STAYING ALIVE: Sean Hayes!

How, what are you doing? How are you staying alive? That's a good question. You know, you think I would have prepared for this, but It is the only question, so How am I staying alive? Well, I'm going to tell you right now. I got my blood work done. I don't know, like a month ago and it was really bad. It was like I had creme brulee for blood. Like I had, it was just sugar and fat all the way through. But your diet is infamously, you eat what you want. You eat what you want. All the time. For like my, for my 76, all 76 years, I've been eating what I want. Hey, Smart List listeners. This is Adam Pally. And John Gabrus. Oh, we're all up in your feet. Ah, that's right. We're the hosts of the Staying Alive podcast. And we're so pumped to give you guys our Sean Hayes episode. We hear as subscribers of Smart List, you might be a fan of the man. When, if you're a fan of this episode and you liked us, come check out our podcast called Staying Alive. We have a ton of episodes right now, including We just had Heather McMahon on last week. Heather McMahon on last week. Ron Funches on next week. We've had Will Arnett in the past. Oh, yeah. It's a show about fitness hosted by two guys who are not fit. Yeah. It's a health and wellness podcast hosted by physically unhealthy and mentally unwell guys. That's a great. Is that, was that what that cue card says? I don't know. Devin's been waving in our face this whole time. That's why I can't read it. Devin, put it down. We love our bosses. Yeah. We love our horrible bosses. All right. Sean Hayes, baby. Sean Hayes. Isn't it crazy that we've union busted television so much that like theoretically this, what we're doing now, we could sell to Netflix? I mean, it's crazy. And probably will. Yeah. I mean, it's like wild. Like there's no production. The production value I have was that I clicked like blurry on my background. Yeah. Mine is that I moved a pile of Crocs and Sperry's out of the fucking frame. So I looked like I cleaned up here. Oh, my God. I got a story about Crocs. Should we start with that or no? Yeah, please. Let it rip. Let it rip. So I was doing this. I was doing. Hi, guys. So good to see you, by the way. Good to see you. I was doing this show, Promises, Promises on Broadway years and years and years ago. And this, this very conservative looking family was there with their kids. And one of the, the, the girl was like in a dress and that guy and the little boy, she was like 10 and he was like nine. And he had Crocs on his shoes, right? On his feet. He was wearing Crocs as part of his like suit. It was really, really cool. And, but I was in like joke mode after the show. So, you know, when you're just like, you're in the zone, you can't stop. Say that. Because I just performed it. So the adrenaline's still going. I got off stage and the whole fan, their whole family's there. I don't remember who it was. And, and I was like, hey, how was that? What's your name, little girl? And she's like, Sue. I'm like, what a tsunami of a performance. Like just bad jokes, like, but you can't stop your brain. And then the kid goes, kid goes, he takes a shoe. And he said, will you sign my Croc? I go, thank God there's an R in that. Okay, let's, and the, and the, and the parents were like, grabbed their kids. Like, I think we're, I think we're okay. I think we're good. And then, and Scotty, my husband grabbed my arm. He's like, it's so nice to meet you. And he just pulled me. Yeah, exactly. Sean, is this awesome to interview? I'm going to improvise with you. You are one of the funniest people ever, hero of ours. We got a fucking, we got one of our bosses on the line here, dude. I know. It's so cool to have like hero bosses too. It's like, you know, it's nice. How do you look so good at 74? Yeah, since you were on TV when I was young, how are you look the way you look now? And I know the three of you, cause Jason's, Jason's the oldest, right? He's like just hit 80. That's correct. And then you're 74. And then Will, shockingly. He's 65, right? He's the youngest. But he's got to stop sick. But he's got to work. He's got to work. Well, he smokes. So it keeps him young. Then he smokes. Yeah. Yeah. Nicotine is now coming back on. Yes, you know, you thought, yeah. What are you doing? You know, you think I would have prepared for this, but- It is the only question. So the, how am I staying alive? It's, well, I'm going to tell you right now, I got my blood work done. I don't know. Like. A month ago, well, first of all, I got it done like four or five months ago and it was really bad. It was like, I had creme brulee for blood. But your diet is infamously, you eat what you want, you eat what you want. All the time, for like my, for my 70, all 76 years, I've been eating what I want. No, no Barry White, you're added to. And so, and so what I did was when I got those numbers back, it was like such a shocker because they were bad. Like the, I've always had super high triglycerides, like really bad. And then the cholesterol and whatever, but I would, so this is kind of what hit me. So, you know, the Haagen-Dazs ice cream, like, you know, like the little tiny pints. Yes. Which is my, it's my favorite ice cream Haagen-Dazs. I think it's probably the best out there. I'm a huge fan. I think mass cookies and cream. Mass production wise, if you're not in a small town and there's not like a, you know, a mom and pop place. I think Haagen-Dazs is the, is like way better than Ben and Jerry's. No, no shame. Well, look, but by the way, you look at the back of Haagen-Dazs, I'm no joke, the vanilla, that's it. It's eggs, milk, sugar, and something else and lard. No, I don't know what it is. All four of my blood types. Yeah. Quick, does anybody have lard blood? Callie had a heart attack again. Yeah. A lard blood transfusion. But anyway, so, but yeah, so I look at the back of it, by the way, I've been eating those things like, hey, I was good today. I can just have a whole, it's like this big. But finally, for the first time in my life, I looked at the sugar content and I was like, oh, wow. It says like half of a cup has like 25 grams of sugar. Yeah. And there's like, I don't know how many cups in there. So it's probably like 80 to a hundred grams of sugar, which is insane in one sitting. So I'd be eating that three times a week for the last 50 years. At night? All the, anytime. Like it doesn't matter. Would that mess up your sleep? Can we do a side zoom? About that? Well, cause my sleep is horrible. It's horrible. I get up at three o'clock every morning. Oh, three o'clock would be a dream. If I can make it to three. Really? What time do you go to bed? I mean, sometimes I, I don't know if I've ever slept. You're like the only stoner I know, Pally, that doesn't sleep. I'm a scum. I know. I think that's what it is. Do you take gummies or smoke it? Oh, I mean, at this point. At this point. I already snored it. I have it. I have it piped into my brownstone. I get my CBD IV every night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the, actually the air conditioning guy just came and changed our weed filter, so we're, we're good. I sleep like a fucking rock. You guys are waking up. You do? Yeah. I know. I think it's my drinking. Yeah. Well, drinking is the, is the undoing. Cause I feel like whiskey. Yeah. But if, yeah. But if you drink, you know, and you get all buzzed and then you go to sleep, you'll never sleep because of the sugar and the alcohol keep you up. Right. Exactly. So I'm wondering if the, if the. Yeah. The sugar in there. Ice cream. Cause that's so much sugar. Yeah, of course. I don't know why it's, but I've, I've had sleep problems my whole life, but wait, let's get back to sleep. I want to finish the thing. So they got the thing. So I got the ice cream and I would eat that. And then I figured, you know, and then the doctor's like, this is out of control. Like, you know, your blood is like your cholesterol, everything's horrible. I started forming soft plaque and all this stuff. So that's, what's keeping me alive is I completely, I didn't cut out sugar, but I've never ever learned balance in my entire life. So now it's just like, if I, so, so two days ago. Three days ago for dinner, I had a spaghetti, meatballs and a milkshake. Okay. Then the next day I can't do any of that. So I have like Turkey on Ezekiel bread and fruit, like just really boring shit. And so you're preaching to your direct choir here, because all we talk about is trying to learn balance because we're not going to stop drinking a bottle of Japanese whiskey together. So we have to on the days when we don't do that, just swing that pendulum the other way. Right. But it does lead me to a question. Sean, if you don't mind. Yeah. Quickly, quickly. Oh, to be fair, if you're only listening to the pod, Sean is on the red carpet and we stopped him. We're interviewing him. We're doing a full podcast on the red carpet. Part of my costume has the wall of my home. That's very Bjork. He's got a sniff and repeat with his own info on it. Very Bjork. Sia would love that. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was, I was going to say like, as a kid, like, you know, we're part of, we, we, you, you know, we talk a lot about being like clean plate kids where like, you know, when you grow up in a house that doesn't have a ton of money and your parents are cooking, there's this sort of like mental thing where it's like the plate needs to be clean, you know, from, for the kids in Africa to like that you're wasting my money. I just brought this up the other day. And so your brain goes, right. I know where you're going. Your brain goes, well, I have to feed. I have to eat it. And then you become, you need to get these habits. I'm finishing that. And I think I just equated this the other day to working out. We're just like, cause I, I have a trainer cause otherwise I wouldn't go. And so I go, uh, it's my incentive to go. If I'm paying somebody, I'm like paying somebody, I have to go. So, so I go there. and I'm like, dude, we don't have to work out for an hour. It's the clean plate thing. It's like just because everybody's like an hour is like, no, I work out till I get sweaty and I'm tired and it hurts, which is like 15 minutes. No, no, which is like I play him for the hour. I work out for 18 minutes and then I lay around and complain for the rest of the day. Right. But no, it's like do you think Jason's cutting me off too much? Yeah, exactly. 35 40 minutes. I'm out. And right in the middle of like a rep, I go, I'm out. And I walk out of the gym. Wow. But it's the same concept as the clean plate thing. It's like all these ideas that we grew up with that are embedded. Like you have to work out an hour. You have to clean your plate. You have to do. I don't know what the fuck else. But it's different now. Like, right. Remember the pyramid of the food groups? It's like you should eat eight pounds of bread a day or whatever. You should have 12 bowls of pasta a day. Yeah. Pieces of fruit. Yeah. Like there was always a picture of like raw mutton, you know, have a big old mutton shop like you're a video game character picking it up. Right. Right. No, but I was I was I was wondering about this idea because for someone who who works so hard and is in so in so many different facets, like including being being on Broadway, which is like what you is the most. I mean, I'd say it all the time when I was when I did it. I've never drank more or eaten worse in my entire life. Yeah, because because because you're exhausted. Yeah, you're just finishing. You're like and the only thing that you can like because you haven't eaten before the show and then you're starving and you're like the only thing that can like quiet you down is a bottle of red wine and pasta. There are no other options. There's no other way to be on Broadway. Yeah. And like you back in the stage unless you know, truly, they would they check you. They they have to buy a receipt from last night. If you don't have an 11 p.m. reservation that has 2600 calories, right loaded to go, but it's but it's true because you lose. I don't know what you were doing, but like was it a big part or big show? It was a two-hander. So it was like say no more. Yeah, it was a six month two-hander. Oh God, six months eight shows a week. Eight shows a week and you're drenched in sweat after you get off doing everything you're doing. It's like you're it's the whole it's one of those whole gamut play. Yeah, let me tell you something. And totally. Yeah, I read for it. I'm still I'm still waiting to hear. I read for your part. It's okay. They've recast me after a six month run. So but but to that point is like I when you're doing that many shows you and you're drenched in sweat. You don't know. You're just going to refill your body any way you can. Yeah, and you're like and there's something about the like social aspect of like you're like you're saying before you're like you're yeah, you're like you're all revved up and it's like a victory every night. That's right. There's this mental need to pop a bottle of champagne. Absolutely. I survived. I did it. I didn't go up on a line. It's like totally like I yeah, this is my this is my treat. No, no, that can't be healthy. You have to know, but I was going to equate it to sports because that's what I'm going to say is when I'm like watching whatever like there's a football game on and or somebody's getting I just watch Rocky that movie Rocky again, you know that movie Rocky. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. Familiar Sean familiar. Have you seen this film someone said there's a two three four five six seven and eight, but I don't know if it's true. But anyway, so and they're like or whatever I'm watching a football game. I mean, whatever the guys like the PT guys, the physical therapist guys, right? And they're doing the back and the thing. And when you do a play on Broadway, I'm always like yeah, they're everybody's an athlete because you're doing the same movements over and over and your body and your muscles get really. So yeah, you just looking to refuel. I just wanted to equate Broadway to sports. Well, people think that's ridiculous. I hope you know I'm going to have to give you a wedgie now. Yeah, another one. Sorry, but more than the one you more than the one you showed up with. Well, Gabrus is starting a multicam in like two weeks. Are you really? You're a multicam king. And so when you say to me like Broadway is Broadway is like sports multicam to me is like hitting slots. Well, yeah, well, I hope for I hope for Gabrus. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, any time I did, I did a multicam for for one season and it felt like hitting a slot because you're like, oh, this is it's a great job. The hours are amazing. Yeah. Clock in, I clock out and I'm still doing right. Funny things. It's like yeah, I would. So we had the great James Burroughs direct Will and Grace, right? May he drink it every episode of Cheers every episode of Will and Grace and Friends and Two and a Half Men and everything else. And and he we would get to work at 10 and we've been done at two, four hours a day. That's it. Oh, and so one of the writers because he works so fucking fast and then when I hosted Saturday Night Live, they're like is this going too fast? I'm like, are you kidding? Like I was I've been spoiled like this pace is incredible to me. Yeah. And so so the because it's all about the writing. It's not on the writing. What are we rehearsing? What are we over rehearsing for? You know what I mean? And so I'm excited. What is it Gabrus that you're doing? It's called. It's awesome, Sean. It's with Marta Kaufman and it's a my God. Yeah. Yeah. She's excited. What's it called? It's called Dinks Double Income. No kids Paul Shearer and June Diane Raphael play like a married couple amazing rebuilding a house and I play like their weird nephew who moves in and that's great. Is it a pilot at Siri picked up a series? Yeah, we shot the pilot a couple years ago. We're doing six episodes for amazing. Yeah for Amazon. This is exciting. Yeah, it's very exciting. It's probably my, you know, 20 years in the biz. My first series regular I'm really congrats, man. This is so exciting. Is it and it's with an audience and everything with a live studio audience and improvised not fully scripted. No way. Yeah. Yeah. This is brilliant. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be it should be pretty fucking exciting. Yeah. That's amazing. And then what are they just cut around the the up there? Yeah. Or like in the pilot, we like redid a scene here and there of like, oh, let's tighten this up. Let's lose that chunk and let's just get through it because you can cut together between takes while they have you is brilliant and improvising anyway. Is everybody really Paul Shearer is my level two teacher in 2004. Yeah. And June is fantastic. And then I'm assuming our guest stars will be people. Yeah. Similar caliber. That's really exciting. Yeah. Equating sports to performing. I want to get back into that for a second because like we treat ourselves like ultra marathoners, you know, like you're like refueling in between scenes and stuff and it's like it does feel like that emotionally. But then at the end of the day, you're like, I did have four buffalo chicken wraps and maybe burned 80 calories for me. But in your head, you're like, I need this emotional. I do feel like each after each stop down, you're like, I earned it. Let me refuel like squeezing the gel into your mouth. Like you're doing a dangerous danger. Do you go over there, Sean? Do you go over there trolling for truffles? Yeah. Yeah. Still. No, we had our craft service lady, which she would make. She was from the south. So she'd just make, you know, brisket and fucking hamburgers and a cake and like mac and cheese. It was crazy. Her name was Sandy. Sandy. My last show shot in Chicago and it was like you would literally like you'd walk in and they'd be like, you look, you look a little peaked. What do you say? What do you say? We do a pierogi bar at lunch. That's a good accent. And you'd be like a pierogi bar at lunch or pre-lunch. I don't care. Just to get you some sustenance. Pierogis. I gained like 30 pounds in that shoot. I look back on that and there's a scene where I'm like running in my underwear in a car and I was like, oh God, I hit that pierogi bar. Yeah, but I think for your sitcom, it's going to, you know, I'm very passionate about what makes certain ones work and what makes other ones don't. And I think if you remember the scripts used to be called teleplays. Yeah. It wouldn't be called scripts. Did you get the teleplay for whatever? I mean, and so that's because they were plays. And so you were, it's almost like the audience at home, like I Love Lucy or Will and Grace or Cheers. If you watch Cheers, I still watch Cheers all the time. The best. It's like you're watching a play. Best pilot ever. And so the actors are incredible. Like your cast, you just said, sounds incredible. They're all acting in the scene. They're not performing for the audience. Right. And that, because that's what you do in a play. You're in the scene with somebody looking in their eyes and it doesn't matter who's watching. It doesn't matter if the entire audience is watching or nobody's watching. You're in the scene with somebody and that draws us in. And so many sitcoms, because they're overly lit and overly edited and overly the sound is in your face. Back then, you could hear the crew walking around and you could feel the audience through the sound of everybody watching this play. And I think that's what's missing. I feel real passionate about it. And hopefully, yeah. That sounds, you just reminded me of something. When I saw August Osage County on Broadway, one of the best plays I've ever seen. Tracy, that's my Tracy Lyon, my boy. Amazing. That's the dinner sequence. Yeah. Four people are facing directly away from the audience. Yes, that's right. And you're like, that's a weird setting. And then all of a sudden, it feels like what you're talking about. That you are watching a dinner for real. You're like looking through a window at them. And it was like, it blew my mind open for like this exact thing you're talking about. I just could not believe. I'm like, that's crazy. From improv, you know, you're like, sit open to the crowd so everyone knows what you're doing. And then you watch this and I'm like, oh man, I feel like I'm standing in the kitchen watching them. Totally. But when you said improvise, I've never seen that before, and I think that'll. help a lot yeah we don't have like marks to hit and shit like that it should feel a little crazy yeah well because i and i didn't i only did like 13 episodes but in my in my brief experience of it the part that is the hardest to keep fresh is when something doesn't work right you you go back to and you're trying and the writers come out and they're like let's do this and that and it's like it's not anyone's fault the audience has seen it they've seen you know what i mean so they're not you can't milk them yeah you can't like they know i'm gonna bounce through that door so it's like now we're hoping the next line is funny it's like it's hard to kind of get that energy but i feel like to mix the the energy of no script right in that will kind of cure that in a way that it almost feels like saturday night live like you were saying yeah for sure it could it was you could yeah it was pretty crazy shooting the pilot i know the audience is trained for this i've been watching tv my whole life right but i open the door and get like the huge applause they don't know who i am it's not like oh fuck the nephew's here like they're just like no they're supposed to do it and i've never felt so like electrified in my entire life yeah i was like i'll fucking kill anybody i'm like indestructible i've never felt that i got like the kramer reaction and i'm like undeserved fully coached i was like yeah and then when you're done taping you're on such a high that night i would drive for hours listening to music because i was so amped up it was like a rock concert every single show it was crazy and especially you guys were like yeah you guys were like the big fucking you know what i mean like crazy where people were waiting i mean i remember as a kid waiting for the next will and grace thanks you know because you're like you there were no and then it never came are we are we off are we you know what i mean one day it started to stop but they all that was back in the day when you didn't know the programming schedules and it wasn't easy to find out without a tv guide so you kind of just be like sitting there i'd be like i think it's thursdays at 8 30 or 9 you just have to be planted in front of the tv and be like have we seen this one i don't know is this a new one is this a rerun and you're just excited to be then they remember i don't know if you guys are too young but remember they'd supersize the episode yes i remember five minutes longer just so they could make more ad dollars but i was too young to know that yeah yeah totally oh super bowl is the spot super extended episode of your favorite show and it's just four extra minutes of the characters talking in the living room set you're like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i kind of wish i would do the other way i wish i didn't do single cam first i feel like single cam like by the time i got to multi-cam i was like when it's the way that like uh you i was like when are we taking a break right you know what i mean right right right like i yeah i would have liked to switch it well the hours and on a single camera are extraordinarily longer yeah but anyway back to the show staying alive so the uh thank you sorry sorry about that no please do that in an edit but great job but uh yeah so i so my blood was so bad all the shit i was eating it finally caught up with me just this year and so i started to balance by eating a little better but i'm on these other things i'm on metformin which i hear is great they might what's that the metformin not the george foreman you're thinking oh sorry yeah it's called your doctor in 2026 he's like i'm gonna need you to start using the george foreman grill yeah and you're like i think i need to find another doctor this is sure it's i'm just standing out there grilling like i'm looking at your numbers i'm looking at your numbers someone is clearly not tilting really you gotta tilt you gotta grill on an angle pal yeah that's hysterical and uh metformin metformin metformin one of my thyroid stuff which i've been on for years because i have a little just a little love and then um what oh i'm on a statin which i'm really wish i wasn't but i statin boys right yeah boys like you're on staten island with us right now welcome to stat welcome to pete davidson i'm on a boat yeah you should do you do the receipt you know just like pete and colin we were stuck with our lipitor yeah exactly um so so i'm so those things and they've helped but by the way exercise i fucking hate it but i force myself to and now i'm but now i've lost a lot of weight because i've cut back sugar a lot and i've cut out a lot of white right flour and rice and whatever and so i'll eat like ezekiel bread which is really low uh what is it called oh yeah and i was insulin resistant ah okay so i was like no i'm not on those but i was pre pre-diabetes and that's what metformin will help with yep it regulates sugar in your blood right in your cells yeah because we both we both are on glp-1s oh you are and yes and you've noticed a difference obviously i have not noticed a huge difference because i'm what if you just started throwing up i have not noticed a huge difference you're you are recording from i haven't noticed a difference in my look i've noticed a difference in the way i feel no i am no i i my father is a is a physician and he he uh has been prescribing it to a lot of his patients over 45 because what which one a jail all of them just based on your blood work yeah uh which one whichever one fits you yeah because he believes that it does prevent like stroke and heart attack and even some cancers and he's like his big crusade is that like if it wasn't i hate using this word but kardashified early yeah yeah right right a lot of people would still be alive if it wasn't hollywood hollywood fight and like all about like shallow looking right right because i'll describe it as a very very very as this like we talked about clean plate club i grew up every girlfriend's parents loved me because i ate all the food and i got like rewarded you know right when i was married my in-laws would be like this boy can eat we love you thank you so much for loving her and i'm like people like me because i eat their food and then i just and i never i guess it wasn't until i started zep bound that i experienced what being satiated or full was like i only had like two things yeah where i was hungry or sick as a fucking dog you know what sean that's your job get us some ads here brother you got us the codes we'll promo them but for real after being on zep bound for a couple of months i now will eat a meal and go like i can't believe that was enough food like yeah i don't need an appetizer and an entree and entree is enough and it's like it's really changed i had never experienced this like it's crazy and then i bet i don't want to i'm not a doctor i bet if you got off it which you know you don't there's no need to you would your brain is now changed to be like i don't need and like if there's like a burger and i'm starving i will eat half and be like i'm actually full right like there's no and by the way this is the other thing people are talking about we we don't need to eat three meals a day because we're not growing anymore the reason why you need to eat three meals is because you're constantly fucking growing and you need fuel your bones are extended everything's growing and then once you reach your height and whatever in your age you're like well i'm not growing growing anymore so i don't need to eat 85 000 fucking pounds of food a day yeah i mean that's why the rock is constantly like eating a lake's worth of cod is trying to grow you know if you're like okay would you like a salmon sushi no just all the cod you have no i only eat one kind god the smaller the bottom feeder he just goes in like a fucking whale like open mouth bites into the ocean and then strains the water out between his gums like his right like golem yeah fish heads oh my god how did you get in there i mean quickest i i would be mad if this didn't come up on this episode yeah uh we'll get back to health in a second sean you had a production i have a production company hazy had um and you produced a really strange game show that took place in a salon that's right and i hosted hair jack for true tv for one season yeah god that was so long ago that was so long ago and now here we are working together i know i love it by the way you were fucking great oh thank you so great it was cash cab in a hair salon by the way still a great idea still where i had a blast loser loser of the game had to get a fucked up haircut yeah it was awesome wait but sean you had a couple hits with hazy mills didn't you yeah we had hot in cleveland we had grim we had a history of comedy on cnn yeah those are like that's like three on the air that's huge yeah well we had we had more but um that's that's like they don't have the name recognition of hair jack yeah hair jack is good by the way that's still a really good idea i we should do it i'm tech avail bro what you shoot you shoot 13 episodes six episodes six episodes and you start next week uh you start in two weeks yeah in two weeks wow pal what do you got going on i'm finishing i got another like i'm finishing i got another like six seven weeks on the beatles and that's uh i'm an idiot what is that it's a movie about the beatles if sam and sam mendez making four movies one about each beetle yeah is that oh really yeah yeah that's amazing i was in a couple of them as the man and one of the managers that's incredible there's four movies doing four movies yeah and you play the same character in each movie and i do different you will you play sean hayes yet there you're integral to the you don't know this but did you say i'm integral I'm an indigo girl. You're an indigo girl. You're playing the indigo girl. Yeah. and actually there's a big lawsuit i'm closer to fine yeah what do you do for what do you do for lines too how do you guys memorize lines like do you have a designated spot in your in your house or your apartment or whatever that you like you that is just for that or do you get somebody to run with you or i need a pa i need a pa and i need to do it like repetitiously cold where it's literally like over and over again each line what did i miss what did i get wrong i gotta say it again and then i gotta put that sentence with the next one and i gotta put that with the next one and then i gotta put it all together until i have the whole play till you don't have to think about it yeah that's how i do it i i have to write it i have to write it the first time oh when i'm trying to go off book off book i have to write all my lines out and then i kind of like write the my lines of the script on a sheet of paper and then run it a bunch but then i'll always just every once in a while go back to my lines like they're poems and just like right right that's great yeah being like a song yeah and like right writing it is i think a holdover from like being a kid and just being like taking notes in class and it hitting in a different way than memorizing it that way yeah for sure what about what do you do i just did um i don't i just decided not to i just don't memorize it you just go up there wide-eyed and people are just clapping because you're sean i saw one of your plays a word yeah yeah no no i just i just say whatever i feel that i gotta get to that level no um no i just did a one like they call them solo plays but uh one man show called the unknown where i played 10 different characters it was a thriller and it was really fucking fucked up it was incredibly written but memorizing i just did kind of what adam you said just by i have a place in my room in a corner with a and i just started it's like it's an hour and 10 minutes monologue and so you just start memorizing it and one time like show i've said this before i've said this story before but one time like show 60 70 i don't know after you do it for so long there's this character larry and of course i play all the parts and the line is um you know i go i go to his apartment i buzz the door larry answers and larry kind of just talks you know like that and so i go i buzz the door and larry answers and i waited for whoever was playing larry to say their line and i was like because i was so on autopilot i was like waiting and why isn't oh shit that's me too god bless i play larry and that's like dreaming in another language yeah totally you know where you're like i i sort of know spanish and then you're like in your dream you know spanish and you're like whoa yeah you know that's what that that is like i couldn't imagine doing like a hour long uh word perfect one person show would you could do it you guys could do it i'm gonna have stress diarrhea just imagining that i bet i could do it but i bet i bet i could do it because i did the other one but it would just take the same length of time and effort to like make it song yeah like you just make it like a song that you people are like how you memorize all those nights like you memorize an album or your favorite album no completely i still have though i wonder if you still have this i still have especially when i don't sleep that much but i do have a recurring stress stream please tell me what it is where i'm about it's like i'm in the theater i'm at second stage i'm in the theater and i'm like in my dressing room in the the costume the pa and sometimes it's a pa sometimes it's someone i know manager yeah sometimes it's like that changes but they're sometimes it's mcgruff the crime dog you know it's a dream it's like sometimes it's animated dead it's like it could be but but they're like you know you you got to go on you got to like you're late you're late yeah you're late you know and i'm like what are you late i've been in here the whole time and then like yeah it's the worst and then i get on stage and i don't know the play anymore yeah it's like i don't know that play anymore like i don't even know the first line of it and i'm just looking at the audience and i and then it goes like your mind goes to like you skip the that part and then you you're after the show and people are like what happened and like now that's part of your dream and you're like oh right right right right a nightmare but but you know what i think is crazy is the eight shows a week like who started that well obviously producers did to make money because the more shows you do the more money but it's like i think it's in human and like peep like no it's it makes it not fun after six months or five months or four months you know it's like i have to i still have eight it's something like 80 shows you're like no i shouldn't be doing this play 80 times in a row and a matinee a matinee even the magic up with that shit has got to be fucking hard as hell so especially at eight o'clock every night you can't have a headache you can't have a stomachache you can't be upset at your partner you can't be you can't feel anything other than being right must go on yeah it's just fucking awful and great by the way when you're when you're in when you're in a deep like that are you changing any of your normal behaviors are you like when you're because traditionally doctor 25 000 times during your infamous hypochondriac you had a podcast about it but like totally you're also super healthy those things are actually i mean you are probably talking to us yeah those things are probably tied together in a way well i'm think i'm finally getting on the road to being healthy but now but um because i i i think i ate for a different podcast about psychological reasons but that's for a different show but um but yeah i i to to to keep that up you know i'm doing a show like that i do i i i go to the vocal coach a lot like a vocal doctor because i was like i'm screaming a lot in the show can i make sure that i'm not blowing my vocal cords out and i'm like i'm not blowing my vocal cords out and then i'll stick the fucking camera and the tube down there and like you know you just that just gave me like and there's a camera he's like say how can you talk i get the cameras on my throat but um and so that that's that'll freak me out that and then just staying healthy because of the guilt of people buying tickets to come see you from all over the world you know it's like oh god i don't want like you know a lot of you know it's the pressure is like crazy what's that you got a couple down with the gay the catholic gay oh my god redundant yeah jesus christ literally you got way more to worry about than the people that bought the tickets yeah brother you have hell coming up yeah what are you stressed about them yeah it's called the matinee that's the hell these blue hairs don't know what i do i got a hell coming up it's brilliant so this is what we're talking about like we're like we're talking about like we're talking about like we're talking about like we're talking about athletes that's when you're in season like traditionally our careers are maybe a little every day's a little different yeah but then when you get into that you have to lock in and are you like are you like i gotta exercise at noon i eat i yes i gotta eat this meal at three i can't have a coffee after two like that's right yes that's what are you locking into this is good that's the thing because before like let's my shows were at seven because i'm like contract when we were doing the contract i was like i'm not doing eight i'm doing seven o'clock oh hell yeah and i'm only doing seven a week because eight means you're out at 11 yeah seven means i'm home at a decent hour yeah like i wish it was a six so that you could do the show and then eat well because it's all about eating so john that's that's exactly right six show would be better for the audience by the way after by the way i'll one better you let's do five while we're talking about five o'clock no one works anymore five is perfect get there perfect but i'm still at work not my problem that's when the tickets are in the intermission yeah i'm the cat on the way over yeah yes totally we i i think we're gonna take it do my next play at a we work that's why not at a podcast studio but it is all about food johnny it's like it's like you know you eat at um so so you got to make sure you eat lunch at the right time so it digests so you don't have acid reflux to give you phlegm so you can't speak yeah or yell or do your lines so then you're starving by the end of the show so when it gets out at 9 10 11 whatever it is you're like well eat now because now i'm gonna lay flat and all the acid reflux from the food so it's hard really fucking hard to figure out when you're gonna eat or you get off stage and you got to like shake hands with like your six cousins that came to see you and you're just like i need to get fucking pasta asap and i need to go to bed because it's all about sleep like everything is about sleep if you if you're tired and you have to perform you can't open your throat to make your vocal chords make sound you know what i mean like this guy's definitely going to hell talking and shit no but it's exactly it's exactly it is really hard and was it like that was it like that when you were on the multi-cam where no i didn't think about it which is probably just like out there and then yeah i was just fucking drunk every night yeah yeah oh no we would film we talk about all the time we would film we were on a single cam but when happy endings was over we had a standing table at the sunset marquee that like was used probably forever for like 75 episodes isn't that great yeah it was the best time of life like it was awesome i wish my whole thing would be if forgive me but would be about pooping i'd be like i need to make sure i get like figure that out i wouldn't want to have to feel like i had one on deck on stage i feel like it would affect me yeah well i would but that's the thing during a run of a show my poops are fucking great because all the anxiety and all this stuff makes it go right through like lock the fuck in yeah yeah yeah Every time, same place. usually yeah usually but when i'm not doing it 85 of the time it's in the toilet yeah but on the on the one man show i just the unknown i just did it's um i would dope but my stomach would get rumbly and i would just be just be me standing behind the curtain waiting for places right which is already in my place and the stage manager would walk by every single night and be like uh great you ready i'm like great i'm ready but a lot of the times i would let one rip right before she walked by and because i couldn't i didn't want to do it during the stage because then everybody would hear it so she'd be like are you ready now i am yeah every single night and people say we're holding for sean's part we're holding for sean's part has he farted yet like everyone's over the wall exactly it's interesting because people say people say of the uh will and grace cast you were one of the easiest to work with that's an interesting story yeah yeah yeah i'll corroborate that i can corroborate that just to talk fitness for a sec yeah go ahead before you get out of here uh you said like you go to the trainer and you hate it but you continue to do it because you are a explain to us are you seeing results are you because one thing we and adam talk about a lot is like when you were younger you didn't believe anyone who said like if i don't exercise i feel crazy that sounds stupid now i do feel that i get depressed after day four of not i do i agree and it's like you know just i'm and this is you guys are catching me like this is just in the past like two months or months i'm like actually look forward a little bit like i fucking hate it but when i'm there i'm so glad i went and knowing that feeling makes me go back it's like the results yeah i am feeling results for the first time in a long time and mentally is just as important yeah for sure and you get back to you know you're like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my your physique that you used to have when you were a little bit younger you know what i mean and you're like oh this is like i'm looking you know when you take your shirt off you're not so depressed anymore oh god you know what i mean i look forward to that day yeah i'm still a melted candle i'm bad melted candle sorry i got super depressed and had to shut my camera i'm a pregnant i'm a i'm a pregnant cow i take my shirt off i'm a fucking no but aren't you guys don't you guys feel like you're on your way to like getting back into like what you used to look like yeah i feel better in the last since we started getting our lives together with this podcast i feel a ton better i don't know if i look a ton better like i you do i've been saying a lot like even better i feel like i i work so hard to look like shit yeah that it's like it's it's truly frustrating but that may just be that may be okay as long as i'm here uh-huh i've been saying i'm aging like a fine toilet wine did you do your wait john do you have a girlfriend uh no i'm uh post-divorced in the streets okay got it i guess yeah okay got it i was gonna say so so adam this is for you i'm married i'm married and i have a girlfriend right right okay wonderful that's perfect okay let me ask you do both of them care about enough to to to to give you notes about how you look before you leave the or are you just like no i don't want to hear it i'm just wearing a t-shirt and this is what my hair looks like and i'm this is i don't care oh no no the the first you have you have to put yourself together yeah yeah i can't and if even if i like take a swing yeah yeah like the other day i i bought this like uh green t-shirt right it's not it's not wild there's no white girlfriend there's no logo on it there's no it's just a t-shirt it's just a t-shirt it's just a t-shirt not white and not black it's it's green it's like mint green yeah and i wore it downstairs at like seven in the morning on the way to take the kids to school and my wife goes you're going to that meeting like that all right and i was like what and she's like i thought you had a meeting later i was like i do and she's like and you're wearing what is that t-shirt i was like i what i just got this she's like you just got that i was like okay okay like and then you have to change and i have to change because then the whole day i'll be like is this t-shirt really bad yeah yeah like really bad you can say you can tell i'm divorced yeah because i have a fucking oh that's a great t-shirt kids cartoon shirt yeah yeah there's this designer named wizard of barge who does these really cool kind of yeah that's cool yeah and you can tell i'm married because my mother-in-law sleeps in my office is that your office is that true yeah yeah that's why you've been so quiet this whole time she's sleeping right now yeah but we but she's actually awake but the aid is that hearing aids are down is that is that the girl when you said wife and girlfriend buddy one of them uh anyway wow sean thank you so much for coming on it's been amazing thank you yeah pal thank you yeah this is awesome you guys are awesome you're doing such a great job i you know you're two of the funniest people on the face of the planet well we'll see you at the next people magazine sexiest men of the year i'm on my way now i'm wearing this t-shirt yeah sexy you're wearing that t-shirt that's the t-shirt yeah why what just letting out a big fart next to jason before you're gonna take your photo mamoa you want to get pasta mamoa i'm not drinking that much anymore so yeah balance dude balance it's all about balance he's like what hey jack i'm trying to work on my lines yeah exactly all right dude thank you so much guys man that was fun i do like he's such a pro podcaster like i think three times he's like so my nutrition plan is as well he was definitely like checking my watch at one time i think he leaned in to look at my watch he had he said he said i feel bad you guys are going long i was like hint taken brother you yeah i did want to get into a little bit more of his weed intake but yeah i know well now we have a new goal is to get high with the boss with johnny yeah we got it because like i've done that with will and his version is like eating ice cream in sag harbor now hey that sounds like a fucking it's fine but it's like i want to get stoned yeah i want to get high with sean i think i would fucking uh laugh to the point of cheeks hurting hanging out with him dude he reminds me so much of like there's certain things that i've done that i've done that i've done that i've done that i've done i've done that i've done that i've done that i've done that i've done that i've done that i feel like we've we brought this name up all the time like tim meadows or there are just certain guys like that like we could make a list of in our lives in our collective like career and lives that they just make you laugh like you could just sit with them and say something and whatever they say back will make you laugh yeah i feel like sean hayes tim meadows like that's the top of that list yeah oh man it's gonna be fucking i'm like pretending like it actually is happening i'm like oh man it's gonna be so fun yeah we should have a staying alive rap party we should make uh and put together a staying alive that would be so good no one would show up stay alive fuck you have been listening to staying alive with john gabrus and adam pally a smart list media production in association with serious xm produced by devin tory bryant and anne harris engineered and edited by devin tory bryant who also wrote the music associate producer and video producer is maddie mccann social media producer tommy galgano assistant engineer kyle mcgraw special thanks to jared o'connell at serious xm executive producers are john gabrus who me adam pally who you will arnett jason bateman sean hayes richard corson and bernie kaminsky do us a favor just rate and review the podcast it actually helps just so everyone knows we do not have a discord don't reach out to us see us on the street walk the other way or you'll catch hands i like we should create a mystique around jason now that he's the only boss that hasn't done it that like he's kind of uh he he's like he's our uh we have beef with him well i emailed jason to come on and he said he won't come on until we put a full blue tint on the video he says make it go make it go ozark for me yeah he needs it to be more ozark smart