Stabbed by my boss - Hannah: Real Stories, Real People

[Music] We are the Benken Cellatrust, a knife crime prevention charity. In this series we'll be talking to a variety of people who have all been affected by knife crime. They'll be sharing their stories with us, telling us how they manage to cope with such tragedy and what they're doing now to help end knife crime. Some of the topics that we'll be discussing may be upsetting, so listen to caution is advised. We'll be sharing some helpful links at the end of the session. Hannah, thank you so much for coming here today to share your story. Before we start talking about the reasons why you're here, tell me a little bit about yourself. I am Hannah, I'm 20 years old and I'm currently in my last year of university. Studying sports therapy, so I've got my final exam next week. Next week, yeah, which is scary but it's good, it's crazy how fast it's gone. I'm also working as a manager in retail at the minute, so I'm doing a lot of delivery behind the scenes. Really enjoying my job and I started that. In 2022, so it was about 10 weeks after the whole incident happened. I'm a dancer as well, I've been dancing 18 years and I'm with the same dance school now that I've been with since I was three and they've been so supportive. Like this whole journey, dance is what I've far back on. So whenever you're ready, whenever you feel comfortable, can you share with us what happened? Yeah, of course. So it's coming up to two years now, so 2000 and 22 it was. It was four days before my 19th birthday. I worked in a pub, just a country pub, it was a family rum pub, it was a Saturday and I was picking up an extra shift to just hop out because we were understaffed and we had like a big party coming in. I started to work at one and within an hour of my shift, my boss had stabbed me twice. I knew that I'd been stabbed in my hip because I saw the knife come out of my hip. Now I know the knife went in my back, it's eight centimeters and then through my left hip and it went through 17 centimeters. Luckily I came out with just muscular injury. I was so lucky it skimmed all my organs, like it could have been completely different. Injuries could have been like life changing for me but really lucky to still be here and like I'm doing okay now. But at the time I had no idea what was going on. I was like I'd come out of the pub from where I was at and I don't want to grab my car keys because in my head I was like I just need to get out of here. I don't know what's going on. I just need to leave. So I'd gone to get my car keys and then by the time I turned back she was like face to face with me. So I ran back through the pub just to get out again. I came back through the main entrance which is where I found one of my best friends that I worked with at the time and we ran to my car and I sat in my car and she said to me, honey you can't drive, like you need help, like we need to get you an ambulance. So at that time some of the locals had pulled into the car park and my friend ran up to the locals. I was like we need ambulance, we need help. I'd worked in this pub previously like with the owners beforehand. So I'd been working there since I was 17 so it would have been about two years overall. So I knew a lot of the locals like they all knew me by name, they all knew me personally obviously just from seeing them day in and day out. So I was really lucky that that happened because he then helped me, gave me my first aid and stuff until the ambulance and the police arrived. From what I know the police and the ambulance were there within minutes of it happening. I was very lucky to have like the assistance that I had and then I got taken into hospital. I had a CT scan but from that they couldn't determine what my injuries were like to the extent of my injuries. So I went in for emergency surgery. I had a keyhole surgery and luckily from that they found that it was just my skillet damage and I was kept in hospital for three days. So I came out the 24th of May the day before my birthday. So I was home for my birthday which was really nice and I was just so lucky to be home like with my family and stuff for my birthday. Recovery wise, I've been doing okay but it was sort of just mainly the physical aspect. I was so focused on because the day after it happened I was supposed to be in dance competitions with a lot of obviously with all my dance family and I danced with my sister as well and I just spoke to my dance teacher and I said look I can't tell you what's going on but I've been in an accident at work and I can't dance tomorrow. Obviously my sister knew what I'd been going on and stuff but because it was a non-going police investigation I couldn't tell people what was happening. So I tore my dance teacher and she was like look we're going to pull all the dancers because they were group dancers on that day. I was like no you know what I want the girls to go out there and just do it without me. I said do it for me because like dance is one of the most important things in my life. Obviously they all knew that something had happened to me and that I wasn't like something wasn't right but we couldn't say anything at the time. So I don't know if it was the day after or two days after I was still in hospital but an article came out in the media about what happened to me and somehow the media had got a photo of me. It must have been from like a social media profile or something. So although I don't know if it named me I can't really remember but they could all see my face in it and a lot of like the people that I care about people I went to school with a lot of people and especially my dance family found out through the media. I think this was one of the main things that was hard for me because I couldn't tell my story to them as I know it they could only read it as like from what the media had heard and what the media had wrote about me. So that was one of the main things because I just wanted to tell them personally especially like my close ones like especially the people from dance like it was just so hard and then they sort of knew then what they were dancing for and I think one of our troops was called survivor. That was performed the day after and obviously that dance now was very close to our heart. But yeah I'm still here now and I'm happy and so that's something. An amazing story and really shocking. Yeah I think it's hard for people to comprehend what happened to me because it's so different to a lot of stories that year. Yeah and at the time as while I didn't know why it was happening and I was just like I don't understand what I've done wrong like I worked so hard at my job. I used to go in everything that was in my outside life stayed in my outside life. I'd never come to work with any problems. I just went in and I did my job and I was happy at work. I got on so well with the family that like ran the pub and and for me I was happy that I worked with one of my cousins who I'd worked with there all the time. One of my best friends who had worked with the previous owners as well like we'd all worked there since we were able to work. So I sort of like what even when it was happening I was saying why is this happened? I don't understand what I've had done. I didn't do anything. I was just doing what I was just working and I sort of could tell that on the day she wasn't how she usually was. She seemed very reserved and just very quiet. She wasn't like smiling and joking around as normal. That was sort of the relationship I had with both of them because the owners of the pub was her husband and wife. Okay. So I had a very like joking relationship with them but obviously in a professional manner as well. When this happened I was so confused because I thought myself and my friend like my friend said she thought it was a joke when it happened because that was just the mannerisms of like how we worked together. Yeah. From the process of afterwards like going through the police and like with the courts I found out now that it was because she thought that I was like having an affair with husband because of the way that I was at work. I was always smiling when I went into the kitchen. She said that I would always approach him with like the orders but that was because he was the shaft. Right. So I had to take the orders to him. So I think from court they said that it was ruled a lot of delusion because of like working longer hours and stuff. Right. Which I understand but there's never an excuse to pick up a knife. Yeah. Where they you're tired or not. Yeah. Of course. It's no excuse. When I was told by the police that this was the reason and I sort of laughed down the phone because I was like that couldn't be farther from the truth like I've got a boyfriend. She knew that I had a boyfriend like the whole time I've been with my boyfriend for nearly four years so the whole time I was working at the pub. So it was just very confusing for me. It just sort of seemed like it had just been pulled up as an excuse but it to have happened. Right. Not that any excuse would have been valid because I'd never read the next use. It was just very confusing and when I explain it to people it's still like why and I think that's one of the things that I will always struggle with. is I obviously know her reason for it, but why did it happen? Like, that never needed to be. Yeah. Just tell me to leave the job. Like, if you're not comfortable with me working there, just get me to leave. Like, it's all these questions, which I will never get an answer to. Yeah. It's also something that I'm like, you know what? I've got to leave that chapter in the past now and move forward. So if you don't mind talking about this little bit here, you said that you went into work and you found that she was quite different with you that day. Yeah. So I was late to work that day because there was like something going on on the roads, but I'd let my boss know, she, the male boss. So they were both my bosses. Okay. It was sort of the male boss that did all like that admin work. He did all the payments and stuff. So anything that I would message about, I would message him. And that's her husband. That's her husband, yeah. So I didn't even have her phone number saved in my phone because there was just no need for it because he was the person that you would turn to and stuff like that. So I messaged him on the day to say, look, I'm running a bit late. I'll be there like within like two, three minutes. So I think I got there just after it was just after one o'clock. And I went into the kitchen and I said, hello, because like the staff entered, we come into like go straight into the kitchen. Yeah. I said hello to everyone. They were both working that day along with like one of my friends that I'd been working with. And they're cousins. And so it was sort of the three of them that run it, but the husband and wife were our bosses. So everyone said hello back. So I didn't really get any sort of like vibe off her then. But I went straight in and decided to polish and cut the rear at the bar because there was customers in, but it wasn't very busy. It was only just like opening times really. So I was polishing cut the rear at the bar. I was sat the customer side of the bar and then my friend was like serving customers the other side of the bar. And she'd come out once to bring some like clean cups and stuff to put on the coffee station. So I just smiled at her then just as you would. And then she about five minutes later she bought some clean cut the rear out to me as well because I was polishing the cut the rear. I was like, oh thanks, you bought me a present. Like I remember that like vividly. And she just sort of shrugged off and was like, yeah. And then that was the last I saw of her until the incident. From the courts now I know that she went and spoke to her husband after that. I was like, Taleta leave. She's not welcome here. This that and the other and they had some sort of argument and he sort of said, we've got a job to do. Sort of get over yourself. And just carry on with the working day. And this obviously had triggered her somehow. And that's when she went into the kitchen to grab the knife. The next thing I knew the door or sort of squeaked that she came out of the door squeaked and slammed against the wall. And then I could just they were Portuguese. So I didn't know what she was saying. I could just hear a shouting but a lot of the time I'm then speak to each other. It sounded sort of aggressive because I didn't understand what they were saying. I didn't think I'd have enough it. And then the next thing I remember is I just saw the knife come out of my side. I didn't even know that I'd been hurt in my back. I've sort of had problems in my back before anyway but when I was walking over the car park when I'd come out or thought my back's really hard. This was afterwards. So this was after it had happened. I was like, my back's really hard in but I didn't know that I'd been stabbed in my back. It wasn't until the paramedics got there. They cut my clothes off and they like examined. And everyone was saying, no, we think it's just the side. We don't know anything about the back of her back. But my friend sort of knew saw. She didn't see it in my back but she saw that I'd jolted forwards. And that was before the one in my side. So that was obviously when it happened. But yeah, I wasn't aware of that until I'd come out of the pub and sort of saw what was sort of known what was going on when the paramedics arrived at the scene. And then I was taken to the hospital after that in the ambulance. And my mum and dad came to the pub as well when the police and the ambulance arrived. I sort of knew something was wrong but obviously not to the extent that it would never predict that. You would never know. That's what they say. They never know. You said that this happened just shortly before your birth, though? Yeah. So it was the 21st of May and that it happened. My birth is the 25th. So it was literally four days before it had 19. Wow. So obviously I was still so young at the time. I was only 18 and at that point I was like, am I going to be able to dance again? Yeah. Am I going to be able to continue with my uni degree? Like what about the future? What? What am I going to be? Is this going to stop me from like doing things in the future because of obviously where it was? I was thinking as well. Like what if it affects like me in the future? Like if I'm not able to have kids and stuff like it was one of the things that like I was thinking of because I do a lot of work with children at dance and I know in the future that that's one of the things that I want to do. Like a children. That was one of the things I asked the nurses and the hospital like, is that going to be a possibility in the future and stuff? So obviously it's had a lot of impact on me. I know now that I'm okay and that it was just muscular damage but the recovery side of it has been difficult because I just wanted to get straight back into dance. I just wanted to do my university and carry on like nothing. Have you ever liked that? Which I can do like I'm so lucky that I can just carry on as if it hasn't happened but obviously I still suffer now to this day with like pain and stuff. I suffer with a lot of back pain and I get a lot of shooting pains along my side as well. I've been to the doctors a few times and they said it will heal when it heals which obviously well but it's difficult to sort of just carry on without a time frame. I went back to dance in the September after it happened so we have like the summer off. So it was sort of like the time where we were breaking up for summer and then it came back in September and that's when I started dancing and I just sort of ease back in it. And then last September I was awarded with the UTD like person of the year which is the Stanford. So that's United Teachers of Dance and that's our examination board and that's who we dance with and my teachers put me forward for the person of the year because I'd come straight back to dance after it happened. I was there watching, making sure that I was like catching up with everything. Yeah. I was helping out with costumes stuff like just everything I could do behind the scenes. I was sort of trying to help out with and then I went back in September and last December I think it was I started my teachers exam so working towards like becoming a qualified dance teacher to sort of support at the dance school and like achieve them things which is amazing. Going down the road of like how it's affected me mentally I think everyone always says me you cope with it so well and I do like I know that I do and I'm very lucky that I have a sort of strong mindset and the main thing for me is I'm still here for a reason. I know that I'm here for a reason so why dwell on what's happened to me now. I want to share my story I want to raise awareness for it but there's no point in me stopping the possibilities just because of that I don't want people to look at me and think oh she's a victim of knife crime I just want to be Hannah like I just want to carry on going forward spreading my awareness where I can helping people where I can obviously it does affect me mentally and I have my good days I have my bad days but I've got such a good support system around me and my parents are amazing and my family is amazing and my dance family are amazing too all my friends have been brilliant as well they were all there for me at the time they're still there for me now like I know that I can turn to anyone if I need them. It is a really amazing story you talk about this being in May two years ago yeah so you said that you came out of hospital the day before your birth yeah so we're in May now yeah so that's been two years how long after it happened did this sort of go to through the criminal justice system did it go to court so it went to court in October at the start of October so it was about five months after so I was really lucky because I know people wait years and years for a court date so it went in really quick it was a week long case in the court she was charged with do you be H with intent the possession of a blade is to article in a public place and attempted murder because the cousin of my boss testified and said that she heard her say I'm gonna kill her I'm gonna kill her obviously that was something that was like horrible to hear yeah knowing that that was what her intent was but I try not to dwell on that too much because I know that it could have gone a different way but I'm still here now so that's the main thing so she pleaded guilty initially to do with intent and possession of a blade article that she pleaded not guilty to attempted murder so it went to trial yeah how was that that was really difficult but again it's sort of a blur in my mind I don't remember it very well like when I think about I'm like oh my gosh I went to court for this like it's a massive thing but I think my brain sort of just takes it away and that whole week was sort of just like it was difficult for me but it needed to happen yeah I testified on the stand on the first day so it was nice to just get it done and out the way but I did say and listen for the rest of the week I think it was the first day that it came to a decision and then the Friday was a sentence in. I think it was an 11 to 1 majority that she was found guilty of attempted murder. And then she was sentenced to 10 years in prison and she has to serve two thirds of that. So it's great to hear that so soon after your injury that you were asking your teammates, your dance family, keep going for me, keep doing this for me. And you didn't say what happened to you. You wanted them to perhaps do the event without a cloud over it, perhaps. And how was that helped in your recovery, your relationship with the dance family? The main thing for me is obviously it has a massive effect on me. Like it happened to me, but people don't realize how much of an effect it has on everyone around you. Like it's not just me that's gone through this. It's everyone around me, all my family, all my friends, all of my dance family. So that sort of was why I wanted them to just go out without knowing what happened to me and just do it. Like just do it as if I was there. Having danced sort of an escape, I've said it always, but even before this happened, you go in and you just dance and you just let everything out. So having that to fall back on is so nice because you can just let go. Like it's such an escape for me. I danced with my sister. Everyone that I danced with now, I've danced since we were three, four years old. So like it's not just my dance friends. It's my family. They're not my sisters. My teachers are like second moms to me. Our dance family is just huge. So just yeah, the support system around me is just amazing. And that's one of the main things that's helped me through it. If there is anyone listening that's sort of been through the same thing as me, even if it's not the same sort of injuries and stuff, just use the people around you, lean on people around you, don't just bottle it all up and keep it inside because that's when you're going to start to struggle. You've got so much hope for the future and you're obviously a wonderful friend and family member. How have your family coped with what happened? At first, it was a lot of denial. It was hard to sort of comprehend what happened. So like my sister was going through a GCSEs at the time. So it was sort of hard for her to know what had happened and just go to school and carry on. My parents were amazing. Like they talked the time off work that they needed to. And it's obviously a difficult thing for us to talk about because it's affected all of us, but they were there when I needed them. They were straight to the scene. They've been in amazing support since anything I need. I've got it. I'm very lucky to have that. Yeah. So it's had a massive effect on all of us. We're getting through it all together, not just like my immediate family. Like my whole family, my boyfriend's family, it's affected all of us, but as I said, the support that they provide me is amazing. It's definitely been hard, but they've been amazing. So that's all I can really say. So lucky to have a great family like that. Yeah, definitely. It's really hard because sometimes there's an expectation that you should be as a victim of an assault or a crime like that, that you should be grateful, that you survived and you feel lucky. And you've got conflicting feelings, perhaps, to have a victim. Definitely. So what sort of different emotions had you felt in the last couple of years? I feel so lucky to still be here, but then at the same time, I shouldn't have to feel lucky to be here. Absolutely right. And everyone is here for a reason and deserves to be here. And deserves to be here. Like no one should ever have to feel like they're lucky to still be where they are now. At the time, it was like I was the luckiest and lucky person to have survived such an awful thing and have come out the other side with just minor injuries. Like it could have been so different. Like at the time, especially when I didn't know the reason in behind it, it was sort of like, well, why me? Like, why did it have to happen to me? It's sort of like the main thing that I struggle with that is it's not fair. Like, it's not fair to anyone, but like in your head, it's like, well, why did it happen to me? Like it could have happened to anyone. Why was it me? And no one should ever have to experience it ever. But especially when nothing had happened for it to have happened. Yes. It was like, well, this could have all been avoided over something so silly. Like, I think one of the main things for me was, I always had in my head, I want to share my story. I want to tell people what I've been through. So that anyone else that has been through the same sort of thing can relate back to me. I know not necessarily it's going to be the same thing, but it might be something completely different, but they relate to how I feel. So that's why I wanted to raise the money for charity and the Mankin Cellatrice have just been amazing. Ever since I started raising money, there've been a massive support system again, like having the opportunity to share it today has been amazing. I'm just at the beginning of my story. I'm at the beginning of my journey of sharing awareness. There's a lot of fitness goals that I want to work towards and anything that I can do within that, I want to be able to either raise money or do something to raise awareness because every little counts towards raising awareness. And I think that's one of the main things for me is like, my fitness goals, I like my end-term goals because I've always been very fit with my dancing and stuff. And then this just set me back a lot. And I'm still struggling now with the recovery and stuff. I'm getting there. But I'm not there. So like getting to those points and those goals is what sort of helps me as well to see something in the future. And when I kind of achieve that, it's obviously an amazing thing. So using those sort of goals to see what I can do to raise awareness and tell other people what's happened to me. I don't want to keep quiet about it. I want people to know. And so you shouldn't. Thank you. I want people to know because awareness is like the main thing of how we're going to tackle this sort of thing. Yeah. And I think what your story is really helpful for is understanding that knife crime can affect anyone. Yeah. And it's not all the stories that we might read in the media. And it doesn't just affect certain types of people. It's that it can affect anyone. And the consequences of that are so far reaching. You've said it's not just affected yourself, your family, your education, your degree, your contemplating, will I be able to finish it? Yeah. Will I be able to dance again? Mm-hmm. And it gives me shivers now, because I'm so pleased. Thank you. That you are doing those things again. And you're so close to finishing your degree. Hannah, thank you so much for talking to me about what you've been experiencing for the last two years and what happened to you. A final message for listeners, if you could do one thing or ask people to do one thing towards ending knife crime, what would you say? Put down the knife. There's no reason to ever pick one up. There's no reason to ever carry one round. You're not going to just hurt yourself with the consequences. You're going to hurt so many people around you, so many people of the person that you're intended to hurt. And there's just never an excuse for it. It's not worth it. What's the point? So just put down the knives. And anyone that's been through something similar to me, don't let it dictate you. Don't let it determine what you do with your life. Just keep going, do what you can, and just achieve the goals that you want to achieve. You're an amazing person, Hannah. Thank you so much. And thank you so much for raising funds as well for the Benkenseller Trust that goes towards educating young people. Well, thank you for the opportunity as well. For let me share my story. It's really important to me as well. It's been our absolute pleasure. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much to our wonderful guests for sharing their experience. And thank you, too, for listening to the Benkenseller Trust podcast. If you've been affected by knife crime or have been a victim of crime, you can get support from victimsupport.org.uk or from supportline.org.uk and catch 22 also offer victim support services in some areas. For help with bereavement, visit cruise.org.uk and mind offer a range of mental health support services at mind.org.uk. Finally, to find out more about the Benkenseller Trust and the services we offer, visit our own website at benkenseller.org.uk. We can't solve knife crime until everyone recognizes this issue and their own role within it. So please help us by sharing this podcast with friends and family on your social media or WhatsApp groups. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can stop knife crime. [MUSIC]