while. That is my career. I want to continue doing that. I want to, yeah, I don't know. I just, I think I just, I feel lonely often. And that's not a reason to get married. It's just the truth. Um, I've been in relationships where I felt like, oh, this might be the thing. And that feeling of like that team. The same thing. Like, you know, I want to be able to offer you value. I want you to be able to offer me value. And I don't mean that transactionally. I just mean like we help each other and we care about each other. You're very, yeah. It's interesting. You're like my wife, but it's, it is, it's interesting. It's like, you do want to have a, a teammate. You do want to have to, we had a big conversation just recently about, um, sort of 10 year time and just talking about like, all right, we've been doing this for 10 years. So now let's start kind of, acting like it in these different ways. And a big part of it is just like never being like, oh, I don't want to bother that person with this or something. Just always being like, I mean, you need your help in this situation. If you need my help, you should, it's just, it's almost like it's more of a juggernaut thing. That's just that feeling of like, we did 10 years, we can fucking do whatever. Cause if after 10 years of marriage, you lived through people's parents dying, like, you know, in and out of, relationships and families, career problems, all that shit. And so it is really good to find somebody and you're a pretty deep dude. So the trouble is you have to find somebody who's equally as like, you know, intellectually capable. Um, yeah. Finding somebody on speaking for myself, uh, close enough to my frequency that we, you know, and then obviously all the other things, values, physical attraction, you know, where this person lives, where they want to live. It has proven to be quite an obstacle. Yeah. I mean, you're really, I want you to know something. Cause I, I'm like, I have a traumatic brain injury. So I'm, which you never told me because of bits that we did. What happened? So, and I'm only saying this because it seems like all of this and how your mind works and everything would make it difficult. To bring another person into your world and also someone who was like fine with it or thought it was cute. You know, the relationship that I've been in, in the past, um, I I'm, I'm, I'm grateful for the, my partners and proud of myself to where I'm not, there are, there are concessions that I make. And then there's some that I ask for. And like, you would, you don't know where you could put the pipe cleaner. For example, those things, spending three years, three years, three years, three days with me, you would, they would all make sense to you. You would get all of them. You would know what I would want, not want. And you would also, after maybe two weeks, you would know, Hey, I'm, I'm going to make this choice. It's fine. Or I'm going to ask Rick because the truth is if it's something that you need to do, I'm not going to tell you, you can't do it. I just might be a little uncomfortable and that'll become the new status quo. Yeah, I think so. I mean, you know, I love that I was, that I'm about to say that it's kind of like, you know, with the dog, it's funny to say, cause you got the dog and you said you had to make adjustments, you know, it's this, you're okay with this. You'll do a little bit of this. You want to, it's constant compromise. It seems like in your life, you have a lot of like levels and with myself. So yes, with other people as well. Yeah. There it's like, like when the, when the blanket falls down based, there are times that the blanket falls down with a guest and I notice it and I don't like it similar to how I'm more curious about the focus. And I'm not present for two minutes and then I'm fine. This is what the world is right now. And then there's times where it's like, Hey, the cost of you moving this blanket is only this based on my assumptions of our dynamic and where we are in the conversation. I'm going to ask you if we could do this now. And if you, which you absolutely can now, and definitely would feel more comfortable if we got to know each other better, push back and be like, Rick, it's fine. Let's just leave it. I would then be able to be like, I can't for whatever reason, if I couldn't or more likely it'd be like, okay, I just wanted to acknowledge it. And it's fine. And now here I am, but like there's shorthand when you get to know somebody. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think it's so nice of you. I couldn't ever imagine saying to you, Oh no, Rick, it's fine. I just, there's no fucking world where I could imagine a human being that would say, dude, don't worry. Like at your house, like don't, you know, right. Because I also started to see, like, it seems I'm, I look, so I'm fine. I decided it's fine. But I see, I saw you kind of looking. I appreciate that. But at a certain point, my comfort, I want to make sure it doesn't cannibalize yours. And there might be a time that it does. And I don't know that because you're saying it's fine. It's fine. But over time, you're like, oh, it's exhausting being around him. I would rather you say, Rick, listen, I'll fix this, but I just want to let you know, it's making me not want to come here again. And then I would have the choice of being like, then don't come here again. Or, you know, that makes sense. I'm glad you told me how you feel because if you don't, care, then yeah, fix this, do this. But if you do, I don't want that. It does. Metaphorically, do you, is it just maddening, uh, you know, to choose, I could imagine you choosing cereal or went to order at a sandwich shop because I order the same thing often. Because, you know, look, or do we want the mayonnaise, you know, and the mayonnaise, but I know what I want. And so I'm watching my weight. I know what I'm doing. So if I'm going to, if I'm going to do the mayonnaise, then I'm going to go a half, half a sandwich, or I'm going to do absolutely no cheese, not even a speck of cheese. I don't eat cheese or mayonnaise. I know what I want. So it's easy to order for me. It's not that way. If I were ordering for you, I would then want to check in. And I would say, Hey, are you sure you don't want one? Do you feel obligated to take one because you, the beef jerky, because you think that I'm giving you a gift in its room not to, or are you thinking because you want it? Like, because I, I have learned that other people, one, don't communicate very directly with what they want. And two, oftentimes, aren't even in touch with what they actually want. So if somebody's surface level just says, yeah, sure. I'll put on that costume of the blow up costume that he might be thinking that that's what you want. And nobody's having that conversation with each other. So I would then be like, by the way, I think it's funny, but by making you do this, it's me almost checking in with consent from, because I came into some self-awareness myself, like eight years ago, where I learned that people aren't living through this with the same mind as mine. And not everybody is going to communicate how they feel to me. So sometimes I have to be like, for perfect example, this, right? This thing that fell off the microphone. My instinct was to fix it. Had you just gone back, I would have fixed it. But when you're like, it's going to be fine. You told me two things. One, something I already knew it's going to be fine. But two, you told me, hey, TJ wants to leave it like this. And I thought, great. Yeah, you're right. And then right there, I was like, we're, it's going to be a fix that it's taking too much time. And so, yeah, I think, well, I think you're going to do great. You just got to find, you got to find the right special ladies, seriously, because you're a fascinating guy and you're quite brilliant. And it would just, it's a very interesting, it is, I am not messy. Like I have a thing with Kate that is a little bit frustrating where she really wants everything to be where it's supposed to be. And so you can't just like leave something over the, she'll start, she'll let sometimes a coat go on the couch. But that is basically it. And we both agree that sink does not have dishes in it. Sometimes I tell her, get rid of, you'll love this. We have her best friend. They lived in Amsterdam. We went out there and her best friend, super smart, very talented. And her husband is like this genius solar power guy, but he's very funny. And the two of them, but he's very funny. He's not just a solar power guy. He's funny. Can you imagine a solar power guy that is really funny? So I, I love this guy. And he said, he goes, we came up with this amazing thing. It's called kitchen zero. And we were like, what do you mean? And he goes, we have levels of kitchen. So it's kitchen five, kitchen four. He's like kitchen zero. Kitchen three could have a mug in the sink. Exactly. Well, that would be kitchen three for you. I'm sure for them, it's like a full sink or something. Kitchen nine be hell. We could animate it. I hope so. Kate, I'm on a podcast right now. This is the first time that's ever happened yeah you're on a podcast right now you're on hey can you hear me hello i don't think bad service doesn't work hey dude hey i'm on a podcast right now we tried to pass you in but it didn't work so can i call you after the podcast yes i'll talk to you in a couple hours all right she goes yeah listen you call me soon we're at kitchen four i thought we talked about kitchen two yeah and i think and i think they what what he was saying this is it's like defcon it's not some genius idea but what he was saying that was so funny is he was like we are happier when we're a power guy yeah he did consider work um the guy had kind of was telling me like if you can be a kitchen zero your life will be happier it's like it's such an important you love that one i like that that's good i said it wrong both times but that's how i meant to say it right that's what she said uh that's what she said it's so great it is great the whole thing your whole setup here is fantastic so if i want kitchen zero and my partner wants kitchen five it's my world my where i'm at now where i think is the best version of this of what i'm capable of isn't say well then let's compromise and make a kitchen 2.5 it would be it would be fluid always i want kitchen zero you want kitchen five do you want kitchen five because you're too to put the dishes away if that's the case you don't want kitchen five you just don't want to do the dishes right now i'll do them now i'll do this and i get kitchen zero is it that you want kitchen five or is it that something else and there's like a very direct way of speaking with people are you making fun with your laugh no i'm just enjoying your mind rick because i'm aware how difficult things like i am and i i so badly one don't love that about myself understand it is i think it comes with your intellect unless you can figure out how you were like how something in your past kind of contributed to this way you know or whatever it is the way i am results into a thing i like a lot of the time right so for somebody who's addicted to working out that's a bummer that they that they work out so much and it gets in the way of their life but they like being fit like it's it's a cost benefit type thing i like my sink being empty right i also don't want to have to do the dishes right now so i have learned to like pattern recognize certain things will i want to do these dishes in an hour no well then do them now yeah i feel a little like that within kate and i i you're saying she is this way no i i a lot of times are like all right then i'll just put my shoes back in the cabinet and they don't need to leave them near the couch even though that's much in there under the couch right and that's sort of you know it's out of you know out of sight out of mind you would think but it really bothers her and why do you like your shoes under the couch is it that you like them better than in the closet or is it just easier for you it's harder to get them in and out of the closet it's annoying and she's open the door one right well no they're all like fitting in it's a manhattan apartment right and so she uh yeah but i i kind of go all right then i'll clean all the dishes in the sink i don't care there's no resentment it's just like you i'm not going to do it i'm not going to do it i'm not going to do it i would rather us now be at kitchen zero that that's the whole team thing and the juggernaut the thing but i'll go one further and i was i don't really bring this up enough but i know he put his feet up on the couch and i asked him not to whoa yeah but but but what blanket because then then you know like this is a blanket that i now have to wash these are blankets i don't but this i'll wash i don't need okay this is not a wash blanket and there's a great example it's not that you can't put your feet up it's that could you put up in a way that i'm that's not that that's that's just as comfortable right but somebody might be like oh rick's so difficult he makes it this but like we wash the blankets right after the podcast no i treat the blankets like a cheat cheat cheat uh matthew mcgonaghy trying to say cheat um my uh my jeans where i'll wash them when i feel like it needs to be washed or if like because i'm doing four podcasts this week so i'm gonna keep them on the whole time unless something happens and then i'll probably wash it when it's done you know it's like if i know somebody's coming over tomorrow i'm not gonna wash it now will you sit in this couch i'll sit on that couch either with my outdoor clothes or if it's my indoor clothes cover your mouth thank you if it's my indoor clothes i fold i'll say that as a joke i really was just the timing of it it's the indoor clothes i take that side of the blanket and i bring it over so i sit on the couch yeah it's fucking exhausting i know it sounds exhausting but you know what i will assert again that it is the product of your intellect you sort of have this very brilliant very fast fast moving mind but that comes with a little bit of baggage so what i was saying is i had an avm which is a um it's not a tumor it's a malformation while you're in the womb so you had your whole life yeah and then in 2010 while i was doing yogi bear 3d you owe me a coke yogi bear 3d 3 um so i had a seizure after doing yogi bear 3d and they found this malformation my right frontal lobe and it was bleeding and that usually leads to an aneurysm you die um or it can lead to a stroke but i just had a seizure and they went in and they did brain surgery and cut out they embolized they glued and cut out a golf ball sized piece of my brain you know and so uh so i have less brain matter than like you or is that why you get deja vu so much was that um were you sorry before i feel like i stepped on you were gonna imply that i have not enough brain matter is that the joke you were about to do no it's an old joke but i the dog is here he takes three people so i was switching it up for the dog but i noticed that that was i noticed the cadence what you saw was my eyes sort of sort of fall when you kind of interrupted no i didn't notice it from there i thought i thought to myself the potential of the joke that would never be let's try it for real don't not try it just because i don't do that okay i don't do that and i don't allow audiences to bully me into taking shots i will take them when i want or not take them at all it's not for you to decide what's the matter you won't take a shot come on dude i flew all the way over here from national olympics why won't you take a shot with me okay see i yeah i don't know when you're being serious now so you had a golf ball size golf ball taken out of your brain right um a golf cart is what i call it and and uh and and what what changed in your body and mind well it was it was a couple of things um also while you're thinking about it it's it's like mania before well i have a brain injury so every time you make fun of me for anything within neurodivergence um which is isn't that the maze runner people that wrote the major yeah exactly do you know what i'm talking about yeah there's like a trilogy of like divergence something maze run or something anyway earlier in the episode when you said whatever you said i can't tell if he's like yes i have not i do know i wanted to have him be i wanted him to be rewound uh when he went i'm sure he said the thing backwards i wanted to put a rewind effect on the real way he said it so it sounded like the rewind was going to actually sound like that's what i wanted to do at the beginning but then the whole john michael isn't real thing yeah and that was great too yeah it was good it's no it was good and it was longer your standards are wrong a lot of people's standards are low or like mine high standards but some are just wrong all right that's what you get a lot right well i thought that's what you said whenever there's a lull i bring up sinners no i i was i was trying to imply like every time there's a little in conversation people are like so you play basketball oh because of your height right don't a lot of people say did you play basketball they ask if i play basketball because i guess i have this reputation of being the best basketball player that is a comedian or even in the funny business that's probably true except no adam sandler is pretty good played against him really once i can't say we really played against each other but we played together once and we guarded each other but yeah i'm i'm i'm um i'm not here to sell my abilities i'm just saying people bring up basketball a lot to me yeah that's what i'm saying is it's like is that fun or are those straight um they're by it's so funny that you can just buy those on hollywood boulevard you know what i mean hey man sticks to glue rubber and bones everything you do it turns to stone can't fool me twice can't fool me again probably once shame on that shame on you for fooling me once knock knock mania you've heard it yeah you know when i was um when i first moved out here i went to hollywood at the hollywood improv and they had this t-shirt green t-shirt i wanted it but i never performed at the hollywood improv and i thought i'm not going to get that shirt until i perform it here oh that's a great kind of jim carrey story really yeah that's fun that you're like one day i'll be able to wear that shirt because i perform at the improv that's what you're saying right i have footage of this shirt that i bought a year and a half after i moved here that i wore during uh an audition submission tape for snl because a manager had at the time said that i should submit an audition for him i don't that's i don't do characters but you have to do characters yeah And I think I wore that shirt during all the characters. I'll show you an impression. I could show you me as Denzel Washington, me as Blake Griffin, me as Brad Garrett, me as Jada Pickett-Smith, or me as Edward Norton. What would you like to see? Oh, boy. I mean, you know, you'd think Jada Pickett-Smith, but. I'm pretty sure that was just me belching. To be honest with you, I'm serious. Do you really? It's unbelievable. And then here's Denzel. Probably my best one. Wow. That's incredible. That's incredible. That's incredible. Couldn't believe it when I saw that. Who are you talking to? Because I see it. I see it when it happens. Well, as we see it. They don't add it afterwards. This is great. Yeah, man. You've got awards and you've got that thing right there. Yeah. It's funny that you say that because I think of this as an award more than I think of these as awards because of why I have this. That's what I think, too. I don't think any of them are awards, but I think the one in the front. Well, you know, I trust your heart. And you should trust me. That's fine. So we're on the same page. Yeah. It sounds like I love your wife. I wish I was. Or as this cat would say, long time. Oh. Did you stop my cake? No, sorry. Yeah, I think you guys would get along. I think you should do this PCS program. It's expensive. What's money, man? Will you, like, give me an idea? Like, how much it costs? Yeah. I mean, you can go to PCIntensive.com, I think. But it's like $4,000, you know? It's like $4,000. $3,200 if you use promo code TISO. TISO. You did it. You did it. Yeah, that's right. I'm kind of switching it up because Red Robin sent me a cease and desist. New smells. That happened fast. It did. Is that what you were checking your phone for? Yeah, I wanted to see. And it did come through. So you're in town doing some podcasts and shows. Are you here to do podcasts? Or you're here and you're doing podcasts? Because it seems like you don't have anything in particular to promote other than going to TJMiller.com slash TISO to find out when he'll be performing in your city. It's TJMillerDoesNotHaveAWebsite.com. That's too long. Why don't you go to PunchUp.Live slash TJMiller. You love it. You love Punch Up. Your version of my Tubi is Punch Up Live. Couldn't have said it better, so I won't try. Yeah, I think that's exactly right. And I love that you have a Tubi in your life because I'm so happy having, Tubi in my life. Because of the critic. And I want people to also have something in their life like that. Like Punch Up? Like Punch Up backslash live. Early riser backslash. You know what? I actually, I think for SNL, I did an impression. I didn't do an impression. I was thinking early riser made me think of Paul Reiser, but I was doing a Jeff Goldblum impression during a Subway commercial. And John DeWalt off camera said, Paul Reiser's coming in soon. Maybe we swipe to it, maybe not. It's just a lot of work and nobody gives a shit. I love it. The swipe right and swipe left thing. Because I didn't, you never explained it to me. So it's a fun, one of the fun things about doing this podcast is you sort of learn as you go, like, oh, that odd behavior he was doing. That has to do with the show. So at the beginning, when I put my hands on the ottoman and you told me not to, like it was your empire, so I put it on the tray instead, I was trying to have a moment of real connection to explain a couple of beats of this thing when we were referencing John Michael, the editing, some of the things, the rewind that I wanted to do because I understood that it was a bit of a, I understand you don't know what's real, what's not. Give them anything they want to use. It's clay that we'll make out of, but you were not wanting to leave that game. And I get that and I appreciate it. I'm a huge fan and I mean that. However, I was trying to explain earlier. Yeah. Well, but didn't you want it to be funnier than explain it since either way, I wasn't like, what's this, what's this, what's this swiping left and swiping right thing? That never happened. All of it was great. The only thing I would have loved to have been able to do is to get that rewind effect bit in. Well, we did. You brilliantly put it together just now. You said later on in the podcast. But we needed you to say the words exactly as you said it, but like exactly how you said it. So it sounds like, you know. That doesn't sound rewinding. You don't understand comedy, dude. I know, it's rough. You know what? How about we do ourselves a favor? I mean, it's not said on that. You don't understand comedy, man. Why don't we do ourselves a favor and fast forward to the end? Because at the end of the day, we got to go back. He loves this. Does he really? I don't know. I saw a video of a dog. A person put on a song saying like the dog loves this song. He sings to the song. And then they put in the, they had Alexa put the song on. Just waiting because I said that people's gut went off. Sorry about that. Then the dog starts howling in key almost to the thing. And people, a lot of people like this is so cute. This is so cute. And then somebody's like, you know that the dog's doing that because he's uncomfortable. And then you have the comments underneath where I'm listening to like, you know, eating the popcorn and reading. It's like, fuck you, Karen, you fucking miserable cunt fucking hack Jew bitch. And other people like, yeah, but I actually happen to know this. I'm a dog behavioral specialist. And that is true. Yeah, really? Because my vet said it's fine. Vets don't deal with dog behavior specialists. That's funny that you say that because my vet happens to deal with it. And it's just like, dude, the hate bro. What's it all about being a YouTube personality? I was talking about Instagram there. Really? What's it all about? I think it's about commodifying people's time. And we have decided that we either don't realize that we have, we either don't realize that or decided that we don't care. And I think it might be the latter. And yeah, man, distractions are healthy and unhealthy. And I think that to know the difference, the first step is to understand when you're being distracted. And I sometimes even know this will forget as I'm going through until I'm on it for 45 minutes. I will literally throw my phone after I put it in the phone. So it could touch me. It could touch my indoor stuff. Yeah, I, I kind of, I kind of, I sort of don't do it. Like if people send me an Instagram post, like a video, that's really funny. I'll watch it, but I won't do this. I just, I won't occasionally swipe to the next. Yeah. Occasionally I'll do it accidentally, but then I'll maybe only see three things. And so I really try and have my social media be like output and then like interaction. Yeah. And then I don't input really anything, but it's hard to do, man. Like I can't necessarily see that's amazing. You're up there. Go up there. I love it. See, that's what I love is you, you sort of draw people into this kind of world that you have. And it actually, it's not a bad thing. It's nice because it makes people be more considerate. I should in general, try and be a more considerate. Thank you. Thank you. I do think that one of the benefits of this type of stuff is it does offer an environment that it's easier to be present in. You know, by acknowledging the thing, sometimes it becomes over communication, but like just to be aware of everything that we're doing. Yeah. And of course, all I want to do is bite this. You can. I'm not gonna. I would wash it, but you can bite it. I sometimes will put something in the sink and it's intentional. I don't want to do this right now, but the understanding of, and I trust future Rick to take care of this. Cause I, I think there's an interesting to have relationships with yourself in different ways. Of course you have your relationships with the kid version of you, but I sometimes have relationships with like, what will Rick tonight want? And like, I could speak for Rick for tonight as long as Rick to tonight happens. And he goes back. He's like, why did you say that? I didn't mean that I, they have to trust each other. And I don't want to lose that trust for one another. And that's a real motivation for me. Sometimes I said that I would do this type of thing, but it's like, before I go to bed, I'm going to clear the sink. I almost always do always, but sometimes, it's like, Hey, you know, like I'm, I'm watching something. I'm finished eating. I don't want to keep eating. I don't want to leave this here. I'll keep eating. Let me put this away, put the plate. I'm just gonna put in the sink. I'll take care of it later, but I have to take care of it later to allow that guy to have that moment. Thanks for listening, man. I think it's really, it's kind of fascinating. You're so bizarre, but it's not, it doesn't, how bizarre it doesn't really, there's nothing negative about it. It's just very, you know, because I, and then also, I think you just described something that everybody does, which is if I put this here, then later I'm going to take care of it. But I think it's fun and interesting that present Rick has to talk with and have a covenant to bond with future Rick. And he's can't do that unless future Rick comes through. And so when future Rick becomes present Rick, then present Rick is like, I told past Rick. Yes. That I, I wouldn't be the future Rick that ends up being the present Rick that doesn't take care of this. And I want, I want me as present Rick who wants to be present Rick. be able to talk to Futuric later, I don't want to break that trust. So that's really something everybody does, but they're not talking to three versions of themselves. I don't know if everybody thinks about that so much. And it's more fun the way that you're discussing it. When somebody says- Because it involves time travel. That's the best part of it. Everybody wants to do time travel thought experiments. Those have been around as long as Primordial Man. But truly. You ever say you're going to do something, and then it comes time, you're like, I don't want to do this, and you don't do it? I think a lot of people could connect to that. Yeah, I don't think I do that that much, but I think you're right. There's a lot of people that go, I don't know. And I think that even subconsciously creates- The diet starts tomorrow. I think that makes them start to not trust themselves or the previous version of them. So it's holding yourself accountable. I feel that way with lying, too. I'm a human being. I've lied. I'll lie. But not really. I try, when I'm conscious of it, I really try not to. And if I catch myself doing it, I think I'll want to admit to it. Because I'm not doing any favors unless I'm doing favors. And I think those are the times that you're allowed to lie, right? Like if somebody said, you know, did TJ Miller, did TJ Miller, let's say you pooped on my thing. Yeah, I'm not going to hit someone. Oh, okay. You know what? Partisan tone. All right, we got rid of them. Is there a funnier thing than pooping? Poop? Yeah, we didn't. That's not real. We cleaned it up. Don't worry, you didn't poop. All right, thanks. And now we find out that you're embarrassed about that. And then if someone were to say, did TJ Miller poop on your couch? Somehow, maybe McCone said that. I would say, I would try to not lie, but I wouldn't want to say yes. So if the only way to make people think that if you were embarrassed and that's a personal thing, that's nobody's business, I'd say, no, he didn't. I wouldn't love that, but I would do it. But what I prefer to do is be like. Who told you that? So I could then figure out the situation for next time, McCone, and have a conversation with him privately. But I'd be like, I don't know what you're talking about. I mean, I have a blanket on my couch in case something happens. Maybe something got on it. I don't know. You finesse it. I'm talking too much. I'm high. I'm having a great time with you, though. It's just little white lies. No, I'm loving it. I mean, this is, it's kind of, I don't know if I said this or if I said it when I was on Stephen Baldwin's podcast. You do bring that up. You bring it up a lot. I just want you to know because you said that you don't. And you do bring it up a lot. I haven't brought it up. Okay. But Stephen Baldwin and I were talking, and I was like, Steve, you know, Steve, give me. The way you looked up, I could see you were happy with it. I get it. And he does get it. And so, I don't know. He's got cool style, too, doesn't he? Yeah, he's kind of doing his own thing. He's a nice guy. He's a very I don't give a fuck guy. So that's what I thought was funny. Because you are. Are you a I give a fuck about everything guy or more of a I don't give a fuck about anything? Buddy, all your coins are missing a side. Well, yeah, and that's the side. That's the Glassman side. Yep. The Glassman. It's a prism. It's not. We should do prism instead of a coin. Roy G. Biff? I used to have a joke about that. That you went to school with Mr. and Mrs. Biff's kid, Roy? No. Although that's a pretty good joke, too. Yeah, I went to school with a Mr. and Mrs. I don't remember. Mr. Mrs. Biff had this this kid, Roy G. Yeah, that's good. Thanks. Mine was I don't remember it, but it was about I went through each of the. I went through each of the colors of the rainbow and I don't know. It was a joke. You ever have a joke that you're proud of? Like that doesn't work. Not even at the time. No, that you're proud of. And it does work. But it kind of. But it kind of. I don't know. You're just like this is this is not long for this earth. It's this is only going to be around for another few months or six months. And it's not it's not something that's culturally relevant. And no, it's not culturally. It's just it's it's never going to be on the greatest hits album. So you don't you should probably be writing other stuff and trying to. You should be writing other stuff anyway, bud. But I know. You're telling me, buddy. And you went. Is there an ankle socks, huh? Yeah. Bombas are one of the companies. I've been wanting to get as a sponsor for a long time because I wear them almost exclusively. And they won't do it. They're good socks. I just got the Vermont darn tough socks. Darn tough. Is that the catalog that everything is a drawing? Maybe. Maybe not. Or should I say not to be. We never got back to that. But I miss thinking about. Oh, can I tell you something? You tell me about the socks. I'll remember. No, you just you should check them out. I'll text you like the the website. They're cool. Thanks. They could sponsor your podcast. Darn tough dot com slash punch up slash live punch up is your tube. So I would love to tell you I'm not I'm not I'm not pitching you what's better. I'm pitching you a possibility. You're in the room with a quibby. You can't go back in time unless you have a certain relationship with yourself. But if another situation like this comes to be. Here's a suggestion that I feel is a tag to that that you don't want to have to do. But you have it almost like as a sideboard. Do you know the term sideboard in gaming? Yeah. Would you like me to explain it? I'd love that. Magic. Let's say you have a 60 deck card, right? You're a lot of a sideboard of up to 15 cards. So when we're playing a game best out of three, I play with my deck. But now game two. Now that I understand your deck, I can have up to 15 cards that are sideboard that like, oh, he's playing an all. If I have a 60 card deck, I might want to have something that taps all islands or something where I could then take however many cards I take from my sideboard. I could replace from my deck and put it in to kind of like call an audible to like, now I know what I'm playing against. So ideally, or to be or you go, I guess you could say it's this is to this is meant to be. Is that what you said? What is it you say? I said the question is to be right. Okay, so that's how you want to do. That's your 60 card deck. And then they laugh. They're like, great, nailed it. If they don't, a tag that you could do not to make it better, but to help them understand what you're doing is. So say it again. So I guess ultimately the question is to be. And then people are scattering around. So I'll look at you and then say it and then look away. So I guess you could say the only question is to be. Or. No, come on. You would look at me if I said or. Otherwise, you're just ignoring me and you're being. You're being rude. And then you might as well play a gong. No, no, no. So play it real. I just did. I did. What I did was I had her start to turn back, but then like stay the course. But then that's why you say or. And now, oh, not to be, she would say. And if not, I'd go like this. So let's do it. And then react however you think it would, but be somewhat honest. So I guess the only question is to be. Okay. Or. We'll take it. And now you're a fucking streaming star on Tubi. I couldn't believe it. Imagine. I would love to have an overall with Tubi. If you were in a cartoon and you were to say, I could picture it now, what would you do with your face after you said, I could picture it now? Oh, I see what you mean. Wow, that's a great one. I mean, I guess. I can picture it now. Yeah. Come on. What a funny device. Oh, no. Wait, what happened? What happened? What happened when you got an overall Tubi? How long was I out? A couple of seconds at most. Tell me, what happened? Because it seemed like you were excited. That's the thing about the seizure. A seizure, you kind of check out completely. And then when you come back to, everybody around you is like freaking out. You come back to. Yeah. And screaming. What? You come back to. Gather. To not a. Bust a nut? No, no. You come back to. Paris. Yes. Great. And the. I could see it now. And the podcast was over. I can see it now. And then what you do is. We zoom into the thought bubble. Oh. And that's just the opening to the movie Airheads. Yeah. That's kind of my. School of thoughts. This is great. Which is the sequel to Jack Black's movie. I'm telling you, it's worth it. Is it worth it? Yeah. What is that for? Physical therapy. That's amazing. Did you hurt yourself? I don't know if I would word it that way, but yes, my shoulder is injured. All right. I dislocated my shoulder. That thing's great, man. Yeah. I'm very jealous of that. Well, that's the. That's like when you live in California, you get to have that kind of stuff. Although that is Australian. I just don't think I could put it in my home. Kate wouldn't let me. I'm so sorry. You remind me. You call your butt your home, right? You did it. Yum. Hey, you want to prank call Red Robin? I don't really do prank calls on the show, but. Yeah, let's do it. But here's the. - No problem. - I'll do it on my phone. let's see if it works but it didn't work on my phone like we couldn't talk but so when you unplug this we can only hear when you oh that might be something with this this one got it i'll probably try it again though at some point it's your fans must be so wonderful you know to be a big fan of rick glassman that's really something but i just got an iphone 17 and it's fucking amazing is that one of the iphones where you're allowed to see porn on it what it's an nc17 joke it didn't hit and it's my fault i was swinging it was a pitch yeah swinging at a pitch definitely not this but yeah the bad version um yeah i love that i love that in a raiders writers room and you have to you can maybe make fun of it once but you like have to do it but i think it offers it offers value say it yeah but but but there is a good short i'm not saying this but is a real thing like i i want to pitch you a tone a device or a punch line but it's not this but like what is it no i always say it's not this but and then i'll give the idea and we'll yeah we'll sort of right you know there's a better version of it but you're pitching an idea one way or another red robin it's a marvelous apartment rick i just want to call you rick something like extend that i like extending people's names yeah you can say glass john is jonathan but like rickathan or rickert rickard glass man rickard's a good name how did the two of you meet thank you for calling red robin small home of the big yum burger deal you are on a recorded line you know i'm bobby lee how can we assist you today i'd like to speak to somebody about uh purchasing a red robin i can help with that would you like me to transfer your calls with team member who can assist you with purchasing yes please oh can you help me with something yes absolutely please tell me what you're looking for in exact terms i'm looking to just be careful okay hello i thought they put us through the customer representative man do you like shopping are you a guy that's like oh fun let's go shopping yeah i was just gonna ask him you know where i could stream hairheads that would have been really funny uh i do like shopping i like buying stuff not even buying stuff i like thinking about stuff about like sometimes i'll be on door dash and i'll look at tons of restaurants and i'll type in what i want all the modifications i don't even get it i mean i'll probably get one thing but like i'll just want to do tons of things just because it's fun like the what if yeah man shopping i don't know that i love shopping but i was just wondering if you're like a guy and i guess i have a lot of like it interests me whether or not you're a blank guy yeah you're you're two sides of the coin you're a binary you're you understand things binarily and i could say that yeah but there's there's a bunch hey girl hey girl hey i think you might have done that perfectly actually you got it he got it um yeah i was less are you this guy or this guy in fact that's not it at all it's more like are you more of like a shopping cart no matter how much how many items you're getting or are you like a shopping sort of you know basket guy i'll it's only a couple things i'll go in and if i know what i'm getting if i'm gonna get three things or more maybe i'll get a basket depending how small they are sometimes i'll be like i don't know what i'm doing so i'll get a cart so i have the option sometimes i'll go and be like i don't know what i'm doing so i'll get a cart so i have the option like there's this one thing i want maybe i'll get some more stuff but like when i walk to the grocery store which i do often i'm thinking listen anything that's more than the basket i'm not going to take home so i'll take a basket i'll get a basket just kind of almost to keep me accountable yeah so you're more of a shopping basket guy or or nothing at all but i do carts all the time yeah i'll get a lot of stuff i'll use a shopping cart there it's not like i haven't used one i think i use them all the time i do it's actually it's something i grew up doing so people call me shopping cart glass we we've been we've been in my household we've been laughing so hard martin short i just read his autobiography and he had all these it's cool to read an autobiography now because on your phone you can look up the sketches that he did or news but it's like you have a it's like swiping in a podcast yeah it's really cool it's a lot cooler than that and so he kind of he kind of goes um he goes i need this character to be able to be a lawyer and he says i don't know but i can't think of an idea and somebody said you should just do an impression your impression of the makeup artist and rick it is that's how we found jiminy glick almost he did this character nathan therm and it's the most offensive person on the planet um as he smokes a cigarette the whole time and the ash just gets longer and longer and he's and so we've been saying this to each other like basically asked me or tell me that something has happened like i was rude throughout the podcast or something like that i do want to wrap this up soon we could do that i also want to say and we'll edit this out but there were a couple times in this podcast i i get you were trying to make a joke i felt you were being a little rude yeah that's oh fuck he's such a good actor all right two over time um okay i will i do i do want to say though because it's gonna you're not gonna know what's a joke what's not there were some times and i'll i want to send them to you i'll edit them out because there's a couple of times that i don't know if you'll be happy with how you look you were i think you came across a little a little rude no i didn't dude do you know what i'm thinking right now do you you do right because you made a clip out of it there's a clip that i have in an episode that i just did um with lisa gilroy and ben schwartz yeah uh where i got an audition for a movie to play a hurler nope curler what's this one girl curling yeah and the guy they want me to play is zoftic and what's zoftic isn't your dick always soft heavy and um say it again i have a comeback isn't your dick always soft no do you think because that joke and what martin short did am i just as talented as martin short yes absolutely but try one more ready so you'll say you were being rude and i'll say no or not you say but you were okay and i'll say no i wasn't and then you say you were so basically just you want yeah yeah it's just three at bats yeah yeah unfortunately you could have just said that i know but i didn't know how to articulate it back then past stop looking at the fucking screen so you can see them in your peripheral so that maybe you would catch my i don't know maybe all of the whip pans that glasses ass deserves that's exactly what you said about me but i thought you were being a little rude when you said it no i wasn't you were we just saw it no i wasn't yeah you were i know that why why would you think that i don't know that and it's so funny that you would think that i know i know what i know what rude is now you sound like trump with the epstein files tell me no come on i got it he'll Now you seem like Trump with the Epstein files. I won't do it a second time. Well, you either could have done it the second time or the bad version. I think it would have been funny if you said, uh-uh. The bad version. There's not just two sides to that coin. What about a third option where I go, I won't do that again. That's kind of the same as the second. That's an alt, but the same thing. It's a little bit shorter, which it rolls off the tongue a little more. Interesting that you say that because I thought his biography was quite long. For all the times you stood by me. This is why I end every podcast if you could sing this. For all the joy that you let me see. No, I wouldn't. All right, well, I guess we'll keep going. Let's see what else. TJ, I think that's it because this has been a long one. Oh, it's been so great. I would do this with you all the time whenever you're back. Dude, I would love to continue my search. For, are you more of, are you like a shopping cart guy? Because you're so specific that there's all these things where I usually look at somebody and I go, you're more of a shopping cart guy. Yeah, I think you do get the card because you're being lazy, but you're sort of a shopping cart guy. Okay, what do you think of my cone? Do you know or because you haven't talked to him enough, you can't do that with him yet. I haven't talked to him enough, but just from the looks of it, he'll grab a shopping basket, yeah? He always goes cart. He looks like a cart guy to me. And then that actually tells you a lot about a person. It doesn't. Yeah, it does. It tells you a lot about your trust in your own projections. Well, and your prejudices. Yeah. This has been, take your feet off. The couch and put them back on when there's a blanket. With Rick Ritt. I'm going to call you Rickert. I don't know why, but that feels like a fun TJ and Rick nickname sort of thing. You also like to do that, like what you did with Quibi. Tubi. Tubi. Edit that out. Swipe back. And then, this kid's got claws. right so i guess that's where you find airheads go to tj miller.com slash punch up live for no website tj is going to be in the new movie yogi bara 3d about the guy baseball guy and uh also this place nobody goes there anymore it's too crowded i get it i get it you know um a lot of times people say uh uh if there's a fork in the road take it i'd say if there's a spoon in the road um just figure out if you need to use a spoon if there's anything that sort of involves you have to eat soup or anything like that or it's a four spoon yeah it's a floor spoon now so you don't need soup with this it's really just tunneling yeah back to shawshank redemption you love that movie i cannot stop thinking about the fact that you can watch shawshank redemption on tubi theme music um you would you would hate i i pick food up off the floor and i'll eat it i would love that the reason i would love that is the same reason why i actually see value in spiders do i have to explain no i love spiders i saved two of them today when i first got back to our i saved them do you mean you took them outside without killing them or do you mean they were drowning and you took them out of a pool what do you mean when you say you took them out of a pool you took them out of a pool you say saved them they uh they were sort of in the shower because i hadn't been there in a while and so why are you showering you got me on that one i also live in new york city rick i just got glassed so by the way this is all under the theme music so let's wrap it up with the glass uh you know get the little spider and then put them out of the window so releasing them into nature just throwing them out the window what floor do you live on and what that's t.j miller from t.j miller.com slash punch up now check out the title card and watch this polaroid so i'm gonna take a polaroid of you so fun dude