Some Like It Hot & Flaky

[MUSIC] Yesterday, we were literally on a photo shoot. I don't want to say for what? It's for the cover of it, Maxie. Town and-- Clealdon Street. [LAUGHTER] Gotcha. We've been shooting for, and of course, we're always on time. So we're both sitting there ready at noon or whatever. And we're shooting for maybe two hours. And she's starting to-- I don't know if I have one more look in me. She's just almost over. And she goes, I go once the next time you have to do drag after this, she goes, end of September. [LAUGHTER] But see, that's not the point, because when you live in the moment. But you look beautiful. Thank you. I think maybe my favorite photo shoot we've ever done. I did love the-- Love the-- We had a thing where she's up-- I don't want to give it all away, but a thing where she's on the floor upside down. I'm on top of her. It was so cool. It was a great moment for my thoracic spine. Oh my god, but can we-- Can I do an imitation of-- So sorry, oh, so sorry. We're also playing with proportions right now with the studio. Right now, feels like we're in the shrunken-- Playing studio, because the camera feels right here. It's right there, and it's also highlighting my weight gain. Hello. So I have to do an imitation of you at the photo shoot. So they're just part where they go. Katya, we're going to have you get on the ground. And mind you, this is my sister who is typically new-bile. She's typically agile. If no one's bothering me-- That's not a new-bile agile. Agile. Typically, she's like, if no one's-- If I have a moment, I'm going to do a handstand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If no one's around, I'm just going to do a jump split and stretch. So this whore, Mitch McConnell, this was her-- We're getting on the floor for this other shoot. Imagine her drag, and she goes, that's actually-- She's not vocalizing enough. It was like, oh! And then we're like, getting for her to get on her back, and she goes, just give me a second. Just give me a second. It was like 10 minutes later. And yes, did they have to break for lunch, mid-stretch? Oh, I think we have to break for lunch now. We have to break for lunch now. I was like, Jesus, use this good story. Yeah, stop. The story of the Taco Bells here. So then once she gets on the ground, then she has to flip over. So then it was like, oh! And then 10 minutes later, when it's time for her to get up-- Oh, getting up was all right. We had to call the jaws of life, the flight for life. It was Lee Cronin's to get up. It really was. The sound of you getting up was like, well, because if you're-- We know, because some people say rises. People did-- Kind of rises. Struggles to rise. Yeah, it was great when he said, oh, I'll have to be in drag again until end of September. I think you have one more look in you. I know. Yeah, OK. Yeah. You don't have to shave for two months. I think you're OK. I know. Thank god. God, God. You don't have to do drag for like two months. No, no, I do. Secret outfit. Secret outfit. Secret outfit at home. Oh, no, I'm not your little Yucky's. No, I'm not. My Yucky's are all discontinued. So I get to tell you about this. Well, you don't own any drag. That's the other thing we do. We're doing a photo shoot. She shows up with her one suit case-- My one suit case. One suit case. Half full. And when Fina was over to pack me up, we were like, we were rummaging through empty drawers. It's like, no, we're the whole are miming which ones we were. They're both so different. They're not even empty. Yes. But we go in there. There's a whole bureau. Every drawer is empty. And then you're feeling robbed. And I was like, I was like, who took all my time? Even though you sold it. But then we opened a drawer. And I had to like, she went to like go grab us. Like, no, and I had to yank her hand away because it was all the unmentionable Yucky. The secret Yucky. The secret Yucky. If you have secret activities at home that you're not-- they're a secret for a reason, right? They're a secret for reason because they're embarrassing. These are liches that I have. I really can't encourage people enough to get an embarrassing hobby. Because it's so exciting. I don't think it's-- No, no, no, no, no, I'm not. So if I opened the door in the UPS guy was there, I wouldn't be like, hello, lover. I'd be like, oh, Kevin, you like having something that's like your little secret? It's my little secret. And it's-- so when I went to San Diego and I had to meet-- did you bring the Yucky to the man? No. Don't fuck that man with your secret yucky. I would never. I brought them for me. You did bring them? But then I had a lovely-- so the hotel had just a nook with a full length. I was like, this is the Yucky nook. You know what you put on Chibomaro? Sugar water? No, no, no, no. So I put on the Yucky. And I was like, he-haw. No. The Yuckies have been discontinued. What? Because body-like wow. Body-like. Who's he about to end this drought? Body-like wow. Body-like wow. It was very boogie night wow. Very boogie night wow. Was she fucking you? Oh no. I didn't like it. No, she wasn't fucking you. Chastity belt. I hope no one fucks me. I thought-- wait, chastity is-- Is that the cage? No, no, the chastity is that don't you dare. Don't you dare. But how? The cage is like a bird cage. This is a whole of metal panty. Is it like Robin Hood Menentized? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember Tracy Omen as the witch was named Latrine? Amazing. Oh, yeah. Amazing. Or I think it's in scary movie when her panties are like electric vents. That's a chastity. That's a chastity device. That's kind of fun. So no more Yucky's for me. So it's a real shame. Because I have this whole-- Well, I have this diamond dot diamond. Reinstone encrested thong. That is-- You can say diamond. I believe women. Nobody knows who's going to say that. Nobody knows. Tracy's going to plug your microphone. That's not a diamond faggot. It's pubics or cognium. Yeah, pubic. pubic. pubic. You fat. You fat. Body like wow. So I can't do the Yucky's in mode spine. It's fine. It's fine. And yes, you can. No, no, no, but so the thrill is gone. The thrill is gone because it's just-- it's giving Homer Simpson and Link Negla J. Right. And can I say, though, body positivity? I am very happy in my newer Huskier frame. You look incredible. This is the healthiest and youngest you've looked in a long time. In, like, 20 by year. I'm saying, like, your face, your skin, run this photo sheet yesterday in drag. This morning, I was awake. I woke up and I was talking to Mr. Wonderful. I said, do you think it is over-- is it inappropriate to tell somebody who's having, like, a huge swing in the wellness category? That they've looked good at lately. Or it does it feel placated. Or what do you call it, patronizing? No, it's not patronizing at all, or any of the end of that subject. Because lately, it's been, like, really crazy. I just don't know you this well. Like, I don't know you on this level of wellness very well. Right. It's like a completely different person. It feels great. Physically. It's great. You look so young. That's also for how much you exercise. Keep talking. Now that you are eating the muscles, you're huge. Yeah. Well, now I'd fuck you. I'm serious. Now you're approaching a body type that I actually am like, yeah, him. Well, so that's funny. And I-- but now I don't get the yuckies. No, yuckies. No, no, neon pink swing yuckies. Nasty gal. Oh. Hollywood boulevard. You know, those, like, neon dresses all the holes in them. Why no? The one that, like-- Do I live in Spain? The one that, like, Fifi was eliminated in. That's me, except for the nails. No, no. So I like-- I like-- I was talking to Fina. And she-- Fina is always good for just putting you back right on Earth or right in real life. Do you know what I mean? Do I know what you mean? [LAUGHTER] Because I was-- She's-- She's like-- I called her in a-- I called her-- when I have my revelations, I call her immediately. And she's like, well, or we could just think about this regular. And so I was like, I was like, what if I skip? You know, I've obviously aged out of Twink and never really was one for in the last 30 years. So I was like, what if I become a bear? She's like, or you could just have a regular body. [LAUGHTER] Fina, toxic skinny person. I don't know. Oh, toxic skinny. She said she's like, now I'm a toxic skinny person. But you know what she is too? Like, don't ever have too much whimsy or joy. Don't-- clear outside your lines because Fina will tie a brick to your leg and throw you in the water. Fina's like, is that what she want? Because I'm going to tell you you're never going to get this. Not on my watch. But also she's so therapyed and so grounded that she's always right. And so it's always like, well, fuck you, bitch. Yeah, I was like, but I would about my revelation. I know. And she's like, well, why don't we do one thing at a time? You know what I mean? That is the big issue. And she's like, why don't we focus on this thing that we're-- actually, we're late for right now. Well, let's just get in. And she'll just say it. And the older she's gotten to, the more she has, there's not even cushioning. She's not sandwiching a compliment. She's like, well, let's just not do that right now. It's fierce. So I-- oh my god, I almost followed this guy. I followed this guy like the killer. I was in the car line. I was in the car-- no, no one real life. OK. I was in the car driving. And I'm very attracted to this regular body type, I suppose, you'd say. The muscles are amazing. We need to talk about that later. Love muscles. We've got to talk about that. We've got to talk about the-- the go dancers and stuff of the dance. But this guy was like, black beard. He looked kind of goth. There's dress kind of goth that I had. I was like, oh my god, this is like my dream man. So I followed him for three walks. In your car, he was on foot. But you were in the car. I was in the car. So I was-- It was very bad. I was the big tall naked guy on the roof. I was on the roof, Tutsi. Wait, you're in the car. Were you on the sidewalk in the car? I was on the roof of the car. I was-- I had arm extenders. - You're going down on the pedals. - No, you're in the car and she's talking. - You're in the car and she's talking. - You pull up onto the curb. You're driving down rodeo, just two inches behind him. - No, so I was a-- - But you're an electric and EV, so it's silent. - Silent, and I was, I was like closing my eyes so he couldn't see me. And I was like, (laughing) - We're the big fears of you're like, "Oh, if he looks at you driving you, oh, oh." I do love that thing. - But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - If I can't see you, you can't see me. I'm obsessed, peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo. But I saw him and I was like, "Oh my God, that guy's so hot." And then I was driving and I was like, "Oh, there's nobody in back of me. "There's nobody in front of me." And I'm in the sides. (laughing) - It's so much, I crawled, and then I looked in the rear room mirror and I waited for him to get the, and then he turned the corner. I was like, "Oh, I guess I'll turn the corner." And I turned the corner and I followed him for like three blocks. - Remember people, the numbers 9-1-1, okay? - And I wanted to do the thing where I was like, I rolled down the window but it's like the back left and then the back mine and then the other one and then I get the right one. And then I'm like, "Excuse me. "May I offer you a ride?" - Oh, who knows, mate? I mean, that would've been probably crazy. - It would've been amazing. - It would've probably creep you to say. - Oh, a creep, but I don't believe you were being creeped but I'm saying it would've been amazing. - Also, I got my car's Phil's with junk. Phil with boxes. And then there was the passenger seat. - No drag though. - No drag. - No, hangers. - He got those human wigs and those boots in there still don't he? - I got like all kinds of sewing needles and everything. And then the whole passenger seat was filled with trash. So I was like, "Well, maybe it's not the time." But he was so hot and just gave me that's bricked. And I was like, "God, good for you." And he was probably straight. I mean, I don't know. I don't think straight gay, whatever. We're all losing our shit. - You know what? I don't want to talk. I don't want to say who 'cause it's okay. But he told me, I don't think he'd be embarrassing me telling his T actually. He said like, he's told himself to stop deciding if someone is or isn't gay. He's like, "Yes." - He's like, "I need to." - That's not our cup. - Yes. - He said like, "I want to get better at going up to someone and saying like, 'How are your hands, I'm are you dating anybody?' Like, that is okay." And then the person could just say, "Oh, I'm actually not gay." And that's mine. And what if they're not identifying as anything and what if you just come up and they are attracted to you? You don't know people's T. - You don't. And let me tell you what about, let me tell you the T. I do know about Tutsi is that my good friend of mine and then another friend. what about their long-term lovely relationships monogamy style that were with men who had previously dated women only, booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo only boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob flags will take him, not Disney World, can't smoke, but I'll take him anywhere they want to go besides Disney World. - Would you date a guy who had a pet? - Yes, I'm not a monster. - Okay, but I wouldn't, if I were able to draw my own destiny to the detail, I'd be like, maybe why are you petting that dog? I'm right here. What about this thick black coat? What about this fur, this glossy fur? - You're lower back. - Yes, what about my calves riddled with Medicare? - What about my matted hairy calves? When people see me without a shirt on, I'm at the point where I first thing I do is apologize about my lower back. - Shut up. - It's the hairiest part of my body. - Why don't you get her a W-A-X-E-D? - Not interested. - Well, because I went to get, my boyfriend would call me a whore. He was like, who'd you do that for? Do you understand? - I got one drink. - Oh yeah, he would say, oh, well, here he goes. - Here he goes. - He says, airbrushed and eagle spread. - Oh my God. - That's what he said. - If I put on concealer before going to the gay club, he's like Hollywood frost for the men. - For the dick sucking convention. - Yeah, for the cock sucking facility. He calls it the gay bar, the cock sucking facility. - Oh, so you got wax. No, you know what, he was at a town. The cocking facility. - He was under the eye. - Oh yeah, the wandering eye. You know if I'm like using the pool while the gardener's there. - You're asking for it. - He's like, oh, what are you showing everything Joel, what you got, showing everything what you got? - Crazy. - Showing everything what you got. He was at a town and I went to Akbar with Daniel Vincent Gord, you know, a friend of DvG. - DvG, and we went and we were gonna go to my fave, Los Feliz, High Tops, but it was the World Cup, which made it really hard to go to High Tops for me for a good several weeks, 'cause it was just packed every, all the time, which was great for business. - Great for business. - But I only go there at 5 p.m. on a Tuesday. I want the low key experience. - You're kind of like those dangerous friends. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I don't know. I don't pay attention to the TVs at sports events. So when the whole room suddenly screams, I get so scared. - Yeah, yeah, no. - My fighter flight, my arthritis. My joint's locked up. - Oh, you're blood pressure. You're like, oh, not everybody shut up. I gotta take my pulse. Hey man, like, I can't take it. I get so scared. I get so scared. - They should do the wave at a sporting event. They should do the wave, but that. Like, oh, yes. Hey man, they need to give us some kind of hereditary too. I know it would be bad, but I don't care. I want to see what else I have. - Yes, no hereditary, even more family related. - Hereditated. - Hereditated. - So when he was out of town, I went. So then we pivoted. We went to Ackbark. So I was like, well, Ackbark will be fun. And I love Ackbark too. - Yeah. - And we went over there and he drove. And we got in there and they had free hot dogs. - Oh. - The bartender had a little hot dog cooker. And there was like 10 people and there's like, you want a hot dog? And I'm a vegetarian, but I was like, well, we were trying to get dinner, but I wasn't going to eat it. It looks to be those hot tops during the World Cup because it was nowhere to sit. What do we stand and eat nachos while you're-- - I need to be able to sit. - Yeah, absolutely. - So then I go to eat standing. And because Mr. Wonderful's out of town was like, well, I guess I'll just eat this hot dog that I have to go home and not eat. And I had a real hot dog. - This is just eating this hot dog. - Because the smart dogs I get are 60 calories. And they're amazing. - Oh, I know. - With the keto buns, 60 calories. - 120 calorie hot dog. The most calories are from the ketchup. Do you understand? I feel like I'm being made fun of. Just 'cause I like health. Sorry, skinny mini over here. Everybody, my whole life has made fun of me for being thin. My whole life, being pole, rail, hangar. - Toothpick, lady. - Telephone, pole. - Are you there? - And I come get it at work. What do you run around the shower to get wet? - 'Cause I'm so skinny that I have to run around. - Oh, yeah, he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - Oh my God. - So I get to meet the hot dog. And wait, where's the story going? - It's going to the hot dog. - Hot dog at Akbar. - Hot dog at Akbar. Hot dog at Akbar. I didn't have to eat at home. Mr. Wonderful's out of town. - Oh, so then Mr. Wonderful gets back to town and goes, so I got to go to town and you go to the cock sucking facility for the hot dog eating night. - To eat hot dogs in front of men. - How did you eat it? Can you show me? - And as he said it, I was like, "You know what, I do sound crazy. "You're out of town, so I went to the gay bar." I fucked myself with a hot dog in front of people. I was like, you got up on the table, right? But I don't know. You're like, I would love one, no bun. And you can just, yeah. But something about summer. - Holy spirit activates, I want burgers and hot dogs. - Of course. - Every day. - Holy spirit activates. - That's the little tough on the digestive side. - Well, we can't have salad right now. - Oh my God, unwashed lettuce. - Because it's like a spurnia or whatever. - People have been, we thought the bad things thing was really rock in the bathroom community. This is blowing the lids off. - Yeah. - They won't let us have it. And they won't let me eat it. And I said, why don't you let us? - They won't. (laughs) - Because there's a water main break in WeHo, shitty water, bud, shitty water, bud. - We'll get into that. - People, because pride is over, and everyone do's so much, that great water. - That gray water. - That gray water was lowing down Melrose Avenue. - Yeah. - I had to go hop over it, like Harry Bradshaw. - I went on the internet nice, I Googled this, it's called like cyclo spores or something. - It's pretty, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like a spore or whatever. - Sounds like a bicycle festival that just actually closed down all the roads. - Yeah, yeah. - A women who love women, bicycle festival in Portland, Maine, cyclo spore, yeah. - With cyclo spore, yeah, it sounds so kind. It's like, it's like mushrooms on bicycles. - Yeah, with the world's first annual SAFIC horror movie festival. - Oh yeah, bike to the movie. - Yeah, SAPIC horror movie festival, very woke. Before they even scared the audience, they asked for permission. This is gonna be scary part of the video, okay? - You think they're gonna, yeah, they wouldn't even have to like unlock the bike stuff. So it says, I typed in, who does this affect to the people who eat lettuce? Like who's susceptible? 'Cause I have a, my arthritis medicine makes my immune system so low. She could really rock me. - Yeah. - It said don't worry that it affects people in the age range of two to 95. Super helpful. Super helpful, babies you're safe. Dead people you're safe. Two to 95. - Baby, send me to someone. - Which makes sense 'cause one year old doesn't like give me that lettuce honey. - Yeah, you know that. - Don't watch that. But I guess the breakup started from a talk chain of Taco Bells who got their lettuce from a place in Mexico. That's what the recall happened. - Oh, that sounds racist. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Skinny and racist. - It's like the article said. - Skinny and racist. - I used my last free one. to article to read that and now I'm gonna have to what start paying oh yeah I don't do that I don't do that no paywalls for me should we talk about what happened last night well yes yes yes so the desire oh having a long form meditation so you're having longing desires for men with regular bodies well yeah well the men are very bodies but it's a tough oh so okay when I bounced over the shitty water on Melrose I walked I was walking no no no I and I was wearing slides with white socks you brought a boba straw I didn't smell but it tasted delicious actually I had no water I had a hose and I and then I put it right on my ass that shit went right up right back up the douche hole wash your makeup brush isn't it fierce girl how do we get this from brown to black that I I was walking on the sidewalk pass this guy I wish I had just I you know honestly I wish I had just taken my phone and just took a picture of him right like like cha-ching like one two three shing thank you six five six six thank you so much that's what six five six six flawlessly golden even tan brown curly hair this guy was a I mean he absolutely has to have been a model or is a model or some kind of actor aspiring whatever you can be hot and have a normal job that's true I don't believe that was ball whatever so that was I don't see you know tank top and shorts and sneakers and I was the the mental the mental activity that was immediately just triggered was so intense so intense so intense and he was arguing on the phone with someone and he looked distressed after I was able to just like like recover from the shock of okay I just passed I just saw for good ten seconds and then passed and you know the most attractive man I've ever seen in my life this is not the guy you followed different no different most attractive man I've ever seen in my life it was you know when I almost felt like I got the wind knocked out of me I thought it was the oh god I'm so ugly oh god I'm so ugly I'm so old I experienced that to the same thing happens to me other people looking really good sometimes activates like damage at no point in your life did you ever come close and now you're just the older version even at your whatever your peak age was bitch you looked horrible that's exactly that you just that is exactly the train of thought that was just barreling through the station I don't even have the that I'm not even like morning the beauty I had no even if I got on peptides and steroids at 16 is like Mary you would never look even you wouldn't even look like his ugly younger brother bitch what stop dream and fat yeah so and then and that's the other thing people's nice hair oh I love like an angel I feel like when I think glossy brown curly when I tell someone they have nice hair when they do have nice hair I just always feel like I'm an old chrome yeah would you like the apple like I'm like beans beans and nothing but beans it's just like I'm some kind of you're in the bathroom with the razors in the water's turning red like when I say you have nice hair because I'm bald you're sort of like that guy's gonna kill me yeah it's still my hair like I don't know still my I don't know I know I I think like you have nice hair and what I can't take and what I've been going through a lot which is fierce I find myself in these social scenarios where people with eighty percent of their hair are like I'm so bald I have to go get a consultation I'm just like look in the mirror but I'm like year bald or you know what yesterday before your party we put on a vinyl a tallow disco set to get in the mood and everybody was coming over and girl I made meatballs I made what make meatballs I made Pillsbury Pillsbury Crescent Rolls with pizza stuff roll up pizza roll then I made well I bought a tiramisu I think it's okay to carry out dessert it's all this is great okay store by I don't care if like the the okay okay to bring it over and then we made mozzarella sticks because it's like you know turn it to Italy yeah I called my friend Nick who's from Italy and I from Italy yeah his family's from Italy like type of person more when his mom calls he picks up his peaks in perfect Italian kind of forget he said see he's straight but seems a little gay and you're like oh you're Italian like pinching butts in the elevator you're deeply sexual but you're like excuse me anything you like to share with the class no fact a queen he's deeply heterosexual but like healthy and talks about feelings which is sad that in America it's I know that because he's so sweet nice yeah but anyway I called him and I just revealed I walked into frame in my mustache with my gondola outfit and I go is this offensive is this is this and he goes no he said I think it's I think it's a work of art yes it is I think the mozzarella sticks are offensive that they're in the air fryer and you just poured them out of a bag I said yeah you're probably right you're probably right about that yeah maybe your Italian food is the issue like the outfit sure you Googled Italian but the food baby oh my God that's funny but you know I'm such a Midwest white lady the way I get bricked about how many different things you can make with pills bearing dough rolls you can make anything you can make garlic crescent rolls rolling up the smart dogs smart dogs big and a blanket blanket break break you can make whatever you think you want to make you can Google that with pills very crescent roll and there's a version of it to just uh-uh uh-uh and break Tina and everyone likes crescent dough I love it I'm sure it's not highly nutritional no it's it's true it's so fattening so much butter so much butter it's okay who cares so then at the at the at the show another thing happened so I roll up I should we tell people what it was oh yeah yeah so I am so I had I wanted to do it dance night of a international music and I'm gonna pat myself on the back for coming up with a really great fun branding name because Dutch I mean summer house oh house music in the summer summer I thought it was a girl name no Dasha Dasha with an S H is the girls name oh the button on that story with the Italian disco how it was yeah the the DJ they were had an overhead camera for his decks and when he would lean in he had the tiniest little like visible scalp here I wouldn't even say bald but like yes maybe enough loss that when the hair parts you can see skin yeah and my and my people who were there were like oh my god I would kill them did you see that if I leaned over and they saw the top man like that I would be furious and I just go oh really what would you do bring your gun to work like I'm just like I'm so it would be amazing if you also ripped off your scum so your brain the button on that story is like people are always always feel so like yeah okay no it's I know and I I again I with the guy that I he is attracted to baldies oh which I yeah exactly yes yeah there's nothing when guys who are 25 go bald I'm like great yeah who live large who cares I don't think people care maybe that's why everybody has always one of the people really do care a lot of people care guess who cares people here the and then so the how to international dance I and Mateo our friend Mateo the DJ would help me learn how to DJ a little bit I have like three lessons and I was like really nervous I was like oh I don't think I'm I'm not gonna be able to do this alone for sure right and I was like I'm not going to be a super scary super scary because then when at one point around 1 a.m. after my wall it was my set I chose I chose all the we I chose all the songs for my set we went through all the transition some of them are really difficult because these weren't extended dance mixes oh yeah they were like crazy just radio edits essentially and I was like this is very hard and he of course he's so funny he's like oh he he he he mentioned that there's a technique where you can just kind of like reverb out and then just play the other song I was like oh okay I mean that's not mixing but it's like it is playing I was like that's an option and then of course he's like no we're gonna loop this and then we're gonna play this and then we're gonna do this and we're gonna switch the base I was like okay I don't know right like I like what you just did is actually made me less confident about what we previously learned I know but like let her cook that's you on like Pixar or like that's you on cap cut that's you on oh yeah yeah yeah so like that's your CDJ where you're like let me hit that sauce let me do this bet bet bet bet bet and then the person's 100 years old you know they've gone through several gender transition female to male to female to hold yeah there is a lot to it and when you I applaud you because the first time I was behind a dex was secret I showed up unannounced and did a 30 minute set with like with big sunglasses and a hat because I was so scared and I didn't want anybody to see me so everything about it for the first time is terrifying yeah it would mind you every a lot of the buttons you could accidentally hit completely stop the music like Let's talk about Q and play. Oh yeah, talk about it. That's my, yeah. Talk about Q. So Q is, you can play and then play pause is, (humming) Yeah, great. (laughing) Spears. It's really a experience. And then getting into that, we hadn't really, we hadn't done the first two and a half lessons with headphones. Oh. So I'm like, I'm just going off of what I hear in the speakers, which, and I'm like, I know these songs. So, and I, we've made all the cue points. This is probably gonna be so boring for people. Long story short, it was, I had the best, best time. And the music was fabulous. I mean, I didn't understand, it was non-English entirely. Yeah. And it was mostly Italian. I think. Yeah, mostly Italian. People loved it. Packed house, sold out. I had to message the owner because I waited to get, to get sold the night of and couldn't get them. Fears. Fears. And I was like, and also, can you let me in the back? (laughing) It was really, it was really nice that really well attended. Yeah. I'm gonna say I wanted more Christmas from people. I wanted more outfits. Yeah. But I wasn't really, yes. They wanted more Italian. Yeah, I wanted more outfits too. I looked like a, I worked at Disney. No, you looked amazing. If every, in my, in my dreams dream, in my heart's heart of dreams, it was, everybody was gondola, pizza, pasta, meatballs, leaning tower pizza. Yes. My friend, Michi, who helped me with, me, my incredible show of shopping outfits, she was a Christmas tree. I, she made that? No, no, she was, she, she was the Christmas tree. She got that on something. It was like a little bit. It was like an airline dress of a Christmas tree. I lived. It reminded me of, do you remember it? Grease II, Michelle Pfeiffer, is the Christmas, she's doing girl, be your girl for all season. Was that it? I know. And she dresses as a Christmas tree. Remember? And then she dissociates and thinks of the, the motorcycle or Michael. That's the Grease II. Grease II. Grease II is amazing. Of the, is it? Oh my God, the guy who plays Michael. Oh my God. Is unbelievably hot. And Michelle Pfeiffer is the star of it. I know, she's so incredible. Cool writer. She sings. There's bowling. Are there, are there rat free hot dogs? No, but the songs are so good. We're going to score tonight. There's a, I mean, this is, oh. Reproduction, reproduction. There's a song where they're in class learning about reproduction. Reproduction? Reproduction. And they're like talking about sex, the teenagers. Fears. I know. I know. I know. I know. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I'm going to watch it. I thought someone did 'em. They looked good. I said, "I don't think she probably had someone do that." I don't know. And then I put your blush on a lot of blush. And then on my nose too. Thank God. Because I wasn't doing any foundation. And then, oh, you were wet. 10 minutes. Before it started, we got there around 839. I was like, "Oh my God." And I saw people on the way in and I was like, "Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I feel like I'm gonna get a lot of trouble for not being in drag because I was like, I was like, I think it's probably safe to assume that I would be appearing in drag. You weren't drag on the poster. I was in drag on one of the posters. But it was also a cartoon. Yeah, that's true. It was a cartoon. It was a cartoon. It was a cartoon, Ellie. It was beautiful. Ellie. And then, but the tickets weren't crazy. How much were they? Like $25. It was a club night. That's true. I mean, in Los Angeles, any kind of theme tonight is a deal. And also, if one of the drag races is going to show there, the tickets are like 50 bucks. Also, it was sold out. No, yeah. But so anyway, I don't think it was too expensive because it was sold out. Right. But I was like, oh my God. I was like, I feel so bad. I was not in drag. 10 minutes into the dance. Sing Tootsie. I was like, as if I could die. You would have died. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't really wet. I wouldn't de-drag everybody was talking about it. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't de-drag. I was so I was soaking out 4,000 calories every year. You dressed as an elf completely soaked. And you know those girls there were still making TikToks of you. Like, I shaved my whole body just in case. Like, like, they would have still lined up to lick you cross-eyed. It was, I was, you know, you guys ring out and I had to do three costume changes because I had to ring out the outfits completely drenched. I never peed. Who made up a props and stuff. That was Matt, Matt Rabie and the his, from Maurice. Maurice, yeah. I love D-A-C-H-A. D-A-C-H-A, yeah. Girl, you should do another one. That was like some of the most fun I've had. Yeah. So I'm already planning the next one. The next one's going to be all Ukrainian. Love. Yeah. Can I tell you the X program was not present. Those people were smoking on the patio. I walked out there. It was like holy shit. It was the, it was like a cloud. It was the Y program. The Y aren't you smoking program. I woke up this morning in my hands. My fingers smelled like I was smoking. I woke up and was like, what? Did somebody while sleeping like use my hand to see you woke up and this one was in bed with three cigarettes in his mouth. Like, I was just like, I went on the pat and people always smoke a little at precinct. They were, they were ripping them. We're ripping butts last night. The ripen butts. Precinct has a, was it called a geek bar dispenser? Those vapes? No. And I walked out there and saw the vape dispenser. And I was like, how? Woo! Like I was like, this is so weird. I was like, you guys are weird. I was like, back in my day, we used to drink alcohol. I was like, everybody get off the patio and go inside and get a drink. I'm disgusted with all of you. Go get some alcohol. The geek bar is so corny. It's corny. It's corny, everybody with their light up binky. But they also have a, oh god, where's my binky? They also have a photo booth out there now. Yeah. And I like the patio at precinct because sometimes they have sales, different, like vendors. I got these shorts and more of the vendors. And then they also have that huge mural of Alaska, which is cool. And they now have a photo booth. And the photo booth takes four pictures or whatever. And I'm with a group. It's like me, Jennifer, Mr. wonderful, a bunch of people. And we're all, you know, trying to, we're like, well, I can't fit in this booth, but we want these pictures. So, okay, you two go in. All right. It says 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The next two people rush in. And then I rush in and no one gets in with me. So everyone is group pictures. And then the middle one on it is me alone like, no, I know one. Just got in with me. No one. I have like a passport photo. Everyone else is like, yeah. But it was like the people were smoking. We were, and that's an outdoor patio. And the clouds were still like, yeah, it was the mist. It was the mist. It was the mist. And when I went into the mist, I saw these two guys. I was looking around. I was like, I need to sit down on a table with people just to crash their table for a second. And this really gorgeous guy in this really beautiful young man, we're chatting. And then I sat down and just barge in. And then I realized that they're like, he had just bought him a drink. Oh, they're drunk. No, no, no, no, no, they were flirting. And they was like, this was the, I came in. I came in. I came in. I was the bone break. I was like, and then with the guy said, but they're there for you. They love you. Well, I don't think they were. I don't, but they might have been. I don't think they're like wire. No, no, no, I actually know. I know they weren't because with the guy, the, the, the, the, the, they're both hot, but the, I'm the hot guy. He's like, he was like, all right. It's like, all right. You, who are you? Or like, not who are you? We wouldn't really like that. I was like, you look familiar. He's like, I was like, all right. He's like, do you do track? I was like, yes. He's like, are you caught? Yeah. And he's like, oh, I love you. And then he said, he was the most wonderful, wonderful compliments. Oh, I was like, oh, no. That's nice. That's not my, my, my yucky. I thought I got my yucky from back, back to my corolla. But then, but so he was so, I mean, so gorgeous, so nice. But just maybe, I mean, I'm gonna start crying. And then it's very sweet. And then I said, well, good luck to you both. I think I, I approved this thing. It was, yeah. And I left. But then I started. I was like, well, it's over for me. That will never happen to me because I'm ugly and unfuckable. Right. And they're in the sweaty little clown that pops in to give them a little laugh. And then they're like, that was nice. Show up. They're looking at each other's eyes and you show up to be like, look how worse it could be. I literally come in like, yeah, we're the guests because I noticed you got on the dance floor a few times. We're the guests receptacle receiving, receiving of that. Were they respectful? Were they grabbing? Oh, nobody grabs. Okay. Nobody grabbed. Yeah. No, it's all very respectful. It was so fun. You know what I can't take and drag what I can't handle. I'm a drag and someone grabs my boobs. It drives or my hair. It drives me insane. But like, when it's usually girls, when someone's like, and maybe it's because it's like, there's a familiarity there. Maybe. No grab. And I, I know they don't mean anything by it, but it lands in a way they might not know, which is like, don't touch me bitch. Don't touch my fake private parts. Well, right. And it's also, but I mean, I saw you imagine that it's also easy to like, it would be very, very, it wouldn't be much of a jump to just put yourself in that situation. It's like, oh, I wonder if a guy just, I wonder if someone just grabbed my tits. Right. Well, I mean, I'm not saying it's the same because they're not real tits. Excuse me, it totally is. It's absolutely the same. And anatomically speaking, I mean, I'm not anatomically, but, but socially it is. It's like my cabbage patched all for a minute. Don't you grab me? I could have, I could be injured. Right. Like, like, I went to a meeting the other day when someone's like, can I have a picture? And they, like, this thing. No, no, no, someone was like, someone was like, pawing at my incision. What? Yes, because they didn't know. They were like, way too familiar. Give me a hug. I can start doing it this. I was like, I was like, don't touch me. So it's like, that kind of thing is like, we just, also we just met. It doesn't matter if it's in a meeting or anything. But it was things like that. I'm like, just, maybe just stay out of my no-no space. Or just this whole thing could be my no-no space, unless you're that hot curly-haired guy from Melrose in the shitty water. - Then welcome to my no-no space. - Then the no-no becomes yes, yes. No, but I was like, oh God, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then I get backstage with the dancers. And these go-go's are, your go-go's are all beautiful. The girls. - The girls were hot. - The girls were like, holy shit, gorgeous. - And I was like, God. - I got the same reaction in the dressing room. They were like, are you tricky? I said, yes. I was like, you guys all look so beautiful. Thanks, and the bodies, these men's bodies were. - Yeah. And then the guy that was like, oh, and then I go backstage and he would tell you his friends with one of the go-go dancers. And I go back to talking to the go-go dancers with this impossible body. And I was like, oh yeah, you know, your friend was like, your friend, I talked to your friend out there. Is that your friend? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he mentioned something that I won't mention here. But what they mirror me and I have done. And then I was like, well, that'll never happen to me. Well, that'll never happen to me. 'Cause I'm an ugly, unfuckable, ghoulish monster from Taylor's from the crypt. But then. I was like, that's unacceptable. I was like, I don't mean to be, I don't want to brag, but I wanted to, I wouldn't treat myself like maybe a therapist or like a good friend. 'Cause I was like, do you know, do you have any idea how that model on dollars probably would have killed for your life? We don't know. It's quite possible, though. I guess, but I don't know if that's necessarily healthy direction either 'cause that's still comparing. It compares to spare. Right, comparing to spare. But it also made me, but no, no, no. But it's not because I'm better than him. It's not that. It's like, it's like, he would be like, but yeah, okay. I, but. Right. And I was like, wait a minute, I have like the best life in the world. You absolutely do. I mean, you're sort of at the best party where you get to select all the music and you pay to be there. The best life in the world. And I don't have to work for another month. Yeah. And I don't have to worry about money. Could be worse. You could be in drag every day this week. Like some, some people over here. Mr. Wonderful woke up this morning and said, you need to stop with the foolishness. What foolishness has it going to work? Yes, the work of holism. The work of holism. It's just, I'm having, I'm experiencing a work of holic episode. No, I'm experiencing a, experiencing a traffic jam of opportunities I want. You're being human trafficked. You're being work trafficked. No, she's trying to externalize her. She's trying to externalize her is a, like, I love the pod. I love my YouTube channel. I love to tour. I love all these things. And so it's really hard for me to say no to them because I want, I love all of them. I wish they were further. I wish there was days between them. Time. Time management. I was in drag Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Today is my only day this week, not in drag. Fear is not here. So you have a, I have a makeup question of very emergency. I'm getting a car bunkal on the side of my lip. That's not herpes related. It's like a, a, a visit coming in. What do I do? I mean, there's this spot treatment from Peter Thomas Roth today. Like that's like a, like, you just put it on and it just, it's like a combination of salicellic acid licorice, which is like a calming agent and something else and it'll just like put it on overnight. We don't really know where to store. No, you could also go on a Sephora and find an effort to me, like, I have a pimple and they'll tell you 10 products. I will say this about Sephora and also these bitches. They work there all day. They know all these. Oh, they do. They do. They do. Yeah, they're not at all lost. I feel like if you're going to go to the makeup store and person, you're not going to actually take advantage of these people's purchase. Why would they tell you? When I works to make up the counters, you never lied to people. No, I always appreciated their expertise to guys. 'Cause they know the best customer service too. Yeah, and it's a foreign altitude. I don't know if this is still the case, but these people get training from these brands. Like, like, make it forever. We'll send a rep to the store to give a training one-on-one to all these people. So they get training directly from the company. So like, they know. I'm not saying they all aren't like, listen, they all try to make you open a store credit card at Nordstrom, but I don't have to do that. But they don't all get commission. I think people's minds, they think makeup counter people like live on commission. Also, the time is just hourly. They get paid hourly to not lie to you, right? So, and also, I mean, I've worked in those things. It's like, if you're in a good day and a good mood and everything's fine, you're bossing on a whore blast, whole whatever, whatever, whatever. It is funner to be, to do a good job. It is. And it's funner to help people. It's like, oh, I'm coming out of there. I had a plan last night, which was, is it OK that I set the tone with the group? Because people came over to about eight. And I had just pulled on my incredible snacks out of the ovens. Yeah, with my fake mustache, my John Waters brown mustache, pulling a pan of like, many pizzas out of the oven. I never get invited to any like, well, not, does not say you know, but you know, but you guys had to be there in line. But I, I, I, I want the only, the only in recent memory, the only pregame. I said so, so juvenile, but the only like pre-party, get together and we'll all leave together. The thing I've already been invited to was like, so drug rattled, so riddled with drugs. Right. And I was like, you know, it's like, it's like, there's no, there's no pizza rolls. There's just K, Coke, and G. Oh, I love the, I love a pre-party. Where it's like, everybody has like a beer or a high noon or maybe a glass of wine. And then there's actually snacks, sit outside by the fire, watch music videos, can't do it the nightclub talk, no, have hot dog nachos hot dog nachos, you know what I mean? You can't, but yeah, you talk and you're like, you set your intention. You charge your crystals and then you eat your snacks. You have a little glass of clinky blinky, whatever. Yeah, and then later when you're like, you know, our blotto on the floor, we're faced laying down, oh, the shit in the club, the feces in the club feces. Jennifer, tell me about it. What are they calling it painting the dance floor? They're calling it the dance floor. Yeah, people are shitting on the floor. First of all, and we've, you know what though, let's not be shocked, because there've been plenty of musical cues along the way. Murder on the dance floor. We didn't pay attention. Shitting on the dance floor. There was a killer on the dance floor. People fall in love on the dance floor. What comes next? Shitting. So wait, when the signs were they record on, I want to empty my bowels. Cause when the music starts, my bowels never want to stop. I'm going to shit. It crazy. Absolutely. All the cues, the writing was on the wall and it was brown. The writing was on the wall and it was brown. Hello, I, hello, earth to share, earth to share. Come in, share. Um, what was I just going to say? Oh, the shit, but why do you think they are shitting? Is it drugs? I don't know. I think they're acting out. It's a pot. They're sensing that they're like, I'll, my life chances are slammed. The world's falling apart. This is a very scary time. I'm going to go go go Gaga. I'm going back to babyhood. So I'm going to poopy it. I'm going to act out and be poopy on the dance floor. If somebody slips in it, then they're in the same. We're all in the same poopy boat. You know, I'm the brown banana. I'm a little bit, um, direct with, um, poop, anything. And I think it's okay. When you have guests, uh, to tell them what time it's over, I, this is the number one thing I love about you. So when people were there like eight, eight, thirty, having snacks and having drinks, we were talking about the night we're going to have and I go, I go, yeah, I got to work tomorrow. I said, my plan is that we have fun. We are costumes. We eat. We drink. And I said, I'm brushed. I'm, I'm lost and in bed by midnight. Oh, yeah. And everyone else was like, me too, girl. It's Wednesday. We're going to do it. We're going to get out. Yeah. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that horrible because I wasn't bed by midnight, lost and brushed. And I was like, grateful. I was like, I saw the watch all stars for the peace, so I was like, I got to get in bed and watch my story. Yeah. Is that bad? Am I like, am I the party runer sometimes? I feel like Miss grandpa, because I'm like, Miss grandpa, that's the only way to be because I'm like, well, we're all in my house at eight. I'm setting, I'm setting the setting, the expectation that when we all come home from the club, I will be going to bed. Is that bad? Oh, so, but I thought you were, I would, I, you didn't come home alone. No, I, the whole group came home, but I didn't make them come. But the whole group early in the night was like, oh, yeah girl early night. We're coming home early. They went back to your place Yeah, because their cars were all parked there No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So when you go to the club, you're not taking care of yourself. No, I'm not my problem. I gotta go right we'll start snoring in real time You go only because of this because I'm in the drive every day this starts flossing in the car you get out of that with your bonnet in hot tea You get out of the car and greet them with a mug of hot chamomile. Yeah, if they started to get crazy sleepy time tea if you start to get crazy Toss them on the face and then oh god no and then you push me in their car actually if you do if you spill the tea They're gonna want a band-aid. Did you watch the lobster? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you watch the other? What's the other lobster movie? Consider the wait what the list with Moss movie where they turn into lobsters. Hello with Colin Ferrell No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not the lobster. No, no, no, no, no, that's I'm talking about shell. I did did you watch shell? I didn't watch all of it though. I didn't get through all of it. I did watch most of it Wait, which leads me back to my next point. So what did so you're my therapist, right? Dr. Brian What and I and I just told you that story about how I feel so impossibly ugly and I'm not fishing for compliments I Don't think you're ugly or impossibly ugly, but I'm telling you I think swinging back the other direction and saying I Think it's reasonable to say you know what? There's probably things in my life that guy would be jealous of You're recognizing that comparing as a human thing and and it's a two-way street, and it's kind of an endless, like self-indring loop. - Yeah, yeah. - I think that's okay, but I don't think, but making it go away by being like. - No, no, no, no, no, it's not. - He probably wants to be me. - No, no, no, no, it's not that jealous. It's like, it's more of like a gratitude less. - It's a noticing that, I'm experiencing a human thing of like, I covet that person's hair. - I covet. - Or their body or whatever. - Yeah, yeah. - He covets. - He covets. - I don't think it's bad. I think it's a very human thing. - Well, Oscar and I were just talking about this. - It made me really upset. - Oh, I wouldn't let it get you upset. I mean, sometimes I feel, - Oh, well, how do I do that? - Sometimes I feel what you're feeling, which is like, I feel like I spent a lot of my young life with thinking like I was gonna reach some kind of physical peak or some kind of magical second puberty where I was gonna feel gorgeous. And now I'm like, I feel like I'm just like the banana that's only good for banana bread. - Oh my God. - It's a greasy brown, you know? - Like dipped in the Milro stream. Like I feel like an avocado where it's like, for days I couldn't make my guacamole 'cause it's rock hard. And then I blinked and it's rotten. You know what, avocados do that? Where it's like, that is really profound to see. Where everyday I keep my avocados in my windowsill and I have red onion, cherry tomatoes, and jalapenos and all that 'cause I'm always ready to make little guacamole 'cause I'm white, right? White people making some kind of awful guacamole and trying to make everyone eat it me. - Look, I put pineapple in it, freaky. - So there's ham in my guac, yeah. I chopped up hot dogs for 60 calories. So everyday I grab it and I swear to God, it's rock hard. The internet says put it in a paper bag so it gets gets softer faster, you can try to do that. And then I swear to God, I'm always waiting to make the guac when he make the guac and then wet. - Black, wet and black. - Dark, brown. And that's how I feel sometimes with my looks that's I'm just like, I was young and shitting on myself and now I'm this age shitting on myself and nothing is different, so here we are. - No more dancing around in the Black Melrose water. And also I've learned, even when I was running the marathon and I was in like my peak physical form, I didn't really feel that different about myself. It has so little to do with what I really look like and also why are we reliable narrators of what we think we look like? We're not reliable at all. - We're not. - My shell in the grease too. - 'Cause I'm gonna want to fuck you or you're really gonna be like, okay, weird. - Baby. - That's why I need, that's why I need to hear it for a time. - Are you sure? - It's just in about, 'cause this is like, - It's like, and then for like, okay. - I'm like, you want to fuck me? Can you walk this line please and do this? Can you follow my finger? - Also, can you fill out this 500 A1 question? - M-B-T-I of, yeah. - I was like, we're gonna need a referral, a note from the doctor and also a witness. - Yeah. - No, I've learned that a while ago. It's like, when someone says something that is truly complimentary, it's like, don't argue with them. - Don't. - Don't argue with them. I was like, I'm gonna take it. When you take the L and the chat on video games, - F in the chat. - F in the chat. What is there, is there a W or like a good one? Is it a thumbs up? Is it a hot dog? - I've been told by fans that I miss use F in the chat. So I guess I don't even know what it means. I think it's like when someone dies in the like respect that they died in the game. - Okay, control V, no. Let's just say it's happening. - Control shift three. - Control. - Is it how you screen chat on a note? - Control, okay. - If you want to know. - Okay, thank you. - It's good to know. - Option, delete, we gotta wrap. Okay, so yeah, I would just say, if someone says you're hot, believe them. If they're blind, ask them again. It's a little like being humbles, cute, sure. But if somebody said to you and I, I just love your podcast. You say, thank you. - Oh yeah, yeah. - I don't say, oh. Or like, I love your drag, I love you. When you say like, okay, or whatever, not that you would do that. But you're like invalidating their real feelings about something. - Exactly, yeah, yeah. And they say they know something, they're sharing a feeling. - I know, imagine, imagine, could you imagine? Imagine, if I saw Michelle Pfeiffer alone, and she was-- - And she followed her in your car. - No, no, no, and she said, she had a little piece of paper that's folded that said, yes, I'm Michelle Pfeiffer, and it's okay to talk to me. And so I went up and we were the only people in the restaurant and I went up and said, you know, I don't, I'm not gonna take it to up here. I'm not gonna take up too much of your time 'cause I just don't wanna do that. But I would love for you to know that, all throughout your career, I have just been screaming from the sidelines because I think you are just one of the best people on this planet. That's what I would wanna say. - It's lovely. - Yeah, and it's true. And what if she was like, oh, oh, I suck. (burping) - She was like, I was at your Dasha party. - Yeah, and it was really bad. - It was really bad. - It was really bad, you really are bad. - And you were really wet. - I was at your Dasha party and-- - Dacha. - Dacha. - I was at your Dacha party, and I'm a really big fan, and I just, you didn't recognize me, because, (crying) - But it was me, my shelf life, though. - Star of grease, too. - What about Mr. Wonderful thinking this was Santa? - Can you, oh, that's scary. Look, right at your camera. - He goes, I think it's Santa. (crying) - No, he goes, I think it's a gnome. I said, yeah. - You know what it's also, what's particularly chilling is the eyebrow into the other eye, what it looks like, it's kinda. - But, no tea. You put that on any of those go-go dancers last night, or the lovely man that I had a conversation in the smoking room. - Wood. - Wood. - Wood. - Wood. And it wouldn't get even a minute. Flasad, not even for a second. - Yeah. - Okay. - Thank you, goodbye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)