Spooky Boys Halloween Special | FILE_24 | Mystery Boys

Tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college. That's why she shops at BJ's Wholesale Club, saving up to 25% off grocery store prices. Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods, even they can't screw up. Have you met my kids? And with BJ's gas, she gets there for less. They call me the road warrior. This is your home, road warrior mom. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer, new members only. BJ's. Home of the Save. Y'all, we heard your relentless request for merch and it's finally here. That's right. You wanted it. We got it. We did it. And now there's two T's to choose from. The podcast art with our faces on it. And of course, so everyone feels included, LGBTQ CIA. I'm not in the CIA. I'm the hot dog man. But if I was in the CIA, you better believe I'd wear this shirt with all of my friends. I was over the CIA building deep underground while I was in the midst of mutating dwarfs and transforming them into Manchurian candidates. I'd look down at my shirt and know that I was supporting the best podcast on earth. So if you're gay or in the CIA, why don't you order this shirt? They're both on sale now. It's store.ymhstudios.com. And I'm DJ Molecule. And we are, once again, it's another episode of The Mystery Boys. That's right. And I want to say, state for the record, this Kamala Harris shirt, yes, I did vote for her, but I am still wearing it ironically. Let me just say this. Can I just say this right now? You're a local Austin comic. Yes. And somehow, for no reason at all, your bullshit on Instagram pops up on my fucking feed. I just want to say, everyone's sick of your shit. Nobody wants to hear what you think about the Cornell 7. Nobody gives a fuck what you think about politics. Well, I just think men need to start taking accountability for what men do in Cornell. Oh, my God. No one cares about you. Do you understand that? No one cares what you have to say. No one cares about what you have to say at all. Well, I would feel like I'm letting people down if I don't weigh in on it. You have no one you're letting down. I see a lot of people online going, where are the men? And that's why I, you know, I weigh in as a. You don't need to weigh in. Why? Because no one cares about your opinion. No one's interested in what you have to say. No, you understand. You're like. Silence is violence. Whispering is molestering. Oh, my God. I want you to. Molestering isn't a word. Well, I'm only a two-year comic. I haven't, you know. I've only been doing it a couple of years. One of those years, I was, like, off and on a lot. Okay, I need to ask you something. Because, honestly, I've been wanting to talk to you for a while, what you represent. Why? Because of my infuriating posts on various social media platforms? Yeah, I want to talk to you about something. How is it that you're calling yourself a comic, but nothing you post is funny? Um, well, you gotta. The thing is, you gotta have clips. That's what they tell you now. You need clips that are funny. These should be funny. Well. A few. One out of three. But how can I get funny if I don't have clips? So, do you see the catch? This shouldn't be where you practice. Um, well, look, man. You're one of these guys that gets a lot of stage time, and so it's easy for you to talk, but. Um, you know, I'm still waiting to get my bucket pull from Kill Tony. You'll get the pull. I promise you'll get the pull one day. Well, I'm sleeping in the back of the creek in the cave. Oh, that's sad. Well, there's a lot of people back there. It's pretty cool. You live off the food truck. How many people sleep back there? It gets pretty toasty sometimes. Oh, my God. It can get really toasty. Oh, well. What is this? Oh, the odds of the bucket pull? Do you remember when they were talking about the rigged bucket pull of Kill Tony? Oh, God. Can we pull up the thing about don't eat ass if you've had diarrhea? Don't let them eat your ass. If you've had diarrhea. I'm sorry. Since when? You need to see this local Austin comic. I had a feeling. This is something I want you to watch closely. Yeah, this comes up a lot at the creek. You shouldn't. If you've had diarrhea. The Creek Halfway House. If you've had diarrhea, don't let someone eat your ass. You know that, right? Like, common sense. What if I got diarrhea from eating ass? You have to. Then that means you've got to swear off eating ass? What if I was the caboose in a human centipede recently? Can we pull this, turn the volume up? This is Dr. Josh. He's a great doctor. Oh, Dr. Josh, that's my name. Josh Ronheimer. Let's hear it. Don't let anyone eat your ass if you've had diarrhea. I'm Dr. Josh, your favorite gay urologist and sexual health expert. Wait to have sex at least one to two weeks after having diarrhea. Active gastrointestinal illness means high levels of infectious bacteria, viruses, or parasites are present, creating a severe risk of transmitting pathogens like Shigella, E. coli, or Giardia to the oral liver. So remember. Wait, did you get that? I mean, how much, honestly, is ass-eating a part of your repertoire? Me? Yeah. I'm married. Yeah, so I mean, are you eating ass like that? I'd love to eat ass again. You want to be in God's holy arrangement of marriage first. 100%. And that's why the institution of marriage exists, so that one can eat ass guilt-free. But married or not, if you've had diarrhea, don't let someone eat your ass. And there's people, people like you don't seem to know that. Can they eat my diarrhea still? Yeah, I don't know. I'll have to ask Dr. Josh. So what do I do? Just, uh, Dr. Josh, just wipe it off my chest and then, uh, go eat something else? If someone's having diarrhea on your chest. Well, they're taking a lot of laxatives to get the party started. Yeah, listen, I. You call them party starters. I'm not going to king-shame you, man. I'm not going to king-shame you, but in general, I would swear off of letting people eat your ass if you've had diarrhea. It's, I know it's a lot. I know it's a lot. I know this is probably rocking your world to hear things like this, and I know people like you spit in the face of scientists. No, I. I just got a flu shot and a COVID shot. I'm looking at a picture of Joe DeRosa back there. It says D-View, okay? I just wanted that picture to be up on this episode because I want to tell you that Joe, and he'll tell you this. It's not like a secret. He's a big getting-his-ass-eaten guy. Is that true? Dude, he made me laugh so hard about how he explained about, like, getting a blowjob. He just starts lifting himself up to try to. He's like a. Oh, no! Let me picture Joe. Now, and I got to tell you, I have to ask him about it. I was, uh. I don't know how his, uh. He's talked about this publicly. Dude. He's awesome. He's an animal. He's awakened. That's an awakened being. That's not an animal. He's comfortable in who he is. Joe worships Baphomet. Okay. He's comfortable. He's comfortable in his body. I choked on my legal guilt. You got to have a lot of respect for a man who admits to pushing his butt up to get his ass eaten. That's. You know what I mean? While he's on his back. That is like. Wearing his own ankles for earrings. That's. Austin Comic, these are the kinds of things you should be looking at, studying and learning from. That's what I said. It's about eating ass and stuff and, like, it's like the whole thing. It's like, pretty much my whole status. Do you push up when you long for analingus? Well, I've never tried it. Have you ever experienced the feeling of longing for someone to eat your ass? What is the German word for it? Cohen? Vardenfrug. Vardenfrug. That's, uh, you know, it's like schadenfreude. Yeah. It's a wishing of someone would eat your ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stanley Kubrick had that. He said that that. Bad Vardenfrug. That informed much of his work. The whole Clockwork Orange is. It's based on that poignant feeling when it gets late at night. Well, that was, as you know, Volkswagen's motto for a while, Vardenfrug, and then it turned out that diesel was a lie. Ah. And it was actually worse for the environment. Ah. And so they had to change that. I didn't know that. That's so interesting. the sudden urge to eat ass pertained to the emissions from the diesel. Yeah, they say this was, like, the general feeling of World War II Germany is, like, they say that Hitler, supposedly, it's the art school. If you've been accepted into art school, it wouldn't be Hitler. They say that the real truth is that no one wanted to eat Hitler's ass. Did you know that? I find that hard to believe. Read his diary, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, my. The Gentleman's Guide to Rimming, a posh term for eating ass. Oh, boy. And this is from, what is this, Eminem Magazine. First of all, Eminem Magazine? Oh, it was about Eminem? Okay. Rimming is not a posh term. More signs that we're in the Kali fucking yuga. Rimming is not posh. Never was a posh term. What a time for gay men to be alive, it says. Why? Because you can eat a peach like you had a stroke? Look at that. Look at his mouth. It looks like the guy had a stroke. I just like that someone, you need this information. Can you scroll down? Oh, maybe he got a parasite. How do you prepare your ass for rimming? Nothing. I wonder. Nothing can prepare you. You wash it. Let me guess. You wash it. Sprung on your bicep. Oh, look. You're supposed to wash your ass with mouthwash. you're asking. Wow, we don't need that. The birds and the bees, more furry talk. So look, let's get dark real quick. We don't need to keep going over this weird homoerotic stuff. That's why they call him Joey Roses, because he moves his ass up. This is the week of Halloween. This is the witching time. This is the week where the veil between two worlds grow thin. Kurt, what are your thoughts on the celebration of Halloween, a.k.a. Gay Christmas? I think it's way beyond gay. Christmas is just. I often say a guy is gay as Christmas, so that's crazy. I've never heard that before. Yeah, it's an old saying. And I've never thought of Christmas as being gay. Oh, it's a very merry gay time. But I would call it the satanic gay Christmas. Okay. So do you think it's a satanic time right now? Well, I'll be out hunting witches. What are you going to be. As you know, I don't just stand by and criticize magic practitioners. I'm actively hunting them with Blah Day. Why do you two do that? You're getting people killed. Well, a lot of them, in fairness, turn out to just be homeless, but. It's not good. Well, they don't have a police force to speak of here. Do you buy into what people say, which is this time of year? They cut out the part about that I admit to a series of serial murders with Blah Day. But make sure you cut that out. Do you buy in. I'm a local comic. I can't have that. I'm a local Austin comic. I can't have that going around. Do you buy into the idea that the veil between this world and the. Do you even believe in another world? They say right now the veil between worlds is thinner. You can contact spirits now. Well, it's funny you brought up that butthole stuff at the top. Because as a matter of fact, the veil gets gaped around this time of year. Really? So gaping is like. It's like an occult practice. Well, it's just. The gaping of the veil. Yeah. So the veil opens like a gate. Well, it's a lot like how when they would, you know, that horrible show Stranger Things is based on when you stop a kid's heart. Yeah. to forcibly eject them from their body. Yeah. through a micron, like a two micron wormhole that you made with a particle collider. Yeah. Many of the children, of course, have exotic matter damage to their retinas and shit from this practice. And anyway, you can send that piece of the consciousness, but it has no mass. Yeah. Okay. So I've told you about this. In tantric Buddhism, there's a practice where you can open. Where they open the back. Trepanning the front? No. They can do it through meditation where they can open the back of their skull and eject their consciousness through a slit in the back of their skull. I know so many. Not a physical slit. I know. I know it's a physical slit. You could slide a blade. You're telling me their skull has a butthole. No, they can open up their skull. I know someone who's seen it. You can slide a blade of grass into it. They can do it. And they eject. They eject their consciousness. So what you're saying. But I don't need to open my skull for that if it could go right out of my body. I don't fucking know. I guess you need to open a little slit. Pop out your soul. You need to have a brain. Like a skull vagina. Soul slit. It's called a soul slit. You pop it out. Look that up, will you? I don't understand why that would be necessary for a thing with no mass. It could easily pass through my skull. Yeah. Pull up tantric consciousness ejection. It's now. Oh, wait. Go back to that illustration. Is this what you're speaking of? No. Look at that. Wow. It's a great movie, but that's not what I'm talking about. He got his fucking skull slit blown out. He overdid it. Guy overdid it. Overdid it. Oh, that guy must have a fat. If you don't know what you're doing. Fat turgid soul to be causing that kind of damage. He just did it. He pushed too hard. It's a prolapse. Oh, he had a soul lapse from his. Soul lapse. He puffed it out. He puffed out his cut. To beat gaping dragon. Wait, gaping dragon? There's not a gaping dragon in dark. Dark souls, is there? That's terrifying. Nobody wants to fight that boss. You got to bait the slam attack. Bait the slam attack. Watch for the charge. That sounds like a dream drink. Get your soul butthole out your skull. Slam attack. Wow, he's in Night Rain, too. I've never played that. What? I didn't play Night Rain. Beating gaping jaw. A lot of gaping in Elden Ring. Did you ever play Elden Ring? Yeah, I don't remember the gaping so much. There's nothing that I remember. There's nothing that I remember gaping in Elden Ring. Is that the gaping dragon? Let's take a look at this thing. Please don't gape the dragon. Let the dragon snore. You can try to get your penguin. You know, I don't want to seem like I don't know anything about gaping, but I'm curious. What's the technical definition of a gape? To warp or stretch. But what is it like? You're stretching it with your hands. People don't like. Open their ass. No, any gay way you do it is a gape. So if you open it, you can just loosen or if you pull. Now, if you're in a heterosexual marriage before God, if your wife gape, that wouldn't be called a gape. That would be called a. I don't know what the term is for marital gape. Can you look up marital gaping? Gape. It's not gay. It would be called. Marital gaping. It's not going to be there. What are we doing? I guess image search, but. The marriage gap. It's called gapping. What are the advantages of an age gape? Nothing like an old gape. Do you think that is too big of an age gape between me and my girl? Oh, come on. What is being gape. Okay, how do we. How can a 33-year-old date a 23-year-old? I did. What? What do you mean, can they? Oh, Austin Comic. I'm sure you have a lot to say about this, don't you? Yeah, my girlfriend's 23, and I'm 57 years old. You're not. As an Austin. It's legal? What? It's legal. Do I have a place? No. I see you at the open mic. Okay, look. I want you to focus now, Kurt, because I really. It's Halloween. All you're doing is talk about gapes. Tell me something legitimately supernatural, spooky, in the spirit of Halloween, that happened to you. Oh, that happened to me? Yeah. Well, I got my ass gaped yesterday by some guy. Come on. Get up. Get past the gapes. Blah-day me and this guy. It went bad with the. I know you. You're. Things went bad with the hobo. God damn it. He lived, and my butthole didn't. God damn it. Come on. Give me something spooky. He keeps asking the new girls to write with him. Do you know how I get a gape going? I ask a new comic to write jokes with me. Oh, God. That's horrible. I ask a real comic to write jokes with me. That's horrible. That's horrible. That's horrible. They want to write. Tell me something spooky. I'll tell you something spooky, but it's not that happened to me. Okay. Let me hear it. Because you have to look it up, because I can't. Okay. In Germany, they had a kind of French Revolution in like the 1500s of shepherds, of like angry shepherds. I think it was like a. We're in German shepherds, 1500s, and there was this famous highwayman who was a. He led a gang of corrupt shepherds, and he was a fucking fucked up. I mean, he did. Fucked up Liberian Civil War kind of shit. Okay. Like eating the baby being cut from the. Real bad shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they said he could change. No. Come on. Oh, wait. That is him. Yeah. So his name was Nutter's, and. Come on. Don't throw him off, you dicks. He was a very bad boy. Keep. Nutter's, stop eating that baby. Nutter's, no. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. That's our Nutter's. So you have. You have this brutal. Do I have to look it up, or can you look it up? I'll look it up if you can't. If you can't follow it. Oh, fucking Christ. They're fucking with us. They don't want to look it up. You said to Google German Shepherd Revolution. That's what you said. And then you were like, there's a French combo. Now you're trying to gaslight me. What do you want me to look up? I said no such thing. I said no such thing, and the tape will show that you're a fool. We're in German. German Shepherd's. No, I think you sound crazy right now. Honestly, Tanner, you sound fucking crazy. Did I say that? Did I say those exact words? This is just nuts. I said 1500, so that would have disambiguated it. German Shepherd Revolution. Anyone else find themselves doing the middle math on how much caffeine or nicotine it takes for you to feel like a person each day? I always feel like I've found the perfect dosage until I find myself all jittery and wide awake at 1 a.m., which is why I gave Ultra a shot. Ultra is the only actually clean pouch on the market. Zero nicotine, zero caffeine, which does make you wonder, "What's in it, then?" And since listening to those suspicions is kind of what we do here, we had to take a look into the ingredients. Infinity handles the energy. L-theanine keeps you calm. Alpha GPC is there to keep your mind sharp. and some B vitamins hold it all together. Ultra was designed by neuroscientists scientists so it kicks in quick to provide an hour or two of focus without a crash on the back end friends i love ultra i i have taken every ultra that they have here they have a drawer of pouches of condoms of all the things you might need if you're doing a podcast at ymh and all the ultras are gone you know it's not gone nicotine pouches it's not just me people love ultra pouches so much at ymh i was getting looking forward to getting a new case of these fucking things and they're gone ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine new customers can use code mystery to get 15 off at takeultra.com that's takeultra.com for 15 off with code mystery after you purchase they will ask you what you heard about them please support our show and tell the mystery boys sent you because we did tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college that's why she shops at bj's wholesale club saving up to 25 off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave meals laundry pods even they can't screw up have you met my kids and with bj's gas she gets there for less they call me the road warrior this is your home road warrior mom home of the save join for just 20 at bj's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save i'm talking to grock all right here we go here we go look no not right look up shepherd german oh it might have been during the president's war oh yeah german shepherd there's no way to look it up it's not going to show dogs no the guy got tortured like he had the worst death penalty i ever heard of what happened to him that's we gotta find it german shepherds did not exist in the 1500s what the fuck hold on that's crazy that's the worst death penalty i ever heard of that's the worst death we could stop the show now i'll just stop i'll find the name peter stump with two p's there are no german get the rest of the shit off you just put the name god damn there he is the well the werewolf of bed peter you know with two p's peter s-t-u-m-p-p there you go wow uh and they call him yeah in bedberg um hey i'm josh bedberg i'm a local austin comic and uh we're talking peter stump there you go wow we don't trust the court back then oh they cut his head off with a sword game of thrones style yeah but that was after they had like um keep keep scrolling up so basically it was like a bunch of peasants uprising and and uh but these guys he was a shepherd or something okay there we go wait wait wait uh he was like a shepherd or something okay there we go wait wait wait uh he was like a shepherd he's a wealthy farmer because his left hand had been cut off that's not him that's not him sorry that's a different werewolf it's got to be the same guy no no it's not it's a guy that in fact i think that movie coming out about uh is about him i think it's probably related to that um well shit okay this one's really petering out i know started off good maybe it's the monster rebellion peter stube no he's not oh it's the same guy oh i'm sorry hans bone it looks like uh hans bone um is that him oh no hans bones that'd be pretty cool the piper of niklausen look up the piper of niklausen i don't know anyway the dude um led a a gang of like shepherds and they would ambush people and eat them and do this and they said he could turn into a street sign why he could change form into a street sign and a dog it was something like really random and um anyway but he terrorized the countryside and then he finally got caught at a like a sauna or something he was at a public like steam room and so he goes hey you're that guy somebody just recognized him and his entire like invisibility that he had for some reason was just gone one second the sauna and then they fucking they they the way they executed him was so crazy how they do it worst executions maybe look up in german worst german execution is 1500s you don't remember how they did it it's like the wheel and then they fucking chopped his arms off and they did like the worst it's crazy the amount of torture instruments there are out there like it's crazy i know and you know i don't know like okay let's see peter nears that's it oh peter stump was after peter nears it's crazy they're both peters oh man it's a lot of peter yeah alleged german serial killer and bandit are we saying it was okay keep going down uh does it say he 544 murders include including 24 fetuses cut out of pregnant women allegedly the fetal remains were to be used in magical rituals and for acts of cannibalism if you were alive today he would have been killed if you were alive today he would have been killed if you were alive we would have uh saved his life for the cia okay peter nears it was a loosely knit network of violent murderous bandits roaming german countryside and um let's see i'm trying to find the part where it says he um had a at the end of his career as a murderer i think it's interesting that that's considered a career oh he's a herdsman and he starts out as like like an anti-hero and then he becomes like a serial killer wow oh yeah keep going uh he's credited with other supernatural powers in particularly the ability of physical transformation he could change his shape into that of a log or a stone but according to a late ballad he also could become a goat dog or cat at will or a log the log like naruto they're all useful though he was a master of disguise um you would change into that of a leper well you know okay here's the thing he carried two loaded uh pistols in his trousers if you know what i mean okay here's what's interesting about this have you heard this before he carried a huge two-handed sword if you really know what i mean i saw this documentary on satanists and supposedly and i can't remember which satanist it was but they like to take on different personalities like they like to put on disguises and become other people have you heard that before they're called actors and uh justin trudeau they like to man of a thousand phases not me i'll remain true to my i've always been local austin comics trying to get in that you never wear disguises let's scroll down final arrest torture i am what i am and that is a great local comic looking for a shot a late ballad contains the circumstances under which nears was discovered leading to his arrest he was at a inn called the bells a couple of days later he went to bathe at a public bathhouse leaving behind his precious bag with magical materials the warlock bag at this time nears had achieved notoriety and his physical appearance had circulated around the world circulated blah blah let's get to the good stuff peter nears was tortured and then executed in his magic bag look at that no no wait you're skipping way over it a cooper recognized him and they whispering spread that it's the guy nears himself was oblivious to the changing mood and two citizens slipped out of the bathhouse and went to the end there on request the innkeeper gave him nears bag they open it it contains several severed hands and hearts from murdered fetuses the the hand thing he did that shit that hand thing is something now that is a thing i've heard quite a lot about the hand what it's all so gross wait wait they open it it contained the hands a force eight men gather around apprehended him uh when they understood what when he understood what they found in his sack he admitted uh he was guilty and confessed he was tortured and then executed over the course of three days in 1581 on the first day strips of flesh were torn from his body and heated oil was poured into his wounds uh then they called him gay come on that's so sad on the second day his feet were smeared with heated oil and then held above a glowing coal jesus thereby roasting him would like to and give him a nice uh oh on the boys are a halloween treat uh on the third day he was dragged to a place of execution broken on the wheel the wheel was slammed down upon him wait they just slammed a wheel on him is that what that means 42 times then he was dismembered by quartering wow oh you go go go what's the difference between quartering and the second day he was killed by a man named christman look at that guy christman jennifer tanniniga what the fuck is that name he killed 964 people these serial killers in germany were they make ours they really got that many sure well you know why and why are they all in the 1580s because back then it was so easy to murder people they didn't know about fingerprints they didn't know about dna you actually have a bag of baby hands you could go around with a bag of baby hands and it took him years to figure it out like i think we're gonna have to do something about it i think we're gonna we should look in the bag why does your bag smell like shit man that bag i don't know i mind my business i am bathing yeah yeah but you could kill it was much i am not i am committing a murder in the 1500s is remarkably easy but getting away with it was quite difficult give me a break indefinitely was it no because like they didn't have they didn't know about fingerprints back then they didn't know it would be like if you wanted to kill a random person you're not getting How common was homieside? That's when you kill a friend, I believe. Homieside? homie side that's actually the name of my first album oh no shit yeah oh because back in you got that that kind of uh that i like your vibe back then it was like you're watching gangster rap come in yeah we gotta stop it's called homie side yeah exactly we're speaking out against it yeah don't kill no more drive-bys you know a lot of you making prayer hands yeah yeah yeah we did it that well that's pretty creepy that's pretty halloweeny i'm surprised you don't have any personal experiences with a paranormal why jerked off to that to the peter nears or to homie side to your raps yeah that's what they were made for it's called homie side yeah i just would uh make a yeah the whole thing the beats were made to edge yourself to that's yeah edge rap i'm getting really into yeah um so what are you looking up tortures i mean look there's a lot of ways to jerk your dick off you don't have to see all of them there's a lot of ways to goon we don't need all of them look up oh now there's the the pair now there's a gaping device if i ever see oh that's a fine gaping oh yeah oh it'd be a real gaper that pair be oh and they stick it down below pull up death but from a thousand cuts this is you could actually find real pictures of someone having this they would just slice you for a few days i mean a thousand well if you got there usually you didn't make it to a thousand but they would just like slice you this is i think a japanese form of execution they would just slice you over and over slice bits yes of course yeah do image search you could see you could there's actually a real picture of it but what's the point of it well i mean what's the point of any kind of torture it just fucks you up but very slowly it's just a horrible was a whole public watch yeah you would just slowly like slice up their ears slice off their nose slice up their nips slice up their belly button it's called homicide and it was a brutal way so and it's public right so everybody has to watch it you don't have to i mean if you want to go watch you can watch no people watch it and i bet it um so the trauma of watching something that's repulsive yeah but it's a society normalized thing right yeah hank joined bj's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30 i coach football now coach hank saves up to 25 off grocery store prices 30 pounds of pasta three cases of protein bars 75 sports drinks and that's just pre-game he knows teamwork and bj's knows savings this is your home coach home of the save join for just 20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save um and then so that shapes you that's like it's like ways of shaping the people you know they also had a lot of uh uh castrated uh they all eunuchs right right like eunuchs won't try to fuck my wife and whatever but then the eunuchs yeah actually rebelled because they're like hey we're smarter we're not weighed down by our balls ew well that oh yeah but that one um that's the last guillotine i mean i bet that fat shake or something the fat one fat arm check now that they botched your execution you still want oh but she wished you had that i know yeah so you don't have any i well it's weird to me that you've never seen a ghost i didn't celebrate halloween you've never experienced so you're saying just in my life yeah um okay it's not it's not haunted or something but it is weird spooky to think about now yeah when um the charlie sheen roast yeah no i didn't go to charlie sheen's house i think just mcguire did and mike frugy and maybe sebastiano can i just say this is the most hollywood ghost story i've ever fucking story but it's weird as shit go ahead anyway so i was like what was it like and mcguire's like that was weird there's this guy that was around him who like would like get between them like i just want to make sure you're not trying to fuck fuck over my man he was like doing an impression of the guy like oh who was he he's like i don't mean like sells him watches or something i mean mcguire's like he's oh i let him know what time it is he was making fun of him okay yeah anyway years later lenny dykes was talking about how some guy who sold watches was blackmailing charlie and then charlie had him killed so i'm dying to ask mcguire if that's the guy and i had to have been had to let me dykstra there's a lot of hilarious lenny dykstra story i didn't follow baseball but i know somebody picked him up in a uber one time and and lenny dykstra asked him what they thought lenny dykstra and the dude's trashing him wow and then he's like i don't know i think he's got okay he's like so the charlie sheen watch dude that was charlie sheen's handler basically that was just someone who had his with some guy that saw something that he did and then uh oh that's the one he said he get they gave him a hot dose like charlie that's what the claim is from lenny dykstra i found charlie to be very good congenial he seems great i found him to be a very charismatic he seems like a great dude um a guy that would uh you know he'd get a can of crisco before he gapes your ass uh uh between shots on lucas you know guy would have the decency to crisco up i'll tell you you want to hear my let me tell you hard i'll tell you my ghost story because this is our halloween episode this happened to me at and if i've talked about it stop me this happened to me at the omni hotel in new orleans where we're both going to be for skank fest i don't know if we're staying the omni probably not but i had this crazy fucking dream man and in this dream i'm in antarctica i am in a tent i hear a thump and i go out of my tent and there's a body bag on the fucking in the snow and i unzip this body bag and they're laying in the body bag is a corpse that looks like pete holmes there's a note in his pocket i pull the note out and the note is a love letter to my girlfriend at the time i get jealous so we can really i get jealous i get jealous in the dream right and i grab and like the corpse is alive it's like a zombie and i escorted out of the arctic right woke up with such a weird dream i never write my dreams i wrote it down did you tell pete holmes that's the only fight i think i don't know if i've told him this story the next the next night i'm at the bar in the omni and i asked the bartender are there any ghost stories you know it's new orleans is there any ghost stories about this hotel she's like you want to know the one we're not supposed to tell guests i'm like yeah she's like well a dude chopped his fucking girlfriend up put his put her body parts in a freezer came here jumped off the omni with a suicide note in his pocket and that was my oh that's my only ghost story like i had a that was alive no i know but look up new orleans whoa new orleans look up new orleans hurricane katrina guy cuts his girlfriend up and look what he looks like this is it's like pete holmes dude yeah yeah it's like the way my brain translated it was pete holmes it was the closest i could get to it pull it up look at him you know it's obviously not exactly pete holmes but let's get it let's go look oh it's pretty close yeah so like oh wait no oh sorry that's the girl where's the come on but yeah this this i know that's not pete holmes kind of got the same hair color but sort of you see a note in the freezer yeah you're picking it up a little bit jumbled it's like it made me think like you know the why do you do that again why do you chop his girlfriend up zach bowen i don't know what did she do but this is my only real ghost story like this actually this this actually happened and i didn't know anything about it and like in the dream was so intense that i fucking wrote it down oh that was a little pete holmes like so you're saying that this guy's innocent pete holmes did it look in the back pocket they found a note reading this was in the dream it was in his front pocket but it was in his pocket it's a note in the pocket um if you send a patrol to 826 north rampart you'll find the dismembered corpse of my girlfriend addy in the oven on the stove and in the fridge along with full documentation on both of us and wait please rush to address a small apartment above the voodoo spiritual temple once inside but here in the dream they find a note reading this is my real ghost encounter so why do they live above a voodoo store it's like my stupid brain your brain only has like certain like colors in it that's what a ghost interacts with it's like a printer it's only going to print whatever the colors are on the printer a player piano it's only going to play what it can yeah no i get it that's very interesting actually that's my real ghost encounter so why do they live above a vote voodoo store i don't know but man i would never want to live above no hell no never crazy what got what got into him and was that voodoo store still open well the stuff that they do to program people by the way gnostic vodan is like very popular for those purposes what is that um it's it's i don't know actually it's voodoo but i guess like uh do however you want i don't really understand gnostic means i didn't know that there was gnostic voodoo voodun voodun i don't know how you say it how do you guys say it voodun or voodoo voodah and austin no yeah there you go v-o-u huh put a pronunciation a modern esoteric and magical system it's modern dude it's not voodoo gnosticism martinism thelema and neo-pythagorean so it's everything yeah dude it's a mishmash isn't it yeah it's um go soon voodoo voodoo no shit it's voodoo voodoo okay whatever can you pull up gnostic voodoo on youtube see if we could see anyone doing a ritual and there's also something called the esoteric order of dagon that's a real fucking group what is that dagon yeah it has to do with um getting your uh lizard brain to consume your fucking frontal cortex but i guess metaphorically to unlock the inner whatever they you across these people are gross let's see let's see what this with freighter freighter freighter skyrim i always call them freighter skyrim so are you just saying father but you don't want to say father so you're saying freighter is that what freighter means brother is freighter mean brother like fraternal maybe i don't know let's let's find out a spooky i want to see a ritual hello welcome to talk doses today we're talking to fraser for mary aka eduardo guys look at his little silly face he's making like he's got a girlfriend in the freezer what i live above a voodoo a voodoo shop and nothing to it oh this guy's got my glasses oh my god you're right okay let's see i want to see a ritual i don't want to see these two people i just want to know what he says about it okay let's hear him hear him out hear the freighter out all right let's hear the can afraid to get a table dance the freighter out get afraid to get a table dance uh for those watching at home you will see the link going across the screen definitely pick it up for anybody listening i'm going to put the link below you can also go to eduardo's i don't think that part's germane to them let's get up here will be the the star of of the name and of course is stricter related to religion this is this accident it teaches you how to use blender online i also teach blender read about it in some pages and we don't have the exact idea of what voodoo is how does this just seem like the least magical and somehow related to african well you gotta get you know nothing about this strikes me as particularly magical potent just feels dead and maybe on a title maybe they will think oh do you feel like you know anything more about voodoo religion hey can you do me a favor guys pull up there's something to do the religion maybe i don't know guys pull up kenneth anger pull it pull up angry guy pull up kenneth anger no we don't have the pages my demon brother on youtube anger not inger anger we don't oh and getting in my uh factory this is like to me what it looks more like yeah play that that invocation of my demon brother let's just show kurt this for a second you know it looks like to me more oh god the three golden balls that's from the three balls you know what that is no well i know what i think it is but i think that's the uh mickey mouse is actually made of oh god that's so creepy you could you could keep talking over this it's just like keep playing it it's just uh i you've never seen this before i don't think you're gonna like oh sound sound sound if you massage the sound a bit it's a little bit if you found the original one it can we fast forward a little bit here's one reason why i would never practice uh magic is because it takes as long as church no leave it right here leave it right here keep that is unnatural and i am truly horrified keep playing i didn't know i was gonna be faced with this keep playing go ahead play i don't want to watch an albino on halloween is good luck bad voodoo it's not good voodoo it's good luck this is an actual ritual you're watching a ritual it looks like a bunch that just looks like it looks like a bunch of can you can you get out of this for a second there should be two versions of this one of them supposedly kenneth anger was gonna get uh what's his name try that one the um just fast forward to the cum shots try it so one of them has a better soundtrack which is far more disturbing but kenneth anger wanted to get mick jagger to do the sound for this and mick jagger that's a different kind of thing or go back go back and mick jagger only sent him like basically wasn't sending it to him i was gonna ask you about didn't you like curse him or some shit yeah kind of people are scared of kenneth anger i think he's still alive no he died i thought um oh he's openly gay who would have thought did it is is kenneth anger dead but he oh he died in 2023 i thought he's still alive rest in peace yeah he made a bunch of like really cool pull up scorpio rising on youtube you need to see these things met metzger um i might have seen scorpio i know he's one of the first people oh yes i guess you have to put anger that's so weird that that's the first thing that pops up yo this is bullshit yeah there you go play that scorpio rising you know what i just realized i have what i totally forgot about what is it oh hold on hold on let me just get my hair oh that's so good i need one of those you you i guess it's i guess it's the part of the show where you shame people with bad skin what no i'm fixing my skin you oh my god to turn me around hey guys welcome to the bully part of the show we're a professional bully kurt metzger shames people with acne no we're gonna just start that i've we're gonna restart the entire show you know what this is you know what you're doing don't act like you're not look we'll cut the kenneth anger doing whatever thing it is okay okay i'll have some pimple stars okay oh what is wrong with a 49 year old man wearing pimple stars you know uh uh drape drape drink selsey's no i didn't know that drink drink he came to rock the stink tree drink won't pay for drinks hold on oh how do you do these hold on i'm doing my stars okay here we go they're pentagrams oh you and your penta this one's right there a lot of times we got a zit like there and then usually i'll get one like here on the sides on my head i get them these are medicated let me have one yeah have a couple buddy thanks man see this is a fun way we put bobby lee uh because he was wearing his pimple stars come on he did not have pimple stars on yes he did they were black he did like a slimming black no come put um yeah it's like bobby lee uh bad friends pimple stars blah blah blah no we'll go in video these are hard to pull off yeah well they're medicated there we go i think he was talking to sebastian maneskulko sebastian was talking about driving i'm sure you have something to say about sebastian austin comic it's a kid yeah one of the mothers oh my god i would have liked don't even start don't even start and not mention that you have those must say something you must say something this woman didn't say anything about it no i said you got something on you like you i thought it was like uh from opening a gift that the one of the stickers this is sebastian talking about it dude this is not the thing you just did a sebastian joke where he's shaming people for with skin problems bobby lee is that a thing with you guys my dream is to be wearing these what is that wait what is that you and sebastian both are attacking people actually wearing them no i'm not no that was a bit of sebastian making fun of people with acne like what you like to do okay first of all who's making fun why you're punching down you can't use these for acne number one acne is a under the skin condition i don't know i guess you're an expert on this yeah it helps your bullying thank you i am as a matter of fact i am and in my expert opinion you're being a real flat soda right now i'm not being a flat soda i'm just tired of you attacking the weakest among us people with skin conditions i'm a local austin comic so i'm the there ain't nothing they don't come no weaker you know what it's like they can't do anything about it they wake up in the morning they're covered in a postulant virulent plague-like mess on their face they look they look like they they look like they're they're lepers and you're over here making shaming them and these stars are just some way to beautify their face they live in a constant state of fear and and and sadness and people like you are the reason that shit's happening in ukraine man do you think andrew callahan will do the show i don't know could be a bridge you burned why well but i look see it's like at all anyway bobby lee got to do the greatest gift of all which is wear these pimple stars in front of sebastian maniscalco because you know sebastian sees that he didn't have one on in that clip if he was on this show sebastian i would be wearing these and boy would he get started if his father saw people wearing these and he was alive can you just put a pull up i'll tell you what i do enjoy though can you imagine if his father saw these kids with these can you pull up zip popping video videos i do like watching this it's my father do you ever watch zip popping videos oh no come on oh now we get to the root of it now we now we get to the root of your bullying now let's play some let's play some because now we see what's going on you have zit trauma play some pop right into it which is my favorite oh yeah baby pop that's it look at this kurt look look looking at it this is who you bully no i don't show me more show me more look kurt look oh god look at the glove look at the glove covered in pus look at the glove look at the gloves here take the and take the and watch take the oh yeah show you look kurt look look at your god look at your god behold the face of your creator look show it show it now pop that squeeze oh yeah look at that look at your god stare in the eyes of your lord look at that which created you squeeze excuse me yeah oh here's a good wait hold on oh what a pop what a pop that was a good pop oh yeah come on now that's a blackhead push that baby out come on mo gonna come out of the yard get that mole out of the yard i'm speaking look go ahead i'm sorry go ahead i'm sorry get that off now please thank you i can't even look oh he can't even look oh not so tough now are we bully you gotta take it off not so tough are we now bully when you see the reality when you see what it is what this condition is when you see that pus when you see that whitehead explode when you see the release the caldera look at that oh look at that clump of mashed potatoes look at that that's a thanksgiving meal what what oh does that frighten you does that make you feel sad to recognize what you are to know that one day that's all you'll be pus beneath the earth coughing candy now oh dude i wait oh look at that a little cherished a little cherry flavor in and that part mashed potatoes grandma put a little cherry juice in the mashed potatoes for thanksgiving today yo dude i was fucking going that whole time did you go bye-bye i mean wow i popped like a zit just now why'd you take off my video because i don't want to see it okay okay wait wait never mind this shit let's go you sent me a wonderful uh instagram dunk into the mystery boys uh group text butthole breathing i'm gonna breathe my butthole today we are in the sauna doing red light therapy and i invite you to butthole breathe with me hell yeah when you're ready wherever you are sit up or stand up tall and begin to take a deep inhale for nine seconds in through the nose ready one two three four five six seven eight nine pause and hold the breath squeeze the butthole nine times one two three four five six seven eight nine release the breath for nine seconds imagine the breath coming up the vertebrae and out to the top of the head very nice hold the breath for nine seconds and pump the butthole nine times one two three four five six seven eight nine relax release the shoulders down away from the ears job well done today but hold breathers that's it wait was that the whole why did you send that to me i was doing that i didn't send that to you that's from the i sent it to the group chat did tanner sent tanner did you send this no i sent it but not to you i sent it to the group chat what but okay i didn't know that it was that i just saw the headline wait wait wait um yeah what's next because we have even more keep going there's another one oh ted lou oh yeah i did so why uh are republicans so interested in bill hillary clinton it's because they're trying to distract from the fact that donald trump is in the epstein files thousands and thousands of times in those files there's highly disturbing allegations okay so uh i'm gonna pause ted lou i this is just to illustrate how much ted lou sucks as a guy how why well when i said i'm gonna stop you right there on ted lou which we should stop right there um he goes there are allegations really ted that's that's what you're do i mean like don't don't fucking tell my butthole to breathe and then uh you know i know what you mean don't tell my butthole to breathe i don't know what this is the pelvic floor what am i a chick come on go back don't show me about ted lou and you tell me to stop it now i want to look at this guy dude i don't like the look of him ted lou and it's not an asian thing what is your problem with him he looks like a weird old baby you know how like by the way do you know what the the author of the dao de ching son lao zu do you know what that means no old baby does it mean that it means old baby he's got lao tzu face back and honestly he needs to like grow those kind of old chinese kung fu eyebrows that go like into devil horns i know you mean i know you mean and it isn't an enhance let's punch it it's not a comment on ethnicity it's like it's like there is something to store it's like this new model it's uncanny it's like look if we show like pull up the picture of all the the weird trump demons that they're showing you know you know what i'm talking about that someone put them together it's got that look it's like the the the holographic field that he's using to project a human appearance is is like the tech is like not it's running out of batteries like they came here on ships and their batteries are running out okay who here is familiar with demon face syndrome i am but i would love for you to talk about it well i want you guys to google demon face syndrome because it's an assortment of trump appointees and ted lou yeah demon face syndrome i wanted to bring it up because it's an assortment of trump appointees and ted lou i wanted to bring it up on the last one look at this diagram demon face syndrome show what it looks like because people are saying they invented demon face syndrome to get us ready for what's about to happen which is this is exactly the maga plastic now there's there's representative ted lou yeah exactly yeah let's go back ted lou right there now that is his face and i think it's weird and i think it's gross and i have no problem saying that and now pull it don't you dare cut this up good luck sleeping tonight on the record yeah pull up the good luck sleeping tonight picture you have over there because like this is demon face syndrome is what these fucking trump appointees are beginning to look like what the fuck look at that enhance enhance please zoom in let's do a side to side jesus fucking christ what's this bitch going on who's that broad next to the um stuffed person which one is the stuffed person the one on the right i don't know the i don't know that i'm gonna forget about it i'm gonna forget about it i'm gonna forget about it i'm gonna forget i have these stars on my face and probably have them on later at the premiere of the pilot you should because you forget about them you put them on you set it and forget it yeah but this pull up another one of these appointees that look like this like is that calista flockhart next to uh a uh taxidermied uh who did they taxidermy that's what i want to know i don't know man we go back to that wait wait wait hold on long wait go back to what i just saw what go go back the long the phrase long neck government lady what is that are you were you aware of this katie zacharia zachariah just an easy way to google newly now is it okay to eat ass after zacharia newly appointed newly appointed press secretary who drew social media focus and commentary regarding her neck appearance wait that was real oh here comes demon neck syndrome pull up katie zachariah neck is that real i thought that was fake that's fake that is not real that's fake wait is it real or not no it can't be pull up katie zachariah neck there's no fucking way that's real that's like that that's not real the ring thing that they put on people's neck there should be no other stories in the news besides her neck this can't be real that's what the fuck look why did she cover wow wait wait wait why did katie zachariah cover her neck with a ribbon during her first press briefing fucking shit the reason behind it is truly shocking because she is the wrong that's not the right head for that body they stitch it on during her first press oh my god that's the reason behind it is truly shocking this is the halloween episode right here let's just log in slowly to tiktok and then we'll get right to the bottom which lasted only 14 minutes far shorter than a typical press briefing she spent most of the opening reading from her notes with her head down stumbling and pausing several times and rarely looking up that's the story that's the that's a great that's the halloween story if the woman marries look there's uh chloe the branch interviewing her if you pull the scarf and her head falls off oh she has a husband well that's sweet wait but her husband's not a giraffe wait i don't know if she's a giraffe wait but her husband's not a giraffe wait i don't know if she's a giraffe wait i don't know if she's a wait but her husband's not a giraffe wait i don't understand what look that is a wildly wore a white scarf to distract from her enormously long neck well she is but you know what she'd look really good in what um as like jewelry a pair of stocks from puritan times to just distract from the neck why does she have to keep her neck tilt why does she have ben shapiro eyebrows i i thought that picture of her neck was can we go back to the original picture they're really analyzing the neck on this tokolosh i think if she pulls her hair back it looks crazy now why was she even appointed does her husband already have a job or something scaramouche could last a long time like a puzzled look but i understand why she was doing that important work when her just a husband i don't know ma'am went to pepperdine doesn't seem like hey i wonder if her husband's got a long neck long neck long taint maybe we solve tartaria the last time yeah advantages of long neck well i don't care about her evolutionary looking around looking around corners that's i want to see trump's menagerie of freaks now bring on the bitches with stretched out faces yeah let's see this okay it's halloween and i want to be scared shit i did too scare me bring up those freaks that we were looking at and tell me what the fuck's going on they're not kennedy what kennedy oh kennedy now pull up demon face now pull up demon face okay look that's the one right there all the way to the left we looked at this with heather lid go to the left left yeah okay so click on that and bring up demon face syndrome yeah let's do a side by side go ahead and throw ted lu in there too because i think he embodies it and i think he embodies it and i think he embodies it because what they're saying is demon face syndrome was invented because we're going to start seeing they're beginning to reveal themselves who's saying that the minutes of horror channel that i watch yeah it's one guy it's not me look look look look at ted lu there's a picture of ted lu right next to ted lu can we do side by side with the other pictures we already have ted lu here in the picture luckily i don't know how that happened but let's do a side by side because this is what's happening man the veils are growing thin okay they're making themselves no no is mickey rourke that's a joke look look what does that say demon face go down a little bit there is no real medical condition called demon face syndrome the term is often used on the internet to describe a rare perception disorder known as facial dysmorphia in this condition of dysmorphia dysmorphia dysmorphia in this condition a person sees other people's faces as distorted stretched or demonic even though the faces are normal in reality and it's it's becoming real i gotta take a shit man wait is that a demon face syndrome and it's like don't just show an asian guy and say that i think that's not cool oh look at that's the guy on the on the right side of the screen right as a young man dude what the fuck dude are you telling me that's not young version of that guy so right there that big picture and then look at that old man and you tell me that's not the same that's fucking crazy make sure duncan sees that when he comes back um i thought demon face syndrome is where you they look more like cubic they don't look like an actual goblin like that that's what i thought the that's what i thought the dispo morphopogia wait go back up it's called what it says that demon face syndrome is prosp prosopo metamorphose pose why the p there at the at the end wait let's see let's see let's see it's called that let's see what this guy with his hat backwards says regular human faces into a demon face and i think you can guess what some people are already insisting this condition really is it's called pmo prosopo metamorphopsia or i thought it's called being asian i mean I mean dude Dude if you were a Tesla You'd shut the car down Because you'd think the driver was sleepy You know what I'm saying Why did you put India people Wait go back and look at this Side to side of Trump's menagerie of freaks Dude this is crazy Oh my god No, not that. These aren't them. Now show the demon face syndrome guy next to it. Oh, my God. You know, the guy you just had up before? Where did he go? You had him. Keep going. There he is, right there. Okay. Now put the Trump freaks next to it. The old man on the top right. What the fuck? Yep, look at that. It's the same face. Mystery solved. Mystery solved. the demons have come to the earth the veils have grown thin they're they're whatever they're using to like cover themselves and make themselves seem human it's losing power are we gonna close up now the bottom left corner i don't understand this lady and why are they just showing it like an old yiddish comedian yeah what's that why why did she make why are you putting shecky green she seems fine no not her that's i wouldn't think that's a demon face because i'm not an anti-semite thank you very much yeah that just that doesn't seem like a demon now that chick though right there looks like just a woman who's about 50 yeah what's the big deal she doesn't have demon face that's demon face okay one next to her why'd they throw this lady who you'd be like oh instead of getting surgery she just got a hat what's next to these people what the fuck man no right there okay this guy that's steve winn it looks like steve winn lost at point facelifts and then but this mickey rourke here it's crazy not him pull up mickey rourke the woman is making more mickey rourke's a woman let's just get a reference yeah holy shit that is crazy wait a minute hold on that's just crazy that can't be wait a minute wait look at that one what the fuck yeah we'll be right back because i don't know we will be right back I know this isn't PC to say, y'all, but this is gay as hell. if you put that wig on that fucking what the fuck man so it's not demon face and it was mickey rourke face syndrome it's so creepy how what is going did ai grab his picture is that what i'm looking at or is that a i don't know man i mean it's so so weirdly similar that it's it's shocking see the lips in the well look at that handsome man on the left yikes what does that what does that say um about the face though because that face in the illustration it was it say it as a growth oh okay that's what people PMO is a rare disorder causing individuals to perceive faces as grotesque or distorted often uh linked to conditions like migraines epilepsy or brain injury or being high as fuck um yeah well you gotta take care of your brain dude holy shit man what's going on I don't know dude but people have Mickey worse Mickey work face syndrome it's not demon face what's going on uh no you don't have to look up galaxy gas we have galaxy gas we're good we're fine on that uh what is this oh it's the condition okay one should not confuse PMO with proso you poor face recognition it's so easy to get the two mixed up without visual distortions yeah PMO in this case seems to be an extremely rare condition people diagnosed with it tend to perceive faces as stretched out of position position or place abnormally larger or smaller or simply a droopy face so if I perceive you with a droopy face it must be because I'm crazy kids are huffing new flavored nitrous oxide until they develop tremors seizures and then they're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die don't eat ass kids let's read this I just now saw that great work okay just move it a little to there I don't want to waste a single inch of this precious thing move it a little over this way so I can read it it's incredible title is what have I done wait I can't read it you're scrolling too much okay it's been over a year since I put the down I put it down because I couldn't afford it anymore how much were you spending on is this a dentist I just looked up reddit poop too much and then this came up well don't call me when it happens and I noticed how much of a kid I'd become about this shit I'm in recovery from it I didn't think no2 had any side effects besides just wasting your money okay and maybe fishing out from time to time aka seizure after reading up on it more recently I see it does in fact have side effects okay hold on where's this from I wonder and I'm quite sure I'm still recovering from my synth six month long no2 habit do you know how valuable scientifically this is because it tells you how long you can have like a habit yeah I don't think Kanye's lasted much longer than that six months is a long time Kanye had a very eventful six months and then he apologized to the jews you don't hear that anymore okay I'm does this guy deny the holocaust at the end of this okay I was I was doing a lot every day I'll just say that leave it at that about a year ago I started to get real sick oh shit his username developing impactions in my bowels which I don't know why I'm saying that but I don't know why I'm saying that which wound me up in the ER. Ended up having surgery because my rectum. Oh, my God! It all goes back. We're back to prolapses. Essentially, one day, my GI tract stopped. Was that from this? No, I can't be from this. I lost 60 pounds. Oh, that's good. What if he was 70 pounds? That would suck. My back and hips hurt all the time because I got gaped. Is everything coming back to gaping on this? Why? Why? He's asking if it's the n***as. Any insight is appreciated and welcomed. I don't know, dude. That's a long habit for a night out. What have I done, says, like, whoa. Yeah, you fucked up, like, whoa. Too much n***as. That's a lot of f***ing n***as, bro. Too much n***as, man. Okay, wait. I guess Reddit is good. I thought it sucked, to be honest. Did you supplement with B12? What? That's a crazy thing. B12 will fix you. I'm a middle-aged n***as user, and I supplement with B12. That's good. I got to put that in my bio. You know, as a 49-year-old n***as user. Middle-aged n***as user. It's important to watch my B. Do we have any vitamin sponsors that want to. You know, do n***as smart. That's what I said. Okay. Um. Okay. Let's keep going. I need my. Baby needs his bottle. Yeah, make sure they know, and you might have to educate them a bit. A lot of docs and neurologists don't know fully the damage. Wait, what? I'm a fully trained medical doctor, and I have never heard of any damage from it. F***. It has affected my ability to feel hunger. I have lost so much weight. I need to pee when I drink any. What is happening? A man became a straw? Okay, this is getting to be a downer, dude. It's so great. I just want to feel like this all the time. Like the Reddit post? This is the best feeling there is. Boy, Halloween is a terrible time. All right, go back. This is not good. I didn't like this one bit, I have to tell you. This guy blew his asshole out. We don't know if it's from n***as, although the nozzle there. It's not from n***as, I promise you that. Don't boof your n***as. Couldn't hurt you. That was really upsetting and gross. Oh, says the guy who can't watch a zit get popped. I mean, I don't think there's one. You're a man. Pull up zit popping videos. No, don't. Do you know that we need a usable part of the podcast? Can you just pull up zit popping videos? For the love of God. Will you please pull up zit popping videos? Will you please not do that? I like to do n***as and watch zits get popped. I don't know who to listen to. We got to cut the n***as too. Listen to me. Listen to me. Trust me. This is good for the show. Do not trust him. It's not good for the show. It's good for the show. It's poison. You're all yelling at me. It's fucking gross. Sorry, dude. Sorry, Tanner. And we're going to get clipped. Tanner, I'm sorry. This is very gross. Tanner, pull up a fucking zit popping video! Oh! hey everybody it's me buster and halloween is here we're gonna have a lot of fun this halloween but for all the kiddos watching i want you to be very careful when you get your halloween treats don't take anything that's been that's been opened and whatever you do watch out for pieces a paper that have stars on them these are being given out by hippies and they contain lsd a very powerful psychedelic drug that's designed to open your consciousness and your mind and you might be wondering why don't i want to open my mind buster well that's because you got to keep your mind closed right now it's a season of the witch and if you start opening your mind you're going to realize we're all one thing a perfect unification of consciousness a sink is incubated type of simultaneous oneness and difference instead of thinking about stuff like that why don't you go to the park and you go into a nice bush and you just crouch down in the bush and you jerk off you jerk off in a park halloween that's what you should be doing jerking that cock until you spray white-hot jizz all over the autumn leaves this has been buster's halloween message this story is echoing right through the shitter by the way it sounds crazy there's someone observing every part of this shut the fuck up i want you to fucking listen for once i want you to listen i'm going to show you something okay i'm going to show you real fucking magic so sick of you besmirching many of my friends who practice magic and are incredibly wonderful people you're getting people fucking killed you piece of shit now i'm going to show you real magic something that i learned something that's incredible is going to blow your mind so watch i want you to watch this is called translocation behold and prepare hey welcome to the mystery boys i'm uh kerpsmexican and i'm digler punt uh yeah i'm uh hot off of the watching the great new netflix uh documentary on uh rachel ray gunn the break dancer man that was the most inspirational thing i've ever seen i i gotta make my kids watch it now you mean as far as like you could you could be a uh You mean as far as like you could be a. could do anything you want you could uh well what did you think of you could be some guy's beard that dresses like this sure if you want it well she is she should have won i just like the main part of that documentary it's clearly she's a beard she's a beard that's what you took away from it i took away from it she's an example for all of us of courage queering the space of break dancing i saw her hard work yeah well uh rachel your husband sammy sex is queering the space of your heterosexual marriage that space has been queering the space you ever queered a space i probably you've never queered a space i don't know what is i think i i think i have um also what's wrong with you what is your voice weird uh i don't know man just a little under the weather man i've been like waking up tired yeah weird okay well um on this show as you know you you you you we like to have free free and fair discourse um we've had a a guest in the past now i i i i would think he'd be controversial but he was not his name was uh blah day uh so it reads blade but it's blah day he's vampire hunter in the austin area and uh he was here talking a lot of shit and i like that i like shit talking i support him but i'm gonna let the other side because you know a guy like blah day is gonna have a lot of rivals and a lot of opposing viewpoints true that okay and uh so uh this is an opposing viewpoint against uh what blah day was saying and i think it's only fair that we air it because we don't believe in suppressing uh other you know absolutely not we want all angles covered at the mystery boys that's right and that's the point of the mystery boys that's the point of my think tank turning point sam tripoli and that's always been the case and i've always said that so let's bring in our guest uh i don't know how to say his name but i think he's going to help me hey man hey welcome hello how are you boys good how are you tell me i say your name uh uh i it was uh tea vein tea vein like wait like sven no i know it's not silent you you you put the hard tea pronunciation oh like your name's like like your first name is tea like to drink and your short for transylvania maybe or like t-pain but t-vain you know oh like t-pain okay that's cool yeah all right that is undeniably cool yeah i freestyle sometimes it's not a big deal really what is this rival now okay um t what do i call you t-vain so t-vain you are a vampire to vein can i ask you i mean i don't know if i wanted i don't know if i identify as a vampire but i mean i'm just normal like you okay well i just want to you have fangs what do you mean you have fangs would you consider yourself to be a feminine what about t-fang that's a good name t-fang because you know i'm sorry to hold this up but t-vain just sounds sounds like you're named after like a dong dude sounds like a penis thing the t-vain remember we you're asking me if i'm a feminine yeah are you seem effeminate he's the one talking about dongs and stuff like that okay look look i'm not here to deal with anybody what do you mean i don't understand what you're saying okay big possum beta let's slow things way the fuck down i'm just saying t-fang is a better name than t-vain just to me because he has visible fangs so what there's a lot of better names your name could be better yeah what is your name again because mexico uh kirpa sets sexker yeah there's a lot of better names in that well i don't know you i'm giving you can't just you can't rewrite someone's name yeah i was born this way hundreds of years i'm a writer i i write you know i can't help it well you it's rude oh you're saying i have the edgar so i have been trying to get it's a great look that i've been trying to get and i have could ed go but yeah no no that's right now now t-vain um this guy is what they call an edgar you know do you know how like all little little kind of hispanic kids dress like i've tasted many edgars yeah well that haircut what do you mean that's like the jersey shore for mexican for desert mexicans that's like a saying you feed on mexican children i i we all eat mexican food do we not no do we not all eat mexican food i love it okay there you go end of discussion why are you being so weird little piggy mailman i guess you got me on the one man um okay i feel like it already got away from us i can't believe you're eating little kids though i mean i eat like a burrito okay do you know what's inside the burrito lettuce guacamole pollo means chicken did you say bojo or pollo oh it's bojo it might be boy on there wow looks like you got three fingers pointing back at you duncan this is fucked up man what a little big a little bit of uh a cataplysm of kids named edgar they're not look a lot of them are in their 20s they just look young what is this taha can you read that it looks like a deleted street fighter character tia hawala poochie monster ah um is this uh what is this like uh you're not one of them dusk till dawn vampires though no but great film uh you like it great film oh wait first of all i want to thank the the production of uh your mystery boys for taking into account my enormous size when they set this up for much smaller people there are ableists you are a tall glass of mud aren't you i'm only five nine if you look it up uh i'm only one inch taller than joe rogan if you look it up well i am curious about this would you see a vampire movie where vampires are used to being a vampire and you're not a vampire and you're not a vampire and you're not a vampire and you're not a vampire and you're not a vampire and you're not a vampire vampires are vampires are usually the bad guys does it bother you that this is the sort of stereotype specifically blade because that or blah day excuse me i'm not gonna hear the end of that when he gets here this is blah that guy i'm trying to get to you know also why are you all fucked up what's wrong with you i don't know man for the last few nights i've been having these weird fucking dreams it feels like my window so my window opens up i i see like a light that's the most beautiful light i've ever seen and then i wake up and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i wake up and i'm i'm exhausted and just feel bad i'm just putting on my my reflective vampire vest uh well your blood levels are very good so i can i can feel you can tell just from looking at oh just from you guys been hanging out um how do you know this guy because i don't understand i don't know him at all i thought you booked him uh i think tanner booked him because he wouldn't want to respond to blade's uh charges you know blade you booked me you booked i guess i booked him and then i had him on the show who is you me oh oh he means is in you okay i thought there was an asian here are those one tanner's filipino friends uh somehow got in why did i book him wait um why am i looking at the theranos bitch so i can finally defeat blah day okay yeah so i'm gonna get to that but it's just weird how your voice is all fucked up you know somebody's against me here and i'll find out who it is are you somebody's been sabotaging me for the last week and a half and i and i'll i'll root it out of this office don't think i won't i know that does seem like on purpose guys okay that's a trap well he sat in your chair so that's a trap uh now he's people are phasing into my chair he can't it's just very strange um but uh anyway look i don't like to make this a political show you know that i'm trying to get to the bottom of uh what uh to vein and blood days issues are yeah what's going on with you two are you in a vampire war he's been my arson nemesis for many many years and he's trying to destroy my people so of course we have conflict and that is the trans community yes transylvanian community right yes yeah i know hey i've been around so whenever you get nervous as a trans community transylvania i've been a part of the trans community for hundreds of years yeah i could i could tell in your accent and you got that look you know with the fucking uh weird white eye pupils what is the why what's with your eyes why are they like that yeah what do you mean my eyes are just like you're two humans eyes are you getting zesty yeah they look they look zesty a little bit you want some of daddy's cereal did you uh tanner write that down for our patreon that is one of the products daddy's cereal and i want to have we'll talk to him about the licensing but you can have it so you you're kind of alluring i guess that's part of the vampire thing right like you're just sort of hypnotic yeah sometimes people look into my eyes and then i can start making them feel certain things dream certain things are you a drug dealer is this are you is this your drug dealer i'm not a drug dealer yeah blood guy you just are you more of like a dope dealer or something um like i've known you for a thousand years i mean i've been many people's connects over the years yes i mean i've lived many lives really hundreds of years i mean you've been many people's connect over the years tell me about some of the things you've engaged in i mean i guess wait how old are you i gave ray charles heroin back in today really you gave it to me you didn't even sell it i didn't even sell it i was just like you look like a guy who needs this god already took your eyesight it's weird because if if someone saw you next to him they would think he was you were just one of his uh blonde white trans friends right blind blind blonde yes you know he's a blindy and his eyes look a lot like yours but yours seemed your people oh is he faking he probably wasn't even blind was he i can't believe just like helen keller had all five senses fully working you just candid him sacks of heroin yeah he seemed like a cool guy you know are you sure it wasn't jamie fox playing him you know it was actually no it was actually ray charles how old are you i mean we don't really like to say our age but i'm over like 700 years old wow that's pretty old man what were you before you got turned into a that's very old what'd you do were you like a shepherd or what'd you do i worked in fields yes a lot i used to get berries uh used to bring them in you were a berryman you would just pick berries i'd pick berries i wasn't the most masculine out of like my city and village so like they'd send me out i get the berries i'd forage a little bit yeah bring in different things me and some of the my gal pals tell me about that tell me about your gal pals oh i love love my gal pals um obviously they were still alive with me but they did not get turned into vampires i actually fed on them it was quite sad and um you know sometimes you kill your own friends on accident tell me about when you were turned vampire nearby vampire nearby did you guys hear that it fell no i heard i heard it was kind of like the wind but it's kind of like words did you fucking let this guy um i'm just gonna put it to you don't you so i know you have a thing with people that are into drinking blood um did this guy drink you did you let this motherfucker drink you he definitely doesn't have any holes in his body not that we can see visibly but i know there's places there's a lot of places on the human body get blood out of there we ain't looking at are we i never seen him in my life are you sure i'm pretty sure okay you're sure you're not just having forgetfulness from uh being drained uh through uh well you know where if i bet you and i'm this is just an old i'm just saying this is just an old i'm just saying this is just an old mystery solving i've perfected a technique over the years that sucked on his taint i know what you do it's gross okay i do have two holes in my tank that i thought were from the dog that's why they do that because you blame the dog well might have been from me have you been draining my tank wait well i don't like when you put it that way but yes okay i'm let's meet some kinky texans for first of all you do know blah day right this isn't just you you're his uh blah blah day is my arson nemesis he's been hunting me for years i can't stand the man um okay vampire nearby vampire i swear there's somebody like there's like whispering vampire but you guys have an alarm system in here what's going on here you probably have heightened senses what is this video here i want to see this meet the van the kinky texans who drink blood let's meet them do you know any of these people these probably friends of yours of course they're very nice awakening i i ran off with it like an absolute and uh i was just so empowered by it i didn't care what anybody turned off some of the closed captions oh i know that guy what do you mean no i know that that's that other mystery group oh you don't know that guy for real you're the one that told me about him because this guy's been drinking out of your taint now your memory's this is why i tell you to watch who you hang out with bringing a lot of problems down uh that's what's his fucking head um um um no you're close close but not that um uh chick shambuski chick shambuski all right he solves mysteries and hangs out with vampire it's real weird here all right yeah he's like the indiana this whole austin scene is dude it's full of fucking vampires and vampires in the nearby vicinity okay go on wait why don't you know vampire court of austin is essentially a town hall for all of austin's uh awakened vampires other kin and uh human supporters or black swans that assist us with our you know everyday life and what we do with the court as well it's essentially a safe haven uh for anyone who applies and wants to be part of our kind of family uh style group um to learn are you part of that family i'm an honor i remember okay let's see logan and uh my wife and i have uh uh been okay chip take your wife's name uh almost two years yes fingers five today we got together we uh we uh decided to have an open relationship coming up see i told you i'm gonna pause this fingers and then this is okay okay okay press press pause press pause so there's a vampire court let me guess let me see you tell me if i'm even most of what vampire court deals with is horseshit from being in polycules they mostly adjudicate polycule bullshit and what is a polycule please correct me if i'm wrong but it's basically a snake ball of fuglies hold on wait you you're i don't that's not this is a bunch of god knows what's sticking who can't give a shit they're talking about like the royal court this isn't like judge judy then i'm even more right because you said you when you heard vampire you think court gossip is not pure judge judy have their own vampire court well i don't think it should be legally recognized no but it's a lot like uh this the orthodox jews have them the sharia that muslims get they got their own and that's where these disgusting polycules again throw them in a barrel seal it up vampire crime cannot seize until the white star is dead yo does someone i heard i heard something someone's like breaking in bloody is here the black abyss you will end your life tonight stop right now immature real immature the blood eh first of all you were invited to come you don't have to stalk us and drop from the ceiling that's one thing yeah thanks i'll just go ahead just uh let go of that just go ahead and let go of that let him do it do what let him grab your dick with that thing oh and then he can oh he can lift my cock up and drain my tank too and then we can both become his willing flaws ♪ Dust and debris ♪ ♪ All over the floor ♪ ♪ Sabres touching soul ♪ ♪ Plutonium declare war ♪ ♪ Plutonium, see me ♪ - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. - Come on. - This is not a union shoot. We can't be doing special fucking choreographies and whatever. - Go ahead, come on. - Now look, I didn't want to take out this walrus baculum. And you know that I will use it. And ain't, yo, that ain't gonna work today. This is a penis bone of a walrus. And I know you know what this is. A man 700 years old knows exactly-- - I've been with a few walrus bones in my time. - Fuck you. - Okay. - We don't get along. - We should have probably had a seat for Blake. I don't understand what they're doing. I don't understand what their beef is. - Bloody, I'm sorry. - Listen, can you just-- - He's controlling my hand. - Look, look. - Bloody, I'm sorry. - No! - Hold it, hold the trigger. - Okay, look, guys. I'm trying to run a podcast here, okay? I'm not trying to do a fucking-- - Get that shit away from me. - You look like, I feel like I'm on one of them little buses with a bunch of fucking elbow crutch kids getting in a fight about a-- Okay, come on. - See what I'm talking about? - Bloody, go in the voice of God. - God, a section. - What did you do to me? - Okay. - I controlled you for just mere moments. You will return to your human form very soon. - He made you into his Mitch McConnell. - I'm sorry, Bloody! - All right, that's the only way you-- Now, by the way, that little tableau you just acted out is gonna be the only way you can cum from now on. So I hope that was worth it. You will never be able to cum through normal means again now. - Says the man holding a walrus penis bone. - Well, it is, I gotta tell you, the power is-- - It is, I gotta tell you, the power is-- - It is, I gotta tell you, the power is-- You feel like it coursing through you when you grip this thing. You wanna try it? - Sure, I'd love it. - It's a lot of power. - Don't give him that baculum. - I'm just letting him touch it. oh wow that's nice that's nice right oh yes very good yes yes it's a good one he's controlling you already um nobody sucked on my taint all right now look not yet there's been a lot of confusion there's been a lot of confusion so far this podcast and a lot of um it looks like a lot of tough editing is what's ahead of us really if i'm being honest looks like there's gonna be a lot of tough edits ahead so i'd like to know uh what is the beef between you and blah day and blah day ostensibly i know he's a vampire hunter but i've never had it satisfactorily established for me that he hunts vampires so what is your beef with him as far as i know he just like kills homeless people well i do live on the streets occasionally so he might have mistaken me for a homeless person you don't seem like you do so you're telling me that you a real vampire was uh living on the streets and he mistook you for a homeless and uh tried to uh blood day is any of this accurate does he have a mic maybe so okay listen i wasn't smart with my finances over all the 700 years i've been on the street and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time You have ups and downs, okay? I've been bankrupt at least 42 times in my life. The economy is going. Yo, diesel's going way up, too. Yeah, that's got to affect vampires. It's going to get worse before it gets better. Brent Crude. And plus, if you're drinking the blood out of this guy with his fucking sugars. Wilfred Brinley. I met him at a wits' burning. What? I met T-Vane at a wits' burning. Oh, is it T-Vane? It's not T-Vane. You're saying it with an extra stank on it. He's saying it right. I like to pull a little stank on it. You're saying T-Vein, like his mom's name is Keisha. That's exactly what I'm doing. But it's T-Vein, like he's from Transylvania. Anyway, I thought it was trans. So Trans-Vein, you're saying. Yes. He said, are you trans? And then he tried to throw me over a bridge. I was like, what the fuck, man? I seen him sleeping near Lady Bird Lake. And I was like, oh, look, a Transylvanian. And I tried to pick him up, and the motherfucker tried to bite me on my dick. There's a natural hole there for the blood flow. Of course I'm going to start with the penis. It doesn't matter what the fuck it is, T-Vayne. I'm going to start with the penis. It doesn't matter where the hole is. Your big black dick was waving in my face. I'm going to go for it, okay? Shit, bite me on my neck like a regular motherfucker. Fuck you. I'm going to suck your dick later. Okay. What happened? Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh! That is our grabber. We need it. Do not use our grabber. I mean, I, I, it's, it's, I, and, well, you're lucky if you can even grab it. Let him grab your dick with that thing. I bet he can now that it was broken by Blah Day. It's not broken. Cheer up, silly man. Do you know, by the way, this is the tip of the baculum, this part. You would think that, because it's got such an. Yeah. Don't make me break my own grabber. You would think this would be a place to stop. That's a really big threatening move right there. Don't make me break my own grabber, bitch. That's the title of a song we had. It's not a big deal. Don't make me break. That's right. Don't make me damage my own property. Curp sex a kid and the pig man. So I met him at a witch burning where all the bitches was, right? Uh-huh. And then I was like, yo, you know what I'm saying? I'm just here just trying to get used to witch pussy. What, were they burning with chlamydia? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're welcome. And so, anyway, I was there, and this motherfucker tried to grab my ass, and I was like, oh, shit. It's a motherfucking vampire. Yo. You know? Mm-hmm. And then after that, man, we just been at it ever since. I love me some dark meat. So, this is kind of a. Say some shit again. I said I love dark meat. Fuck you. Wow. Real fire and ice. Fire and ice. and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've never been on the street for a long time. being on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time. being on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time and i've been on the street for a long time. So, okay, long story short, because this guy drank out of Duncan's taint, and I don't know if Duncan told you he has diabetes, did it taste too sweet? Because you drank out of a diabetic man. It was very, very sweet, and that's why I kept going back for his taint. It was very nice. Well, you didn't help the show, T-Vane. You fucked it up because now Duncan is puking because he has diabetes problems. I mean. That's what I said. Meanwhile. You live some, you diabetes some. That's just how it goes. So look, we're going to cover the stories of the day with Blood Day and Tavane. Now, are you guys familiar? Put your sword down. It looks like a big black dick coming out of your crotch. Stop it. You're getting me excited. Stop it. Yeah. Don't unsheathe that. Enough. Do not unsheathe your big black sword. Stop it. Look, just have it next to you like a stick for a minute. This is blocking the screen, so I need to talk about this. Yeah. Dude, I like how you have it like you're going to try to blow yourself okay what why wouldn't you just keep it like this like with the handle up in case you need it there you go now there's now you're a samurai all right um now are either of you familiar with uh looks maxing we're real big on it here at uh at the uh you know mystery boys Love looks maxing yes You familiar with looks maxing Blood day Fuck T-Vein Okay look Now I know you want to turn this into a no jumper episode But it's not that No I don't know what looks maxing is This is not where we settle your god damn Let's put aside our differences for a moment Just so we can look at the subjects Put your street beefs down for two seconds He just like him Okay but it sounds like you're a little jealous That he likes him if I'm being quite honest and I'm surprised because I wouldn't have thought that but there's some kind of tension between the two of you I'm not telling you how to live your lives I'm just saying I noticed it was a very half-hearted karate fight and I think we have it on tape that it didn't look like a genuine fight I mean if I'm telling I was asleep when it happened I was asleep when it happened I started mind controlling him to slow the blades that way it wouldn't pierce my body oh no shit man what happened to him Clavicular Okay, so clavicular Do we know why he calls himself that? Anyone? Anyone at the booth know why clav? Because it's clavicles That's a collarbone, right? Below the area where I typically Sink my teeth into the neck Yeah, I mean, it really does sound like someone who's a blood prostitute What they would call themselves Clavicular? Oh, yes What sounds like a syndrome that you have Or something like that? Clavicular syndrome - Yes. - Well, yeah, there's, I think they should name one after him because he's been charged with the grape, I guess. I don't know what, do I just blank out? By the way, is that normal that you have to bleep out the name of an actual crime that can happen? All right, whatever. He's been charged with grape. So not a good look smaxing in my book. And I'm sorry to make this controversial, but I say that's not a good look. No, I'm very against grape. What's look smaxing? It's when, well, look at that picture. It's when you're a guy that says, hey, I'm going to, I still don't, you know what? Just give him a definition. Can you pull up the definition? What is look smaxing? It's hard, honestly, I've always had a hard time explaining extreme white things to black people. And I feel dumb when I tell them. I've been called extreme white my entire life. Tell them what happened in 1852. I don't want to. Okay, all right, well, you don't have to. And I don't think anything, the viewers care, and I don't think anyone in the booth cares what happened. So you guys, your secret's safe. I care. Do you want to say what happened? No, what's look smaxing? It's an online trend and self-improvement practice focused on maximizing a person's physical appearance. You can read more about its history at look smaxing Wikipedia. Let's see how Wikipedia is. It mainly targets teenage boys and young men. So you know how chicks like magazines make them feel ugly? Back in the day, they'd go, yeah, magazine, I'm ugly. Now they made it for dudes. Did you know that that's a wig he have on and that's not really that person's hair? This is my hair. I did suspect that because I thought vampires, they lose their hair, you know, because it's like gross what they do. Wait, where is it? I don't see nothing but blackness. The black heart of T-Vein. Easy, blah, there's right next to you. Okay, come on. That's not. What is it not pop up on Wikipedia? It's not loading right now. What the fuck? Have you ever heard of looks vaxxing? Looks vaxxing? No, what is that? It's when you get vaccinated just so you can put it on social media. Oh, yeah, those aren't his real eyes either. What the fuck is your problem? Blah day. I'm sitting here with you. I've said I've put aside my differences and you keep coming at me. You know, I want to have a productive podcast, but sadly, that's what the people like beef, you know? Well, there's probably going to do very well. This episode because people like this horse shit and not. We're trying to get to the bottom of what happened to Clavicular. Free Clavicular, first of all. Right. Free Andrew Tate. Yes. Let me tell you two things. Mystery Boys is founded on one one is free is we're going to we're going to find the real like whatever date is find the real killer. Yeah. And free Andrew Tate to now we have a new mission free. Clavicular. Clav. Oh, hard maxing. What's that? Oh, will you read it, please? TV? My eyes are bad. You've got good vampire eyes. Hard Maxing is a subset of looks. Maxing that refers to more extreme practices in order to achieve significant changes to one's appearance and facial structure. These include off label or unauthorized use of substances such as anabolic steroids, peptides, human growth, hormones. Aromatase inhibitors. Yes, that's so you don't get tits. Vase loss medications to achieve a taller stature, more masculine appearance and refreshed page. Wait, go to the top because I want to get the very top definition. OK. Online self-improvement practice from the manosphere. Shut the fuck up. Focused on maximizing your blah, blah, blah. The term is a. A neologism, which is coined on incel message boards. What's the incel? Did you know his teeth scratch people? Yeah, they do. Duncan had to leave, as a matter of fact, because of being drained. Yeah, I drained his taint. So big deal. Wow. OK. Yes, he tasted very delicious. I didn't say he was going to be puking and have to leave the podcast. That's my bad. OK, well, I mean, it's I don't think that's ethical to to feed on a diabetic personally. But I mean, everybody look, Doug is a big boy. He knows what kind of parties he's going to. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. He knows the party's going to hanging out with this. Maybe he'll think twice about hanging out with Donnie Rothschild now. That's another another. That's a whole other thing that I'm not getting into. Anyway, so this boy here, Glavicular, he is the number one. So he's on the incel forum. I'm saying he took the black pill. You know, the black bill is. He said, yeah, it's Molly. It's not is not. Oh, and by the way, typically, Molly does not come in black. Don't take it. Somebody tells you Molly is a black belt. Don't take that. Mm hmm. OK, wait a second. So Blackpill is where you learn that the only thing that matters is your looks. Oh, in this world, there's only one thing that matters, which is your outer wrapper, you know, your outer shell. And so that's why you will never get ahead in life unless you do it. This Glavicular kid did and do shit that typically bitches would do. Mm hmm. You know, like, you know, chicks worry about that kind of shit originally. But now this kid is because he's a ex blood boy to fucking Peter Thiel or some shit. And did you know he can actually grow a mustache? Did you notice? Well, I see a little bit of stache coming in. It's very blonde. It was 1852. Just go ahead and tell us. Damn story. If you can bring up the Wikipedia page. I feel like you're not learning what looks maxing is. And also it's called Wikipedia, not Wikipedia. That's what? Wikipedia, not Wikipedia. There's a lot of nuance there. That's right. Thank you. OK, let's see. Our job Romano, right? Hey, could you? I've always wondered what? Ah, AJ Romano. I want to know what she looks like. I've always just wanted to know what? Aha. Aya Romano and the T in his name don't stand for Teresa. What? I didn't. Well, I don't think that claim was made. Oh, it was 1852. Oh, let's take a look. OK, well, she would probably be on the other end of looks maxing. Like, is it not not doing that? OK. Former senior culture. Writer. So I don't know if you remember the Wokey times. Do you remember them? They feel like a weird memory. It feels like a long time ago. The years of yesterday. Yes. Quite a while ago. Is this even the same one? There's like 50 of them. I don't know. This might just be a separate. Yaha. Haha. Romano. I just want to see the. She used to write for Pajiba. Remember Pajiba? How tired is pussy supposed to be? And is it supposed to smell like shit? Riddle me this one was 1852. OK, look, there's no way this sounds like this has been a conflict brewing for a long time. OK, so we just repeat what you said. Well, I just going to have to settle this, I guess. I was hoping to help my man clavicular because he's being arrested for grape. And also he shot some weird chemical in a girl's face that ate a hole through a cheek. Mm hmm. Who hasn't done that here? I mean, yes, we all shoot substances into ladies cheeks. It burn a little bit at certain times. It was 1852. OK. That was a long time ago. OK, but say the thing you just said. OK, you want me to tell what happened in 1852? Tell him. All right. Boy, we were Eiffel Towering a girl and our penises touched. That's right. We talk. OK, now, OK, I can get my head around that, but they touched like inside the girl. Yes. How? So you're dick. So you're telling me. Mm hmm. Because Eiffel Tower is on. Each side. Am I getting this wrong? No, that's right. So this is old fashioned pig. That's right. And inside your dicks touched inside the person. Yes. Well, I think the only person who should be mad in this scenario is that girl. I imagine she's passed on now because she exploded. OK, she exploded. Eight fifty two is a year of friendships. Do lame brahman and made in the orgy room, high five and mid pump like a couple of clowns blinding. White flash interrupted their pound. Something went wrong when the maid went pop blast. So big it made the whole orgy stop to donks. Clacking helmets for the smoke and dust. TV lost the fan and said, bro, that was nuts. I know. I put her in the. She ran up my. Grenade and then dicks. Touched. I know that dicks touched. Bloody. TV. Fighting to the. Pain. TV won't be. Rose again. They double team. I made. She. Blast. Apart. Like. A good. Grenade. And then dicks. Touched. That dicks. Touched. I said that dicks. Touched. OK, well, I feel like you buried the lead on the story a little bit, so you OK, so you're both vampires. Where's your teeth? Teeth? I never changed my shit. My shit was always fucked up. So I didn't have to really, like, do shit. Okay. So just to recap what's going on here, there's a certain degree of resentment between the two of you because in 1852, you Eiffel Towered a lady. Yeah, she exploded. And she exploded. And he realized I was a vampire because, you know, the supernatural abilities, like, when I infiltrated the woman, she exploded, and our penises touched, and ever since then, he's been hunting me. So what's the part that you're. Okay, look. What's the part of that situation that you're upset about, you would say, mainly? Our dicks touched. Okay. Burt. So, okay. So do you think that, really, that's the main part of the story? The main part of the story for both of you is that your dicks touched and not that a woman exploded? Nah, a bitch is gonna explode. That shit, that shit, that just happens. It happens. Dicks don't touch all the fucking time. No, no, no. No, more than they should. I'll give you that. And I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I had a hole in my tank. Well, you did touch dicks. I mean, it's kind of leading them on, isn't it? Pick it up. Pick it up. Listen, I wouldn't touch. Pick it up. No. He gets very upset when we do our choreographed fights. Okay. I'm gonna put. Look, I'm gonna put this out there, and I can't. He won't even let me grab his penis one time. Well, don't get me started on Frederick Douglass and what he did. Yeah, that was 1852. I know what date it was, motherfucker. It was a big year. Yeah, the video camera had just came out. And guess who was the first one with one? Frederick Douglass. Can you pull up? Can you pull up? Oh, I don't even know if that shit even out there. Look at this motherfucker. Frederick, yeah. What about him? You don't like his hair? No, he said blacks and whites should get along and like all this stuff, right? So we was at the witch burning contest. Not the witch burning, the witch burning thing. And then he said that all witches don't have to be burned. Sometimes you can just bond together by making her explode. Now, I don't got the ability to make a bitch explode, but I'm not a vampire. I do. Bitches be exploding when I go inside them. And our dicks touched. You mentioned that. Okay. And I woke up with a hole in my tank. All right. So you feel there was some form of. I didn't feel shit. But I'm saying now emotionally, you feel like there was some form of assault. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But you can't arrest a vampire. Because if you do life, he's just going to live forever regardless. Okay. Wow. What happened to clavicular? Yeah, we put it. Where'd he go? Wait, did he get. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why? Wait, go back, go back. Did you see what that just said? Why clavicular should not get leg lengthening surgery? Hashtag doctor. Did you notice it? Will you please. Did he get leg lengthening surgery? Oh, wow. What is that? What is that? And they always make you taller. $500,000 on surgery to go from 6'2 to 6'6. That is more about presence. You walk into a room, people notice, right? Because people will come up to me and they'll say, oh, well, 6'2. You know, that's already very tall. But in terms of percentiles, it's only 91st percentile, right? 6'6, we get to 99. What? Is this guy for real? I mean, you're 6'2. You want to go to 6'6? Is he 6'2? Clav? Yo, 6'2. I mean, a lot of people are not 6'2. I don't know. I don't know what the hell he's talking about. Oh, he's 5'11. So this is another thing. So I guess looks maxing is completely transitioning into a woman where you lie about all your shit, your weight, your height, your fucking. It's just basically turning guys into a Twinkies. You know? Yeah, just like a. Oh, well, let's see the black belt. Will you read that, please, to me? Oh, yes. This is a black pill. It's a dark. Online belief system claiming that a person's romantic and social fate is completely fixed by their physical appearance and genetics, which leaves no room for change or hope. So that's what black pill means. I have a poem about a black pill. All right. Would you like to hear it? Yeah, I would like to hear it. Black pill, white pill. Why can't we all just get along? Oh. You swallow yours. I swallow mine. Goddamn. Look at that dong. Shorten it up. Shorten it up, man. I didn't mean to turn you on. I'm not really like that. Our dongs touch. 19, 50, 18, 52. I get the dates mixed up, boo. Blah day. Blah day. It's night, but blah day. Wow. I feel like that poem told more of the story than the attempts to tell the story. Blue pill, red pill. Which Rogan are you? MLK took one. I got him high, too. Blah day. Blah day. Yeah, blah day. Were you telling me you knew Martin Luther King? Oh, yeah. I knew Martin Luther King. Oh, you guys are old, so did you think? Yeah, we both knew him. Yeah, cool guy. Oh, shit. Oh, there you go. People say there's a conspiracy, and I'm just going to ask you this, guys, this one time. Do you think he was really shot, or did you both fuck him and he exploded? I'm just going to ask it. Tell them what happened. Well, there was something that happened early on the day of the day that he got shot. Okay. I may have punctured him one time. Mm. And there may have been some residue of toxins and bacteria and poison from my teeth. Well, it says. And when he woke up, tell him about the dream that he had told you that he had had. Well, he told me he had this dream. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. And I was like, you got to tell more people about this one. This is a banger, you know? Mm-hmm. You got to tell people about this dream. And he's like, well, I've got a speech coming up. Do you think I should put it in there? And I was like, yes. And then I also told him, I was like, I'm going to take care of it for a while, so that you are kind of messing around on your wife and stuff like that. It's not going to come out for many years. It's going to come out for many years later, OK? OK. Because I would entrance people. Anytime a newspaper person or anybody would come around to interview him and ask him about his infidelity, I would look into their eyes and be like, he is a loyal, faithful husband. You will write nothing of this. And then eventually, years later, it came out, because I wasn't staying up to the times of the Martin Luther King's people. He was associating business. And I felt a little bad that he exploded from me biting his dickhole. Mm-hmm. OK. So you heard it here first. Martin Luther King was not shot by James Earl Ray. But in fact, he exploded from T-Vein biting his dickhole. Mm-hmm. All right. Well, I like learning about real history, honestly. Now, would you say, why would somebody explode because you bit their dickhole? You know, when blood mixes over and over and over hundreds of years, it becomes actually very, very toxic and poisonous. Oh. So what happens is, I can either turn you. Don't look up cock explosion, please. It's not going to pertain to this. That's an actual Google search you just did? Exploding from dick bite? Who the fuck is in the back right now? I know that T-Vein is telling the truth. All the women's magazines are like, make him explode. Also, one of them put, I don't even know if you guys caught it, but they literally typed in Google, clavicular maxing. I did that. And it's a poor taste. And I apologize to, people are going to be mad that I did that. OK. But he was. He was. Now, do you know the lore of clavicular has a four-inch dick? No. Please tell me this lore. Let me tell you the real black pill. This guy's got a four-inch dick. All right. I mean, this girl, she must have been like, oh, like, oh, did you? Oh, I was. OK. Oh, you're done. Oh, OK. He better, better off trying to go for that hole in her cheek that he drilled. All right. So, look. Wait. His shop. What? What is happening? He reveals shopping bag penis growing method. As doctor warns, it can cause. Oh. He's hanging a shopping bag. From his penis to stretch it out. Oh, that's not good. I know. The doctors are warning him. It can cause permanent damage. You can stretch it out, but I got news for you. It's not going to get hard ever again. Is that from personal experience? No, I have an enormous cock. Go down a little bit. Yeah, this is I'm not. I'm not really in this with like that. You know, that's why I'm always been. Is he was Howie Mandel? OK. What does that say? Will you say. braden oh his real name is braden well there's nothing more masculine than the name braden that's something i think we all could agree on yes yeah braden when you hear a guy's name braden you're like oh get ready for a fucking a real unit of a manosphere real construction worker over here yeah hey braden will you uh drills of concrete for us please you does the manosphere sound like a gay club to anyone i i i've never um yeah it sounds like somewhere that you'd want to like maybe apply for a membership like and then like it's a very exclusive club it sounds like an exclusive club if i'm into somebody bites my dick and i want to explode okay the oh look at this tavane is right the shopping bag hang trick i've been around a long time i know a lot of the tricks you know the trade yeah no does does the vampirism do anything for that do you get like uh does it affect your uh well if i'm low on feeding okay then obviously to get hard you need good blood flow oh so i so instead of like like taking a blue two or something like that i have to go out and get like a blue blood like a very wealthy person to help me like copper in it um now is it now is your so is your penis also a vampire like it gets drained and then it has to feed on other penises maybe that's why you're not a vampire you're not a vampire you were offended by his his dick tip was his dick tip trying to feed on your penis taking some girth and length and transferring it to him a penis you know what i'm saying like a penis like yeah i do know what you're saying you know some people could be a vampire uh not they're not a vampire but their dick is a vampire in 1852 he used to have a 10 inch penis and i stole half an inch and he never forgave me that is okay well you know what that's what happened okay i call him mr 9 use the wisdom of uh the wisdom of shlomo right now but um 10 inches and you took how much half an inch i just wanted half you just taxed you don't fucking matter that was all my shit that's just a little wait but you saw what which which part did you take off the shaft where'd you where'd you get your uh where'd you cut your half inch from the shaft of the helmet oh no it's a base oh you took it straight out the base yeah yep started from the bottom now we're here yeah so he's got a triangle penis now so okay okay wow so really it's like your penis is like clavicular mutilating that girl but in this case the girl is his his penis yeah and then and then and then so he took it from the base all right i'll tell you he took it from the base my whole shit was off i said well can you use your use your blood spit to like glue it back on or whatever but not in a gay way just like spit it all connected it's a medical emergency yeah so he had to sever it to do this he severed it with the motherfucking with the with it those ain't those those are his real teeth what did he sever with one of them cigar choppers yeah yeah yeah oh this all happened in the cigar lounge like it was i told you it was after party at a witch burning yeah it was a very progressive uh cigar lounge in 1852 um well i mean if they're cool the chick exploding during an eiffel towering yeah we cleaned up you did an old-fashioned hawaiian pig roast and she exploded yeah i cleaned it up because i had to because i was the only nigga there his words not mine where'd he go he didn't help you he disappeared he fucking evaporated yeah okay but i think that you guys aren't aren't nemesis as much as we thought no i can't stand the motherfucker i'm just not gonna fight you just shit you told me not to fight him i'll just do it okay but it sounds like just a lot of personal shit i mean you guys sound like you're like roommates or something that's how it sounds like come off like roommates tell them that part we may have been roommates for a temporary time okay before a lot of our enemies are formed that way i find well we were very close for a very long time and then everything changed in 1852 there's a series of events that led to our problems how old were you friends before a bitch exploded on your dicks like 200 years so you threw away a 200 year friendship just over one one who is this woman one penis touch of me taking half an inch it's not you don't even matter about the i'm it don't matter if it was half an inch a a pinch of an inch it don't motherfucking matter it's an inch a piece of an inch it depends where it comes off coming off the base is like that shit hurt yeah i i just assumed it was like kind of a deflating and inflating process but you're telling me there's literal he said please spit on my penis and reattach it pause what happened was i forgot to say pause that's to make it even worse is that part so is that part so okay well look we'll get we're getting through a lot of let's talk about key's wife okay yeah this is actually a great great thing to bring up so are you familiar with keel and peel keel and peel yeah i know killing who you like better keel or peel i like um who's the one that made get out peel so i like peel better pontoon what i'd rather be what pontooning oh we have to talk about nothing now that's sad um i like uh peel better uh his work since then but i think a lot of people would say that right that's not a unique take is it nah okay it's not it's not a lot of different careers you know one is still on camera heavily um okay so well uh what i mean peel did both peel does it all that guy is multi-talented and multi-racial yeah he is yeah he is okay wait i like peel well okay i like it out you know get out i think get out it's a really good horror movie because it's got you can tell it's some deep psychological shit inside appeal that he really made into a thing so my theory for quite some time was that get out is about peel meeting chelsea peretti's family based on meeting who i've met in her family would you think so well her brother's jonah peretti the founder of buzzfeed he came he came to boston many years ago with a he's wearing a scarf indoors he's got some nice tech cali yuga shit about accelerating coagula and all hail the coagula is some like kind of a deep cut of uh magical bullshit um okay but i might be wrong maybe it wasn't maybe it was about meeting chelsea maybe it was about his buddy keel meeting that other bitch who showed the other one the chinese one had he dayton she's not chinese she's i mean no she she's uh what's her name put it up if you just had it ella key what what no man how did you have it before and you can't find it now that's barry and anderson are you just writing nonsense it's called a bat and ivy wayans oh here we go now who's his wife l what's l's maiden name um and a short prediction there's gonna be a steen on it what why does it say ella puglies what's this tanner what is happening that's what her last that's what her that's who she is okay so put in a k e e l a and uh keel uh not his i call him keel by for his name no the fuck what is what is happening it's the the video of that comedian akilah hughes there you go it's called lock and banana the okay so put this bitch talking about now this is why you don't let the wokies into your shit because they're gonna blather all your personal business okay now this is a storytelling show you have to understand something about these fucking millennial wokies everything about them is based on a more famous person delegating some of the some of their cock size to them sure i'm glad you guys had this incident because it's a good illustration so all the millennial twits that did call out and cancel and all that shit it's they're redistributing cock size basically you understand that we will never have socialism in america except for rich people but if i'm a fucking bourgeois twat posing as a minority fucking disadvantaged person i can go do you have more stuff than me and you have more stuff than me yeah well you should get so that's why you don't let her in but these dumb dumbs let her in because uh i think they probably had domineering white mothers okay go ahead and this is kill's wife kill's wife um okay wait but get to the kill part we can't listen to her whole story because i bet it sucks who don't warn you about the uh he is and i don't think this is too shady i think it's true uh the less the less successful half of a comedy duo that has something we'll go back to that she was just saying it and it was like the only thing he had to say oh did you want to help a black woman kill you dumbass go back go back go back go back more it's on that crest you just heard what she said she was talking about kill it's disrespectful she said yeah so already so by the way uh uh black women out there i'm not telling you tales out of school you know why black men prefer asians and white broads because of this shit that this bitch is doing and this bitch is a halfie i promise you this fucking red bone is causing the problems for you is everybody from fucking uh my mom's a red bone yo let me tell you why american mixed kids are considered hot because they are much hotter you ever see british ones not don't come out good oh the mix the mix race british well why is it in america they come out good anybody know it's the fucking native american gene you need a little spice a little sprinkle of cherokee and shit you can't just do some irishman to some pure african you get all these goofy actors that are ugly as fuck now you need a little sprinkle of american indian indian you're a little like spice it's like the thing that makes it work so let's say you have i don't know if you've seen some of these marvel movies but they find these british it's like you're black but you're a freckle puss too it's gross dude and uh no american indian that's why you need a little sprinkle if the genetic makeup of americans american black is different it's not the same as what they got here because you need native americans to mix in you could say black in england but it ain't i would just call it black like this standard set of black is america because it's a mix of european and a little bit of native oh that's right because native americans were here too see we had to fuck on them too i think luckily we got rid of them like pesky palestinians but this they're they're on walmart what a lot of them are on walmart i think where they belong where they belong i think you would like some of my diet diets uh because like i have blood smoothies of different ethnicity people and it tastes very delicious you know you remind me of the guy who's they call him the epstein of canada uh nygaard and uh you see uh nygaard wait wait let's let's finish this what let's finish this let's finish a killer ny what no it's like a nygaard or something you're old enough to know that's a real name wait wait let's play this bitch's thing because we're getting off topic go ahead successful half of a comedy duo that was prolific in the 2010s bitch i bet you fuck white guys you know i think their their code names could be lock and banana great job and great job that's why you don't let wokies in his name they're gonna spread your business to the forefront of pop culture and so we came up with a pitch we practiced it it was like so good i mean it was not good presentation but there are videos we we get one of the people with us to go on pierce morgan and force him to say the tagline from the show unwittingly we are selling the show all over town um and you know we get a few offers which is like a feeling that like is unlike any other where you're like we are wanted like it's coming together i should have had you thought and um during the pits process you know i know i know i said i was mad but we should make her explode yo honestly god explaining the gap in my resume bitch you're a comedian and you're talking about your resume explaining the gap like a goddamn normie fucking bitch what are you talking about well i first became aware of her back when uh hillary lost the 2016 election yeah quit worrying about your wage gap and start worrying about your thigh gap oh now that's funny i i approve of that thigh gap is where it's at looks maxing is for women i don't know why how yeah my dude's doing looks maxing okay both straight and gay men agree the only important thing is that you're a comedian you're a comedian you're a comedian you're a comedian that's the most important part of a woman is her outer appearance and women agree and that's why it's okay to trans kids because the most important thing is to be pretty or handsome yeah it's called the ultimate black pill and that black pillow is hrt okay so let's have okay so she goes get up to where he's got a bitchy wife that's a poem sorry i know i said i don't like slam poems but like unknown which is probably a bill collector i think but hey i'm riding high so i answer the call and it is from you busted down bananas white banana's wife says yes hey i just had i just had dinner with lock and his wife they say they're doing a show with you and i said yeah and i again don't know how she got my phone number so this seems urgent and she says something that like chills go down my back what's that i never eat the burrito spoiler alert she says i'm just calling you because i wish someone would have warned me what warned what she does about an hour of a monologue at me about how you know she thinks that his wife is like phil hartman's wife that she wouldn't trust her to hold a baby that she once poured alcohol on her birthday cake and this person is sober uh and the thing that i'm listen i moved to la she's doing crazy things like but this woo woo okay so anyway his wife's a bitch maybe yo it could be that get out with was not about chelsea as i assumed oh but in fact about keel's wife is this his ex-wife or current wife his current wife really yeah current life and i i imagine now i mean she they're probably uh uh keels probably got the bitch's grandpa's brain in his head so you're you're saying that you think that they could have maybe even ended chelsea's a huge bitch and i've never seen any and by the way i will never take away i think chelsea's very funny when you put her in acting roles on things like crawl show i always loved she's great on that she's a bitch every so when she went to joey uh uh what's his head you know because he said somebody's blown for stage time she said how dare you joey diaz yo i promise you a chick blowing joey diaz for stage time had a better time than a woman hanging out with chelsea peretti in a friend setting i promise you i because i've seen it up close i watch these girls come back crying from hanging out with a mean rich girl these are rich kids they're mean we've all seen salt burn i guess right so this is a rich kid this bitch they all like to play with their stupid fucking identity because they're all pussies because they're rich kids right so this rich kid is talking shit on the other well she's not rich enough to know not to do this clearly do you know what i mean like this this this dippy that bitch akilah she sued some guy for making fun of her uh crying when hillary lost in 2016 sued and she lost put a key but yeah i mean how how do you expect to win just because you you're crying and somebody's being because if you recall about 12 years ago the identity being the most important thing in the world meant that you could just blather even if you're like from bourgeois motherfucking parents you could go i'm a disadvantaged blah blah and i should get a comedy writing job so weak men who i'm going to say keel is obviously because you heard the story she told right and keel invited her into his circle like a serpent so all these dumb motherfuckers that let stupid fucking wokies in their circle they're fucked they're fucked they got to say shit they're told they got to do whatever hey remember pat and oswald had to apologize for being a picture with dave chapelle he did you didn't see that it's dave chapelle we have different explore feeds oh i'm glad you vampires are here uh pat and oswald apologize now let's and let's look at his yeah for dave how do you think you're going to do this how many apologies did he make i mean you got to get a picture with well we need the image though because it's it's pat and oswald writing the apology there he is look at look at look at what you don't remember this i forgot about just fun he's a fellow comedian the funniest i met but he has to apologize to all the trans not transylvanians but people that were mad about chapelle making whatever yeah uh so why would he be doing that does anybody have any idea why he would do that because that guy used to fight against other people with free speech shit now he well i imagine he probably wants his daughter to get a job in hollywood eventually is my guess that's all i got but he's powerful enough to get his daughter a job in hollywood yeah well no such thing as fuck you money only fuck you poverty there's only fuck you poverty how much money you got to have to be like fuck you i took a picture of my friend so that's what i'm going to do i'm going to do a picture of that girl she's the kind of person that would help enforce bullshit like that in a heartbeat right uh if you bring some broadening like but i want to help a black woman for once and you're a dude you're dumb motherfucker you should bring a white man in because they will have to do what you say in the hollywood pyramid you bring a black woman up in you they're going to take your shit from you and fuck you that's what's going to happen and i'm speaking from direct experience as a black woman i saw your hair yeah yeah thank you i'm glad it's very nice i'm glad you saw my uh uh rachel dolezal hair you know rachel dolezal yes i remember the ones that identified as black yes i recall and she put in the work she kinked up her hair she ran a chapter of the naacp she gave birth to like three black kids you tell me she didn't put the work in gave me three dollars she did more work than this bitch did this bitch just betrayed a black man his shitty wife i mean she was right the guy her only fans is gross i could tell you subscribe to rachel dolezal she's black really you gotta support the niggas you gotta support black business what you said we support all trans black business oh black oh okay dude look at but i mean honestly she looks way better black she does she actually yo look at her it's not black would you yo not black her yeah she look better yeah she look better black and i'm not being prejudiced i mean i agree and i usually like things verified well you're vampire i mean she's got but she's not a vampire can you do other women like that like to see if they look better now i'm not a fan of dr seuss oh yes like do emma watson let's would she look like black oh yes you can do this with a lot of lots of married herself you remember that she did the fucking the harry potter by the way i'm surprised this akila chick hasn't married herself yet all here's what becomes all these broads that were ruined by sex in the city they have a wedding ceremony where they marry themselves dennis robin married himself remember that he they stole it from a man it's an idea man had oh and of course they got a steal because you know dennis robin so so so look up so look at why these women you see why these women marry themselves let's let's let's see and um i i like to vein to just log me i like that the fuck okay so log me so that's in cell well that's celibate is what it is right right right okay get that advertisement here so that tv can read this beautiful okay guys wait read that one um new zevico zevico brittany wrist walked down the aisle in a dress and a white veil to the song girl girl perfectly her broken and hurt crooned artist smyl in a falsetto shake off the night and don't hide your face what it was risk wedding but there was no beaming partner waiting at the altar what was there wearing a rose colored dress the 34 year old red her vows alone in front of a mirror in her backyard she'd accepted her own proposal and given herself a ring instead of a spouse a red velvet cake evaded her next to a bottle of champagne britt said i do to herself and committed to loving herself for better or worse i vow to never settle or abandon myself in a romantic partnership ever again she told her reflection in samir i vow to honor my calling and live life as a work of art that's a chick that's going to end up being exploded in a vampire uh pig roast yes that i mean tell me tell me you these are not the kind of broads that you guys were fucking hundreds of years ago that would explode uh well we tried to make them explode because they were hideous yeah well the one married the third one i mean what a beautiful thing to marry yourself like one of those worms that reproduce hermaphroditically oh yeah a water bear oh this so cup i hate to be the vampire to do this but i literally have to fly away where are you going oh you gotta leave town i have to yeah well you fucked duncan up i'll tell you that yes i did uh duncan's diabetes did the heavy lifting don't take the blame on yourself now you're promoting something i said i let you promote it i'm glad i got these friends back together yes i'm a big comedy fan you know and uh there's a new special out called crazy pizza jeremiah watkins crazy pizza out now on youtube that's a very suspicious yes and and i mean look into it look into it in the special is there a hidden meaning in there we don't know you have to watch it comment something like there's a mystery boys for looking into this special crazy pizza by jeremiah watkins okay on youtube because who knows about the hidden meanings inside the set is an actual 90s pizza parlor what is going on for that that is very suspicious mystery boys explore oh no i'll be exploring you remember macaulay culkin had a band that was pizza based and the only thing about pizza of course it's called the pizza what what was macaulay culkin's pizza based band do you know this great spelling of mccoy mccoy culkin boy i liked it everybody took a good underground the pizza underground not to be confused with crazy pizza comedy special well maybe we haven't we haven't well you might have debunked it who knows yeah let's see just let's let you hear a little bit of it he isn't copyrights right but i literally have to fly all right brother well well that sounds like you're actually bloody people need again on another day my arch nemesis vampire crime will continue to go on if the white star is still around and as long as the black bis is around what what can you call me it's a white star i can call you the black abyss what's oh a bitch i thought he said bitch too yeah i'm not calling you i'm not calling you a black bitch through your face i'm calling you the black abyss damn homie i would never do you like that i i'm honestly not not convinced you guys are enemies i'm gonna be honest but no no no we hate we hate each other it sounds like keel and his wife we hate each other but she'll put a hole in his taint you know yes you saw how he flew off yeah it's gross it's all gay dude that's gross as hell all right man well i'm gonna go kill him well uh that's uh mystery boys duncan's dead i stand they breathe all over the floor blood they and t-vein are no longer friends blood they and t-vein that war never ends a full tower in the maid she went off like a grenade blood they and t-vein are no longer friends blood they and t-vein are no longer friends then their dicks touched their dicks touched oh no their dicks touched blood they and t-vein fight into the pain blood they and t-vein won't be bros again double team the maid she explode like a grenade then their dicks touched their dicks touched i said their dicks touched well this has been buster happy halloween kids and be safe out there there there the out of here man the out of here man the out of here man oh no no no you still put on my dick oh no no no you still put on my dick oh no no no you still put on my dick why don't you pick me back up no please why don't you pick me back up no please why don't you pick me back up no please kurt please don't execute me kurt please don't execute me kurt please don't execute me shut up shut your mouth shut up shut your mouth shut up shut your mouth it won't tell a story it won't tell a story it won't tell a story god oh how's it my gun god oh how's it my gun Now tell the story now! Now tell the story now! Oh yeah! Oh yeah. Oh yeah baby. You know what Buster likes. You know what it's like. Get that little donut hole. You know I like my ass eaten. Oh yeah I like that ass. You got about three seconds to tell me the truth motherfucker. Cause it's Halloween and I've been hallucinating on nitrous all night. Oh yeah. I am whacked out of my fucking head. Now where's Duncan? Giddy up Orsi. Time to ride. Time to ride a little Halloween ride. I'm the head of the Orsi. Whoa! What the fuck is going on? It's a fucked up Halloween man. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Red band is watching. That's why she shops at BJ's wholesale club saving up to 25% off grocery store prices. Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods even they can't screw up. And with BJ's gas she gets there for less. This is your home road warrior mom. Home of the save. Join for just $20 at BJ's dot com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer new members only. BJ's home of the save.