Somethings Burning And It's Bert's Bus | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

I'm lowering my compression socks all right uh welcome to another episode of two bears one cave as Burt removes his compression socks I'm an old man now Tom yeah I keep saying I'm a snowman in March what does that mean I'm dying oh well hey you've never looked better God's taking swings at me I'm just looking good on you man death looks good on me yeah I was on stage last night in uh on Ottawa and uh and uh I was like I was like my life is unrecognizable from three months ago I had two dogs three months ago my kids were in LA uh I had no blood clots I had a bus I had uh all the shit going on and then this woman just goes what about your rosacea I was like thanks lady thanks lady well we should we should like discuss it because God knows you're going to talk about it incessantly I haven't talked about it yet I know this is the I don't really do a podcast as much anymore well this is the best thing it's the best life to live don't do it too much it's I gotta be honest with you cutting back was the my stand-ups better ticket sales are better like I think I think people were like I just want to see you on stage enough um no but let's talk about it for real because I I wake up like many people did open my phone and I can't even believe the image that you post that your tour bus burned to a crisp yeah so what happened like what actually happened so we were fucking Fargo yeah that's how most people say it too fucking Fargo fucking Fargo that's what people say Fargo gets me every time last time we slid off into an embankment on the bus and on the bus and the bus got stuck and then everyone was making jokes about it you're back to Fargo what's gonna happen this time and this is what happened we get done the show in Fargo we're heading to Cedar Rapids and uh we had a blowout we had a blowout it was crazy I live streamed it it's on my Instagram but we had a blowout and the tire ripped off the wheel well as you're driving as we're driving it rips off rolls next to the bus lands next to the bus like five feet from the actual rim the rim is bare and we're like in the middle we're an hour outside Fargo in the middle of a field there's a huge snowstorm roads are icy trucks are flying down the road and I get out with live stream I sit for two hours have a cigar and how many people are with you on the bus at this point well so both so we have traveled with three buses yeah so I have one bus it's crew another bus it's crew and then our bus is me in finance Pat Berger uh my trainer Alex and uh and Kyle my assistant and the driver and the driver Dewey and so Drew Dewey blowout Dewey handles it perfectly pulls it over we sit for two hours and they're like all right what are we gonna do we can't get a guy out here they're gonna come out tomorrow morning to switch your tires and I'm like I'm gonna stay with the bus because my bed's there everything's there uh and they're like we may not be able to get a tire in time to get you to Cedar Rapids so why don't you get into a bunk and we'll drive you to Cedar Rapids and I'm like no and they're like it's the best bet like that way we know we can be there for the show we don't know when the bus will get here and and and I all my stuff's on the bus so I don't want to leave the bus but I'm like we've been waiting for two hours we don't know when the tires come on we're like all right when you say just what when you say stuff like what kind of what are we talking about my hats your hats you a lot of hats I have everything I have I had just done we were watching Anchorman 2 and there's a scene in Anchorman 2 they're like Ron you're making fondue on our on our bus and you have all these bowling balls what do you have all this stuff for and he goes oh I got it on cruise control and then they show everything flying around their bus I had done a video that day of all the loose stuff next to my bed I have a hatchet I have knives I have a trophy I have two trophies what is with all the knives I I have no idea I collect knives on the road I just buy knives on the road and so I have so much accumulated so much stuff I have nine gallons worth of cigars three new boxes all my clothes I have everything I live in this bus I live in this bus all my medications everything so I pack a bag I grab my bedding I pack a bag as quick as I can just to do the show in Cedar Rapids we get on our buses we get in bunks we pull into Cedar Rapids that morning they wake me up and they're like I wish I don't think women should ever deliver bad news yeah they don't have the heart for it right you know I think that all women could take a class in just one of those guys from the 50s that would deliver bad news to families who lost a kid in the war where you just walk up he goes I got bad news yeah your son's dead you know Marcy my door manager goes okay we're all fine and I was like what's going on yes she was like it's doobies okay I was like wait what the fuck's happening and she was like we're gonna get through this I go what the fuck more I literally lose I go what the fuck Marcy and then Kyle goes the bus caught on fire I don't want wait what and he goes yeah and then they say to me Marcy says a little smoke damage and a little water damage but it should be fine it looks good it looks really good and Kyle pulls up this picture and I go Marcy she goes I haven't seen that picture yet and I'm like so no one was on the bus what do we was when it started that morning he was on the bus waiting for the tire and he heard a pop I mean these are all allegedly only because there's I'm sure there's an insurance claim and I'm just telling you what do we told what I've heard through the grapevine he heard a pop and within 15 seconds the entire front cabin was filled with smoke and within 30 seconds it was all aflame it was completely an electrical fire started we're guessing electrical fire started in the ceiling within 30 seconds the entire bus was on flames Dewey got out he didn't he got out he didn't have time to grab anything he literally got out of the bus and he got out of the bus and he got out and the bus was on fire in 30 seconds and we would have all been asleep in it and no one would have been able to get out without a doubt no one would have gotten out because we all sleep in the back of the bus the front of the bus caught on fire there's no getting out there's an escape I couldn't have got there's no windows in the back the little window in the butt in the in the back back back is too small for me to get out the escape latch which I never knew I had is in above my bed it's cool to not know that you know what I kept thinking you'd think I would have learned Tom yeah I got on a bus last night and we're driving across a bridge from Toronto to or Ottawa to Toronto yeah and I was and it was like windy and it was and it was snowing and I was like I should look for the escape hatches in this bus just god forbid we fall into the water on the off this bridge because that was the crazy thing is like the whole week it was crazy winds so you get out to do North Dakota and there's crazy winds so it's like God's giving you a DUI so the bus is getting pushed and pushed but then uh the big thing is everyone just wrote this is AI yeah and I was like yeah that's what I use AI for not to get pictures of my wife and turn her into a fucking whore yeah yeah you use it for this I have the best AI pictures of Liam I'm sure yeah I think I've seen a few but it's crazy you know there's no comparison I was telling you the death thing hits I've had so many close calls with death I mean I have the blood clot in the leg that traveled to my lungs that we caught you know in the nick of time I'm on blood thinners I have this bus I haven't drank I have no tap out so I have no like I haven't been able to drink vodka and have a drink and be like wow or I have nothing no weed no nothing for like two and a half months so but it's like I have a hard time processing the almost died part of it I think it's easier to process losing your home your hats yeah my hats my hats I had so many hats so many so many hats I had so many great hats I had leather pants on there when I processed this photo I kept thinking like man if you had died that would have been my machine story you know can I tell you like I would have been touring for years be like when I was 46 my best friend died in a bus fire wow that would have wrapped it up shows but I was 46 years old my best friend died in a bus fire people be like here we go oh shit yeah I would have I got to be honest with you burning to death not the way I want to go no I want to go out I wouldn't mind going out with that bus I love that bus so are you in a weird way though are you kind of excited to get a new bus no can I tell you what Leanne said what and by the way she's welcome she's here she can defend herself yeah I said to her like that that day which the bus is still smoldering yeah and I said by the way if you see the video of the person who drove by the bus did you see that I don't think so were they like you can't park here no no one of those but they're driving by and they had just seen my show I don't know where you'll find it you're just driving by my show and they just come from my show they spent the night and they're driving by and it shows you how bad they're doing and I'm like oh my god I don't know where you'll find it I don't know where the fire was there was no getting out of this bus I mean it was Tom it was I have it I'll send it to you the Kyle has it I'm sure Kyle has it Kyle will send it to you but so the bus is smoldering I say to Leanne what the fuck are we going to do about this tour I still have two months left i have two months left until we go into production for the show and then i have i'm on tour until 2027 when i shoot my special so i have like a lot of tour dates left and i said to leanne am i gonna are we gonna buy another bus or build another bus and leanne says the bus is still smoldering i don't know how much longer you're gonna be doing this for huh what mike look at that look at that tom go do it see it again look at this is the fire jesus yeah they're gonna slow down a little bit yeah i know and by the way they knew it was me they didn't they're like he's dead that's crazy they had been to my show they had been to my show yeah and they knew it was me do you get you get so much serious photo i know you get so much press when you almost die yeah i mean it's crazy like it's cr like people magazine reached out like uh every like tmz was got it right away they got it this is the second time they thought i was dead welcome to the end everybody it's a storytelling show me and my comedian friends we're all telling true and really terrible stories into a toddler's face wild face sometimes regretful every std horrible i'm gonna you up and amazing stories we just got started i'm gonna stop the tears you're in trouble it's gonna be a good night it's gonna kill us all you should be in jail hey man are you okay i actually do well you don't talk to me okay uh i'm a disciple of the lord now you missed the spot how did i get here how did this happen that's a good question you guys ready when you bring a child into the world your perspective changes literally overnight all of a sudden you're thinking years ahead about child care and school and the milestones you can't wait to see and for me part of loving my family meant thinking about their future even in uncomfortable ways like what if i wasn't in it life insurance is not a fun topic life insurance is not a fun topic life insurance is not a fun topic life insurance is not a fun topic but it's one you need to think about and i'm so glad i found out about ethos i no one wants to think about the possibility of them not being here but that possibility is a pretty big probability and the probability that your children are going to still be around is almost 100 you want it to be 100 there is no complicated process this ethos is all 100 online no medical exam required you just answer a few health questions you can get a quote in seconds apply in minutes and get same day coverage you can get up to three million dollars in coverage some policies as low as thirty dollars a month billed monthly ethos has a 4.8 out of five stars on trustpilot with over 3 000 reviews protect your family with life insurance from ethos right now right now go to ethos.com bears in as little as 10 minutes you can get your free quote and up to 3 million dollars in coverage at ethos.com slash bear and as little as 10 minutes you can get your free quote and up to 3 million dollars in coverage at ethos.com/bear bears that's ethos.com slash bears ethos.com slash bears application times and rates may vary dudes you already know what time it is it's time to level up and blue chew just dropped something crazy blue true gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable ed brand this isn't your grandpa's little blue pill this is the four in one performance pill that's setting the gold standard we're talking two ingredients for blood flow to keep that thing pumping mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body blue chew gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes that means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer forget netflix and chill it's time to netflix and fill her up and you choose what to do that with i think this is an incredible product and it does make you feel like you're ready to go and you are make life easier by getting harder discover your options at bluechew.com we've got a special deal for our listeners get 10 off your first month of blue chew gold with the code bears that's promo code bears visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information and we thank bluechew for sponsoring the podcast first time was a heart attack and i played it i milked it really yeah i didn't i didn't let anyone reply did you do it as much as you did on club shea because that's still the funniest thing i've ever seen with you what when he goes so uh he looks at his notes he's like you lost everything and then you got it back and you went yeah and you didn't correct him at all you just i was like i was in tears you're like wait what's he talking about and you're like uh-huh the look on my face the actual look scared gillis texted it to me and he goes the actual look on your face is hysterical and i hadn't seen it i remembered it i remember it happening and i remember joe came up to me it was like he goes can i ask you a question i go yeah and he goes eddie bravo called me the other day i was taking a and he goes he goes there it is you look so scared wait we have to set this up so that people know so so joe i see joe this is the the night before i'm doing joe's i see joe and he comes up right up to me you know when joe has like something yeah he goes hey i gotta i gotta ask you a question he goes eddie bravo called me the other day i'm taking a and he goes did burke christian lose everything and then get it all back and i go absolutely not and he goes well he was on club cha cha and he said he lost it all and got it back and i go by the way i did the interview i said so much more wild than that yeah that's the last thing i think of and i went oh yeah and joe goes that is so you yes it did not want confrontation and to want the guy's story to be good so i just went yeah but i don't remember it and then i know because i because i saw the clip i see him just say this and i see you go like like what do i correct him and you just you just go like mm-hmm because he's like he clearly just got bad information and was just like you lost it all and instead of being like what are you talking about you're just like yeah here play this play this clip look at bert's face and he goes did burke chrysler lose everything and then get it back i go what he goes he was on uh shannon sharp show and shannon says to bert you lost it all built back up and he goes it seemed like it wasn't true i go it's not true did burke go along with it he goes yeah i go what did you believe you could build it back up you're like after you lost what did i do wrong where did i go wrong and if i ever get back in this situation again i promise you it won't happen again i wish i was that insightful he just answered it i just was like i was like were you mad you lost everything i i've never been good i just you know i i literally was like what story do i have adjacent to that yeah yeah yeah because i have you know everyone's got their like hero story they tell i could see your wheels turning i was like what like because i was like i i leanna and i when we were at georgia we were broke but everyone's been broke i didn't lose it all like i spent money but you know and then i was like and then when when i when i got fired from travel stand i still had money but that's a good hero and i was like i think i told a mixture of both i that is so funny dude that is if any can i say there's like a couple things that have happened in my life where i go where i realize you're not my you're not supposed to like me like if you if that gets you angry and you leave a comment you're like this is why i hate you're you were never supposed to like me it's that because that is who i am that is i can't i'll never be able to change that that and when i was reading prompter during the tom brady roast yeah that is exactly who i am that i'm never going to not be that guy so if those two things there's three though what's the third because the third would be the official kreischer epstein file documents from the department of justice that's pretty crazy this is great did you see that fluffy like had to make a statement no yeah what did he say he's in the fc files too well and it's the same as mine he's just at the he was at the west palm improv or burt the car whatever yeah and they were just like who's playing this week so this let me see this you're at the you're the bottom it's pretty detailed it's pretty detailed oh my god it's the same date as today is it really yeah march 21st to 23rd oh i'm going to be at i have a comedy central special birth conqueror trip flip and then it goes into some you guys did but the um basically says i'm at the west palm improv right which who else lived in he didn't even he didn't even reply to get tickets he just wanted to know who was playing and who wait i'm a spam email of his i'm a spam to jeffrey epstein he just wanted to know bob saget's in here tracy morgan's it wait there's a lot of it's everyone that was at the are you in here you were playing the west palm improv then no he didn't want to go i didn't make it dude dracy morgan bob saget we tried we asked wait tom's got to be in here it's not believe me you can search the the uh drew carey stop throwing other people under the bus let's talk about you bruce kerr's new booking event these are comedy classes these are all from the improv what did you and him do for real this is your chance to come clean i never met jeffrey epstein you see that guy that guy that they're like epstein's alive yeah and then making money off yeah he came out he was like i'm fucking just a guy i look like i'm i guess how fucking horrible but he did the right thing which is like don't don't get upset about it he just kind of leaned in and was like no i just have a he's making money off of it how's he making money off he's doing like parties and like oh really like yeah the only the only fans guy died what the guy who started only fans and only fed he just died today i knew that guy you did yeah they did a roast of me on only fans oh that's right yeah and so i met him and i guess he died he's 43 years old damn only fans owner that's young dude i know 43 does it say what he why he died i mean at 43 it's got to be something you know it's got to be yeah oh cancer yeah yeah oh for real that's what it said what do you think it was exactly like suicide or drugs oh well yes the other stuff 43 cancer that doesn't seem fair what would you rather cancer i would have been thinking about this a lot lately because the my two near-death experiences one was with leanne right where i was and and we were in the hospital room and i got bad news we had to find out how bad it was and i was like fuck this is real and the other one would have been instant i just would have died not say goodbye to anyone yeah so which one do you think you'd want i think you probably would want to say goodbye right well like push had cancer how was that like was that fun yeah it was a great time yeah no but what did did you do stuff like go for a walk in the park yeah but the thing is when like this guy they said long battle it was he probably had a i'm assuming here like a terminal diagnosis yeah so hers was different in that you had one procedure revealed it was more had another procedure then you kind of confirm that it's no longer there it's not spreading in your system it's more like a wake-up sobering moment in life yeah but it wasn't a terminal diagnosis does it change her entirely does she drink white wine anymore yeah sometimes but she definitely had a huge change in perspective really for sure yeah so i mean i haven't i've had two near-death experiences and we've lost both our dogs and i and i'm i have and my my perspective has not changed entirely yeah but at all well i'm wondering if i should throw a party the day i can start drinking i'm wondering what's the day you're allowed to start drinking july 11th why is it that day six months i gotta be on these blood thinners for six months and then you're good to go and then i mean i think i mean i if they keep me on blood thinners i will simply drink on blood thinners yeah but i mean i'm i don't know are you still on the jab the manjaro yeah yeah i'm on dude everything's changed i i mean i i was if you look at my life does manjaro change your shits i forgot yeah how so oh they're like this my asshole just like really that's not good oh it's they're wild and then every single time every single time and i don't feel like i have i have any shit left in me and if i just sit there i keep shitting you know those people i think i told you this this joke i wrote this after manjaro you know those people that can sit down at a piano and just start playing you can just do that with shitting with toilets really i sit on the toilet and i just start playing i can sit on the toilet and start shitting i sit on the toilet and just have to sit on the toilet and just have to sit on the toilet just at any time if i sit on the toilet right now i'll start shitting so you're just ready to go at all times that's hilarious yeah oh jesus christ jack osborne texted me and he's one of my bus but the crazy who's all the people that reached out that when when you're when to find out like chris di stefano for as much like as like a you know silly like you you do he's a ball buster he's the sweetest guy he is the sweetest guy he really is the he's the first person to text me when my tv show came out and he was the first person to text me when my bus burned down really yeah he was he was like he was like hey man i just saw your bus i know how much you love that thing or whatever but just stefano was the sweetest tim dylan yeah what did he say it looks like downtown austin mark something can stop the machine it's pretty good mark mark's got a new special out on netflix uh none too pleased ryan sickler there's a lot of people i can't really joe list say grateful you're alive tremendous photos by the way i didn't take that photo i'm not gonna get all get out of you can get out of uh comments i'll read comments it's another thing ever since i haven't drank i don't i haven't looked at a comment i haven't looked at online i've been very little online good yeah i've been journaling like crazy today i was journaling and i was saying how come i like i'm at i am like in first class it was all like grown-ups it was all business people that are coming down for a conference and they'll they're finance people and they're hedge fund guys and they're all big big things and and they're all dressed nicely and i'm in a nice i'm i'm inarguably in a nice outfit it's a cashmere tracksuit and i'm wearing nice clothes also but i don't feel like them and i i've and i and they were all like confident and reading newspapers and doing getting work done replying to emails and i'm journaling about how scared i am of flying and then i'm and and i just i was like well i and i'm not i'm no i'm not drinking none of them are drinking they're all having coffee i'm having coffee but i'm noticing it's making me jittery and then i'm like will i ever be like them like or am i just never going to be like a grown-up um i think you're always going to be just like you man but i but i i wish i i wish i wasn't i wish i out of all the things i want to get rid of is my i want to be i want to stop being afraid like i don't i got i'm afraid of flying and i and i i sometimes it goes away sometimes flights are better but like i was thinking of you and john mayer on the plane and you were you said you enjoy turbulence i like flying a lot i like flying and i like like i was on a plane a couple days ago i sat in the cockpit with the pilot and i was like he was like you want to do you want to take over the controls i didn't even know him and he was like i go yeah he goes go ahead and he just started reading it on his ipad and he was like hey hey like make sure you you know point that way and keep us out of that you know i was like all right cool i think we can all agree that online shopping has gotten dangerously easy especially when you get to check out and see that purple shop pay button that already has all your information locked and loaded you can say thanks to shopify for that cha ching shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 of all e-commerce in the us from household names and brands like ours here at ymh not only is our merch store powered by shopify christina trusts them with her cosmetic line which may as well be her third child shopify possesses world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory and international shipping to processing returns and 24 7 customer support shopify will even help you get your brand out there as if there was an entire marketing team beyond you with easy to run email and social media campaigns see less carts go abandoned and more sales go cha-ching with shopify and their shop pay button sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at shopify.com bears go to shopify.com bears that's shopify.com bears a cha king this show is sponsored by better help let me tell you if there's anything i've learned lately it's that you can't prepare for everything as a matter of fact you can't prepare for anything i feel like and it's the stress of the unexpected the uncontrollable the parts of life that you can't control that can be the hardest to cope with especially when it comes to finances what seems like a money problem can turn into a mood sleep or relationship problem faster than you think studies show that 88 percent of americans are feeling some form of financial stress so if that's you you're not alone and you're not failing that's why better help is a shining light and how important it is to have the right kind of support for financial stress therapy isn't about someone telling you how to budget it it's about having a place to unpack the anxiety and the pressures that come with trying to take care of yourself plus all the people you love when it comes to life life can feel overwhelming and therapy can help sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com bears that's better help.com bears um but i like it you know i don't say i don't say i like turbulence but i kind of laugh through some turbulence i've been in really really really bad turbulence that is kind of alarming yeah kind of scary yeah but for the most part like most bumps and stuff it doesn't bother but that i think that's just person to person like there's certain things that don't bother certain people you know like i don't want to be at like i the with with the booze i don't really give a about it in my life at all like i mean i if if when they said you got to stop drinking for six months trust me like the first two days i was like he's here as my parents were in town it's still like around christmas or whatever everyone's still here i want to party so funny that a guy in his 50s there you go you can't drink you're like my parents are in town they're like oh okay can i tell you what i was really thinking they had given me half a xanax when i got the blood clots and uh and to get to to lower my blood pressure to put me in the ekg or the one of those machines and um and i thought to myself i'm gonna have a couple cocktails when i get home the xanax is gonna kick in double and i'm gonna pass out i'm gonna sleep like a god and she was like you can't drink and i was like oh and i almost said but i have half a xanax in me this is the best time to drink yeah and uh but i was angry like the first week now it's like whatever i don't really think about booze i don't think about i think about zin's more than i do booze or nicotine more than i do but you can't do that i could if i want to but but there's a girl i follow who's off it for two weeks she's from philly and i watched her that's the hardest thing to kick in the world yeah i'm pretty bad bro how many are you doing a day i have no idea and you're rogue right no idea i have three lucy's lucy breakers in my bag for in case of emergency like goes down because i can't drink like that's the you know i can't like there's no tap out of it like i was i had an anxiety attack on the bus when i saw the bus i had an anxiety attack random i know i have no idea where it came from and and i was like whoa i like sat up where i'm like oh i can't get out of this and then i'm like i can't get out of this and then i'm like oh i can't get out of this and then i was like well i can't have a drink and i can't have a zen and i can't smoke weed and there's no xanax on this bus and i was like whoa what am i gonna do and for a second i was like i'll smoke a cigar in my bathroom i guess i was like i need something to get myself away from it do you know what i did i turned on porn and i was like i wonder if i get aroused if that'll shut my brain off for the panic and it did you watched porn i watched porn in the bathroom no in my bed i just turned on porn and then i started watching it and it's so impressive that you know it's such a so much bigger than anxiety that i started watching porn and i went well i'm not i'm not having a pain i'm not thinking about my panic right now i'm thinking about that thing in that girl's as she works behind the door the desk of a bodega it's one girl i don't know how she got my algorithm that's crazy she was weird nipples but she masturbates behind this bodega and so and but i watched it and it the arousal turned me off nicotine i think about i think about probably twice a day yeah i got it i don't know dude i should probably read how many you do in a day i really don't know i really don't know i'm not exaggerating i don't know like uh like let's kind of okay let's guess right now so right now here at the moment you're doing breakers too no hold on you're doing oh let me see the nicotine this is not mine who's this i don't know it's just here go back oh this is empty who the was using this i don't know somebody it's empty um so it's two something right now and i've had i'm trying to think one two you have one when you wake up with coffee yeah so everyone in the gym yes okay so hold on put get in the car you put one in three got here sometimes they're like i don't know if you do that sometimes they're you go and put one in and then whatever happens you're like oh i take it out yeah so i would say today let's say i'm on like five some of them were long and some of them were like real quick five or six yeah that's not that bad yeah i i used less nicotine when i chewed tobacco when i chewed tobacco i would do you chew no no i did i did all of it i've done all of it i'd chew was my favorite chew is is really great uh dip i love but i could feel like dip was the worst for you dipping copenhagen i would do two a day but if one zins i mean i was i don't i was maybe 10 a day yeah and when by the time i did when when i quit and here's why i can't start and i want to start so bad so badly i want to start because i have nothing to replace it with when i replaced it i replaced it with alcohol yeah i was like i'm just gonna drink every time i want to zen i'm gonna have a drink yeah and i have nothing to replace it with so i don't want to get something in my life that i can't get rid of i have three lucy breakers and they just stay there wintergreen do you look at them on the plane today yeah i was having a panic on the plane what's your panic dying it's dying and it's dying and now like this plane's gonna go down yeah and air canada had an accident yesterday they did yeah they ran into a fire truck and the pilot the two pilots died on the ground in la guardia yeah no yeah wow the cockpit off it's fire truck what but but that's the thing about death is it just shows up one day it just shows up and then where's the the video is right there at the top what does it say it says new video hey john yeah we're getting our first look at the moment of impact between that air canada plane and a port authority fire truck take a look at this uh disturbing video you can see the truck making its way down one of the runways it's emergency lights oh that's moving straight as it begins to turn the air canada plane slams into the truck and the truck appears to flip several times that's when the plane looks like it loses control and we know from scene photos that the nose of the dude was completely torn off the port authority of new york and new jersey the nose of the plane was completely torn off which means how does those guys died on impact how did that happen dude like dude that happens you know i had i had my the last flight i had into l.a we had an aborted landing where we went down touchdown and took off again and there was a delta flight on the on the tarmac that it just pulled out and like we did one of these right touchdown and then and then went and dude those here's the thing that i wish they did every now and then is just showed you how much those planes have so a lot of times it take off and this is what gives me anxiety they get going say they uh like out of a hundred percent they get they take off at like what 60 70 right and then they put it at 40 and they around at like 10 000 feet before air traffic control and that's where all the bumps are sorry that's where all the bumps are and that's where all the shit's going on and that's where i'm having panic flying out of tito bro sucks dick you sit there forever because there's so much air traffic and then you go oh and then they just casually get up all that time dude when we touched down and took back off that thing was at 10 000 feet in three seconds and we were at 25 000 feet in five i mean we were like this zoom and i was like and i was sitting next to a 95 year old woman who was drinking and she like grabbed onto the thing was like and i was like you're 95 what the are you scared about right this is it for you this is it she was like i don't want to die either dude that's that that's got to be the fire truck just being like our lights are on just go and not realizing like yeah you're not on the street man yeah i don't mean i don't know but that's right it's like they just are cruising through uh um a runway like that it's really it's how they not know that a play and that by the way you've landed like anyone who's got a fear of flying the second you land you're like thank god yeah and then that happens it's like the one it's like remember the 777 air china that was going into san francisco mm-hmm and you're about to touch down and they just missed the runway by like 100 feet and clipped it and then everyone died yeah wow i mean and here's the thing that sucks about being on blood thinners yeah anything like that happens and i die instantly because i can't i won't clot yeah i mean if like i'm that's why i can't smoke weed or drink mostly is because if i fall i just die wait how how how did leonard skinner you know what was that was that a bus or a plane it was a plane and this i got the real story the real story yeah the the the folklore story is so good what's the folklore story folklore story they're about uh they're they get this this jet and they're flying over uh mississippi or alabama and uh it's bad weather and everyone's freaking out and ronnie van zant stands up with a bottle of jack daniels barefoot no shirt on with a vest and his hat on and he goes they go listen we're gonna we're gonna we're taking making an emergency land and everyone's freaking out in the weather there's lightning everywhere ronnie van zant stands up with a bottle of jack daniels goes boys if it's your time to go it's your time to go bring her down and he doesn't get seat belted in and he dies everyone else survives that's not what happened he was asleep on the plane oh i know i talked to his brother about it you did yeah and then and then it got really real is he the only one who died i think i think a couple guys broke their back a lot of the i think everyone lived i think ronnie van zant died but uh what's the other one buddy holly right that's a plane crash buddy holly uh merle haggard was supposed to be on that flight and uh the big bopper had a had a uh had a flu and he was like let me fly on the plane so that i can get in a hotel room and get better and more was it merle haggard i think it was merle haggard was like i'll just ride on the bus the bus's ac was out or heat was out so it was freezing in the bus so merle haggard got on the bus he got on the plane dude life those little things like that like if we hadn't had the blowout i would have definitely been asleep on that bus and i would have burned to death but like those little things like that are crazy aaliyah aaliyah too much luggage yes she was like that's that's i mean that's like yeah apparently too they were like telling them this is too much and they're like go yeah take off that's the arrogance of of of fame yeah it might not have even been her it might have been like oh it's the crew you know i almost guarantee you it wasn't alia yeah it's what happens for me on the road handlers is handlers go hey don't don't make eye contact with burt yeah and then i'm like who told you that they're like that's what they said and i'll talk to them and you know i'm like i never said that yeah and then they're like but they said and you're like jesus christ the older you get the more the idea of learning a new language can feel out of reach whether it's about a lack of time or mental energy babble's built to cater to your specific learning style and schedule i love it because this app really makes it feel like you're going to learn this the way they drill it the way they make you spell words it's another level in my opinion their courses are curated by over 200 language experts to teach you relevant words and phrases you'll actually use by practicing real life conversations it's more than just lessons babble offers a large collection of podcasts that offer an inside look at local cultures no matter if you learn best by listening speaking reading or writing babble adapts to keep you motivated and on track with personalized plans and feedback make real lasting progress in no time with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now get up to 60 off your babble subscription at babble.com forward slash bears get up to 60 off at babble.com forward slash bears spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com forward slash bears rules and restrictions may apply let's talk about investing for a minute if you're looking to make your money work for you acorns is your answer it is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow not just where it's sitting today with their potential screen feature you can see how your money is projected to grow over time based on how much you're putting into it every day week or month it's the all-in-one app that allows you to invest save and track your money all in the same place and every person i know at birdie boy entertainment uses it everyone i know uses it they round up and and it's it's how they grow their savings and it's how a lot of them are saving up for the big buys in their life sign up right now and acorns will drop a five dollar bonus investment into your new account join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over 27 billion dollars with acorns go to acorns.com slash bears to download the acorns app to get started paid non-client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote acorns tier two compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts age and investment settings does not include acorns fees for acorns and acorns will drop a five dollar bonus investment in a month or more if you have any questions or comments please contact us at acorns portfolio investments results will vary investing involves risk acorns advisors llc and sec registered investment advisor view important disclosures at acorns.com slash bears it's like what happened with chaperone do you hear about that do you know chaperone is the woman yeah she's a woman singer yeah what happened with her the pink pony club pony pony pony club pony pony pony pony pony she's that girl she is she's the one that was wearing that crazy dress the best dress at the oscars right that one right the nipple rings yeah yeah apparently she's notoriously cool like across the board she has not been kind to her fans okay um and i get it a little bit i i understand you guys a little bit sober fame is a tad bit uh rigid it's it's it can be it can be somewhat tedious sober when you're drinking i can't no one should complain fame is fucking awesome you have you have a blur it's like someone took vaseline over your face and just went and then everything's great someone comes up dude i fucking love you oh thanks let me buy you a drink okay right sober it it can be because drunk people come up to you like dead and you're like okay like when you're sober that's why i can understand when you're like i'm with my family i never was like that i get it a little bit um but chaperone has been rough to her fans she's like just because i sing doesn't mean you have access to me you're not allowed to come up to me and say hi you're not allowed to say that you're a fan know your place i'm the artist you're my fan this is are you paraphrasing oh i think i'm go ahead pull it up i mean i i'm not you know i i don't i don't like i'm not a fan of her music it's not made for me though but jude law's ex-wife and her new husband who's a soccer star right he's been famous for 25 years 27 years there jude law's 11 year old daughter saw chaperone now i'm i'm leaning towards jude law's ex-wife and the husband's story a little more than yeah chaperones because chaperones got damage control to do and by the way she shot her video on a bed like the laziest she could have shot her apology video and by the way also i have a bad taste in my mouth for chaperone yeah that's clear it well i don't like that dude it's like give get get get get get get you forget what it's like to not be making money and want to do the art i don't yeah so when people come up to me as tired and as sober as i may be i make sure to give them a minute so that we can have a moment because i also do that to famous people so i understand it she forgot what it's like and so jude law's 11 year old daughter walks by chaperone they're eating breakfast she sees chaperone she goes oh my god it's fucking chaperone now mind you her dad and her stepfather are both very very famous she just walks by the table to see if it really is her and it is and then she goes back to the table and kind of freaks out it's chaperone chaperone security guard comes up and chastises her in front of the family says what are the exact words you're gonna read this what does she say um confronted the girl and said scroll down maybe the regardless the security guard chastised says the guard threatened to report them to the hotel right he spoke extremely aggressively the child it was just a child admiring someone yeah okay and so chaperone's apology video is like her laying on her side on a bed not really even like taking the time to like sit up in a dress she's like that didn't happen it's like i i would never do she would she has done that she 100 has done that like not to an 11 year old but she has done that it's that's the reason everyone believes the story yeah is because you did it yeah that's the reason that like when the me too shit happened and then you'd be like oh i that guy's got a reputation that's the reason yeah yeah everyone feels that way is she has done that and then she's like i don't that's not even my security look at this it's not even my security on my half of the story of what happened today with a mother and child who were involved with a security guard who is not my personal security i didn't even see i didn't even see a woman and a child like i did no one came up to me no one bothered me like i was just sitting at breakfast in my hotel i think these people were saying at the hotel as well the fact that like a security guard who was i did not ask the security guard to go up and talk to this mother and child i did not they did not come up to me they weren't doing anything it's unfair for security to just assume someone doesn't have good security is doing that because I mean just to be fair yeah you have a reputation of being upset with people maybe yeah yeah I mean like like there's a reason when i get off stage usually someone has a drink waiting for me but no just because I drink you should do a video like this I was just like getting off stage and like this guy brought me a drink this guy but it's like it's Jude Law's daughter so let's let's not a mother and a child yeah it's you you know I'm not a idiot yeah you think I'm a idiot you're a idiot you think I don't know that you know it's Jude Law's the only reason you're addressing this yeah yeah is that it's Jude Law's daughter the only reason you're bringing this up is Jude Law's by the way it's Jude Law's daughter she's not she knows what it's like to get her dad to get recognized you know what I mean like she wasn't gonna be like if my daughters saw someone they were that was famous and they have they give they they definitely recognize people but they don't blow up their spot and I know Jude Law's daughter probably wasn't like it's Shapo her dad's famous her stepfather's famous I don't know why I'm so passionate you are really passionate it's like it's um or or or yeah I don't know I'm it's like you know all right you can take that down I just I don't know I yeah that's whatever no one gives a about chaperone oh okay I mean it's it's a stupid thing our fans aren't like tell more about chaperone Bert I really I mean where's she from here uh Chapel Hill yeah - Yeah, American singer, okay. - She's from Missouri. huh it was a slave state that's on her yeah that's definitely they chose that too yeah they chose that that's kind of fucking pushed the whole that's why we have maine is because of missouri that's why we have maine yeah maine wasn't a thing and they chose slaves and then we had to go like well we we want one without slaves so like massachusetts can you like break off the top and give us we'll call it maine and that's how we have maine that sounds like a burt story but kind of you're right it may be i don't know i don't know can i tell you another thing that i'm really upset about what and and listen i don't want to get into beef with uh john barenthal oh boy i'll drop it never mind you're gonna get in beef with him now i would say he started it with you not with with my with my people with your people yeah when you're talking about people talking about whites no no nappers he went after nappers and a lot of people are going after nappers right now don't take naps people that don't take naps he's are coming after people to take naps he's just like naps pull up john barenthal napping and it's like it's the way he taught look at this oh wow look at this i don't take naps i don't you take naps i don't take naps man i don't take naps i just don't have time for naps man that fuck that's that that's that's for the fucking birds man i just ain't doing that shit dude this motherfucker takes naps i don't trust people to take naps dude i just found that out he doesn't take naps dude you grown-ass man no you don't dude yeah it's like dude like the whole world's moving while you're napping bro it's fucking i can't fuck with a nap i just i can't oh well he just doesn't like naps and he doesn't fuck with people to take naps yeah so he doesn't fuck with me that's what i heard i don't fuck with burt he takes naps let me tell you who else takes naps you ready for this john barenthal lebron james napper usain bolt naps uh roger federer big napper the greatest athletes in the world nap yeah i like how you're like greatest athletes in the world and me and me and by the way i treat my body just like lebron james yeah i do all the recovery i sleep i'm sleeping roughly 12 hours a day right now it's amazing i sleep i don't understand so good and i nap every day i fucking nap i don't understand i shut it down at like five o'clock every day for one hour i go to my bunk now i go to my bunk i would go to my bed in the bus and i shut it down for one hour and i perform that night spectacularly yeah and i achieve big things but i nap and let me tell you something pull up pull up napping you're usain bolt woke up from a nap before he set the world record yeah he had been napping 30 minutes before can i ask you this what you're are you sleeping 10 to 12 hours a night at night i sleep about 10 hours a night and then you still have a nap and i have an hour nap every day look at this bolt famously napped before his hundred meter olympic gold medal he napped yeah he napped he considers sleep the most vital part of his training regimen john barenthal is by the way very talented actor love everything he does i think john barenthal is awesome yeah except for this nap bullshit yeah he's not living to his optimization right in my opinion because napping is great well here's winston churchill naps dude fucking have you ever been to the countries where napping the siesta it's called spain yeah is the fucking dopest shit alive you go to a country that shuts down yeah the country he know what he just said i don't like spanish people that's what i heard that's what you i don't like spanish people i don't like mexicans anyone speak spanish i don't like well salvador dali picasso spaniards napped um winston churchill john f kennedy bill clinton napped leonardo da vinci thomas edison albert einstein napped roger federer lebron james napped these are all fucking great people yeah and they all napped and i'm a napper and i'm not a napper i'm a napper i'm a napper and i cherish my naps i love when i don't have a nap i get fucked up i like a nap resets everything for me and i nap so good tom yeah i can go i can i can fall asleep in a nap within five minutes today i won't nap i won't nap by the way john sometimes i choose not to nap right sometimes i don't know today you probably won't nap i won't nap today but i fell asleep on the plane how was that well my alarm woke me up to get up to move for my blood clots by the way napping got me into this that's how you got in the nap i fell asleep on a plane and i fucking woke up with blood clots so what how often do you have to move every 45 minutes i have an alarm set on my phone and you stand up i have to stand up go to the bathroom i need to do 20 squats well in the bathroom i do roughly 100 to 120 squats every flight but do you nap at all um it's it's not like a on the road on the road let's because look you got the boys here you're busy you're on the chicha bomba i think um on the road i still think it's not a daily regiment thing as much as it's like case bike like certain days you go yeah i do i do take like rest right like sometimes i don't actually fall asleep but i'm like i'm cooked right now i just want to go lay down i think i think you've been to the latin american countries where they institute an app like not it's not even like it's not a debate the country says we're shutting down i mean that's it's like it's mexico mexico maybe i don't know does it do they i don't know spain is like spaniards definitely spaniards nap yeah like you can't find something open no the place is close three o'clock to like five o'clock every the the and by the way i was in spain georgia was studying abroad in spain and we went over to visit her yeah dude yeah when the country tells you to nap you nap i've never napped better in my life yeah that's great i've never napped better in my fucking life and i just think i think john barenthal is part of the old regime of get up at three in the morning work out sleep two hours a night like that old man stuff yeah like the man stuff of like mark walberg you know mark walberg changed his story he started sleeping more mark walberg used to be like i wake up at four in the morning every day yeah now he's sleeping like 10 hours a day the the science is changing on sleeping god i've never heard you so chaperone and sleeping are my two things i'm really up two things you're fucking pissed dude if i could lean can't nap really if she naps she has to have the lights on i i don't i'm not that great i have to actually be pretty cooked to get a good nap in you know it's not like i can do it daily yeah yeah i'm not it's not that natural i want to before i forget the 5k the two bears 5k is coming up may 9th uh in los angeles pasadena to be specific if you're not familiar with the two bears 5k if you go to two bears 5k.com you can sign up there's going to be thousands of people there we're going to have uh wild installations we'll have a nap room netflix is a lot of karaoke you can sing chaperone we're going to have a lot of fun food drinks entertainment it's always a good time no matter your fitness level you can do it you can walk it speaking of which yeah where are you at fitness wise i feel i was i ran a lot i feel not like i keep training for it i ran a nine minute mile the other day that's great and so i think i don't know if i can run three of them yeah but i think i can break 30 minutes in the 5k great i think i can i'm going to do that first one i'm going to run run i'm going to run with the fans no no no maybe i'll do the second one are you are you saying you're going to oh i'm running it twice but you're going to try to run one of them harder i was going to run one hard to see what i could get as a time do you it'll probably be the first one what am i talking about the second one yeah so will you when you do that will you try to just like figure out the pace or you go i'm just going to run hard until i gas out like how will you develop like figure that out no so what i do is i only know this because i did this outside the other day i ran three miles outside i start slow and then just build so that last mile will be sub 10 the first mile will probably be around 10 30 the middle mile will be 10 and then the last mile will be like nine minutes tomorrow oh so you start a little bit i'm gonna you got to start a little slow okay and and then build i don't go like like if you go sub 10 for the whole thing try to yeah you're gonna fucking kill yourself what you do what i do is i go for that i did that on the half marathon i did the last six miles sub sub 10 and got a much better time but like the last six miles i did sub 10 six fucking miles sub 10 so start not at your best no start and and feel you have so much energy and like you know i mean you know when you start those you have so much like angst like anxious energy yeah that you you really start running faster than you think well i when that thing starts by the way it's for me i feel like i'm running scared like i feel my heart taking off like like yeah that nervous to start that thing so nervous yeah i get scared running it do you think we'll get shack to run it because i'm doing a show with shack that we i started sold out but uh that week me and jack are doing a show do you think you can get him to do it run it oh maybe not run he just takes five steps he's done that's true do you want to tell him that yeah come take all that just shit my pants really yeah do you smell it not yet do i am i supposed to get off this manjaro stuff i don't know i don't know how long you been on it i don't know since november what do you weigh now i have no idea i stopped weighing myself i just measure myself how are the measurements smaller than i'm ever been really yeah smaller than i've ever been not as strong as i've ever been yeah but pretty strong still like what's your waist down to just 40 inches but no but like i wear a size 36 yeah but 40 actual inches right right right but you weren't a 36 six months ago no what kind of pants were you wearing then i was bigger much bigger how big you're not there anymore who cares i was in the 40s that's a wide range none of my belts fit they can't none of my belts fit i had to get i have one belt none of my luckily all my clothes burned so i need new clothes none of my jeans fit wait so where are we with the bus are you getting another bus no i have five buses that they offered me that i can rent for two months and then if i want i can buy a bus but no one's going to make the bus i made i understand and so you won't pre-order you won't order another bus make another bus it took too long to make and how long are you going to do this for can you believe she said that to me i mean it's a reasonable point i guess how much longer are you going to do this for i don't know do you think you'll go back out on tour yeah not now like when i have nothing i know i'm getting on stage tomorrow for the first time for real yeah what are you talking about i don't know chat gpt i don't know my boys you're getting on stage tomorrow for the first time at the mothership yeah i gotta go to san francisco i would love to stick around it won't be good but you got to break the ice right dude how do you how do you start over when you're when it's time to start over so there's one story i know there's always one story i know this is going to be a great story i got to figure out how to tell this as a new as a new story and so i go i just got to start working on it um what i love what i love doing is not doing like crowd work that you see online where people yell at you but really talking to the audience yeah and and that that bottom of the barrel thing is really that's what i'm doing oh so great yeah that is the best show i wish they had one in l.a i do it every single night yeah um i went to joe's club when i first started with material and i just went up and and then i had some stuff left over there's always a couple leftovers i have one left over that i was like my starter to get me into places yeah and then um but that right now i'm at the place where i have i have too much i have like an hour 45 and i i'm starting to tell which ones are weak yeah like i had this great story about me and you when we went to that strip club and then but it's a weak story it's not that great but but it killed because you're in it i had a bunch with you i always have stuff with you i had this great one with you that was um are you doing an hour 45 every night yeah about oh my god i know i gotta stop i gotta stop yeah you got to i do at least an hour 30 but that's also with the machine yeah i have a theory about this though i do too i do and i think that a crowd would rather see 50 minutes i think uh if you can do tight 60 like it's tight a tight 60 it's always better than a 90 minute show for for the headliner i have a new bit that is so good do you know when the best bits are where you something happens and you don't know if you're going to be allowed to talk about it on stage is this it doesn't have to do with numbers yes okay i was like what is this dude it is you're gonna be able to talk about it on stage okay i was like what is this dude it is you're gonna be able to talk about it on stage it's just okay i was like what is this dude it is you're gonna have to tell me this so good so good so good it is so good and you just figured it out it is so good and you just figured it out it is so good and you just figured it out i i i went up i i went up i i went up well it happened well now this is a bad well it happened well now this is a bad well it happened well now this is a bad story for a podcast be like here's the story for a podcast be like here's the story for a podcast be like here's the thing we're not going to really tell you thing we're not going to really tell you Like, we can't fucking, don't do that on a podcast. I can't, yeah, I can't. Well, that's the thing I've learned is that people don't like, if you do a bit here, they don't like it on a special. But guys, that's how it works sometimes. That's a crazy thing when people go, I heard you talk about it. Like, no shit. That's where it came from. I had two great stories about Nate Diaz texting me and that boy at NASCAR that was, can I take a picture with you? Yeah. Two great stories I told on a podcast that murder on stage. Yeah. And every fucking time I see one dude, one dude in the front row go. I know this. I know this. Yeah. You're like, I know, bro. And I'm always like, dude, give me, I'm doing an hour 45. It's still fucking murders. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have one bit that is, that Leanne just said to me, are you doing that? And I went, I was like, I am. And she was like, I knew it. I knew it. And then that bit is murdering. I have the greatest, I have, anytime I have, I have. I have so many fucking stories about you. What? I have, I have so many stories about you. But I get, I'm getting rid of all of them because it's kind of a cheat code, I think. Like if I bring your name up, they go fucking nuts. And so then, and then if, and then you're a character they know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like. They can kind of put it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I have too much material. And right now I'm trying to skinny it up. I don't have anything good about the girls. They don't live with us anymore. So like. I used to have, I used to have like, I used to have columns I'd just fill, you know? Like stuff about the girls, stuff about Leanne, a sex thing, black guys, this. And right now it's just black guys. Yeah, yeah. Like we were thinking about calling my special black guys. Black guys is a great name for a special. Dude, I have, I have, I have an hour 20 on black guys. I taught my boys how to play blackjack. And so they're both fucking obsessed. And they downloaded blackjack. Are you serious? Yeah. And then Ellis comes to me one morning, he's like, check it out. He's like, I won 25 million last night. I was like, oh my God, dude. I was like, how much are you betting? He's like 350 to 500,000 a hand. I was like, I'm going to have a real fucking problem with you soon. Yeah. They're into it, dude. I wanted to see them while I was here. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. The, I have Tom, this is how much stuff I have about black guys. Even when I don't have a joke about black guys, black guys are in it. Really? You just. They're, they're getting into every joke. Yeah. It's, I mean, yeah. But I'm excited for you to do. So you think you'll go back on a tour? I don't think like this year. No. I think next year I would do it at some point. Yeah. I just said. You think that's reasonable? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's March. I just said to my agents, cause I'm getting ready for my special. So I said, you know, and I was so stressed. You just do one? Yeah. Yeah. It was a year and a half ago, two years ago. Oh, okay. I said, I don't, I don't want to keep doing arenas. Cause I want to do. I don't want to do. I don't want to do. I don't want to do two shows in a night. So I want to do theaters. And, uh, and then I did, they like, great. We'll line up some theaters. Like the beacons coming up in April. And then, uh, and I did two theaters. I did the Sanger theater in Pensacola, like two shows. I was like, fuck theaters, two shows in a night. I forgot that that is so aggressive. You get so much better, but it is as opposed to one in arena. I did one in, uh, in, I, I did this whole weekend was all arenas. And it's like, it's amazing. So you get so much energy. You go out and you hear like fucking 10,000 people cheering for you. And you're like, yeah. And then you're like, well, let's fucking kill this. And then you murder. And then you're like, that's what I'm talking about. And then you come off stage. You're fucking pumped. You do a meet and greet. You get in the bus. Oh. And then now I'm doing next this fall. You'll be a lot more intimate shows. I know it's the, it's the doubles that wear you out. The doubles are going to work. They're going to wear me out. I didn't, you know, before we go, um, obviously again, two bears, five Ks coming up. Um, do you have, do you want to make a statement about the Epstein files? Uh, yes, yes, I guess so. No, I don't know. It's going to get clipped out. I, I, I actually regret ever talking on a podcast ever. I, I am, I am a spam ad in Jeffrey Epstein's email list, a spam ad for my show. I'm a spam ad for my show. March 21st to 23rd. Oh, I wasn't doing Sundays. Nice. You were doing well then. Oh, wait, when was that? That had to be 2016, 2017. That's probably, that makes sense. What was Jeffrey Epstein? Was he in prison already? I don't think so. I mean, you would know. Wait, when was Jeffrey Epstein in prison? A couple of years later, I think. Because I, I said to someone, I was like, I said to Ian Finance, I was like, I don't even know who Jeffrey Epstein was until he killed him. He killed himself. 19, he was arrested for federal sex trafficking. So this is right before he got arrested. I was in his spam email. That is it. In Jeffrey Epstein's spam email. Me, Bob Saget, Fluffy, all of us. You were already doing theaters. That's why he didn't have a fucking thing with you. Yeah. He would have loved you. You think so? Oh, yeah. Thanks. Yeah. You get on the private jet. You're not afraid of turbulence. He's like, go sit on Tom's lap. He's not afraid of turbulence. And you got some fucking cherubic 15-year-old on your lap just getting your dick hard the way you like it. There's that guy again saying that stuff. Dude, hold on. I saw a video today of two guys. I don't know who they are. And they are honestly saying that Garth Brooks is a serial killer. Oh, I've seen a bunch of those. And they're like. They're like, I mean, the proof is out. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, I mean, honestly, when's he going to. And they're not comedians. They're true crime people. You know that guy wrote a book, right? There's a book. It's insane. Pull up the book. Somebody wrote a fucking book about it. A real book about him. And that whole. Yeah. This is an actual, a serious examination into the allegation. I think that's who I saw. May have been. They were on a fucking podcast talking about it going. I mean. i mean it started with tom segura but it's gotten so much deeper yeah and we definitely by the way i've never empathized with garth brooks more in my entire life i am not in the jeffrey epstein files well i'm not you are in the file no no no garth me and you are victims of tom segura i garth i love you go to the department of justice website and type in bert's name type in tom's name i'm sure he's in there i'm not i'm not can someone do a fake thing yeah yeah this is a spam ad i'm at the west palm improv march 21st and 23rd of 2017 right before he got popped by the way thank god he didn't come to my show that would have been fucking something because you would have been like i would have gotten a shirtless picture with jeffrey epstein bert this guy's super rich he lives here in palm beach you'd be like hey let's go to your house a thousand percent he'd be like you want a massage you'd be like fuck you i love massages you thank god bob's saying it was the week before me oh my god he went to that one oh you dodged the bullet fluffy made like a legit statement at sofi a legit statement i think about this he was like jeff jeffrey epstein was trying to get into one of fluffy's shows but they were sold out and then he was like what about thursday and they're like sold out and then they're like what about friday and he's like sold out it's fluffy he fucking sells out every show he ever does yeah he sold out him and joe quoted so fine and uh and he was like and he was like yes i am in the epstein files and you can hear 70 000 people go where the fuck is this going and he was like he was trying to get tickets to my show you gotta see let him do it it's here it's pretty serious until he makes a joke in the jeffrey epstein files that's 70 000 there was a comedy club called the improv the improv is a chain all over the country and they have a lot of people who are going to go to their clubs and they had one of their clubs there in west palm beach me too i would perform there three to four times a year the email reads from jeffrey epstein to his assistant it says i need six tickets to the gabriel iglesia show at eight o'clock the assistant replies the show is sold out he replies what about the next one she replies it's sold out too that's it okay that is it that is it that is it that is it that is it that is it yeah because i know you guys got nervous you're like i thought fluffy only touched donuts there's a joke to this by the way i just think it's crazy that jeffrey epstein one of the most diabolical human beings to ever walk the face of the earth had the ability to connect with politicians with influencers with celebrities he put people in very compromising positions he got people on planes he put people on islands he was involved in trafficking he was able to accomplish all these evil crazy things but at the end of the day he still couldn't get tickets to see can i tell you my one my one takeaway from that yeah is i'm gonna like i i'm you know i love fluffy yeah but every time a latino guy pronounces their name correctly yeah it makes me want to go and start going you definitely should that'd be good for you because gabriel iglesias yes the way he says it yeah it like it comes from out of nowhere like he's like he's like i'm fluffy i'm talking like this i'm talking like this yeah and then he goes he's remembering how his mom said it yeah yeah and i'm going to do i'm going to start i'm going to go but yeah yeah yeah the way gerbils would have said it yeah all right well i got a secret for you oh boy is it about nazis okay well thanks for watching and listening it's great to have you in town buddy yes we are two bears my name is but this is we will see you next time bert and tom tom and bert one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories and bert's the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix iraq travel inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your tickets today at netflix.com house