Solved, Answers: Finding Purpose, Failing Better, and the AI Future
86m 5s
This special end-of-year episode of *Solved* reflects on the podcast’s first seven months, highlighting 13 million downloads and charting in 13 countries. Mark Manson shares personal insights and audience-driven questions on purpose, meaning, and resilience. He emphasizes that life doesn’t require a single, fixed purpose—instead, people should view their passions as a diversified portfolio that evolves over time. He debunks the myth of needing constant motivation, arguing that meaningful living arises from using time well, even without a grand mission. The "valley of despair" in learning new skills is not a failure but a necessary phase that builds resilience and expertise. For those facing family disapproval, Mark advises finding supportive communities and setting boundaries without demanding change. He also stresses that true purpose lies in giving one’s gifts to others, echoing Picasso’s idea that meaning comes from sharing. On AI, he notes that while models contain vast knowledge, their real value lies in being designed to offer deep, personalized, and context-aware advice—especially for complex personal struggles. He expresses skepticism about mass job displacement due to AI, predicting instead that human-centered, in-person, and artisanal experiences will gain greater value. He also reveals a personal desire to write a women’s version of his book *Models*, citing the lack of coverage on dating apps as a key omission. Finally, he shares how he overcame his first heartbreak by focusing on self-improvement rather than reconnection, and advises treating self-destructive habits like porn use with the same parental discipline one would apply to a child. The episode concludes with a humorous take on sending a message to aliens via Voyager One, arguing it’s both naive and self-serving—there’s no upside and significant risk. Mark also shares his excitement about upcoming content, including a new AI-powered tool and future episodes focused on ego, relationships, and personal growth. This year has been transformative, and he believes the podcast is just beginning.
What's up everybody? Mark Manson here for a very, very special end of year episode of Solved, the most thorough and over-research podcast on the planet. Now, this is the last episode of Solved this year. It's a very special episode. It's going to get a little bit personal. We're going to go deeper on some common topics that have been coming up quite a bit. And I'm going to share a lot of the future plans for the podcast coming up in 2026. But I do want to put it on your radar that the next Solved episode is going to come out on January 1st. So it's going to be new year, new you, new Solved episode. Definitely don't want to miss that. So be sure to check that out. But for this episode, I want to do something a little bit different than what we usually do. As most of you know, Solved episodes, we dive super deep. We get way into the weeds. We over-research everything. And then we end up delivering a like four to five hour mega episode on a single topic. Today, I would like to a go a little bit more bite sized and then be jump around a little bit more. Just to kind of cover everything that's happened in this past year. Also connect a little bit more one-on-one with you guys. And then also just keep you updated on what's going on. So very quickly, a 2025 recap. This podcast is only seven months old, which is kind of crazy to think about. We had over 13 million downloads across platforms, which is insane. Not bad for a podcast with only eight episodes. We peak that number eight in the world in September with our shame episode. And we have charted in 13 different countries worldwide. We were also the most listened to show for 136,000 people on Spotify, which is just absolutely mind boggling. So first of all, a huge thank you to all of you who tune in, all of you who stick around, all of you who listen to Drew and I ramble on and on about obscure 13th century philosophers and the pros and cons of behavioral empirical research in the 1950s. Who would have thought that many of you actually give a shit? So thank you. Now for this episode, I sourced a bunch of questions from you guys from the audience. And we're going to take this in two parts. So the first part of the episode, I sourced questions specifically about purpose from our most recent mega episode. We on December 1st, we released an episode that was almost five hours long about life purpose, how to find your purpose, what the hell that even means. And as people have been working through all that content, obviously, we hear from a lot of you. We hear a lot of follow up questions, a lot of people have personal situations that they're confused about. So I'm going to go through a bunch of those. These were source from community members. So thank you to all the community members who submitted a question. And then in the back half of the episode, I'm just going to get into some more general questions about the show, about me, my career, the things I have planned in 2026. And these were sourced from the YouTube audience. And then finally, at the end of this episode, I'll spend probably five or 10 minutes just walking you through what we have coming up next year. We have a lot of big plans. We have a lot of new stuff coming down the pike. And I couldn't be more excited about it. So I think 2025 was an incredible year, but honestly, we're just getting started. So pretty, pretty fucking exciting, if you ask me. So with that, let's jump into the question. So like I mentioned, this first batch of questions mostly revolves around things, purpose, meaning, values, people who are struggling to just feel greater sense of purpose in their day-to-day life. So to kick us off, the first question comes from a person who says, "I'm a person with many different interests and passions. How do I choose just one purpose?" They say that they work seven years in education or are very passionate about educational reform. They are professional magician. That's pretty cool. They absolutely love dancing bachata. They love gaming. They speak four languages, and they even created an app to help them practice their languages. They conclude by saying, "How do I know which is my real purpose?" This is perfect because this is one of the things that we address in the purpose episode. There is not a single purpose for you out there. You can have many, many purposes. It's not like a spouse. You don't pick one and then just hope you stick with them for the rest of your life. Your purpose, like many things, it evolves, it changes, and you can source it from many different places. I actually think it's more useful to think of purpose like a stock portfolio. You divide your interests across multiple stocks. Periodically, you need to do a little bit of re-balancing. Every couple of years, you have to look at your portfolio and say, "Okay, maybe I'm going to sell this stock and go buy this stock over here." The same is true with purpose. Ideally, you are drawing inspiration and meaning from multiple places in your life. Periodically, one of those areas that you draw meaning from is going to fail you or be hindered in some way. You're going to have to rebalance. You're going to have to renegotiate where you spend your time and attention and react accordingly. The stock analogy also works really well because you can over-diversify. If you spread your money out across hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of investments, you're going to get a lot of stability, but you're probably going to miss out on extra upside of any particular thing taking off. Whereas if you only invest yourself in a single thing, if you put all your money into a single stock, sure, you might buy the next in video or whatever it is, but chances are you're making yourself very vulnerable to something happening in your life. If you're getting all of your meaning and purpose from just your career, well, suddenly AI comes and takes your job and you're completely fucked. So I would say that this community member, it's actually great that you have five or six areas of your life that you're extremely passionate about and that you really enjoy and you find a sense of purpose. That's a good thing. There's no reason to change that. They're all your real purpose. In other words, next question, how is it that I don't feel the need to have a specific purpose? If I can look and find meaning and purpose in anything, then I feel connected to it. I like this question because it kind of raises the question of just what is the validity of purpose as a concept in general, right? Ultimately, I think what people mean when they talk about purpose is that they mean that there is some overarching mission or goal that is overriding all of their motivations. It is kind of like a defining principle behind the things that motivate them in life, but that framing or that conceptualization may not be useful for everybody. This is kind of the dirty secret about psychology is that you can't open up a person's brain and find where the motivation is or find where the purpose is or even find where the happiness is. These are very abstract concepts that we kind of made up and they're very arbitrary, but the reason that they stick is because they're useful for a lot of people. It's useful to sit and talk about what makes you happy versus what makes you unhappy. It's useful to talk about what your motivations are or what makes you feel more motivated in life. For a lot of people, it feels useful to talk about having a sense of purpose in their life, but that doesn't mean it's going to be useful for everybody and it doesn't mean that you necessarily feel like you have to go find a sense of purpose somewhere if you're perfectly happy and doing well without it. That would be my first response. My second reaction to this question is that, and I think I said this on the purpose episode as well, really what a meaningful life is is just a sense that you're using your time well. I think to help people use their time well, it's often worth thinking about what is your purpose or what is the purpose of this stuff that you're spending your time on. But if you feel like you're using your time well without thinking about all that stuff, that's great. Don't think about all that stuff. I definitely think you're probably in the minority if you don't have to think about that stuff, but if you don't, more power to you. Because ultimately, what matters is that your time feels meaningful to you. And if it feels meaningful to you, then it doesn't really matter what I say or what anybody else says, keep doing you, bra. Next question. We sometimes have seasons of life where we need to spend the majority of our time on activities that feel not aligned with our purpose. What are some tips to reduce the spiraling feelings of existential dread during those times? Little hyperbolic, but you get my gist. I do get your gist. So yes, we all have to go through periods of our life or give a certain percentage of our time, this stuff that just doesn't feel very important or valuable. But here's the interesting part is that I think the fact that we spend time doing things that don't feel important or valuable or meaningful, it has more to do with a lack of imagination than it does. Those things actually not being important or valuable. Let me explain. So in the purpose episode, we talked about this concept of means and ends, right? So for example, me going down to the DMV to renew my driver's license does not feel very meaningful. It feels like a complete and utter waste of my time. And I could sit there and just feel dread of, oh my god, I'm wasting so much time at the fucking DMV. Or I could think about what is the, what is this a means towards? Right? Okay, I need to renew my driver's license. So I'm able to drive and get around more often. All right, why do I need the drive and get around more often? Well, it's important for my work. It's important to see friends and family. Maybe a parent is sick and I need to drive quite a bit to go see them. Great.
Right now, being able to drive and move around frequently is now a means to that end, which feels very meaningful and full of purpose. So if you can kind of sit and do a thought exercise of like, what is this a means towards, it can imbue whatever you're going through with a greater sense of purpose. Not saying it's going to make you love it, and I'm not saying it's like suddenly going to solve all your problems overnight, but it should make the struggle a little bit more manageable. You know, Cal Newport wrote a book called So Good, They Can't Ignore You. And I absolutely, it's actually my favorite book that he's written. And in it, he has a whole, a big chunk of that book is him arguing against the whole follow your passion advice. And one of the reasons he gave is he said that you can actually theoretically find passion or meaning in pretty much anything you do. And he used the example of a secretary at the university that he works at. He said the secretary had been there for like 30 or 40 years. He's basically a paper pusher and a phone answer like she's at the bottom of the totem pole in terms of like authority and responsibility. But he said that when he went around his department and kind of interviewed everybody about their, their vocation and how meaningful it felt and how important it felt to them. She was the one who said that she felt incredible amount of meaning in her, in her job. And he asked her why and she said, Oh, if I'm not here, nothing else works. So sure, she's not a professor or a mathematician or a programmer. But if she's not there, then the department probably doesn't function correctly. She's not an administrator. She's not in the dean's office. She doesn't work for the admissions board. But if she's not there, they're not able to do their jobs well or as efficiently as they're able to. And so she actually ended up finding a ton of meaning and purpose and just the fact that she removes friction from other people who do very meaningful things, right? The things that she does, which seem very drab and meaningless are actually a means to a very meaningful end. So if you can draw those links or chains of meaning in your mind, you can draw upon that sense of purpose, even though it's pretty far removed from you. I think you can do this across time as well. Like you can go through periods of your life where you're saving money, working a job, you hate, but you're really what you're doing is you're working towards financial security. And that financial security is going to give you and your family a much better life five or ten years from now. And so if you can just focus on what is that future that you're enabling through your current actions, you can find a lot of meaning and purpose in that as well. Next question. Hey, Mark. So I might be stuck in an existential vacuum. I've had issues with finding purpose for years. I think my biggest issue is that my motivation to stick to anything I find meaningful quickly vanishes. I jump from one thing to another. I do things that make me feel spark of joy and enjoyment and soon after I feel like I'm just a drifter going through the motions. I'm wondering if this is really it. It never lasts. Am I approaching this in the wrong way? Yes, you are. So the short answer, I would say, is that you are a mistaking excitement and passion for purpose. And those are two completely different things. So the first thing I would ask you is I would say what feels like it's still worth doing even when you don't enjoy it. Think about that a lot and then get back to me or don't just go do the thing. You don't have to get back to me. It's fine. All right. So in business, there's a concept called the Valley of despair and I want to try to draw this for you guys. This is a solved first, Mark's beautiful, beautiful drawing skills. All right. If you imagine you've got kind of a chart and this is what we'll call this like love and enjoyment on that on the y-axis and then on the x-axis is just time. How much time you spend doing it? So generally the curve, what you see when people pursue something, when they try to get good is good at something or try to accomplish something is that there's a huge spike of excitement early on. This is the optimism phase. And then what starts to happen is they start to realize, oh shit, this is hard. There's actually a lot of details and complications and nuances that I was not aware of. And so I need to actually learn and get good at a bunch of this stuff. And so the enjoyment starts to go down. So in the beginning is called the uninformed optimism phase. This is the phase we're like, let's start a podcast guys. This is going to be awesome. And while you have no fucking clue what you're doing, you have no idea how much work goes into it, you have no idea how hard it is, how long it takes, how to get listeners. And so once you start to realize that you don't know all those things, you start to become informed, the pessimism sets in. This is when it's like, oh man, this is so tough. This is so unfair. And most people jump ship in the pessimism phase. But if you can hang in there, you kind of ride through the valley of despair. This is called the valley of despair where you're like, what am I doing? I've spent so much time on this. This is so hard. I don't know what I'm doing. It's not going anywhere. It's not going to work. But if you stick it out, you come up, you start coming up on the other side because you develop the skill sets you need. You start learning where all the traps and pitfalls are. You start figuring out what you're actually good at, what you're not good at. And this is called the informed optimism phase. And you start working up the informed optimism phase. And then eventually you get to the mountaintop, which is the achievement. Typically, when you see this chart, that's where it ends. If I was making this chart, there would be a cliff on the other side of achievement called existential crisis. But that's another podcast we'll talk about. But the point here is, is that anything you start pursuing, there's going to be that honeymoon phase. There's going to be that initial excitement, that initial optimism, because the world's your oyster. You're like, I'm up for it. I'm ready for it. You've got all that emotion behind it. And so the investment, the time, the energy, the money, none of it feels real. It's all abstract and theoretical. And you're like, fuck it. I'm going to put my 10,000 hours in. But then once you're actually a few hundred hours into that 10,000 hours, the reality sets in. The honeymoon phase wears off. The novelty wears off. All the emotion wears off. And you just realize it's hard work. And you got to get better at stuff. You're bad at a lot of things. You have to learn a lot of things. And that's when you go through the valley of despair. And what you find is that generally speaking, people who don't stick through valleys of despair, they kind of end up on this treadmill that it sounds like you're on. Which is you're always chasing after the new shiny thing, but you're not really investing or developing any real skills or knowledge base in any one thing. And unfortunately, that's where the real long-term joy of something comes is when you've really given yourself to it and developed an expertise in a knowledge base and a history with it that you actually not only do you become very good at it, but you have a very, you have a good relationship to it. You have a realistic understanding of it, how hard it is, how much it takes from you. And you know, what it's going to require from you in the future. So if you are somebody who is consistently falling off in the valley of despair, I think there's four different reasons you might be falling off. The first is you just don't have the pain tolerance, right? You haven't done enough hard things in your life. And so as soon as you hit another hard thing, you're just like, oh, no, fuck this, I'm out. Where's the bar? The second reason is that when you start facing those challenges, you kind of secretly believe you're not, you're not going to be able to handle those challenges. You don't trust yourself to figure it out and to learn as you go. The third reason you might be jump in ship is that you just aren't learning, right? You start hitting all those speed bumps and obstacles and instead of adapting to them or trying to learn from them or develop skills around them, you just keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. And then the fourth reason you might be jumping ship is probably the most common one is that you don't actually like it. And that's okay, too, by the way, like the reason the value of despair exists is to weed out all the people who don't actually like the thing. Like there have been tons of things in my life that I thought I loved or I thought I was going to love and then I hit that value of despair and I'm like, oh, this fucking sucks. Get me out of here. And that's why that's why like so much of my work is about finding the struggle you enjoy because that's actually when you find out what your relationship with any particular pursuit or skill or activity is, is how do you feel about it when it's hard? Like how do you feel about it when it feels like you're banging your head against the wall? Because if you still like it in that moment, then you've found the right thing. But if you don't like anything in the value of despair, then yeah, you're probably just not trying hard enough. Next question. So there are multiple questions about what do you do when you have a strong sense of purpose, but the people in your life, particularly your family, don't support you. Nothing feels worse than this. There were, I think, three or four people who submitted questions in this area. It is a very common problem, a very consistent problem. I don't think there's an easy way to handle this. Let me just. state up front, I don't think there's any pain-free way of dealing with this. I think anything you do here, it's going to suck in some shape or form. If you try to cater to your family's interests and desires, then you're going to be sacrificing a lot of your own and that's going to suck. Whereas if you stick to your own values and interests, it's going to put a lot of stress and strain in your relationships with the people that you care about deeply and that obviously sucks. There are two pieces of advice though that I will say. If you are somebody who is going through this or trying to manage this, the first one is you need to find somebody who supports you. Somebody who is either on the same path as you or gets the path that you're on and is encouraging supportive and gets it. Even if you're like, forget your family not approving of it, like nobody accomplishes anything great alone anyway. That's just kind of a general piece of advice. You always want to find people who support your sense of purpose or the thing that is really important to you in general, but I think if you're a person who is not feeling supported by your family and your loved ones, it's like 10 times more important to go find those people. The second thing is that you should stand your ground with the family but also don't expect them to change. I think this is where I see a lot of people kind of mess this up. It's like, let's say your family's super traditional and they're like, you're going to be a doctor or a lawyer or I'm never going to love you again. You're like, I want to be an artist. I want to go be a mime in Paris or whatever it is. Obviously, mom and dad hate that, but fuck mom and dad. You're going to go do your mime thing and pretend to be in a box in front of the Louvre. I don't know where this is going. The worst thing you can do is go back to mom and dad and say either you respect my mimeage or I'm never talking to you again because what you're doing is you're doing the exact reverse of what they're doing. You're doing the same thing back to them. It's like that uno reverse card. They're being disapproving of you and threatening the relationship over some silly conditional thing and you're just turning it around and threatening the same relationship over the same conditional thing. There's like a very difficult sweet spot here, which is like, I respect your opinion, mom and dad, but I'm going to do my own thing and I would love for you to respect it and support it, but it's okay if you don't. That's very hard to do. It requires you being a much bigger person. It also requires setting boundaries and expectations. Maybe it's like when you go home for the holidays, you don't bring up your mime career at the dinner table. Maybe it's when your mom starts telling you that you should have been a lawyer, you just change the conversation or change the topic and refuse to engage with it. It is hard. It's not an easy thing, but I do think it's necessary. I think it's the only healthy way to navigate a situation like this. Coincidentally, January 1st, boundary solved is coming out, so that should help quite a bit. Next question. I struggle with the idea that your purpose should be bigger than yourself. What does that mean exactly? It means that you are not the only reason you're doing a thing, because if you are the only reason that you're doing a thing, it's going to eventually feel silly and superfluous. It's going to have no stain power, and it's also going to make you kind of a self-absorbed twat around everybody else, because here's the thing. The part of you that wants something that finds something important for your sake, it is largely ego-driven. That doesn't mean it's bad necessarily. Coincidentally, episode on January 15th, it's going to be about the ego. It's not bad necessarily to be ego-driven, but if the only motivation you have in your life is an ego-motivation, it is going to have all these negative side effects. It's not long-term sustainable. It's not mentally healthy over the long run, and it's bad for relationships. And ultimately, relationships are where we derive most of our meaning and significance over the long run. So that's not to say that you shouldn't focus on yourself. It's just to say that in the long run, if you only focus on yourself, it's a very inefficient way of living a meaningful life, or a mentally balanced and healthy life. Now, there are some caveats to this, and I talk about this about halfway through the purpose episode. I talk about the four stages of life. So I think the two kind of caveats here are, A, if you're particularly young, I do think it's actually very important at a certain stage of your life to be incredibly self-focused. You need to figure out who you are, what you like, what you care about, and you need to be able to block out some of the external influences to really make those estimations and decisions. I also think it's really important if you're particularly hurt or going through a very difficult time. It's the classic, like, put your oxygen mask on first before trying to put the oxygen mask on somebody else. Like, you can't really give yourself to a cause or a person or a group or something outside of yourself unless you feel good about yourself already. So if you're not in a place where you feel really good about your life and who you are and what you want to be, it makes sense you're going to be more focused on that initially. But ultimately, the idea here is to build a self, an identity that you are so proud of, that you feel so good about, that you feel compelled to go share yourself with the world, to give part of yourself away. It comes back to the Picasso quote that I talked about in the episode, which is the meaning of life is to find your gift, and the purpose of life is to give it away. I believe that very deeply. Next question. How did you train your AI app? Did you make it read all of your books or did you just feed it a bunch of Aristotle? Funny thing. So obviously, the AI app that's been mentioned here is is purpose. I just launched it a couple of weeks ago, go to purpose.app/bonus. There's a bunch of promotional offers and shit available there for listeners. You've probably already heard me drawing on about it. So when Raj and I started the company, I had all these ideas of what I wanted to train the AI on, what how I wanted to fine-tune the model, all sorts of different frameworks and psych research, like I started making a really big spreadsheet of all of the stuff that I thought was critical and very core to what the AI needed to know and understand. Then it was funny because I was like, well, let me go ahead and test some of the main AI's out there and just see what's already in their training data. It's all already in there. Literally, the entire field of psychology is in there. Every framework, every study, all the research, everything. It's all fucking in there. My books are also in there. How do I know because open AI and Anthropic are sending me checks because of class action lawsuits. So it's all in there, everybody. The AI's, they have already vacuumed up pretty much all of human knowledge at this point. The issue with AI is not the knowledge. Knowledge is not the bottleneck. The issue with AI is how it's using the knowledge. The problem with Chatgbt is not that it doesn't know what therapy is or what a good therapist is or what a good psychological framework is. The problem is that Chatgbt is not optimized to help you go through a really difficult life problem. It's optimized for engagement. It's optimized to make you feel good. It's optimized to give you really basic surface level answers extremely quickly and easily. So that's what the actual problem is. So that very early on, our whole approach to the product veered and took a very strong left turn. Pretty much from the get go and the challenge became it's not about what knowledge do you give it. It's about how do you craft and hone and point that knowledge in the right direction based on each individual user. And the way we did that, we did that in a few ways. So one of it one way is just crafting really good system problems, right? Like giving extremely good instructions both in terms of how to approach the user, how to approach their problems, what sort of style and tone and personality and approach you should use in different contexts. Having great, great prompts is probably the first and I would argue the most important component of it. Just the system prompts and purpose alone. I spent probably two to three months working on. And I would consider the intensity at which I worked on those prompts like comparable to working on a book. Some of that is understanding what each model is good at and bad at. So this was the other interesting thing is that as I went and started testing all of the major AI models, I found that they're all really good at something and really bad at others. For example, chat GPT is really great at generating action items or actionable first steps. Like chat GPT just seems very, very much optimized to like giving you a hey, here are five things you can do in the next week. And that's great. Like there are a lot of problems that need that, right? Like there are a lot of things that I could go to an AI and ask and what I'm really looking for is like, hey, give me five things I can do in the next week.
There's also a lot of problems that you don't want that as an answer, right? So, already you find like, you start to see where some of the use cases for ChatGPTR versus maybe another model. Another example, in my opinion, Claude is the most philosophical and the deepest, the most insightful AI on the market. So clearly, if a user's coming in, and they have like a deep, profound existential question that they're trying to work through in their lives, Claude is probably gonna be the best at handling that. And you definitely don't want ChatGPTR giving them five action items to go figure out their fucking existential crisis. So a big part of it was just understanding what model is good at what, and then also figuring out how to make them play well together. And then finally, the third aspect of this, and this was less me and more, some of the people on my team on the engineering team was getting the different AI models to kind of have checks and balances against each other, right? So we have like the main AI that talks to you, but we also have an evaluative AI that checks the first AI's work and offers it feedback based on what it's saying. And then we also have another system that generates the memories and summaries from the conversations that then feeds back into the primary AI as well. So all three of those are really different AI architectures, they're different system prompts, they perform different things, but they have to work together well. So that is a brief overview of kind of the architecture of purpose. But I will say, like I had so much fun working on that. I'm not a huge fan of software in general. Software is like fucking hard. I like media a lot better. Media is like, if you mess up in media, it's like so easy to go back and edit it or change it. Software, if there's a bug or if there's like, even a typo and software, it might be two weeks to get that fixed. It's absolutely agonizing. But I really, really enjoyed working on the AI aspect of the product. It is endlessly fascinating. It really is like designing an AI is about language. And I've spent my entire career working on language. So strangely, even though I don't know how to code, I don't have any software engineering experience. I did feel incredibly qualified to work on that aspect of the software product. So that was fun. Once again, if you want to check out purpose, we have a seven day free trial. We are offering a free 15 day course in the solve community on purpose that's available. I think till December 18th, and we're also doing a live webinar on the 29th just to kick off the new year. So all those things are available. If you go to purpose.app/bonus or purpose.app/solved, either of those will get you there. Now let's get into some more general questions from the broader audience. These were sourced from YouTube, and they are not limited to purpose or values or kind of the main topics of the month. We're gonna jump around a little bit, and then we're gonna finish up kind of talking about next year's plans and where the podcast is going. So the first question is, how do you change yourself when you don't really want to? How do you stop accepting a horribly miserable life? That is pretty, pretty rough. I'm gonna pull up purpose here and see what it says. It says, that's a gut punch of a question. And honestly, the person asking it already knows something most people don't. They can see their misery clearly enough to name it. That's not nothing. Here's what I tell them. You don't have to want to change. You just have to want to stop hurting more than you want to stay comfortable in your familiar hell. Most people think motivation comes first, then action, but it's backwards. Action creates the momentum, momentum creates hope, hope creates more action. You start with one tiny thing that moves you towards aliveness instead of away from it. Not because you feel like it, but because staying stuck is slowly killing something inside of you. The trick is finding that one thing that feels less terrible than doing nothing. Maybe it's walking outside for five minutes. Maybe it's saying no to one thing that drains you. Maybe it's admitting the one person that you're drowning. But here's what really matters. Stop waiting for permission to want something better. Stop telling yourself that you're spoiled for not accepting misery as your permanent address. Your dissatisfaction is not a character flaw. It's your soul refusing to die. What would you add to that mark? Because I'm guessing this question, hit close to home for a reason. It's always trying to bring it back to me. What would I say? I mean, I think that's actually really good advice. That feels like it's actually straight out of my work. The thing that I notice with this is that often people who feel stuck in their misery, it's often because the misery is very subtly serving something. And I often ask people in this situation, what they think that something is. Like, what is feeling stuck in the same place protecting you from? And in my experience, it's protecting most people in this situation. It's protecting them from some sort of fear, a fear of vulnerability, a fear of taking a chance, a fear of not living up to something that they wish for themselves. It's the classic, like they'd rather not try it all than try something in fail. And when you run that script enough times, you can kind of just embed yourself into this life that you have no agency. Or you feel that you have no agency and feel completely at a loss of how to get out of it. I think the answer is like that balance has to shift. Like the continuing to accept the current circumstances needs to start feeling worse than taking those risks to improve things. One way is to make those risks as tiny and small and manageable as possible, as Purpose said. Another way is to just let the status quo get so bad that anything feels better by comparison. And that's when you look at the addiction literature or alcoholics and anonymous, that's generally what they call rock bottom. They often say if you're not willing to change yet, it's because you haven't hit bottom. I think both of those things are essentially saying the same thing just from different ends. On one side, it's like you need to decrease the sense of risk until it feels more desirable than the current misery. The other, on the other side, it's like maybe the misery has to get worse before things can get better. Next question. A lot of people in the AI field, including Elon are predicting that we'll no longer have to work in the next 10 to 15 years. What will we do then? How are we going to drive meaning then? Please pick this with lots of exclamation marks. This is a very hot topic at the moment. I am skeptical of the mass job displacement for a couple of reasons. The first one is just that there have been so many times in human history where people have predicted mass job displacement due to technology, and it has not happened a single fucking time. So I think by default, we should assume that it's not going to happen this time. Like this is a pretty regular occurrence. Every time there's a new mass technological breakthrough, there's this fear of mass job displacement that comes with it. I think our default stance should be why is this time different. But the second reason I'm a little bit more skeptical, I think, than most, is that as somebody who's just spent the last year building an AI product, it is lowered my estimation of what AI can do. I actually think humans are very, very necessary, even in AI workflows. To be more explicit about that, I would say that we're probably pretty close to AI being able to do most tasks at the level of better than 90 to 95% of humans. And that sounds like a lot, but the thing is, is I think most of the economic value in the world is generated by people who are able to do things better than 99.9% of humans. So like if you think about what is the thing you make most of your money doing, you're probably better than 99% of people at it. An AI is better than 95% of people at it. And it just, it turns out that that extra 4% is a lot, and people are willing to pay a lot for it. I've definitely observed that it's true with writing. It's true with a lot of automations and stuff that we've tried to introduce into the business. They just kind of don't work just because it's like everything the AI does, it's kind of like a really smart college student or an intern. To get the AI to a place where it's excellent, you have to spend so much time optimizing it and crafting it and honing it and prompting it a million times that you're probably not actually saving time. So I'm a little bit skeptical. I do think, I mean, I don't get me wrong. I do think AI is going to be incredibly disruptive. I just think I think it's going to happen on a much slower timescale than people expect. And I think it's not going to replace all the jobs. That said, I do think you can kind of look at the oncoming disruption and make some logical predictions in terms of what is going to go up in value and what's going to go down in value. For example, I think anything that is in person, community driven or relationship driven is going to go up in a lot of value, right? So anything that is real world, face to face, human to human, people are going to start being willing to pay more for that. Just because it's going to be scarcer,
and there's gonna be a premium attached to it. I think anything that is like artisanal or human craftsmanship, I think it's gonna go, the value of it's gonna go up as well. Like one of the analogies, you know, there's a popular analogy when this topic comes up where people talk about chess, right? So it's like AI, computers started beating the world champions of chess like 30 years ago, almost 30 years ago. Currently, the best AI's at chess are orders of magnitude better than the best humans. Yet nobody watches the computer tournaments. Everybody watches the human tournaments. In fact, human chess is more popular than it's ever been at the moment. So I think at the end of the day, it's like people care about things because there's another human at the end of it. I think the same is gonna be true with art. I think the same is gonna be true with entertainment. I think the same is gonna be true with a lot of stuff that robotics does. Like for example, you can go by a really nice piece of furniture that looks like it's handcrafted. Like it's probably actually even better quality than something that's like handcrafted by some artisan in Italy or something. And it was just churned out of a factory. But people are still paying 10 times more for the handcrafted thing from Italy. Why? Because it was handcrafted by a dude in Italy. That's what they're actually paying for. That's where most of the perceived value is. So anyway, that's all to say that I think a lot of this like A.O. is gonna replace everything. Nobody's gonna have anything to do. Like I think it's a little blown out of proportion. The other thing I will say that's really interesting. So there's a great podcast by a guy named Dwarkech Patel and it's all about A.I. stuff. And he just did kind of a roundup this year. And he made a really interesting distinction. So in the A.I. space there's kind of two schools of thought. There's the, I guess you could call them the accelerationists. Like the people who think that the timeline for A.I. development and takeover is exponentially expanding and that were like two years away from A.G.I. replacing all of us. And then there's kind of the more skeptical timeline, which is like, yeah, this is probably gonna play out over multiple decades. The actual displacement and integration into society is gonna be messy and sloppy at first and a lot of tech people are probably overestimating the impact it's gonna have. The thing that Dwarkech mentioned that was super fascinating is he said that from a technical perspective, from like purely, if you're looking at like the measurement of compute and inference and the amount of energy that's being used and the amount of GPUs and TPUs that are being used and the amount of processing power that is actually happening from the A.I.s, it is matching up to the accelerationist timeline. But if you look at the cultural impact that it's having, it's lined up with the skeptics timeline that basically the A.I.s are improving exponentially, but the impact that they're having is plateauing. And that seems intuitively extremely true. I even though each A.I. model is technically, significantly better than the previous, the leap feels smaller and as a result, kind of the cultural impact feels smaller as well. Ultimately, I think this is, it's gonna be kind of a situation like the internet. When I was a kid in the '90s, everybody thought the internet was gonna replace everything. It didn't, it was a big bubble. And what happened is that slowly over the next 30 years, the internet replaced everything. So it wouldn't surprise me if we're kind of going through the same thing that it's like, there's gonna be a big bubble and then in like 2030, everybody's gonna be like, wow, we were stupid and crazy for thinking this A.I. thing was gonna take over the world. And then by 2050, A.I. will have taken over the world. If you were going to rewrite models today in a culture of MeToo and heightened tension between men and women, what would you change if anything? This is a great question. And this is something I think about periodically. So the first thing I'll say is when the MeToo stuff started, when was that, 2017, 2018, I definitely got nervous. I remember I actually went back to models and I read it again 'cause I didn't read it in a number of years and I was like, let me make sure that there's not anything in here that it's just like horribly insensitive or it's gonna fucking get me canceled. And I remember going back through it and being pleasantly surprised at how well it held up, how respectful it was. There were a couple spots that like, the language was a little crude or, you know, it was the tone was a little bit boys locker room style. And I actually remember making a couple like small tweaks of like phrasings and changing a couple words here and there. But I remember being like very satisfied and again pleasantly surprised at how well it held up. I also think the fact that the subtitle is attract women through honesty, like definitely put me on the right side of history in terms of just like the target was not on my back. Like it was like a lot of people in this industry. So I feel good about that. The tensions between men and women, that is very much a recent thing like a post pandemic thing. I would say I'm very hesitant to write or say too much about that just because it's unclear to me. Well, for a couple of reasons. One is I don't think it's necessarily that much worse than when I wrote models. I think it's just the nature of that tension is different. And then the other thing is I'm not convinced that this is like a permanent long term thing. Like this might just be kind of a moment, a cultural moment thing that we're going through. Like we might look back at this and it may feel like it's a 2020s thing kind of the same way we look back at me too and think of it as like a late 2010s thing. The one thing that I think about frequently that I'm like models is missing. And if I could go back and write a new chapter for it, I definitely would is apps and online dating. When I wrote models, I think online dating was like a small percentage of how people met their partners or went on dates. Today it is the majority of how people meet their partners and go on dates. And there is a shockingly small amount in the book written about online dating or app dating. I mean, Tinder hadn't even been invented when the book came out. So there's nothing all there about apps. And it's just, to me, it's like so clear that the apps in particular have kind of fucked up the dating market and really made things worse for both men and women. So yeah, it gunned in my head. If I had to revise the book today, I think the only major change that would happen is I would write at least a section maybe an entire chapter about apps and dating. The thing that never gets asked, at least by men, but I also think about quite frequently, is writing a version of models for women. And this, I never saw coming, but what happened is that models became so successful and so popular and like shared via word of mouth so much that women started reading it. And for 10 years now, I've gotten many emails from women saying, I'm not a man, but I read models and it's better than any woman's dating advice I've ever read. Can you write a version for women? In a perfect world, where Mark has infinite time and is not like over committing himself to 18 different projects, I would sit down and write a woman's version of models, but unfortunately, like the opportunity cost is just very, very high at this point. So unfortunately, I don't know if that's ever going to happen, but that's also something I think about quite a bit. Next question, how did you handle your first heart break and how to move on completely? Well, these are two very different questions because I handled my first heart break fucking terribly. It took me like five years to move on. So I would say don't do what I did. There is pretty solid advice and consistent advice on how to move on. But let's go through both because I'm pretty sure I did the opposite of everything I should have done. The first thing I will say is that if your ex still triggers you emotionally, either positively or negatively, you really need to cut contact. The biggest, like the most rookie mistake I see people make is that they try to be friends with their ex that they're not over. And you're literally like you're walking into a room full of gas tanks with a lit match and then wondering why shit's blowing up in your face. If you cannot be around your ex or talk to them without being emotionally triggered again, either positively or negatively, then you should cut contact because nothing good is going to happen from it. Wait, it's like I get the question frequently from people. They're like, how do I know when I can be friends with my ex? I'm like, you can be friends with your ex when you no longer want to be friends with your ex. That's how you know. Number two is you need to focus on yourself. Earlier I was talking about like when it makes sense to focus on yourself and to find purpose and meaning in yourself. This is one of those times. If you've come out of a really big relationship or a bad break,
break up. You need time to rediscover who you are. Part of the process of being with a person for a long time and being very intimate with them and in love with them and sharing a life with them is that they become part of your identity and your identity literally shapes and morphs itself around them to a certain extent. That's inevitable. A certain amount of that is normal and healthy. When you break up, those aspects of yourself that used to be occupied by them, now there's a void there. You don't know who you are anymore, you don't know what you like anymore, you don't know what you dislike. People who come out, especially if you were with somebody for a long time, people will often come out of those long, long relationships. They literally don't know what they like. They're like, "I don't know what I want to do." It's Friday night. I don't even know what's appealing. You need to spend time to figure that out. If you just jump into the next relationship, you're just going to fill that void with the next person. Chances are whatever fucked up the first relationship is not going to get fixed in the second one. Take some time, really dedicate it to yourself. Invest in hobbies, friendships, reach out to some old friends. Maybe if you lost touch with some friends because your ex fucking hated them, this is the time to reach out and be like, "Hey, I stopped dating my psycho ex. Let's hang out." This is a great time to focus on career, to learn a new skill. Basically, anything that's going to build up your self-esteem a little bit because that's the other thing is when you come out of a relationship, you do a number to your self-esteem. Anything that's going to make you feel better about yourself, it's a good thing to do. So, you asked me how I got over my first heartbreak. Like I said, I didn't really. I didn't get over her. I kept getting back in touch with her. I kept trying to get back together with her. I was often extremely angry at her. Instead of investing in myself, I spent more time drinking and partying and losing myself. I didn't really invest heavily enough in my own growth and things that would make me feel better about myself. Where things started to change, and this is actually a good tip, I remember at a certain point because I kept getting back with her and then it would fall apart again and then I get angry again. It was just this whole fucking mess. I remember at a certain point where it was pretty clear things were over, but I was like very pissed. I remember I took that anger and I was like, you know what? My goal is to improve myself so much that I'm going to make this the worst decision she ever made. And for like a year, that was my fuel. I started when I started going into gym for the first time. I started getting in the shape. I started really trying harder applying myself. I was in university at the time. I started applying myself in school a lot more. I started building out my social life. I got really into meditation and Buddhism and was like really investing in myself because I'm like, I'm going to fucking make her regret this. The good news is I think I succeeded. The other good news is I don't fucking care anymore. So that's how you know you've gotten over your ex when you're like, oh, this is such a waste of energy. Next question. How do I stop watching porn? Well, my friend, imagine you have a 10 year old boy who can't stop jacking off and his on his phone looking at porn all the time. What would you do? You're the parent. You're responsible. You have access to his phone. You have access to everything. What would you do? You'd probably download some safeguard apps. You'd probably password protect a bunch of websites. You'd probably install some filters. You would probably make him check in with you periodically or revoke phone privileges periodically. What would you do if you had a 10 year old kid? Figure that out. Write it down and then do that for yourself. It's that simple. We've all got that little 10 year old kid inside of us who makes horrible decisions. And sometimes we need to treat it for what it is. Why do we drive on parkways, but park on driveways? I'm going to lose sleep over that tonight. I can tell. Come in with the hard questions, the YouTube audience. Oh, I love this question. What would you put on the Voyager One golden disc that they launched today? Thank you for asking this. Whoever in the YouTube audience asks this. Okay, little background, the Voyager One. So back in the 70s, Carl Sagan and a bunch of scientists have this great idea of like we're going to send a probe into deep space where they're going to send this probe called Voyager One all the way through the solar system. I believe it was the first probe that was going to like intensely photograph like the outer planets in the solar system. But the nature of it was like there was just no way for it to come back. So we're just going to fly out of the solar system and fly into the infinite void of the universe forever and ever. So they had this great idea. They're like, we should put stuff on it. We should introduce ourselves. And so that's what they did. They put these golden discs on Voyager One and they have all of the basic information of the human race. So they have like like 50 examples of tree species and they have photos of all the most famous cities in the world. And they have like Bach and Beethoven and Chuck Berry and all this music that we listened to. And a bunch of pop culture references from the 1970s, which I find fucking hilarious because that thing is going to take thousands of years to be found. And I just love the recency bias that must exist for a bunch of scientists to be like, what are the most important things in human culture ever? Oh, it's the things I listen to on my drive home from work. Fucking idiots. Anyway, I wouldn't send Voyager One. That's my answer to this. I think it was incredibly naive. Let me explain why. See, there's a game theory aspect of this. Think about any alien civilization that has the technology to decipher the information on Voyager One and understand where it came from and make contact with us. That civilization is going to be so advanced that they probably don't need Voyager One to tell them where we are. So immediately out of the gate, this thing is pointless. Second of all, let's imagine that that alien super civilization was not aware of us for some reason, but when this archaic fucking junker of a probe strolls into their solar system, they suddenly realize, oh my God, these people have no idea what they're doing. And we don't know that the aliens are nice. I mean, have you read the dark forest? Come on. Like, they might comfort. There could be super predators in our galaxy. And we just have no idea. The third reason is simply that so basically we're in a game theory situation of like, there's zero upside and there's only downside. And it just seems very silly and self-serving. So I would not send a probe. I would not send a probe. Nobody cares. The aliens don't care. They don't care about Chuck Barry, dude. They don't care about the Bee Gees. Like, come on. Really? Next question. When you're creating something new, how do you handle the moments when it feels not good enough? I'm sorry. I'm laughing so much. I'll explain in a second. How do you push past the doubt? Okay. Remember in the first Avengers movie where it seems like the incredible Hulk Bruce Banner is like somehow learned how to manage his anger. And Iron Man keeps asking him. He's like, how did you learn? How did you do it? How did you figure it out? And like Bruce Banner like keeps like putting off the question. He's like, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. And then finally at the end of the movie, Bruce Banner's like, Hey, Tony, you know how I learned how to manage my anger? It's because I'm always angry. I'm Bruce Banner. And this is the question. How do I deal with moments when I feel like something I made is not good enough? Everything I make is not good enough. I always feel in this moment. I'm sitting in the studio and like half the things going through my head is how shitty this fucking studio is. Do you have any idea? Like if I sat down and wrote down everything that I think I could improve in my content and my writing, I would just be writing that list for the rest of my life. That's it. There's nothing else to do. Like it is absolutely endless. So this fear in the first place is just it's silly and ridiculous. It never goes away. It doesn't matter how much you put out there, how much you make. Nothing is ever good enough. At least for me, it's not. And anecdotally from like the authors and creators that I meet and hang out with, that's pretty standard. I've never met an author who's like nailed it. Yeah, that book fucking perfect. No, no, every author I meet is like, oh my god, it's still awful, but my publishing deadline is coming. So I guess I'll just ship it. That is how everything goes. That's how every movie goes. That's how every TV show goes. That's how every album goes. It's how everything goes. So rude awakening. That is the process. You don't this feeling that you have, this feeling that you're like upset about or is holding you back, it is never going to go away. You simply learn how to ship and publish.
despite it. I personally think that this fear, and this, again, this comes from my personal experience, this fear of like everything not being good enough and not being ready to put out, I think it's a lot like the fear of public speaking, because like when you're afraid of public speaking, your, the thoughts that are running through your head is just about like how everybody's going to laugh at you and how embarrassing it's going to be and how you're going to make a fool of yourself and people are going to judge you and they're going to hate the things that you say. When the reality is is nobody fucking cares, nobody's paying attention, nobody's listening, nobody cares. And the same is true with your work. Like if you can actually make something that people care about, you've already won to a great extent. It is so hard to get people to care or even notice something. So like the fact that you're worried about what they're going to think when they like analyze your thing, they're not dude. They're not. I have to say like our team at this point, I don't, I haven't actually sat down and counted. I would guess that we have published over a thousand pieces of content this year. If I had to guess, that roughly works out to about three pieces of content a day. I think we've easily cleared that. If you look at my entire career, it's probably at least 10,000 pieces of content, I can tell you the downside of posting something bad is almost zero. Like the worst thing that happens, if you post something that's not very good, nobody sees it. And the people who see it like just scroll away and they forget about it three seconds later. There is so little downside to posting a bad thing yet the upside of posting something great is absolutely massive. It can literally change your life. So until you start posting, you don't know what the bad things are and what the what the great things are. Like out of those thousand things we've posted this year, I would say maybe 10 to 15 of them were really, really good. Like in my opinion, like they were very good pieces of content. I would say that I am satisfied with something I make a couple times a year. It's a hard life. Next question, very appropriate for this. Are you writing another book? I am not writing another book. I've not written a book. I've not written a book since Will Smith's book came out in 2021. A lot of that was by design. I needed time off. And then for the last couple of years, I've been like very focused on the online content, YouTube channel, the podcast. I also just didn't miss writing books. So my agreement with myself was that I wasn't going to write a book into again until I really wanted to. I am excited to report that as of three, four months ago, I'm starting to get excited to write a book again. Some of that is that I'm starting to have ideas for books again. Some of it is that there's a lot of ideas that we've been posting content about that like I feel like I can go way deeper or do something very cool with, but just haven't had the chance to. So all that is to say there is some excitement coming back into my life for books. I know there's a massive demand and excitement for another book in the audience. My current plan is to start writing whatever the next book is next year. No other plans other than that. No other timeline other than that. Just current intention is to sit down and start tinkering with ideas, playing with outlines, seeing what sort of stuff comes out in 2026. So it is very likely happening. Next question. Have you thought about doing tours or speeches in other countries? Salutations from Croatia. I actually do do speeches in other countries and I have done some tours in other countries. I actually just toured Australia, New Zealand last year and then this year I did a couple of events in the UK. That said, I don't do a ton of events and I don't do a ton of speaking. The reason is just I don't love it, but that said, I do think we're going to start doing more of it in 2026 and beyond. We haven't made any hard decisions yet, but there are a few things on the table and likely one of them is doing live podcasts at a certain point. Drew and I both have interest in doing that. Even if it's here in LA, the tricky thing with that is that I don't think we could do one of the flagship episodes live unless we like broke it up over multiple nights just because of how long they are. So one of the things and I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself, but one of the things is that we are going to start experimenting with slightly different formats for smaller episodes in 2026. This one is kind of the first one of those. Also next year, 10th anniversary of the Suttler and not giving a fuck. I've been talking to my publisher about doing some kind of special promotions for that. I think we're going to do a special 10th anniversary edition and I think there will likely be a handful of live events. I doubt that there will be anything international for that, but never say never could happen. I mean, the book was huge and a number of foreign countries. So it definitely could happen. So one of the questions that I've been asking myself is how is this industry going to change? How is the content industry going to change? How is the self-help industry going to change? And I really do think that AI is going to drive more demand for in-person, authentic human content experiences. It is my intention to start doing more live in-person stuff. I just don't totally know what that looks like at the moment. That's something that I think we're probably going to experiment with and figure out next year, but I do feel pretty strongly that that's the direction we're going to we're going to start going in and I'm excited to kind of see what comes of that. Do you have a goal on YouTube for 2026? If yes, what is it? And can you walk with your hands? I cannot walk with my hands. I can do a handstand though. I am proud to report. I can do if I'm against a wall, I can do a handstand for a long time. If I'm not against a wall, I can do it for a few seconds. But more importantly, my YouTube goals for 2026. So the goal right now is I would like to kind of merge. We've got an amazing YouTube audience and we have an amazing podcast audience, but there's still a little bit of a division between the two. So my goal in 2026 is to kind of blur the lines between those two audiences and also those two content formats. What do I mean by that? I think we've got a great thing going on each side. So on the podcast side, we've got these large, deeply researched flagship episodes, which is great. And we've got a great audience for that. On YouTube, we do these weekly or sometimes biweekly, 15 to 30 minute videos of usually just me talking about a single topic and people really love those too. So I feel like there's there is a happy medium there that we can find. One thing that I'm noticing is that the educational YouTube space is becoming a lot more conversational and podcasts like it's like simpler production, more authentic, unscripted kind of talking head style. Whereas podcasting is becoming more structured and format driven. So strangely, I think the two mediums are kind of converging, at least in the personal growth space. And I think what my ideal looks like is that we have, we still have the flagship podcast episode. We have two or three kind of smaller spin-off podcast episodes throughout the month. And then we have these, say, let's call them 20 to 40 minute monologues about very specific niche topics. And then we just post all of that everywhere. So whether you're on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube, you're getting everything. And you can just decide what you want to watch or listen to and what you want to skip. So that's the goal. Next question. I actually liked it when you talked about different topics in your previous podcast because I heard a lot of interesting opinions from you. Can you make videos on different topics separately from your channel? This actually is exactly what I was just talking about. So Drew and I, like, we've been talking about this quite a bit the last few weeks. Like, we're very much in the same boat. We love the big episodes. We love the research. We love going deep. But it's just, it's a lot. It's a lot. So to give you you guys a little bit of behind the scenes here, to produce one of one of our big research episodes, we have a, we have a research team of four people full-time. So you have four full-time researchers. You have Drew, who's like managing all the creative. We just hired a growth strategist and somebody to basically just manage the whole podcast. And then you have me on top of that, who's coming in and giving editorial guidance. I'm kind of, for the podcast, I'm more like an executive producer. I'm like giving oversight guidance pointers and making like high-level decisions. But so like, just to get the fucking content, we have six people. And that doesn't count social media, marketing, promotion, monetization. Like, there's, doesn't count the courses, doesn't count any of that stuff. So like, it's turning into a pretty large-scale production just to get that one flagship episode out each month. And that episode is so massive and intense. It puts a lot of pressure on people. And so what's happened is that the whole team is just kind of on this, like,
treadmill of intense pressure and I think we're all feeling like a desire for to lighten up a little bit periodically like have a week or have a or Drew and I can like shoot something a 90-minute thing that's like a little bit lower stakes a little bit simpler and like I hinted at earlier like this is this is one reason why we're doing this Q&A video I think a Q&A video is a great way to like both supplement the the main flagship podcast and do some more dynamic content offer some very opinions about different topics tie together some threads that are maybe a little bit random but it's stuff that you guys are thinking about or wondering about I would love to do some sort of format like this every month or every couple months on top of doing the normal podcast and then on top of that you know we're talking about the you know the second podcast each month is kind of a smaller topic and it's a shorter episode usually about two hours and we're talking about maybe varying that up a little bit as well but all that is to say that like we kind of stumbled into this just because Drew and I were really excited about the format and and we felt very strongly that this is what should exist in this market we didn't really think through the repercussions and consequences it's one of those things where it's just like you you like you get on a train as it's moving and and you're like oh shit I didn't think about where we're going we're kind of playing catch up mentally behind the scenes and trying to figure out like okay what's gonna make this sustainable not just for us on the production side but also for you guys as as the audience because another thing that we're hearing a lot from people is they're like I love the show but it's a little overwhelming it's it's a lot like it's very intense I have to focus on it it takes me a long time to get through an episode so again I I feel like on the audience side as well there's kind of this desire for like you know give me something light once a month so that's like just easy and pleasant to get through that just kind of like reinforces some of the things I learned and maybe have like a little bit of an expanded discussion on it so that's kind of where our heads at at the moment but please let me know what you guys think like we're very like we're right in the middle of thinking deeply about some changes in pivots to the show early next year so in January the we've already got the two episodes shot and and they're almost finished being made so in January 1st we have boundary solved January 15th we're gonna have an episode about ego both of those episodes are bangers I'm really really excited about them I mean boundaries as you guys know is huge it's something I talk about all the time I think I think we did a really good job with it being just being extremely explicit in terms of like what they are how to set them how to enforce them how to follow up on them and then the ego episode is just fun I actually I'm seeing the second episodes each month is just an opportunity to kind of nerd out on these more niche topics that like probably don't merit an entire episode so you know November we did social comparison which I think was really fun and a lot of people related to that I think the one we're doing in January is is ego I think it's another one that a lot of people gonna relate to because ego's funny in that we all talk about it we all tell like oh she has such a big ego or like all that dude like he needs like his ego needs to chill out but we don't think about what is an ego what is a healthy ego what's an unhealthy ego what's a big ego what's a small ego is it good to have a small ego it's actually a very interesting topic and an interesting thing to think about so that one's fun if especially if you really like to nerd out on some of these psychological topics like like Drew and I do but then once we get in the February we're gonna start experimenting with some more structured formats so again one of some of the feedback that we've gotten from listeners is that you know these four or five hour episodes they're great but they're very uneven and like people don't really know what's coming like it's you might get an hour and a half in and you're like okay this is kind of interesting but like I don't know if I'm gonna really get much value out of the next section or three sections from now like it's just it's hard for the listener to predict where it's going and I do think some of that prediction is valuable on the production side it's also been a struggle for for us because the research team goes and just like research is hardcore for three four weeks comes back with a massive like 200 page document with all the most prevalent research and historical findings and whatnot and then Drew and I need to like make sense out of it and there have been a lot of cases where it just feels very arbitrary it's like well I guess we'll have a neuroscience section and then we just kind of shrug and look at each other and like that's clearly not optimal like it'd be better I think it would be good for Drew and I's mental health to have a little bit more structure in planning across the episode so we're gonna try to introduce some more structure and make it more make the listening experience more predictable for you guys so that you know what's coming when also make the episodes more navigable to back up a little bit so soft was actually inspired by two different podcasts I think one most people could guess and the other one most people probably wouldn't so the one I think most people would guess is Hubertman you know just like just this insane amount of depth on a single topic I think the thing that Hubertman does extremely well and I didn't realize it at the time is he makes his episodes extremely navigable so he like is a very explicit upfront of like these are the these are all the topics we're gonna talk about and he doesn't talk about it in the abstract which is what we do he's like very specific about it like these are the actually the questions that we're gonna answer in the episode and it's a lot and then there's like but then he's very good with time snaps so and I noticed this like I couldn't tell you the last time I listen to a whole Hubertman episode front the back generally if I listen to Hubertman it's like I I open up the description and I click through to like the five or six things that like I'm really interested in and I think it's we just need to be realistic that that's like how a lot of people want to consume this type of information so that's one goal the other comparison the other podcast that we're kind of inspired by is is acquired and for those of you who don't know acquired also does like massive four to six hour episodes but they do an entire history of a company and I love them I listen to them all the time what I didn't think about until recently is that because acquired episodes are sequential as a listener you're always oriented towards where you are in the story so like let's say like they did an episode on Ikea had the founding of Ikea and how it grew through the decades you know you're listening to the Ikea episode your three hours and it's 1972 the CEO is like got this big decision to make they don't need to explicitly explain to you where you are or what's coming next like because the podcast is based on a sequential story you have an understanding of like okay after this we're gonna learn what happened in the 80s and in the 90s and then I'm probably gonna hear about how they branched out internationally and like all this stuff it's implicit just in the format of the show because our show is not narrative driven we don't have that in implicit context so like if we're two hours into an episode on friendship and Drew and I just finished explaining you know the neurochemical reactions of having a strong social life versus or like the effects it has on memory you guys have no sense of what's coming next you have no idea if we're gonna get into like actual tips on how to remember your friends birthdays or if we're gonna start talking about like chimpanzees and how they form tribes like there's nothing there's like no it's just a black box at all times and I think as a listener that's it's probably suboptimal so it's a very long way of saying that we're gonna try to introduce some structures and predict predictability make episodes much more navigable that's gonna start in February and then I think in March we're gonna start doing more of these kind of spin-off episodes again potentially a monthly Q&A like this one I love doing this for a few reasons one is just that it's easy to is its direct like we just go straight into the community and ask them like hey what are you struggling with what's not making sense you've listened to the podcast like what did we not explain well enough what do you what do you need how are how are you not applying this to your life or what are you confused about and then I can just sit here and answer you I also like it because it's lower like it just feels more casual and like we don't have to like fucking break out of a three-ring binder full of notes to like get through a podcast so let me know what you guys think about all that that's what's coming down the pike the other thing that's happening so a little bit more of like kind of the business behind the scenes there's two big changes coming I think one you guys will be happy about one you will not tying into the aspect of feeling overwhelmed so when we launched solved I did I recorded an episode of the last podcast aptly titled the last podcast and in that episode it was a monologue and I was kind of. explaining why we were shutting down the old podcast and why we were starting solved. And in that, I talked about how like there's just there's so many conflicts of interest within the podcasting world. And especially in this space, I think there's there's some moral hazard that comes along with that. Our hope for solved was like, okay, we're essentially going to be delivering a fucking online course every single month on a topic. And people can either listen to it or if they want to implement it into the lives, then they can sign up for the for the community and get the course version of it and get community accountability and like do daily actions and check ins and all this stuff. I think the what we underestimated was that overwhelm factor, right? So a lot of people, most people listen to this podcast very gradually on their own time. And they often like, again, they'll get a weekend. They'll feel a little bit overwhelmed. They'll need time to process. Life gets busy. Then they come back two weeks later. And so what we've just found is that like, it's a small number of people who like, acutely feel an issue strong enough to take action that very day or that very month. So essentially, like it, we were hoping for more people to come into the community and start implementing this stuff into their lives. One thing that we're doing about that, one repercussion of that is that we are starting in January, we're going to roll out kind of a simpler version of the community. There's basically going to be two tiers of community. The first version is going to be if you just want the course, like just get me the exercises, just give me the day by day, like the 30 day thing, just give it to me. And I'll go do it on my own when I have time. We've been getting a lot of requests for that. So we're going to roll that out in January. And that's going to be like a lower tier version of the community. The higher tier version with all the accountability pods and the live webinars and the check ins and the like all the daily exercise. Like that's going to still exist as well. It's just that's not going to be the only thing that's offered. So there's going to be like a lower tier and like a simpler tier, which is kind of like a solve, do it yourself pace. And then there's going to be the higher tier, which is like the actual community accountability. So those are both going to be offered. But the other thing that we're going to do is is we're going to reintroduce ads and sponsors at a very measured slow rate. And that's something that I didn't want to do. It's something I told you guys, I wouldn't do. But as I just described, like it takes almost a dozen people just to make this show. And it's like, it takes a lot more work than I appreciated or suspected at the time. And the reality of this is that it's a media business. And, you know, as much as I'd love to just put this out and take a hit on my balance sheet, it doesn't make sense. So we're going to start rolling out. We have a few sponsors lined up. We're going to be much stricter about them. So we're going to be very, very selective with who sponsors each episode. And then the sponsors are only going to be played for non-community members. So if you join the community, whether it's the lower tier or the higher tier, you don't have to listen to any of the ads. But if you're not part of the community, then there will be some ads, there will be some sponsors, but they will be highly curated. And there will not be many of them because ads fucking suck. And I don't think anybody likes them. But they are a reality of having a creator business in this day and age. And especially if you want to have a full research team and producers and multiple editors and everything else. So I hope you guys understand. But that also enables us to do a lot more fun and cool stuff, including getting a better fucking studio, which is also going to happen next year. So production is going to get better. We're going to have more episodes, a more wider variety of content. The comments can be more structured. We're going to have more solutions available to you guys in terms of, you know, whether it's like just the PDF, the free PDF guide with the the summaries and all the research, or it's the self-guided courses, or if you want the full community access, all those things are going to be available. I'm super excited. Like this show has been probably like one of the best decisions I've made in the last five years. Like it was, it was a very difficult decision to decide to do this. More than a couple people told me I was out of my fucking mind. But it has been great. Drew and I are having a blast. I love this podcast format, so much more than the old one. I think you guys do too. So we're just trying to make it as good as it can possibly be. So that's it for now. I will see you guys in the new year. Once again, purpose.app/bonus. If you want to get that bonus bundle, it's available until 1159 Eastern on December 18th. You get the purpose solved course and you get a free webinar with when you sign up for the seven day free trial and the annual subscription for purpose. And as always, join the solve community. Go to community.solvebox.com. People are working through the purpose course. As we speak, very excited for all the stuff we have going on back there. And it's only going to get better in the new year. So thank you guys for listening. I appreciate all of you. I will see you in 2026. [Music]
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
There is no single purpose in life; multiple passions and evolving interests should be seen as a diversified portfolio that can be rebalanced over time.
Purpose is not always necessary—many people find meaning in simply using their time well, without needing a grand life mission.
Difficult or misaligned activities can be reframed as means to a greater end, helping to find purpose even in seemingly mundane tasks.
Frequent shifts in interest often stem from mistaking passion for purpose, and enduring the "valley of despair" builds long-term commitment and skill.
When family doesn’t support your goals, it’s vital to find supportive allies and set boundaries, without expecting change from loved ones.
Purpose should extend beyond self-interest to include meaningful contributions to others, as true fulfillment comes from giving.
AI tools like Purpose.app are trained on vast existing knowledge, but their value lies in how they’re designed to provide thoughtful, personalized guidance—not just surface-level answers.
Despite AI advancements, human-driven, relationship-based, and artisanal experiences will hold greater value, as people increasingly prioritize authenticity and connection.
Summary:
This special end-of-year episode of *Solved* reflects on the podcast’s first seven months, highlighting 13 million downloads and charting in 13 countries. Mark Manson shares personal insights and audience-driven questions on purpose, meaning, and resilience. He emphasizes that life doesn’t require a single, fixed purpose—instead, people should view their passions as a diversified portfolio that evolves over time.
He debunks the myth of needing constant motivation, arguing that meaningful living arises from using time well, even without a grand mission. The "valley of despair" in learning new skills is not a failure but a necessary phase that builds resilience and expertise. For those facing family disapproval, Mark advises finding supportive communities and setting boundaries without demanding change.
He also stresses that true purpose lies in giving one’s gifts to others, echoing Picasso’s idea that meaning comes from sharing. On AI, he notes that while models contain vast knowledge, their real value lies in being designed to offer deep, personalized, and context-aware advice—especially for complex personal struggles. He expresses skepticism about mass job displacement due to AI, predicting instead that human-centered, in-person, and artisanal experiences will gain greater value.
He also reveals a personal desire to write a women’s version of his book *Models*, citing the lack of coverage on dating apps as a key omission. Finally, he shares how he overcame his first heartbreak by focusing on self-improvement rather than reconnection, and advises treating self-destructive habits like porn use with the same parental discipline one would apply to a child. The episode concludes with a humorous take on sending a message to aliens via Voyager One, arguing it’s both naive and self-serving—there’s no upside and significant risk.
Mark also shares his excitement about upcoming content, including a new AI-powered tool and future episodes focused on ego, relationships, and personal growth. This year has been transformative, and he believes the podcast is just beginning.
FAQs
You don’t need a single purpose. Think of your passions like a stock portfolio. You can draw meaning from multiple areas, and over time, you may need to rebalance your focus. It’s normal and healthy to have many sources of purpose, especially if they’re all deeply fulfilling.
Not necessarily. A meaningful life is often about using your time well, not having a grand overarching mission. If you’re satisfied and engaged in what you’re doing, that’s enough. Purpose is useful for many, but not everyone needs it.
Ask yourself what the task is a means toward. For example, renewing a driver’s license might be a step toward getting around to see family. By connecting daily actions to larger goals, you can find meaning even in routine or mundane tasks.
You may be confusing excitement with purpose. Passion often fades after initial enthusiasm. The key is to identify what you’d still do even when you don’t enjoy it—this reveals deeper values and long-term commitment.
It’s normal to face resistance. Focus on building a support network of people who align with your values. Set boundaries with family, and respect their opinions without sacrificing your own well-being or goals.
Focusing on yourself is important early in life to build self-awareness. However, long-term fulfillment comes from sharing your gifts with the world—your purpose should extend beyond yourself to contribute meaningfully to others.
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