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In a way, our eyes are liars.
Not in what they portray, but in the implication of their portrayals.
Our eyes highlight to us one thing. What surrounds us now.
We receive a snapshot of the current moment.
And what took me years to understand is that possibility and hope live far beyond what surrounds
us right now. And it's that pursuit of possibility that saved my life, immersing myself
in the unseen. Perhaps we were given the now, not to subserviently accept it, but to transform it.
I believe in our own way. We're all architects.
Here's what I've found to be tricky though, as I've spent time thinking about this.
What I believe and I've come to recognize is that two things can be true at once.
First, all we'll technically ever have is the present.
As Eckhart totally explains, depression is essentially being lost in the past,
anxiety is being fixated on the future, and that a healthy life is learning to cherish the now.
But second is the power and control of being able to point the now at something far beyond what
our eyes convey. It's the magic of knowing that we spend our days navigating the world of
limitation and restraint. And it's not that we wake up and think, "You know, I'm going to restrict
myself today. I'm going to not live up to my full potential." No, it's that we go on autopilot.
We observe the slideshow our eyes play for us day in and day out, and exist within those
parameters. That seems perfectly reasonable. Our eyes show us a wall and our brain says, "Okay,
this is where we stop. The end." And what I want to highlight is that world just beyond what our
eyes show. A world that pushes things a little bit. A world in which we ask, "Okay, but what if I
gave a little more?" Or, "Why can't I be like those people in my life I look up to?"
Why shouldn't I change the circumstances that weigh on my mind? Why have I accepted these things
that make me unhappy day in and day out? Just because it's the image or I show you right now doesn't
mean it's where you stop. But we have to learn to look for more. When I was pretty young,
right about the time home PCs were gaining prominence, my parents got this gateway computer that
came with a Star Wars game demo. And you have this character, you wander around the spaceship,
and I played it, and I played it, and I played it. And after a while, I explored all there was to
explore. Or so I thought. I assumed that maxed the thing out because it was a demo. It wasn't the
full game. So my assumption was that it wouldn't let me do too much until I went out and bought the
real version. The one day my friend from up the street came over and I'm showing him the game,
and somewhere he notices a little button that opens up this door and come to find out
there was actually a lot of real estate left to explore. A lot of game available. They led to a tunnel,
they led somewhere else that led somewhere else. And sure, I felt like a clown for not realizing that
I was needlessly wandering in circles. But at the same time was excited about this new world.
There's something about that concept, the secret door, the bookcase that can be moved to
unveil a passageway to something greater, to the value locked away, and invisible to the untrained
eye. One of the most important things for us to understand is how many of these doors exist
in our lives. That if we choose to recognize and identify something more, something that excites
us and invigorates us, we can usually draw a line to it. We can start little by little heading
that way. Because within the current moment slideshow we see all around us exist the little
passageways, the side streets, the tunnels connecting to something more.
That of course those gates won't open up if you've not constructed a destination in your mind worth
traveling to. Again, not because you're insufficient or inadequate or wrong, but because our
default is to live life on demo mode, we have to man you facture more, build a higher platform,
and then climb up to it using ropes and ladders that we already walk by every day without thinking
twice. Our world, our right now, is a toolbox waiting for us to construct a more meaningful,
peaceful, happy tomorrow. And so again, I present the question, where are these hidden
opportunities or gateways in your life? Where can you find the advantage just dressed up as the
mundane? Is it in a book? Is it a conversation? Is it applying to that thing you've been hesitant
to pursue because you're scared of what might await? Is it understanding the power of ten minutes
a day? And how starting small open stores that we can't even comprehend? Is it a little boldness?
Is it looking in the mirror and realizing you're still shackling yourself to who you were yesterday?
Is it understanding that someone or something in your life isn't conducive to your well-being?
Is it an hour in the morning to think, an hour at night to breathe? Is it changing a self-limiting
relationship at time or money or resources? What walls can you knock down so that you might open
up a world that's meant for you, a world that's malleable and without limitation?
Your eyes, they don't tell the story of how things can be or what they mean. They show you the
infinite tools at your disposal to build, to create, to design, to never accept a now that
wasn't chosen with intentionality. That where there exists pain, there also exists a door to
lesson and transform that pain. Your journey, it never ends where you are, it ends where you choose
to stop. It ends where you plan a stake in the ground and accept the world around you.
So if no one has told you recently, let me remind you how powerful you are, let me reiterate
what you are capable of and that perhaps your reality requires of you some customization.
Perhaps the courage to step outside the routine and the obligation and as the architect you are
build something beautiful, meaningful, something incredible to stand on.
To recognize the distinction between what is and what can be, the second one understands that
they are walking by the very solutions they need. That to remain in a state of discontent is simply
an indifference to the resources around them. Remember this. What you see, your eyes don't provide an
end state, but a path to the next chapter, a chiseled, a little by little, as long as someone
recently reminded me, Mark Twain's quote, "Logic will get you from point A to point B,
but imagination will take you everywhere." Why? Because so much exists beyond the parameters of
everyday life. It's about mapping new paths with new points and new rules, because some exist
and some live, some comply and some create, some see what is around them, and some ask,
"What can I build with what is around me?" So build. Towers that touch the sky, bridges that
connect to the earth build like this is a game
game and the only way to lose is to stop yourself from experiencing all it has to offer.
Build like there's a world far beyond your front door because if you do that's exactly
where you'll find yourself.
I was listening to Alan Watts the other day and he was referencing a zen parable and he asked this question I thought was pretty cool.
When a flag is flapping in the wind, what's moving? The flag or the wind?
The answer, neither, it's the mind that moves.
It's how our minds interpret our experiences that create our realities.
And the reason this reminder is so important to me, the reason I don't believe we could ever hear it enough is because keeping that understanding front and center in our lives tells us how powerful we are.
Sure we often can't control the situation, we all know that.
But we can always control what this situation means. Every event is open to interpretation.
And that's what's so incredible.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to get to the value, especially when our minds want to default to the negative or what's missing or what's lost.
But if you're willing to look, underneath every occurrence is exactly what you need.
And so take, for example, something we can all relate to, like losing something that truly mattered, that we found meaningful, whether it was a person, a job, an activity, a physical impairment, right?
When asked what does this change mean, the mind goes lost, it defaults to I had it, I loved it, and now it's gone.
But underneath that, there's a chance to take the pieces of what remains, and go down a new path, to find something just as or even more beautiful.
The same loss can mark the beginning of an adventure.
Is it ideal at first, no, but it's usually not the ideal that prompts our most important change. It's life's turbulence that pushes us to seek out something new.
You know, I love taking this little trip down memory lane, right? Because, you know, it's the business ventures that fell apart, that caused me to look in the mirror and choose to be more.
It's the projects that Vance just didn't end up being that good, right? That allowed me to see this journey as a creative one.
Or hey, some projects hit, some don't, but it's not personal, it's a ride, and what an opportunity.
And it's the breakups I went through. And while, sure, if you were definitely brutal, they gifted me with an opportunity to personally level up, to dial in my understanding of what really matters to me.
I can think of physical setbacks, monetary obstacles, all these things that hurt in the moment.
Now, I'm not sure I could have controlled the initial emotive response, right? The human reaction.
But learning to ask, well, how can I get better from this? That's a different question.
How can one month from now be amazing because of this situation, regardless of how it feels in the moment?
It's not the flag or the wind that moves, it's my mind.
So how will I choose to paint the landscape around me? How will I choose to give meaning to the things that will ultimately comprise my reality? That's power.
Now, I've always felt it easy to conflate, like finding value in our lives with being happy all the time.
But again, we're emotional creatures, and life can be challenging for all of us. I don't think it's possible to be happy all the time. That's not the goal.
The true victory is in finding gratitude along the way, in pausing and asking, how can I take this seemingly unfavorable result and find a way to win from it?
Because guess what? The sad truth is most people don't do that.
Most people walk right by that stuff. Most people chalk up the L's as L's and leave the good stuff behind.
If you know there's a win in everything, and you ask that your mind look for it, the reality you create will be one much different than someone undergoing the exact same circumstances with their eyes closed.
Remember, it's the mind that moves. It's you who writes the script, who controls the narrative. And that's not a burden. That's a gift.
It's what makes you more powerful than you could ever imagine.
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Today is not an obligation. Today is a gift. Why is it important that this distinction comes through loud and clear?
Because the same action can differ wildly, depending on what brought it about. Was it an order or a choice, where we told or did we arrive there ourselves?
And we know this innately. From a child being told to go to his or her room for punishment, that place where they'd gladly be, if it wasn't being mandated by angry parents.
When we're instructed being told to, mandated, when we're doing something because we have to, we process this differently than a choice or a conclusion we came to on our own.
We think about it differently when it's something we get to do.
When I talk about transformative perspective shifts, this was one for me going from what's expected of me. How do I not mess this up? What would make me look like the person I'm supposed to look like?
To instead understanding that, listen, today is a gift and I'll never get it back. A series of opportunities and decisions, a choose your own ending story waiting for me every day as the sun comes up in my eyes open.
To me, the difference is more than semantics. The difference is between feeling free and going into autopilot so that I mitigate mistakes and blend in, that's not freedom, that's becoming a prisoner of your own making.
You can walk the same road and see it differently every time. You can take in the same event and come away with very different interpretations of it.
All depending on the role you chose to give yourself, as you walked down the path or peered in at the event. Were you the hero in the story or an extra?
Someone who capitalizes on all to be gained or someone who hides from the fear that they might misstep.
Obligations are about minimizing risk and doing what is merely required. An opportunity on the other hand asks what more could you do with what you have?
How could you take what you love and multiply it? How could you capture your inspiration and delve further into it?
The one living out of obligation will always find the problems and the negative. But the one who knows they have in their midst the greatest winning lottery ticket of all time.
Will they be foolish not to cash it in?
And so, look, you might be going through some problems as we all do.
You might have your challenges and your struggles, they're unavoidable.
But these are part of a greater narrative.
They're what will build you up and push you forward as you move deeper into the miracle
that is your life.
And that's the difference.
The first step in being able to capture the opportunity is understanding that you are
living in one.
Life is not obligatory, it is a giant get to.
And you realize that you are truly free.
It's been almost two years since I first read it, and still the main idea from the book,
the courage to be disliked by Ichiro Kishimi deeply resonates with me, the idea that being
happy is essentially dependent upon the courage to be disliked.
In a first, it might not seem like the two, you know, whatever be related, happiness
and being disliked, an odd pair, maybe even seemingly counterintuitive.
Until you realize that happiness comes from such a personal, authentic place that allowing
the expectations of others to chart your course means that you'd probably never arrived
there.
You have to do what's best for you.
And doing what's best for you is going to create a divide somewhere.
Why?
Because everything creates a divide.
Everything is subjective.
I knew I wanted to dive into this topic, but wasn't sure the best way to do it.
So the other morning, I was trying to think of, like, an objective truth.
Something that no one could disagree with, was sitting on my balcony and pointed up towards
this guy.
Thought, let's start there.
Simple as it gets harder to refute that, right?
I am pointing up, and I remember we're floating on a globe, a giant sphere.
There is no up, up is perspective.
Everything is perspective.
What's the difference between one and two?
Some might say it's one.
But technically, there's infinity between one and two.
You can have infinite decimals.
One point, nine, nine, nine, nine goes on forever, right?
Point being, there's subjectivity when we drill down into even the seemingly obvious
truth.
Now, the value here is not to go running around, arguing with everyone that there's
infinity between one and two.
There are certain aspects of society that we must adhere to, otherwise we couldn't function
together, right?
But it's simply to show that you following the path you believe is right for you cannot
be rightfully assessed by someone else.
It's a place trust in your internal personal judgment.
And when people don't understand your infinity that doesn't mean it's wrong.
And by the way, I don't have blinders on to the fact that it's hard to do.
In many ways it goes right up against our lizard brain, biological wiring, right?
We're fitting in equates to survival and ostracization becomes a death sentence.
But we are fortunately beyond that.
It's in our interest now, and in fact, I think the courage to be disliked is a critical
life-long journey.
I'm better at this than I was 10 years ago, no question, but do I still have a ways
to go?
Absolutely.
There are still things I'm working on every day to let go of.
I remember reading in Jefferson's biography about how it was so hard for him to be demonized
in the press all the time that it almost dissuaded him from jumping back into politics before
his presidential run.
And being attacked is a hard thing.
But ultimately he let his beliefs and personal values drive him his ambition in a lot of
ways, and came to see the scrutiny as a cost, decided it was worth the price.
Or like I used this all the time, take one of the biggest pop stars of our day, say Justin
Bieber.
You look at what people are saying about him in the comments of his video.
A lot of it's wonderful, some of it's great, sure, but some of it's awful.
And that's just the price of anyone putting themselves out there.
And again, you think of an inverse scenario.
Imagine if he didn't.
Imagine if he limited himself or didn't dive fully into what he does, because he knew
some folks out there would have some bad things to say.
Now, we are for the most part neither famous politicians nor pop stars, but our worlds
contain the same elements at different scale.
There are things we're all scared to do or say because of how it will be received.
There are parts of ourselves that we repress because we don't know what the feedback
will be.
We're scared to fail in some capacity because of how it will look or what others will
say about it, which is why being dislike is courageous.
As Aristotle has said, the only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, to say nothing
and be nothing.
The opposite of being fully, truly yourself is becoming the manifestation of that quote.
It's never pushing yourself, never seeing what you're capable of, never exploring or executing
on your dreams, your ambitions.
Now this is speculation, but if I were a gambling man, I'd place everything I own on the
idea that when we're old looking back on our lives, we'll spend less time thinking
about who criticized us or disagreed with us than how we spent our days and who we shared
them with.
Did we live in a way that made us happy that was meaningful?
Because on a sphere, everyone believes they are pointing up.
But naturality none of us are.
We're all merely navigating the subjective universe behind our eyes.
So why not truly explore? Why not capture the magic out there before the hourglass runs
out of sand?
It's hard, sometimes it hurts, it takes all we have, it requires courage.
But I think we'll all come to find that the decision to live fully in our authenticity,
regardless of whether others agree, disagreed or were indifferent, was the best decision that
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The thing about storms is that they all have one thing in common, they pass.
In once gone, they leave you as a person different than who you were before you stepped in.
Whatever you found yourself consumed by its adverse conditions, they are disruptors.
Breaking down and shaking up, but not for the sake of chaos itself, no storms break us down
so that we can build again, so that we can find within ourselves the power and the strength
that simply remained tucked away during those sunny days.
And so walking up to this storm, what you'll immediately notice is a break from the normal,
the every day, an obvious detachment from the standards by which you had been living.
But don't be fooled in a thing.
thinking those dark clouds and heavy winds have nothing of value for you.
Don't be tricked into thinking the rain will consume all the good in life.
Because at the end of the day, it's that very rain that washes away the excess and leaves
the meaningful.
We don't grow despite the storms.
We grow because of the storms so compose yourself and embrace what's around you.
Amidst the storm, you might realize that you don't want some of the things you thought
you did.
You might realize that life contains variables that make it incredibly unpredictable.
And when old plans meet new variables, sometimes we learn that the path we were walking down
requires adjustment.
It needs change.
Not because we were wrong.
The dream was wrong or the path was wrong, but because life is an experiment.
Experiments are meant to test hypotheses and support exploration without the storm.
After everything seemed fine, everything was flawless, but in the thick of it, when the
variables, the multiplicity of factors present themselves, it often paints a picture for
us that we previously weren't able to see.
That's okay.
Ideal even, it's life.
So when amidst the storm and presented this new information, this new portrait pivot,
grow with your understanding and newly acquired knowledge.
There's no point in remaining tied to the ideas, the people in the places that once served
you, but have since run their course.
Growth is perspective and awareness, and as the storm shakes your foundation, it also
hand you a clarity that those blue skies simply could not.
So adjust, adapt, and move further into the person you are destined to become.
You can't learn that on a sunny day, know that's what storms are for.
When amidst the storm, you might find yourself scared, nervous, unsure.
You might even look back and wonder what life would have been like had you not stepped
in.
Perhaps you're angry with yourself for not navigating around the inclement weather.
Maybe you'll find yourself asking, "How did I let myself end up in such a situation
when there were visual indicators and weather forecasts?
People warned me about moments like this, yet here I am."
You might find that the drop in temperature is uncomfortable, the rain difficult, the
wind annoying, but here's what they don't tell you.
There's something innately powerful about proving to yourself that you can move forward
despite those things, that when you're scared and step forward anyway, when you're lost
but maintain your poise and trust in the process, when you're down but cling to hope to that
light at the end of the tunnel, you emerge with a different understanding of who you are.
You end up stronger because you've allowed yourself to become stronger, and you don't
get that on the sunny days.
No, that's what storms are for.
And amidst the storm, you might feel like the sacrifice required in life is more than
you want to endure, maybe even more than you can endure.
After all, it's during our trying times that we're forced to make some of our most
difficult decisions, we might be forced to let go of some things that had been staples
in our lives.
That in order to say hello to some things, we must necessarily say goodbye to others.
And this hurts, especially while it's happening, it hurts.
But what you're really doing is learning to identify what matters and mitigate the things
that don't support that journey.
Sometimes storms teach us that growth is not about acquisition and obtaining more.
And they show us instead that we've been carrying too much, that we become accustomed to surrounding
ourselves with things that no longer elevate or inspire or push us.
And the best way to evolve is to move forward with less.
So when you see parts of yourself fade away or dissolve, hold your head up.
Because when you get to the other side, you just might see that cutting away those things
was more liberating than anything you could find or pick up along the way.
And we're not taught this lesson on those sunny days, no, that's what storms are for.
And amidst the storm, it's quite possible that you'll feel lonely from time to time.
Maybe misunderstood.
Perhaps like the whole world has everything figured out, they're moving single file through
the correct door while you wander around aimlessly.
That's not true.
No one has all the answers and everyone has their storms.
The question has always been as far as I'm concerned.
What will you make of yours?
Because we're always presented with the decision to let our adversity define us or to find
something of value in it.
The opportunity hidden in plain view.
You're never alone in your pain or your distress.
There's things are an inevitability tied to the miracle that is life.
But what you are is powerful, powerful enough to learn in your solitude and bring that understanding
back out to the world.
Powerful enough to let the lessons guide you to something beautiful.
Powerful enough to find the meaning underneath the turbulence.
We often confuse our times of greatest transformation with setbacks.
We often forget that the darkness cannot withstand a single flicker of light and we can be that
light when we trust ourselves.
It's a lesson that can't be taught on sunny days.
No that's what storms are for.
And that storm, that very thing you want with all your heart to avoid.
It's not antithetical to your happiness or your prosperity.
No ultimately, it's how you create those things.
The trials and tribulations help us look at life from different angles.
They remind us what we are capable of.
Show us we can do so much more than we thought that we have, in many cases, been accepting
a reality that is not our own, that is just the beginning.
And so whether you are on the outside looking in or at this very moment in the heart of
chaos, remember this is making you who you need to be.
And sure it never feels good in the moment.
It's never exciting when it's happening.
But there will be a point when you look around and see a world unlike the one you stepped
away from.
One in which you are stronger, bolder, wiser.
One in which you have greater clarity and understanding a better sense of who should
be with you and where you are going.
It's not despite but because of the storm that you rise from the ashes and from the quote
unquote misfortune to find yourself and your way.
[Music]
There's a connectedness that I want to call our attention to, a connecting of dots.
Let's reverse engineer this simple idea, okay?
Life's trajectory is most inclined to change in our biggest moments.
It's the opportunities that come around once in a blue moon when it's all on the line.
The moments where we have to operate under tension.
How do you perform when the lights are the brightest, when the outcome weighs heavy?
We only get a few truly revolutionizing opportunities in life, and we must be our best in those
moments, okay?
But how?
That's the million dollar question.
As far as I'm concerned, the answer is in the mundane, the boring things.
The answer is in repetition of the tiny steps that stack up again and again and again.
See a lot of people can picture the big opportunities, right?
A lot of people dream of having the ball in their hands down by one with three seconds left
on the clock.
They're not at their gym, they're not chipping away at their physique or their health, they're
not studying the ins and outs of the game, not that stuff's boring.
Just give me the ball with the game on the line, I'll figure it out, right?
Except, that's not how the world works.
My friends, as the saying goes, confidence is earned.
I want to tell you about a wall in my studio, a blank wall.
And as I've moved over the years, it's changed color, it's changed shape, but it's always
been there.
And it's heard me speaking directly to it for thousands of hours at this point.
It's seen me stand up, put a rug in the center of the room and talk to it like it was an
audience at Gillette Stadium, again and again and again.
Not because it was fun, no, it was tedious and to be honest sometimes annoying.
But look, if we're reverse engineering those once in a lifetime opportunities, what I
always knew was that I'd be ready, because that one opportunity isn't really about that
one opportunity.
It's about all you've stacked up along the way, all you've built.
It's enabling the mind when you walk on stage and the lights go on to think, oh this
isn't special, this is just muscle memory, I've already paid the price, I've already
one, I've already suffered, lost, learned and grown.
This is just where I collect my prize.
And so my friends, I ask of you, what is your equivalent of my blank wall?
Where are you creating those reps?
How are you building yourself up?
So that when those fleeting opportunities do arrive, you don't get worked up.
You don't ask anything of yourself that you're not equipped to give.
You simply smile and think, I've earned this.
This is who I am, and now the world will finally see.
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