Stop Losing Your Best Team Members

In this episode, we're going to talk about how do you stop losing your best team members? Welcome to the DragRochelle Leadership Podcast. If you're new with us, we draw a new leadership teaching on the first Thursday of every month. And I want you to get the leader guide. Go to cglp.com, hit download the leader guide, and we'll send you the guide with lots of free information, questions for your team. Just another way we can support you in your leadership. And if this content is helpful to you, would you do me a favor? Would you write a review wherever you consume it or rate it? That will help us get the content out to more people. I'm going to work really hard to bring you concise, valuable, high impact leadership content. If you do that, that would be a gift to me. Now, in the last episode, we talked about the most underused leadership habit, the gift of affirmation. We're going to take it deeper today if you haven't listened to the last episode, grab it first. And then today, we're going to talk about how to retain your team with better affirmation. The problem is most leaders, if they do encourage and affirm other people, they usually do it in one direction. The leader tends to affirm and encourage the people that report directly to the leader. They affirm down. A good leader initially and intentionally encourages his or her direct reports. And this matters so much, but I'll tell you right now, in leadership, it is not enough. Today, we're going to talk about the three directions every leader needs to affirm. How are we going to affirm? We're going to affirm up. We're going to affirm down. And we're going to affirm inward up, down, and inward. Let's start with the first one, which is the most obvious and important, then we'll dive into the next two. As a leader, we're going to affirm down. What does that mean? You're going to affirm and encourage those people that you have the privilege to love and to lead. And this is the most natural one. It's the one that most leaders think of first. Like, I'm going to encourage the people that report directly to me. You think I'm going to encourage my team members. And we've already covered that we're going to make that kind of encouragement personal. We're going to make it timely. And we're going to make it specific. But I want to talk about why this matters more than you think. There's the obvious reason that you care about them. Not just what they do, but who they are. And you want to love them. You want to appreciate them. And you genuinely want them to feel like what they do matters. That's the heart. But then there's the practical side of it and both matter, right? And the heart is we care. The practical side is that if you don't show value to those around you, they'll eventually stop doing the things you value. Let me say it again, if you don't show value and appreciation to the things that people around you eventually they'll stop doing the things that you value that you value and appreciate. And so once you think about that for just a moment, the behaviors that are good that you ignore, they'll fade over time. The hard work and the effort people put in, if you don't acknowledge it over time, it naturally will decrease. The excellence that matters to you, but you don't celebrate, will become average over time. And it's not because your team doesn't care, but it's because they stop believing that you do. And it's so important. And so here's the part if you're leading anyone or a group of people that should keep you up at night. If you don't show appreciation to your best people, eventually another leader will. If you're not celebrating the people for who they are and what they do and what they accomplish and how their gifts and their effort matters and make it make a difference, then eventually someone else will. They're going to work somewhere else. And so you have to just kind of acknowledge that your best team members, the most talented ones, they have the most options. If not now, they soon will. Other people are going to see them and go, we want them. And the most talented ones will be the most recruited. And therefore, if you're not caring for them, the most likely to leave. And again, they don't just leave for more money. They leave because someone else can make them feel what you didn't. Now, as a side note, a great way to affirm someone, you're affirming someone that reports to you is to brag on them to someone who loves them. So they're doing a great job. You brag on them to a coworker, to their boss, to a parent, to one of their friends. I call this affirmational gossip. Okay. That's when gossip is legal when you're bragging on somebody. So you're at a party or a work event. And one of your direct reports, spouse is there. You might say, Hey, you're kind of leaning almost like you're telling a secret. You know that your spouse is really, really special. But let me just tell you how they are amazing. Then you go into details or a team members dad comes in to visit her and see say to the dad, man, you must be so proud of your daughter. I mean, like she's crushing it at work. And then you brag on her to her dad. Be creative. If someone's like deeper in the organization, you can send an email to that person's boss or to the boss's boss bragging on them. And it's very, very effective because that family or that, you know, member or that team member or the dad or the spouse, do you know they're going to go straight to your team members, say, you're not going to leave what your boss said about you. They're going to be really excited. And it matters because when that your team member hears it's second hand from someone who loves them, it hits them in a different way. If you say it directly to them, that's important. And you should. But sometimes they just think you're being nice. But when they hear you say something behind their back to someone that that they love or loves them, it means even more to them. I'll do this a lot. And I'll hear back, oh my gosh, my dad was bragging on me or whatever. One more thought on affirming down, you're going to want to praise effort, not just results. You're going to want to praise character, not just competence. And this is important. It's not just like you care about the results. But you care that they showed up and they tried. And it's not just what they get done, but it's who they are that matters. And it's so easy to wait until you see the win and celebrate the win. But it's also important that you notice that they're showing up doing the things that contribute to the win. Not just celebrating the outcomes, but celebrating all the effort of the character and the discipline and the work that goes into it along the way. So we're not waiting for the win, but we're celebrating, hey, it was a good practice. Hey, you showed up good. You're working really, really hard. And we have to remember this that the leader who only affirms outcomes builds performers. The leader who affirms people builds leaders. I'm going to say it for a moment. If you're only affirming outcomes and they're going to try to do the thing that they know gets the outcome. But if you're affirming them as people, they start to see themselves a little differently. I'm not just someone who produces, but I'm a leader that multiplies. So we're not just trying to build performers. We're trying to build leaders. So what are you going to do? You're a leader. You're going to firm down over and over and over and over again. More than you think you should. More than feels natural. You're going to firm and celebrate and encourage the people that show up every day and give eight hours a day, 10 hours a day to help you push the mission forward. So you're going to firm down and then you're going to firm up. You're going to firm and encourage the leaders above you, those that you report to or those who are over you in some way. And this may feel a little bit unnatural or uncomfortable at first. And some people say, well, that's unnecessary. They're the leader and they are dead wrong if they ever say that. If you ever wonder, why would my boss need affirmation from me? I'm going to tell you directly the answer is because your boss is human. And the higher someone rises in leadership, the less honesting encouragement they receive. And if they receive it, sometimes they don't even feel like it's really honest. And you kind of intuitively know it. And if you don't, let me tell you, the higher they rise in leadership, the more pressure they feel, pressure that you don't know anything about that they carry a weight that no one else can fully understand. And so don't assume they're getting encouragement from everybody else because they're probably not. And what happens is they're going to get a lot of requests and complaints. And they're rarely going to hear like, thank you. And you matter too. And when they do hear something positive, they might think like intuitively, well, most people at some level want something from me as their leader. They want a raise or they want approval or they want an attention or they may even want a promotion one day. So a lot of times when a leader hears something good, the leader will think, well, there's probably an agenda behind it. And that's why someone said, flattery is everywhere, but genuine affirmation is rare. I'm not telling you to be a brown no's or don't be that. Don't be a yes person. But I'm hoping that you'll care about your leader and want him or her to know that. And if you want to learn even how to better lead up, we've got a couple of episodes on that episode's 12 and 13. And you can go pick those up way, way back almost to the beginning. But think about your boss, your supervisor, your senior pastor, the board, anyone you report to and ask yourself, when is the last time you told them something specific you appreciated about their leadership? Think about it. When is the last time you said something really specific? Hey, when you did this or you really great at this or this makes a difference, I'm honored to serve under your characters amazing. And if you're not consistently encouraged in those above you, I'm going to encourage you right now, just make it consistent, regular encouragement. I love your all staff talk. And then specifically when you said this, it mattered. Or the other day, when I saw you pay attention to that person, it helped give me an example of what I want to do. and I'm in your role. And then, Think about not just like little touches, but think about what I call an occasional deeper gratitude. This is showing the depth of gratitude you have for the sacrifices someone above you made, for the risks that they took, for the weight that they carry. Maybe once a year, probably not more than twice a year, maybe put something in writing. Spend some time on it, craft your words carefully. Don't use AI, write it yourself, you might even consider giving them a small gift. It doesn't have to be expensive, it could be something personal. Hey, I know you love this brand of coffee, so I got you some, or hey, I know you like this, here's a key chain, and you took a risk on me, and I want to show you that I, how much that means to me. So what I call consistent, regular, small bursts of affirmation, and an occasional deeper gratitude. And if you're thinking, well, my boss never affirms me, why would I affirm them? That's fair, but I'd say this, you're not affirming your boss to get something back, you're affirming because that's who you are, because you generally care about people, and you're gonna do it because that's the right thing. If you remember the last episode, we talked about being the exception, 10 lepers were healed, and only one came back to tell Jesus, thank you. Be the one, be the one who shows gratitude, give it, give it, give it, give it, there's no such thing as being too grateful. So you're gonna firm down, affirm the people that you, that report directly to you. You're gonna firm up the people that you report to, and then you're gonna firm inward. And this is the type of affirmation that a lot of leaders ignore, and in some ways, it might be the most important because everything will overflow out of how you feel about yourself. Here's what I've learned. Most leaders who struggle to affirm others are running on empty themselves. If I don't feel good about myself, it's really hard for me to lift others up. If I feel secure, if I feel confident, if I feel like I'm winning and making a difference, then it's so much easier to go and to be generous to those around me. So what you think about it, if you are constantly battling negative voices in your head, and some of you are, the voice says you're not enough, and you're not smart enough, and you're not ready, and you're not a good leader, and you're gonna see through you or whatever. How much energy do you have left to encourage someone else when you're trying to just make it yourself? The answer is not much. It's hard to pour from an empty cup. So it's even harder to affirm other people when you don't really believe in yourself. And what I'm not talking about is arrogance or pride. There's not that. It's not like, oh, I am the greatest, and you're lucky to be in my presence. We're not talking about that. We're talking about what I call healthy, grounded, honest belief that God made you and gave you very specific gifts and talents that are unique only to you and called you and equipped you and wants to use you to get things done, to make a difference and to make a difference in the lives of other people. And the truth is right now, some of you, you're constantly battling those negative voices, the voices of discouragement, doubt, and self-accusation, and you've got imposter syndrome that you're not good enough and you don't belong here. And you think it's only a matter of time before they figure out I'm not as good or whatever. And these voices are loud, but they are lying. And I want you to hear me when I tell you that. They are loud and they are lying. And I know because I hear those same voices in my head and I need to stop them and replace them with the truth. And I want you to understand that if you're a believer, like I am, is that we have spiritual opposition. We have the forces of darkness coming against the kingdom of light. And our spiritual enemy doesn't have to destroy you. You just have to get you to doubt yourself. If you can get you to doubt what God put in you, then you're not going to bring out of you what God put in you. If you can get you to stop believing in your calling, you didn't have to stop your calling, you'll do it for him. And that's why this matters so much. Affirming inward is not vanity. I'd say it's warfare. And something I've talked about some has been a long time. But I do not because it's magic, but because it matters is in seasons of self-doubt, I speak what I call affirmations or declarations over myself. It's not occasional. It's consistent. And I've got a much longer list of these. We can put a link in the leader guide for you. But I say things like this. I say, I love people and believe the best about others. I say that over and over again. I am disciplined. Christ in me is stronger than the wrong desires in me. I say, I'm growing closer to Jesus every day because of Christ. My family's closer. My body is stronger. My faith is deeper. I go and I say, I bring my best and then some. It's what I do after I bring my best that makes the difference. I say the world will be different and better because I serve Jesus today. So I've got a long list of these affirmations. I say over and over and over again because what I'm doing is I'm replacing the negative voices with what I believe is spiritual truth to create new neural pathways or to renew my mind so that I can show up and be more effective, more encouraging, more honoring, caring about people, not just about myself-ish desires, but about the whole organization and things get better. And this is so important. Why? Because what you say to yourself shapes who you become. No one talks to you more than you talk to you. And so if you wake up every day, telling yourself you're not enough, you know, you'll lead like someone who's not enough. And so some of you, the best thing you can do this week is not get some new strategy, new system, but look in the mirror and tell yourself the truth. Not just positive affirmations, but the truth about what God says about who you are. And I want to tell you just as a friend who cares and I hope you can feel it because that's why I do this podcast. It's not ads, not pitching to anything. This is just me speaking to you as someone who has battled with the same things you battled with, who cares about you and I want to tell you right now, and I want you to hear it, feel it, and believe it, is that you're a leader. What is leadership? Leadership is influence. And you have influence. Feel it. You're a leader and your leadership matters. And I want to tell you right now, God is not finished with you. You're going to affirm those you lead. And you're going to affirm those who lead you. And you're going to affirm yourself and you're going to do it today. And you're going to recognize that affirmation is not a soft skill. It's a leadership weapon. And the world is full of loud voices of criticism. And so be the leader who is louder with belief. Believe in your team members. Believe in your leader. And believe in yourself. And when you do, you get better. They get better. And everybody gets better. And everyone wins when the leader gets better. And every leader gets better when someone believes in them. So be that someone today. Affirm everyone around you. Do it until it feels like it's too much. And then double it. Start today. Watch how they change. How they see themselves. Watch how you change. How you see yourself. And watch how whatever you care about starts to multiply in impact. Why? Because you're bringing the best out of you into others to help everyone get better and everyone win. Well, one of the biggest differences between good leaders and great leaders is what they do consistently. That's why we create a simple guide called eight habits of great leaders. These are practices that we see again and again in the leaders who last. And you can download it for free at cglp.com/8habits. Post these habits where you'll see them and start building the kind of habits that shape your leadership and impact your life. That's cglp.com/8habits.