STOP Being The Nice Guy - Machiavelli’s Brutal Advice

This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite, on humor me with Robert Smigel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman helped make you funnier. This week my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer, Streeters Side L, helped an Aka Pella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On the look back at a podcast. The next episode of "Bick Mama" for me, 84 is big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex Egrish. Each episode we pick you here, unpack what went down and try to make sense of how we survived it. With our friends, fellow comedians and favorite artists like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a while, I mean it was a while. It was a while, yeah. I don't think there's a more important year for Black people. Listen to look back at it on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days I put on 10 pounds, I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to superhuman on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it was good, y'all. You're listening and learning the hard way with your favorite therapists and host care games. This space is about Black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. And many men carry a suit of armament. It's a suit of world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to listen to learn the hard way on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It is time to ask the C-L-O, our chief love officer Steve Harvey. This is from Corinne and Detroit. Corinne writes, "My husband goes to the chiropractor once a month. The invoice says he is getting massages, so I Google the chiropractor and she is beautiful." My hubby said he never noticed her beauty. Should I suggest that he finds a male chiropractor? What? Really? What man ain't noticed hubby? Come on. I never noticed. He is. Come on. Steve and C-L-O. The chiropractor's give massages, I didn't know that. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's part of it. Yeah. I mean, I know they crack stuff. They get your bones in alignment and all that. Crack your back. They do therapy down there and everything. But here's what I want to know, Steve. How did he say he didn't notice her beauty when. Who? Who? The chiropractor. The chiropractor. Yeah. Uh-huh. The doctor where? Where you go get the chiropractor. Where you go get your bones aligned and all that. Yeah. I go get the alignment down there. Right. Well, I googled her and she's absolutely beautiful. Beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous. Who is she? Who is she? The doctor. Who are we talking about? The doctor. Yeah. She's gorgeous. Baby, I'm going to lay on that table. Uh-huh. And I'm face down. I don't know. You never look up. You never look up. Now, I stay on my stomach on the table. You don't. I want my stomach to hold tight. Wow. Who is working on me? The doctor. You're just going to stay in that life. I mean, come in. We don't talk or nothing. I have my headphones on. Oh, OK. Oh, really? OK. So you've never noticed how beautiful she is. OK. Why? That's crazy. That's it. Right. That's it, right? Yes. All right, moving on after that. Theresa Seattle. Theresa writes, after a third date with a new guy, I let the guy drop me off at home. I poured us some wine and put on sweats. I came into the living room and he had his shirt off. I'm going to walk you home. Let's get to it. You tried that thing. I can not stop laughing. He called me silly and left. How do I make it up to him? What? Wait a minute. Shirley, did you leave something out? He said she wouldn't have to put on sweats. I came out. He had his shirt off. He called me silly. I said she could not stop laughing. I said I could not stop laughing. Yeah. She was laughing. She was laughing at a boy taking his shirt off. Taking his shirt off. She was like, I just walked off people. I didn't mean good neck. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He wasn't cut up. Oh, that's what that was. That's all that he wasn't cut up. She just fell out there. Not the presumption on his part that something was going to go down. Okay. He didn't know. See, he got a different image of himself. He take his shirt off. He being the mirror standing with that frontal look. She came out the bedroom and saw you from the side. Yeah. With it protruding. All right. So she wants to know he called her silly and left. So she wants to know how does she make it up to her? She's left. You got to do it right next time. No, you got to have to do it right. And what does that mean? She said, hey, well, just say, hey, look, let's start over. Let's come out and let me show you how I wanted to react. He's going to head right back over there and take that shirt off. He can think of a shirt off number. I can't get that visual out of my head. And then she come out and have a tube top. I mean, a tube sock in her mouth. He got tired of sitting around. Because I still got the visual from the first time. He got me over there and sit right across from him with that tube sock packed in your mouth tight. And just be rocking. Tears coming down. For sure. All right. So that's what she should do. All right. Moving on to page in NASA. Page writes, my husband and I are separated, not divorced. He moved out, so I let my boyfriend spend the night. My husband walked in on us in bed together and told my boyfriend to get out of his house. Does my husband have the right to control what I do? He got the right to what's going down in his house. That's right. You just said you're not divorced. Yeah, they're just separated. All that money he can pay for that house. And what's in your neck? What food go for another man's house and take his clothes off. It's just milk for right here. But she thinks her husband is trying to control what she does. That's not she's missing the entire point, right? He can control it if it's in that house. He got key. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you know that. And you still brought someone in there. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. That's who? That's who? That's who? That's who people get hurt. Yeah, they're really taking it too far on that. That's how people get, uh, what's the proper way on a live. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Last one. Last one. Ketchak K. Yeah. Last one, uh, C.L.O. This is from Elvin and Chattanooga. Elvin writes, "My brother-in-law was drunk and started talking about how we used to run the streets together. I shut that down. Now my wife thinks I have something to hide. My past isn't up for discussion. How do I get my wife to understand that?" Wait, wait. Bro. Yeah. Don't, don't, don't discuss it. Leave things out. I discussed my past all the time with my wife. Do you know how much stuff I've left out? Yeah. How much? I'm here to tell you that I have clearly left out. At least 75% of it. 75%? Really? Yeah. Hell yeah. So what did you do makeup? What, I mean, what? No, my 25% been a lot. Oh. Okay. That's pretty. He's like, "Woo, okay. I don't need to hear anymore." That's like, "I'm good." I'm good. Yeah. I'm fixing what you could ask me about your wife. Okay. But, dude, she didn't mess some of my friends and she didn't mess. I don't want to know. All right. >> Thank you, fellow coming up at the top of the hour we will have some entertainment news for you right after this. You're listening to the Steve Harvey morning show. [MUSIC] >> Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy not quite on humor me with Robert Smigel and friends me and hilarious guests from Bob Odin Kirk to David Letterman helped make you funnier. This week my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer, Streeters Side L helped an Acapella band with their between songs banter. >> Where does your group perform? >> We do some retirement homes. >> Those people are starving for banter. >> Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. >> On the look back at the podcast. >> The next episode of the night that was a big moment for me. >> 84 was big to me. >> I'm Sam J. >> And I'm Alex Egrish. >> Each episode we pick you here, unpack what went down and try to make sense of how we survived it with our friends, fellow comedians and favorite authors like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. >> It was a wild year. >> I don't think there's a more important year for black people. >> Listen to look back at it on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. >> Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. Either way, the podcast superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. >> Within probably 10 days I put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. >> Listen to superhuman on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. >> Hey, it was good, yeah. >> This space is about black men's experiences having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit of armor? >> It's a suit of world that you need to be played with. >> And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to. >> Listen to learn the hard way on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.