Sword Play

(upbeat music) - Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconon. Okay, let's get started. - Hello, hi, Zach. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. (laughing) - Hey, Matt, how you doing? - I'm good, how are you? - How you doing there, Zach? Zach Tarantelli is your name. I'm not asking, I'm telling. (laughing) You're an animator from Ohio. Is that correct, sir? - That's 100% correct. - And I can tell from looking at you that you are a ginger, welcome to the club. (laughing) Just in the beard, though. - Hmm. - It's the hair is, the hair is like blonde, like dirty blonde. - Okay, that's very strange. That's probably a sign of insanity. But I think we just have to accept it for now. I know that my beard comes in redder than my hair. - Oh wow. - Yeah, it's more aggressively like copper. - No idea what that is. Yet below the waist, blonde. - Oh, nobody asked, not even. - It's like fiber optic, it's just like see-through. You know what I mean? - And also it changes, you know what it's fish that's so deep down that you can kind of-- - And you know what, it changes colors like the sphere. (laughing) A lot of rock bands want to perform down there. Anyway, let's move on. Zach, it says here, and I have notes on you. Oh, I've got an old dossier on you, Zach, that you are the head of animation for Zach D-Films. Is that right? - That's right, different Zach, but yes. - Okay, that's right, does that matter? - Conquering the world together. - And you guys are very successful. It says you have 27 million followers and you've done, you're an animator of over 70 shorts. Is that correct? - I personally animated 70 shorts for the channel before I moved into my current position, yeah. - That's so cool. - That's, I mean, first of all, I'm a long fan of animation raised on the very best of the Warner Brothers cartoons, the classics, worked on the Simpson. So I've always loved animation and admire what you people do, I really do. - What do you love about it? - Well, I love that it sort of brings the, first of all, you can do anything. Anything can happen. And so whether it's Ren and Stimpy or a classic Roadrunner Bugs Bunny and so many of the great animated shows today, anything can happen that's in your imagination and it can really get perverse, which is my true joy. - 100%. And I know that you would love that because you're basically a cartoon yourself. - You know what? Thank you for saying that because I do, I've often thought I'm a cartoon character. My motions are exaggerated. My hair is a ridiculous cupcake. I act like Woody Woodpecker. And yeah. - You look like Olive Oil, you know. - Pardon me? - Nothing. - What was that? - Nothing. - Okay, I didn't, yeah. - Listen, I heard what you said and I don't disagree. - I'll buy before the spinach. - No, no. - Even better. - Yeah, a blend of pop by before the spinach, yeah. - And Olive Oil. - Okay, so that's all to be admired, Zach, that you have these amazing skills. And I'm glad you think of me as a cartoon character. Please turn me into one because there has yet to be a successful Conan animated short. And I think that's your territory, Zach, you could do it. - Well, it's so funny you bring this up and I feel like the producers are gonna hate me because we just talked about this. But I did do a little animation for you. - What? - And I was gonna email it to somebody. But I gotta tell you, here's the thing. I can send it to you. - What's the matter? - The problem is-- - Nothing's the matter. - It doesn't, he's a great animator. - What's the problem? - What's the problem, why you, you know? - The problem is the great animation takes time and I only had like two days to put it together. So, I didn't, I want the world, I did it for Conan. - Yeah, for Conan. - Well, why can't we look at it? - I'll send it, well, I want to send it to you but I don't know if I want the world to see it, you know what I mean? - It's got my name on it, you know? - Like, it's, is it of a sexual nature? - I mean, some could interpret it, I saw it. - Okay. - Well, no, it's fine, it's just, you know, we will not share it. - You know, we won't share it with the world. If you send it to me and then it accidentally gets online and it's attached, as Zach D films and people rate your work based on that, that's just, who can help that? - That's something that we can help. - You see my conundrum, I lead it to you. - Or your Conan-Brown-Ted artists. - Sorry, a little self-obsessed. - Is it, are we cutting this soon? Are we ending this? - Oh, no, no, no, no, your career is over but my interview with you will continue. Oh, look, there's some weaponry on the wall behind you. - Not only that, but there's dedicated lighting for that weaponry. - Yeah, I know, I had to be all extra about that. - That's okay, we have someone in studio who also likes to buy medieval weapons online and then sort of charge them back to the show. His name's Aaron Blair and he's currently being investigated by the Internal Revenue Service along with his mother. - When I, when I, thank you for the introduction. When I interviewed Zach, the first thing I asked was about the swords and the last thing you asked. - We talked about it for like half an hour. - But I was asking about the swords and they are, they're the same sword, right? - Zach, it's the same, it's, yeah. So it is a replica of Aragorn sword and for Christ's say, reforged narsoe. - Ooh, he's in hers. - So they are both, the story is, I have a, like an eight foot one behind the computer and it didn't have a sheath. So I bought a sheep knockoff for the sheath but the sheath is too small and they sent me. - You guys just want to have your armor. - So now I have it. - Are you blind? (laughing) - You've never seen God in so angry. - I just, I am. - Now I mean, hey, this is a problem we all confront. You buy an Aragorn sword. It's too large, the sheath is gone. You need to find the sheath, you buy a knockoff. That sheath is too small. Then you've got two Aragorn swords. Then you think I need a third one 'cause it's gotta be his and hers and then I get two tinier versions of the same Aragorn sword. - I wish nothing but ill upon you, sir. (laughing) I hope a plague of locusts fly up your ass. - You can wish whatever you want. I have three swords. - Now remarkably you have a fiance. (laughing) - Believe it or not, I do. - And her name it says, her name is Ash. Is that right? - That's right. - Tell us about Ash. And is she okay with you having the swords of Aragorn? Is she cool with it? - She was just bummed 'cause she was gonna buy me one and then it seemed agreed just at that point, so. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You found the right person for every Mickey, there's a mini and you found someone who was reaching for the same Aragorn sword as you at Colonel Buster's shop of bullshitery. (laughing) - No, I do wanna talk about Ash because she is amazing. She's like the most beautiful woman. I mean, she's incredibly talented. She's a singer, she's an actor, she's a writer. We met working at a regional theater together, both writing sketch comedy and performing, if that's lovely. - So she's the love of your life. - She's got a contract and soulmate by every definition of the word. - Oh, I'm very happy for you, Zach. - Thank you. - Is this correct? She's kind of into mysticism? Let's elaborate on that. Tell us about Ash. - She's a spiritual person, has warmed me up a bit to the idea, warmed this cold heart to accept there may be something bigger than ourselves out there. - Yes, you're sword. - She is long. - Just hanging behind your fucking computer. (laughing) - What's your obsession with my sword? - I know, I just can't forget about your big sword. - Yeah, your eight foot rod dog. - All right, take it easy. (laughing) - She has a very close relationship to the moon. - What? - And you're not jealous? - I know, how do you get that? - But tell us, talk about this. She's into the moon. - What do you mean she's into the moon? - I mean, she, you know, abs and flows, like the tie, it's within, I mean, she's connected like, I think a lot of spiritual people are, maybe they don't. - You're saying she's aware of it? - Yeah. - No, but you know, it's interesting. This is interesting is that you could say, it's not crazy to think the moon would have a significance on our lives because we are made of water and we all know that the moon controls the tides, affects the tides and is responsible for them. So, is it possible then that the moon would have significance in our moods and our destinies? - No. (laughing) - It's not possible. (laughing) - It's difficult. - It is challenging. - It's so glad we signed. - We signed, shut. (upbeat music) - Okay, she'll host like little, like, coven nights, surrounding the new moon and the full moon. - Wow. - There's lots of, you know, psychology actually behind, planting seeds and, you know, manifesting them through the power of thought. - I love that shit. - I love-- - Spoke 'em like a true spiritualist. (laughing) I love that shit. (laughing) So to spicy psychology, does this affect the way you schedule things with Ash? Do you try to look at what the moon is up to if you're gonna make a reservation or there's a big event coming up? Do you consult the moon? Do you let the moon guide your actions? - Well, I actually, I proposed underneath a super blood moon lunar eclipse. - Oh, whoa. And okay, so you knew what date that was happening. You had to propose, did you try to, I mean, how does that work? Do you have to wait at night 'cause you want the moon to be out, right? - Yeah, so I, you know, I told her, hey, what about, you know, in a week and three days we have our regularly scheduled nighttime picnics, you know, like we have never done before. - Right. - And she was like, okay, we're here, sure. And then of course, after I proposed and she said yes, she told me that she actually had it marked on her calendar, expect proposal this day. - Oh. - She is a witch. (laughing) - Can't you, couldn't you have done a better job of surprising her? (laughing) - I mean, no, I could have tried. - You know what you do. - You wait, you make sure you're in the house at the moment and then you yell, fire. And she has to go outside, right? - Oh, that's good, that's good. - Yeah, you need me in your life. - Where were you when I was planning this? - I fear the moon. I can get, I am so pale, I can get a moon burn. (laughing) My German teller just just said, avoid day and night. (laughing) Okay, so you and Ash, what are your plans for the future? Do you have the same values? Do you have the same fears? - I mean, I think we have values and fears that align. You know, we both value a lot of the same things like being a good person and putting positivity out into the world. You know, I think that the energy you put out is very similar to the energy that you attract. Whether that is spiritualism or psychology, I think it's all the same thing really, but we both try to live our lives. Recognizing the day that we have today is the good old days and really trying to appreciate what we have now before we're old, like some people. And you're looking back. - What, what, okay now, is this true, you don't wanna get too old. Does that, it sounds like you guys don't wanna get too old. You wanna stay young and then call it quits at what age? What age do you think you'd like to go out at? - I have the benefit of being a young man. So I have often joked that I would, you know, if I could go out at 75, I think 75 is enough life lift. - No, what are you talking about? - I don't know that I wanna live much longer. - I mean, at that point, you're just a burden to the people around. - This is name drop E, but I had the great privilege of getting to introduce the Rolling Stones a couple of days ago at this big event. And I believe Mick Jagger is 82. That guy's having the time of his life. And if you said I wanna, I wanna out at 75, he would laugh at you and then kick your ass. You, there's no, you couldn't kick my ass, though. - Oh, he could, you know why? - We'll probably, he has nine security guards. They could kick, he would just point to you. He would be the one responsible for your ass kicking, but he wouldn't do the ass kicking. Anyway, I think you will be amending that when you're 74. - I agree, of course, you know, by the time I get up there, I'll probably want a couple more years. But I actually, that's posting the 76. - Yeah, you know, just hitting the snooze button on me. - Yes, yeah, I love that idea. - That's our life works. - Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, you start to hear AM radio and you're like, no, I want a few more years. - That is a fear of mine is reaching an age where I no longer know who I am. - Well, I had that about four years ago. And let me tell you, it's not bad, 'cause I have forgotten many of my heinous crimes. They're, you know, so it's all just a dim memory to me. No, I appreciate wanting to stay young, but you can't plan now, you know? But let's say you guys both hit 75 and you want out, how are you gonna do it? - We've actually talked about this. We've discussed two ways. They're both very different. First is going out, thumb-on, Louis style, getting in a car and just driving right off the Grand Canyon. Then we're going out together, you know, at the same time. And the other way is, you know, the last of us, Nick Offerman style with some pills in the glass of wine and, you know, just fall asleep together. - Wow, this cut super depressing. I would combine the first of all of your air-gorn swords. - Yeah. You've got those swords, you might as well use them. - You know what I would think? People romanticize that Thoma and Louise ending. I know me. And if I was in that car with my beloved and we went off the cliff of the Grand Canyon, my whole thought the way down would be someone's got to get this car out of the Grand Canyon. And I would feel like, that's a drag. And people are going to be mad at me and what if we hit like some-- - You would do it, but you would leave, like, let's say, a $2,500 check behind for cleaning services. - For crane services, yeah. I think it's going to be more than that. Actually, to get that out. But I don't care if they have to split the difference. Trust me, I've looked into this. Yeah, I don't know. I just say, don't even worry about it. Your death is not your concern. Just enjoy life for now. And then when the time is nigh, grab seven of your swords and jump on 'em. (laughing) - Yeah, I don't know if I want to go out in that flashy of a way. I think-- - I think the piece falls. - Yeah, just a car off the ground. - A car off the ground, can you? - No, it sounds like-- - So besides your obsession with these arrogant swords, and of course, your work in animation and your growing interest in all things lunar, what are your hobbies? What would you say is your most interesting hobby? - Well, you know, actually right now I'm designing a trading card game with my brother and best friend. - Okay. - Is that two people or is your brother your best friend? - It's a little confusing. - He is my best friend, but then I have another, but I have five best friends. - No, you can't, it's not how we're involved. - No, I get it. - And what are the trading cards, just, you know, before we wrap it up, what's the trading cards? - The, so the game is called Alterverse, and the elevator pitch is interdimensional hunger games where alternate versions of history's legends fight together in an arena one-on-one. - Okay, so alternate versions, of course, we go right to Lincoln, what, one Lincoln versus another Lincoln? - What, as a warrior? - Yeah. - Yeah, of course. - Yeah. - When you serve Abraham Lincoln the night first is, you know, Abraham Lincoln bought the robot from the year 2022, but like Hank is Con versus Lincoln? - No, no, no. I think he's saying there's alternate versions of the, alternate versions fight each other. Does Lincoln bought, fight Abraham Lincoln, O Lincoln who lives in Ireland, and did they fight each other? - They could fight each other. You could, right now we have Sherlock as a robot, fighting Hercules as a caveman. So maybe not even like actual people that existed, just the legends maybe exist as reality and some other alternate dimension. - Have you worked out how the game works and the whole thing? - It's all worked out, we've been play testing it, we've been designing cards, it's, you know, I would challenge you in a game 'cause I know you would love that. I know you're actually dying for me to ask you to do that. - You know what? No one's ever read what a mind before. (laughing) But you have, you have. I would love to play you in this game, and he said lying. I'm, yeah. I don't know, that's, that game sounds, like obviously you're a very creative guy, you're a very talented guy, and so I'm sure. - Do you create things in your hobby? Like when you're just sitting around, if you've got a weekend off or anything like that, do you find yourself writing little things or doodling or doing any sort of creation? - I sign headshots to myself. - Jesus Christ. (laughing) - Headshots of me from the '90s to me, and then I sign them to me. And then I put them in an envelope, and then I open them, and I get excited. And yeah, and each time I open one, I'm equally excited. (laughing) - Wow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, it's a little game I called Narcissus. (laughing) - No, I have lots of little things. I do, we all entertain ourselves. I suppose in different ways. For me, obviously it's working on my body. - What's that? - Yeah. - I actually hear nothing. - You look good from here. - Thank you. I look best on a Zoom. What's been delightful talking to you, I mean it when I say you seem like a nice guy, and a talented guy, I'm very excited for you and Ash, who sounds amazing, and she's great. And I'm just, I'm happy for you guys. That's all I can say. Would I be happier if you didn't have the swords? - Yes, I would. Would I be happier still if your red beard matched your hair? - Yes, delighted. But I can't control these things. Does the whole moon thing creep me out and the coven's late at night? - Yeah, I'm worried, I'm really worried. Does the game sound fun? - No, no it doesn't. (laughing) - But all those things aside, Zach, I like you and I bless you moving forward in life. - Thank you so much. Honestly, it's a pleasure. three more swords in the closet, I was gonna send you one. - Okay, we have. (laughs) Zach, thank you so much. Seriously. - Thank you. Thank you all, it's been a really fun meeting you all. - And that's huge fan. - I salute you. - I salute you. - Bye. - Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liyah. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina, take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, get three free months of serious XM when you sign up at seriousxm.com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien, needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are down.