Steve Gerben | Son of a Boy Dad #426

- Hey son of a boy, dad listeners. You can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon music. - It's Fran from Chicks in the Office. The weather is getting cooler and Abercrombie's fall drop has everything I need for the season. The best selling A&F Sloan Taylor pant is a closet staple for me. I'm always wearing it to work events, happy hour, anytime I want to be a bit more dressed up. And the viral Dylan dress is easy, one-and-done perfection. But my fall uniform will always be denim pair with a Henley sweater, a bra-free top. It's comfortable, effortless, it just never fails. Find your fall capsule at Abercrombie, shop in the app online and in stores. - The course is calling and your Chevy Equinox can take on whatever the day throws at you. Stylish and ready for anything. 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I just, I walked in and then we're, you know, so I'm just kind of looking at stuff. - Yeah, you can take it all in there. - I think there might be some Portuguese chocolate. - Absolutely not. - What are, what are, is it, is it, thank you. It's a Portuguese chocolate. Is it starting? - I appreciate that. - I don't want it. - Why? - You're bad at taking gifts guys. - When did you become so rude? - What, I've always been this way. - What are the, so yeah, take it in, take it in. - It's funny, I just got to have to make, go ahead. - You're the nicest person I know until you're not. - First of all, how have I been to anything, but I've been mad, you can be mad now. - Our correspondence is you leaving me three minutes of the kindest, most sincere voice notes. I've ever heard in my life. - No, that's what you do, you're incredibly sweet. - What kind of, what's the nature of that kind of stuff? - We usually talk about golf and like, you know, missing each other and stuff like that and wanting to hang out more. - Who initially, are you initiating? Are you returning the same energy that he's giving? Or is it? - I turn, if he talks about golf stuff, then I give it back. I'm just looking for any reason to talk about. Sorry, I'm not. - No, no, I'll get it, I'll get it. I like it over here. - But yeah, so the drive here, you're in the Lincoln tunnel and then it goes, and you gotta get over. - You can't get over. - You can't, I'm looking at white. - Double white. - Double, well not even double white, but like, white plastic cones. - Oh my God. - Oh, those things. - Like straight up on the straight up there. - Yeah, you can just go. - You'll bend though, so as I'll go. - No! - Sometimes you go out. - I'm not doing it. - Sometimes you have to. - Well, I refuse to do that, so then it's up going left and I have to wait my fate of like, what's coming? I don't know, I got 10 minutes, it's on the bumper. So then, you don't know if it's gonna add like an hour on to the trip, too. - Right. - So then I like, you know, a couple of rites, and then I'm on another road, and I go, oh, that's interesting, there's like those white, you know, gizmos again. - Not a good sign. - And I go, that's kind of smart, 'cause it's for lanes, you separate, you keep, and then all of a sudden, it starts going right again, and it's like, keep left. I'm like, I can't! - Yeah. - And then it's taking me back to the Lincoln Tunnel, and it's like, you gotta get off. Where? - Where? - That happens with the Holland Tunnel too. - So you went back through the tunnel? - Through the tunnel. - No! - So you did three times, as you had to go back again. - I suppose you'd say four times, 'cause it was in out. (laughing) - Well, yeah. - Yeah, I got out, yeah, I got out, yeah. - But I will be four. - You will eventually have done four length stuff. - So then I tried to call you, I'm in the tunnel, I can't call you. - Why called you? - As I'm coming out of the tunnel. - And all we heard, you picked up, and you went, I might just go home. (laughing) - I'm going home! - I might just turn around and then you're like, hang on, and then you hung up. - Because I'm like, all right, I'm here, you're on speaker, and I'm like, well guys, I guess that's the guest for the day. (laughing) - That's appropriate, that's the appropriate response to. So then, the only reason I didn't go directly home was because it was still trying to reroute me, and then I was in new territory. So I was like, the safest thing would be to try it. - You had to follow the GPS, 'cause it was telling you to keep trying. - Yes. (laughing) - There's so many, why do people like this? Oh my God. - It's terrible. I've had it in the Holland tunnel where I've got that happen where we got caught in the go back again, and I was in like an Uber, and I just got out. I'm sorry, man. I was like, there's no way I'm going through the tunnel, two tunnels again. Like I'm just going to take the train or something. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's terrible. But it happens on both of those tunnels. - If there was a place to pull over, cry, I would've taken it. - But there's not, there's not. - There's a place. - There's a place. - There's a place. - You said the fight through. God forbid you like open your window in the Holland tunnel. - Oh, you die instantly. - Yeah, you die immediately. - It's just all soft. - It's a bong of exhaust. - Yeah. - Interesting. - Yeah, it's a nasty hot box, but that is a frustrating drive crying in your car. Imagine if you didn't have GPS. That was fucking a terrible error. I remember having to drive to North Jersey with printed out directions on MapQuest, and like I couldn't figure it out. So I was calling my dad to go over a map in real time with me. And I was like spaszing on my dad. Just like it was his fault that I was lost in North Jersey. I was fucking crying. I think I cried after where it's just driving, losing it. - It's frustrating. - It's so frustrating. - Yeah, road rage is real. Do you get road rage a lot? Or just in situations like that? - I wouldn't even say that was road rage. Maybe there wasn't. - You were re-arranging directly at the road. - I know. (laughing) - In infrastructure. - Yeah, yeah, city of planning rage. - City of planning rage. - Yeah. - Just mowing that thing down though. It would just be a pep pep and you would be over it. - It's terrifying, but I only did it because the car in front of me did it. And then I was like, "Fuck it, I'm doing it too." - Interesting. - And you think it's gonna be a scene, but it really, it's a very fluid motion. Just go right over it. - But if they didn't want you to drive over those things, they wouldn't make a bent, you know? - Yeah, they definitely don't want you to drive. - You know the wheel on wheel of fortune. You know how the little pinball-- - Yeah, it's exactly like that. - And it kind of, it goes over the knobs and bends a little. That's you. - Yeah. - It's by design. - All right, well-- - If it's an orange cone, you're fucked. - At least I know for next time too. - Are you worried about breaking the rules or that it would damage your vehicle? - Both. - Yeah, I mean, if you've never done that. - It's also nasty the one tunnel you go through and it's just like a loop and it's just like six different exits and it's like Brooklyn. - Yeah, that's bad. - Which one's that? - That's down in Tribeca. That's coming out of the Holland tunnel. - Yeah. - You go through the Holland tunnel and it's just like feels like it's just gonna send you on a fucking expressway to a town you don't even want to go to. It's brutal and dangerous. - Well, you've been getting off of that tunnel. Like if you're turning on to Hudson, if you don't get to the right immediately, you got to do another loop. Can't get over. - Way out of the Holland. I don't think you can keep going around that loop. - Oh, you can't. - Well, the last stop is the Canal Street. - I make it a priority to get over to that right side. - Yeah. (laughing) - It really is stressful though. It's like if you don't get over, you're like it's over, like I'm fucked. Going back in. - Constantly having to just take people's lives in your hand driving because you have to. - Well, none of us really drive here. - I drive a lot. - In the city though, like in Manhattan. That's crazy. - You seem to have a good temperament for it. - I've gotten used to it. - I also find my car to be a very peaceful place. - Self-driving. - It's just like I love the air conditioning. I love the silence of it. I don't know. It's a zen box. - That's good. It's good to have that relation with your car. - I say that and then I'm also the guy that like films myself flipping out when people use the shoulder to cut. So I have. - You driving the silence? - Yeah. - Now you see that, he listens to me as well. - No, I don't. - I don't see that. - I've been in the car when I've gotten in. - I put it on for you, so it's not weird. - It's a gift. - It's not weird to listen to nothing. - I love. - I listen to nothing most of the time. - I think. - Like the whole way here today. Like how long was your drive? - I did at one point I started to think, is that a Bruce Springxing Stalk? And then I tried to listen to some Bruce Springxing. I said, "Oh, thank you." But then I went back to the silence. - Be too careful with all that music going on. - Try music and it wasn't for you today. No, oh man, but I did. I did that real estate. There's a chemical brother song called Go that it's part of some Instagram reel that got me. It was like, it was just an image of a guy feeding a very. A piece of woman, a piece of cake. And it was like, when you're battering, when you're phone battering, I don't know if you got it on the chart. And then I said, "Go, brother's, go." I pointed back, I said, "Let's get song." (laughing) - He's on the top of my legs for a while. (laughing) - So do you just listen to that reel a couple times through on that? - Yes. (laughing) - Oh, the song from the reel, you're like, I have the appetite for the song from the reel. (laughing) - So you're a big 60 second preview guy. - What's that? - Like you just listen to songs in content? - I suppose. - Or you say download it. You download the song so you have it on Spotify. - Oh, nice, nice, nice. I didn't know if you had. - So you listen to music, just not in the car. - No, no, the car would be the place that I would. - So you don't listen to music at all? - No, I don't think French just does it. I don't, I never heard you be like, I like this. Or I guess a little bit, Olivia Dean was the last artist, I remember you were marked on. - Yeah, I like her. But you know what, I think I look at music the same way that I sort of look at fantasy football. Or I'm like, well, I play music. So why would I imagine it? - That sense. - That would be the craziest thing you've ever said on the podcast. - I would, I like, pretend. Wow, you know, why would I actively pretend to participate in this? - Yeah, yeah. - I can do, I can do this. - When you do this. - I'll just wait 'til I get home with my piano. And then play Go by the Chemical Brothers. - Yeah. - Do you have a pianist that you like? - Excuse me. - One singular? - Well. - Who's your favorite? - Yeah, who's your goat? - Okay, well, that's a tough question because across different genres. I mean, I like certain composers. I like, yeah, you want to talk about classical? - It's Chopin. - It's start with classical. - And then I really love, as you say, I didn't even know that. - Chopin. - Yeah. - I love, as from a more like modern sense, the pianist in the band. (sighing) You're gonna have to talk while I forget this out. - Obviously, Billy Joel was the answer to this. - My favorite Bruce Pracine song would be the Christmas song. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Love that one. - Do you like Santa Claus' coming? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That is the best one probably. - No. - Do you like the rest of it? - That's a good Christmas song. It's definitely not his best song. - Yeah. - I mean, I can't either. I try all the time, or I've tried multiple times. I went to a concert at Penn State. It was like $200, it was all I had. Three hours of him singing no songs I knew, and he just couldn't even get there with his voice. - Oh. - His voice is like leaving him. I don't know. And that was like fucking 20 years ago, dude. - Yeah. - No shot, his voice was leaving him 20 years ago. - Yes, it was, dude. I saw, I saw him just when the boss was peaking. - Ten o'clock, I can't remember that. That's how it's supposed to sound. The raspier, the better. - Because he was trying to shout it. He was trying to. - He also did have like any glory days, personally. - I don't know, I'm kind of living in them, but, you know? - You are happy right now. - So that's why you can't relate to that song. - But that's the whole point of song, glory days. They'll pass you by. By the way, you're in your glory day. - I said that. He said that. - Good. - But you need to, you need to take stock of it because they will pass you by. And you'll look back on this time and say, I really wish I hadn't convinced myself I didn't have any glory days. - Well, when I know, I'm extremely aware of the glory of my days, currently. - Right. - But in relating to that song of like, you know, in high school, the guy said, "I think Jack quarterback." - Jack quarterback, exactly right, yeah. - No. - I've been at a little bit of a deficit of glory lately, and I will say definitely feels like I'm in a bit of a glory hole. - No, you're not a glory hole, bro. You're not getting sucked through a wall. - Definitely in a glory hole. - You're having glory right now. What are you talking about? Where's your lack of glory? - I'm just hearing like three knocks, which means he's ready. - He's about to come. - Yeah. - I think you're having glory. I don't think you should judge yourself. So, so, so harshly. - No, I actually feel pretty good. I just wanted to get to that glory hole joke. The Mount Joy is the band I was thinking of and the pianist. - Oh yeah, I'm just gonna raise it. - All listen to them on the way home. - They're great. Mount Joy's awesome. - Is it like a jam band or? - Kind of. - Kind of, but but more, more like a. - They're from Philly. - Okay. - They're from Philly, they're Philly guys. - It's like Luminiers and Mountford and Sons, but like more like positive, you know? - Okay. - Very happy. - It feels great, yeah. - It feels great for your body, yeah. - Mount Joy's awesome. You will like them. - Sorry, I'm like a little flimmy. - A little under the weather. - I was waiting for you say something. - You were waiting for an apology. - Well, I've come with that. - Absolutely clear. - It didn't read, it didn't read a flimmy to me, honestly. - Oh good. - I didn't, I couldn't tell you. - I didn't pick on any flimmy. - But now that you've said it, I'm gonna be paying more. - Well, anytime it's crept up, I've cleared it. - But he was flimmy yesterday. And he said, you've been sick as a dog and it's sorry. - Sick of a dog. - Feel good now though. - It's cleared up. - Now I haven't actually been sick as a dog. - Well, you do sound a little flimmy now that I'm listening to you though. Let's see if anything that's coming from him. He's passing over the flimmy. - Yeah, you two are, you guys are just ping ponging in the flimmy. - Yeah, exactly. - You think you caught it live like that? - A lot of silent Gs going on. - It's sad day because you guys were supposed to be playing golf today. - We were, and Steven wore his golf shoes. - That's right. - What happened? Why are you guys not playing rain? - The rain, yeah. - He is the one who canceled. I would have played in the rain. - You don't play in the rain? - Well, but there was lightning. There was lightning bolt. - Is there lightning? - I mean, that's what the icon said. That's so, then fair enough. - Yeah, 'cause then it's a walking course so then you're probably out there. - Have you ever been out there when they blow the air horn? - Many times. - Yeah, that's the worst. - Many times. - Or when we used, I used to play, I played golf in high school. And when we had those, when we had matches and you heard the air horn, you're like, oh, thank God. Oh, fuck outta here. - Oh, you had to play in high school. - Yeah, 'cause you'd be playing in the rain. Like, you don't want to be playing so then when you hear waiting that whole time to hear the air horn, I think he's more excited that you played in high school. - Yes, because that was the sort of, that was the cheat code to be able to play for free. - Oh yeah, yeah. - And I just missed it. - So it was like. - Why'd you miss it? Or you didn't start playing? - Right. - It's like, I say it all the time. It's easily like, for at least where I went to school, it was the best sport that you could play. Like, it's the only sport in high school that you get out early for from school because your son goes down in the fall. And it's like, I think it was like, it's like $200 a year and then you play golf every single day on like the nicest courses in the area. Like we were going to like, like I'm from Massachusetts. So like we were going to like Cape Cod and playing in like these, playing on these like insane courses in Cape Cod for free. - But that's because you grew up in Duxbury. - The Duxbury. - Well, I mean the kids from the other towns were playing the same courses too. - I'll tell you what, the kids from free board high school were not playing. - Because you guys didn't have Cape Cod. You don't got Cape Cod up there. - Well, we had a couple nice courses but they were playing free board municipal which we had, but we have a lot of courses. So the options are more. - Because of the wealth. - I don't know if it's because of the wealth or because there just happens to be more people that golf around there. - Did you have to pay? Did your guys have to like, who's paying for you to go to these nice courses? If it's only $200 a year. They subsidize it for the children, for the youth. - Yeah. - Courses tend to have programs where they allow local high schools to use their course for their home course. - Really? - And in fact, I mean it's crazy. Like Harvard, the country club was where the Harvard Golf team played their home matches which is one of the, to US Open venue. It's like one of the fanciest places in the country. - Yeah, we played at the private course and where I'm from. - It's amazing. - Yeah, I was insane. - What was that called? - The hot club. - The hot club? - Yeah. - See, what I'm saying? Like, it's cool. It's like this weird outreach thing that fancy clubs do. Where they're like, yeah, we, you know, we got the local kids coming in. - Yeah. - Well, 'cause it's probably future members. - It's true. - Yeah, it's true. - I mean, half people on the team were members anyway. - There you go. - Yeah. - That kind of all the sucked. You'd go to tryouts and there'd be kids that just know the course completely. And you're like, I don't know what any of this looks like. It would have been so nice to get you in the internet invitational. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think that, and I think that next year, you'll get the look. - Okay. - I don't think anyone, you were on anyone's, people weren't thinking about it. - Yeah, you weren't. - You should be. - Well, I mean, I'd love to, but I also totally understand, you know, not having, it's fun. - You don't post on social media. And if you started to post a little bit more golf content, or if you and I went and made a video, and people realized, one, you're very good. - No. - And two, you're hysterical. I think that's a good way in. - Yeah, what about being a golfing content creator for the rest of your life or something like that? That'd be sick. - I mean, you've been incredible. - I mean, golf's your big thing, golf's your main thing. - Well, I do love it. - Yeah, you love it. - Yeah, how many times a week do you play? - Recently, it'll quite a bit. - Every day. - Oh, pretty close, yeah. - Damn. - Yeah, very grindy. - He's wearing golf shoes. - Yeah, yeah, but I've done that before. - To the most comfortable shoe in the world. (laughing) - To like through the streets of New York, yeah. - It rained, well, I'm gonna wear, you know? - Yeah, you're gonna be walking home and soggy shoes. - I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying, this is a man who lives the hobby. - Like, imagine if I was out on the street right now and I was like, how far away is that building and just pulled out a range by then? I guess I have to walk 400 yards, you know? - I just. - Luckily, I'm with the wind. (laughing) - Yeah, I do well. - Yeah, I love it. I love it. - Yeah, you've been playing a lot, dude. I mean, when you and I played, 'cause you and I played what a year or two ago, two years ago, probably? - Yeah, yeah. - And you shot I-80s, maybe? Something like that? - Oh, no, I think that was low '90s, that was a-- - Okay, and now you're breaking '80 routinely. - Decent amount, sure. - What's your index down to? - So you're, are you scratch? - No, no, 90 plus, seven, nine. - Yeah, that's fantastic. You're single digit heading towards, you know? - So you're gonna be single digit? - Five, four, like something like that, yeah. - What were you at your last year? - When I was at my love, Yeah, I was down to 2.4 but that was the case for like two weeks and then it like it throws out certain scores Yeah, yeah, because I had two rounds of like I had like a 72 in a 73 Was that par or blah or one over 72 a bayon where we played It's one over par Our 71. Yeah, but the course is rated pretty hard. So like if you do well there You it's better for your handicap then say or brings your hands like it's like weighted like that. It's yeah, it's rated Difficult interesting. I never kept track of any of that shit I never knew my handicap or anything, but I can't imagine it was very good. I mean, dude You said you used to shoot low 40s on nine-hole matches, right? Yeah, yeah, but it was like it depending on the course Of course, obviously like if I played like our home course. Yeah, I could definitely shoot low 40s I would bet that you were like somewhere between an 8 and a 10 maybe but the thing is I would play on like other courses And I would blow up. Yeah, that's true. I'm in the hundreds. Yeah. Oh, I mean I shot a hundred at Deepdale that a couple weeks ago literally on the number 100 our first tryout was embarrassing the first tryout ever did We they it's obviously there's like a bunch of people that try out so there's like a ton of T times So they have to start at like 5 a.m Because it's a public it's a public course the one that we were playing at the the tryout is wasn't where the wasn't at the home course it was like two towns over and So you had to get out you to leave it like 4 a.m. D. at there and then I got there and I the first time I try out I didn't make the team the first year the first time I tried out I shot a 118. Damn. Yeah, that's bad Just kept like every hole. I would blow up sure. Yeah. Yeah, it was it was so fucking brutal. Did you cry? No, I didn't cry, but it was like you're close. Yeah, you can feel it. I'm gonna head through. Yeah Yeah, I also played like in I played like in middle school But you know when you play like when you're first starting to play like like I was just talking to one of my friends My my friend Bo was getting into golf and like he he was like Yeah, I played we played nine like I shot like a 48. That's pretty good, right and I've seen him swing the club He can't hit the ball and I'm like, yeah, but you didn't actually shoot a 48 like you think you shot a four like You're not like I feel like once you go from like playing by the rules to then actually playing by the rules It adds like 15 strokes. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, so it's like I went into that try out being like I shoot in the 40s like I'm fine, right? And then it's like oh no more Mulligan snow more Drops like anything like that and then it goes up to 1 18. I mean, dude beyond that even I would say like 90% of the golf that I play now as far as rounds go is You end up playing match play with like my friends. Yeah, yeah, so very often you'll be like I'm out of the hole Yeah, and then the most you can take per your handicap is usually a double bogey But that's not what I shot right because you know I would if I had had to actually like take the proper drop and my partner, you know in my squared matter And I'd had to finish the whole whole ball and hole like maybe I would have made a nine yeah and That's you know, that's where like the handicap thing comes becomes a little inaccurate is when you guys play now like You obviously get paired up with people like randomly like do you is are there do you do people cheat? Like the way like when I was I've talked about this to well when I was in high school like Everyone was cheating on both teams. Well, it's not that I mean like I don't think people except but Nobody's getting their actual score. Yeah, yeah, there's I mean that would be your experience too, right? It's yeah, everybody's game match play or just whatever they're shooting It's rare to find somebody that actually counts like ever be or yeah, yeah Puts everything out. I mean we used to have like we used to have kids that would play in practice And we would do like only eight people can be in like the starting lineup So they would we would do practice and it essentially like base who was starting by how practice went and you would have kids That would shoot like double par and then they would come back from practice and they'd be like yeah, I shot two under and the coach would be like Wow, you're really improving and then it's like no, like what do you think happened between yesterday and today? It's like no, he's lying. You take the limit Yeah, and then they would go to the tournament and get fucking smoked that's crazy that the coach wasn't out on the course to monitor people He is, but he can't monitor everyone right right because it's so spread out but he would be like in a cart and he'd like drive around Oh something just happened right it before you got here Um, I have a question for you guys, which is this um So I just walked into the Pokebowl place to get lunch And as I was about to walk in a girl was arriving just after me So I opened the door and held it for her and then We walked in and then she got in line in front of me. Yeah, it's insane I completely agree I'm not Seeding my place in line to you. I'm being polite about the door Once inside you should relinquish my place to me without question Good, I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, I agree I mean, I couldn't believe it. I was I was so not happy But then what's the right move there don't hold the door for her? No or hold the door in the way where you're still in front of her I think I opened the door and if I see she's not going to give it back I pick up the pace and go around yeah, yeah, but there's not much room between the door and now it's right when you walk So I would have had to be really aggressive Um and knowing now that women are monster I will going for it But um the the read the like the logical extension to this for me is like There's nothing chivalrous or or expected as far as chivalry like if I were in line and she came behind me I wouldn't be like oh, please go ahead now never which is what she almost effectively assumed right? That is like the extension of her thinking is that he's opening the door and allowing me to go in first Which means by extension he is seeding his place in line to me I mean, I don't really think to be honest. I don't know if you have that place in line until you're in line Can you imagine how relaxing it would be to be that woman? Oh, yeah, she doesn't give a fuck Just never in cut the line because none of this is going through she was probably pissed she had to wait in line at all She probably walked in there was like I shouldn't even have to wait in line She wasn't anything There's no thoughts. It's so nice about it. The world is just open to her What would you guys say same same kind of question for an elevator? If you're on an elevator and there's a lady on the elevator and you get off the elevator Does the lady have to go first yes, but that's tot again. That's just the same as the door That's opening the door. Okay, so now let me give you a more specific scenario You get into an elevator and there's a guy and a girl in the elevator. I'm most likely together in this scenario and You they're in the back. They're taking up the back two corners. You get in you stand in right in front of the door In that you land and then you get out. You're just getting out of the way if it's crowded and it's logistically difficult or It gets awkward from an exit standpoint to Seed the elevator exit to the woman or whatever. Yeah, go ahead. Obviously. I don't think anyone would argue with that I've been in a packed elevator. I got into it where there's some older woman in the back And I'm not going to be like everyone out of the fucking way She's going wall. Then me crawls out, but if it's a couple, I'm still I'm giving I want any everyone to get out of the elevator before me Okay, so I had a situation at the office here where that exact thing happened and then when I got out she said so much for ladies first So your response to that should have been I'm sorry. I didn't know you were a woman I didn't say anything. I just kept walking. I was so uncomfortable because that will really piss them off as the door is closed But it's like I like I hold the door for people all the time, but like in elevator. It's I've done that before It's wonderful. I had that one time. I landed it. I stuck the landing Wow because she also was very androgynous looking But I didn't know I knew she was a woman Because she was like I guess she was like I guess chivalry's dead similar thing. Yeah. Yeah, and I was like I'm sorry I didn't realize you were a woman. I didn't say anything I was like what the fuck I was like at the door opens itself. No one's holding the door for anybody. It's an automatic door This is a very old-fashioned Gallant but this wasn't an unfashioned lady. It was a modern lady of the time, but she clearly expects it So she is Subscribing to an age old practice. Good. Yeah, that is not no surgery. I'm getting surgery on my knee tomorrow I got a break I got I've been rocking a brace. I've been rocking pants all summer usually. I'm not averse to shorts But I've been rocking pants all summer to hide my shame already guys. 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Like no, no, it's not last rights. But I was like, what that would make me so much more nervous. Like some priest coming in and blessing me before next question. Is your will in order? Yeah. What do you have next? Things don't usually go wrong on the knee surgery, but they have. Yeah. We'll have died. How did Kanye's mom go? Because I feel like it was some shit like that knee surgery. It wasn't maybe not me, but was she maybe BBL or something like that? No, they had something like that. Wait, actually. Yeah. Yeah. That's disrespectful. He's mom died in like an insane way. It's just like a standard, a standard procedure. And that's what freaks me out about it. Plastic surgery. Oh, no. Fair enough. I think that's a first. Yeah. Do you think people die during plastic surgery? I'm sure that's happened. Yeah. That's fucking insane, bro. Imagine going and getting a full body and a new ass and dying. My wife's friend was over the other night talking about this doctor. She knows that does a thousand body makeover surgeries a year, a thousand a year, a thousand body. And it's like he has like a signature body that he puts out. And you could like spot his body in the wild and be like, oh, that's the body that this guy makes. Wait, so what does that even mean? What is that? You just get everything? Everything. Tits ass, tongue tock, whole body. They just like rip your skin around your skeleton in a certain way. What if you're a dude? Can dudes get that? Like, can I get that? Can I get a full body repair? You should. What would they do? What would they do, though? Oh, calves, calves, implants, they would probably you could pick. You honestly could probably pick and choose all our cart for guys. Tommy talk. Tommy talk, probably like pump your, whatever that make you skinnier liposuction skinnier. Lipo skinnier. Lipo bigger skinnier. And then they would do maybe tricep implants, bicep implants, a lot with your face. There would be a lot. Yeah, they'd go to town. Cheek bones. They're looking like black face after they're done with the sharpies. The sharpies. Multiple sharpies for sure. Yeah. The worst though when you know something's wrong. I know, dude. I like story. Go ahead. No, no, it was terrible. Yeah. I don't like mat and chains at some point, but I because I tore my hammy playing kickball, adultly kickball. I don't think I knew that. Yeah. That's got to be painful. Yeah. Torit. Torit, but not to where it needed surgery, but I had to wear, I had to wear, I had to use crutches. Wow. Yeah. And the way it happened was like, we had actually moved back from New York. I lived here for like a year and a half. And then joined a adultly kickball and was just part of like the group that was like team building for to make friends and stuff. Yeah. Nice. And then the first time we played everybody was wearing cleats. So then I got cleats for the second time. And I guess, you know, I was just like, hadn't been used to wearing cleats. And so I kind of hit one to third and then tried to take a big step. And then just went straight down. Oh, it's just like feel it. Oh my god. Immediately. It was just like, something is so wrong. And irreversible. And it's going to take me out for a while. It was just, was it really painful? Was it like a crying situation? I didn't cry. But I could have cried. I sucked it up. There's a couple of oddies on my team. It's like lifting over the car. Did you try to get back in? No, no, it was so good back in. At the time, I was at Drexel, I was finishing up. So I wasn't. It was, it was pre-New York then. But anyway, I was in Drexel and that was in a modern dance class because I needed two credits. And I remember just, she wouldn't let me not participate. So I would just like stand on the crutches and have to just like, that's crazy. I don't really do the modern dance. Yeah. On crutch? Yeah, just like do something. That in a pair or like a grouped choreography. It was, what was a class? So it was just a matter of like, it was just you doing like a recital? No, no, it was a class. So everybody was like taught a move. Oh, got it. Was it a class? What was it like an individual tutorial? It was a class. Why did you, like, were you paired with someone else to dance or was it? Like did someone have to get paired up with you while you were on crutches? That's the question. I just said, no, there was no pairing. It was a class. Yes. It was about got it. Got it. Like a plane crash. How many of you balls in this class? So did you, did you like learn anything cool from modern dancers? No. All shit that you could have just learned from watching dancing with the stars and whatnot. Shake it up. I don't think I learned anything. You guys don't even know shake it up. I don't think I do. Was that a movie? No, it was like a dancing show on Disney Channel with Zendaya. Yeah. Was like a reality show? No. Oh, damn. It was awful. Terrible. Can't be good. How about through a dancing phase recently that Shane hated, obviously? And then I went on a date with a woman who had been professionally trained as a dancer at NYU. I've been working on this one dance. It was from the remake of Footloose. This is like a live dance. I loved that remake of Footloose. I've seen all it. So many times. Really? I'm not making this up. Please keep going. We'll talk about it. Okay. Well, that's you. Because I have just the one scene where they're line dancing is the one that I, yeah. And so I was telling her about it, obviously, on the date. And she was like, let me see it. And then I was like, absolutely not. But then you know, we had some drink. So I did it. And she was like, do it again. And then I did it again. She was like, you not moving your upper body at all. It's like, you're too tight. It looks kind of like Irish. So then the next day, like, videotape myself doing it. I'm not dancing. It's so bad. Look, that's not what I thought. Look, I'm, I'm, I'm anticipating every step. And it's like a computer. Like, by daily movements, there's no, but you have a very like natural. That's not that you're, you don't know me. I do. But if that's what you think, there's no way I have a terrible. My body's a prison as well. You're not good at basketball? No, not at all. And I can't like operate the fucking. I can't operate the mission. Yeah. Francis is the only one that's good. It's like we have tasks are in the same boat of really zero coordination movement. Yeah, it's like I don't have the controls to my vessel. When I run in Japan, I believe that if I start running downhill, I have no control. It is hard to believe with him because he's cool. Right. And I think it's easy to assume that someone who's cool moves well and is like, you know, good dancer athletic. He's a battle rap champion. But no black people are all good at dancing. I get how you got there. A lot of people don't don't know with Rome because he, he like goes out of his way to not have to do anything like athletic on camera. Yeah. He refuses athleticism so that he's not exposed for his lack of coordination. I mean, I've done athletic things on I've played basketball on camera plenty of times. It's an embarrassment. But you're, but you're playing it in like a cool way. No, I'm not. We never We never see you, you know, you never, you never see him at full sprint it's like it's like Check out this half-court hook shot. - Yeah, I was going and he's like, "Well, nobody's gonna make that up." (laughing) - Well, look at this though. Like, what happens if I tried to move at full speed? My body would, like, - Yeah, it shuts down, breaks. - Actually, so that's, but it's because you're age, so you're probably moving quickly. I don't think I can move quick enough to actually pop it in. - Well, you broke your hamstring. - That's true, but that was a huge while ago. - Yeah, true, that was a while ago. - Back when he could move. - I love that you specified, too, that it was an adult handball league. - Kickball. - Kickball. - Kickball, right? As if we thought, like, oh, is it the one that crosses over with the kindergarten? (laughing) Is that the trial? It's not the trial's called combo team? - Yeah, fair enough. (laughing) - But it's also like the only sport for which you had to specify. One would have to specify that no kids are allowed. - Yeah, it's typically a kid's sport. - That's gotta be a brutal way to it. Like, I played, I was in like a softball league for like a one fall, like a couple of years ago, and my buddy Derek Drescher. He, we went out to Randall's Island at like 8 a.m. for this game, and in the first inning, he was like, he's obsessed with it. And the first inning, he's like, is groin, just fucking exploded? - Oh, what? - Yeah. Same shit that happened to you. - Is groin popped? - Oh, but cool, do you get a herniac? - He's like, something happened, something tore. He had to be, where even is the groin? Is that the groin? - Yeah, it's the inside of the body. It's the shoot to the penis. - Yeah, 'cause I always knew it from wrestling when they'd be like, like-- - He had him in the groin, like it's a groin shot when it was obviously, they couldn't say penis on air. - Sure. - But then like pros would get their groin injured, and I still don't know exactly. - Yeah, it's this muscle in here, on the inside of the legs. - God, how do you work it? Is it this guy? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, you would use that grip strength thing to vice the big one. - I can't do that. - Yeah, that's for ladies and girls. - That's for the ladies of Jim. - It's pussy work. - That's what you think, whatever you say, a girl doing it. - Yeah, that's working out a pussy. - It's supposed to work out. - She's now shaming it. - Yeah, just tightening. - I mean, that is what people are thinking, like deep down in their brain. - Rejuvenating. - That they're rejuvenating. - Yeah, it's a little rejuvenating. - It's supposed to come a little undone down. - Yeah, yeah. That's like sometimes you gotta hop in the gym and just tighten up. (laughing) - So it, yeah, so it's shut. - This isn't that kind of podcast though. We don't talk. - I'm happy to, a guy. - We just don't talk about that kind of stuff. We're not really a vagina talk podcast now. - We don't get into that nasty shit. - We respect vaginas. - Of course. - We have like a 60% female listenership. - It's all right. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - It's more than you would think though. - Let's put it this way. 60% of our female listenership has loose vaginas. (laughing) - That's why we have to stay away from that topic. - Wonderful. - That can't, that can't be true. - Yeah, I fucking, playing children's games like that is you wanna keep on holding on to it. I biked past a fucking soccer field today and I was like, I would love Fred a phase of my life to include playing soccer with people. But then my first thought about that was like, I need to get in like the lowest girls league. Like the lowest co-ed league, where it's just like, girls who are just trying it for the first time. But I wanna be part of something like that. - I play in a children's soccer league. (laughing) - I wanna get in the children's league. Like that sounds fun. I pass guys doing it every day. But then right after college we did fucking dodgeball and I like threw the dodgeball so hard that my shoulder just popped out of its socket. - Oh my god. - And I like put it back in and I twice more of that same game, same shoulder. - You put it back in. - The same shoulder came out of the-- - They'll give it to the socket. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's cool. - Twice more in the same game. - Yeah, it fucking, after the way it was dangling, I could roll it like this and it would like ratchet back. - Yeah, it falls back into place. - You'd like slam yourself into something. - So I was like, oh, it's not that bad back in. And twice more of that game it popped out. And I was just like, since then my shoulder has popped out. Since then it's been a wrap just from trying to do some fucking team building. - How are you gonna teach the boys how to throw? - It's gonna have to be, I might not tell you how much. - You're gonna have to get a coach. - You're gonna throw this left hand and their sons are gonna be like, "Dad's game." - You just dodge ball is a team building? - I mean, any sport you play with girls is like, it's not just for the athleticism and the win. It's like partially team building, I think. - With girls, isn't it usually like a dating thing? When you do those like, co-ed leagues? - It's just fucking, that was my goal. - Yeah, but you tore everyone's mind. - That's all right. - Yes. - Yeah, tearing something is the quickest way to not fucking. - I'm gonna do with some new girls. - I love the image of you having a icebreaker conversation with a woman like, is this the first time you've done one of these? - Yeah, me too. Anyway, I'm up next, I'll see you. I'll see you after. Good luck. - What's going on? - You're like, explode. - Yeah. - Here you go, down. - Oh, it's straight down. - It was like a James Brown against the Wilson. - Was it like a thing where like both teams came out like where people came in? - Yeah, there was like, general concern. Did people clap when you got up? - No, I don't recall the clapping. It was just utterly humiliated. - There's probably no audience. - There's no one like, when we're out there. - When I played hockey, like when someone got up everyone would like smack their sticks on my ice. (laughing) - Yeah. - I didn't know if they did something. Maybe they bounced the ball. (laughing) - Stop their feet. - But the first time before the cleats, I remember I was playing first and I didn't have my foot on the bag 'cause it was like, you know, terrifying. And so he was like running at me full speed. And there was this attractive woman on the other team and she ran first and then got there. And I was like, his foot wasn't on the bag. And I was like, well, that's it. - Yeah, you didn't want to make her uncomfortable. - Yeah, if that was the end of that. - You'd be a perv, yeah, you'd have to be like, yeah. - No, I didn't want to get my ankle run over. - By some big bitch. - Yeah, that was a big shot. - Don't that insult. - She was pretty, you said, right? - 'Cause I said, oh, that's what I was talking to the team. And I was like, look at this. - Did you have something planned with her? Like, would you have said something to her? - She knows what it happened on trying to capture. - It was mingling afterwards. - Do you think getting her out would have behooved your chances more than not having her- - It was solely because I'm like, this is adultly capable. Like, why are we even risking it? High probability, low probability, high and back event. Like what? - Because women still are attracted to men that are, you know, Baflata and proficient, right? - I didn't know that at that point. - But in softball, they have the double wide base now. Like, they have a base for you to stand on and a base for the runner to hit- - I'm fine here. - Yeah, you were, honestly. Like, you just needed that double wide base and you would have been fine. You'd probably be married to this woman. - Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Like, what are you supposed to do? Like, it's not like you're gonna, like, grab the ball and then be like, standing at first, ready to fucking lay her out when she gets there. - Well, but if you catch it with your foot on the back, then she's out automatically. - You should have, what if she tried to steal? Do you think you would have tried to get her? - Yeah, of course. - Would you have been her? - Would I have been her? - The meaning is a way to get people out and kick ball, right? - I suppose I would have attempted to be. - Or would you have thrown it to second to try to get her out that way? - I think I would have thrown it at her. - Yeah, right. - 'Cause why? - What if you hit her in the butt? - I'm just going off of-- - Stop, that's what I would be worth. - You never know how you're gonna react and say, I don't know, I just, you know. - Yeah, what if you hit her and she's like, "I can't throw a missile hook." What the fuck was that? That hurt. And then you're like, "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened." - But you have to throw it hard enough. That's gonna get her. (laughing) - Two handed, like, are you chess passing it? You have to throw it the way that'll risk your shoulder. - Yeah, color sports are just too uncomfortable. - That's, yeah. Feel like I do find it uncomfortable. But I think it's also because the only, like, software running on my brain while it's going on is like, who can I date? - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's tricky. It is a balancing act, 'cause you want to compete well, but you also want to flirt and-- - Yeah. - Right. - And appear attractive. - I think a lot of the women that sign up for those things are like fierce competitors. It's been my experience when I've done, like, I did a co-ed soccer league once and it was like, "Yeah, stay out of the women's way." - I mean, women's locker is a high T space. - They're not here to meet us. They're here to meet each other. - Yeah, yeah. - They're here to, like, find fellow survivors. (laughing) - Your coach did that, too. - And, like, yeah. - Like, there's videos of the women's soccer players. Have you ever seen, like, the violent ones? - Like-- - Opsolo? - I mean, she's a classic. She beat up her husband, but, like, there's the girls that, like, yank each other's hair to the ground. And, like, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - They're out of each other. - Yeah, man. (laughing) - They're animals. They're high T animals. - Yeah. - You do not want to fuck with them, dude. - They're way scarier than, like, a scary dude. - Steven, I was listening to you on Matt and Shane's and I know that you're a huge fan of, kind of, Lengus. - Oh, okay. (laughing) - Sure. - But this isn't that kind of pod. - Yeah, you don't talk about Lengus. - Oh, but-- - Yeah, don't, so don't bring that up. - No, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the only reticence I have is that it's, like, a season three, sort of, season three of tires coming out October or August 13th. - We, okay. - That's a plot. - Yeah, that's in it. - There's a-- - You're doing Lengus and see it in the three. - There's a talk about it. - There's a talk about, yeah. - I don't think we would have buried the lead if you hadn't said that. (laughing) - Anyway, yeah. - That wouldn't have been a spoiler until, 'cause you talked about it on Matt and Shane's. - Yeah, absolutely. - With the pillow, right? - The pillow, oh, sure, yeah. - What was the pillow again? my knees. It's for your knees. Yeah. I see, not to lift her pelvis like the gardening mats that like people use. It was just run of the mill pillow, you know, it's just for me. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of the women, they don't have, they've hardwood floors. Yeah. So it gets uncomfortable. And he, if you're down there for a while, yeah, I can see that for sure. I only won. You're not. Oh, no, I just don't tend to talk about it too much. What's your soul? He likes to lay flat on his belly with his knees. Yeah. He's never touching the ground like he's reading a good book. He's reading poetry. Yeah. The only thing that's touching the ground would be his like upper thigh. Actually, what I do is I usually I'm, yeah, I'm flat on my belly. And then I hold my ankles behind me. I'm positioned so that I don't touch the ground. Yeah. Or if a pure airplane will get it done too. Yeah. I will add work out. Well, a child box. Yeah. Yeah. I just a standard variety pillow to, uh, to narrow for your knees. You have to have your knees touching one another or is it a longer pillow? What's standard variety? And your knees are a little bit closer. It's just on the ground. But I'm just thinking like do we have like a standard pillow anywhere? I don't know. I feel like pillows like a regular pillow is like this wide, which is like just like a camping pillow. That's a camping pillow. That's too small. Oh, oh, oh, a head pillow. I'm thinking of a couch pillow, a throw pillow. I was thinking of a throw pillow. Yeah. Okay. Throw pillow. You have to kind of have your knees together. You need to be together. Right. But on a regular, a regular size that you just showed was the size of a napkin. I'm saying a throw pillow is like this. You were like a standard pillow is about this. A throw pillow is not this big. No, he's right. Yeah. That's a throw pillow. How big would you say a throw like it's like this? I mean, throws come in all different sides. Yes. They sure do. They sure do. And which is part of the you want. And you want to and they're all the same. It's like all ones on the inside. I got a new cat. I got a cow. Oh, I got a couch finally this weekend. And it actually it came with two throw pillows. And I says that very nice. A little treat. Yeah. The couch came with two throw pillows. It came with two throws. I think that's standard. I think it most couches come with rope. Well, when I got my Amazon classic a couple years ago that came with just the couch. I don't know. I was on classic. It's a great couch beauty of a beauty of a couch. But this time I went way fair. Very nice. Very convenient. Yeah. Two pieces. It came in. You're going to want more throw pillows. Honestly. Season three of tires is coming out. When is it coming out? August 13th. Lovely. It's very exciting. I do not in this season. Unfortunately not. Yeah, that's okay. You guys have been very generous to me over the years. I'm thrilled to have been in seasons one and two. I mean, you're so good in it. And I'm sure you'll be back. I have. I'm not going to hold you to that. Well, I mean, I he just confirmed it. He said, no, no, you're coming back. Aren't you? Are you listed as a creator of the show? That's right. You're the face. No. So you could easily save. No, no, who made the call? Was it you or Shane? Well, you created the show. There was no, no Francis decision ever made. It was just a matter of the story. The story I didn't fit in. I think originally, John told me originally that I was. Yeah, it's so hard. I do. I get it. Yeah. Again, you don't hear me. I know. I know. I know. I know. It should know me and Rowan are furious. Yeah. Understand. He was like, you're going to need to fight this battlefield. Yeah. Find out why is so much fun. And you know, I'm very biased. Just by opinion, I know he wouldn't want me to, but like Shane is lights out. Yeah. He's so good. Love that. I can't wait to wait. Everybody's great. Everybody's you're really good. No, no, no, you are. Yeah. The number of people who talk to me and say that guy, nobody knows your real name. Oh, that's great. Flying a shout out to how you're humility. But like when they all know you by your character's name, the guy plays Will, the guy who runs the plays. That guy's so funny. Everybody says that to me. That's incredible. Yeah. Do you ever talk about why your name wouldn't work for your character? Yeah. Well, I just wanted separation. Got it. And then it's fair. Yeah. But Shane is Shane. Yeah. Cause I, I, we talked about that. But yeah, it was like Sean. And he was like, just call me Shane. I got it. And I was almost surprised you guys didn't name me Francis. Yeah. Because in his sketches, he often will come. Your character is very based off of a real life. Yeah. Oh, someone else or me? No, someone else. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. There's a guy. There was a guy that works for my dad that was like, Oh, you did tell me this. You did tell me this. Okay. Yeah. But just was an incredible salesman had a horrific cocaine. And was just into any always doing something. Yeah. And getting fired and coming back robbed him at one point. Yeah. But do my dad is one of my favorite stories my dad would use. So my dad's Jewish. My mom's also a Jewish, but she converted to what? To what? From Catholicism to Judaism. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. But back when there was like 79 or 80, he had his first shopping, you know, pressure. And he was interviewing this guy and he's, you know, asked him like, why'd you leave your last job? And the guy goes, do you ever work for fucking Jew? And my dad sit there and everybody's listening to it. So then, you know, my dad asked for that. He said, "Would you do?" And he goes, "Oh, I hired him." And he's great. He worked for me for eight years and really good tech. Just like, he doesn't have any. So, and I think that's just a fast in the business. People come and go. Yeah. Yeah. Did your dad ever let him know? I'm sure everybody did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A way to lead an interview. Yeah. That's amazing. What a bold thing to say. You're all anti-Semitic. Yeah. Yeah. When you assume everybody thinks the same thing as you it is. It's so, it's like so cocky to be racist. It just be like everyone, everyone is too. Yeah. We all, we all hate them. I mean, he must have been so confident that your dad was not, like, not even was he not Jewish, she must have been confident that your daddy hated Jews. Right. And he was just wrong on everything. Yeah. He doesn't have my dad's on a very Jewish affect at all. Yeah. Are you Jewish? I mean, no, undercover. What's it? 50%. Well, I mean, it was bar mitzvah, but so you're full on Jewish. Yeah. But I don't, you know, not practicing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad's Jewish. My mom's not though. I'm not, I didn't like grow up Jewish. Yeah. I didn't know this, dude, because if I had, I'll be honest, I'm glad I'm not in season three because I wouldn't want to work for. Yeah. Sounds like a nightmare. Yeah. They were, they were work for you. We should have a bar mitzvah for you. I don't think it's too late. I think there you go. That's fun. That would be a party. A really nice party. What would it be? We spend on the end. Go ahead, sorry. I don't know. You, like, you could have a competition when he's reading the half-tour. Like, yeah, if you laugh, you have to leave. Oh, yeah. The room. That's actually Matt McCusker. Man, this is like back in the day. He, I don't know if I should, but he had this concept of like, you would go into a, you know, like a conference room. Yeah. And it would just be a bunch of white guys working on their Asian accents. And that if anybody laughed, you were kicked out. Have your friends listen to that? They have to, if they giggle at the baroo. Yeah, I don't know. Yes. Because the last time we ever lit candles is a family. My friend Drew, he was from India, it was over. And he had never heard, so we light the candles. Then we start like, burakata. And he started wheezing laughing. And like, felt so bad. He felt so bad. He was crying. Trying to apologize. We all just chanted through it. And that's from India. Yeah, that was the end of it. We were all so humiliated. That's so funny. Yeah. And again, because he felt so bad. Wow. He could. And you're like, I'm done doing this. I'm not doing this anymore. It's not that funny. I've heard it many times. I don't find it funny. It's like a little raw though. You don't have any music or backing tracks. No one gives you your key. You just have to jump in. People that you're used to talking to normally all of a sudden, just chaining together. And at a bar mitzvah, you're doing like 20 pages. You're just fucking singing. That's so much to memorize. You can't read it. Yeah. How much did you spend? You don't have the answer, but how much was your bar mitzvah ballpark if you're comfortable saying like what I raked in? No, or both. How much did your family spend and how much did you rake? We, I don't know how much was spent. I think I got like three grand for it. And then that was kept in the camp. That's not very good. I feel like people are usually walking with that with their like, I made a million dollars. My dad was like, you know, my dad was the highest society of the people that were that's just like a confirmation money. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's comfortable. It's got. But it was put in a savings account. And then later my dog Scooby needed surgery. Then it was used for that. Oh, okay. And my brother's too was combined. Then you used two Jews savings accounts to fix one dog. Yeah. How long did it live after that? She did live for like four or five years. Yeah, it's worth it. Yeah. Wow. worth it. What was the decision that was gonna? I forget exactly how the conversation was forced on you. It wasn't fool. I mean, we would have he was like, we'll pay it back. Okay. No, but yes, but you know, yes, in so many other ways. Yeah, but not as cash. Yeah. What kind of surgery did the dog need? She had tumors. Oh, that's a very noble application of the money. Well, I mean, she was a great dog. Did your parents like, um, was in tight? Like, could they have just paid for it? Or it was like the weird kind of like, because he he had money in the business. Right. There was, you know, good years, bad years. God, I got it. You don't want to liquidate. That's so interesting dog. Yeah, for a dog. But he's also the type that he would like, I'll let my son do it. Yeah, like that's all of my what? I'll let my sons do it. Like what he like, did he not like the dog was he like, how bad do you guys want it? No, it's just like he was at some point not paying state tax. God, you know, and then he just has that sort of he he can like, be on the high wire from a business perspective in a way that I think would make most people uncomfortable. Where it's just like, I don't know what you mean by that. Well, he's like, I'm not going to pay state tax. He lived in a precarious position, precarious position. And then just chose to opt out of well, because he there wasn't money for it. Oh, so it's like, you know, but he's still, we'll fix it. We'll figure it out. There's some, yeah, this current you guys aren't paying tax. No, no, no, no, no. Now his state came in. It was like, well, if you don't start, we're like, they came in there like we're shutting you down today. Yeah, because you haven't paid. And he goes, well, hold on. And then, you know, my sons have a bar mitz. And let's be on a repayment plan. Yeah. Yeah. So then they just start repayment plan. And he's that's why they want their money. They're not going to shut me down. I'm like, I just tell him, you know, we're, yeah, and don't get it back. It's what he's got that attitude where I'd be like, you what? We, what you haven't, what? And I just feel like, Google, like, you know, if he's prison time, you know, what's the student of the credit? What is the name for that? You, you watched a movie about the people that don't pay taxes, it was not the political. It was just like, it wasn't like he wasn't making like a statement. Like he was, so he was still paying like, federal taxes and stuff. He had, he feared the feds. I guess you don't fuck with the fed. No, you don't fuck with it. There's some debt that you can just like get away with not paying, though, like that do kale of cameras, just talking about how like if you have medical debt and you can't pay it, just don't pay it. The bankruptcy is like easy to, to like handle. I had a, I had an elbow surgery in like 2013. And for whatever reason, the, I had good insurance, I think, but like, it didn't really cover that much of it. And I still remember that the hospital bill, the like rental of the surgical theater and the doctor's bill, it was like 30 grand or something like that. And I did not pay it. And they stopped asking for it. Yeah. And I never saw my credit score go down. Eventually, the doctor died. So I am clear. Perfect. Yeah. Now his parents have to pay off your surgery. They're all doing well. That dad was a doctor. Yeah, sure. There you go. Very successful doctor. I thought it all got passed down. I thought it, I thought it all went somewhere. Like if you have debt medical that I think medical, I think they're just different levels of debt. I don't think it's all the same. I think that the state taxes isn't as important as the federal taxes. My state taxes. I mean, let me get in touch with your dad. I want to talk to him about that. I saw a chart recently that showed, you know, if you make a million dollars a year, here's what you walk home with based on the state. And Pennsylvania was was one of the higher ones, meaning that there's not as much state income tax there as I thought. Right. It's a pretty low state income tax. Yeah. But it's not, I mean, Florida Texas, Florida and Texas were both the top because there's zero. What did it say? You come home? You owe money on a million in New York. New York was New York was pretty bad. California was like decidedly worse than New York. Like what? You come home with like 100 K. Uh, I think it was less than five, less than half. That's crazy. Maybe. That's so nasty for a million. That's why we had to get out of there. But his dad owned his own bit. Yeah, his dad owned his own business though. Like you. I own a business. No, you don't watch touring. You own like a little business. But that's not your job. It's a, I have, I have a company. I'm the president of the company. That's not your main job. Don't size shame companies. I'm not the fed will try and use this as a little like worm. But I have started dipping my toe back in the standup. So maybe I'll really start to build a little bit of an act if I could, you know, of course. Yeah. That'd be really nice. Are you? Yeah. I'm doing like small shows around Billy and how is this kind of bombing bombing? You know, but it's, it's fun because it does feel like a lot less pressure now. Because you don't need it to like, you don't have to like do it to make it. Right. You mean how, how long did you do stand up before you stopped? About a decade. Oh, really? Yeah. Like consistently eight year. Yeah. Oh, wow. I didn't know it wasn't, wasn't good. Isn't there some pressure in that everyone knows who you are now? I mean, Philly, it must be like everybody, right? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people know me. Um, I mean, but it's, it's not pressure. Like I just remember, um, Comedy Central would come in once a year. You'd have an audition. Yeah. And the last time it was always a helium and I had auditioned twice. And then the third time, you know, it's like, I wasn't writing anything that was good. I could feel that. And I remember getting up on stage in my, I could just see my hand shaking. And I was just like, it's fucking over. And yeah, that shit is a lot of pressure. You know, like the JFL auditions, like stuff. JFL auditions. Yeah. It's like you do the same set forever and then you go up and then you're like, okay, none of these jokes are funny anymore. Yeah. I don't know what happened. So even if they know me and then I, you know, I'm also upfront with them. Then I'm like, you know, new to this again. So bear with me and they're out there. I'll incredibly sweet. I'm also not doing a lot of time. So they don't do you do five minutes? Yeah, about five to eight. Sick. Hell yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. So it's, it's really fun. But that's what I said. Like maybe if I could like check your schedules and like pop in as a guest set sometime. Yeah, definitely. All right. We'll see how season four looks. I mean, you're the creator of the show. George makes you come back. How was going to, uh, did you go to the link? Yeah. Was it sick? This is incredible. Yeah. It's re-raising. Like, yeah. It's insane. Well, people wasn't, it was like, it was like 76,000, and wasn't it like 4,000 people didn't come and they still brought, it still broke the record? Is that right? Yeah. Damn. Yeah. I mean, I assume 80,000 tickets, at least someone's not going to show. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy how many people do show though. It's fucking insane. It's wild. And like, the buzz about it before, like I remember before he did. That's why LeBron went to the Sixers. Yeah. Just the energy of like everybody that I was running into. They're like, you know, they were so many people were going. Well, it's probably like awesome. I mean, a lot of the people that know him know you, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there must have been like a nice pop. I saw they played the trailer, like there for the, for the entire fucking stadium of people saw the trailer for your Netflix. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's just like standing on that stage because we went the night before just like, yeah, look at it and just like standing there and his name just gigantic. Wow. I mean, like, your mind can't really wrap itself around that achievement. Did you have some bad lights that night? Did you enjoy yourself? Well, I enjoyed myself, but me enjoying myself is probably very different. Like I had like three or four bad lights. I'd like to go home. There's one little thing that I wish I would have taken because so like before they brought Phil and then me, Chris and Kyle up. It was Bam of our Jera. And it was just like kind of given an announcement about like phones or what have you. And so then he does this thing and then Phil, we come up. Phil does his thing and they start playing and I looked down and then Bam's notes were on the ground. And the first thing was like, what's up, cock suckers. That's so funny that he wrote that line. I need to write this down. Yeah. Um, I, you saying I'll go home now. I'm conjured of very, very fond memory in my life, which is when we went out to dinner with Nate Diaz or. Oh, yeah. And do I'm trying to talk about that on stage? Are you? Yeah. Go ahead. Because we're at that huge table. Yeah. There's so many people and it's a vegan restaurant in L.A. in a private room. And they brought out the bags of mushrooms. Yeah. I don't, I didn't remember that. And I'd never done like real, I don't ever done like the chocolate bar mushrooms, right? And all of a sudden this was like crops. Being handed, I don't know what it's weird when you go to a place that gives you something for it. Who would bring these out? The restaurant. No. - Oh yes, Nate Diaz. - Oh wow. - He also had these cargo pants on that had so many pockets. And inside of each pocket was a room temperature, like hard seltzer. - Yeah. - And at various intervals of the evening, as we're walking along the sidewalk, he'd be like, "Hey, we want one to shotgun?" - Yeah. - And I'd be like, "Of course, Nate Diaz, I'm not gonna say no." And he would just pull one out that has been warming against his thigh and hand it to me. And we would shotgun a seltzer and then go on our merry way. - Yeah. - But go ahead. - Go ahead. Yeah, as soon as the mushrooms came out, I probably said, "I got an early flight." - Well, we were pushing you to stay. We really wanted you to stay. And that was the night you told me about how you really liked the pinch, which I've never forgotten of that vodka. - Yeah. - The ice cold vodka after a long day of work, that first sip gives you the pinch. - Unbelievable. - What's the pinch? - You got to describe it. - I don't know. - You're in your mouth of like, you know? And then you're like, "Oh, maybe I'm not the worst." (laughing) But that night, the thing I'm like trying to talk about is it was just tough to do. But Shane made me tell a story. We were sitting there and it was a little quiet. He was like, "Tell them what happened last night." And I was like, "Please." And then, 'cause the previous night, I had accidentally brushed my teeth at preparation age. - Oh, no. - Dude, I had that in my bathroom. And I was like, "I wonder if I'll accidentally fuck up and use that." - Yeah, well, you did that. - I did that because I also have like, I wear a incredibly strong contact lens. So when that's out, everything's blurry. It's all travel sizes. And just the disgust at the table. They're utter disgust. - I forgot about that. - How many brushes did you get in? - I got a couple and then I freaked out. - Is it like right away? Like, didn't you taste it right away? So when I call a couple, I would say that. - Okay, got it, got it. - I've done that, yeah, exact move. 'Cause it's red. The container's red. - Yes. - I grabbed it off another counter. I was like, "There's two paste in there, I know it." Put it on, but as soon as it touched tongue, I didn't even get a scrub. - It's probably a cortisome grunt. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - So what happened? - Called Poison Control. - I mean, I feel like you kind of have to. - Yeah. - I feel like that's the right move. - Funniest response from the guy, you know, Poison Control, say, "I just brush my teeth "and do the preparation, H." He goes, "What?" (laughing) "Everything that he's heard throughout his life." - But it's fine, you know, you don't get sick or anything. - Interesting. I feel like that would fuck you up bad. - No. - It's for the body. - It's for the body. - Preparation H is for the body. - For the ass. - You put it in a hole. It's like you're putting it in another hole of your body. - But what is it supposed to, what does it do? It numbs pain and it like reduces the inflammation. - It don't act like you don't know a preparation H. - No, I know what it does. I'm saying, like, so putting that in your mouth. - It's gotta cause a world of issues. - I did, obviously did. - 'Cause it has half of 50% of us. (laughing) - I, what I have learned is that there are humans. I passed about 12 of them away here. - Oh, yeah. - Who puts stuff in their body that you're like, "That should kill them immediately." - Yeah. - They're fine, yeah. - So resilient. - You could take a little prep age. - Yeah. - The body's meant to handle it. - Did you take the drugs with the DS? - I had made a vow at the beginning of the evening. The way that it was all coming together, I was like, I could see from a mile away that this was going to be one of the nights of my life. Because, you know, we were all going out and then all of a sudden, we ran into Nate Diaz and his whole crew at this hotel bar and then they were like, "Come to dinner with us." And then you agreed to come because you were about to go home. And it was like, there's just a group of people and what was happening. I distinctly remember at the dinner, 'cause this was like the first really like famous person dinner that I had been like a wallflower at. And I remember that the owner of the restaurant opened the sliding doors to that private room we were in and this guy came in. - The doctor? - Correct, not just a doctor. He owned the hospitals in LA. - Oh, he did? - That's what it was. - 'Cause I've been saying that he was like the head cardiologist at Cedar Sinai. I think he owned, maybe, but he owned. I know he owned the hospital, like one or two of the hospitals in Los Angeles. - Good God. - And he paid for our whole dinner. - Oh, he paid for the whole dinner? - Yeah. 'Cause I just, my recollection is, nobody tried to get his number. And I'm like, that's the guy. - Yeah, he shook Nate's hand, was like big fan. And was like, if you ever need anything, come to my hospital. - Right. - I'll give you a wing and then paid for our whole dinner. And it was like 14 of us at a very fancy LA restaurant. Must've been like a 10,000 dollar dinner. - And nobody was jumping to get this guy's number. - No. But I bet that the owner of the restaurant connected them. We, it wasn't for us. - I never know. - What would we have done with that guy's number? - No, I know. I'm not judgeable in real bill plate. - Yeah, yeah. But what, just in case we ever needed to get to the front of the line of like a heart transplant? - No, so money, he's the money man. - No, yeah, if anybody comes to meet me and they're like, tax accountant, you know, whatever. You, these are people that you go, let's get that in the phone. (laughing) - I love it. - And I couldn't believe that he was like, thank you. - I'm sorry, what do you do professionally? - Okay, yeah, you can have my number, yeah. - That's very good. - He's collectible. - And what's the point of all of this, if not that? - Yeah, that's true. - Is it the front of the line, please? - I would have said, I would have said checks. - Oh, yeah, that, you're sure. (laughing) - But heart surgery, heartyologist, heartyologist. - Right, that's, you're right. - I mean, heart surgeon that owns multiple hospitals. - Yes, yeah. - Why is he still doing heart surgery? - Hang it up. - Well, that's just competing. - I can't, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I would trust Francis's way more than mine. - That would be insane if he's owns the hospital. - He was so good at surgery. - He was so good at surgery there. - He's like messy. - Yeah, yeah. - He's like a steak in the hospital. - Yeah, he's so sick. - It's one of those weird things that you don't even think there's a person who owns a hospital. - No, no, I thought you're like, oh, those are, those are owned. - You're in the hospital business? - Yeah. - How'd you get into that? - Well, we started with, you know, pediatricians off. (laughing) Worked our way up from a mom and pop, you know, fucking overnight aid place. - They probably, it's probably one person that owns everything. They probably own like the, they probably own the morgue. They own the fucking, the funeral home. Like the funeral places, grave yards. - The garage, they own the doors. - They own it all. - Yeah. - They definitely do. - Yeah. - But you guys still have a fun night. I remember seeing pictures of you shadow boxing with the sensei, I think. I don't think I'm honest. - That's true. - Yeah, we all went to watch Shane perform at the improv. And then we went from there to this comedy store which was closed and went into a convenience store and got cases of hard sellers and then went into a parking lot behind the comedy store and just drank and-- - It's a good hang back there though. - Like learned martial arts for the next three hours. - To like four. - To like four hours. - And then the next morning, I had to go on Tim Dillon's podcast and I was so fucked up. It was everything I could do to not throw up on the show. - Really? - Yeah. - I think I'll rewatch it. - It was really nice. - For days. - Yeah. - For days. - Yeah. - That's sick. Who else was in the group with the Diaz's? - Were you, it was just your part? - Dude, it was one of the guys from Surf Ninjas that amazing movie who has had a pretty good career in Hollywood as like a martial arts stuntman. - And are you mixing it up with these guys too? Or are you-- - He was the one giving me lessons in how to like striking defense. - Wonderful. - Yeah, it was good. It was good from him. And then a number of his, like the rest of his crew was comprised of like other mixed martial artists. - From Stockton, California. - Stockton. - Stockton, stand out. - Stockton. - No, no, I understand the fuck up. - But John was there too. - But why you just, it was just too much. - Yeah, not a nighttime guy. - Yeah, actually. - Like the inside. - What's that? - You like to be inside? - No, no, I like, yeah, more of like a day activity, morning activity guy. - I get that. - Retirement's gonna be amazing for you. - It's, yeah. - What time do you do, like what do you do at night? Like do you go to bed earlier or are you just chilling? - I watch a ton of YouTube golf. (laughing) - I have some vodka. And then, yeah, I go to-- - What a mix. - Yeah. - Love that. - It's good, God. - I like that you're back on the sauce 'cause you were off of it for a little while there. - Yeah, I feel like six months I was off of it. And then-- - I'm glad you're back. - Vodka just cold vodka straight. - Yeah, we're off like a little pinch of unsweetened cranberry, which is-- - Is that to stay lean? - No, it's just, I mean, you-- - That's just your drink. - Yeah, you don't want to put that much sugar. - No, there's no way that's your drink. It's definitely a sugar, and you're worried about the calories. - Not worried about the sugar, but alcohol is sugar, right? - Well, it turns into sugar. - It turns into sugar, right? - It turns into sugar, some of it, not all of it, but yeah, right? - Anyway, I don't know why my brain likes it, but that's where my brain is. - Well, yeah, no, if you like it, then yeah. Then have that, probably 'cause it gets you a shit taste effect. (laughing) 'Cause it gets you really drunk, really fat. - I can't see myself ever sitting down in any scenario with a glass of vodka, but I don't know, I don't know. - That's Russian as hell. - I think that's what you get to when you become a real man. And I say that as someone who has not, like the most sort of learned and mature men that I know drink vodka, which is cool. It's cool. because it's like, it's like impressive, honestly. - That's not nothing about that as impressive. - It's kind of impressive. If I saw you sit down somewhere with a glass of vodka, I'd be like, "I got a fucking cock of steel." (laughing) - 'Cause you think whiskey and like dudes are like whiskey drinkers or even like maybe tequila, but like whiskey, like people sip whiskey, but vodka is like harsher, but also lower calorie and like a little bit healthier, but like way harder to drink straight, I think. - Yeah, you don't mix in like a selter or anything, like you like it just straight with the grain. - Dude, it is cool. - Oh yeah, that's cool, it is dude. - That's cool man, especially if you like keep your bottle of vodka in the freezer. - I do, I do, I do, smear off. - I knew, well, I would have thought it was better, but it smeared off the craze, yeah. - Yeah, you got that, you just got that, this season four you're gonna get yourself some fucking juice. - It might be their number one customer. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What? - Yeah, he's in there, was I trying? - Are you Russian at all? - Well, from my, the juicide, yeah. - Oh, well, yeah, there you go. - Yeah. - Ashkenazi Russians or something. - I wouldn't even thought that until you drink. - Ashkenazi was like European. - Yeah, maybe. (laughing) - He flared Russian. - Let's do that. - Part of Russia is in Europe. - Oh yeah, true. - But I would have never, that's the most Russian sounding thing ever. Just drinking straight. - I don't even know. - I'm trying to view the other bottle. - That's like a bad stereotype for Russians. (laughing) - That's the one you like. - Then far be it for me to sort of mock your prescription. It sounds like you know exactly what you want. - Yeah, now I agree. I think we all probably have just had bad experiences with, smearing off. - We're also all out here trying different things. Some nights will have a beer, and then it's this, like a bunch of fucking-- - What do your nights look like in the city? You guys going out all the time? - No, I don't go out ever. I'm currently on a weed sabbatical. So my day to day is changing quite a bit. - So you just go home? - I just go home. - What are we watching? - Nothing right now. Right now it's a lot of just sitting and thinking. - Okay. (laughing) - And going, I don't really want to do anything. - Yeah. - Playing video games, but not really having fun. - Hmm. - So. - I just know that feeling. That's like why I used to play practice piano back in the day. - Yeah, of course. - And you're like past the point of any sort of sensible practice. You're just making noise. - Yeah. - It feels like your break pedals aren't working. - Yeah. - And you're like this is all that stuff. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You're a penis? I don't realize. - No, no. I mean, just for a little brief period. You know, it's forced to. - What age? - Middle school. - Yeah. I think I was forced to for a little bit. - I was forced to for a while. - And I dream of forcing my children to. - Yeah, of course. - Do it. - I feel like you have to, like the idea that like people know musical theory. I feel like you got pretty far into music. - Absolutely, you're great. - I was forced to do it long enough that I understood it and then I switched to guitar and then came back to the piano on my own and then only then did I start enjoying it. And once you start enjoying it, you do get better. - Yeah. - How many years were you forced to do it? - Probably like 10. - Oh my god. - That was probably me too. I was forced to do piano from kindergarten through middle school. And then I started playing clarinet in high school and then I quit. And then I haven't really played much. - Loud ass houses. - How bad. 'Cause I wanted to play saxophone. - Right, naturally. - And then they tell you, if you play clarinet, it's actually very easy to switch over to the saxophone. Like once there's more, 'cause there's only a certain amount of available spots. And then you start playing the saxophone or the clarinet and then you're like, like this is impossible to learn. I'm not switching once I learn this. Like that's crazy. In high school, I'm not gonna become like a three instrument guy. Like that's fucking nuts. So I played clarinet. I was really good at it though. Second chair. I was, I was second chair in the top band. - Who was first chair? - An Asian girl. - What was your name? - I don't know, I don't do that. I'm not like Francis. - This is like, we're giving her credit. - I'm platforming these people. They reach out, thank for thanking me. - Oh really? - Hey everybody told me you mentioned me on your podcast. Thank you. - Yeah, yeah, no, I don't want that. - I get that. I don't want that at all. - Sharing the love. Yeah. - I name people by their legal names from my life on the show. - That's great. - Yeah. - You're one of my favorite things. I look forward on your Instagram, I couldn't find it. I maybe it was like a story thing that you did. Do you remember when you were waiting for that flight? And there was one first class and you were third in line. - Yeah. - And people in front of them were a newlywed couple. - So was the drama of him being like, are they going to? - Yeah, one of them had the upgrade. - Right. - And if one of them had taken it, I wouldn't have gotten it. - Right. - And I was rooting for their love. - Yeah, yeah. - And so that they would want to sit together and not take the one remaining seat. - Yes. - And when I saw them, I was like, I really think you guys have a beautiful congratulations. - And then the last thing was, you had sitting in first class. - Yeah. - The screwdriver like, love wins. - Love wins. - Love wins. (laughing) - That's what it was. - That's so funny. He just said he had another one this weekend. We just talked about it, but you should tell him. - Yeah, I had, it was a mutt, well, this was a little different. There was, I had a first class seat, but I usually spend as much time in the lounge as I possibly can until, I like to get on the plane at the end. - Yeah. - Well, I get into a lounge. What am I doing wrong? Like, what? - You gotta have a heart. - Look, they're a capacity, you don't even need to. - They're terrible. - Don't listen to him. - Dude, it's like a soup kitchen. - This is a, this is like you think you're going to this like a luxurious, luxurious experience and you got there and there's people like begging for like a slice of fucking pot or a piece of the food they have is like, what do you, what do you, what do you like to eat? - Well, it's more about the seclusion. - It's no, there's no seclusion. - This is the guy who makes the team and then it's like, they sucked anyways, I didn't want to play. - I've lit it, look, trust me, I've been. - What it is? - I've been in the Delta lunch. I went to the, what is it, the Centurion? - I went to the Centurion. I mean, what are we doing? - It's a closet and they have like the haters out. - And you know what, in a week, in a week he'll be back on, on the lounging and sitting like, I really like him. See, that's the thing, like you just, you know, I don't know. - I'll go, it's bullshit. - But they're not good. - All right guys, let's talk about our friends over at DraftKings. Slots fans, the weight is over. Lightning Link is available online for the first time ever. And DraftKings Casino has it. In fact, DraftKings Casino is your home of Lightning Link. New Casino players can pay five bucks and get 1,000 spins, including 500 Lightning Link spins. That's 50 spins a day at varying values for your first 20 days. It's right now, the claim you're offered. Download the DraftKings Casino app and sign up with code BoyDead. Then, spin your Lightning Link, high stakes, anywhere, anytime. The crowd is yours. In partnership with DraftKings Casinos. I can't wait to get on Lightning Link. 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ZockDock's website has a ton of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles to help you choose the right one. - When I busted my knee, I got onto ZockDock and I said, where can I get somebody that's going to check out my knee today? I think it was like 10 in the morning by 11.30. I was in a doctor's office. - Oh, that's how ZockDock does it? - Is it there? I have a my psychiatrist and my therapist are both from Zock doc is the best and your health matters taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated fine and book the right doctor with Zock doc at his ock doc doc calm slash boy dad and get started and you can check that appointment off your to-do list that's z-o-c-d-o-c-d-o-t-c-o-m slash boy dad I just have to leave before rush hour no no we'll get you oh okay well there's just the define the define time for that yeah that's always rush hour I have to leave before dusk I'm not sending rush hour traffic I'm not doing it would I sense dusk creeping in it's probably time for me to hit the road on my third time to the link of dull of the day I was like I'm out of here I was supposed to I'm out I'm about to see anybody there's gonna be and they're parking garage by the way it's they they can't fit any more cars in and he's like sure leading are you sure that's it's the worst you know exactly what I'm talking about just send me to a normal place you pull in there's two lanes the right lane which we're supposed to you know all the cars are parked facing you so I'm like I guess I guess it's full So, I start to bat. up beeping, so then I'm like, I don't know what to do. - He drive an 18 wheeler. (laughing) - So sat there, that's what you backed up. - Maybe a park there, is that gonna be like a do I need to fucking, so then I was like, I betcha, this is a New York thing, there'd probably be a gate, so that I went down there. - Oh, thank God. - No place to stand, and the guys were like, yeah, leave it. I'm like, all right. - Yeah, they park it for you. - My point is, there's no place to park it. - But they have to drive it into another park. (laughing) - They have secret compartments, they've got elevators, they have all, it's an MC Escher painting in there. Parking garages in New York City are that, and they will find a place that we would never-- - They'll point topple park you, correct? - Just stack you in, with no space in between. These are Colombians who are somehow the best drivers on planet Earth, like they're four million geniuses. They can make any area work. Their spatial awareness is second to none. - Yeah, right, I had that where I was returning a car to a rental place a couple weeks ago, and there was nowhere to go. I'd said to leave it in the middle of the road. - It was a rental. - There's like, give it, there's like cars behind. - Oh, you can't. - There's nowhere for, well, there's nowhere for any of us to go. - They had it, what? - There's got to see more, what happened? - It's, it's, you know, like the car company, like sixth. - Yeah, yeah. - It was that in Queens by La Guardia. And the road that it comes onto is a one way, and the road goes, it like merges on to like a busier road. And it's like a very thin short road. And there's just nowhere to go. - Yeah. - So you just had to leave it. - Yeah. - Just tell it. - No one's anything? - No, I had to tell the people. I'm like, I don't know like, there's nowhere to go. And then they leave it. But then there's like, it's causing a whole jam. - Six is the sexy car rental option though. - Really? - Yeah. - I think it's like sexy in European. - Yeah. - I like Hertz. - They're all the same. - Hertz is, you could say your clock too. - Yeah. - Hertz, sexy. - I'll be honest, I tried to do that thing that you were talking about with the card with Hertz. I'm gold. I'm a gold member. And I showed up to La Guardia and my name was not on the thing. - There's something else you have to do. I had this happen to me recently. - And I waited in line for an hour. - I know. - And it broke, like the questions. People got to stop asking so many fucking questions. Like, oh, we got the, what did you want? You wanted a big car? Okay, we can do this Tahoe. Well, I don't know if the Tahoe have, and it's like, why do you care? It's all the same shit, it's a car. - A lot of these people don't travel. So it's daunting to them. This is like their first time out of the house. - One of the guys definitely travels business guy. He switched cars three times. - Oh, that's insane. - It's like, bro, at a certain point you're just an asshole. - Yeah, I agree. - Like you see us all waiting here and you're waiting to get like the perfect fit for your fucking fat body. - 'Cause he's fat, he was a fat guy. - He's a fat guy, yeah. Well, then say, I mean, at least with that. So we could all get on the same page. We're fat hating. - I don't know. The questions enraged me. Hotels checking in. People asking about the incidental charges. Like they get hit with, it's gonna be $200 in incidentals. It's like a flash grenade to the face for those people. They're like, they can't comprehend what that is. - But that's just, they don't, they, it's coming back to them. - Yes, exactly. - And they don't understand that. - Yeah, there's some Americans can't, they can't stomach a $200 bonus charge. - I mean, I get it. - They just have about around all the time. There would be like, do's checking in and they would have to like bring the hotel clerk to the side so they could like whisper to them, be like, do the way my account set up. Like, I don't have $200 extra dollars. - Yeah. - And have to reset it, so nasty time. - And it's like, well, that's fine. Just don't touch anything. - Yeah. Make sure you don't rip the TV off the wall. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's not much to break in the room. - Anyway, you're leaving the delto lounge after a long time. - Oh, I forgot. We were talking about that. Yeah. - Yeah, we were in the middle of a story. This one's on a side. - What did I, what was it? - You're leaving the delto lounge and there's two women. - Oh, yeah. I leave the lounge, I get to my flight. There's only two people left waiting and that have not boarded the plane. - And this is on your Instagram now? - No, I didn't post about this. - This is a personal one. - But I overheard them talking and they were like, yeah, there's two seats left in first class. And if the one person who has one doesn't show up will get both of them. And I heard them say that as I was like coming. And then I, - He lurked behind and waited until the last second before the door was closed and then fucking claimed to see. - Why would you do that? That's sick. - What do you mean? - There's no need to clarify what I meant. - That's sick. - I wasn't doing it to punish them. I didn't know they were gonna be there and like hoping for the upgrade. - Wait, but he said, but when you found out that they were ready, that they got that piece of information. - They were just saying that. - And then he waited and he bought it. - He bought a vodka straight and bought it. - I didn't wait. He's pulling your leg. I didn't wait. - But as far as those women are concerned, you might as well, like you did wait, but you didn't know that they were in the thick. - What I wanted to do is scan my ticket and wait to hear them be like, ah, how he lost it. 'Cause that would have made me happy. - Why? - Because shame on them. - Shame on them for thinking the world would be handed to them on a silver plate. - Right, Ernest. - I had to use a global upgrade certificate to get me from premium economy into Delta one on a flight home. - Global upgrade for a domestic flight. - Wow. - From California. - Wow. - I got those global upgrade certificates. By dint of how much I travel for work. So that is something they did not have. - I didn't get any this year. - Just regional. - Because regional. - And now we'll want that. - Yeah. - I can get an upgrade from New York to Boston. - Did you fight a Greensboro first class when you went? - Yeah. - Yeah, regional upgrade. - It was a regional upgrade? - Yeah. - If I get to a $100,000 MQDs, I can gift Diamond Medallion on Delta. This is someone else. I got you. - Is that right? - You'll love it. Come and write to you. - Diamond Medallion. - What is that? - What is that? - I don't know. - What is that? - It's the highest tier you could. Well, it's actually not. - It's all we talk about. It's literally all we ever talk about or aspire to. - Diamond Medallion. - Diamond Medallion. - Two episodes and I'm in recovery now. (laughing) So no more coke for me. I kicked it. - All that. - Okay. - Hey, Odie. I'm a blue student. - I think that's a fair trade off. - I'll talk to you. - No, don't. - I'll talk to my boss about it. - I'll bring anything of this up please. - One episode for Diamond Medallion. One for a spot on the road for the tour. - Yeah. - I feel like Diamond Medallion's worth at least, I mean, he needs to be in the trailer. We need like. - I had my own trailer for season two. - Oh, really? - It was awesome. One day I had the small one and then the other day I had the big one. - Yeah. - Next to Shane. - Yeah. - With that room is huge. - Yeah. - You can sleep and nap in that. - Oh, you meant like a trailer like a preview, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - I just got so confused. - Sorry, sorry. - When I said I had my own trailer, I thought you meant you had your own preview. - I think the preview video. - Shane got the Bluetooth to my trailer this year. So. (laughing) - I could imagine what it hit you with. - I don't think I should say. - The nog? What's that, porno? - Of course that. (laughing) - Oh, so something more nasty than porno. - Yeah. - But and then the music that I hate. - What's up? - What's up? - Like Springsteen. - Yeah. - Going from season one to season two was a really cool experience. - It was awesome. - You can only imagine what going from season two to season two must have been incredible. - I can't imagine. - It was incredible. - No, sorry. - I'm letting it go. - No, no, no. - The crafty must have been better. - The crafty was so different. - Oh, that's good. - Yeah, you missed. - Okay, you missed nothing. - Every time we would eat on set, I would feel sick after every single time. - It's not, yeah. - And you do that for like months. - Well. - I'm there for a week. - Yeah. - Because we get an executive assistant. So I go, "Oh, please, give me something else." Give me Chipotle, please. - And yeah. - I just would gorge. I would eat so much of the prepared food. - Oh, so you liked it. - No, I didn't. - Okay. - I mean, I didn't. - I just would eat anything. - When there's food out, I eat like I'm a Labrador retreat. I can't not eat all of it. - Is that right? - Yeah, I have a problem. - Is it a problem? Or are you just like trying to pack on masks with like-- - I just forever been a very hungry person. And I have this feeling that if I stop eating in such enormous quantities, my metabolism will slow down, and then I'll gain weight. - Interesting. - I attribute somewhat of my physique to how much I eat. - Interesting. - And I've no idea. - Have you ever been overweight? - No. - Nice. - Never. Never once. I would kill myself. - Well, you've never been obese. But I mean, your BMI is probably like-- - Oh, yeah, you are obese. - Yeah, you're probably like overweight for your height. - He is, he's fat. - That calculation is really outdated, and obviously everyone knows it's flawed. 'Cause by those metrics, the rock is also obese. - He is. - He's a fat ass. - He's a rocker of these days. - Yeah. - Yeah, J.J. want. - That's a regular day for Francis, the rock's cheat day. - Yeah. - That was him on the pancakes. - That's a crafty. What kind of stuff are they like? Is it like a plate or like a tin of fish? Or some shit like that? Or like a bunch of chickens lined up? - It would always be like some mother and father and daughter who are like a barbecue family. They're like, try our jiklin's. You're like, I don't know what that is. - Yeah. - And you don't want that for lunch. - Just piles of sausages with onions and peppers. - I mean, having barbecue was your midday meal. - Yeah. - That's an after. - Fucking nice meal having. - Seven more hours on my feet after that. - Or you had to look presentable. I mean, like a camera guy, a grip or something like that. They can load up and they don't give a fuck. - And I was always like, you'd have makeup on and one of my outfits, I had to wear a leather jacket over a hoodie and I just was so hot, which luckily, like, contribute helped me act because my character was just so fucking, you know. - Yeah. - But making you laugh was of my favorite thing. - Oh my God, you're so funny. - When remember when I took your seat in the office? - Yeah. - You're just so good. - Oh, yeah. - That's not why I brought-- - Well, I still go back and rewatch the, you from the first episode, from the first season, you making chain break. - Yeah, that was fun too. - That's such a fun hell-take, shame and chain frances, I love that. - I'm glad I got to be in the blooper reel. I like the bloopers, it's always been a blooper guy. - Is there anything that we need to know about season three or just going raw? - Yeah, I think raw, raw, just, yeah. - Love that. - Awesome. August, what? - 13th, my dad's birthday, come on right on the corner. - Really soon. Cool, check that out on Netflix. That's season three, congratulations. - Thank you, rats. - Thanks. - Thanks for coming. - Thanks for having me. - We'll get you in an invitational next year. - Sure. - You and I are due for some golf. - You guys gotta play some golf. - Yeah. - Come on down. - Cool. - Oh, no, no, no, you gotta come on up. Or are you gonna go down to play golf with them? - He's never gonna go down. - I will come up. - I will come up. - What about like marrying or something like that or somewhere nice? - No, no. - You gotta play with it. - I got to play with it. - Yeah, with the Eagles Autism Foundation. - Oh no, it's incredible. - Yeah. - Is that Connor Barwin or who is that? - I don't know, but still, it was sick. What do you mean? - Like who's the-- - Is there somebody that runs that from the Eagles side? - Well, yeah, she, a woman. - Yeah. And the first time, 'cause the week before I got to play with Jason Kelsey as an event. And that was at Rolling Green. And I was like, passing this woman, every time I'd pass her, she'd be like, and then this quarter, I made X amount of millions. And then there's X amount of millions. And I'm like, what a fuck, I'm psycho. - Yeah. - Talking, I was like, "God of you, a realtor." - Yeah. - But she was the charge of the Eagles Autism Foundation. So she was just talking about how much money she's paying. - She was like, "All you have to do to play marrying is get diagnosed." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It'll be making millions worth it. - She's awesome, right? And, yeah, so-- - How was it? - They're playing. - Incredible. - Marians really cool. - Yeah. - I'll come down. I want to play your course. He's a member of the same course that Sequan Barkley's a member of. - No, Sequan's out there. But Radley Run is the course we're gonna play. - I thought Sequan had joined your club. - No. - He thought about it. - He's out in NDA. - Yeah. - Well, that's what he ended up home with. (laughing) - I don't know. - Yeah. - He's a big time golfer. - He's a big time golfer, yeah. - Love that. - I grew up right by alcohol. - You ever play Overbrook? - No. - Nice. - Yeah. - Overbrook. - Overbrook's off. - He's decent. - Sequan will always be a giant in my eyes. - He's just trolling now, bro. You talking to two Philly fucking autism? - You really had. - When he was in New York. He had something to him. - He's a Super Bowl champ, bro. Don't put fucking sweat on his name. - Let's do it, note. - You talk what happened. - No touchdowns in Super Bowl, though. - You know that. - He needed to run forwards. - Yeah. - He was kind of forgot how to play in the Super Bowl. - AJ Brown is spazzing on the Patriots. - Yeah, it's fine. - You really get it. - He can't get it. - We're going to get rid of him. - The balls are hitting him in the hands, and Mike Raible has been fucking reaming him out. He even admitted it. - We have company. (laughing) - Raible's going to get him right. I mean, that's the thing that's nice about having an actual - He's going to spaz on Raible. - That's the thing that's nice about having a good coach who played the game. - Nick, are you on who played the game? - In what? - A.U. - College. - A.U. - College. - What? - Where? - He got out before he destroyed his body. - Madden. - He'd be walking around like the fucking rock. - Like, it's not neither here nor there. - John Cena. - Well, you think of Cereani? - Thank you for coming. - Cereani, thank you for coming. - You like Cereani? - Yeah. - Yeah. - No. - Even Malone, he's our fucking guest. (laughing) - Shut up. - Cool. - Thank you, bro. - Thank you. - That was awesome. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)