9. Svenskar, dejting och sex

-Podplay. It's your first advent on Sunday. For the first time, it's Sasha and Antoine who got to paint before the first advent. They actually want to do it already in October, but I felt a bit over it, so I put it down. And it was a compromise, so at home it's actually really Christmas already. And I have to admit that I love you. I've been longing for you for a long time. -You've been longing for Christmas perhaps? -I've been longing for a long time. And above all, it's even bigger with the kids. The kids have been longing for Christmas and I love Christmas. But I've been at the Christmas concert on Friday, but I haven't started painting at home yet. And that's what we're going to do on Sunday. -Good for the first advent. But now I'm starting to warm up in Christmas. -I'll share it up a bit. It's not going to be everything at once, but at least I think so. -But the advent has already started. Now you're positive with the cold need. -Yes, really, really. -And I've also been longing to start painting with our week of Swedish. And get to talk about dating and sex. Who doesn't like to talk about that? It's like everyone likes to talk about it. Maybe I'm the most, I don't know. -You're the most, you're the most. Viviane is so... At least I'm going to meet you, Fii, but I don't know... -And I'm longing to start painting with our week of Swedish. -You see here that I'm sitting here and looking a bit worried. I haven't been completely prepared for the advent of Swedish, but absolutely... -You've got all the info, but now it's too late for us to call out from the studio. You can't go back out now. It's extra fun to do this with our guest, as I said. We have a lovely, lovely girl with us in the studio today. She's strong, she's free-spirited and a very creative woman. And we like that. Warm welcome to us, Fii Lindfosch. -Thank you. -Welcome. -Thank you. -So lovely to be here. It's wonderful that you're here with us today, even though you're a bit worried and a bit nervous. -But it's not that she's not. She's had relationships before. -Exactly. Or you can't talk about things. It's too late. It's too late, Fii. -I'm sitting here. -I'm sitting here. It's just to drive. -Exactly. We've got a bigger one. -Yes. -It's coming out. Tell us about your experience. -I'm half Finnish. My dad came here as a year old. Half of the class is in my role. That's the position. And I don't know if I'm right about that. I'm thinking about how to make it look like. But it's nothing to be ashamed of, I think. -No. -That's why it's something you can choose to wear or not. Or whatever you want to say. It's not obvious. I have two children. Together with a Moroccan Jew, actually. It's a bit mixed up with my family. Really. And what do you do? Right now, I can say that I enjoy life the most. I took a break from my career. About a year and a half ago. I felt like I wanted to spend more time on children. And to be more creative. So I don't know what to do when I grow up. I haven't decided yet. -That was exciting. -Yes, but you... What? You write a lot. You have a fantastic inspiration on Instagram. Come on, Fis. And then... And you say, "Hello. Can you do it yourself?" -Yes, but actually... It wasn't like that. -Swedish. -No. -Okay, okay, okay. What I actually feel is a little hobby. It still works. So that's what I do. -That's because you think it's fun. And sometimes it's so hard to tell. If you think about what you do, it doesn't feel like you're working. -No, no. But I also think it's nice to take a break. Because under Corona, I know a lot of people who have done it. And everyone who has done it has done it. It's going to be so great. Because if you take a break, think about it exactly. What do I want to do? I want to spend more time with my family. And regardless of where it's been since, it's going to be fantastic. So good, more power to you. And our podcast is called "I'm Swedish". What does it mean to be Swedish for you? -For me, it means that... I want to think that there are a lot of good things like solidarity. I think it's a bit of a... It's like a team feeling. You wait for your tour in Cologne. You're correct. You're a little correct. And then there are some things that you can laugh at, which are a little more... Like I don't really like. I'm a little more unconventional then, have I heard or gone with my own brain? I love being spontaneous. I like just going out with my friends. But how do I get home? We make food, it looks like shit. But around that, we have nice things. And I think it's a bit boring here that it's always going to be so prepared. Can you come home to us in the middle of three weeks? And then you have to tidy up. Everything is going to be perfect. You're going to have bought flowers. You're going to have done all this to be able to feel that you can invite someone home. What do you think is a typical Swedish thing? Or is it a big city thing? Or is it a Swedish thing? Maybe you're thinking about it too. I don't know. You can be a mix of everything. Yes, it can certainly be. I think you've lived in a smaller city earlier. And you've lived all over the world. But I mean, let's just say that in Sweden... Well, for me, I grew up in the 80s. There weren't mobile phones. It was more legitimate to knock on someone. Maybe you don't do that anymore. Which is nice. Yes, it's so nice. At the same time, it's nice to be the one who knocks on someone. I don't know if I want to be the one who knocks on you all the time. Then maybe it's not always the same. I don't know. But then I think that one thing is that we live up more during the warmer months. And then we become more spontaneous. It's nice to have a barbecue night and follow along. And you know that you're starting to live. So maybe you have a little bit of that to do. When it's dark and cold, you just want to be free. So in three months, Sweden goes bananas. Yes, but a little bit like that. There will be a little medel-havet here. In Bitsa. Yes, a little bit like that. By the way, in Bitsa, we're having fun today. I mean, we always have fun. But this might be a bit... It's a bit tough at least. I don't know. We're going to talk about dating and sex. We're going to compare a bit of how it works here and in other countries. And if anyone wants to talk about their personal experiences, then it's up to you. I won't stop anyone. But before we start with that, we just want to take a look at one thing with you, Fii. Are you in a relationship or are you single? I'm dating someone. Yes, a little bit complicated. It's a little bit complicated. Yes, but good. Then I'll take a look. Thank you. I think we dive right down into dating. In Sweden, there is no dating culture. We're not dating in this country. Not in other countries, in any case. Why do you think we're so bad at dating in Sweden? And you're talking about both as singles and as couples in a relationship. So couples that date each other do not swing, but monogamous couples. That was very clear. Exactly. Exactly. And now I generalize myself. Fii, what do you think? Why is it difficult to answer? But you can feel that the difference is very obvious. Absolutely. And in some ways, it's a bit more... It's not that it's about the tenderness or the mood to dare to go to someone and say, "Hey, I'd like to date you." It's a bit like that. You might have to come back to Sweden that you want to be more safe. It's a bit of an argument when you talk to each other and want to hang out with each other or have a date or go for a walk. It's not our nature. But a bit more like that. And then it's a bit like... I can feel that on a good note. I can think it's a bit of a haggle now. But I can think it's a bit more... I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. I think it's a bit nicer when you've moved abroad. This equality, or equality, can that affect the dating negative? Yes. Yes, continue. I, those who follow me know, are very engaged in equality issues. I think it's a no-brainer, I'm a feminist. I think everyone should have equal rights and rights. It goes without saying, absolutely. If you take it to where I think it's been a bit wrong, maybe I'll take it. It's good, you have to remember to love it. We might be a bit wrong. The thing is, we're still couples. There's some kind of, if you take a sexual act, or what you're supposed to say, like relationships and stuff, it's like, if you want to call it male or female, or masculine or feminine, because you can have both in yourself. I think that somehow it's... I think it's misunderstood. It's over in that, as a woman, you don't need someone. You're supposed to be, you're supposed to be crafty, you're supposed to be... And you can be that. There's nothing that prevents it. But somehow it's a bit like, in what you can call the sexual act, I think it can be like, men might not feel that they're brave enough to take things for themselves, they might not dare to offer it, and they might wonder if she understands that she can't take care of herself if I offer her at noon. It's a bit of the same thing. We have equality, and we don't have the male-guaranteed, or we don't have the same equality, and we have that. I don't think that's what I'm talking about. You can do that, but then you have to follow. Yes, and then they can get both of them. Absolutely. But then it's like this. I'm attracted to a certain type of man, and there are many, many, many... Our values, the man I'm married to, and I think he's attracted to him. But then it's like, we're... It's not like I don't want to be myself, I don't want to be that. I think that we humans need humans. You're not independent because you... But it can be like, some men feel... Now he's not Swedish, so maybe that's why he dares to take things for himself. But I don't know. He's not Swedish at all. No, it's not. No, that's true. So it's like, I'm just thinking that he's... Exactly, that he's been there many years. So it can be like... Yes, so... But I think 100% that you don't have to choose. I think absolutely that you can have equality, but you still have to get that part as well. So you should be able to work. But I also think that it affects negatively on this. Because I also think that it's... It's also become a thing that you... I feel, again, that I also have... I don't need any... I'm going to show all the time that I'm standing on my own legs. Don't come here and look at me, what I'm going to do. Or what kind of... But you're sending out signals or what? Yes, of course. And that you're also... Maybe the one that's like... Hey! Like... That women are the ones who are very on and hunting. And that we're going to go out, or something like that. And I think that... That can also make a flattery in men. When you say, "I want a man to..." Which... Now I can generalize, I don't really know, this is my opinion. You can talk about it yourself. Yes, but I think a little bit like this, that I... I might not want to be the one who's leading a relationship, or if you're going to date or something like that. I want to be monitored. I want him to take initiative. That's my style. That's what I think about. And... I just feel that... I think that... Attraction... For me, that's... Yes, but I think we're saying the same thing. Because that's what you're going for. There are several different ways. But generally... Well, I don't know, I can't tell everyone. But you seem to be going for that. You'll have to answer what you... But I also like that. Yes, and I also like that. There are three people who are very different and feel the same way. Yes, but it's interesting. It was very, very long ago. When I was single, it was 24 years ago. It was a long time ago. Yes, exactly. So that's it. That's a completely different programme. But... Then you and I are just the opposite. Exactly. Totally opposite. But what I think is interesting, I have so many girls who are single, or have been single, who complain that the guy is so bad at being alert in Sweden. They think they're bad at taking initiative. The whole thing. They think they're stepping up. Just like you said. At the same time, as you say, it's crazy. So you go into a bar, it often happens that you come up to a girl, they look at you and say, "What the hell are you doing?" "Why are you coming up to me?" Almost as if you're in front of them because they're trying. And then they realize that you're discouraged. So that's so strange. It's like... Yes, but it's interesting. You sometimes feel that way. Yes. Yes, many times. But it can be that way. But it can also be that way that some men don't really see it. No. And then you have a lot of non-finger-top feelings. It's really packed. It's so hard to say no to a guy. You can be a bit shy. No, I'm just saying thank you for the compliment. Yes, exactly. But that's it. And I don't want to repeat it again, but remember that this was just the wrong thing this time. Go for a go, brother. Exactly. If you look at other countries, it's so packed, you and you have so much more. Why is it so, I think, for every second in the world there's some kind of possibility. There are people, there's not so many people who do this in the morning, at lunch, on the evening, on the clock. It can be anywhere. Why does it work like that? Then? Then we can go back. Sweden is different. They are single parents. The other ones, right? Yes, I think so. And we are from Stockholm. Exactly, Stockholm, exactly. We are very individualistic. I don't know, but we have an idea that it's a bit cheesy. But then I think you love to date. No, I think so. I think so here. I think so here, actually. Because you can feel it yourself, that maybe in other countries it can be that you go on a date. It's not a commitment. Exactly. It's a date. You see if you like this person. You don't do that. It's not a big deal. Because it's like no big deal. In the morning, you can go on a lunch date. Then you have a drink. Then you have a date in the morning. It's like this. And you date several people before you understand that this is the one I want to be. And it's not always that you have sex. No, no. The date is like that. Because I also know that. But the fact is that dating is to go and eat lunch. Exactly. In Sweden, if you say, "I date this guy." It's like saying, "We are with each other. We have a different relationship." Yes. It's a great thing. Exactly. It's so dramatic. In other countries, it's just part of life. No big deal. But in Sweden, it's like an arm thing. It's like you feel and know that this guy has something. But look at USA, for example. They really have a dating culture. It's a way to live. You meet people. But there was an understanding that you still have a culture of believing that dating is every step before you. It's like, it's supposed to lead to sex. Or that it means that you might get along. You need more dates. Yes, yes, yes. And I, just like that, I'm very American, I'm not Swedish, in my way of seeing dates. So you have to say, "Have you ever dated?" I was like, "Absolutely not." It was a date. Yes. Me too. Yes, yes, yes. Even if I haven't dated for a long time. No, of course. But it's visible. Yes, exactly. I'm exactly the same. And then I also think that dating is very fun in a relationship. In a relationship, I think dating is so important. It's so important. It's so important. It's enormous. It's like, you should have fun together. It's sad if you never date with each other and have fun things together. But I think it's nice that you and your husband, they've been together for so long too. I think it's important. Yes, absolutely. Yes, of course. But really, I think so too. In any case, because I need it. The attraction too. Yes, because I need it. I need it to feel that you date each other and have fun relationships. Yes. It's sad, the whole thing. Yes, really. But I have a theory about all this. A small part of the explanation, maybe, because there are a lot of answers. It's as simple as that. There is one reason. There are probably hundreds of them. But I think this can be a contributing factor. Let's see what you think. There is no country where there are so many people who are in Sweden. The One Night Stance is so accessible. People are so open and liberal when it comes to sex. That's what I'm talking about. And I think it's really important to do things because you don't need a date to be in Sweden. You get it then. And it's pretty long enough. You get quite a lot of easy access. I flew to Dubai quite far away. And one American guy called me who was around 130 years old. We came into relationships and he said something very interesting. He said that in Sweden it works contrary to when it comes to dating and sex. Because in the US you date to get a date. In Sweden you get a date because you might start dating. And a lot of people jump into dating all over Sweden. They haven't stopped dating so much that they just get together or they don't have to date because they're not interested in getting together because they want to get together. How do you think about this? What do you think? I think the clock is clean. Definitely. Definitely. I have a lot of friends who have tried to get me into Tinder. I haven't been there but I have been there. Have you? No, I haven't been there. No, I haven't been there. I've been on a different date. That's when someone has taken your profile picture. No, I'm going to... Exactly. And then I feel like we've talked a lot and it's really so... it's so poised. And I'm very free-spirited. Absolutely. And I'm like everyone should do what they want. You shouldn't scare someone. If someone wants to be around, good for you. That might not fit for me. But I can think that it's so fucking... I think it feels so tacky. Because it's like a girl who came to me and she talked to me and I was like she's really sweet. And then I started to think "Shall we see each other?" and she wrote to me "How are you?" "Are you out after something serious?" "Or do you just want to hug when you don't have your kids?" And I can think "Do you have to say that?" She was like "No, but God, I can't go and meet them." Because it was a delay. You can't just say "Do you want to have something serious?" Or something easy. You weren't asking. It was just words. No, it was words. It was words. It was words. And then she said "No, maybe it would have been something easy where you have a sexual relationship." But you have to be so fucking... It's so shitty. There's no romance. She doesn't want to choose words. It's so unclassy. Again, this is my opinion on Tinder. Maybe it's completely wrong to think that I haven't been there by myself. If you've heard so much that you've been asked or listened to it, I think Tinder is more like a sex app. I have to say one thing. I think when we go back to a Swedish girl, I can also see that you have sex from both sides. I assume men and women are with each other, or boys and girls, or girls and girls, or whatever it is. But above all, I can still feel that many Swedish women dare to act on their own. There's no shame in that. And that you dare to act on your own sexuality. So I can say that in both ways. It's impressive that he writes, if you tell them about this man who wrote it, it's just vulgar. But when a woman gets to choose, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think women are more like they act on their own in a different way. And in a completely different way. In that sense, I think it's positive. Very positive. In fact. In many countries and cultures, sex is almost taboo. You don't talk about it when you show it. It's a private matter that you can't see the light of day. In Sweden, it's not like that. I would say that we oppose these countries. It's private, yes, but also very dramatized. What do you think about our liberal and free attitude to sex? Zanna, what do you think? I think it's good. But then there's so much else. I think that it can be... We shouldn't go into politics, but there's... I think it's great that we can talk about things. But then there's the porn and there's a lot of different things. There's a lot of different things. There's a lot of different things. There's a lot of different things. There's a lot of different things. There's a son who also has a very smart... or girls who also think that they have to set up certain things and girls who think that girls have to... I think that's... it sets itself very early. Yes, it sets itself very early. Yes, it sets itself very early. There's a lot of different things. There's a lot of different things with both your children and someone who's 12. It's already... No, no, no. But we shouldn't go... No, no, no. But then there's sex. So everything is free. Yes. This aspect... No. I just mentioned it. But it's clear that you dare to talk about it and that it's not a scam. I don't think it's a scam better than anything else. So of course I'm glad that it's not a scam in a country like Sweden to be able to express them and be able to talk about it and so on. I remember... I can tell you something when I was a little... I think I was 10 years old. So I was watching a movie with my dad. Oh, no. Yes. And I remember now afterwards he understood that I think it was Cassanova as we saw. It was a costume drama and suddenly I saw how a couple started hanging out of the house against a tree. Or like they were just kissing. And dad, he flies. He flies up in the sofa. No, no. He doesn't turn off the TV. It's better if he turns off the TV. He turns off... He looks like a cross in front of the TV. He's looking at me. He stretches out his arms as far as he can and up and down to really let the TV go. He's like, "Vivian, you have to go into the room now. You have to go into the room and do something else." He's like, "Can't you just turn off the TV?" You know, and I was like, "Yes, you got me." Exactly. This was the absolute worst strategy in the world. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. 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