Spit on it, swear at it

Welcome back to Fuck Off Fridays with your girl Liv and your girl Charlie. Coming up this week, we talk, would you like to be a stripper? We talk Bradley Cooper and different types of cheese. And I asked Charlie if she knows where a cock ring originated from. So strap in, sit yourselves down, grab yourself a beverage and off we go. What are you loving this week? So I was at work a couple of weeks ago, popped my head into the boardroom and my managing director said, so, let's quit chlamydia. Oh God. The man's been listening. Do you know where my brain went? Where? Popped your head into the boardroom, managing director, someone's getting a blowy or something. Oh God, no. It's in my face. No, we do not support that. But the other people in the boardroom, looked very confused. Oh God, there were other people in there. Because they weren't listeners. And I just had to go, it's just my podcast. So, yeah. But shout out, we've got another male listener. Go on. Okay, what did he think? What did he think? He's enjoying it, yeah. I honestly didn't think he would listen, but I'm here for it. I think people get curious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they want to know. Stay curious. Because they'll see a different side of you outside of, as a work environment. I don't know, I think I'm unhinged at all times. Yeah, fair. Professional to my clients. That's a good point. But yeah. And, I went and had my second micro-needling appointment this week. Which I will say, I wasn't necessarily loving. Because it hurts so fucking much. Even with the numbing cream. You are such a pussy. I can't get over this. Why don't you say how you do it with no cream? Honestly. I mean, there are times. Let's just say around a certain time of the month. Where if I go and have it done with Lime. Oh, I was on my period when I had it done. Oh yeah. And I'm a sensitive skin girl anyway. I have been known to go, Motherfucker. But I don't have it done. I don't have cream. And I do grin and bear it. You're mental. I know. You are mental. But, Poppy and I, off of post-skincare. Go on, Poppy. We're having a good laugh. Because I was sat there and I was like, I will look like Kris Jenner. I will look like Kris Jenner. In the best way. Yeah. But I told her that something I do. And I think she should do this with all of her clients. So when I give blood. I don't know if I've told you about this. Oh, yeah. When I give blood. Because I don't like needles. I look away. But in my head, when they're putting the needle in. I try and name as many different types. Of cheese as possible. To give myself a distraction. This is where that's come from. Yeah. So, whilst she was micro-needling my face. I was like, Poppy, we're going to play a game. We're going to take it in turns. To name different types of cheeses. Right. Can I just say, for the record. The other week. When someone asked about the foot fetish thing. Being a preferred foot. Right or left. Everyone accused me of being the most autistic person. That they'd ever met. Basically. And that was the most autistic thing I've ever said. You naming types of cheese. Do you like cheese? I think he's more autistic. Well, let's have a cheese off. How good is your cheese off? Right now? Right now, yeah. So, it's a bit like the game they play on Radio 1. You can't have any repeats. If you have a repeat, you're out. Alright, fine. Let's see how long you can go for. Alright. Would you like to kick off? Yeah. Go on then. Brie. Cheddar. Basic. Stilton. Stinking Bishop. Delice. What's Delice? It's a soft cheese. Lucy and Jam are listening. They'll know what I'm talking about. Oh, okay. Well, I'd like you to get me some. Feta. Mozzarella. Nice. Burrata. Ricotta. Ooh. Pecorino. Cottage cheese. Oh, nice. Parmesan. Fuck. It's hard, isn't it? It is hard. Edam. Oh, I was going to say Edam. No. Double Gloucester. Wensleydale. Oh, God. I'm panicking, I'm panicking, I'm panicking. Camembert. Ooh. Ooh. There'll be people shouting at their car radios right now. Shouting at their cheese right now. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I think I have to press you for an answer. Red Leicester. Oh, nicely done. Babybel. Babybel is Edam. Is it? Yes. I don't know how Babybel do lots of things. I don't know how Babybel do lots of different types of cheese right now. They have loads of different. You can't have it. I can't have that? Okay, I'm going Austrian Smoked then. Ooh. Yeah, it's nice. You get them in the little sausage-shaped packets. Applewood. Oh, your cheese knowledge is good. Goat's cheese. Oh, I've met my match, Rachel Green. This might be a repeat. Brie. Yeah. Oh, no! Olivia takes the title of best. You could have had Truffle Brie. Oh, I do. I slightly. I enjoy a Truffle Brie. Yeah. Have you been into the fridge. The cheese fridge at Daylesford? Obviously. Yeah. So many types of cheese. Who hasn't? Next time I go in, I'm going to swat up. Yeah. And I'm going to have another cheese off with you. But yeah, there's a good coping mechanism. If anyone's ever. If anyone's ever in pain, I recommend you try and name as many different cheeses as possible. But what I suggested to Poppy is you could even do. You could have a different topic with each person that came in. Or, you know, if next time I'm giving blood, you could do different animals. I'd find things that I'd find more entertaining, I think, you could do different animals. I'd probably do surgical procedures. Oh, okay. Or non-surgical procedures, just because I would like to challenge myself. Yeah. Anesthetist names, you know. Keep that brain tick-tocking. So, yeah. So, loving the cheese quiz with Poppy, not loving the pain of microneedling, but I will say it is all part of the skin journey. I'm excited to see the results. Oh, yeah, no, it's worth it. It is worth it. No pain, no gain. Exactly. So, over the weekend, we had Jam's 60th birthday. Go on the boy. As my friend Lucy's partner for life. And we basically had stiffies for this. Sorry. A stiffy is a formal invite, by the way, for anyone that doesn't know. Okay. But we have had big stiffies in the other way as well for this since February, maybe March. And it has literally been the event of the year. So, I pushed it way too far, naturally. Everyone listening is shooketh. Yeah, I think I was on Rosé all night. And then, for a second to start. But Rosé is not my friend, as you well know. I fell over, smacked my knee. That's actually my fuck-off of the week, because I fell up some steps running, I think. And basically, I'm going to blame Isabel for this, whenever I'm with Isabel. And I know I don't have to drive home, so like Uber home or whatever. She is like kryptonite to me. And she brings out the side of me that I try and bury real deep. So, I'm a complete cunt. And I was a bit of a menace. She unleashes the kraken. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I did anything too hideous. But we did come away with temporary tattoos all over us. I had two on my ass, one on each cheek. Yeah. And I do think I showed everyone my nipple piercing. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, eclectic range of events. Jam had a great birthday. Sounds like one hell of an idea. Lucy did a great speech. And then on the Sunday, we all went back for round two. Oh, God. So, we're back at theirs for midday. Bloody Mary's. Here we go. We went through 42 bottles of wine. How many are you? I think max, there was about 20 of us. But then it sort of dissipated. We had cheese. Two bottles per person, on average? Yeah. Just over? Yeah, essentially. And that's like, people were having beers as well. And gin and things like that. I ended the night on a mug of port. Good heaven. In their swimming pool. You are. So, I had the ultimate beer fear after that. I can imagine that anxiety was high. Oh, yeah. High. Yeah. But no, we all had a fucking great time. Everyone was basically bedridden. And I can't. I can't remember the last time my phone was that quiet because people are just like, we're all fucked. I'm not well. Yeah. No, we were all fucked. But it was fucking great. And he had a great. I think he had a great birthday. And we all enjoyed celebrating with him. So. Love that. That's what I'm fucking loving this week. And then. It's technically not so. Your fuck off of the week. My fuck off of the week. Yeah. Because I basically felt like I broke my kneecap. And it basically went black and all grays and everything. I felt like a child. Should have had brown spray on it. Oh, my God. I did think of Papa Clem the other day. Papa Clem's brown spray. That would have sorted you out. And then the other fuck off of the week, just to move on to that while I'm here, is people gossiping. But caveat, people gossiping about the worst times in your life, but never reaching out. So they'll talk about what happened to you and gossip about it. But they'll never actually get the full picture. They'll never actually ask you what happened or if you're okay. Yeah. You are a fucking loser if you do that. Just saying. I've had people do that about me. Me too. And I had a friend say to me, they were like, oh, I bumped into this person that you used to know. And they were like, oh, my God, did you hear about Charlie? And I was just like, what? Why? Why is it fodder? Yeah. No, just get life. It's literally telling you they've got nothing else to talk about. But they forget that it's someone's. actual life yeah and someone's been through something like let's not make light of that yeah i feel that so that's my other fuck off the week more about this offline i look forward to it yeah yeah no it's fine you can um do you know what my fuck of the week is please tell me i think it's going to really surprise you and everyone who listens is it cheese no it's not i fucking love cheese um as we all know someone very dear to my heart mr worldwide mr 305 i wonder where that was going yeah okay um he has done the collaboration that we've all been waiting for with jason derulo right so we expect big things from jason wait how do i not know about this because it's new i'm gonna make you listen to it on the way home so after this don't pause the podcast or listen to everyone but listen to it afterwards okay jason and mr worldwide we've got a new song called privacy and i got an email about it because i'm on the fan mail of course you are gay it how charlie described it to me when i played it to him was it was like pitbull and jason derulo went on ai and said write me a song it's terrible is it really bad and i'm not even i'm not even angry i'm disappointed wow yeah it's um i'm disappointed yeah i wasn't expecting that from you no i wow i know and i god maybe you should tell him oh i couldn't do that to my boy i think you have to feedback is a gift and i think he needs it it's shit how did the people if i like it after this no i don't really don't think that's gonna be bad how can you go from time of our lives with neo to that honestly when you give it listen you'll understand so um yeah that's that's my fuck off of the week i have had one submitted though and i'm really interested to hear your thoughts on this mixed toilets so you know everyone's trying to be all di inclusive yeah which i'm absolutely here for however i do not want to go and use a toilet and i agree with this person i don't want to go and use a toilet where a man has left the toilet seat up and pissed all over the floor and it's just disgusting like keep them separate i'm all good if someone identifies as a woman i'm all good with that come in welcome to the sacred space that is the ladies toilet however what i don't want is to go into a cubicle in one of these mixed toilets where a man hath pissed everywhere it's so disgusting do you know why i'm laughing because one year at cheltenham there was a massive queue for the ladies oh god you didn't you know because i went in with it was joe our friend joe's other housemate at the time so her and i decided to go into the men's together and all the men were like i was like listen i need a week but it's the worst experience of my life they use that cubicle to go for shit but i did go and yeah i did i'd have to be like on the brink but what they're gonna do arrest me well all these places now that are just trying to be really like dare i say it woke oh it's rage bait that's rage bait for the listeners one thing i will say there is so much shit around this at the moment i think you should have women's men's and mixed yes and then people can choose have a choice yeah yeah i like that idea more but i'm just fed up of going into toilets where men have pissed everywhere i'm sorry put the fucking toilet seat down it's got a hinge for a reason or if you cannot aim just sit yeah have a lady wee that's okay because also i mean this is probably not scientific scientific fact we know it's a film but step brothers when she pisses in the urinal she doesn't spray anywhere so if a woman can do it why can't a man all right that's not true you did that was cgi what is it though mixed toilets rich i'm interest uh no they confuse me they really do they would you put the toilet seat down but he's confused with his sexuality so you do you yeah we're inclusive here unless it comes to toilets yeah no no i yeah it's there's no sit down wheeze that's not a thing yes it is no i've known many a man do a sit down wee and if it happens at the same time fine but i am not sitting down for a wee ever yeah okay even pissed even at your own house everywhere anywhere you're not sitting down for a wee no we spoke about this i know loads of men that like a lazy wee yeah when they're tired i think that's it no i'm not tired no i'm not this guy no he's ready to stand up he'd be standing to attention at all times go on yes that's that i bet it's because you miss leg day all the time he's on tiptoes you know too much he's boosting his calves poor rich um so moving on i've got some updates for you please tell me the work sea monkeys i've got an update for everyone because now everyone's really curious to know yeah uh they've all grown significantly they're all shagging like motherfuckers it's wild picture evidence uh yes jess sent me a photo which we can upload to stories so people thank you yes please they're really ugly and it will offend everyone and watching them swim still makes me feel sick however they were going they were going at it today um so yeah the sea monkeys are doing really well just anyone who wandered slash nobody nobody wandered um i've got no slug updates from anyone so sorry to report um the other update i have feel like a newsreader um jamie oliver's daughter poppy honey oh yeah we went through all the names poppy honey is engaged how old is she good for her university boyfriend sorry i was stuck on sea monkeys there uh they look kind of like knits yeah swimming knits okay and then the other update i had for you was i did say i'd go away and do my research on how much it would cost to taxidermy your horse and i can tell you depending on what you have done depends on the cost so if you want to go whole hog yeah it ranges anywhere between six and twelve k now if you've got a big boy like me big old big john i'd probably be more at the 12k fuck yeah he's large and in charge if you just wanted like their head mounted like down their neck basically to their shoulders but not their shoulders you're probably looking anywhere between three and five k wow yeah so you've got to really like your horse to be paying for them you do really like your horse yeah i don't know i want a whole version of him forever imagine trying to move house with that where would you put him if i had charlie's side of the bed if i had a fancy schmancy house in the driveway i'd have maybe his own little field shelter above him and then i change his rug every now and again to fuck with people that are arriving at my house oh my god yeah that's also a good chunk towards a new horse yeah i mean that that is that is a cost of essentially yeah it is yeah yeah all right no judgment here if she wants to do that she can do it big john too yeah exactly so yeah there you go there's all my little updates what's any any news from you any other business well there's no it's not any other business per se or updates but it's just a couple of things i want to talk about what's your view on sharing baths like so if you were sharing a bath with someone like a guy sorry you mean at the same time or one after the other at the same time we're not children well no that's what i'm not saving the one of the one after in this economy the one after the other thing is very your age between five and ten yeah in which case fine no i mean your boyfriend's sitting the tap end because all boys should that kind of thing um so i think if you're on a romantic weekend away and you've got one of those really big tubs and the taps are in the middle and you've got like a little glass of champagne on the go the practicalities of it are something else but it's nice for about five minutes and then i want to get out and like properly shower and wash myself okay fine what do you think um i don't mind it the bath has to be big enough yes um but a lot that this kind of leads into the next part it's sharing bars but with what i would say foul play but a bit of like you know a bit of shenanigans so would you have sex anything in the bath no and i'll tell you for why go on i went to uni with a girl who knew someone like quite well one of her really good friends they were shagging in the bath and it basically created a vacuum inside her they got locked together they had to this is awful so they were there for ages trying to be like fucking hell like we literally stuck together like two dogs they had tied they ended up having to go to hospital and somehow get removed so they had to put like something up there to unvacuum the vacuum so no after hearing that the fuck absolutely not so warning to everyone don't get stuck together in the bath oh fuck yeah so no absolutely not i wouldn't we wouldn't get fingered in the bath no vacuum get stuck up there what if someone offers to put their toe somewhere oh no that's being talked about toes yeah in places who's getting towed well they shouldn't be getting towed yeah toenails or would you get especially a man's toe yeah yeah no yeah delicate lady toe yeah i know but i wouldn't want to get towed by a lady so i don't want to get towed by anyone it's a little piggy rental market um and then secondly do you know the muffin man um the muffin man who lives in drury lane do you know where the cock ring originated from and how it was first made absolutely no idea so please educate me and i'll tell you what it was first made it was first made it was first made everyone else it's first originated in china of course it did and it's it was originally a goat's eyelid with eyelashes attached no yeah and the eyelashes were attached so to help with the sensation if anyone wants to google that they can what year was this i will find out for you please hold caller i feel like surely this must have been like the 1700s because that's horrifying how do you know this like what a lady came a lady came up with facts the other day on my A ticky-tock. To be honest, the producers should be doing this. I can do this. Come on, outsider sister. 13th century. Right, okay. And at what point. So that's where it started. The elastic skin of the eyelid was tied around the base of the organ, while the remaining eyelashes were meant to provide extra stimulation. That's horrifying. Dried or prepared goat eyelids. Used for constriction and extra sensory tickling from the lashes. Oh my god, modern terminology, goat eye ring. That's horrendous. Sorry, I thought you'd enjoy that. No? No sale? Alright. Alright. Cancel the order. Yeah, cancel the order. Yeah, anyway, I'll leave it there. Yeah, I don't. I'm shooketh, no words. Alright, well. Rendered me speechless there. You could've. Imagine if you just had a ring on fucking hell, yeah, pub quiz, I'm in, I know this. Yeah, to be fair. Imagine. Bit of useless knowledge, I'm here for it. So remember a few episodes back, we spoke about things that would. Things that scared you as a child. Yeah. Or you had rational fears about. Yes. So, there was the story that was submitted about the first feeling this person had of anxiety being at a family picnic. Wasps being around, and I think their grandma being like, don't be careful when you drink out of a can. Yeah. Because a wasp might have gone in and it would have stung you down your throat. First feeling of anxiety. So, I actually think I've got the origin of all anxiety. I played musical chairs at work the other day. Oh my God. Yeah. And honestly, I have never felt more anxious in my life. I really didn't enjoy it, because you're quite. It's like, I'm going to. Next time there's a group of us together, I'm going to make you both play. I'm going to play it, because you're on like tenderhooks being like, oh, am I going to stop by the chair? Am I going to be able to sit down in time? And it got to the point where I was like, guys, I'm going to have to remove myself from the game here, because I actually feel way too anxious. My heart rate spiked at like 164. You all right? No, it was not okay. You're a panic tank. It was. Almost. It was honestly awful. So, I actually think that's where the origin of. Like, if I think about when did I first feel anxiety, probably playing musical chairs. Are you just really competitive? Oh, I'm so competitive, yeah. Fierce and competitive. To do that, and not feel like you've got a place to sit. Yeah, I didn't enjoy it at all. And also you're watched as well, which is the other side. Yeah, I know. Yeah, and I don't like people watching. I like people watching. I just don't like people watching. Yeah. Yeah, so I just. It gave me such intense anxiety that I was like, maybe we need to stop playing musical chairs for children. Because I did not enjoy it. If anyone's had some anxiety-inducing musical chairs, please can you let us know? And if not. Play it at work. Play it at work. Fucking hell. And let me know how you get on, because I did not. They play it at kids' parties. I did not enjoy it. Oh, my God. Yeah. You did win a prize, though. Yeah, well, the prize was bringing my heart rate down, let me tell you. What was the prize at work, Alvin, Jess? Oh, I can't remember. There was a prize, though. Prize was the blood pressure of a fucking hummingbird. That was the prize. It was panic. So, I've had two others that have been sent in off the back of this, so things that scared you as a child. Yeah. So, somebody said, and this is a bit dark, so I'm going to do this. I'm going to shit sandwich it, so I'm going to do the dark one and then finish with a more fun one. Good one. They said they had a genuine fear of being injected in a club and someone leaving a card in your pocket that said, welcome to the HIV club. Apparently, that was a thing in the 90s. Isn't that awful? So, they had a genuine fear that would happen to them. Someone would just go up to them, inject them. Who? Who would do that? But also, who's got the time to make the cards? Who's making their own personal branding for HIV? Yeah, I mean, it's fucked. I have so many questions, I don't know where to start. Yeah, I think maybe let's Google this, but yeah, it's mental. Jesus. And then, okay, so the final one, this person, I mean, obviously everyone's anonymous, but they have asked to remain anonymous. They said that this still affects them now. When they were younger, they went on a little family outing, some Victorian museum, and on the back of the toilet, it said that there's so much bacteria in a toilet seat. You should always wipe it before you sit down, and you should always wipe it afterwards. Ever since then, so this person was eight when they read that. Ever since then, other than being at home, they have never been able to sit down on another toilet. So, if they're out and about, they have to hover, they squat. Legs are still. Yeah, yeah. Over the toilet seat, because they have that much, like, fear, anxiety, whatever, it's ingrained in their brain. Do I know this person? Yeah. I don't want to reveal their identity. No. No, we won't reveal them, but I just find this fascinating. Legs of steel. Yeah. Wow. A bit of trauma there. It's interesting, isn't it? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Here ends my section. Here ends your section. So, what I was going to say, can we kick the next bit off? Your views, before we go into it, on can men and women be friends? You want my views on it first? Yes. This is a poll, wasn't it? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes. I 100%, 100% think they can. I think anyone, I'm really curious to know, anyone who's, like, polar opposite, and is like, no, absolutely not, I'm really interested to know their thoughts around this, because I don't think that you should want to shag every other person of the opposite sex. Like, I think, of course, you can be friends with people. If you can work with people and be colleagues with them, why on earth can't you have, not every relationship needs to be. No, agreed. sexual. Like, firmly agreed. I know you're going to agree with me. Yeah. You're going to, well, you're going to agree with the sentiment and say they can, but you're going to say what I think, aren't you? I want to see what you say. So, I think they can, but we kind of, yeah, we have to talk about this, because if, only if the man decides that they're friends. If the female decides. If they're in the friend zone, the man, not all, but is usually playing the long game. Do you think? Yeah. I know. Because if the female, if the female would turn around. The man has to friend zone you. The man has to friend zone you, and then you are genuinely friends, because he has no interest in trying to sleep with you. Yeah. If you friend zone a guy, I 100%, like, 100% still thinking about it, they'll play the long game. You could do that in five years' time and go, do you? Would you? Yeah. Interesting. It gets complicated, because I don't understand if you've been together and then not together. That kind of friendship is completely different. And it is interesting, because a few of my, like, not all, but a few of my male friends, you know, we were friends for a very long time, and then all of a sudden, they went, I've got something to tell you. And I was like, fucking hell. It fucks the whole job. And then that's sexually charged. I find that really. Men are that simple, yes. We're simple when it's sexually charged. They'd fuck an armpit if you gave it to them. That's wild, because I know, obviously, a lot of girls will have. A lot of girls will have, like, gay best friends. Sorry, Rich just. Rich almost just fell off his chair. Are you well? He's like, gay best friends, fall off the chair. Good. So, obviously, in which case, your theory does not stand. But. I'm interested to know, would that stand if it were two gay guys? We can ask. Who are friends? We can ask, but. Yeah, I'm really curious to know. We can ask Jay, and I can ask my friend Joseph, yeah. I would argue, I'm just going to put it out there, no. Oh, okay. Why? Gay men are supposed to be more promiscuous than. Because it's too simple, sexually charged in a relationship, or not in a relationship. They're. So they then repel each other? I'm thinking of. It's like magnets. A gay guy I know, yeah, he is completely on another level. Interesting. Okay. A man. Well, so. Or so they say. It is 86% said yes. They can be friends. 14% no. That's women. That's got to be women. That's so interesting. And guys will say it, but they don't mean it. No, for shit. If I say it, I mean it, for anyone listening. But I still think you can be. Friends. And again, loads of people might go, no, disagree. I still think you can be friends with someone, sleep with them, and then go back to being friends with them. So if that thing about guys is like, you're not friends unless they friendzone you, I still think you could be friends with someone. Like you say, five years down the line, they then go, yeah, I shag you. But then I think you could then go back to being friends. I don't think a lot of girls could do that. I will caveat by saying that. I said that on it before. I think lots of girls can't do the whole friends benefits thing because they. They get too emotionally attached. Fine. But I think guys can. Yeah. Yeah, we could probably do that. Oh, they can completely detach. But they've had sex then. They've kind of got what they came for. But then equally. Post-natal charity. Yeah. Yeah, but then equally, they could probably still come around and go, do you want to do it again? And still not be emotionally attached. Do you know what I mean? It's just more of an action, a service. Interesting. Interesting. Out of interest, though, like if you're. your boyfriend became friends with girl that was single i'd be confident enough in myself my relationship that i wouldn't i wouldn't worry about it but that's just me i so my issue isn't necessarily like i don't care if boyfriends have female friends my issue is if someone knows you're dating someone and then they actively do it because girls can be cunts to make you feel uncomfortable and make you feel jealous that's the only time i'm weighing in you know the scene in yellowstone when beth dutton like bottles that girl yeah because she's actively trying in front of her but then i think fair you probably shouldn't be friends with that person like that would be then a different conversation yeah but then sometimes men like the attention and they're like oh it's nothing do you know what i mean yeah i'm not a jealous person but if you actively did that in front of me to get a rise and see what you'd get out of it you're gonna get fucked up you're getting best done yeah speak it all she's not here we've got lola yeah cool my girl um you asked me to put out a poll i did yes what was your poll i wanted to know whether our dear listeners would consider being a stripper so i i say hell yeah cause they fucking the reason that i put this out there is my algorithm does wonderful things on social media but she does i had a girl pop up who in one night one night of work made eighteen hundred dollars in tips yeah and i was like this is insane and she was basically talking through and she's like she had one good client who she hadn't seen for a while and i think obviously a few other people but he just kept on tipping her kept on tipping her kept on tipping her and i thought do you know what if i looked that good and i had the confidence would i be open to it for eighteen hundred dollars a night i think i probably would yep and i'm not here to judge no she's a dancer she probably started off as a as an actual you know dancer one thing i'll say is a lot of people go oh my god you've been to strip clubs whatever i've been to fucking loads of strip clubs i've never been i've been to fucking loads everyone needs to settle down about it if women can exploit men in that way yeah oh it's so upsetting because they make you think they love you no they don't darren eat shit in front of you yeah also you're not allowed to touch a stripper are you well you're looking at me because you're a man yeah you mean unless they touch you unless they touch you or really you have a like a dance and it's disgust isn't it well i don't think yeah but i don't know again it's another thing that i hate we shame women for that job but actually we shouldn't because it's quite i think it's quite empowering for them yeah i think why don't they have male the other way strip clubs they do yeah sorry have you not heard of the magic mic tool yeah same same it's a tool you don't you don't get strip clubs do you i don't know magic they do i'm gonna can we mr producer can you google that please um but anyway well you while you google that search history oh yeah basically i was super impressed and it just made me think what would other people think because i'm really interested to hear what the results are the divide isn't as extreme okay as i thought it's 44 hell yeah oh okay 56 hell nah hello my fellow strippers the person who made me laugh the most is someone we both know okay um i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know um but i've only met her recently but she just really cracked me up she messaged messaged instagram to say i'd be so awkward and then she goes i'd have to refund people sorry sir here's your fiver back and she really made me laugh um so yeah fair fucks yeah i mean i wouldn't do it as me charlie who you see here right now but if i was able to dance looked unreal and had the confidence to do it yeah then hell yeah why not i would say the same yeah fair fucks love that he's still googling yeah it's not an easy question why clubs maybe not as common as we think i mean no i've started to look at reviews this doesn't go anywhere beautiful and talented dancers but that could be either love that so i want to ask you a question please do what are your thoughts on dating age gaps like what's the what's the max you would go to and just what your thoughts on it in general you've come to the right lady of course i have i've had two significant age gaps in my life um one i think we were 12 years i think i'd say we were 12 i was Mental maths on the other one. The other one was 29 years. Oh my God. I'm pretty sure my mum was like 27 when she had me, maybe 28. So I'm like, he could have been your father. Definitely. Yeah. So I was 25 at the time. Wow. But he's, he's glorious. I had a very nice time. Yeah. Nice. Looked like Pierce Brosnan. Cool Pierce. And he had a boat. So. I mean, that changes things. The boat does change things. I'm not here to judge. But yeah, it doesn't bother me. It really doesn't. Were you in a serious relationship or, cause I guess you were 25, right? No, it was more of a dalliance. Okay. 11, no, 12 years older than me. The one before that was, we were together five years. It's, I don't know. It's never bothered me. It's always been more about the person and the character. My parents have a large age gap. Well, my stepdad and my mom have a large age gap. So I don't know. A lot of people can't get past it. A lot of people really struggle with it, but I just think each their fucking own. Yeah. Obviously, if you're in your forties and you're dating an 18 year old, you are a bit of a sick fuck. Have a word with yourself. But I think when you get to your twenties and older. You're a bit more of an adult. Yeah. The reason I ask is that Bradley Cooper, what a man. Oh, here we go. And Gigi Hadid. Oh yeah. They've got a 20 year age gap. Yeah. I don't think that's an issue. No, I don't. And so say, I mean, I don't believe anything that I read in tabloids cause it's all fake news, but so say they got secretly married last month. Oh, okay. And I thought good for them. Yeah. But it just got me thinking like, what's a, what's a realistic age gap. Cause I think, like you said, like having a bit of a fling with someone that's a bit, older is very different to being in like a full blown committed relationship with someone. Yeah. If you've got that much of, I think the thing I would struggle with would be having that much of a significant age gap is, and it sounds really sad. Like they're going to die before you in theory. Yeah. And then you have like a whole other life without them, which maybe people are here for, but I just, it wouldn't have stopped me having a full full time thing. Would it not? No. You see, you think it's about the right person. Interesting. How did this person compare age-wise with your parents? Same age, older, younger. Trying to work out younger than my stepdad fit older than my mom. Okay. And did they know? No. Okay. One did one didn't. Okay. Cause I think that's the other thing as well is if you're, again, fully committed relationship versus a fling, it must be strange. I think if it's at your parents and they're like similar age and they're pals to be like, Oh, you're shocking my daughter on you. One did one didn't. Um, but not a bad word to say about him. Still is this day. Not a bad word to say about him. Nice guy. Can we come on your boat, sir? It's not a bad word to say about him. Yeah. Still is this day. Nice guy. I don't know if he's still got it. I'll find out. Let us know. Report back. Hey, maybe we could, are you up for recording a podcast episode on a boat? From what I know about that story, I don't think he's going to let you on his boat. Hello, sir. Do you have a boat? We'd like to come on it. Can Charlie go on your boat? I'd like to come on your boat. No, I just, I really don't see it as an issue. Do you? I think it depends on the, it depends on the age gap. I think for me personally, I wouldn't want to go much higher. I hear what you're saying. It's about the person. So it's difficult, unless you've been in that position to really truly say, I think the idea of it puts me off. Just because I think it's so significant. Like I couldn't date someone that was older than my parents. I think I'd find that hard. I wouldn't want to date someone that was older than my parents. Yeah. I just think you've lived really different lives as well. And it would make me question, especially if it's an older bloke, I'd be like, you're so goofy as well, I won't lie. I don't know, that's just me. I get it. Depends who it is. Depends who it is. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. What do you think about, 'cause some people get really weird about this, about a woman dating a man that's younger, like cougar. Again, I don't think it matters. No, I don't either. But it's like, some people see it as a really taboo thing. There are times where I'm like, like I've dated someone younger younger briefly cucumber boy no not cucumber boy long buoy ah yes football buoy yes but and i remember when i first met him i was like no you're far too young for me and he was kind of like i don't know if he saw it as a challenge or what but he was we got on really well um it was never gonna be anything serious did i feel weird about it i think i was very aware i was older yeah but not because he was immature if that makes sense yeah interesting um i don't know but i don't think it would bother me massively no but then i've always sort of dated older so you're full spectrum yeah yeah good for you yeah weird um but i i will say once you get to a certain point you might not be as attracted to them you don't know i mean i'm not going to someone in their 70s at this age unless they've got a boat unless they've got a boat and if that's the case then i will marry them just so you get it um but i don't know again depends on the person yeah i know lots of people in age gap relationships who are very very happy yeah i think it's just such a taboo thing and actually in some ways i really like personal preference and that person yeah like love who you want to love i don't care no i get it i get it have you got any other points on that have you got any points on that i think i agree with charlie actually more i couldn't go older my parents yeah but i have been older and younger but i think it is much older rich only there's interest from older like close to 50 like 10 years okay yeah okay yeah but i if for me i think it's different because i'm a guy and they're older they want you to look and i look quite young for my age as well which doesn't help have you been having micro needling no he has burtax i really haven't i would try micro needle in there at some point just to see what you two are going on about great poppy we're coming i'm supposed to actually try it yeah actually we could we could do that as content rich goes to see poppy i think that's a great idea perfect also you haven't submitted your wet t-shirt for the group yet please women are still waiting i don't know if i want to see that they would love that i know i know a certain couple of ladies that would love that so could you hurry up and don't i'm not one of them i will say have i met them have you met them yeah yes oh i'm sure you know who i'm thinking of yeah um anyway moving on the weirdest thing that someone has said during or after sex to you have we put this out as a question on instagram okay great i'm really excited i did it a couple weeks ago but obviously because we've been busy busy with other things yeah uh i haven't been able to put it in um one of them was a good boy wow i mean to be fair i'd find that quite funny good boy um i love you way to choose your moment just after sex i hope you haven't given me chlamydia oh God nearly ball punched him that's like the silent sti as well like very rarely do you have symptoms um during i still fancy you and have you gotten over the fact that i still talk to my ex now oh fuck two other really funny ones by the way i'm married oh during or is this after after i think no i think she told me that was before but i will i will triple check my research on that and um from someone we all know and i will tell charlie who it is afterwards spit on it swear at it ah you've told me that story i told you um before i say a couple of mine i just thought i'd see if you've got any weird ones to share with me no i don't think i do i've got a few one of them i was in valdez there christmas 2018 um and i shagged a ski instructor which you did the first thing fucked me off it's like shagging a holiday such a cliche yeah shut up basic bitch you are like walking cliche when i found out his age it was the most annoying thing because i'm sure he told us i'll ask so for this actually i'm sure he told us he was like 24 or something he ended up being like i'm sure it was 19 or 20 and i was 26 or something no no what would i have been then i was a lot older than him anyway um the next there was a whole thing we're going home my sister was in a separate room my friend soph was staying with me i made my sister switch rooms with me right switch rooms to me give me the keys whatever the next day he leaves and i've still got the text on my phone to this day because i find it so fucking funny screenshot this and put it on stories please i actually will but i'll put his name out of it um olivia i'd like to ask you something about last night the thing is i'm worried about the condom because it was broken did you ever do a test or analysis to know if you have the aids cedar in french the aids the aids and honestly i still to this day think it's the funniest fucking thing um let us know do you have the aids do you no i don't have the aids no i don't uh but and then i would say i mean i could go on for ages about these but the other worst thing and i actually have no idea if this guy's listening do you remember i was dating someone who ran a rather large estate briefly yes well he was introduced to me by one of our male friends i know it and when i was dating this guy i went full tonto and drove to his house in full set do you remember the fur coat stockings yeah coat iconic now that's giving stripper vibes i'm that's giving j-lo and hustlers that was i was channeling yeah yeah turn up fine go upstairs fine he puts me down on the bed and he literally goes thank you beep so he basically thanked our male friend as he lay me down on the bed before we had sex honestly way to dry you up i know it was he basically went let's make up a name thank you william oh i mean you think the cot sauce is in a drought right now you're essentially talking to me like talking about me like i'm not there and also why are you bringing him into this yeah that's killed my whole vibe yeah i've turned up looking 10 out of fucking 10 i know and that's the first thing you say i will save anybody who's not done the fur coat oh do it that's another one of my top ideas yeah you've done it yeah this was knowledge shed see this is girls have group chats for things like this oh i've got so many fur coats it's iconic i i did feel i was channeling my inner j-lo for sure yeah yeah yeah i recommend yeah so if anyone needs any tips bar wet t-shirt fur coat full set underneath heels go for it just keep listening to this podcast because you'll find out the real crowd please just don't walk out in front of your parents that's all if you live on your own it's fine it's only your dog's going you're a hoe i will say like ah here she goes again my god you're looking at me like where are you going i wouldn't recommend driving very far without a change of clothes in case you get caught out pulled over do you know how i drove oversized t-shirt and just stockings fully out with with like trainers on and then i literally took i pulled over in a lay-by before i got there and took the t-shirt off put my heels on and then put my coat on get it girl so if i'd have if i'd have fucking my attire already gone or something like that hello mr officer what about that ticket how do i get out of this one boys honestly that'd have been easy oh yeah fucking hell yeah sorry anyway weirdest thing someone said to me during sex um i've got more but i don't know if it's worth saying we put put this question out on instagram again i want to see if anyone else submits anymore yeah weirdest thing someone said to you before during sex rich no one's really no probably mommy mommy no i said someone called you um no i don't think i got any oh i've only got my friend's one oh yeah share your friend's one share your friend's one she um after he finished he said does this mean you're my girlfriend now oh fuck off thank you amy ick ick ick oh i don't enjoy that he sent me she chinned him off after that i didn't finish the conversation i was laughing too much oh man i'll tell you what we'll move on to let's do some x yes you'd like to do something his mix right you ready i'm ready we were showering together and he told his dad it was okay to come into the bathroom to brush his teeth no no no no that is a lack of boundaries no that's so fucking weird hi come and look at my girlfriend's naked body no he woke his mom up at 2 a.m because he was hungry and wanted her to make him a snack are you 10 yeah exactly she started calling my mom mom the very first time i introduced them when i asked her about it later she said she likes to manifest can you imagine calling charlie's mom mom no like like but after the first like even now like after the first time you met her no that's weird so weird oh my god hang on i went over for what i thought would be a one-night stand and he had framed photos of george bush and abe lincoln on his wall then he told me he was a virgin how how do you get to the point i think you're gonna have a one-night stand with someone oh you're right what and you don't know that yeah that's a good point that is a good point confidant he was in the bathroom and asked me if i wanted hot dogs for dinner then proceeded to wrap his balls around his flaccid penis in the shape of a hot dog oh way to ruin hot dogs i was like yeah fair play yeah no you're not you're not coming back from that like it's absolutely horrendous ick city bitch ick ick city bitch took a long haul flight and i woke up eight hours in to him clipping his toenails with his bare feet on my lap that's horrifying she was funny every day the toe thing came out again because one of my friends was traveling home and she's at the airport and she's like there's this there's bare feet why have people got their bare feet in the airport honestly unreal i don't like that at all um oh my god in the middle of getting busy he stopped and froze when i asked what was happening he said buffering is that him trying to buy himself more time i don't know what the fuck that means oh my god who's fucking saying that offering okay this or that's ghosting or an honest it's not working text it's not working dating apps or meeting organically meeting organically words of affirmation or acts of service acts of service pda in public or affection kept private affection kept private homebody nights in or going out every weekend going out splitting bills 50 50 or whoever earns more pays more oh i don't know that's a tricky one do you own a boat yeah do you own a boat do you own a boat there's no 50 50 here honey i think it i think it i know couples where people one of them earns significantly more so yeah i think it does have to be sort of relatively equal okay um a partner who's a little jealous in brackets shows they care or completely unbothered ah to find completely unbothered because if they're completely unbothered they're going to be unbothered about you then get fucked but jealousy toxic this is a little jealous they just are a bit like hey what are you doing i don't like how they're looking yeah i probably go for that okay um someone who's too nice too fast or takes things slow to build trust slow don't forget to breathe so the fuck that's a song yeah i know but one two ten with my eyes closed who sings it is that pixie lot i don't know i don't know we'll find out in a minute uh love bombing early on or a slow burn that builds over time slow burn fuck the love bombing all right your turn thoughtful small gifts or big splurges on special occasions oh can i have both no uh then i will go thoughtful small gifts oh okay cuddling every night or need your own splurges to sleep well cuddle me are you actually that's the point i've shared a bed with you and i have cuddled you snuggler yeah um partner who says i love you first and often or shows it instead oh say it to me and i want them to say it first who said it first out of you two charlie he like shouted it out the window by actually like came out it like it was like a he was driving off and he was like love you and then i was like did that just did that just happen i bet you drove away like holy yeah and he was we've always spoken about it since he was driving off going oh my god did you hear what i said and i was still there going did i hit did i hear that right but he said it was just like uh he'd been holding it in for so long probably trying to wait to find the right moment and so he'd always been thinking it was so it just just came out like word vomit i know but yeah i'd never say it first i was like no absolutely not oh bless him i know would you ever say it first no neither rich you're a bloke but different hmm i think guys do say it first yeah someone who never fights with you or someone who fights fair oh someone who fights fair yeah okay a partner who's close with their family or more independent from them close to their family if they're nice people i was gonna say yeah interesting depends on what their family's like that's a nice hot take um okay well here ends your this and that i've got a random thought for you yeah i knew you're gonna go here a question i'd like to put to both of you i would like to know which animal has no vocal chords their brains are tick tocking for anybody why do i immediately want to go koala i don't know i'm going like lizard or something gecko they're reptiles oh sorry maybe i should oh okay okay let me rephrase this sorry which mammal has no vocal chords sorry i asked the question yeah now would you like a clue yeah go on i've seen a lot of them this year and they're not native to this country you went on safari though didn't i have been on safari there we go we're one step closer they are native to africa the africa yes correct ding ding well done think about it and i actually when i found out i was like oh i was thinking because zebras make a noise elephants make a noise i was going through things that charlie's seen lions they all said giraffes they don't make a noise at all make a noise no isn't that interesting they have no vocal chords i really wish everyone's this won't be great if you were videoed because you look so like wow bewildered speaking of giraffes where do you think a giraffe would tie a tie top of the neck bottom of the neck oh that's a good question not quite halfway down i think just a little lower yeah maybe like three quarters of the way down yeah yeah depends on the occasion is he wearing a cravat where would you put a pocket square um my it's not really a random thought but it's something i wanted to talk about and people can yell at me for it but men dating above their station and i see it all the time okay people got like couples that aren't matched in the way that they're going out with like absolutely phenomenal women yeah and the men literally are essentially trolls there's there's no brain there's a troll in the dungeon yeah sorry but there's no brain they haven't got ambition it's it absolutely kills my soul and there's no intelligence and they want to sit in their rooms and game and they want to sit in their rooms and game and they want to sit in their room and they just want their girlfriends to bring them home takeaway and they don't have social lives and this i'm like what is going on or on the other side of it you see a strong four on a night out and he goes oh yeah i'm gonna get with her and she's easily a 15 out of 10 and romesh what's his face spoke about this yeah yeah what a guy he's like when his friends go oh you know if i wasn't married he'd go if you weren't married you'd be dead or alone just remember yourself none of these women would date you and it's happened to me in the past some of my male friends and they're like oh yeah she was flirting with you no she was just being nice have you seen her have you seen yourself it really fucks me off there's nothing worse as well when you're a friendly human being i know i get accused of flirting all the time yeah it really irritates me i'm like no no i'm just friendly but i can also be really unfriendly as well if you like yeah i bark i bite i kill you yeah like that little chihuahua that's going viral at the moment it has a little sign that says not friendly a chihuahua a chihuahua a chihuahua a chihuahua it's one of our home things um but it really fucks me off thoughts on that Why are men so intense? Why do they think that they can get any woman they want? That's a lot on me right now. I don't know where to start. I don't really see that. The entitlement. You probably see that. I don't. Do you not get it with your male friends? Like, I see it all the time with, like, groups of men on nights out or, like, my male friends, and they're like, oh, yeah, like, you've got fucking no chance, mate. They probably do, but they don't act on it. They're just giving it the big one. Yeah. Giving it the big one. They just say it. Because I would say go over then, and they won't. Yeah. Two chicken shit. Yeah. I do think if a woman, like, there's a difference between guys giving it the big one and guys actually dating those girls. Because to all the women who are dating mediocre white men, other men are available. The rat from Flushed Away. People that are below your station. I would be having a little word with yourself. And being like, what am I doing here? Because I do think, and there is someone that I have in the back of my mind here, and I can't say too much to reveal their identity, but I will tell you both afterwards. Sorry, listeners. There is someone who I know who is dating significantly below her station. And it's, like, alarmingly so. And I think what's really sad for me when I think about it is I think her confidence is so low that she's not going to be able to date me. That she thinks she can't find anyone who probably is matched with her. Yeah. So she's gone for someone who. Playing it safe. Yeah. Who adores her. And he is a nice bloke. I will say that. However, when I explain who this is afterwards, you will agree with me. And it's still to this day, I'm like, I can't understand why you're together. So I think there's maybe a bit of a, girls, check yourself. You're fantastic. Yeah. Better to be single. And doing you than parenting a man who is not for you. Yeah. Girl power and all that jazz. If you literally have to go upstairs and go, off the PlayStation now, it's time to go to bed. No. During COVID, I PlayStationed a lot. Exactly. I was going to say. Yeah. I used to play on the PlayStation when I was younger with my brother. It kept us, like, it's how you communicate with people. No. I wasn't communicating with anyone. This is my, I'm not speaking to anyone. I'm playing Spyro. You guys are perfect. Spyro and Crash Bandicoot. We were very social. That was unreal. Me and my brother used to play loads when we were younger, though. He had a PlayStation. Obviously, we grew up RFK. Yeah, when I was a kid. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't believe it. There was nothing to do. So I re-downloaded Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon. Yeah, Crash Bandicoot. Yeah, it was unreal. He gets to ride the pig. The hookah hookah. You know, the little booga booga man. Oh, my God. Yeah. But no, the whole gaming thing, no, I'm not right for that. That's just me. Everyone's different. But yeah, nah, that's an egg for me. Okay. Okay, well, have you got nothing to add to that with the men's segment? If every woman had the confidence of a mediocre white man, the world would be a better place, let me tell you. Yeah, she does just want comfort in that scenario, doesn't she? Like, it's like a comfort dressing gown. Yeah. Like, no other woman's going to go, can I try that on? No. Like, no one else is trying on my fake tan dressing gown. There's a nice section. No, you'd be surprised how many women go, don't look at my man. I'm like, no one wants your man. Literally no one has looked at him and gone, I'm going to ride that. I'm going to climb it like a tree. Chill. Get the fuck out. No. I'm starting to think you've got really high standards. Do you know what? I'm not rising to this shit. I'm literally not. On that happy little note. Should we fuck off for the week? Yeehaw. Let's go. And until next week. Until next Friday. Friday. Stay toxic. Stay toxic.