Stay Close to God: Lessons From Dad

"I was getting everything that I wanted, but it didn't make me happy. It didn't feel like I was accomplishing anything." My friend, Brother Bernard Dallos, was still pretty young when he achieved what most people only dream of. A successful career, his own place in New York, and financial security. But something was missing. The answer to a question he had been asking for most of his life - Growing up, he'd watched his Filipino immigrant father sacrifice everything to start over in America. Yet somehow, stay completely devoted to his faith. The question that never left Brother Bernard alone was why. Why was his dad's faith so strong? Today, we find out how that one simple question led to a change that transformed everything, not by giving up what he had, but by discovering what he'd been missing all along. I'm a Leo Garcia Pablo, and you're listening to Making Changes from I&C Media Audio, a podcast about the changes we go through, and the life lessons we learn along the way, but always with God by our side. Well, welcome Brother Bernard to Making Changes. Sister Leo, thank you for having me. Here we are. Here we are. You know, I not only have such great respect for you as a minister, but I'd like to say that through the years we've had so many meaningful conversations that I am honored to call you as my friend as well. And through the years you've given me so much insight, and I thought, you know, we should share it with other people. Everything that you've shared. Thank you for that. And it's true that we've had a lot of meaningful conversations. And I think that hopefully through this conversation that others who are feeling the same or going through the same things that we've talked about and see that they're not alone, and that God will make a way. Yes. Growing up in the ministry myself, one of the questions I always ask ministers, as I always, I'm always so curious, you know, how, why did you join the ministry? And I think with our, I think that's one of the questions that kind of sparked so many conversations through the years with us. But before we get to that, we actually, there's a, your dad played a really important, I feel like all of our conversations always went back to your dad somehow, you know. And you and I are both close, close with our dads. And so we had so much in common in that sense. But your dad came to America at a time when the church was still really just starting. So what were the things that you learned from your dad growing up in the 70s here in America or New York, right? So, you know, growing up at first, I think a lot of things that I took for granted, you know, that my dad was a doctor. We had the, you know, the big house, the multi-car driveway. And it was just something that you always thought like, well, it's always been like this, right? And it only wasn't until I started to, you know, try to make it out on my own, try to make it my life now. That I, I asked more of my dad, hey, dad, how did, how come you were able to do this? How come you were able to become a doctor? How come you were able to accomplish all these things? To get all these things? And he always reminded me that he said, he said, you think it's me? You know, one of the things that I, I always remember and I hope this will resonate with some of our listeners is he said, don't forget God and God won't forget you. And so that led me to say, well, what do you mean, don't forget God? I mean, I don't forget God. We're going to church our whole life, you know? And he just remembered, he's, everything that you have comes from God. So don't hold back. And at first, I didn't understand, I didn't know. But so I can't continue to ask him about, you know, how, what does he mean? We should, we should note that your dad came to America as an immigrant minority, right? In the 70s. And at a time when it must have been tough to be Filipino in New York and trying to establish a career. I think it would be even just tough for a young man to leave his family behind, to come to a foreign place, not knowing anybody. And then even your trade, because he was a doctor in the Philippines, but when he came to the new country that you don't automatically have those certifications, those privileges, you're pretty much starting over again. Right. And have to work twice as three times as hard. The barriers are just, and that's the thing again, I don't know that part of the story. It was always just, this is how our life was until I started to ask my dad. And I said, I guess what sparked me to ask him, I said, why is your faith so strong? Why is it that even though you are a doctor, you are, here's a great story, which I'll, I'll never forget. He was sharing his faith and, you know, one of the, one of the people he was inviting, were like, okay, how are you? What do you do? And he said, well, for a living, I'm a doctor, but for eternal life, I serve God. So I want to share that with you. Wow. And to hear that is, you know, what do you mean? You know, like, is being a doctor, like, nothing to you? But why was your faith, your duties, your, your, your, your, your promise to God, so much more important than anything else? What was it when you were seeing that part of him? What made you wonder and question? Like, why not just focus on the big stuff, like a career and you know, the faith stuff, all of that will, you know, probably come later. And that's the great part of, of finally asking, you know, my dad, like, why, why do you do what you do? And again, there are things that I saw, there are things that I, you know, I experienced that he didn't have to tell me, like, for example, being dedicated to the worship service, you know, always helping out with the brethren, taking care of the house of worship. He never had to say he just did it. And so that the example is already there. The only question I needed to answer for myself was why. And then when I ask and took the time, you know, he, he, he really hammered home to me saying, why do you think I am where I am? Why do you think I have what I have? It all came from God. And then when he would tell me the story of that, he came from the Philippines by himself. And that really, he says to me, that was one of the darkest and hardest times of his life, to be without his family, to be, you know, from a doctor to almost nothing. What did, when he moved to New York? What was his first job? I believe he was just like cleaning up in the medical, just trying to crack the industry, just trying to get in. And you know, not having that network of people that you could say, you know, help me out. And to be able to say, you know, I'm a doctor in my country. Yes, imagine that. And I think one of the things that he told me was what solidified, because in that situation, I, I can understand if someone would give up, if someone say, I can't do this. I'm going back, because this is impossible. It's more comfortable. And why, why would I do this? If this is everything that's ahead of me and I, I can't do it alone. That's when my dad made that firm decision. And he went to the local congregation in New York, which was just starting out. This is in Long Island. This is in what was now the local of New York, which was now known as the local congregation of Long Island City. And he took a duty in office. And while he was studying for his boards, he would guard the chapel late at night. So that way, he would be there. And it was something that he instilled in me, he said, the more he did for God, the more sacrifice that he made, instead of pursuing his personal dreams, instead of thinking what was best for him, the more he did for God, the more God blessed him that he couldn't even imagine. I have mentioned earlier what I, when I came into the story. But when I learned from my dad, and I'm actually mad at my sisters that I never knew from them either, I thought they started, I thought they started, yes, there's four of us and I'm the third. And I thought we all started the same thing. But they remember when they first got to America too, and my dad was able to finally bring them over with my mom. And they lived in a one bedroom apartment, the four of them in Queens. And then, you know, they didn't have a car. They didn't have anything. They didn't, and you know, even my mom, now she's starting out and all of the different difficulties and all of those challenges that they went through. And that's one thing my dad never wanted me to misread or misunderstand that he did that because he's good. He did that because he's smart. He did that because if anything, he wanted me to know he said, he wanted me to know this happened because I tried to stay close to God. And as my son, all I can ask from you is to do the same. Did your dad say, Bernard, I want you to be a minister? Well, how did that come about, the calling part? Here's the story, if I may. My dad actually is the son of a minister. And he wanted to be a minister, but he didn't realize it until he was already married. He was already children. He had already finished the doctor because that was what he thought he he needed to do to get ahead to get a better life for his family. When he came to America, he actually, after becoming a deacon and becoming more active in the church, he signed up to be of what's called a volunteer preacher. And so he was studying in the ministry. But then, of course, the church continued to progress. And once the church had its own school for ministers or a college with evangelical ministry, that those who wanted to join the ministry or continue the ministry would have to go and get the formal training and study. So did you feel pressured, though, that you're now trying, you're living out your dad's dream? You know, at first, I felt pressured because the story is that when he couldn't continue the volunteer preacher, that's when they prayed for a son. And that's why two or three years later, when I was born, that was always what I heard that, oh, you were offered to be a minister, oh, you're going to be the minister. And growing up, it was pressure. It was something that, well, what if I don't know if I want to be a minister? And so it was kind of always on the back burner. It was always kind of there. But the one thing I'm thankful for is my dad understood that pressure. And though he would encourage, he would give me those slight hints, well, if you joined the ministry, but he never forced. He never said, you have to, I will, you know, he's like, whatever your path takes you, just, I'm, I ask you, stay close to God wherever you go. That's all I'm asking of you. But where were you in your life before joining the ministry? What, what, what were you up to? Well, and you see, that's why now that I knew that I was, or the story goes that I was, I came to be because they wanted to offer a son to the ministry, which good thing I wasn't born a girl. And you know, knowing that I kind of tried to do as much as I could to delay that. That time, I was really trying to find out who I was. And again, as you mentioned, it's hard because being the first generation born in America, you've got that culture of the world around you saying, hey, this is what you're supposed to be. This is what you're supposed to be like. Not only that, you grew up as a son of a doctor, so, so may call it a privileged life, right? It's comfortable, New York, you're a young man. Why would anyone want to give that up? And, and that's the, the, the beauty about the path that now that I realized that God was taking me because I needed to see and know for myself that if I just rely on myself, I just do what I want. This is only how far I can go. I'll give you an example sister at you. I was very interested in accounting in, in tax, in the business world. But for reasons of one or another, I, I never got to finish my, my undergraduate degree. And even with that, I was still able to, you know, get certain positions that if I worked hard, I really, you know, gave it all I got. And I was able to progress to the point where I had a very, for my age, a very comfortable position in private equity. I was able to purchase my own home, even though I don't, I'm not married yet, I'd have a family yet. You're living the American dream as a single guy in New York. You know what's the amazing part? I was getting everything that I wanted, but it didn't make me happy. It didn't feel like I was accomplishing anything. So maybe, maybe, especially in the days of social media, you know, you could flex now. You could post it. You could say everyone. But I want to go back to that brother Bernard. You said it didn't make you happy, like what does that feel like? I mean, because from the outside, you know, living in New York, your bachelor, you've got your own place, you got a great job. What does that look like and feel like that you just weren't happy? I guess for everyone to understand, let me rephrase. Of course, you were happy. Of course, you had that, you know, like that joy, but I didn't feel at peace. Because you know, when that's your mindset, when that's your goal, nothing is enough. You know, there's always something that pays you more. There's always something that's newer, that's nicer, that I don't have that and I need to have that. So there was that constant struggle to say, I'm not enough. Yeah. I'm not there yet. And what you have is never enough. So it didn't matter what you, you know, what God had given you. You know, and that's why it's hard when you are looking around at what you don't have, you don't see what God has already given you. And that's what happened during that time. So even though I was at that point, there was, you know, there was a financial crisis in 2008. 2008. The market tank, people were losing jobs left and right. Did you lose yours? I didn't lose my job. I was actually even being considered to be promoted. And I remember my boss saying he said to me, you know, you keep doing what you're doing in five years. You're going to be sitting in my seat. But I'm glad he said that because when I visualized it, I said, five years from now, who am I going to be? What am I going to be doing? And I saw his life very comfortable, very wealthy, but the stress, the no time for his family, the, I could see he wasn't happy. So I said to myself, I don't know if I want to be like, you don't want to be that guy. And it was at that same time where just like what happened to my dad, where at those dark moments, at those moments, crossroads where you don't know where to go, what to do, there's that rock of your faith that was always there. Just the same again, my dad came from the Philippines. Now he's in New York, he doesn't know anybody knows it, you know, but there's the church. He knows that, oh, that's the congregation. That's the house of worship. I'm going to go there. And almost in that same path or that same feeling was that when all of this was going on, you know, that, that call to the ministry or that, that just interest in the ministry, that's when it hit me. And so, you know, spring of 2009, I had already applied to the ministry, my, my boss even being never said, just stay until we find your replacement will pay you this and do that. But then it would just, you know, keep me from my path. And I remember what my dad said, whatever you do, just stay close to God. I didn't know what that path would take or, and I grew up always wondering what if I know I would never be able to live in regret. Oh, that piece would just always escape me. And so, you know, to, to take that leap of faith, I'm telling you, those sacrifices, those things that you, people say you give up, calling whatever you want, I wouldn't give any of them back to you. You see, when you look at the picture at 2009 where it started, you could say you gave up that, you gave up this, you gave up that. But now, if you look at the rest of the picture, if you look at God's whole work, the plans laid out. I couldn't even compare what God was waiting to give to me. So I, 16 years later now, 16 years later or however many, whatever they, you know, people will say, oh, you gave up, I say this, I didn't give up anything. And the ministry has given me everything I've got. And again, it starts with that instruction from my dad that said, whatever you do, just stay close to God. There was a conversation we had and you said to me that you, part of one of the reasons why you also joined the ministry was you really wanted to understand how did your parents have such deep faith, like where you wanted a better understanding of the doctrines and how, how did they become so spiritually rooted? Well, I think growing up and all of us can relate to this. We always sometimes maybe ask that question, why don't my parents get me? You know, why, why don't you see what I want and see why, you know, I'm asking for what I'm asking for? And then, you know, but we could also ask that same question as children. What is it about my parents that I don't understand? Right. And the one thing that between my mother and father that I could always kind of just always point back to can always relate to was how was your faith so strong? My parents will be the first ones to, you know, to remind me that like again, everything we had, everything we enjoyed, where do you think it came from? The times when my sister at a very young age got an aneurysm. The doctor said that she, she, she wouldn't make it. The doctors were telling my dad who's also a doctor saying, you know, you know, what's right. So just make the decisions because even, even if the small remote possibility that she makes it, she won't be the same. Yeah, what are you hoping for in short, they were saying to you, we drove sometimes very early morning, sometimes late at night, to the house of worship, which was about an hour away, one way because at this time there weren't that many local congregations in New York yet. Yes. And, but at least the thing we're thankful there was. house of worship to run to no matter how far no matter how many miles. And we would go and pray. And that was my dad's faith for teaching all of us that don't listen to what the doc don't let's just ask God. And then whatever God answers, that's God's answer for us. It's so powerful because your dad is a doctor and just like what his colleagues say, you're a doctor, you know. But at that moment, he put aside all the medical knowledge in you. And his faith was what he relied on versus science, medical, the medical profession was telling him. And you see, the amazing thing is that's what the Bible's been teaching us, that when it's hope against hope, where's your hope? Are you hoping in what? People, money, education, knowledge can do for you? Or do you want to hope in what God can do? And that's why even though I was young, I was about maybe six or seven years old. And you remember that? Yes, because it was just such a very powerful and also I remember asking my dad, why do we drive one hour and then drive one hour back? And then we're just going to pray for how many minutes, you know, to a young boy. That's a waste of time where I could be, but you see again, and for all the parents who are listening there and even the children, you know, the example that you leave your children, by them seeing what you do, just can be so much more powerful than any words, any, any, you know, even letter that you want to leave them behind. So show them who you are, show them your faith and then show them why. And so thanks be to God, my sister who had the aneurysm, she is now a deaconess. And she's, you know, we're very close and, you know, I'm glad the doctors were wrong. So you joined the ministry and can I ask before joining the ministry, like how much did you know about the Bible, particularly? That's a tough question. You know the Bible, you know, you're growing up in the children's worship service, which is very essential when you think about it, all of those things that, you know, because you're being taught from a young age math, so you don't forget one plus one equals two. But that's why it's so important for you to also have that spiritual training, because you won't forget that there's only one true God. There's no training, even though the whole world around you, that's what they believe. But I've been taught, this is what the Bible says. So maybe I couldn't point the chapter in verse. But thankfully through the children's worship service, that foundation that basis was there. So when you start studying, though, do you remember that one of the first, you know, maybe Bible history classes you learned or, you know, a specific time, you really, I get it now, this is why my dad, my mom, have such deep faith. Growing up in America, growing as a first generation, you know, not even knowing the Philippines or, you know, not knowing deeply that history. That didn't really fully grasp the wonderful fulfillment of God's prophecy. And then that's why when I joined the ministry and I, you know, what was great was my dad would come and come and then he would kind of show me and bring me to places that, and he could personally relate and said, I remember when the messenger, brother Felix Manalo used to stand here and greet the brethren as they left. It made it now like it's real. Yeah, it's so real. And it's just that even though the world is so big and we're so far away, never think that the church administration is not trying to be close to you, trying to remind us that we are headed to a place that only God can give us. And then that's why when, when those things happened, it didn't become textbooks. It didn't become, okay, let me pass this exams. It became now that again, I came in at a later chapter. I want to know now how this story begins. We're going backwards actually, right? Yeah. Well, would you say that going to the Philippines and joining the ministry was the biggest change you've made in your life up to that point? I would say that it is the change that I am so, so grateful and thankful to God for. Because I couldn't even imagine what my life would be if God didn't give that mercy to me. I couldn't imagine where I would be. What my life would be like. Because you know, in the ministry, there are tough days. There are difficult days. But there's never a day that I don't thank God for. There's never a day that I say I can't do this. I don't want to. And you know, that's one thing we tried to share with the brethren because we know they're going through days that, you know, you get sad, you get hurt, you get even depressed even. But as long as you have God in your life, let that go. Each day is worth it. Just let the day finish out. God has blessings for you. And that's why I really can't even imagine. And so when you say it's the biggest change, I kind of want to think of it. It's the only change that I could think of. When you, with any change, it's always, it starts with discomfort at first, right? Because it's new, it's different. But when you made that change to go to the Philippines and study in the ministry, do you remember at what point during this new chapter in your life that you said this was the right decision? I can't narrow it down to one point where I said, okay, this is it. There's, but there was one time when I remember, you know, saying to my mother, because again, I was back back in the US to visit and it was a break. And then, you know, she was, she and I were shopping for it. She's like, what do you need? What, what, what don't you have there that we can get here? So that way, when you go back. And I said, yeah, I think I need this for, for when I go home. And she said, what do you mean go home? You are home. You are home in New York. And I said, no, mom, when I go to my home. And I know that hurt her. But I think that deepened what we understood about each other was that, you know, as parents, we can build this life for our children this and that. But when they find their home, that's their piece, you know, and that's why I go back to what my dad said, wherever you go, it's not your home, just stay close to God. And so I think, I mean, there were many moments where I, I knew that, I don't want to say I knew that this was the right decision. But like you just, every day, you felt it. And every day that feeling got stronger. Well, you were studying. You had a phone call one day. And you found out that your dad, the hard attack. And initial reaction was, I got to get home. I got to get home with my dad. What was your dad's reaction? Did he tell you one and easier way to listen to making changes? Check us out on Spotify. When you listen on Spotify, you get every episode in one convenient place. Plus, you can download them for offline listening. Perfect for your commute, your workout, or those quiet moments when you need to hear something meaningful. Spotify makes it super simple to pick up right where you left off, create your own playlists with your favorite episodes, and discover new stories that could change your perspective, your day, or maybe even your life. Make listening easier, find making changes on Spotify today, and never miss the story that might be exactly what you needed to hear. Now back to my conversation with Brother Bernard. You know, that was a really tough experience because when I got that phone call, my dad had a hard attack and needed a quintuple. So five bypass. Oh, it wasn't just. It was something. This was something serious. That's complicated. Yes. And but thanks be to God, I was able to speak to him. I said, Hey, dad, okay, I'm going to ask for, you know, if I can come there and just be with you and see you. And of course, that's just anything, you know, if we're not going to see each other, if we're not going to, if this is it, let's give me one last moment. Is that too much to ask for a son? But his answer to me was, what are you going to do when you get here? Can you even add one second to my life? So he said, if you really want to help me. Stay where you are, keep your promise to God, and God will keep his promise to all of us. And so me and my brother, who was also studying the Philippines at that moment, we instinctively just ran to each other and we went right to the temple, we went right to the house of worship, and we prayed. Just as we had done many years before with my sister, when my mother's car accident, anytime there was that that insurmountable problem facing our family, we did what our parents taught us to do. And thanks be to God. Our prayer was answered. And my prayer that day was I just want my dad to see the fruit, the result of his prayer of having a son to join the ministry, and God gave me so much more. My dad was able to recover, he was able to be the performing head deacon when the local congregation of Belmore was offered, and he was in the tribuna with the executive minister. He was able to see my graduation, my ordination, my wedding, and even the birth of his first grandson. So I asked God for one thing and God gave so much more. How did joining the ministry change you rather Bernard? The ministry, and you know, for all of the church officers out there, that dedication, that decision to serve God is really such a great blessing if you look at it the right way. Because again, people will see the sacrifices, people will see what you have to give up, what you have to deny, what you can't do anymore that you used to do. Whereas once you understand what it means to serve God, then you can fully see that that's everything you ever wanted. And you know, God is the one who even says, He says, just test me in this, try me, and see if I do not open up the windows of heaven and pour out so much blessings that you can't even count. And that's why, in joining the ministry, what's the blessing that is being taught to us through the church administration is that you can't be at a loss if you dedicate your life, your efforts, your everything to serving God. And God says in the Bible, Hebrew 6, 10, He says, I remember your love for me, but that love for God is by how you helped his people and continued to help them. And you see the one thing that I'm very thankful about the ministry is because it's a gift that God gives so that we can help others, so that we can help others to know God, others to keep their faith in trust in God. And for all of us to really get ready for what God has in store and no one, no one should be left behind. So the ministry is really a gift from God that just keeps on giving. The ministry changed you in profound ways. And now that as a minister of the gospel, you're also helping others make changes in their lives in finding their truth and finding God. What does that feel like when you see the spark, when you see the light bulb turn on in someone's eyes, when they realize Christ is not God, everything I've learned going up is not true. What does that feel like to know that you're helping change people's lives? That's one of the great blessings that comes with serving God by serving others. It's that your goal is no longer for what you feel. Your goal is no longer for what you will accomplish. But if you can help someone to just have that stronger connection with God, to have that deeper understanding of what God wants, and then see that effect or make changes in their lives, it only strengthens your faith even more. When it comes to the ministry here is something that now in my life, the more I can give, the more I can do, the more I can offer, the more that I just receive from God that I didn't even ask for. I'll give you the example as you were said earlier, when it was just me, when I was doing it for myself, I couldn't even pass my undergrad degree. You know, there were small steps of success, but they were always, and then now that being called to the ministry and being also used to help in various tasks through the grace and mercy of God, once I received the approval of the church administration to continue my studies, thanks be to God, I was able to get my bachelor's degree. I was able to get my master's degree, I was able to pass the CPA exams, and after that I was also blessed to be allowed to study law school and to graduate from law school and then pass the California Bar Exam. All this in us, we should say, all this in a span of just a few years. The thing that I need you to understand, and for everyone to understand is, "Code, I have done this, if I didn't give myself to God, because why couldn't I do it before?" But that's what God is always reminding us, God is always telling us to let try Him. Test Him. Test Him. Just make that sacrifice and see if He will not bless you more than you can even imagine. So, to go back to your earlier question, what if I didn't make that change, to go closer to God? I hope I never have to answer that question. When you were talking about it and just the impact of, you know, you can't imagine your life without the ministry, I saw in your eyes, just it's like something just flickered in your eyes, and as I was watching you, you get pretty emotional about that. I wondered what was the thought, what was the image that popped in your mind that really just moved you? You know, there's just so much that, again, if you look at the world around you, you'll always see what you don't have. You'll always see what others have that you don't. But then if you just look at what God is giving you and then knowing that it came from God, you will ask this question, "What else do I need?" Because you know, that's why it's important in life to always be thankful to the people you love that are around you, thankful to the people that help you in your life. But most of all, thankful to God. Just remember this, if you're not thankful, then you're taking it for granted. And things that are taken for granted will be things that are taken away from you. Can you say that one more time that's lower because that's profound? How did I say that? You said it's important to be thankful. It's important to be thankful. You know, it could be the worst day, it could be the worst year. It could be the most difficult, you know, time of your life. But as long as you have God, you have hope. And that's why whatever you have, whatever God has given you, be thankful for that. Because if you're not thankful, then you're taking it for granted. And things taken for granted are things that will be taken away from you. So treasure everything. As a minister, I'm sure you come across lots of people who, when they first introduce to the church, you could see that they're lost, you could see that they feel hopeless. What does that look like to have to meet someone looking like they don't know who they are? They don't know where to go. They don't know their purpose. By the time you get to baptism day, like a different person, what does that feel like? When we first meet a prospective Bible student, or when we first meet someone who has just even wants to learn more about the church of Christ, I always have to control myself because I want to finish the story on day one, because that's the excitement that you, as a minister, you'll have saying, I know where this is headed. I know where this is going. I'm excited for you. I'm excited for you because I believe that this is the best thing for us, you know, but of course, just like any journey, you're going to have to take them on that path. Hills and valleys. That's where we ask God for the blessing because, you know, when it comes to people relationships in our life, and we need to apply it to all our relationships, is we don't know the other side, 100%. Right. We don't know the first time. We don't know their aspirations, we don't know their, but if we're able to help them to understand that all of those things, whatever makes you scared, whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you, all of those things will be solved by you having your relationship with God. That is what's rewarding, I guess you can say for us ministers, because when we see and we teach first of all about the dedication, you know, to be a servant of God means you need to worship God. You can't worship God just because, oh, I'm free today, there's no sports game on or the, it's not just because you can or you're free, it's not inconvenience, you worship God because you want to be close to God. So to see those Bible students when I first, you know, informed them that, you know, in the church of Christ, we're so dedicated to worship service, we go twice a week and I remember some of my Bibles since their face like, no, no, no, no, no, no, not me. Most of them only go three times a year if even, right? And then to see them when you're in the worship service of fishing and they're not only in the worship service, but they're early, they're sitting in, they're already praying to God, you know, that that is, because you see the thing is that what as a minister and about us sharing our faith and teaching people though, what God's words really are, you know, for them to know and love and understand, is that that will always outlive us. You know, that is not something that I did or that I gave them. I was just God's instrument, thanks for to God, but that's why again, stay close to God. Don't forget God, He will not forget you. I remember something taught by the executive minister, brother Eduardo Manalo. You mentioned that a member of the church of Christ knows how to read what life is presenting, whatever it is could be a job, could be someone perspective to be or spouse, could be a decision to make or where to live or what to do, but a servant of God will always ask, wait, will this bring me closer to God? Or will this bring me farther from God? Stay close to God. That young Bernard Gouls that was on that flight. What was he hoping to become? And what was, what were his hopes and dreams at that point? You know, I'd like to ask him too. Because now thinking back, I think what I was on that plane ride, all I was thinking of was, of course, you know, your family and are they going to be okay? And the things that I knew that I had to do a response before like, who's going to do that now? Who's going to take care? And you know, that's the, that's the thing that a possible Paul is teaching us about life, especially in a life that's directed to go to be close to God. He says, I don't think of the things that are passed. I don't think of the things that are behind me now. I run straight towards that goal. And that's why I, I would like to know what I was thinking back then. But I know now that once God shows you your purpose and your path, it is the greatest thing, the most blessed prayer you could ever ask for. But could you have ever dreamed that in 16 years, not only would you be an ordained minister, being able to, you know, help baptized souls, but that you would have gotten your bachelor's master's law degree past the wire. Would you have every imagine this for Brother Bernard Dolls? Well, forgive me for stealing this from someone wiser than me, but you know, the being able to become a lawyer or CPA, you know, that's just what I do. But what I do for eternal life is I serve God. And I sincere prayers that until this borrowed life will end, may I do that. And if it be God's will that I can instill that or teach that to my two young boys, then then that's all the, I guess, that's all I can ask for. What is it that drives you to do more when really you've done so much more than most would expect? You know, what is it that drives you to just keep giving more of yourself for God and for the church? Well, you know, that you have to remember that's the promise. And that's why also for the young men who are thinking of joining the ministry, we don't promise that, you know, I promise to be this and that our promise is that we'll stay faithful to God and we promise to do our best to be of help to the church administration. And so all of those milestones or achievements or whatever you however you want to define them, those are just along the path to me. So it's not that, you know, you've reached that mountain, you've reached that pinnacle. It's that just I just want to keep serving God. All of these things that will come along the way, they're their tools to help me to serve God more. You know, one of the things that I'll remember about my dad too is our house because there was only one local congregation in New York was used as a place of worship. And for 17 years, my mother will probably get mad, I think it's more like 19 years. The worship service was held at first in our basement and then we had to expand and, you know, use part of the first floor and all of it. And I remember talking to my dad because we finally had our own house of worship and we had the dedicated beautiful house of worship. And I said, you see that this was because of all those sacrifices and that you, you know, your house was used as the place of worship. I thought he would be happy. I thought he would be like, yeah, you know, he was, he was upset. And I was like, Dad, why are you mad? And he said, you know, looking back, we only offered our basement in first floor. I should have offered even more. And, you know, when you understand that deep meaning of everything comes from God, nothing we have is ours. Nothing we have is because you're smart, because you are lucky, because you are, it's either God wanted you to have it or not. And, yeah, that's, that's the, just keep giving to God. Get closer to God. And if you're close now, get even closer. Before we start our interview, you said, this ties from my dad. This is my dad's tie and how appropriate that you're wearing it today because almost every sentence you've said is a reference to your dad. But during the pandemic, you know, you lost your dad. And I remember telling you this, because we, our news world team did a story on your family. And there was something that you said in that piece that today still stays, stays with me. You know, because you had lost your dad, you had lost your brother-in-law, and then an uncle as well, all from COVID. And, you know, this was at the height of COVID in New York was really hit hard. And there was something that you said, and you said, yes, people are sad for us because we lost my dad. But what you don't see are the years of blessings that God gave us. Can you expound on that a bit more? When it comes to our life, remember that God is authoring a very beautiful story for all of us. But if you look at one part of the story, if you only focus on one period of your life, it's easy to see, especially that time of COVID. Wow, very difficult, very, you know, just the world was falling apart and everything, everything was scared, they were scary, you know. But then I said, this is what my dad mentioned, wouldn't be thankful in everything. You see, I could be sad that my dad was taken away from me at that time and that, you know, the circumstances didn't even get to say goodbye, didn't even get to have that moment to just, you know. But then when I think of what I have to be thankful for, what's really in front of me, not just what God has given me. My dad had that heart attack in 2012. You know, this is eight plus years later that maybe I wouldn't have had. And just to know that by understanding his story, understanding how God has answered miracles and prayers, again, I came in the later part of his story. And then I saw how my dad was blessed by God, protected, guided and helped him to make that change to come to a new country. then to make that change to be even more dedicated to is duty to serving God. And then when you look at that whole big picture, that life of filled of God's blessings, how can I not be thankful? And as much as it hurt me at that moment, I was more thankful that I know and understand what that lived his life for. So instead of me being sad about his life being taken away from mine, I was more thankful to see how God's blessings, all his life, are still going to me. And I pray, and I know he prayed too, that they will go to his grandchildren as well. So it was difficult, it was tough, don't get me wrong. But that's why I'm thankful for the faith that God gave us. Because if we didn't have our faith, that's it, that's the end. There's nothing else to do, nothing to live for. Hey, just wanted to share another story, you might want to check out after this episode. Brother Bernard's story reminds me of Arabic, who lost her dad unexpectedly when she was just 17. In the middle of grief and a world in lockdown, she discovered that the faith her father had passed down to her was exactly what she needed to keep going. I miss his constant reminders. There was this one time he felt sick, and he told us, "When I'm gone, don't ever turn away from the church." Well, it's different now that that isn't here anymore. But those are the reminders that kept us going. You can watch Arabic's powerful story after this episode. The link is in our show notes. And now back to the conversation. However, you mentioned something that's really profound, and that it's important to look at the big picture. Why is it so important, and almost crucial, for our own mental health, for our own sanity, for our own peace, to be able to acknowledge the blessings, and not just that one thing that's not going the way you want it to go? That's what the Bible's actually there to teach us. You know, one example, if we look at the story of Joseph. Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery. They wanted to kill him, actually. So it should have been the end of story. But if you focus just on that, and you just focus on that moment, it's just how could this be something to be thankful for? But if Joseph wasn't sold by his brothers into slavery, and if he didn't go through all the things he went through, he wouldn't end up being, you know, entrusted with leading in Egypt, that he was able to be the one to actually save those same brothers, who, you know, who put him in that position in the first place. So you see, even the things that are at that time seem so bad, seem so negative, seem so painful. Remember this, nothing's impossible with God. God could take that same moment and turn it to be the greatest blessing that you never saw coming. That is what about making changes is. Make the change to go close to God, stay close to God. And you know, that's why Mr. Aliu is one profound Bible story that I will never forget, is if you remember the story of King Hezekiah, King Hezekiah was told by a prophet that. You're God. At least to be that lucky, you know, that you know, like, "Hey, put your affairs in order because this is it." Not everyone gets that chance. And if you really pay attention to the story of King Hezekiah, at that moment, because he was close to God, he turned and he prayed. But do you remember what he prayed for? 15 more years. Well, see, he doesn't act, he didn't ask. He wasn't specific. He just said one thing for, he asked God for. He said, "Remember how I served you." You see, for people at that point in our life, we might be this, you know what God, if you give me this, I promise you I'll do this. You see God, if you give me this chance, I will change and do this. Make that change now. So when that time comes in your life, you can say to God, "God, remember who I am." Remember how I love to serve you. Remember how I love to be close to you. I don't mind the sacrifice. I'm not looking at the hard times. I just want you to be close to me. And then you could even ask too. And please, by how I serve you, also remember my family, 'cause I know they're gonna need you too. - You were worried about me making you cry. You're making me cry by the way. - Well, you know, I think those tears are because, through programs like this and through the experiences in our worship services and through our lives, we just, if we will just look closely enough, we will see God blessings all around us. And so grab those blessings, don't let go of them. And don't let anyone or anything ever take them away from you either. - Well, in closing, I wanted to say that in preparation for this interview, I wanted to have a better, also a deeper understanding of your dad, 'cause I knew he was gonna be a big part of our story. I came across this picture. And at first I thought, "Is that Austin?" (laughing) I'm like, "No, this brother, brother, how old are you in that photo?" - I looked to be about 10 or 12, no, I'm just kidding. (laughing) Yeah, you know, and what's amazing about these photos is, again, I don't remember that instant. I don't remember, you know, specific details. But what I will remember is that man who is carrying me on his shoulders, he left me something more than I could ever ask for. You know, some people will be considered blessed they're left a trust fund. If they're left a big inheritance. But what that man left me was a relationship with God. And that's more that anyone can ask for. - You mentioned that you got more than just, you know, him surviving the heart attack he got to see. You could attain to get married. - But also the birth of his of your eldest son. - My son is appropriately named Austin Gray. We wanted to use the two initials of his grandfather's. So A, for it B, for Alfredo, my dad, and then G would be for his grandfather on my wife's side, Gregorio, who is also a minister. And that's why even though that Austin Gray will be growing up in a much different world, in a much different place, with much different experiences that, you know, will never able to understand, 'cause ever again, every life story is different. But we hope, and I'm praying that the same lessons that were taught to me will be taught to my sons too. - He came across this photo. And the same way your dad is there with Austin, doing the same with Austin and Brooklyn. - Thanks, thanks be to God, you know. And again, that's why the things that, oh wow. - Do you remember this photo? - I remember this photo. - What comes to mind when you see that photo? - You know, all the parents who are watching and even all the children is, you know, the moments that you have with your parents, at least treasure them, because, you know, when those moments are not there anymore, you will give anything you can, just to feel that moment again, just to see that, just to, so while they're there, grab them, and it's okay to tell someone how much you love them. - You know, what I love about that photo is the way that your dad was hugging and almost like protecting you and your brother, brother, their Fred was just, you know, really holding on to you guys tightly. My found a photo, it was the same way you're holding your two sons and the way your dad is holding his two sons. What are the lessons? I know your dad's taught you, brother, Fred, as well. taught you so many lessons, but what would be the biggest lesson in life that you'd like to pass on to your two boys? That they got that you got from their grandfather. For Austin Gray and Brooklyn James, wherever you go, stay close to God. Just stay close to God. That's why again, I can't think about what I've given up. I can't think about what I sacrifice because how can I compare it to what God is giving me? Everything that I have is God's gift to me. It's helpful for that. You mentioned earlier that your sons are growing up in a much different world, much different world than when you were their age living in New York. How does a parent raise kids in a world where things are easier? Things are more comfortable. How can parents teach their kids about God and needing him at a time when life is pretty comfortable, especially where we live here in the Bay Area? How does a parent do that? Sharing those stories, sharing what you as a now apparent, but when you were their age went through, but you have to share in a way that don't relate to it. If we make it just like, "Oh, you have it so much easier than me," and I did this. Now it's like we're just complaining. But if we could share with them and just show them and just say, "I need you to know this," because that way, this comfortable life that you have right now, and I pray that you will always have that. But if it does become difficult, if it does become challenging, if it does make you feel like you're lost and you don't know which way to go, just know. I went through that story too, and that's why I'm telling you, here's the answer, here's the change you need to make. Stay close to God and we'll be fine. You mentioned struggles, but why is struggle important for us to, like you said, stay close to God? You know, because we have to understand that God gives us those challenges, those struggles, to make us stronger, you know, so that trust that love you have, they're faith in God. That is what's going to strengthen it, you know, because again, if we just look at the world around us, you know, we'll be too focused on something that's not going to last. Why don't we rely on the one who's been there even before our story began, and that's what, know who you are. You know, the world will tell you one thing or many things, but your relationship with God, your membership in the Church of Christ tells you who you are. What would your advice be for those who are still looking for their purpose, those who are still looking for something meaningful in their life, but it's too scary to change you. Ask God. You see, everything that we need or we could ask for, it only comes from one. So ask God. And those changes that we need to make, they will be difficult. And you know what? Sometimes we don't even know the changes we're supposed to make, but the beauty is that if you will really ask God, like really say, God, if you're all I've got, you're all that I have, everything will be either taken away from me, will fade away, will be worth this one day, will so just guide me where I need to go. And you know, the thing about your journey being closer to God is that there's so many things along the way that he's got plans. God says it, I know, I know the plans I have for you. So he's not guessing. He's not like, well, maybe he knows. Ask God. And then remember those plans, he says, they're not to harm you. They're not to hurt you. They're to give you a bright future. So when you ask God, and then God will show you a path, it's scary at first. But then remember, this is where God is guiding you. Don't be scared. For human, you know, fear makes its way into our minds, into our hearts, and we believe the fears. How can as children that will happen? You see, and that's why God is saying fear not, don't be afraid. You see, because if you're going to go out about it by yourself, then there's every reason to be afraid. You don't know what's going to come your way. You don't know if you can handle it. You don't know how you're going to get stronger when you need to be strong. But when God says, I am with you. When God says, I will guide you. I will help you. I'll strengthen you. That's when you don't have anything to fear. There's a brand, a luxury brand now that their slogan is fear of God. Yes. I'm so mad. It's taking God's name. Well, definitely that taking God's name. But it's as if the fear of God could be something that is monetized and someone can declare. But you know, the true fear of God, the Bible teachers, that you listen to God. You have that Holy fear of God. And that's who you are. That's who your children will see who you are. That's where your grandchildren will remember about you. And that is what will bring us to the Holy City. So don't buy the sweatshirt. Make make the real change. We always enter our interviews with all of our guests with quick rapid fire questions. Okay. So first thought comes to mind is what was what you want is what you'll answer. All right. Being a New Yorker Yankee versus meds. Is it Yankees or Yankee? The only answer I could say is who the meds? Do they play baseball? I think I have some friends in New York who are going to know that that would be my answer. Yes. Yes. So hardcore, hardcore Yankee fans. Okay. So what did you want to be growing up? What do I do? What did you want to be when what did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? I think that was the well, I didn't want to be a baseball player, but I knew early on that that wasn't going to happen. Because I got cut from JV baseball. So they told me early on who looks more like your dad Austin or Brooklyn? Oh, good question. I think I would say Brooklyn. But I also sometimes see Austin. Can I say both? I can say both. But based on this picture. Yeah. Oh my goodness. This is Austin all the way. No, really, when I first looked at it, I'm like, Oh, why is this picture look so old? Like, Oh, wait, that's not Austin. That is Austin right there. There are times where when I look at Austin, I hope he doesn't see me like getting crying or tearing, but I just see that. I see that connection to my dad. So I do see that too. Definitely. What's one thing you would say to someone thinking about joining the ministry? What are you thinking about? You know, because again, don't look at joining the ministry as something that you have to just reach or that it's not something that you can do. God will make you who you need to be. You know, so just ask, what do I do next? What's the next step I need to take? And if that step is scary, if that step, you know, you know, you don't know if you could do it, go back to what we said, ask God. So simple. So simple. You know, God is God is making our life very simple. We make it complicated. That is so true. The next one. How do you hope your sons would describe you as a dad? You know, one thing I'm thankful for is that all they'll ever know is that their dad was a minister. You know, and that's why for those who are maybe having their first children or their children are still very young, I encourage you to become an officer so that when they grow up, they only know you as a deacon, a choir member, a deaconess. You know, because again, that's who we really are by how we serve God. You know, add all the titles you want. Dr. initials do add all those things, but that doesn't tell you who you are. That's so true. We'll come at them. Well, if we get your name in face is to tell you, but I will remember how you serve God. But Brother Eduardo has said it in his worship services. You know, there are those elderly brethren who may be suffering from dementia, but they don't forget what their duties are. They still put on their uniform. You may forget everything. everyone else's names, but they don't forget how they served God and how they're serving God. That's why it goes back to the change that we need to make, making changes. Make that change to be a better servant of God, because that's who you are. Everything else is just decoration. It's just things that God will give you along the way. You know, I'm really amazed that with how busy your dad was, your dad, and it was a doctor at his own practice. He was a Heideken and, you know, worship services were being done in your house, but he's still made time to tell you stories. He's still made time to give you advice. You know, there are some who say, "Well, I'm an active officer, and I don't really have time for my kids, but God knows. So God will make sure they're okay." But your dad knew his responsibility as well. The one tip, I guess, or one advice I want to give is when you spend time with your children, don't make it seem as if you're spending time with your children. It feels like that's what it's supposed to be done. And so what I remember with my dad having that time is because, for example, when he was the District Bookload President, and that was the whole East Coast at the time. North Eastern Seaboard. So North Eastern Seaboard Friday night, we pack our, you know, one overnight bag and start driving, because we had to be there at 9 o'clock the next morning. And I just remember being in the car with him. I was, you know, I didn't need to go. I could have stayed home, watched Saturday morning cartoons, maybe now I used to talk about that. But that, me being with him to fulfill his duty wasn't like he was taking away anything from me. To him, that was him instilling in me and, you know, time with God doesn't have to be time away from your family. Time with God and your family. What can I see in you as for? Yeah. So how do you, because you are such a hard worker, brother, or now we see you here all the time on weekends in the evenings. So how do you make time for your two boys, for your wife, for your family? I'm humbled that that's your assessment. But, you know, all of his is, again, who are we, you know, and we're serving God. And when you serve God, he said, I'll open up the doors, the windows of blessings. God gives you moments, experiences that, you know, you can't plan. You can't expect that when they happen, don't take them for granted, be thankful, because God will make them happen. You made a good point with that, with your dad, that it wasn't about spending money and doing these, you know, these big things. All your life is, is the sum total of all the decisions you make. What to eat, what to wear, what to add those things up, that's your life. So that's why when you take all of those moments and then you include your family. So there are things that, you know, like, even simple decisions like, okay, you know, grocery shopping or let's not think of them as chores. Think of them as moments to, okay, let's have this time together. We have something else to accomplish, but this is our goal is to be together. So add those moments with the moments like when you're in the house of worship or you're going to a church activity, you know, that take those moments to also be. And then when you add those up, you know, that's the amazing part because the sum total of those moments is just, it's going to be, it's so much greater than, you know, that one moment maybe if you look at it. But so that's why, remember who we are. Lastly, fill in the blank. Change is exciting at first changes is scary. Because we are, you know, we're creatures of comfort. We want that comfortability. But when change comes, it means that you recognize two things. It means that one, you recognize I could be better. This is not the best me that I can be. And when change is with your goal of staying closer to God, then you know the direction is in the right direction. So that's why change is exciting. Well, Brother Bernard, this was an amazing conversation and even better than all those moments we would have in your office. But there's so many nuggets of wisdom that you shared that isn't just about, you know, growing up in the church, but also in the ministry, being a minister and being a parent and a dad and a son. And I just want to thank you for making the time and for sharing Brother Fred's lessons to you and now the whole world gets to benefit from them as well. Thank you for having me and, you know, thank you for giving us all of your guests this opportunity because, you know, when we share a little bit, just even a little bit of who we are. But it's the same thing that we all understand that, wow, we've shared that ever since. We had that same faith, when we had that call in the church of Christ, then what we're sharing with each other just gets stronger and stronger. What else can we ask for? So thank you for having me today. I hope it's okay because I'll still go to your office and we'll keep chatting and having more conversations in the future. Okay, but is there going to be something? Wherever you go, stay close to God. Those were the words Brother Bernard heard countless times from his dad and it's the message he's passing on to his sons as well as all of us. Brother Bernard's journey to joining the ministry shows us that sometimes the greatest changes happen when we stop to understand the why behind what we do. I were here and the true purpose God gives us. If Brother Bernard's story resonates with you or if you know anyone who has ever felt that feeling of getting everything but still feeling empty, share this episode. Sometimes we need someone to tell us that sacrificing for a true purpose doesn't mean we're at a loss. The truth is, it can be the complete opposite. Don't forget to subscribe to making changes wherever you listen to podcasts and remember, you don't have to choose between success and significance. Sometimes they're the same thing, just seen from different angles. Thanks for listening and may your change uplift you.