272: Squirm Happens Ft. Sarah Sherman

- Here we go. - Here we go. - We're rolling. Is this the first time you've gotten in a Reddit? - I have been on Reddit for things. I have been on Reddit for things. - For things. - It's like, nowhere else will tell you like, is this water actually better than the other waters? You know what I mean? - Yeah. - When everybody, you're like, "Well, why am I paying an extra dollar for this water?" Or I'm like, is this vitamin not, is this a made up vitamin? - I feel like they all are. - Yeah. - Well, and then I learned I'm like, a multivitamin doesn't work 'cause you're supposed to take them. - 'Cause you're liking it out or something. - Well, there's something weird where it's like, you have to take iron first. But if you take calcium before iron, then your body wanna absorb the iron. It's like that, is that even true? - I'm not assigned to this. - Right. - I'm, I was, shoot. - Don't have that in the cards. - I'll go on Reddit for like, I like all the like, oh, you know, do sugar-free gummy bears make you like, shoot your pants kind of thing? - They do. - They do. - Absolutely do. - And sugar-free lifesavers, apparently. - Yeah, I haven't gone down that rabbit hole. - Well, I've been down that rabbit hole. - There you go. - So I guess it's more like, product reviews, like class action lawsuit, like, what are we like, banning together against? - Well, you have some fans on Reddit. - I do. - You do. - You have. - Well, no, I don't want to, - No, I don't want to infuriate a Reddit army. But I have a vision in my head of what, who's on Reddit, in my mind, they don't like me. - Well, they, they do. They actually, you've turned a lot of people back on to watching SNL. - No. - Yeah. Look at this, look at this cute little picture they shared of you on the sub. And they just talk about some of your amazing skits, mail-in testing service, meatballs, chucky eyes. - Okay. - Eyes came up a lot. - Oh, thank you. - Glamerina. - Yes. - They love your drunk raccoon. - No. - All of your rows. - Okay. - You're just a versatile little queen, they say. - Well, I, the one thing I've seen about myself on Reddit against my will was my coworker, James Austin Johnson, shared on Twitter a Reddit thread. I opened for my friend, one no tricks point never, who's an electronic musician, who does all the like, he did the Marty Supreme soundtrack and whatever. - Okay. - And he's like my favorite musician ever. And I'm like his biggest fan. And he asked me to open for him. And I'm like, so in my head, I'm like, he's my boy, he's a freak, all of his fans are freaks. And so I did this like crazy set opening for him. And I think I just didn't like prepare his audience for what I was, - Okay. - They didn't know that there was gonna be a comedian all of a sudden, they're there for an electronic music show. They were there, you know, they wanted it. They thought they were gonna have a cool night and I kind of uncooled the vibe. - No. - What, so James showed me this Reddit thread that was like, did anyone just see Sarah Scorm open for one no tricks point ever at the Paramount Theater? That was like the most humiliating, like I was humiliated for, and it was viral. There was a lot of people talking. - Oh. - And then James shared it being like, Eloise isn't as funny. And I was like, is it? I don't know, I don't know about that. - I love how you kind of like to make people squirm. - Yes. - 'Cause it's Sarah Scorm Sherman. - Yeah. - It's like it's in the name. - It's in the name. - Have you legally changed yet? - I should. - Really shut, what is your middle name? - Serenacole? Serenacole. - Serenacole. - It's a nice girl from Long Island, Serenacole. - You could put squirm in there somewhere. - Yeah, I could. - But you really, you know, you embrace that in all of your stand-up and your new special that came out with HBO. - Yep. - Which, it's very squirmy. - It's very squirmy. - It's very squirmy. - I wonder what Reddit would think about that. - That's a deep dive for another day. - But I've picked stories for you today that are just kind of like you hear them and you just, all you can do is just kind of squirm. - Oh, great, great, great, great. - They're just kind of uncomfortable. - Cool. - A little out there. - Cool. - And I think being, you know, the queen of squirm, you're gonna have good takes on it. - Oh, great, okay, awesome. - Okay, let's dive in. (upbeat music) - This episode of Two Out Takes is presented by Credit Karma. You're on your phone constantly. Shouldn't those bills count towards your credit with credit spark by Intuit Credit Karma? - They do. - Build credit history using payments like phone bills or utilities, no debt, totally free and missed payments aren't recorded. Not all lenders use TransUnion credit reports or scores impacted by Credit Spark, but if you're at or below 660 and looking to build credit history, download Credit Karma today and get the credit you deserve. Okay, up first verse here. This is coming from Ami the Asshole. It is titled Ami the Asshole for not removing my dormat because it scares my neighbor's kid. My wife and I, both 32, have been living at our apartment for four years and are both huge horror fans. We have had an art-the-clown dormat from Spirit Halloween for two years now. It's not a Halloween decoration, it's just what we like. Last month, around the beginning of April, we had some neighbors moving across from us. They have two kids. One is a baby and one is maybe three or four years old. The first time we met them was a couple of days after they moved in. We were all bringing in groceries and I introduced myself, shook hands, all of that. The dad says, quote, still Halloween, huh? And I just laughed it off. Since then, we've come home four times to them flipping our dormat and we know it's them because we have a ring camera. We were fine, letting them do it and just flipping it back until a couple of days ago when we caught them doing it in person. We asked what the issue was and apparently their son is super afraid of it even though the kid was right there and was acting completely fine. Not crying, not anything. The only one that seemed agitated at all was the mom who swore at us, rolled her eyes and was just generally unpleasant, haven't interacted with her much since. My wife waited until they were inside and then flipped it back over. I stayed out with the dad and talked it over and he seemed fine. He said he understood it was our space and he would talk it over with his wife and that his son was old enough to understand that it couldn't hurt him. This morning, we walked out and I saw our dormat wasn't even flipped over. It was thrown outside the stairwell. We live on the fourth floor so it was a very deliberate thing. My wife wants to report it to management but I'm just tired about this. I kind of want to throw it away but I also want to keep it. I don't know. I'm just confused y'all. This is interesting. I actually might have a hot take. Let's go. Images are really powerful. Art the clown is a very powerful symbol in the culture. I can imagine as a child even though this person is claiming that it's more like the wife being a bitch about it. I can imagine as a child seeing such a powerful image and being scared. And if my cool fucking badass dad flipped it over for me, I would be like, I would feel like protected. It's just a very powerful image. I'm kind of with you. I mean, it's like a public space 'cause it's a hallway. Yeah. But everyone does their own cute little mats. Yeah. But I guess like, have you, I didn't know who art the clown was. Well, that's an amazing door mat. It's really cool. So really cool. So if you saw that as a kid, you would pass away. That's the scariest thing. Well, and I love art the clown. Let me be frank. I've never never met a guy. He would not want to be eating it. Yeah. And there's an interesting optical illusion. So I think I would ever you want outside of your apartment. Just know that someone might be flipping it. I mean, I think the flip is fine. It's the thrill. It's the thrill. That then went a little. And I do live for a little neighbor drama. Well, you, are you in New York? Yeah. Do you have a neighbor drama? No, I actually have neighbor like complete camaraderie and like familiar pizza. Okay. I have obsessed with all my neighbors, my downstairs neighbors. I made my best friend move downstairs for me. You start gold. I know. And I love like, I have like an 80 year old neighbor that I'm always like checking in on being like, do you need help with groceries? And she's like, I'm fine. Like stop. No, I'm a little bit cute. One time I was late for a work meeting. And I was like, sorry, I'm late. I was helping my 80 year old neighbor up the stairs with groceries. And everyone was like, nice fucking lie. And I wasn't lying. Yeah. No, that's genuinely fast. Yeah. But I like, as someone who loves art the clown, I just think if you're going to put art outside your door, just know he's going to get flipped or thrown. And that's okay. But like, that's just, it's just going to get flipped and thrown. Yeah, is OP the asshole though? I'd probably lean towards no. It's your door, Matt. It's outside your door. Your title to your little space there. When I was a kid, I read, I was addicted to goosebumps. And they would scare me, the books. But I was addicted. And there was one that scared me so bad. It was the mask where like, the kid would put on a Halloween mask and become transformed like literally like the somebody stopped me, Jim Carry sell the mask kind of and it scared me so much that even the cover of it, I couldn't look at it. So I made my mom put it in a drawer in the house and then I got so scared of the drawer in the house that I wouldn't even go in the room where the drawer was, which severely limited my options in my home and you just didn't want to get rid of the book. Well, so then ultimately I did make my mom throw it out and then I knew that the book was in the trash and then I made my mom take the trash out because I was so scared of its presence. Yeah. And it was because of the image, the cover. Do you guys do like little like pictures? Oh, we sure do. This image scared me so much. Which goosebumps wasn't it? It was the mask. It's goosebumps, the mask. So it's like I can't know. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So like if this kid was as triggered by the art, the clown door mat, as I was by the book cover of the the mask, maybe he is doing an act of like community violence. That could be a hot take for the day. And I, I got in a big fight with my boyfriend, spoiler alert, because I went to Disney land, Disney world, which what's that ruin? Disney land. I just moved to LA. I'm like, I want to go to a small world. It's a small world. And I had the, I went to Disneyland. I have the worst time of my life. What? I was like tired. I was like, why do we have to see it outside? Oh, girl. I know. And I didn't know I didn't have money for like fast pass or something. But I wore my backpack that had this like flower on the back of it that looks like like a giant vagina with like teeth. Oh, my boyfriend was like, you literally can't wear that to Disneyland. That's like rude. And it's like rude to the children, but they weren't seeing it. Exposing them to something indecent. Yeah. And so I kind of, I learned the error of my ways. I did feel kind of bad for exposing children at Disneyland. I'm kind of like, was it? Like I'm, I'm envisioning a Venus fly trap flower. It was a little more vaginal, but it was like violent. It was like violent and dripping with blood. But I owned, I owned that I was like, you know, on my bad. I kind of feel like OP is a little bit. Yeah. In my bad territory. Okay. I mean, kid is three to four. Like that is scary. That is. Yeah. If the kid truly is indeed scared, I would say like maybe take a pause from the mat. If it's the mom and it's like some like religious thing where it's like, oh my god, that's demonic. Right. Then it's like, you have to put them out there in life living hell. Yeah. You got to hold your ground. Right. Did you ever see the scary stories to tell in the dark books? Of course that we're going to be drawing those were the ones that got me. Yeah. And like the girl that had like the ribbon around her throat and she undid it and her head fell off. We did it. SNL sketch where we do that. And because and everyone like knew the reference because it was such a shocking childhood. Yeah. The kids girl. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. No. Okay. I need to go back and watch that one. Top comment on it. Report it. So there's a trail of them destroying your property. They will continue to escalate. 17,000 upvotes on that. A lot of not the asshole. So overall vote on the post. Not the asshole. I've got five bucks that says the kid doesn't care. Mom just likes a certain aesthetic in her place. I'd be Halloween in my door up and reporting her butt. I think that Reddit. I'm just going to say this largely is women hating. And I just feel like everyone's finding a reason to like hate a woman in this scenario. Making it a bigger deal. Yeah. That's something like lately I would say that sometimes the small stuff gets made to be a lot bigger. Sure. Okay. This next one here. This is coming from Ami the Jerk. It's titled Ami the asshole for ending things and ghosting after finding out she lied about her husband being dead. More than one ghost here. I see. I 32 male and married with two kids and my wife and I have an open relationship with her full knowledge. This is already a problem with her full knowledge and agreement. I started seeing another woman who also said she had two kids around the same age as mine. She told me her husband had passed away and she even showed me pictures of him. Over time things got pretty serious and we blended parts of our lives in a way that honestly felt really natural. The only thing that ever seemed off was that we never went to her house. Only mine or out in public. Looking back. Yeah. Obvious red flag a few days ago. I randomly saw her out shopping and she was with the same man she told me was dead. I didn't approach her. I didn't cause a scene nothing. I just left and haven't spoken her since. I've basically cut her off completely. My wife thinks I should tell the husband what's going on but I really don't want to get dragged into her life or whatever mess she's created. I feel like I've already been lied to enough and I just want to move on. Am I overreacting for ending things and ghosting her instead of confronting her or telling her husband. Oh, this person should be in jail. That's jail. That is jail. That is dead. God may God rest everyone's soul. You know when people are like lying about calling off sick from work by being like there was something bad in the family. That's bad karma. That's really bad karma. I know. I'm like my grandma died and it's like, oh, don't put that on the universe. Don't see that. Don't do that. Bad you do this for the ghosting. I don't think this person should ghost. I think the person should call them and be like, you're crazy. You are crazy. You're crazy. Would you find a way to tell the husband? None my business. I just call that person and be like, you're fucking crazy. You're a crazy person. Oh, my God. Like I actually just can front her. Yeah. That's it. See, I'm like, I kind of want the husband to know. Yeah. I mean, he should. Cause like, if you have an open marriage, you don't lie and say your husband's dead. Right. She doesn't have an open marriage. She's a little bit of a fool. Oh, you know, oh, we'd never been to her house. That's weird. Right. I know. Well, then I'm like, are you only at your house when your wife is gone? Open relationships really like the concept. No, I'm like, I don't know how people make a work. They don't. I'm way too jealous. Yeah. It's not working here, at least for her. But I'm like, did you bring her over when your wife was there and like all your kids are playing? Well, you go upstairs. Also, again, my question. Do you have jobs? How do you have this all this time to just be open all over the place? Who has time? I feel like we're just working too much. I know. I think that's our problem. I know. I think we work too much to where like, we can't even have a hobby of like an open relationship. Or maybe that's their hobby. I think so. I work. I have one relationship. I have friends and a family that's enough. Jesus Christ. These people don't comment. Not the asshole for ghost in the situation. I can understand being a bit lost for words in the moment. If you do see them together out and about again, please go in for the cuddle to say hi and then introduce yourself to the husband. And when he replies, I'm her husband, you say, I heard you were dead and then walk away. I do think you are the asshole for not saying something because now she's going to do it to someone else. And you've just created like a problem. So are you team tell husband now? I mean, I was just, yeah, I guess. Would you write a letter or would you knock on the door? Like a little girl scout like a girl scout. Hi. So your wife is like a crazy bitch, by the way. She tells everyone you're dead. That's terrible. So we do get an update from this person. They update us. Okay. Update on confronting the dead husband. Well, I didn't think at all that it would be this soon. A lot of people told me I should tell the husband. And honestly, I didn't think I would. I just wanted to disappear from the situation and moved on. But life handled it for me this morning. I saw him alone at a coffee shop before work. I walked up to him and said, quote, Hey, how'd you do it? He looked at me confused and said, do what? I said, come back from the dead. At that point, he just stared at me completely lost. So I sat down and explained everything. I told him what she had told me. And she said that he had passed away showed me a picture. And that we had been seeing each other for months. Turns out, this wasn't even close to the first time that she's cheated. He told me there had been affairs in the past. And apparently one of the kids might not even biologically be his because of it. He said she promised she was done with all that. But I guess this time she escalated into literally pretending he died. The guy was obviously upset. But weirdly enough, wasn't angry at me. He actually apologized to me for what she did, right? Which made me feel awful because he's clearly been dealing with this for years. I told him he didn't owe me an apology at all. We exchanged contact info because I saved all the messages where she talked about him being dead. And he may need them later if he goes through with filing for divorce. Honestly, the whole thing feels insane and sad now. If my boyfriend she did. there would be like an electric fence around our apartment. He would have, he would be chipped. Yeah, he would have his location. I mean, first of all, I have his location and everyone I know is location on my phone. If you don't accept my location request, that's your sus. Why can't I know where you are at all times? So it's like, I don't understand the like serial cheating. Like how does it even happen? I know where everyone in my life is at all times. I know, I don't know. Like I've been cheated on in the past, but I think at knock on wood. At this point in my life, I feel like it would be really hard for my partner to pull it over on me now. Like we do have, find my friends, like stuff like that. I'm like, we also don't have any time. I'm like, how do you find the time? But can you imagine seeing yourself getting gotten so many times? I would be like a once, depending on the circumstances, if it was like a one night stand. And you're like, okay, let's try to work through things. But if it was like, no, a six month long relationship and one of the kids might be someone, he might have like father to kid. I'd be like, yeah, no, we're done. And like also, how do you not know where they are? How often are you looking at your boyfriend's location? Every second, I'm always like, where is everyone? So you don't have TikTok, you just go on, find my friends. Yes. And like all my best friends, like my, one of my best friend lives down the street. My other best friend lives downstairs. Like, I need to know where everyone is, so I can be like, let's go to coffee. Maybe that's great, well. No, but you, like that's community, that's nice. That's community. I wish I could walk to my friends' houses. Like I missed that. That's near for you. I know. I need like a friend to move into my neighborhood. So I can like just walk my horse to their house. (laughs) Yeah, I have horses. Oh, you're not kidding. No, yeah, they're like in the backyard right now, eating their hay. Oh, where is your, where do you live? Right down the street. Ah, how big are they? They're big, they're horses. One's really big and then one is a pony that I've had since I was like seven. So he's like, he just turned like 31 in April, April 19th. Oh my God, he's a Virgo. No, no, no, he's a. I'm not sure. He's in Aries. That's in Aries. Maybe. Yep. We, what are their names? Conia and Smarty. Oh. April 19th. (laughs) Do you hang out with them? Like they're like a dog. Yeah, I'm teaching them tricks. Oh. Yeah, Aries, you're good. Well, you have a very stubborn horse. He is stubborn. And he's like very smart. Like we call him Houdini 'cause he's always escaping out of the fence. Oh, whoa. Yeah, he like knows how to undo the latch and then he locked the gate. Like he's very. I saw a horse on a drive over here. They're like horses around. Uh-huh, they just walked their neighborhood. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Oh, crap. (laughs) That's all we have for updates on this one. Okay. Nothing else. But. Yeah, you gotta just tell everyone of that. And that situation is just like, you tell everyone everything. The ghosting is like no ghost. Everybody be talking. Everybody say what you gotta say. Have you ever been ghosted? No. I'm quite persistent. (laughs) I love that. You're not gonna ghost me I'll show up on your doorstep. Totally, yeah. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We didn't call this podcast one-hot take for a reason. Sometimes you just need a second opinion. Someone to help you figure out if yes, you might actually be wrong. And honestly, insurance isn't that different. You want someone in your corner helping you make the right call. That's where State Farm comes in. With over 19,000 local agents, they're there to help you choose the coverage that fits your life. They've got your back so you don't have to do it alone. Visit statefarm.com to learn more. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. We've got one more open relationship one for you. Geez, these people. They're just popping up right now. It's too messy. It's the season of open relationships. You know, dear season comes around every year. Uh-huh. I guess open season for open relationships is now. Just get it together, y'all. (laughs) This one is coming from my good friend, direct caterpillar 77. I have friends on right now. Oh, good. We like chat. Good. It is titled fiance 27 male wanted to try an open relationship. Not my first choice, but I agreed. Now he's throwing a tantrum that my body count is 20 times his. Oh. Is it time to just cut my losses and move on? I'm 25. I've been with my fiance for four years. I love him and used to respect him, but his recent fixation on this dumb subject has really hurt my respect. He proposed a year and a half ago, I said yes. About a year ago, he found out that his friend had slept with 100 women prior to getting engaged and somehow this affected his psyche and he proposed an open relationship. Guys, everyone's just fucking in sucking all of her town. At first, I was disgusted by the thought, but I agreed after he threw a major meltdown. So I started going out with friends. The first few guys I was so nervous because I'd been with two guys, including my fiance prior. But after I got over the nerves, I realized when there's no pressure to start a relationship, I'm really good at picking dudes up and sending vibes that I'm down to fun. I've actually met several of them off Reddit, as well. I've been with 42 guys in the past year. I never thought it would happen, but I've enjoyed myself immensely. Oh, okay. But honestly, I'm ready to stop. But as it turns out, my fiance is not good at it. And he's had two really bad hookups from dating apps. When we were having the where are we discussion? He had two and she had 40. He had another meltdown when he found out how many guys I've been with. He kept repeating, "You've slept with 20 times the number I have, 20 times?" I said, "Maybe we should just stop." He said, "No, that he wasn't ready now." But he wants to impose a rule that I have to have a break until he gets to 10. - No. - And then I can go out and meet someone new. Every five new girls that he sleeps with. No, no. This is goddamn ridiculous. Part of the fun was the independence and not checking in. Now he literally wants me to keep a log and then when he hits an achievement, then I can do my own thing. How shitty is that? In all honesty, I don't want a relationship where we compare numbers, let alone fuck other people. I want a normal life with kids and a house and a dog. What are we supposed to say? Quote, "I watch the kids until you fuck five women, then it's my night. Is it time to just say enough is enough and move on? Is there any hope here?" - This guy's a fucking loser. Nobody wants to have sex with him 'cause he sucks, obviously. - Yeah. - This guy sucks, get out of there. This guy stinks. - I mean, it's either an open relationship or it's not. - Right. - And then the thing with these open relationships, like when the rules happen and now their rules had numbers like a numerical coefficient. Like get at it now. This guy's in now. Nobody wants to fuck them. Take the hint. - This is kind of what happens with these open relationships though. - I know. - Like, typically, guys will do this. I have seen one though where someone just wrote in a reddit and he's like, "My wife told me, "and he literally, this is the quote, "she wants to be a slut." And like was asking for an open relationship and wanted to sew her wild oats, whatever. But typically it's coming from a guy. And then relationship is open. Woman has an easier time. - And then they get upset. - They have no confidence. It's like not anyone's responsibility that he like has no self-worth. It's kind of loser. - And that's what I think he needs to work on is like, you need to be more confident in yourself. Like, why are you comparing yourself to your friend that slept with a hundred women? - And by the way, he's lying. - You think? - It's like everybody's lying. (laughing) - So OP does have a little bit of an edit. RIP my inbox with people calling me a whore. Guys, wow, glad my best karma has to do with me sleeping around. I have 1,400 on red messages and 17 chat requests. I'm almost certainly not going to bang anyone from this thread. So we do get an update. I guess I made the front page of Reddit yesterday. Whatever, I've read the response as well. In the morning, while my now ex-fiancé absolutely blew up my shit alternating between calling me a whore on a CU next Tuesday, asking me why I disgraced myself and him like that. He also peppered the barrage with things like, what's going to happen to us after this? I finally fell asleep at like 3 a.m. I should have worked, but after finally admitting that I needed to break things off with him, I called in sick to work. Went to fiance's house, asked to come in, told him we had to talk, he said we did, but as a testament to his fucking out of control ego, he prefaced his part of the conversation with, quote, "I want you to know in advance, I may not be ready to accept your apology." Fuck him. I planned on being nice, but that was too much. I just told him it's over between us. His look of surprise was a combination of pathetic and amusing because even after calling me all sorts of gendered slurs for the better part of a few hours, he still wasn't expecting me to break up with him. He begged me to know why. I think I told him. He had to know why, and I tried to leave. I had no desire to talk to him, so I tried to leave and he kept blocking me. I finally told him that if he didn't fucking let me go, I was going to call the police. He finally relented, but as I was trying to drive away, he came out and started punching the driver's side window. It was terrifying, but it didn't break. Between leaving his place and getting in a mine, he texted me and called a dozen times. I just blocked him, deleted the whole conversation without reading it. Fuck him too, because I had the ring in my pocket and planned on giving it back to him. But now, I'm too scared to see him and give it back, so I'm selling the motherfucker, or getting it melted down. So that's that. I don't know. This might get removed in a few days, but it's all good. I don't know whether I'm coming or going at this point. It's been a crazy couple of days. We're going to see this guy in the front page of the news or something crazy. You called it. I absolutely called it. Move it along. Move it along to this next one. Are you a thrifter? Do you like thrifting? Everything I'm wearing. You're good. Okay. So this is coming from our slash reselling. It's a subreddit for professional resellers and those that aspire to be. This one is titled, "I bought a box at Goodwill for $5, and I needed some advice on a situation that has developed. I do my usual Goodwill rounds on Saturday mornings looking for stuff to flip, and I found this nice looking wooden box with brass hardware for $5. I thought it was a jewelry box or maybe a cigar humidor, so I figured I could flip it for $40, $60 easy. I got home and opened it up, and it was heavy and full of a grayish powder in a sealed bag. There was also a small metal plate on the inside lid that I didn't notice in the store. Like it has a name and two dates on it. So yeah, I bought a person. I listed it anyways, and dumped the bag into a Tupperware container, and listed the box on eBay, and it's sold within a day. About a week later, I get a message on eBay from someone asking if the box had anything inside of it when I bought it. I said no, because I panicked, and I'm a bad person. They sent a second message that was very long and very emotional, explaining that their mother passed last year, and somehow her ashes ended up at Goodwill after a family dispute, and they've been searching for them for months. They described the box in perfect detail, including a small scratch on the bottom left corner. So now I have a dead woman's ashes in a glass Tupperware container in my garage, and her grieving daughter is messaging me on eBay. And I already told her the box was empty, and I sold the box to someone in Ohio. I looked into whether Goodwill is liable for selling human remains, and the answer appears to be complicated, and also nobody has tested this in court, which is not comforting. My questions are, one, do I come clean to the daughter? Two. How do I explain that her mother is in a Tupperware container now? Three. Is there a way to get the box back from Ohio without explaining why four can Goodwill ban you, because I still need to go there on Saturdays? If he doesn't give the ashes to the daughter, he's going to hell. But what do you do? You'd be like, I have your mom in a jar. You have to give them back? Yeah. I wouldn't be able to sleep with myself if I didn't find a way to get these ashes back. No. How is this even a question? I feel like there's people out there that would have flushed them, to be honest, or thrown them away. Yeah. I think this happens pretty commonly at Goodwill. Really? I think it's like a thing that they get ashes quite a bit. Right. Lord, he's got it. It is interesting that he kept them. Well, he felt guilt. He had to have felt some guilt. How does he not have more guilt now? Everyone's probably telling him to return them, right? Let's see what the comments say. Top comment. Just tell them you lied at first because you felt guilty for accidentally coming home with the remains and that the box sold. Get them the ashes. They don't care about the box. You could be the real key in their grieving process. Good luck. Someone says, yes, this. They want the ashes, not the box. Right. I will say, earns are pretty pricey, though. How much is an earn? If it's like a stone one, like I paid 600 for one, 700? Okay. So they're, can you open it? Yeah. I looked in the ashes. I wanted to see if you could see any teeth because I had previously heard that sometimes it doesn't. And was it? There were some shards. Like bone? It's hard to tell. Hard to tell. But this is like a box. It was like a wooden box and then it comes in just like a bag. They're just in a bag. And they're like gray. It looks like fireplace suit. But then an earn. They're just loose in there. No, still in a bag, typically unless you pour the bag into the earn. Right. But like we just shoved the bag into the earn. And it's like a plastic bag. Yeah. This is like, I mean, I think you can kind of get a bunch of different options. Oh, the wood is a bargain. 79 dollars. I didn't know that that was an earn. Earn. Oh, 400. Who's buying like a wooden box on eBay? This sold immediately. I don't know. Maybe because the boxes are pretty. I guess. Right. I wonder if this person, if like the person on who's buying it on eBay? No. Like, yeah. I would think not. But maybe they labeled it as an earn because how did then the other person find the listing? So it must have been labeled like with an earn description had like, I don't know dates or whatever brass plate. Right. I've literally I've looked on eBay and offer up and Craigslist for lost items of mine. So like, it can be done. Yeah. What were you? What was missing? Oh, Cartier Ring just slipped off my finger. I was hand sanitizing outside of a Lululemon and Studio City. And I am popped off. Didn't feel it. You know the thrifting hack on eBay. What is this? You type in designer names wrong. And it's people like not really knowing what they have. Like listed items wrong. And then you get like, you know, cheap comb to go our song. Okay. Because I didn't know what they had. That's smart. That is really smart. That's yeah. Okay. Now I know what to do. I'm on the hunt for some things. You're Cartier Ring. That's for sure. I know. It's clean. We've replaced her. Oh, she's she's fine. She's good. But yeah, definitely got to give this back. We don't have an update. So we have no idea what OP does. OP, you're going to the fiery furnace of hell with those where the ashes were. We're going to into the crematorium. If you don't return that. That's crazy. Have to. And also like, can I get banned from Goodwill? No. No, you can get banned from all of your group chats. If you're the guy, I wouldn't be texting you back if you're the guy who never turned the mom's body. No, I'd be done with you. Okay. This next one, this is coming from our slash relationship advice. It's titled, "My boyfriend loves to feed me meals every day." I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had. He's so sweet and attentive. He always puts me first and it's honestly a fresh of air compared to my past relationships. He's a chef. Whenever we went out to eat, he would always feed me a bite of his food. I never minded and thought it was cute. When we started hanging out with others at their houses, he would always offer to cook, and then he would feed me my meal. I told him, "It's fine. I can feed myself," but he would always insist. He said, "He loves feeding beautiful women his food." Right. We have got a pervert, ladies and gentlemen. Now it's kind of escalating. He wants to feed me on his lap. Yeah. I told him that I'm not interested in sitting on his lap and getting fed. I'd rather just watch the show and eat my chips myself instead of a whole meal he made. When I say no, he gets a bit awkward and I start to feel bad. But it's so weird how he loves to feed me all my meals. Why? I know there's way weirder things out there, and the intention is sweet, but I'm starting to think it might be a kink or something. Yes, it's a kink. You have a feeder boyfriend. I don't discuss the intimate of my relationships with my friends, so I'm on here. Is this weird or sweet? By the way, this is a daily occurrence whenever we're together. Well, first of all, why aren't you got friends you could talk to? Some people just don't want to embarrass themselves or say something bad about their partner and then they stay with them and it's like, "Well, I'm staying with the food guy." If your boyfriend's got a feeder fetish, if you're not into it, get out of there. That's how he likes. He's like shoveling it into her mouth by hand. I wouldn't mind that. You wouldn't? I'm hungry. I'm a hungry girl. The top chef. I mean, it's got to be good. It's got to be good food. Sitting in his lap. Have fun. It would only, the novelty would wear off though. Yes. It would wear off very quickly. And him getting irritated by not being able to feed sounds bizarre. You can't be every day. I'm like not King Chameen at all because there's a right shoe for every laugh. Sure. Like someone's Got a feeder fetish and they'll find their feedee whatever but like I would not do it for me to know Someone's getting off on feeding me, and that's how I know. I'm just I wouldn't that's not my person right Right, it sounds like she's not into it It sounds like she does not have the right to for his left few fetish. Yeah. Yeah, no Top comment. I'm not even a little bit involved in the fetish King community and this is Green mean fetish to me. Yeah, someone goes yep, the guy's a feeder Someone says I suggest you look into feederism. It's a fetish also be careful with your waistline because if he gets off on feeding you There's a chance he'll get off on fattening you up as well. Yes, that's part of it. Yes It's like Hansel and Gretel. I know I know all about this. Do you maybe need a feeder and I want to be the mouth Hungry all the time. Are you really? Yeah, do you have like? There's someone that literally just posted recently and they're like I'm hungry all the time like I think I have a parasite. Yeah, maybe Honestly, maybe haven't got in track. Ah, no, there's like other problems that come first I guess yeah, like in the never-ending list of problems. I mean all you have to do is mail-in poop That's true. You're familiar with the process. I'm very much familiar with this I've sat on a train with a box of my own poop in my lap, and it was warm I had to bring my poop to my doctor, and it was not mail-in. It was I was the delivery person on the train. Do you have tummy problems? Of course. Yes. Every hot girl does You know, catches up with us. The train that was a new experience. Yeah, it was warmed in my lap. It was warm. That was odd But it wouldn't That's a fresh sample. It was fresh it was. It wasn't even that fresh. Yeah But I guess it's really hot when it comes out of you. I Did not ever come into contact with mine when I took samples. I had like a little like scoop Right, and you just scoop it and you do it then you did it there. No, I did have to have it in my house And I like triple-bagged it and just like kept it by the door ready to go. I remember the scoop of course. I remember the scoop. Yeah Yeah, it sounds like He's trying to fatten this girl up. Yeah, and she's sitting in his lap so he wants to feel the weight Yeah, Opie does share. I'm naturally pretty thin since quarantine I have gained 15 pounds, but I just assumed it was quarantine weight Feet a rhythm. Let me look it up Sorry girl. You got got you got fed you got fed you got full. We do get an update I've never given a guest this many updates before. Thank you. I appreciate it Yeah, Taylor Tomlinson like actually like cried over the lack of updates. I had for her. I'm so sorry Taylor I've bested you. I learned from my ways So update thanks for everyone that replied. I read every single one I didn't even think my question would get more than if you replies someone commented that I research Feet a rhythm and I did and wow So many things became clear and now in hindsight. I'm shocked. I didn't see it earlier in my defense I'm not a kinky person. I didn't even know this was a kink First orders. I'm naturally pretty thin. It's a big insecurity of mine. I just keep her peeing it I know we get it I'm 5/7 when we first got together. I was 110 now 125 She's thin when he first met my parents He later remarked that my mom being so thin after having five kids is crazy Looking back, he seemed disappointed. He also tells me all the time that I have the perfect frame to be thick He noticed my weight gain before I did and during sex he would always crest my waist tips and stomach area and tell me I'm looking more volumptuous It really didn't click it really didn't click for you He also told me that he can't wait for me to get pregnant Right because he knows I'll be even more beautiful and he'll feed me so much. I'll never snap back He always said it in a joking tone and a laugh, so I thought it was a dumb joke I decided that before I say anything to him Let me look up his exes and see if any of them have gained a lot of weight He's new to the area and has only been with one girl before and her Instagram pages private and her profile Photo as a group picture so I couldn't tell which one she is then I looked up her name on LinkedIn And she has a profile. She co-owns a business with her sister whose Instagram isn't private So I searched up and my suspicions were confirmed She used to be average weight and now she looks heavier I was still in denial and thought maybe that she was responsible for her weight gain and not him I just couldn't believe this fetish was a thing. I Invited him over last night to watch a movie. I was scared to see him because I know if I didn't say anything I probably never would have the courage because I'm not very confrontational He came over and watched a movie and ordered food our food came he heated it up in the microwave and played it for us like he always does He kept the two plates next to him and when I tried to grab one He held them above his head. He's with his rod and shook his head with a grin like it's cute I rolled my eyes and he grabbed a fork and took pieces of chicken and then held it in front of my mouth I refused to open my mouth. So we pressed it against my list. No, no And I pulled back and stood up to grab the plate that he was holding over his head No, he gave me a weird look and I wanted to say sorry so bad Why am I like this? But I didn't I just grabbed another fork walked over to my couch with my plate and started eating hoping he could take the hint without me having to say anything He came to sit next to me and started eating too And we just watched the movie for a few minutes in peace. He then took a piece of chicken off my plate and tried to feed it to me again This is a no means no situation This time I said no and he asked what was wrong I said nothing was wrong and that I'm an adult and I'm perfectly capable of eating my own orange chicken by myself He said he knows I'm an adult and he wants me to concentrate on the movie instead of worrying about feeding myself He then tried to keep pressing it against my mouth, and I just wouldn't open it Dude relax This is like a long order episode Are you kidding me? I would go crazy Just can you imagine Do-to Tunnels closed getting orange chicken off your lips. Oh My god at this point. I was fed up and I snapped at him that is weird to constantly want to feed me and I don't want him to anymore I did say it in a harsh tone, but I was upset He 10-stop and didn't say anything and scooted to the other side of the couch Then he just stared me down as I ate Literally he wasn't even watching the movie even when I would look at him thinking he would look away He would just stare at my mouth as I chewed. I was disgusted After I finished my food, he picked up his uneaten plate, and he told me that I could have it. I told him I'm good dude. I'm good And he said he'd rather it not go to waste and if I'm too tired to feed myself, he'll do it Bro relax. I was fed up again And told him that I think we should break up because we're obviously not on the same page He asked if all of this was because he wants to feed me and I said yes It is he said that he's a chef and he loves food and he also loves women and there's nothing better than combining the two Right. He's gonna eat a woman How's like my first thought? I felt like an object. He said that this can't be the real reason why I'm ending things And I must be seeing someone else that he treats me like a queen and most other boyfriends Wouldn't have ever cooked me a meal let alone have fed it to me Right, they wouldn't have I asked him to leave and he wouldn't until I gave him the real reason as the why I broke up with him I said because you have a feeding kink and he started cackling saying that I'm a sick bitch Oh, and that is this and that a guy showing me he loves me someone as Sad and disgusting as me must truly be sort of kink because no one in their right mind would ever do it All these men are gonna be on the news. I swear then he left and blocked me everywhere I loved him before but that conversation turned me off so much. I'm honestly not sad that we're over No, I'm actually kind of relieved. I just don't understand why he truly has this kink why he wouldn't tell me and ask me to indulge in it Why would he deny it and block me? It is because of my dismissing behavior when you tried feeding me question mark This guy there's gonna be a doc. He's about to catch a documentary The feeder swindler. Yeah. Yes. It's coming. It's not in denial How could you be in denial about being a feeder? You're pressing the chicken to her lips I love cooking and I love women Girl, you need to cook the food. You won't microwave do you doordash that? What bizarre. I would not be able to handle this watching having someone just stare at my mouth as I chew if you're a feeder No problem. Hey, what's up? I'm a feeder. Can I put this orange chicken in your mouth? Awesome. Next combo consent. All good. It sounds like it's like a control thing. Yeah. I wonder if that's where it comes from. Yeah. I will make her weigh 138 pounds. Psychologically. I'd love for a psychologist to chime in and just like give us the top fetishes and be like, this is where it comes from. Right. And it's all good. You can have that fetish just don't lie and be sus. No. I do have another fetish one. But what is like, what's a kink that you think you would be okay with or fetish that like isn't that out there? One time I was in when I was in Chicago doing stand up. I had like a picture in the Chicago Tribune where my armpit hair was out. And my friend was a dominatrix at the time and their client was like, uh, had a body hair fetish. So he was like, yo, I saw your friend in the newspaper. Would she let me lick her armpit hair and jerk off? And I was like, at the time, yeah, that sounds cool. Coming into it didn't end up happening, but I was open minded. I was going to get paid a thousand bucks for a guy to lick my armpit hair and jerk off. I didn't have to do anything. A thousand dollars. At the time, I needed it. And it didn't happen. That's it. No, that's like, I know. Oh, I know. How do people find these opportunities? I have a friend that she would sell feet picks, but he didn't even want to see the feet. He just wanted to see the dirty socks. Oh. And I'm like, how much does she get for that? She made a lot of money. I know. A guy wants to ask me for feet picks. And his big, so he showed me like examples of what he wanted. Like it had to be like toes curling and all this kind of stuff. Yeah, that was like, and I was like, totally down. I was like 300 bucks or something. And then he said, but your face has to be in it. Like it had to be like me going like, whatever with my face in the background. I was like, bro, if you want my face in it, that's like, that's like 2000. It's double. And he wouldn't, he wouldn't pay up. I was doing a lot of volunteering for Bernie Sanders campaign at the time. And he wanted me to wear a Bernie T-shirt, underwear, no socks, curling my toes with my face in the background. So specific. I so, so, he wanted like universal healthcare toes. He wanted it all. Why does this feel like a black male? Well, I was like, I'm cool. I'm like, what if it was just my feet? No face. And he was like, no, your face has to be in it. And this is when I was like, you know, I hadn't gotten on SML at the time. I was kind of hoping like, you know, yeah, yeah. I was like, I kind of just didn't want those pictures out there. But I was, I said 2000. And he said, no. What was the original rate? It was like 300 bucks. Oh, yeah. No. Oh, my god. Your daily bagging for specifics. Yeah. No. That is so, so funny. So this post is actually coming from our very own to how it takes subreddit. We got our own page now. Whoa. And it's titled, I 25 female have a secret kink that I haven't told my partner 27 male about. Okay. I'm trying to expose your therapy myself into being able to share this with him. And I feel like this is a pretty accepting and sex positive community overall. So here we go. I'm a mid 20s woman who has been with her boyfriend for a few years. Ever since I became a sentient being, I've always had a thing for tickling like I've always wanted boys to tickle me. Yeah. And as I got older, it's been really intertwined with some BDSM stuff. And ultimately, I want to be tied down and tickled until I literally can't think. It's definitely a power dynamic thing. And a I need to turn my brain off thing. And it feels good to me physically and mentally. It could absolutely go a sexual route, but honestly, even just the tickling by itself would do it for me. When I was in college, I met up with a couple of guys in the city I was in who were also into it. Oh, that's cool. Literal ecstasy. Oh! I just floated for days afterwards. I've been with my boyfriend for a few years. And although I have a feeling he knows at least a little bit that I enjoy it, I haven't confessed it to him. He will tickle me a lot and has even made comments about how he can tell I like it. He just doesn't really know the extent of it. Anyways, that's my weird story to share. I'm happy to answer any questions or yield any judgment. I know it's a typical and it's death a shameful thing for me. No. Hence why haven't shared it with my very sweet and loving boyfriend after all this time. Thanks for reading. Don't be ashamed, girl. Get your bag. Get your tickling bag. This one sounds great. There's a documentary about this. You're good. People know about it. The tickling? There's a doc. Yeah, there's a doc. There's a doc. You're good. What have you watched it? I know, but it was like a thing. I feel like this out of all the ones to have. Totally. It's no one's getting hurt, no one's getting fat, no one's getting chicken on their lips. It's all good. A little tickle. She's got to tell them. It's funny. So many people are coming to Reddit to ask questions that they already know the answers to. I know, but that's a crazy thing about shame. Where you just like are anxiety or whatever. Is that barrier in our head? It's so irrational, but yet it just pesters you. That's all good. This is what I want to know what happened with those two guys in call from college. What does a tickling orgy look like? I know. Or was it even an orgy or was it just like a tickled out which is right. So it's a tickle orgy with that. I mean with or without sex. I'm now I'm curious. I find tickling to be absolute torture, which I see as part of the BDSM part of it. She's depriving. Maybe she's like getting off on like depriving herself of joy. Don't do that. I know. Do not. Don't get yourself tickle on life is short. Get tickled. Good for her. Did we have an update? We do have a little bit of an update, but I did look up that tickled. Yeah. Yeah. It's from 2016 and it's about competitive endurance tickling. Yes. Yes. There's tickling competitions. Yeah. This is like a whole thing. She is like there's a whole world out there for her. This is an activity in which young athletic men are restrained and tickled by each other. This is crazy. I know. The world is so big and complicated. Like there's so many things I don't understand. Like this. Yeah. The slap competition. Yeah. Is that a fetish? It must be. It must be. People don't touch my face. Do whatever you want to me. Don't touch my face. Have you seen them? Their faces swell. Yeah. But they get rocked. Yeah. I don't. It's got to be. That's got to be in line with this. Yeah. So yeah, we do get a little bit of an update after the top comment says that's low key. One of the least embarrassing kinks. I would think your boyfriend would be happy for you to open up to him. Only fun to be had. And so update says I told him he was mostly confused about why I was such a big deal to me. And he said he finds tickling me mostly amusing, but that he is open to making it sexual as well. Okay. I'm seeing him tomorrow. So hopefully I get wrecked. Okay. I can't imagine getting wrecked by a tickle. She's like a tellitubby or something. She's like a care bear. But I'm not holding any expectations of him because I know it is new to him. He also said to me that 90% of the male population would shrug their shoulders at this and be perfectly okay with it. Yeah. Which basically aligned with the comments. So yeah. Yay. Thank you all very much for your kind words and encouragement. I have felt extremely weighed down by this secret and confession. And it finally hit a breaking point. All the affirming comments really gave me the courage I needed to move forward with this. She should be on Reddit finding her people. The ticklers. Yeah. That could be a new sub. Totally. But she's got her little tickle boy now. Right. But I kind of want her to get down. I kind of want her to go to like festivals and like conventions. There's gotta be parties. I wonder if they trim their nails. Like how in there do they go? Oh, you have to trim your nails. Don't you think? I'm also like, I'm like, is there a difference between a sexual tickle and like a school yard tickle? Have you ever had anyone sit on you and tickle you? Yeah. Like as a court. Yes. Yes. Yes. Like that must be different. Or it's not. Wow. I'm gonna be exploring this. There is a video on tick talk about tickling at a rent fair. Okay. Right. There seems like a lot of overlapping interests here. Yeah. Which out of all the places to see tickling. I'm like, but I'm like, I'm wondering if it is the same thing. Rent fair tickling. It's, I don't know, it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. Okay. Are they really are they be tickling each other at rent fairs? Yeah. They do an air thing at a rent fair. Have you been to one recently? No, it's never come up. I know. I know. I know. Again, like the same thing with Disneyland. It's like, I don't want to be outside. I had like walking around. - You're not out of Jewish for like any of these things. - Not outdoorsy. - I don't wanna like go outside. I don't wanna do, I don't have time, I don't have time for this crap. - You've never been camping, have you? - I slept outside one time and it was the worst day of my life. I like, it wasn't camping. It was like, I had to, I was doing comedy at a music festival in Kentucky, and we were all sleeping in tents, but I had never slept in a tent before. I couldn't find one fun thing about that. It was cold. - Yeah. - You're on the ground. - Oh, you didn't even get a cot or like a little roll? - Roll. - I had like a little like, I create, yeah, no, I didn't. - See I? - There was a spider. - Ooh. - I just like, no sleeping lied there. - I'm more of a glamper. - Okay. - But I do love a nice hotel. - Of course. - Of power, love electricity. - Oh my god, I love a sink. I love soap. - I love toilet. - I love toilet. I know you can't tell by my hair, but I do like to shower. - Why, don't pick on yourself. - You're right. - I'm, I put the glam and glam thing. - I mean, yeah, yeah. Man, okay. I got one last one for us here. - Okay. - This is coming from Today I Fucked Up. It is titled Today I Fucked Up by asking my friend's mom out. - Oh. - My friend's mom has been single for the last few years. - Mom of British. - She is currently in her mid 40s. I am in my early 20s and I've always found her to be really attractive. She carries herself with confidence and has a pretty wicked sense of humor. For most people who do not know her, she can seem pretty cold, detached, and aloof, but once you get to know her, she is one of the nicest and most caring people out there. I have been strongly infatuated with her for the last two years. Recently, I ran into her in a shopping mall and we had a great conversation. She got us both a coffee and we had a good time yapping away at the cafe. Ever since, she appeared in my dream twice. I have never felt like this towards any other woman before. Not in the last 22 years of my life. Yesterday, I decided to make a move. I slid in her Instagram DM and told her that her dinner outfit was amazing and looked really good on her. Then I asked her for dinner, just to catch up further. She replied initially saying, "Sure," and she would bring her son along too. I did not know how to reply to that. I wanted to make it clear that this was a date and it would be the two of us. I gave it a few hours, then I got a bottle of red wine, chugged two glasses down to calm my nerves and boost my confidence. Then I texted her, telling her I would love to go on a date with her. Right after I sent that, it was radio silence from her till an hour ago. She dropped me a text gently to climbing my offer and telling me I am a great kid and all the best with girls my age. I am absolutely crushed. I don't know how my friend will see me from now onward. I have no idea if she told my friend. Today I fucked up. - Milthhunter.com, bro, you're good. Just get you a milk. All you need is a milk, you're good. - There he is. Hey. - I've been a lot of moms deal with this. - My mom was harassed, harassed. - By your friends? - My brother's friends. So my brother's eight years older than me. So like my mom had him when she was like 19. - Sure. - So she was always the hot mom. - Yeah. - And those, they're freaky. - They are freaky. - Moms are off limits, come on. - He's got some chops though. 'Cause I would be squirming. Like that conversation, like you couldn't pay me. - And good for her for responding tactfully. - You're such a good kid. Really like hammering that home. - Yeah. - Yeah. 'Cause some people have done this. Some people do sleep with their kids' friends. - He can't be doing that. I'm like thinking of all my friends' dads and I'm like, "Well, I can see it, yeah, well, what are you gonna do?" - There's a couple. - There's a couple. - My one friend has an uncle. That like everyone goes feral over. - I was at a party, bro. The other night and one of my friends that I was with, there was like a young 25-year-old. She was like, "Oh, we go out with your uncle." - Your uncle? - No, like she said it to my friend. Like, "Oh yeah, like we part." Hey, I know we've never met, but I partied with your uncle. Uncle stay inside. - What? - Why are they outside? Uncle, if you're an uncle, stay in. - Yeah. - You can't be outside. - Oh my gosh, yeah, no. Also, what a weird way to introduce yourself to someone. - Yeah. - I guess you find any bridge you can to cross with someone, but partying with my uncle would make me not want to be your friend. - Yeah. I'm good. I'll see him on Thanksgiving. I don't want to be thinking about you. - Yeah. Is the uncle famous? - No. That was my question, too. - How'd they meet? - I don't know. - Pilates? - I hope. - Is that so? I mean, that would have been better, but no. Her uncle's outside. - Yeah. - Married? - I'm being so discreet, 'cause I'm like, (laughing) - People start to-- - Yeah. - Not married. - Okay. - Okay. - I'm glad my uncles are locked up. - They're locked up. They're not going out. - Top comment on this one with 17,000 upvotes. Inviting her son was her way of turning you down nicely. - Yeah, she was being nice. - Do you get weird inquisitions these days? - I could always get more. I try not to really look, but I'm sure there's some stuff in there. - You have an Instagram, too. - I have an Instagram, but you know how there's like a secret folder where they go? - Yeah. - So I don't open the secret folder, because that's Pandora's box of hell. - The request. Like, 'cause there's-- - Yeah. - So I see like messages for my friends. - Okay. - There's a separate folder-- - The request. - Where the creeps come out at night. - I should look, I'd probably feel better about myself. - You probably have so many more like, "Hey, Sarah, I'm ready for your feet. I'll pay 2K." - I know. - Especially after this. - Honestly, now putting this out there, if you want a picture of my feet with my face in it, and I'm wearing a Bernie shirt, 15K, I'll do it. No problem. - That seems like a-- - That seems reasonable. - For now it is. - Yeah. - It seems reasonable. - Okay. You guys know where to find it, right? - You're here first. - Thank you so much for coming on. - Everyone go watch Sarah's special on HBO. What else are you working on? - Oh, SNL just finished, so-- - Oh my god, yes, your butt. - Yeah, my butt. - Your butt was the same. - My butt was out. - It was so good. - Well, if you have a butt fetish, watch that. - No. - YouTube. - Your auction, your bet, too. I, did you watch? See, how did you prepare for that? - I literally watched cattle auctions. It's, and I like rehearsed it a lot. - Yeah. - And then, so I practiced it a lot, and then I showed it to Matt Damon, and he did it immediately without Brexit. He's probably done it before, though, movie star. - Yeah, he's probably done it before. - Yeah, I had to add an auction. - There's a school. - There is a school. - There's like, I see their videos on TikTok. - Me, too. I saw, I saw, I was like watching a bunch of auctioneer videos to practice, and I saw the school, and I was like, oh, maybe I should hit up the school and like get a tutor for days to practice. - Yeah. - And then, I should have done that. - Hey, I would've been-- - I would've seen it coming back up again. - Mm-hmm. - You never know. - You never know. - If anyone wants to tutor me. - Betty Butterbeer, better, better, better. - That's a real, yeah, that's a good thing to do an auction. - Have you been to an auction? - No, my dad used to be an auctioneer, though. I was like a side quest of his back with that. - What kind of auctioneer? - He would buy companies and liquidate them. - Oh, like a company auctioneer? - Yeah. - There's all kinds. - Yeah, there's so many. - Yeah. Oh, I actually have an auction I need to call into today. I'm trying to buy a piece of furniture. - What kind of auction? Oh, it's a furniture auctioneer. - Yeah, art furniture. - But there's no fast talkers. - No. - No. - I know, it's kind of vintage. - It's a dinart, it really is. - Well, guys, let's keep it alive. - Yeah. Where can everyone find you? - You can find me if you need to DM me or request for a fee pictures at SarahSquerm on Instagram. And if you want to see my butt on SNL, you can look at it on YouTube. (laughs) - All of Sarah's links will be in the description. Until next time, guys. Bye. - Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)