Steve Rannazzisi & Sienna Hubert Ross - BTS: Behind The Skanks - Episode 939

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Fill her up! You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. When you hear that bomb drop, blop, blop, you know what to do. Open up the pit, bitch, I'm coming through. Big J, the battle rap champ. All up in your ass with the strap. Rat attack, tag, get jipped by the Jew. Clip, dick, split, you in two like a sensei. El Presidente, Puerto Rican rattlesnake. Venom in your veins, natural born killers. Legion escapes. One, two, three, four. Oh, yeah! What's up? What's up? Welcome to your favorite podcast, everybody. To my right, as always, it's the great Ari Shaffir. To my left, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Luis G. Gomez. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Puerto Rican! And I'm Big J, never the little one. And together we are the legendary Legion of Skanks. What is up, everybody? Hold on, wait a minute. Hold on. Poe, the wannabe intern over here. Wait. There. There. Poe? There. Jesus, you're more vampiric. Yeah, there he is. But, all right. He's dressing the part now. Poe, do the skank hands again. You stupid fuck. That's Illuminati. That's Illuminati. That's Illuminati. That's fucking Jackoff. That's fucking Rockefeller, Gazi. You fucking fag. That's not skank hands. How long have you been watching the show? Like nine years. Like nine years. You're just fucking retarded. Now you're still not doing it. You better have cerebral palsy. Wow. Damn it, Poe. You fucking failed, dude. You're already dead. We haven't even officially started the internal Olympics, but you are now down one spot at least. You're down. Down one notch. It's Poe. We have an amazing show here for you guys. Let's get our guests out here. What do you say? Yeah. Let's do it. Our first guest, she's been on the show before, a friend of the show. She's a regular here at the stand. Make some noise right now for the lovely and hilarious Sienna Hubert-Ross. Sienna, welcome to the show. Holy shit, Sienna. Sienna's so hot. It makes me furious. Yeah, you are. Are you out of your mind? Thank you. Talk to your mic. You're dumb. Talk to your microphone. Oh, wait. You're a professional comedian. Is it on? Is it on? Hi, guys. What's up? She's so hot, she doesn't need to talk into microphones. I know. I know. I'm kidding. Hi, guys. Hello. Hey, what's up, Sienna? The last time the Legion of Skanks and you were together was for Kim Congdon's show when you had a real problem with a real person during the show. Why did you guys book him? We didn't know. I didn't know. I don't know why he did it. It was Kim, didn't it? Yeah, he was a black guy. He was aggressive. Yeah. It was a dating show. Sienna's like, she knew there was no black guy rule in this dating show. Yeah, you know I would never. Sienna does a whole Chud the Builder thing, so she's like, any black guy she starts accusing of chimping out, it's fucked up. Yeah, he was in the dating, but it was a dating show, and the three of us were judges where you were supposed to talk to a bunch of comedians and maybe go on a speed date with them, and one of the guys you were furious at before you got there was a long-term enemy, they say. Long-term. We have each other blocked on everything. Wow. But he showed up to try to get a date with you. Yeah, but he knew he wouldn't. I don't know. He's weird. He's like rapey or something. I don't know. Hell yeah. Yeah. I'm on his side. I belong here. Rapey. Rapey. It's one of the core values of the Legion of Skanks. It's rape. I know that. I was scared to come on. I was like, am I going to leave with my hymen? Yeah, it was a very strange night. Hold on. You don't have a hymen. Shut up, Sienna. Get out of there with your hymen intact. Our next guest, one of our absolute favorites. One of our absolute favorites over here at the Legion of Skanks. You know him from FX's The League. How about it for the hilarious Steve Renizzisi. Oh, my God. Steve looking so hot. I am hot, dude. I want to suck your fucking cock right off your body. I do this to everybody. I want to suck your cock right off your fucking body, you hot bitch. We've always had gay tension. We've always had gay tension, Lewis. I know you want to do it. eat my ass. He would not. Steve is a handsome son of a bitch. I was before I had rosacea. But now I still have it and it's burning my face. I get burnt in the sun like really quickly. Sunburn, wow. Yeah, it's like horrible. Other than that, I'm hot. He's kind of attractive. You think Steve's attractive? Kind of. No, I mean like. That's not bad. She's about 30 years your junior. Yeah, how old are you? How much would I have to pay? Bitcoin. Oh my god. Bitcoin. You can't know about it. We have to have untraceable. They say it's a Ponzi scheme. They pay for what? Sexual intercourse. Oh my god. I want to get fucked. I couldn't do it. Oh, thanks. Yeah. There's no amount of money. Can we get her a couple shots, please? Yeah. I don't know, but I like the dad thing. It suits you well. Awesome. That's all I got. I'm also a dad, just so you know. It's not a big deal. It's different. You're being too desperate, dude. I knew I'd put this on for a reason tonight. Renazizi just comes in and I've been trying to hit on Sienna for like two years straight, you piece of shit. Dude, you gotta offer her Bitcoin. She lit up like a Christmas tree. Louis doesn't know how to talk to the youth. It's true. The only deal on Bitcoin, internet, whatever the internet, the World Wide Web. You still on the petrodollar, bitch? Well, look, I'm very excited about today's show. We have a lot going on. I thought it was very funny that Jay overheard. We never overheard Joe Harari's warning to people as they walk in the room. It's great. The audience knows they're all laughing because they're like, oh, we got that warning. What'd he say? I love it. What'd he say? I think it's a. He's doing the right thing. He's overselling a little bit where most people end up being happy with it. Or as he said, if they leave, he could be like, I told you. But I just happen to be standing there when he goes, the guys didn't know the show, so he was going, oh, it's the guys over there, yeah. Who does it? The four guys over there. These gay guys in the corner? No. They're not gay. They're Asian. They're K-pop. Louis, learn the K-pop. Okay, I'm sorry. I thought gay. I'm sorry. I apologize. White and Asian. You guys look like a group of homosexuals. That was the point that I was trying to make, but you're not, and that's cool. I thought. Do you want me to beat your fucking ass, you faggot? No, stop it! I'm gonna fuck you up, sir. I'll come over here. I'll fuck. Don't you ever fucking talk back to me and beat your shit. Calm down, Louis. I'm sorry, dude. He wanted to fight me, dude. He talked right back to me. I'll protect you. Louis, everyone who just talks back doesn't want to fight. They want to fucking fight. You want to go? First of all, I apologize to these guys. These are my guests. These are the unmasked Jabberwockies. You show a little respect for America's greatest dancers. I thought it was BTK, the American translator. We're never gonna expand the show if I keep undoing this to new audience members. I do not love the way you handle new friends. Imagine Tony Hinchcliffe did that to every audience. They would have never grown. I will fuck you up, sir. That was my Tony impression. I know. I had my eyes closed. I thought he was here. So anyway, what does Joe say? Oh, so he goes, alright, he goes, the show is a long-time show. He wants them to know that it's been running a while, so it's successful. Don't freak out. He goes, it's been going about 10, 15 years now, and it's the most offensive podcast on earth. That's what they call it. So we just want you guys to know you could be, the first example, you could hear things about violence towards women. I was like, Jesus Christ. I heard it first. I was like, I almost want to tell these guys they shouldn't go. I'm like, get out of here. That's crazy. He didn't even say jokes about it. He goes, you might just hear a conversation about violence towards women. I'm like, what? Conversation about violence towards women? I'll tell you why. Then they come and have a good time until Louis, I guess, inevitably threatens somebody who's just trying to enjoy the show. Stop it, Louis! Well, maybe Joe usually does. You might hear some racial epitaphs, but he looked at the three of them and went, I shouldn't lead with that. I'll go with women first. So today, we have to hit everything that Joe said. So first is violence towards women. What else did he warn? I started laughing there. Joe, you can come over. He has the actual speech. I was laughing there, and I lost attention in what he was saying there, but the fact that it made me laugh so hard, he goes, and it's a show. I thought he was going to be like, and super funny. Funny. He goes, you're going to hear conversations about violence towards women. Joe, come here for a second. You could hear about that. Joe, come here. I want to hear Joe Harari, the manager of the stand. Oh, sex with animals. Oh, 111 pounds of them. Joe, I want to hear the actual speech you give them. Pretend we're walking in. We're three guys. We're walking in. I defend this. It's not like an actual speech. It's just like a go off the dome kind of thing. We're on a date. Hey, guys. I haven't seen you guys before. It's a lot of regulars here. Damn, that guy must have money. At least one Bitcoin. That guy must have won a big rosacea lawsuit. Shut your mouth, okay? You're fucking up my mojo over here. Don't send me to the lights. Just be the hater. The show is a very long, running offensive podcast. I don't know if you guys are into that kind of thing My wife is Asian Will she enjoy it? I think guys will love it You know what? Get on in here You might hear jokes about racism You might hear racial slurs Jokes about violence towards women Shit like that I beat the shit out of her all the time She's very obedient Sometimes most people who haven't heard of the show They don't get offended They get bored She'll suck my cock if she's bored You don't say that Joe You need to be removed from your position at this club That's a terrible sales pitch You might get bored That's insane Why would you get bored? I'm going to break character here for a second People who are expecting a stand up show They come down and they're like They don't know comedy You called our podcast boring you fucking bitch I love your podcast In fairness those three people Three of them look like they're falling asleep Oh my god Ari for the love of god they're Asian This isn't how we keep New friends This isn't how we keep friends Are you sure they're Asian? They're wide awake The great Joe Harari everyone The great Joe Harari telling everyone All new people that our podcast is boring This is crazy Who's this guy creeping around dude? What are you walking around the room for dude? Sir in case you didn't hear the speech You're moments away from possibly being bored Yeah dude Lay off the kratom buddy Palo Well look I'm excited about today's show We are very happy to have both of you guys Steve didn't know who you were We described you really First of all she's super hot just so you know Don't freak out We said it She's smoking hot first of all And then you know if she's funny Then I said she's very funny And she's got a very thick skin Cause we bust her balls Oh that's good I have balls Nice let's see them Steve do I love sucking balls? Steve you're married I know but not right now I'm very single Anyway it's not even a big deal But I don't have anybody The guy can't look at testicles Cause he's married The railroad's on strike I'm not married right now I had to get here Also Steve did you think A guy who's married can't look at testicles On a hot check anymore Come on Steve did you think she was actually Asian? No I mean I don't know I don't know what you are That's part of her whole thing Is she looks Asian but she's black You look like an avatar You're black? Yeah I'm sorry For real? You're not black Black like African American? Dude you put your arm around her You put your arm around her Oh I'm sorry Oh dad's gonna be so pissed That's Long Island shame My dad is gonna be so upset Not full Really? Dad's white mom's black Your dad is white? Yeah my dad's really And no one's Asian? No Asian What? Holy shit I didn't know that I will say Her parents are Bill Burr Yeah I had my grandfather Come to a show upstairs I never met him He's a strange grandfather from Harlem Is he white or black? He's black But he looked very Chinese And no one really ever told me That it was like a dark Chinese man That was my grandfather So Whoa That's it So I have to figure that They don't believe in like Like DNA testing You know the black They don't believe it exists Or they don't think you should do it You should do it Five percenters You know When you were like She's gonna do something For the black people I was like What the fuck Are you guys talking about? Yeah He put me a black excellent Do you ever Like do black people accept you? Sometimes That's a good question Good question Steve Right? That's a good question No black women hate her They have to hate her Black women Hate your fucking There's no way The only Kerry Washington Probably like Mildly likes you If that's not a wig you're wearing Black women hate you Yeah Like who are the hottest black women? They're fine with you But everyone else Laquisha hates you No They like me Because they get me Like you guys Did grow up with like A ton of black people Like they know my vibe There's always like Your vibe is the whitest girl I've ever met No one says vibe What the fuck are you talking about? My mom's name is Nightisha I grew up with almost Exclusive black people She has the word night In her name That's very black Yes By the way I said Laquisha Which is not that far off My mom's name is Nightisha Holy shit My grandma's name is Your black mother Is Nightisha Yeah How white is your dad? He's so hot He's I mean like What? What nerd? What? No he's like Nerd bro Don't even ask that Yeah you can cut that Blue eyed Like Thick dick Thick dick Bulging It's not crazy long But it's like Yeah thick I don't know him very well He's an attractive guy Yeah Holy shit Yeah Wait Wait your white father Walked out? Yeah I talk about that Guys I'm learning All sorts of stuff Yeah What did you think Ari That I was like A Chinese girl? Yes I used to tell Louis All week I'm like oh I like to tell my friends How wet my mother is My mother's so wet right now Dude you guys gotta see her She's just so wet Doesn't matter Menopause nothing Soaked God almighty Right I know I know But yeah I don't know Steve is smitten right now Look at him dude He's staring into her face No in the hallway He was like Never have kids Yeah well I was just I told her You know I'm like Don't ruin No she's like I'm like I had kids What did you whisper into her You were in the hallway He was like Never have kids He's like I'll leave them I'll leave them for you I whispered I'll give you kids Yeah It's not weird And I was like I don't know who you are It's not weird You're attractive to me I remind you your father My father's hotter Oh okay that's I don't know But she doesn't want to fuck him My father's also hotter But that's because he's in hell Yeah Yeah that's true Sienna's dad is too hot to fuck He's gonna be uncomfortable Yeah Yeah How hot is your mom She's pretty pretty You've met her She's not She's not as hot as Sienna Yeah yeah yeah I mean I'd smash Yeah Yeah yeah yeah I had a hard time Getting past the name Night Clicia Huge tits Clicia Huge tits Are you gonna grow huge tits No I'm I knew that Is she still growing What are you trying to get In your van That was crazy Are you gonna grow Huge tits Well I thought They might get bigger Oh my The local milk Has been good to you Are you not having A good time in life No I'm having a great time Okay Yeah yeah yeah He loves his wife Yeah she's got big tits But No I'm not a titty person But my mother is And you met her I did Yeah I met your mom Did she like me No she thought you were gay She hated me What You were doing like Face paint or something Fuck gay Fuck you Night Clicia Liquecia Night Clicia Liquecia Guys I'm sorry to interrupt this But we have a celebrity In our midst today We have a celebrity Yeah Who Straight off the Kevin Hart roast Wow Oh Thank you That's Big Jay Oakerson He is us He is us He is us He is us He is us He is us Representing this gang's nation We all know We are three for life Three five life Oh that's what you were doing On stage I was like what is that Yeah that was quick Sign language Three for life Three for life That's great We all know that Yes indeedy Yeah sorry They're different than Your people's sign Hand symbols Oh Is that blood Who saw the roast Jay Wow One guy booed it dude Hates productions Jesus Christ What's your problem man We have one of the You don't like the roast dude Whoever booed You don't like it It was that guy right there Why don't you Why don't you like the roast dude Some of it was good Did you like Big Jay's part I think he's just I think he's just drinking heavy With the hammer dude Oh I feel bad when you start asking Someone questions you can realize Like he's just kind of like Oh I didn't I forgot I was in a place With people Yeah You're gonna be the one Who booed with people I think he just did And he was like Fuck did I just boo I don't know I don't know Yeah Yeah Jay how are you feeling It was the best night of our lives It was a very fun night I was very happy That you and Lewis Were there We kept on making Eye contact with you Like just with like I was saying I'm so proud of you With my eyes the whole time You guys were making a real scene What was great was The drinks must have been Flown like water Not on stage I could have used a few more But We were drinking Kevin Hart's shitty tequila The entire night Oh is that what it was Just tequila Yeah So it must be You get there like I'll have a bourbon They're like We're not doing that tonight They literally They had no other drinks Except for tequila Oh shit I'll tell you way Way early That's weird Way early I was just mad at his tequila In the show When everyone was like Sitting down And kind of doing things When music would play Like The Roots would start playing Yeah To bring somebody on If you look out in the audience Ari and Lewis Would be the only people They're in the celebrity Front row Dancing Up Yeah I know Grooving Grooving Jumping Bro we had a blast Jump We were the heartbeat Of that audience 100% I believe it I saw Ari's bald spot Like four times on TV Walking around Dancing Everyone At your wedding We ruined his wedding pictures Yeah yeah White spot back then It's only gotten bigger Everyone keeps Pointing out I was still shell shocked By the time The Rock came out But I love so much To the fact that The Rock clip For anyone who knows Is to me That's not a Rock clip That's a Lewis and Ari Really showing The Rock posted it On his Instagram Pull up The Rock He posted He respects us He posted it on the Instagram And I think it's because We were going apeshit Because he respects us And he was like You know what These guys fucking deserve A little bit of The Rock shine Yeah Alright Bob Yeah do you want Do you guys have You can't really call You can't really call them shines That's like Jesus Editing note From now on Whoa What Oh I keep forgetting You're black That's crazy I've never seen Steve Be more flirty With a guest In my entire life It's just crazy He's crazy It really is wild Has he whispered things to you Like are you cold at all I'm sweating Steve is so in I'm sweating Oh your wife's Going to be pissed When I send her this podcast No - No, she'll never see this, don't worry about it. Just run the clip. - It's on the clip, boys. It's on his Instagram, yeah. - No way. ♪ Highway ♪ - Wow. - Where are we? ♪ Daddy's home ♪ - That's it. - There you go. Look how happy they are. - Wow, wow. - Kevin Hart's clapping for us. - We're the only ones. - We're the only ones losing our shit. - I'm shell shocked. I'm borderline, at one point, I'm just staring forward. I was like, oh, oh, the rock just walked by. - That's crazy. - At this point, we were so drunk. - Oh my God. - I was on another planet, look at me. - Oh, you could do it in slow motion, dude. I was so, look at that. - Look at every, if you could see. - Yes! - If you could see the other celebrities, they're looking at you guys. - Rock! - What are these guys doing? - Nobody behaves like this. This is like, I'm 44 years old. - Yeah, dude, no one. - The worst thing of the roast was the entire-- - Oh. - Front half of the entire stadium. The front half of the stadium, that's why the laughs sound like they come weird because you're getting the bowl of people who paid. - Yes. - But everyone down here, I mean, on phone, I mean, barely giving a shit. - Not us. - Shane immediately said, down here sucks, I'm only playing at the top, and me and Lewis took it personally. - Yeah, that was bullshit. - That's bullshit, we were doing it. - Fuck you, Shane. Guys, go ruin Shane's life. Doc Shane, everyone, Doc Shane. - That's who they invited. - We were dead to the roof before you even sat down. - Say again? - They put the invited guests down there, and that's like the cool people are up front. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They're the worst. - DeRosa hit me up, he's like, "Dude," he was like, "Oh, we got into a little thing, "it was a dumb argument, like friend argument." And he's like, "Dude, I was in a bad mood, dude." He was like, "I don't know, man, "I was at the fucking bowl, "they put me up with all the regular people, "me and Pauly Shore had a sit with all the regular people." - Dude, me and Laura sat with DeRosa, and we knew it made him mad. - Oh my God. - You with the guests, digital producers, I'd kill myself. - Holy shit. - You want me to get you anything from the hot dogs, my guy? - Did people know they were on camera in the audience? - Dude. - Like when it was like on J-Lo or whatnot? - Yeah, they have the camera right in their face. - They would have like a delayed smile. - Yeah, I saw it there, J-Lo did not quite give it up for that one. - She knows, she was like, "Yes, the Lizzo joke didn't land with J-Lo." - I saw that. - That was great, though. - And then people told me that it did land with Lizzo. - Of course. - But then. - Yeah, Lizzo was a great spot. - But when I watched it back, they don't show her laughing at all. - They didn't, no. - Yeah, that was false. - That was false information I got. - Really? - No, she seemed to be laughing the entire time. - No, she seemed to be laughing at everything. - Oh, no, overall, but someone said that they show her laughing at the joke. - Lizzo's got a very thick skin, thighs, butt. - Yeah. - Nice. - Stomach. - Lewis, you're on it tonight. Great energy. - Hell yeah, dude. - Dude, man, did you spin the roof, dude? - Huge energy. - How was it seeing Teyana Taylor in the flash? Was she like. - Oh, I don't know who that is. - So hot. - It was the one hot dog chick. - The girl who read the letter. - The hot dog was. - Do you read the letter? - I was on another planet right after your set. - I don't remember. - It's funny to say that because it was. - Right? - It was right after. - Exactly after my set. - I don't remember anything after your set. I had like an adrenaline dump. - Yeah. - And then I was hammered, and I just remember the, I remember your set, then The Rock coming out, and that's all I remember. They said The Rock did like 40 minutes. I don't remember a single thing The Rock said. - He went so long that, and I know he's a black comic. - Yeah, his flight was at zeroes for a long time. - It was so dumb. - All these Asians look bored as fuck. They were right. Joe, you were right. - God damn it, they're bored. - Oh shit. - I didn't know what the seats were gonna get. I was so stoked. - Yeah, yeah. - It was great. - We were down there in the middle. - It was awesome. They have little name tags on the table, which is great. - I saw my name tag. - Ari Shafir was so good. And then I saw my name tag, which had guests of Ari Shafir. And I felt like Joe DeRosa, just for a moment. I was like, you know what, Joe? I might as well be up in the stands with Pauly Shore. - I told them a thousand times, it's Louis J. Gomez. They go, do you need us to use a middle name? I'm like, it's gonna be a thing if you don't. - Oh, it's gonna be a thing for sure. - All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. - That support goes a long way. - Thank you, Body Brain Coffee. - Oh, Body Brain Vampire, you're back. - Yes, it's been a long time. - I think you came back probably just because we launched the brand new Body Brain Creamer, available in pre-sale right now, right? - Yes, absolutely. - Was it the Body Brain that woke you up? The caffeine? - It's delicious. And it goes smooth and silky directly into my asshole. - Oh, I know, you do that as well, Body Brain Vampire? - Yes, yes. - Well, you know, a lot of times they say you can mix the Body Brain Creamer with blood. - You sure can. - Oh, there we are. - It's in there now, stirring around, filling me full of Tonkat Ali. - Well, look, I'll tell you right now, we have the coffee, we've had it for a while. People know that it supports testosterone naturally, brain function, memory, mood, but the creamer stacks perfectly with the coffee. Completely different set of nootropics and adaptogens that taste so fucking good. When I take it, it feels like I'm taking Adderall, I swear to God. - Hang on, Lewis. I'm on my back with my legs in the air, trying to absorb it perfectly. - That's not the way you drink Body Brain Coffee, Body Brain Vampire. - Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. If I say nom, nom, is that okay? - No, it's not okay. - Yum, oh, yum. - Look, I'm very proud of this product, and right now the creamer's in pre-sale. Up until May 25th, you can get 25% off just by going to bodybraincoffee.com. If you guys wanna get the coffee as well, you can save 20% by using the promo code LOS20. Once again, that's bodybraincoffee.com. Try the creamer right now. You guys are gonna love the stack. Instead of taking 10 pills every morning, you can get everything you guys want in just one cup of coffee. All the energy, all the brain function, all of the hormonal support, bodybraincoffee.com. All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and talk about Blueprint, which is absolutely incredible. It's easy to get overwhelmed when it comes to supplements. I know I do. Blueprint cuts through all that noise with their new Longevity Mix. Instead of a cabinet full of pills, Blueprint Longevity Mix is one scoop mixed with water and that is it. With science-backed, data-driven ingredients, Blueprint helps support energy, cognitive performance, mood, focus, sleep, and healthy aging. Boy, do we need that. We are aging poorly. So thank you, Blueprint. - I took it. It made me feel fucking great, dude. And it tastes great as well, by the way. It's third-party tested for purity and toxins like heavy metals. You can see the results and everything in the supplements on their site. It's science-backed, precision-dosed, no bullshit. And for a limited time, the Legion of Skanx fans can get 20% off plus free shipping at blueprint.bryanjohnson.com. That's insane. There's no way that's actually- - What? That can't be the- - Just some guy's name? - No way. It's blueprint.bryanjohnson.com. - And by the way, it's spelled all Canadian, B-R-Y-A-N. - Blueprint.bryanjohnson, J-O-H-N-S-O-N.com. Use the code Skanx at checkout for 20% off. And after your purchase, they're gonna ask you where you heard about them. Support the show. Tell them that Legion of Skanx sent you. All right, where were we? We were also, me and Ari, we're supposed to, we had custom suits being made for us by our friend, Josie. Josie Morselino in the crowd right now. Remember, you guys remember a couple of weeks ago, she had a weird thing with Aaron. Aaron is upstairs, I'm assuming feeding right now. And they had a whole thing, and they're fighting at Skanx. I confirmed with Aaron today, they're still fighting at Skanx Fest. This is actually happening. Now, here's the thing. She was supposed to send us these suits. They were rhinestones, Skanx logos all over them. - That's how we're gonna show up on the red carpet. - I spent 700, yeah, he had a white one, I had a black one. Legion of Skanx logos everywhere in rhinestones. We were gonna look so cool. - So fucking slick. - I spent $700 on my suit. - I spent 380. - Yeah, expensive suits, right? - I don't have a weird size, so I could just get one. - Yeah, I had to customize mine for my thighs. - I'm not shaped like a South American fruit, so. - Papaya. - So, Josie, I mean, we're talking, like, what? 12 days out, we hired her? Almost two weeks out, we hired her. - Yeah, almost two weeks, 13 days. Yeah, I was like, "Here, I'll bring the suit to here." - Yeah, she was like, "Yeah, I'll bring the suits on--" - Over to your house, before you leave on Tuesday. - Didn't happen. - On Monday. - Why? - She's like, "Hey, I need a couple more days. "I wanna make them as good as possible." We're like, "Fine." She's like, "I'll send them out Wednesday, overnight. "You'll get them by Thursday. "The roast is on Sunday." - Fuck yeah, yeah, Josie. - Oh, no, no, no, whoa, whoa. - What a great plan. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Hold it. - Josie calls me on Wednesday. She's like, "I didn't send them out. "I'm gonna send them out first thing "in the morning Thursday. "It'll come overnight on Friday." I was like, "All right, Josie." - Overnight? - I was like, "Josie, just make sure--" - Oh, yeah, Josie. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait. - All the details are taken care of. - Thursday, I hit her up at, like, 11:00 a.m. I was like, "Do you send the suit?" She's like, "I didn't send them out yet, "but I'm gonna send them out tonight "before the order goes out." Shut the fuck up, bitch. - She's gonna get it out. - Shut the fuck up. - Shut up. - The fuck up, Josie. - She's gonna get it out before EOD so to make sure it does get there the next day. All right, Josie. - No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Josie sends them out on Thursday, I guess afternoon, or she's saying morning now, whatever. Somehow, through just the one time in the world that USPS fucks things up. It wasn't Josie that fucked things up. It was USPS. These suits didn't arrive until the Monday after the roast. - Oh. - I called on Saturday morning. I was like, "Where the fuck am I?" I need that on a plane right now. Where is it? And they're like, "It's in New Jersey." - Oh, I wish you could have seen. Ari, then, was at my Airbnb on hold with FedEx, or whatever it was, for four and a half hours. - What? - It was a spite hold. - Yeah, he wouldn't hang up. We were like, "Ari, just hang up, dude." - No, no, no fucking way. They're taking my calls. - Into the Jewish psyche. - They don't get off work until they take the calls that are on hold. - Took him almost out of the hang. He was so committed to this fucking hold section. - Holy shit. - And they kept playing. Every five minutes, they played that. I was like, "Please continue to hit, "but I think that's a person." And I'm like, "Oh, hell no." Fuck. - That's the worst. You know, when the music stops for no reason for a second. - Yeah. - To the point, Josie, where I almost went home. I almost didn't go to the roast. - You were saying, like, "Actually, dude, "I'm not feeling it. "I've been here a long time." - Yeah, I was there for a full week. - He called me. He goes, "Will you be super upset?" He goes, "We don't have the suits." That was kind of the whole thing with the thing. He goes, "I want to go home." Now, it'd be more kind of neat for me to, like, Like, go home, watch it with James, and James will be excited to see you on it. And it'll be cool. I go, yeah, man, I understand totally. Yeah, I was so disappointed. And then we all hung out together and eventually kind of like, that's retarded. Then Ari convinced me to buy another suit jacket. Yeah. Yeah, and you said, whichever one's closest will do. Yeah. Yeah, so. You guys look good, though. No. No, I look like shit. No. Ari looked great. Please don't cheapen what I put together. What I put together. You were a skinny, fucking tall string bean, dude. Oh, my God. This is us. Yeah, that's all right. This is us wearing our gloves. Ari looks great, dude. I look like I fucking just got fired from selling course. I got two black compliments, including Bob the Drag Queen came up to me to say, sick outfit. Bob the Drag Queen. If Bob the Drag Queen came up to me, I'd be like, ew, kill it. Kill it. We really are not supposed to be. Oh, my God. That's us in the red carpet. They didn't want to take our pictures. Every time Chelsea would pass, they'd be like, let's take long shots of her instead. Oh, I know Kevin Mazur. Dude, listen to me. Photographer. Really? Yeah. Dude, they put me and Ari, before Jay got there, they put me and Ari. They were like, all right, who are these guys? I swear to God, we were on one of these things, and all the photographers started taking pictures of other people in front of other things. We're like, we're right next to you. And then I was like, and then they were like, you want to do the red carpet? And I was like, no. And then I saw those guys, and I go, oh, those are my podcast partners. I'll go do it with them. And they were like, okay. And I kept on doing this. They interviewed us for like E! Entertainment, and I started playing with Ari's dick, and they were like, what's going on? And then they just cut the interview. Dude, I did all of those. I did the red carpet interviews. They're like, they're not going to use us no matter what, so let's follow them. They kept sending me to the red carpet interviews, and they go, we're going to have you come over here. And then the problem is, they would bring me there and then go to them, and you could see them have the, if not the exact words, like, why do I want this guy? And they go, he's actually on the roast. He goes, he is? Like, what's his thing? And he goes, well, he was friends with Kevin. And they go, okay, sure. And they go, so I hear you've known Kevin since the beginning. And I go, yeah, yeah, Bob. I go, all right. And then everyone that would ask, they'd always go, anything about Kevin? You want people to know that you're not going to stay on the roast? And I was like, hey, he's a Giants fan. He pretends to like the Eagles. Did you really say that? Nice. But that's good. On everything, he's a Giants fan. No, no, he's so tiny that he's a fan of Giants. He is. But that's the difference. But in fairness, he thinks we're all Giants. You had a responsibility, so you had to be somewhat, like, real with your answers. These guys, imagine having to have no careers to really worry about. Oh, right. Or anything to really, responsibilities to be tethered to. I started playing with Ari's dick like I was attracted to him. That's got to be fun. I started to get, not full hard, but less soft. Yeah. That's pretty sick. That's awesome. So that's what comedians do. We just play with each other's dicks sometimes. It's not even a big deal, so. Yeah, no. You know, I'm saying if you want to, like. I couldn't. I'm like. Whatever, we can just hang out. I'm pretty gay these days. Are you gay these days? Yeah. You're into women? I've always been. Hot. Yeah. Hell yeah. We have a similar type. Yeah. Hold on, what do you think I'm into? Dated was so hot. Oh, yeah? She's like. So that's. I'll hook you up with her. You're fucking her now? No. I would literally punch you directly in your fucking face. No. If you were banging my ex-girlfriend, I'd be so mad. That would be allowed. If a comic dated your ex-girlfriend, boy or girl, rules are rules. Oh, my God, no, but she's my type. She's your type. Wouldn't give a shit if a chick broke up and started dating another chick. Somebody you knew? A comic? A female. Yeah, you were in the chicks then. Fine, bye. What if they started dating Aaron? Aaron? Aaron? The one, the mask. Lipski. Oh. She's upstairs. She's fucking crushing it. Her seat was hit. All right, that was twice, guys. Don't say it a third time. She shows up. We've got to go to that boyfriend's office. Wait, were there things you couldn't say, like talk about, like you had to sign an NDA? Good question. I think on the roast, it was. I thought at one point. An NDA. Oh, I didn't sign anything. Oh, okay. It wasn't an NDA. It was more like don't do the subjects of like, I think they didn't. Maybe gambling with Kevin or the accident. I guess DUI. But then I think people just did anyway. People did, yeah. There was stuff in there anyway, so I think it was something like that. And I think it was, don't call Jeff a pedophile. Oh, okay. So I said he looked like one. That was so funny. On the hot air balloon? I just did to him. He said, you called me a pedophile. Oh, fuck you guys, you pieces of shit. He got bored. Are they leaving? Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Go see us and watch some chick comics. Go pitch and hit at a high level. Go play blackjack in fucking Vegas, you fucking card counting team. Guys, that was BTS. I know. Behind the skanks. Dynamite. Dynamite. It's a banger, dude. Put on dynamite right now and tell me it's not a banger. Always at a Thai restaurant. By the way, I can sit here and pick you and tell you which one's my favorite BTS boy. Really? Absolutely. They just got back on tour. Damn right they did. That's crazy that you know them. I don't. I just know the one that I think is the best one. Which one? And then I go, beep, boop, boop, black dynamite. Are we boring to random people? Those weren't regular people. They were Asian immigrants. They were looking for something, dude. That was him. That was him. That was him. That was him. He just shot my heart. That's what I said. He's there and he's there. That's my favorite right there. Drinking milk. I do love to drink milk. Some people hate it. Some people hate it. Some people hate it. He's my guy right there, dude. Okay, he's pretty. He just had it out on his nightside table. Turn it up in the room, god damn it. Would I be into him? Yeah. No, I'm not a homosexual. Is he a lady boy? He's pretty. Ding dong, call me on my phone. He's really pretty. Is he talking about that guy? That guy's ding dong. That's ding dong. And phone is the next guy. Is this what I look like? Oh, cha-ching is the next guy. Cha-ching, take it away. They made these guys, serve in the army. Really? Can you believe that shit? They made, they took three years of this guy's career away to serve in the fucking army. What a waste. What are they going to do? Suck everyone's cock? Is that a boy or a girl? I think they're boys. But that one, you sure? Wait, double earrings. That's a girl. He's gay, right? That's a girl. That's a girl. You wish it was a girl so you could fuck it, but it's not. It's a talented boy. He's a skinny young boy. He has no glasses, Louis. And what? Is that a natural hair? Any one of these guys. But they're so much more famous than like American celebrities. Yeah. They are. Yeah. The people, I mean, it's weird. I feel like they're trying to push Korean people onto us and we just don't want it. Yeah, Bobby Lee. Yeah. Whole fucking career. Well, there was that, wasn't that K-pop Demon Hunter? That was like a thing on, it was a pretty big thing on Netflix. That's humongous. I went up to Atsuko Sakapupaka three times over. I went to her in the festival and congratulated her on BTS's reunion. She's like, I'm a girl and I'm not in the band. I go, okay, well tell him then. Well, when you see him next to the HQ, tell him. I don't care what young people even like, dude. Jay, right out of the gates, you gave it up for The Roots. I know, so happy I got to do it. By the way, I almost forgot. Almost forgot. What an insider fucking. Almost forgot. Almost forgot because on Story Wars, we always throw it to The Roots because they're off camera. Yeah. We can't afford to pay them. Get it. But now I got to do it with The Roots right there. For The Real Roots. Well, it's The Real Roots that we haven't saw. It is, but there's on camera. They didn't show Questlove. No, no, no. That's part of his contract. Was he there? Yeah, of course. He's playing the drums. Somebody had a great joke about Cheryl Underwood. They superimposed a black pear in his place. Yeah, yeah. No, Lewis, you're right. No, they showed a joke about Cheryl Underwood and Questlove having the same haircut. Superimposed a black pear in his place? That's funny. The guy's shaped like a fucking pear. Sorry, Jay. You're right. I'm sorry, Jay. You're right. We glazed right over that. They put a black pear in his place. Should we get the guys back to run it by them one time? They'll fucking love it. Joe! Hit those guys. Warn them again and bring them in. No, but they didn't show it when they showed the Cheryl Underwood joke, so I figured that he wasn't there. Maybe his boy caught something. He was in the back because he hates Rosa Parks. Oh, it's true. It's true. Did you know The Rock was coming and any of his other people? The Rock, everyone assumed, but it was never confirmed The Rock was coming. Didn't know Usher was coming. Oh, that was bad, dude. That was bad. You didn't like it at home? I liked it. He didn't understand a word he said. I'm talking about television. I liked it, too, by the way. Oh, really? Was it bad at home? Oh, at home. I was going to say, I was like, oh, it's cool, it's Usher, but then he danced right in front of me and I was like, do I have herpes? I don't know how it works. He gave it to that fat girl, so I probably had it. Did he give herpes to a fat girl? She said he did. Usher fucked a fat girl? And I just choose to believe it. No way. You don't remember when that girl was making the rounds going like, Usher gave me herpes? You don't remember that? It's hilarious. She's like a big fat lady. It's hilarious. No, I don't remember that. Oh, it's so funny. And then Usher turned into Trump and goes, look at yourself. I would never do it. You're disgusting. Yeah, that was like, it was just weird. I would just rather have Shane starting off. Yeah, just start. I like music. I think it was good. Me, too. So you like the Lizzo thing coming out with the flute? Well, it was funny because you couldn't really hear the flute. Yeah, really? She plays rock flute. That's her thing. I know, but it should have been off the whole time. I think it's funny that it's like being done and bad. I don't know. I kind of like the irony of that. Lizzo was very sweet. You're so smart and funny. She got the giggles like just in the middle and kind of never recovered. Yeah, she was like laughing at the truth. Well, somebody did poke her stomach. It's true. It is true. That means the muffins weren't ready. She got preoccupied. She looks like Burnt Pillsbury Doughboy. Burnt Pillsbury Doughboy, folks. Those guys left before that joke. Can you believe that? These guys are leaving? What sort of. Have you gotten any backlash for any of your jokes? It turns out I didn't think so. I seem to be out of the mix because it was about. Pete, by the way, and to give a shout out to all these people again, too. Pete killed. He was on it, off it, and then came back on it. And I was like, oh, I wonder how he's going to do. And he was fucking great. All the actual comedians killed. It's so great. Everyone killed. It was great. And Cheryl Underwood has been such a fucking great person going out, talking about all this stuff, too. She's the one everyone's like, how could you? And she's like, I'm fine. Everybody relax. Well, I told Shane, because Shane was like, I have this suicide for your husband joke. I don't know if I can say it. Because I'm like, oh, do you just know her from the review? Yeah. I'm like, oh, bro. It's called a talk. She used to be a fat retail. She's come to the comedy store all the time. She's like a comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's, I mean, she hasn't been around in a while. So, you know, you don't know how she's going to react. She was great. That's awesome. She was so, I saw her at the rehearsal. And like, she was like so sweet when I never met her before. I've messaged with her. Of course you like her. Her whole act on Big J was like, you so cute, sugar pie. I was like, what the fuck is happening right now? It made me furious. Jumped in her DMs. Yeah, dude, why not? She wanted to fuck Jay so badly. I was like, that's your roast of Big J? Is that he's hot? You blind black bitch. Oh, it made me mad. I got with Kevin, but I really wanted you. She's the queen. No, she was so, I never met her before. Wait, had her and Kevin actually fucked? Yeah, I guess so. Oh. No. No? No. What? I believed it. I believed it. No, I don't think, I don't believe so. Maybe. Why not? Why not? That was a great joke. Because it's gross from both their points of view. Was it Jeff? Jeff said, Underwood is where they found Pete Davidson's dad on 9-11. Great joke. That's a tough one. Someone said that, someone did Sarah Underwood said that her, someone said her pronouns are he, hall. Yeah. Yeah, Jeff. Great. And like the donkey for Jeff. That's a good one. He had a couple really fucking killers, dude. But no, so I didn't catch much of that. The flack all kind of fell on Tony, George Floyd thing, and Pete, Charlie Kirk thing. And then, so the only things that would come up about me that I thought were fucking hilarious that I was involved in at all was. The Illuminati covenant with the Satan that I was part of, I didn't know. What were you trying to do? Because there's a thing at the end of the set, we were so stoked, Lewis and I were so fucking happy. We had a couple of things that were so great. My son's like, he just did his gang sign. I go, no, dude, you don't worry about what he did. It is a gang sign, actually. It is a gang sign, dude. And I was able to take the rest of that money, and in true Kevin Hart fashion. Dude, I was so happy. Immediately leave my first family. So thank you, Kev, for sending me on my way, my man. I love you so much. I like how he holds his hand for so long for you. He did three, five life, but that's okay. That's close enough. Three, five life. Three, five life. Three, five life. Here's the thing. I don't know. I don't know if you know. That's a thing. Three for life is. That's what we are. Yeah. It's the three of us. We've been around forever. Legion of Skanks is three members for life. Hey, hold on. Hold on. Zoltan. Can you bring. Steve a drink? Yeah, we need. What are you trying to get? Just a Peroni. It's all right. I'll flag someone down. No. Yeah. You. You also have a sugar packet. Get over there. You little fucking gay ghost. Go get home. Boo. Is he working? Boo. Boo. He only comes out at night. I'm going to haunt you. Boo. It's so musty in here. Where'd you find him, dude? Oh, my God. Can I haunt your family room instead of your musty attic? Why don't you go get the rest of these pictures? Because of you. Drying out my ghost skin. Jerry girl's great, too. Jerry girl's kicking tonight. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Dude, gay ghost. Sucks getting haunted by a gay ghost. Do you have rouge in your eyes? Oh, my God. He's back already. That was crazy. Well, he walked through the walls. Yeah, dude. I don't know if you understand. The guy rules the night. Thank you, dude. Thank you very much. He died of AIDS in 88. Oh, my God. It's true. First AIDS. Yeah, the deadly AIDS. OG AIDS. The stuff that Magic Johnson got that they had to cure. Damn. Looks like Tom Hanks at the end of Philadelphia. There's been some great things about the two that I saw. What that meant? Well, the first one was the three for life, which I said is a legion of skanks. It's three for life. And everyone here in this room knows simply that's what I was doing. My daughter sent me a thing about. I mean, a guy wrote a dissertation about how this is all part of the covenant with Satan. Whoa. And the breakdown of what my hand gestures mean. He goes, now, what Jay was signaling there was the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. That's the three. He goes, then the two is like Satan and the thing and bringing the practices to. I mean, it's like really laid out to the point where I was like, damn, dude, that's awesome. Yeah. Jay was rethinking. He was like, I might be part of the covenant. It was an outside shot. I'm part of the covenant. And you didn't write to him like, how? How the fuck did you crack this? I should have. I should have wrote back. I should have. I should have DM'd him and been like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. You don't know what you're messing with here. Was he a black guy? There was a black guy. You have no idea? Do not kick this dust up, my man. Have you seen the chair on HBO? Did you see John Stamos was in this audience? Chill. Yeah, chill out. There was a black guy that did another thing on all of them with their hand symbols and their hands on the coats. There was a black guy who did a breakdown. At the roast? No, no, no. Like afterwards. Oh, okay. So then there was a black guy who did a breakdown. Oh, yeah. And then, so then there was the- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, satanically for life. I just pretended Ari didn't leave you hanging. I was like, oh, okay, we're doing that. That's a pretty, that's actually a design we need to start selling immediately. Yeah, we are the Allegiance Gangster. That's great. Satanically for life. Ari, your star should have one more point on it, though. It means the same thing. Yeah. Technically. Don't worry. It all means the same thing. You know, I'm probably happy those guys left. Damn, badass. Where the fuck were we? Oh, yeah. The backlash. The backlash. And the other one was, the other one was the guy- You know who else got backlashes? Kevin's ancestors. Ooh. I should have done this fucking roast. Where were you two weeks ago, idiot? God damn it. Where was that two weeks ago? You would have used that. You would have used that one. Damn. Jay, I think, was the only person, by the way, who wrote all of his own jokes completely by himself. Naeem. Me and Naeem. And Naeem. Oh, really? He wouldn't take any jokes. That's awesome, dude. Really, that's got to be tough. It was terrifying. But yeah, me and Naeem. Naeem Lin also wrote all of his own jokes. Oh, that's great. And you guys both killed. And he killed, too. He really did. Yeah, he did really, really well. I loved it. You know who else killed? Naeem's ancestors. Oh, Jesus. Your story at the end would tell him at $10,000. When you said $10,000, I watched it with my wife. She goes, that's it? She's like, that's all he gave? And I'm like, yeah, dude, he's a cheap fuck. Was it true? Was that a true story? Oh, yeah. $10,000 is like, I'm not even slightly rich. Like, if one of my friends really needed it, I'd give them $10,000. Like, if my house burned down, I'd expect Ari to give me $10,000. I've given that to my sister probably once a year for the last several years. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've given my sister way more than $10,000. Oh, he's already a movie star. He was a movie star at that point, yeah. Not post-German. Post-German. I mean, selling out massive, massive theaters, making tens of millions of dollars. It was a blip of money. I know. For him, for sure. But it was, you know, it was a very true story. But I mean, here's the thing. At the end of the day, like, where I was at, that $10,000, I was like, well, you gave me a bajillion dollars. Everything's able to get back to where it was. Jay got emotional. It was just $10,000. Yep. That's where my life was. It would fix everything. Yep. By the way, not many people know this, but this is a true story. Jay lost most of his stuff because they were like, hey, there's like a hurricane and a flood coming. You should just move your stuff. You should just move your stuff upstairs, like your PlayStation, all your, like, important belongings. They could have also gotten a generator for the sub pump. That's it. That would have just fixed every problem. That's my stupid Hispanic mother-in-law's issue. It wasn't my house. Why would you have the fucking sub pump pumped into the electricity that goes out first? Seems dumb, right? Yeah, yeah. By the way, as I say that, I don't have a generator for my sub pump. I know you don't. To this day, I still don't have one. I don't have one. And this would be the year that fucking big ones come out. We've discussed this, Lewis. You're not going to get a fucking generator. Anyway, I own a house. It's not a big deal. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I own a house. And guess what? There's guest rooms. Hey. Ugh, no. Damn, you don't have to say ew, no, you fucking bitch. Sorry, I'm sorry. The way she said it, I think she means it. I don't know. She's into her dad, dude. Leave her alone. Yeah, she's playing hard to get. Six foot four Swedish guy. But the one picture they had afterwards was everybody after the show, where everyone's on, it's the rock is doing this, which they say is a devil symbol, which is actually, I believe, I love you. Oh, upside down? Well, he's got his arm around somebody. Is he doing, like, he does a Hawaiian thing. Sure. Maybe his arm fell. Whatever it is, it's not satanic. Whatever it is, it's not satanic at all. And then what they call me hiding my fucking belly with my hand. Oh, my God. Inside the jacket. I'm just hiding my hand over my stomach for the picture. Yeah, there it is. That's supposed to be like the one. The guy breaks the seat. It says, this is a major demonic thing. Yes. Now, by the way, I'm not going to lie. As I'm looking at it, what is Cheryl Underwood doing with that? What is that hand over there? Cheryl? Yeah, she's doing something. Cheryl's actually a satanist. She's doing something. You're all doing something. You're all, look at Tony's eye fucking the camera. Cheryl's doing a weird thing. Tony has his finger up one of their vaginas and doesn't know which. Wait, who's the guy above you, Jay? He just got cut off completely. John Legend. Lizzo's tits are taller than Kevin. Look at the size of those tits. Can we talk about that fucking spray tan? Who's spray tan? Jay got a spray tan. And by the way, here's what happens. And I've known Jay for 20 years. about at this point, every time Jay does something, like to change his look a little bit one time like getting his nails done his eyebrows threaded now spray tan he now puts it into his repertoire of things that he does so I promise you and I don't know but I promise you Jay will be getting regular spray tans wait whole body this guy says he doesn't know he just looked at everybody and goes I don't know we've already had this conversation Lewis goes this is going to become part of your thing because when something works you immediately become part of your thing I go yeah I've already looked into it sugar and bronze baby we'll see but if I get Jersey well it was funny the lady who did it to me out there she goes I go man the first person that called me goes it looks really good it doesn't look fake at all it looks good and I was like yeah I'd love to do it again but like when I go home I don't know who to go to I don't know if there's a place near me that does good he goes you live in fucking Jersey it might have been you who said that they invented Jersey so yeah probably did you think that's how it would have got to get to spray tan Sienna no she hates it I mean I thought you looked good though that was like the best I've ever eaten did you do your whole body yeah well why oh that is that's embarrassing yeah you never take your shirt off you have to like fucking sit there I know you hate it the legs I didn't overthink it but here's the thing I was actually alright about this Jay wears this t-shirt during sex I know he hated it it's a lie why would you say a lie to everybody that's not even sort of fucking true it's a fucking tank top fucking t-shirt I'm not a fucking moose going in a pool you piece of shit and I don't wear a shirt in the pool either but I know a stranger and the only people doing spray tans are hot chicks yeah no this one thankfully particularly wasn't you happy I just say it now she's got to catch a shot because Louis wants to accuse me of something no she wasn't very attractive she was she was fantastic you gotta find an ugly chick to do your spray tans I sure did well I might need a hotter one because I'm telling you because next time what I'm going to do is I'm going to I'm going to do a sock or something over my wiener which I probably got to be half hard to make that work wait you were naked no I didn't I wore underwear and hiked them up so here's the issue it's got nothing to do with that I'd rather be embarrassed with the sock for the seven minutes it takes to do the whole thing I'd rather be embarrassed than that than the most jarring thing dude seeing my old 48 year old flat now extraordinarily bright white yellow old dying skin of my ass oh my god with that beautiful glowing tan what if I go nah dude I'm going to put a sock over my dick hit the ass I will not have that happen ever that was crazy I saw it was the saddest I ever looked in the mirror and I avoid mirrors and as I walked by just even the blur of being that bright white ass in the middle of all that was awful I feel terrible for you you should have gotten your ass done I should have done my ass Jay's got an ass like BTS it's not good yeah set that shit off like dynamite oh oh oh Gina Carano butt let's take a quick moment to thank Brunt for supporting the show I'm wearing my Brunt hat today Brunt fucking work wear come on folks Brunt you guys I love him I love it the best work wear there is dude I'll tell you right now the boots I have two pair of Brunt work wear boots I gave my son a pair for Christmas they feel like you're putting on an old pair of comfortable sneakers and they're the best work boots you'll ever have in your entire life Louis as a man here with the softest hands I tell you I get them for all my Mexican workers I make sure they can keep on work and that Brunt work wear really gets them back to the job sorry guys I'm late Louis did you say your son fits like an old pair of sneakers no no no no you misunderstood that Jay oh okay Brunt work wear boots I was peeing yeah dude they're genuinely the best boots you'll ever wear they also have weather resistant jackets heavy duty work pants which are great as well the hoodies are great I wear the hoodies all the time I got my hat right now an entire line of great products the boots are what everybody absolutely loves though you look like a hunter right yeah but I mean it's really you're pulling it off no you're pulling it off sorry you have that wrong he looks like a predator this guy he's been out of the country for a while they have a 100% risk free trial you can try the boots on the job if they're not perfect for you you send them back what if they're not perfect oh okay you are yeah you send them back you don't have to worry about anything they're gonna give you 100% money back guarantee full refund if you don't like them that is real belief in a fucking Brunt how long do you get what's the last day all praise Brunt 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one ball a little bit bigger than the other Ari's is noticeably different like they definitely have different dads Ari's balls are so big that they look painful well Louis I had a colonel in the army design a special pair of underwear just for these fucking balls yeah that's not a joke Colonel Jack Sheath yeah Colonel Jack Sheath fresh back from his secret mission I shouldn't say this in Mogadishu yeah dude stop dude this is all class classified shit yeah guys keep that on the fucking stream only yeah he designed a pair of the best underwear the best this is all I wear dude Sheath look right here some people actually speculate he's the guy who put one in Bin Laden oh he'll say it you get him drunk that guy's fucking talking well he said should we let the wife live and he goes why while the rest of us are thinking about why are our dick and balls all mushed together this guy was like dude dick and balls aren't even a thing about that anymore I'm out there killing Bin Laden they have all 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back on underwear yeah well that's a resale no one's targeted support the show support your balls go to sheathunderwear.com use that promo code skanks20 hey guys this episode is sponsored by come on their bellies yeah well don't forget come on their bellies it's fucking great pullout.com well technically that but Ruggie it ready if you want to have a boner every time you fuck oh boy is Ruggie it ready for you it's a three in one formula with sildenafil tadalafil and apomorphine tadalafil that pussy doggy boom hand turkey pull out but also pull out for sure it dissolves under your tongue it works in just 15 minutes no waiting around no pausing for water it stays active in your system for up to 36 hours so you can stay as fuck in all weekend long where is it just walk around just walk around Chelsea just walk around everywhere remember back in the day they were like if it lasts for longer than four hours call a doctor now they're like 36 hours straight is there Ruggie it ready floating 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alright where were we but the other backlash was that Lewis told me I didn't even know this fucking bummed me out so much so that I'm ready to start a long term beef with D.L. Hughley why did you say Hughley Hughley Hughley Hughley Hughley Hughley Hughley you say guh we say the guh right I say the guh Hughley Hughley I say Hughley this is why he has no respect for you H-U-G-H the name is Hugh Hughley yeah but he's black H-U-G-H-L-E-Y so are you you racist hell yeah Sienna oh now I'm hard fuck she's racist a racist black girl oh god damn it Sienna are you trying to make me not fall in love with you stop this D.L. Hughley Hughley Hughley no I don't you don't hit it that hard D.L. Hughley that was hard were you doing a soft G yeah you were saying the same thing Listen, ready? Let me hear it. Hughley. That was a hard G. That was hard. I didn't pause that. Yeah. Hughley. I did? Hughley. It's like an apostrophe. Hughley. Guys, I'm not wrong. It's two words. Hughley. H-U-G-H is Hugh. Just pull out the spelling. Hugh is a name already. H-U-G-H is Hugh. Pull out the spelling. Hugh. Hughley. No, that's how it's spelled, but it's pronounced. And the name of his show is Uncertain with D.L. Hughley. We're uncertain about how to say his name. He should suck my dick with fucking appreciation that I'm correcting you guys on what to say here. What's the B for Hughley? Oh my God, are you the Nazi? No, the H is what's silenced. Hughley. Hughley. Hughley. Hughley. You pronounce it. Hughley. I do three syllables. Hughley. Yeah. I want him to remember that I'm defending him here before I call him a faggot on live. Whoa. All right. Damn, son. Thank God those Asians left. Damn, Hughley. Sienna. Wait, what did he say? Sorry. What? No, please. Nothing. So he posted this video. I brought it to Jay's attention, not thinking it would bum Jay out as much as it's bumming him out. Can I tell you why? Before you even get to it. And then I'll give you more context as well. So you can say that first. Go ahead. Well, I was going to say, if you just told me D.L. Hughley, you're. Hughley. Hughley. Hughley. No matter what, it's not D.L. Hughley. We know that. Sure it is. Hughley. Okay. Stand by hard. Hughley. I've never heard another person say it another way. Hold on, Jeff. All right, guys, you're right. Hughley. Jim, my H is pronounced. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It's this. This will be slow. This will be slow, but it's this. Hugh. D.L. Hughley. Yeah! Whoa! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, robot lady. Thank you. Well, computer stupid. I can't believe that's right. Hughley. Let's hear it again for the robot. I'm calling him Hughley. One more time. One more time. Do you like. D.L. Hughley. Hughley. D.L. Hughley. That's doing a phonetic. No, it's not. That's how you do it. D.L. Hughley. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Now put in how to spell Hugh. H-U-G-H. See if I get that phonetic, my ass. Yeah. Go on. Go on. I mean, he's a pretty famous comedian. Just do the word H-U-G-H. Obviously, it's Hugh. It's not Hugh. Do Hugh Jackman. Let's see if I get it. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman. We are looking at how to pronounce this name as well as how to say it. What the fuck is this? What the fuck? Satan! Satan! It's a nightmare. Did we suck? Did we summon him? Did the hand in the jacket summon him? Great sweet lord. Lord Satan. So, one time I met D.L. Hughley in a restaurant. I was on a date. Fuck you. Hughley. Stop overselling it so hard. D.L. Hughley. I saw him in a restaurant and I never met him before, so I introduced myself. And while I introduced myself, I was like, oh, I'm friends with Big Jay. We do a podcast together. And he goes, oh, Big Jay's great. Love that guy. Really? Yeah. And that's coming from Louis Omez. By the way, Louis told me that when it happened. And he would tell you that I was kind of like, oh, that's neat. Like, I didn't even know he would know who I was. And he's like a legend of comedy. Now, if you ask me genuinely off a microphone days ago. He's a let-in. He's a let-in of comedy. According to Jay, he's a let-in. If you ask me like days ago now, like what I thought of D.L. Hughley, my genuine reaction, which I'll say now openly because I don't give a fuck. Did you just say Hughley? We know what Hughley is. Hughley. Thank you. I would have said, I've never, from back to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, I've never thought he was, he's funny. He's not my thing. Yeah. Who gives a shit? That's meaningless. That's what I would always say. But he's such a legend of it that if I met him, they were like, hey, D.L. Hughley. I'd go, oh, shit. I'd be excited to meet him. Yeah. Say hi. Same thing. If I saw him at a restaurant, and especially if he was like, oh, hey, I know who you are. I'd be like, holy shit. So that being said, this is why this is sucking. I think this is fucking shitty. And extraordinarily hypocritical. And it really is the annoying thing about comedians who want to be in the politics and fucking crying about bullshit. This sucks. Yeah. Hughley. Hughley. You never imagine working on the same panel with a dude who I believe to be a Nazi. And I do. When a white dude says he wants freedom of speech and all that kind of stuff, it's really just to say, but I knew when I saw the lineup for that roast, I knew we would be here. Two years ago. Now, only one of you. Only one of these guys is a Nazi. Oh, my God. Look at me. Look at me defending you in the comments. I saw that. Big J, Shane, and Tony are not Nazis. The word Nazi means something. And yeah, that's exactly right. And then a bunch of his black followers were like, you coon-spick motherfucker. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? That's great. Because here's the thing. He's a fucking. He's a fucking. Literally, to me, this argument here that I said in this was if he goes, try to put me in a link to say something. I'm a Nazi. He goes, I'm a Nazi. If I was like. Nah, you're crazy, N-word. If I just said it to him. I did the same exact thing. But that's not going to be looked at like that. That's a crazy thing to just call. And by the way. They are both N-word. My shit wasn't even scrutinized. You know what I mean? Like, nothing I did was in a thing. So it's like, you're just lumping me. It was, ooh, I saw that lineup. And I knew it was going to be. What? What's the most worst thing that D.L. Hughley would get upset about with his fucking fag hats? It's also like, Tony is a Trumper. And that's gay as fuck. But at the same time, he's not a Nazi. What are we talking about? Tony has put on more fucking gays, blacks, women, trans people. Like, literally. Almost anybody. A lot of disabled. A lot of disabled. A lot of disabled. So much. So much. He fought against the ramp here. That's the truth. Like, what are we. At what point, like, you have a guy who's giving all of these people platforms who just is genuinely into being funny and into funny people. And it's making me sick that I'm defending Tony this hard right now. But it's the fucking truth. No, but she's like, D.L. Hughley. And I know. Jay's a Nazi. That's neither here nor there. Yeah. They just picked the white people on the white map. Yeah, they were. They were. Not at all. What about Lizzo? It was a bit of a selective thing. Here's the thing. He's not upset about the Charlie Kirk joke from Pete Davidson. That doesn't bother him. That's true. Also, Nazis didn't take gays. And by the way, I don't give a fuck about either joke. Both of them are fine. Who cares? Like, what's the big deal? But, like, the people that are getting upset about it, it's like, that's a selective thing. And then again, just like wide lumped meeting. He goes, oh, I saw that panel. He goes, I didn't make one. Unfortunately, I didn't make one list of, like, the fucking holy shit moments of the roast. Because, like, it just organically. I didn't have a thing that was like, oh, here's this. I did see, like, you were in, like, they kind of alluded to what you said a few times because your whole thing on Cheryl Underwood was that she's just really black. Right. I will stand by that. He goes, that's not even a racial. It's literally about how dark her complexion is. That's literally a racial thing. No. There's no other way to slice that. It's not. It's literally commenting on the color of her skin and how negative it is. I tell you, I said it before the thing. Color balance is something they have to do. They're cameras. They can't have two black people all for me. But, dude, I say it next to each other. They can't do it. What I didn't do, which I wish I would have done possibly because it would have worked, but I just want to make sure, you know, like, she was getting hammered so much about the husband and stuff that I didn't want to keep going. But at the end of it, I wanted to say, you know, they really, because I wrote my own shit, they really wanted me to, like, run it. They kept bugging me to run it. I wouldn't run it at places. And I goes, then I did. I ran in front of my audience on a weekend, the Cheryl Underwood jokes, and, like, they didn't hit that great. And I didn't want to keep doing it and lose confidence in them because no matter how much I explain Cheryl Underwood to these people, whatever the black woman they were picturing was still wasn't black enough for the show. We were picturing more of a night queen show. Yeah. But I didn't get to do that ultimately. But it's just, like, the idea is, like, my jokes were literally, it's like, so whatever. Sure. I guess you're saying it's a racist. But, I mean, like, the things that people are upset about, like, if you're saying it's a Nazi because I'm going, like, she's a Nazi. And she's dark. She's very dark skinned. Why is that a pretty heavy jump? The crazy thing that people get upset about. I think he's gay because he wears big fucking queef hats. Oh, those big fucking Cam Newton hats. Yeah, he wears Cam Newton. I always believe that's for gay guys, black gay guys. So cocks can never get that close to their face. Yeah. You can't just wear a baseball hat. Black dicks are too big. So you got to keep a wide pilgrim-like distance of cock away from you. You hear that, DL? You like Hugh Cox. A huge feather. Yeah. You're Hugh-ga-gay. You're Hugh-ga-gay. You're gay. Nobody on the panel was pissed after the show, right? Am I right in that? So then I don't understand why anybody beyond that. I literally, because of all the things, and I was like, oh, you know, and the first time I met her, like, when I was reaching out to the people that were on the road, I didn't see Cheryl or anybody after the show at all. Well, she was there. She was in the shadows. I didn't see her. She let out. It was nighttime. She didn't smile? In the wall. Not once. She was apparently pretty pissed. Yeah. No. I, like, DMed with her back and forth. And, like, she really is just like. She had a good time, and it was a sweet lady. And I didn't give her, like, a, are you okay with everything? I was just like, hey, it was really nice meeting you. I hope to catch you again down the road. And she was like, we will. She was like, it was nice. That's awesome. And so it's a weird thing, the caring about anything. But I said, I think it's weirdly irresponsible. Again, like, whatever D.L. Hughley would stir up, whatever the, Hughley, whatever D.L. Hughley would stir up with me over, whatever the equivalent is, like, he's calling me a Nazi. Now, again, my Judaism is more of anything just the fact that I am. Yeah. I'm not religious at all, but it's like. I still got to look into that on you. It's a weird, yeah. It's a weird thing to call a Jewish guy. It's like, lump him in and say, it's like, ah, these Nazi guys. I'm like, yeah. It's like, get the fuck out of here. Fuck you. So you're gay because you're a pretentious fuck. And I said this in the bonfire. Just because you take a lot of pictures like this doesn't mean you're smart. Fucking Malcolm X fucking fag face idiot. Look at him. And I'll tell you this, Lewis. You a Nazi motherfucker. Lewis, no training. I'll fight this old motherfucker at Skank Fest. Get in the Skank Fest, dude. I will put fucking three in his face. He's going to be on the ground, dude. He passed out on stage. He had COVID. He passed out. Yeah, that's how weak his body is. He's an old man. No way, dude. Look at his cool tattoo on his neck, dude. He's got Bible verses right there. No, that's not Bible verses. Damn. Who knows what the fuck. Wait, I have a question. Sienna, were you a fan? Oh, I mean, when they panned to the panel, sometimes people would be like, you know, like Regina. Regina never smiled once. She didn't do shit. What happened? She may have been on pills or something. Yeah. Is that like a thing about her? I don't know, but she seemed nice. Everyone said about her, they go, yo, her things. By the time, she was on, was she on before me or after me? She was after you. After. The whole thing was just such a blur. I was so like out of it. So I didn't really over, I didn't know she was doing the Kevin, like somebody's mom or whatever. But I thought kind of her like lethargic thing was sort of part of that. But people were like, yo, she was weird. But I don't know. I thought it was. Sienna, what did you think? Because there was a lot of controversy about Tony Hinchcliffe's joke about George Floyd. You're the blackest person we hang out with. Oh, my God. So you're the blackest person we would ever associate with. Did this bother you at all? Speak for black America. Hey, please. Big mama. Big mama, help us out. Oh, my God. Come on, big mama. Oh, my God. Well. That wisdom. You say, you say. Yo, if it's D.L. Hewley going to talk to me like that, can I not call him a homosexual gentleman? Because that hurts black people because they've all done gay stuff to them when they were younger and now they run from it. Yeah. Instead of getting therapy, they wear big hats and yell at white people. Were you offended at all by this joke? No, I mean, I'm not really offended by comedy. No. Yeah. Bold. Bold. I mean. She's the perfect woman. Everyone. I, I'm black. Some people will. Boo. That's wild. Sorry. Some people will be annoyed that I'm the voice of black excellence right now. Yes. Black womanhood and black hood life. But I think, I think it was fine. I think it was fine, my niggas. You know, I was chilling. Whoa. That is wild. That was crazy. We're going to have to bleep that on YouTube. You're so white that we have to bleep that on YouTube. Yes. You have to bleep that. Also, I would say this too. Chang's fucking one of the people who fucking jumps. I was going to bring him up. But he's one of the people who jumped the celebrity like good. And I think still has his fucking finger and is one of the good ones. And he put a joke out. Wait, what? I think it was heavily. Jay? One of the good ones? No, I mean people who like got successful but still keeps their kind of finger on what's going on. Like his thing, I think, got way misconstrued. Oh, it was just him being funny. He was joking. He was just being funny and it was funny. It was funny. And then Lev, Lev like a jackass. But I said, but I said essentially, essentially, uh, um, Shane made. He made the same joke on the show. Kind of like the writers are all a bunch of white guys in the back. Like, uh, so it's like, I don't know why that got so misconstrued. That was weird. Oh my God. The response. They made a big thing about that. It goes, it goes, oh, Che takes shots. I'm like, I think it was being funny. Oh, Lev and Che. Lev and Che. It was great. Lev hit me up. He's like, dude, uh, he's like, am I being crazy right now? And I was like, I'll call you tomorrow. I'll call you tomorrow. And then it just blew up. And I would have been like, yeah, delete that, dude. He was kidding, obviously. Che's like, Che's friends with everyone on the thing. Like, that was not a thing for real. So I was like, damn, you guys are going to do a fight over nothing. Yeah, he's like, I'll see you at the cellar. I heard Che was like, dude, what? I'm there all the time. And then the best part of all is, is Lev being like, Lev's like, yeah, dude, I think you're funny. And Che's like, I don't think you're funny. So he was like, ooh, God damn it, dude. That was brutal. Oh, is that what happened? Where'd it get? Yeah. Lev posted a thing about Che, and then Che got in his comments being like, whoa, what the fuck? And then they went back and forth for like. For so long. For so long. But who said who to what? What was the last thing about who said who's not funny? Lev said, you're really funny to Che, and Che's like, you're not funny. Which is the N-word for comedians. So, not funny. Not for black comedians. The N-word for black comedians is still the N-word, but for white comedians, it's not funny. Lev bleeped out the U in fuck because he wanted it to hit the algorithm better. Anywho. Just man to man, buddy. Before we move on, I'll say, D.L. Hewley, I'll be waiting patiently for your fucking apology. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you should apologize for calling D.L. Hewley. Yeah. D.L. Hewgahley. Hewgahley. I don't know if he's like, Che, we've all done bad things. The way you pronounced my name was disrespectful, but I said it was also wrong. Bygones, bygones? Yeah. Absolutely. If you call me with, I've had your name wrong for 20, 30 years, since Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, you call me a Nazi, we can call it even Stevens. But, wear that hat, dude, because I'm going to try to stuff cock in your mouth. What did you say? Whoa. Was that sexual? Damn, dude. Can you not hit on one employee? Meet me after the show. I'm going to suck your ghost cock. You look so fucking good walking around with those drinks. You put your whole arm around his head, dude. He liked it. It was so creepy. He had a Jerry girl. He accepted it, too. He did accept it. He wanted it, almost. So, I'm saying you're more attracted to Steve than me. That's crazy, in my opinion. I'm not really attracted. Like, both, I couldn't. Both, you couldn't. But, if you had to one, if you had to choose one. Why would you? One night. Choose one. Fuck, marry, kill, watch, get murdered. Go ahead. All of you guys? Yeah. Wait. No, no. Fuck, marry, kill. Which is the worst? Wait, watch, get. Fuck, marry, kill, get pregnant by, but are not with. No. Wait. That's too black. That's so fucking. Okay. Fuck, marry, kill. We've got to add one more. Fuck, marry, kill. And. Cancel. Be friends with. Fuck, marry, kill, cancel. Be friends with. Fuck, marry, kill. Fuck, marry, kill. Be friends with. Be friends with. Oh, that's so sweet. I know, right? That's so sweet. It was soft. Lewis is going soft on you. No way, please. Wait, before you win. Before you win, can I just say, I have not said anything about your body today. Yeah, that's true. And, I have $138,000 in the bank. I have that in one of my bank accounts, but it's not a big deal. I would like to say something, too. What? I have not said anything about your body. I have not said anything about your body, besides the fact that I can't believe that you're not Asian, and you're black. And, I have a wife that if I kill, I'll have $500,000. Okay. And then, we could be together, legally, with the $500,000. Well, let me say this as well. I have to be honest. All this is making me feel way better about my bank account. Maybe pick me? I don't know. I didn't even throw my hat in the ring until this moment. I've said nothing about your body, but I've fought so many times. I've said so many things about your body. It's all in my head. It's crazy. You've not said things about her body. I've said nothing about her body. What did you say about her body? Oh, I did say something. I said you should have had bigger tits. Dumbass. Idiot. What a. Kill him. I'll still kill my wife. I'll kill my wife. Kill him. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. You just want to get rid of a little bit of the competition there. How much money do you have? I just don't want to be killed. Be good friends with him. What did you say? I said, how much money do you have? Wow. No, I'm kidding. She's very serious about this. I think I may be sitting on more than I've heard so far here tonight. I'm sitting on more. I'm sitting on more than what Ari said. I'm sitting on more than what I've heard. Damn. Damn, Ari. You poor Jew. Justin. Yo, Sienna. So am I. Okay. We could be a power couple. Jay's got a wife and a girlfriend. Anyway, go ahead. What? Nope. Me? I'm divorced. Oh, fuck. He's divorced. Oh, that's right. You can't use that anymore. I could be friends with your daughter. Huh? That's kind of cute. That's really cute. All right, now I'm going to come. You guys can shop together and then come home and then we'll do filthy shit. I'm dating a 23-year-old. Oh, nice. I'm 48, so I hope you don't mind me explaining why the movie Roadhouse is good. Okay. I'm dating a 26-year-old. There's 20 of them. Get it? 26-year-olds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm single. Again? Yeah, we broke up. They're going to let you write for that next roast, Liz. Yeah, they will. Yeah, they will. Yeah, they will. If you keep that up, if you keep that up, dude. I think I would marry Jay. You'd marry Big Jay? Wow. Where are the girls? Wow. Boo. I mean, I don't care. Whatever. No, I think a father figure. I'll be your daddy. You might feel like. It's not a father figure. It's a dad bod. You're saying it wrong. No, I kind of like it. We could watch movies together. You can? Yeah. Roadhouse. We're going to watch a lot of movies. Roadhouse. We're going to do weird sex stuff, though. He's going to show you all the shitty fucking 80s movies. His movies taste sucks. Lost Boys is a fantastic film. I like that film. I have old man taste. You're pissing me off. I think I would. That's so rude. I'll just say, if you friend me right now, I'll beat the fuck out of you. I'm going to beat the fuck out of you. I'd rather you kill me than be your friend. He's not going to be a good friend. And just so you know, I'm taking this, and Sienna, I think you're going to agree with this. If we're married. If we're married. Yeah. We're fucking, right? Right. I was thinking about that. All right, guys. I'll sit back. You guys get upset about the rest. I mean, there's so much pressure. Sienna. I'll hurt your relatives. Okay. Oh, my God. I mean, Steve, I know you the least well. Yeah. That's probably best. Yeah. There's something about him that's a little scary, right? Or no? You should kill him. Yeah. I agree. No? Should I kill him? Yeah. Yeah. I got to kill him. I think I would kill him because he would kill his wife for me, and that's a little scary. What a piece of shit you are, Steve. Not anymore. I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not anymore. Not anymore. I'm not. And then. Here we go. Hi. Come on. He's a Jew. You don't want a Jew inside of you? That's crazy. I've already had that. What would Nyquisha say? He's got a sense of adventure. Yeah. I honestly will say, Ari, you've never flirted with me, and that might be because I'm black, but. It's because he's class. He's all class. Wow. But I do kind of. It's like now it's like a challenge. I'm kidding. So I think I would fuck him. Fuck Ari. You. That's friendly, you bitch. It's not even kill me. She'd kill her friend. Dude, we're fucking Sienna. Wow. Show's over. Show's over. Wow. Thank you, everyone. I appreciate you. Hey, Lewis, can I talk to you deeply about how it was? Hey, I don't appreciate you fucking my wife, but I get it. I get it. She's insatiable. Look at her. She's gorgeous. I understand. Oh, I'm fucking furious. Just so you know, I wouldn't fuck you either. Okay, fine. It's good. Whatever. Steve. Yeah. Steve. Once me and Ari break our heart, you're fucking sitting right there. Come back from the dead, baby. He's dead. He's dead. He's gone. You are right there. You guys are getting ice cream somewhere. I was close. I think the only reason she killed me is because she doesn't really know me that well. Oh, wait. I thought she friended you. No, she killed me. No, she killed me, too. She killed both of us. Oh, my God. She doesn't be friends with either of you? I didn't realize how much more hurtful it was than I thought. We're already friends, you dumb bitch. Yeah, but I think we could be longer term friends. Oh, I hate you. Guys, I like this. You're not even that hot. Okay, thank you. I'm not. You're very attractive. Thank you. She's the hottest girl in comedy. She's making me furious. As her husband, I got to tell you, you're very attractive. Thank you. I feel. I feel pride when we go to the red carpets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will grab your dick. Hey, Santa, can I just tell you? I'm busier like this whole week. So how bad you want it, you're going to have to wait to get it. Okay, I like a challenge. Damn, dude, that's a good play. Let's do plugs real quick. Let's do some plugs real quick. We have a little more show here. Steve, what are you plugging, my friend? I'll be at the. Oh, St. Mark's Comedy Club, June 5th, Friday night, one show. It's part of the Stan Comedy Festival. I'll be doing a show. I'll be doing a show there. And then end of July, I'll be at the Scottsdale Improv in Scottsdale, Arizona. The fucking rich desert improv. Where the fuck is the Stan Comedy Festival? I don't know. Spots, just spots. Yeah, it's like. Doing it. The outside one. Dude, we're doing story wars. Yeah, you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. That's the Stan? That's the Stan festival? I mean, that's where I got my offer from. Yeah, they sent Adele over to book us on it because we wouldn't do it for the Stan. Oh, I remember. They did it once before, right? Last year. I guess so, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they sent out a. I didn't do it last time. They sent out a coked up Josh Edemeyer's just screaming at fucking Tompkins Square Park. I think that's what's going on again. I think that's what happened. Sienna? I'll be on the road September through May of next year, so you can just find my tour dates on my website. Sienna Hubert-Ross. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Hey, I know you're traveling a lot and I trust you, but just remember, you're married. I will never forget that. Don't bring me home diseased is all I ask. I promise. Don't embarrass me. Do not embarrass me. You do what you gotta do on the road, but do not embarrass me. Jay is speaking from three of his former. Hey, every relationship conversation I've ever had, do not humiliate me, please. Sienna, I do have the key code to his house. Okay, good. Let's fuck there. Not in the pool. In the pool. Come see me live on the road, be right on me this tour. My next dates will be with Jay this weekend, but it's all sold out this weekend. Fuck it. Well, you know what I should say? Come this weekend to the guest digital tapings. The specials are kind of happening this weekend. I'm going to be hanging out at the Creaky Cape down in Austin, Texas. We're all sold out at the Mothership. We are all sold at the Mothership, but we have Friday night. It's Sam Tripoli and Uncle Lazer. Saturday night, Zach Amico and Tim Butterly. Sunday night is Dave Landau and Aaron Berg. Six specials. We're taping for Gas Digital. It's going to be incredible. We're going to be hanging out the whole weekend. We're doing a Gas Digital takeover down in Austin. The entire crew's going down this weekend, so it's going to be fun. Ben, come see me on the road. I'll be in Springfield, Missouri on June 5th, Tulsa, Oklahoma June 6th, Oklahoma City on June 7th. You've got Rosemont, Chicago, La Jolla coming up, Baltimore, a bunch of stuff. Go to my website, lewisofskanks.com. Grab those tickets. Check out all the podcasts that I do. Story Wars, Real Ass Podcast, The Rags. Sign up for my mailing list. Buy my book, Knives and Spoons. I'm an author. It's not even a big deal. Go buy The Creamer. The Creamer from Mighty Brain Coffee is on presale right now. Amazing. Oh, and subscribe to Gas Digital. If you love the show, we do a bonus show Friday night. We do a bonus show. Friday night hang. Uncensored, ad-free. All the shit we say that gets bleeped out on YouTube, you can watch it on Gas Digital. We've got an app, and it's great. So go use the promo code LOS. Save a couple bucks. Hell yeah. Ari? I. Tell them about The End. That sick-ass prologue, bro. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I showed it to you. So fun. Yeah. I have a new television show called The End. It's available right now. Seven one-hour episodes of stories from all your favorite, comedians, including Big Jay Oakerson, me, and- Pretty much the cream of the crop of New York City. Everybody there. It was great. Shane, Nate. I saw Nate today. Looks good. Oh, he's in town? Yeah. Nice. Thanks, Nate. You're my son's godfather. Thanks. Oh, yeah. That's what I felt when I saw his name on the board at SiriusXM. I go, oh, I do a show here. Way to mention it. And I have a side project called You Be Trippin', and I have a live podcast, the first one, for my side job. It's a travel podcast, You Be Trippin'. Live- StanFest? No. Oh. This is June 10th at the Brooklyn Improv. It's all about Oktoberfest. Oh, hell yeah. Wear your best lederhosen. Get the storytelling show at YMH. Wait. The End. YMHstudios.com. That's easy. Big Jay. Yeah. BigJayComedy.com. Greatest yet for a live tour happening now. Artwork is coming now. They said I couldn't put that artwork of- My weird, biggie, small- Do you have it still, Mike? We can put it back up now. We're allowed to use it now. Do you want a crown? Yeah, the shit's over. Yeah, me and the crown. But greatest yet for a live tour happening right now. It never ends, everybody. I'm all over the road. This weekend, I will be in Austin with Lewis and- Yeah, greatest yet for a live tour happening now. They said I couldn't put this- Oh, Santa, can you believe that? These fucking nerds. Suck on that deal, Hughie. Hugo, Hughie. Hughie. So, yeah, I'll be in Mothership this weekend. Also, that is true. Then I'll be in Stanford, Connecticut. Then Spokane. Spokane. Comedy Club. Spokane. Comedy Club. I love that fucking club. Cool next to that fucking arcade bar that I love. Then I'm doing- What is that, a theater? I didn't know that. In Minneapolis? One night only? Okay, sure. I've never tried that yet, so let's hope that goes good. Tickets available, I assume. Then Buffalo, Hughie. One of my favorites. What the fuck, dude? Minneapolis? It's probably going to sell out, but, you know, keep on trying. It's probably going to sell out, but up until day of, and even if you walk up, you're like, I don't care about buying tickets before, I'm just going to go, come and see. You might get in. Right. I'd say odds are. Buffalo, Harrisburg. Again, it never stops. It sucks being able to not create real urgency every time. I'm like, guys, get those tickets. They're going to not sell out. Yeah, I don't know about that one. A theater? Let's give it a shot. And then, yeah. Of course, listen to the bonfire. Five days a week, Faction Talk, Sirius XM, 103 with me and the great Robert Kelly, where I've also ignited my D.O. Hughley feud. And then, of course, Story Wars, right here. Story Wars. Story Wars. Thank you, Los Angeles. They came out, dude. Fucking, they started our show borderline 45 to an hour late almost every night. One night, they were going to shut us, the police were going to shut us down because it was going too late with the thing. And it's like, the fans showed up, man. They were great for every fucking show and dealt with all those long lines and waiting. And what a fucking great showing, man. Thank you all for the Story Warriors. Steve, I had to explain to them when they were like, why is it taking so long to see? And I was like, okay, guys, it's not a conspiracy. There's one go or die working, four that are just in the back smoking weed. Yeah, nobody really wants to hustle. Yeah. Oh, and let me say, too, I think very soon my deal with Labatt's Blue Beer. I'm the new Labatt's Blue Beer guy. Which, they were so cool. Labatt's Beer is the, when I said, I said yes to that right away because when I was a kid, especially, Pam Anderson was my, was everything. Yeah, that's how they found her. Everything. You can turn the music off. This doesn't count as part of plugs. And you know, they found her. Yeah, it's not, it's a story. They found her. She was in a Canadian football league game and Labatt's is a Canadian beer. And on the Labatt's cam, they found her. And then from that, they made her. They were like, and everyone went nuts. And then they made her the Labatt's girl. Do you think that's what your story is? Do you think they found you on camera? They're like, this guy's so odd. Jay, they hired you because it starts with LB. Good. Yes. Guys. That's a great roast. Ah, shit. It was a good roast. Roastmaster. But the point of the whole thing is that because of Pam, I said yes, and they've sort of agreed to just put my face on and incorporate me into the Pam Anderson campaign. So as I say, I go, I want to say that me and Pam Anderson are the same. Pam Anderson have the same trajectory of spokesmodel for Labatt's Blue, and they're going to do that. So yeah, I can't fuck up. Coming to a store near you, I think. I'm excited for you. Can I tell you something real quick? Please. I need a drink, and I want the new guy who wants to be an intern with the broken foot. No, you. By the way, let me say this as well. This guy showed up today, and he said we wouldn't play his video, and he's very upset. Which guy? This guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go get me a drink. So whoever gets a drink first wins. What? Look, this guy with a broken leg is going, he's beating you, you fucking idiot. He's beating you. I would love it, yeah. No. Kick his leg. Kick his leg. Kick his leg. No, dude. He's a- You got to pay attention. White claw or whatever that is. No, that guy's a funny comedian. He opened for me in Orlando. He never will again. He said he lives a few blocks from here. No, he lives here now, but he's from Florida, and fucking, oh, that's awkward. Oh, my God. My dad. Papa! Lewis, who are you talking to? What the fuck was that? Are you okay? Are you drunk? What was that? Who the fuck did you start talking to? My papa. He showed up. Hector Gomez. No, dude. That's where the Chinese people left. Papa! I have two papas. This fucking gangbanger in the front row is crazy. No, Lewis. They're all your papis. Papi. Papi. Dude, remember that guy that booed? He fucking moved over there. It's so weird. He switched seats. Why haven't either of you gotten it by now? God damn it, they suck. Yeah, well, they fall asleep. Those guys bring a Spring Turn Olympics 2026 shirt. Those guys fucking killing it, dude. You made something for all these shirts? No. Where are our shirts, you faggot? This young man's too funny. He's too funny. This guy's too funny? Too funny. You gotta open it. That's crazy. He opened for me. He hosted for me. No, I've met you before, too, I feel like. Yes! He's so cute. He's adorable. He's adorable. Everyone is cute but me, right, you bitch? Lewis, you're dead. This is insane. We're both dead. I've never heard a corpse talk this much, you dead motherfucker. She made me her friend and then she killed me. I have more of a problem. Stop saying people are cute. I take care of you. Ooh, it says Gomez. Oh, my God. Oh, how cool is this guy? Oh, he's in. He's in. Wow. What? Whoa. You guys need to give him some love. You need to give him some love. You need to give him some money. What'd you say? For the producers. For the producers. Can I say something, my man? That's so good. Nice tight collar. This is a nice shirt, dude. This is a good shirt. 82? Is that the year I was born? Yeah. The year we were born. How do you know that about me, you freak? Google. You gay freak. Google? You gay freak. How did you learn our age, you psycho? I hired the Chelsea Handler Company. That's so cool. Do you know Chelsea Handler has listed some? Chelsea Handler is like four or five years younger than me. Impossible. What? Where? No. I only know that from my kids. She's 50 at least. Look it up. I don't know what it's going to say, but I'll tell you this. For sure, when I was younger, I worked with her. We opened for David Tell. And I was reading an article when she started to pop. And whatever it was, I was like 33 or something. And it was like, 29-year-old Handler. And I was like, no, dude. I met her. No way. No way. I don't even know if she's much older than me. If she's three years younger than you, yeah, she's 51 years old. Oh, all right. That's 51. That makes sense. She flipped that at some point. Yeah. She did not. There was probably an old bio. Yeah. No, no, no, no. It was an article. I was reading a newspaper. But sometimes they mess things up. Huh? They mess things up. How was she after the show? She looked like she was pissed. I don't know. She was so hot. Yeah, she got too angry. Did she really? Really? I didn't see. Yeah, she seemed like she lumped a lot of people in with some stuff that shouldn't be lumped in with. Really? Yeah, like she lumped like, I don't know. It was funny when she goes, Tony. Tony and Shane. And then Lizzo's there. But he's like, wait, I've been high five. Are you a legitimate Nazi? Yeah, I did. Are you a Klansman? Yeah. She didn't seem like she. No shit. No, yeah. I saw her. All of her interviews afterwards, she sucked. She was like, she went on like Don Lennon's show. Did she really? And she was like, yeah, you know, those Nazis, they had a fucking. How are you going to know? Yeah, she was like not. Yeah, that's what I was. She was like, I've never even been accused in a like. Like all the other roasts are like, roasts are supposed to be kind of funny and lighthearted. Even though you're saying vicious stuff, you kind of like it. You only roast the ones you love. She hated Tony. She hated Shane. Do you think going into it? Yes. I was going to say, that's the same thing. It's like I said, like I wrote all that stuff. I'd never met Cheryl Underwood. And then I met her and she was sweet. And I was like, well, these are my roast jokes. And she was great. Yeah. Well, she was sweet because she has diabetes. True that. She can't have sweet. Also, the darker the berry. She is diabetes. She's got that sugar. Oh, yeah. If I ate her pussy, I'd have to cut my foot off the next day. That would go me. The darker the berry. No, but I'm saying like she was like, so she's deaf. She she's certainly at least at face value that I've seen behind scenes and in front of the camera. She's genuinely not upset about it. No, she did interviews afterwards. It was like, this is a roast. What are we doing? Same thing with Tiffany Haddish. There was a lot of people. Tiffany Haddish did it probably the best. Her thing is hilarious. Because her specifically, she was talking about the comedians that are complaining about it. Yeah. And she goes, any comedian complaining about it, I was just mad they weren't invited. Yeah, that's it. Fuck yeah, Tiffany. That's great. She did a mic drop on TMZ. Yeah, dude. That was pretty dope. Oh, who was it? Comments weren't invited. Bye. One of my favorite fun facts, me and Soder, when they ask us a thing at the end of the, we do a whole thing at the end of the Fully Loaded Tour, Burt Kreischer's tour, and they go, what were you most surprised about on this tour? I go, how much did I really like and enjoy hanging out with Tiffany Haddish? I had no idea. I go, she's wild, dude. That's a wild chick. She's fun. She is. Yeah, she's great. She's fun. Was she on the week that you were there, too? I think maybe. With Burt? No, she wasn't. No, no. It was. But I did, back in the day, I did the Cabo Comedy Festival with her before she popped. The worst comedy festival ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was just, yeah, she was very delightful. She's fun, dude. She hangs. Pretty hot. Way hotter than Sienna, anyway. Sienna, you're a fucking dog. She's on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She made the Swimsuit Edition. I'll tell you what's fun, dude. Tiffany, if you want to come over, I can reschedule Sienna until next month. I really don't care. Dude, I'll tell you. Tiffany, everyone send Tiffany Haddish, fuck, marry, kill, be friends. The four of us. us, and I want to get Tiffany Haddish's response. Harass her with this, guys. If you wouldn't mind. Yeah. Wait, no, there's some. Fuck. I just lost it. Tell her about her rap album in the hot tub. Oh, no, not the hot tub. Cold bath. I don't know if I've ever told this on the show. Maybe, but you can read it. It's so funny. We're acting like we don't retell stories every episode. Oh, buddy. How many times have I heard about Howard Stern grew up in Roosevelt? Yeah, well, on for the stories. Coincidental thing, but it's one of those moments where just comedy happens. We were all, or I didn't do it this year, but they were doing the Cold Plunge. They were doing the Cold Plunge, and I'm thinking, you know, Burt's all content, so they're filming everything. Jay's dick couldn't get any smaller. Burt, oh, Soder got in. I didn't get in that time. Tiffany Haddish got in, and she was in there for like three minutes or whatever, and she got in. Now, well planned before this, after Tiffany Haddish, Burt was going in the Cold Plunge to do a commercial for Olipop, the sodas that he promotes, or sponsors them. He was going to do commercials for it and the thing, and just the timing of this was so funny. Tiffany Haddish got out, and like, some people get out of that Cold Plunge, and they're like, man, I'm energizing. Some people have a hard time. She was having a hard time, so she got out of the thing, and she's in a towel, and she's bent over, and she's going like, and people are sitting around her worried. And then one of Burt's producers comes in, and she goes, somebody get me a grape soda right now. I need a grape soda right now. And I just pulled soda close, like, dude, that just reads like they're like, black woman down, we need a grape soda. Grape soda to revive this black woman, this beautiful black woman needs a grape soda right now. We're losing her. I need 10 cc's of grape soda. Dude, that always tickles me, and it's just one of those jokes, like, you can't retell it, like, on a stage. It's just a funny story to tell on podcast. Sienna, what do you think is the blackest thing about yourself? Me? Yeah. Your huge clit? Yeah. Yeah, my top black pussy likes salami, and I don't know. The fact that I grew up with the black side, like, I didn't. Where'd you grow up? Boston, Cambridge. Single mother. Massachusetts. Single mom. You're a single mom. She's a single mom. I'm also a single mom. So you were, the family side that you were with all the time was the black side. Yeah, so I'm not even, like, whitewashed. I just, like, read books. Why do you talk that way, though? I don't know. My mom talks like this. You met her. Yeah, she does. You don't have a Boston accent. Nothing. You've got nothing. Yeah. No. I talk like I'm from LA. I don't know. Yeah, LA. Cambridge is, like, different than, like. You haven't said, why come once? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. She's not going to be saying that when she's married to you. You've asked me a lot of questions. She'd be saying, why can't I come? Because you can't make her come. Fuck you. I'm so sorry. She can tell that I eat pussy often, so it barely matters. But you, she just sees you're a selfish lover. I can tell you're a selfish lover. Me? Oh, I'm a great lover. Shut your face. You've heard. No, I haven't. Please. Please. I have not heard that. You've definitely heard. My reputation precedes me. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Gomez. Louis Gomez. Ha ha ha ha. Gomez. Uh, all right, so let's talk about. Do you tell every woman you fuck to spread the word? Yeah. Well, they spread something. Did you have a good time? Was that good for you? All right, you gotta let the people know, okay? Spread the word after you get yourself checked. Ha ha ha ha. Don't spread the bird. Yeah. I'm a carrier, but I'm not suffering from it. Ha ha ha ha. Uh, all right, let's, real quick, we have to talk about this, 'cause we've got a little bit of time left here. Uh, the, the Intern Olympics. The Intern. Is it Spring-Turn Olympics? Yeah, it is. They were right not to do it. Spring-Turn. Spring-Turn Olympics. It's the Spring-Turn Olympics. We are not a boring podcast. Oh, Spring-Turn Olympics. Fuck those chinks. I can't believe they left. It is the year of the rat. Ha ha ha. The year of the rat. Oh, guys, what the fuck are you doing? It's the Interns, too. Oh, hey, Joe Harari. Hey, Joe Harari, add this to your fucking speech. Don't fucking clap at the end. It's the Spring-Turn. And Sienna's checked out No, I'm here to turn Olympics Yeah, yeah Yeah, you can see black, white, or pink And we are Olympics Got to not clap at the end of the song Lewis got killed What the fuck? Dog Oh my God Hey, Tito Puente, you're supposed to have the most rhythm over there You're a professional bongo player I get it, Viva Zapata But not every day, Viva Oh my god, fucking Inigo Morricone over here Play it back Come on, guys It's the spring turn Olympics Don't you fucking clap at the end, you dumb Mexican It's the spring turn Olympics Spring turn Olympics It's the spring turn Olympics I wish Sienna would kiss me on my mouth Spring turn Olympics I'd let her pee on me I want to watch her pee That's my wife And poop me Watch your mouth I would let her spit directly in my mouth That's my wife We have a dog Yay We have a dog We have a dog You give her dog You give her dog We have a dog He would kick Christina out tonight If he just went home with her We rescued a dog Watch, try I won't Sienna, if you don't take your shoes off When you get into my house We're not doing that night Oh, I bet Sienna has great feet God damn it I bet they're wonderful And young girls like their toes getting sucked Yeah, I have a great score on wiki feeds You do? You have a wiki feeds You have a wiki feeds? You probably have a wiki feet Does she have a wiki feeds? Do we have wiki feeds? Pull up Sienna's feet I don't want to see it I don't want to see ours Is Jake on there? Oh, who has the best feet? All right You got to look at her feet And then judge her You're going to fuck Mary Take the loss Shut up, dude Take the loss Shut up, dude I got this You're dead Who's dead that talks this much? I know Move on, dude To the next life Ooh, look at my feet Maybe you'll be reincarnated As somebody she wants to fuck or marry Or be friends with Either way, she doesn't Oh, yeah, there we go Holy tits Don't Don't look at People put random shit Who's dead? Ew, some of them are really old Thank you You look Asian as fuck there I'm like 18 there Gee, Mike, can you please type in Sienna Hubert Ross OnlyFansLeak, please? Damn So you have a wiki feeds Do we all have them for real? No Well, they give you a score at top Oh, yeah, what's your score? I don't remember Go to wiki feet Yeah, I think a lot of That is wiki feet Yeah, oh, 4.5 4.5 on stars Wow That's better than my Uber rating That's better than my Uber rating Now, pull up like Pull up a competing Pull up like Karen Fian And see what her score is Somebody said 2.5 Oh Oh, her toes are wrinkled Oh, my God If Karen Fian scores less Than somebody who had to carry Laundry on their head 4.54 4.54, wait That's a good score right there 4.5 something 5.9 slightly And slightly more Wow She's not even African American Yeah Wow Karen Fian, not bad All right, well I feel like I feel like men get higher scores What's that, really? No, because I think It's like Louis J. Gomez Is pepping Louis J. Gomez Wiki feet No, there's no way No way There is If that doesn't come out Just try Louis Gomez Don't be an asshole No, nothing Damn Ari's feet are probably disgusting Do not do mine Wait, am I Hold on, am I on wiki penis? You're not on wiki balls? Yeah You're really missing something So much Ari's on wiki balls Ari's on wiki nose 450 images Wiki balls 450 images Oh, damn it I want to be on wiki feet now Wait, what's my wiki feet? Nobody does No men are on it They don't do it No, men are on it Yeah, they are A lot of men are on it Oh, yeah, they are What men? Because guys are judging other guys' feet Guys are horny as fuck I think Ralph Sutton's on it somehow These dudes like foot jobs, bro That's how they are out there Chelsea God, remember when Gerard Carmichael Sucked that dude's toes on his fucking show? Do I remember, dude? It's interesting to my brain It's the first thing I see When I close my eyes at night Oh, my God That was our bus watch That was jarring That was our bus watch And the driver comes back to tell us Like he's going to leave soon And that's on And we're like, oh, bro We're not watching this That's not what it looks like I know, Gerard was like Hey, I'm Gary Hold on, Alex And here's everything I do In my daily life Sorry, wiki feet men Is a separate site But we do have you guys Oh, 3.89 I'll take it 3.89 3.89 3.89 3.89 3.89 Wait, are you a size 18 shoe? Spread that Spread that 100% spread that I could squeeze into an 18, I guess He's 6'4 He's fucking Do we have J's? Or is he only one in wiki men? Damn it 389 people have rated me Thank you To the Academy I could not have done this without you No, I think your score is 3.89 No, he thought 389 men ranked him No, 3.89 was your score No, I thought the right thing One gave you a 5 and one gave you a 2 Oh, fuck 3.89 And you fell somewhere in there Hold on, G-Mike, what are you so excited for? Oh, okay Less than Ari, 3.61 Let me see my fucking Let me see my tootsies, hold on Ari's got better feet than you Better feet Better feet Ew, what are you, a vitiligo on your feet? What is that? Oh my god What the fuck is that? Is that your foot? That's what you're talking about Your foot looks like You have a Dalmatian feet What happened to your toenail? Why didn't you finish it? It's really ashy He's got bunions Shut up Ew Oh god Ew I travel the world Disgusting socks Ew It looks like you're wearing those fucking sock feet No, dude, I have nice feet That's gross That dog's mad at you for your feet Those are nice feet right there Come on Who's the girl living? We pranked out the girl They're like, ew, girl Oh, yeah It was a prank on that girl with that huge fucking boner Apparently Someone had better feet Look, there's a pee hole in the fucking dick, Lewis That's the guy you were with You blanked that out because you wanted to fucking ball out and show everybody your fucking vacation I got nice feet Not the guy with the penis next to you I have better feet than Ari I have unquestionably better feet than Ari That's not what the ratings state Wait, ew This is for chicks Yeah, it's Kim Why are they blanking out the faces? That's so funny She's wearing a mask, you moron No She's a jabberwock, you remember? I think these are all Kim No, that's my son, actually That's the Hilton in Puerto Rico Oh, nice That's the Hilton in Puerto Rico Thanks for blanking out my son, guys Holy cow Thank you, Wiggy Feet Man You gotta see his I'm doing the right thing Jay said No, I know That makes total sense I've never I don't do anything barefoot ever Jay goes swimming with my keys on Jay fucks his girlfriend with running shoes Now I just don't film myself barefoot ever Christina, if you'll notice I'm wearing my goat shoes So real quick Let's start We did We officially went through over 200 submissions We broke it down to the final 10 If you've been watching the Friday Night Hang we've exclusively been watching the videos of hundreds of different submissions and we have our official final 10 the top 10 Is this including Gay Vampire and T-Shirt Guy now? Poe and T-Shirt Guy too Wait, who's the guy who sent the video we had no interest in? Wasn't there Yeah, wasn't there another video you said? Somebody else You said there was a girl that sent the video? They weren't interesting You said there was a couple more that Okay No, there was a guy here I thought that they wouldn't watch his video Yeah This guy Yeah It's the comic that you said you didn't want to be in the competition I agree, yes Sorry, dude Where did we meet? Here No Absolutely Shut up Probably his dreams Yeah, Lewis, don't worry He wants to fuck you Yeah Alright, so this is our official top 10 Springtime Olympians who they have to be here every week starting next week, right? I'm already thirsty We are here next week No, we're back Yeah Yeah, so these guys these are going to all be here We're going to get rid of half of them next week A memorial day Yeah, we're going to memorialize them and get them the fuck out because they suck Hey, thanks for skipping a barbecue to get fucking kicked out You stupid fucking idiot So Let's see Let's Here we are Wow Whoa Don't hire Nemo, it's scary Nemo's a trans person Thanks for being hateful Oh, wow Thanks for being hateful, Sienna I'm sorry Oh, Brooke, the hot chick Brooke, hell yeah Charles Connor, the shaved one Tyler Spencer Spencer looks dangerous Noah looks dangerous Luis Man, Toasty Tom's going to cause a problem for somebody who works here Is this Luis's mugshot? Yeah, Toasty If we hire Toasty Tom or not he's going to be a problem for somebody And then we have Poe and Wait, hang on, hang on Doesn't Luis look like your Biggie picture? Yeah, sort of Can you? Yeah Each one of his teeth belongs in a different mouth But he has them all He's got a great name Also, Charles, I think is just Luis entering the contest Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha I think Toasty Tom is just old Big J entering the contest I wish I was that thin Brooke is my vote already And Spencer's terrifying Yeah, Spencer's actually terrifying I like Tyler Tyler's a date rapist What's your name, dude? RJ Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for RJ RJ. RJ's in it. RJ now in the hunt. Poe is in it. RJ bringing the t-shirts was a huge fucking deal right now. RJ, getting up to run on a broken foot to get my drink that you didn't know what I wanted was a solid move. It's fucking huge. Good job, RJ. You're fucking aces with Ari. So we're going to have them do fun things. We're going to probably have them fight or something. Maybe we should have them fight next week on the show. Bare knuckle. Because then we get, no, we'll do boxing gloves. And then we get rid of half of them right away, the losers. Oh, the gay vampire is so pissed now. Look at him. He's like, fight. Fuck. Oh, dude. Yo, Poe, you're allowed to use your powers, dude. Poe just lifts him up. If you get there to square up in the ring, if you can glamor him with your stare and then make him fall in love with you, that counts as you're winning. You can show him that you don't have a reflection in a mirror. He's going to be like, what the fuck is that? And he's not looking. Bite him on the neck. Listen to the music of the night. You can Darth Vader him as much as you want. Listen to my children scream in the night. Well, yeah, that's it. Yeah, fuck you. That's our thing. That is our fucking thing. Should we wrap this bitch up? Let's wrap it up, dude. What a fun show, guys. Fuck yeah, what an amazing show. Thank you so much, Sienna, Hubert, Ross. Thank you, guys. Thank you for having me. Steve Renizzisi. We are the fuck, marry, kill of Sienna, Hubert, Ross's dreams. Ari Shafir, Louis J. Gomez, Big J. Ogerson. Thank you so much for hanging out with the Legion of Skanks. Until next time, peace. You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J. Ogerson. Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it. Thick with three Cs. You must be fucking over, Louis. Louis Gomez. Louis J. Gomez, you motherfucker. Louis J. Gomez. If you ever try to watch a retard draw a swastika, it's hilarious. I'm sort of known as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. And comedian Ari Shafir. The Legion of Skanks podcast. The Legion of Skanks podcast is a production of the Legion of Skanks.