Story Exchange with Julian Rodriguez Cardenas

Hello and welcome to the story exchange here on KSU 90.1 FM. I'm your host Alex Strong and today we have on Wuleon. Hello. Well, where where are you from? Where is back home? Yeah back home is better cruise in the southeast of Mexico our east coast Yeah, and yeah, one fact that's the first place where the Spaniards arrived. Ah, mm-hmm Do you feel particular affinity to the Spaniards? No, if anything maybe I find them suspect only only suspect That's all the vibes. Well, okay, it's actually it's interesting I was talking about this with someone recently so in the US There's a very strong feeling against the colonizers. Yeah, which makes sense because you know They were absolutely brutal and they just like obliterating the cultures here And kind of was the same I mean it was kind of the same case in Mexico But you know Mexico the resulting I mean the resulting country out of the heinous stuff is in some way a huge violent Mixing of cultures, so it's not like we're neither the indigenous people not nor the colonizers So I guess it's kind of like Spain is like the abusive father Mm-hmm. Yeah, who's like died at this point? Yeah, or I mean or like or has that Alzheimer's? Yeah, huh, right right right No, he's all chill But out of it Mexico is like an older adult and they're like living their life with the scars of the past exactly Gotcha, and so what's your connection here as Stanford? Well, I go to school here. Oh my Really my connection to Stanford the entire US is that I Was very lucky to have been accepted into this university and I've been here now for well five years I've taken some time off, but it's been five years now. Wow. Yeah, did you take time off over COVID? Or yeah, yeah COVID a bit of time off a bit of extra time off when I was in Berlin, but you remember Lynn I was wow for a whole nine months. Oh my gosh. That's a long time. Yeah, it was a great time - Wow, how did you get to Berlin? Well, I guess it started when I started learning German back in Mexico I okay I guess I'll give you the the short spiel, but basically, you know I learned English back at home and I had a great time learning it and I went to learn of another language And there was this random German immigrant in my hometown, which you know, it's in a big hometown, but he was there and I also like philosophy so it would be useful for philosophy and it has been and I started learning it back home I kept learning it and I wanted to do a study abroad So I went to Berlin and then they kind of help you do internships So I just did a few of those and so you started learning in Mexico. Yeah, they taught you German Mm-hmm, and then this is your third language. Yeah, yeah, it would be it is and then you went and did a study abroad was at a quarter via Stanford or and then you did two internships. Yes, wow, mm-hmm, and you speak good German Well, at this point it's perhaps intermediate advanced, but yeah, I can hold your own fan for myself. Yeah, wow That's really cool What does it like to be able to speak three languages? Do they get confused in your head? No, not really some No, mostly it's just a very nice thing So I listen to a lot of music and I listen to a lot of German pop You know some of the I've read some of some philosophy in German every now and then I'll find a random German to speak to it's nice Yeah, huh and you are around English speakers all the time Yeah, but I also find that nice, you know, I mean these days it's kind of the language I operate in but every now and then I'll find myself Kind of like in this mental state where I'm able to again realize well. I'm speaking a foreign language That's really cool. Yeah, it's a nice cool feeling. Well, shall we get into some music? Speaking of oh sure Yeah, what song what song shall we play first? Well, I guess since we've been just talking so much about or talking about languages Maybe we can we can start with limonise Awesome, and this is lemon is sal by Julieta Vengas Benegas Benegas. Yeah All right, and william. Do you have any any like anything we should be listening to as listeners? Nothing in particular about well, I all these songs I just like as entire packages This one is so I happen to not actually seem to that much music in Spanish. I like bad money as much as the next person but beyond that A few songs and a few select artists. It's not it's not like the primary language I listen to music to but this song Yeah, it's just lovely song. I've been listening to it for years my friends like it People I've been with have liked it. It's you know, it's it's just kind of has memories throughout a long span of my life All right, well, we'll give that one a whirl here Oh I have to confess that sometimes I don't like your way of being You know The gun. Oh I have to confess now I never believed in happiness I guess it's something that looks like it but it's pure casuality I have to find you with your eyes. There will be something else. It's time to get closer. I feel like I'm going to start. You take care of the human is all you take care of tell you how much that's not so I've got to come be out the nada You take care of see. We're in the so see that she's you as you ask us to not see the world the location that is You take care of the human is all you take care of tell you how much that's not so I've got to come be out the nada I want you to come be out the nada if you're not sure of what you're feeling I like the nirth the say you're gone I'm sorry And that was lemon is all by Julieta Venegas Well, Julian, where does that take you back to? Well, so a bunch of things actually as I was listening to it I guess that's why you listen to it. You're forcing us to remember. That's right So first time I encountered this song was high school So toward the end of perhaps my junior year there was just this kind of like thingy where some people would like sing stuff and some group Pick this song and I hadn't heard about it. It's great. It's a lovely song. So anyway, but that's just how I encounter that song Yeah, as I mentioned it's a song that I've well, I listen to it every now and then and I I've ended up just sharing this song with many people and well as you know, it's a song in Spanish and we're in the US And something that happens is well, you know, it's like people like this song, but they don't quite like understand all of it And it's like but it's like nice and cute. Yeah, and I think it's one of these that kind of Situation just makes me aware. Well, I'm like sort of like an immigrant here and it's kind of in some sense a nice feeling You know, I guess also having once like otherness appreciated Hmm. Yeah, that was a that was more profound that I was expecting Well, but you and you mentioned that this song takes you to multiple places in your life Like what's so early high school is a cult high school in Mexico? Yeah, well, I mean we don't say that word, but yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, similar, similar chunking of education. Gotcha But then later you must have come across it as well or listen. Yeah, no, I do I well, it's I've played this song to I mean, you know my close friends like this song one of them is now kind of a Julieta Benegas fan. She's also been learning Spanish I've been in two long three relationships with Stanford students now and they both happen to be learning Spanish. I mean it's a common language to language to learn here And of course they both appreciated that I knew Spanish and at some point I you know, I showed this song to them and they both Really really liked it and it would be kind of like That's so somehow ended up on the repeats playlist. You know, they kind of, I'm talking about like, just naturally the songs you end up playing over and over with something like a long-term partner. So yeah, it also reminds me of them, but you know, it's not just them, it's like them, close friends, Mexico, yeah. - Wow, it's like the last, like seven years of your life in some ways. - Yeah, I mean, you know, not like, not, perhaps not specific points, but it's just the songs went everywhere. - Does it feel like you're carrying it around or does it feel like it kind of helps bring you up? - That's a nice metaphor. I don't feel like it weighs me down. Or perhaps it does, actually that's interesting. I'm going to not give you an answer because I frankly don't know what the correct or true answer is. - Yeah, yeah. - But that's a great question. - Oh, thank you, you are. - I appreciate it. - When did you meet your first partner? - Oh, winter, no. And the full quarter freshman year. - Wow. - Have you heard the full moon on the quad? - Yes. - Okay, so I mean, we didn't kiss or anything there. We just met each other there through friends of friends. Just, you know, I was just hanging around and she was also hanging around with some friends. We just said hi. And I just kept running into her at our yoga afterward and I kept forgetting her name. Eventually I learned her name and sat down just casually to share a meal. Yeah, and, you know, we went, we got each other's numbers, went out on a date and it just flew from there. - Wow. - Yeah, very certain deep breaths in some ways. - Yeah, yeah. And what was that like? How long did the relationship last? - So I guess it's good that we're getting into this because August also is kind of intertwined with this first relationship. But yeah, that lasted about somewhere between a year and a year and a half with a long hiatus in the middle from the summer break or from. - Well, so that long hiatus in the middle was, well, that was during COVID. - Oh. - Yeah, we did some time long distance and then it didn't work. It wasn't working. So she broke up with me or she ended it then, but actually when we were both about on campus, we ended up getting back together. And then I went to Berlin and we ended it then, and that was it. - Yeah. And then you mentioned you had a second relationship in tandem with this song. - Yeah, you know, yeah. She also liked this song a lot. Well, I guess since we're on that topic, I mean, not that I wanted to like spend the whole time talking about this. I guess this is not the whole time. But okay, that second person, Ellie, we met through friends of friends as well. I was out in Colorado with some friends on another trip. And she was friends with one of the people in our group. So that's just how we met. Actually, at the time I thought she was this like, very cute girl who like, you know, would never like be interested in me. Not that I had like, I was particularly into her or anything just, you know, I random thought that, I remember being pinged by. And then throughout time we just became friends. She was very nice. She was like a super nice kind person and, you know, very like joyful, very outdoorsy too. So that was lovely. So I was in Berlin. I like to work the last maybe half of my time. And then in spring break, I mean, so we were, we were just text every now and then. And she suggested that she could come to Germany and we could go on a trip together during spring break, you know, platonically. - Yeah. - Though who knew, right? - Right. - But yeah, we want, we had planned this platonic outdoor trip throughout Germany for spring break. And it just, you know, organically, we ended up dating. I think we both, in some sense, had some notion that there was something was cooking. - Yeah. - Yeah. - There's more there. - Yeah, that there was something there. And well, that lasted for a whole two years. - Wow. - Yeah. And it was, you know, so, yeah, well, I mean, we can get into other details. If you please, but yeah, she was also learning Spanish. And something that was interesting about that relationship was she also, I think, really appreciated my being an immigrant. And in some sense, it's kind of, I guess, you know, of course, it's interesting because for one, it's just different to your average peep, but also it's like, you know, whole different language to learn about and a bunch of, you know, many differences big and small. And, you know, it's, that's a nice feeling. - Yeah. - What's that experience like? I imagine a lot of our listeners are not immigrants themselves. I certainly am not. - What do you think? - So, well, you know, I guess I'll preface this by saying that I'm an immigrant to the US, but I really only have been at Stanford. - Mm-hmm. - So, you know, that just, just to bracket that whole thing. But it's, it's actually something I've been insecure about or self-conscious for the entire time. And to a good degree, I still am, particularly of my accent. But, you know, throughout time, I've also realized that it's something that also a lot of people here actually really appreciate. Certainly, my close friends, I mean, you know, my ex-partners have certainly been appreciative of that in some ways. And, and I think also at Stanford just being an international student comes with an understanding that you are a good member of your geographic entity. So, that also kind of qualms my concerns. - Well, I think, I mean, I, I don't know, I super appreciate. - Yeah, no, you're one, I mean, I would be doing this category of enlightened American. (laughing) Yeah, are there a lot of unenlightened Americans that you come across? - Not that I come across, but I mean, they're certainly out there. Yeah, I mean, at Stanford, I, well, I mean, I probably just end up somehow not hanging out with these people, wherever they are or how many of them they are. But I think, oh my, well, all my friends are either, in some sense, foreigners themselves, or they're like good, again, you know, critical thinkers and then, and, you know, and they've done the work to kind of realize, well, yeah, you know, it's, some sense, being different, it is one of the key things about this country. - Yeah, that's right. - We'll take a quick break for PSAs and promos. This is a PSA for Project Open Hand. Since 1985, Open Hand has provided home delivered meals, groceries, and nutrition counseling services to critically ill neighbors and seniors in the San Francisco and Alameda counties. 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Reaching more than 40 million households in the US, free speech TV inspires viewers to become civically engaged in building a more just and equitable and sustainable society. You can get involved by joining an online community, subscribing, sharing videos, or, of course, making a donation. For more information, visit freespeech.org. That's fr-e-e-s-p-e-e-c-h.org. Now back to the show. Well, you mentioned another song that was sparked off from the familiar conversation earlier. Oh, yeah, that would be August by Taylor Swift. Do you want to play that one? Sure, yeah, I think we can transition there. All right. Will you have anything that we should be listening to before we play August? Well, I am a huge fan of this song. And I'll say I'm not a Swift at all. I do really like the folklore in every more albums. But of this song in particular, I really like the instrumentals. Yeah, but the whole song is just lovely. Are you a lyric person or a melody person? Well, I think I certainly enjoy both things. I listen to a lot of instrumental music. I mean, this clearly isn't instrumental music. So I appreciate-- I really like just all the variety of sounds. But songs like this are in some sense kind of poetic. Yeah, that's another thing that I just like for its own sake. Yeah, I guess. Does that answer your question? Well, and then as someone who's in German, are you still thinking about-- like when I'm listening to Lomoni Sol, for example, I'm trying my very hard-- I'm a totally a lyric person all the way down. I'm trying my very hardest to translate the song like a lot. I can't do it. I don't have enough Spanish to do it. And so it ends up being an instrumental song. But I would prefer it to be a lyric song. Do you end up in that position with German songs? Fortunately, I'm at the point where I don't need to do this kind of translation in my head. I mean, you just get there when you spend enough time learning a language. So yeah, I'm able to listen to the lyrical stuff for its own, just itself. And the German pop I listen to is mostly-- well, actually, I mean, I always like the kind of instrumentalization of songs. But certainly the lyrics, they are the main piece. Because it's kind of the thing that's interesting to me, right? The fact that that music is in German. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Well, with Adam Hunt, we'll play August by Taylor Swift. [MUSIC PLAYING] [BLANK_AUDIO] ♪ I slipped away into my moment of time ♪ ♪ 'Cause it was never mine ♪ ♪ And I can see it's twisted and bad ♪ ♪ She talking slipped away like a ball of wine ♪ ♪ 'Cause you were never mine ♪ ♪ You're back beneath the sun ♪ ♪ Wishing I could ride my name on it ♪ ♪ You would call when you're back at school ♪ ♪ I remember thinking I had you ♪ ♪ But I can see it's lost in the memory ♪ ♪ I just slipped away into a moment in time ♪ ♪ 'Cause it was never mine ♪ ♪ And I can see it's twisted and bad ♪ ♪ She talking slipped away like a ball of wine ♪ ♪ 'Cause you were never mine ♪ ♪ That when we were still changing for the better ♪ ♪ One thing was enough for me and it wasn't enough ♪ ♪ To live for the hope of it all ♪ ♪ Can't don't place just in case you call ♪ ♪ And say, "Beep me by the mall." ♪ ♪ So much for someone low and saying us ♪ ♪ 'Cause you weren't bad ♪ ♪ You were my blue ♪ ♪ No, yeah ♪ ♪ But I can see it's lost in the memory ♪ ♪ I just slipped away into a moment in time ♪ ♪ 'Cause it was never mine ♪ ♪ And I can see it's twisted and bad ♪ ♪ She talking slipped away like a ball of wine ♪ ♪ 'Cause you were never mine ♪ ♪ 'Cause you were never mine ♪ ♪ Never mine ♪ ♪ 'Cause you remember ♪ ♪ Remember when I pulled up and said ♪ ♪ Get in the car and then ♪ ♪ Can't turn my plans just in case you call ♪ ♪ Like when I was living for the hope of it all ♪ ♪ Like when I was living for the hope of it all ♪ ♪ 'Cause you remember ♪ ♪ Remember when I pulled up and said ♪ ♪ Get in the car and then ♪ ♪ Can't turn my plans just in case you call ♪ ♪ Like when I was living for the hope of it all ♪ ♪ 'Cause you remember ♪ ♪ The hope of it all ♪ ♪ Like when I was living for the hope of it all ♪ ♪ 'Cause you remember ♪ ♪ Remember when I pulled up and said ♪ ♪ Get in the car and then ♪ ♪ Can't turn my plans just in case you call ♪ ♪ Like when I was living for the hope of it all ♪ ♪ 'Cause you remember when I pulled up and said ♪ (upbeat music) - That was August by Taylor Swift. - Mm-hmm. - Well, and Ulyan, where does that take you back to? Well chronologically, so I listened to this song during the pandemic. I was living in San Francisco in that first summer when stuff went to hell. I was in San Francisco with some friends, and one of my friends, Ivan, was doing an internship there. So we went out one day and she, well, she already liked Taylor Swift at the time. I mean, she's currently at 50 for better or worse. And she showed me this. The album had just come out. I, not that I dislike Taylor Swift at the time, I just, she just wasn't at all on my radar. And I liked this song. So it reminds me of that time because that's just when I started listening to, for one, this album, but just Taylor Swift entirely. So not that long ago. And that also, well, that was on the height of the pandemic. And a few months after that, when I was in San Francisco, I moved from there to this town about an hour away from LA and-- - What was it down? - Oh, Frazier Park. - Yeah, okay. - You've heard of it. - Yeah. - Oh, interesting. - Yeah. - So it's just a small town. - Right. - My girlfriend at the time, and I rented an Airbnb there for about a month and a half hour, maybe two, which was a big jump, right? But we actually just had been dating for maybe four months, three months at the time. - Whoa. - And I mean, I'd call it, not so not at all living together. And yeah, she liked Taylor Swift as well. And this album, this song in particular, but the entire album was on our repeat offenders. - Yeah. - So that-- So it's littered with memories of that time. So kind of an entire chapter of my life. And then just going on with the chronology. - Oh, have you met my friend, Sara? - You have? - Maybe, yeah. - Yeah, the woman from the Czech Republic? - Yes. - Yeah. - What this one day we-- Oh, yeah, I think you've done this hike. But we had from EVGR to half moon bay. - Whoa. - Whoa. - And we actually did a road that was fairly long because it took us through Windy Hill and some parts of Skyline. Not the shortest route, but one that was fairly scenic. - Yeah. - Wow. - That's a long day. - It was a long day. - Yeah, and I think toward the end, we were playing this song as we were just waiting to be evacuated. - Yeah. - Because from actually by a friend, my other close friend who really didn't want to pick us up, but we can get an Uber and have moon bay at 10 p.m. - Yeah. - You guys did it all day. - Yeah, we started at like 8.30 a.m. - Whoa. - Perhaps nine because I was late. (laughing) So it also reminds me of that hike. So, Sara and this other guy I mentioned Noah, I would say my two closest friends at the moment at least. And one of the nicest things that, one of the nicest things that Stanford has been, the people I've met, yeah. So this just reminds me of at least that one friendship. Well, I've kept listening to this song just many times. It's one of my favorites. So I'd say, you know, this COVID times, this relationship, this specific hike with one of my close friends, and this all was during COVID, so it also reminds me of those times. But again, those are like the main stories I can think of. - Well, what do you think the role of friends is at a place like Stanford? Or what's that been the role of friends in your life? - I think they've been the main source of nourishment, I would say. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, certainly one source of nourishment here is just, I mean, education, you and I. Clearly, I mean, you clearly enjoy the things you do. And so do I. But also, so my friendships in particular have also been, I've been very lucky to find friends who are, who are a similar interest in philosophy and kind of big questions and are just analytical, clear thorough thinkers. And suspending time with them is just, it's just, you know, delightful. I mean, of course, it's not always like that, like, you know, we're often just fools. - Yeah, as much as anyone else. (laughing) - That's been great. And yeah, so in those senses, just, I mean, that in just kind of us, emotional fulfillment, friendships have been one of the greatest parts about my time at Stanford. And another one I'll mention is also my friends have been, I mean, I, I'd solve the link, of course, I've learned most of the things I've learned through classes and my lab and so on. But a large chunk of my development at Stanford, I would say is outdoor stuff. And that has mostly happened from, you know, from friend to friend. So, my friends, Sarah, don't be how to both downhill and cross-country ski. And, you know, the climbing, I mean, I go into climbing with friends here and I had never like, climbed a single rock formally before and, you know, again, that, I wouldn't just go out and do that myself if I didn't have kind of stable friends that are interested in that and are willing to teach me and all that. And, you know, a recent one is the biking, you know, I mean, I know how to ride a bike, right? But I actually didn't know what the hell a gravel bike was before you randomly mentioned that you had one of those. - Yeah, yeah. - So that's another sensing which my time at Stanford has been just extremely fulfilling outside of academic word. I feel like I've tapped into this entire world of things to the outside. Do you think that takes away from the like, underlying point of being here almost? Or is it really additive, is it essential? - I mean, I guess strictly speaking, I could spend more time reading philosophy papers and at the lab, I don't think I could handle it. Some people can't, but I certainly can't. So I would say it, kelbs balance things out and keeps me from going insane. (laughing) - Yeah, and it's your fifth year, that's a lot of years. - Yeah, it's like I can't just be working all day, every day. - Right. - So if I can have a good like eight hours at the lab on the day, on the given day, maybe even just six hours and go for a ride or just go out climb, that's a good day. - Yeah. - Do you think that's changed over your time at Stanford? [BLANK_AUDIO] how much productivity you have to have? - Oh, it certainly has changed for me. Well, my freshman year, I was just, you know, I wasn't going at it, bam, bam, bam. As usual, I actually burnt out fairly, fairly bad. I mean, partly because it was COVID, but I burnt out and I had a long, you know, took a year or two, just where I just, in some sense didn't have the same drive as before. And I think now I've kind of balanced back to a sweet spot where I don't do as much work. I mean, one, I don't think I can, but I don't even want to at this point, but I do, I try to do good work and I try to go out and enjoy life. I also really enjoy the academic work I do, but it's just, but it's, it's not the only thing I want to be doing. - Right. - Yeah, and if it consumes you, it cooks you. Just, you're done. - Yeah. - I'm sure you resonate with this to some extent. - Oh, very much. - I mean, I think you were the, were the, this particular way the other time, but you've mentioned you engage with the world with a lot of breadth, right? So you, you know, it's, it's not, I mean, you can't just do one thing if you want, but you're gonna miss out on many things. - Yeah, totally, totally. - But it sounds like that burnout period was a really important lesson here. - It was a lesson for sure. It was a lesson, that's right. - What did it feel like to hit the wall? - Well, it's like, you just don't wanna do your, I mean, well, you don't wanna do your work, but, you know, we've all felt that, but you kind of can't. It's like you really, at someone you just can't bring yourself to do it, it just feels painful, like torture-esque. - Mm-hmm. - So I had to go home, take time off, come back, get a little burnt out again, take go home again, and then I ended up going to Berlin, which was kind of like a, not a break, but it was quite a change. And I wasn't just focusing on academic stuff like I was before. I mean, I was taking serious classes, but I was branching out into more humanities stuff, stuff that I wasn't planning to, or I'm not planning to pursue as my main thing, or even my side thing. So it was, in some sense, a break, especially since I was doing internships for six months, just got a lot of change of context really helped. - Do you have any advice for someone who's, maybe like a freshman or a sophomore that they're hitting that wall? Like what would you have told your past self? - Well, I feel like my past self just had to, you had to (beep) around and find out. - Yeah. - I mean, I could go and tell myself, hey, take a break, but you know. - He wouldn't have listened. - Well, maybe he would listen, but it's like, it's a different kind of knowledge when you have the painful memory, as opposed to just telling someone just describing the experience to you. - And do you think that that, like, learn by doing is, like an important way people learn? Or like, I guess, would you intervene if you saw someone on that carining path? Would you be like, hey, take him aside, like, look, here's where you're going, here's where I went. - I would be hesitant of doing that myself because I feel like this is a very personal matter, whether you want to just educate yourself to kind of your career or whatever it is. - Right. - I mean, some people can go like that for years, whole decades and I do know people like that. So I would, and you know, and like, what, how do you choose your, to leave your life is really entirely up to you. There are no rules. So that's why I, I mean, I would tell myself that, but I wouldn't be too sure of giving that advice to others. - 'Cause how do you know how they want to live? - Yeah. - Well, and I guess maybe to shift gears a little bit or to come back to an earlier topic, you mentioned that one of those three things that, or the time that this song creates some reminiscences of, is that two-year relationship? - Yeah. - What does it feel like to have been in a two-year relationship? That's a long time. - Oh, well, so these ones is from the, so I've been in two long-term relationships. The first one was a year and a half with a long chunk, a long break in the middle, or not a break, but a long off time in the middle. - Yeah. - But how it feels to be in a two-year relationship, it's huge. That's, it's a long period of your life. And, you know, I think after a lot, in some sense you just feel different. You also learn a lot about just how you, and how you view the world, and how you feel about things, and how you feel about the other person just naturally shifts with time. And also, well, being in a, I mean, this relationship was very serious. So she's from Colorado, and at some point I was just going to Colorado for every break. - Wow. - And I would, you know, be with her family and just kind of like, participate in the, just whatever routines they had. So it's also very interesting, not just to have been in the relationship, but just to kind of have been there with a person for two years, and just kind of get to know them to that level. Yeah, it's, it's, well, it's, it's wonderful in many ways. Yeah. But, you know, yeah, I feel like this is a kind of a half-baked answer. I don't know if you have any, any other, any questions you, you think about. - Yeah. Well, I imagine it feels quite a bit different than any other kind of like, shorter relationship in college. Are there any like really high contrast things that you see about long-term relationships versus short-term ones? Yeah, let me think about that for a second. Yeah, well, I mean, I'm not sure what kind of interesting answer I can give you. I mean, obviously in some sense, it's extremely different the way you engage with the other person, you're not just thinking of like, I'm seeing this person now, but I don't know if I will be doing that in a week. You're like, you know, it's, it's kind of part of, at some, in some sense, you kind of start operating as a unit and taking them into consideration into you, in your long-term planning and integrating them into your social circles and you get integrated into theirs. You know, it's, there's that kind of merging of lives that happens that you wouldn't at all expect from a short-term relationship or thing as they call them. Yeah. Well, it sounds like over like many of those breaks, you didn't go home to your family in Mexico. That's true. Yeah, I guess an interesting, I'm currently on an expired visa. I'm here legally. But as long as I'm still an active student, I don't need to have a valid visa. But as soon as I go home, I have to renew it in that next time. So I have to be strategic about when and how to do it. And also I have to, I need to kind of show proof of funding in advance, which I don't quite have this year, now that I'm doing a coach or mom, paying that through being a course assistant, but you know, that they only get confirmed, confirmed that kind of one quarter at a time. So there's some logistical complications, which I think I could clear, but you know, in some sense, it makes a bit more sense to just stay here, which I don't mind really. But yeah, I haven't been going home much in the last few years. And you know, even since I came here, I would just go home for winter break. Last winter break I didn't, I would last time I was there was actually about a year ago in the summer. But yeah, it's true. I don't really go home that much. And it's certainly not, whenever I reflect about it, makes me just think, wow, it really does feel now like I'm neither here nor there. Yeah, you know, in some sense, it's the universal immigrant or expert experience. Yeah, or even just like moving away from the like childhood parent home. Yeah, that too, yeah. Well, shall we get into another song? Oh, sure. Yeah, let's, let's do it. Do you have a song in mind? I'd be down for green grass and high tides. Do you have anything for us to listen to? I'll say, I just really, really, really like the solos on this piece. It's very, very just like moody, nice, classic rock. When you know, when they were just just going at it, they were probably high off their minds too. [LAUGHS] Well, we'll play that. Green grass and high tides by the Outlaws. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] , [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ And the memories make you here ♪ ♪ Green grass and high clouds forever ♪ ♪ Castles of stars so little more green ♪ ♪ Most places say we adore you ♪ ♪ As kings and queens bow and play for you ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ And that was Greengrass and Hi-Tards by The Outlaws. Well, Lily, what does that take you back to? I've liked rock since I've been little, like, I mean, my early teens. Well, okay, actually, I can tell you, I know where the song comes from. All right. My brother and I first got up PlayStation 2 when I was seven and he was 11, and we got this game, Rock Band. It's like, you've heard of guitar hero, right? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Same thing, except they have a fake drum and. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that comes with a kit. Yeah. Oh, wow. Of plastic instruments. And the song was in there, and it's one of the harder songs in there, but it's an absolute banger, as they would say. So that's how I got to know this song. But it's just one of the best. Well, I've always liked, you know, rock solos. And these songs just excels at that. And he just has like. Well, three of them, and they're like long, and they're just like beautiful, and they just keep getting better. There's no deep story here. It's just awesome rock. That's awesome. Oh, and it's a great song. It is. It just keeps going and going and going. Yeah, sometimes you. You know, there are some stungs, some stungs, you don't want them to stop. So you came across it and that. Where's your brother now? My brother is back home in a touristy city working, I think, at a hotel. I think last time I spoke with him that. Yeah. He's been doing that for a while, so I'm assuming he's still doing that. He moved there with his girlfriend. Yeah. Did he leave Mexico or really? No, he's still in Mexico. I don't think he's. He might have been elsewhere. I don't know if he has ever left the country, actually. Yeah, but he and I are very different, for sure. I mean, clearly I like school, but he wasn't like that. And in many ways, in that way, we're very different. Well, and then you lived in Berlin and worked in Berlin for a long time. Yeah. In some ways. Yeah. It sounds like you have the travel bug between the two of you. I guess I do. I mean, I'm sure. Well, to be honest, also travel is. Of course, it's expensive, in some sense, a privilege. And all these things, like, you know, been emerging for nine months, or just being at Stanford has been the case because I've been adopted by Daddy Stanford. Yeah. Yeah. And now, I'll tell you straight up, having gotten to Stanford really has. Practically speaking, husband has had the effect of. The same effect as, you know, getting adopted by rich parents. You just get to do all the things that. Yeah, and you get money to do them. It's wonderful. And so, I imagine Stanford paid for your Berlin. At least it's on the green. And it paid for all my undergrad tuition. So, yeah, so that included my time in Berlin, and the internships where I had to type in to do them. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, and half the battles figured out how to get the money from Stanford. Yeah, but some days. You know, some parts of Stanford are like, "Hey, do you want to come do this? We have the money for it." You like, "What?" Yeah, of course I'll go, "I'll go do that then, and get that funded." Wow. Well, shall we get into a last song in our last few minutes here? Oh, sure. What song shall we play next? I would go for all the little lights by passenger. And so, William, where does all the little lights take you? It takes me back to perhaps middle school or high school. I used to. Well, I am was a huge fan of passenger, and I still am. And in fact, for the first time ever, I'm gonna see him in about a month. He's playing in San Francisco. Crazy. I don't think he's a big of an artist as he was before, which I think in some sense as a fan, it's a good thing. Yeah, oh, for sure. You might know from this artist this really popular song, "Let her go." It's from the same album. I think that song is overrated. I think the entire album has. It's just littered with amazing songs. He's a great songwriter. I was also. I was listening to a lot of these music back when I was actively learning English, so it takes me back to that time. He's a clear. he sings very. He has a decent pace, and clearly. At the time, it was a kind of music that I could understand without having to look through lyrics much. So that's one of the memories it has. Yeah, that's perhaps. But I've been in the fan of his for years because the songs are just. Well, these songs cliché, but they're about life. So I like that. Life is nice. Yeah. Well, sometimes you just need someone to put a name to the feeling. This one in particular is kind of a sad song. I mean, you'll listen to the song, but it's about the main kind of metaphor in the song is. You know, we're born into this world with many lights. And as life goes on and tragic events happen, or we do things that. We regret just like light start to go out until we're lying in the dark. It's actually kind of a grim song. Do you feel like you resonate with that theme? I would say that these days, my life is great, and it's not like. I feel like the lights are going out. Actually, I would say that I feel like the lights are getting back on. Yeah. Actually, that sounds like I've lived a horrible life. No, no, no, no, but like the room is almost so bright. And then it kind of dims and it comes bright and bright again. Yeah, but you know, like, life has its ups and downs, and I think. This is one song I would listen to when I'm on the downs, you know. When the lights are dim, yeah. Well, this is "All the Little Lights" by Passinger. ♪ ♪ ♪ When we're out to the bus stop in Edinburgh ♪ ♪ When we're out in an English park ♪ ♪ When we're out to the nightclub when I was 15 ♪ ♪ Little lights in my heart ♪ ♪ When we're out when I lied to my mother ♪ ♪ Said the cigarette she found on mine ♪ ♪ When we went out with me now smoked like a chimney ♪ ♪ He's getting dark in his heart of mine ♪ ♪ When we're out to the nightclub when I was 15 ♪ ♪ Little lights shining in the dark ♪ ♪ When he show us the weight ♪ ♪ One lights up every time you feel love in your heart ♪ ♪ One dies when he moves away ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ When we're out in the back streets of Manchester ♪ ♪ When we're out in an airport in Spain ♪ ♪ When I retire, no doubt when I grew up a move top ♪ ♪ At the place where the boy used to play ♪ ♪ ♪ When I went on Copenhagen, it's too much ♪ ♪ We used to fish and I fish no more ♪ ♪ Though we will not return, I don't want to steal bars ♪ ♪ On a fishing boat to the New Jersey shore ♪ ♪ We're born with millions of little lights shining in the dark ♪ ♪ When we're out to the nightclub when I was 15 ♪ ♪ Little lights shining in our hearts ♪ ♪ I'm tired long away, ♪ ♪ 'Till we're old, and we're cold ♪ ♪ And we're lying in the dark ♪ ♪ 'Cause they'll open out one day ♪ ♪ The old one I want, ain't ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ The old one I want, ain't ♪ ♪ The old one I want, ain't ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ All the little lights by passenger. But actually, so this song, I haven't remembered, but family is one of the recurring themes there, right? Like with the uncle that got cancer or a tumor, the part about lying to his mother, about the cigarettes. Yeah, so my mom actually passed away when I was 15. I guess I'll get into the story because also, you know, we've spoken about Stanford, and I use this metaphor of getting an adopted by rich parents. I mean, I come from a middle class family in Mexico, which I mean, that technically makes you low income in the US, but in Mexico, it's just true middle class. Yeah, and of course, that was obviously a tragic event, and a super significant event in one's life. And among the many things it does, it just, you know, brings a lot of uncertainty into your life, right? It's like, okay, you know, what happens now? I'm 15 years old. I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to afford to keep going to English lessons, right? Right. Part of that was, well, I mean, eventually, we got live insurance, which of course, it's a significant sum whenever that happens to happen. And a few years later, I was, well, I thought of applying to Stanford. I mean, I was doing, you know, in Informatics Olympia and so on and that. That was one of the main things I did as a high schooler and through there, I met some people that suggested I consider applying to schools in the US. But it's, you know, applying to schools in the US is a huge ordeal, especially from abroad. Especially if you also, if you haven't been in a school that, you know, kind of knows the deal. So one person suggests, tell me about some, you know, there are these college consulting groups where they help you with tutoring and all of that. I think that what the SAT was a year before I applied to Stanford or schools in the US in general. But, you know, these things are really expensive. I'll tell you straight up, I spent $6,000 on that thing, which was pretty much like the majority of my sum of money from the live insurance. It was, you know, in some sense, it was kind of a, I was wagering or betting with that money. Yeah, and, you know, I mean, I didn't know what the SAT was. So it helped me prepare for it. It killed me with putting my persona on the paper and just making my, you know, I had no clue how the whole thing worked. So all of that, I think with, you know, in some sense, it's crazy to think, I don't know, you know, well, who knows what kind of life, what kind of life I would have gone on if my mom hadn't passed away when I was 15. But that's certainly in some sense put me on this path. Yeah. And so what was it like to receive the letter of acceptance from here? Oh, it was just an extremely wonderful, like, you know, moment that was just so full of joy and just like, of peace. It was funny. So I applied to 20 schools because, what partly because, well, I needed one that would give me financial aid. And if you're an international student, there's only a handful of them that one will give financial aid to international's. And most of them anyway will actually like explicitly consider that against you. So, you know, it's a, it's a big hurdle to jump over. And so I applied to 20 of them and, you know, like the first 18 rejected, no, the first 18, maybe eight of them reaction me and 10 of them put me on the way at least. I suspect that that's because they didn't know if they were able, and I'd be able to like give me financial aid. So they wouldn't put me like, you know, in their back pocket. Right. And then in a span of three days, the last two came out. So that was stuffs, which, you know, tufts is great. And then Stanford. And I was just, I just like, when I saw the letter, I mean, I wasn't, I wasn't just like counting on our rejection. But, you know, it popped up with the little like confetti and stuff. And I like screamed and I went up to my dad and was like, "Hey, I mean, Spanish, of course, but I was, "Hey, Stanford, accept me." And he was like, "What's Stanford?" And I was like, "I'm scared." Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, that didn't take away at all from now. The experience was mostly funny. But, yeah. Yeah. I was like, you know, it's only one of the best universities in the entire world, dad. But, you know, that certainly just, I mean, just having been accepted to one of these schools, obviously, has just like in many, you know, tangible and kind of untangible ways really transformed my life. Yeah. And so, what is your dad think that you're here? Oh, I mean, he's more than happy about it. Yeah. It's funny though, in some sense, I feel like I still, he doesn't quite understand the magnitude of being in a school like this. Like, you know, during the pandemic, when I was considering taking time off, he was like, "Hey, you know, maybe you should just like finish as soon as you can and like try to get a job." You know, like, it's stuff to get a job out there, which is true in many ways. But, you know. But not for, not necessarily for us. I mean, to be honest, none is necessary for a Stanford graduate. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, "No, that's an terrible move." Yeah. What am I going to do? Like, fix air conditioning units? Like, come on. So, I mean, also, hoping to go to grad school, so it's not even like I'm going to go for a traditional job. But, right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. But, you know, I mean, yeah, I mean, I'm sure you can just, I mean, you really know this whole thing is like a crazy story. And when I think about it, it's like, "Wow." It's just the chain of events that have led to me being here is just unbelievable. Yeah. Like, completely insane. And this little light. Yeah. All the little lights. All the little lights that takes you back to that, at that time. Some degree. Some of those times, yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, this one of the songs I've perhaps carried with me throughout my life. Yeah. Wow. Well, Julianne, thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me, Alex. It's been a great time. Absolutely. You've been very wonderful to have on. Do you have anything else you want to add? No, it's just great to be here. And thank you. You know, it's been a great time getting to know you since, I don't know, spring quarter. Yeah. Really? Yeah. And we met serendipitously. We did. We really did. That's how it happens at Stanford, I guess. Yeah. In the world, I would think. In the world, yeah. Thank you, dear listener. Thanks so much for listening. This is 90.1 KZSU Stanford. You could find this in every other episode of the story exchange on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts, as well as on, for at least the last two weeks of playback in the KZSU archive. 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