STOP Letting Your Mind Run Your Life: The 3-Step System to Reclaim Your Power with Nami

Hello and welcome to today's episode of Thrive After 45. I'm Denise Drinkwalter, heart whisperer, midlife mirror, and mentor. Every week, I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests who stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving beyond 45. Together, we'll uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and the wisdom that fuels expansion. What if the very mind that's been running your life is the same one holding your brilliance hostage? It's an honor and a privilege to welcome and introduce Nami to our show today. Nami knows what it means to lead from the inside out. With over 20 years of experience, building and leading high performing teams in the corporate world, she's seen firsthand how the mind shapes leadership performance and well-being. Her own journey through adversity, healing, and self-discovery inspired her to found the mind quotient. A powerful fusion of neuroscience, spirituality, and mindset that helps leaders and change-makers unlock their highest potential. As a leadership and mindset coach, Nami has spent the last five years transforming lives around the world, more than a thousand individuals who now lead with clarity, emotional resilience, and self-awareness. Get ready to feel inspired, seen, and stretched in the best way possible. This is the conversation where leadership meets soul, and where the power to rise begins within. So wonderful to have you here today. Oh my gosh, thank you for that powerful introduction. I don't think I need to talk anymore. Oh, yes, we do. We need to dig into the nuggets, my dear. Oh, nice to be here with you, Denise. Oh, it's wonderful. We met quite a few months ago. We did. Because the list to come on this show has been overwhelming, and it's an honor to share this space with you today. Please let us know about the journey and this creation that you have around the mind quotient. We need to dig in and understand this part further. And I think we need to know how you got to creating that trademark. Yes, absolutely. Thank you. And thank you for having me, I'm honored as well. I am really excited to talk about the mind quotient I have been here and there over the past few years. And in fact, I feel like things are coming to fruition now. I actually just found out that our MQ check-in, which is the test for testing, you know, how your mental well-being is any time, any day actually just launched today. So I mean, I know it's amazing. I just got the your website is live of notifications. So right before I got on this, so it's good to know. Yay. My journey did, of course, you know, the healing journey begins when you're very young, when you come here. But I think I might awareness about the healing journey started in 2020. And it was the middle of the pandemic. And I was in school to become a life coach. And at the time I was already working in my corporate career as an executive. And I felt like something was missing. So I went to life coaching school. And when I was in that community, in the middle of the pandemic, what I found is that everyone in our community was thriving. And while so many people in the world were just surviving. And there were things happening in, you know, there were very unfortunate things happening. I had family members, close friend and college companion actually commit suicide. And in the middle of the pandemic. And I was, you know, gutted. And it was, I remember this was the day, actually, that the mine equation came to be. And I was going right into a coaching conference. And literally heard the news, very devastating. And I went right into the coaching conference. And everyone there is thriving. And I was like, what, you know, what is it? Because this person who this unfortunate thing happened to had a very high IQ. And he had a very high EQ. He was like, friendly life of the park. Just gotten engaged, you know, ophthalmology resident, like clearly brilliant in so many ways. But he couldn't pull himself out of the dark. And I have, I had young children at the time I have three children. And I remember thinking, oh my gosh, this is the, this is the important thing we have to be able to do this inner work on the inside in order to pull ourselves out of the dark. Because dark times are going to come. Some point in our lives, and we can't always have a companion with us, whether it's our parent, whether it's a teacher, whether it's whoever it may be. So if we don't have the tools to pull ourselves out of the dark, then what is it all even worth? What does it matter if you have a high IQ? What does it matter if like, you know, have all these friends? And when I started searching for, you know, what if we used to standardize language around it? That would help, right? Like if all of us who are doing the support work would use the standardize language, then we could bring attention to this important work. And I started booking for it. And I started researching it. So I'm a former scientist, something that I was not on my bio. And very analytical. And yes, but I have this analytical side. I have this like, communications experience in my corporate career. And then I have this like coaching experience of like, you know, delving on the inside and finding all the powers that we have within. And when I couldn't find the answer, that's when the mind quotient came to me, because I realized that there's an opportunity to establish what I call the third quotient, which is the mastery of the mind, which is responsible for so much of mental wellbeing. And, you know, how we show up every day and how we feel when we go about the world, it's it's broader than emotions, which is why, you know, it's builds on top of emotional intelligence, which by the way, was never even called emotional quotient. We deemed it that because we like to bring a standardization to certain types of frameworks. And so, yeah, that's how the mind quotient was born. It was the most of the concept around the mind quotient is very, very simple. It's not rocket science at all. It's just self awareness plus self management. If you become self aware of what's going on inside of you, and you know what you need to help yourself, whether you're feeling down, whether you're feeling great and you want to grow, in fact, want to achieve something, whatever you need to do to manage yourself. If you know who you are and you know how to manage yourself, you will be operating at what I would call peak MQ or high MQ. And it a lot of it begins in the mind because so much of life does, you know, begins and ends in the mind. And that's how it all started. So, I actually in 2021 that year after I started this journey about doing all this inner work, I found out that I live with complex PTSD. And what I, so while I was going through my own trauma healing, I was using tools to be able to show up every day, to be able to get through the tough times, to be able to manage myself and my triggers and, you know, create the life that I really wanted to live. And so those are the tools that I share in things such as the MQ check in and all the other tools that we're developing. And so that's really what the mind quotient is. So with regards to the mind quotient, is it information no matter where you are? And I'm going to, this might be off the charts here, this question, but if you were on a continuum, which I believe we all are somewhere on this continuum of life and where we are within that continuum, is our awareness and our ability to be aware because we can't make changes until we have the awareness, right? Correct. So, so what you provide is opportunities for people to see where they are on that quote unquote continuum and use what will actually benefit them. Is there a common nality that is available for all of us, no matter where you are on that continuum? That's a great question. So one of the things that's really important is that when you are, it does begin with the self awareness piece, which is absolutely worth. So asking a lot of questions for that introspection will bring that awareness. So that's what, you know, that's where we start. So if you're taking the MQ check in, it's all introspection questions like about, I think it's 18 to 20 depending on your age. And so you ask yourself these introspection questions. And then you get to a point where, okay, so now what? So now you know where you are on the continuum. So, so what do you want to do about it? You actually don't have to do anything about it. That's the wonderful thing, right? You don't have to. If you want to, you could, what I would say, boost your MQ. And the thing is, is that what works for one is not necessarily what works for another. So if I'm feeling stuck, let's say, what what I would do is I would probably meditate, but that's specific to me, right? What else might do to pull themselves out of feeling stuck is maybe they're going to go for a run. Yeah. Maybe they're going to go meet a friend. Maybe they're going to go for a walk, go to this, take a nap. You know, there's all different things. So what happens is you have to get to know yourself in order to know what works for you. So I would say that it's not one size fits all, but they're, it's a framework, so that you work of introspection, plus knowing what works for you to manage yourself. That's why I talk so much at very broadly about self-awareness plus self-management. It's just bringing the methodology and the framework to what we already know and have available to us, but maybe are not bringing as much intention towards. And so it's that intention through that framework. I love that. To me, what I'm hearing is the visual that just popped in my head was you're driving your own bus. You're the driver. Absolutely. Absolutely. And you can go wherever you want to go. In fact, you don't even have to drive the bus. If you just want to sit in the bus, you can sit in the bus, right? Because it's your journey. But once you realize, and this was, oh, gosh, this was the most important thing I learned. And I know we're going to get to it, but I do talk about this in my book. That's coming out is that that piece of being able to know that you have the power within to create whatever you want. Like, it's on you. I was definitely living life, thinking life was happening to me. And I'm so paying attention so much to everything on the outside. And it was only when I turned that lens towards myself that my life changed because. And I'm not saying that it was all like wonderful and rose. Yes. All that. It definitely was not. I don't want to give that impression at all. But it was then on me. Like, it felt like, and I say this like life turned right side up once that because I realized that like, oh, my gosh, I'm like co-creating this. I have a role in this. I am the one who can choose how I want to show up. And that is if people only, if only one thing happens with the implementation of the mind quotient and people just learn to look inward, we will have done our work. Beautiful. A couple of things that are coming up for me. I want to jump back to what you talked about in the mind quotient in terms of ages that you've got. Yes. Help me understand in our audience understand why did you divide it into age ranges? My, I divided it into age ranges so that the language resonated. And so the, the biggest thing around it was how, because the questions are actually the same, but the language around them are different. And so that's purely for interpretation. And I had the best subjects to be able to develop this because I myself have children in every age range. And so I was able to consult with them, test with them, actually create a little focus group with their friends of, does this make sense? Does this, like, how would you word this? How would you say this? How would you tell me how you're feeling right now? How would you tell me if you've had time? Have you had, have you had time to, uh, for yourself today? That's not exactly how a teenager would say it. Right. And so that's not how a child would say it. And so that's how we actually end up. So it's actually children, teens and adults is how it's okay. Yeah. Question for you because our show is for about thriving after 45. And the reason why that to me is so important. And I have so many people share for, yeah, I don't know why 45 is a big number turning point for us, but it seems to be, yeah, remember this one, I was around 45, 46 men, a pause post print, and all the stuff. Um, so I'm curious because I find as I speak to women in particular, my target audience, as we continue to build upon our wisdom, we think about life differently, we approach things differently. Our awareness, I would say reaches a new level. Um, if we're open to it, of course, again, just like you said, it's your choice. You get to decide. So when you talk about adults, is it the whole range of adults because I, I see those who are younger have a different mindset experience than those of us who are along the continuum. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's my question. Absolutely. So the content is the same because it's all foundational. So all the content, right? When we're talking about the check, check ins. Yes. Yes. Typically, when we're talking about the framework, the methodology, the content, it's all the same because it's all the same framework. Now, what I would say is that where you go from there will differ because the things that we're doing is we have different types of content and workshops and modalities and all of that based on target audience. So we, it's, it looks different with the corporations. It looks different. You're working with individuals. It looks different with women. It looks different with men. It looks different with teenagers. So what comes next where you choose to take it, right? Definitely differ based on where you are and your journey and how, what inner work you're looking to do and how you want to grow. And, and even in the beginning, I said, you know, it may be like, oh, I'm not feeling great and I want to pull myself out. Or it could be, I'm feeling great and I want to grow. Like that's, those are two different spaces to be in, but the methodology of working on yourself and knowing yourself and knowing what works for you will be the same. Beautiful. And so the framework is the same. Right. Where you take it is definitely going to differ. And one of the most amazing things that is happening right now is that this mind quotient framework, I've been, you know, socializing it and working and partnering and collaborating with different people all over. So on, in one hand, I'm actually partnering with a therapist and she's bringing it into her mental health counseling practice. And she is using that modality in the mental health space. And then somewhere else we're actually, you know, working on some self healing cards, which are going to go and be available for individuals everywhere. And then in another space, we're partnering with corporate organizations creating like development workshops. All of these are probably mind quotient, but they are all working in different ways because they're all self self awareness plus self management. The same, it's the same framework, the same methodology being that same language, but the actual output and where people are going with it differs quite a bit space to space. So I am also 45 and I am in very menopause and going through all this journey. So I very much like my personal like if I like I have coaching groups for women, you know, women business leaders or, you know, women who are looking to grow or women who are looking for self advocacy, like these are some of the the smaller group cohort coaching sessions I have. Now see, that's an example of where if you wanted to go deeper like in that space, like everything is built on the same framework, but the focus is specifically catered and tailored towards women who are looking to advocate for themselves, especially, you know, changing some of that paradigm around what it's like for a woman to put herself first. Absolutely, which is the show. This is what we talk about. I'm doing it for you by you because of you without the guilt remorse. Oh, everybody else needs me. I'll put myself third last page. Never get to it anyway. I'll be fine. Carry on with the super cape. We're trying to and we are moving the needle on that concept and your conversation today is absolutely, absolutely brilliant because it's total alignment of what we're doing. That was me, that was me until 20. I don't think, I mean, I don't even know where I was on that. I was not third. I was like, way, way, way down. I don't actually, I don't even think I made it on the list. Yeah. Never thought about myself. And so if, if I'm like, if I'm a woman, any woman who is not thinking about herself and she were to take the MQ check in, all of a sudden she would start. That's where I started. That's why I did it because that woman who has so much, she has her own superpowers, she's so much to give to the world who not tapped into herself because she's thinking about every single other person before herself, it just starts with thinking about yourself. Just answering questions about yourself. If you just start there, it will shift. That's what because that's what I did. Perfect. Perfect. So good because when we do this work and it's, I, from my perspective and share what your experience is, please, but from my perspective, this is not hard. It's not as scary as our amygdala's are pretending it is. If you were listening to my show, I can't remember the episode with Tim Tamashiro and he talked about the almond-shaped amygdala's at the back of our brainstem and they just run on default. That's what they're for. But let's quiet that noise and go into our frontal cortex and actually do this work. It's not scary. It's actually kind of exciting and invigorating and when we step in, our energy changes and when our energy changes, we know we can move the room. We know without lifting a finger and it's such a, such a shift and it can be done readily. Like you said in the beginning, this isn't rocket science stuff. It's just, let's just play with it. Have fun. Build that curiosity and you enter in without the stress. That's my experience anyway. Yes. It's actually liberating. Because I think when I, it's so interesting people will be like, how do you do so much or how are you able to, well, because my energy is pretty focused forward because I, you know, inward and forward, I used to spend so much time ruminating over, I've served what other things people are thinking or what they're doing and all that energy, it's all energy. So when you actually do this work, you open up this like energy towards doing more for yourself, whatever that looks like. Maybe it's just yeah, relaxing and that is okay too. You know, absolutely. I love what you said about changing the energy and how it influences. I mean, absolutely. When we change, when we heal, everyone around us does. That is, that is so. Speaking of healing, you have something coming up very soon if not already dropping. Tell us about healing with courage. You have a new book coming out. You know, I do. I'm so excited. So my book is dropping. I am targeting November 11th for a reason. Um, I am my birthday. No. No. Really? Is it? I am not kidding. Oh my god, I did not. Listeners, we did not know. Wow. That is amazing. That's a sign. Um, I just got a sugar. That is my target date and actually just message my editor saying like, can we make this date happen? Because, um, you know, I'm going to be talking about it. So November 11th, my book is called Healing with Courage, my journey from dark to light. And it is, um, it's a memoir and it's poetry. So it's all written as poetry in five chapters. And it, it progresses from trauma, pain and disconnection all the way through courage. And so I take you on that journey, my own journey of facing some of those shadows, the trauma, darkness, um, becoming self-aware, which we've been talking about, which is that chapter is called the mirror. So building that self-awareness, um, and then the light. And that's a, that's the spiritual part. That's about spiritual awakening. Um, I have a chapter in there called the truth, which is whispers from the universe. Just, um, that I hear that it come through me for whoever, um, wants to receive them or whoever they're for. And then ending with the courage, which is stepping fully into power. And the reason I really wanted to write and publish this book is because I'm hoping two things will happen from it. One, that anybody who picks up the book, um, especially women of age will, um, will realize that they're not alone. Yeah. And the things that we're feeling, the disconnection, the pain, the trauma, the dark times, it is universal. And, you know, having the courage to heal and go in on that journey into yourself in order to heal, um, it can be really beautiful. And that's what I'm trying to portray in the book. Um, and then of course, what we've been talking about the whole time is that it's all on the inside. So a lot of times I share like very traumatic situations that I were, I was in. And when I looked inside, I was able to start healing them. When I saw what I was doing, right, we're participating in the toxicity, how I was participating in the drama, like what that meant, or maybe even recognizing like where they come from, like where does some of that come from, um, you know, all of that is the journey that I share. Right. Um, yeah. And I have some reflective questions at the end of each chapter that nice to go deeper. Um, so if the reader wants to go deeper and do some, you know, introspection, yeah, the opportunity to do that. But yeah, it's, um, it's, it's powerful. The poetry is really powerful. Amazing. Do you have, is this the first time you've done poetry? I didn't even know I was a poet. There you go. I love it. Shock. Um, these poems just started like flow out of me. And I was just, I've, I had, I had no idea. I actually, I didn't remember. So there you go. When I was 15 years old, I wrote a poem called the Narrow Path. And it was published, and this is a really small town I grew up in, Marion, Indiana. And it was published in Yay. And then nothing ever happened. And so when I was putting this book together, I went back to my old journals and my, some of my novel that I had written and other pieces of like notes that I had jotted down and all that. And I came across the poem that I had written down. I actually had written it in a journal and then submitted it to be published. And when I saw that, I was like, oh, it's always been there. I just had to uncover it, which is what happens when we do this work. When you do this work, you uncover your true self, which is buried underneath all the layers of society and pain and trauma and disconnection. And what we're told we should be doing and looking on the outside and all of that. So I basically uncovered the poet. Yeah. Yeah. I love what you're saying in terms of it flows through you. I just literally have been tuning in. And that's, I have a book now where I've started to write the downloads that are coming through. And then they just start going out as posts because I'm like, I don't know, this has to go out. This is not, I'm not keeping this. This is it for me. This is for the collective. So so powerful, right? Thank you for saying that. Oh, thank you for saying that. I, because of what you just said, I decided to publish courage with healing with courage as the first book of our imprint, MQ publishing imprint because. Nice. Exactly what you said. And I knew that it was coming so much of it is flowing through me. And I wanted to retain creative control for the words because language is important. And it needed to come out in a certain way. And I'm hoping that you know, this will be our first book launch. And then after that, when if people are looking to light, just like that, get work out that aligns with the MQ framework. And you know, they had, they need some support to be able to do it. We'll be able to do it for them. Amazing. Love it. Love it. Oh my gosh, such a rich conversation. So good. Thank you, Nami. If you could offer one piece of advice as we close off our show today that you have learned along your journey to our listeners, what would that one piece of advice be? Oh, you know, it would be any time something is happening that triggers you, that upsets you, that you know, sets you off balance. Anything that may affect you in some way that is not helpful, it would be to ask two questions. What is a seer to teach me? And what can I do about it? Because I was going to say to look inward, but the thing is, is that's hard. Yeah. If you don't know where to start. And so anytime, and I've things happen to me all the time in my life, we're think, you know, something throws me off or I get upset or something, I get triggered. And if I just take us like a minute to pause and breathe and say, wait a second, this is here to teach me something and what, what could it be that has only to do with me? I've already begun. That's it. If it's like, that's it, just that one question. Right. It's, I love what you're saying. Thank you for sharing that. I, years ago, as a behavior resource teacher in the classroom environment, this is the type of thing I would do is help students reflect in their body. What's going on? Really tune in to what's happening. Are you feeling the fire in the gut? Are you feeling the, you know, the teeth clenching? Whatever it is, that's your first cue. Ooh, something's triggering me because what I find is when they would go to like immediate, they can't think, right? The brain almost shuts down because your fire is so big, you just, you just go into the emotional piece and the brain doesn't think. So just take that space and that pause that you're sharing is life changing, life changing. Yeah. Amazing. You know, can I add one to it? Yes, please. And this is one that I, that came through me. So, but when you were saying the pause, I felt like, oh my gosh, you know, it's, the quote is, don't think before you speak, breathe before you speak. Love it. There it is. That's it. I'm just going to leave it there. There it is. Love it. Thank you so much for gifting everything that you've gifted today, not only your time, but your energy, your light, your information, all of this will be in the show note. So you can find Numi, however you need to find her. And we are honored to have shared the opportunity to give the audience so much in such a short time. That's what I love about these conversations. We don't spend time talking about, yeah, when I was three, I did this and six, I did this and we get into the nitty-gritty and give nuggets. So thank you so much for all that you are doing in the world. Continue to keep doing you and we wish you all the best as you continue on your journey. Thank you for all that you're doing as well. I love that you're bringing over to woman our age. So I love that. Thank you. Absolutely. My pleasure. What has activated in you? Claim your sovereignty. My academy expands you.