Speaker 1How's it going, Andrew? Good. How are you, man? I'm good, buddy. Thanks so much for coming in. I appreciate you. Of course. Happy to be here. I've been following you on Instagram. Somebody messaged me. I love Instagram. There's a lot of good and a lot of bad in social media, but I've been connecting to a lot of cool people through this whole podcast process. A lot of people in recovery, a lot of people suffering with other addictions. I've been talking a lot about food addiction, all these cool avenues that I never would have known about if I didn't start this thing. And somebody messaged me, one of the viewers messaged me and said, you got to reach out to this guy. He's fucking hilarious. He's sober. And so I started watching your stuff and Yeah. I love what you're doing, man. It's great. I love that you're open and vulnerable about being in recovery too, because I think there's a lot of people in your industry, but in kind of this creator industry that are maybe suffering and don't talk about it enough. So I appreciate you.
Speaker 2I think it's good. You're in recovery as well, right? So when you get sober after a little bit, you try to think of ways you can give back, how you can maybe use your specific set of skills to, to contribute. And one thing that I'm sort of blessed with is that I'm just comfortable talking about sort of anything because I've been doing comedy for like 15 years. So I'm like, just really used to like embarrassing myself in front of rooms full of people and like oversharing and stuff like that. So, whereas for some people like talking about addiction, I think is kind of hard for me, like it doesn't really bother me at all. So I figure I might as well because, um, yeah, a lot of people don't like to talk about it and then they end up stuck in it for longer because they're not talking about it. Right. They're kind of ignoring it. And I think a lot of people who struggle, like we do have a lot of shame and, uh, you know, there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a thing that like so very many people struggle with, you know, it's a normal human thing. And, uh, a lot of people lose like more of their life than they should have to lose like so many just years of their life. Uh, evaporating because they don't want to admit that they have a problem. They have shame about their problem. And it's like, if they didn't feel that shame, you know, maybe they would have cleaned up a decade before. So I try to just wear it on my chest as much as I can and hope that that
Speaker 1does something for someone out there. Do people reach out to you like about addiction?
Speaker 2I do. I do get that on Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which I'm always, uh, I try to reply to everybody as my account grows, it gets harder to manage. Uh, and it also, it's funny. Sometimes people really share, which is, which is cool, which is cool. Like anyone can message me anything. I'm totally fine with it. It's just, sometimes you're like, Oh, I don't know what to do. I'm not qualified for this. I started posting about sobriety when I was only, you know, nine months in or something. So it's like, you know, I'm kind of just showing the baby steps of when you're in early recovery. But so, and I think that can be helpful to some people. And I have some pretty basic advice that I feel comfortable giving, but ultimately even right now, I'm less than three years. I'm not like an expert, you know? So sometimes people would come to me with some shit. I'd be like, I don't know what to, I got a message from like some lady. And I think like Yemen and, you know, she's a woman in Yemen. I couldn't relate less to what her life is. And she's like, well, I'm struggling so much and I don't know what to do. And I was like, uh, I was like, well, could you, is rehab an option? Do you think you could do that? And she was like, in my country, that would ruin my life. It would ruin my life. If I went to the hospital, she was like, I would, I would be just viewed as a drug addict for the rest of my life and completely written off. And I was like, okay, good luck out there. I don't know what to sorry. God, I wish I could help you, but I got nothing. I got nothing for a woman in Yemen
Speaker 1struggling with addiction, unfortunately. Oh man. It's true. We can relate on a lot of things, but yeah, like rehab's the only thing that helped me, you know, and we were talking about this before. Um, that's the only thing that I was able. Cause I, for me, I was able to, I was able to I just couldn't stop on my own to get that, that first bit of clarity where it's like, you kind of have this experience in rehab and maybe you can relate to this where you look back and you're like, holy shit. You're like, who was that guy? Yeah. Who was that guy doing all those things? Right. So can you get into a little bit about, um, you know, how you got into recovery
Speaker 2and what brought you here? Yeah. So rehab also worked for me. A lot of people like, you know, they go to rehab when they're like finally ready or whatever. I was cornered and forced. Uh, I got a, I was intervened upon very much in the way that you see on TV. It's fucking brutal.
Speaker 1Did you have an intervention? Yeah. Um, from, oh man, I'm going to get killed for this, but for, I had a, an intervention from my in-laws on Christmas. In-laws. Wow. So I've had, you know, some before that, uh, one or two that I can think of from my parents, but they had known what was just hitting me. It was a lot. Yeah. So I was like, Merry Christmas. Uh, I was not in a good
Speaker 2place. Yeah. No, what a day. But it's funny, like how squirrely addicts can be and how tricky it is sort of to corner us sometimes, because sometimes, you know, that that's like coming down the pipe maybe. So you can be hard to track down. And I guess they were like, Christmas, he's got to be here. We'll get him at Christmas. We know the date. We're going to get him. There's food here. He's going to show up. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. Um, so I don't know if yours was like this. I think, I feel like they're all kind of similar, but you know, it's a bunch of people that you like and love and your, their opinion of you matters and they sit you down. And then my, my friends all had letters that they'd written out. My friends are comedians. So they're good writers. They know how to write and they didn't write funny, uh, for me, but they're good writers. And then they just really accurately describe everything that's wrong with you, right to your face. And you just kind of got to take it on the chin and be like, Oh no, nothing you're saying is wrong. Um, and it sucked. Uh, so I w I sort of got put in rehab against my will really. Well, not, I mean, I went ultimately, you know, no one can like force you to go, but, uh, I didn't want to, but they, yeah. They cornered me. They told me everything they thought was wrong with me. Then they were like, they were like, we've already talked to this rehab facility. It's in Kingston. It's less than a three hour drive. We can take you there right now. And I was like, shit. Okay. Yeah. Maybe we can do that. And they were like, great. It's $25,000. And I was like, shut the fuck up. What are you talking? I was like, what are you talking about? $25,000. It was $25,000. I do cocaine four times a week. I don't have $25,000. I'm already in debt from all of the cocaine doing like, this is going to ruin my life. Uh, and then they were like, well, we talked to your parents and I was like, you talk to my fucking parents. Uh, you know, parents have entered the chat. I was super stressed about that, but I am also a really lucky guy. And that my parents, like, we didn't grow up like rich, but they are super good with money and super frugal people, uh, in a good way. And they've done well for themselves over the course of our life. And they were like, if, you know, if it means that you won't die, we have, we will, we have money and you know, you can pay us back kind of whenever. And a lot of people don't have that. Um, so I'm really fortunate, um, that they were willing to help out. Uh, and so I agreed to go not to that first one that was 25 K. I refused to accept that price for some reason. I was like, there's gotta be a better deal than that. And it sounded too nice. And I was feeling shame. I was like, we got to find a worse, cheaper one, worse in terms of the accommodations, not like the quality of care. Uh, so I went to, we found one for 15 grand and I went, I went there. Um, but yeah, rehab was so helpful, but I definitely going in, I didn't even know if I wanted to quit drinking. I just knew, I knew cocaine was a huge problem. I was like, I got to stop doing Coke, but I was like, I can't even imagine life without alcohol. Um, cause it's so, uh, common and like prevalent in my industry, like doing comedy. Every show, he's in a bar or wherever, you know, all of my friends drink. My friend has a bar in his house named after me. It was an Andrew bar. Uh, it's like my buddy's basement. He named it after me cause my last name, it's a pun, but you know, like alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Andrew bar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So alcohol was like really entrenched in my life, but I didn't know if I didn't have a choice. I didn't know if I wanted to give that up. I was like, I'll stop doing cocaine. But, um, I think, yeah, rehab, the most important thing it gave me, it was just that reset, just like 35 or whatever. I was there for 33 days. That's the longest I had ever gone since I started without, um, drinking or doing drugs. And it like your mind does snap back a little bit in that time. Like the addiction loses some of the control and more of yourself has control again. Uh, and that was so valuable. I found. Yeah. Um, I had that exact same thing happen
Speaker 1to me. So I was like, okay, I can, I can accept the cocaine thing. Cause I was a coke addict too. But I can't imagine not drinking for the rest of my life. And people just kept saying, and I always say this, but people just kept saying, just don't drink today. You know, just one day at a time. Just don't drink today. And that was really helpful for me. But I've ultimately come to this realization that it's all the same shit. You know, same shit, different shovel. I always say that. I heard that one time. Yeah, I like that. I use outside things to change my insides, right? And I agree with you. We are fortunate because I was in the same place as you. And I was feeling a lot of guilt and shame too. And my therapist, you know, kind of helped me through that, where she said, if my daughter was struggling with addiction and drug abuse, like, do you not think, or, and she posed it on me too. If you had a daughter, I don't have kids yet. If you had a daughter or a son that was struggling with drug addiction and alcoholism and they had the possibility of dying at any moment, right? Because cocaine nowadays is fucking laced with fentanyl. Could happen. Would you pay whatever it took to save her life? And I was like, fuck you. Fuck. Yeah. Like, God, that's so true. And it made me feel better, right? Because like. Like, yeah, ultimately I would, I would pay whatever price to save their life. Right. And I'm super grateful too, that I had my in-laws, you know, we laugh, we laugh about it, but because it was painful and it's kind of a bit of a coping mechanism. I want to get into that too. This kind of coping mechanism with comedy and, you know, you do stand up for a living. So I'm really interested in that, but I'm grateful for that day because I didn't really know that I was affecting my in-laws as much as I, as I was. And they saw their daughter just going through it, me dragging her through the mud. Right. Yeah. It's affecting their kid. Exactly. And you know, they do anything to protect their kid. Right. So now I look back and I'm extremely grateful for that day. Yeah.
Speaker 2That's a lot of love from the in-laws, you know, not even blood, but stepping up to the plate. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice of them. Yeah.
Speaker 1And, and that was a moment too, where I was like, fuck, like I need to get back into this. Right. I'm, I, once again, I don't have control over this situation. Like I thought I did. I don't have control over my drug addiction.
Speaker 2Yeah. Yeah. I didn't either. Yeah. So lucky that my, my parents were able to help out. You know, it helps me a little bit with the guilt is that before I went to rehab, my brother went to rehab like a few years before, but I was like, oh, okay. That's kind of evens it out. You know, my parents are always about like, if they buy him groceries, they'll like send me 50 bucks or whatever. They're very like, they want to, they don't want to show favoritism to one over the other. So I'm like, okay, he got rehabbed first. I get one. Yeah. Makes sense. Now, now, now I have to be a good boy, but I had to sort of get out of jail free card sitting there. Yeah. Love it.
Speaker 1Um, yeah. So talking about that, like, how do you, how do you incorporate your kind of addiction and into your, your sets and your bits and, um, has it changed as you stayed sober longer?
Speaker 2Yeah. I think when I first got out, I did like a lot of standup about sobriety, um, which is good. And I, I still do those jokes and stuff. Um, but especially then it was just like the only thing I ever thought about is it's, it's so on your mind when you're first sober. You're cause you're not sure if you're going to relapse and everything. And, um, I really, yeah, I just wanted to wear it on my chest right away. Cause it's what I was going through and what I was thinking about all the time. And also I was nervous about relapsing. So I wanted like the accountability, uh, you know, I was like, if I'm talking about it all the time, everyone around me is going to know about it. And then that puts, uh, in a good way, I think just more pressure on me to stay the path, you know? So I just wanted everyone around me to know. Hey, this is what I'm going through. This is what I'm doing. I'm not supposed to be drinking. If you see me drinking, that's bad. Um, and yeah, I, I do like talking about it on stage now that I'm a couple of years in, I've started to like, you know, write jokes about other things again. It's funny. Like it's, it's kind of nice. I think every phase of sobriety so far I've found really nice. Like the early going is great. I really liked the first six months, uh, cause you start to feel like yourself again, you know? You get like control of your brain back, uh, and it's really good. Now I'm at a phase where even though it's still a massive part of my life, um, it's maybe not as much my entire personality as it was for a little bit, which I still a huge part, but I'm just learning things like, uh, uh, every, every other sober person I meet doesn't have to be my new best friend. I don't know if everyone's like that in the early going, but. And when I was early in sobriety, every time I met a sober person, I'd be like, okay, we're sober people. And so now we go for coffee. We talk all the time, you know, I thought every person I met had to be like my new best pal. Uh, and sometimes after shows, people will be like, oh, Hey, um, awesome show. I'm in recovery. And I'd be like, okay, what, what next? And they're like, they're like, just saying hi. Really? Like I'm on my way home.
Speaker 1I got to go back to New York, man.
Speaker 2Like, yeah, it's, uh, you know, I'm not your new dad, dad over here. Just like. Good. Nice show. Goodbye. Strange man. Um, yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 1Um, so yeah, so you find that like, what's, what, what's kind of like the, uh, comedy community like nowadays, is it kind of split with like, uh, I think a lot of people want to know myself. I love standup, right. It helps me a lot. Um, there's a lot of comedians that I like to watch, but is it, do you, do you see it a lot? Do you see the addiction and you're like, oh man, that guy's in it bad right now, or.
Speaker 2You know, way less than I used to, um, I think there's a lot of talk in general about how the next generation is drinking way less, you know, and, uh, I think that's where, you know, so you're probably seeing that in every industry and comedies in one of them, the younger comics, maybe they're just, it's just that I'm not around when they're really fucked up and stuff, but I don't see people drinking quite the way that they used to. I think possibly that's, uh, there's an economical reason for that as well. Like it's the rent in the city has gone up so much and the cost of drinking has gone up a lot and maybe motherfuckers just can't afford it. I don't know, but I don't see people really getting turned up on a Monday and Tuesday like I used to when I started. Um, but the city was a much more affordable place at the time too. So that could be a factor, but, um, I find the, the community has been really supportive of me being sober, frankly, uh, everybody's been great to me about it and I never feel like any pressure to drink or anything like that. And I think that, you know, there's people in the community that are sober a lot more than there used to be, which is nice for me. Um, there's still people that drink pretty heavy, but everybody gets along from what I can tell, you know, we're all sort of artists first and, um, you know, I don't, I don't mind being around people that drink honestly. Um, as long as it's not like a huge problem for them or whatever, like, you know, some people can have a few and. You know, it doesn't ruin their whole life like it does for me. And I, even though, yeah, I find it kind of confusing, uh, I'm happy for them. Right. Like I, I don't know. Some people like, yeah, I had five beers and now I'm going home. I'm like, Oh, okay. I, I would be calling a guy and I'd be up for the next, you know, 14 hours probably. That's good for you. Um, yeah, I don't mind being around people that are, that are drinking and stuff. So, um, that's been good. Uh. To a point, I don't know, uh, if you're like me, like I like being around people when they're drinking up until like a certain point and then I go home and it's not a big deal. Like when first I got sober, I had a lot of FOMO, right. I was worried about, cause I was always the guy who shut down the bar. Like every day, almost, I was the last person in the bar. Everyone else had gone home. I'd have a drink or two with the staff while they were cleaning up. Like I never missed anything. So when I got sober, I was like, Oh, I'm going to miss all this fun stuff. And then. You know, you hang out in a bar sober and by midnight, you're like, okay, get me the hell out of here.
Speaker 1Nothing here for me. Yeah.
Speaker 2After midnight, nobody's saying shit. Yeah. I, I, my, my cue often to go home is when someone starts telling me a story for the second time, usually when I'm like, okay, you guys are on a different plane. Now you guys are doing a lap basically. You know, everything social, everything that social need that was going to happen has happened. And now you're just doing it again. It's like, you know what? That's super fun for you. And, uh, no, of course no judgment, but, uh, you know, that's my cue to go home and play a little bit of video games by myself on the couch and go bed.
Speaker 1Yeah. And then wake up and not hate yourself the next day.
Speaker 2Oh, the waking up, not hating yourself is pretty good. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1I remember, um, my first new year's in recovery. Like I've, so I've been in recovery since 2015. Uh, well I've had three, I mean, yeah, congrats. It is good because I've done a lot. I've done a lot of hard work. I've had, uh, I'm back at probably six months now again, because I had a relapse, uh, hence the three rehabs. I didn't go for fun, you know, just testing them out. No, this one's good. That one's not so good. You know, I always, I was like the food critic, the guy that goes up in, in like undercover clothes. I wasn't actually there. I was just testing out the rehab centers. No, I went because I had to go and my life was a fucking mess. But yeah, um, it, you know, you, you learn a lot. You mentioned the early going being, being really good. Yeah. Um, I think they call it the pink cloud, pink cloud phase. Yeah. Obviously you're past that now, right? Yeah. When you have, you know, really tough days in recovery and life happens and shit goes on and it's the left side of your control. What kind of things do you do to, to mitigate or get back on the horse?
Speaker 2Uh, I'm a huge exercise guy. That's been really helpful. I feel like I can tell that you are also fit. Yeah.
Speaker 1I used to run marathons too. I mean, you run ultra marathons, right?
Speaker 2I've run two technically, but, um, yeah, that's new for me. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1- How many kilometers is that, just so people know?
Speaker 2- Well, I guess technically an ultrasound marathon is anything over 42 42 kilometers which is a regular marathon yeah which is a regular marathon is 42.2 so i've run a 52 and i've run a 65 65 is the farthest i've run i did that last week actually nice uh yeah not at like an official event i just did it on a treadmill i was gonna say
Speaker 1that's even more impressive yeah i was gonna ask you wasn't it on a treadmill i was watching your
Speaker 2video yeah i just did it on a treadmill by myself it was really boring and hard but it feels so good when you're done right it does yeah yeah i was proud of it you mentioned you broke a toenail too i think in that video you know what it stayed on there it's funny sometimes i don't know yeah you've run long distances you know your body just will start to complain about stuff while you're doing it and you have to sort of assess while you're running like okay is what my body's complaining about serious or is it just being a bit of a bitch yeah you know uh i find like most of the time any external pain like stuff on my feet or like you know sometimes my nipples chafe or stuff like that that's a tough one yeah it's tough but i find those ones you can plow through like if you just ignore it for long enough your body sort of realizes you're not gonna stop and it's like fine and it stops it gives up yeah it stops giving you that pain notification because it's like it's not doing anything he's not changing his behavior so whatever um so my toenail was really bugging me and i thought it fell off but it was still on thank god i find foot pain you can plow through it's when your organs get
Speaker 1mad at you that you're in real trouble probably a good indication you should do something about that
Speaker 2yeah yeah when the organs start to bark at you then you're like okay something actually needs to change yeah because i guess technically you know you could live without your feet you could live without your arms technically you know they're a little bit expendable and i think they know that but your organs are like no we run the show you need us plus they're really expensive on the black market absolutely yeah and i you know i'm still in rehab debt yeah but yeah the exercise for me when i'm having a hard time is running especially if you're feeling anxious um you know it's a really hard thing to get into i feel a lot of people find running daunting and it is it's hard and like at first you get shin splints it's painful stuff like that but once you get really good at it yeah like you can eliminate a lot of anxiety in an hour yeah if you can just go rip on the treadmill for an hour like a normal like hour run for me is like you know between 12 to 14k uh and you can just get on that thing and like smash a thousand calories and like it's like the calories were anxiety like it's just you feel yeah so much better after every time
Speaker 1yeah um i find too that um maybe i don't know if you do this too i was going to ask you about your creative process a little bit but whenever i'm happy like whenever i'm struggling with like a dilemma or a problem that i have i find that when i go on a run it really clears my thought process and i get a lot of good ideas you know whether creative or not creative yeah i agree with that
Speaker 2for sure i think it's uh running is good for finding like clarity yeah if something's really bugging you um you'll typically feel better at the end of the run because of the like endorphins and shit but also yeah there is something that about it that sort of lets you like meditate on your problems in a way that is like productive yeah instead of like stewing i guess like if i had a problem and i spent a lot of time on it i would feel better and i would feel better and i spent an hour thinking about it on the treadmill or an hour thinking about it sitting in a chair just kind of mad i feel like definitely i'll reach a better resolution with the treadmill running
Speaker 1yeah yeah um i meant to ask you this before but how did you know that you were going to get into stand-up i know that's like the kind of it's not an easy decision to make right just yeah
Speaker 2choose that path i sort of happened by it really um when i was in high school so i would say as a first i wanted to be like an athlete specifically i wanted to be a pro wrestler uh and then uh you you kind of got the body for it like i got a miniature i could be like maybe a luchador if i was gonna uh appropriate a culture a little bit yeah yeah i'm i'm that's the thing is i've i'm too little um for like the big leagues anyway unless i were to be like a high-flying kind of guy i guess but uh ray mysterio yeah yeah i could be maybe a ray mysterio if i had got started 20 years ago uh getting into it but i don't know that dream sort of evaporated because i was so little and i also just like lived in small town ontario and it was a really lofty thing um but i was still kind of into athletics and stuff for a while like i was a sprinter actually i never did any distance running as a kid but i was a pretty fast sprinter for a little bit i liked that uh and then i stopped growing in the eighth grade and other kids kept growing and you know i just got phased out of uh which was what my life sort of revolved around at that point which is a tough pill as a kid uh because like i said i'm from a really remote place so i was kind of a stud there but then i remember we went i went to this track meet and i was from a town like all white people uh you know there was like two asian families one ran the convenience store and one ran the chinese restaurant and then other than that only white people live in the town so i remember i went to this like bigger track meet and pretty much like met a black person for the first time and that guy destroyed me in the 100 meter dash i remember getting to the starting line he's like i was like yeah five seven he was like six one just ripped veins popping out and i was like i don't oh i gotta get into theater i think i was like i i never beat this specimen in a race this guy's a unit yeah you know yeah um so i got i got into the arts when uh nature told me that i would never be an athlete uh and uh i was doing like improv and theater stuff in high school uh and i was enjoying that and then i found out about the humber comedy program which is a legitimate college program that's comedy oriented that you can take a friend of mine who is a couple years older than me took it and my parents were very like um after high school you need to go to college some kind of post-secondary education we don't care what it is university college but you have to take something um you know we have money set aside this is like mandatory you got to do something uh and then i came back and i was like there's this comedy program and they were like we didn't know that existed when we uh you know they were like oh okay that's a renege here it's technically a college program uh so i did that and i sort of fell in love with stand up there i came in with like more of an improv sketch background and i thought i would be one of those guys and then i did stand up like once and i was like oh that's what i like doing uh i feel fortunate to have found that at a young age i was like you had to stand up for the first time when i was 17 still or freshly 18 uh and i knew right away that i really really loved doing it uh and you know i was like i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this it takes a lot of people a lot longer to find like whatever thing yeah is their thing yeah you know uh so i'm grateful that i found it that young yeah a lot of people start stand up when they've like already failed at a couple other things like i feel like it's like late 20s is normally like they've been to college a couple times and it didn't really work out and they're like fuck it i'm finally gonna try stand up i've always wanted to do it uh and i'm yeah lucky that i pretty much just started doing it from jump what what about it like excites you like what is it that makes you happy about it uh it's just so direct like it's just you the audience you say something they laugh or they don't and that as an addict like that dopamine hit if i say something immediately people laugh really hard in your face at your idea is so that feeling is better than any drug that i've had it's really great and i think one of the things i enjoy about stand up a lot is that uh as a kid i always felt kind of unusual right like i don't know i think i'm a bit of an odd person i'm not like most people in a lot of ways and i think as a kid i found that really isolating which is possibly where the origins of addiction are for me as well is you know you want to fit in and when everyone's on the same drug it's easier to feel like you all belong together because of your mind you're all being altered in the same way but yeah as a as a kid i felt often unusual and uh what i like about stand up is i can take what's unusual about my brain and craft it into something and show it to people and when they laugh at it it's like validating and it makes me feel not so alone yeah you know that there's it feels like there's some purpose to me
Speaker 1being skewed in the way that i am yeah you can use it as a gift right yeah that's awesome yeah
Speaker 2it turns it into something that is special instead of something that is you know negative or other
Speaker 1yeah have you ever um i think i already know the answer to this but have you ever bombed really bad oh buddy it happens thousands of times i was hoping there's one that's sticking out but
Speaker 2let me think see if i can think is when you first start stand up all you do is bomb unless you're so fortunate, but yeah, it's, it's really hard. to do like most people's number one fear is public speaking right uh if you put on top of the fact that you have to just talk in front of people that those you have to make them laugh ideally like a few times a minute it's a lot of pressure it's difficult to do especially when you're young like i started doing stand-up when i was like 18 i had nothing to talk about you know like no one gives a shit what you think when you're 18 years old i'm like 18 performing for rooms full of people that are like 30 to 40 years old like what do they give a fuck yeah uh you know uh so yeah when for most comics the first few years is like you're bombing as often as it's going well you know if you're lucky i'm grateful that my first set went pretty good and that was enough to sort of give me the bug and give me the confidence that okay like this can go well right i just have to figure out how to do that more consistently but i am capable of it uh if i just bombed my first set i don't know i don't know if i'd be here today even but uh yeah bombing's just part of it as you get better and more experienced you will learn i feel like you never fully stop bombing your bombs just don't look as bad you're like you learn to bomb gracefully yeah you bounce back a little bit better yeah and and you know what bombing really isn't that bad a thing if you're comfortable in your own skin like you know once you've been doing it for a while a joke cannot land and you just go oh okay well that one didn't work did it oops uh you know and people are like okay uh i find as long as you feel comfortable the audience feels comfortable but in the early stages you're uncomfortable and when a joke doesn't work then you're really uncomfortable and then if they if they can see that you're really uncomfortable they can smell that yeah then they get really uncomfortable uh i'm trying to think if i have any like epic bombs i've definitely walked some people when i first started it's funny when you're an early pro comic because they'll they'll send you somewhere uh and you know you've played like the clubs in the city and you think i'm pretty hot shit you know you're in front of like warm crowds that show up to a comedy club they're comedy fans they know what they're getting into you know these environments are kind of easy mode uh so you start there and you think i'm pretty hot shit you know i'm pretty like okay i'm fucking pretty good at this and then you get to the point where you start to work the road and they send you places which is better money gigs but now you're in like some small town these people have seen comedy only on tv a couple times comedy comes to their town once a year uh and you know i remember one time doing like a golf resort and i'm like i didn't know how to dress good for gigs yet either or anything it's just like golf resort i had like an open flannel shirt and a doom t-shirt on and they're all like 60 year old white people in like suits or like nice clothes and shit so right away i'm i like look like i don't belong there and uh we're supposed to be kind of clean but they don't specify like what exactly clean yeah means you know i talked to the guy before the show i'm like so what does clean mean to you like what are you trying to and he was like i don't know don't worry about it and then so dangerous yeah yeah right i but telling a comic that yeah yeah he was like i don't know it's probably fine uh and i was like uh okay so i just went up and did my normal shit it's time was really not clean i've i walked tables people left which is a it's a hard feeling when you're in your when you're up there and it's not going well and already you're a little bit panicking then you see a couple people get up and leave that moment is like oh god like what if they all get up and leave you know and you're trying to just find a good note to leave on and save face or something but you know your mind is just spiraling because you're like people are getting up you know you're like am i in trouble you know and a little bit i well i didn't get in a ton of trouble um but i got chewed out a little bit it was funny the organizer sent the guy that was headlining the show to like chew me out he was you gotta go talk to that guy uh but so this guy is another comedian and like my friend right so i get off stage he pulls me aside uh and he's like listen here's what's happening you messed up a little bit it's not that bad but that guy over there he wants to see me yell at you so this is me yelling at you but it's not a big deal i ordered you a burger while you were on stage it should be here in a few minutes so the guy over so many feelings yeah yeah the guy in the distance like thinks i'm being disciplined or whatever um when in reality uh the guy was being pretty soft on me and then i had a burger yeah so that was kind of that was one of my first tough bombs also that guy who told me not to worry about being clean uh when people were leaving i saw him like talking to the crowd being like they were told well in advance not to be saying anything like that and i was like you mother you throw me i was like you kind of gave me permission like this is on you too but he totally yeah passed the buck and and put it on
Speaker 1you right under the bus yeah threw me way under the bus oh my god so you're um you like to cook too i do yeah because i yeah i was watching a few of your videos they're hilarious man honestly it's the idea of um you know asking ai to combine two meals together is it's a great idea where'd
Speaker 2you come up with that uh and can you explain it a bit yeah yeah so i've been doing this thing called um man versus ai cooking show and it's just that i have ai randomly generate or what randomly give me two existing meals and then i have to figure out a way to marry those two things into one sort of cohesive dish uh i think i had just been doing like general cooking videos for a while where i would make something and it was starting to feel like maybe a little stale uh and i wanted something that was like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more something that would maybe keep people a little a little bit more engaged especially until the end of the video uh and i figure that doing it like this you know i get the two i get the two dishes i got to make them into one thing now the audience themselves is thinking oh shit how would i do that how is he going to do that where where is this going to end up um in the end so i think it's a good idea to like keep people watching through the whole video uh and hopefully maybe like you know just get some conversation going with people and i think that's a good idea
Speaker 1i love the comment section in those videos i'd love to hear um i'd love to hear like what
Speaker 2someone else would have done you know a lot the last one i posted a couple people were like here's how i would have done it and i'm like oh that's cool i like because i love food stuff too so when someone is like well you could have done this i'm like oh okay that's cool actually i didn't think of that because realistically i like to cook but i'm not like trained or anything you know i think i'm i've got a couple moves one of those people it's like it's a little bit smoke and mirrors i can really cook a few things but i'm not like trained or anything you know i think i'm i've got pretty well but once you get past that i'm like i don't really know what the fuck i'm doing if you were on like a cooking show you'd be fucked yeah if they were like okay today today you're cooking indian i'd be like okay i'm done i'm smoked back to comedy yeah what was the the last video you
Speaker 1made it was um some sort of pad thai and yeah yeah so my my my brain process for this one was
Speaker 2so ai gave me sheet pan lemon chicken with veggies and no bake chocolate peanut butter bar you know you i feel like a lot of times to get if you have to combine two food things that seem completely unrelated you have to find some kind of in between so at first i was like okay let's just marry the chicken and the peanut because that's easy chicken and peanut goes together uh thai food they've been doing it for years yeah exactly so i was like okay thai food uh it said sheet pan chicken and veggies it didn't specify which veggies so i was like okay pad thai has vegetables in it it has chicken in it i'll make the lemon chicken then i'll make the lemon chicken into a pad thai with like red pepper veggies covered i've achieved that part of the ask yeah there's still the chocolate to deal with i gotta get chocolate in here uh and and i wanted it said no baked chocolate peanut butter bars so i thought it should be served as a in bar form to to meet the challenge so i took the pad thai and smushed it into like an eight by eight baking thing and just put it in the freezer and then i was like okay chocolate uh mole like a mexican chocolate sauce is a thing i think they put i think they put it on meat i've never even had it um so i just looked up what goes into a mole which i know is a sauce that normally takes like 24 hours or something if you want to make it correctly but uh i just melted some chocolate sauce or some like baker's chocolate in a double boiler threw in like the mexican spices waited for that pad thai to freeze cut it into bars dunked it in the chocolate put that in the fridge wait for the chocolate to set it was edible we got it to edible and i you know when you hear lemon chicken chocolate peanut butter bar if you can get that asked to edible i think small victory
Speaker 1i was reading the comments and some one i love comments on on videos man some people are so clever but this one lady is like i'm mexican and i would never eat this in my life or i
Speaker 2would never oh yeah just like yeah although that lady she was like i'm mexican and she said i hate mole yeah and then she said i'll never eat this and i was like well if you hate mole that you know i i feel like it's crazy to be like this looks like it sucks i hate the ingredients used in it like well then of course you think it looks bad if you don't like the things that are in it
Speaker 1that's not on me oh that's good stuff but yeah that uh that engagement code it's a piece of to crack on on instagram i don't you know keeping people to watching the whole videos i mean i watched that whole video because i was like i got to see the end of this right
Speaker 2that's what i'm hoping for with these ones it's figuring out algorithms is such a difficult thing and like maybe not the best for addicts too because we're you know we get addicted to stuff and social media is really addictive and sometimes in trying to uh you know grow my audience on social media i also just end up on it for like way too long and i have trouble putting it down but uh yeah algorithm stuff is so tricky i my mind's been tanking and i think i figured out why a few years ago i was like oh my god i don't know what's going on i don't know what's going on a few months ago instagram asked me they had this new feature they were like do you want us to translate your videos to spanish and i was like okay why not i would you know uh just more people to potentially see my content sure go ahead do that translate my videos to spanish show it to spanish people see if they like it yeah you know and then my traction started going down and i've realized that the algorithm because i'm translating to spanish thinks that i want a spanish audience only spanish so it's like pushing my way more towards spanish than like my audience that i've already built they're getting insulted and all these spanish people are like who the this guy obviously doesn't speak any spanish with his ai translated video like they're not biting on it and now the people that i actually made the video for aren't seeing it so yeah i just turned that off um and i'm hoping now my numbers will go back up but i'm like damn that's a feature you guys pitched to me and it just ruined my you know
Speaker 1so precarious yeah uh i hate it but yeah to your point like some days i'm like yeah chasing those
Speaker 2likes and those follows so much on the podcast yeah and that's a little dopamine uh yeah you gotta be careful with it yeah one of the things that i enjoyed most about rehab honestly and i need to try to incorporate this in my life a little bit more um is that it improved my relationship with my phone because we weren't allowed to have our phone that was nice in rehab we got them for one hour a day or actually 50 minutes five zero um and that was great that was a great phone relationship because when you only have it for about an hour a day you use it to do stuff like you there's shit you gotta get done i would pick up my phone every day and i'd have things to do i just said things as simple as like responding to texts from friends that i was keeping in touch with to help keep me sane and stuff but i'd pick up my phone and there'd be a bunch of notifications and i would plow through that and i'd be like i don't know how to do this i don't know how to do this i don't know how to do this that shit and then put it down and away and done you know whereas now that i have my phone with me all the time again i'm constantly checking it and i feel like a lot of people are like that i'm a constant phone checker and it gets really compulsive and kind of addictive and the subtext sort of every time you look at it and there's nothing to look at it's like a little loss you know you're looking at it to see did anybody message me did i get an email am i am i hearing back about this and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry did i get any new likes and every time the more you check it the less likely it is that there's anything for you to see right and every time you look at it it's just like oh no no one's trying to get in touch with you oh no no one likes your thing oh no no one you know um i feel like it's like really like bad mental health stuff um so i i gotta get back to for a little bit when i got out of rehab i would mostly leave my phone in the charger in the room but like if i wanted to go over there it was a whole thing yeah and i was using it less and then you know how addiction is slowly over time you know ramps up and ramps up but now i'm on my phone i'm on my phone way too much again
Speaker 1but i'd like to get a handle on that yeah you you bring up a really good point and i i hadn't uh thought about it like that as you were talking i'm thinking like and this probably already exists but it's like i i need like a lock box for my phone that's like on a timer yeah but even just thinking about doing that yeah my my addict brain is like don't fucking do that idiot like yeah yeah bad idea exactly right yeah yeah and i kind of have to see my myself in these two figures right my my addict is currently in the parking lot doing push-ups right now waiting for me to fuck up right
Speaker 2yeah yeah you hear that and uh it's it's true learning to separate the addict brain and the uh and you is a really tricky thing because the you know you'll think that you've got it all figured out and then but your addict brain is learning too right so it'll be like okay i tried this and what else can i try and then it might wait a few months and bust out some new move yeah yeah you know it's wild the way it can um mess with you and like how convincing it can be when i first um got out of rehab i moved in with some guy uh this for a bit my buddy um who is also in recovery now but at the time that we moved in together he was supposed to be sober and uh he ended up relapsing and it was a for me a really chaotic and difficult living situation and this is how like evil your addict brain is because he was relapsing um my addict brain was like this is a free free relapse for you you can relapse and everyone will blame him you know and it won't even be your fault right because you went into this living situation that was supposed to be a sober environment for you and it's not and you're trapped there and people will understand if that breaks you uh and the blame really won't even be on you and then you can get sober again and everyone will treat you like a hero again like they did when you first got sober and that'll be really nice and i'm like you're an evil bitch you know uh but it's like it can be really convincing
Speaker 1yeah kind of baffling powerful god that is so relating man relatable yeah i've never had that exact experience but i totally understand yeah it's sometimes so many different ways sometimes the
Speaker 2addict brain is like listen just relapse you'll get sober again you know you beat me already it's what it's just like yeah you already beat me just fucking have a have a month have a party month get sober again you know you already know you can do it uh but it's like yeah but i might die in that fucking month man you know or i might not come back yeah i might think i can beat you again but i can't or whatever the most consistent message i got when i was in rehab that has been helpful over the course of the 33 days a lot of different speakers a lot of different meetings you know you hear a lot of guys talk most consistent thing that people said was every time they relapsed that it was worse yeah that they were worse every time that the things that they did were worse that they felt worse that they did like went crazier with their use uh every single person said that uh that was my experience too every yeah yeah yeah and but your addict brain i think wants you to you know it wants to tell you yeah just relapse now you're educated about addiction you know about it you know you're stronger you'll be you'll be able to have a better handle on it this time you'll you'll have a better eye for when things are getting out of hand and you'll keep it under control you know it's and you're like yeah why that makes sense i know more about addiction now i know the signs maybe maybe it will be okay but you know the logic is there but every single person that i've heard talk is like no it's
Speaker 1worse it's so much worse yeah i never thought i was gonna smoke meth and then i did so yeah
Speaker 2i probably would have i never did but like i if someone handed it to me at the right time yeah like you know when i was like super boozed up and coked up if anybody offered me anything i'd be like
Speaker 1yeah okay you mean it'll get me in a different place than where i am at now yeah sure yeah yeah
Speaker 2yeah especially i think if like my high from the coke was maybe starting to wear off or something and they were like here's something to bring it to another level i'd be like oh thank you yeah sold yeah easy sell yeah take my money yeah man it's it's a
Speaker 1that's a really good way to put it you know i appreciate that um can you talk about this uh
Speaker 2you have a really cool event coming up in august i believe yeah so i'm about two and a half years sober right now you know i've i've got i'm at a point where i feel like i've got myself pretty under control and i'd like to give back a little bit um now that i'm not so worried about me all the time uh do some stuff for some other people too um so i want to raise some money for the rehab center that i went to and i'm going to do some stuff for the rehab center that i went to and also for this cool charity in the states called end overdose uh so this august the 24th i am gonna put my running skills to the test i'm gonna uh i'm gonna run on a treadmill for 12 hours the goal in those 12 hours is to make it 100 kilometers uh we'll see so far the farthest i've been running for six hours though so i feel like what's that what's the pace on that do you know i don't know but i i i exactly i think like 5 28 okay that's really good yeah something like that
Speaker 1for that for that length of time that's really good yeah um five minutes 28 seconds that's really
Speaker 2good but i think it's something like that i can't remember but i'm just looking at it like okay i made it 65 and six that gives me another six to make it 35 maybe doable but uh we'll see i don't know i don't know if my body can handle it i'm excited to find but the idea is so i'm gonna i'm on the treadmill for 12 hours. far i make it is how far i make it ideally 100 kilometers we're going to live stream that uh i'm going to have comedians coming in throughout the day and they're going to sit on a couch next to the treadmill and shoot the shit while i'm just there running uh slowly it's like an activity yeah kind of it's funny too because i won't be able to i need to focus on my breath so much that i won't be able to talk to them like they just have to talk and i'm just going to be there like furniture essentially moving furniture for the 12 hours and then uh i'm doing this on stage at a comedy club so when there's only 30 minutes left in the run we're going to fill up the room with audience and then i'm going to record a comedy special right after being on the treadmill for 12 hours no shower no no shower i want to look like shit i think it's so funny i don't know why i like it so much i i think you know usually when people record their special they're like prim and like you know they just got their hair cut and they're wearing you know brand new clothes they look like a million bucks i think it's funny to record it just distraught and all messed up i'm going to be walking funny uh i don't know i think it's going to look interesting and i think like after you've run that for like a really long time you feel like really vulnerable and i'm curious about how that will impact the performance yeah totally and i'm also curious about like the extent that an audience can revive a performer because i find like an audience's energy really can like bring you to life you know uh sometimes i'll do a show maybe i'm sick i'm a little under the weather i'm coughing i get on stage none of that shit the adrenaline just kind of takes over the energy from the people almost is like healing yeah so i'm like okay let's see if we can find the edge of that let's see if a crowd can be so hot that after i have run for 12 hours that they can bring me back to life you know uh yeah i'm super pumped about it i'm really excited about it and i'm really excited about it and i'm really excited about it the whole day is sort of uh metaphor for addiction right the treadmill's addiction you know you're stuck you're stuck in the same place you're not moving forward you're doing the same thing over and over again but it's just getting more and more difficult the longer you do it and maybe for a little bit you think you're having fun but it is slowly breaking you down and breaking you down and at a certain point you have to admit i can't beat this thing i just have to stop i just have to get off of this fucking thing and go do something else and that's
Speaker 1what the day is and to your point too it's like you're bringing in the audience kind of like as
Speaker 2community to help you get through it yeah exactly that exactly that and even during the day when i'm running on the treadmill and my friends are sitting there on the couch but i can't really talk to them i can't engage with them the way that i would like to engage with them because i'm too wrapped up in this thing that i'm doing that's addiction too right because a lot of times when i was around people in social settings i was almost still alone because i was so focused like i was there to get fucked up and the socializing was secondary right i was like when is my dealer gonna while someone's talking to me i'm like when's my dealer gonna get here and stuff like that you know so the fact that my friends will be there but i can't really converse with them is uh it's all it's all part of the metaphor uh and yeah i think that if i can go through all of that i'm basically i was i was in addiction for like 12 years this is 12 hours so i'm basically condensing the whole thing into one day uh and i think if i can if i can walk off that treadmill with a smile on my face and go do a show i don't know i think it's really cool i think it says something it's awesome uh like i think to me the because it obviously i tell people i'm doing this and like that sounds really horrible i'm like yeah yeah it does but i think for me the day it's not about pain it's about what you can do once you've put the pain behind you what you're still capable of even after all of that uh and i want to i want to show people that i want to show people that after you've been through something horrible that you're still capable of incredible things
Speaker 1it's beautiful yeah i love it how do we sign up how do we find it where do we find you uh so yeah
Speaker 2it's going to be a comedy bar damp fourth location august 24th tickets are on sale actually already if you go to their website and you go to august 24th it should say like andrew barb comedy special taping uh tickets are live uh and the um after i cover the venue fee and everything all of the money's going to the to the charities i'm not taking any money um so if you want to come you're supporting a good cause uh and it's a legitimate world's first event no one's ever done this before it is no one in the history of the world has done it yeah yeah mostly because it's a horrible idea but but still i'm gonna be the first guy and i think that's exciting because i know none of us
Speaker 1know what it's gonna look like people told the wright brothers that flying was a horrible idea
Speaker 2yeah maybe this would be a new thing maybe every year some comic will be like fuck it i'm gonna run 100 kilometers and record yeah but uh that's yeah man i'm really pumped up for it that's amazing and then how do we find you on instagram uh at andrew bar comedy perfect yeah
Speaker 1dude i appreciate you man i had a lot of fun today thanks so much man thanks for having me
Speaker 3really appreciate it that's great thanks for listening please help us grow the channel and like share and subscribe for more content the discussions and stories shared on this podcast are for informational and motivational purposes only this content is not a substitute for professional medical advice addiction treatment or therapy if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction please consult a licensed physician addiction specialist or mental health professional you are no longer alone
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