Stuttering Relapse: Truths About Life after Speech Therapy

The Beneath Your Steader Podcast is where we dive deep below the surface of the iceberg into the inner experience of stuttering. I'm your host, Paige Smith, a stuttering relapse recovery coach, helping you get back to the level of fluency that makes you happy. Let's go beneath the surface of your stutter for deeper self-awareness, personal growth, and transformation. Do you remember how you felt after speech therapy? If you were anything like me, I felt like I was on top of the world, finally free from stuttering and proud of my hard-earned fluency. And then, somewhere down the line, things went sideways, and I came crashing down and face the harsh reality. I still stuttered, if not the same, maybe even worse. Does this scenario sound familiar to you? Before speech therapy, the pressure, stress, and anxiety I felt every day was about stop stuttering. But I found that once I learned the fluency techniques, I felt a new type of pressure of maintaining fluency. No matter which side of the coin I was on, I still felt the pressure, stress, and anxiety within myself. In this episode, I'll be sharing with you a few hard truths and what I wish I knew after speech therapy. But first, let me take you through a bit more of my own relapse experience. Within months after speech therapy, I found myself struggling. I was stuttering again and desperately trying to maintain what fluency I had left. To be honest, I was devastated. The three-week intensive clinic that I'd went to was grueling. So I was so disheartened for my stuttering to return after all the hard work I'd put in. I thought going to speech therapy had fixed it. I thought I had it all under control. But it's no wonder I was feeling anxious, frustrated, and disappointed. With stuttering coming back, it felt like I'd taken not one but many steps backwards. But even with the fluency shaping tools and techniques, I didn't understand why I could execute and make them work for me in the real world. And then it became a vicious cycle, feeling guilt and shame for not even wanting to use them. And even though in my mind, I knew I could go back and get more help. I had this belief that the people at the speech therapy program would be disappointed in me. That somehow I was not living up to their expectations. I felt like such a failure for needing help again. Does any of this sound like deja vu? So what exactly is a relapse? The term relapse is used in both medical and non-medical contexts. In a medical context, relapse typically refers to the return or worsening of symptoms after a period of improvement or recovery from a medical condition. In the context of stuttering, the term relapse is used to describe the recurrence or return of stuttering behaviors after a period of improvement, such as after speech therapy. During my intensive program, I remember learning the fluency shaping techniques and producing fluent speech for the first time in my life within a very short amount of time. It was amazing, but as I mentioned earlier, my fluency starts to go downhill within weeks after the program. In my research, I came across a survey done by the National Stuttering Association. I found that 84% experienced a relapse after improving their fluency with speech therapy. At this really high rate of relapse, it suggests that my losing fluency was maybe the norm and not the exception, but of course at the time I didn't know that. I saw losing fluency as proof that I was a failure and I hated failing. With stuttering relapses, sometimes it happens suddenly, shaking the foundation of newfound fluency, like getting a hard block that just comes out of nowhere. But more often, however, it occurs gradually within weeks or months after speech therapy. There are many other factors at play, but it's usually a slow erosion of skills, motivation, and confidence. There are four hard truths you need to know about life after speech therapy. Number one, constantly using fluency shaping techniques is difficult and exhausting to maintain. After any kind of speech therapy program or course, you've been told that you should be using your fluency tools and techniques at all times. Sounds like a good plan, but the reality is this. It's just cognitively exhausting to always be focused on the mechanics of producing fluent speech. The energy it takes for most people is just unsustainable, as you're back into life full swaying with jobs, school, deadlines, taking care of kids, and so much more. I know how easy it can be for fluency maintenance to take a backseat. So instead of an all or nothing approach, here is a solution. First, take the pressure off yourself to be working on your speech all the time. Instead of a regimented routine of doing speaking drills for an X amount of hours per day, try this. Give yourself specific speaking challenges throughout the day, executing on what you've learned. So this allows you to see what works, what doesn't, adjust, and then try again. Hard truth number two, using certain fluency techniques make your speech sound unnatural and unacceptable. After learning speech shaping and fluency techniques, you now realize that they make you sound a lot like a robot or a zombie. Who knew fluency could sound so weird? If you did group speech therapy, it's okay if you sound slow and mechanical, because so does everybody else. I remember how hard it was taking a new way of speaking out into the real world. It's no wonder that many individuals go back to stuttering, rather than talking such a cautiously controlled manner. So instead of the cure feeling worse than the disease, here's a solution. Give yourself a real chance to get a feel for a rate of speech that feels good to you. If your speech is sounding flat, it may take learning to play around with your voice, creating inflections that go up and down in a melodic way. There is no right or wrong way. Just exploring and coming to what sounds and feels good to you. Hard truth number three, it's easier than you realize to slip back into familiar speaking patterns and conditioned behaviors. Speech therapy techniques are usually learned in a controlled and safe environment, much different than the unpredictable nature of our world. So when stress triggers old behaviors, and this is pretty much a guarantee to happen, this can easily start to road any gains you made in speech therapy. You cannot underestimate the complex challenge of replacing old behaviors and integrating new ones for it to become the new natural and automatic reflex. Wanted by the same friends and family, it might be easy to get triggered and reverting back to old patterns. It's no wonder that many individuals, including myself, eventually reverted back to old patterns and behaviors because they're easy and familiar to default to. So instead of beating yourself up for not being strong enough, here's a solution. Give yourself and try again. It can be hard to stay motivated, keeping up the fluency techniques. When you have a hard time transferring them to the real world, but keep honing and practicing the skills on your own, recommitting to the process over and over and over again. And finally, hard truth number four, familiar negative thoughts and feelings can come flooding back, both in how you feel about yourself and challenging speaking situations. When I went for speech therapy, I don't remember anyone caring enough to ask how I felt or concerned to know my thoughts about my experience with stuttering. Perhaps as underestimated what kind of an internal struggle occurs when a person attempts to change thoughts and behaviors that have prevailed for so long. Shortly upon returning home from the clinic, I fell into an overpowering sense of alienation and isolation. Even with the fluency skills in hand, I still felt very alone in the process of working on my speech to maintain fluency. I found myself thinking the same thoughts and feeling the same feelings as before. To change them or make them stop. These feelings were overwhelming and I didn't know how to deal with them. So what's the solution? If I was to do it over, I would make sure to have the right support system in place. At the time, I tended to bottle up my feelings, especially if they were negative, not wanting to be a burden or let anyone know how I really felt. But that's exactly what I needed to do to talk about my feelings and to feel that I wasn't alone on my journey. As promised, here are three more tidbits of knowledge that I wish I knew back then. Number one, acknowledge all levels where stuttering impacts you. With speech therapy, it mainly focused on the mechanics. Learning is a complex disorder as it impacts you on a physiological and psychological level. What I wish I knew was that I needed to also put my focus to shifting my deeply held thoughts and beliefs about stuttering and myself. Number two, achieving fluency in speech is a dynamic process. With speech therapy, the message is to keep practicing and applying learned techniques in various situations. Achieving and maintaining speech fluency is an ongoing process, not an overnight success. What I wish I knew was how to adjust and adapt to challenging speaking moments as a bad speech day with totally derailed my efforts. And finally, tidbit number three. Stuttering setbacks are temporary, not permanent. In speech therapy, the goal was achieving fluency as fast as possible and making as few stuttering mistakes, as this was seen as success. Through the learning process, there's the inevitable back and forth of making mistakes as you're mastering a new skill. What I wish I knew was that my rigid perfectionist black and white thinking was not allowing me to see my imperfect effort as progress. As I wrap up this episode, know that there is life after speech therapy and it may not be what you expected. If you experience a stuttering relapse, it can feel like a setback and return to those familiar frustrations and self doubts. But remember, recovery from stuttering is a journey. And who knows, maybe the setbacks and relapses are just a natural part of the process. A relapse does not have to be absolute, it's not the end. And in my experience, here's what I've learned. No matter where you are on your journey, know that you can always get back on track to fluency. My own experience of spiraling down into stuttering relapse has shaped me and my purpose to be a recovery coach for others. To mitigate the risk of a full on relapse with support and guidance, I offer was called a booster shot coaching session. It's an immediate and laser-focused solution to help you through a speaking situation where fluency is important to you. I invite you to book a free call with me to learn how coaching can work for you and explore the possibility of us working together. For inquiries, reach out to me here, page at thehappysteader.com. Thanks for listening to the Beneath Your Stutter podcast. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd be grateful for you to leave a review. The ratings and reviews help more people like you find this podcast. Don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone you think would love it. To learn more about how coaching can help, head on over to thehappysteader.com or follow me on Instagram @TheHappySteader. Until next time, I'm Paige Smith. Keep smiling. [BLANK_AUDIO]