Stavvy Called Us Out | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100% Yeah, welcome to two bears one cave and Bert of course is sitting there with his award Thank you. Thank you, and I'd like to thank Guinness Book of World Records That's a big theme amongst comedians lately. Well, I'd say it's only way to get recognized It's me, Nate, Shane, yeah, are all now record holders. I'm wondering what your record's gonna be I would love to have one. I don't know if it's possible, but what's yours for? Oh, well Maybe we should say what there's were four first. Well, there's our I think Shane got two awards. Okay. I don't know what Shane's two awards type in shangelis Guinness book of world records. Well, it's one was for selling out the link in financial The most most white people ever sold to attending a show Yeah, the most white people gathered in one space that didn't storm a capital That's that's exciting the moon. It is it is he's chains one that said they're all white. He's I don't know on Fallon. Yeah, but Yeah, look at that. What did he what did he get it For most tickets sold and most and largest attendance because there's tickets sold and then people who show up Yeah, oh wow that's uh, I got first of all I that is it's incredible so impressive and I don't I haven't texted with Shane about it But that is overwhelming and I and I don't think Will ever live to see that record broken. I mean, it's it's such amazing 77,000 tickets is sold Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, by the way, I'm more impressed that only 4,000 people didn't show up pretty crazy That's 73,000s a crazy number. It's really crazy and so and and then and then what what's more uh uh Napar gotsy his is for his tour. I believe Yes, so what I but his number is astounding too. I think it was two million white people Yes Yes Two two million Clean white people yeah Two million one point nine. Let's be very clear. It's not two million. What do you mean? It says one point nine It says two million 45,000 over the course of 16 months. Okay. Okay. He beat oh, oh he beat Jeff Dunn Yes, who was one point nine over 35 months. Wow Hold on, wait, I should just extend mine. I bet over 25 years I can beat that He definitely could that's a really good way to approach it man. Yeah, I mean if we're just gonna extend the months Yeah, 197 months burnt Chrysler comes close in third place. There you go, man It's crazy because Guinness just floats around these shows like they just sit back. Yeah, you never know when Guinness is gonna Show up like the thing about Guinness you're jumping rope and all of a sudden you see someone with a counter and a suit standing by you And you're like shit. I'm about to be in the In the fucking record book. It's so exciting and then they came to your house today and they showed up because and uh, I got And I'm really proud and I want to thank Guinness This recognizes the machine as one of the most performed stand-up stories in comedy history And possibly the most performed and possibly it says possibly And possibly a lot of world records say possibly. Yeah, possibly The most performed signature story by a major touring comedian. It has been performed over sixteen hundred over sixteen just casually sixteen hundred in venues from April 5th, 2011 through August 20th, 2026 and has been heard live In front of probably over two million people Wow, man Guinness has a way with language Congratulations, dude, thank you. We're all proud of you. That's very cool. I'm really excited. I was I beat out Gallagher. I beat out She did Jeff done Jeff done them with the all the crazy thing is that they'll probably take away probably in ten years When you can you to do it, you know The language will change That's really really cool, man I'm really excited. I'm really excited for you. What what I'm most excited about is just to share this online because that It's it's I've it's so funny Okay, so let's get into the dirt now what because we're going to talk about Stavvy and himtrashing all his friends in a second We're going to talk about no, that's what's selling in podcast right now is just go and viral man You want to go viral fucking like stir the fucking pot? Yeah, call it the rich baby shoot your CEOs. Yeah, and so Uh, and you know, I love you, Stavvy and we're gonna talk about uh, we're gonna talk about a bunch of stuff But what it is interesting to me and I'm I am curious. I know it's not So in order to get Guinness you have to call and pay for them to come right They don't really just show up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So who was it their agents? Is it That are fighting and bleep their names out are there agents the ones Trying to win these awards Yeah, I mean Probably they're probably are because they're out because here's the thing now Kill us did not call fucking Guinness. No, but what happens is everybody wants to know That they set a record they all everyone loves breaking a record and they know that the artist is not going to be like fucking Do it so the agent takes the reins on it and goes like uh, I got this and then presents it and then you have to act like did I? That's crazy And you damn well know you did, but that's the footage. I want to see can I ask shame because I know they covered it right Shane we know you're a real dog, right? We know you're a real one. You don't fuck it round Can you please Post the video of them presenting you the award where you're so uncomfortable with this That's the video that would make me cry laughing. He would be very uncomfortable getting that Yeah, do you know that they must have I mean he didn't even stand on stage. He stood off stage to receive his award Because they brought it to him and he was like He said yeah, I know yeah, and they're like they're like no no stand with the you got to hold both and you know Shane is like The fuck's the difference. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm sure it's hilarious And then the best one the best one and I got look I'm calling out my friends. These are my friends I've given them nothing but love their entire career, but the greatest one is Nate's video Have you seen Nate look at him? He's not even on stage. He's like And you know he is proud to sell those tickets. He's proud of that moment for sure But Shane goes not a hold against That is an agent on the other side of that camera going Shane a little higher You know, it's all all the news that happened for like these awards is just For this news to get to Chappelle and him be like man, fuck these white boys And just a side that he wants to break every record. I just so this is this is what it goes back to do you remember Do you remember? The so this is happening. So just so we're clear. This is happening and and by the way it started I mean, I I'm a comedy. I remember the first time I broke on attendance. I'm in comedy. I know that all the insides Yeah, I remember the first time I broke someone's attendance record I remember when Shane called me to tell me he broke my beer sales in Arizona Like these are things you know And usually it's just like between us And then it started where people started breaking attendance and then posting it on line This is how it started. Yeah, this be an interesting joke world should hit this up and do like a documentary on this Yeah, yeah, I'm being serious joke world does a great job at this And it started Matt rife I think was the first person to break an attendance and then Someone broke Matt rife's and here's what I heard you ready. Yeah, I'm not gonna say who yeah that person Then paid out of pocket for them to remove seats So his record could never be. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? I think so I've heard yeah, yeah Which is crazy. That is insane insane insane to be like This way this can never be broken. That's and you're probably right now watching this going hold on bird This sounds like something you would have done. You're 100% right 100% right. I broke I gotta say I broke a record at Climate Pledge arena. Yeah Seattle for this kind of thing. It was ticket sold and attendance And then I did not ask them to remove seats And I think it was rife that actually broke that record. Yeah, and then Matt rife was like And they I think they should make it more specific most hot chicks at a show go to Matt rife He would get the Guinness for that out of fucking for years years in a row But but this goes back to so I want to just for any comedy nerds. Yeah This started The very first time I've ever heard this was longest time on stage. Do you remember that? Yes, and that was a thing That because that's the thing for people that don't know that comedians do love to brag about and as part of it is rooted in When you start You get you're like I have five minutes or I have 15 and the big markers when you have like 20 when you have 20 You can feature for people and then you're obviously trying to build up to your hour And so when you get to an hour, it's like holy shit. I can stand on stage for an hour and do this And then you'd hear the flex of people being like I didn't hour and a half and you'd be like holy shit You're up there an hour and a half so this became a thing you learn in doing this as you'd probably learn as an audience member that no one wants to see you up there for that fucking long. But it became a thing specifically in L.A. where some of the big names were like, I can do this much time. And then the, I think the battle ultimately that you're talking about was between Dane and Chappelle, right? -Dane and Chappelle pulled up. Dane and Chappelle, so Dane broke it. And by the way, there's wild stories of that rivalry in the moment. The thing is, when you're the hottest comic on the market, everyone in your team saying you're number one. And then everyone on someone else's team is saying you're number one. And then despite even if you're friends, like I think Nate and Shane are probably friends, maybe I don't really know. I've never really seen them hang out. But like it, look at this, Dane cooked, broke each other's stand-up records and no one topped them since until Bert fucking Christchurch. -Well, here's the thing. You should come after this one. So prior it says, I didn't know this, originally set the record by performing for two hours in 41 minutes. -By the way, nothing gave Beatsat every fucking night. -And it ended up taking 27 years for that record to be broken. -What? -And Dane took the crown by doing a three hour and 50 minute set. And just five days later, Dave Chappelle dropped by and blew cook out of the water in a performance that clocked six hours and seven minutes. By the end of the year, he broke his own record by putting on a slightly lengthy or show. It wouldn't last long, however, as Cook took the stage lesson a month later with a seven hour and 34 minutes set. -This is going to keep happening. Do you realize? I mean, this is what I guarantee you. -You could actually, you could definitely break this record. -First one, this one you could definitely break. -I'm thinking about breaking the attendance record. -You could think about it. -And the length one. -And the length one. -Well, no, no, no, no, no. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hang on, stop. Stop. -Okay. -Yeah. Sorry. I have this habit of cutting it off. Go ahead. -It's okay. -It's okay. -Go ahead. -It'll cost me, it's going to cost me a million dollars. -Oh, are you going to buy the tickets? -I'm going to buy all the tickets and I'm going to pay people to come to my show. -Okay. -And I'm going to break all these attendants. And then I'm going to pay them. So they're hired. We're going to lock the fucking doors. And I'm going to do 10 hours. We're going to do this at Raymond James. -Like a hostage situation. -Everyone's getting five bucks. Hostage situation. You get five bucks. We lock the door. And then I'm doing 10 hours. I'm breaking everyone's record. Any record out there? I'm breaking. I'm breaking all the records. -If you really want to do this. -You can really do this, man. It looks like a guy in Nigeria did 60 hours once though. -Today's video is in partnership with Manscaped. The men's grooming brand trusted by over 13 million men worldwide. It's a lot of hairy men in this world. Let's be real. A lot of grooming tools, either overcomplicate things or don't just perform that well. So if you've got a beard or you're thinking about upgrading your setup, the new beard hedger plus from Manscaped is definitely worth checking out. I've used a lot of trimmers. Most of them are kind of clunky. This one is simple. It's got this quick adjust slider. So you can move it and you're dialed in. You get 14 different lengths. So if you're like me and you do more of like a one millimeter here and then more of like a 10 millimeter here, you can go all the way up to 20 millimeter for stubble plus. It comes with a travel lock feature which is great if you're traveling like I do because all you got to do is press and hold it for three seconds to lock it and you do the same to unlock it and it doesn't just turn on in your bag while you're flying and then it's dead when you get to where you're going. Also, it's waterproof. So you can trim the sink or in the shower. I love these things. I love everything Manscaped. I have this one is the one more 5.0 and I just, I mean, it's just so slick. They change the game. When they threw lights on these, it changed the game. If you want something simple that actually works and upgrades your routine, then the beard hinge edge or plus is the way to go. Head to Manscaped.com and use code bears. Get 15% off plus free shipping. That's 15% off your entire order plus free shipping with code bears at Manscaped.com. Or if you need it today, you can also find Manscaped to the store near you. Hear me out. If you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify makes it easy to actually make it happen. Everything you need to start selling is there from day one. You don't have to go build some custom store from scratch and hope to God it works. Having the right support behind you makes a huge difference. Shopify is that support system for so many brands and businesses you know like the ones you love here, like ours at YMH. We have been using Shopify for years from the store to checkout to analytics. Shopify houses everything you need to get your business up and running all in one place. A chain. You hear that? That's the sound of somebody not abandoning their cart. Thanks to Shopify. It's one of the best features of the entire platform. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make one. Chain. Start your free trial today at Shopify.com/bears. Start your free trial at Shopify.com/bears. That's Shopify.com/bears. Chain. The amount of conflicting advice out there about hair loss is exhausting. Shampoos supplements office visits. It's hard to know what's worth your time. Hems cuts through all of it with real trusted treatment plans and a 100% online process. Let me tell you something. My hair is absolutely coming back. I feel like my daughter isa said that I look younger again and I am using everything that you're about to hear about. Hems offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work including choose oral medications which I am on. Serums and sprays. I'm on the serum and the oral medication prescription strength ingredients like the two things I'm on. Finestride and Monoxidil can help prevent further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. For me, it has been six months and I feel like I have a different head of hair. I feel like I literally have a full head of hair for simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, weight loss and more visit Hems.com/bears. That's Hems.com/bears for your free online visit Hems.com/bears. Feature products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. Individual results may vary. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. That's so awful. I can't even imagine. What you're right is you know. I mean, I think he did change show. No, he did. He did. He did. Yes. I think so. You're right. But he wasn't. It wasn't Chappelle show, but I think he closed it. He came on. Yes, you're right. And so you know, Chappelle has to have that record in sight. And you know, he could do that in DC, right? Yeah. I think the thing with Chappelle is he has so much, so much broad appeal that like he can do. He can do stadiums in like he could do South Africa. He could do New York. He could do it. That's the move for Chappelle is do it and fucking do like Moses Mbita Stadium in to and fucking Johannesburg. Yeah, he could do it anywhere. I think he really could anywhere. I bet he could break that record consecutively around the world, which would be the move for Chappelle, my opinion. If he want if he's interested in doing that. But if he wants Stabby to like him, he's got a flight coach. People just want to be a successful sponsor. They want to play arenas for arena's sake. They want to be the kind of guy like they want to be on a private jet. I really want adversity because nobody gets funnier on a private jet. This is what's so great about stand-up fucking back, baby. It's hot. So Stabby hates everyone we just mentioned. He hates them all. Does he? Oh, he hates you. Read the comments. You're all a cough cough Tom Segura. You try private everywhere. But I don't. But I know. But wasn't I think what he's saying is that I mean, I'm I'm I saw this thing. But I think what he was saying is just that like a life of luxury doesn't make you funny, right? Adversity is what is relatable and keeps you funny. I think that's kind of what I have to say. I have to say real quick. I'm busting Stabby's balls. I agree with what he's saying. Yeah, I love Stabby. I actually I agree 100% with what Stabby's saying. And the truth is flying private and doing arenas doesn't make you funnier. As a matter of fact, I think it it is like creatively. It's like swimming in overalls. Like you're not going forward as quickly as you think. You may be and no slight look, I'm in this group. I have flown private and I have performed in arenas. So I am what he's talking about. And I agree with him is the most I was breaking it down to someone the other day. Tom, I remember the first time I did a theater and you called me and you said, Hey man, heads up. It's not like a club. Yeah. And and I was like, Oh, I think I'll be good. And I got called you back. And I was like, dude, I blew through my act in 35 minutes. Yeah, Yeah, it's different. It's different and it's different, but is it a different? for art form when you go from a club to a theater and a theater to an arena? - I think it is. I think what happens is, the best thing for you, I think as a comedian, is to make sure, if you can play in all three, play in all three. If you're in a arena comic, it's so important for you to add a minimum pop in the clubs because clubs are not just like the lifeblood of the business, it's the lifeblood of being a standup comedian, like you have to keep that muscle active there. And if you've ever done the thing where you do like a bunch of arenas in a row and then jump into a club, it feels different. Now, it's still standup, but it feels different, dude. It feels really different. And I think that's why it's important to do all three. - It's crazy, and I'll speak from my, and I'm speaking to agree with Stovey, is that when Shane does Lincoln financial, right? And Shane knows this, and I mean, look, not everyone knows this, but there are things he can do that makes 77,000 people lose their mind. - Yeah. - But that if you do it in a club of people that don't really all know you, your little subtlety is just false flat. And you're like. - Yeah, all those things, of course, everything. And also that's, but what you're talking about is also the difference between playing to an audience that knows you. - Well, actually, it doesn't, right? - That's the important part is like, do you remember one time, and I could use my examples, but it's more fun for me to use examples of you bombing, is do you remember you calling me? And you're like, dude, when was the last time you did, you did the last laughing skull? And I was like, I was like, I haven't done it in a while, and you're like, I just did it. You were doing the movie with Mark Wahlberg. - Yeah, yeah. - And you're like, and it did not go well. - Uh-huh. - I was like, really? And you're like, dude. I mean, this material is crossing on stage. Why isn't it working here? And it's like, they don't know you. They're not, they're not mommies, you know? They're not like jeans. - They're not, they're not bare cubs, or whatever we call our fans. - Cubbies. Cubbies. - Yeah, there's a difference. There's a difference between people that know you and people. All that matters, you know? But I mean, I think the thing you were trying to say is that everybody on these lists flies private. That was your point, right? That you were saying that like everyone that you mentioned. - I have the chat thread. Do you want me to pull it? I sent it texted to you. - About who does? - I just did a flying private chat thread. - Oh, oh, nice. - Send it to Stobby's clip. I was like, I think he's talking about you to everyone. - Yeah, I mean, but I understand his point. I do understand his point. - First of all, first of all, let's just be very clear, Stobby. - You would love private. (laughing) - You would love it if it's so fucking nice. - Yeah, all the snacks are there. All the things you like Stobby are in a private jet. - But he wants the adversity. That's what he's saying. - He's right. - I mean, he's right, he's right. I mean, I think-- - Waiting in line and getting fucked over by TSA is a funnier experience than being like, can we drive onto the tarmac? For sure. Like there's no question about it, man. There's no question. He's right about that. - I have more jokes about being in an airport bar than I do to someone saying, would you like caviar and champagne this morning? - It's just, it's not as funny. That's definitely not as funny. - It's not, it's not. And I will say that like I-- - But then there's the guys, I'm sorry to cut you up, but there's the guys who are, there's the guys who-- - Someone trying to set a Guinness World record. - There's the guys that fly private in comedy and this always makes me laugh. Like I don't advertise it, obviously. Like I'm not out there being like, you know, whatever, you do it when you do it on tour. But there's the guys who are like, I'm a real lunchpale guy, like a real ham and egger. And that's their whole persona. And they are extraordinarily wealthy and they fly private everywhere. And they live a life of luxury. But their whole thing is just to hose people into thinking that they're like grinding it out, trying to get by. I find that to be so much more like deliberate and misleading that you're like, you're not this guy, dude. You're just trying to lie. Like you're lying to everybody. - You're lying. - Yeah, you're putting on a costume. My favorite guy is this guy. All right, I gotta go on stage. - All right. - Here, hold that for me. - Hold that. - What are you doing? All right, they can't see that, man. You know what he's saying when he does that? You know what he's saying? They're fucking so stupid. - Yeah. - These 20,000 people in this room are so stupid that if they see that, man, I gotta deal with how dumb they are. - Yeah, exactly. - And that's not respecting your audience. Dude, I-- - No, it's not. - It's not. - It's not respecting your audience. And I'm not saying, look, whatever, put everyone's name in this you want that you think is the guy. It's not the one you think. But I will say, and I'm caught in shit for this, and I said it to Eliza one time. Eliza said, don't ever tell anyone you've flown private. And I went, no, I'm not gonna do that. Because my negotiation with an audience is that I will try to be as honest as I can to make it funny or to be as real. I want you to witness every change I go through so that when you see me on stage, you know you're still talking to the guy you fucking met who went to Rogan's house fucking 15 years ago and told the machine story. And like that, the person I am today-- - For what they thought was the first and last time. Keep going, yeah. Yeah, they're like, he'll never tell this again. What a great story. And you're like, funny that you say that. I'm gonna do it 20,000 times. - But it's probably-- - Probably. - You got the error. - Probably over 16,000-- - Probably over 16,000. - Probably over 16,000, yeah. - But it's so funny because it really is like, you want to stay true to your fans. As you change, no one thinks that, let's just use jokes, he's a safe thing. No one thinks Joe's the same guy that he was when he first started working at UFC or when he first started the podcast. Joe has changed a ton. And I don't think he's ever not owned it. He now hunts, he now takes hunting trips. He's done podcasts on private jets from a hunting trip that I've listened to. Joe's been very honest about every part of who he is. And there's huge parts of Joe that haven't changed at all. Listen, I've been honest with my testosterone use, I'm in gyro, my anxiety, my drink, well, I'm not entirely honest with my drinking, but you know, we know I've tried to be as honest with the things that matter. - Yeah. - And so I just find it so comical that like, that, I don't know, whatever. I just want to break some more records. - Yeah, that's really what it's about, man. And I really think your idea, first of all, I really do legitimately think you could. - Obviously situation, one comic, no way out. I love it. - This is great. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, you've heard me talk about BetterHelp for pretty long time now. But what you haven't really heard me discuss is how people feel actually after using the surface. You don't have to take my word for it. You can head over to betterhelp.com/reviews where you can read real customer feedback updated every day. Hundreds of people share how BetterHelp has supported them and made a meaningful difference in their lives. BetterHelp's lives therapy sessions have an average rating of 4.9 out of five based on more than 1.7 million client session reviews. The feedback really speaks for itself. Visit betterhelp.com/reviews to see what people are saying. More than six million people have used BetterHelp globally. The consistent feedback from real users makes it easy to see why so many people continue to choose BetterHelp. BetterHelp's therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. They also hold all required education training and certifications across a range of mental health specialties. BetterHelp makes it easy to get started. Answer a few questions, get matched with the therapist based on your needs and switch therapists at any time if it's not the right fit. See the reviews to see what stands out and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com/bearers. That's better at help.com/bearers. Here's the problem. When you're on the go, that's when you gain weight. When you're on the run, that's when you gain weight. When you need to jam something quick, you end up going to fast food or or you don't know what to eat, grab a bag of chips, factor. Make chef-crafted dietician designed ready to eat meals so you don't have to choose between real food and convenience. Factor meals are ready to go in two minutes and require no prep, no cleanup. So even on the days your schedule is completely out of control like mine was today. My eating well is still very achievable. 97% of users agree that factor meals help them live a healthier life. So you can feel confident that you're doing something good for yourself with every single meal. I love them. I love grabbing one out of the fridge, throwing in the microwave two minutes and I'm ready to eat. And I'm also on the, and they've got great GLP-1 meals and protein meals, which is basically all I stick to although I did have an ahi verde flaminion and shrimp that was to die for. Let's eat real. Head to factor meals dot com slash bears 50 off and use code bears 50 off to get 50% off and one free breakfast item per box for one year while supplies last until October 31st, 2026. That's code bears 50 off at factors meals dot com bears 50 off at factor meals dot com see website for more details. As many of you know, one of my go-to fun things to do to occupy my mind that is not destructive is I like. practicing languages. If you are traveling this summer, if you're waiting to go somewhere, here's an actual travel hack. Do not wait until you get there to start asking, how do you say this, how do you say that? Instead, try Babel. Their bite-sized lessons allow for learning wherever your schedule allows. Even 10 minutes a day with Babel can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. This is actually true. Instead of memorizing random words and expressions, you'll actually learn phrases that you would use to order dinner, ask for directions, or talk with locals. Lessons are quick and practical and built by more than 200 language experts. So you know you're getting real, real expertise to help you practice learning this language. If you've got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start. You can actually use what you learn on the trip. Right now, Babel is offering our listeners up to 60% off. Go to babel.com/bears. That's b-a-b-b-e-l.com/bears for up to 60% off rules and restrictions may apply. You really could, you could break the legitimately break the time on stage set record. You could do that one. You could definitely do that. I could do, I could, I mean, okay, I'm not, listen, I'm not going to break Shane's record. I'll break one of them. I'm not going to break, I'm not going to break. It's so hard. Even as a joke, you couldn't move 77,000 tickets. I mean, as a bit, what I'd have to do is I'd have to do rate. What's the attendance of Raymond James? What's the, how what does it seem? Because I could get Raymond James. Tampa's my one move, right? And then I say, I'll match the gate and I'll donate it to charity. So for, for special events, they can do 75,000. You can be right there. You can be right there, dude. But no one's fucking making a placard for 75,000 Tom. I need that placard. I know. Well, you went to FSU. What's stoke Campbell? Stoke Campbell? Stoke Campbell Stadium. DOAK. Yeah, that one. Stoke Campbell. Shit. Oh, for special events. For special events. What? 79? Yeah, 79. I mean, I got every box is full. Every fucking really got a fucking, you're going to have to know you're going to have to go to a different, different stadium dude. It's not going to work like this. I can't do it. I can't do it. I just gains fill. No, oh, the swamp. That holds a lot. That holds like a hundred, I think. 90 or 90 plus. I mean, it is centrally located. You know, four days, you move. So what, but what would the move be? I'll match the proceeds of the thing and then donate them to charity, right? Yeah. Yeah, but you're not going to do it in Michigan, dude. I'm not going to Michigan. No. I had a hard time telling the Fox last time. Wait, just keep scrolling down. Ohio Stadium. Yeah, that'd be pretty rad. Right. Yeah, that's pretty fucking, man, I'm trying to get you. It's got to be in Florida, dude. What does, what does the swamp hold? I think it's 90. Really? Yeah, I think so. I mean, you know, you'd have to have some opening remarks about why you're there at the enemy's territory, but. I will say, I will say the University of Florida. I'm probably shouldn't say this out loud, but they asked me to come. 88. Oh, okay. I got to do it at University of Florida. Van Hill Griffin Stadium. Yeah. They asked you to come out. They asked me to, they asked me to come out and I didn't really read the whole offer. It just, it didn't, it didn't time out. I couldn't do it. I wanted to. They wanted to me to moderate a classroom about comedy and marketing. I think I didn't read the whole offer. And I almost did it, but it was, it was like, I think, oh, I think it was today in Leanne's birthdays today. Oh, and so I, I know 50. So I want to throw up the, but and so it was today. So I would have missed Leanne's birthday, but it was like, I would have been great. I loved that shit. Yeah, that would have been awesome. Oh, fucking great. But I, but I love you, Stovey. And I love the, and I got to say this because I know that like these things are great because it gets the comments sections going, and like people are losing their mind and they're going like, you know, like, oh, how dare you talk like that, Stovey, I missed it. And then other people like, fuck, yes, Stovey, the you're a man of the people. This is that, that's good for comedy. It gets people in the comments arguing. I got to say, I love this, I love, I love that Stovey talks like that. I love that that's what I love about Stovey is he fucking saying a fuck, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. And even if he was talking about, which we think he's talking about you, even if he was talking about you, which is I'm pretty sure who he was talking about. Okay. I'm cool with him talking about my body like that. I'm fine with it. I'm totally fine. I promise you, I am the least bothered person. It's not defending me at all. So I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you two stories and we may have to edit these out. Oh, good. But, but so last night I turned on David Spade and Theo Vaughn's movie. Yeah. Bus boys. Bus boys. Yeah. I have to say this. It may be the greatest piece of art that I've ever seen in my entire life. Really? Yes. And I've not seen it. And I'll tell you why. First of all, when they, it holds true to no rules at all. Like it is very clearly. And I'm pretty sure Theo wrote it entirely. I only say that because it is Theo's fucking brain. Yeah. I think they brought it together, right? Pretty sure. It's got Theo thumbprints all over it. Okay. And this is, first of all, you should not watch this, this sober. Do not watch it sober. And do not watch it with an expectation of what you believe a movie to be. Okay. I believe a movie to be. Yes. That's what's great about this. And I, and I want you to know, I'm not being ironic. And I'm, I just want to be very clear. Okay. Sometimes when I watch a movie, I feel like AI wrote it, right? Sometimes when you watch a movie for like, it's got screenwriters think fingerprints all over it. Wow. Guys in the car. Hey, what's up, hon? I'm coming home right after my big meeting where I'm closing the deal. And when I close the deal, we're getting married and everything's going to be great. That's our first act, right? And then he meets her and then everything falls apart. And then, and then all of a sudden he's, and then the second act is this, oh, I got to go to the, I know I got to go on on the fishing trip with the boss. And let's hope, oh my god, his son is this and all these character developments and structure that we know to be a movie. It has none of that. And there's no structure. There's zero structure, fucking 36 minutes in. And I'm not certain if we're in the first act. And, and, and I have to tell you, I have to tell you, as a guy who's watched a lot of comedy movies, it is quite refreshing. It, it really is. There is, I, and you have to get a little high to watch it. And when they get you laughing, when the two of them are in the car together, when the two of them have a scene together, when the two of them, or when they write for one of our friends, it is so fucking thinly veiled that it is hysterical. I almost feel like they made it just for their friends. Well, now you're making a, now I really want to see it. You've got me. It's so good. It's so good. Now listen, do not, do not dare go into this and go, I will be watching something about a, a protagonist. Yeah, who within the first 15 minutes, I know who he is. I know what his goals are. Do not look for that. Got it. He's from, I'm 36 minutes. I mean, I'm at this hell of a review for 36 minutes of a movie. But no, but I'm excited to finish it because like, dude, they do things that are so, and they have to, I wish they would have said this a little more. I wish they had said, I wish they had promoted this a little bit more like this because I know them and I got it. Like, there's a scene, a spoiler alert. If you've seen the movie or if you've read the book, there's a scene where the waiter brings out hot plates. Okay. Yeah. It's so stupid. It's brilliant. It's so fucking, but you got to remember, man, this is why I laughed so hard. It is David Spade doing this. David Spade is inarguably one of the, one of our best comedic actors will ever have he's known. He's crazy underrated. Have underrated. He's so fucking funny. Tom, I'm gonna, I'm gonna spoil it for you. They bring up a hot plate and the guy comes out and he goes, Hey, hot plate, hot plate, hot, oh, way over the top, way over the top, hot plate heart plate heart plate and then he puts it on David Spade's hands and David Spade's like what the fuck and he goes hey I said a heart plate and then he walks away and then he comes out again hot plate a hot plate a hot plate and he puts on David Spade's hands David Spade's like what the fuck and he goes hey I said a heart plate and then he comes and he goes cold bowl cold bowl and he puts it on his forehead and you're like what the fuck am I watching I am crying laughing because in the next scene David Spade has a scar on his face. Do when they kill a million bunnies. Oh, what? Million bunnies? If this should and not listen, just keep in mind guys, this is 36 minutes in. The rest of the movies and by the way, there's still an hour left of this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a movie. I wouldn't sit and watch the whole thing at once. I would take it in bites. The cast is insane too. The cast is great. The craft, the cast is awesome. Chris, a cabin boy, Chris, Chris Elliott's in it. Yeah, Chris Elliott. Chris Elliott's in it. And you know, can I tell you that he's very early in the thing? Yeah. Now, one of my favorite movies is cabin boy. One of my favorite TV shows is life, was it life goes on? Get a life, get a life. Do you remember get a life of Chris Elliott? Dude, that is, this movie has kind of been homage to that sense of humor. Yeah, it is definitely get a life. Get a life was one of the most ridiculous TV shows ever. And cabin boy was ridiculous. It was so fun. This movie is ridiculous. And it's speaking of Hulu ridiculous. It's on Hulu. It's on Hulu and it's streaming number one on Hulu right now. Check it out. It's called bus boys. There are my friends. And I'm telling you get high with your boys and lower the lower your expectations. Just go into laugh. Just go into laugh. Speaking of ridiculous and hilarious movies, I finally saw the Odyssey and you were right. It was laugh out loud. It was so fun. No, but I finally saw what it feels. That's the movie that you are actually weird and out of it if you don't see it because it's a cultural phenomena. It is breaking records. It's kind of like the only thing that I thought was actually strange because I give the guy an amazing credit for taking an epic tale like this and actually getting it into a three hour movie because he has what would be chapters of this story in a three minute scene. And he's doing it in a way that like, you know, you do understand what's happening. You can follow the story. And he's making the like the dialogue relatable and and the the performance, everything's great. I mean, visually it's stunning. The only thing that thought was weird was like the transgender casting go ahead. No, no, I just didn't know. I feel like the black lady go ahead, say it. That was it actually. No, the thing that was I thought strange is like, I don't think you needed, I mean, it's a choice obviously to cast so many stars for a story like this. I don't think it was like to the like, I don't walk away. I got to say having like a notable lead or two, but the fact that you fill it with stars, I don't think actually serve the story. So the Odyssey was great. I say great. Now listen, now hold on. This is what I want to say to you. Before we address the fact that we are about to make our own Odyssey with Mountain Dew. I'm going to say that. Yeah, but I want to say and maybe we should address that and then come back to the Odyssey to the fact that and I'm just putting this out there as as an as something you guys can find about in the comments or we can or you're listening, you can argue with you and us in your head. Is it that no one goes to the movies? No, I feel like people are showing up for the Odyssey because it's like finally mom cooked a good dinner. You know? Yes. I mean, this has been an amazing year for the box office. Like what we've seen is that everybody was talking about movies are done, movies are done. And it was like the only thing that was doing well was franchises and like superhero stuff. And everyone was like, that's what the theater is for now. It was like kind of a bummer for a lot of people. So this is your, this is your big ticket one that has really panned out. Like it was a $250 million movie. It's like over 700 million right now. And it's going to project it to do like 1.3 billion, which is phenomenal. They have their budget was like, I think the budget is like a billion dollars. No, it's a lot, but it's not a lot. It's not a billion. Like do pull a fucking Harvey Kormack. What's the kid's name Harvey Kormack? Who did obsession? And by the way, if I talk to a man to man, I'd nudge him and go, I caught the 750 a couple times. Well, yeah, I mean, he did what he did what he like, I watched it. The movies incredible. The kids are fucking genius. Yeah. He's a comedy guy too, but like at a billion dollars, I nudge them. Well, let's go, let's go back to this. Let's go back to this. Let's go back to Mark. Mark this, Parker. But let's, let's, uh, yeah, Parker, B. A. R. James. That's exactly right. Um, let's, let's discuss our, our mountain due, because we have to say this for mountain due, we asked you to submit and we got hundreds of submissions, some of which you did not listen to what we said. And we cannot. Sure, watch those. I know. But we got some that are fun that, um, you know, are friendly enough to associate with the brand. So, you want to read some of what was sent to us? I feel like I should probably take the first one. Sure. Let me just finish this mountain due. I thought I drank so much mountain due this summer. Yeah. Because they sent me cases and I did not let down. I drank mountain due's every day at like seven o'clock when we started getting into the night. Crack up. Guess who I found out is a huge mountain due fan. Ooh, let me guess. Uh, is he back or white? Neither. Oh, is it a season? Sorry. Nope. It's a woman. Is it Padma Lakshah? Chara. My mom. Are you serious? Yeah. Big. No way. Big. And I did not know. She loves mountain due. I'm like, Chara, really? Jace? Yeah. To mountain due. So, I mean, I look, they are sponsoring. She's from the jungle, it kind of makes sense. But like, yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's talk about our, let's talk about our mission. Then we'll get back to movies. Yes. Okay. So here's the first one. This is submitted from Alexander C. I love that they wrote like a treatment for it. Here we go. I love this. Alexander C. I kind of want you to direct it. It says it opens up a whole Harvey Kormack on us. It opens up with complete silence. A bald eagle lands on the hood of an old pickup truck. The camera slowly zips in a voice over whispers. Some people drink soda. Suddenly, a candle mountain due cracks open. Everything instantly goes absolutely insane. A guy backflips off a monster truck. Someone launches a riding one more over a barbecue while burgers fly through the air and slow motion. Two dudes in American flagged speedos drink Mountain Dew on a top of a moving combine harvester firework start going off. Even though it's the middle of the day, a marching band appears at a nowhere playing the national anthem at full volume. A grandma runs through a cloud of red, white and blue smoke while screaming, let's go. A guy wrestles an inflatable bald eagle that somehow 30 feet tall. Someone catches a hot dog thrown from a helicopter. Every explosion is immediately followed by another bigger explosion for absolutely no reason. A monster truck crushes a tiny electric scooter in slow motion while an eagle screeches overhead. A man grills a stake with a flame throwing casually nods at the camera. The music keeps getting more ridiculous than in the middle of all the chaos. Bert is laughing so hard he can't breathe. Tom just stares into the camera completely expressionless and says, yeah, this tracks everything freezes. The Mountain Dew can spins toward the camera. Q one final unnecessary explosion fade to green. By the way, Alexander C. He dipped into your mind. He cried. That's a fever dream right there. That's American fever dream. It's also like a regular bird dream. I love it. I love that. I love these treatments. These are really great. This is a great idea. Whose idea was this? That was Alexander C. No, his idea to do this. Bert Chrysher. Bert. Here you go. Bert Chrysher. Do you want to read Freaky Friday Bears from Jake K? Oh, you want me to read it? You read it. I'm not going to read it. Okay. The roles. Tom is Bert. Over the top. He's already. The over the top version of Bert. Grillmaster instead of smoke while he is grilling its red white and blue fireworks shooting up. Bert is playing Tom. A nerdy ass smart guy. Tom. We see him saying something up with electronics and looking extra nerdy and smart, which will be Bert's toughest role yet. I love this. I love this. It's a backyard summer on the lake. Drone style shot comes in on all American summer party at the lake scene. Everyone's getting hot dogs and drinking dew. There are coolers in the scene on the lawn. But nobody gets to do this from the coolers. Instead, they are just being found from the most random places in the scene. Example, a big American flag on a flagpole. But wait, the flagpole has a latch door and it's stocked with Mountain Dew. Someone's riding a jet ski. They park it on the beach, open up the hood instead of an engine. It's just stocked with ice cold dew. We cut from the summer day scene to the sun, mostly set. And the party wanting down Bert character. Tom comes in at the end with goggles on. He's been working on a big drone display to make a drone American do art in the sky while fireworks explode. This is mostly just to keep Burt out of 90% of the real so it can run smoothly. Well, we're going to pass on that. Next one. You were really into it for a minute. Guy cannot read a room to save his fucking life. I know, you can. I have to say, I really dig that one, man. Yeah, I love that he described you as the nerdy-ass smart guy. I just pretty ridiculous. All right. He does not know who you are. Meet Sweatstream by Kyle G. So fourth of July, you both sweet street. Oh, you might like this one. You both are in parentheses or just Burt. Enter the hot dog eating contest. You're completely, you're competing against all the greats, including the current champ Joey Chess not. If not, Tom Burt wins by, but not by a small margin. He absolutely destroys the competition, complete domination. But after the event, Bird is hit with extreme meat sweats. And in his delirium, he imagines everything USA. You're at a baseball game in full body paint, red, white, and do slamming hot dogs and mountain. Do the coach ask him to pinch it because it's Burt. He blasts the home run out of the park. The ball turns into an eagle on the way out of the stadium fireworks. The eagle turns into Burt and he flies over American and sees people doing USA shit. Monster truck statue Liberty Vegas football UFC backyard wrestling. The ball lands in his backyard where his family is celebrating for the July Tom cracks open a mountain do, which brings Burt back to reality, the end. Okay, I like that one. I like that one. But it's once again, I feel like we needed to be a tablet more manageable production. Yeah, that one's like a fucking Odyssey budget. These guys are like when, uh, when people pitch us movies, they're like, like, actually, and you, and then you're like, well, I. I don't have a hundred million dollars to make this. Yeah, we're making it for Harvey Moore, Kormack budgets. Right. Here's another one car wash. Tom and Burt are working at a car wash that is packed with customers. Burt is bringing Mountain Dew short shorts while pouring soapy water on windshields. Upbeat summer party music is blasting while patrons beg Burt to wash their car. Tom works at a lemonade stand in the same parking lot selling cups of Mountain Dew across the street. Another car wash with models are completely empty. The girls there are frustrated. One of the girls, the girls throws us throws a sign in anger. The ad ends with a hero shot of a can of Mountain Dew on the table in the foreground in the background. Out of focus, the models have now joined a Tom and Burt's car wash. This is an easier one to produce for short. I like this a lot because it's a, it's a, it's a formulae commercial. Car wash people are going crazy. They're loving our car wash. They don't realize we're giving out Mountain Dews models are across the street. No one's there. It's a throwback. It's a sudsy. I really like that. I actually, that's a really great commercial. It is. Danny L. Danny L. Nice job. No one's fighting a huge 12 foot eagle. Yeah. Maybe we could throw an eagle in there. Did you have it? I like it. Yeah. Is there another one? There's one more. All right, Burt. I need you to focus. Tell me if this is the one. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. We're stopping right there. Very manageable. Keep going. A cop walks over. Looks at the cans and says you boys out here drink. You boys drinking out here. One of us nervously replies. Uh. Then the other guy cuts in. This isn't a beer officer. The cop pauses. It's an ice cold refreshing Mountain Dew. The cop looks at the cans, shrugs, cracks open his own Mountain Dew and says carry on. Cut to everyone cheering including cops. Cracking open Mountain Dews enjoying the ultimate American summer day. Simple, funny, and feels like something that could actually happen. Thanks for considering Cody. This tickles you. What is. It's only lacking. Fun. It's just something that could just happen. Yeah, it's just that he's just like, is that a beer? We're like, no, he's like, all right. That's the, that's the idea. Are you drinking beer? No. No, it's Mountain Dew and the cop goes home. My bad. My bad. And then he just keeps walking. He walks away. I love it. I love it. The most anti-club mountain. We could do a commercial. We could do a series of these. Like a series, yeah. A library. And the library goes, and he goes, sorry. I'm drinking a Mountain Dews because I didn't know. I didn't know. You like that. But we could be at a baseball game and the guy comes by and we get a beer. He's like, I only have Mountain Dew and we're like, we'll take that and then end of commercial. We'll take what you have. That's so fun. Why is that so funny to me? It's just, it's like the build up and then nothing happened. Yeah, that's really funny. You could have someone at a dinner party, you know, come to your place. Dude, I would love a cocktail and you're like, I only have Mountain Dew and they're like, okay. End of commercial. There you go. I think we have to go with the simple one. I like this. I think it's the best one. I mean, I think that's really is my favorite one and really put some production value into it. I really think that's a brilliant fucking idea. Why is that make me laugh so hard? I mean, the other one's great, but this is so. It's because there's no actual turn. That's what's making you laugh. He's just like, that's all you, is that it? And you're like, yeah, he's like, all right. Hold on. Who are we casting as a cop? We should get a great actor. We should get like a really good actor. We should get a really great actor to play the cop. John Baranthal. John Baranthal. John Baranthal. Do you think John Baranthal would do it? I mean, you can always ask. That's what they say. You can always ask. We get John Baranthal to play the cop. Yeah. He's played cop before. He's a great fucking cop. Phenomenal. Tough. Tough. Yeah. Let's get. Let's get fucking really great. John Baranthal. Imagine that guy right there. Like, you go boys drinking beer? I'm like, no, it's mountain doing. No, and our answers are like this. Like, get into character. I want to hear you know. Okay. Okay. I'll go, I'll be John Baranthal. Okay. Hey. You, uh. You drinking beer? No, it's mountain due. Oh, it's so good. It's already fucking brilliant. I mean, it just needs nothing. Yeah. I love this. I pulled over. It could be pulled over. Dude, there's a series of these. Yeah. Just like, walks up to the window. You've been drinking. Like, just mountain due. All right. Yeah. That's it. And the commercial. We can hang out hundreds of these. Yeah. Oh, we need the cop uniform in a mountain due. Yeah. So easy. Cops show up at the house. We heard a report of some loud noise from here. You guys been drinking? Mountain due. All right. All right. Have a good night. These walk away. Fool me once. They just walk away. Yeah. Yeah, these are, that's a hit. That's the one to go. These are hits. These are hits. We have to push. This is the one we're going with. Are you drinking? And that's it. Cut to black. Everyone's like, is that the commercial? Yeah. We got it, guys. We got it. We got it. Oh, send your submissions, by the way, to two bears, one cave at gmail.com. That's the number two, the word bears, the number one, the word cave at gmail.com. That's where you send your great American summer memories. And next episode, we're going to go through your submissions, and we will pull out, and by the way, if you have a really horrible idea, send that to us as well, and we will then highlight that and say, oh, that's not what we can do, but we do enjoy it. Yeah. Making us laugh is the goal. Yes, please, please try to make us laugh. Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew and American original tasting great since 48. Can I tell you something that I did not like, and I didn't realize, yeah, until afterwards, and I know, yeah, I don't think you needed this cat, like the cast. I was like, what do you have? By the way, wait, what Travis Scott, who the fuck is Travis Scott? You don't remember him? He's the first actor. No, I know who Travis Scott is. He's got the sneakers. You right. And in the movie, he's like, these are my new drops, and then he does the thing doing, like hitting the floor with the big post, you know, the big, whatever it is, that's Travis Scott. Hold on. You know what? What? All right, I like to change my opinion. I now officially hate the Odyssey. Why would happen? That's Travis Scott. That's Travis Scott. Yeah. Why? Well, the whole thing is why that's my point. You're like, why wait, hold on. Why do you have? Why is I actually think it takes away from some of the story that you just thought it was a, oh man, but why do you have Charlie's Theron on screen for eight minutes? Like that should be, I don't know. I feel like that's a distraction. She looks amazing. She looks so good. And by the way, she's a great actress. You forget, you forget all our stars that were, and I say ours, but our age stars. Charlie's Theron, Cameron Diaz, fucking Uma, the we had the best actresses ever. Charlie's over 50, right? She's got to be. and she looks incredible, if she's 56, I'm gonna punch Leanne tonight. - She's 51, she's 51. - Okay, good, thank God, thank God. - She just turned 51. - To thank God. - You were gonna punch Leanne? - Oh, fucking, and put a picture of Charlize Theron on my fit. I shouldn't say that. I know that that's gonna get clipped out. - That's all right, let it go. - Wait, Pedro Pascal is in it? - Where? - Well, that's John Legrizano, my pal. (laughing) - That does look like Pedro. - Pedro Pascal's gay. - Yeah. - Did you know what I'm, yeah. You knew that? - Yeah. - Shut the fuck up. - You didn't think that was well known for a while? - I just found out the other day. - Yeah, yeah, he's gay. Legrizano is fantastic in the movie though. - No, can I tell you who's gay? - Dude, he's so fucking good in this movie. - Himmesh Patel is my favorite. - Himmesh Patel? - Himmesh Patel. - Oh, yeah, yeah, he was great. - He was, I sent him a DM. By the way, losing his hair and it didn't pull me out of it. Like losing his hair did not pull me out. I love that his hair loss look kind of cool, right? - Yeah. - Dude, it's all the markers for me. It's like, like clearly, and I hope this doesn't come out insensitive, Indian dude, in the middle of this Greek Trojan war, Indian guy. - All right, I never thought of that. - Didn't pull me out of it. Pulled me out of it. Culturally, I should say, watch, and we go, where the fuck did Indian guy come from? - Uh-huh. - No, I never thought that. - We're talking about Greece. We're talking, wait, there's a black guy. We're talking about Greece. - Yeah, yep, yep. - But it didn't pull me out. I didn't do that. I said, I said, I liked this guy a lot. And by the way, he's got a British accent. Didn't use it, I think. - Great. - You know what movies? You know what movie was in? - What? - The sing-a song, sing-sing-sing. - The one with the prison movie. Sing-sing-sing a song. Sing-sing-sing-sing-sing-sing. Yesterday, that's it. - What? Okay. - Yesterday, he was great yesterday. - He's a great actor, man. There's a great performances. - My favorite actor is in the movie, and he crushed it, John Barron Thal. - That man. That's what I call him. - Fucking, what are you? That man? - That man, yeah. Now, he was great in it. He's always so intense. Everything is so goddamn intense with him. But I really thought, Leguizama was really fantastic in it. - Leguizama was fucking great. You know, I think people sleep on just how great of a talent, all around talent he is. When everyone was doing HBO specials, he did a one-man show. - Yeah. - Of course. - Yeah, he was the one that was like, he was the Latino voice that was bringing to you like the characters that he grew up around. Like people, and it was like, yeah, and he was an incredible character actor. He was really great, man. - One of my, one thing I think of all the time is, I think he was in a movie, Summer of Sam, or was he in, he was the cop in Summer of Sam, right? - Son of Sam? - No, what was the key he was in? - Was it called Summer of Sam? - Son of Sam, maybe. - Oh, Summer of Sam, you're right. - Summer of Sam? - About Summer of Sam, yeah. - And there was a line in there. He's fucking a girl in the ass, in the back of a car, and he goes, and she says to him, "Aren't you married?" And he goes, "Yeah, I don't do this to my wife. She's not a whore." (laughing) - That's a great one to remember. - Isn't that crazy? The thing that I remember? - Crazy. That's a crazy line. (laughing) - That's awesome. - Is that wild? - Yeah. That's crazy. - Can I say this real quick? - Yeah. Random Porosos plug, I've got to say this. Porosos, people of Florida is now in Frenchies. One of my favorite bars that I grew up going to is at Frenchies. Now, there are five Frenchies. They're all over. The one I'm talking about, on Clearwater Beach. You can put your toes in the sand, feed the seagulls, have a group or sandwich, and get a glass of Porosos and soda at Frenchies in Clearwater Beach. If you do, please tag me in that photo. Send me a picture of you with a glass of Porosos with the sunset. The sunset's beautifully from the seats at Frenchies in Clearwater Beach. I am so excited, Porosos is in Clearwater Beach. - Shout out, first of all, to your hometown, to Tampa and to MacDill Air Force Base for a couple weeks ago. Like, we went all over the city, we did stores, we did bars, and then we rounded it up by doing MacDill Air Force Base. And it was hundreds of people. Thank you so much to the base and to all you that came out. It was a really, really fun experience. I just want to say thank you all very much. - Yeah. - That was awesome. - That was great. And I think, I second Tom, when I say the sexiest thing in the world is a black woman in uniform. - And I said it first. - I said it to you and then you just agreed. But then I took your agriance and I agreed with you. - Yeah, thanks so much, man. Yeah, that's it. (laughs) - Very fucking. - There is nothing sexier than a black woman in fatigues. It is, I mean, right now, there's about, do you know what I did after that, Tom? I drove around the military base. I drove around it. Yeah, you have access to everything. - It's a huge base. - Dude, you can go up to their homes, like the Colonel's homes. - Did you do that? - Yes. - Yeah, did you walk up and knock on the door? - No, I didn't knock on the door, but you could, you could have. - Yeah, so it's incredible. The base is a, people don't, I mean, you have no reason to understand if you've never been that a base is just a city with, like, security clearance. It's a whole fucking city. It has everything. - Yeah. - School, some of them have schools on them and stores and everything is right there on base. It's enormous. - I was blown away at the fact that my assistant Kyle was a high-ranking officer in the army. - Yeah. - And that had he not gotten injured and he stayed in the army, I would have respected him. And you'd no longer feel that way. - I know, no, no, no, I don't respect him at all. I remember I tried to get the lieutenant to make Kyle do push-ups. - Yeah, he was like, I'm not doing that. - And then Kyle was like, Kyle was explaining to me, no, do you understand? I was pretty high up in the military. And it's so crazy that it's almost like, it's almost like looking at things in a different perspective is like, Kyle is that guy's age. - And that was crazy, 'cause Kyle was real clear like, I was an officer and we were like, you kind of have enlisted energy though. - Yeah, right. - Yeah. - And then he, you could see like, he stood different. Like the second he got around that, he got stood different. I mean, I respect Kyle, I don't disrespect Kyle, but it's like, I don't look at him the way that guy came in and I was like, yes, sir, no, sir, he's younger than me. And then the one that was retiring, the beautiful sergeant, whatever, yeah. She was, I respected her and then I looked at Kyle and Kyle was one of their peers. - Yeah. - And I was like, get me a soda. - Yeah. - He was like, he's a real cool, man, but it's so crazy. - Yeah, it's pretty wild. It's wild. He was in it, man. Didn't he, was he in combat? I forget. - No. - No, okay. I remember. - He, he, he, he ran like, he was in charge on like, like a thousand dudes or a thousand people. That's pretty impressive, man. - Who do you think has the sexiest military? - The sexiest? - Yeah, like top to bottom, like real quick. - Oh, I think it would be, I think it's clear. Isn't it in Brunei where he's got like, all dimes like guarding him? Isn't that, it's one of these guys in Asia who, his, his like, security is like, - Pull them up. - All email. - Pull them up. - I'm pretty sure. If it's not Brunei, we can find it. But it's, it's pretty funny. - If he's got all dimes guarding him, he can get touched. - Yeah, I know. - Five, come on. - I'm almost certain of this. Is somebody pulling it up? - I will hay make my way through a fucking gang of dimes. - Well, I think they're pretty serious though. - Chicks. - I think, dude. - What percentage of women do you think you could beat up? - A lot. - In the world, in the world. Do you think you could beat up Sophia, cutting him? Clark, Sophia, Clark. - The basketball player? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She's pretty bad bitch. - Yeah, but you could beat her in a fight, dude. - She's, she's like a judo champion or something. - Is she? - I don't know. - Oh. - I think for the most part, you could probably handle the most women with the exception of, there's some real fucking animals out there. Always, there's a few. - Wrong. - And then, well, now I'm separating that. I'm saying in the, in Jenpop, there's some psycho women that, you know, are incredibly violent and that could, - Incredibly violent. - Yeah, there's some, and they're end size wise, like powerful. And then, like, once you get into train fighters, some of them could for sure fuck you up that. - So percentage of women, do you think you could beat up 90% women? - Oh, it was Gaddafi, right? Was it Gaddafi? - Yeah. - But is Brunei not doing that? - Whoa, whoa, look at this fucking military. - That's what I'm saying, he used to do this. - Amazonian guard. - They guard Amazon.com. This is, oh boy, this was, that was awful. It was him and his bodyguards. That's right. So does Brunei do that? - They have female guards in military, but they don't look like them. - Okay, you're like, we checked. And it's not like this. - Yeah, but come on, that was his thing. He always had, he always had. that's hilarious, that's Gaddafi, man. Rest in peace, he was a great guy. - He was responsible for the Pan Am bombing. - Oh yeah, other than that, sorry. Take that, I meant, he had a good heart before then. - Dude, I didn't realize. Did you see that doc on Netflix, the Pan Am bombing? - No, is it good? - That plane, it's, it's mini-series, but that plane landed on Lockerby, like the village and killed people in the village. Like it landed on houses. - I did not realize that. - You always think about like airplane crashes in fields and stuff? - In fields and this one landed in a village. And by the way, they show the footage and it's like there's a dead dude in a field in his chair. Like that's not real footage, it's obviously stayed. But, and then I thought to myself, 'cause this is how beautiful it is to have my brain these days, what would you rather, if you're gonna die in a plane crash, right? - Okay. - Where would you rather die in a field, in a village or at sea? - If you're gonna die in a crash? - Yeah. - Well. - 'Cause basically I'm talking about, 'cause there's another great doc on Netflix about the Dreamliner, it is 787. And they show the Swiss air that died in the fucking water tom. And they had dudes in scuba diving like Bell Helmets going down and they show the how terrifying. Do you think that job is to put on a Bell Helmet, go to what I, I'm with that kind of auction, I'm guessing you're going to like, fucking a hundred meters under the ground, under the water. And then seeing bodies in their seats so that you can find the black box sitting between two pilots that are like, no, I think you probably don't want to go out that like that. Mostly because too, there's also chances that no one ever recovers you. And like, you know, your family would never get the call. They'd be like, we think he's down there. So it's probably better to die in the field. - The field. - Yeah, I think the field, that's what you think about. - Yeah. - So crazy. Did you ever watch, it's a couple years old, but I just decided to watch Chimp Empire. Did you ever see that? - I've never seen Chimp Empire. It's so fucking amazing. It is the best reality show you have ever seen in your life. And it is so close to, you know, it's right there with human behavior. Like you're watching it and you're like, oh yeah, that's that guy. Like you see the loner, you see the asshole, you see the exhausted mother, you see them all. And you think that the camera, I looked it up, obviously. You're like, oh, what kind of, I don't understand how this is being shot. Like are these drone cameras? It's just guys out there who hand held cameras and Chimp's going berserk around. You're like, this is, and the only reason the Chimp's didn't rip them apart is because these particular Chimp's have been studied by humans for 25 years. So they're used to a human presence. Dude, the biggest Chimp in recorded history is in this group. Okay, this fucking absolute just Hulk like Chimp. And they're, yeah, all the time they're just like, oh, I'm going crazy. And the guys are just like fucking standing there filming this shit. It's nuts. And it's such an incredible story. It's such a no-brainer, right? So as you make reality shows, and I, as someone who casted a reality show, meaning like on TripFlip, we would cast it. You'd find them. And it was the dumber of the people, the better the show you would get. Oh, yeah. And this is like a bunch of dumb people. And they're like, why take, let's get the person out of it. Let's take the dumbest, let's go to Chimp. Why even have them put mics on? Just take Chimp's. It's so great. It's so, I can't wait to watch it. It's, and do they date each other? And then they blow, like blow a candle up. It has everything. It has everything. It has, it has courting romance, children being born, incredible, like territorial fights war with another group. It has violence. Yes, it has everything. Chimp empire. It's the best, and it's a couple of years old, but I just watched it. I was like, this is the best thing I've ever seen. It's so good. I want to know this by the way. Can you look this up, guys? Who, because they got to keep studying this group. Just say, like, who is the new Alpha in the central group? That's the question. I want to know who replaced Jackson. I got to know. Let's see, do they have an answer? I'm assuming they would know. Abrams, of course, of course. Are you spoiling this for me? Who cares? You won't remember any of this. (laughing) Chimp empire. It's so fantastic. And yes, if you hadn't watched it, I'd just ruined a really central storyline. (laughing) And I feel bad. I ruined a lot of bus boys' storylines. I think we all got it. I think we got it. We're good. We can still watch it. This is fucking so exciting. You're gonna love this, dude. I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm gonna watch it. Today, I got a big thing planned for Leanne's birthday. Yeah. I got the girls. Girls on the end are getting massages. I'm gonna meet up with them a little bit. I think my drinkins back to like regular again. Is it? It's, well, you saw it. It's still muted a little bit, but it's getting close. We're getting close. That's awesome, dude. And then we got a concert tomorrow. We're going to see Mount Joy. What's that? It's a great band. It's like, do you remember that band I played you in the band? I do. I do, yes. You like them, didn't you? And you got, you found another parallel band? I find, that's all I do. I'm a taste maker. You taste maker. I wouldn't be shocked if Guinness called me. Where are you gonna see the band? At the Greek. Oh, great. Yeah. I'm one of the best. Yeah, it's one of the best venues. Yeah, that's awesome. I just went to the Hollywood Bowl and saw, and saw black crowning crows. No, counting black crows. Black and counting crows. Black crows, I saw black crows. Black crows. Yeah, black crows. Yeah. That's fine. Chris Robinson might be our last true rock star. I saw them in concert 25 years ago. Dude. In Charlotte. Still is good. And I remember that he yelled at the crowd. Yeah. Because some people were sitting. And he's like, you're not watching fucking television. Stand up. It was awesome. It was great. It was great. I love it. I saw him and he was in total rock star mode. I went backstage, I went backstage to the after party. And he was listening to some fucking avant-garde. You know, it's, I'm not to go back to Boss Boys, but something that only he got, like, you know, like it was like an old school 1970s from like deep in the purple gang, like a Laurel Canyon style of LA rock star song. And he was dancing and wasn't drinking just dancing. And I went up and I was like, hey, thanks for having us. And he just dancing and smiling, gave me a hug. And I was like, hey, Bert, yeah, you got to check this out, ow, ow. And I was like, wow, man, like, you know, rock stars aren't dead. Like that's the beauty of like, when you go to like a rock concert in LA, everyone's got a bangle bracelets on. And they got like, they got like an outfit. And they got a look and a vibe. And you got the dude that 65s, who's probably sober, smoking a cigar outside. Like every, it's kind of sexy, like stand up, you know, stand up is, stand up, try to take the reins of rock and roll. I think for a period of time, but man, you're never going to beat rock stars, aging rock stars. Did you watch the fucking New York Times interview with Mick Jagger? No, it's so fucking good. No times is killing with their interviews. Stobby Mick Jagger who's next to the Mick Jagger ones. It's great. He's so candid and it's, oh, yes, wait, is this where they were like, where they were like, they asked him something about something like an average person would answer. And he was like, yeah, I don't know. Like, I mean, yeah, probably, probably, I don't know, they had this really great take on fame. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the take? Can you, can you play the clip for people that haven't seen it? Can you play the clips? I want to see it. I think I saw a bit of it on Instagram. Yeah. I mean, I guess. Pull it up. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. When you got something big to promote, Tom, fucking New York Times is a place to go. Yeah. That's. What's Stobby promoting, by the way, we should probably pin out whatever he's promoting. I think tires season three is a big one right now. No, no, no, it's not tires. He's not promoting tires. He's promoting Anthony Bourdain's movie. Tony. Tony. Tony. What is that? I don't even know what that is. It's a story about Anthony Bourdain, they used to call him Tony. It's a scripted story about his life or something. I think, yeah. Okay. It's a feature film in Stobby's and it's about, you know, young Anthony Bourdain, but they called him Tony. Got it. Yeah. That's the Tony part. I understand. I'm not confused. That's it. It's like, you know, who Robert, Robert, Redford and Robert, the actor is? Robert Redford. No, the other one, the Italian one. The Nero. Yeah. Yeah. Close friends call him Bobby. Yeah, I knew that or Bob. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy. That's true. No one does it to me. It's just Bert. Yeah. Tommy, for me, is like family close friends. And me. And me. What do you mean? I call you Tommy. I said family close friends. Yep. And me. Yeah. You're in the friends part. No, I know. I know, but I never greenlit it through you. I just started doing it. I never like, "Hey man. It's a cool way to call you Tommy." That is true. You did not do that. Yeah. I just started calling you Tommy. Yeah. You're a taste maker. You're a trendsetter. Yeah. All right. Here's the maker. You're insane. Go ahead. John Mulaney special. Yeah. He does a bit about working with you on Saturday night live. If you do that for 50 years, you're never again going to be like, "Um, does anyone have a laptop charger I could borrow?" Can you articulate how that's changed you as a person? It's not like most people's lives. No, it's not. Of course, my personality on stage is not. I have a friend who says, standing joke is that I behave at a dinner party like I behave on stage. Was that friend right? The other way we make jokes about it is because it's absurd what you do on stage. Of course, I'm not really like my stage persona. They always hope that you're a normal, so-called normal person. There's a great question. There's a great question to lean into you. Okay. Yeah. Because I'll let you answer. Ask me the same question. How much has it changed you? When you look at that, and there's certain things that I know fame for lack of a better word or success changed to me. There's things that I watch that change that were bad in me. And then I watch there's things that I think has changed that are good in me. But I'm wondering how much I've changed. But I'm going to put it to you. You first got famous when you were what, 33? Probably 34, 35, 35, I think. 35, that is the formable time of developing as a human. I mean, you think. I don't know. I think the thing that I personally would relate to the most of what he said was when he said like you have to manufacture this thing if you don't feel like you're a big persona. You know, like I've always felt I think you know like more reserved. You know, like we walk into a thing together. I'm always happy that you're there being like, hey, what's up? Like fucking fireworks because I just go like, how's it going? And that so like a lot of attention off stage for me has always been weird. I always feel like it's I don't need it, but like it comes with like what we do. I know I've always felt like somewhat it takes a lot of getting that getting used to that for me. Like it's always been something that's strange for me. But I love doing I love what we do on stage. I love that part a lot. So I think the other is an adjustment, but I think it's also good that it didn't happen to me at 21 or 25. That's the difference. That's what tough one. Yeah, already like a grown man. I was a grown up when I got famous, like I was an older grown up. And but I think I identified with the part where he goes. There are people that can't turn it off. Yeah. And I'm that guy. Like I am. Yeah, yeah. I am almost identical at a dinner party as I am on stage. Yes. As I am on a podcast as I am. You're very different. You're very different one-on-one. When they're you're a true extrovert. So what I see with you is that I see that people around you gives you energy. Right? So like when you're the more people around the more I see you just like it's like a fuel where it stays for you. I'm the complete opposite where the more people around the more I turn inwards and like want to shut down. I like a small group of people. I feel more like myself around that. And I feel the opposite around a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. We know people that have got famous in their 20s and then people that got famous in their 30s. People got famous in their 40s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's very different. It really is. I'm really grateful. I got famous later in life. It's probably best for you. I would have blown through this money. Yeah. You'd be dead. I would be dead. All right. Go watch busboys at least 36 minutes of it. And check out Chimp Empire. If you want to LOL, go see the Odyssey in theaters. And then anything else? Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. We're going to a local world record. Can I ask people for probably telling one of the most likeables, you know, whatever. Things ever. And we'll reach out to Ben Hill Griffin Stadium and see if we can get you the next one, the 100,000 attendants. And check out Stottie's new movie, Tony. Yep. In theaters. And that's it. We'll see you guys next week. Bird time, time and bird. One goes top and swath the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds. The machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call to Bears One Cave. [BLANK_AUDIO]