This episode of "Bad Friends" features hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino in a freewheeling, comedic conversation, starting with a promo for Netflix House at Galleria Dallas, which offers immersive experiences from shows like Stranger Things and Squid Game. The hosts then dive into personal stories, including Andrew’s trip to Scotland, where he discusses the weather, local food, and a quirky pizza topped with corn and chicken. They banter about Hawaii’s anti-tourist sentiment, with Bobby expressing reluctance to visit despite planning a live show there, and they joke about needing to watch Moana before entering the islands. The conversation shifts to cloning pets, with references to Tom Brady and Meryl Streep, and they share humorous anecdotes about their animals. They also complain about the intense heat and global warming, referencing extreme temperatures worldwide. Movie talk includes The Odyssey, which Andrew hasn’t seen yet, and Bobby teases him about watching Moana first. The hosts engage in crude humor about bodily functions, including a graphic discussion about wiping dogs and personal bathroom habits. They also discuss aging, dental problems, and a toe injury. The episode features several ad reads for Quince, Quo, Acorns, and Mountain Dew, and ends with a bit about white people being "extreme" in activities like free solo climbing, inspired by a documentary about Dean Potter and Alex Honnold.
Endless summer escapes start here.
Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL.
Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things
and Squid Game.
Brave the upside down.
Face off with the front man.
Play leveled up arcade games.
Shop exclusive merch.
And enjoy themed food and drinks.
Beat the heat.
Play, eat, and shop on repeat
at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas.
Bring your crew and save.
Get your tickets today at netflix.com/house.
Right?
♪ Anything you want, you got it ♪
♪ Anything you need, you got it ♪
♪ Anything you want ♪
♪ Pretty woman, da, da, da, da, da ♪
♪ All right, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Blue Bayou, baby.
- I love Roy Orbison.
- I know you do, and here's a fact.
- I'm on an Orbison kit.
- Every baby he's ever had came out with sunglasses.
- Every?
Did you know that?
- Single baby.
- That's a fact.
Google it.
Google it.
- Every single baby.
♪ Ain't goin' out like that ♪
♪ Ain't goin' out like that ♪
♪ Ain't goin' out ♪
♪ Ain't goin' out like that ♪
See, I have songs in my head as well.
- You're a big song guy.
- Yeah, Cypress Hill, baby.
♪ You two are bad friends ♪
♪ Who are these two idiots ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ A white dude and an Asian dude ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ You two are disgusting ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Oh, you two are something ♪
♪ We're bad friends ♪
- Who got back their new old car?
- You did. - You did.
♪ Ain't goin' out like that ♪
♪ Ain't goin' out like that ♪
♪ Ain't goin' out ♪
♪ Ain't goin' out ♪
♪ Ain't goin' out ♪
♪ Ha ♪
♪ Ha ♪
♪ Gettin' it out ♪
♪ Getting it out ♪
It's good to see you, man.
We talk forever.
We've been talking forever.
We keep talking.
- We keep talking.
- We talk until you stop listening.
And that's them, the rules.
- And I hope you keep listening.
I just got back from Scotland.
- No, you didn't.
- I did.
- You told me you didn't go.
- What?
- Yeah, you told me you didn't go.
- Oh, yeah, I did tell you.
- Yeah, yeah.
Did you go?
- Yeah.
- Why would you tell me you didn't go?
- I like to keep you on your toes.
- No, no, no, what?
It's so crazy.
He's like, "I'm in New York."
- I like to keep you on your toes, Stone.
- You and Scott Lee goes, "No, I'm in New York."
- I'm in New York.
- That's what he said.
And I go, "So what's the truth?"
- I went to New York to get a slice.
- Yeah.
- Dude, I was--
- I went to Cambodia.
- Oh, but--
- Anyone can say things.
- I lied to you. - That's my point.
- I lied to you.
I had to go down to Atlanta.
There was a tornado in New York, not a real thing.
So they made us go to Atlanta.
Then from Atlanta, they were like,
"We're gonna get to New York tonight."
I was like, "Great, I'll make my flight to Scotland."
We take off, my flight to Scotland also takes off.
- Into space.
- Into space.
- Yeah, yeah, wow.
'Cause that's a space move.
- Well, that's where Scotland is, in space.
Scotland's in space.
So I went to Scotland, it was amazing.
I had so much fun.
I ended up going a day late, but it was great.
- It was great?
- Scottish.
- Yeah?
- And all the Scots--
- Sir William Wallace.
- All the Scots were like--
- It's coming down the hill.
- You like Scotland?
You like our food now, Andrew, do you?
Do you, Andrew?
You talk about it on Bad French.
- You like my food now, Andrew?
- Really good.
- Is it good?
- Yeah.
- Did we talk bad about their food on the show?
People got mad at me.
- I don't remember.
- People came up to me in the restaurant.
They're like, "Is the food as bad
as you talk about in Bad French?"
I was like, "The food's great."
And they're like, "No, you--"
- We never went to Scotland.
- That's what I'm saying.
But I'd been--
- Then why would you say that?
- 'Cause I'd been before.
- Yeah, so no.
- It improved.
- Okay.
Is it--
- It got better.
- Is it better than New York?
- Ain't nothing better than a slice in New York.
- Hey, how you doing?
I ain't forget about--
- When I walk around New York City,
I get a slice.
- Yeah.
- No, it was great.
And then my buddy Joey's wife ordered pizza for everyone
late night, hanging out.
I was like, "God, what a good move."
And then she goes,
"I got three pepperonis and one corn and chicken."
And I was like, "That's not a real pizza."
I've never heard of corn and chicken
in my entire life.
It's apparently--
- Wait, wait, wait.
- It's a big hit in Scotland.
- Wait, wait, there's corn in the chicken?
- Corn and chicken pizza.
- Yeah.
- Never seen it in my life.
- I prefer the chicken and the corn.
- Yeah.
- That's more of a difficult process to make.
- Put the chicken in the corn.
- No, I put little chickens inside the kernel.
- Oh, that worked.
- Yeah.
- Someone got a haircut, huh?
Your hair's sliced.
Sliced and diced.
- Yeah, me too, dude.
Look at me.
- I got a snip too.
- We all do.
- We all got snips.
- We all got snips, dude.
It's so hot, that's why!
- Is it global warming?
- Way too hot.
- It's a myth.
- You think it's a myth?
I don't know.
- I think you're a myth.
- I think you're a myth, dude.
I think you're mythological.
- You're a mythological creature.
- Yeah, yeah.
You're a siren like I talked about earlier.
- Dude, what if we find out he goes home to his wife
and he talks with a regular American accent?
This is all a big put on for the past six years
of our lives.
- Exactly.
- Oh, dude.
No, but Scotland was great.
It was also hot in England, which is impossible.
It was hot.
- Yeah, it's bad, dude.
All the wildfires in Europe.
- Oh, I know.
- Spain, right in France.
- Yeah, in France?
All the wildfires?
- What happened in España?
A bunch of fires in España?
- Yeah.
- Lots of fires, yeah.
- This happened in Spain today.
- Hundreds of migrants with wetsuits
and inflatables reached Spain.
- And when they say migrants as Mexicans,
they swam a long way.
- That's so far.
- That's a long way.
- Across the Atlantic.
- The African Mexicans.
- Yeah.
- So this is them jumping the border?
- He has Burberry on, what the hell?
- Yeah.
- They give that out for free now,
if you enter the country.
- Yeah.
- What's up?
- What's up?
- Wow.
- Oh, look at that.
Who cuts the fence?
I want to know the guy that cuts the fence.
- What do you mean cuts the fence?
- Well, 'cause you see them going,
sneaking through the fence.
I want to know who's clipping it.
Who's got the wire cutters to cut through the fence?
- Wow.
- See, they're handing them out waters.
- They got the Edgar cutters.
- They climbed the fence.
What are you talking about?
- They just cut through, they had a video.
They were just, someone had cut a hole in the fence
and they were going right through it.
Huge.
- Oh, you know what I'm addicted to?
Jimothy.
- Jimothy.
- It's so cute.
- Who does, who does?
- Skunk, right?
What is it?
- Oh, the.
- What is it, skunk?
- Who is Jimothy, dude?
- I tell you, you don't know about Jimothy, guy?
- I'm behind.
Oh, the raccoon, yeah.
- Oh, guy, dude, I want one.
- You want a handicap raccoon?
- Yeah, it's a skunk.
- Handy, well, it used to be.
- What is it?
- It's a raccoon.
- Oh, it's a raccoon, my raccoon, my raccoon.
- No, but I think you're still correct.
I think a handicap raccoon is a skunk.
- Maybe it is.
- I think that's what they are.
- But let me tell you something.
If I had never heard of Jimothy
and I was in my backyard smoking a cigarette or whatever.
- And saw it?
- And saw it, I would freak the fuck out.
- The world's coming to an end.
- I go, oh my God, I didn't hit it with a bat, ah, you know?
- Don't kill Jimothy.
- Yeah, I would kill Jimothy.
- No, no.
- Wouldn't you freak the fuck out
if you had never heard of Jimothy
and you saw Jimothy in your backyard?
- Oh, he got that triple S, that short spine syndrome.
- Oh.
- That sounds like a Theo Vaughan-ism.
- Yeah.
- He got that short spine syndrome, dude.
- Yeah.
- Jimothy, dude.
- There's a Chinese guy with one eye
with short spine syndrome.
- That's a Theo Vaughan bit.
- We had a lot of good,
a lot of bad friends loved over there, man.
- Humans can get it too, just FYI.
- Oh, okay.
- Let me see a human.
- Well, no, I don't, but Carlos.
- Oh, wow.
- Carlos, what do you, why do you go darker?
- He goes so dark.
- Yeah.
- By the way, Carlos's hair is coming in.
- Oh yeah.
- Look at, bend down a little bit.
Look at that, dude.
- Wow.
- It's like getting full.
I said, he's, what if you hate it?
What if it all grows in and you're like, I didn't like it.
I didn't want it, I wanted to be bald.
- That is a fear for sure.
- You do, huh?
- No, but I'm into it.
- You're gonna grow up really long though?
- I'm just gonna go as long as possible.
Like see what, I have a new gay barber
and I'm gonna let him.
- Oh, I love gay barbers.
Oh, they're my favorite.
- Yeah.
- Slice and dice you.
- Yeah.
- He's great.
- Spin you around in that chair.
- You want crop or you want square in your back?
- I mean, I want him to do a line here too.
- Oh, you want like a cool, like a young guy,
like a cool young hip guy?
- Yeah, from the 90s.
- The trip was incredible.
Then I went to jolly old England,
had a good little time in England, met some cool people.
I met the owner of Palace, you know Palace Skate Shop?
- Oh, I love Palace.
- I know, I met the owner.
- Wow.
- Pretty cool.
- Yeah.
- And I was like, I own-
- So let's talk about when you were gone,
what my week looked like.
- What happened?
- What?
- Bad stuff?
- No, not bad stuff.
I didn't leave the house for five days in a row.
- Why?
Oh, you were not feeling, we called.
- Yeah, I wasn't feeling well, I was bed rotting.
- Yeah, bed rot.
- Yeah, and I watched things.
- Hmm.
- Yeah, like Ken Burns, you know.
- You're on your Ken Burns kick lately.
You're on a documentary.
- Yeah, yeah.
- What do you watch?
- And I didn't, I just had sex.
- With Ken Burns?
- Yes, yeah.
- Incredible.
- Very tight, very tight.
Historical, yeah.
It's like rust, his butthole.
- Hmm, like an army ration can.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, some gold, it's great.
Yeah, you gotta try Ken Burns.
- What historical documentaries did you rip through?
- I saw Vietnam again.
Civil War.
- Civil War.
- Yeah, it's a good one.
- Civil War is so good.
- It's a good war.
- Winter Soldier.
- Yeah, Winter Soldier was a good historical.
- Ken Burns did that.
Oh, I saw another comment.
I saw another comment today on the internet about Odyssey,
about someone had like, what's her name,
had her ears pierced.
She had three hole piercings in her ears.
And they were like, you couldn't cover that up
for the historical reference.
The actress, what's her name?
Zendaya, she had like multiple ear piercings or something.
- Well, she's a god, so it doesn't matter.
- Gods can have piercings.
- Yeah, they can have whatever they want.
- I don't disagree.
- Yeah.
- I don't disagree.
- Poseidon can have a piercing in his penis.
Who gives a shit?
- He did.
That's where it came from.
It's called the Poseidon Pierce.
- Yeah.
Yeah, but you gotta watch it, dude.
- I know, I didn't have a dime of time.
I was having a good time jumping around.
- I feel like you're not gonna watch it in the theater.
- I'm gonna, but I gotta tell you,
the last time I looked, I told Carlos,
I was like, look for me, and there was no,
everything was sold out.
Everything's still sold out, dude.
It's like impossible to get a couple of scenes.
- Well, you want to see it in 70 millimeter.
- You have to.
- I saw it at the Regal North Hollywood, a shit theater.
- These guys have both said you should see it in 70.
- You should.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna wait to go till it thins out.
- You promise me you're gonna watch it?
- Scouts Honor.
- Scouts Honor.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Scouts Honor.
- Yeah.
- Blow, I re-watched that.
- Blow?
- I re-watched Blow.
I re-watched Catch Me If You Can on the plane.
One of the greatest, I mean, one of the greatest.
- You know what's great about that is comforting.
You're comforted by these movies.
- I don't know why, but I love it so much.
- I know, I know.
a lot of comforting moves.
The scene of him in the hotel negotiating her price
and then tricking her by giving her like a bigger check
than he owes her and her giving him cash.
- Is that Scorsese?
- Spielberg. - No, Spielberg.
- Wow. - Does he miss, that guy?
My God, that scene was so good, dude, with her,
with Jennifer Garner.
Oh, and she's like, "How much would I cost
"if I was in a gift shop?"
What a line, dude.
- Watch "Disclosure Day."
- "Disclosure Day." - It's out and streaming.
- Right now? - Yeah.
- Okay, I can watch it at home. - Watch it.
You're gonna see the downfall.
- Why?
- The downfall to Spielberg.
- No, shut up.
He's still the man. - Was it good?
- Okay. - I'm sure he's still the man.
- It was okay.
Yeah.
- Well, it's blunt, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
She's great. - She's good in it.
- Yeah, she's good in it.
- Not her fault.
- It's never her fault.
- Who wrote it?
- Spielberg, I think.
- No, no, there's no way he wrote that.
- David Koepp.
- David Koepp.
- The guy who did "Jurassic Park."
- It's too close to "Close Encounters."
- I love "Close Encounters."
- It's. - It has that vibe that we need to get here.
- Sure, but it-
- Right, to see the alien.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- And then I slipped into the Marilyn Monroe documentary
on the plane, which I-
- Tell me, I don't know nothing about it.
- I gotta tell you.
- Excuse me, master, I know nothing about her.
- Okay.
The mystery, what is it called?
The mystery of Marilyn Monroe.
The amount of tapes that this guy has
who put this together of like confidential audio tapes.
Like calls between her and the president and stuff.
It's crazy.
I mean, so obvious they had her murdered.
Like so clearly they had her killed,
pilled up and killed.
And they covered it all up.
And so many people knew.
Like everyone in Hollywood knew
'cause she was rubbing elbows with people
she shouldn't have rubbed elbows.
- Is she hotter than Margot Robbie though?
- 100%.
She was the hottest star I think we've ever had.
Ever, ever, ever.
Dude, they have video of her.
This is pre-lip filler.
- She is mythological.
- She was.
She should have been in "The Odyssey."
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You know who, Elizabeth Taylor was beautiful back then.
- Stunning.
- Stunning.
- But what I'm saying is this is-
- Big old titties.
- This is pre-getting work done.
You see her without any makeup.
And Marilyn Monroe-
- Look at how beautiful.
I'm more of Elizabeth Taylor.
- Do you like how I look, Robert?
- Yeah.
- She's hot, dude.
- That's a good Elizabeth.
- That was Elizabeth Taylor.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No, but Marilyn Monroe, stunning.
Stunning.
- Oh my God, look at her face, dude.
- She looks, Julie Andrews was hot like that
when she was young too.
- Yeah, she was.
- She was beautiful.
- Yeah.
- But Marilyn Monroe, you could tell, man.
That was Hollywood weirdo stuff.
Weirdo stuff, dude.
- Yeah.
- Also, by the way, I called
'cause I wanted to find out
what was going on for your birthday.
And you're traveling on your birthday.
What's with you avoiding fun on your birthday?
- Why does it have to be on my birthday?
- It doesn't, but it's fun when it's on your birthday.
- Okay, you canceled Hawaii.
- I'm not, what do you mean?
I didn't cancel Hawaii.
- That's what they said.
- No, we just haven't booked it yet.
- Are you going to Hawaii?
- Maybe.
- No, if you don't, it's gonna really upset me.
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
♪ Pretty woman ♪
♪ Anything you want, you got it ♪
- Okay, anyway, yeah, are you going?
- You know why I can't go?
- I mean!
- Do you know why?
- Why, because there's no golf courses out there?
- Well, there's nothing but golf courses out there,
first of all.
Second of all, the amount of things I'm seeing
on the internet, tourists go away.
Hawaii doesn't want us there.
- That's true.
- Read it, it's all over the news.
Go away, tourists.
They do not want us there.
- They want us there.
- No, they don't.
- I promise you, when you go there.
- Google Hawaii tourists go away,
and I'm telling you, it's every news article now.
They're tired of it, they want us out.
They don't want Howleys.
I'm a Howley, and I gotta get out of there.
No whites, get out.
Anti-tourist, they're doing it now.
It's like a huge protest.
They're beating up fucking tourists,
because they're kicking the shit out of them.
They don't want them there.
- Yeah.
- And you could pass.
You got the--
- I do pass, yeah, man.
- Not me, I'm a Howley, dog.
- Yeah.
- Visitor arrivals dropped roughly 829,000,
falling almost 5% recently,
because of this protest.
That's a lot, dude.
It's a lot of people, they don't want 'em around.
So what am I gonna do?
Do I have to put on, I gotta do brown face to fit in?
- Yeah.
- I'm telling you right now,
you have so many fans out there,
that you're gonna be fine.
Yeah, you're gonna be, you're going.
- I'm going?
- Yeah, if you don't go--
- I'll go.
- If you don't go, I'll be so upset at you.
- I'll go.
- Is he, is that true?
- Yes. - That you'll be mad?
- No, no, no, that he's gonna go.
- I don't know, yeah.
- Andrew would never lie to you.
- Yeah, look at me right now, dude.
- Scouts on it.
Scouts on it.
- Scouts on it.
- Scouts on it.
- Scouts on it.
- I'm gonna go, for you, I'll go.
- Okay.
- I'm mad--
- Because I think we should do a Hawaiian version
of Bad Friends out.
- I totally agree.
I'm mad that we're not doing anything for your birthday.
We'll celebrate before, but--
- What, okay, on the 16th, I'll be there.
My birthday's September 17th.
On the 16th, I'll be there.
Why don't we have the dinner then?
- We can.
- I have to tour, I have a date in Salem, Oregon,
or whatever.
- You don't even know where you're going.
- I don't know where I'm going,
but that's the guy, I have a date somewhere.
You know, you don't have cats.
- No cats.
- So this is what a cat does.
When a cat leaves for the vet,
'cause I don't take all three cats to the vet sometimes.
- Can't, too many cats.
- Yeah, but when that cat comes back,
it's as if those two other cats
have never met that cat before.
- Because something happened.
- No, they smell something.
Right, so they start hissing at each other.
- Oh, wow.
- It's really sad.
It's like if you went to Scotland,
came back, and went.
It's like, who are you?
- Because they saw the other side.
- No, it's a smell thing.
- Yeah, they picked up his scent while they were there.
- Yeah, and another thing is, is that I have now,
'cause Kalilah left, she got a new dog.
She left for Hawaii, so the dog's at my house now.
Her name is Lady.
So now I have four dogs and three cats,
and sometimes Jules just leaves.
She's like, "I'm going to a rave."
You know what I mean? I go, "Go."
And I have seven animals in the house.
It stresses me the fuck out.
- Too many animals.
Feline non-recognition aggression happens
when one cat smells completely different
and is mistaken for a stranger.
So they think the cat is not who it was before.
- Yeah.
- Well, perhaps it's no longer the same cat.
- Yeah.
- What if they switch out cats behind our back?
Something could be wrong.
- No, I know that it's my cat.
- How do you know?
- Because I memorized all the little things.
- They're getting better.
They're getting good at duplication.
- Really?
Like, you know, like Goonie has like one little stripe on his nose.
- Goonie has like one little stripe on his nose,
I recognize, you know.
- Be careful.
- What do you mean?
- You might have inherited like a cat from the machine.
Like they could have fabricated this cat,
sent it in your house.
- Why would they do that?
- Exactly. Why would they do that?
- No, no, no.
Explain to me why would they-
- It could be a camera cat.
That thing could be filled with cameras.
- Okay, all right.
Anyway, I'm not falling for this, your lies anymore.
- Okay, that's fine.
- Yeah.
- Yes, you can clone a cat.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but that would take months and months.
- Not for them now.
Now they're doing it fast.
- A 24-hour fucking-
- A 24-hour flip.
- Oh, really?
- They're doing it.
- Wow.
- Nuclear transfer.
- Is it cheaper now?
Because remember we Googled it years ago.
- 35 grand.
- That's still, if you loved.
- I think Tom Brady did that with his dog, I think.
- Yeah.
- I think Tom Brady did it with Tom Brady.
- Yeah.
- I think he's a clone of himself.
- Like Meryl Streep did it, I think.
- She cloned her dogs.
Wow.
- Yeah.
- You would never.
- What do you mean?
- Clone.
- No, smart people don't do that.
It's like a-
- You know what?
I would clone one.
- Gobi.
- It's Gobi.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, Gobi.
- I love her so much.
- Gobi forever.
- Yeah, it's just like when Jules calls,
'cause all the dogs sleep in her room,
but Gobi will stay out.
What do you mean?
- It's just like, of course they sleep in her room.
- I can't deal with it.
- She's a protective force.
They feel safe around her.
- No, no, no.
- Your room is a chaotic night.
- There's no chaos.
There's just, there's a lot of-
- Fluids?
- A lot of fluids.
- So wet.
The whole room is wet.
- It's moist, it's humid.
- The ceiling-
- It's Miami.
- Dripping.
It's Miami.
- Yeah.
- It's the cold.
- My room's like Miami.
Yeah, yeah.
It's definitely Grand Theft Auto.
- I had a dream that something is coming.
- Dude, I've had dreams too.
Tell me about your dream.
- I had an earthquake dream,
a big, big earthquake dream.
And I thought-
- That's actually gonna happen.
- What if a big one is coming?
- You and earthquake.
- I know.
They're not my friend.
But I did dream about the other one before it came too.
- Yeah.
- I think a big one is on its way.
We haven't had one in a long time.
- Dude, I've had dreams of earthquake,
but not the earthquake,
but the comedian.
- Yeah, me too.
Shaking the room.
It's coming.
- He's just in my room.
I'm like, what are you doing here?
We're at earthquake?
- 90% chance of an earthquake coming.
It's coming.
- It's coming, yeah.
And this one's gonna be big.
The California one?
- It says 6.7 or larger.
- Yeah.
Why are you laughing, dude?
You're a naysayer.
- I'm just saying.
- You're the reason why we have these hot nights.
- I just don't want Andrew to look to go to the bathroom.
- Wait, go back.
- Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't go to the bathroom.
We're doing the earthquake.
- Scouts Honor.
- Yeah, Scouts Honor.
- Look what it's called.
- Yeah, what's it called?
- San Andreas.
- Fault.
- And this is your fault, San Andreas.
- Yeah.
- This is why we're in trouble, 'cause of you.
I saw that.
I saw it in theaters.
- You saw that?
- Oh yeah.
- You saw that?
- Big rock fan.
- Not the Odyssey, but.
- Yeah.
I saw it too, I think.
- The rock is the man.
- He is a man.
- I'm gonna watch whatever he wants.
He says, watch this movie, I go see it.
- I love disaster movies, but we've talked about that.
- Moana, you think I'm not seeing Moana?
- You're gonna watch Moana before fucking the Odyssey?
- I'll do a double feature.
- No, no, no, you're not gonna, no, watch the Odyssey.
If you watch Moana before the Odyssey,
I'm gonna lose my fucking mind, dude.
I will lose it, I will lose it.
- First of all, you have to apply for a new visa
to get to Hawaii.
You have to watch, have watched Moana
before you go to Hawaii, you know that.
They ask you questions about Moana.
- I never even saw the cartoon version of it.
- You're in deep shit, pal, 'cause you gotta know.
And it's not, and Lilo and Stitch used to count,
doesn't anymore, you gotta see Moana now.
- Wow.
- In any of the islands, they need to know,
do you know plot lines for Moana?
Characters, that's what they ask you at the border now.
- Okay, name me a character in Moana.
- Mogaso.
- There is no Mogaso, dude.
- Yeah, dude.
- Yeah, yeah, wait, wait, turn that off for a second.
Name me the different variety of characters in Moana.
- Okay, Palutz.
- Palutz.
- Palutz.
- Tatango.
- Tatango.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Moana.
- He's a parakeet.
- Mogaso.
- Yeah, Mogaso's definitely a turtle.
- There's a turtle, there's a talking coconut.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anouk?
Yeah.
What's the song with the Coke?
Talking coconut.
Every day on the island.
No, yeah.
You know it.
Let's do it again, yeah.
Every day on the island, I'm a coconut.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
Famous Moana song.
It's a Moana, yeah.
And it's great.
There's so many of them.
There's so many coconuts.
And then when they're in the chorus, I'm a coconut.
Yeah, it's amazing.
Love that song.
Yeah, so that's good.
I'm going to go.
What's the story of Moana?
Well, they, but.
Well, do you want.
Tell me the story.
Yeah, I want to know the.
I never saw it.
You should see it.
Yeah, yeah.
Tell me the story.
You got to see it.
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Well, Anouk and Mokano, they're being pushed off the island.
The island's being gentrified.
Oh!
That's the whole story.
By skims?
Heavy skim.
It's all skims.
Skims and hollies.
Yeah, yeah.
And Moana has to kind of save the day, so to speak, along with her new band of friends
with the frog and the turtle.
The frog and the turtle.
By the way, that's a great.
That's a great idea.
That's a great movie.
That's probably what it is about.
We're going to go see it.
It's not about that.
Yes, it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gentrification.
That's what they're talking about in Moana.
Okay.
Disney adventure about a brave village chief's daughter, a magical ocean, and a stolen goddess
heart, and also gentrification.
She lives on a peaceful Polynesian island called Motuni.
How do you feel about gentrification?
More, more, more, more, more.
Yeah.
We got to get more, dude.
How do you think Carlos is able to live where he lives?
Yeah.
Yeah, let's see this.
Near the east side?
That was not.
He did not belong.
It's so unbelievable.
When I first moved to Silver Lake Echo Park in the 90s and what it is now.
Well, yeah.
Dude, in the 90s, it was like, like you would hear gunshots.
Not anymore.
People screaming.
And I'm from the suburbs.
I'd just be in my blankets.
So scared.
Like that scene in Big when they chat in the St. James Hotel.
Yeah.
And they hear people screaming outside.
Now they have duck boats.
They got duck boats in the water now down there, right?
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
They cleaned up.
There's an air one.
There's an air one there now.
TV shows are basically.
I love LA.
Well, it's cool now.
Before it was like, hey, puto, what are you looking at, bro?
Yeah, you get beat up on the way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I go, I'm sorry.
Yeah, you get jumped on.
I'm sorry I looked at you.
But I was a survivor.
I was not scared of the MS-13.
Well.
I'm not.
I wouldn't say that.
Because I'll tell you why MS-13 if you're looking in the camera.
I'm scared of you.
For the record, I'm scared of you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm on your side.
I'm scared, but I'm safe.
Oh, don't do hand signals.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah.
That's it.
Now you're gone.
Yeah, what side?
They buy tickets.
Whatever it is.
They're cool.
I'll do jobs for you.
Yeah, we're.
Yeah.
Hey.
Because they know that I'm not a threat.
You're not an oppressor.
No, it's not about oppressing.
Yeah.
Well, he's an oppressor.
Yeah, you're an oppressor.
They would shoot you the fuck up.
You go to the neighborhood.
They go, this is.
Yeah, but for me, I was like a little guy.
And as soon as you.
I'm a customer.
But as soon as you get hair, they're not going to trust you.
Yeah.
No, I'll slick it back.
Before they thought you were a scientist or something.
You're like an engineer, dog?
I'm like a meth scientist.
What's up, dog?
Do you do math and shit?
No, I let the Mexicans tie their or lock their bike next to my door.
I hook everyone.
Their bike.
Whose bike was it?
It's the guy.
That's the guy he said.
Yeah, yeah.
Send me the coconut song again.
I'm a coconut on the island.
It's such a.
I love that.
Moana.
It's different.
Moana forever, man.
You're a liar, dude.
I'm going to watch Moana before I watch Odyssey.
If you do, my heart will break.
Here's two things I know that's going to happen, okay?
No Hawaii.
You're not going, right?
And also, you're not going to watch the Odyssey.
I'm going to FaceTime you from Moana just to bum you out.
That'd be.
Well, it's your loss.
Okay.
What if I go to Hawaii, but I don't go to your island?
If I go to a different island, does that count?
No, because you're going to do the show with me on the 15th.
What night?
You have to do a guest spot.
Saturday the 16th.
I will do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I will do.
You're not going, are you?
I'm going.
Everyone listening, if you're in Hawaii, I'm doing a show.
What's it called?
Bobby Lee Live.
Bobby Lee Live.
But where's the venue?
Go to your website.
Yeah, go to my website.
This will already be out, by the way.
I don't know.
September 12th.
It will be?
No, September 12th.
Will it be out, this one?
100%.
Yeah, so.
No, it won't be.
Yeah, go watch me at the Lonsdale Concert Hall.
That's a great ad.
You're leaving early.
He's not even going to be there.
Yeah, the 16th is pushing it.
So, I mean, I'll just have to extend my stay.
Yeah, if we all go for the 16th, I'll just stay.
Yeah, we have to go.
Yeah, we have to go.
By the way, McCone's been ducking.
That happened.
For people that want to know, McCone's in London.
He just bailed again on this show.
No, he's got to be fired.
I'm down.
I already said it.
And then you with your dog sick?
I've missed one episode in two years.
Dog sick is valid.
Dog sick's valid.
But is he sick?
Yeah.
Interesting.
Do you have paperwork?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, paperwork.
And I have video evidence.
If you have a doctor's note, then I'll. Yeah.
Send me a photo of Mitch McConnell, too.
If you're going to do it, due diligence, you know?
Yeah.
I'm just getting your receipt.
Oh, okay.
Dude, he's logging in.
It's a vet.
It better not be grooming.
Oh, here it is.
Yeah.
What is it?
It's not grooming.
Here's. Invoice.
Invoice.
Let's read it.
Invoice.
Zoom in.
Zoom in.
He's getting a haircut.
I don't groom my. You got a mohawk?
You take your dog to Mohawk Alley?
That's what it's called?
Yeah, that's where I went with my ex, so I didn't know where else to go.
It's bullshit, dude.
Just be honest.
You didn't want to come that day.
That's crazy.
I've never. No, Andrew knows I wouldn't fucking do that.
He would never do that, but did something else come up?
That something else came up?
Something else came up.
It's a woman?
No.
It's a lady friend.
Involved with some sort of pill?
Lady pill.
Lady pill, dude.
Oh, what's funny is those two things did happen, but days later.
Oh.
Okay.
Maybe your memory is serving you wrong.
Perhaps it happened on that day, and you think it was two days later.
I would never skip work, ever.
Okay.
I believe you, actually.
Is Archie okay?
Yeah, he's okay now.
Thank God.
What was going on?
He's had a little issue with his anal glands.
He put something up there.
Yeah.
Sir, what have you been putting in your dog's butt?
Do you wipe your dog's butt after he poops?
I do, of course, yeah.
But they tell you don't do that, because then they do have trouble with their anal glands.
I've been doing it wrong, man.
They're not supposed to be wiped.
Dogs don't need to be wiped.
Don't do that.
That's not good.
Bobby has put something in my butt, too, and I didn't. Yeah, but that was a Kit Kat bar.
Kit Kat bars belong up there.
That's a fine.
It was a Tic Tac.
Oh, yeah, a Tic Tac.
When you break a Kit Kat, you eat the left one,
and you put the right one in your ass.
Okay, fuck.
That's very obvious.
Everybody knows that.
Sometimes Almond Joy, if you want.
If you want to be tropical a lot.
I can't believe you thought I'd been lying for two weeks.
Yeah, I think you're a liar.
No, he told me the truth.
I texted him.
I wanted to make sure the dog was okay.
I love Archie.
I never met him.
Have you met Archie?
No, you haven't met him.
I've never met Archie.
When you look at the dog in the eyes, when it gets back from. When you go to pick them up, man, they hate being there so much.
The smell.
The smell gives them. It's like us walking into a morgue.
You know what I mean?
If you walk in, you'd be like, oh, God.
It's like this dense, dead air with formaldehyde
when you walk into a funeral home.
I'm sure dogs smell that.
My dog, there was a groomer, a mobile groomer in the neighborhood,
and she walked near it, and then she looked up at the van,
and then slowly backed away.
Oh, my God.
They know.
They know something.
They fucking know what's up.
They know what's up, dude.
Their senses are way up there.
How do you feel about Death Cab for Cutie?
It's okay.
They're not bad.
They're not bad.
Yeah, throw me some names.
I'll tell you.
I'm going to see them.
I'm going to see them on Sunday.
Oh, you know them?
No.
Backstage?
Bought a ticket.
There's no way.
Swear to God, I'll show you the ticket, man.
I literally bought it an hour ago.
Wow.
the greek in in maybe two years three years good tickets are like good seats no nose nosebleeds
okay i just bought tickets my favorite show my favorite show at the greek was this when the
pixies reunited this is many many years ago and when they came out this is before i knew joey
santiago and i fucking cried like a baby pixies are the best because you never thought that they
would get get back together it's like if the talking heads ever got back together
never i would they would never never but if they're still alive i know but they will never
i know because of yeah man yeah trouble trouble in the high seas yeah it's always the lead singer
of whatever like morris and the smiths but get the smiths back together no chance never will
i know but how great would that be i know but that's also a part of it's got to be like that's
a coachella headlining fucking show oh no don't do coachella do like a pro do do a private showing
we'll do like the palladium or something with them do something more intimate that's their venue
yeah coach
okay it's just too much it's too much fodder it's too much you imagine imagine if the imagine if the
smiths went didn't coachella and they did what bieber did they were on their computer talking
about old stuff that they used to love i don't think the kids resonate with the kids it would
not hit yeah not with the i don't even think that the talking heads would resonate with the kids
even if they got back together i don't think they would headline no headline no not now not not now
yeah they're not big enough i don't know if the kids know yeah i don't think they know a lot of
the kids in the comments are going to say we absolutely do and we're going to do it
they're that good they're that like the smiths i think could headline i don't think so no man that's
such a hard that's hard you got they got to sell like a huge internet it's got to be like bad bunny
you know it's got to be like someone that crosses every genre of age range and gender and the smiths
would be even when the strokes played they were kind of bummed that bieber was headlining yeah
well how can you it's like what do you mean that but because it's like that's you and it's like you
and me getting bummed that like chapelle is at a venue nearby you're like what are you gonna what
are you gonna do we're not gonna have yeah i'm here's the thing for me i'm okay with people
rising you are i really i really am you've always been supportive yeah i've it's like when somebody
rides like when the matt rife thing happened i was like i'm so happy for him you know 100
yeah here's my problem when that again into the mic you become friends with them real quick
fuck off you said that on the show it's true but fuck off okay okay you know i would like to check
the tape on this these shows and see who's been more combative lately is it
you or him to you it's him for sure it is lately yeah yeah there's a grudge or a gripe or something
with you and him lately oh yeah yeah way there's a non-caring aspect and he's gotten quieter the
spaniard's gotten quieter even quieter dude to balance no no you're not you're not revealing
what's going on in your world you're yang not ying yeah to be honest yeah bobby you're yang for sure
yeah yeah what's going on in your world that you're being really quiet lately yeah why why the
why are you why you've been yin yin yeah i'm just don't look at me look at yang because bob is so
attacked i'm trying to just shift focus towards you you should be a politician you're so good at
bullshit he's so good at like lying his way out of both of you yeah you're more of a ken paxton kind
of such a specific reference yeah yeah i mean he is kind of like corrupt as side yeah that's what
i'm saying yeah you would have a deep corruption but you'd have the support for the man i would
have side girls in trouble
only private jets though yeah you'd be flying private jets paid for by by by tax dollars yeah
it's incredible what's going on ying what is going on someone attack you anymore i'm trying
to focus on andrew rip into me but i deserve it more difficult rip into me right now rip into me
i deserve it i don't think you do okay but i'm curious to know why something something's bubbling
with andreas lately we're gonna find out later yeah yeah i know what it is i can't we can't talk
about it here oh he's playing the middle and when you play the middle would you play the middle dude
you right the middle there's no allegiance that's exactly right right he's trying to play in the
middle yeah and it's squash when you are in the middle no you're not gonna get squash because
you're playing a middle right to juggernauts yep yeah and little people that's right yeah yeah so
you know where's your allegiance be smart and tactical with a juggernaut you got to lean toward
the juggernaut i don't believe you at all i don't believe it yeah it's you're so bad yeah you're in
the middle with the little people yeah and that's why we're reacting to you this way that's exactly
right don't you think yes our we're feeding off of what yeah we are we are where is your allegiance
where is your allegiance dude yeah because i'm not sure yeah you jump ship at any moment he would
and you do you want to show your allegiance to us i would get a bad friends tattoo
in fact i'm i'm gonna get one i think we should and we should all get a bad friends tattoo
right see where your allegiance is no no niddles no no need to yeah yeah wow now let's just get
just get a henna one yeah get a henna yeah but the henna's last forever would you get one
yeah of course i know you would the henna's last remember esther got one of those hennas and it
lasted yeah i got them too and it just went away this year and it was seven years ago seven years
yeah which where what was your what did yours say the state of texas and then i got the nike
check right here oh i remember the nike check it's totally gone yeah
I don't buy it.
I don't know where I'm going to get it.
On your shoulder.
No, no.
I got to get maybe here a little.
What about your other forearm?
The other arm.
The other arm is wide open.
Yeah, yeah.
But just a little one here.
Just that says Bad Friends?
I'll do that Bad Friends logo probably.
Oh, that one's good.
You know what?
Whatever.
I'm a coconut from the island.
Go see Moana in theaters now.
Yeah.
When is there going to be a new rock though?
Who's the next big cool guy?
There's got to be a new guy.
What are you looking at him for?
You think he's a Hollywood reporter or something?
Yeah.
I'm the guy with the computer.
He's the guy with the computer.
There's got to be a new rock.
There's got to be a new hot big guy.
It's that guy that's in the Black Stars.
What's his name?
Oh.
Jacob Elordi?
Yeah, Jacob Elordi.
Oh.
He's big.
Put on some mass.
He just doesn't have the. He doesn't. Yeah.
He's cute.
Yeah, he's handsome.
Zoom in on him.
He's already a movie star.
Dude, look at him.
He's tall, chiseled.
But he's not jacked.
He's dating Kendall Jenner, though.
Huh?
He's dating Kendall Jenner.
They all do.
His stock is super big.
They all do.
Yeah.
Nice.
So his stock's through the roof.
Dude, I want to date a Kardashian.
Rob.
Which one's available?
Rob.
It's too late, right?
There's a brother with that small spine syndrome that they've got.
Do they really have one?
Yeah.
They don't show.
Maybe that's my. Isn't there another sister that isn't on camera?
Isn't that true?
Isn't there another one that doesn't. I thought there was a brother that is not on camera.
Yeah.
Maybe there's that.
Maybe somebody's not in the family.
Yeah.
It was kind of like the same thing with the Osbournes, right?
Didn't the Osbournes have another kid that was never on camera?
The daughter.
The daughter, yeah.
She refused, right?
Yeah.
She's not involved.
That's the one I've never met.
Because she doesn't want to be in that world.
Yeah.
Not interested.
Well, I told you about my experience with her, the mother.
What's her name?
Sharon.
Sharon Osbourne.
We already talked about that.
No one drank your beers.
That's one of my favorite clips.
Did I tell you what happened?
No.
Someone drank my beers.
Dude, I love he blamed the whole house.
No, I'm backstage, right?
Theo's backstage.
Yeah.
At the main room.
He goes, hey, man.
I go, what's up?
He goes, the Osbournes are here, man.
Oh, wow.
You got to go say hi.
Got to.
So I did my Osbourne joke, right?
My I, I, I joke.
Yeah.
Right?
And then I go back there and I hug Jack.
And then I touch Sharon in the shoulder.
I'm such a big fan.
I don't know why I said that.
And she does this.
Did you say, I'm sorry for your loss?
No, I didn't.
Would have been a good lead.
I don't know.
It's too late.
No, I think that one.
It happened the week before that I would say it.
I don't think so.
I think.
How long is that window open?
For Ozzy Osbourne forever.
Oh, fuck.
He's Ozzy Osbourne.
I should have said, sorry for your loss.
Yeah.
He was a, he was a hero of mine.
Yeah.
But also saying, saying I'm a big fan is still good.
She doesn't care about that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She didn't like this.
She went.
Yeah.
That's what you deserved.
I'm on her side.
Are you being real?
I'm on her side.
I would have shuttered you up.
This could have been a good thing though.
My husband was a legend.
You should have said something.
Oh, fuck.
Thanks to your husband for shaping my childhood.
And because of that reaction, then Theo goes, they're coming backstage.
I left back the back door.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I didn't want another.
The coward's door.
The coward's door.
Do you, you've gone through the coward's door?
I do.
I do the coward door all the time.
When I bomb shit, I'm always like going through the coward door.
I don't want to say hi to anybody.
Yeah.
I love the coward door.
It's my favorite exit.
So if everyone knows, right, the main room, there's three ways to exit it.
Right.
Okay.
Right.
There's through the cover booth.
Right.
Yeah.
There's through the crowd.
Yeah.
Right.
And there's through the coward's way.
The coward's way.
Yeah.
And that's where like Arsenio Hall goes through.
Not because he's a coward.
It's just because he wants, he doesn't want.
He doesn't want the thing.
The thing.
Right.
I always walk in through the audience.
You have to.
Yeah.
Right.
They go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause I like the talk.
Yeah.
You heard the chatter.
I hear people.
And then there's some people that go, did they do a Sharon?
They do Sharon you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They Sharon me.
Yeah.
Sharon you.
So when you have a good set, right, you walk out through the crowd.
100%.
Right.
When you have a bad set, you go through the, either the cover booth or the coward's way.
And when you have a, and then you have, when you're really uncomfortable, you sneak out
through the bar, the bar door, the backside bar door.
Can you get out that way?
Mm-hmm.
I found a way.
You have to climb up the hill, but you get dirty, but you could do it.
I've done it.
But did you know the new, you know what they're going to do?
What?
Make a patio out there.
No, that's what they're doing.
Their next project is through the bar,
Mitzi's bar, what, Ciro's?
To the main room.
To the main room.
That's genius.
That needs to happen.
That's gonna happen.
Yeah, because otherwise you can't get back there.
Yeah.
For people that don't know,
that used to be called a video room
back when we were young lads.
Now they made it a bar for comics.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
But COVID shut it down.
They couldn't have it back there.
And then they reopened it again.
Have you seen the new design?
It's stunning.
It's stunning.
Yeah, they did a great job.
Anyway.
Is there any way we could turn on the air?
Yeah, it's like a sweatshop.
It's a sauna in here.
Yeah, this is a new big thing in the world.
No AC.
Dude, my AC kicked out last night
and I was like, rut ro.
Rut ro.
Had the guy come today to help fix it.
Yeah, I have fans.
I have emergency fans stocked.
I have fans and AC.
I still sweat at night.
Yeah, I have fans, AC, and a man with a fucking fan.
Oh, you have fan man.
All right.
Dad fan man?
I can double, yeah.
Yeah, I triple you, dude.
It's me.
Yeah, yeah.
Carlos comes over and fans my face.
Yeah.
He would.
With air conditioning and fans going.
It's so hot.
Yeah.
It's been bad.
It's so hot.
I know.
Yeah.
Kind of makes you more.
And it's worse in other areas.
I get it, right?
But it's like, I don't like it.
It's way worse.
It's like 120 in Phoenix right now.
Oh, yeah.
I tell my mom every night,
I go, don't go outside.
Don't leave the house.
She's in the desert.
Yeah.
Why are you laughing?
My mom could have a heat stroke.
Death Valley's at 130.
134 right now.
Dude, imagine.
I don't even know what that is.
Shaka.
Shaka.
Shaka dog.
Yeah.
Luke Desert in Iran and Kuwait in the Middle East
reach what?
115.
No, no, no.
Luke Desert gets up to 159.
How's that even real?
Nothing's there.
Yeah, nothing's there.
Hotter than that.
Luke Desert.
Oh, my God.
In Iran, they have war missiles and hot.
And hot, yeah.
Wow.
We would kill them with hot.
Kill them with hot.
And they still win.
Huh?
And they still win.
They're still winning.
Still winning.
Yeah.
We'll shift it.
Nope.
I'm still on Team USA.
Not me.
I'm reading Iranian books right now.
I'm trying to learn, man.
Yeah.
I'm trying to learn.
China's helping them.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
It's getting bad.
It's getting bad.
And what are we going to do about it?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
I'll vote.
No.
Yes.
I'll vote.
I'll vote.
You won't vote, though.
What?
You don't vote, though.
Yeah, but I contribute to John Ossoff and Tallarico.
Oh, that's right.
That's so funny.
He'll give, but he won't vote.
Because they're not even my district.
They want your. Okay.
Yeah, that's true.
You can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It doesn't make a difference.
They're not even my district.
That's my point.
It's not going to. We have to balance.
Like, you're fucking. You think you're the balance?
You're not, right?
But we have to have a fucking balance.
All this. No, you're not.
You're Yang.
I think all this heat is. I think all this heat is Mom Donnie.
I think it's his fault.
Maybe.
Got to be Mom Donnie.
I'm not going to go there.
I'm going to blame it on Mom Donnie.
Yeah.
Socialists?
They cause this heat rise.
Yeah, no.
It's because of them that we go up.
Listen, I think it's this.
I think it's. Be a good socialist.
Give everyone heat.
I don't want any more of this.
It's global warming denialists over the years.
These fucking huge companies.
And, you know what I mean?
Now we're at this place where it's like,
there's no going back.
I don't believe in it.
I'm going to play devil's advocate.
I don't believe it.
Okay.
It's not real.
All right.
Because at some point, right,
if there's no way of going back,
and then what are we going to do?
I don't think we die.
That was the plan.
Yeah, but what about our children?
We don't have kids.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
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Mountain Dew!
Iconic summer moments
deserve an iconic drink.
It's Mountain Dew
in an American original.
There's a specific flavor
of Mountain Dew
that it's so distinct.
It's not just regular citrus.
It's Mountain Dew citrus.
Well, it's refreshing Mountain Dew citrus
from the mountains of Tennessee, my friend.
And it's got proud American roots.
That foothills of Tennessee
created a flavor
that you know exactly what it is.
A couple of brothers, right?
Huh?
A couple of brothers created it.
A couple of brothers, my friend.
And there's nothing better
than brotherly love.
Brotherly love
is what made Mountain Dew so good.
Enjoy it all the time,
no matter what time of year
or no matter where you are.
Wherever you are.
It's been tasting great since 48.
You have it at your barbecue.
You have it on the couch
watching the game
with friends,
hanging out,
on the go,
in the morning.
Whatever you do,
do the Dew
because it's been tasting great
since 48.
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Look for Mountain Dew
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Tasting great since 48.
Let me ask you this.
I saw a video the other day
of a married couple
up until their 90s
and then they're both
in the hospital.
No.
This isn't it.
Just let me finish.
Can I just get it out?
Right?
The female,
you know,
dies
and the husband dies
immediately after.
But in the reverse,
that doesn't happen.
The female lives
longer.
Why is that?
Because they're free.
I know,
but why?
Okay,
if I married my girlfriend,
right,
and she dies,
I'm not going to die
immediately after.
You might.
I don't think I would.
We die statistically before them
and then they live long,
healthy.
I know,
but I think I would be like,
eh,
I could get on the dating apps.
No.
Yeah,
get on Raya again.
No,
God wouldn't let you.
You'd be gone.
You'll get in wrinkle
by them.
What?
What'd you say?
The dating app wrinkle.
Yeah.
So good.
I don't care.
Yeah,
that's a good,
yeah,
I'd get on that dating app.
Wrinkles is so good.
Wrinkles is so good.
I'm on sciatica.
What?
And that's so good.
Wrinkles,
the app.
Yeah.
No,
you wouldn't want to go back
to the apps.
If you were ever single,
you'd never go back to the apps.
You hated them
when you fucking did them.
I know,
but I would get on
some sort of old,
like,
what's the old people,
a dating app?
There's an old people dating app.
Squatting and smoking?
Raya,
is that it?
No,
no,
no,
no,
no,
there's an old people dating app.
Oh,
plenty of fish.
Isn't that it?
That's,
no,
that's for everybody.
Our time?
Our time.
Silver singles.
Our time.
Go on silver singles right now.
I want to see what that looks like.
Yeah.
That's all silver.
I want to see what the women look like.
Qualify now,
Bob.
What was that?
What's the age?
It says 50.
Over 50.
Yeah,
yeah.
That,
look at the photo.
Yeah.
Safe,
simple,
silver singles.
Yeah,
no way.
Boop.
I wouldn't get,
I,
that's not,
that's a boop.
That's a form of sex.
That's foreplay.
Boop.
Yeah.
Boop ya.
Boop,
a nose boop.
That's how they hook up now.
Yeah.
Wow.
Over,
did you ask them a kissing?
Yeah,
yeah.
They're nasty.
They're nasty.
They're dirty birds.
Obviously,
seeking arrangements is the one you want.
I'd have to know where my dick's at.
Well,
you know exactly,
it should be the same place.
No,
no,
no,
no,
It should be where you left it.
I know where it's at.
I know the location of it now.
That's what,
no.
Just put an a-tag on that thing.
And you'll know where it is.
The condition of where it's at.
It's in perfect condition.
I know,
but when I,
when I'm 80 is when,
when I'm,
when I'm saying,
like at 80,
will I have sexual desire?
Will I want,
I mean,
I'd have to know.
I'd check in with.
I would assume.
I don't think so.
I think it dies at 70 for men.
Look at it,
look it up.
This is what you get,
blue chew gold.
It's the best product.
Blue chew silver for him.
Yeah,
yeah.
Yeah.
Wait,
but I'm going to ask you guys all a question.
This is a good,
I was taking a piss on the,
in the airplane
and I looked down at my wiener.
Your wiener changes as you get older.
It looks,
it gets different looks at it.
You know,
like it,
mine looks like a hammerhead right now.
Yeah,
like that,
the helmet is,
the helmet is like much wider.
Look at that.
Yeah.
Sexual desire remain active.
It'd be 70 beyond.
Have your penises changed in the last like 10 years?
Have you noticed a change in the wiener?
When I look at mine,
it looks a little different.
What does yours look like?
I told you mine looks like a hammerhead.
Why sir?
My dick looks a little,
yeah.
Like when I'm pissing,
it goes like this.
Oh God,
my back is killing me.
No.
Hold my balls.
Mine's philosophical.
Oh,
it's not.
I think therefore I am.
That's what my penis says.
Size and shape.
Yeah,
no,
not size.
It just looks a little different now.
the appearance you can see.
Has the color changed?
A little.
It's gray?
Blue?
Oh,
that's not good.
Should I untie that thing?
It's not breathing.
It's not breathing.
Yeah.
Is it blue?
It's bright blue.
That's not good,
dude.
You got to go to the hospital.
All right,
I'll go.
What?
It's,
I got smurfed it.
Papa smurfed it.
Wow.
The amount of times too,
when I was,
fire crotch,
that was all when I was a kid.
Fire crotch.
Yeah.
Fire crotch was.
It is red.
Yeah.
No,
the skin itself is bright white.
Yeah.
Never seen.
But it's very good.
It's a fine,
fine.
It's in fine condition.
I don't believe it's bright blue right now.
No,
it's not,
but it's just changed a little.
Maybe it looked different to the window.
Yeah.
As I.
peed in the bathroom when you pee on a plane you don't put the seat up you just pee no i do i just
pee i do you just pee i just shit everywhere yeah you know what i had to do the other day
for the first time is hook it what i had to hook it what do you mean what do you think i mean pull
it out the side no no i had to stick my finger and hook it why because it was i'm tired of like
you know i mean my my asshole as a clip yeah clipping don't clip it get it all out right but
it clips at the end right and i hook it it's crazy dude no i'm sorry i'm hooking it i'm digging it
out digger the new tom cruise movie i'm digging that's digging yeah tom cruise's movie yeah i'm
digger okay you don't dig it i never ever oh i dig it and you know at google
hot chicks do it yeah yeah are you a hot chick and you yeah hot chicks and me do it they don't
do hot chicks clip yeah do hot chicks clip and dig yeah i will say this i have to admit i did
it like four months ago exactly thank you so much it's like i clip every time why were you having
trouble yeah me too i was having i was tired of it fiber yeah we gotta eat more fiber bud
i eat beans but do you want to take metamucil yeah i try i've tried all of that and it's it's just
hardens in there nothing like the hook it's like my poo looked at medusa
frozen back to the iliad yeah yeah that's it nolan do that put that in the movie yeah put
that in the movie yeah free a poop you've never clipped never touched it okay not interested in
it but then you wash your hands ferociously you must you must and always that's why you
have shiny nails yeah nothing sticks to those it's like a it's like a top coat yeah you're
gonna stop doing that at some point yeah painting your nails why i'm sick of it
i don't like it why i don't know why it's like too shiny yeah maybe i i think some well you're
still doing your toes oh yeah for sure yeah for sure i have does your girlfriend paint your toes
ever no she'll never you'll never let me go to a pro you gotta go yeah armenians what do you mean
she's been doing her whole life though girls have been painting their nails their whole lives i don't
because i i have to admit something out loud yeah one of the toes i have to go to hospital
you have like you have like gangrene on it no i'm not gangrene no it's just it's just gang yellow
i banged it against uh you know i mean a bed post i've done that a thousand times right it turned
black the nail fell off that's gang it's gangrene no and it's not gangrene dude it's not green gang
black it's gang yeah it's black yeah yeah and i had to now i have a artificial one a plastic one
that i have to keep super gluing on a fake toe yeah sub null hematoma collection of blood trapped
underneath the toenail
caused by trauma so i got yeah i gotta go to the hospital and go to my doctor and go what the fuck
is going on here they're gonna go what's going on it should have come in four months ago when it
started changing color you now you you might get the toe amputated i don't care about it you don't
like the big it's the big toe well i might you know what my doctor said i already talked about
did i talk about this what my dentist said no about your toe yeah i have gingivitis down there
what did he like my dentist said six months ago you got to get them all removed your every every tooth
you're gonna get veneers no i'm gonna get dentures first no yeah yeah i'm gonna have fake ones let me
see which one why they're all falling out how many are fake now there's none fake but he's like you
got to get them all removed because they're all sick oh so at one point in a year or two i'm gonna
be coming in here with like you know i mean all your gums are bad pure gums what is that are you
not brushing ever no i'm so brushing too brushy i'm no right now if i did what i did now what i
in my 20s i would have all my teeth damn i floss you know i mean a little bit of hydrogen peroxide
i just brush twice i get into all of it but they're dead they're dead he's cleaning dead
bodies he died he's cleaning the dead bodies yeah you gotta let him go it's like that world
in the odyssey remember when hades no where where uh elliot page comes alive
yeah hell hell that was in moana not seen in moana no you know what the reason i bought those
tickets to the show is because i you know like i like death cab i haven't i haven't really been a
like a hardcore fan but that's how i go to shows now it's a last second i see it i'll buy it done
fine guy in the greek i go yeah i'm gonna go to the greek i'll see a band i haven't seen in a
i like them i'm gonna go see it i did the stardew valley concert there at the greek with the la phil
harmonic no i don't know what the the but it was beautiful that's incredible if they played that
and i went backstage to say hi to eric oh that's so cool right and then he did a speech he mentioned
my name on stage it got kind of applause some it was like half applause half nothing you're a
stardew valley legend at this point you've talked about it so much there's no way they don't yeah
but it was a beautiful experience it wasn't with them but it was really beautiful that's that's
how the last time i was at the greek the greek is the greek to me is leaps and bounds better than
the bowl yes i've never been the ball oh never been to the bowl schedule right now i'm not going
to the ball please you know because highland is always trafficked but the ball does something
that is amazing with the movies with the music it's incredible with the la philharmonic they
play movies a lot i'm not going to the bowl ever okay uh the firework special with tykovsky that's
no no give me a good show i'll go zz top no counting crows no how to train your dragon in
concert no john mellencamp no santana al green
al green he's still alive no it's a it's an ai oh top gun maverick in concert never what yeah
there's nothing there that i'm going to be like oh i'll go to the bowl carlos would you guys go
see top gun with me i'll go i go every it's so good oh my god you're so gay dude no keep going
smooth summer jazz it's gonna be so good this is for news portugal the man go go this is for bobby
which one amadeus i would maybe do amadeus i would do that in concert yeah i would definitely do that
and the john williams
every year yeah every single year john williams every year he does like three week three three
john williams melon cap who is it no john williams the composer i don't love him but shelly orville
peck i love orville peck okay enough hold on go down i want to see there's one that's going to
hit you hard gonzalez is great yeah jose gonzalez yeah sound of music i'd go yeah and there's a
sing-along you know all the songs look empire the hills are alive with the sound of music
i'm a coconut on the island
i'm a coconut on the island oh a deer a female deer ray a drop of golden sun me a name i call myself
far a long way to run wang my friend from the corner store yeah dimitrius my drug dealer
we should all go together to one of this i do i completely agree someone would have to pick me up
well you know we know portugal the man we could go see that show here's the
only way i would do the fucking bowl with me talking heads reunion they're not there
the smiths reunion they're not there i know i'm just saying these are the only scenarios give me
more reunions uh high school reunion what if they do that what if they do your high school reunion
there would you go yeah um you never went to one high school reunion did you no i was never invited
no it's not they sent something they send a thing out to everybody that never was invited
did you ever go carlos no have you gone no yeah
i just i just didn't it's a far way to it's a far far way to run i just didn't i could see
see i don't know some people i haven't talked to a long time i don't know dude yeah another drink
for fun go away out the cowards door rush oh rush is coming back creed triumph of an alabama shake
the drummer what's his name dommer jeffrey dommer no no the famous drummer um what's his name john
bonham not john bonham oh from rush yeah what's his name oh in legend yeah oh yeah fucking uh
neil pert yeah neil pert he's gone but now they have anika it doesn't matter neil pert is gone
it's not the same it's like you know i mean kim deal leaving the pixies it's not the same but
they got a babe drummer now she's she i don't care rips it's like that filipino dude or whatever
singing uh for journey or whatever i'm not gonna do it it's like it's like you know i get grateful
dead it's like love the dead i know but it's like it's not the same of course it's not the exact
same but they're i want the same can't be brother please those day the days are gone yeah you can't
go back in that ai instagram 90s video it's over it's all fake none of it's real backstreet boys
we go see them yeah i'm not gonna see any of it yeah and eagles uh are back again at the sphere
metallica who i've seen here at sofi who's still fucking kill but look at that october to march
they booked so many tickets yeah it's metallica crazy it's fucking metallica i just watch it
online now
now the sphere you've never even been to i've never i won't do the sphere and it boggles your
fucking mind it's one of the coolest live shows i've ever seen in my life and he went to go see
would you go see you want to go see the movie what movie when we were in vegas yeah i'd watch
the odyssey at the sphere oh i bet that'd be incredible that would be incredible it's one
of the coolest yeah i would watch okay if the odyssey ever plays the sphere i'll go but they
don't they they only do like classic movies there now they're not like new the process to make them
like that it's crazy oh fuck the process to make them like that it's crazy it's crazy it's crazy
process trust it just do it i mean look at how it's it is a cinematic masterpiece with music
we should do bad friends live there oh we'd sell 90 seats 90 under 100
We'll get 100.
Genuinely.
You know how much the tickets go for for these fucking shows?
Yeah.
They're like $600 for like regular seats.
It's a rip off.
Yeah.
It's chaos.
That's the sphere?
That's the sphere, dude.
It's a massive screen.
Oh my God.
I'd love to go.
That I'll go because of screens.
So cool.
I love screens.
You're a big screen guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's see if they'll put Stardew Valley up there for him to play pre-show.
Imagine.
That'd be so fun.
Dude, imagine playing video games Warzone on that screen.
I guarantee you in the future they're going to have video game competitions in there for sure.
It's prime for that.
There's Chamelet on top of it.
He was promoting Marty Supreme.
Wow.
What?
He went on top of it to promote the movie last year.
This was some executive's idea and then they were like, what does that have to do with anything?
And they're like, just put him up there.
Yeah.
Oh, can I tell you something about this?
Yeah.
It's just something I wanted to talk.
Maybe I'll save it.
No, tell me.
It's something that I would like to admit right now from my heart.
And this is true.
True isms, I call.
White people are the best.
And he finally came around.
The dark wizard.
I saw it.
The dark wizard and it made you respect the whites?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Neil Potter.
Thank you, man.
Is that his name?
Finally getting recognition.
Dean Potter.
Dean Potter.
You know what it's about, dude?
It's Dean Potter and Alex Honnold's war.
Between the two free solo guys?
Well, Dean Potter was older.
He was in high school.
And when Alex Honnold came on the scene, there was a competition.
I love that.
And they were doing extreme shit, dude.
And when you guys go in extreme, you go extreme.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You won't see an Asian up there.
No.
Yeah.
Black guys?
You won't see a black guy up there.
I ain't going up that mother.
Why are you free soloing?
I love it.
It's great.
Yeah.
When the whites go crazy, we go.
You guys go ultimate and you can understand the wars.
See?
What did I say?
See?
He finally gets it.
We've been saying this for 3,000 years.
Forever.
Yeah.
I know.
I know.
You guys.
It took me a long time to even admit it.
But it's worth watching.
It's worth watching because any minorities out there watch it.
You guys got to get more extreme.
Know what?
Because when you see these documentaries, right, you'll know to stay away from them.
To the whites?
Yes.
You're too extreme for me, bud.
I don't do that shit.
Yeah, you do, dude.
Your schedule is extreme.
That is true.
I'm in Scotland.
Extreme behavior.
Wait till next month.
Yeah.
You're going to Australia.
You're going down where the whites are.
Yeah, and I don't want to go.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah.
You want to go.
I don't want to go.
I love it.
I love performing for the fans.
I love seeing the fans.
It's just going there.
The flight?
Yeah.
You'll fall asleep.
You don't even know what happened.
Yeah.
I'm sweating right now.
I'm sweating my balls off.
My balls off.
Everything is humid in here.
It's become unbearable.
Unbearable.
Intolerable.
It's intolerable.
Yeah.
And you know what?
Thank you, whites.
Yeah.
Thank you, whites, for being bad friends.
Yeah.
Thank you, whites.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Whites.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
The hosts discuss travel, including a trip to Scotland, and debate the quality of Scottish food and pizza toppings like corn and chicken.
They talk about Netflix House at Galleria Dallas, promoting themed attractions, merch, and food inspired by shows like Stranger Things and Squid Game.
The conversation covers Hawaii tourism backlash, with locals protesting tourists, and plans for a live show in Hawaii.
They joke about cloning pets, specifically cats, and mention costs and celebrity examples like Tom Brady.
The hosts discuss the heat, global warming, and extreme temperatures in places like Death Valley and the Lut Desert.
They talk about movies, including The Odyssey, Moana, and Ken Burns documentaries, with playful arguments about watching Moana before The Odyssey.
There’s a lengthy bit about personal hygiene, including wiping dogs, anal glands, and a graphic discussion about pooping and "hooking" it out.
The conversation touches on aging, including changes in appearance, dental issues, and potential toe amputation from a nail injury.
They discuss concerts and venues like the Greek Theatre and the Sphere, mentioning bands like Death Cab for Cutie and Metallica.
1
The episode includes ads for Quince, Quo, Acorns, and Mountain Dew, plus a comedic bit about white people being "extreme" in free solo climbing.
Summary:
This episode of "Bad Friends" features hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino in a freewheeling, comedic conversation, starting with a promo for Netflix House at Galleria Dallas, which offers immersive experiences from shows like Stranger Things and Squid Game. The hosts then dive into personal stories, including Andrew’s trip to Scotland, where he discusses the weather, local food, and a quirky pizza topped with corn and chicken. They banter about Hawaii’s anti-tourist sentiment, with Bobby expressing reluctance to visit despite planning a live show there, and they joke about needing to watch Moana before entering the islands.
The conversation shifts to cloning pets, with references to Tom Brady and Meryl Streep, and they share humorous anecdotes about their animals. They also complain about the intense heat and global warming, referencing extreme temperatures worldwide. Movie talk includes The Odyssey, which Andrew hasn’t seen yet, and Bobby teases him about watching Moana first.
The hosts engage in crude humor about bodily functions, including a graphic discussion about wiping dogs and personal bathroom habits. They also discuss aging, dental problems, and a toe injury. The episode features several ad reads for Quince, Quo, Acorns, and Mountain Dew, and ends with a bit about white people being "extreme" in activities like free solo climbing, inspired by a documentary about Dean Potter and Alex Honnold.
FAQs
Netflix House at Galleria Dallas is an immersive entertainment venue inspired by Netflix shows like Stranger Things and Squid Game, offering themed games, exclusive merch, and food and drinks.
You can get tickets at netflix.com/house, and bringing your crew can save you money.
Feline non-recognition aggression happens when one cat smells different after a vet visit and is mistaken for a stranger, causing other cats to hiss at it.
Yes, cats can be cloned, but it is expensive (around $35,000) and takes months, though some claim faster methods exist.
Moana is about a brave village chief's daughter who sets sail on a magical ocean to restore a stolen goddess's heart, saving her island from gentrification and other threats.
There are anti-tourist protests in Hawaii, with locals expressing they don't want tourists, and visitor arrivals have dropped nearly 5% due to these sentiments.
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