Surrender 101: How to Let Go and Let God

Welcome to the Therapy and Prayer Podcast. Here you'll find the intersection between faith and mental health. I'm your host Camille, I'm a licensed therapist and clinical social worker, but more importantly I'm a person who really loves the Lord. Here we take a faith-based approach to all things mental health and wellness because the Bible tells us to guard our heart and mind. And sometimes we need a little bit of help with that. Hi everyone, welcome or welcome back to the Therapy and Prayer Podcast. My name is Camille, I'm your host and I'm so happy that you're here with me. Thank you for being here with me. And thank y'all for rocking with me. If you have just got here, if you've been here for a while, we're trying to get our consistency back up. So thank you for being here, whether it's your first time or whether, you know, like we said, you've been around. Either way, I love you and I'm happy that you're here. Today's episode is going to be a follow-up, I guess you could say, to last week's episode. So last week we talked about hyperindependence and in that we spoke a lot about surrendering our will to God's will and learning to trust him enough to depend on him. And I got several questions about the how and wanting to know practically speaking, okay, but how do I actually do that? People said I want to surrender to God, but how do I do it? And I heard a lot of frustration, frustration that you all have been experiencing in your walk. And this seems to be something that comes up a lot rightfully so. And it's one of those things that we talk about and we know in theory, yes, we need to surrender everything in our life to God, his will always supersedes ours. It's not about what we want. It's about what he wants. But the application is a little bit more challenging than that. It's not as cut and dry as it sounds in theory. And that's what I want us to talk about today and we're going to be looking at that a little bit more. This episode is going to be a bit different because I don't know that there is like a step one, two and three. So we're just really going to dig in and talk about surrender. And I'll share some about what it has looked to like in my life. And I've got several scriptures for us to look at. And I kind of dissect this idea of of surrender and see if we can't pull out some like practical and applicable steps to help us in our walk. So this whole episode is inspired by a few questions that I got about surrender. So yeah, we're just we're going to let the spirit lead that is always my prayer, but I think especially today. Because I know that this is a topic that we struggle with and that we still struggle with. But it's one that we really want to get right, you know, we really want to be able to say that we are living a life, fully surrender to Christ or that we are trying to live a life, a loser, render to Christ. But this idea of letting go of our plans and ideas is a tough one, especially in the society that we live in that really champions those who get it out there. And to our self starters and you see a vision of you make it come to fruition, like that's kind of what we are working against here. So I really want us to take the time and I think it's worth coming back and having a follow up conversation. Because I know how badly we want to be pleased and take up, but this is a really hard one for us. This is also one of those things that we maybe have learned in one area of our life, but not in another area of our lives. Then we find ourselves still feeling stuck and feeling frustrated and feeling like we're in a cycle. And so like many other things when it comes to God and it comes to our faith, we don't just learn these lessons once we learn it over and over and over again. And we learn about different ways to apply it. And there's like an elementary level. And then when we're ready for it, then we'll get like the next level. So we kind of matriculate through these lessons. And this is one of those, I think. So we're just going to go where the Holy Spirit needs us to go today. And my prayer is that whoever is in need of some help with this is going to receive it. All right. So I want us to start with a definition. We like to have a working definition of something before we really get into it. So the definition of surrender is to cease resistance and to submit to authority. Another definition that I saw as said was something about not resisting an enemy any longer. I thought that that was really, really interesting. And I think we'll come back to a little bit of that a bit more. But from that definition, right to cease resistance and to submit to authority. Surrender basically means to stop fighting. It means to stop fighting. You're fighting against something or someone and you're putting your hands up and you're saying, okay, like I give up. That's generally the way that that we hear it used. And so I was thinking about that. And I was like, okay, if there is an opponent that we're that we're fighting when we're thinking about how to surrender to God. Does that mean that we're fighting against God? And I think in a lot of ways, the answer to that is yes. Now, what we need to remember is that the flesh and the spirit are always in opposition. And so the act of needing to surrender to God is really just surrendering to to this spirit and giving up on trying to allow your flesh to be leading anything. That's that's kind of essentially like what what the goal is. And let me also say this before we go go too far into this. I think that maybe some of us have an idea that this there is an act of surrender and that once we get to that place at it's like a one time deal. Okay, I have surrendered my life to God and and therefore now things will be easier. I now have more clarity now I will understand more. And that's not the case. Every single day we have to choose every single day we have to choose surrender and we have to choose to die to our flesh. This is all part of the same conversation because every single day we're still humans and we still exist in the flesh. So every single day we're always going to have that pull right that that war. Oh, there's a verse. Oh my gosh. What is it? Okay, found it. Galatians 517 for the desire of the flesh is against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh for these are in opposition to one another in order to keep you from doing whatever you want. That is a constant state. We are constantly in that opposition. So before we go any further, I need us to understand that submitting to God and submitting to the spirit is a daily hourly, really, minute, secondly decision. We are we are always having to make that decision. It's not just a one time thing and I it's important that we say this because I think this is why some of us are frustrated. This is why some of us feel like well, I did that I surrender to God and I'm still having this anxiety or I'm still not understanding or I still don't have this clarity. I did because we feel like we already did that, but this is not just a one time thing. It's what are in what ways are you surrendering to Christ today in what ways are you dying to your flesh today. So it's not only on the big plans that we're finally giving up on because we tried everything we know to make it happening. I was not happening. And so here God, now I'm surrendering to you. It's not just that it's not just throwing up your hands and surrender because you can't think of any other way to make it happen. So as a last resort, we're going to give it to God. It's not just that, but it is actively having an awareness of the fact that your flesh and spirit want different things and that every single day, we have an opportunity to choose Christ. We have an opportunity to choose to allow the spirit to lead, to submit to the spirit and to the authority of Christ in our life. That is the daily act of surrender that we all are called to. So we want to make sure that we're speaking about this in the correct context. I don't want anybody to be under the assumption that you submit to God one time and then you never have to do it again. That is a false narrative that I want us to be free from. I do think that when this comes up, it typically is in the context of life direction. And we often have an idea or vision for our life or where we want it to go or what we want to happen next and we're trying to make it happen and we feel like we're fighting against God. We're wrestling against God about the direction that our life is going in. I think that's the context that I typically hear this idea of surrendering the most. And so coming coming from that context, I think that one of the hardest parts, not I think I know one of the hardest parts about surrendering to God in that way and surrendering the plan for your life in the direction of your life in general. We have a hard time surrendering that to God and letting go of control because we have a hard time trusting him. We don't we may not think we do. But that's what's at the root of it. We have a hard time trusting and believing that he's going to do what we want him to do. We're believing that he is going to make a good decision or lead us down a path that is pleasing to us or we we don't trust that we're that he's going to lead us in the path without pain or without suffering. So like if we're walking with God, then we should be going down a path without pain and without suffering. We we have a hard time. trusting God with our lives and the direction of our lives. Now, if you're honest with yourself and my prayer as you're listening to this is that you can truly, truly be, you have to be so honest with yourself and transparent with yourself. And then after you listen to this, I need you to take that honesty and transparency into your prayer closet, into your prayer corner and have that honesty with God. That is going to be so necessary in order to make any progress in this way. And so if you're honest with yourself and if you're able to see at the root of it, that there may be a little bit of lack of trust and that's a part of why you're having a hard time letting go of control. Then my next question or my next thought is, what is your attachment to your desired outcome? We don't want to let go of control of something when we have a very specific outcome that we desire and that we really want to see. What actually ends up happening is that we idolize these outcomes. We idolize our plans and ideas. And that's why we don't want to let go of them because the thought of not getting the thing that we've worked so hard for is heartbreaking. The thought of not getting the thing that we have worked so hard for and waited so hard for feels like betrayal. If I don't get this thing or this circumstance or if it doesn't pan out the way that I have been thinking and hoping and planning and praying that it would pan out, then that would feel like betrayal. If you're honest with yourself and if it would feel like betrayal for you to not get to the outcome that you have been wanting, if it would feel like betrayal, then that speaks to some idolatry in your heart around that thing. And that's why you have a hard time giving that thing over to God or that desire over to God. Now I know these are some pretty big claims, right? We may have a hard time trusting God and we may have some idolatry in our heart. These are some pretty big claims. And usually these are things that we think or hope we would recognize. But all of this is much less obvious than we think it is. And that's another reason why I think we struggle with them because we really feel like we're doing everything that we need to be doing. We really feel like we are doing the right things. And so it's a bit less obvious. In the last episode, when we talked about hyperindependence, I said that you may struggle with hyperindependence if you come to God with a fully formed plan already. If you come to God with a fully formed plan and then you feel betrayed when that plan does not come to fruition, that's another way of saying this same thing. You come to him with a plan. You're very attached to the outcome or to that plan coming true. And then when it doesn't, it feels like betrayal. It feels like you lost something. It feels like you something was stripped away from you. It feels heartbreaking. And like you have to, I don't know, pick up the pieces and like it feels like God doesn't have your best interest. Sorry. Like if this thing doesn't happen the way that we think it ought to happen. Yeah, that's idolatry. When we are so connected to the idea of something that we will not allow room for God in that thing, that is idolatry. Okay. Let's just call this baby's bed. That's what it is. Let me be very, very clear here. Walking in surrender is not the secret ingredient to get the things that you want. Because when I hear us talk about this, it kind of sounds like, okay, God here, I surrender. I gave it to you. So now you do it then. And we think that we're just surrendering like the way that we wanted to happen to him. Okay. If this is in the way that I tried everything I know, God, so here you, you take a crack at it. And when we do that, then we feel like, okay, well, yeah, I did. I already surrendered to God because I gave up trying to everything that I knew. And so now, you know, that's that's it. Like he now is in his hands. Now is in his hands because I can't think of anything else. Okay. This is not a way to get the thing that you want. Actually walking in full true surrender means not being attached to the thing that you want means being okay with not having or not getting the thing that you want. Ever. Not just like right now, but ever. And that's the hard part. Okay. That's the really hard part. And this is also why I don't know that there is a like prescriptive, you know, step one, two, and three because it's like a constant. You're always having to surrender and having to figure out how to surrender and give this thing back to God again, right? Like, yes, God, I gave that to you truly. I did. And since then X, Y, and Z has happened. Or since then, I've gone through A, B, and C and have found it, you know, somehow back in my lap again. And I think sometimes that even happens over time, right? And we have to give it to him again. I know I have definitely been there, right? And there are some seasons where I'm like, Oh, please, listen, I don't care if this thing never happens or never comes to fruition. And I truly, truly mean that. And then there are some times in some moments where I'm really grieved about the fact that this did not work out the way that I wanted it to. And I wonder about if it ever will happen again. And if I let, if I let those thoughts continue to go, then my emotions get in it. And then I start to worry about whether or not it will happen again. And so I get frustrated and it's hard to compare and like that starts that spiral. And so when we can catch that spiral, then that's when we need to get back in that closet and we need to realign with God and we need to assess for what has entered into the picture here. Is it the fact that I'm having an emotional moment and I'm allowing those emotions to tell me about God or I'm allowing those emotions to, to enter into my, my, my walk with him too much. Is it that I've experienced at disappointment somewhere else? And so now it's making every other disappointment in my life much more heightened, you know? What is it? So we have to analyze those things sometimes when they happen. But yeah, this, this is a, this is a constant part of our walk is living a surrendered life. And the, the question that we always have to ask ourselves is, if this never happened, if this thing never happens, well, God still be good. Well, God still be good to me or is God's goodness connected to this outcome? Is God's goodness in your life and in your perspective, conditional on what he will or will not do in your life? When I think about some of the times in my life that I, you know, there are, there are a few moments that I can think about and consider where there were some things that were happening that were really emotional, but where there was a major shift in my relinquishing control. And it often happens in ways where God has to show me that I was even trying to hold onto control in the first place. But anytime there has been a major shift like that where he's really revealed to me, my, lack of submission in one area or another, it don't feel good. It's not pretty. And it can be painful because we do really want these things. We have desires that are great. We have these desires that are just are really deep to us and that we, there are things that we really want to see happen. And they're not always selfish or they don't always appear to be such. And in our mind, you know, they would be so good if it happened and I don't think it's a bad thing. It's not a bad thing to have desires. It is a bad thing when those desires become the condition for God's goodness in your life. Because if these desires never happened, do you, would you still believe that God is good? Because I think if anywhere in your mind, there is a direct correlation between God's goodness and what he can do for you. Then I think we've got a problem because the truth of the matter is if he never did another thing, he would still be good. He would still be good. I was listening to the Perry's podcast again and they had the creators of the chosen on there. And they were talking about a Jewish custom that they showed in the show. I just started it also by the way. So no spoilers. But they were talking about a Jewish custom that that was depicted. That was depicted, I think, at the, at the last supper. And that usually happens at Passover. But the custom is a reflection of gratitude, essentially, be thanking God for what he has done and acknowledging that what he has already done is enough and acknowledging God if you never did another thing. Like you didn't even have to do the things that you already did. But I think that you did. You didn't have to do any, if you had stopped back then, then that would have been enough and you would still be good. And I think that we really need to adopt that in a very real way. I think that it would do us a lot of good if we just sat and reflected. Because remember that our hindsight is 2020 and hindsight. We can see all the things that God has done and the ways that he has delivered and the way that he has shown up for us and the healing and the power. and we can see that in hindsight. And our memory can be a really great tool to help us with things like this, to help us to see the hand of God in our life. I think it would be a really great exercise to sit and really reflect and like make a listen, write them down, the things that God has already done for you and ask if he never did any other things would he still be good, simply based on what he's already done in the past. 'Cause truth, God does not owe us anything. He never owed us anything. But when we put these contingencies on his goodness and on our faithfulness, I'll be faithful if you do this, I can trust you if, fill in the blank like when we put these contingencies onto God, in the context of who he is and what he has already done for us, we are way misaligned. And again, it's not always super like obvious that this is how we are dealing with him and engaging with him. And this is why like introspection is so so important. I can't tell you the amount of times that God has opened my eyes and slapped me upside the head all in one. And it's not, it's kind of ugly sometimes to unpack and investigate and dissect like what's really in your heart. But we have to do that if we ever want to get to this place of living a fully surrendered life. Like we have to do that. We have to know what's in there and what are the things that are making it hard for me to get to this place of trusting God and letting go of control. We have to get in there to see what MI even still trying to have control over. Because I'll be the first to say, I thought, I thought that I had already relinquished control. And then God showed me that I absolutely had not. I talked about this. I think like when I first started this podcast and it's comical to me now. But I was so serious in the moment. Before I moved to Houston, my walk with God had really, it had already taken, you know, it was a pretty serious term like before I moved. And I was really trying to like walk with him and was taking my faith a lot more seriously before I moved. And I prayed a lot about it. And I really took my time with the move. And I, you know, felt like I was doing things differently this time and like I was letting God lead. And at the same time, I had the next year or two completely planned out for myself. I know this because I documented it. And with just full confidence in the same sentence, I was able to say, God is leading this move and he is leading every single step of it. And this is what I'm hoping and expecting to see happen when I get there. Like, and I had it all planned out in a matter of months. First, I'm going to do this. And then a few months later, this is going to happen. And then this is going to happen. It is so comical to me now. But at the time, I really truly meant it. And so I don't think that we have these intentions of withholding anything from God. I don't think that we are always aware of the mistrust or the disbelief that is lodged like somewhere deep in our heart, which is why we really have to do this reflective introspection. And that's why sometimes reflecting with someone, whether it be a therapist or your pastor or anyone that you find wise counsel with, this is why sometimes it can be helpful to do that work with someone else because it can be helpful to unpack some of those things. Now, I would say we need to use some wisdom and discernment with who we allow into those spaces, right? Because we're dealing with like, what's in the innermost part? But you start with you and God first, but we have to see what's up under there. And the process of God showing you the contents of your heart, that process can be, it can really be a doozy. Like, to have these moments where you finally do, like lift your hands up and say, okay, God, it's yours, you're gonna have to hit a brick wall. Like that's it. And that's also why I don't know if I can give you a step one, step two and step three. Because like he's gonna have to show you, he has to show you yourself. And when God shows you yourself, it's never as pretty as you think it's gonna be. So he has to show you yourself. You got to hit a brick wall. You have to get to the point, get to the end of yourself. Like I said before, get to the point where you throw up your hands and say, there's nothing else that I can do. And to get to the point where you say, you know what, I don't even want to be in control of this because it's clear that I cannot trust myself with them. We have to get to the point where we trust God more than we trust ourselves. I think we have a backwards lot of the time. We trust God, but not more than we trust ourselves. Right? Like, we trust God, 75%, but we trust ourselves 100%. We need to trust God more than we trust ourselves. I think God that I do believe I've gotten to a point in my life where I say I trust Him much more with my life and where it's going than I trust myself with Him. At least I think so. I pray that that's where I've gotten to. I believe that's where I am, but who knows? He still be showing me stuff about myself all the time. Ooh, all the time. Y'all, we walk through some stuff right now. And when I walk through it some more, I'll tell y'all about it, but it's a slow walk, but he walk me through some things. He walk me through some things. That's always a process, but he's gonna show you yourself in his kindness, he shows you yourself. And in his kindness, he shows you where you're still holding onto control. And maybe that's the first step here, is to really ask God to show you where you are withholding control, where you are not trusting Him. Ask Him to show you the areas of your heart that you are blocking Him out of. Now these are gonna be some powerful prayers again, because on the other side of that, it's always the vulnerable things that we don't necessarily want to let go of. But those are the areas in our life where we really need God the most. As I was thinking and meditating on this, and just looking through some verses, I found that there are, I think three, three to four, general components that go into this idea of a fully surrendering to Christ. The first one has to do with our relationship with Him. Now you have heard me say over and over and we'll hear me continue to say that our intimacy, an intimate relationship with the Lord is the most valuable tool that we have. And it is entirely necessary. It is a non-negotiable. That is really the key to trusting Him enough to let go, to trusting Him enough to be in control of every single part of your life. That is the key to trusting Him more than trusting yourself is your relationship with Him, your relationship and proximity. I think we're gonna put those two things together. So I wanna read a few verses and kind of look at them as it relates to this idea of relationship and proximity. The first one is James 4-8-10. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep, let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will exalt you. Especially the beginning and end of that passage, draw near to God and He will draw near to you. That has to do with our position, right? Are we near to God? Are we near to God? Are we spending time with Him? Are we familiar with Him? Familiar with His voice? Are we prioritizing our relationship with Him? Have we deepened our relationship with Him? Like what does it really mean to be near to God? I think that's, you know, lastly, let's think about that. What does it actually mean to be near to God? Because it's more than just knowing who He is. It's more than that. It's more than just knowing what it's supposed to quote, unquote, look like to be a Christian. But what does it mean to be near to God? We know that God is always near to us, but what does it mean for us to draw near to God? I think that it means making Him an active part of your life and active like character in your life. You know, when you think about the people that you love, you think about your friends and your family and your spouse and your cousins, I have my siblings, my parents, all of that. You have the people that you love, your favorite people. I think it's actually considering God as one of those favorite characters in your life. Everybody has to get to a point where your walk with God truly becomes your own and becomes very, very real. It's going to look different from the next person's, but that's okay. It should, if it looks just like someone else's, that I would question how near you really are to Him. Being near to God means that He is an active character in your life. It means that you give Him access to you, that you want Him to have access to you, that you go to Him with everything. you go to him before you go. you go anywhere else, it means that you draw near to his word and what he said that you are familiar with that thing and that you are really trying to get it in your heart, like the word of God. So draw near to him and he will draw near to you. And what does it mean to humble yourself before him? That means that in the context of our relationship, understanding the roles in our relationship. I think I mentioned before that I've been studying the names of God and I got this book, the one that's going around social media, right, about like praying through the names of God and we just got through Adonai and Adonai is Lord Master. And as we were studying that and thinking about the title of like Master and the relationship between a Master and a servant, right, and we were looking at Moses when God came to him in the Burning Bush and he was telling him to go back to Egypt and you know, tell Pharaoh, let the people go. And Moses was trying to come up with so many different excuses about why he wasn't qualified and why the people wouldn't listen to him and all of that. And God heard him and he was frustrated with him and he said, okay, I'm going to send Aaron to help you and God gave him all these signs to say, listen, this is what this is the kind of power that's going to be with you. I'm going to be with you. These are the things I'm going to show them so that they will let them go and like really trying to reassure him. And Moses still wasn't sure and still, you know, didn't feel confident in that calling. And as we were looking at the passage, you know, ultimately Moses yields. And my sister and I were just we're just talking about like, you know, the thing, the reason that that he yielded to God was because God was Adam and I, right, because God is the Master. And sometimes our faith is still a little bit wobbly, right? Sometimes we still don't see it and we're having a hard time believing we like we want to believe for, but we're having a hard time or our flesh is having a hard time. And when our faith is not enough to get us to obedience, our reverence for God is enough to get us to obedience because he is our Master. He, he's our Master. He's the one who's calling the shots. Something else that was interesting was you may think that that would have been like the first name that we would have studied, but it wasn't. I think that was weak like seven. So we have gone through several different names of God and all the different names have a, you know, they speak to like a different kind of relationship. And we talked about, I think like a week or two ago, Yahweh and how Yahweh is like God's proper name, right? And and we were thinking about, okay, like what does actually mean though, like that is God's name. And I was like, you know, it's not just just a title or position, but it is him who he is, right? His like personhood. So for example, you could say, that's the president of the United States or you could say, oh, that's Barack. Like you know him in different ways. I know him as the president or this is Barack and the people who are close to him are able to call him by name. And so God is close enough for us, right? To call him by name. And so yes, he is this Master, but he's not just this heartless dictator. He is a Master who wants to be close enough. First to call him by name. He is, he's our provider. He is the creator of everything and he loves us so much and he's our protector and he's Master overall and of all these things. But in that context, like I think it's important for us to think about it and understand it in that way because in some of our church contexts, the way, the ways that we learned about God and were introduced to God was was exclusively or primarily through fear, right? And you know, God is the Master and Judge and Lord of all and like we reverence God and that's it and we don't question and we just do what he says and we like it was primarily and maybe even exclusively fear based. And I think when we include all of the different characteristics of who God is, who he wants to be to us, then we get a more well rounded picture of who he is that he's not just this, this dictator who's who's sitting high upon the throne and just pointing his fingers and making things happen. And you know, when we think about, we were talking about having a hard time trusting God and maybe even trusting his intentions for us, I do wonder if this has something to do with it. How do you view God? How do you view your relationship to God, right? Do you only view him as this, this dictator who was like heartless and cold and just wants what he wants or do you see him as a loving savior who loves you enough to have already ordered all of your steps and is asking you to trust him enough because he has already ordered everyone of your steps. So our relationship with God and how we see him is so important because that is going to lay the foundation for whether or not we, we trust him or whether or not we trust his intentions. If we trust his heart, if we don't know his heart, how can we trust his heart? And you're not going to want to give up control or let someone else guide your life if you can't trust their intentions. If you can't trust their heart, if you don't know their heart, then you're going to have really hard time trusting them. Why would you? Why would you trust someone that you do not know? Why would you trust someone that you've only heard about if you do not know them for yourself? So our relationship with God and our positioning to him is, is so important. So when it says to humble yourself, we acknowledge that he is Lord and Master overall and we trust him to be Lord and Master overall because he is the only one who could like rightfully be in that place and because he leads from a place of love. So we humble ourselves acknowledging who he is, right? If he never did another thing, he would still be good and acknowledging that he leads, he leads with love and sees things that we could never see. So we yield to that. We yield to that and we submit to that. So what does our relationship with him look like? What is our positioning to him? Are we drawing near to him? Are we humbling ourselves and acknowledging that he knows more than we do, that he knows better than we do and that we could never on our best day, on our best day, we could never measure up to a fraction of how good he is. Okay, I want to read another one just talking about like relationships. So this is Psalm 37, 23 through 25. The steps of a man are established by the Lord when he delights in his way, though he fall, he shall not be cast head long for the Lord upholds his hand. I have been young and now I'm old yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. I've heard the scripture over and over again, but I was studying it this morning and it just I don't know it really sunk in more and differently. I was doing a bit of a word study in this passage. The steps of the man are established, meaning that they are already prepared and made ready. They are already set up and determined, fixed, firmly resolved. The steps of man are firmly resolved and fixed by the Lord when he delights in his ways, when he delights when he takes pleasure in desires is inclined to. So when we take pleasure in our inclined to God's way and to God's will, right, then our steps are firmly resolved, though he fall. So this is acknowledging that we are going to still have trials and we're going to suffer, though he fall, collapse, fall behind, bring to ruin, though he fall, he shall not be cast head long, he shall not be thrown far, he shall not be hurled down for the Lord upholds his hand. The Lord supports and sustains his hand is unflinching. And I think just putting it into that perspective, just really speaks to the relationship and proximity, right? The steps of man are established, our steps are already firmly resolved when we delight in the way of the Lord, delight speaks to desire and we are choosing the way of the Lord. When we want to choose the way of the Lord, we want to choose the way of the Lord because we trust his way. Again, this is going to keep coming back to trust. This is going to keep coming back to that. Do we want to delight in his way? And we know that even in doing so that does not mean that we're going to live a life without trials or that we're going to live a life without suffering. I don't think that we could ever stress this enough that we are all going to suffer. We are all going to suffer. There is no exception to that. The rain falls on the just and on the unjust. And even though we suffer, we will not be cast down, we will not be thrown far, we will not be ruined even though we suffer because our steps are already established, which means that when you suffer and when you're dealing with something hard and difficult, God has already established the next steps beyond that. That's already fixed. Okay. He's already done that, which makes it easier to trust him in the midst of the suffering because we know that it's guaranteed. We know that he's still watching over me when I'm in it. And I know that my steps are fixed on the other side of it. That gives me comfort. That feels like so much debitability. So evaluate your relationship with God. Evaluate your proximity to him. evaluate your desire and willingness to walk in his way. Are you delighting in his way, or are you still trying to hold onto your way and trying to make God's way fit into the way that you're trying to create for yourself? The other thing that I wanna talk about is ownership, this idea that nothing we have belongs to us anyway. We do not even belong to ourselves, right? So first Corinthians 6, 19 through 20, or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price, so glorify God in your body. Everything that we have, including our existence and every single breath that we take will be belongs to and is a gift from God. It is not our own. Our creativity, our intelligence, those things are from God. They are not our own. The Bible says that if you delight in the Lord that He will give you the desires of your heart. So like when you walk with Him, even the things that you want, even the desires that you have are not your own, He gives them to you, right? So when we think about it that way, then what am I doing trying to hold on to something that doesn't belong to me anyway? And this goes right along with stewardship, which was the other thing that I think goes into this idea of surrender. I heard a sermon not too long ago about stewardship. And what the preacher was saying was that when you think about stewardship, what it is is that someone has entrusted you with something, there is an owner of the thing, whatever it's just duetting, and the owner has trusted you with it, which means that the will and the desire of the thing that you have belongs to the owner. It's not that you do what you want with it. It's that you do what the owner wants you to do with it because it's theirs and they are entrusting you with it. And the question that he gave at the end of that sermon was, are you trustworthy of whatever it is that God is allowing and asking you to steward in your life and in this season? Are you trustworthy with it? Because it's not ours. And if we take the things that God is allowing us to steward and we impose our will and our desires onto those things, and then we bring them to God and say, make this thing happen, we're asking him to change his will for the thing that he gave to us. We should be asking God, hey, what do you want me to do with this thing? Instead of saying, God, here's what I want to do with this thing because it's not ours. It's not ours. Do you not know that you were bought for a price? You are not your own. Nothing that we have or will ever do is because of us. None of it comes from us. The Bible says that from him and through him and to him are all things. So nothing is ours. So we kind of have to detach in a way from the things that we care so much about, not because they're unimportant, but because our attachment indicates a sense of ownership that is misplaced. So we have to detach enough to say, I love this thing because it belongs to God, not because it belongs to me. That is with your career, with your family, with your body, with your hobbies, with your interests, whatever it is. I love this thing because it belongs to God and not because it belongs to me. I really used to say and believe, I used to say, I am curating, I am specifically curating this life for myself that I want and I'm curating it, to meet all of my needs and all of my wants and my desires. And I used to say that and feel like there was nothing wrong with it. And now I would never say such a thing. I would never say such a thing. Because what do you mean? You are curating your life to fit your desires. Absolutely not. This life does not belong to me. It's temporary anyway, but while I'm here, it don't belong to me, right? We are sojourners passing through. So while I'm here, while I'm passing through, God has allowed me to have access to all of these things. God has entrusted me with all of these things, with all of these people, with all of these gifts. He has entrusted me with all of these things while I'm here. And I want to take care of them while I'm here, so that I can give them back to him, because they belong to him, right? So I love them because they belong to God, not because they belong to me. And sometimes having to remind myself of that, 'cause it's really easy to get caught up in, oh, look at what I'm doing, look at what I did. I feel so proud of this. I'm working on it towards this in my career. I'm building my family. My hair's growing long. I skin is flourishing, all of that, right? My, my, my, my, my. We have to remind ourselves. I have to remind myself that nothing that I have has ever or will ever belong to me, all of it belongs to God. All of it belongs to God. I was just journaling about this the other day, that every single thing, and I think I even said, like even down to the bottom of my head, this here on my head, all of it belongs to you. So if we can be aligned with, with, with those truths, right? Everything that we have belongs to God. He is entrusting us to steward it well, to, to take care of it, and to do what he wants us to do with it. And when we are in close relationship and proximity to him, then it becomes clearer what he wants us to do with these things, or it's easier for us to discern what he wants us to do with these things, or he makes it clear. He's ordering our steps already. So all of these are elements of how we can walk in surrender and live a surrendered life to God. I think a verse that captures a lot of this really well is Colossians 1, 10 through, 10 and 11, 10 through 12. So as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. We have to remember what the goal is while we are here. It is to bear fruit and be a witness to other people to draw them closer to the cross. We are here to be disciples and to make disciples. That is why we are here. So when things have not gone my way, I have to ask myself and have had to ask myself and honestly reflect, would this thing have glorified God? And the question, the kind of litmus test that I use, that I use now is, will this thing bring me closer or further from God? Will this bring me closer or further from the will of God? Will this make me look more or less like him? And sometimes, sometimes the answer is that it wouldn't bring me closer to him, even though it's something that I really wanted and it's not something that was bad, like there are things that maybe are coming from a good place or might have a good outcome or whatever it might be, but what will it take to get there or for that thing to happen or what kind of distraction might it be? Like we have to be honest that sometimes these things may not be aligned with our ultimate purpose of bearing fruit and being a witness. The one word that kept coming up when I was studying this was nevertheless. And we all know when Jesus was in the Garden of Gesemini before his crucifixion and he said, if there be any other way, let this cut pass from me, nevertheless, not my will but dying. And we have to come to that nevertheless. That is where surrender lives. It lives in the nevertheless, nevertheless, not my will but dying. Meaning like, you can say, God, I would like for this to happen. Can this happen? And nevertheless, your will is more important than mine. And I will submit my will to yours. I will surrender my will to yours. We have to really mean it though. And that's the things that we say the words, but do we really mean it? We like to wrap our prayers up in your will, let your will be done. If it being your will, if God willing, if it be God's will, we say that maybe as like a security measure, but we have to get to the point where you actually mean that. And I don't know exactly what it's going to take for you to get to that point in your life, but I know that it's necessary to get to that point. In order to be able to embrace this idea of surrender, in order to be able to accept the fact that you have to surrender, your will to God's over and over and over and over again. When we accept and acknowledge that this war between the flesh and spirit is never ending, we all know what that war feels like. And it is hard. It is so, so, so, so hard. And sometimes it's easier just to surrender and say, you know what, I'm going to stop fighting. What's it going to take for you to stop fighting against the spirit and what the spirit wants for you? Like what's what's it going to take to stop fighting? And so if I had to, I don't know, summarize some of this in two steps. into some steps that we could take because I really do want it to have some practical application and some things that we can do. It's going to start with a good amount of introspection. So are there some things that you are really attached to? Are there some desires or prayers that you are really attached to? Might there be some idolatry there? That's the first place to start. You're going to start with really asking God to help you trust Him more and asking Him to reveal where you may not be trusting Him. You're going to do an assessment of your relationship with Him and honest assessment of your relationship with Him. And I think that this is the fun part. This is the beautiful part because whenever we assess our relationship with God, what we will see is that there's always room for more intimacy and that makes me excited because every time God invites me closer to Him and I feel closer to Him and I feel like I know Him more and I get to see Him more and it's really such a blessing and such an honor to be close to Him. So do that assessment and let God show you where there is room to let Him into your life and into your heart more. If you could find a way to get excited about that and to lean into that, lean into the process of getting closer with Him and growing closer with Him and then you're going to think about your stewardship and are you applying this idea of stewardship to your whole life or are you only applying it to some parts of your life? How can you how can you be a better steward of everything that God has given you? Because that stewardship means re-aligning like your definition of it and recognizing that that the will of the owner is more important than the will of whoever is doing it for the owner. So I don't there's not a specific prayer that unlocks surrender. There's not like a lot of other things. It really is a little bit of a process. It is and I know that we would like for there to be kind of like a quick a quick recipe or prescription for some of these things because we we feel really frustrated and and a few people mentioned on social media, you know, it just feel like God is is being silent and he's not saying anything and he's just not answering my prayers at all. And whenever I hear that, it makes me think about this idea that we look for specific answers or we look for God to be like clearer with us. But when God is silent on an issue when he when he's silent on something that you have been trying to make happen for a long time, it's not working and God is being silent on it. I think that that is a clear indicator that that is not what he has for you or that's not what he has for you right now. Anytime God is is being silent, I believe that that is an invitation to stillness. That's an invitation to stillness to be still and just to sit in and with his presence just to be still and maybe meditate on some scriptures. I've been meditating a lot on on on the Psalms lately, maybe meditating on some Psalms, meditating on scriptures about who God is. That is my encouragement. If you feel like God is being silent that you would would meditate on scriptures about who he is because the truth of who he is does not change whether he's being silent or not. Even if he is being silent, it does not change his goodness. It does not change his love, his grace, his mercy. It doesn't change. It doesn't change any of that. And sometimes we need to be reminded of that, right? David encouraged himself through the word of God and we have to encourage ourselves through the word of God. If God is not giving us a new word, it may be because the words that he already gave us is enough to suffice for the place that you're in now. So God's not being silent. Maybe he already said what needs to be said or maybe he's inviting you to stillness. And sometimes we have to even surrender there, surrendering to that, surrendering to the fact that God is not moving on this right now. Okay, it must be because it's not good for there to be progress in this way right now. It must not be good for there to be movement in this thing right now. I think that surrender also has to do with accepting that whatever outcome God allows to happen has been ordained. He's allowed it to happen because he chose for it to happen or for it to not happen. When you're walking with him, when he is ordering each and every one of your steps, it means that he's ordering each and one of your steps. It doesn't mean that he's always going to have you step or you want to step. It just means that he's ordering all of them. That's it. I think about this idea being a passenger princess and really just letting God be at the driver's seat. He's got the GPS. He's got all of it and I'm just kind of here, you know, along for the ride. But sometimes we have to ask ourselves every single day, like, what do I need to surrender to God today? How do I need to die to myself today? And so that may be something else. Maybe asking God to reveal what it is or what area of your life you need to to surrender, what area of your life do you need to be strengthened so that you can let go of whatever control he may be holding on to. There's also, I know you've been here for a while, but before we go, there is a direct correlation between surrender and repentance. We are sinful. And so we are constantly needing to repent and turn away from our desires, our sinful desires and thoughts and ways and actions and turning away from all of that. And in that is surrender because our flesh wants to keep sinning. Our flesh wants to do what our flesh wants to do. But surrender and repentance go hand in hand because in order to turn away from something that might be pleasing to you, you are saying, I don't care as much about what's pleasing to me. I care more about what is pleasing to God. So I'm going to turn away from this thing. I'm going to turn away from this thing. I'm going to stop fighting against God. I'm going to try to stop fighting against God. This is why I say that it's a it's a continuous thing. It's a continuous thing. And we will find ourselves coming back to this place over and over again. And that's why he's always with us because we're always going to need his strength to be able to surrender to his spirit. You know, I had a thought the other day that like, you know, not I feel bad that like I can't even be faithful without your help. Like I can't even love you right without you helping me to love you when I was feeling a little bit guilty about that. Like, you know, God, I want you to be able to just relax and just, you know, I just want to come and shower you with love. But like, I can't even do that without your help. No, we can't. We can't do anything without his help. And so we cannot surrender to his will without his help. He has to we need the strength of his spirit and the courage of his spirit in order to surrender to his will in order for that spirit to be stronger than our flesh. We need him in order to do it. So that's the other thing. If you are trying to surrender to God on your own, then you're going to find yourself stuck in the same pattern. You've got to talk to him about it. You've got to acknowledge like, God, I recognize that I'm holding on to too much and that I'm holding on to things that don't belong to me. That's what it is. I'm holding on to things that don't belong to me. And I want to let go of those things because they belong to you. All we got to do is hold on to him. We sing a song that says hold to God and changing hand. Let go of the things that you're trying to control and just hold on to his hand. That's it. His unchanging and unwavering hand and just let him guide. That's it. That is it. That's that's all we have to do. That's the soft life. Okay. That's soft life that I'm trying to live. I don't have to hold on to none of this. I don't have to try to control or predict any of that. I just get to hold on to God's hand. I just get to hold my daddy's hand. We'll be walking his wing and that's it. That's all I got to do. And he's going to guide me in everything. Surrender feels like loss. And as long as it feels like loss, you're not going to want to do it. As long as it feels like loss, you're going to try to hold on to as much as you can. If you can see it as freedom, instead of loss, then I think you may have an easier time embracing this concept of surrender in more areas of your life. And that is my prayer for all of you. I don't have a scripture of the day because we've gone through several. Nor do I have a question because all of this came from several questions that I got. So all of this is in response to those of you who wanted to know more about like, how do I actually do this? Yes, I know that I need to, but I don't know how where do I actually start. So I'm just, I'm just going to, I'm just going to pray for us now. Do your heavenly Father. God, we thank you. We thank you for your sovereignty and your, your providence in our life. We thank you for ordering each and every one of our steps. We thank you for everything that you have allowed us to have while we are here temporarily. We thank you for entrusting us with everything that we have that you have entrusted us to steward for you. God, we know that it is hard. It's hard to let go of control, but it becomes easier when we acknowledge that it has always belonged to you. And so my prayer, God, is that for those of us who have struggled with this idea of surrender, that we would simply come back to the truth that everything belongs to you, including our plans, including our desires, including control of those plans and desires. I pray that we would trust you more than we trust ourselves. I pray, God, that you would meet us in our pain and in our hurt. Some of our control issues come from trauma, come from rejection, abandonment, disappointment. I pray, Lord, that you would meet us in that pain and facilitate the healing that would help us to overcome our trust issues, so that we could trust you fully. We want to trust you fully with everything that we have, God, we don't want to withhold anything from you because it all belongs to you anyway. For those who are feeling frustrated, who are feeling like they are going through the same cycle and that they have just been fighting with no response and with no movement, I pray, God, that you would offer them a rest, that they would embrace the rest, that you so freely offered, your word tells us to take refuge in you and to rest in you. That's what's available to us now, but as long as we keep trying to control our own destiny, we will not be able to feel and bask in that rest, that sweet, sweet rest, God, that is only in you. And so I pray, dear Lord, that you would help us to see surrender as a gift, as liberation, as rest, as freedom, instead of loss or betrayal of some sort. The enemy has put it in our mind. Has put it in our minds in order to let go of control, that we are just going to live lives of chaos. And that if we let go of control, that we will be hurt again, that we will be betrayed again. God, but the truth of the matter is that you have and continue to order each and every one of our steps. You have already done so much for us. And so I pray, Lord, that we would simply reflect on what you have done and that that would be enough to strengthen our faith, to trust you for what it is that you are planning to do for us. God, you bought us with the price and we can never thank you enough. And it is our reasonable service. Our reasonable service, God, to be in living sacrifice to offer our bodies as a sacrifice to you. We want to live lives that are pleasing to you. We want to live lives that are fully surrender to you. God, make it clear to us. Make it clear to us the areas of our heart that we are holding back. God, show us where we need you more. Show us where we need you more. And I pray, God, that for those of us who are hesitant, are resistant to go there with you, that we would know that you are holding our hand and walking us even through that process that we are not even doing that alone. You love us so much that you don't let us do anything alone. And we thank you for that. I pray, God, that whoever needs to hear this would receive it and would just try you. I just pray, God, that we would try you and give you a chance in a real way to show us who you are. I pray that we would seek you, that we would know you, that we would want to grow closer to you, that we would grow in our intimacy with you, that our faith would deepen, that we would write the words, that you have already given us onto our heart's God, that when you are silent, that we would go to the words that you have already spoken, God, I pray that we would meditate on your word day and night, that we would search it for your truth and the truth of who you are. Your word says that you have given us everything that we need for life and godliness, you have given us everything that we need in order to have the strength to let go. Help us to let go. Help us to let go of things that don't belong to us, so we can grab ahold of what does, which is a piece that passes all understanding and that piece that comes and relieves our anxiety and our worry when we stop trying to control and when we acknowledge that you are the only one that we should trust with any aspect of our life. You have done a more in my life and the lives of so many others than we could ever have imagined God, but we have selective amnesia sometimes and we forget that. Bring it to our remembrance, God, and when we cannot encourage ourselves with our story, help us to find encouragement in your word and the ways that you have shown up for your people in the past, you do not love us any less. And if you showed up for them, then you're going to show up for us, God, we trust you to do it and we believe you for it. We thank you for all the ways that you have done it in the past, if you never did another thing, God, that would be enough and you would still be good. Thank you for being a good, good God. Thank you for being a good God and for loving us and for giving us access to your love. And God, if we could live lives at our surrender to you, that would be just a portion of the love that you deserve from us. We just pray that every single day, God, we can find ways to love you more. And that every single day we would choose you instead of choosing ourselves. Choosing ourselves only gets us to one place and it is far from you with somebody that we never want to be. We want to choose you every single day, God, here on earth and forever and eternity. God, we thank you just so much for all that you do, for all that you've done, for all that you are. We thank you for your Holy Spirit and we thank you for sending your Son. We thank you for sending your Son and for sacrificing him for us. We can never repay you, God. And so the best we could do is just try to get everything back to you. Help us to do that. We know we can't do it without you. Give us strength. We know that your strength is my perfect in our weakness. And so in our weakness, God, help us to let go of these that don't belong to us so that your strength can be made perfect and can help us to move forward into the steps that you have already ordained and established for. It's God, we thank you. We love you. We believe you for all these things in Jesus name. Amen. All right, child. That's all that I have for you. I really pray that this was helpful. But if it wasn't, then send me some more questions. We're going to get to this together. I love you so much. Thank you for being here. And I'll talk to you soon.