Staff Review With Laurie Kilmartin

(upbeat music) Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamkoko.com/callconon. Okay, let's get started. - Okay, in the past, this slot has usually been a time when I would talk to fans around the world, but today is a little different. I'm gonna talk to someone who's definitely not a fan of mine. (laughing) No, we've been doing this lately and I'm really enjoying it. Oscars are coming up soon. As we tape this, it's, I think it's about three weeks away. And we've been working very hard. I'm working with an incredible team of writers. Many of them I've worked with for a long time. And I've been having them come upstairs and chat with me a little bit. And it's been really fun. And that continues today with Laurie Kilmarton. Laurie, thank you for coming on out. - Oh, I hope it continues today. - Yes, yes, that's it. You're out. (laughing) No, Laurie. - He was right, it was fun. (laughing) Get back down there. Laurie, you are an incredible stand-up comedian and you've worked with me for a long time. And always an incredible job. And worked with me on the Oscars last year. And Laurie has a very special role, which is Laurie, because she's a great stand-up, she's the one that has become my life coach when I go out into the world and try Oscar jokes out. So Laurie's the one that says, we're gonna get you out there now, Conor. And I say, all right, okay. And you're very verbally abusive. And then you've been picking all these amazing spots. Some of them I've been to before. Some of them I haven't. And it's really fun, but you are so dialed into these places. And then you watch me do my set and you have great instincts about which ones work, which ones may need a tweak, which ones should probably go by their wayside. But let's go back to the beginning, which is you come to my attention. How did that happen? I'm trying to remember. - Ooh, well I started on the TBS show. So I think that was my third packet. I think I'd done a packet for the tonight show and late night too. So the third one worked, I guess. - Yeah, well the tonight's other, it wasn't a lot of time there. (laughing) - Yeah, I don't know if we got around to reading it. - Yeah, I was starting to open the envelope when that thing blew up. But and subsequently when you first came to work for me, I had not seen your stand-up. And then we toured together. And then we got to see your stand-up every night, which is phenomenal. Just phenomenal. - Oh, thanks. I don't know, I like how you look back. I'm like, oh, that bit was still, I was still working on it. I got sharper and but I'm glad you brought what you saw. - Because you have that kind of mind, you're never gonna say, oh yeah, thanks. You're gonna say, this was a little. - But I'm telling you, it was phenomenal. And you have such a good eye and ear that you've been just a great help to me in terms of what stuff works, how to tweak a joke, when something isn't hitting the ear quite right. And that's really helpful. And I'm just curious, when did you decide, okay, I'm gonna be a stand-up? Like this is, because that's the leap that everyone comes to differently. How did it happen for you? - Well, I had sort of, I dropped out of college and I had kind of a breakdown due to various things all colliding at once in my head, you know. - You were a very good athlete. - I was okay, I was a swimmer. I swam for UCLA, but I was like, it was, they were in a rebuilding phase, like I would never make the team now. They were like low-level division one when I was there. And so yeah, and then I had quit swimming and whatever. - So you go through this period of your life where things are rough. - Exactly. And then I started to, I don't know, I went and saw some stand-up. And I'm not the only one who's come to stand up this way, where you see some gray stand-up and you're like, oh, I could never do that, that's amazing. And then you see someone who's not good and they're on the bill and you're like, wait a minute. - Yeah. - That person's a critic. - They're the true inspirations. - No one ever says that, the true inspirations are people like, how did that ask it up there? - That's exactly exactly. So I saw a bunch of that. And so I started in San Francisco 'cause I'm from the Bay Area, so that's right. - And San Francisco was such a great place for stand-up. - Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. There's this guy named, oh my God, his name was, I forget his last name. He was a former porn star who, and D'Native American, and it was like one of like 11 or 16 children. Some crazy backstory. But he was the bartender at the Holy City Zoo. And he knew Robin Williams and he was around when Robin had started to. And so he was sort of the mother bird of all of us newer comics and giving us stage timing tips and stuff like that. And even though, I know I never had a bad situation with him, even though his backstory sounds troublesome. - Yeah. - But he-- - John Cantu. - Yeah, and he saw something in you. He was like, okay, he was encouraging. - Yeah, he was encouraging, but he's also running a class. So anytime someone's paying, they're always encouraging. (laughing) - But they're encouraging, but also, they don't think you're ready just yet. (laughing) - One more session. - I ran the same thing in improv. Same thing in improv. - Right. - You're very good. I think a little more work. Really? - How many more? - People are really laughing. - Yeah. There's 11 more levels. You said this was the last one. I forgot about the other 11. So just make that check out, too. So you're doing that, and you had you worked on television shows before, had you written for other comics? 'Cause that's a very different thing. You write for yourself, and then writing for someone else's voice. - Yeah, it is a big thing. And it's weird because you can definitely separate those two voices. There's never been a joke I've written for you or anybody else that I would have done myself. So people always think that, you know, how must it be so hard to give up that joke? It's like, no, no, it would not work in my act. I've got me complaining about being a mother, you know? - It's really funny. - Yeah, many times I've seen you do. - Conan is like, I'm not a single mom. Why does she keep giving you this stuff? - I tried it last night, it killed. - Yeah, it's fascinating to me, 'cause that's another fun thing I get to do. If I see you or Brian Kylie tell a really funny joke, I get to say, oh, too funny for me. Huh? Like, why didn't you give me that? You'd be like, you idiot. (laughing) You never breastfed. Oh, oh, oh, you're right, good. - I didn't even did that. So, I, I believe this is a talent. - Yeah, exactly. I breastfed Kylie, but. - What the fuck? - Hey, my tag too far. - Yeah, I always go too far. I don't do the late night, my late night show anymore. And I think some while ago, Jimmy Kimmel contacted me and he was asking me about this Lori Kilmartin and I said, you are an absolute fool if you do not hire Lori Kilmartin. - I can't believe that conversation happened. - She is the best, she is the best. But Jimmy was high at the time and forgot, and then I had to call him and tell him again. He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay. But so you've been killing it, not just for me, but for Jimmy as well. And now we're once again working on the Oscars and I'm curious, how do you think it's going so far? We're getting close. - I think we're way ahead of where we were this time last year. I think we have a lot more jokes that are ready. - We have a lot of jokes. - We do and it's like, they could all change in the next three weeks too. Because we keep coming up with, yeah, it's, I don't know. - We keep coming up with new ones. And then we always allow for last year, remember the actual show is a moving target. - Yeah. - You can't walk down what you're going to do a month out because in the world we live in now, things change day to day. And something that's, a joke we might have thought was really funny in December is now like, what were we thinking? That's not even something people think about anymore. That's out of the news, don't care about that. The big thing I have to fight is sometimes, I just start to get tired of a joke because it's been with me for a while. - Right, right, right. - And that's always been a little bit my issue when we toured together and I had a, I don't know, like a 40 minute standup hunk. - Yeah. - I remember it sometimes being, I don't want to say that again. I said that last night. So I think that's one of the luxuries I've always had is just riffing foolishly about different things. And I get bored if I have to say the same thing over and over and over again. - I know, in fact, there's one joke you told last night, I'm like, oh, you gotta give that one a rest for a little bit because I think you are tired of it, you know? So, I don't want to say it now, but yeah. - Right, that's good. We should try them all out right now. - Yeah, let's do it! - And everyone's really, all the writers are really mad at me. You just, that thing went out. - What? - It's for 80 jokes. - It's for 80 jokes. Yeah, that can happen where I just start to feel, it's almost like my brain becomes overly familiar with it. And when something's no longer magical and fun to me, I can't fake it. - Yeah, with you every night, you've told different jokes. So you aren't used to going up and doing the same jokes and then finding, like trying to take two months to find a tag or something like that, you know? So for you, it's got to feel really, really repetitive. - But also, I love the joking around between the jokes so much. - I know, I know, I know. - That sometimes I'm getting off on some Jag and people in a club are liking it. And I'm sure you guys are watching, saying, we're trying to try out these jokes. And you're going off on a 10 minutes about your brother, Neil, and you're getting laughs. And so you're getting drunk off of it, get to the joke. - But I do think that's what's so great about doing these little sets is you're clicking into your stage persona, which is different from podcast and bursting into the writer's room. And so-- - I don't know that it's that different from bursting in the writer's room. It's sort of more of my like MMA persona. - Yeah, but it gets that very unique muscle, you know, going again. And because you can't like do 10 minutes about Neil at the Oscars. - Oh, I'm going to. - That would be amazing. - Yeah. - You can just see Timothy Chalamet and Brad Pitt streaming out. - People who are up for an Oscar leaving early. (laughing) Okay, so he bought a lot of televisions. - That just meant me. - Yeah. - But you get it out of that part out of your system now, but you also get that muscle ready for when you're in the big show. And then you had some really funny riffs after the jokes last night that we off that would work with the jokes. You did too. - Okay. (upbeat music) - I'm really loving it. - Yeah. - I enjoy going to, as I said, some of the places I've been before, but there's this ecosystem in LA of all these cool little spots. - Yeah. - Summer way out in Kovina. Some are, I mean, really, I mean, who lives in Kovina? Oh, hi, Edward, oh, how are you? - Shut up, shut up. - No, no, it's fine, you know? I had my passport, I changed my currency. - Oh, no, I got it. - No, no, it's, no, but it was, and that was one of my favorite clubs. It's fantastic. - Shatterbox, yeah. - But, and chatterbox in Kovina. It's really fun because you get to hang out with the comics outside. And it's this, it's very communal, it's really fun. I like all that young energy. People are really nice, and each club is very different. - Yeah. - And their place is that I'm guessing you've played all these places. - Yeah, mm-hmm, yeah. - And so, and you do stand up, you do stand up a lot. - I do, I do. I try to do it for, I say, four nights a week. - That's a long day. - Yeah. - But here in LA, it's like one spot at night. It's not great. Like, in New York, you can do, when I go back to New York, I can do like, at least six a night, you know, on a Friday or Saturday. And then, you know, one or two, at least on a, on a holiday. - Yeah, here it's covering the distances. - Yeah. - It's literally, I mean, last night, I was in, was it-- - Outwater of TG's. - Yeah, TG's, yeah. - TG's, I was at TG's in Atwater Village. And so, that's a long haul to get to. - Yeah. - And, but once you're there, it's again, really fun. It was great. - It was great. - I mean, it was packed. And it's great to have people so close to you, you know, just your surround sound of laughter. - It's also fun. It's also fun to be a surprise. - Yeah. - Because somehow the pressure is off. - Yeah, for sure. - They don't, you know, they're there. And then suddenly, I show up, and you can always see them registering, you know, how I've aged. When I first get up there. - Oh, no, I think so, they don't think so. - No, it's funny. No, it's just funny how people are like, if there are people that have only seen you on TV. And some of them have been seeing me on TV since I was, you know, or clips are coming up. - Clips are coming up and they just saw me last night talking to, you know, Mary Lou Retten when I'm 30. - Oh my God. - You know what I mean? - But you're also a big presence. Like you're a big person and you're like stumbling, not stumbling. - I don't stumble. - I'm sorry, I don't. As soon as I said it, I was like, you're not stumbling. - Well, maybe I was stumbling. - Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, it's. - Yeah, but it's been a good time. - This is going really well. - It's been a good time. Now, it's, what's really strange, this is all behind the scene stuff is we are sort of, we're here at the office. This is where we do the podcast. This is where we do the production and editing for the HBO travel show. We have all different kind of meetings here and different projects. It's like our little Kebler Elf tree. And what's gonna happen in two weeks is we're gonna move into the Dolby Theater. - Right. - And that's gonna be, I remember that last year being, oh, wow, this is real. - Yeah, right. - When we've been living here and imagining things and then you actually see the space. - Yeah. - And then we get into, you know, we ordered some kooky prop and it shows up. - Yeah. - And I'm like, we wanted a stuffed mule and we didn't, I'm just making this stuff. - Well, stuffed mule would be great. - Yeah. - I want one now. - Get a stuffed mule. - Yeah. - You know. - And then you're arguing with really serious talented people about how the mule should be. - Oh my gosh. - We pictured it differently. And how is it gonna fire a rocket out of its ear? You know, all that kind of craziness. That's the part that were things really level up. - Yeah. - Which is exciting. - And I remember sitting at a rehearsal last year and a lot of this celebrity said stand-ins or, you know, they just used you stand-ins. And a stand-in for Ariana Grande started singing and I'm like, oh my God, she sounds just like Ariana Grande and it was her. - Which I didn't think of. - What? - Yes, she was at rehearsal singing. It was like 25 of us in the audience. - And I thought it was a stand-in. - Yes. - Hey, she's not bad. (laughing) Did you tell her, you know, maybe you should try. (laughing) That's really funny of all of the A-list celebrities because they do have actors often who look nothing like them. - Yeah. - And they all get up. They don't know who the winner is, but they'll say and the winner is Timmy Shalamay and then a, you know, a black woman will get up on stage, but she'll give a real speed as Timmythi Shalamay and it's kind of cool. - Yeah. - And I channel that sometimes because I did that once. I did that once, I think we talked about this, but I did it years ago at like a VH1 award when I was working on Saturday Night Live and I heard, "Hey, they need seat filler stand-ins for this VH1 award." So I sat in the audience, we weren't working at the time. I think I got like, I don't know what I got, like $100 or something, but I went and I sat in the crowd and then they said, on the winner is David Bowie and I got to stand up and thank everybody and-- - I'm gonna do that. - It was fun. - That sounds fun. - Yeah. - You're fired. Now you can go do it. (laughing) So yeah, that's gonna, things are gonna get real. What else do you remember from last year? - Well, what I remember now, what we were all talking about in the Mono team is that we wanna make sure we have big quirk boards up and back where we are so we can keep track of jokes a little bit better. I think we were just like flipping through cards and trying to-- - It looked like we were doing an illicit three card money game last year and you think, this is the Oscars. - I know. - And I'm performing for all these people around the world and we're like, where's that joke? I don't know. - And then it's attached to someone's ass who has gum on it. - Right, I mean, we'll have the Mono set, but this stuff like, that you'll say later in the show, if something wins or something gets on a streak, I guess we just wanna have-- - If this, then that, it's almost like coating. - Yes, yes, yes. - You know, if this movie wins, we have this great joke. - Right, right. - If that movie loses, we have this great joke. - Yeah, I remember us just like going, wait, we had something kind of panicking and then thought of it at the last second, but, but it'll be nice to have that a little bit more organized and I think we hadn't gotten backstage until in our area until the show was starting in an hour. So we didn't realize, oh, that would've been nice to have. Had we thought that. So that's the, we'll be doing that better this year, I think. - Yeah, it is fun, I have to say. It's a lot of work and it's nerve-wracking, but it is fun. And then, you know, you just, and then you're always thinking, I hope it's a good room. - Last year, I was, I mean, I think last year I was thinking, how's it gonna be a good room and they were good. - Yeah, I mean, we had the fires, of course, you know, and then I feel like at this time last year, we were also a wash in Sofia, Carla, Gascon drama. - Oh, that's right, yeah. - We had so many children. - A million Paris. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And, you know, we were just trying to figure out, again, is that scandal? Wait, what's the trajectory now? That's the big story today, but will it still be the big story in a week, or how do we handle it? - Is she gonna be there? And what's a joke that isn't, doesn't go too far this way or that way, and just, it's a lot of trying to navigate. - Yeah. - You know, let's pitch the sale correctly. So it catches the wind in just the right way. And it's, and we, boy, we get into arguments, you know, which is probably happening right now, just before below us. - Yeah. - Yeah, my ritual is I like to come, I like to kick the door open in a very dramatic way. - Yes. - And you guys all go, "Whoa!" And then I come in and I think I waste time, mostly. - You do. (laughing) - I do all my bits, you guys are patiently. - Yeah, we watched, what's the, what do we watch yesterday? for like a half hour, uh, uh, uh, Sarah Jessica Parker, the people just like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone was talking about there's a something on that show. So we watched that. Yeah, say, let's call it up. And so we're watching that. And then we all, you know, and I said at that moment, if someone from the academy comes by and we're all watching it just like that. And just like that, they're going to say, um, we're screwed. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, we will pull up things on the internet. I mean, it's a typical writers room where you have to waste time. I maintain that wasting time is somehow useful if we're all laughing, but I might just be trying to justify. I was going to say, I think you're just telling yourself that so you can waste everybody's time. And just like that, you guys watch that for a half an hour. It was really enjoyable. Oh, well, episode. Yes, there was an episode specifically it took place in a standup club and yeah, of a comedy concert. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. So it was just, you know, it's one of those things where, you know, we start chatting and then the next thing you know, we're all watching television. And then I can always tell that, Oh, I should have left 10 minutes ago. What I try and do is leave on a laugh. If I get a big laugh, I try to get out the door fast. But if someone stops me on the way out the door, then I think I have to get another laugh. It's terrible. Well, it's the version of a writers room, what you do on stage when you're messing around with the audience of friend, it kind of gets your gets that part of your brain going, but it's not the official jokes, you know, I think it's a good reprieve for the brain. And then we all go back to yeah, trying to deal with the the setup that sinners has 16 Oscar nominations. Well, that's the other thing too is we're always looking for premises. And sometimes we look too hard and a writer will write all these jokes about, you know, did you realize that the first best cinematography award was handed out in 1947. And then they write five jokes about that. And I think I've lost the audience with the setup to that joke. I still get me fun because last year we were sweating and Isabella Rossellini was nominated. So one of my setups was that she had a bed and breakfast in New York. That's right. That's right. Hey, did you know Isabella Rossellini is nominated for an Academy Award. And she has a bed and breakfast in Ryan, New York. Can you imagine like that would be your top 15 jokes at the end? And I look down and one of the scars guards is just like, what the fuck? Yeah, the right New York. Yeah. Yeah, you can, you can take the tecnic. Brian loses audience. After a strong start, Brian went on a 30 minute discourse on how hard it must be to run a bed and breakfast in upstate New York. But Rossellini's booked for the rest of the year. It's great advertisement. Yeah. Oh, she'd be thrilled. Yeah, she really though. She does. She does. Yeah. Is she there at the bed and breakfast? I don't think so. Are you going to repitch this? I will. And this year will be even funny because it's like Isabella Rossellini not nominated this year. But as you know, she has a bed and breakfast in upstate New York. Well, I did find out that Jesse Buckley's great grandmother was he in the Irish Civil War fighting for the Irish. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yes. Well, that's always bringing up the Irish Civil War. Always get some laughing. Great premise. Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah, how about the famine? You got any good Irish famine jokes? Of course, we won't have that problem tonight because we've got plenty of food at the buffet. One just saying, I'm allowed to do it. Oh, man. Well, this is really fun. And I am honored and thrilled that you helping me out again. Thank you for having me back. And thank you to Jimmy Kimmel for letting me have eight weeks off to come here too. Wow. Yeah. I'm sorry, Jimmy, but yeah, and he's mad about it too. I mean, no, you know, and true thanks to him, because when you were on my staff writing jokes for me, I would not have let you go for eight weeks for anything. If you were doing a blood transfusion, I would not let you go. But so thank you very much, Jimmy. And, uh, yeah, let's get back downstairs. Let's get back downstairs. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley, produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leah, incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm, engineering by Eduardo Perez, get three free months of serious XM when you sign up at serious XM dot com slash Conan. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are down. [BLANK_AUDIO]