Splashed Slacks and Heritage CCTV

Hello and welcome to the Luxury Podcast. My name is Jonathan Vernon Smith and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life. Hello, Jon and I, here to help you crave the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living, whatever your budget. So welcome to another bonus episode of the Luxury Podcast where William and I trade tips and stories from our own luxury lifestyles, as well as delving into our lovely, great big male sacks. So William, how's your week been? It's been a very exciting week because I don't know if you saw. Well, a big big star is coming or has come to Titanique and heard all about this. And indeed, a big star is coming at the end of the week as well. That's true. That's you. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. But on Tuesday, who came? Did you see? I saw. This was Tuesday last week. It was all big voice. Adele. Adele. Yes. Adele. Adele was there. Did she give you any feedback? No, no feedback. She loved it. She said hello. She talked about my voice. She thought was a bit rich. What did she say? Well, I don't want to ruin it for you, but she talked about my RP. And she said, I've recently learned RP for a film I'm doing. You're making a sound a bit common. But she loved it. She was so close to the front of the stage. I mean, literally, she was in the fourth row in the center of the era. Really? Like all that? Oh, like a high pitched Allen car. That's to be like me at Mrs. Doubtfire. But she was lovely. All right. She's very nice. Who was she there with? Gays. Two of them were gay, yes. Of course she was. She was there with Gays. Full of Gays. And female friends. And females as well. How lovely. How diverse that shows become. Sit you joined. Yes. Well, I hope you have a good audience. And say it is going tonight. Say it is going tonight. And we'll be able to smell it. To the pan that grow. So yes, that's all very exciting. Everyone's coming, you know, what a week to come. Adele say do you all the best? Well, it's a fully air conditioned theatre. So I would imagine they're just coming to get out the heat. That's what it is. I'm sure Adele might have air conditioning at home. I don't know. Do you think she does? Where does she live? Probably near me. Yes. Somewhere, somewhere luxury executive in the countryside. Yeah. Somewhere with electric gays. I'm seeing. And an in and out drive. I would have thought so. So you've had a good week. You've had a good week. And not only that, I have had security CCTV installed. Have you? Yes, Gary are in security installer for a better class of premises. Yes. There we go. Live to the front door. Oh, look at that quality. Yes. That's the old front door. Don't judge. Still still in the process. What a smart picture. Yes. And you know, you can zoom in. It's my bush. Oh, even my bush. Even your bushes in HD. Yes. Um, 4K. Actually, what is that much it cost? No. No, actually, 4K quality. Right. Now, they didn't do your cameras today. No, no, they didn't. But I said to him, I said, isn't this a better camera than what I've done off the sky? And he looked at me and just went significantly. He doesn't even know what I've got. He's nervous. He said, you have got what they now call part of the heritage. You know, I'm going to sack that company. Honestly, the business I've put their way and all they do is run down my security. Everyone else. Oh, dear. So I'm very pleased. So don't tell us everything because obviously you don't want to give everything away to potential luxury burglars who might be listening. Yeah. But how much have you had done? I haven't had my perimeter secured because I talked to Gary about this. And I said, Jonathan, once my perimeter secured, and he sort of looked around and went, how you don't need it? You've got, I've got a great big 30 foot fence at the back because we back onto the school. I can't wait. I can't wait for the school holidays, by the way. And, um, and then again, we, you know, we're in a terrorist. So you're going to really, and then also we've got all the stuff on the, on the back windows anyway. So I'll sort of, and also what are they going to take from the garden, the barbecue? They're not going to get over the thing. They're definitely not. No, or our table and chairs. They're like, there's nothing in the garden. You obviously don't want a stranger in your backyard. You don't try it. But you don't, you know, it's nice to know who's there. Well, I'm pleased you've been fully CCTV. Yes. By a team of professionals, no doubt two and above British standards. Oh, beyond, beyond international standards. Oh, my word. Yeah. Well, this is fantastic. I've got exciting news as well. I want you to be the first to know William. Yes. I'm going Commando. I'm going Commando. What? I'm going Commando. I thought this is a little bit. Why are you looking down at my trousers? I'm going Commando. What does that mean in English? I'm being barbecued in there. But I'm being barbecued. You know the big egg. Oh, yeah. Right. I'm not going for that. No. I'm going for a local version of an egg. Okay. How do I spell this? Commando. Yeah. I'm going for a, it's called a camera gear. Commando VHS. Oh, yes. And what, um, gas coal electric charcoal William. Gosh. Because I've got the gas. I've got the electric. The only thing I don't have is the charcoal. Looks like a bird. That's not what I've got. They're on the wrong company. Well, this is Commando King's. Yeah, that's not what I just said. Okay. I don't pay attention. What, what do I look up? Go on Commando V2. Commando V2. It sounds a touch. Japanese. It's not Japanese. Oh. And I've gone for it's an olive green. That one. Oh, gosh. It's like a great big olive hand grenade. It does look like hand. It's like a hand grenade. But inside, I've filled it with charcoal and I can do charcoal smoking and barbecuing. What? You can mop your meat in the middle of the night. I, do you, do you know, you jest? Guess what? I was you tubing this week. How do I do an overnight brisket? I'm doing an overnight brisket, William. For me? If you want mom. Yeah. I've already around Saturday. I mean, I've not even got the thing yet. It's coming tomorrow. Okay. I've already bought my special rubber gloves. I've got special rubber gloves there. You'll have to watch on Patreon to see why I laughed at that. Extraordinary. I've got my special barbecue rubber gloves. So. So. And they'll pay for themselves. They're heat resistant. So I can handle my meat, even when it's at very high temperature. Excellent. Over an open flame. I've got that. I've also bought a couple of temperature probes. Good. Yeah. Just to check. Have you got them? I've still got the one Dr. Lisa gave me years ago. Have you got the wife I connected ones, though? Why do I need it to be connected to the wife? William, you are. I've got a meter. Oh, you have. Yeah. I've got one of those. Oh, right. Yeah. This is like that. I've never used it on the barbecue because we don't do over, you know, it's only on it for like 10 minutes. Right. Well, I bought a couple of those so I can just check my internal temperatures. And I can't wait. Comes tomorrow. Wow. I know. All round to yours. Yes. Well, I'm going to organize a luxury Suarez. Oh, lovely. Yeah. Okay. I think it's my turn to host, isn't it? Is it going to be same sort of demographic? I think it is. Okay. Lovely. And I just think, um, I think I'm going to do, I'm going to stretch myself from a barbecue perspective. I'll need the gloves. I'm going to put my gloves on on stretch myself. Quick or round to Jonathan's, he's gloved up. So that's what's happening in my life this week. Excellent. So excited. And if you've got a weekend at home just other than commissar time, thank you so much. Yeah, no, I can't play with my toy. I'm coming down to see you. Sorry. They'll probably be a faint aroma of charcoal about me when you embrace me. Do you know where you're sitting on Saturday? No. No. No. Can you tell me when you find out? Why is that? Because I like to know. I like to sing to friends at the end. You'll know. I'll be able to hear you when you may not laugh. Have you said anything about last time? No. I'm sure I will, because you are hilarious. Well, thank you very much. We, um, the Frig Drama continues, doesn't it? Well, it does continue. Luckily, months away. After our conversation last week, where we talked about how the Balcon is all fully booked, and you are booked into an apartment, the end of a very steep hill. I checked while I was in bed the other evening. I checked. And sure enough, a CV room became available on the Balcon. And I thought, oh, quick, let me message William. And I thought, during the interval, he'll see this message. Yeah, but nothing else better to do with the interval. He'll see this message. He'll be straight on booking the Balcon. And when I woke up the next morning, I looked and you, I saw the blue ticks. I thought, good, he's seen it. He's actioned it. No doubt he has done it. I went online. I checked. Sure enough, the room had gone. Yeah. When I messaged you, I said, did you manage to secure the room? You tell everyone what happened. Well, I told you that I hadn't booked it, but I had booked it. Oh, yeah. I'm in the Balcon, everyone. Oh, goodness for that. You are a devil. I know. You are a devil because I've been checking it literally five times a day of my seat. You felt really bad because I went, oh, God, we're recording in four days. Oh, hold. Sorry. Oh, William. But I knew you'd be happy. I'm very happy. Yes. I was actually quite angry with you when I saw it. God, say much more. How much more do I have to do? Well, you could have booked it for me and I could have trams. Well, I was going to say, I was going to say, do you ask me the question earlier because I was telling producers AD and she said, well, why didn't you just book it? And I said, well, it was quite expensive. And I thought, I didn't want to commit your money. Oh, yeah. Just in case you kind of thought, oh, actually, I didn't intend to spend that much. No, but I'm delighted. There we go. This is fantastic. I knew you'd be happy. Oh, I am thrilled. Oh, your own see-view. Oh, love it. I hope I get upgraded. Well, maybe, maybe we should keep checking in case a better suite becomes available because you're only in a standard room. But I'm not going to be in it for very long because I'm going to hang out with you. You will be hanging out with me virtually all the time. And, of course, this weekend, I also had another fantastic idea. We must go yachting. Yes, you sent me a link to yacht. Yes, we're going to, and you asked me to book that as well. No, you offered to book it. Oh, did I? Yes. I'm happy to book it. Have you liked it? No, no. I'm just going to spend any of your money. I'm chartering a yacht for us while we're there. Contesados. It will be a very significant yacht. I don't know if we get our own skipper, but we'll need a full team, and I shall insist that they wear a uniform. The poop deck will be a wash with Simon. And it's Simon. Simon. Oh, this is really looking up. It is. Thank you. Oh, this is fantastic. You're in the Balcon. We've got a yacht. Well, we haven't yet. What? You've not booked it yet? No, I haven't booked it yet. I've been too busy booking the Balcon. William Bat will be booked up at this rate. You've got just right. What are the islands? We haven't talked about when in my three days, that feels like three weeks, when in those three days, we are having the yacht. I think on the set today. So that's day day one, I guess, proper day. Yeah. Do you think so? When are we doing the app? Remember? Yeah, we are supposed to be working. Yeah. Maybe you did it on the Sunday, because then we can talk about what we've done on the Saturday. You can take me up the Mercadona, we can go on the yacht. Oh, this is, oh, I wish it was tomorrow. This is going to be so much fun. It's months away. It is months away. Yeah. This is going to be fantastic. The only slight worry, Pam from the pool is struggling to find an apartment. There's one going free. I haven't cancelled that yet. She could stay up your hill. Yeah. She can take her walk up the hill. Tracking her walk behind her. Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk. Each step. Generally. Wow. That is actually, I haven't cancelled it yet. Oh, okay. Well, I'll mention it. To be fair, the original hotel up the dirt track. I have email to say, please cancel this. So at this rate, I'm going to have free. Oh, you can do it. You've given your credit card details. Yeah. Oh, email them again. I mean, it is Spain. So they can take quite a while to action things. I'm probably having a CS stuff. Get Rodrigo to call up. Yeah. Not when you're Rodrigo. He could have a chat with them. Now, talking of Rodrigo, you've just told me, no, you must have learned this when you were on holiday with him in Nucca. Yeah. That Rodrigo is a world class violinist. He is, he is trained musically trained to a professional standard. That's amazing. He's the Vanessa May of the United Kingdom. Where he's from Peru. But he is, but he's, he's marvellous. He's, we should get him in one day, bring his violin on. He could play the luxury podcast theme on the violin. Oh, he could. He could, absolutely. Yeah. I don't know how that would go. That would be quite funny to watch. Yeah. Rodrigo, do you still play? Yeah, I do. Do you sort of get it out at home and have a play? Rodrigo's got a strand of area sound again. What is it a strand of areas? I wish. Oh, what is it? My violin is a British violin. Oh, none of your foreign nonsense. Quite right too. Excellent. Well, I think that's, I've said, did you play musical instrument? I can play the guitar a little bit. Oh, we could have a orchestra. Yes. Luxury live. Sadie on the guitar. Shredding. What? Shredding on the guitar. Yeah. I could bring my keyboard and your voice and my voice. I don't know what I'll do. Rodrigo has the notes. Yes. You can get them in frig. Yeah. And Rodrigo on the violin. Oh, we could, we could be like the calls. Oh, they're a bunch of fingers. Well, you could get Rodrigo, when we, when we get Rodrigo on, should we get him on the podcast? If he'd like to come on, if we can afford it. Yeah. We've got to play musicians fees now. Yeah. Where would, where would we, where would he sit though? He could come around this side of the table and have a fiddle. I thought we were going to figure out. That's a very good idea, William. Yes. That's a very good idea. Is that the bridge? Yes. Rodrigo, you have a fiddle. Welcome back, Bucketheads. We're going to read your questions now. So let's dive into our heaving bags of post. Do remember if there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch. Postman at luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. This first one is from Ella. Greetings, William and Jonathan. The story you're about to read became an absolute pet hate when I worked in retail a couple of years ago. I worked for about a year in a variety of shops located at a very well-known theme park in the UK. I was in one of these set shops with another colleague who was a few years younger than me. I was 23 at the time. It got close to closing time and we began to put things away and get everything ready for the following day. As with working in any shop, you always have stragglers who were still looking around the shop and wanting to buy things at the last minute whilst we're trying to close down. During this time, we were reminding them that the park was now closing and that we needed to close the shop. I stood by the door door to ensure people were leaving but nobody was coming in to do any more last minute purchases that they had all day to do. This was when I was approached by a man and his child. He said that his child wanted to buy a toy from the shop and that they would be in now quickly, which I can tell you is never true and they always take bloody ages. I said I was I was very sorry that we were closed and just waiting for the final. final family to leave so we could close the shop. At this point it was about 20 minutes after clothes time. He kept asking and asking even at one point trying to get the family who were in there to take his card and get the toy for him, which we both said no to. The family left and we cashed out the till and began to mop the shop floor. At this point the child began to cry and was upset at the fact he couldn't have the toy. To this, his dad turned around to both of us and calling us the seaword. Now, anyone who works in jobs where customers are always right knows how hard it is not to respond to these types of comments, but it was one of the very few times that nearly replied. In your opinion, how close to closing time is still acceptable for a customer to enter an establishment? Should customers be allowed to enter right up until they advertise closing time and remain after closing to finish their purchase or meal, or should they be expected to leave by the stated closing time? Ella. That's interesting. Well, if the shop closes at 5, then maybe at 10 to 5 you announce 10 minutes. Five minutes to go, could everyone please leave? And then you don't admit any more beyond five o'clock? No. I would lock the door at 5 and then only unlock it to allow customers out. Yes. And then if anybody bangs on the door, you can just say what time you open tomorrow. See you tomorrow. That wouldn't work at a theme park admittedly. Well, you could go back another day. You could do. Well, that's the other thing I'm sure the theme park is still there. Yeah. Go back another day. Yeah. Order online. Offer a solution. You can, we have a website that's soft toil, whatever is available online. Yeah. Potentially. Well, I think you did, you did Britain a favor in not allowing that rude C word using man in. We don't want his money to fuel the economy. We definitely do not. No. Henry's been in touch. Henry says, dear William and Jonathan, I run an attractively compact tea room and zoo here in Kent. For some time, something's been bothering me. Now I know William is the expert when it comes to all things coffee. However, I would very much appreciate both your inputs. We have a luxury to group espresso machine and I'm very happy to prepare everything from an Americano to a macchiato. However, the one thing which makes my eyes twitch when I'm asked, can I have chocolate powder on my cappuccino? And even more, when it's ordered after 11 a.m. In my opinion, it ruins the drink completely by bursting all the bubbles. Is it common? And if you want chocolate, order a mocha. Surely I cannot be the only person who thinks this, being the perfect server of course, I oblige with grace and decorum. But with a slightly clenched fist, any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated, sending you all best wishes, Henry from Kent. Well, see what Ellis said earlier. The customer is always right. Yeah, look, I mean, in Italy, it is not considered the done thing to have cappuccino after 11. Some people say lunchtime. 11, 11, 12. Chocolate on a cappuccino, I do not believe it's traditional. It's also a lot healthier. I mean, it's not a lot of chocolate, let's be honest, but it's probably healthier if you don't have it. But yes, but look, it's your establishment, Henry, if you want people coming back, provide what they want. If you don't, don't. Well, sometimes you have to make a stand. Yes. And I think. Or you could always put the chocolate and this little thing on, you know, but you know, where they have the lids or the ones. So they sprinkle it themselves. And they do it themselves. I am going to say something that's a bit controversial. That's not right. You I think cappuccino is common as muck. There you go. I said it. I do. I think a cappuccino is such a common coffee. It didn't used to be because in Frazier, they drink cappuccinos a lot. Don't they? But that was because it was in the 90s. And I think in the 90s, it was the height of sophistication, where as now it's become it's very common place for those of us that are coffee drinkers because we need the hit of caffeine. A cappuccino is just a kind of child's coffee. Yeah. Because you have to work your way through this point, the slayer of foam before you get to the quality product underneath. There it's that spot. Yes. What's the point? Yeah. What's the point? Just have milk. Yeah. If you want. If you want. I think cappuccino as well went downhill when they started selling it on all these packets, you know, packet cappuccino. Pack it. I want to pack it. Anything. Yeah. You can buy packet cappuccino. Common as muck. Oh. I quite agree. This is from Carl and Matt. Maybe their brothers. Hello, William and Jonathan. Unfortunately, my business partner and I, if you catch my drift, have recently invested in EV for a more luxury class of person, a poll star. Oh, get you. I knew a poll star once. I took it for a clean today, but my partner mentioned that his colleague had told him that he was, has not washed his car since before the winter. And the number plate was barely visible, which I'm pretty sure is illegal revolting. I was wondering what your cleaning habits are for your vehicles. Do you prefer to do the deed yourself or have you someone to do it for you? What are your thoughts on car cleaning and ballot companies at supermarkets? Would you say they are common car and Matt? I, well, I know what you're going to say. We, we have someone that either comes to the house to do it or we take it to a, you know, one of those hand car washes. What Fangash Frank or whatever his name was. Fangash Frank. I thought you had some champion who smoked while he was cleaning your car. Oh, who was that? I don't think it, was it the car? Yeah, it might have been. It was the car. I was horrifying. He was cleaning your car with a fag hanging from his lips. Yeah. I would have sucked his ass. Yeah, he hasn't been back quite right. You've got Nick, haven't you? I do. Yes, I have car washing executive Nick, a car valedictor for a better class of person in half a chair. And in fact, he was over at the weekend doing the cars. Was he? Oh, yes. And did the lines, no, he didn't do the lines. No, I thought he's told you the lines are a bit dated. Well, I did the inside this time. I didn't need him to do inside. I said, Nick, just give my outside a high buff polish, please. And he did. And it was lovely. Lovely. How long does it take him? So actually quite quick outside took about 35 minutes. Okay. But oh, he does do a good job. He uses a kind of little mini leaf blower for getting all the water out of the cracks. Oh, that's nice. After he's washed it, he goes around this little all in the cracks. I think if, you know, if radio and podcasting have failed you, I think you could be a good car valedictor. Maybe I don't want to put Nick out of business. Shall I tell you one of the things I love about Nick coming? All the neighbours see. Yes. And then normally for the remainder of, because he often comes on a Saturday morning, for the remainder of the day, people as they walk past my house, they stack it back. They stack it backwards as they look at the high buff polish, gleaming from a bonnet. And they say, always done a nice job, isn't he? Yes, he always does. Yes. So even on the inferior model car, even on my inferior model version of your car, he does a very good job. That's nice. Yes. So, yes, he does mind you check your inferior cameras to see if you can see it or does it not pick it up? What I don't do anymore, I don't go to the car wash people. And shall I tell you why? Why? They do two things consistently that really gets up my nose. One, they go too close to the car with the jet wash. Oh. And sometimes I've been in the car and as they're jet washing, I've wound the window down a small crack and I've shouted, get that away from my bodywork. And they take no notice. Well, I do, because I'd normally have a word with them before they start. I've said to them, now look, I would like you to maintain a healthy distance with your jet wash. Don't go too close. I know it makes it easier for you, but I've only got one layer of paint on this car and I don't want it coming off. No. But what they also do, and this is what's so frustrating, and I've even started locking the door to stop them getting in, but they bang on the door. They want you to open the door so they can jet wash around the door while you've got the door open. No. And last time I got splashes all up my slacks. It's not funny. Oh, thing. Yeah, we're all up my slack. And when they open the boot, so imagine that you lift the boot up. You know, you've got the same car. I mean, you don't have to lift the boot up. You've got to bump. But I have to lift the boot up. And then they, they jet wash around the inside of it and all the water is dripping into the boot. So I'm not doing that anymore. I don't have that with Nick. No. No. He goes around with a moist cloth. Much better. Exactly. Yeah. Well, there we go, Carla. I'm out of that helps. Yeah. I don't know why, but I'm a bit exhausted. I am too. Should we leave it there for this week? Oh, right. What a lot of fun we've had. We will, of course, be back on Wednesday of next week where we're going to discuss luggage, and genuine leather embellishments and initials. Until then, goodbye.