star student to hobby abandoner

Hey guys welcome back to Thoughts at 2 a.m. I'm your host Bernice and if this is your first time clicking play thank you so so much for clicking play and if you're returning thank you so so much and I'm so happy that you enjoyed an episode for you to return and if you're my friend listening to this under duress thank you so so much I appreciate you shout out to you and thank you so much guys for the feedback on last week's episode if you people messaged me to just chat more about it and just speak more about it and if you think that some people had a different opinion on or just add more reasoning behind which was really fun, one of my friends said that we should do a part I should do a part two but I think that's if she wants that part two she should come and be on this episode cough cough so that we can have a part two honestly just kidding but I would love to do a part two if somebody or more than one person would want to come on the episode and speak as well because I know that's at the end of that episode I had a few thoughts that came to me that were outside of the notes that I had originally made for for the episode so hopefully we can make that work there's so many episodes that I want to go into because I feel like try to make these episodes short and because it's just one person just me as the host is hard for me to it's not hard for me but I know how I feel with one one host podcast and I know it's like really hard to capture people for a very long amount of time so I just try to like scheme through lots of things not scheme to but I just give the general gist but I would love to do deep dives with another person different episodes people have responded with different things and I would like to explore the opportunity to just have more conversations on like different parts of different episodes that I've spoken about but like in more detail so if there's any episode I said and I've said if you'd love to meet those same voices for me to put on the podcast but I've not heard it yet so and if you want to come on the podcast if you are having thoughts at 2 a.m. that you want to come and speak about please come on let's speak about it thank you so so much but yeah please follow the podcast page on Instagram thoughts at 2 a.m. pod I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with the Instagram because I'm not a huge fan of carrying audio from streaming platforms to go and post on Instagram but then I do realize like people are even now on video podcasts and those are the clips that are going so the least I can't do is post that but honestly like I'm just not a fan I just don't subscribe to that and I know if you podcast that actually don't take any snippets or anything and by God's grace God should just work it for me so that's my people find me without having to I know I've done it a few times like taking the audio but honestly like I've done those on the address and I'm just not a fan so I've been thinking of ways that I want to take the Instagram page but as far as we have it now if you want to DM anything or just let me know and yeah I've not been on there for a minute I also did not post the articles and the podcast I was referencing in the last episode but then I did, you can now link things that you speak about so you speak about the playlist the podcast you can now like link them on Spotify so if you wanted like the other podcasts I was speaking about like I've linked them to the other episode so you can listen to it as well I'm so sorry like the beginning part of this episode is just like a bit of housekeeping and yeah just thank you so much and please guys don't forget to read to the podcast leave your reason if I start I'm just joking but please don't forget to raise the podcast on Spotify as well as Apple podcast it really helps I guess other people discover it's more it's more discoverable for other people and more people rated so I really appreciate everyone that has rated it up to this point and for those that are going to rate it today thank you so much and I hope that you enjoyed this episode so let's get into it so this episode is a bit of a random one I'm having to record this again because I listened to the audio of the first recording and it was so crap and I was just like I hope this is very good because yeah I hope I'm able to still articulate my thoughts as well on this second round and as the title of the podcast says if you've not got any hint I'm talking about the gifted child syndrome I think more people lots of like articles I read put it like the gifted kid to burn out burnt out adults pipeline and that's essentially like what we're going to be speaking about today so I wouldn't necessarily say I was gifted I'm gifted in the Lord thank you Jesus amen but I wouldn't necessarily see like I was a gifted child but I'd like to preface this by saying that I thrived very much to an extent in the environment of school with like little to no effort and I feel like a lot of us can't relate to this and because of that like our parents are family and friends probably believed that we were the best thing like since thysbrid and because of that if I'm speaking for a lot of people or like people that relate to this it was all about academic validation and I thrived in that setting of academic validation because I knew what I had to step up to prove I knew what I needed to do to be valid and I just chewed that thing up ate it up loved it's right and it all started cause I was an early reader yeah I used to read a lot when I was younger I remember going to k5 k5 oh my god rest in business to show you what I did that was my favorite one of my favorites is ever but yeah I was an early reader I don't know why I just went to that tangent because now I forgot what I want to see about k5 but I would read a lot and a lot and I remember in our old house like I used to mount my mom's tables in the living room so the side stools I'll put them or in the middle of the table in the middle of the living room sorry and I would either depending on the day depending on my mood I don't know how I picked it but I would either preach so I would either have the Bible there I'll be preaching or I'll call my books from school and whatever the teacher tells me that day or whatever I guess lesson teacher or whatever that's what I'll teach I'll be teaching the the chairs the pillows whatever in the living room I will never forget my aunt's telling me that I should please leave her plants out of it because I would go out and cause flower cause whatever and like have like this stick so that I'll be able to like beat the pillows or whatever if they were not answering my question right or if they allegedly got the question wrong like honestly because of that I feel like they just thought I was like oh how this girl's going to be a professor this girl's going to be actually they thought it was going to be a doctor that's actually a story for another time anyways and I was thinking about it in that way and just like how it affects full to it and how lots of things that's happening in adulthood is just very weird and the conscious we like how to them how I feel lots of people are just trying to now find their own path in adulthood because in childhood like growing up we had this setting where you are so good you knew we had to do but adulthood is so different there's a huge contrast this is a dog a dog girl like people are fighting for their lives but also is one of the hardest things ever so just like the contrast between that is like what I was thinking about and like I just found it so funny and then I went into like a deep dive on the actual kids who actually had to go to a different school because of being gifted and obviously not in Nigeria but I saw a lot of similarities in that and I'll explain because obviously they're kids who like were when I'm talking today I'm talking about if you can relate to a few things you probably understand what I'm talking about because not necessarily having that gifted label where people I guess in the west and the US however have like different schools for being gifted I feel like the alternative or the equal would be what's the word I don't know the equal in the setting in which I grow up would be like just been an above average student and be sucked with the label or like you're super having like be sucked with that label and having that expectation on you for a very long period of time other people I feel like if you know if you can relate to if you think something you understand the target audience of what I'm trying to state but anyways as I was doing my deep dive I think the perfect explanation I saw about this gifted kid route was so tied where their identities to the image of themselves as effortlessly smart and high achieving that they found themselves unable to attempt anything at which they might not excel immediately and I think that is too key that excel immediately part like it hits me because almost it lots of times now it's over if you start doing something and you're looking for this not going to be successful right now you just tap out of it but it's actually a I don't see a curse but it's actually repercussions I should just outcomes that's a lot of DC that lots of these gifted kids have and tend to have an adult herd and I'm actually just coming from the background which has been a bit of an above average students with so much academic validation and even I can relate to that which also leads me to like my other episode of fear of success which my cousin actually said is the fear failure but then I don't think so because I don't think I go close to where I know that I'm like I already I'm self-aware to the point that I know I'm with like this thing it kind of like click me and it's kind of like I don't go like if I went that's when I'll be scared of failure but I feel like I'm not talking about episode is actually the fear of success for real because I'm on that path to that success but then you solve sabotage and things like that but anyways that's the point this topic is just a bit or something I found interesting I hope that I can articulate it's good it might seem like a lot of rambling but please just like stay with me I would like you guys to chip in in the conversation please be post Spotify comments because they're taking our comments for Nigeria in September so please comment if you can and just let me know your thoughts on it and what you think about it so I started looking into kids who were actually called gifted rights straight outs called gifted putting gifted kids programs what to switch schools gifted kids what to switch schools and everything and the patterns are basically they're quite identical actually to what a few people I would say that grew up being labeled as oears are brilliant just because you you're a bit above average put minimal to low efforts as in an academic setting work out and apparently it's called the gifted kid syndrome which is just basically the consequence of being put on this pedestal by authority figures your teachers by parents and anyone I guess who has who was in authority over you in your formative years and this is crazy because why are you be suffering the consequences of the pedestal that's actually what I was going to see but it's actually funny because you might not be like so good and I feel like I sound like a book record but or excellence or something that you do you can literally be just a bit above average and you're slapped with this label right so for me where it's very interesting or where it starts from is coming from in Nigeria and listening to an African background we tend to have this one dimensional view of intelligence so if you're good at math if you're good at writing if you're good science you're very smart but if you're a good artist artist has been like a stretch or if you have like high emotional intelligence did we even know what's emotional intelligence was in high school or like high musical intuition or anything you're probably not considered smarts it kind of reminds me of I went to my secondary school that I went to for only one year does a similar thing and I think a lot of secondary school secondary schools do it where if you get to SS one you have to choose between arts and sciences and I know it was a thing where all people that are put in arts are considered not smarts and they people put in sciences are constantly like they're the genius by default like we already have like this one dimensional form of intelligence and obviously I'm speaking about the consequences of the gifted kid burnout as an adult now I do understand that a lot of people the times have changed and a lot of like parents and a lot of like career paths are being forged now I'm just talking about like as an adult now and like looking back at if you think that will be dropping you as an adult now like where they're coming from so I realized like the world is very different now they're very different career and hopefully like parents especially you know in German Africa have it and evolved mindset as well right so anyways going back to the African background because of this one dimensional view we also have like sure pathways where it's either medicine law engineering so if you show any promise in academics especially like in those two subjects or in those fields like it's basically over for you because your entire identity just becomes tied into succeeding in those what I see like predetermined paths for the longest time they called me doctor in my house like I had a lab course with doctor TKD my godfather so this day calls me doctor there are lots of my aunt and uncles family friends relatives that knew me from when I was growing up I see me to this day they still call me doctor to this day and they just thought I was so brilliant and I was just like I feel like as you grow up you just realize how you're not that brilliant in this setting that you want me to do like I can't imagine myself being in doctor right now like I don't have the bandwidth like I just can't do that right now like I'm not stupid but like I'll just rather not be doing that shout out to the doctor's god bless you guys but I feel like what if we were just able to allow kids praise kids like at an equal level like just praise whatever it's like you like just pay attention to children and like whatever it's is that you saw like they were so curious about if there's anything like you could have opened them up to like just praise them equally like nothing like we know and now in this day and age that nothing is I don't know maybe I'm speaking for myself but like nothing is higher than you know intelligence is like higher than the other world maybe I don't know what I'm trying to say is like no um like everything should be praise equally like if you're good in this food good praising this food if you're good in that food good praising that food because god knows what I would have been now guys what's what's about with that but I don't know this is not here doing this book I'll just say I'm not I'm not sure but anyways I actually reminded me of something my sister said and I think about it often is about how if there's one thing she's happy with about since when they moved from Nigeria is that the kids have not been able to child different clubs different classes hobbies they go to the stuff after school during the weekend they're always busy they always try new things even every time I see my niece is always one thing well I'm not sure I was doing ballet once there's a first school like just random things that they're doing and they're literally figuring out things like that they're good at that she feels they wouldn't have been able to attempt if they were in Nigeria and that's the thing I feel Niger also does like a huge disservice to kids with like other talents and even just the one-dimensional view of intelligence that we have like does a very huge disservice to people with just other talents and people who could be great in their own aspects like the world needs all types of people we need different types of people to make the world actually work but then the moment I'm coming from we have already this hierarchy of intelligence where logical facts based or like science maths all those kind of intelligence are the only intelligence that mattered especially I would say growing up and I read an article and I think it was biovox our link it's in the shown actually if you wanted to extend it to you because missing our link it's just giving myself extra work but I will link it I don't know if I'll link it on my personal Instagram if you wanted us to see but anyways I read an article and they were talking about how a lot of people who grew up with this being naturally smart got praised for that being naturally smart instead of being praised for efforts or being praised for problem solving and by doing this like what it does is actually create a fixed mindset for people and when you have a fixed mindset you're basically just attached to the identity of being effortlessly intelligent and you avoid anything that is going to ruin that image so you don't want to want to start to do something because you know that is going to make you not look intelligent and not look smart and what ends up happening is that we would rather not try than risk finding out that we're actually not that special even though maybe we already knew deep down that we're actually we might not be that special but the thing with the fixed mindset is that you actually rather just not try because when like then find out that you're not that special so you just only do things that don't challenge the idea of you like being naturally smart but then the crazy parts on the other hand is that the people who are actually praised for their efforts like well done and they're persisted and like other traits they're not just being praised for naturally smart they end up being more resilient and adaptable in the long run and people that were praised for being naturally smart is hard for them to shift to this like growth mindset and it's almost impossible for them to shift to like the growth mindset because their entire sense of self and their entire identity and their entire being is just tied up in being the smart one right and there's this UK psychologist named Joanne Freeman she followed 35 gifted kids for 35 years and she tracks them from their childhood till their 50s and she found out that kids who were labeled keep in mind as gifted by their parents were significantly more likely to struggle with mental health compared to the other people that she was following like the control group or whatever but keep in mind that is the label itself like it's not the intelligence that made them more likely to struggle with mental mental health right it's the label that was linked to more mental health outcomes because what she found was that the higher the intelligence the more successful they were likely to be as adults so it's not the intelligence like like if if you're intelligent you're going to be a successful adult but it's like that label that the expectations being put on that pedestal and just everything that comes with that label is what pushes people into having like being depressed anxiety and things like that because you're yeah you're not trying to do anything that is going to take you out of that's going to risk your image of being like the intelligence one the smart one and then it's a adulthood where everyone as I said it's a doggy dog world like everyone is right but they're like you're not it was to do anything because everything else like I feel like it goes back to that thing about being a beginner like you don't want to be a beginner like I feel like with this thing suffer from being a beginner I remember like with my photography like I having to go back on watch which is now I'm very home but like I love it I'm learning a lot more like going back on being a beginner but I remember like I know I was last year early early this year I was just like I hate being a beginner I like that's an episode I actually wanted to do I actually told one of my friends Laura that I was going to do that episode like earlier this year or like a couple months ago but I didn't do it but I feel like that's what it also kind of goes back to and when I was doing this episode I wanted to message my friends I'd be like do you know any gifted are you were you a gifted child that I can speak to and I at least you pick on my phone so I bring this I can't actually be first I drop this so I went to BuzzFeed and there was some experiences from former gifted kids about life after high school and I'm just going to share some of these because they are very uncomfortably accurate so the first one says I found my I found anything that required efforts immediately turned me off I never developed the work ethic so I'm incredibly lazy but I'm also extremely efficient by putting in as little efforts as possible to get task done and that just had to be the first one I put there because the way I can relate to this is actually concerning like if there's ever an efficient lazy person this I'm probably on that list but then again maybe I'm the only person who has works well on the pressure on my CV that is not lying because a lot of people with a habit on your CV you guys are lying because do you know what it means like okay I'm not going to speak further on that because I don't want to get fired where I can do things with minimal if like even I am scared of myself for anyways let me move on another one says I excel in what I do for about three years then I burn out and move on to something else I've had several career paths I'm great at I'm great at learning troubleshooting problem solving but I have no patience, low emotional intelligence, poor social skills and no common sense that's actually so sad again if my friends are listening to this I happen Instagram page for any hobby I wake up and decide I want to do and I've jokes that I will continue to do that till Instagram starts charging you to create extra accounts I'm just joking please I'm not giving you ideas Instagram please don't do that but I feel like there's just something about like and that's also why I feel like I'm not scared of feedback because like when I try to do something I always try to do in like public or like out so it's just like it's just there for anyone else to see like you're gonna see me like it's just life by the same time like what this person is just trying to say is that they just have different fun career paths and they just move on and they burn out easily and yeah just really sad I feel like this is one of the people where it's like okay that label really affects them because they're talking about like they're low emotional intelligence and they're poor social skills and they're no common sense and the last one is so funny because I feel like a lot of people can relate and he says I'm at that uncomfortable level where I was told I'm a gifted genius even but I've always been keenly aware of how much of an effing idiot I really am and I'm also keenly aware that I'm so somehow much more intelligent than the average person I deal with every single day and that is so real I feel like every one that's been labeled or like it has experienced this phenomenon or whatever understands and has like understands and has come and passed through that point where the uncomfortable level dispersers talking about how they're keenly aware like deep inside you know how much of an idiot you are but you're also aware of how much more intelligence you are than a lot of people around like the average people you deal with on each day to day basis and I feel like it's just something that comes with the territory to a certain extent and the one that I found I guess the funniest that I could relate to was that one person said that they were considered gifted because they were an early reader and that's as low as the bar we get for you to be slapped on with like this label because I at least she wasn't an early reader as well and I don't know I think it was because I was reading to cherish guys that I was considered like gifted I don't even know how to end this because I'm not even trying to end it on like some motivational speaker energy because like the only way they said is like to have a growth mindset don't be having a fixed mindset according to that article because when your mindset is fixed like you're just going to be stuck kind of going to try anything that is not going to make you look bad or not make you look very intelligent as you are but I don't know I just enjoy understanding things like guess I'm speaking about them and understanding like patterns I'm just hearing what people have to say I don't know I also think like parents try a lot because you can do something say something and and adults be working around saying or like my parents it is and like that's where this trauma is coming from like parents are actually trying like shout out to parents I love to my parents I shout out to yours because it's actually not easy and for the people that are going to become parents a good luck to everyone because yeah yeah and I hope you enjoyed this episode please leave a like not like please leave a rating on Spotify please follow the podcast on Apple Music on Apple podcast on Spotify and follow the podcast page on Instagram at thoughts at 2 a.m. podcast if you want to come on the podcast please message me if you want to say a voice no please let me know and yeah I'll speak to you guys soon and I hope you have a lovely Tuesday because I hope you'll be listening to this when this drops bye