Success Is Who You Become, Behavior Beats Mindset, and Clarity Creates Speed | Ep. 374

The third business lesson that I learned from competing in bikini competitions is that success is found in who you become, not what you get. When I was going to have my competition and how I was going to feel the day that I won. Like I would visualize how different I would feel after. I don't think at that point in my life I had had any huge successes. I had this dream of what it would feel like to stand on stage and receive a trophy. How confident I was going to feel after. I think that's actually what I really wanted was like I thought that winning would make me confident. And so I remember I showed up the day of the show and I go backstage and I'm thinking these are my people. I'm going to suddenly meet all these people that I'm going to be friends with and we're going to all root each other on. We're all going to want to win and help each other. Instead there's girls crying in the corner you know about how they look fat. There's other girls like taking drugs which I know is a thing. And I was like, oh gosh, well this is not what I hoped for. And then finally the time goes where I have to step up on stage when I got second place thinking like I was going to feel so good for being like a first time competitor in a nationally qualified show to get second place. I felt nothing. I remember stepping off stage and going to dinner afterwards with some of my team. And I was like I don't feel any more confident. I thought that if I competed in a bikini competition, I would have confidence. And I wanted all those things so desperately because for so long I had felt so terrible about myself because I'd been so overweight and I just wanted so desperately to feel good about myself. And I thought that for some reason receiving a trophy would make me feel good. And it would suddenly change my entire self perception and none of that happened. I remember leaving and I woke up the next day and I was like I feel the same. And when I looked back on it, I realized you know life happens on the way to your goals. Not once you get there. All of the confidence that I did get I got through the process. I didn't get when I stepped on stage. All of the respect I gained for myself was in all the little moments when I said no to going out. I said no to a drink. I said no to dessert. I stuck with the plan. It wasn't when I stepped on stage and received a trophy. This was the first time in my life when I realized that every time I aimed for a goal, it was often because I thought that goal would make me happy. And this was like the pinnacle moment for me where I finally realized no goal will ever make me happy. I've already said goals would make me happy. And guess what? He didn't. But the process, the process of achieving the goal, that was what was worth it. And the funny thing is this is the entire process of getting ready for this competition and putting myself through this and losing the last however much weight and getting stage ready and doing it while I was still building my business and new to California. It was hardest fuck. It wasn't enjoyable. It really taught me that success is about who you become. It's about the character that you build. And most of that is not found in easy times. It's not found when you're handed a trophy. And this really translated when I sold my business. You know, I think there's this huge illusion that when you sell your business, there's going to be this pinnacle moment where everything's going to change when that money hits your bank account. And I was recently on a podcast where it was actually Ed Mylett. He asked me, he was like, how did it feel to sell your business? And the funny thing is I remember the moment that we sold the business. I remember the same feeling I had then. It was the exact feeling I had when I had been on stage and got the trophy. Like, aren't I supposed to feel different now? But different is created through the process, not this artificial ceremony of what you just did. And I remember thinking, you know what? That's okay. It wasn't about winning. It wasn't about the prize. It was about who I was going to become on the way. And it was a huge frame shift for me because I think those two moments together have really positioned me for where I am now, which is like, I am all about the process. And I am not focused on the outcome for the hope that it's going to suddenly change me as a person. That's not what it's going to do. No success does that. It's the process. I will forever be an advocate of striving for success, not because of getting a lump of money or of having a ton of fame or of having a giant business in this so much status. Like, it's not about that. It's about what you learn along the way about yourself and doing it in a way that builds your character rather than tears it down, doing it in a way that is ethical and that you build respect for yourself rather than some people who do it in a way that it tears them down. They lose respect for themselves for the way that they build their business. The reason I'm such an advocate of it, like of the fitness competition and of building a business and of doing things that are hard, right, that you don't need to do, right? And that people will always tell you don't need to do any of this. You have enough. If you set out with the intention that who you become is more important than what you get. That was one of the most invaluable lessons I could have learned. And I'm really grateful I take it with me to this day because, you know, in building acquisition.com, I'm not thinking, yes, do I want to get to a billion? Yes. But why do I want to get there? I want to get there because I want to see how I can do that while maintaining my values and character. How can I become a better person of higher integrity with stronger character and hit a billion? That's what I want to see what's possible. It's not about the money. It's not like, of course not. The fourth business lesson that I learned from competing in a beginning competition is that your thoughts do not determine reality your behaviors do. I cannot tell you, especially around the time when I was competing. This was almost 10 years ago. The amount of things out there like your thoughts become reality. You manifest it into life. And I was like, well, that I'm fucked because all I was picturing was like me eating on stage, me stepping on stage and people laughing at me, me tripping on my routine. Everything I pictured, it was just awful. And what I know now is the reason I have positive thoughts, I know evidence to support this was possible. I had evidence that I'd been fat. I had no evidence to show me that it was even possible for me to win a competition, you know, let alone like step on a stage. I had all these terrible thoughts about what it was going to be like on show day. And I remember the moment they called my name up, I was like, oh my gosh, like I just pictured myself tripping and blacking out all this stuff. What happened was I did blackout. I was so nervous that I stepped on stage and I truly don't remember what happened. I remember feeling like shaking uncontrollably and thinking God, they have to see how badly I'm trembling and how much I'm sweating. Then all of a sudden I was on the side of the stage and that was what was where I was at. Ironically, that didn't happen. I had practiced so much that my body knew what to do without me even having to think it was so subconscious. And so what I realized in that moment and afterwards was that practice and behavior and action dictates my success, not my thoughts. My body had practiced the routine so much that no matter how nervous I was, it still knew what to do because I had put in the work. This is what has translated to business for me every time. I used to think I had to think really happy thought. I had to visualize my success. Are those things nice? Yes, they're nice to have. I would prefer to think good thoughts about where I'm going to end up. But guess what? My brain don't work that way all the time. And if you're watching my channel, like you're probably doesn't either. You're not always thinking you're like, what if it all goes to shit? What if I lose all my money? What if everyone in quits? What if my customers leave me? What if this guy steals from me? What if that? Like, of course, because that's how your brain smells of work. You want to just supposed to survive. And so I have never pictured any business that I had. I would say until very recently, being a monumental success because one, I didn't have evidence. And two, that's not the way my brain works. I don't subscribe to my thoughts have to be positive. And I have to be visualizing my success to have it. Instead, I focus on my behaviors. Now, here's where people get twisted is they think you have to think a certain way so that you can have it happen. No, oftentimes when people visualize success, they're then more likely to take actions that then lead to success because they believe it's possible. Now, where you can interfere is you can have thoughts that it's not going to be successful. And you can say, I'm going to take successful actions despite my thoughts because I want to prove myself wrong. And that is what I do on a consistent basis in my business when I was competing in the competition. I was like, I'm going to out work myself down. And so you don't have to get yourself to some state of mind where you're like visualizing this crazy billionaire millionaire, whatever success. Like, you just didn't go out there and do the fucking work. Success does not discriminate to who is taking the actions or to what thoughts are in your head. You're going to get the result. You can think all day, you're not going to lose the weight. If you eat less calories and work out, you're going to lose weight. What you want to do is if you're in that period where you haven't realized this yet and you haven't learned this lesson is just trade the time that you spend visualizing success for time spent practicing success. That is the way I phrase it to myself. It is more valuable and you will learn more if you practice being successful than if you visualize being successful. Now, obviously guys, I'm human. It would be nice if both, but we don't always get that. That's not always where I'll bring this out. And so we have to learn to act despite that. And this taught me that because I truly was like, I'm not going to win. I'm going to be like, I'm not even going to place in top 10. And then I remember my friend who I thought I swear every time I looked at her, I was like, this bitch looks better than me. And she didn't even place in top five. And I remember I was like, I don't even get it. And then I was like, you know what? Can't trust my thoughts. Because my thoughts were still stuck on the version of me that had been a hundred pounds overweight. I couldn't even accurately perceive myself. And the funny thing is when I got first into business, I couldn't and accurately perceive my story. either. And sometimes to this day I still can. Which is why it's hard sometimes to visualize being successful. Because we don't really know where we stand. The only thing that I have found that has worked for me is just successful behavior precedes successful outcomes. So focus on the behavior, focus on taking actions as if you will be successful. And then you will get there. The fifth lesson I learned about business from competing in a beauty competition is that clarity creates speed. Speed leads to progress, progress leads to momentum and momentum leads to success. When I set out to do this competition, I wanted to break down my goals so that I knew exactly what I need to do on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, on a monthly basis, on a quarterly basis, to hit my one year goal. Which was to compete in a competition. I essentially made this giant board. And instead of making a giant visualization board of all the like things that I would like to have, I was like, let's do something practical. I'm going to break my year long goal down into what I need to do in these time increments. And I also want to put down what I'm going to need to do from a business sense. I can do both. And so I add this giant board. And I broke it down into what I need to do within 12 months, within four quarters of the year, each month, each week, each day. And then every day, I would check off the items that I knew I need to do on a daily basis to hit my goals. And I did this so I could remind myself of how taking small actions every day can lead to big success. But you can't do that if you're not clear. And what I had at that time, I didn't even realize this was I had maximum clarity. I didn't even know just what I need to do over a year's time span. I knew what I need to do within a day. Every single day, I knew what top five things I needed to do. So I was on track to hit my goals. So I had taken the time to get really freaking crystal clear on what I need to do to hit my goals. And then I wrote it down and I put it somewhere that I would never forget. I put it right in front of my door. So every time I would before I would leave, I would see it and I make sure I would do those things that day. And the funny thing is that this is the same process that I have learned to use in business. I've learned that I need to get crystal clear. What do I want 12 months from now? And then I'm going to reverse the engineer into what I need to do on a daily basis to hit that goal. And the reason a lot of people guys I think burnout is because they are not able to tie the actions that they do on a daily basis to a large goal. If you want to delay gratification, you need to learn how to reinforce behaviors on a micro level because on a macro level, like I'm not going to hit my goal for a year, two years, three years. But if I know that every day I'm chipping away at it and that the things that I did that day are going to one day lead to that success, you're going to gain a lot more momentum than if you're just flying blind. This only works if you stick with it. So if you're the type of person that writes down what you're going to do and then you sometimes do it, you sometimes don't. You're breaking promises to yourself. The reason this worked for me and it continues to work for me is that because when I write it down, for better or for worse, it's going to f*cking happen. I'm going to commit to it no matter what. If it's on my calendar, it's happening. So if I write a list of five things that I'm going to do and I miss one every day, I'm 20% behind at the end of the year. And so because of that, I ask myself this question most days. What was the plan last night before you felt like today, before you were nervous about today? And I'm like, all right, whatever the plan was last night, I'm f*cking sticking with it. And I think nowadays, you know, a lot of people, when they're trying to achieve these big goals, instead of seeking out clarity, they seek to avoid their goals. And here's the thing about achieving big goals is that once you get really clear, you don't want to stop because it feels really good to gain momentum getting there. Now, a lot of people, what they don't do is they don't get really freaking clear on what their goals are. And then what happens is they get into this place where they start to feel tired, they start to feel exhausted and they start not to see everything adding up into that goal. And then they start to avoid the work it takes to achieve that goal. They might say, oh, you know what, I need like a self-care day. I needed this. I needed a, no, you don't need a self-care day. You need to stop avoiding the sacrifices needed to achieve your goals. That will ultimately make you happier than any bubble bath ever could. People, I remember would say to me when I was competing, they're like, oh, just, you know, maybe take the day off. That's not the f*cking plan, dude. The plan to achieve my goals is that I need to do this today. So stop telling me to take a freaking bubble bell. Me becoming the person that's capable of doing this is going to make me 10 times happier than any freaking bubble bath could. And so when people say that, I think it's ridiculous because we've conflated self-care with avoidance. Like, yes, let me avoid achieving my goals. That's going to make me feel better. Like, sure, in the moment, you're going to feel better if you have a glass of wine, take a bubble bath. But at the end of the day, me keeping my commitments to myself, that makes me feel better about myself than any moment of escape ever could. For anybody out there watching this, trying to achieve your goals, like, I just want to tell you, like, it's okay to stick with the plan when you don't feel good. It's okay that you're very clear on what you want. You understand the sacrifices and you're willing to make them. And I think at the end of the day, I've never been told to stop or slow down by anybody who is ahead of me.