Special #2 CK

Hey gang, Reddell's Rancher here with a special episode of Ranshing Reboot. A lot of you have had questions about just who CK is and what's her story and why she's on the show and what does she have to do with regenerative agriculture. And you know, over the last two months, a lot of those questions have come up and we thought that this would be a fantastic way to get those questions answered. So some of y'all could get to know CK. I may not be the best person to interview her. So I turned that task over to my lovely lady, Tonya. So without getting into too many more words, this is a really great episode. It's heartfelt and it's a very inspiring story and I hope you'll stick around to the end and give it a listen. See you on the other side. Alright, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Ranshing Reboot. Today we have a special host who's going to be interviewing me. Her name is Tonya. Tonya, how are you doing? I'm good CK. Thanks for having me. We have been listening to the show for a few weeks now and everybody seems to kind of wonder who CK is exactly and we've talked a little bit about how to get that out and bright and I had a conversation the other night. I thought it would be really interesting for me to come on and interview and ask questions because I'm a question and ask her and I would love to know a little bit more about you and to help our listeners understand who you are. Right. So I don't know, let's go ahead and just start what I'm doing now. Yeah. Let's. So I just kind of want to set this up almost like an agenda of like how this conversation is going to go since we're kind of reversing the tables and you're interviewing me who I'm usually interviewing the guest with Brian. So I want to talk about like what I'm doing now and where I'm at in the world. I also really want to talk about something that I don't really share in my professional setting and I really don't share it in my circle unless you're really, really close with me like my husband and a few other people who have broken down that I can trust this with you is my childhood which is not, it's a very unique situation that I grew up with. But I do want to preface it with preface it with this is I am not a victim of my circumstances. I am who I chose to become because of my circumstances. So I really don't want any pity from anyone. I just want to share who I am as a thinker and why I think I've evolved into this world of branching and the profession that I am so that my listeners who are trying to trust me with interviewing them and them sharing their vulnerable stories can understand the vulnerable things that are in my life as well. So tell us a little bit about where you are right now then. Yeah. Let us start there. Yeah. You do career and outside of branching and reboot. What does CK do every day? Yeah. So in the past five years I've lived in four different states and two different countries. So right now I'm living in Manhattan, Kansas. I'm a native from California who married a native Idahoan who wanted to go to vet school. And so I right now I'm supporting my husband 100% financially so that he can live his dream which I believe he has a true calling for being a food animal veterinarian. So we decided to we were living in California when we first got married and then we got into vet school in the Caribbean and say kids. And then we deferred for about a year before we went because I wanted to try living in Idaho before we went to the island so that we can decide once vet school is done where we're going to settle down. And so I lived in Idaho for a while and that's where we're going to decide to settle down because California just doesn't pencil out when you're trying to be a business owner or right at all in any way. Yeah. So it's a beautiful place to live with as regards to the environment and the climate and this access to different types of landscapes. But it's not a really fun place to raise a family and then try to be a prosperous businessman or woman. Yeah. So Idaho is where your husband's from. Is that right? Yeah. So he's from he's from southern Idaho. He has he's so he's one of nine siblings. So he has eight siblings four sisters and four brothers and was homeschooled and they're all very very successful people. I admire them so much. They're like home stedars as well. So I've actually learned a lot about self-sufficiency self-sufficiency through them and just they really are able to work off of the land and provide for themselves. So it's it's been really fun to be part of their family. Very cool. Yeah. Yeah. So so my job now with with past your map. I've been doing for the past almost four years over four years now and my role has changed quite a bit from when I first started I first started as kind of a contractor to help get ranchers to buy those subscriptions. Now my title is head of growth and I really I really like that title that I have because my job is really to contribute to the growth of my ranchers businesses like we have to figure out what's working well and what can we approve on. And I really do see that as is um it's a vulnerable thing to show up to to someone's company even if we're just a software system that helps with their their management for the grazing and the herd records and other things um to just admit that anything's wrong right it's really hard to say that and so you have this tattoo on your foot Tanya can you share what it says I have two do you have two okay yes so one says choose to find the beauty and everything yeah and the other one says no problem is only solutions yes and so that is 100% what I do is I I tell these ranchers we have no problems we only want to find new solutions and so when I saw that tattoo on your foot when I first met you I was like I love this girl already like we're gonna be we're gonna be fine um so so it's it's been it's been interesting five years I'm really excited to actually settle down and and and plant roots um and and not live in so many different states so other states that we lived in was Texas and then when we lived in the Caribbean it just was not fun people think oh that's really that's really awesome ck you got to live on this Caribbean island that really is picturesque it is where where people go to travel to destination vacations um but culturally and economically it just was it was actually like a third world country uh so they didn't really have reliable water or were like any kind of energy infrastructure so like we we were always worried about our power and our water going off so we'd have to make sure we sometimes shower before we weren't gonna have water I'd have to have like fresh water of jugs at at the ready even even not even in hurricane season that was just like a thing you had to have fresh water and also puddle water so that you can use the plumbing and um and then also you just being I guess I want to say I'm a country girl I love the wide open spaces and I felt trapped I felt like I really did get the island fever and also my career with passenger wrap I had so much potential for growth and I felt kind of stuck behind that potential because I was landlocked and I wasn't able to travel to where some of these big ranches were that I really wanted to help improve with so that's like what I've been doing the last five years um this was about with talking about being landlocked yeah and and not being able to help with passenger maps so where when you came back to the States after you guys moved back you moved to Texas yeah yeah so that was when the company sold that we sold based out of California originally and the the company had been acquired by a Texas buyer and so soil and works natural capital um owns passenger wrap now and I moved to Texas to keep my job basically because I was nervous that they were going to give me the axe uh which that was never really a concern that was that was me projecting off of my own insecurities they're like CK we were never planning on getting rid of you like we could not like and and I did get that feedback from my ranchers to their like cashmab would not work without you CK like you you maintained the relationships and and you fight for us and so for sure um I heard that so that was where yeah question what that was going was when you moved back to the States and you moved to Texas did you from there did you start traveling around a lot to different ranches yeah most of your work from Texas so that's when I started going well so Texas is huge like it it took it can take like eight hours or five hours going one way in any direction and so that is when I started finally just going and doing ranching visits and not asking if if if uh if that like for not for permission permission but but I was like hey like Burdwell Clark uh they're having they they have some questions getting their new cowboys onboarded and they want me to train them I'm gonna go spend a day with them and like train these these cowboys to use their phone for the app and I think once I started doing that and then I went up and visited with with you and Brian one weekend um you know those have been my best connections with with how cashmab should work and is working on ranches and um and actually be doing build that relationship with this whole thing because you know I meet I meet thousands of ranches every year and and like you know I will give you the energy that you give me and I'm not gonna ask for more than what you're you're willing to share but I also just don't um it's once you meet someone in person and you actually see uh that you can have like almost like an off-side conversation about you know this is really my start with ranching and this is this is what what has scared me and this is what cased me up at night when you really break those those walls down that you really realize that like there's a lot of impact that happens with the the ranching community that's not just uh mechanical right yeah well I you know I think I remember some things when when Brian first started using cashmab and and and trying to figure out ways to make it work better for the ranch I know a lot of the the problems he had you guys addressed personally yeah we did yeah without without that function you know what it would have worked for him and without that connection you guys would have never got that feedback oh absolutely absolutely like there's there's ranchers who use cashmab that I've never given us feedback or wanted to use as I call them myself sufficient ranchers but that actually probably is not the case it's maybe they just don't feel welcome enough or to to say anything and I really would I would encourage you to always if there's something that's not working complaint complaint to me and I will figure it out to get working because I've had people and I think last summer in particular there's a lot of sinking issues with Ryan Bryan's ranch uh with their her your herdsman and she would just text me like ck I was in the bull pasture and the the sink it didn't sink like all my subdivisions are gone so I'd have to call our engineers and be like hey can you can you fix this and we did and and I wouldn't have known if she had not said anything she would have just struggled with thinking that pasture map wasn't gonna work and there was no there was no one to ask for help yeah and I think that's a service that people want to have but don't always know don't always know how to use or don't always know how to ask for or don't always feel comfortable you know maybe quote over extending it's a way of wanting to plug you but something that I learned at a pretty young age was that this week you will get to the grease and people say that offside but it's true you know it's so true pick up when it's uncomfortable and and then you get that and so it's really that's really I think an awesome way that you are trying to connect so close with your customers yeah I think that is what has made pasture map so successful is is maintaining really realizing that relationships are the number one thing to to driving a business because you're gonna get that retention you're gonna get the loyalty because you're being loyalty your customer as well yeah so yeah so you want to talk a little bit about your childhood from there yes yes so I can't talk about where you came from yeah so I kind of mapped it out and so I have segments of my childhood which people are like you're crazy to get your segments but no I had segments so I had you know stages of my childhood that really impact who I am today and I wrote down this this quote from Abraham Lincoln just as a reminder it says you know we can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses and I think that 100% is my outlook on life is I would not appreciate the good I have in my life today without the bad and I think it really taught me resiliency and looking at things and and to be honest going back to that there are no problems only solutions like what is the answer like if and and I you know whenever I'm doing decision making with my ranches about like how do they want to approach changing things or transitioning from conventional to regenerative I say let's let's do one thing at a time let's understand getting this part down and then let's add a layer to it and like let's just let's solve the easiest problem you have where we can we can easily agree on the solution so with that said I so I was born in in Beggarsfield California and so if anyone knows the area Beggarsfield has a huge opioid epidemic and especially back in in the 90s I think was even worse than it is today so a lot of low income people and poverty and and just drugs you know in my mind like I just I know a lot people in Beggarsfield that who are still their lives are ruined because of drugs and I'm like how do we break the cycle and I think I I'm the person I'm low and I'm the one who broke that cycle so so I was I was born accidentally so I was not I was not one of those births that were planned my mom accidentally got pregnant with me with with her her drug dealer yeah so I was like very much not a plan so I know that that's going to be shocking to people who hear this and I just want to say that was just my life so so I so I I ended up you know being raised by my birth mom my birth father never really recognized me as his child which you know like this happens right this this is this is the real life like this happens to a lot of people and people my mom was a single mother on drugs and so we I grew up homeless for the first seven years of my life in and out of homes um I remember at one point we lived we lived in my mom's car and we were bathing in in like one of an an irrigation canal um to take to take to take baths and I also and you know I remember her stealing like produce like like cabbage and carrots from like nearby fields so that we could eat and and to be honest like as a child like it didn't bother me like it was just like that was life like it you know I wasn't like oh what was me like my mom you know it's it has all these issues and she can't even take care of her child like she she really did try to but it was always drugs controlled her decision making and so she just was she was not a suitable mother she she had a lot I have a lot of other siblings with with my mom and she she really didn't raise any of us and we've all kind of turned out okay just to be honest um so so with that eventually the state got involved and removed removed my my mom from my care and I ended up living with family members um my grandparents at one point of time and then for a really long period of time I lived with my aunt uncle and uh I really thought that that that was going to be my saving grace and life was going to live with my aunt and uncle who seemed to have it all together and were very religious people um and and they also took in my younger sister too so I was really excited to be with her and it really just um it was a really bad eight years of my life from seven to 15 it was so something I have shared on social media is that I was a child of violence and so am I scaring you Tanya? No okay good I know you're not scaring me I'm just listening yeah so so I went to live with my aunt uncle and I stayed I was there for eight years until I was 15 and so I I was actually a really a really serious child um I don't really know why I think it's just because of my circumstances like I just I just I had to survive right? You said you had a lot of other siblings yeah and you were with your sisters so before you moved to be with your aunt did you spend a lot of time with your siblings and were you older or younger did you have younger? Yeah yeah so I had I had two older brothers and then I was a third child of my mothers and then I had a younger brother and a younger sister and then I had a younger another younger brother who I've never met I know it sounds so bad like this like this is me laughing because I know it sounds bad and that's this why I do not share this story and then it might just yeah that sounds sounds bad is is is a lot and I don't I don't know I don't want to talk over you or talk over your story but this is your story and this is what has made you use so you know better better good as far as how it happened it is what it is and yeah yeah so so yeah I had those siblings I was really close with my older brothers to be honest and my younger sister I I think when my because my sister went to live with my aunt uncle before I did I was pretty devastated from losing her and my my older brothers were were teenagers so they were getting into that phase where like they didn't care about their little sister anymore so I was like I really want to go be with my sister like I don't want her to be alone and and that was like I'm going to go live with my uncle and uncle and with my sister and then also my aunt uncle had three of their own kids so it was like you know I do think about you know there's more than one there's more than two there's multiple sides to a story and I think what I'm going to share is like now that I'm older I realized that my aunt uncle probably signed up for more than they they asked for and it was really stressful and they probably had some resentment for my birth mom and my birth father and and to be honestly having the the responsibility of taking care of me who was to be honest always missing my mom and and just a different I've just a serious child so it was probably hard to figure out how to love me too but so I live with my aunt uncle they had just converted to to being Christians and so so growing up with them very devout Christians we were prominent members of our church community and you know we we actually cleaned the church every week we did the bus ride every week we never I you know the eight years I lived there I remember us never missing a Sunday or Wednesday service like it was just it wasn't something that we did and I remember just getting really like really into being a Christian and being a devout person and like getting into my biblical studies and learning how to study the Bible and then practicing what I preach or what is preached to me and then um but then then we would go home and and then it just you they turned off um they turned off that I don't know what it is it they turned off that characteristic yes and we would get home and it was like Carissa like make sure you get the house clean um I like they truly believed that women were designed to do women's work like inside house cleaning and cooking and that was their role like I remember my aunt telling me that and men's responsibilities were outside doing like the yard work and and like so basically putting genders to to duties right but I I thought was like she would tell me that and then I would end up having to do both I would have to do all the cooking and not the cooking but all the cleaning I'd help with cooking all the chores all of everyone's laundry which there was seven of us I would have to do all the laundry mo the laundry and we'd eat I would know how to to mix gas to put in a weed eater like I knew how to like prime I was eight years old right I would know how to prime it and and do the choke so that you can start a weed eater and I could weed eat our wheat weed like a string of weed eater and and like I could chop wood I can stack it like I can stack it very nicely because if I didn't fold the laundry the right right way like you know how you see do you is there a particular way that you fold towels like there's like the pretty salon way of folding towels right and then there's the ugly beach towel kind of like right that does not that does not store well and I I remember not folding it the right way in my aunt being pissed and and like making me refueled all the towels and and so so it really started with emotional violence which which I know some people were like oh what is that it's like I was dehumanized as a child and my I wasn't not only seen as just like a paycheck for them because they were drawing wages from from the state to take care of me so I think that was like because I kept asking why do you even have me live with you guys like you guys hate me like like I am not like I am not treated like the way that you treat their actual kids and I just I just remember that and then I remember we we show up as these Christians and and when we come home we're not Christians and and I remember finally I think just getting getting brave enough to to challenge that that thought and I remember it was it was like because I had to do chores before I got on the school bus every morning which was like 7 a.m. and and I remember just being frustrated because all of the other kids got to like just just sleep in and hang out and do whatever they wanted and and then I've like had missed taking the trash out because I had just run out of time and I and then I remember coming home and she was just waiting to like scream at me and I remember like I don't understand like why I have to do everything and then you say women's work is for inside stuff and men's work is for outside but your son like you don't have them do anything like I have to do all of his work and I think that was the first time that she hit me and and and then I realized um because I had been submissive for a really long time to her like I remember if I would just if I would just shut up and sit down and just do everything that she'll want me to do then then maybe she'll like me maybe maybe she'll accept me and it just it was never that she just always saw me as I think resentful for for having me in her care and then she always um I don't know I think she always was she's always thinking that I was going to end up like my my birth mom and so it would frustrate me because she would tell me that all the time it's like you're just like your mom you're just like your mom and and it's just like it devastates me because I was like I don't want to be anything like my mom like my mom it's not have her life together like she's still like out there doing those bad things and and it just would be like what why do I what do I do to make you think that and it was always just because I couldn't follow the laundry right or I didn't do the chores uh fast enough and um I remember we we finally started trying to do counseling together and I told the counselor like I don't really want to do this if she's not going to commit to doing this with me and we finally sat down and he said I want you guys both to say some one positive thing about each other and and then so she had to say she was she was really able to say a positive thing about all of her kids first and then when she came onto me the positive thing she had to say about me was like she and it wasn't like it was krisa does the dishes really well like oh yeah um I will tell you at this point I was it was it was uh I was 14 13 or 14 and so it was at that point that I realized um so animals have you know it's either fight or flight right so so I was I did run away a couple of times and she knew like I was like I just I miss my brothers and my mom and like she had removed me completely from my actual birth family and I was only allowed to interact with with her and and her three kids and her husband in the church and so I just like felt like she cut off this piece of me and I wasn't allowed access to it and so that I think that's what her and I were like fighting for internally and maybe I wish I could I wish you know when you look back I think I wish I could have communicated that better to her but like I was a kid like kids don't know how to communicate like they're trying to figure their lives out and I remember I just I remember at that point um because I had I had said like hey like I want you to like either just put me in foster care send me to back to like my grandparents or I want to be emancipated and I just like I just I like we cannot work well together like we just can't do this so like we just need to to leave each other and I remember like she was just like I'm not gonna give you that like I'm not gonna give you that happiness and um and so I said you know what like fight or flight that if I can't fly then I'm gonna fight and I remember I started with uh doing it in like like I called civil disobedience so I did it in ways that that wasn't gonna be physically violent and so so my thing was I stopped going to counseling like I refused I was like if you're not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it and if you're not gonna show up the way that I'm showing up I'm definitely not gonna do it and so uh so that was the first thing and then we had she scheduled me a counseling appointment she had told me that morning hey I don't want you to catch the best home because we're gonna come pick you up to take you to counseling to fix me like only I was fixing myself right and I remember just like you know what I'm just gonna get on the bus and go home like I'm not going to counseling I have told her that I'm not doing it unless she does it with me and I think that was when the physical violence got really bad um because my uncle had come home and and he was very much scared of my aunt um because he had tried to stick up for me a couple times and she had just beat him down like with her words like you're you're she's buffaloing you she has you manipulated I remember is what she said and uh so he got shut up real quick and he will say he's not gonna fight this and but I remember my uncle coming home from that and he's like you have to go at Chris that come on you gotta go at counseling like this is the only way your aunt's gonna be happy I it's like I'm not doing it like I'm not doing it like what is the point of this and he dragged me he tried to drag me down the hallway out of the room I remember grabbing the like the baseboards and the walls to like you know brace myself and hold like so he couldn't force me out of a house because he was like trying to fire him and carry me to counseling and I was like no like you can't force me to do this and I'm not going to um and I remember I mean I ended up kicking him in between the legs and I because I remember that was the only way I can get him off of me from dragging me out of the house and I remember that's when he was like okay I'm done and then my aunt came home and beat the crap out of me like beat the crap out of me with a belt she was so mad and at that point I wasn't willing to get the police involved or anything um I really didn't want to open that that can't alarm right I really wanted to protect her still do you feel like you had any support outside of them and all you know you mentioned the church yeah that's a good question were you in school so I was I was in school um I was in public school and I was you know that was my safe haven and I was in church I did share it with the church because the church was actually the one doing the counseling and I did share it with them and I think in the I to this day I still have a problem with organized religion um because I think because my aunt uncle were just so heavily supportive of the church like not only like as like um members but like they actually like the surfaces they provided that they did the school bus route they they also cleaned the church every week and um my my uncle was a deacon as well so he was like highly revered in the church and so the church just never believed me and and so it was just always like this kid is this kid is messed up and it's because of maker yes and it's because of her background that I can't trust her word over this Bible something lady um and so and so my so then when I realized that the church had betrayed me and and I realized it's not it's not Jesus who betrayed me it's the management of the church like it's a hundred percent a management was a management issue and I think they finally discovered because they ended up getting burned down the road by this family um with some stuff some scandal but um but then I realized okay I have to put on the suit of armor with the church the church is not gonna help me so I thought if the church isn't there to help me and they actually see what's happening um because like you can see how she treated me compared to her kids um right and I thought there's no way the school system's gonna help me like no like I'm just not gonna I'm not gonna get them involved because it's just gonna end up hurting me more and then I won't have a safe haven and it was it was finally um so yeah so so I started fighting I just I decided I wasn't going to go to church anymore and I told her my reasoning was um we're living a lie we are not real Christians and if you expect me to show up and be fake at church just so that you can look good I'm not gonna do it and so I remember I think that was a real the real the real winner that that made her honestly hate me um and so the so then we had one more you know because I was challenging her authority now like I was like I'm gonna question everything she does because she won't let me out then I'm gonna make her life a living hell um and yes I realized that that's not the answer but that's what I thought I had to do I think that was exceptionally brave for a young woman of that age to not have support and to be able to stand up to somebody who would have been scary to you I'm sure yeah to be able to have the courage to do that I mean I think yeah I don't know right or wrong I don't know that there was a right answer in that situation but what you did was brave yeah yeah so so you know we had these more these challenging matches and um and then like one day was it was a really bad altercation um so she like we had this leather strap belt that we would I mean I would get spanks and like they were it deserves spanks for lying but she would beat me with this belt um and it was one of those old barber chair you know that they sharpen those thick ass leather straps and it had a metal part of the at the end and it had holes in it for for aerodynamics and I'm laughing because you know I survived it and but I remember her beating the crap out of me up and down my back on my neck um I tried to run out of the house to like get away from her and she was chasing me around the house and she would slam the doors um in front of me and bolt them lock so that I couldn't escape to get on the bus that morning and and when she had bolted that lock she grabbed me by the hair and pulled me onto this office desk and I mean I don't know I remember it like it was yesterday like she she choked the shit out of me and I thought I was gonna die like I really like I thought I was going to die and I remember her daughter finally because usually what the kids would do when stuff like this happened they just go run to the back bedroom and like try to stay out of it because they just knew better you didn't get between the this happening because then it would happen to them um and then I remember the daughter being like mom stop like stop you're you're like this is really a bad stop and so finally I think she like realized what she like how bad it was and she let go of me and I just I remember hearing the bus because they had those those air breaks and I remember stopping to wait for us and I remember like flagging it down racing to get on the bus in the bus driver I mean he didn't say anything which I thought now I'm looking I'm like he should have said something because he's supposed to be a mandated reporter he should have freaking said something and I remember he just not get involved with it and I'm like crying on the bus and then my friends um my friends come on the next stops and they're like what the hell happened to you and they see the welts and they see the scratches and they see that like I'm been roughed up and it was um my friend who saw what happened because I was I still at this point was not willing to like call CPS or the police like I just I had seen with my birth mom and had been removed from the family and I've seen with my other men that my mom had had in a relationship what the police can do to families and so for me it was like I don't want to open that can of worms like I really do not want to ruin her life my goal is I just want to be I want to be removed from this home like I need to be out of this situation and so it was it wasn't until my best friend Brienne uh she went to the school and and told them she was like my best friend just got her butt kicked by her aunt and we we need to do something about this and I remember the counselor calling me in and interviewing me and I remember begging her I remember begging her please please don't say anything please don't do anything like it'll be fine like I can handle this and I was in junior high um the policeman came in and he was devastated I remember it making him cry and I remember like that was my moment of like wow this is this is really serious if I'm making a grown man in uniform cry like it is bad and so CPS came filed charges um I don't know how familiar you are with the social system it's just it doesn't work uh they really don't have the best interest for a child so they end up having to send me home um because it's her words to get a word against mine so they ended up just sending me home with my uncle and my uncle had to tell him my aunt that CPS came and they she ended up beating me again um and then that that point I was like well this can of worms is open or this pandora box is open and you can't put pandora back in the box and so I I finally just was like the next morning was like yeah well she found out that it happened and she she beat me again and I think my aunt was like how do like this is crazy like and how like she she couldn't deal with it and I mean I didn't want to deal with it either so she basically kept me in my room if if I wasn't just me going to school the next few months I had to go straight to my room and stay in it like I lived in my room like kind of almost like a prisoner um and of course like she would feed me and stuff but I was I was not worth even doing chores anymore at this point so I was like okay thanks are happening um and then my my aunt made me go to church one Sunday well she tried to make me go every Sunday and I remember just still being like this is I'm just not gonna show up so I end up going but I remember just like not doing anything and then I remember her just getting so mad at me because actually I don't remember the reason but I remember it was a Pollock Sunday so it was about something about a dish or something and I remember just like falling like I was just upset with with my life and so I remember like trying to just go sit in our vehicle and cry it out alone because I didn't want to do it with any of the church members and my aunt had to go to the store to get Pollock's and I remember her throwing me out of a car on the ground and saying you know get the freak out of here and then I ran away and uh so I ran away called my birth mom to come pick me up she she did and uh so I was run I was a run away for two days and then when I came my my grandpa made me go back he was like you can't just run away and stay or run away like there's consequences for this parissa and I was like okay so he drove me back and and then my aunt just like wants you and believes that I ran away to to my mom she thought I I ran away to so this is her next line of of attack she thought I ran away to be with a boy so she was trying to smear my name and I was like okay whatever I'll let you believe that because I doesn't even affect me at this point whatever the police end up getting involved and and the guys were the police are really nice they're like we we get it you've come from a hard life um they're like there's there's there's a lot of not good things going on your life but we can't remove you from the home because you're being fed and you have a place to sleep right oh yeah and at this point I would I had been playing the violin for a few years and I remember the police officer saying hey I also play the violin um and so we like for me I felt like I connected with him on with something that wasn't like traumatizing and I was like yeah I really love it and he's like you should we could put your energy into the violin thing like you should do that and so I ended up I did I end up doing that and I end up like being um like first chair which which you guys probably listening won't understand what that means but that means like your number one you're the best violinist out of like 50 and I remember just always striving to be first chair I was I was always invited to do um like the honors uh kind of events for for orchestras and then I actually ended up being part of Sequoia Symphony and we ended up traveling and this is after I I finally got out of my aunt situation but I actually ended up traveling in Europe part of a symphony which is like my top 10 best experience in my life right wow so it was like but that advice from that police officer I mean it was huge it was like hey like you need to focus all this negative energy into something that's positive and I and I truly believe that I think to break the cycle like you need to focus your energy and not dwell on the negative and I finally I finally figured it out through my music um and and that was for me like very therapeutic like it was like finally there's hope in my life because at this point I was I was contemplating I was contemplating some pretty horrible things to do to myself um to be honest because I didn't see a way out like I didn't think I didn't think that they were gonna let me decide if I could be happy um yeah yeah um okay and so let me just wrap up this bad part of my life with my aunt because it's gonna get good guys I promise so so my aunt um she kind of got she was getting mad that one I was like in straight A's everyone loved me at school and then I was getting really good at this violin thing and and I I don't mean to project but it was like I was I was the problem kid in in her with her five kids who was also doing the best so it's like everyone kind of question is like it doesn't add up like how can you say krisa is this terrible person when she's getting straight A's everyone likes her at her school and she's doing these phenomenal things with her violin you know and so I think people are finally finally the wool was getting taken off of their their eyes um and I think she was finally like seeing seeing that so she was really still also approved that I was this terrible person um and so we end up we end up having like another altercation because she just she just didn't like me um and anything I said or did she would pick a par and it was frustrating like I would I would have to bottle up my emotions and then I would explode and then we didn't be screaming matches and um and then it would end up and she would be physical with me and my thing is the police officers when they had to come to visit me when I ran away they told me I just want to tell you now if you ever end up hitting your aunt you will go to juvenile hall and I remember my aunt being in the room when they said that and I really think that they planted that seed of thought for her yeah like your face right now you're like oh I know what's gonna happen now so so my aunt she ended up being the crap out of me again and and then she knew I was gonna go to school and tell on her right because I thought if I keep if we just keep reporting this eventually they'll remove me from the home right and and so I finally at this point I was in high school and I finally did it and I actually had a competent counselor and her name is Mrs. Beley and she finally stuck her neck out for me and she took pictures of of what happened around my neck and I remember my orchestra instructor she said what happened to your neck did it cat did it can't get get you neck and I just remember like crying because at this point I was like man like I just so want to have this conversation with you and then so she sent me the office Mrs. Beley got involved called a police officer and he documented what happened so what happens with this situation the police officer has to get my side of the story and my aunt's side of the story and so my aunt lied and said that I hit her I knew I and and I like I know that she tells people I hit her and I think almost she believes it because she's told the story this life for so many years but I remember like her choking me that morning and I just remember I can't hit her I can't hit her because I would be the scariest thing ever is go to jail to go to jail right and so I remember the police officer going and taking my aunt's side of the story and then I just went on for my with my school day and went to my classes and then I remember getting one of my teachers getting called or like hey Chris uh like they need you to go to the office remember getting called in the office the police officer takes me and arrests me and takes me to juvenile hall and I end up staying the night in juvenile for I think assault or something like that um right fucking wild sorry Brian's gonna have to believe that out but maybe maybe he will maybe he will that's fine if he doesn't but I just don't want to eat when like sorry but it is wild uh it was a prune spot for it it was a prune spot I've got wild stories too I'll tell you someday you won't feel alone and oh yeah so this is a thing is everyone has a history and like it's it's like very much a thing where we we have such shame for our history we don't want to talk about it but I think it really develops on who we are as a person and I think I think one thing just to admit is I know I am I have a high emotional intelligence like I can sit in a room and if I know something's going wrong I can I am I'm probably the first person to see it and a lot of times I end up mediating this like either I stop it or I mediate it or I go and talk to that person in private and but like hey I know I could I could tell that by the way he talked to you or she talked to him that upset you out I don't think that was cool I just want you know I hear you I see you I don't I don't want you to think that that didn't go noticed um yeah and that's not something that just everybody can do some people are great at that and some people are terrible at it and it's yeah yeah it's something that not only I think you come with but you learn and yeah that's something you've honed so yeah yeah so so I so I said the night you would haul and that was that was that was an experience right so you're so funny because you know some people will ask like randomly net like like the last question is like never have I ever and like they'll just expect no one to have done this and so sometimes we're like never have I ever gone to rest and gone to jail and I'm like oh yeah I've done that like I'm such a bad ass like I went to jail when I was okay and it's like totally I mean it's I'm like oh it's not really a good story and that's usually how I say it was like it was like a misunderstanding but I remember like you know the next step after you get jail then you get charged with like a salt or or whatever you get charged with you get on probation so I'm like okay I'm on probation then you have to meet with a probation officer and I just remember being just like so confused and I remember my first meeting within my aunt took me because she was so smug about it I remember she was just so proud that she finally caught me like she finally put me in this chokehold and I could not resist like being deemed this terrible person and I remember having my meeting with a probation officer it was just me and him and I remember sitting down and so he was just like he was going probably overloaded just going through like okay this is what we're doing was I was like I have a question because yeah I know it was like how am I able to get charged with something that that didn't happen and I was like I was like I I realized that I spent the night in juvenile hall for hitting my aunt and I was like but like where's my due process I remember asking that and I said yeah right I fucking smartest thing I ever did like because that is what got my me my my ticket out of jail because he was like oh you want to contest this like you're not agreeing and as a mission of guilt that you did this I was like no like I I told the police offer this whole time that I never did it and then my we know what my problem was is I said that I did not want to press charges onto her and when he asked her do you want to press charges on me because she had said that I hit her she was like oh hell yeah I I want to teach her lesson like he's like she I think she wanted to scare me straight yeah so um so I mean I guess it would have worked if I had not asked that question right that's pretty amazing and you were were you at 15 at this time yeah that's freaking amazing that a 15 year old had the insight to do that you know like I really I do think it was divine provenation like I really do think that the Lord and I'm not I really am not a religious person like I'm actually terrible Christian guys so sorry for that but I do think that he finally was like this is my way to help you like this is my way to help you and and then so my aunt had to go back into the office with a guy and I remember it being like a minute and then she comes out of it pissed and the guy the probation officer comes out and he goes she wants to drop charge drop the charges like she's dropping the charges yeah her aunt's dropping the charges yeah because she got kind of been alive right right right um so after that happened I uh I went to live with with one of my school teachers who had kind of gotten wind of what is happening and she had reached out to my aunt and said hey like I know that you guys are having issue if you ever like just want to give her to me you can and yeah so this is my journey to act like this is where it started is so I went to live with this beautiful lady and human being um and she she took me as foster as a foster kid so like so she like no she was getting paid by the state too um so she ended up having um not only was she like my math teacher and junior high but she was single and she had 15 horses um with irrigate pasture so that's really where where it started for me was I ended up finally getting in place into this house with this lady um and I learned animal husband duty techniques I learned how to saddle and ride a horse how to work a horse how to train a horse how to feed feed them irrigate pastures actually like take care of the pasture stew which I mean it's really hard to take care of pastures with horses so I I would love to help her now with that situation I know I'm like but I don't also don't want to open that kind of worms telling her everything she's doing wrong but but I look I really do appreciate her because she introduced me to so where I'm from and in uh in the Central Valley of California were 30 miles from this year in Nevada mountains so she introduced me on horseback to the backcountry so I like that's where I found my love for the land um she she um she really did help me find something that was I can be passionate about that wasn't just the violin which she she helped me with that too but I always just I always just never thought you could make a career out of being a musician which I think I'm right like I do still think I'm right I'm not gonna argue with you there yeah but man the people who have are those really the kind of lives that you really want I know it's not so I want to I want a stability and so my thing was I I wanted to finally go to college and make a life for myself and and she really she really did help me with that she ended up getting married and um and so I had always so so my friend bring in who I'd mentioned I'd always wanted to really just live with her and her family because they have known me since I was eight years old and they've known everything I've gone through and I just felt like they were the reason that that if like we finally called CPS and like I felt like they supported me because of me and not because of like what I offered them as a service because I think the lady the force lady who I led with she really did take me in to help her with her horses like that was her altering emotive yes it saved my life and I was used to working hard so it wasn't that big of a deal but once she got married I really think that like I mean she was also in her 60s so I think she got remarried in her 60s I really think that she just like did not want to have a child to take care of and so we finally were like hey like I'm about to age out of foster care or any lace can I can I just go live with Brienne and her family and and so we did and and so I have a forever family which I know is kind of like an animal like a dog term when you adopt a cat or a dog that's a stray but I mean I am a stray so it's fine I have a forever family that has been in my life since I was like 17-8 well since I was eight years old but they I've been living with them right before I left for college so I'm like my life is good you know I have a forever family I have someone who to actually call with like adult advice and then I have these sisters who are 100% supportive and and capable I do not have a really good relationship with any of my actual biological siblings and I think it's just the product of of what happened so we all have talked about it and we're like it just is what it is like we're never going to be real real siblings and and we do try but we're not going to try where it makes us uncomfortable so um yeah so you uh you mentioned college and yeah yeah so how did you go from from the horse and and California and yeah yeah that goes then towards college right so I'd I had also spent my summers in high school and college um working in Kings Canyon National Park in the Sierra Nevada uh like so Sequoia Sequoia National Park uh taking dudes out on these horse guided tours so that's like I I I did those every summer and then eventually um eventually I went away to college and I had to like decide like what do I want to do for college and I was like oh I'll do animal science like maybe like maybe livestock production um I never wanted to do equine stuff I think people get surprised by that but I just always thought there's no like there's no like stable jobs in those careers so I thought um because I had been asked to with the new church I was part of with the horses and stuff um there was a lot of ranchers and they were like oh you know how to ride a horse while you come to our Brandings and Gatherings and like help us work cattle for the day so I do I did I get that little like cowboy cultural culture that came came in spurts and I was like man I love this like I love when you show up to these these ranches and I felt welcome like I felt like they were so happy to have me there to help them I get it I was free labor and you know there's a whole family culture that goes around that too that's so different from almost anything. It's so different yes and so that's like when I do ranch visits I like that feeling is I think that's what got me hooked it was like this feeling of like even though we don't know you you belong here because you have all these different animals to like the small town ranch vibe community I think that's what what puts the hooks in most people right right so so I did those gatherings um we did the waning since up like that and I remember like you know I'm always I've always wanted to go to the college because I felt like it was my my economic freedom ticket like like if I truly want to be an independent person independent on no one for my happiness for me the answer was college like I didn't have family I didn't have any kind of assets um college was my thing and I also like I didn't really have a trade either like you know I I went to college um in Northern California Chico State I actually ended up getting in early admission and for me I was just like I said this is a no-brainer I'm going I can live there I didn't have a car because I couldn't afford it I can go there and I can run my bike everywhere because it was a bike-friendly campus so I lived like only I lived like two blocks from campus um I backed everywhere I bike to get my groceries I bike uh like to go visit friends and I actually you know it's funny because for when you're freshman year like what did they talk about you do you you gain your freshman 15 I lost 15 pounds because I buy a lot more healthy life staggle in my freshman year of college was like see who's gonna go pick up fast food when classes are over well exactly so but the thing is I was budgeting so I was like truly living on ham and cheese sandwiches I I bought like the cheap chicken and like and and to be honest vegetables are very cheap like I don't like people realize like you can cook a lot of vegetables and it doesn't cost a lot of money so I buy by default because I didn't I didn't kind of forward to go to the burgers and do that all the time and I needed something that was gonna actually like last like sustain me and so I would go to the grocery store I loved to cook too like that's also very therapeutic for me so um I wasn't playing the violin any longer so for me I kind of focused that energy on the violin or not the violin on cooking and um so one I've kind of so I went to Chico State which has a really great rediginative ag program but they also just you know if anyone's like thinking about where the sender kids or if you're you're concerning where to go to college I really do think that Chico State solves a lot of these issues that we complain about on the podcast like I took okay so this is what this is what I can do and industry now right I can breed a cow I can set up a breeding pro cat protocol I can cow out cows I can decide what genetics are gonna prove the herd I can not only slaughter a cow but I can butcher it up to all those primals and box it up and know what those scientific muscles are called and and how to cut them up into like rabbi steaks um I also know how to work animals I also know how to drive any type of tractor um I end up working at the university farm so so we learned how to drive an articulated loader I could I could feed a mixed tub of a total mixed ration um into bunks um and I also we had the pasture and the range line so I I understood pasture management and also range land management and I think that's where I really excelled was when I would get out in those fields and take those measurements and I would I would I would look at the uh the forage IDs and and what how it was contributing to to our herd I was really able to for me those connections were like such common sense like it was like oh yeah like this is the cheapest form of feed so why wouldn't we feed that to our cow right why would we go get corn that's expensive and do that and so that's really where that started we also had an organic dairy so I learned a lot about organic system planning which really is like kind of the same principles as regenerative ag um if you look at it it's like really holistic planning and um so I yeah so I learned that we had to take like a mechanics class we had to take a woodworking class like so I learned like all the electrical plumbing uh laying cement and I mean everything that I think you learn either from your father you know I learned in my college education which is like very unheard of right that's amazing yeah like how long was the program that you were in how long is it typically so it's four years but it ended up taking me longer so I ended up we ended up having a desk um so my forever brother ended up passing away after my second year of college and it kind of it broke me and I finally I ended up like taking a year off of school coming back half time um and then that's when I really started getting involved in college of ag and and working forwards uh being a lot to be honest I thought I was going to be at a feedlot system like I really thought there's feedlots in California that I think would hire me and if that doesn't work either I can be a nutritionist um I'll just go to grad school and get my master's degree in nutrition and then do consulting that way because there's also where I'm from ton of dairies conventional dairies and so they always need a nutritionist to improve their total mixed ration and find uh cheaper outside feed sources so like a lot of the things like they would feed uh like coal oranges or just like almond holes was a huge thing that they fed um so I thought okay I know how all of these things work I know the crude protein I know the total digestible nutrients in this thing I can formulate a mixed ration I'm gonna do that well uh so I ended so I ended up thinking that that's what was gonna happen but it didn't and I'm really thankful that I wasn't too controlling of me having to be in the feedlot system because when I interned out of feedlot I learned a lot and I'm really grateful for the connections that I I got with the feedlot because they gave me some really good advice as far as being mentors but it was like the lifestyle 60 to 90 hour work weeks and it was just like there's there's no mental health taken in account for and there was like no work life balance like you when you're in the feedlot system and I have girlfriends who are in it and I'm really proud of them as being feedlot managers but you know there's not even enough time to sleep well like you don't have time to do a full eight hour sleep if you want to have a life and and and so that was for me my emotional awareness was like I don't like I can't do that for 40 years there's no way I can do that for a year and that's probably it and so they offered me a job with the feed mill and I was like you know I really want to do management like I don't want to be sitting on a desk and get fat like I literally said that I was like I don't want a desk job like I don't I want to be sat in Terry like I want to be out and so I ended up graduating and then Joel and I met in college so we actually worked at the beefy unit together he was my boss he was a herdsman and it was so funny because when I met him he had no idea what my background was like he he knew I had done this internship with Harris Ranch which was a hundred thousand animal feedlot and he was just like really impressed with me like he just thought you know CK is cool and I was like I love that like that's that's sexy um and I remember like yes like I'm finally I'm finally being valued by people who don't know my background so they don't have this weird here's this stray who's trying to make it in the world and so like I feel like I just don't want to ever have that negative connotation associated with me that would hinder my success do you know I'm saying I do absolutely understand what you're saying yeah so so for me that was first me getting the job at the beefy unit after doing the internship at Harris Ranch was like the first thing for me to get experience because I was like yeah I know how to ride horses and I know how to work cattle but it is very minimal and to be honest I wouldn't even feel comfortable putting on my resume the reason that I did get I will say the reason I got that that internship at Harris which is like a very revered internship there was actually six other guys who had applied for the same internship that summer and I remember the reason that I I even got considered is because I knew how to saddle a force and that funny yeah and none of the other guys did or because you're a woman and you did well I I don't know actually I don't want to make any assumptions but I think that they didn't like I think that they didn't I think it didn't have anything to do with me being a woman because I think they would actually probably prefer a man because it's hard work oh yeah sure oh and it's it's it's in there's still an inclination to not consider a woman for a job like that because it might be totally oh absolutely and it's so funny because the re so they actually they may be saddle the horse in front of like a group of students so I was like getting interviewed with like this huge viewing audience and I remember just like I was not I wasn't even like has it tended about it because when I worked that summer job in Swagunab so Koi National Park every day I had to saddle 40 horses and unsattle them so you understand how to be proficient at saddling horses for the whole summer and I had done that for three summers at this time and so I was like super I got this and so I remember like yeah but I also think like confidence was a huge thing in me getting that that internship and I realized that like there's actually a lot of things that I probably wouldn't have gotten um if I had not like almost like not faked my confidence because it was true authentic confidence but I do think like like doing this interview to be honest I was like I don't want to do this like I'm been anxious about it all morning I don't want to share this very very crazy life that I had that doesn't represent who I am anymore but but I am grateful for who I am today because of it and um I think it's really it's really hard to fake confidence sometimes but I think you we really need to try to do it because um it's just gonna rank you realize like when you try something new it's it's usually like you're in your head why you hesitate right and then once you do it you're like that was so easy why was I worried about it you know it usually feels great I have a senior in high school we've been taught we went to college yesterday and we actually talked a lot about this last night like sometimes you're gonna go do things that are scary yeah I mean they just plain suck and really the the thing that sucks is the thinking about it all it is that's the worst thing when you do it then you're done and it feels so good not only is it done and you feel proud and yeah it's off your chest or whatever and and own it yeah like basically own it whatever it is you're doing even if it's scary yeah so um so the so really and if I can even like unpack that interview with with Troy and I love Troy he was actually been towards me towards what my career is now and in doing uh working with people really and uh Troy like he came up with this gruff I'm just being like cowboy and I got approved to you that this is gonna be hard I kind of want to scare you away from this and I remember the only reason that he gave me the internship is because he is very particular about the way that he put back his saddle pad and I noticed it um he put it back up like so it's like a lot of people will so they'll put their saddle on the saddle horn uh to store it or whatever it's called the rack sorry and then and then they'll put their the pad on top of the saddle because the way you you um the way that you saddle a horse is you you go and put the pad down you align it and then you throw the saddle down and you have to adjust the sat the the pad under the saddle so it sits on the horses withers well and then you tighten up the cinch so so what I did was I not only put the cinch back the way that he had it buckled originally but I put the saddle pad the sweat side up so that the heat would evaporate off of it and it wouldn't cause like his saddle the leather to like get ruined by like the moisture and he was like that's the reason I'm hiring you and I just remember like it's such it I was like that's really ridiculous so that's where you're hiring me but now looking back on it like yeah attention to detail is is great like yes you know how to saddle the horse but do you know how to put it away correctly like are you paying attention to these little things that that I have done intentionally for a reason yeah yeah it's important and it's something that did not not many people do yeah it shows it shows your drive and desire to to want to do the job if I mean it honestly it kind of shows confidence to to take a chance to do something that you weren't really asked to do yeah yeah um yep so so I did that internships I really did learn a lot I learned a lot about people I learned about actually like processing and like a large amount of cattle like there are days we we processed like 1400 uh you know 1400 head pan of cattle in one day which it took us took us an hour to do 120 so we would work like 12 hour days and I remember just working along these guys who are they busted their asses and they really did work hard but that's when I knew I would get respect as well as as long as I could show up and work just as hard as them right like didn't come up show up with an ego I didn't come up as like this college educated person who who you know I never saw them as not educated I just was like I you guys know so much more than me and I want to learn from you guys and they they really did finally when they broke down their barriers with me they're like we have so much respect because you're actually willing to shovel the manure with us out of the alleyway instead of just like washing us do it right and I I think that's huge too for people who want to get involved who are just like oh I don't want to make you uncomfortable and just so I'll just watch and it's like no you should get in there like if they don't want you in there they'll tell you we're like we we admire the hustle but like this isn't safe for you so please don't be in here like they're always going to want you to work as hard as they are get in and get your boots dirty and don't be afraid to ask questions yeah yeah and I remember I would ask them really like now that I know I know the answers I'm like oh I can't believe I asked that but but it's like they also were like CK was new she was like fresh and she but she also had this like willingness to learn and to be honest I ended up being really good with the crew and like when I would write pins I would like so if you would learn how to pick out animals in the pin who are sick and I remember that so you look at their eyes ears nose and toes and sometimes beholes and and then you would also look at their their behavior which you know I'm the master of behavior and so they would they would isolate themselves from the herd their head would probably be be down and their ears will be down you could tell they're sick and then then we would know okay that animal's showing signs of sickness like let's sort them out and and take them to the hospital crew so that we can take their temperature and figure out what they need and so I did learn you know in the feedlot situation you learn all of those things you learn how to process a new cow or bark steer and then you also learn how to doctor them how to work with people how to how to mix a ration and it really is a huge like well organized machine like it's very impressive what feedlots are able to do an 90 to 120 day period to finish a like 800 pound animal to to 1300 pounds like it's it's kind of crazy and I know it's gotta be a well-oiled machine for sure. Exactly like it cannot break also so I do I do think that it's it was just for me it was the perfect environment for me to learn a lot all of once so so then I got that confidence I end up going back to school I had worked at a restaurant all of garden for the last three years in the my final year in college I was like I want to work at the beef unit I want to work at the university farm so that I can put out my resume so that I can get a big girl job and and and not you know be a server after I have my college degree and so I worked at the beef unit I learned everything about a seedstock operation and selling like bowls and then you know working with semen and and breeding cows and doing we also saw my title was I was a research assistant so we actually had some feed trials that we did with some spent distillers greens where we were finishing low-line cattle so they're just like magic cows right yeah I hope I don't offend anyone so the Aberdeen cows sorry nothing magic cows um so we had these these low-line genetics that we were trying to do some feed-efficiency trials with these like rocef bunks and so I got to own that process and for me that was like so empowering that I could be part of the scientific community and like and use what I've known to like improve the the beef industry so like it was like yeah we probably should use more moderate-framed animals if we wanted to finish sooner right um which is what they're discovering at least with the the grass fit that side is we don't need these beast animals we can we can have both there's room for everything yeah so I went on to do that uh super excited about that I was actually really sad when I ended like I remember crying so hard because I was just so happy about the experience and I wanted to keep it going and then so Joel and I were together um we were just dating at the time and then we ended up moving to my hometown California I got I ended up getting a sales job at an animal health uh animal health company selling like drugs and stuff like that and I hated it it's almost like oh man this I ended up like being inside sell so I ended up being in a cubicle for nine hours a day and I was like this is not what I want I want to be ranching like I want to be out helping ranchers to figure out better ways to improve their their live and um so I ended up quitting animal health international because it was a very toxic work environment and they were like CK is going to say yes to everything that we ask her of so I'm gonna give her three reps when we usually only give one rep one rep to work with so I was doing the the job of three people um it was it was hard like I was I finally was like I can't do anymore I had asked for help and you know me if I asked for help it means it's really bad because I'm usually can find out the answer myself and so when they told me like we're not gonna help you I was like well peace out like if you're not gonna help me I'm not gonna be here and I know what's that's like not getting help and so I did I quit and I told him I was like I quit I think I can't I'm not even doing my two weeks like I don't care I'm not gonna put this on my resume anyways um like this is this is not a good job to to recommend to anyone either and um then I ended up being like a pistachio broker for a few months um and I was like whatever I just need something that pays the bills because I was not gonna do unemployment I was like I'm not doing that like I just needed something I was even willing to do serving again because it's really good fast money um and I was happy interacting with the people so I was like okay I'll I'm gonna I got this pistachio broker job so it's a grower relations so it's like oh yeah totally up CK's ally working with pistachio farmers um and then and then I ended up getting recruited by pasture map by from the founders so like hey like we know that you're a cheque-state grad we know that you have this background in pasture and range line management and then we've also heard that you're really good with people can we hire you and and then I told Joel because they had just like they sent it random emails like who the hell are these people at pasture yeah and I remember telling Joel should I do it he's like you yeah you're not he's like you don't want to be a pistachio broker like that is not you're calling and I started laughing and I was like it's our remote job like what does what does that mean and he's like oh I think it means you work from home and I was like you don't have to go to work and for me it was mind blowing right well now it's like everyone knows what that's like but for me for that was you know that was over four years ago because I was a contractor before they actually fully hired me on um because they wanted to make sure that I was going to actually make them revenue and which I would have done the same thing um but I remember telling Joel like this is just so good too good to be true and he's like babe you've worked so hard for this like you deserve to like work for something that you're happy he's like I get to work with painters like rangers from all over the country and and it really has been such a blessing and you know it is it is still a startup there are times when you think the company is not going to make it like we need to change our trajectory we need to focus on something else but it's like for me I've learned what a healthy work culture looks like and I want to share that with the world like I I wake up in the morning and I'm so excited to like log into my computer and like see what's going on see what the rangers need see what my teammates meet need and then also give feedback in like like right now we're getting a lot dairy customers and I'm like hey like we don't really do a lot of dairy stuff like we don't do any components tracking we don't do any so somatic sell stuff so like stuff that that dairy people fits with their goals and I'm like if we have all these people signing up we need to build it for them they're like yeah let's do it so it's really exciting that I can see the writing on the wall and they believe me like for sure yeah to be to be working with a company that's that's small enough still to understand what's really growing it and the needs of the people is just awesome when you start talking about it you kind of light up that's not something that anybody on the podcast is going to see but you know yeah so I always like talk it down is like oh yeah I just work for you know we keep records it's a record keeping software but I think it's a very regenerative company like they not only do they take care of their employees it even the past team since we've been sold the new team it has the same values like that was the number one thing was like hey like we had a great company culture I want to keep that I moved to Texas thinking that they would want me to be in their office they never did and so I kind of probably shouldn't have moved to Texas but I also just kind of needed that for for my own piece of mine because I could not do the island any longer yeah and and then what I was you know I was like hey we're moving to Kansas and then and then we're moving Idaho because they're okay with that they're like CK yeah like you you help these ranchers they're like I would rather fire myself before I fire you so it was like super super exciting to hear that because I think there's a part of me where it's like what are you guys going to decide do not want me like can you just tell me and you know that's just my programming so I have to unlearn that I have to unlearn that like what I'm doing is making an impact in the ranching industry and and to be honest like with a new team you know they want to learn the new ropes and into the ranchers and they want to like they're like why do ranchers pay for past map and it was like they pay for past map because we fit a need but the reason that they stay is because we actually take care of them like with the relationships that we maintain with them like they're just they're not just a paycheck they're they're more than that like we're actually built to suit like when ranchers have needs we'll build it for them if they need to talk to me we can talk you can talk to it to our other teammates as well like we very much are in my mind I think we're changing the way that companies work internally because we do have a mental health culture where that's important Absolutely I think you guys are changing not only the way a company is working internally but to me it seems like you're changing the way a company works for for the people Yeah, oh absolutely you guys are providing a specific service okay we're providing you with this software but not just with the software we're gonna show you how to use it we're gonna help you use it efficiently and it's not gonna work for you we're gonna change it so that yeah yeah and we're all continually improving it so it's really exciting to see that we're we're invested in this in the long term because you know our mission statement for past map is it's making ranchers profit while building healthy grasslands and I think making ranchers profit and building healthy grasslands are 100% what drives our decision making every day and it's it's really exciting because when I first I had to like think about that and like okay so when ranchers ask me this is my elevator pitch and now I'm like I truly believe in it like I truly 100% believe that ranchers are the cure to this climate resiliency they are the cure for these healthier families because they value people in a different way than than I think people who aren't in the ranching industry don't value their their families and and I also think that they understand a land a lot better than anyone else who's trying to solve these these issues absolutely yeah so that's I mean that's all I got I'm sitting here in Kansas waiting to go to Idaho to figure out Joel's veterinary life and that'll be another chapter and probably a really fun one but also really hard one but I I feel confident that we know what we're doing and if we don't we know how to ask for help that's awesome well I feel like we've kind of pushed the ticket on time already and we've got a lot of story out in a short amount of time okay you have anything that you want to add that we haven't gone over no I think that's all I had I appreciate the time that you've spent with me I I really it was hard for me to share the story even though I've been wanting to because I you know I think one of the things is I don't want people to pity me I want people to be like okay she's a survivor I can survive too and that's what I want the main takeaway from this story to be I really appreciate you sharing not only with me but with everybody I've said it once already at least today I think it's extremely brave to be vulnerable like this and it's encouraging to other people to share their stories like we said you know we all we all have our things and we all have our stories and we all have those moments where we think am I scaring you with my story yes but but just simply your bravery and your willingness to share that with everybody is is fantastic and I can't thank you enough for for letting me do this today awesome thank you Tony yeah hey guys Red Hills Rancher here editing after the fact I was such an inspiring story I'm really proud to know CK she's a wonderful young lady and I think she's doing great things for the community and for regenerative agriculture as a whole we share appreciate your support and come back next Monday for another episode every inching reboot. Reddels Rancher out.