South Africa Sessions: Staring Down Death Twice in One Week ft. Khaya Dlanga

♪♪ 'Cause me and I was there, Kaya, participating, like, we all said that Dolly died. So then my mom, she, like, flips immediately. She goes from, like, mourning the loss, the whole thing, and then she's like, "Yo, by the way," she's like, "Did you see that she planned her whole funeral and, like, rehearsed it?" And I was like, "What are you talking about?" She's like, "Yeah, she saw this thing where planned it, rehearsed it, told everyone what it's going to be, how she's going to dress, whatever. She's going to be buried in high heels, whatever." Then I was like, "Oh, that's cool." Then my mom was like, "No." She's like, "What control freak?" -Summersault one. -Ah! -Summersault two. -Damn. Land on my head, on my back, pass out. Now I'm on the side of oncoming traffic. Ah. So I can't hear the. But this guy's telling me, "You know, that's why I'll never support informal small businesses again." Now imagine there's a thing here. Now I'm this guy. Nah, bro. There's no swag here. Here, I'm going to stop at red lights. Here. Oh, fuck. Every few months, there's those pilots who do like a trick and something, and they fly past the people. There was the one, did you see the one where they did the supersonic boom? You know, when they go like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they did it too close to the people. -I like that. -Blew kids away, everything. You know when things go flying, bro? People discovered their fathers were actually bald. If I was a kid, if I was a kid, but yeah. This is What Now? with Trevor Noah. Ah, Mpana, let me do the honors. Let me handle this. Let me handle this for you, boy. Let me handle this. Wow, amazing. Yes. Amazing. Yes. wait wait wait wait if wouldn't I clap that's the one isn't it and then if they clap no we're fine in fact any clap is fine the one that comes after the first but any clap education for some of us any clap is fine I thought you could only clap once no no no the clap is just to sing Claps once means something else than clapping once. Yeah, it's claps once. That's a good one. I know claps once. But it's an essay thing. You clap once, right? Yeah. Because it's like, yo. Is that only a South African thing? Yes. Because we're like, yo. No, man. I'm pretty certain in America, people clap once. It's not in the context here, Tula. It's to be like, yo. Do the South African one. Yo. Which is claps once. Yeah, that's claps once. When someone has done something. preposterous some stuff yeah exactly no you're right it's the same thing as we my man if you do that in America yeah you stop all conversations you stop all conversations I've been in serious conversations with people delicate conversations and serious ones and then I make the mistake of doing that finish bro people just stop I'm sorry sorry Trevor can you what just happened there What just What just happened there Are you Was that your hand Are you holding something What are you doing That Sam Sam Do you explain Yeah But it like derails meetings Then I'm not even lying It completely throws everything off Save it for when you testify in congress Ne That is funny That would be dope actually That would be amazing Sitting in front of the senate Yeah And Mr. Noah Where did the money go So Okay the money came in Ne Next thing you know Yatsi Then they're like Wait, wait That's your car That's That's That's your partner Next thing Debit order Next thing Car Next thing Next thing Senator Let me not lie to you guys Senator International sweeps That's going to last forever Senator Next thing Next thing Next thing Senator Let me tell you something I regret That I stole that money Only because I regret I didn't steal more you know that's a actually can I ask you a question because you guys keep up with this is the Madlanga commission because in America when you testify in front of the Senate almost nothing happens afterwards every time yeah I've never really heard something happening no almost nothing happens when the big banks came and testified after after the recession when they created that you know the recession with the default house what was it called default did what yeah credit swap whatever yeah i forgot it's called but yes yeah when they did that yes they went and testified and then nothing too big to fail um when um when the social media giants went to testify nothing happens to those guys nothing nothing happened you just you just go there and testify i think i think it's performance of of accountability without actually the consequences of accountability and i think that's what they do yeah but i'm So now, I'm asking, do our commissions have teeth? Let's say, yes. Yes, do they have teeth? Yes, people have been arrested. There's a guy. Yeah. There's one guy, I think, who's been arrested seven times. Well, this is now. You're in the commission. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Julian's been quite nice. What do you mean he's been arrested seven times? He's been arrested. Bail. Then. Another case. And then another case. Someone else tested liars in the commission. You're lying. He's implicated again. Bam. Arrested again. They fetch him again. Put him in a car. Bail. Puts him in the car again. Bah. Like, what? Again, like, one, two, three, four, five now. We're at number five. Number five. Five different cases. Do they not go at some point? I mean, just stay. Just stay. And the cop who comes to arrest him always wears the same uniform. He wears a red jumpsuit. Wait, is this televised? With a hat. Yes. You guys are lying. As shanghain as you can get. A cop that arrests him. Yeah, but he's shanghain. Red jumpsuit with like a red hat that like goes here. And then he hit a smoke break outside with the cameras waiting for him to. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so they bring cameras. Yes. With the police. Yes. So the news is told ahead of time we're going to arrest this guy. And then they come there and then arrest the person. And I think this time around, he even had like when he comes out of the van. Yeah. At the back of the van. I think he's got like this cuffed in as well. And it's just, he's like out here. Because now he knows the process. Wait, so he's got a lunchbox? Yeah, he's got a lunchbox. Yeah, yeah. Like a family meal bag. Yeah, the family meal bag. And he's smiling because he's used to it. Dressed warm. No belt buckle. No strings. Yeah. Wearing slipping shoes. Oh, yeah. Dressed already for prison. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. So arrested seven times. But then does that mean something's going to happen? Well, there are cases that are literally being, going to process through the courts right now. Yeah, but I'm saying, have we, Because the last big one was, it was a Zondo commission, right? Oh, that was a waste of money. So nothing happened. I don't think it was. That guy, nothing really happened. Without Zondo, you don't get. Madlanga, yeah. No, but you only got. Oh, so this is. No, but guys, those are two. Those are very different. Wait, so Madlanga is the better call soul of Zondo's breaking bad? Yes, 100%. Yes. So now you must remember that at Zondo, it was state capture. Zondo writes a report, so he. Wait, wait, wait. Just to refresh my memory. So, okay, the first commission we had in this country. Yeah. was, or the big one, the Zonda one, was because the Gupta family, that family from India, yeah, but they were part of it, and a group of other people, we had found that the president or people around him had sold the country to them, essentially. Yes, through parastatus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they had liquidated the country and sold it to these people, essentially, power utilities, etc., etc. Trains. Trains. That's why our infrastructure was, part of our infrastructure was screwed, okay? That's what that was for. Yes. and then what happened so after the commission the commissioner must write a report yeah so now documents are compiled the report recommendations for people to be charged everything happened yeah then nothing happened but for that to happen remember you must have um the national prosecuting authority okay they must press charges okay so the main product actually something did happen yes what happened i remember now they arrested jacob but they arrested him for defiance not for state okay okay that okay that is that is also true that is yeah i guess you're right yeah that's similar you see that's what i mean in america as well you'll like now you saw anthony fauci oh yeah he's now in more trouble for not testifying than for what he did or didn't do they're just like no we're coming after you for not testifying yeah but so i need to i want to zondo writes a report yeah makes recommendations sends the recommendation to the npa said national prosecuting authority department of justice basically prosecute these people yeah now they're the state prosecutors that's where they all live but then it turns out there there was no willingness to prosecute in the first place enter mkwanaz mkwanaz is like no the police are captured not only the police okay you guys are building the story nicely for me yeah is mkwanazi the guy that came out the press conference the - The press conference. Yo, this was one of the most gangster things I've ever seen. 'Cause I just saw a video where this top cop came out with no- - Warning, nothing. - Warning. - It was a Sunday, we were chilling. - Everyone was chilling. - Still in bed. - That Sunday was the best. Best Sunday of my life. - Dude, and that guy is the one, He just came out and he held the press conference and he said by himself, he was like, guys, the police are corrupt. corrupt yeah the police the people the police report to are corrupt i can't report this to my superiors because they're corrupt yeah and the people under me are corrupt and the people to the sides of me are corrupt my wife is corrupt and the wife was like yeah yeah and then it's that the judges are corrupt the judges are lawyers are corrupt yeah prosecutors are corrupt so this all came from that yes came from no ways so when they when they dig deep on at idac which is supposed to investigate malfeasance in the police yeah and the npa they find out these when when cahoots not to prosecute people so those cases the state capture they're the ones who are supposed to prosecute them they didn't and then npa cartels were involved now drugs coming in what do you mean cartels like what do you mean like south african cartels yeah like we have american drug cartels no man what are you guys are lying okay well guys i've been gone for like a few years what's happening here man wait wait wait wait wait wait wait can i tell you i want you to tell me so let me tell you let me tell you as i feel like you guys are at my commission what's been happening here guys oh um wait what's been happening here i i i can i and that's how people can have their yeah what did they say uh i revoke i revoke what not i invoke my right to remain silent yeah that's that's what you can invoke that one why not i'm getting out here we don't have the fifth amendment so in america it's actually the 35th in south africa 35th when we have it it's the 35th but you say the right to remain silent yeah not to incriminate yourself yeah that one you can only incriminate yourself yeah that one you can only incriminate yourself yeah that one you can only invoke the right not to incriminate yourself if there's a criminal case against you okay so you have to say i'm accused for this thing and i'm being prosecuted then you can't but the right to remain silent only works when you are being arrested so as you're being arrested yeah you can say yeah i have the right to remain silent not to incriminate myself yes no the right to remain silent is when you're being arrested it doesn't stop you from arresting you yeah it just stops them from questioning you oh okay because remember that when you're being arrested okay even someone's saying to you ah why did you do that okay got it and then you reply yeah that's already part of your statement yes that's why that's why you're not because it's like it's it's against what your counsel might have told you to say or not so you must just keep quiet but it's different if you're in like court now in court you can say i invoke the right not to incriminate myself however even okay but now guys can we even then there's a blanket but wait can we talk about this for a second yeah like okay here we don't have juries yeah i'm not gonna lie yeah if i was on a jury i would have been arrested yeah i would have been arrested yeah i would have been arrested jerry twitter let me tell you something i wish south africa had juries south african juries would be the would be the most gangster juries in the world yeah in the world because if you have you seen footage of american juries yeah they just sit there sometimes they scribble sometimes they're right here in south africa we'd have people be like yo you you you that's very true that is but we've we've had the version of that with um i call it legal twitter yeah i'm listening when those people that speak on whatever is happening at the commission we have great minds there oh that's true i mean we're all graduated with llp's cum laude it's so funny even i'm going to a graduation this afternoon of my own yeah online because you're so funny so funny and i should say this right there is i saw a comment on twitter yesterday because you guys remember i said i'm going to a graduation this afternoon of my own yeah i remember like yes yes the springboards were playing the all blacks yeah yeah and those planes you know and my man okay so a comment wait wait wait wait wait what the planes and then no we'll come back yeah yeah come back yeah yeah yeah so so this comment says this guy says okay uh today we're all pilots tomorrow we'll all go back to being lawyers yeah we're good at this thing okay but yeah i am not a pilot but you know what i am i'm so relieved yes i am a driver and as a driver and a good one i aim to avoid obstacles yeah i'm just saying yeah i was unaware that it is safe and normal mm-hmm to fly through the green poof plume of smoke like if you here's my thing you know the way those planes flew over the stadium yeah i i wouldn't have thought oh they're high they're low they're not it's because that one flew through the room and then made a turn and like a hard turn yeah i won't lie to me that didn't look like it was the correct thing to do to me that didn't look like it was the correct thing to do to me that didn't look like it was the correct thing to do to me that didn't look like height it was the correct height maybe for the stadium because it didn't hit the stadium yeah yeah but i don't know that anyone would flan would plan to fly through plumes of pink smoke that thing looked like the most expensive gender reveal in history that's what that thing looked like did you see that thing right i mean like that yeah it's so funny when i was watching the game like on tv live and i was like and and i was like and sasha was just about to kick off and then they told him to wait because the fly over was they were still waiting for the plane right yes and then i was like ah i remember making this comment it's like ah these guys are late you know as the plane is they're coming through and i saw nothing wrong i was like yeah yeah because i'm used to it right it happens but that i've never have you ever seen them fly that low yeah the flag you have yeah the flyover is i have i have actually a picture when like global citizens yeah but then like you are backstage so you would have seen this but one flew and it's like it feels like it's so close it's so low it's just our thing in south africa you can just touch it like i was there i think i can touch this thing i think this might have been actually the smallest fly over plane wise because those were embryos yeah those were maybe that's why they could fly so low because they were embryos they weren't um seven four seven yeah they weren't seven four seven or seven three seven but isn't is it is it the first time we were flying too yeah because i think yeah it's because they're always flying because they're small because i think it's and i think that's what this is it's a link yeah it's not a it's a link is like a regional carrier it's not a long haul international carrier yeah oh they were like we're going to show you talking about them but i think the turn is what i mean but i think it's the turn that got people talking if he had gone through the plume it's not that turned do not that they're completely they're saying that it's so low they're saying i don't know what feet are but in america they're saying what is it like they said 50 feet 50 feet it was 50 feet which is how do they know which is 14 meters 14 meters from like no you're the roof of the stadium because from the yes because the plane they have to tell you where the plane every plane you know it's high the flight plan has to yeah but guys traffic control in cape town would have never approved that height if it wasn't okay within the league that's in the flight plan that's not what people are arguing people are saying did those pilots hit the correct height yeah but there's no way that they could not what do you mean because they are flying a machine that tells them ten thousand five thousand my man have you heard of plane crashes yeah but this guy you're gonna act like but there's no turns yo week in and week out there are professional pilots who fly those like those jet exhibition things and like every few months there's a crash okay if there was one every few months there's those pilots who do like a trick and something and they fly past the people there was the one did you see the one where they um they did the supersonic boom you know yeah and they did it too close to the people yeah i like that blue kids away everything you know when things go flying bro people discovered their fathers were actually born if i was a kid wait wait yo that is the enemy of a toupee son don't play games i want to divorce you know there's some bits where you're like i wish i thought of that wait if it was a 737 747 yeah flying on its own yes then that happened it went too low i believe yeah two planes going low at the same time yeah smaller ones yeah yeah but i'm saying it couldn't have been a mistake oh you're saying okay you're saying because two were at the same height yes okay then i'm with you yeah then you are you actually thank you yeah this commission i'll write a report i agree with eugene fantastic argument thank i i mean with all right but also like two professional pilots or cabins making the same mistake with co-pilots on board no no no no four people now i'm completely in agreement with you now yes 100 say this uh remember outliers malcolm gladwell yeah so in his book there he specifically speaks actually about safety protocols and all that when it comes to airlines yeah because he was talking about like south korea used to have like a lot of crashes yeah number of crashes and one of the reasons that happened was because the pilots the co-pilots because of the hierarchy you know hierarchy yes yes yes the co-pilot you were not allowed to tell your boss about chef captain you're going to kill us now yeah so you have to imply and they must figure out what you're trying to say so you can't really tell jong are you going to kill us right but then and they found that the countries that had hierarchy high rates of hierarchy yes you were more likely to have crashes than countries that did not and south africa flat structure yeah south africa does not it's not that we don't respect authority we question authority and because South Africa questions authority we have one of the lowest fatalities in the world and you know what forget our co-pilots here the people in the front row are like hey check check check hey pilot pilot watch watch watch hey mountain mountain okay sharp check check check hey hey okay you saw it you saw it I'm just making sure have you ever seen do you remember in taxis there was literally a sticker that said there was because you remember taxi drivers had the stickers there was the to know me does not mean you must not pay then there was the when days are dark friends are few I love your perm but not on my window and then one of the other ones this taxi can stop anywhere at any time yes yes yeah you don't remember that one no that one this taxi can stop anywhere I think we still need it today yeah yeah yeah but there was one that used to say it was something to the effect of just because you are in the front seat seeing something with me does not mean you are driving this taxi it was something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's true because people in the front seat would always be like because now you're sitting right next to the taxi driver and remember taxis in South Africa they're not like normal cars in that there's no hood it's just like yeah so you it's like being in the front seat of a roller coaster yeah actually yeah you know what I mean so everything's here so then everyone next to the taxi driver would be like then taxi drivers are like nah bruh hey just because you're sitting here doesn't mean you're driving so they'll put that sticker on the dashboard yeah for the passenger in front there were lots of them remember there was the other one that says my name is not donkey driver yeah yes you don't remember these stickers bruh there were so many I could have made a killing there were so many we could have back in the day actually oh there were so many and they were amazing that was like some of the first comedy I learned actually in my life was the stickers that I saw in taxis because as a child I used to look at them and be like yo if you asked me when I was five or six years old who's your favorite comedian I'd say the stickers on taxis best gags I've ever seen in my life bruh remember who was coming up with those things did you not take taxes all the time but do you remember I mean I went out going to taxis I minded my business there was even a sticker for that do you remember there was a so you had stickers that went in all different places right so there were stickers that were specifically for the front passengers there were stickers that were for above the door above the door on the overhead yeah then there were stickers that were at the overhead facing all the passengers then there were stickers outside on the back of the taxi for people behind the taxi for people behind the taxi the stickers that were in the front those were generally geared towards the front passengers telling you a few things so for instance it was must count the man yes you're not driving you're counting yeah then there was another one which was oh it was the one of no fat people allowed yes remember that one yeah no fat people you don't remember the sticker they said no no fat people in the front you don't remember that sticker yeah that's a great way we're gonna start saying that my man you remember it there was a so there was a sticker and it had it had two fat people yeah and the driver like this i remember this so well and then the sticker basically was like yo bruh no you must know whether you sit in the front seat or not you must know yourself yes yeah basically to thine own self be true they were like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you came out your house knowing your weight don't add surprise here at the front yeah so like they so they had so those were all the stickers in the front what about slamming the door as well so that yeah but the slamming the door one that was above the door yeah yes so it was something to the effect of those were new texans no man what did it say it said no the doors used to fall out no i know i'm joking i'm just saying that remember like because those texans guys the freaking doors fell out all the time but that's why they said don't bang the door don't slam it guys if you slam it but the problem was that like the door would fall off if you slam it but then there were some if you didn't slam it the door couldn't close yes so you had to slam it so no no no there's technique there's technique so if you slam the door it falls off okay so what you do with the bad ones is you're supposed to slide hard from the beginning while but at the end you must push it in ah yeah i remember i remember the technique no i remember yeah now people would just slam forward then it would derail and then the door would fall off and then the funniest is they would just leave yeah those people never stayed around who would and then if you're sitting by the door it's your job now yeah to fix it yeah and that was the shittiest scene and now there's a door that rickety one remember that rope yeah now there's a rope that rope now the rope is your responsibility now the texan driver's telling you to pull the rope so that you can now get the door back on now you're lifting a door brad at this point you're 10 years old what am i doing with my life and you're being shouted over the shoulder yeah so there was so there were those ones and then there was the stickers on the windows that gave you general etiquette there was another one about speaking loud i know i don't remember there was a sticker there was also a music one yes but like yes but you can request yeah yes don't request music don't request music and then there was some people would tell the texan tell the texan driver and say oh can you play this song yeah no it's like listen i'm not a dj i'm a driver there were a lot of them simi can you look them up and see if you can find any the exit one at the back no one has ever used that emergency exit okay but you tell me because i used to look at this all the time as a kid you tell me who that thing says kick my man look how i'm sitting and you're sitting this is more space than i've ever had in the backseat of a taxi okay now and where your head is is where the emergency exit is the window starts now you tell me yeah in what world some shit goes down so now we're in the taxi we're there now i'm there ah we can't get out the front hey go out the back side hey put my emergency exit kick here there's no hammer there's no they didn't give you anything yeah they said kick here guys not punch not header not push it said kick here who my man what jetty life am i living that i'm gonna kick this window guys the seat was here also yes now that you say that the seat was here this kicking thing why is it that when there's a car accident shoes are everywhere why is it that when there's a car accident it's a good question yeah all right this is a good question i was in during a car accident even if you got bumped by a car yeah shoes but socks are on shoes are always like yeah yeah shoes leave the chat first yeah why i've never known i think it's because maybe as people when we're in like a very very when whenever humans are in a situation no whenever humans are in like a very like exciting stressful situation i think our feet like do things ah nah i'm telling you every accident nigga there's shoes everywhere yes yes i've always wanted to use that word you used it correctly strewn everywhere all sorts shoes you're not wrong shoes with no socks you're not wrong why and i'm saying there for us and i'm saying it's because what is the impact i'm saying it's because like you do like a there's like a thing that you do they just don't tie their shoelaces properly my man why are you blaming them now no it's the shoelaces so you think every time people are just running around without tight shoelaces i think so people are not getting the proper shoelaces it makes no sense wait if it was one type of shoe yeah that just flies out eugene is completely correct pillar there you see flip-flops you see pumps you see boots no eugene eugene's not lying yeah but yeah remember whenever you are stressed the shoes are too big your toes curl and the shoes are either too big no no no oh so you say accidents expose your shoe gains exactly no but remember this whenever you are tense yeah your toes do that turbo holding onto your shoes yeah yeah in an accident high impact yeah your your toes are already doing that automatically that's your that's your butt clinch for your feet uh-huh like this thing for your toes i'm trying to think is butt clinch for your you understand what i'm saying but maybe that action pulls the foot out of the shoe no but if my shoes are too big and i do this my shoes stay yeah it's it's a difficult one i don't know i mean my mom used to tell me that all the time no she'd say like that's why you must make sure you wear shoes like this that's why you must make sure you wear socks that have no holes and clean underwear then she's like because if you get bumped by a car those are the two things that are gonna show your underwear then i was like mom what are you telling me here then she said in an accident i'm not even joking she'd say in an accident in an accident she'd say everyone's gonna see your socks because your shoes come off and then she was like and everyone's gonna see your underwear because that's another thing when you get hit by a car for some reason your pants always come here and then your ass is exposed it's true though have you ever been hit by a car no jesus have you no have you no no never i've been in a bike accident yes motorbike yeah yeah when was this wait you're riding two years ago a day after my birthday you're lying you didn't tell me yeah he was embarrassed when that rough money comes in my man there will be signs road accident fans there will be signs wait are you being serious yes what how did that how did it happen can we first deal with this one yeah okay we'll we'll come back i think i was embarrassed no no no it was a it was a oh okay you want to know what happened no really yeah so i was writing dude we've written for years you never told me that story oh we wrote for you yeah this is yeah because you know also you never tell these things because all praise to the almighty allah if it wasn't for him what happened bro so i rode out normal day in the afternoon came out cedar went at the back behind this place yeah see that roadway yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah went so i'm like oh it's clear i can go so it's two lanes going this way two lanes going the other way yeah you know if there's one thing about squatter camps and informal settlement it's called informal for a reason okay i see okay yeah for many years i've been guys defending you from informal there's nothing formal about what that person did yeah yeah yeah yeah there was no robot there was no stop sign there was nothing came out of that school it's a teacher came out oh no in a red in a red haval suv oh no so i've already passed her on yeah took the right turn so i'm like i know i'm fine here so i'm like so i'm like 120 i'm like but i'm clear i can see far as far as i could because i'm going yeah ducked in everything you know when you tucked in everything this car comes out of nowhere goes on the road on the lane that i'm coming on no but came fast and then stopped in the middle of the road because he's trying to she's trying to go the opposite direction so the car's coming this way she waited for them the other side of the two lane then in that situation pair there's only two things you can there's two teams involved there are two teams involved so wait so then the car flies so the car pulls up yeah then i'm thinking this person's gonna stop so i'm on this far right lane right in the middle of between the two borders oh my goodness so i swerve to the right left thinking that they're obviously gonna i'm making space so they slam the brakes because it's a truck coming this way oh my goodness so then i'm like because you know if you so if you right if if you lock the the rear brake the front becomes light yeah yeah yeah so if you so you must trail brake basically so you must hit the front yeah and then so hope hope hope hope hope so i'm hoping hoping i'm hurt but everything is happening in slow motion angels were there my grandfather was there everyone i knew and loved was there all singing i was like guys why are you guys singing the same language smell my breath inside the helmet i knew it was but then i knew i was still alive when i could smell my because i was like if i'm dead wait that was the next thing you you you like experienced no no i'm lying about that part everything was just no everything was just in slow motion yeah because i'm like head on the t-bone the car yeah so you t-bone the car t-bone and i fly over somersault one somersault two damn land on my head on my back pass out now i'm on the side of oncoming traffic ah so i can't hear the but there's guys selling you know that's why i'll never never support informal small businesses again no oh my god oh your beef they were minding their table never mind me i was lying on hot tar this is the 16th of november two days after my a day after my bed 16th of november i'm lying in a hot tar these guys were minding their business so finally i come to inside my helmet i'm like oh what's going on then i'm like why am i looking at the sky why is why am i hot here i get up bike is t-bone to the car yeah yeah the driver's side oh the bike is in the car yeah it went in yeah the driver's out came out she came out on the other side now she's towering over me as a teacher you know she's wearing those teacher skirts she's asking me questions about what was i thinking i don't have time to think now yeah she asked me what what were you thinking i'm like i don't know who you are i don't know what's going on and why is my bed so hard can't be an accident that happened wow so i look around i'm finally going okay let me do check because i need to know the rules yeah you must first check if your neck is fine because you can cause more damage so i try move my feet first and i'm like okay feet can move yeah i'm like hands can move then i'm like okay i'm gonna try twist my back without turning my neck twist my back twist my back i'm like i'm grand then i get up undertaker style yeah then where i am versus where the bike is maybe they're where the tables are that's where the bike is and the car so i went all the way opposite direction of oncoming traffic i get up then i'm all good again where were your shoes you i'm glad you're okay though yeah i'm also glad i'm okay so it's the helmet that obviously helped you as well i think it was god i think it was the fall because you hit your your head first like yeah but hit the helmet yeah yeah and then because you also wearing your jacket yeah jacket yeah but that's okay i'm glad you're okay i'm glad you're okay i'm glad you're okay i'm glad those things are not helped the thing is if you break or fall properly on a bike you survive that's true so mostly with motorbike accidents people don't get killed by the fall they get killed by cars running over them yeah they say you don't get killed by the the accident you get killed by what happens after the accident like hitting the wall or hitting another car or hitting something or cars running over you after you fall in oh my so i survived i got up and then two days later i was going to a shoot i was in the back of an uber relaxing minding my business wow huh the car was rammed at the back no i flew i hit the drivers i don't want to laugh but you're like are you serious are you serious you know how production managers care about the shoot only guys i met an accident you're like yeah so we are figure mind you no you're lying i'm telling you no oh my goodness a week later i was like no i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine now then i can film numbness on my back numbness on my back i'm like no i'm not fine went for it it was the accident and then that like by yeah they're being rammed from the back in two days if you if you were telling this to your american friends they'd be like man eugene you were super unlucky if you tell me to your african friends they'd be like somebody was trying to kill you there is some witchcraft somewhere in their world and somebody was trying to kill you i hope you prayed after that i prayed i i was like yo there's no way you survive something like that you think everything is normal don't press anything we've got more what now after this the reason your life flashes before your eyes before you die is because your brain is searching for any um memory that could save you from this oh which makes me think when you die do you know it's happening when you die do you know what do you know you're dying or do you know you're dead let's say for example yeah you die in your sleep you see when people say people die peacefully in their sleep yeah you've slept and you've remembered that you were sleeping now when you wake up you're like oh there was this one time i went to go pee yeah yeah where when you die while you're asleep yeah when do you know as a sleeping person that you're dead you know what great person to answer that would have been jesus john because he's the only person who came back he came back you know about that thing no one ever saw him walking out of there you're not wrong but no one wrong no one saw him it would have been great if people were just a little more curious about those kinds of things just tell me no dude so what um no no good to have you back yeah really good to have you back that was crazy yes because judas yo i mean yo i mean we knew he was sus but damn bro damn wow judas because look if if but listen to me i'm not gonna lie to you listen i have a question like right afterwards where where are you like where where were you for those three days how does it feel so when he died like how did it feel like how did you know my friend eugene wants to know yeah because yes you know i heard i heard something the other day i don't know where it was it was really it was just really fun and fascinating might have been in an anime i was watching or something but they were like they're like the reason your life flashes before your eyes before you die is because your life flashes before your eyes before you die your brain is searching for any um memory that could save you from this moment oh you're scrolling through your like literally your that is your final survival instinct so just before you die your body's like your everything going like wait wait wait is there a way to escape this is there is there something i've learned somewhere in my life that can help me escape this they it was just a hypothesis and i like me there's two things that happen yeah i go to the bathroom at night and then also my nose gets dry so i usually put like vaseline in my nose okay that's how i know i'm still alive uh okay I'm like Kaya the day Yo what The day my nose Feels moisturized Throughout the night I don't need to put Vaseline to make sure This is your I didn't go pee This is your This is his What's it called again Ah man This is your inception Yes This is your inception That's your totem Yes Eugene is like When my nose Is not dry Yeah I'll know I'll know This is not reality Even on a flight I'm like Then I'm like Yes this is sharp Because the day The day Throughout the night Fully moisturized No dry You know that dry part Of the back of your Siders Yeah yeah yeah I know exactly which part You'll know you've moved on Yeah I'll know The day I'm breathing easy I'm moisturized Man you know what would be So funny to do to Eugene To prank him To prank him We We find where he's sleeping We hide humidifiers Extra Humidifiers We make him sleep Through the whole night Moisturized Then he wakes up The next day being like Ah I guess I'm dead And then we He just moves through the world Here we see Eugene Running naked He can't see me Damn You just came back From a funeral didn't you Yes yes in Switzerland How was it I say it like it was a gig Sorry That's so funny It was fantastic No I didn't mean it like that I didn't mean it like that at all What a great show You know black people say What else could you have done No but that's what I mean So it's hard to ask it in English That's true Because how was it Is the correct translation Yes But if you say it in Venek If you say like in Zulu If you go like Benjan Or like Begenjan Begenjan Like you would go It's more like How did it unfold How did it turn out to be As opposed to like How was it Because what you say is like Usually people would say like We have put him Yes Or her The direct translation Yes Right But actually Because I'd never been To a funeral service like that In my entire life Why What was different Because in Swatini There was a DJ Come on If you're ready to see this casket Going to the ground Let me hear you make some noise If it If it If it If we If we If we If he is He ain't If it going nowhere But he is though Did Did Did Yeah Sorry So what was different So the funeral service is there You have to be buried Before sunrise Before the sun rises Or like in Limpopo And not only that So Which meant Supposed to be like At four In the morning Okay Right And it's like An hour Right The service The service The service You know Very efficient Very efficient Only the people spoke Was someone read the obituary Okay And there was a A family member Who Spoke Yeah That was it Walked out Went to the graveyard And An hour Done I'm not mad at that I I mean I was very I was And I was thinking We were having breakfast Like at Eight But breakfast No more So Full on Full on You were having Daytime food Yeah we're having Daytime food Daytime funeral food For breakfast Yes that's what we're having Which was a bit I was like Oh this is This is very amusing You know what Kai was like Yeah Cause that's one of those Weird situations Where you gotta be like Guys guys guys You're killing me here Wait sorry Let me rephrase What I mean is I can't live like this Sorry let me rephrase Guys What I mean Oh hey It does Check his cut Yeah It does Very interesting And I remember Thank you I was like Yes In the Eastern Cape We're already having breakfast It would not have started The funeral Didn't started by So Did you prefer it Or did you Yeah that's How did you I did not You know like You know You know May my friend rest in peace I didn't appreciate Waking up so early I was like Why That's the least you can do for him I was like Hey this is It's like you wake up But they accommodated I think People from out of town They actually made the service At six Rather than four o'clock Just for that Yeah just for that But otherwise I mean I did appreciate How quickly Everything happened Because when I think about Hours like Back in the Eastern Cape Or Eastern And they go on Forever Like for a long Long time So you see I'm torn on that Because I think Both have their merits So I think A short and efficient funeral Is great If you're not particularly Close to the person Yeah Right But like I remember From my grandmother's funeral It was weird Because I watched My grandmother's funeral online Because it was during COVID Right So I couldn't travel for it And then Were the comments open? If they were It would have been amazing actually That would have been amazing Because I would have been there In the comments R.I.P. G.G. Doing it No who's that in row three? Yo my man should also be In a box soon man No I It actually wasn't So But I had to watch it Which was very It was a very surreal experience That is weird It's the most surreal experience I've ever had Because I was watching People I know And my family But in a On a screen On a screen At home Yes Because you're at home watching Yeah So I'm watching them And I'm like You know But what I What I noticed was Because it was long It was like four hours maybe Yeah Four hour service Did you make snacks in between? Yeah I took breaks I was I That was the part That I did enjoy How did you time When to go pee Make a sandwich When who was talking Or what was Probably the singing Because you can come back Singing there No singing Actually Kai is right Yeah Singing is an easy one Because what would happen is People would speak You know like My grandmother's friends Would come People But then in the middle of While they're speaking The person would start singing Yes You know So they'd start a song Yeah They'd be like Ah you know When I met Francis We were this old And we lived together And this was our time And the first time She helped me And this is how We knew each other And what what what what You know what I mean And then the person would stop And they'd be like And then they'd start singing Then I'd be like Oh now you can go Because I can go do something And I can hear what's happening In the background Yes Great Some of the songs I like stayed for No some of them Like the ones that I knew So the ones that I knew No the ones that I knew Were my grand favorite Yeah That I had known Then I would sing those You know what I mean Singene Jerusalem Masangu vulegani Singene Jerusalem Masangu vulegani Singene Jerusalem Masangu vulegani You stuck around for that one Singene Jerusalem Then I'm Ah because That like fully brought My grand back to me Sure Does that make sense So those ones where I was like Ah Gogo would be here Because she used to give me That little Maybe it's Ispampam Ispampam Ispampam Ispampam What do you call it Mkamelo Mkamelo Yeah Yeah a pillow Yeah But it has a name Ispampam Because people invented that Ispampam Ispampad Yeah But it was the leather It was a leather pillow Ispampam is the person Who's not supposed to sit At the front in a taxi So it was a leather pillow That you had to hit So that everyone Could be on beats together Yeah It had like a satisfying They touched metronome Yeah Perfect way to put it It had a beautiful Thumping sound Yeah Like a deep And as a kid I used to hit that thing I would argue that My sense of rhythm Is because of that Makes sense actually From a young age Makes sense Because you had to keep Rhythm for a long time My friend It was like And you can't mess up With that thing Not only that Not only that You had You had to know How the song is gonna go Because remember When we're singing these songs They always start very slow Yeah Because it has to give Everyone time To get into the song Then they start getting Faster and faster The BPMs go up Maybe that's why I became a DJ as well So the BPMs go up Go up, go up, go up You know the story's Supposed to go That's why I became a pastor And then And then You also have to be like At the end Because you know what I mean Because it goes So when you start You'll be like The person starts With no beat first Right So it'll be like Yes Then like the men Will come and lower Vulegani Singene Jerusalem Masangovulegani Singene Jerusalem Masangovulegani You see You gotta keep this Singene Jerusalem Masangovulegani Singene Jerusalem Masangovulegani And you go And you'll go And you control The tempo Yeah But you have to feel What they're doing Because I'm a kid I'm not controlling this This is the prayer meeting I'm not controlling this This is happening I have to keep this going But I have to feel The people But you're the only kid there No Sometimes there'll be like Two maybe three But I was the one Who was doing this You know what I mean So I'm there I'm doing the beat I have to keep it going Jerusalem Masangovulegani Singene Jerusalem What we don't know Is the slowdown Symbolizes the ending The worst thing you could do Is hit it Not necessarily the ending By the way It could be a Yeah just the loud The loud Because the person might just be like Sange ne Jerusalem Ma sango vu legani And as the rhythm came out Sange ne Jerusalem Ma sango vu legani Sange ne Jerusalem Ma sango vu legani Yo, that's how it was! Don't you have homework? Hey, my man! Hey, my man! You don't know! Yo, I would be there as a kid watching People's mouths Yeah, because I knew The person who started, I'm like Because the first few times they hit me with that job Obviously, I was just beating the thing Then now, my mom was like First of all, she's like You know what I mean? Who did you take the gig from? No, from adults So one day you were hanging around They were like Guys, adults used to do that thing And then I took Ispampam Which I wasn't supposed to Because remember, all the church goodies Were like put away You know, the things people would wear Yeah, the bells Everything was like put away Yeah, the Ark of the Covenant Jesus' Shroud All of it All of it It was all put away It was all put away The nails from the crucifixion Everything was The rock from God Everything The rock of Gibraltar The donkey that Jesus took to Jerusalem Everything was there Everything The present-day test Everything was at the corner By the room divider So we had everything Everything, it's literally like that Everything was there Everything was like that The specific Bible that we read for that For those Was it that leather one? The leather one The leather one So all these things were specific So Ispampam You were not allowed to just touch it randomly My gran would be very lenient to me So I would And then I would just walk around the house Because I was like, there's nothing Imagine you're a kid, bro You're like a three, four-year-old You've got a leather pillow That you can hit as hard as you want This is the greatest gift of all time With a strap behind it With a strap You'll never lose it Yeah Bah, bah, bah So then Outside of church This is not This is not during church time It's at home So then my gran said My mom would always be like Like, what? Stop being naughty You know what I mean? Put that thing away Then my gran said, no Clearly he has a gift Encourage this gift of his Because Ispampam is a very Like, it's a very stressful job to have Let him You know what I mean? But then my mom was like Yo, bro Don't mess around at church Wait, wait This feels like They're much like a communist Wait, go on Clarification We don't know what you were busy with When Trevor invoked on you You dropped everything you were doing But Like in a church, né? Yeah Why is it that kids Have the most difficult jobs? Like in the Catholic church Oh, yeah That thing That thing can start fires With robes Yeah, that's so true And wouldn't it be You chose to give To give that gig to a kid The holding of the wine During the Yes, yes, yes And the lighting of the candles The lighting of the Yeah Yeah So Ukoko Knew Yeah The innocent Pure souls Suffer little children To come unto me For theirs is the kingdom of heaven Amen And forbid them not So My gran was like Yo, man Instead of Chastising him for doing that thing Right Let him do it then So now every In fact That was the reason I now started enjoying Bible service I was like Cause I was like Yo, man Most of the time I'm sitting there Waiting for them to finish Bro, you're just like Yo, these prayers don't end And they used to come During cartoon time My man I wish it was cartoon time It wasn't even about cartoon time Cause it was at my gran's house In Orlando We didn't have like a TV In that way I don't even remember Us having a TV So it was at night Oh, it was one of those It was the evening ones Where everyone All the other grannies Would come over For Thursday ones And then the ones where Not only that But remember They would all throw shade At each other in the prayers Do you remember that one? I remember Prayer of Prayer Guys Guys That was the most Cause I remember As a kid being like Cause what they would do Is they would go They would pray They would pray But they would be like Oh, Heavenly Father Up above Then they'd be like Oh Oh, Heavenly Father We thank you for being here You know they do the introductions So my gran would always be like 636 Orlando East They should give the full address And even As a kid I used to be like Ow He doesn't know where we are But can I tell you I appreciated the humility Cause I asked my gran once Not to assume No, I asked my gran once I said God knows everything Why do you always introduce yourself? And she was like Trevor How busy is God? Why do I assume That he knows me? Let me make his job easier So I was like Damn, it's humility So she would introduce herself Then they'd pray But then I would notice There'd be some grannies In the prayer circle Who would throw shade At each other Cause we'd all be Praying Before the prayers They'd just talk about life How are things What's happening And then they'd be like Hey Hey My gran's side And this week And so everyone would tell stories Yes, yes Then the prayer meeting would start Do the prayers Read the scriptures So they're donating the trauma But then now When the praying would happen There would always be some grannies What they would do is They'd be praying They'd pray normally Then they would just be like And oh But wait You know Just Heavenly Father Can we also just pray for Eugene's mom? You know For the tough time she's had With her son And Not all of us Can have a perfect son, Lord And we just want to pray And say That you know We ask you to give us Give her guidance and power, Lord So that she can try her best, Lord Try her best And let the rest of us Be grateful that we don't have A son like Eugene And Oh Bruh And now Now I'm there like Because I want to see I want to see who I'm like Who did that? Then I'm like Bruh You'd hear everything Who's having an affair Who Stole money from what No Yeah Who stole the Stock fell money Whose kid is failing in school Who can't pay rent Who had an affair Who Whose uncle or husband is drunk Who came home Because marriage did not work out Yeah Yeah, exactly Yeah And they would all But they would all like throw it On behalf of the other person As if As if it's a prayer But I was like Ah, this is shade, bruh And then the song would start And that's when I would come in And I would nail it I killed Bruh I was absolutely phenomenal Ah My timing Without fail I would never Hit his bum bum After the person is done And I still judge people Who do that till this day And I still judge people Because sometimes people Finish singing And then the person Will still go You hear the boom There's no No, you failed You must watch them You must study their rhythm And you have no time Because these are strangers Was it looking at the lips Or was it Knowing It's a rhythm It's also learning It's like in comedy You learn an audience as well You know So you learn Yeah They're sort of Finishing the laugh now Now you can carry the Because you don't want to Throw in more jokes While they're laughing They might miss You get what I'm saying It's innate It's rhythm It's rhythm What happened to the bum bum though? It's still there It's still there At my grandmother's funeral There was some other guy Very unqualified Very unqualified When Quincy Jones Was bum bum No one will ever be good enough I'm just going to say Very unqualified Quincy's like Wait so I think it was like A random person from the church Who came with the pasta He was hitting the same bum bum This bum bum It was their bum bum At least Yeah no no It wasn't my grandson That I could see My grandson was like Because you had different ones I also used to judge people's bum bums Because sometimes They'd have like A really Like my grandson was Top Like real leather Proper leather Brown or red Brownish red Yeah I know that one The brownish red one I know that one Yeah Brownish red And then when she would Polish it with something It would go darker Yes Yeah so she had that one With a beautiful sleeve Yes Yeah so you could Slip your hand in nicely On this side of it The hand didn't You know what I mean Full hand coverage Oh so it doesn't The one with the No no no Full hand coverage Okay Full hand coverage That is a fancy one Yeah it was I had a full sleeve Full sleeve hand coverage You were in there nicely Yeah All of it was stitched beautifully Had enough of a border So you know like You could flick You know the border Where the stitching was Yeah because the cheaper ones The stitching just goes Into the edge of the bum bum Yeah because it wasn't Like there was pleather Yeah so her one Had the full border of leather Piping they call it My man Yeah the piping Yeah And when you When you'd hit that thing It had the most Satisfaction And then I would go to like Some other people's Houses and stuff They would have like A thinner one I hope you didn't do that Face at people's houses I did No guys I was a pump pump snob If you ask me to do it With like the wrong two I'd be like This is not That is so funny I was like bruh no You know it's so funny It's like You know how you have Like guitar sharps And all of that I feel like you could Could have opened A pump pump shop Yeah I could have Been that guy Yo bruh I was a full on snob When it comes to that Guys Full on snob So you'd go And then you'd be like My man They'd ask me to do it Like Cause sometimes you'd pray At other people's places And they'd be like Trevor do you want a pump pump And I would have already seen it And I'm like nah bruh You'd flat like I know I can't play this thing No I can't I can't roll like this Guys I'm the Jimi Hendrix Of pump pumps Now you're giving me You could have been At Carnegie Hall Playing pump pump I could have been there Ha, ha, ha, ha. guys there's two industries i think we have one like the oil industry petrol industry related and then petroleum jelly vaseline byproduct of that situation hear me out okay yeah the material the sound closely linked to the same people that did the upholstery for the taxi seats it did have a similar sound guys those seats had a similar sound i think those seats you talk about the originals yeah the original original the perforated with the piping yeah yeah the perforated leather yeah with the sponge if you burn your ass yeah like an ass has never been burned before bruh the material is the same yeah uh the material is the same except for when it was not looked after no not the premium yeah premium there was a total that's always said who had that tender somewhere yeah yeah but the original the the cheap ones that you used to scoff at they were derivative from that you're all right actually it was the same why did you never yeah but you you drove it my grand's pom-pom never cracked why didn't why did texas never have a head rest on the other passenger seats what what head are you resting oh oh flip no but they no they took that out though it comes with a headrest all of those out yeah they used to come with yeah you buy the car yeah and you got it no the weight so how it came is like we made our own version of it yes but they came with headrests and i think they still even do and then they you just take that thing out for like a bunch of reasons first of all headrests are not facilitating people passing money yeah it's easier to pass the money your whole job it's not a head continental pillow hey my man hey my man my man yeah they pass it hey my man okay do this do this kaya do this hit the back of you that's all i need no bruh when why is yours covering the whole entire thing nah bruh also like as a taxi driver you want to sit like this yeah now headrest here is killing me because this is the middle seat already this i need this room to stake my claim this is how i roll guys but we know what headrests are for look at me yeah but doesn't matter look at me look at me they're not this is it yeah yeah this is it bruh now now imagine if there's a thing here now i'm this guy nah bruh there's no swag here here i'm gonna stop at red lights see what i'm saying so the difference between being a responsible citizen and an irresponsible one is the risk of whiplash in an impact we've got more what now after this mr mandela is like ah how are you brett and he's like mr mandela i heard the most amazing thing today stevie wander was doing an interview yes and he said that song you know i just called to say i love you yes he wrote it to you did you find out what the what the story is behind the shoes yeah what is it it's the violence of the impact it uh really has the human body so that's the force this guy just said it's the violence of the impact no but i said that yeah yeah i did say wait but there must be but guys remember there must be something about no but okay but okay let me let me elaborate on what i meant yes let's go further the reason i'm saying that is because the the thing so the reason no you must read it no for you yeah no but the reason i'm saying that is because maybe this is why it makes sense to me shoes are one of the only things that you wear that only come onto your body from one side even those would come off in an accident that's how babies are made i'm willing to bet by accident i'm willing to bet i'm willing to bet where's your shirt it has your head both arms and your torso holding it down your pants have both legs holding it right get what i'm saying right so i'm just saying it's a lot harder shoes are the only thing where think of like a passionate night where two people are and you're trying to get into shoes come off like that yeah everything else is like oh here we go yeah you can kick off your shoes there's even the phrase yo kick off your shoes yeah yeah you can kick off your shoes yeah you can't you can't there's nothing else you can kick you can't kick off your pants you can't there's nothing because apparently paramedics when they reach a scene and they find your toes sticking out they're like wait really what do you mean yeah because there's no ways your shoes if an impact takes off your shoes oh you're not they use that as a proxy for interesting yes yeah read it read it read it read it on your mic shoes come off during severe accidents because extreme physical forces sudden stopping and violent body movements overcome the hold of the footway so this makes complete sense you know why because if i think about it as well thank you simi and one of the times when i would also lose my shoes the most is if i try a sponsula dancing read all the descriptions there yeah yeah yeah violent movements say them again extreme physical forces wait wait i'll show you i'll show you on each one extreme physical forces yeah yeah yeah yeah yes sudden stopping yeah yeah and violent body movements you laugh but you know what to help people who watch this you must put on a little sponsula video under me while i'm talking and you must show the feet and everything so people can see the violence stops the violence and the sudden movements yeah and the yeah if if your shoes are off it's chai time for you does it there's a funeral when you're at a funeral does it make you start thinking about your life like because you've been to a lot of funerals i feel like yeah like it's so funny like literally over the last few years it's like i never went to funerals and then and then it's just funerals so i it's so funny for me it doesn't make me think about my own mortality i just think about the person who i'm i'm like oh wow like i can't be with this person anymore that's beautiful but maybe i don't think about mortality because i'm like guys i can't be with this person anymore that's beautiful but maybe i don't think about mortality because i'm like guys why i mean it's all going to happen at some point yeah and i kind of but also partly yes i think i've said this before partly maybe maybe the reason i don't think about it anymore is because i thought i was going to die young right and then and then now i've gone past that age where i thought i was going to die i was like ah okay what limit did you give yourself what i gave myself a limit of 41. really yes you thought by 41 it would be curtains yes because my father died young at 26. my grandfather died at 41 and i was like okay i think that you had no record i had no yes and then in your family there's no pictures of old people no no from my yeah from my dad's side yeah there's no old people yeah yeah no old people and so that's weird when you're actually never thought about it your ancestor looks younger than you currently and you have nivia yeah and it's male figures yeah that's what i'm saying when people are like oh that's my grandfather you're like yeah i think i was 26 going damn bro yeah then we'll look at you like you've had a hard life yeah they're like no i've lived twice their age yeah that's crazy which was which was insane and then i was like yeah i think but then what i found interesting was that i remember reading like a bill clinton's autobiography and bill clinton wrote and i was like god damn i have the same fear because his grandfather died young his father died young and he thought i was going to die that's why he lived like it was his last day and he did they're in the oval office and uh wilson churchill same thing he also thought i was going to die young i reserve my right to not incriminate myself depends what guys what do you call again 35th amendment yeah yeah numbing guys and up again my my my my best bill clinton quote is when he was being i think he had to deposition that yeah that's what it was and and and and then someone asked him a question and third clinton said it depends on what a definition of the word is is i was against that that guy and i was like i've never heard anybody you know you know if i borrow your brain for that i'll say that is a person who has had a long life of infidelity if i think of like how eugene would think of it because i'm like that's a person who's like so when you say when you say were were you were you what word do you mean when you say where where when you say who is she what do you mean by she what does the word you mean who is she is she as a person who is she to me to her family who is she that's what that sounds like yeah yeah so what's beyond i need to you live your whole life thinking 45 that's it yeah then what's beyond 45 i mean 41 what's beyond that beyond what do you replace that it's like it's confusion oh because you i suppose because you'd set this limit i think for yourself and so uh for example where i was like i'm not gonna have kids because i'm gonna die young right and then i'm not to die young right and then now all of a sudden those things are like god damn i'm not dead so i have to rethink what i'm gonna do you're with my life and every loan you've taken out because you were sure you were leaving kyle was a big boss out there put it on my loan account this is 36 months kyle was like put it on i was like i'm outie kyle was like how many months oh yeah 24 month contract i got it and now and now they're like hey so guys let me show you a picture of my grandfather so this is my grandfather i know what you're thinking i know what you're thinking i was only using sunlight so i actually didn't know that so so a lot of how you planned or how you were living your life is because you assumed is that i mean not why you're so outgoing and so like gregarious but damn damn before we carry on because i want to put gregarious over your head now gregarious is an adjective that means fond of company sociable or tending to live in groups does not not describe you perfectly that does describe me well perfectly yeah wow yeah yeah gregarious is an adjective that means fond of company sociable or tending to live in groups does not describe you perfectly yeah wow yeah yeah yeah gregarious is an adjective that means fond of company sociable or tending to live in groups but but because i confuse gregarious and verbose but but because i confuse gregarious and verbose the unnecessary use of additional words and phrases what is what is it this hey verbose mean means using or containing more words than unneeded what is what is it this hey verbose means using or containing more words than unneeded okay scratch that one because you you you know more people than anyone i know maybe maybe lawrence maybe but i still think maybe maybe lawrence maybe but i still think maybe maybe lawrence maybe but i still think you know more you know more you know more i've never been out to lunch dinner or in i've never been out to lunch dinner or in i've never been out to lunch dinner or in public with kaya and not had kaya greeted public with kaya and not had kaya greeted public with kaya and not had kaya greeted by somebody yeah in a very familiar way by somebody yeah in a very familiar way by somebody yeah in a very familiar way like genuinely i remember once we were like genuinely i remember once we were like genuinely i remember once we were they were like is he is he like is he they were like is he is he like is he they were like is he is he like is he like the mayor or something what does he like the mayor or something what does he like the mayor or something what does he do do do like is he is he like is he the mayor like is he is he like is he the mayor like is he is he like is he the mayor because everywhere you go you don't you because everywhere you go you don't you because everywhere you go you don't you don't sit down at a restaurant don't sit down at a restaurant don't sit down at a restaurant i would say it takes five to ten minutes i would say it takes five to ten minutes i would say it takes five to ten minutes for you to sit down when you go to a for you to sit down when you go to a for you to sit down when you go to a restaurant yeah i would hate to be his restaurant yeah i would hate to be his restaurant yeah i would hate to be his partner it's terrible partner it's terrible partner it's terrible yeah because you get there and then yeah because you get there and then yeah because you get there and then before you sit before you sit before you sit oh table oh table oh table you know like oh table oh table oh table you know like oh table oh table oh table you know like in the godfather yeah yeah that's how in the godfather yeah yeah that's how in the godfather yeah yeah that's how kaya is kaya is kaya is damn you kiss babies and everything damn you kiss babies and everything damn you kiss babies and everything everything bro yeah yeah i send them up everything bro yeah yeah i send them up everything bro yeah yeah i send them up prayers and tenders prayers and tenders prayers and tenders no no but it's i don't know it's okay no no but it's i don't know it's okay no no but it's i don't know it's okay but then again it's that but then again it's that but then again it's that i don't know if it's a personality thing i don't know if it's a personality thing i don't know if it's a personality thing or that's why but or that's why but or that's why but i mean that i think there was partly the i mean that i think there was partly the i mean that i think there was partly the reason actually uh i think i i wrote reason actually uh i think i i wrote reason actually uh i think i i wrote books in the beginning because you books in the beginning because you books in the beginning because you thought you were like i'm gonna i'm thought you were like i'm gonna i'm thought you were like i'm gonna i'm gonna be dead at least i've left something gonna be dead at least i've left something gonna be dead at least i've left something behind you know what's actually behind you know what's actually behind you know what's actually beautiful about this funny enough is beautiful about this funny enough is beautiful about this funny enough is they say and it's i know it's a it's a they say and it's i know it's a it's a they say and it's i know it's a it's a platitude platitude platitude but they always say but they always say but they always say live as if you are going to die live as if you are going to die live as if you are going to die and people always like yeah well of Well, of course we're going to, it's like, no, no, no, no. Everyone goes like, oh, you're going to die. But people don't actually live as if they are going to die. And it's interesting that you now say that because it's like, you were living like you were going to die. So you're like, let me write books so that I've left something and I've told my stories and I've like, you know, my family and our histories and our lives. You know what I mean? It's like this whole vibe. So now what's changed, as Eugene says, now that you've ticked the- Like I said- Now that the odometer, so that it can go further. It can go further. It's like, ah. It went to 9, 9, 9, 9, then it clicked back. Then you're like, how? Back to zero. And I was like- The year 2000. Can I tell you, like, you're right. It's been, it was for maybe a solid four years where I was a bit, where I couldn't find or place myself properly because I was, but I didn't figure that out yet. And I think when, when the penny dropped, I was like, flip, it's because I thought I was going to die. This is why my life just feels, like, all over the place. And I've been really defined the second stage of my life because what I thought was going to happen hasn't happened. And so how do I plan my life now? Because I need to plan my life. And it's almost like I'm starting from zero. And that's what I, that's what's happening now. And I can see that evolution. And I think I can, I can feel it in myself. And it's, and I feel a little bit different, I think, because of that. Does it bring you relief or does it bring you discomfort? It's, oh, that is a very good question. I think that actually it gives, it's, it's a, it's a bit of both. And I like the discomfort of wanting to try new things. You know, things that, I mean, for example, there's a thing that I've always said to myself, which is like, the one thing I know I'll never ever be able to do is to start a business. Like, I don't think that I have the capacity for it. I don't think I have the, the, the, the, you know, the, the mental, like, aptitude for it. But now I'm actually seriously considering, like, you know, doing something, like, in that sign, you know, a business that I'd love to, you know, to, to be involved in and started, which is completely different from anything I've ever done in my life. Like, completely outside of that scope. I love that for you. I will say one thing. If there's one thing that will kill you, it's starting a business. I'm just going to tell you as your friend. Yes. Oh, my God. That, man. Yeah. Yeah. Death is such an interesting, Eugene and I were, we're hanging with my mom yesterday and it was so funny. She was so annoyed. So my mom was devastated. And I mean, devastated at the news of Dolly Parton's passing. Oh, yes. My mom, she sort of lives in a time capsule. There's the life she lived before finding Christ. And then there's her life in Christ. That period is almost like, stasis because it's like the Bible doesn't change. The scripture doesn't change, you know, and she's comfortable in that world. But then there's this world that she still loves and fondly remembers and all of that. So that's when she was listening to secular music and she was like part of the world and all. Those things hold a special place in her heart. Bro, let me tell you something. People have died. And my mom will be like, oh, I heard whoever passed away. Oh, I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Oh, so Mandela died. Yeah, those vibes. Those guys. Jesus, guy, you took it there. Let me tell you something. Are you sure too high? He didn't even start yet. He went straight to Tata. Dude, not Masatini, nothing. She was shaken. Like shaken, shaken. I can't believe it. I get it. I get it. Yeah, she was shaken. And I've tried to break it down to understand why. And I think it's a few reasons because I was talking to her about it. And I was like, I think. She was shaken for. Let me go. I go. I think she was shaken by Dolly Parton's passing. One, because Dolly Parton defined an era of my mom's life. Right. And you know, when an artist defines an era of your life, when they die, it sort of makes you feel like that era of your life has died as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. I think her dying also shook my mom a little bit because I guess she saw her as a peer in age in a way. So she's like. She was an icon as well. Yeah. No, but before that, it's like, just like, this is like the person I'm in line with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then there's the icon of like, oh my goodness, Dolly Parton. Right. Because some people seem so larger than life. It's almost like the idea of them. Dolly Parton becomes ephemeral as opposed to concrete. Yes. Yes. Dolly Parton is an idea. Yeah. Dolly Parton. No one's even like, where is she right now? She's Dolly Parton. That's true. Yeah. Then when you go, she's dead. It's like, wait, what do you mean? What do you mean? I didn't even know she was like alive. I thought she was just. Oh, yeah. Existing. Yeah. Fully shaken. That's actually a good description. So now I'm on my way to pick up my mom. You know, it's Sunday. We're going to go get lunch. The usual thing. And now I'm like, oh man, Dolly Parton. Because I saw the email my mom sent me in the morning. And I was like, oh, let me like play Dolly Parton's greatest hits. And because that's my childhood. So now I'm in the car. Oh, having the time of my life. Busy there, singing there, enjoying myself, you know, get to my mom's place. She gets in the car. She's like, turn it off, turn it off. She's dead. Then I'm like, what? Yeah, that's why I'm playing the music. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I've never genuinely. She's not like that kind of. She's like, no, no, please. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I play a call to say I love you. Please just a call. Just call. Then I was like, who? Because the title didn't come to mind immediately. Yeah. And then I was like, who? She's like, the blind guy, man. And I was like, oh, Stevie Wonder. She's like, yeah. And I was like, damn, she's like shaken. And then during the day we talked about it. And I know my mom is like one person, but I also started seeing like the impact that Dolly Parton had on people's lives. And people's minds lives that i don't think anyone could have ever predicted i can see dolly parton a country superstar having an impact on many parts of america's lives i can see dolly parton an american having an impact on many parts of american lives you know regardless of where they live etc etc brah i i really hope dolly parton knew that in random parts of africa and i'm sure other parts of the world there were black people going you are my person yeah that's very true not just because of your music not just because of your message but even in the way she lived after that yeah she lived her life yeah she lived amazing yeah but and how she lived it the fights that she fought the sides of history she chose to be on the you get what i'm saying when everything about where she came from yes told her to behave a very particular way not being apologetic as well not being apologetic you're right about it yeah sorry incidentally you're right about it yeah sorry incidentally when you said that uh your mom asked you to play i just called to say i love you do you know why that song was written no no he wrote stevie wonder wrote that song as to madiba while he was in prison that song to nelson mandela yes i just called to say i love you yeah wait wait wait wait wait wait wait yes stevie wonder stevie wonder wrote that song dedicated to madiba to nelson mandela nelson mandela what yes damn yeah and and and of course happy birthday to you mlk yo that's crazy yeah but that's all right we're talking about you know what i'm thinking now just the comedian part of my brain don't don't the comedian part of my brain don't shoot just for comedy just for comedy not for real life okay comedy disclaimer the following is not appropriate for sensitive viewers do you have a disclaimer for sensitive viewers do you have a disclaimer for sensitive viewers do you have a disclaimer for sensitive viewers do you have a yeah just for comedy i'm picturing now the song comes out mega hit all over the world nelson mandela's in robin island he's in prison the the god comes through busy playing it on a mini radio i just called to say ah you know mandela's like ah just he's he's like who's that song what an amazing song who's that the god is like uh mr mandela that is uh the new song from stevie wonder then mandela's like oh he's got a new song it's so great can you can i hear it again he's like i'll let you know when it comes on the radio again sir he's like okay yeah because then you couldn't just play it again so then he comes back like in the next hour block where they're playing he's like oh mr mandela here it is you can listen to it then mandela's like i love this song i love it then every day the god comes back plays it for mandela every day he's like oh wow what a song what a song i can't believe it i can't believe it oh wow wow what a song and then the news comes out someone reports on it and then the god comes there he's like mr mandela mr mandela he's like ah how are you a bit then he's like mr mandela i heard the most amazing thing today stevie wonder was doing an interview yes and he said that song you know i just called to say i love you yes he wrote it to you what do you mean to me it's like he wrote that song to you mr mandela then mandela was like wow that's okay you know that you know that line from that movie that's funny every time i try to leave the game keeps calling me oh that's funny you guys were like them i'm sorry man oh that was good but halfway through the story i had hope like there was time where you won me over i was like he's not gonna do it like i yes i looked at him and i was like yeah oh man oh man ah god that uppercut was unnecessary okay hey yeah i'm back i'm back i'm back sorry i'm back i'm back i'm back yeah man hey flying i'm flying too low to the stadium guys sorry guys hey flying too low to the stadium guys sorry sorry guys that was amazing oh man wait do you know do you know do you know what who i said ah oh I was I quite connects me to Dolly Parton yeah guys I don't know about you but this was my life and Dolly Parton manual labor at home every Saturday I'm there cleaning the stoop red polish playing Dolly Parton oh yeah and then I'm like my mom wants me to use a brass so to clean the the primary primary stove so that it's like yes glistening and I'm taking the like newspaper cleaning the windows and Dolly Parton is blasting in the background that's my association with Dolly Parton it's amazing bro every single it's amazing Saturday we're playing Dolly Parton and that's what's happening you guys don't you it was just me no no no so it's all right yeah no no no funny enough for my maybe just because of an age thing or where we were playing it Dolly Parton was the music my mom played for me that was her music my stoop cleaning sweeping music was all like boys to men Mariah Carey yeah them them too yeah yeah but what I'm saying is like Dolly Parton for some reason was never played like around cleaning time I was always there by the stoop literally in my head I was just like we belong together I know I know and you know oh our parents let us sing I'll make love to you just presently ah my man they were like I'll make love to you yeah as long as the house is clean yeah you can sing what you want ah skit skit from the window to the wall that's a perfect that's a perfect feeling song actually so she but you see Mina caught already story at the end when I meet you yeah at the beginning yeah when she was telling you good and then at the end oh at the end man it was so fun because Mina was there Kaya participating like we all said that Dolly died so then my mom she like flips immediately she goes from like mourning the loss the whole thing and then she's like yo by the way she's like did you see that she planned her whole funeral and like you rehearsed it and I was like what are you talking about she's like yeah she saw this thing where planned it rehearsed it told everyone what it's gonna be how she's gonna dress whatever she's gonna be buried in high heels whatever then I was like oh that's cool then my mom was like no she's like what control freak yeah then my mom was like yeah that's very sad yeah me and Eugene are both like then my mom was like hey control freak she's like you're gone why do you care what shoes you're wearing oh yeah yeah you're gone what are you talking about then I was like mom that's you can say and then the only the only way I can get her to like at least see a point of view is I'll go like okay in the bible how many people made requests before they died about what they would like to happen after they were dead and then she was like yeah yeah okay well the people that did that all the time all the time in the bible all the time yeah all the time there's so many of them once I'm gone you must do this you must do then you must go to where we and do that or I want to be buried like this um I mean like Moses was one was like bury me on a mountain without my things and my this and my that King David had his request as well bury me like this and the thing must do that in my oh what is it yeah Peter said that he's um uh bury me like what is it when they crucify him it should be upside down yeah oh and then there was um Tupac said the holes that I used to know from long ago I was like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die kiss me from my head to my toe that's similar but not the same but he said it but no it's it's so then she was like okay yeah she's like okay I get it so wait because she was also mentioning what the people are doing final holidays now people yeah when they know that they're gonna die yeah they plan their death they're gonna get that injection that's funny she was actually talking my mom was talking about you without realizing it she was talking about you without realizing it she was saying she's fascinated by people who like pre like live the last years of their life but like knowing they're going to die or either like planning their death yes or whatever you know but they go I'm gonna die so I'm this is my last big trip vacation this is my last I'm throwing a big party and throwing this and throwing a outfit you know what I mean your baba in advance yeah and then but then we were having a discussion we're like maybe it's because we've never had the luxury but we don't know of any like black people doing that ever yeah I can't I can't think of anybody unless you are state president but that's what I mean like we couldn't think of anyone saying yeah we're going it's our last family trip because grandpa's going soon yeah going away yeah but when your grandmother stops drinking tab that's funny that's when you know just so funny like I remember like you know like in 2014 from the world cup in brazil my grandmother you know from my dad's side you know she was getting sick and and you're just being hospitalized and you could see it as like the last few days and I remember thinking there's someone that better not die before I go to brazil for the world cup Because she was also there like, yo, bro, I want to watch the World Cup. And then I was like, she held on. I'm in Brazil and I'm like, if I get any message from home, does this mean that I have to, you know, cut my trip short and then to fly back home? She hung on for another two weeks. And then, you know, I got back. World Cup was over. And I was like, well done, Grant. That's a Coco who loves you. Grant, I'm betting your grandmother would love you so much that she would hold on for you knowing that. Your gran also held on. I think she did. I told you that story. I think I did, right? Remind me. Where I came back to visit one of my trips. Oh, yes. Yeah, and she was like, Trevor's here. And my mom was like, Trevor's not here. He's in New York. And she was like, nope, Trevor's here. And then I was here. I hadn't told anyone. I was supposed to be surprised. I went to see her. She was there. And then she said, you came to say goodbye. And I was like, goodbye? Came to say hello. I just walked in the door. I thought it was like dementia. Which she didn't have. I was like, no, hello. I came to say hello. She's like, oh, I thought I wasn't going to see you before I leave. Then I was like, what are you? But she was like very casual about it. And my gran used to joke a lot. So I didn't assume. There wasn't a heaviness around it. But yeah. And then I left. And then after that week, maybe like a few, maybe a month later, possibly in her sleep. I remember that. She was just like, yeah, my nose is moisturized. And she knew. So, Kyle, this is exciting. Before we go, what are you going to do now? New life, new life, new K. I'm excited, bro. I didn't know this, by the way. No, I'm going to tell about it and invest in my business. As I was saying. But really, what do you have? So tell me some of the things. Tell me some of the things you didn't even allow yourself the luxury of considering that you now are considering and you're going like, actually, because I was afraid I wasn't going to be here. I didn't even allow myself the possibility of thinking about it. But now I am. Now I'm. What are you entertaining that you didn't because you thought you couldn't before? Being married. Love it. I know it's so funny because sometimes I think I was like, well, I'm a bit older. Do I want to have kids? And then I think, I mean, my father died when I was 26. You know, he was young and had kids. You know, you could die. Yes. And so there's no, there's no, you know what I'm saying? And then even that. You'd be a great dad. Yeah. So now that, thank you. I think so too. The only dad telling his little child about Bill Clinton's autobiography. You know what is, is. You'd be the only dad. No, but you would be. And your kids talking from the bedroom. Mom, come fetch your man. Because you love, just like you love learning. Yeah. You espouse curiosity. You love people. You, you love people. You, you know what I mean? Yeah. I can see that for you. And then obviously I'm like, I'm going to take a brave step and just do something I've never done before. I love this. Which is what? Return our text messages. I can't. Wow. Reply to our texts. Now I get it. Guy was like, hey guys, I can't respond. I might be dying, guys. I might be dying. These blue ticks, they are not what you think. It's the blue ticks of death, boys. I can't respond. It's so funny. And you know, time, time, there's been timely death using calendars. Chinese calendar. Gregorian calendar. Then there was that, what was that one? The Inca one? Oh yeah. But it's so funny. Like, you just actually reminded me. You're like, I don't know. You're calling me. I think, I think you're Ryan. I don't know who else was in the car. Yeah. I don't know what you're calling me about. And then the conversation ended. whatever. And then you call me like, like 30 seconds later or a minute later and like, yo, the conversation wasn't done. Like, how are you ending conversations like that? So what Kaya, what Kaya does is, he will, it's like a sitcom. He, he, he, you'll be talking. Yeah. When you get to the end of a point or an idea, he then just automatically assumes that's the end of the conversation. And then he stops. Terrible Spum Pump Ticket. Wait. Terrible. Terrible. He never got it. My friend. Wait, wait. So you'll be like, okay, let's do a conversation. I'll show you. Let's go. Sure. Sure. Yeah, sure. Chep. Keep on love. I know. I'm great. You cheat. I'm great, my man. How are you? Hey, I'm fine. Did you know that Steve Wanda wrote that song? I just called to say I love you. Chep, I know. I read that, Chep. I read it, Chep. That's crazy. Yeah, man. That's wild, Chep. That's crazy. Do, do, do, do. No, man. Chep. I found him back immediately. I'm so confused. I found him back immediately and I was like, yo, what happened? Then he's like, what? I said, did we get cut off? He's like, no, Chep. I thought we were done. I was like, my man, my man. No, brother. No, brother. Wait. Why? Why is Chep treating every conversation like it's a mosque code? Bruh. Do, do, do, do, do, do. That's how Chep does it. Wait. How do you determine when it's over, Chep? I, I. I just think it's over. I don't have, I don't have, I don't have like a thing, but I just, there's a moment, ah, I think this conversation is over and it's so funny because it's something I'd been told before that I end conversations awkwardly and then for a while, it's okay. I need to be conscious actually of how I end conversations now because I know I've got to wait for that. Okay, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Yes. Okay, bye, bye, bye. And you're a cusser, dude. Come on. On top of all of these things, we cuss. I know. We've never said goodbye like one time. Yeah, that's true. We said goodbye to my mom how many times yesterday? That's true. Six, seven times? Wait, wait, wait, at the house. All over. We said goodbye in the car. Yeah. Then we said, then we got out of the car and said goodbye. Then we walked her to the gate. Then we said goodbye. Then we walked her in the house. Then she said, wait, can you just come with me to do something? Then we went with her. Then we went, we did things, did things. Then we came back and said goodbye in the car again. Then said goodbye when we got out of the car. Then said goodbye at the gate again. And then said goodbye inside. Yeah. And then you hooted the final goodbye. You know this. Yeah, I know, I know. But now here you are. Yeah, I know. I don't know why. I don't know. But it's like a thing. But I can see where it comes from. You know, black people, when someone has died, they'll ask you, what was the last thing that person said? Yeah. There's always a thing. Yeah, I've been cool with my eyes. We were having a conversation. He was telling me, yeah, no, I should have known. I should have read the sign. So Kaya was like, you will never quote me. What was the last thing that Kaya said? Toot, toot, toot. Oh, man. Kaya was like, you'll never quote me. Damn. Okay, yeah. This is the thing we're going to work on. Oh, yeah. But this is dope. I'm glad you actually told, because you've never told me this. Now that you've told me, I'm excited to be part of like your new life. It's going to be dope, man. You know, it's been a year since we first, exactly a year. Do you realize? Santa Maria, you're right. Since the first time we hung out, you guys were the first, like my favorite people. Yeah. Oh, wow. Exactly. Literally, it's been a year. Santa Maria. That's amazing. So another one, man. My man, I'm going to celebrate your birthday's extra now. You know that? I'm being serious. When is your birthday? April 16th. I'm going to celebrate it extra now. But he's like, it's so funny. Like you, last year, or the last year, you forced me to have my birthday because I was like, ah, I'm just landing from Canada. And Trevor's like, good for you. We're doing this thing. Yeah. Yeah, bro. And I didn't even know this. Yeah. And I didn't know this. Yeah. Let's do it. This has been dope, man. Thank you, guys. Here's to another year. Another year. For five. Another year. For ten. Let's do one at a time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't want to fly too low. One at a time, guys. One at a time, guys. One at a time, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One at a time, guys. One at a time, guys. Thank you. Yeah, dope, dope, dope. Oh, man. I just called. Yeah? What is it? What is it? Wait, tell us. Stevie Wonder did not write, I just called to say I love you for Nelson Mandela. But he famously dedicated his 1985 Academy Award for the song to him. Oh, it's close enough. Okay, okay, okay. No, it's not like a non-story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. But thank you for that clarification. I really thought, okay. No, no, but that's good. No, but yeah, if you sing here, Bambara and Jeopardy, I think Leanna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least now, now Mandela will be like, oh, that's better. That's better. That was so funny. What now? What now? What now? What now? The show with Trevor Noah is produced by Day Zero Productions in partnership with SiriusXM. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin, and Jess Hackle. Rebecca Chain is our producer. Our development researcher is Marcia Robiu. Music, mixing, and mastering by Hannes Brown. Random other stuff by Ryan Harduth. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next week for another episode of What Now? Thank you.