Solar System Tier List

This episode of Distractible is presented to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at Ookla Speedtest. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Ookla Speedtest. Intelligence data, second half 2025. All rights reserved. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, bathroom-loving Bob boldly goes to his buddies for their celestial selections. Wizened Wade gets brutalized by Pokemon and derides Pupita and your anus. Mercury-hating Mark loves stalking, ends his rending rain, despises computer dick-teasing, and respects the moon but rips Mars. From sublime innovation to mystery orbits, ha-ha-ha-has, it's time for Solar System Tier List. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to Distractible, a podcast on the internet. That's right, you've heard of podcasts other places, but have you ever seen a podcast on the internet? No, I bet you haven't. We're first of our kind. That's why we're so special here. We're always innovating. That's our hallmark. That's the show's hallmark. We're always innovating, which is why today's topic is going to be so exciting and innovative. It's going to be something we've never done before. It's going to be unlike any previous episode you've ever seen of this show, and you're going to love it. That's one thing I know for sure. It's from previous experience I've learned that you're going to love it, but not because we've done this. I've never done this before because it's really good and unique and innovative. Did I say innovative? It's innovative. I said that. Good. If you've never seen this show before, I'm the host because I won the last episode, and this show is competitive. Competing for today's victory trophy? There's no trophy. Competing in today's episode will be the same guys who it always is when I host. It's Mark and Wade. Say hi, boys. Hi, boys. You both listened. That's a point for each of you. That was a test, and you passed. Innovative. Innovation. Yeah. If you've ever seen the show before, you'll know that everything I just said is a lie, and there are no rules, and I just give out points arbitrarily, but that's a lie. I'm going to give myself a lie point, and then we're going to get right into it, by which I mean, small talk. How's it going? I have so much to talk about. Give us those juicy deets. All right. I want you to open your ears real quick. Huh? I can't hear anything else, but God damn it. Well, there goes all my. I got a new keyboard, and it's like semi. It's not mechanical. It's not mechanical, but it's like. It's a little clackety. What kind of board is it, bro? I can almost tell what keys you're hitting by how they sound. No, no. I was typing all of my passwords in one long string. I can tell you typed, ah, Bob's at Innovative again. It's the new keyboard that has the stream deck built into it, which seems so obvious now. That's a thing? Yeah. They just came out with it, which makes you go like, why didn't they do this before? Is that. Wait, who. What? So Corsair bought Elgato a ways back. I can't remember. I can't remember when, but Corsair owns them. Corsair makes many things, keyboards included. Not always my favorite keyboards, but this one was just like, oh, my God, this saves desk space, and I'm always losing my stream deck or not setting it up. It'd be nice if I could just blah, and it's there, and it's there, and it works, and there's way more settings than I would ever do on it. No, no. I haven't programmed. There's a whole bunch of pre-programmed stuff, but there's also a little numpad thing, so it's where the numpad is. It's not quite as nice as a real numpad, but it works. But it could be a numpad. If you so require. And usually, I'm very against mechanical keyboards. I hate loud clacking, but this one grew on me. At first, I was like, oh, no, it's got some clack, but it really doesn't. It's got this nice, like, soft. They call it a thawky. Whoa, you can't just say that. No, that's a big word in the keyboard community. It thawks. Yeah, it's the first one that I've ever been like, okay, now that. Usually, I like my keyboards silent. I don't want to hear them. I just want. I want the mushy. The softest, you know. But this one, actually, I'm like, you know, I think I actually kind of like that. That's the first time I've been like, that's pleasant. You like a little thawk? You're thawking? It's a little. I think I like a little thawk. Not a big thawk. I don't want big thawk. A reasonable thawk. You're down to thawk? Yeah, yeah. You know, now, you know, as I grow older, I find that my desire to thawk kind of has increased a bit. You want to thawk? You guys want to thawk? Want to get in a circle? We can all thawk together? I think that. I think that's interesting. Let's thawk around and find out. I don't know if you know. Wait, you use Stream Deck. Is it the same? Is it just the regular Stream Deck software that just interfaces with the keyboard, or is it its own thing? Oh, yeah. No, you just use Stream Deck software. You have to update it, but it works on this, and so. Oh, that's pretty neat. That's pretty neat. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Got to get rid of some of these built-in presets, because they suck. I haven't programmed my Stream Deck since I switched computers, so it doesn't do anything right now. I forgot about it until you just brought it up. That's. It's been a while since. Since that happened. It's not been that long. It's sitting here just staring at me. It says, Stream Deck. Yeah, with the default logo on it with no. You know, you could just copy. It's like a pre. You could copy that file over, and it's like a preset. Didn't do that. Okay, well, interesting. You know how I love my peripherals. Mark knows how to pander to the host, that's for sure. That I do. That I do. That's just a warm-up of my small talk. I've got so much more. Wade, do you even want to try, or do you just want to let Mark have all the small talk? I've got one. And this will appeal to no one but me, and maybe some people out there. Like, three of them. I have found a new Pokemon fan game pain experience. It's brutal, and it's destroying me. This is not the one you were playing in your web browser. This is something else now. Yeah, this is a different one. This is Emerald Rogue 2.0 EX. Actually, it's 2.0.1A, if I'm being technical right now, but. Oh, okay. It's like a roguelite. So, instead of, like, Pokemon. Where you wander around, whatever. Like, it has that, but you have, like, an overworld screen where it's, like. You know, like, in the old Mario games where you'd go to, like, move around from level to level? You'd, like, have the little, like, tan or whatever color bars. You'd move around the little dots for the levels. You'd move around, land on a level, and pick it. Yes. So, there's, like, a little overworld thing where you'll have, like, four or five choices, or two choices, or no choices. Like, depending on where you're at in the web. And you'll kind of, like, pick, oh, do I want to go to a place that has a trainer? Go to a place that has steel types. Go to this event. That event. And then it'll load you in. You'll do the level. I was playing on stream, and chat had me do Brutal Difficulty. And you basically have, like, I don't know, name a random Pokemon. A Meowth, a whatever. With starting moves, crappy, like, Scratch and Growl. And on Brutal, the first person you fight has, like, a full team of six, basically. That are all, like, probably max IV, best nature, held items, strongest moves in the game. You're getting Earthquaked whenever all you have is, like. Mud Slap. It is the most brutally unfair experience, and I got annihilated. In four hours, I couldn't beat, I think, two trainers on a run. I beat one, could not beat the second one. Sounds so fun. Or something. That was, again, this is Brutal Difficulty, but, uh. It doesn't not sound not fun. It was brutal. What did I just do? Uh-oh. Okay. Something either came unplugged or fell off, or the cord. Something's. Everything's fine. Sounds fine. It didn't freeze, so. I'm assuming. Everything's good. Mark, you had more talks, right? I'll be right back. I sure do, yeah. All right. I guess all the points are gonna be mine. No, I'm not conceding! Wade's conceded the whole episode. Just have fun with it, Mark. I'm not conceding! Big news, basically. The Render Farm is no more. Whoa! Oh, well, okay. It's a little underwhelming. It's gone. I mean, it is big news, but it's gone. I feel like it's been. That's just a part of life. Wow! Fucking underwhelming. Why are you acting like you're not listening, Wade? I know you hear what we're talking about. I am listening! I'm reacting! Oh, okay. So, yes. The Render Farm has left the bathroom. Woo! I know. That is a big deal. And you burned it in a bonfire in your backyard? I covered it in Glauber salt, which, as we know, very flammable. Extremely flammable. One of the big problems that everyone was trying to warn me about when I stuffed it inside my servers. It's hard to get up when you're old. It's moving to an actual, not a bathroom, like. Wade, you all right? Oh, yeah. This isn't about me. It's about you. Go on. Anyway, it's moving to a place that actually should have a Render Farm. A server room. A real, real deal server room. Purpose built specifically for that. Oh, fuck. What is happening under his desk? What kind of mole men are tunneling up from his basement floor? What the fuck is happening here? I just squirted. I just squirted water all over. Well, jeez, man. Don't do that. I'm really trying to stick with the story of this one. Mark's Render Farm is going to a real room like a big boy. And I'm selling some of it because with the current computer prices and RAM prices. Don't give me that face, Wade. Don't give me that face. Very high. Oh, man. You're not lying. There's some extra stuff that I think I'll try to sell. Might even make some money off of what I got off eBay for that. I don't understand what's happening with weight. I gotta be honest. I'm super. distracted right now i thought this was sealed it wasn't so i grabbed and it squirted out and just spray like a fountain of water came out of my keyboard in my desk and i kicked something and undid my wire tie it was like to the bottom of my everything's fine and i don't mean to detract i think the render farm moving is great and also whatever mark was just talking about is also very important let me give wade a jealousy point very jealous jealous of mark's real small talk big chapter of my life closing or is it so what's the new movie i don't know one yet wink you heard it here first wink wonk i was expecting that to be my big trump card like sweep you know no that's a huge i mean it's just a bathroom now which is good we need bathrooms in our lives but that's just crazy i i feel like the saga from when it when you were like guys ebay and china the chinese server parts they don't need them i bought a pallet of server stuff and i'm gonna build there was like a whole saga all the way back it's like a chapter of our lives have closed my favorite version of mark was dinosaur i like dinosaur bone collecting mark man did we talk about that not that not the trump marks trump but i think i'm cursed specifically uh first my eyes broke so i'm in glasses then my wires broke and then my water squirted and the next obvious thing is immediate death or water breaking because that's yeah i can't believe you didn't go with water broke but whatever well i don't want a lie point i want a real point they are real points actually apparently we were doing it wrong like every time we bring up a rule like that we remember it wrong i don't know how it keeps happening but it's almost always the case at this point i just want to bring up incorrect rules just to piss everyone off so if you were hoping that we would start doing it correctly subreddit i wouldn't hold your breath i thought we had a rule we're not allowed to correct ourselves unless we have a tribal council uh aside not a full episode but like an aside i don't that doesn't sound like a rule i've ever heard before that definitely doesn't exist i probably just made it up which makes it true no that is the rule though is if we make it up it's true that's true that's two out of the three i don't even need to agree for that to be true plerocracy i'm ready for the episode despite my life falling apart around me i have one last thing to bitch about by the way i don't yet hold let me break something else the tech problem i'm so tired of these these tech companies announcing a product and then it not being available where it's like well coming out intel's like the new laptop cpu and every reviewer's like it's incredible this product it's like specifically it's like this dual screen thing that has like the new the new cpu is very good i'm like that's what i've been looking for a new windows laptop portable oh where do i buy it you can't no oh it's great but you'll never see it it'll come out sometime never like i literally i everywhere is looking like this was announced a month ago it's like oh that's exactly what i need too bad why would you want this you want to buy this ew get away from me so they announced it released it but then you can't get it yeah you can't get it there's tons of reviews come out about it and then it'll be like a sneeze in the wind six months from now it'll be like listed for sale and i'll forget about it and it's just like how are they making money how is anyone in those other companies making money right it doesn't like i'm here i'm like i'm in the market for a new windows laptop investors i guess i don't know oh my monkey's turned into the beach that sounds like a completely psychopathic statement out of context okay grandpa everybody's monkeys turned into the beach today okay listen before we start recording i don't want to hear the actual explanation no no no your monkey's turned into the beach there you go this episode is brought to you by grubhub i order food a lot and then you see that line that says fees grubhub's changing the game by eating the delivery and service fees on orders over fifty dollars oh that's not how you use chopsticks get no delivery or service fees on restaurant orders over fifty dollars when you order on grubhub visit grubhub for more details bye fees bye-bye i won't miss you today's episode topic like i said at the beginning so groundbreaking so innovative so fresh and new we're gonna be making a tier list but not just any tier list this is gonna be a tier list of stuff in space i know at least three things out there you probably know more than that yeah this is very unbiased and completely fair because everyone here equally likes things in space and has the same strong positive vibes about it in general i want this started as the idea of i wanted to do a tier list tier list of the planets in our solar system but then i was like well there's some moons that we could talk about but also if you guys have any other things that you like about space like like the iss or like specific nebulas or something or if it like it could be space it could just be space stuff but i want to start i want to go inside out we'll start with the sun and progress through the planets no pluto's not a planet we could discuss it later but it's not a planet it doesn't count unless it does i don't know if they switch that back or what exactly but uh we're making a tier list i unironically like tier lists i know not everyone watching and listening did but i i do enjoy it i like it as a pretext to just talk about stuff that's what it is it's like a reason for us to talk but also give something i don't know what some of these things is but i like the way they look i like the way you look i'm gonna guarantee it uh we could start with the sun and we can work our way through the planets we could talk about moons with the planets or we can save the moons it's very whatever we want here and there wither and dither i just want to talk about space stuff i'm curious where all of these things land and i'm curious how we're even going to decide that the sun first number zero in our solar system the actual center of the universe probably can't unprove me scientifically i think this picture says is a deadly laser i have this this is this starts pretty high up for me this could go as high as s tier for me but i'm curious what you guys think about look if anything was worthy of being an s tier it would be the sun because in power in other categories orangeness melts snow flares burns our enemies when we leave them outside tied to stakes true true all true yes i think like it's it just is unless it's so overdone that it becomes kind of generic you know i do i get that vibe but i feel like giver of life gets to be s tier i guess you know we sort of do need that guy i don't think we've ever started uh a tier list with an s we'll see if it stays so hot but i i feel like sun belongs in s tier and i'm comfortable with that all right let's talk about this next one big piece of shit mercury b for bitch nah gotta be a because it's closest to the sun no i'm just kidding it's not an a tier it's just getting smacked around it's on a little leash but the sun's got it on a leash it's not tough for being annihilated with that much heat it's not like venus right venus is is crazy venus is nuts i try to remember the little what's the limerick for like my vagina eats men just so what's the what's the one we all learned in kindergarten my vagina eats all men my vagina eats many monkey penises there's two m's mars okay fine my vagina eats monkey penises other ones yeah you know why am i so hooked on p i don't know i was looking at phobos on the thing the next one starts with p oh you got me moons you moons mark said b for bitch mercury i've got nothing really against it but nothing really for it what we have six b or c so i guess c c you don't get points for being first in line to be exploded you know no no moons no moon not even a moon venus does venus have moons i don't think it does here i'll show you my cheat sheet apparently venus moons zero okay venus is crazy well v rhymes with b so i say b we recognize venus for its it venus way tougher than mercury i don't care if mercury is closer venus its atmosphere the pressures i don't even know why it does all that stuff that it does but it rains like sulfuric acid or something like that it's it's nutso nutso but so b for but so avoiding spoilers i'm pretty sure venus is also like it has significance in the plot of the book project hail mary i wouldn't know i haven't read it yet i'm not gonna go into any specifics but you know that put it on my radar even more than it already did i'm not gonna go into any specifics but you already was so i think i think b tier is good for venus earth this son of a bitch no no no come on now people are from there and i don't like people see that's where i'm coming from i like people earth is a planet pretty cool lots of water nice ecosystems you add in humanity knocked it down a little bit obviously earth bagged a hell of a moon right huge moon for its size second only to pluto for bagging a moon in proportion to its size pluto p for planet but but okay earth have you seen that animation of earth have you seen earth you've seen earth animation it was like a tiktok edit where it's like you know the sun's giving off its electromagnetic radiation splashing mercury just you know oh no and then venus is like but earth is you know it does like the the super tough edit of earth's electromagnetic field is just tanking all the sun you know i it's earth's tough you know earth is real tough i i gotta give earth a lot of credit for that let's i mean we could talk about the people problem the entire d of this episode so i'm i'm objectifying it from outside of the people perspective okay what do you advocate for here a s how high i think a i don't think quite s because let's be honest we've discovered that the habitable zone is a lot wider than we think there's probably plenty of earth-like planets out there in the whole universe i'll give you a but only because of soto and fogo to chow i think that's fair i think that's a fair exchange and that's a good point there's a lot of things on earth but there's also meat and pasta where's our moon the only one doesn't have a name or does actually have a name it has a maiden it's called luna oh okay just a a I mean that's a reason for s tier in my mind it's not a moon it is the moon we're not biased we're not biased but let's be honest the earth didn't bag the moon the moon bagged the earth and that's because it came from a you know you know no i don't but i like the way you and i like this sun moon both being s tier that that feels good that's true i get i vibe with that a little bit it's true i mean we've talked about before in the episode but i'm still i still think the the cosmic coincidence of the sun and the moon being the same relative size in the sky and the only place where a total eclipse could possibly happen that we know of bonnie tyler who monty tyler bonnie tyler she wrote the song total eclipse of the heart well it didn't write she's saying it's written but never mind so yeah moon s tier you got me with eclipse s tier total eclipse of the heart s tier song i'm easy to please man pasta good music all right mars thinks he's the sun wants to be orange actually turned red what an idiot mars has ghosts and mars attacked two things i didn't like about mars dude that movie traumatized me when i was a kid which one goes to mars or mars attacks mars attacks i never actually saw the movie but i want to point out phobos and demos we're not i know we're not there yet they don't even deserve to be on this list those are rocks deal but no wait we need something for f out of here nope they're below f they're deleted look mars is a wannabe in a lot of ways i maybe i'll give it credit for at one point having life but who has life and loses it that's really yeah lost life you know you know what happens to a doctor who loses life too much not allowed to be a doctor anymore and musk likes mars that drops mars too right yeah what's that make it like d i think in mars my might be our fur to d i don't know if it deserves f olympus mons kind of gives it a little bit of credit biggest uh uh mountain in or it's a former volcano but it's a mountain let's be honest not gonna be a volcano ever again but biggest mountain in that as we know of so biggest protrusion gives it some big d energy that's a good point that's funny thank you that is funny i hope everyone out there heard that joke they went that is funny in the same monotone voice to prove how hilarious it was you're gonna just by saying that you're gonna have people come up to you and go that is funny i'm gonna miss bald it's still so often that the clip comes up where mark is like and bob has a baby and i have a movie and i'm bald forever the rest of our lives jupiter baby phobos damos crew where you rise up phobos damos crew fuck those idiots they're just rocks jupiter is where men go to get more stupider is that good or bad my bad well i mean if if i've ever been to a place that makes me stupider it's usually a fun time so i'm not gonna say too much negative about that it's also real big doesn't jupiter have like an infinite storm isn't that what the spot on jupiter is it's just a never-ending storm i don't think it's an infinite storm i think it's actually shrinking right now well it's cold out it'll get bigger when it gets warm infinite storm is actually i'm skipping ahead but saturn i believe saturn is way cooler than jupiter jupiter gets a lot of i'm not just not saying jupiter is bad i'm jupiter very cool lots of moons kind of weak maybe ring kind of you know it's kind of a little cringe ring can i say something embarrassing so jupiter saturn others these are the gas giants in our solar system right they're good meaning that they're gaseous i still struggle to conceptualize what exactly that means if it's a gas if it's a gas giant if it's a planet made of gas how do you determine the surface of the planet i guess there's no like atmosphere technically i think but then is it just like once you're inside the gas that's the planet but if you're not inside the gas that's is there a line or some shit is it ever solid like does the gas solidify anywhere or anything like i don't understand i don't get it either because it must be so big that there is like a gradation of the density of the gas but it just ramps up really quickly of the gas and then it's like it's like a line or something like that and then it's like a line of the pressure because it's so big and it probably is a thing i believe there is a core is there is there a core if it storms in a gas where does it land i don't know i don't know to google jupiter is not just a ball of gas it's a complex gas giant with no solid surface primarily composed of hydrogen and helium the transition from gas to liquid and metallic states due to extreme pressure as a thick gaseous outer atmosphere most of its mass is liquid metallic hydrogen surrounding a dense possibly partially melted rocky core man i could have understood this if i just googled it earlier yeah wow okay so there is a rocky core that makes sense to me because it's like but it says there's it says there's no surface you can't stand on the surface of it the pressure just increases until it becomes impenetrably dense which sounds terrifying i don't i don't want to penetrate it well hold on okay maybe wade wants to penetrate it i won't speak for all of us i guess that sounds like a chat challenge i i think it's very b yeah i was gonna say it can't be higher than b i'll give you a b i like b b's good b's a fair score i feel like it's happy at b oh god we gotta do their moons uh so we could skip we could do the planets first and circle back to the moons or whatever well then i'm not gonna know what moon goes to what well actually i do know europa callisto and io no i know io because it was in destiny right isn't io one of the places you can go callisto is callisto protocol and europa is the one with the giant ocean what's the first one candy medic what's it called ganymede candy medic yeah yeah it's my favorite moon i don't know ganymede i like its little uh like sideburn it's got that's cool callisto and io look pretty yo is very pretty ganymede forgettable ganymede d i don't care whatever callisto callisto protocol not a great game but you know had an interesting graphics thing that i was talking about before europa kind of looks like someone spilled cinnamon on some whipped cream c for callisto c for callisto callisto i like yo just for the name not gonna lie oh yo's a b it was fun to go there in destiny probably that was a good place dusty very yellow europa makes me think of a cinnamon roll i like cinnamon rolls but i don't know anything else about it so probably a c yeah i don't object all right cranking through the moons i appreciate it and ganymede's down yeah i think i think those are good choices still no f's pretty good solar system i think saturn a tier for me saturn is awesome that ring that ring is unreal and you want to talk about like okay jupiter's got this big red spot have you seen saturn's fat ass no go on hang on let me google that saturn's fat ass saturn is the most oblate planet in the solar system meaning it's significantly flattened at the poles and bulges at the equator this gas giant's wide shape makes its equatorial diameter about 10 larger than its polar diameter it's like an hourglass figure if the hourglass was just cut in half saturn is actually the least dense plant in the solar system making a very lightweight yet fat planet all right saturn is fat i like it uh look up saturn's hexagon saturn's hexagon how the hell is that happening aliens probably oh pro definitely way cooler than a red spot and that will never go away apparently it's like a bronzor if you know you know right pokemon fan i think saturn's cooler than earth i do too i would agree yes i think saturn has so much going for it like it might be the only s-tier planet oh it'd be pretty up there i mean it's ring it's just shape it's uniqueness it's fat ass If you go to the context of Earth having life, it's really cool. But if you're looking at the solar system and you see Saturn, you're like, that's so cool. I know the whole pale blue dot thing was taken from Saturn. You know, doesn't Uranus have a have rings or is it Neptune doesn't have like vertical rings, but they don't look nearly as cool, right? I know there's cock rings. I don't know about Uranus rings. I'm OK with Saturn and us here. I mean, I just look at Saturn. Saturn just so cool. The alien hexagon on the North Pole is top tier. I have to agree with that. It is super cool. Does Saturn have all of these moons? Saturn has a whole fuckload of moons. Jupiter has 92 moons, plus possibly up to like 600 other tiny, tiny ones. Saturn has 145 known moons. And the first six are the Galilean moons, right? Isn't that the thing? Is there visible using like land based telescopes from Earth because they're fucking huge? Quick glance. I like. My my mass memos. I like memos. Looks like a Death Star. It does look like the Death Star. Look at that. Titan is another one from Destiny in it. Titan is in a lot of fiction. Warhammer. Titan's very important. That bumps those two up on my list. How big is Titan compared to Earth? That's a good question to ask Google. OK, Titan is bigger than our moon, but it's about like a quarter the size of Earth. It's like half the size of Earth. Forty to fifty percent the size of Earth in diameter. It's got more water than Europa. I didn't know that. Damn. I definitely didn't know any of this. It's much less dense. Its mass is only about two percent of Earth's mass. Oh, you're still showing the hexagon. No, wait, you're not. I am. I've got a tab open. I'm an idiot. Boys, I think it's time to put me in a home and retire me from this podcast. It's been fun, man. It's been fun. I truly think after today it's time. Send your applications to replace me because I think it's time. I need to go. I need to go. I need to go. Titan seems kind of cool. Titan seems pretty boss. It'd be up there. I'm split between A or B. I'm not sure. Give Titan an A. Give Mimas a B and the rest can go C, D. I don't care. I feel like I like Titan more than I like Jupiter and Jupiter's in B. So I feel like it has to go in A. Okay. I'm fine with that. Like I would say below, below Earth in A, I guess. But like. But the fact that it's in A tier. Yeah, that's pretty good. Mimas next to yo to me. Got it. Mimas next to yo. Death Star. Boob. Oh, man. That might be S tier. Hold on. Let's talk about the Death Star boob. When you say it like that, I'm going to say Tethys D tier. Can't pronounce a terrible name. Iapetus looks like it's being Thanos snapped. The rest of them are just round and gray like Tethys. The rest of them wish that they were our moon and they're just not. I don't know. What's default for moon? Do they start at C? I think yes. C. Nah, D. I think moons have to start at D because it's just like they're. Because it's like default for planet is C. Default for moon is. Okay. All right. Do we want Iapetus anywhere else or. Iapetus can go C. It looks interesting. It also has a Death Star. Yeah, I like it has a little Death Star nipple. I like it has cool coloring situation. Actually, is it hexagonal too? Are both of those kind of hexagonal? Oh, my God. Are they? To Google. You know, if I was aliens, if I was aliens, I would make my base on Saturn because I'd be like, okay, this is just far enough away from Earth that they wouldn't get suspicious. But then I would make my base on Saturn. My big hexagons and people on Earth don't know shapes. Those fucking idiots. We had to show them how to build a pyramid. I can't believe we'll never get a square hexagon. And they said, nice triangle. It's a pyramid. It's in the name. All right. We're on a big business, boys. Oh, boy. Your anus. Funniest planet name we've got going, I think. But it tripped the other planet and knocked it off the line. Like, we all know the one in the back. The one. It tripped Pluto, right? It had to be Uranus that did it. Well, it's not in the back. Are you talking about Neptune? The planet that is next? I forgot Neptune existed. You know what? Uranus is fine. That's a bad sign for Neptune, man. But that is not a great sign for Neptune. Uranus move. It's back up, baby. Other than being a joke, it's so boring. It is just the blandest planet. It is one color. It's just there, you know? But at least it's not Neptune. Is it high C-tier or low C-tier? Low B-tier. I feel like Uranus deserves to be above Mercury. I agree. Yeah, I would agree. But still, like, top of C-tier? Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah, Uranus comes below the boob. I gotta say, these are some very interesting moon names. Titania. Well, I got a Titan, too. Titania. I like Oberon. I think Oberon's a cool name. Oberon and Umbriel are badass names. Those pair them up well. Ariel, first mermaid crush. Only mermaid crush, probably. Yeah, what was yours? Your second mermaid crush. King Neptune. Ariel in the sequel. Ursula, when she's the hot version of Mermaid Ursula. Titania just feels like it's trying to be Titan. It feels like it wants to be cooler than it is. Fucking F. We give that an F. Oh, F. Wow, first F. I feel like Oberon and Umbriel get a bump up to C just for their name. I don't know if they need to go higher, because otherwise they're fine. Did I had crushes on them? Listen, Miranda in Mass Effect. And Ariel in Little Mermaid, like, well, let's see. How horny do they make you? That will rate how high that means they should go. Oh, man. Well, S is too high. Let's go. Thingby, Thingby with Umbriel. Below Umbriel and Oberon, but on that line. Okay, so you'd rather fuck Oberon. Got it. All right, we're really working it. We're really banging out a bell curve here, and I appreciate that. This, I think, might be a contentious one. Neptune. Blue. I like blue. It's a beautiful color. I love the look of Neptune. I want a Boli. Ball that looks like that. That's about all I know about Neptune. But otherwise, kind of fuck Neptune. I don't know. It's fine. Like Wade said, it probably is the one who pushed Pluto, made them lose planet status. Like it was Neptune is the god of the ocean. So is that the Greek one or whatever? Yeah, it's fine. It's very pretty. Oh, Neptune isn't as big as I thought it was. I see an Earth to Neptune comparison. And I mean, obviously, Earth is much smaller, but it's about the same ratio as the Earth Moon to Earth, just inverse. So it's actually not that big. No, it's smaller than you'd think. Way the fuck out there. It's too far away. It's a long drive. Nobody wants to go that far. It has a spot. Apparently, it's got it's got a spot that's kind of cool. So, like, is it above Mars? I feel like to me, it's either top of D tier or in the mix of C tier. I like maybe put it next to Mars at the very top of D tier. Yeah, I give it top of D at least like it just it earns that spot. It's not a it's not a leftover wannabe has been like Mars. It looks better than Mars. Mars doesn't look bad. Red Planet, kind of cool. Neptune looks way cooler. Orcas are scary in the ocean. So I don't know if Orcus is scary as a moon. Yeah, wait, what's going on with Orcus? Orcus. Orcus whale. Does it have its own little mini moon? Oh, that's what that photo would imply. A moon with its own moon? I Googled Orcus moon moon and came up with Vance. OK, Vance is the moon of Orcus. Orcus is a dwarf planet. So Orcus is not a moon of Neptune. I mean, Orcus never even kind of got to be one of the planets often called the anti Pluto. Well, Pluto is high on my list. It's just in opposite orbital phase from Pluto. So they just they just keep their distance. So people might have mistaken them for each other. At some point, it was only discovered in 2004. Oh, it's it's like it's like a third the size of Pluto. Why is this even in the running? But if Pluto is high on my list and Orcus is not, then that means Orcus is pretty low. I like the name. I like both Orcus and Vance. I feel like those are cool names. I don't like the vibe. I feel like he wishes he was, but he's not F or low D. Given that I've only just heard of it, I feel bad if it got put in F. F feels mean, I guess, but. All right, so above Mars. Oh, OK. Either F or above Mars, there's no in between. Hark Triton! Hark! I'm sensing that mark is a bit. What's that from? It's from the lighthouse. When Willem Dafoe goes, he's like, stands up, gives a "Hark Triton! Hark! Curse this guy!" I like Willem Dafoe, so Triton must be pretty high up on the list then. That immediately gives me positive. Feelings about Triton. I like some Willem Dafoe. Very bee energy. I feel that right next to hexagonal Death Star titty. Willem Dafoe, you did this, you rose Triton. A series. No, no, you know what? Low D or F because it made my phone go off. That's really funny because it sounds like the phone lady. Um, I don't know. I got nothing for or against that it exists. I mean, default. Okay, hold on. Sirius is not a moon. Sirius is a dwarf planet that's inside the asteroid belt. You got to be tough to live in there. Oh, yeah, that's not a good place to live. Almost as tough as Miranda. Bottom of seat here. All right. Okay. No argument. Okay, you guys just gave me that. You just said it so definitively. I believe you. All right. Now for the big one. Pluto. Pluto. We grew up knowing Pluto as the pizzas that my very educated mother just bought us. Nine of. But now it is nothing. Do we love Pluto because it's a fallen planet or do we hate Pluto because it lied to us for our entire lives? How do we feel about Pluto? If Pluto is the yin to Orcus's yang, it has to be A tier. I think Pluto has so much going for it. It didn't ask to be labeled a planet. It was just there when planets were being labeled planets. It just made its orbit there and it kind of was like, oh, oh, okay. I know objections here. Here's my big fucking moon. Look at my huge moon. You know, I think that, you know, you, you, you gotta give it tons of pride and that heart. It has dealt with being last in line and then forgotten its whole life. And it's not complained once. Not once. A tier Pluto. Those other dwarf planets, they're not spherical. Pluto, beautiful sphere. A tier Pluto. Sharon! Rest in peace, Ozzy. Does that big ass moon get to live with its tiny ass not planet or does it get the default moon treatment? It is impressive. It's like Mark had pointed out. It's Pluto really pulled a good one. Right now, it kind of looks like it has my hairline. It's kind of shaded on the back and sides. It has a little fluff on top. I give way to B. Oh, babe. B for babe. B for babe. B for babe. All right. This is a, whatever this is, is spicy. Selassia. Trans-Neptunian object in the Kuiper Belt. Dwarf planet discovered in 2004 has one moon named Actaea and it orbits the sun once every 274 years. Classified as a Cubuano, which is a Cubuano? A KBO? I don't know what that is. A Kmart big offer. Sure, sure, sure, sure. It's a Trans-Neptunian object. What's Huamea? I don't care. Give it whatever. I don't know what any of these things are. I'm more interested in Huamea. Huamea, what the fuck? You want to talk about fat ass? You know, Saturn ain't got nothing on Huamea. Rapidly rotating egg-shaped dwarf planet in the Kuiper Belt beyond Neptune. What if that actually is an egg? Well, that's a problem. What if it's the egg of the next sun? What came first, the sun or the egg? That's what I'm talking about. I've never seen this before in my life. I've never heard of this. I didn't even know planets could be like that. I wonder if it's in the process of ripping itself apart or something. Like, I don't know how it's holding together like that. That, that takes, that's, that's, that's definitely urine's bead here at least. No parents are sitting on it to help it hatch either. It's abandoned. Yeah. All right. I'm, I'm cool with B. That's it. That's an interesting thing. All right. We should probably speed this up. I mean, we don't have to go through all, there's a whole bunch of shit that we don't have to talk about on this. I mostly wanted to get through the solar system, which we have done. I just want to say, make, make. Oh, I've, I've heard of this. Make, make dwarf planet. I mean, I assume it's probably like make, make or something. Yeah. It's a Coober belt dwarf planet. In case you ever want to come back, I won't spoil it. Bob, you got some funny stuff on here. No, I know. Yeah. It's I, I just borrowed this. So this is, you know, there's, okay. There's two more. I think we should look at it, which is planet nine and Theia. Cause those are interesting ones. They, whatever's happening on Theia looks crazy. Planet nine is just a circle on this image. I don't know. So Theia is actually what they think is slammed into earth, like primordial earth and exploded it in to make the moon. And they think they've looked at this recently in the, like geological conglomeration of surveys of the earth. They think they see pieces of Theia embedded in the crust or not the crust, the, the mantle of the earth. They think they can see it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. That is pretty cool. I mean, lost fought earth and lost, but you know, still may it made the moon earth is a tier and it put up a good fight with earth. Cause it did, it did make the moon earth is still wielding the scars. Mark just said that B high B high B I would put a high B. Yeah. I'm a, I'm going to say above moons, but below planets and B. Yeah. It gets a lot of props for giving earth what it has right now. It made a moon. So it has to be above the moons. I agree. That's good. That's fair. That's fair. Planet nine, a hypothetical massive planet believed to exist in the far outer solar system, far beyond Neptune proposed by astronomers, Mike Brown and Constantine, but Tegan it's existed as suggested by the clustered eccentric orbits of distant trans Neptunian objects, which didn't indicate a gravitational influence from a hidden large body, potentially five to 10 times the mass of earth taking 10 to 20,000 years to orbit the sun. I can't, I've heard about this before and I'm not at all like an astronomy nerd or anything. So I don't, I don't look into this stuff very deeply. I could never tell if this is like a conspiracy theory. That's only pushed by wackos who are like, there's a secret planet and there's a civilization on it. And they play, they sheeted earth or if this is like a real thing, because it seems to be. Scientifically backed and a theory that's put forward by actual like astronomers. I don't know. I like seeing the orbit, how its orbit goes completely different direction than everyone else's. I also like the image where there's an actual just question mark on it. That would be weird if we got like, Oh, Voyager just so happened to do a flyby. What the feist, the Riddlers. That's where the Riddlers from. Yeah, there you go. Why didn't I say the Riddler? I thought it got milk for some reason. I mean, it's kind of cool. I like this kind of like a, you know, scary story. You tell in the dark kind of thing. It's kind of fun. I like stuff where science is like, well, this should exist. Doesn't make any fucking sense that there would be this huge planet so far away, but also all the, all the things we have, the gravitational readings we can get, they suggest that this should exist. So I guess we're just going to say it's a thing. Maybe put it next to Uranus. It's another mystery hole. I do like it better than Mercury. I don't think it's quite as cool as Haumea because like Haumea was just so weird. We had more images of it. I think Planet Nine is just suffering from our lack of knowledge, but it's cool. But if it is out there, yeah, it would go up. The more we know, the more would go up. Yeah. Or it could go down if it turns out it's lame. That's true. Yeah. There's a good tier list. I feel like we did a good job. I think astronomers will agree for us for decades, ages even. What kind of time measurements do astronomers favor? Light years. That's time, right? Light years. And our only FT. Here is Titania. Titania. Because it wishes, it wishes it was Titan, but it's not. You know why I'm having such bad luck today? Haumea is in retrograde. Ah. But Triton is in Hark. I laughed. I laughed. You did. You didn't even point at me and say that's funny. You actually laughed, which I appreciate. That's going to be the end of the episode. Let's go over who got points for which. In no particular order. Wade, you got points for saying hi, boys, when I prompted you to. Yes. Pokemon again, I guess. You got a jealousy point. You got a point for Bonnie Tyler for still being bald. For yo, fun moon, fun name. You got a point for you're still showing the hexagon. Yeah, that's. And you got a point for got milk for some reason. Mark, you got a point for saying hi, boys. You got a point for Thocky for pandering. You got a render farm destroyed point. You got a wink wonk point. B for bitch. You got a point for saying hi, boys. You got a point for moon when you were describing how the moon was made. You got a point for accurately selling us on how much Saturn fucks. You got a point for Hark Triton. And you got a point for the Riddler planet because we both said it at the exact same moment. And that's what smart people do. That makes the final score. Well, that's not the final score. The current score. Ten points for Mark and eight points for Wade. Oh, I'm still in the running. I thought I was getting destroyed. I'm still in the running. You're still showing the hexagon really saved you because I still have the tab open. I'm not going to lie. It's there. I didn't really have a thing planned for what I want to add to the wheel. I don't really want to do like a planet, a tier list one. I want to do one that takes away a point. You know what? Minus one point for I'm going to say either making fun of Mark for being short or making fun of Wade for being bald. Oh, did someone have to do it or you don't have to do it? I just feel like those come up a lot, but it's like if you if you made a Marcus short joke or a Wade is bald joke minus one point. If Wade makes bald jokes, it still counts. No self deprecating. Oh, I self defecate all the time. You defecate all over yourself. Anyway, how many? That's the first thing we do. Oh, just enough. Just enough. So you're saying there's a chance to is not the number that I would have picked. Tell you that you're not going to do your little wee woo. You're actually doing it. Yeah, I'm going to do I'm going to spin it for real. So there's no cheating or anything. Most personal attacks. We were only attacking Mars there. So I guess that would be the personal. Yeah, well, we talked a lot of shit about Mars and and Titania. I came for Mercury pretty hard. I was pretty straight out of the gate. You know, B is for bitch. That's true. Mark had the strongest personal attacks against against some of the some of the debated issues today. I feel like I have to agree with that i might have come at mars the hardest but mark went for more planets harder all right golf rules yeah barring any terrible things happening i'm not going to be spinning the winner's wheel today basically guaranteed the sudden death wedge would not possibly pop up again right okay you know my scottish sweden accent i don't think anyone used any accent this is the is the willem reference an accent it was more like a dramatic i i think that's a respin i answer i don't think there were really any any serious accents good the sudden death tile would never come up again ah does that count i think that does count swept again so if it landed on that and no one's made a joke and landed on minus one for the short joke all right i'll take it the wheel loses one point yeah if if the wheel lands on shortest and then the wheel lands on lose a point for short jokes i feel like the wheel loses the point i say if if the wheel has to lose a point it has to spin we have to remove one of the options oh i like that i'm sure we'll remember that when it comes up anyway mark remains undefeated in today's episode because he won on base points and then he won both the spins it's true making the final score 12 to 8 uh you know what the only thing mark is going to be defeated by is that he doesn't get to make a loser speech wade loser speech not gonna lie this episode started a little rough first my eyes were burning so i had to run take out my contacts then i removed a wire from under my desk then i squirted water everywhere then i proceeded to get trampled on at every possible stop along the way to getting crushed by four points but you know what i had fun our tier list ended up turning out pretty good i think therefore i accept my place in the game and i'm going to go ahead and play another one of these the bottom of the podium i think it's a great tier list i'm a fan i only wish we could put saturn higher i wish we put mars lower it could be lower it's not even f tier yet anyway mark winner speech at first i thought wade was employing psychological warfare against me during my elite small talk but then i remembered that's just wade so then the rest of the episode was just pure confidence all the way through i knew that this was his he rolled his dice for how his day was going to go today and i knew he rolled a critter's dice for how his day was going to go today and i knew he rolled a critter's dice for how his day was going to go today and i knew he rolled a critter's dice for how his day was going to go today and i knew he rolled a critical one from that point on and i critical one from that point on and i critical one from that point on and i had it in the bag so yeah thank you uh for had it in the bag so yeah thank you uh for had it in the bag so yeah thank you uh for allowing me to get this win allowing me to get this win allowing me to get this win hand of fate i rolled a four pretty low hand of fate i rolled a four pretty low hand of fate i rolled a four pretty low congratulations to mark our glorious congratulations to mark our glorious congratulations to mark our glorious and brilliant and beautiful winner and and brilliant and beautiful winner and and brilliant and beautiful winner and congratulations to wade for having the congratulations to wade for having the congratulations to wade for having the privilege of losing to mark make sure privilege of losing to mark make sure sure you check out their channels mark player lord million seven seven seven million seven seven seven i'm ice cream make sure you follow the podcast and then you'll always get a little beep boop on your phone when the thing comes out and you'll watch it or listen to it or whatever well you should watch it though and make sure you check out the merch and keep that bad boy up there because it sells out real fast every drop we've had sells out real fast if you actually want to get some you got to pay attention yeah yeah maybe there'll be more someday distractible.shop is where you should look anyway that's the end of the episode mark's gonna host the next one when wade will be there too see you on the next episode of distractible we're out of here podcast out watch new episodes on spotify