A Reddit user shares a painful experience where her boyfriend reacted with disgust to an old video of her from college, referencing her appearance as "humpback" and calling it offensive. The user, who has since lost significant weight and transformed her life, had hoped for mutual appreciation and love that would outlast changes in appearance. Instead, the incident deepens her emotional distance and triggers feelings of insecurity and betrayal. She worries that her future—especially if they have children or she gains weight—might be met with diminished attraction. The story highlights the emotional toll of a partner’s lack of empathy, especially when it comes to self-acceptance and identity. Many commenters emphasize that true love should not depend on physical appearance but on enduring commitment, respect, and emotional security. They argue that dismissing someone’s past or current self is not only unfair but damaging, especially when it comes from a person who claims to value her deeply. While the boyfriend expresses remorse, the user questions whether genuine love can survive such a moment of judgment. The discussion underscores the importance of open, honest conversations about values, trust, and long-term compatibility in a relationship. Ultimately, the post serves as a reminder that personal growth and self-worth should not be conditional on how one is perceived by a partner.
Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day-gum v-grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Mabelane. Yeah, that's my goal. Not the best start, because I haven't opened it. It's going to be fine. It's going to be really good. I'm excited. I've had my caffeine today because I love a good coffee. I'm ready to go. I've got a really, what feels like it's going to be a really good theme. I'm excited. It's all across the board. We've got relationships, a little work stuff, friendship stuff, kind of a good mix, but it's all of these stories that are just like, "Oh, go step on a rake." Right. Kick rocks, eat dirt, step on a rake, step on a rake. I want that to be more of a thing because it's not really culturally appropriate a lot of time. So you'd be like, "Go fuck yourself." You know what I mean? Totally. Just go step on a rake. Get out of here, you little rug rat. I feel like it's also a good saying because it actually shows the level of harm I want to come to that person. Yes. Like, I want it to be something that isn't long-lasting, but I do want them to like, you know, be like ow. A little bit of a sharp sting, and I think that's a great analogy because a lot of times I hear these stories and I'm like, "Oh, I just wish, I wish that he would get me." And it's like, "Okay, though that's a little aggressive, but a rake is that happy medium of like, it's better than a paper cut and worse than a slap." I would say. Way worse than a slap. So that's a good level. We're not often at the level of getting no face pumped by a rake. No. Or like, it's very specific. What's another really inconvenient thing that's just like, "Oh, I scratched myself on a screw today. That was bad. I did something." You might have had a screw too. I literally was like, "Do I need a tetanus booster?" Um, I'm debating. It's gotten less red. Probably this is one of those things where usually the answer is no, but then in every so off, and the answer is yes, and then it's like, "Uh-oh." So. Uh-oh. Okay. Well, I've got quite a few stories to try to aim to get through. So without further ado, let's dive in. [Music] Okay. This first one, coming from Am I the asshole? Eight days old, titled Am I the asshole for holding my grandmother's pearls hostage if my partner can't go to my sister's wedding. Using a throwaway as I don't want this on my main Reddit, I, 37 female, have been seen my partner 38 male for four years. He was born with a contraphasia and is a little person. I come from a family who holds some ableist views, some views I internalized to when I was younger, and I tried to move past as I got older. I'm the first to say I wasn't perfect either. When I met my partner, we started as friends, and my family would often make comments when he wasn't around. When we started to date, jokes were made about how I must be desperate and had given up. My partner is a fantastic man, the best I've ever met. He's funny, charming, kind, and so loving. I often tell people, "It's no different than a short girl dating a six-foot tall guy. Who cares?" My family and I clashed for two years over him. I fought with them constantly and ended up greatly limiting contact with most of my family if they couldn't accept him. He always tried to talk me out of this, that he could take it, and that they were just close-minded idiots, but I don't think he should have to put up with that. The one I've kept in constant contact with is my sister, 35 female. She's also had misgivings about my partner, but once she got to know him, she moved past it. She's getting married in June, and the plan was for me to loan her our grandmother's pearl necklace, as she felt it would go with her dress greatly. It was left to me, she got our grandmother's sapphire ring. She messaged me two nights ago to ask me if I would not bring my partner to her wedding. She likes him, but she knows it would cause drama at her wedding, and she doesn't want that tainting her day. "Just the fact he exists?" "What the hell?" I got upset at this and told her if he wasn't going, I wasn't either, as he is my family. She asked me to just suck it up for the day, and it was better to keep the peace. I lost my temper at this and made it clear to her that she could invite us both, or neither. I also made it clear she wasn't getting the pearls if he wasn't coming. That she was a grown woman, and she needed to stop caving into our family, and put her foot down for her own views. She accused me of holding the pearls hostage, so I could get what I wanted. Which hurt me, as it seems she cares more about the pearls being there, than me with that comment. I know it's her day, and she doesn't want our family making comments, but I don't see why my partner, who has never been anything but kind to her, should be the one to suffer. He is upset over this though, telling me I might regret not going, and he doesn't want that for me. Am I the asshole over this? Should I just go, or give her the pearls for the day, and not go? Okay, so we need like five rakes? Like how many family members does she have? Oh my God. And also this is the one person who has been somewhat normal about it, but I guess not. Like she seemingly is nice to her sister, who's dating this guy, but like still maybe talking shit behind closed doors, or at least not standing up behind closed doors and just being like, "Hey, you guys, enough is enough." Also like, no, they can just handle it for a day. Like all the family members can handle it for a day. I don't understand what the fuck is wrong with these people. This is a person. It's a genetic abnormality, and this makes him less of a person. I don't know. Go fuck yourself. I don't know. It's genuinely crazy. Get here with that rake. Don't stop on it. Let me swing it at you. And I think what? Her partner's being very kind about this, like way more grace than I would have. Totally. I think, you know, it is possible that she could regret not going, and I think it's worth bringing that up to her so that she can think about it. So the grandmother left one sister, the pearls, and won the ring. And then because she wants to wear both for the wedding, is what happens. Or like, she just wants to borrow at least the pearls. And it's like, they're not your grandmother's pearls anymore. Like, yes, there's a sentimental value that they are, but they were gifted to you. They're yours to do what you wish with. You're not holding them hostage. They're yours. If you're not going to the wedding, your pearls don't have to go. That's a fair boundary. Yeah. And it is hard because I had like a teacher tell me once, like never regret the big things, like a wedding or a funeral, like you should always try to go if you can. But at the end of the day, these people are making you feel horrible. They don't respect you, your partner, who you're choosing to spend your life with. I feel like for me, I never regret not being around people that make me feel bad. Like for her to go and have to suck it up. It's like you shouldn't have to do that. I mean, you were already being a bigger person and like going and you didn't ever say to your sister, I'm not coming to your wedding if they're there. Yeah. And they're horrible people. Like, I do think this is an example too of like people being mean to you over and over and over again. And then the second you aren't even necessarily like mean back, but just kind of like fight back in a way. They're like, oh, you're, you are being a bitch to us. You're the problem. You're being terrible. And it's like, this is the only thing that I have done in response to years of you being awful to me. So we do have a couple of comments from OP. Someone goes, your family sounds pleasant. OP goes about as pleasant as pissing glass. What's that? I don't know. I think it's like, I don't know, maybe it's a saying I haven't heard before. But I feel like it could also be like, yeah, about as pleasant as passing a kidney stone. I feel like that would have worked as well. Oh, oh, pissing. Oh, I get it. So you're pissing and your and glass is coming out. I get it. Like the worst UTI of your life. Imagine that. I was thinking like I was thinking there was a type of glass called the pissing glass. And I was like, what what's pissing glass? That makes a lot of sense though. It's clicking. It's clicking. OP responds to someone that says, not the asshole. People are so weird. He treats you right, which is the most important thing. And they have an issue with him over something he has no control over. I can't even imagine.
imagine how bad he must feel. O.P. responds, he absolutely hates it, but he doesn't want me to lose contact with my family. Honestly, if not for him convincing me to keep having contact with them, I think I'd have gone no contact a long time ago, rather than limited. I mean, in there, they're both 30, A, they've been together for years. I've, and so her family is probably, like her parents are probably older as well. And I feel like there's kind of been a big generational change just in like the last 10 years about how people treat little people. Like I feel like, I don't know, there was like a lot of media, like 10 or 15 years ago that I feel like was very negative. Obviously it exists and like people are super ableist, like still, and just it's something that really still needs a lot of work. And we're kind of rolling backwards in terms of like upholding 88, it feels like, and like accessibility to certain things right now. But I feel like the show, there was a show on TLC about this couple and their kids and they like had a farm and they were both like little people. And like that show I feel like was almost like more eye-opening to like, I don't know, like a positive PR in a way. Yeah, but it's insane that you would treat someone differently because of anything, let alone this. Yeah, it's really sad. And it almost seems like he, either he's just very kind about this, which he is either way or he's maybe like used to this. So it's like almost more upsetting to his partner 'cause she's probably never experienced people being this awful about someone that she cares about. And he's maybe like, yeah, people have treated me differently my whole life. So just I could totally see that bean where he's coming from and that's just so unfortunate, disgusting, just horrible, horrible. There is another comment here. You called them your grandmother's pearls, but they're yours. You're not keeping the pearls hostage. You're using your own property as you see fit. If your sister is making you feel unwelcome at her wedding, you don't have to let her use your property. This isn't the only pearl necklace in the world, not the asshole. Yeah. And that's a really good point. You got the, you got the Sapphire ring girl. There's just something blue, old, get out of here. You don't need my pearls. You don't need to borrow these. (sighs) I just, it is something where I'm like, I hope that this makes the family look inward a little bit. Like, you hope so. You hope this is like a learning moment where it's like, ah, okay, like we are sick. But I don't know. I mean, the fact that when they started dating, even to OP, someone that is supposed to be family and they love, they start dating and they're like, God, you must be desperate. Yeah, true. True. Fuck. Fuck you as well the whole time. Like, just beyond. And I think that's like something like, there are a lot of height differences and it's just like something that, I don't know, I feel like it's one of those things about people that, again, like, it's not something you can change. So why are we holding it over people's heads and bullying them over it? Yeah. (sighs) - Iki, while I'm sure the comments are all in agreement, right? - All in agreement. Overall, vote is not the asshole. If I sort comments by controversial, this one literally has one down vote. I'm not sure, but it's lyrics to that song. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. Okay. You know that song? Yeah, yeah, totally. And that was a great, you know, simple of it. So literally the top controversial comment. - Wow. - With negative one. There is really not a lot of disagreeing here. Someone does go, but you are holding the pearls hostage. Let's call it for what it is. With that said, good, hold them hostage and cut off your family for good if they can't treat your partner with respect. Not the asshole. I would agree with that. She is making a point by doing that. Like she is saying, well then you're not gonna get the something borrowed, something blue, like the things for your wedding that was probably a plan for our whole lives. Like I'm not gonna bring that for you. Like it is her property, but it is her making a statement. And I think that that is also okay. That's a good point. - Okay. This comment is interesting. I'm so curious to see where you guys all fall on this one. So they say, not the asshole. You sound like a really awesome pair. Hear me out about the necklace. I would loan it to her. When she looks back at her wedding pictures and the pearls are there, but you aren't, she'll see the necklace, the event, and the stress will have passed. And she might feel like the asshole that she is being. Those pictures will always be a reminder. - That's a really interesting tale. But then that's like, it's sort of just the argument of would it be better to be the bigger person? - Well, and I also think it depends on the person that the sister is. - Yeah. - If she's a good person, I think that could be accurate. - Yeah. - But if she's a self-centered bitch, she's not gonna care. - If you hold the pearls, it is basically giving your whole family an excuse to be like, oh my God, she's so horrible. She was awful for doing this. And I guess then it just comes down to like, well, now do you even care if they feel that way? - Yeah. - Like, does it even matter to you? - I think it'll hurt more to not have the pearls for someone like this, obviously. I think she's kind of showing where her morality and integrity lie by even saying like, hey, don't bring him, but give me the pearls. So I don't think I'd do the pearls. But that's something to think about. And also I think the fighting more about the pearls than her being there is also crazy. Like she mentioned that in the post too, like it felt like the part about the pearls was more upsetting to her than me not being there. So that's like, true. Don't let her win. Don't let her win. But okay, moving on to this next one. This is coming from today I fucked up, 16 days old. And this one might be a little controversial in this theme. I think some people could find this very funny. I'm curious what you think. I'm curious what all the comments think. - Oh no, okay. - I'm gonna read it. I'm not gonna preface anymore and then we'll get into it. - Oh god. - So this is titled, today I fucked up by building an app to track how many times my coworker says, circling back in meetings. Now the whole office uses it. - This is funny. - Wait, okay, there's more context, there's more context. - So there's a guy at work, let's call him Kay. Kay says circling back constantly in every meeting, sometimes twice in the same sentence. Quote, so just circling back on that before we circle back to the main point. I started noticing it maybe four months ago and now I cannot unhear it. It has ruined meetings for me entirely. So as a joke, purely for my own amusement, I vibe coated a mini Wabi app in 10 minutes. Every time Kay says circling back, I tap the screen. It tracks daily counts, shows me a weekly graph, gives me a personal best notification. I showed two other colleagues, mistake. They immediately wanted to use it too. I shared the link, not a big deal, right? Within two days, there were nine of us silently tapping our phones every time Kay spoke. We have a group chat now. Someone made a weekly leaderboard for the highest count. Someone else added a feature request for Quote to be honest, because apparently Kay from finance said it 11 times in a meeting and felt left out. Recently Kay said circling back 23 times in a 56 minute sync. We nearly lost it. Someone had to fake a coughing fit. The problem is I now look forward to meetings like genuinely. I checked the group chat during calls. We celebrate new personal best. Kay said circling back at 9.07 AM yesterday. And I got three notifications within seconds. I built an app to cope within a annoying habit and accidentally made meetings the best part of my work day. Kay will never know. I feel both terrible and completely at peace with this. Would love to add screenshots, but seems like this sub doesn't allow that. OK, it started to get mean like the initial concept is funny. And like, I don't know, there are a lot of jokes on the internet about the way people talk in emails and the the lingo that just comes up all the time. And like I get why that's funny. But when everybody else is in on it, and they're like whenever he's talking, they're like tapping their phone and laughing and sending messages in the group chat, then it is just bullying. If it was everyone when they said something that they say a lot, or like he was also in on it and was like, yeah, I do say it a lot. Ha, ha, that's fun. But like they're keeping it from him so that they can just make fun of him for it. Everyone has those crutch words they use. I'm very guilty of that. Lauren's away.
of hers and drives her crazy when she'll listen back to episodes? It's so hard to not do it. I will and once you hear something, you can't unhear it. And I have literally wanted to hypnotize myself to stop saying my crutch words. I've also wanted to hypnotize myself to stop cracking my knuckles. Like, it's just like we all have these little annoying things that we do. And it's just like, okay, like can't escape it. Yeah. But to then create this app, I guess it's one thing for you, but like to then include other co-workers, know it is bullying. Yeah. And I would be very curious what HR would do about this. Yeah. I agree. Like, I mean, there's all they can do if it's the entire office. So it's like, what do you get to fire all of them? I know. I know I have HR people. I see you chime in on our HR stories. Let me know. Like, it's just not feeling good. Yeah. And I hate when people are like the only ones left out of a joke. Yeah. And it's like a work situation and just also, I think it's a little too overconfident to say he'll never know. Because even if he doesn't know exactly what you're up to, I do think people can tell when the vibe is off. And like, when everyone is like hiding facial expressions are like kind of snickering about something, like, I think it's a little crazy to assume like, oh, we're really getting away with this. He has no idea that we're acting completely different every time he speaks, versus time every time everyone else speaks. He's gonna find out. People are more perceptive than you think. Way more perceptive. And someone here is going to accidentally slip up. Yeah. And show him or start to feel bad about it. He's gonna find out. It's not if it's when. Also, couldn't you have just said to him a joke about how he says it a lot? Because he would probably laugh about it too. I don't know. Depends on the person. I mean, it's light-hearted enough to be like, hey, Kay, like, dude, you're saying circling back quite a bit in the meeting. Yeah. Just so you know, it's distracting at this point. Distracting 26 times in 56 minutes. Sure. That's a lot. It is. Yeah, circling back before we circle back to the main point. Like, yeah. Okay. Maybe he's nervous. Hi, though. Maybe he's speaking in front of other people. I would imagine that's got to be something about it. Or he just feels, what was the other phrase that he said? Yeah. So I think someone else kept saying to be honest. Oh, not the guy that says circling back. Yeah. No. Someone named Kate from finance said it 11 times in a meeting and felt left out. Okay. So they were saying, I should also be on this app because I say this thing a lot. And see, that would be fine. I wonder if she was like, include me. I feel left out to like make it less bad. Like less about one specific person. Because if now, if like, Kay does find out, people could be like, well, Kate's on there too. I think that that would be better. Like put everyone on there. If you're going to do it, I'm sure you could find a word that everyone says too much. Yeah. Absolutely. Um, like, you know, yeah. Yeah. At the end of the day. And many people never know it until they're listening back to a podcast of themselves. I'll tell you that much. It is grading to have to hear yourself also discovered that I have tonal issues. Like, what does that mean? Like, I'll be talking to someone in a podcast. And then I'm like, listening to a backer, editing it back. And I'm like, oh, my God, I sound mean. Like I have tonal issues. It's I don't know. I feel like sometimes when I read, I'm like, oh, I'm a non-seating weird. I'm like, like, I don't practice reading these out loud. I read them in my head. And you don't really initiate in your head. I think you do a perfect job of reading them. I'll tell you that. Thank you. Top comment on this one. Kay is going to find out. If nine plus people are using this thing, he's either going to see it on someone's screen or someone's going to spill the beans. I give it like a week. Hopefully he's the kind of guy that will find it funny. But if not, you should be prepared for the fallout. It's going to circle back to you. I guess there is a world that he could find it funny. I know. I'm so curious to the type of person. It's so dependent. Like, this could either be so, so mean, which is what it feels like from hearing him talk about it. Or he could find out about it. But it depends also on how he finds out about it completely. I'm very curious what everyone's thinking on this one too. Because I feel like I'm more hypersensitive to bullying. Yeah. Having been bullied. It's just so. But is this funny? Am I like being oversensitive about this? Is this actually hilarious in this person? It's fine. Yeah. I think it's like also how people take criticism and how sensitive it can be. And I don't know. It also depends on like the relationships between them. Like, is there already a weird vibe between them? Because then it would be like, oh, this is just mean spirited. But if they otherwise are like friends and get along, then it could be funny. But then you would include them in it if you're friends. Even if my best friends did this to me, I'd still be hurt. I think it's funny. No matter how close I am. But that's that's where I'm sensitive. Yeah. The type of person I am, I would feel really like disrespect that disrespect. It might be too big of a word. But I would just feel very, I'd feel miffed about it. It would depend on context. I feel picked on. Maybe not necessarily bullied, but I don't want to be picked on either. Yeah. It's hard. It's hard. This is a very unique situation to like put yourself in the shoes of because I've had people in group chats like like in college and musical theater that they had a group chat to make fun of me while I was on stage doing things. And obviously that was hurtful. But I feel like it was more intentionally bullying than this. So I'm like, I don't know. Sound off in the comments. I'm ready. Yeah, with this hurt. With this hurt your feelings. Maybe we do pull. If it's about something like saying circling back a lot. Yeah. Our crutch words that big of a deal. I don't know. We will see. The next comment down says, quote, now to circle back as to why we are having this documentic conversation in OP's future. Next comment down. OP taps phone screen. Next comment. Yeah. I can't believe OP things. Nine people who work together are going to keep a secret from someone who also works with them. Those are levels of optimism and naivety that you'd normally only see in kids who still believe in insert XYZ. In case anyone's listening with their children. Next comment down. Nine people can keep a secret if eight of them are dead. Okay. So our most of the comments being like, OP, this is mean. I'm not sure. Like a lot of people are like, K should just fuck with them once he finds out. Like say it 50 times in 50 minutes or something. Yeah. When I read K will never know, I was like, hmm, don't be so sure. So they're more just saying that it's silly that he thinks K will never find out. I mean, a lot of people are just like quoting OP K will never know narrator. K will in fact know. K might in fact know at this very moment says the next comment. Yeah. That's my concern too. It's like if you are stifling laughs while he is talking and you think he has no idea. I don't know. I mean, maybe you're getting away with it but not for long. No, someone in this comment has a decent amount of upvotes says bigger FU than you realize. They're going to find out soon enough. And while it started off as harmless once shared, it's borderline workplace bullying. You're completely at the mercy of how well they take it. Next comment. Sounds like OP will have to circle back and give us an update. Does OP circle back? So I used my newfound best friend website to see OP's comments. And we do not have an update on this yet. This post is only 16 days old. So we will see. I mean, OP has since commented on other Reddit posts afterwards. So seemingly an active real Reddit account, but didn't reply to any comments on this post. So they did include a picture of what the app looks like. And it's, I don't know, pretty generic little app. You just kind of funny, but unfortunately it's bullying. So it's hard because it is like the initial concept, like the idea of it is funny, but the practice of it is mean. Yeah. Well, I'm not sure how mean it is. And maybe as it progresses and it evolves and doesn't just impact K then it'll get funnier. Apparently the manager is involved and added moving forward while dealing with one of our very old clients. Okay, which like now you're kind of just being on professional. It's hard because we don't like have like a screenshot of the way that they're talking about it in the group chat, which maybe could make me feel, oh, this is harmless or it could go the other way. There is a comment here. Culture at our office is pretty cool. Our manager already started using it. K is annoying, but probably won't mind it.
We've already added a leaderboard. I think that K, even if K doesn't mind it, they would have appreciated it more to be included in it. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just getting weird vibes. I don't like it, but again, cares what you all say. Well, it's a 9v1 and that's tough. 9v1 is very tough. And it's not like your close friends. If it's close friends, I think that does make it a friend. Yeah, I would strangers co-workers. If my friends came to me and they were like, by the way, you've been using this word a lot lately and it's really funny to us and we've made a leaderboard of you saying it. I would be like, oh my god. Like, damn, okay, guys, I'll take the hint. Yeah, I'm so curious. I can't wait to see the comments on this one, but we're moving along. Okay. This one is coming from our such relationship advice titled my 27 female roommate 25 non-binary keeps masturbating with their door open. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We share a very small apartment. I moved in around a year and a half ago after they posted the listing online and we didn't know each other beforehand. We mostly keep to ourselves as much as two people can in a very small space. The issue started happening that I noticed maybe five or six months ago. While I was sitting in the living room, maybe 15 feet away from their open bedroom door and they were moaning very loudly like it was obvious. And I just froze because I didn't know what to do. Like, they obviously knew their door was open and they were making noise. I felt like either they must be obtuse, they aren't, or they're doing it on purpose. They even tried to talk to me after and I brushed them off. I texted my boyfriend to come and get me because I was uncomfortable and I went to stay with him for the night. Since then, it's happened at least six more times. Most of these times, I texted my boyfriend to go stay at his house, but he's out of town this weekend. They just did it again, louder than ever before when I'm in my bedroom directly next to them. I don't know what to do. It feels like harassment at this point because how could they not know what they're doing? But I'm stuck in the lease and I can't afford to move anyways. I don't even know how I can bring this up with them because one, it's awkward as hell. Two, what if somehow they don't know they're doing it so loudly and telling them makes them uncomfortable or resentful? I'm not sure how to go about it in the most respectful way. Three, they've yelled at me for ease dropping before when I heard what show they were watching in their room as I was in the kitchen and said that I liked it and they don't want them to yell at me again even though I can't fucking help having ears and four, if they are doing it on purpose, then what? I'm stuck here and don't know what to do at that point. So my question is how can I go about handling this in a safe way so I can feel comfortable in my own house while keeping the peace and having it be the least awkward as possible? What the hell? Oh my god, are you kidding? This is horrible and this is sexual harassment. Yes, absolutely. They're making you an unwilling participant in their sex acts. Like I initially, I don't know if it was when you read the title or something but my initial thought was like, are they using a vibrator and they think it's not that loud but it is so like it's uncomfortable because they know but blah, blah, blah. But then as you were reading it, I was like, oh, they are getting off on the fact that they know you can hear them. Yeah. It's like enjoying being filmed during sex, like making a sex tape or like enjoying public sex for like that is something people get off on and it is disgusting that they're doing this to you and at the end, like very understandable to say, I don't really know how to move forward from this because on the one hand bringing attention to it is awkward and I can't move. But then on the other, it seems like this person is escalating a little bit, like getting louder and it's definitely escalating. Yeah. It's just, oh, it's just a nightmare. They're definitely involving them in a sex act. It's definitely sexual harassment. It feels like exhibitionism. That's that's the word. Yeah. I would be really curious from like a legal standpoint. Since you're maybe subletting what your rights would be if they're creating an unsafe hostile and appropriate living space for you. Like, could you break your lease? I mean, seems like this person might have done this to the person that lived there before. Yeah. Like, they found this person in this roommate from seeing a post online and like not knowing them. Oh, my God. That's like a horse. Which makes it, it makes it even worse. Yeah. It's just some random stranger. I, I don't feel like confronting them is inappropriate. I think you should confront them and be like, Hey, I'm feeling like this is not a safe, healthy living space for me right now. It's very inappropriate that you continue to pleasure yourself with the door open. I feel like that is accurate. I feel like the way I would handle it is probably still trying to have some kind of plausible deniability just in the sense of maybe bringing up, Hey, I think we should talk about some ground rules involving sex, you know, because I have my boyfriend coming over some time and like, we have this, but I think if there's anything sexual going on, we should close our doors and try to like turn music or keep it, keep it as quiet as possible and let that plausible deniability aspect of it. Like, okay, that being step one, like I definitely think this other person deserves to get called out. Yeah. But I think like OP was saying it's hard in that situation to then move forward and not have like the most uncomfortable situation ever. So maybe you could have that conversation and then if they keep doing it, it's like, Hey, we talked about closing the doors. What happened to that? I thought we were shutting the doors. I don't know. This is scary. Need me to shut up for you. Slam. Yeah. Like I would start to go insane where I would get aggressive and I would slam their door. But it is also like a scary situation. I feel like there's the part of me that comes out of like, clearly a freak, not wanting to upset the other person and have it turn into not necessarily something violent, but it's just like, here's where I feel like I'm a little crazy. Like I want to get scrappy. Like point number two, what if somehow they don't know they're doing it so loudly and telling them makes them uncomfortable or resentful? I don't care about them at this point. They've done this now seven times. Yeah, but once they get violent, they live with them. Like, yeah, maybe you could beat them in a fight, but like you don't know what else they're capable of doing. Well, they get violent though. There's like, I'd run away, call the cops and then you're you're getting out of your lease. Yeah. You can't live with someone who's trying to kick your ass. Landlord is going to let you off the hook. Like I'm just like, I'm so mad. I hate also when you're in a like, I've had roommates before where the living situation became. Oh, I just can't use the living room. Like I'm either out of the house or I'm in my room with the door closed and that's what this feels like. It's going to become not fair, not healthy, horrible. Yeah. I mean, you have a roommate now. I haven't had a roommate in quite a few years, but roommates and roommate problems is really hard. It's so much drama. So much drama. It's so awkward. And it's a lot of times very and it's over super small, yeah, ridiculous things a lot of times. This is not one of those small things, but like leaving pots and pans in the sink. Like that's a huge one. Yeah. And like, I wonder if she could get her boyfriend to like just stay there more? Like can he just stay with her most of the time? No, some like safety. I'm not sure. Let's get into the comments and see what the people are saying. So the top comment, I'm seeing too many soft answers in my opinion. You really need to stand the fuck up and stop that shit in the moment. Put a hard no down and call them out verbally. Quote, what if they don't know they're doing this? Bruh, what? This is definitely intentional and harassment. Don't start a physical altercation. Stand your ground and let it be known. It's unacceptable. No. If someone is this comfortable pulling this, it's just a matter of time before it's something else. Yeah. If they were closing the door, there would maybe be like, oh, they don't know that they're that you can hear them. Yeah. But the fact that they are keeping the door open and being very loud, of course, they know. And then trying to engage afterwards in normal conversation. God. And they know that you can hear their TV. No, they're in it. They're definitely in it. There's no. You did not consent now in my mind. That explains this away. I would literally shout, I do not consent. Yeah. Yeah. Someone goes like if their doors open, stand in the hallway and be like, hey, I can hear you jacking off because your door is open. Close the goddamn door. It's common sense you're making me uncomfortable. And then they go after that. That or file or straining order. Next comment, I would tell them to cut it out.
or you're contacting the police. Oh my God. Next comment, this is sexual harassment. Next comment, people aren't taking this as seriously as it is. It is absolutely a form of sexual harassment. O.P., you need to make a clear boundary. If you don't feel comfortable saying it to their face, you can text them and say something like, "I've noticed you sometimes masturbate with your door open. "It makes me uncomfortable. "So can you please shut your door during those times?" If they still try to do it or try to guilt you, then I'd start looking at kicking them out or other living situations. O.P. does respond, "This is what I feel like. "Thank you for outlining the text message." I would be nervous sending that text message because I almost feel like the roommate would use that against them. It would be like, "Oh, you're watching me masturbate "when my door is open. "I don't know. I don't know." I'm scared of this person. I'm definitely scared of them. People can twist things. You can even make your text message more to the point. Hey, I've noticed that you leave your door open as you're pleasuring yourself. It makes me really uncomfortable. I'm not always able to leave the house. I try to because it's so disturbing to me. If you really want to go down that thing to be like, "You're making this an uninhabitable living "in my way by not maintaining normal human decency in boundaries." Yeah, 'cause if you send a text just being like, "I've been noticing your masturbating with the door open." I feel like it could be turned on you. No, I'm not saying that's a trickie word. I don't know. That's a trickie word. OP does have a couple other comments. I'm thinking I could do that or scream at the top of my lungs. Maybe then they'd get the point. I mean, the neighbors can probably hear them. This is an interesting comment. OP says, "They close their door when they want privacy." So this feels intentional. My door is always closed. I also don't think I should have to wear headphones in my own home when I'm watching TV or playing games in the living room or sitting in my room. Just to drown out they're obnoxiously loud and disrespectful moaning. Oh my God. I have had noise canceling headphones on in past events and I could still hear them as well. "What the hell is going on in there?" Mm, mm, mm. OP says, "I cannot make this up." They just started doing it again. So I screamed at the top of my lungs and they stopped. Then texted me if I'm okay. I'm gonna text them back about it tomorrow when my boyfriend gets back and I'm with him just to be safe. Wait, huge update. So they handled it by screaming, love, love. When was that comment? That was the same day as the original post. Do we get an update? I'm not sure. I'm scrolling up. There's no update on the post itself. Yeah. A lot of people are like, "Why aren't you just confronting them?" And OP says, "Because if they're doing it intentionally, then I don't want to get violence." Yeah, it's scary. Yeah, OP is like, it's almost like some people has to worry about their safety. I'm also disabled and cannot just move out of my apartment because my disability has kept me from working for a while. So I can't afford to do so. And I have to consider that as well. If I can front them and they become hostile, the situation becomes 100% worse, which is why I'm here asking for advice on how to do it. Yeah. And I think that that was sort of why I responded the way I did earlier of like there is a way that this person deserves to like for the situation to be handled because they're so awful. But then there's also a way that OP might have to handle the situation just to get out of it safely or like just to move on in their lease or whatever it might be. And those unfortunately aren't really the same thing. So the original post is five days old. The last comment we have from OP is four days old. Haven't confronted yet. My boyfriend's flight was delayed. So he's picking me up soon. And I'm going to do it tomorrow. So that would have been three days ago. Are they okay? However, we do not have any updates. Oh my God, OP, if you're out there, are you okay? I'm going to send them a chat right now. I'll be like, hey, like imagine setting your makeup then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin. That still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Mavily. Just want to make sure you're good. Just say you're good, oh my God. But okay, we're moving on to this next one. This is a bit of a doozy as well. I'm super sorry for everything today. A lot of rakes are needed. I'm worried about what kind of doozy this is going to be. There's so many different kind of doozy. I love the word doozy though. It is a good one. What's another word that would like make sense? A marvel, a wonder, a hum-dinger. Hum-dinger, hum-dinger's cool. Hum-dinger. This is coming from our social relationship advice. Also five days old. It is titled, "My boyfriend, 25 male, saw an old video of me, 24 female, and was disgusted. How can I get over this?" I never thought I'd be making an advice post on Reddit, but everyone in my present life is super split on the issue and can't really relate. I genuinely don't know how to fix this. So my boyfriend, 25 male and I, 24 female, have been together a little over a year. We met at a literary convention last year as I'm an elementary school teacher with a love of reading and he is working towards becoming an English professor. Our relationship is the first truly long-term one I've had and has had no major issues. He is considerate and communicative and extremely affectionate in both words and actions. Even with people he doesn't like, he is always willing to give the benefit of the doubt and avoids saying bad things about them. This is why what happened last week was so shocking to me. For context, I struggled with weight quite a bit growing up. Up until I was 20, I was always on the heavier side, which greatly impacted my confidence and life experience. During my sophomore year in college, I had a dramatic event occur involving a group of girls and a prank that made me realize just how much my weight impacted other people and how they viewed me and would impact my future. Following that, I lost 100 pounds in two years and made some substantial life changes, including a large amount of the people in it. The changes to my appearance also didn't stop with my weight, as during this time I changed my style, haircut, color, and the way I did my makeup. All of this to say, it was quite a dramatic transformation, so it's not unreasonable for someone to not recognize me. In addition to that, the vast majority of people currently in my life only know the me post weight loss, and it's not something I advertise. Last week an old college friend of mine came to stay with me as she was attending a wedding in the area. She was my roommate throughout school, so she had a front row seat to the entirety of the events. Since I don't talk much about my time in college, my boyfriend was extremely interested in hearing her stories. His interest was peaked when she mentioned a dance competition we won early sophomore year. This culminated in her scrolling back through her camera roll to find a video of the performance and showing him. During this I was finishing cleaning up dinner and I only walked out when they were actively watching the video. I saw his face recoil in disgust as she pointed out the section that I was in. He asked, quote, "The one next to the humpback?" My friend looked at me in complete shock and concern and I knew immediately what had happened. She told him no and quickly pulled her phone away. I clarified that the humpback was me and I asked him to leave for the night. He immediately looked devastated and started apologizing profusely, saying he had no idea and that he would never speak like that about me. I told him he just did and said that I needed space. He left after more apologizing and my friend apologized as well, saying that she didn't know he would respond that way. I said it was fine but ended up crying most of the night. The next morning he intercepted me on my daily run with flowers and coffee and apologized again, saying I was the most beautiful girl he knew. I said it was fine but I told him to keep the gifts for now since I had to finish my run. I'm pretty thick-skinned when it comes to comments about my body but something about him saying something like that isn't leaving me. I feel the urge to recoil every time he touches me and haven't been reaching out for the last week. He's noticed, of course, and apparently brought it up to one of our mutual friends to ask for advice. His friend found an old picture of me through a college acquaintances Instagram and it's now spread through our friend group. I've had multiple of them reaching out to me saying there is no way he could have known or that it was a fair response and I shouldn't be upset since I knew he was into fit girls. I thought he was into me. I told them to stay out of it and ask my boyfriend why he involved them. He became furious once he found out what they did and started crying, saying he didn't want to lose me and he didn't know what to do.
do. I tried to tell him it was fine, but he told me he knows it's not because I don't look at him like I love him anymore. I don't know. He's a great guy. We're happy. People are allowed to have types. It's just that nothing feels the same anymore. I can't look at him the same. I don't want to lose him either over one small thing. Is there any advice about how I can get over this? This didn't go the way I thought it was going to go. I thought when she was just scribing how kind he is and how hard he tries to not say mean things about people, the old video of her was going to be like her being mean or like her saying something, like making fun of somebody. And then when the disgusting thing happened to literally be about her appearance, I was like, oh my god. That's, and it's so hard because it's already very difficult, I think, to look at the most embarrassing times of your life and have love for yourself in those times. I think that's very important and it's something everyone struggles with. Whether it was that drastic of a difference or not, everyone I think goes through a phase where they're kind of cringy to see back on that person and I think it's so important to find love for them. How do you get there when you see the person you're with, recoil and say something mean for the first time that you've ever heard about you? They've never even been mean about anyone else and the first time you're hearing it, they're doing it about you. One so unprovoked. Oh, is she the one next to the humpback? And why? Why did you find an necessarily like dig on this person that you don't even know? You could have just been like, oh, the one next to that girl and point to the person. Yeah. Why did you feel the need to like tear apart this other person? It is showing an ugly side of him. And this is something that you did as a group, a dance competition was this with your sorority? Like, how does he not know that that's one of your other friends? That's what I was going to say. It's either like you aren't sure who's in the video. All you know is that one of them is your girlfriend. And then everyone else is her friends. So either way you should be treading carefully. It really sucks. And then why are all of these friends coming out unprovoked to say, by the way, yeah, you were ugly as fuck. That's a fair reaction. Why are you mad about it? Go step on a Lego, get out of my face. Also, if any, this is not what you do. I don't even know if she's mad, she's hurt. And to be like trying to police her hurt about this, it's like, no, I'm going to feel the way it makes me, this is me. Like, that is me. Even if you want to comfort someone and be like, Hey, like you're trying to make this right. Yeah. And you don't want to see your friends break up because you know they're great together. And this is a really unfortunate situation. You could be like, Hey, I kind of heard what happened. I just want you to know like I'm thinking of you. John loves you. You know, I hope you don't take this to heart. Yeah. You can be supportive. But to then be like, there's no way he could have known. I mean, it's a fair response. Yeah. It's a fair response. You shouldn't be upset. You should have known that he's in the fit girls. Oh my God, I forgot that part. Why are you guys sliding me? That's so unprovoked. And then like the way OP says after that, I thought he was into me. Yeah. Oh, so like no one's ever going to always look the way that they look when you fall in love with them. And I think, you know, it's very normal to be like, we're going to get old. Our bodies are going to change. Like this is going to change. That's going to change. And you're going to need to continue loving me through all those phases. So I think it's very reasonable to be like, I would have hoped you would have loved me then to. It almost reminds me of like the scene in Pride and Prejudice where Mr. Darcy's asking Elizabeth to marry him. And he's like, I, you know, in spite of your family and how lowly they are and how improper they are. I still love you. And she's like, in spite of. Yeah. It's like just love me. Yeah. Like it's just me. And it's okay if he's like, not necessarily attracted, like super sexually attracted to every version of her. I mean, she was also much younger than like, I don't think you necessarily need to look at old pictures of your partner and be like, yep, still would. But I think that's very different from like repulsion. I think this is a good point to bring up though, because we talk about this quite a bit on stories. And I've seen us kind of get chirped for it in the context of some other stories where people are like, it's fair that they're not attracted to them. Like everyone's entitled to their own attraction, which I do agree with. But what do you do when you sign up to do life with someone? Yeah. And then they change. Say it's because of childbirth. And they're like, I'm not attracted to you anymore. It's like, fuck, like, okay, I guess you're entitled to that, but it still doesn't make it any less shitty. And I thought you would love me regardless because it has to be deeper than that. Like, yes, attraction is often the first thing. But then also attraction grows. Like attraction is based on like the person that you love becomes the most attractive person in the world to you, not just because they are so attractive, but it's because of all the other things. Yeah, mind, body and soul. It's very reasonable for you to like look different and still expect them to be attracted to you because I am your like partner in life, I'm me. I'm your person. That pissed. That pissed. And it is like, I think there are plenty of situations where if you're like rejecting someone because you're not attracted to them, yes, of course, that's like reasonable. But I think when you're in a relationship with someone and you're in love with them, I think it's fair to expect a little bit more. Yeah. How to get over this? I think time, if you really love this person, and you see a future with them, I will say he does seem like he's trying to make amends. And like the fact that then he found out that your friends got involved and he's crying. And I know evil people can cry too. But I do feel like he's genuine in his remorse. I do believe he feels horrible about this. And he's like got this constant loop in his head of, why did I say that? I can't believe I said that. Oh, my God. You know, I do feel that from the little that I know from this story. It is another situation. And this comes up a lot in the stories that we read of like having to be honest with yourself. Is this something I can get over? Because I don't think it makes him a horrible person necessarily. It's just that's a really tough thing to see your partner say about you. Yeah. And can you can you get over that? I know. I would have to have a really deep conversation and a big heart to heart and just say like I feel like going forward, this could create kind of a complex in my mind. Like yeah, especially what happens if we decided to have kids. And I gain weight. Are you going to think less of me? Like I does make me nervous about our future. And maybe any shallowness. I'm like trying to like have a really nice way of saying it. But it's just like it just makes me feel very vulnerable. And like your love could be fickle. I think that's that's huge. Having that conversation of like if your love for me is just based on this, how can I see you as the person I grow old with? What if I want to have children? Yeah. Is your love fickle? And do you think that way about other people that you don't know like genuinely? Because like that's just not nice. Yeah. Like I want to be someone who's nice. Yeah. The other option was it was one of my friends. And I also wouldn't be okay with you talking about one of my friends like that by the way. Yeah. I would add that. I would add that as a part of this conversation. Yeah. And I do think like maybe some couples therapy could be good if if you really do want to work on it. Top comment on this one though with 11,000 upvotes. Since the comments all seem to be along the same vein, I will just point out a couple of things. One, he exposed how he thinks about women. He doesn't find attractive. And that says a lot about his character. Two, I think this is so deep for you because gaining weight is always possible. How is he going to react and feel if you're pregnant? Or if something happened and you couldn't keep up with your exercises, everyone deserves to feel secure in their relationship. His comment, stole your security. Wow. That's really good. I know so many women who have gotten pregnant and have never had their husbands even say anything like this to them, but they still are insecure about how different they look. You know, they're still like, oh my god, I don't feel like my body is my body anymore. I'm so uncomfortable. And so then to sort of have this already in the back of her mind, it is, it is very unsettling. That's a really good point. Really good point. A lot of people respond to that and kind of share their experiences. Someone says this, I had a big glow up in my 20s and my first boyfriend after said nothing above a size 12 should exist. I was like, well, I've been a 14. So in that case, I ceased existing a long time ago. After that, I was pretty careful about who I went on dates with. I started using makeup free photos when I used dating apps and didn't dress up. The contrast made me realize that while you
have more dating options, a lot of these options are worse quality, shallow, et cetera. Often the signs are there, but in a way they talk about others, not necessarily us, while we fit their perfect idea of what a woman should be. I think that really goes to the fact that it's worse because it's you, but it wouldn't even matter if it were someone else because you talking that way about another woman is like. It's icky. Yeah. It is icky. And everything you say about other women will eventually turn on me. You might love me now, but when we get into a fight or when this, we go through a hard time, when I become unattractive, if these are your beliefs, beliefs about women or unattractive women or whatever, women that don't fit your mold of what you find attractive. Just because you don't find someone attractive doesn't mean you should think less of them. I think people have a really hard time with that sometimes. There was this little public experiment video I saw where this girl dresses up in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and is going through a crosswalk or trying to do something and drops a bunch of stuff. And when she's in the grubbier, perceived outfit, people don't stop to help her. But then she was wearing a dress or a literal tutu or something crazy, and she kept dropping stuff and everyone just flocked to help her. I think people would cross the street, like they were going the opposite direction. They would cross the street to come help her. And it's just like just because you don't perceive someone attractive, they're less worthy of help or respect or I mean, that's a huge conversation. They're like the halo effect, even when children are in school, teachers will assume more attractive students are in more intelligent and they'll call on them more and they'll help them more. Or they can't do evil things. Yes. The halo effect is crazy. There's a couple of other comments, just, you know, people joking like exactly when I was 24, 25, I was a snack at 37. I'm still a snack, but I've put on quite a lot of weight and it wasn't on purpose. Life happens. Next comment down at 56, I just eat all the snacks. Next comment. Someone's bringing snacks. Where do we meet? And as you should, like you should feel comfortable and safe enough to do those things that you love and not being constant fear and micromanaging what you eat and how much you're working out and XYZ because if you don't, then you will not be loved anymore. There's another comment here with 13,000 upvotes. You've just found out that he is one of those people that would have treated you like that group of girls in college did. He would currently treat you that way if you were still overweight. Not wanting to date someone that is overweight is okay, but treating them like they're less than human is not. And calling whoever he thought that was in that picture a humpback is treating them as less than human. He may seem great to you, but he wouldn't be if you were fat. And how would he treat you if you got pregnant? His values are subpar. Also like compared to a woman to an animal, humpback, hunchback, like all of the humpback whale, right? Yeah, yeah, which basically like who's that whale? Yeah. Okay. He said a specific breed of whale still meant to infer whale and a lot of people just kind of keep going down the rabbit hole like it says a lot about him. Your boyfriend calls fat people humpback. What a disgusting guy I'd break up over him calling someone else that let alone me. And fortunately, we do get an update. No way. It is one of the longest updates I've seen in a while. Oh, God. I have not read it. I actually just fucking found it as I went to go look for opus comments. So I have no idea what we're about to do. We don't even know if it's negative or positive. I have no idea. I'm so scared and I have to pee. And I'm like, I genuinely don't think I can read this without peeing because I'm so scared I might pee my pants. No. Okay, pee. Go pee girl. I'm so scared. Okay. Here we go, y'all. Update. I want to start by saying how amazed I am by the amount of support I've received in the last few days. It's been very overwhelming in a multitude of ways and I genuinely feel the love tough or otherwise through the screen. Also, I've never done this before. I'm not completely certain on proper update procedure. So I apologize if I missed something rule wise. Before we get into it, I want to clarify a few things really quickly. My boyfriend has been aware that I had a weight loss journey since pretty early in the relationship. Though I've been extremely lucky in the loose skin department due to a trainer who knew what they were doing and my naturally curvy body type, I still have a substantial amount of stretch marks. We've spoken about it, but I haven't felt the need to share exact numbers. I know now he thought it was closer to 25 pounds of loss, not 100. This is why I brought up the other changes in my appearance as to why it was reasonable for him to not recognize me. Additionally, I've never been big on social media and I live in a different state than I grew up, so I went to school in. So there aren't a lot of ways for people to stumble upon what I used to like naturally. Understand why there was some confusion as to how this hasn't come up before. So I hope that gives a better idea. Like I said, I don't really feel the need to talk about it, but it definitely isn't treated as some dark secret like some of you were imagining. Also, I do my runs before work as luckily my school district has a later start time for elementary and typically stay late on Mondays, so my boyfriend likely thought catching me on my route would be the only way he could talk to me in person that day. Gifts and gestures are a big part of my love language, so the thought was there, but it definitely wasn't the time. Lastly, to those who were curious as to what my type was, my boyfriend is actually on the Huskier side himself. I've always liked broader guys, so wait has never been a huge issue for me. Apparently, after our conversation on Saturday, my boyfriend talked to the mutual friend and called them out for digging for that photo and betraying confidence. I know this because in tandem with hundreds of Reddit comments, I woke up Sunday morning to find a lengthy voice note from her. She called me a liar for not being up front with him or the rest of our friends about what kind of person I used to be and accused me of trying to isolate him from a support system that actually cares about him. Wait, who, who was this mutual friend? The one that was texting her, not the one who accidentally showed the photo, right? No. That person seemed like normal and like it was truly just a genuine mistake. Also, that person didn't have a problem with how she looked. They were friends. They were roommates. They lived together. So it's not like she's sharing this big, horrible thing. Right. That's just her friend. Yeah. And he asked, I was wondering how that was going to come about and it sounded very natural. This is the friend that the boyfriend reached out to to try to get a second opinion on it. Okay. And then that person went and dug for photos and shared it with the friend group. Okay. This also feels like kind of a red flag. Like, why is your closest friend interpreting the situation this way? It's extremely weird. In the midst of this tirade, she let slip, likely intentionally, that she couldn't believe he was actually planning on proposing to me. Oh, she likes him, that motherfucking bitch. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah. That makes sense. How dare you isolate him from a support system that actually cares about him. I can't believe he was going to propose to you. Oh, this was how I learned about that. So clearly, as one might imagine, I was very overwhelmed. Suffice to say, she was blocked immediately. My phone was quickly put on do not disturb and I ended up taking a me day, mostly to distract myself if I'm being honest. In other news, Project Hail Mary was great. So good. So good. And I found a really cool tree-shaped bookshelf for my classroom while thrifting. Reading through the comments that night, I was extremely disheartened. I know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't 95% of people telling me to break up with him immediately. My heart was broken, hearing some of your stories, and I was deeply touched by the honest care put into the advice. After some ruminating, I ended up going to his apartment late last night. He looked happy when I asked if we could talk and said we could do it there since his roommates were out. Honestly, I had a clear plan about what I was going to say and how I was going to say it, but it very quickly went out of the window. I started with telling him that what happened really hurt me and was flabbergasted when he immediately started tearing up. When I asked him, he said that he had been absolutely terrified the last week because he had never seen me shut down like that, and that he was relieved I was willing to talk about it now. I was taken aback, but also realized he was right. We are extremely communicative normally, but I hadn't been at a place to talk about this issue, even though he's brought it up several times. Even now, going back to reread my first post, I was completely locked down emotionally, which I don't blame myself for, but it's fair that it was staggering for him. His last relationship was extremely emotionally manipulative and the silent treatment was a big thing his ex used to punish him with. I think that's why they scared him so much. I apologized for not being honest with how I was feeling even if I wasn't ready to talk yet an asked if you.
was willing to discuss it now. He agreed. I asked him why he would say something so out of character for him, and he said he didn't know. When I pushed a bit further, he said he just wanted my college friend to like him and was trying to match her sense of humor. In all fairness, she is not the most modest in conversation and uses brash language and insults quite often. Very much the scary exterior soft interior type. Even though she doesn't make weight comments, it wouldn't feel out of the genre to people who don't know that. However, he doesn't typically get anxious around new people or change his behavior to fit in, so I brought this up and said that didn't fall in line with what I knew to be true about him. He agreed, it wasn't typical for him, and that he was just as surprised since he had never felt that way when meeting the friends and family of previous girlfriends. He said he's never felt this strongly about someone before, and that he thinks realizing what love actually feels like made him terrified of losing it. He knows I value her opinion quite highly, which may have intensified that feeling. I asked him if he thought him insulting a woman's appearance would impress me. You know, the actual person he's in a relationship with, and he said no. I asked him if he would still feel sorry for saying it. If it hadn't been me, he was talking about. And he said he felt horrible while saying it and regretted it instantly. I asked him why he didn't say that then. Instead of that, he would never say anything like that about me specifically. And he said he was so worried by the fact that he hurt me that it was all he could think about. I asked if he would still think I was the most beautiful girl if down the line I gained weight or got an injury. And he said you would be my girl. We sat in silence for some time after that, and honestly, I broke down. He immediately rushed to come for me. When I was in the process of losing weight, while still surrounded by not great people, I was in lockdown mode all of the time. My walls were extremely thick and I got good at emotionally detaching from people and situations in order to continue bettering myself. I think hearing him say something like that about the old me threw me right back into that mindset. I was expecting to be hurt every time he touched me or spoke to me. And mentally, I put him in a category of unsafe for her. Reading the comments definitely exacerbated that. I have always been extremely protective of her. She deserved so much better. Oh, there's a good way we cry. Oh no, that's really hard. She's still me. And if I could have wished for anything for her, it would have been to have someone like Ben, someone who's willing to fight for her to be patient with her, and who feels so strongly about her that the thought of losing her brings him to tears. I never thought I would find someone like that. He made a mistake, an awful one, and I know most of you might hate my decision, which is fair, but I'm willing to forgive that. I've seen how he treats people in daily life from servers to strangers, and he is genuinely a kind person. I'm pretty sure he's my person. Our mutual friend who sent that photo around, on the other hand, is no longer in either of our lives. After listening to the voice note she sent, Ben has decided to follow suit with blocking her. Once asked, he admitted that he was planning to propose on our trip to the mountains this summer, and I felt extremely betrayed that she would tell me that conversation revealed quite a few other troubling things about that friend in particular, but that's not relevant here. But I want to know. It's kind of relevant to us. Our other mutual friends who saw fit to involve themselves are now very aware that there is a firm boundary there and that they shouldn't be upset about it since they knew I was into people who mined their own business. I'm giving some grace there, since a lot of them knew about the proposal and were freaking out that it might be in jeopardy. As most of you guessed, most of our mutual friends are Ben's friends. My girls would have never, ever involved themselves like that. Okay, that makes me feel a lot better. I was like, why are her friends doing this? And are extremely loyal to me, which is why I didn't ask for their advice on the situation, because they would likely hate him forever no matter what I decided. Most of them do really like him now, but the like is completely conditional on my love for him. I did advise Ben that I would like to wait a bit longer before a proposal, maybe closer to the two-year point, but that we could discuss him potentially moving in with me in the next few months. I was a bit hesitant to post this, since I know it's not the update you were waiting for, but I've grown and changed so much over my short life, and I do believe other people should have the opportunity to do so as well. If teaching children has taught me anything, it's that they are more than capable of it, as long as they're given a loving hand and some grace. I told him about this post and at his insistence, let him read through the comments. It was not a fun experience to say the least, seeing the speculations on how he would treat his future students or our children was particularly horrifying. He would like me to thank you all for looking out for me, and agrees that bringing coffee as a gift to someone on a run was not the best idea. Okay, sure. I mean, I'm, yeah, that's fine. Good. They worked it out. I'm not like, oh my god, fairy tale. That's, this is the best thing ever. Perfect, but you know, I'm happy that they're able to work it out. Yeah, I, I mean, it's hard because like, I, I've talked about this with Lauren recently, and we talked about it on an episode where it's like, you have to forgive yourself for things you did when you were younger or when you were less educated or XYZ. And I get wanting to impress someone or whatever. Like, we've all said something stupid or put our foot in it to look cool in front of other people. Yeah, I kind of, I don't know, I kind of didn't like how often he was like, kind of becoming the victim in these conversations. Like, I don't know, with the friend and with his mutual friends. And then the first interaction of them was him being like, and you weren't talking to me and I'm crying. And like, I don't, it was just like a lot of like, his feelings. And yeah, and like, well, even that did kind of hurt me when he was like, well, you shut down. And you didn't communicate. And it's like, well, yeah, like, I needed space after this horrible thing happened. Yeah. Other people are saying I should have broken up with you. So it's like, I think space is reasonable. But I mean, if they can work through it and they're happy together, that's great. That's what matters most at the end of the day. I do think if a woman did this, people would be matter, but whatever. It is interesting. I wonder if gender would flip it at all. I'm not sure. A lot of people are in the comments on the update being like, this is fake. What? A lot of people. Why? AI slop. But looking at, but there were so many like typos and stuff right there. So many typos. This account is five years old. This post is five days old. So I mean, this person has been active in relationship advice. Do people just say that on every post now, though, or like, is this one particularly getting more accusations of that? I think that's a lot of posts. And I think, I think honestly, the minute someone sees a post where the person wrote halfway decent, yeah, gave details and gave a story. Yeah. I think people are like, AI. And it's like, this is a school teacher. She knows how to fucking write. Yeah. If I have to, if it is AI, okay, but like, I think people can write like this. This sounded very normal to me. I mean, I've never used AI. So I actually don't really like know the tells in that way. As much besides, I know that the, like, the long m dash is a big thing. Yeah. It's not just this. It's this. Which is so frustrating for me, because I love a dash. I love that. Not the long one, though. But also I just saw something about someone putting a part of weathering heights into the AI detector. And it came back like 100% AI. I get being cautious about it in other parts of the life. But I feel like it's so, first of all, low stakes on a Reddit post. Like, you don't really need to be on high alert about a Reddit post, even as real or not. Also, this is one of the most plausible posts. I think I read, this has happened. Yeah. Either way, this has happened. And I do believe that this specific scenario is real, but also besides that, this has happened. Also, like, okay, let's look at this account. It's five years old, looking at the achievements on this account. So based on how you use Reddit, you can unlock awards and achievements. This person has Reddit streak awards unlocked. They were on a five day streak in August of 2024. They unlocked hometown hero awards in October of 24, cool comment awards. They've unlocked a bunch of community moderation awards. I mean, they've been unlocking awards since early 2024. Yeah. So if you're going to create an account to share like a fake story for Karma, it's going to be a week old. It's going to be maybe even a month old. I don't know.
find it hard to believe that it would be a five-year-old account. It's also, again, I don't know, do you really get anything when you create these fake accounts and get all this karma? Like, what do you do? What are you doing? If someone was like doing back flips and then this person stole, burned her house down and someone, you know, I don't know, this just isn't crazy. They had a conversation. This is a very normal way to solve a relationship problem. I don't know. I don't know. I don't get it. But there's like no good comments on the update. It's literally all that. What? Yeah. Wait, now I'm curious about if like the listeners heard anything in that that sounded like AI to them. But then even if someone wrote something and then ran it through AI, like it could still be true. Yeah, some people do say, like, there's a thread here, yeah, it's fake. Next comment. It's always a tip off when their writing is too prosaic. And then someone comments back and they go, just start a curiosity. What happens if someone who is good at writing has a situation and needs advice? Yeah. I, I don't get it. Like that's, that's very weird. Yeah. AI is trained on like all of the literature that's ever been and like humans. So it's based, like AI isn't based on anything humans can't do. AI is trained on humans. So a lot of people are like, I don't know why. But it was the project Hail Mary part for me. Someone down goes, when I saw that, it made me think that this whole thing was an ad for the movie. What? I don't know. It's chat LGBT bringing a project Hail Mary to people. I don't know, but it's also, it is one of the best movies I've seen. It was so good. And the book is really, really long times if you, if you're someone who like liked science fiction as a kid, but you just haven't really been into science fiction in a while. Like project Hail Mary, I was like, oh my god, I need to get back into that genre. The movie was great. I'm going to start reading the book after Accotar. I already got through fourth wing, as you guys know, unreal, incredible. I want other people to experience that joy that I went through that I'm like, I'm going to buy 10 people the book just like so we can all be in it together. But I do want to do the audio book of project Hail Mary because I've heard it's such a good audio book. Ray Porter, the person who narrates it is just like, I've heard clips and it is so good in his voice. We had also text me your thoughts about Accotar because I'm like a little bit in. I'm like, it's kind of a slower one to get into for me. Yeah. It wasn't. I think you might end up feeling the same of like enjoyed it, but fourth wing was like just perfect. It was exactly what I wanted. I'm touched. I keep seeing her Instagram posts about like her starting working on the fourth one. I'm like, Rebecca, come to LA. Rebecca. Oh. Oh no. Can we be friends, Rebecca? Can I get an early copy? I'll, you know, I'll spot some typos. I actually did. I signed a book. I'll take a signed book. I found a typo in one of the books. Send it. Post it. Post it. I'm so curious. Okay. Moving on to this next one. Would you like to get pissed off? Yeah. Why not? This next one is quite concerning. And I feel like with the rise of certain documentaries like the Manosphere, it's probably good to talk about this, this one is this going to be like an alpha male like pick up artist type thing? Is this looks maxing? Is it? You'll see. There's so many different types of Manosphere content. This is from our slash relationship advice titled my boyfriend 28 male thinks the reason why he can't finish is because I'm 20 female too big from the inside. This is a bit personal, but I'm from a very conservative locality. So I have no one to talk to. My boyfriend of two years has been great in bed during the early stages of the relationship, but now either he finishes to early or doesn't finish at all. I assumed maybe because he has some issues related to performance or something, but I don't know. Then I finally asked him, quote, why do you leave mid act? He tells me he feels some kind of pain, I said, quote, then don't walk away like that. I feel lonely, just leave it and be with me. The convo ended on that, but I asked him again today, and he told me that he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but the real reason why he didn't want to finish was that my birthing canal is too big. That's what I thought he meant. I just wasn't totally sure, oh God, therefore he doesn't feel anything. I feel so insecure now. Is it true that you grow too much, that your significant other doesn't feel anything? I don't even know what to do about it. It's not something I can fix, you know? Go fuck someone else if they feel it. That's my problem. He's, I think, got some issues, and my immediate, immediate thought was, I think he might have given himself death grip syndrome. What is that? Yeah. It sounds like a two-tight death grip syndrome, or he's scared. He's scared that he's, no, no, no, he's like, he's probably watching one. I think he's watching too much for porn addiction is my first thought, always. Yeah. It's either porn addiction or like, he literally did the death grip syndrome thing. You basically jerk off to where you like have such a threshold that you literally almost need to like squeeze your dick apart in order to come. Sorry. Guys, sorry. That sound was probably so loud. I've read a comment on a post about death grip syndrome before, and someone was like, yeah, you basically beat it like it owes you money. Yeah. Like, it's, it's a thing. It can happen. I mean, I've also seen jokes about that, like, for women, like, using a vibrator on two-hives setting. Yeah. Like, it's a similar stimulus. I think. I think. It's not a certain point. You know, however much time. But then it's like, yeah, if you're doing that every day, then you're going to be feeling that every day. Mm-hmm. Oh my God. Yeah. I really think, and this is just my very reasonable level-headed advice. She has got to go fuck somebody else. And then interview. Please don't. Please don't fuck him again. And then interview him. It's like that information back to this guy is, what the hell? Also, wait, she's 20. What did you say? His age was 8. I was just going to go there. He is 28. He was worried. As soon as he said 20, I was like, oh, maybe I'm as hard. Okay. Hate that. Also. Yeah. Legal, obviously, not end of the world, but that's quite a difference. It's quite a difference when you have the person also start shaming them. Like, your vagina is too big. You're gapped. Can't feel it. I actually, I feel nothing. Also, just like out of nowhere, things were fine, and now all of a sudden, what my vagina grew to inches. How did that happen? Well, they've also been together two years. That's what I'm saying. They started dating when she was 18, and it was 26. A rake is not enough. Hamster ball down a hill. What are we thinking? It's hard because this is, I think, a bigger issue for more men than it feels comfortable for them to talk about, like the sensitivity issues, either that or not being able to get it up or not being able to finish, or performance issues and anxiety in general. I think that this could be something that they could have talked about, and maybe looked into all the possible reasons. I know. I know. I feel like I heard something lately where it's erectile dysfunction is becoming a lot more common. Yeah. That's what I was trying to get to, and that probably does have something to do with porn and only fit. I do feel like it's becoming more and more prevalent, but I just, I really hate this, and it feels sinister, and it feels like an attempt to sort of drag her down, control her, kind of project any possible issues he's having onto her, never even consider that he could just be having performance issues, like, oh no, it can't be me. Well, I think a big part of it, too, is like, I think it is the porn, but also I'm looking just to make sure, and like, fact check us in the moment here, and it is definitely becoming way more common, particularly among men under 40. That's what I've heard. And that's why it's significant, is because it's happening sooner and more often. Yeah. No. ED is increasingly diagnosed in men in their 20s and 30s. One study indicating 34% of men under 40. And this is like, I feel like if you look at ED and how it's been presented in movie and pop culture and like, you know, what is in the zeitgeist. Yeah. You hear ID for like older men. Yeah. It's older and it becomes a problem or you're too drunk and it's a problem and you don't really talk about all the other reasons that it could happen. Performance anxiety is a major contributor. Diabetes and health things can be another diet exercise, but also smoking tobacco. Yeah. Like, think about how many people nowadays, they vape or they do the pouches, like, zen. Yeah. I feel like if I had, if I had a dick, I think I would get performance anxiety. sometimes.
- I feel like I would too. - Like I can imagine that if it's more of a visible thing, you'd be a little bit anxious from time to time. - It's also one of those things I feel like having a dick during sex, like it's also seemingly harder to fake. So it's like, oh totally. - You like hats. - Which kind of kind of benefits them. That's why they always get what they want and girls a lot of the time don't. - One I think, it's also one of those things. Like women, it's not comfortable to be like, I can't have an orgasm. Like there's a stigma around it. You wanna be good and bad and like all of this stuff. So it's like, I make them feel good about what they're doing. - So I get why it's hard to communicate, especially when you're younger and don't really understand what it takes to get you to come. And like obviously, I think orgasms for women are a lot more difficult. Like I don't know, I feel like clits are complicated little things. But there's 8,000 nerve endings are over. Like, yeah, there's a lot of nerves. - It's more, it's not impossible though. - And for a lot of people, like if you have a clit, like you also have a more like mental orgasm versus physical and reflexive and it's kind of the same. - Yeah, it's a combination of what you've been doing throughout the day. Have you been kind to me? Have you been like, (laughs) but also, did I get a compliment? - I compliment equals come. - Yes. - And also the other thing that pissed me off about the story that I kind of forgot 'cause I was getting mad about other stuff is the fact that like if I were sleeping with someone and they just got up in the middle and left the room, like let's talk about that. - What are you doing? - What the hell? And then he's saying it hurts, but that was a lie. - It was a lie? - Yeah. - 'Cause when he said that, I was like, well maybe you need to eat or more what? Like if it's hurting, maybe that's also another. - Or Loub. - Yeah, or use, yeah. - Loub, like totally. - Bring out the coconut oil. - Let's go. - Bring out whatever. - Sure, I mean, I have to say this, like just to be crystal clear, if you're a latex condom user, you cannot use coconut oil. - 'Cause it makes it less effective. - Yeah, I can kill the condom. - Yeah. - So do not do that. But like there's other Loubs that are safe for whatever means of protection you're using. - Yeah, and that's what's hard is that even just when we're talking about this story, we're talking about all the possible ways to work toward a solution. And he's just like, "Hmm, hold too big." - I was like, "A fucking cave man." Yeah, no, I think the only solution here is to break up. Go date someone who's not a creep. The title threw me through a loop. I was like too big on the inside, too big from the inside. - Yeah, from the inside. And then I was like, "Oh God, I hope it's not." And it is top comment. Go find the tiniest, most light flow tampon and stick it in. See how it doesn't fall out. See how you grip just fine. - Genius. - Yeah, your vagina isn't the problem. - Genius, genius. What a remarkable genius that we have in our midst. - That is not even the top comment. That only has 655 upvotes. - That blew my mind. - The top comment with 12,000 upvotes. - Si, girl, just go. - Yeah, and then the age is there's so many things here at play where it's, this is not a good situation. - No. The response to the si, girl, just go. Someone says that's not how anatomy works. He didn't suddenly become too big. That's a myth. If anything, loss of sensation on his side is usually about him, not your body. He's blaming her for something that isn't her fault and that's not okay. - Also, at 20 years old, you are not losing any of your pelvic tightness. Like, I mean, maybe after a child, we could have this conversation of things have been different. - Your pelvic flow muscles should be pretty intact. - Pretty much the same. After two, from 18 to 20, like, there is not a big change happening on my end. I'll tell you that. There's another comment here, 7.6K of votes. Buddy decided to just hurt you without taking ownership of his performance. No wonder he decided to date an 18-year-old. - That. And honestly, like, he really thought he could get away with that because she is so young. Thank God she went to Reddit. Because she's on that precipice of, like, almost knowing these things for sure herself, but she's like, not totally there yet. And I think that's when you go to other people and you get that confirmation. - Yeah, I started having sex too young, I would say. But even at 20, I'd only had a couple sexual partners and it's like, I didn't know how my body worked. Like, I don't even think I had an orgasm until after I graduated college, 100%. - I agree. I think that was the same for me. - I was like, I must have been at least when did I start using vibrators. - I honestly think, well, that was also a big part of why. Yeah, vibrators definitely helped. And I had them in college, but I still feel like I didn't know for sure if that's what was happening. But I definitely did not have them with a person - Yeah. - until, like, 25. - Yeah. - Like, dating Justin actually showed me what sex could be when it's good. - Justin's gonna love this episode. - No. - Like, this is what I like. (laughing) But, like, I had a lot of people that were just like, I don't know, selfish. - Yeah. - You know, just like, and I didn't know how to communicate. I was young. - No, that is, it's really difficult. - Try not to rock the boat. - You don't even know how to ask for what would work because it nothing has so far, so it's like, how do I? - So, like, I get exactly where she's at. - Oh, really? - You, I don't know if you're not familiar with anatomy or online and how this is a myth. And it's like, well, maybe he's like, maybe he's right. - Yeah, he saw like three tweets that says, when a woman has sex with different people, that's the same man 30 times, she becomes that size, or so, I don't know. - The one about the key kills me. - Oh God. - Yeah, like a key can turn multiple locks without, - It's a great key, it's a skeleton key. - But what's a lock that opens for multiple keys? - A bad lock. - A useful lock. - A dexterious lock. (laughing) - People are crazy. I don't see an update on this one. It is only a couple days old, so. - Can we DM her? - We'll send a message. We'll send a message. We do have a couple comments. I'm seeing now that I'm looking. He was addicted to porn before, but he left it a long time ago. I can ask him about it. This, if he still goes through the same thing, but I personally also don't think he does anything like that. He's very occupied with his job studies and our relationship. - They find time. - Whoa. - They find time. - In their car at work on a lunch break, he had a porn addiction, but it just ended. And he has these weird ideas about sex and not really feeling anything for no related reason. Okay. - There's another comment here. It is very true. We have a huge age gap that has always been the problem. I remember him asking me, if I should continue this relationship because I will grow up and we won't be able to have the same connection as we did in the start. I thought nothing of it at the time and said to continue, but now I do see it in this sense. - Wait, he's saying that their connection will get worse as she grows up and that their connection was so magical because she wasn't grown up? - Yes. I will say I'm getting English is maybe second or third language based on the typing and everything, but still I'm getting enough to what that meant. - Yeah. - Yeah. Either that or as you grow up, you might think I'm a creep. I don't know. - We both met in college. I liked him first since he was a sweet senior. - A super, super, super senior. We continued talking and started dating after some time, but never asked our ages. He thought I was also older or joined late to college and I thought he was younger. Only after one month, we realized we had a huge age gap. Both of us agreed that it's weird and he even asked me multiple times if I wanted to continue this with him since I'm too young, but I still wanted to date him hence this. - How is he so shocked? Okay, he is what, 26 in college that's five years older than most seniors would be in college and she is a freshman. And then he's shocked that this is their age gap. Come on, that sounds like, oh my God, if you've watched Age of Attraction, when the guys are like, oh my God, you're 22? No way! Oh my God, well, I didn't know that and I fell in love with you not knowing that, so pass. - Like, it's shocked me, Pikachu. - Yeah. - Like, aha, sure. - No, yeah, that is the Age of Freshman. - Yeah. - 19 if you're lucky. - Very seemingly again, real account. They joined Reddit back in 2021, has been collecting achievements since. So this could give her also like a lifelong insecurity based on potentially zero truth to any of it. I mean, I feel like I've seen a story or two, like, my husband cheated because we weren't sexually compatible and how could you see that?
justified here. Yeah, you know, when we had sex, he said he couldn't feel anything. So he had to seek out physical intimacy elsewhere to satisfy him. I get it like no, no, no, no, no, no. Brian, be done. This one is beyond baffling for me. And I'm only happy if they break up. The rake needs to have knives on it. I agree. The rake needs to be sharp. Yeah, maybe like give a mandolin. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue, just plump, do we hydrate it skin? Maybe it's Mavily. Those things are pretty dangerous. Yeah, it's a little cucumber cutters. Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay, we are going to end on a bit of a satisfying note. Thank you. So this one is coming from our slash petty revenge. It is titled my coworker was being a tool, so I nailed his to the floor. Are we scared? Oh my god. I'm a woman who works in construction. I've mainly worked wood framed apartment complexes for the majority of my career. I am also usually the only female on the job site. So I have to often decide how to handle the interactions with my male colleagues. If I lose my cool, I run the risk of being labeled a bitch or get talked about even if a colleague deserves it. One day on the job, I collected all of the ladders that were on the job site because they often get left behind. We work in one direction and move up floors when we finish a floor. I piled the ladders neatly and by size and then I got to working on my task for the day. Well, I had my six foot ladder and my nail gun, but I needed more nails so I had to run back down to the conax to carry three 10 pound boxes up five flights of stairs. And when I got upstairs back to my area, my ladder was gone. A coworker had taken it. I asked him why he just didn't take from the pile that was on the other side of the room and he shrugged and asked me why I just can't do the same. Like dude, it's the principle of it because if I would have stolen his or anyone's ladder that they were using and there was a pile of them in eyesight, I would have gotten my ass chewed out and I would have had to take it on the chin. The unfairness of it all pissed me off and I waited until break when everyone went to either their car or the break area and I hid out in the port of potty. I took note of his tool bag before everyone went to break and when I found it, I nailed that son of the bitch to the floor. I even took a lags, big ass screws that go into the wood and I screwed those in and bent them over. Best part is that I used different sizes ranging from four inch, six inch and eight inch. You can't just pull those out either. You got to unscrew it because the grips are so coarse. He never said anything. Neither did our 12 other coworkers. So I'm assuming he never knew it was me. Info, the bags I'm talking about are all called pouches. They go around your waist and have pockets for all of your tools. Also, I didn't make any holes or puncture anything or damage his property. The pouches are secured around the waist like a heavy duty belt. So I just use the holes that were already there. Also, there are ringlets for stuff that can just hang like a hammer and I used those holes to put a few nails in and then bend them over. I love this. So she didn't damage the actual bag. This is very interesting because just even the concept of a woman being in construction, I think, because a lot of people say, "Oh, if women can do whatever a job a man could do, why aren't there women in construction? Why aren't there women in this?" This, that. A lot of the time it isn't about even the physical strength of it. It's about how it is to be a woman in such a male-dominated field, like even thinking about one that's less so like a kitchen. Most of the line cooks in the chef are men and it is a very, I don't know, it can be, I guess not in every, every single kitchen, but a lot of the time for women in a kitchen. It's like a lot of misogyny and like a lot of uncomfortable situations. And so like, even in like certain text spaces too, it's just a lot of the time about the environment that you're in and how you can't really get stuff done because there's this double standard and like people are always expecting this from you and expecting that. And this definitely sounds like a situation where it's not just about this one instance of the latter, it's about all these previous interactions that they've had and the knowledge of he's doing something to me and acting like it's nothing. And I know if I did that, everyone would give me so much shit for it. And it's just such a glaring double standard in that moment that you're like, all right, I'm going to be petty. Agreed. There are a lot of male-dominated fields. And I think when women are in them, they're held to different standards. I had a write-in years ago on my dad's podcast, Father knows something. And it was from a woman writing in being like, I work in a male-dominated field, I work on oil rigs, I believe it was. And so they're going out to the ocean working on these oil rigs. And her coworkers, mostly males, were so toxic. They were peeing in her boots. Oh my God. Her harassment. And so I think it is hard. Like I will say, I've been getting a lot of videos about women, electricians and plumbers. And I love seeing that because it's really not about the physicality in a lot of these careers. It is truly just like the environment. And it's hard to be in. Like the one person was like, I love my job. But like, it's hard to be out here and be in this and get harassed and get my boots pissed in. Yeah. Like what? And everyone's against you. I know. It's an oil rigging. It was like the job that kind of went viral on TikTok for a while. Oh my God. I call your brother or dad and say you got a really good job oil rigging or underwater oil rigging. Underwater welding. Yeah. That's so crazy. That's a really, that's a risky job too. Top comment on this one though. Hi fellow Carpentress. Anyone who says men are less emotional and full of drama has never worked as the only woman on a construction crew. LOL. So much managing of fragile egos. Someone responds back. The men gossip so much too. My ex worked in shipyards and I know everybody's business. Everybody. The person who posted that original comment I read though, like, hello fellow Carpentress. Y'all are cracking me up. I just want to say I love all you drama dons. LOL. Life would be a lot more boring without you. I mean, I love gossiping with my male friends. I think that men just need to accept that they like gossip too. And like the reason that you're so into basketball is because it's like a sport real housewives and you love the drama that you love to know who's dating who. I know that the way that you guys talk about basketball is like reality TV. I've seen it. Just admit it. Accept it. Open your arms. It's okay. We all love gossip. We all love drama. That's funny. You mentioned that. I'm like scrolling down through the comments trying to see if I can find any others. And someone goes, I worked in the NBA years ago and I've never known more drama, pettiness and outright sexual harassment from my male co-workers. That's crazy. Someone goes, try working at a used car dealership. Yeah. And it's like on the surface, it's funny, but it's also kind of sad hearing all these comments of like women trying to get into these industries because we put a lot of focus in the disparity in women CEOs or those disparity in pay for XYZ. And we don't really talk about why women might not be represented in used car dealerships or construction or something else except to say that they can't handle it. Yeah. And I think it's interesting to hear all of these different accounts of like how much they were kind of harassed and bullied and even if not outright in that way, like held to a double standard where I mean, at that point you feel like you're hitting your head against a brick wall over and over again every time you go to work. I know. And everyone in the comments shares a job from travel agency to a car rental place, a butcher shop. I mean, there's so many different careers and fields that it's like, God, you just can't escape this. And I literally, I just had this experience two weeks ago, but there's something wrong with my headlight where if I click my keys to unlock my car, the headlight clearly lights up. But then if I'm getting in it and driving during the day, I get a malfunction and an error code that it says like daytime driving light malfunction, but the light itself works. So it's a fuse or it's wiring or it's XYZ. I'm not sure. Yeah. So I brought it into the dealership and I was like, okay, I'm going to
I get an oil change, but can you also look at my light? And I picked it up and I was like, "What'd we figure out about the light?" And he goes, "There's nothing wrong with your light." And I was like, "Okay, interesting, like cool. That's actually great, I love that. Yay, for me, getting my car, turn it on, start to drive away, ding, daytime driving light malfunction." - Yeah. - And I, like just like what you said, I contact the guy, and he goes, "There's nothing wrong with your light, the technician addressed it." I will literally like put a picture of my lights. I'm not crazy, like if you look at the headlights, one is lit, the fuck up, and the other is out. - Yeah. - And so I like, I was like, okay, whatever. I had to go back in to like pick up a part that I needed for a different thing that's going on. And I go back in, I was like, "Hey, I'd love to talk about my light with you." And he goes, "Yeah, well, there's nothing wrong with your light." So if you bring it back in, we're gonna have to open this, fix it right, the first time case for your car. And I was like, okay, but there is something wrong with my light. - Yeah, like get into my car, turn it on, and then let's see. - He literally walked outside and saw that the issue was lit up on my dash. But here's what, he's literally the dumbest person on the planet, because what happens when you drive my car into the service center garage, the nighttime lights turn on, and guess what goes out, the daytime driving lights. So then what falls off the dash, the air code. I walked him outside and showed him the air code in the light. Yeah. And he was just punching his keys, looking is exasperated at me, and just like didn't want to deal with me. So I look at him and I go, "I'm sorry, am I interrupting you?" Like, I see that you're typing. I was like, "I'm so sorry, I can give you a minute." He goes, "You're not interrupting me." And I was like, "Okay." I go, "I'm gonna be honest. "I'm getting a really weird vibe from you." So I think I need to schedule this with a different service provider. Yeah. And he goes, "I'm not giving you a vibe." And I go, "I'm getting a vibe." And I walk out and one of the other guys sitting at like a desk next to him. And he goes, "Well, that solved itself quickly." Oh my God. Fuck you. I've never wanted to leave a bad review more, but I'm like, "Oh, just don't even have "the time to leave the review." But also it's so cut and dry. Like, I am getting an air word code. Can you look into it? Also, you guys, my light is out. This all look outside. Look at it. And then all of them joining in, like this is, and that's divas. They're being dramatic. Like you are being divas. Just unprofessional. I plumbered this to me like last month too. I was like, there's an issue with the bullfilling. It's not clogged. I've like already made sure of that. And then he's like, it sounds like it's clogged. And then he like looks into it and he's like, "Oh, it's not clogged. "It's the bull thing filling." And I'm like, "Right." Exactly what I told you. I don't actually know much about plumbing, but I can tell, like, some things. Like, it's like the thing that I said it wasn't. I know, and I just wish, like, I wish I would have had Justin go in there and talk to him, because I feel like he would have been taken seriously, but it's like, I'm not crazy. I'm not making up an air code. No, you will literally, I'll put a picture of my headlight side by side for you guys so you can see, like-- And also who would-- It's off. Like, why would you ever assume someone coming in and being like, I am having this issue? Is just like, delusional? Like, what is the implication here? Do you think I want to come to a car dealership and waste half my day sitting in your nasty ass waiting room with bad coffee and bad Wi-Fi? No, I would rather be on my ass on a couch eating my fucking goldfish while I work. Mm-hmm. Do I want to be here? No, Caesar, I don't want to be here. You stupid. Well, then at this point-- Anyways, this was supposed to end on a light-hearted fun note. Yeah, yeah. I mean, hey. What are you going to say? I was just going to say, at a certain point, maybe it was because they have some kind of fix at the first time policy that you mentioned. He was like becoming like, oh, now I've I'm cupable bull for not fixing it the first time. Then I have to do it for free. I don't know. It's under warranty. It was free regardless. It was crazy. Oh, it was at the actual car dealership. No. And you have to go there, literally. So I'm going to a different one in LA. It's like a 40-minute drive versus 15. But where's it? Probably. I will just say we do get a little bit of an edit on this one. Here's some in photo-clarify view things. For those saying, I am a horrible person for damaging company property and stuff. It all gets covered by grip creep anyways. For those saying, he knew it was me. I ended up texting a friend about it and asked if the guy suspected anyone. I guess he didn't know. Shrug emoji. It was a few years ago when it happened. For those saying it's fake, I feel like y'all just haven't worked on a job site. Like I said, I mainly worked in residential wood framing, but recently I switched over to commercial where I do a lot of steel stud and drywall now. So less pranks on this side, but it still happens. Residential has a little more savagery than commercial work. Pranks are pulled on job sites. We get a lot done and work hard. And we do pranks to keep things interesting. Some fun stories. I was working for a company that was the general contractor of the project. The electricians were given us a hard time. And so our foreman intercepted their delivery and used the crane to put it on the roof. They were looking for their shit for like 20 minutes. Once seen a guy's cart with like 50 pounds of tools nailed to the wall, six feet up, a buddy of mine nailed the co-workers chair to the ceiling, telling apprentices to go find the board structure. And again, I did not damage his property. I did not hide his stuff or damage it. For example, it would be like if you hung your keys on a hook at work and I tied the keys to the hook. Just takes a few extra seconds to get it off. Also, who was trying to defend this and be like, you're bad? I don't know. I think it is interesting to hear about how different work environments can be from one another. And I also was thinking that when we were reading the story earlier about the circling back button. That's why sometimes I think when we're responding to Reddit comments and like giving our advice, it can be hard because there's such subtle nuances in these different work environments. Like I think a lot of people wouldn't know that these types of pranks are so normal in this environment. That's true. And could maybe be like, oh wow, that's extremely petty. If I did that at my office, if I nailed someone's purse to the wall at my office, that would not be taken well. And it's like right, but context matters in these situations are very different. Wild, I also feel like we're at this point on Reddit right now where everyone's first thought is like, this is fake. Like even open being like, it's not fake. This happens all the time. I'm like, yeah, it's everyone's first inkling right now. But I liked that. And again, it was on the petty revenge subreddit. Right. Right. I'm admitting that this was petty already. Literally. And he's fine. He's fine. It was years ago. He kind of probably knew maybe he didn't, but like, whatever. I think it's also a thing that I've seen where because we're choosing who the asshole is in a situation, it's like almost expected that one of the people has to be absolutely horrible. When sometimes it's like, okay, so I technically think in this situation, this person's in the wrong, but I don't necessarily think either of them are bad people. Yeah. And that can be hard to-- I think that's why a lot of the posts and in the voting, you'll still see you're the asshole, but you'll get like a soft-- You're the asshole versus hard. You're the asshole. So maybe that's a theme we do. I'll find only asshole stories. And it'll be like soft versus hard. Wow. I love that. And I won't tell you which, but you have to pick. Kind of asshole, super asshole. Yeah, I will say like, even on-- so there's "Am I the asshole, the OG?" And then there's "A-I-T-A-H." And then there's a couple of another, like, "Am I the asshole?" Subs popping up now. But "Am I the asshole?" The only one that has like the bot that delivers a vote based on the comments, A-I-T-H doesn't do that. So it's also just hard to find asshole stories. Like, you have a lot of people that when they do go right in, they've been gas lit or they are like, "Am I overreacting? Am I the asshole?" And it's like, no. Yeah. But I will work on that. I will-- I'm putting it on my list. I've got a list going right now. Love a list. But that's all she wrote. So who we got on this? "Step on a rake theme." I think this will definitely be a part two eventually. I could see that. This feels like that kind. "Step on a rake." Do you have a lot of stories left over? I do. Yeah. It's a good one. OK, it's a good one. So maybe in a couple weeks, we'll circle back. We'll circle back here. But thank you guys so much for being here. If you want more, head over to Patreon. Michaela and I did an episode yesterday that did have a few that could have been. It was fun. "Step on a rake." Yeah. I liked that one a lot. Really good stories. Some, some, again, doosies. But otherwise, there's a couple other bonus episodes coming out. Remember to vote for clues for the webbie. And other than that, thanks for being here. Until next time. Bye! [MUSIC PLAYING] Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Delta Miss technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flash.
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Podcast Summary
Key Points:
A woman confronts her boyfriend after he reacts with disgust to an old video of her from college, where she was heavier and less polished, which she feels undermines her self-worth and the foundation of their relationship.
The boyfriend’s reaction is deeply hurtful because it comes from someone he claims to deeply respect, and it reveals a lack of empathy and understanding for her journey of self-acceptance and transformation.
The situation sparks a broader conversation about body image, attraction, and relationship authenticity, with many users emphasizing that a partner’s love should endure through physical change and life stages, not wane due to appearance.
Summary:
A Reddit user shares a painful experience where her boyfriend reacted with disgust to an old video of her from college, referencing her appearance as "humpback" and calling it offensive. The user, who has since lost significant weight and transformed her life, had hoped for mutual appreciation and love that would outlast changes in appearance. Instead, the incident deepens her emotional distance and triggers feelings of insecurity and betrayal.
She worries that her future—especially if they have children or she gains weight—might be met with diminished attraction. The story highlights the emotional toll of a partner’s lack of empathy, especially when it comes to self-acceptance and identity. Many commenters emphasize that true love should not depend on physical appearance but on enduring commitment, respect, and emotional security.
They argue that dismissing someone’s past or current self is not only unfair but damaging, especially when it comes from a person who claims to value her deeply. While the boyfriend expresses remorse, the user questions whether genuine love can survive such a moment of judgment. The discussion underscores the importance of open, honest conversations about values, trust, and long-term compatibility in a relationship.
Ultimately, the post serves as a reminder that personal growth and self-worth should not be conditional on how one is perceived by a partner.
FAQs
Sharing old videos with a partner can be risky if it leads to discomfort or negative reactions. If a partner reacts with disgust or judgment, it may indicate a lack of respect for your past self or for the relationship. Open communication is key to addressing such concerns and ensuring mutual respect.
If your partner comments negatively about your appearance in an old video, especially after a significant life change like weight loss, it's important to express your feelings clearly. You have the right to feel hurt and to set boundaries, as such comments can damage trust and emotional security in a relationship.
Yes, a negative reaction to a past video may reveal underlying beliefs about body image or attractiveness. This can reflect a lack of acceptance of change or a rigid view of what is 'attractive,' which may need to be discussed openly to strengthen mutual understanding and respect.
Yes, love should grow with time and include acceptance of your body changes. A partner who loves you deeply should be able to appreciate you in all stages of life, not just your current appearance, especially if that change is a result of personal growth or health decisions.
A negative comment about your past self may suggest a lack of emotional depth or respect. While attraction can change over time, true love should include acceptance and support through all phases of life, not just current appearances.
Yes, having an honest and respectful conversation is important. You can express how their comment made you feel and ask for their perspective, which can help build trust and ensure both partners feel seen and valued.
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