Solar System Tier List

This episode of Distractable is present to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/home internet to check availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply, fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data, second half 2025, all rights reserved. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable. This episode, bathroom loving barb boldly goes to his buddies for their celestial selections, whizz and wade gets brutalised by Pokémon and derides PUPITA and your AINUS. Mercury hating mark, loud stocking, inses rending rain, despises computer-dick teasing and respects the moon, but drips Mars, from sublime innovation to mystery orbits. It's time for Solar System Tear List. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to Distractable, a podcast on the internet. That's right, you've heard of podcasts, other places, but have you ever seen a podcast on the internet? No, I bet you haven't, we're first of our kind, that's why we're so special here, we're always innovating, that's our hallmark, that's the show's hallmark, we're always innovating, which is why today's topic is going to be so exciting and innovative, it's going to be something we've never done before, it's going to be unlike any previous episode you've ever seen of this show and you're going to love it. There's one thing I know for sure, it's from previous experience I've learned that you are going to love it, but not because we've done this before, because it's really good and unique and innovative, did I say innovative? It's innovative, I said that, good, if you've never seen this show before, I'm the host because I won the last episode and this show is competitive, competing for today's victory trophy, there's no trophy, competing in today's episode will be the same guys who it always is when I host, it's Mark and Wade, say hi boys. Hi boys. You both listen, that's a point for each of you, that was a test, and you passed innovation. Yeah, if you've ever seen the show before, you'll know everything I just said is lie and there are no rules and I just give out points arbitrarily, but that's a lie, I'm going to give myself a lie point and then we're going to get right into it, I mean, small talk, how's it going? I have so much to talk about. Give us those juicy deets. All right, I want you to open your ears real quick. I can't hear anything else, but God damn it, there goes so much, I got a new keyboard and it's like semi, it's not mechanical, but it's like, it's a little clackety. What kind of board is it, bro? I can almost tell what keys you're hitting by how they sound. No, no, I was typing all of my passwords in one long string. I could tell you tight top, Bob's that innovative again. It's the new keyboard that has the stream deck built into it, which seems so obvious now. What's the thing? Yeah, they just came out with it, which makes you go like, why didn't they do this before? Is that, wait, who, what? So Corsair bought El Gato a ways back, I can't remember when, but Corsair, Corsair makes many things, keyboards included, not always my favorite keyboards, but this one was just like, oh my God, this saves desk space and I'm always like losing my stream deck or not setting it up. It'd be nice if I could just, blah, and it's there and it's there and it works and there's way more settings than I would ever do on it. No, no, I haven't programmed. There's a whole bunch of pre-programmed stuff, but there's also like a little numpad thing. So it's where the numpad is. It's not quite as nice as a real numpad, but it's, it works, but it could be a numpad if you so require. And usually I am very against mechanical keyboards. I hate loud clacking, but this one grew on me at first. I was like, oh no, it's got some clack, but it really does it. It's got, it's got this nice like soft, not, they call it a focky. Oh, you can't just say that. No, that's a big, that's a big word in the keyboard community. It thawks. Yeah, it's the first one that I've ever been like, okay, now that, usually I like my keyboard silent. I don't want to hear them. I just want, I want the mushy, softest, you know, but this one actually, I'm like, you know, I think I actually kind of like that. That's the first time I've been like, that's pleasant. You're like a little thawk, you're thawking? It's a lie. I think I like a little thawk. That a big thawk, I don't want big thawk. A reasonable thawk. You're down to thawk? Yeah, yeah, you know, now, you know, as I grow older, I find that my, my desire to thawk kind of has increased a bit. You want to thawk? You guys want to thawk? We're going to circle, we're going to thawk together. I think that's interesting. Let's thawk around and find out. I don't know if you know what, you used Stream Deck. Is it the same? Is it just the regular Stream Deck software that just interfaces with the keyboard or is it a zone thing? Oh, yeah, no, you just used Stream Deck software. You have to update it, but it's, it works on this. So I don't want to get rid of some of these built in presets because they suck. I haven't programmed my Stream Deck since I switched to computers, so it doesn't do anything right now. I forgot about it until you just brought it up. That's, it's been a while since that app, it's not been that long. It's sitting here just staring at me. It says Stream Deck. Yeah, with the default logo on it with no, you know, you could just copy. It's like a pre, you could copy that file over it. It's like a preset. Didn't do that. Okay. Well, interesting. You know how I love my peripherals? Mark knows how to pander to the host. That's for sure. And I do. And I do. And I do. And that's just a warm up of my small talk. I've got so much more. Wait, do you even want to try or just want to let Mark have all the small talk? I've got one. And this will appeal to no one put me and maybe some people out there, like three of them. I have found a new Pokemon fan game, pain experience. It's brutal and it's destroying me. This is not the one you were playing in your web browser. This is something else now. Yeah. This is a different one. This is Emerald Rogue 2.0 EX. Actually, it's 2.0.1 A if I'm being technical right now, but okay. It's like a rogue light. So instead of like Pokemon where you wander around, whatever, like it has that, but you have like an overworld screen where it's like, you know, like in the old Mario games where you go to like move around from level to level, you'd like have the little like tan or whatever color bars. You'd move around the little dots where the levels you move around and land on a level and pick it. So there's like a little overworld thing we'll have like four or five choices or two choices or no choices. Like depending on where you're at in the web and you'll kind of like pick, oh, do I want to go to a place that has a trainer or go to a place that has steel types, go to this event, that event, and then it'll load you in. You'll do the level. I was playing on stream and Chad had me do brutal difficulty. And you basically have like, I don't know, name a random Pokemon on Meowth, whatever. With starting moves, crappy like scratch and growl and on brutal, the first person you fight has like a full team of six basically that are all like probably max IV, best nature, held items, strongest moves in the game. You're getting earthquake whenever all you have is like mud slap. It is the most brutally unfair experience and I got annihilated. In four hours, I couldn't beat I think two trainers on a run. I beat one, could not beat the second one. Sounds so fun. Kish or something. That was okay. This is brutal difficulty, but it doesn't not sound not fun. It was brutal. What did I just do? Uh-oh. Okay. Something out there came unplugged or fell off or the cord, something, everything's fine. Sounds fine. He didn't freeze. So I'm assuming everything's good. Mark, you had more talks, right? I'll be right back. I sure do. Yeah. All the points are going to be mine. No, I'm not not conceding. Wait, it's conceding the whole episode. Just have fun with it, Mark. I'm not conceded. Big news, basically. The render farm is no more. Whoa. That's okay. It's a little underwhelming. It's gone. I mean, it is big news, but it's good. It's gone. I feel like it's been, that's just a part of life. Wow. Fucking God. That's fun. Why are you acting like you're not listening, man? I know you hear what we're talking about. I am listening. I'm reacting. Oh, okay. So yes, the render farm has left the bathroom. Woo. I don't know. That is a big deal. And you burned it in a bonfire in your backyard? I covered it in Glauber's salt, which as we know, very flammable, extremely flammable. One of the big problems that everyone is trying to warn me about when I stuffed it inside my servers. It's hard to get up when you're old. It's moving to an actual, not a bathroom, like, wait, you alright? Oh, yeah. This is about me. It's about you. Go on. Anyway, it's moving to a place that actually should have a render farm, a server room, a real, real deal server room, purpose built specifically for that. Oh, fuck. What is happening? There's this. We got a moment or tunneling up from his basement floor. What the fuck is happening? I just squirted water all over. Well, jeez, man, don't do that. I'm really trying to stick with the story of this one. Mark's render farm is going to a real room, like a big boy. And I'm selling some of it because with the current computer prices and RAM prices, don't give me that face way too good. Very high. Oh, man, you're not lying. There's some extra stuff that I think I'll try to sell. It even makes the money off of what I got a fee bait for that. I don't understand what's happening with Wade. I gotta be awesome. Super. distracted right now. - I thought this was sealed. It wasn't so I grabbed and it squirted out and just sprayed like a fountain of water came out of my keyboard and my desk. And I kicked something and undid my wire tie. It was like to the bottom of my, everything's fine and I don't mean to detract. I think the render farm moving is great. And also, whatever Mark was just talking about is also very important. - Let's give way to jealousy point. - Very jealous. - The jealous of Mark's real small talk. - Big chapter of my life closing, or is it? - So what's the new movie? - I don't know when yet. - Wink. - You heard it here first, wink, wink. - I was expecting that to be my big Trump card like sweep, you know. - No, that's a huge, I mean, it's just a bathroom now, which is good. We need bathrooms in our lives, but that's just crazy. I feel like the saga from when you were like, guys, eBay and Chinese server parts, they don't need them. I bought a pallet of server stuff and I'm gonna build, there was like a whole saga all the way back. It's like a chapter of our lives have closed. - My favorite version of Mark was dinosaur. I like dinosaur bone collecting Mark. - Man, do we talk about that? - Not the Trump Mark's Trump, but I think I'm cursed to specifically first by eyes broke, so I'm in glasses. Then my wires broke, then my water squirted and the next obvious thing is immediate death or water breaking, 'cause that's. - Yeah, I can't believe he didn't go with water broke, but whatever. - Well, I don't want a lie point, I want a real point. - They are real points, actually, apparently. We were doing it wrong. Like every time we bring up a rule like that, we remember it wrong. I don't know how it keeps happening, but it's almost always the case. - At this point, I just want to bring up incorrect rules just to piss everyone off. So, if you were hoping that we would start doing it correctly, subreddit, I wouldn't hold your breath. - I thought we had a rule where we're not allowed to correct ourselves unless we have a tribal council aside, not a full episode, but like an aside. - Ah, I don't, that doesn't sound like a rule I've ever heard before, that definitely doesn't exist. - I probably just made it up, which makes it true. - No, that is a rule though, as if we make it up, it's true, that's true. - That's two out of three, I don't even need to agree for that to be true. - Plurocracy. - I'm ready for the episode, despite my life falling apart around me, I have one last thing to bitch about, by the way. I don't yet, hold on, let me break something else. - Tech problem. I'm so tired of these tech companies announcing a product and then it not being available, where it's like, "Well, I'll come and out." Intel's like, "Doday, laptop, CPUs." But, and every reviewer's like, "It's incredible this product." It's like, specifically, it's like this dual screen thing that has like the new CPU is very good, I'm like, "That's what I've been looking for a new windows, "blapped up portable." Oh, where do I buy it? - You can, no, oh, it's great, but you'll never see it. It'll come out sometime never. - Like literally, everywhere is looking like, this was announced a month ago, it's like, "Oh, that's exactly what I need." - Too bad. - Why would you want this? - You want to buy this? - Yeah, get away from me. - So they announced it, release it, but then you can't get it? - Yeah, you can't get it. It's tons of reviews come out about it, and then it'll be like a sneeze in the wind six months from now. It'll be like, listed for sale, and I'll forget about it. And it's just like, how are they making money? How is anyone in those other companies making money, right? It doesn't, like, I'm here. I'm like, "I'm in the market for a new windows laptop." - Hey, investors, I guess? I don't know. - Oh, my monkey's turned into the beach. - That sounds like completely psychopathic statement. - Oh, I don't know. - Okay, grandpa. (laughing) - Everybody's monkey's turned into the beach today. - Okay, before we start recording, - No, no, no, no, you're monkey's turned into the beach. There you go. - This episode is brought to you by Grubhub. I order food a lot. And then you see that line that says, "Fees, Grubhub's changing the game by eating the delivery and service fees on orders over $50." - Oh, that's not how you use chopsticks. Get no delivery or service fees on restaurant orders over $50 when you order on Grubhub. Visit Grubhub for more details. - Bye, fees. - Bye, bye, I won't miss you. - Today is episode topic, like I said, at the beginning. - So groundbreaking, so innovative. So fresh and new. We're gonna be making a cheer list. - I don't know if I've done this forever. - But not just any cheer list. This is gonna be a cheer list of stuff in space. - I know at least three things out there. - You probably know more than that. Yeah, and this is very unbiased and completely fair because everyone here equally likes things in space and has the same strong positive vibes about it in general. I want, this started as the idea of, I wanted to do a cheer list of the planets in our solar system, but then I was like, well, there's some moons that we could talk about, but also if you guys have any other things that you like about space, like the ISS or like specific nebula's or something worth it, like it could be space, it could just be space stuff. But I wanna start when we go inside out, we'll start with the sun and progress through the planets. No Pluto's not a planet. We could discuss it later, but it's not a planet. It doesn't count unless it does. I don't know if they switch that back or what exactly, but we're making a cheer list. - I, unironically like cheer lists. I know not everyone watching a list thing did, but I do enjoy a good cheer list. - I like it as a pretext to just talk about stuff. - That's what it is. It's like a resource to talk, but also gives something. Oh, I don't know what some of these things is, but I like the way they look. - I like the way you look. I'm gonna guarantee it. We could start with the sun and we could work our way through the planets. We could talk about moons with the planets or we can save the moons for later. It's very whatever we want. Get here and there, wither and dither. I just wanna talk about space stuff. I'm curious where all of these things land and I'm curious how we're even gonna decide that. The sun, first, number zero in our solar system. The actual center of the universe probably can't improve me scientifically. I think this picture says is a deadly laser. (laughing) I have this, this starts pretty high up for me. This could go as high as S tier for me, but I'm curious what you guys think about it. - Look, if anything was worthy of being an S tier, it would be the sun because in power, in other categories, orangeness, melt snow, flares, hmm, burns our enemies when we leave them outside tied to stakes. - True, true, all true, yes. I think it just is, unless it's so overdone that it becomes kind of generic, you know? - I do, I get that vibe, but I feel like giver of life gets to be S tier, I guess, you know? We sort of do need that guy. I don't think we've ever started a tier list with an S. - Well, see if it stays so hot, but I feel like sun belongs in S tier and I'm comfortable with that. - All right, let's talk about this next one. Big piece of shit. - Mercury. - Be for bitch. - Nah, gotta be egg 'cause it's closest to the sun. - No, I'm just kidding, it's not an A tier. - It's just getting smacked around. It's on a little leash, but the sun's got it on a leash. It's not tough for being annihilated with that much heat. - It's not like Venus, right? Venus is crazy. Venus is nuts. - I should remember the little lit, what's the memory for like my vagina eats men just, so what's the, what's the one we all learned in there? Gonna learn. - My vagina eats all men. - My vagina eats many monkey penises. - Two M's, Mars. - Moop it. - Moop it. - Moop it. (laughing) - Okay, fine. My vagina eats monkey penises, the other ones. - B, poop it up. (laughing) - Poop it up. - Yeah, you know, why am I so hooked on B? - I don't know. - I was looking at Fobos on the thing. - Oh, yeah, the next one starts with B. - I got me moons. - You moons. - Mars said B for bitch, Mercury. I've got nothing really against it, but nothing really for it. What, when we have six, B or C? So I guess C. - C, you don't get points for being first in line to be exploded, you know? - No moons. - No moon, not even a moon. - Venus. - Does Venus have moons? - I don't think it does. Here, I'll show you my cheat sheet, apparently. Venus moons zero. - Okay, Venus is crazy. - Well, V rhymes with B, so I say B. We recognize Venus for its, Venus way tougher than Mercury. I don't care if Mercury is closer. Venus, its atmosphere, the pressures. I don't even know why it does all that stuff that it does, but it rains like sulfuric acid or something like that, it's not so. Not so but so, B for but so. - Avoiding spoilers, I'm pretty sure Venus is also like, it has significance in the plot of the book Project Hail Mary. - I wouldn't know, I haven't read it yet. - I'm not gonna go into any specifics, but you know, that put it on my radar, even more than it already was, so I think B tier is good for Venus. - Earth. - This son of a bitch. No, no, no, come on now people are from there, and I don't like people see that's where I'm coming from I like people earth as a planet pretty cool. That's a water. Nice ecosystems. You add in humanity Not to down a little bit obviously earth bagged a hell of a moon, right huge moon for its size second only to Pluto for bagging a moon in proportion to its size Pluto P for planet, but okay earth Have you seen that animation of earth? Tick tock at it where it's like you know the sun's giving off its electromagnetic radiations blast and mark you're just You know, oh no, and then Venus is like And but earth is you know, it does like that the super tough edit of earth's electromagnetic field is Taking all the sun, you know, it's earth's tough, you know, earth is real tough I got to give earth a lot of credit for that Let's I mean we could talk about the people problem the entire D of this episode, so I'm I'm objectifying it from outside of the people perspective Okay, what do you advocate for here a s how high I think a I don't think quite s because let's be honest We've discovered that the habitable zone is a lot wider than we think It's probably plenty of earth like planets out there in the whole universe I'll give you a but only because of Soto in Fogutichau. I think that's fair I think there's a fair change and that's a good point. There's a lot of things on earth, but there's also meat and pasta Where's our moon the little does it have a name or does our moon actually have a name? It is a main it's called Luna. Okay. Just like moon. It's just the one we know as moon I mean that's a reason for S tier in my mind. It's not a moon It is the moon. We're not biased. We're not biased, but let's be honest The earth didn't bag the moon the moon bag the earth and that's because it came from I Know I don't but I like the way you're and I like this sun moon both being S tier that that feels good No, that's true. I get I vibe with that a little bit. It's true I mean, we've talked about before on the episode, but I'm still I still think the the cosmic quincidence of the Sun and the moon being the Same relative size in the sky and the only place where a total eclipse could possibly happen that we know of Bonnie Tyler Monty Tyler Bonnie Tyler she wrote the song totally clips of the heart. Well, it didn't write. She's saying it's written but never mind So yeah moon S tier you got me with the clips S tier total clips of the heart S tier song. I'm easy to please man Pasta good music or Mars thinks he's the sun wants to be orange actually turned red what an idiot Mars has ghosts and Mars attacked Who things I didn't like about Mars you would that movie traumatize me when I was a kid which one goes to Mars or Mars attacks Mars attacks I never actually saw the movie. I want to point out Fobos and Demos. We're not I know we're not there yet They don't even deserve to be on this list. Those are rocks deal. Oh wait. We need some breath out of here. Nope. They're below F They're deleted look Mars is a wannabe in a lot of ways. I maybe I'll give it credit for at one point having life But who has life and loses it. That's really yeah lost life You know, you know what happens to a doctor who loses life too much Not allowed to be a doctor anymore and musk likes Mars that drops Mars too, right? Yeah, what's that make it like D? I think in Mars might be our first D. I don't know if it deserves F Olympus Mons kind of gives it a little bit of credit biggest Mountain in or it's a Former volcano, but it's mountain. Let's be honest. Not gonna be a volcano ever again But biggest mountain in that as we know of so biggest protrusion. Is it some big D energy? That's a good point. That's funny Thank you. That was funny. I hope everyone out there heard that joke and they went that is funny in the same monotone voice to prove how hilarious it was You're gonna you just by saying that you're gonna have people come up to you. Go that is funny. I'm gonna miss bald It's still so often that the clip comes up where Mark is like and Bob has a baby and I have a movie and I'm bald Forever the rest of our lives Jupiter, baby Oh boss Day most crew. We rise up full boss day most crew. Fuck those idiots. They're just rocks Jupiter's where men go to get more stupider. Is that good or bad? I bad Well, I mean if if I've ever been to a place that makes me stupider It's usually a fun time so I'm not gonna say too much negative about that It's also real big isn't Jupiter have like an infinite storm isn't that what the spot on Jupiter is? It's just a never ending storm. I don't think it's an infinite storm I think it's actually shrinking right now. Let's cold out. It'll get bigger when it gets warm Infinite storm is actually I'm skipping head but Saturn. I believe Saturn is way cooler than Jupiter Jupiter gets a lot of I not just not saying Jupiter's bad. I'm Jupiter very cool lots of moons Kind of weak maybe ring kind of you know, it's kind of a little cringe ring. Can I say something embarrassing? So Jupiter Saturn others these are the gas giants in our solar system right? They're Meaning that they're gaseous. I still struggle to conceptualize what exactly that means If it's a gas if it's a gas giant if it's a planet made of gas How do you determine the surface of the planet? I guess there's no like atmosphere Technically, I think but then is it just like once you're inside the gas you that's the planet But if you're not inside the gas, is there a line or some shit? Is it ever solid like does the gas solidify anywhere anything like I don't understand I don't get it either because it must be so big that there is like a gradation of the density of the gas But it just ramps up really quickly of the pressure because it's so big and it probably is a thing I believe there is a core is there is there a core if it storms in a gas where does it land? To google Jupiter is not just a ball of gas. It's a complex gas giant with no solid surface Primarily composed of hydrogen and helium the transition from gas to liquid and metallic state studio extreme pressure And as a thick gaseous outer atmosphere Most of its masses liquid metallic hydrogen surrounding a dense possibly partially melted rocky core Man, I could have understood this if I just googled it earlier. Yeah, well, okay. So there is a rocky core that makes sense to me because it's like but it says there's it says there's no surface I can't stand on the surface of it The pressure just increases until it becomes impeniturably dense, which sounds terrifying. I don't I don't want to penetrate it Well, hold on. Okay, maybe wait once I won't speak for all of us. I guess that sounds like a challenge. I think it's very B Yeah, I was gonna say KB higher than B. I'd give you a B. I like B. B's good. B's a fair score I feel like it's happy at B. Oh god, we got to do their moons Well, so we can skip we can do the planets first and circle back to the moons or whatever Well, then I'm not gonna know what moon goes to what well actually I do know Europa Calisto and I owe No, I know I owe because it was in destiny right is an I owe one of the places you can go Calisto is Calisto protocol and Europa is the one with the giant ocean. What's the first one candy medic? What's it called? Ganymede candy medic. Yeah, yeah, it's my favorite moon. I don't know Ganymede. I like it's little like sideburn is got that's cool Calisto and I owe look pretty. Yo is very pretty Ganymede forgettable and yet Ganymede d d. I don't care Whatever Calisto Calisto protocol not a great game But you know had an interesting graphics thing that I was talking about before Europa kind of looks like someone spilled cinnamon on some whipped cream See for Calisto see for Calisto I like yo just for the name not gonna lie. Oh, yo's a bee. It was fun to go there in destiny probably. I was a good place in destiny very yellow Europa makes me think of a cinnamon roll and I like cinnamon rolls But I don't know anything else about it. So probably a sea. Yeah, I don't object. All right crank it through the moons. I appreciate it And Ganymede's down. Yeah, I think I think those are good choices still no f's pretty good solar system I think Saturn A tier for me Saturn is awesome that ring that ring is unreal and you want to talk about like okay? Jupiter's got his big red spot. Have you seen Saturn's fat ass? No, go on. Yeah. Let me google that Saturn's fat ass Saturn is the most oblate planet in the solar system meaning it's significantly flattened at the poles and bulges at the equator Disgastgeist wide shape makes the equatorial diameter about 10% larger than his polar diameter It's like an hourglass figure if the hourglass was just cut in half Saturn is actually the least dense planet in the solar system making it a very lightweight yet fat planet All right Saturn is fat. I like it. Uh look up Saturn's hexagon Saturn's hexagon How the hell is that happening aliens? Probably. Oh pro definitely way cooler than a red spot and that shit will never go away apparently It's like a bronze ore if you know you know right Pokemon fan. I don't I think Saturn's cooler than Earth I do too. I would agree. Yes. I think Saturn has so much going for it Like it might be the only S tier planet. Oh, it'd be pretty up there. I mean it's ring. It's just shape. It's uniqueness. It's fat ass If you go to the context of Earth having life, it's really cool. But if you're looking at the solar system, and you see Saturn, you're like, "That's so cool." I know. The whole pale blue dot thing was taken from Saturn. You know, doesn't Uranus have a, have rings or is it Neptune? Doesn't have like vertical rings, but they don't look nearly as cool, right? - I know there's cock rings. I don't know about Uranus rings. - I'm okay with Saturn at us here. - I mean, I just look at Saturn. Saturn just so cool. - The alien hexagon on the North Pole is top tier. I have to agree with that. - It is super cool. - Is Saturn have all of these moons? - Saturn has a whole fuck load of moons. Jupiter has 92 moons plus possibly up to like 600 other, tiny, tiny ones. Saturn has 145 known moons. And the first six are the Galilane moons, right? - Oh. - Isn't that the thing? Is there visible using like land-based telescopes from Earth because they're fucking huge? - Quick glance, I like my mass, Memos. I like Memos, looks like a Death Star. - It does look like the Death Star, look at that. Titan is another one from Destiny in it. - Titan is in a lot of fiction. Warhammer, Titan's very important. That bumps those two up on my list. - How big is Titan compared to Earth? - That's a good question to ask, Google. - Okay, Titan is bigger than our moon, but it's about like a quarter the size of Earth. - It's like half the size of Earth? - 40 to 50% size of Earth in diameter? - It's got more water than Europa. I didn't know that. - Damn, I definitely didn't know any of this. - It's much less dense, its mass is only about 2% of Earth's mass. - Oh, you're still showing the hexagon. No, wait, you're not, I am. I've got a tablet, I'm an idiot. (laughing) - Boys, I think it's time to put me in a home and retire me from this podcast, but it's been fun, man. It's been fun. - I truly think after today, it's time. - Send your applications to replace me 'cause I think it's time. I need to go, I need to go. - Titan seems kinda cool, Titan seems pretty boss. - It'd be up there, I'm split between A or B. I'm not sure. - Give Titan an A, give Mima a B, and the rest can go CD, I don't care. - I feel like I like Titan more than I like Jupiter and Jupiter's in B, so I feel like it has to go in A. - Okay, I'm fine with that. - Like I would say below Earth in A, I guess, but like- - But the fact that it's in A tier. - Yeah, that's pretty good. - Mimic next to Yo, to me. - Got it, Mimic next to Yo. - Death star boob. - Oh, okay, that might be S tier, hold on, let's talk about the- - Death star boob, would you say it like that? - I'm gonna say Tethus D tier, can't pronounce it terrible name. - Iapidus looks like it's being Thanos snapped. - The rest of them are just round and gray like Tethus. - The rest of them wish that they were R moon and they're just not. - I don't know, what's default for moon? Do they start at C? - I think you see. - No, D, I think moons have to start at D 'cause it's just like they're- - Because it's like default for planet at C, default for moon is okay. All right, do we want Iapidus anywhere else? - Iapidus can go C, it looks interesting. It also has a death star. - Yeah, I like it has a little death star nipple. I like it has cool coloring situation. - Actually, is it hexagonal too? Are both of those kind of hexagonal? - Oh my God, are they? - To Google. - You know, if I was aliens, if I was aliens, I would make my base on Saturn because I'd be like, okay, this is just far enough away from Earth that they wouldn't get so smutious, but then I would make my big hexagons and- - People aren't the most shapes those fucking idiots. - We had to show them how to build a pyramid. - Never gonna square a hexagon. - And they said nice triangle. It's a pyramid, it's in the name. (laughing) - All right, we're on a big business, boys. - Oh boy. - Uranus, funniest planet name we've got going, I think. - But it tripped the other planet and knocked it off the line. Like, we all know the one in the back, the one that tripped Pluto, right? It had to be Uranus that did it. - Well, it's not in the back. - Are you talking about Neptune? - The planet that is next. - I forgot Neptune existed. You know what, Uranus is fine. - That's a bad side for Neptune, man, but- - That is not a great side for Neptune. Uranus move, it's for backup, baby. - Other than being a joke, it's so boring. It is just the blandest planet. It is one color, it's just there, you know? But at least it's not Neptune. - Is it high C tier or low B tier? - I feel like Uranus deserves to be above Mercury. - I agree. - I would agree, I would agree. - But so like top of C tier? - Yeah, that's fair, that's fair. - Yeah, Uranus comes below the boob. - I gotta say, these are some very interesting moon names. - Titania. - Well, I gotta tighten two, Titania. - I like Oberon. I think Oberon's a cool name. - Oberon and Umbriel are bad-ass names. Those pair him up where- - Ariel, first mermaid crush. Only mermaid crush, probably. - Yeah, what was your second mermaid crush? King Neptune? - Ariel in the sequel. Ursula, when she's the hot version of Mermaid Ursula. - Titania just feels like it's trying to be Titan. - It feels like it wants to be cooler than it is. - Fucking F, we give that an F. - Oh, F, wow, first F. - I feel like Oberon and Umbriel get a bump up to see just for their name. I don't know if they need to go higher 'cause otherwise they're fine. - Did I had crushes on 'em? Or I listened Miranda and Mass Effect and Ariel a little mermaid like Voldemort, let's see. - How horny do they make you? That will rate how high that means they should go. - Oh man, well, S is too high. Let's go think with Umbriel. Below Umbriel and Oberon, but on that line. - Okay, so you'd rather fuck Oberon. Got it. - All right, we're really working it. We're really banging out a build curve here and I appreciate that. This I think might be a contentious one, Neptune. - Blue? - I like blue. - It's a beautiful color. I love the look of Neptune. I want a bowling ball that looks like that. - That's about all I know about Neptune. - But otherwise, kind of fuck Neptune. I don't know. It's fine. Like Wade said, it probably is the one who pushed Pluto made them lose planet status. Like it, what's the, and Neptune is the god of the ocean? Is that the, yeah, ocean recoil or whatever, it's fine. It's very pretty. - Oh, Neptune isn't as big as I thought it was. I see an earth to Neptune comparison. And I mean, obviously, earth is much smaller, but it's about the same ratio as the earth moon to earth. It just inverses. So it's actually not that big. - No, it's smaller than you'd think. Wait, the fuck out there. It's too far away. It's a long drive. Nobody wants to go that far. - It has a spot, apparently. It's got a, it's got a spot. That's kind of cool. - So like, is it above Mars? - I feel like to me, it's either top of D tier or in the mix of C tier. - I like the, maybe put it next to Mars at the very top of D tier. - Yeah, I give it top of D. It like, it just, it earns that spot. It's not a, it's not a leftover wannabe has been like Mars. - It looks better than Mars. Mars doesn't look bad. Red planet, kind of cool. Neptune looks way cooler. - Hark, it's right on, Hark. (laughing) - Orcas are scary in the ocean. So I don't know if Orcas is scary as a moon. - Yeah, wait, what's going on with Orcas? - Orcas, orcas whale. - Does it have its own little mini moon? - Oh, that's, what that photo would imply. A moon with its own moon? - I googled Orcas moon moon and came up with Vance. (groaning) - Okay, Vance is the moon of Orcas. Orcas is a dwarf planet. So Orcas is not a moon of Neptune. I mean, Orcas never even kind of got to be one of the planets. Often called the anti-pludo. - Well, Pluto's high on my list. It's just an opposite orbital phase from Pluto. So they just, they just keep their distance. So people might have mistaken them for each other at some point. - Oh, it's only discovered in 2004. - Oh, it's like, it's like a third the size of Pluto. Why is this even in the running? - Well, if Pluto's high on my list and Orcas is not, then that means Orcas is pretty low. - I liked the name. I like both Orcas and Vance. I feel like those are cool names. I don't like the vibe. I feel like he wishes he was, but he's not. - F or low D. - Given that I've only just heard of it, I feel bad if it got put in F. - F feels mean, I guess, but. - All right, so buff Mars? - Oh, okay. (laughing) - Either F or above Mars is nowhere between you. - Mark Twighton, Hark! - I'm sensing that Mark is a bit, what's that from? - It's from the lighthouse when Willem Dafoe goes, he's like, stands up, gives it a hard, hard, hard, hard, cursed guy. - I like Willem Dafoe, so Triton must be pretty high up on the list then. - That immediately gives me positive feelings about Triton. I like some Willem Dafoe, very B energy. - I feel that right next to hexagonal death startity. - Willem Dafoe, you did this, you rose to Triton series. - No, no, no, you know what, low D or F, 'cause it made my phone go off. (laughing) - That's really funny. 'Cause it sounds like the phone lady. - I don't know, I've got nothing for it against it, it exists. - I mean, default. - Okay, hold on, series is not a moon, series is a dwarf planet that's inside the asteroid belt. - You gotta be tough to live in there. - That's not a good place to live. - Almost as tough as Miranda, bottom of seat here. - All right, okay. - No argument, okay, you guys just gave me that. - You just said it so definitively, I believe you. - All right, now for the big one, Pluto. - Pluto. - We grew up knowing Pluto as the pizzas that my very educated mother just bought us, nine of, but now it is nothing. We'll see you next time. We love Pluto because it's a fallen planet or do we hate Pluto because it lied to us for our entire lives? How do we feel about Pluto? If Pluto is the Yen to Orcus' Yeng, it has to be A tier. I think Pluto has so much going for it didn't ask to be labeled a planet. It was just there when planets were being labeled planets. It just made its orbit there and it was like oh, oh okay. I know objections here. Here's my big fucking mood, look at my huge mood. You know, I think that, you know, you gotta give it tons of, and that heart. It is dealt with being a last in line and then forgotten its whole life and it's not complained once. Not once. A tier Pluto. Those other dwarf planets, they're not spherical. Pluto? Beautiful sphere. A tier Pluto. Sam! Where's the piece Ozzy? Does that big ass moon get to live with its tiny ass? Not planet? Or does it get the default moon treatment? It is impressive. It's like Mark had pointed out. It's Pluto really pulled a good one. Right now it kind of looks like it has my hairline. It's kind of shaded on the back and sides. It has a little fluff on top. I gotta give way to be. Oh babe. Be for babe. Be for babe. Be for babe. Alright, this is a, whatever this is, it's spicy. Salazia. One's Nebtunian object in the Kuiper Belt, likely a dwarf planet discovered in 2004 has one moon named Actea and it orbits the Sun once every 274 years. Classified is a cube 1-0, which is a cube 1-0. A KBO? I don't know what that is. A K-Mart big offer. Sure, sure, sure. It's a Trans Nebtunian object. What's Hwami? I don't care. What? They don't know what any of these things are. I'm more interested in Hwamiya. Whoa, Hwamiya, what the fuck? You want to talk about fat ass? You know, Saturn ain't got nothing on Hwamiya. We're rapidly rotating egg-shaped dwarf planet in the Kuiper Belt beyond Nebtunian. What if that actually is an egg? Uh, well, that's a problem. What if it's the egg of the next Sun? What came first the Sun or the egg? That's what I'm talking about. That's, I've never seen this before in my life. I've never heard of this. I didn't even know planets could be oblong like that. I wonder if it's in the process of ripping itself apart or something. Like, I don't know how it's holding together like that. That takes, that's, that's, this definitely earns B tier at least. No parents are sitting on it to help and hatch either. It's abandoned, yeah. All right. I'm cool with B. That's it. That's an interesting thing. All right. We should probably speed this up. I mean, we don't have to go through all of this. There's a whole bunch of shit that we don't have to talk about on this. I mostly wanted to get through the solar system, which we have done. I just want to say, what is make make? Oh, I've, I've heard of this make make dwarf planet. I mean, I assume it's probably like Make Make or something. Yeah. It's a Cooper belt dwarf planet. Okay. Should everyone come back and won't spoil it. Bob, you got some funny stuff on you. No, I know. Yeah. It's, I, I just borrowed this so this is, you know, there's, okay. There's two more I think we should look at it, which is planet nine and Thia, because those are interesting ones that whatever's happening on Thia looks crazy. Planet nine is just a circle on this image. I don't know. So Thia is actually what they think is slammed into earth like primordial earth and exploded it in to make the moon. And they think they've looked at this recently in the like geological conglomeration of surveys of the earth, they think they see pieces of Thia embedded in the crust of, or not the crust the, the mantle of the earth, they, they think they can see evidence of this other thing that slammed in and had the pieces of it that are still in the planet. Interesting. Thia is pretty cool. I mean, lost, fought earth and lost, but you know, still made, it made the moon. Earth is eight here, and it put up a good fight with earth, because it did, it did make the moon. Earth is still wielding the scars, Mark, to set that be high B, high B, I'd put a high B. I'm, I'm going to say above moons, but below planets and B. Yeah, it gets a lot of props for giving earth what it has right now. It made a moon, so it has to be above the moons. I agree. That's fair. That's fair. Planet nine, a hypothetical, massive planet believed to exist in the far outer solar system, far beyond Neptune, proposed by astronomers, Mike Brown and Constantine Batigen. It's existence is suggested by the clustered eccentric orbits of distant transneptunian objects, which indicate a gravitational influence from a hidden large body, potentially five to ten times the mass of earth, taking 10 to 20,000 years to orbit the sun. I can't, I've heard about this before, and I'm not at all like an astronomy nerd or anything. I don't, I don't look into this stuff very deeply. I could never tell if this is like a conspiracy theory that's only pushed by wackos who are like, there's a secret planet, and there's a civilization on it, and they play, they cheat at earth. Or if this is like a real thing, because it seems to be scientifically backed and a theory that's put forward by actual like astronomers. I don't know. I like seeing the orbit, how its orbit goes a completely different direction than everyone else is. I also like the image where there's an actual question mark on it. That would be weird. If we got like, oh Voyager, just so happy to fly by, what the fuck, the riddlers. That's where the riddlers from. Yeah, there you go. Why didn't I say the riddler? I thought it got milk for some reason. Mmm. I mean, it's kind of cool. I like this. Kind of like a, you know, scary story you tell in the dark kind of thing. It's kind of fun. I like stuff where science is like, well, this should exist. Doesn't make any fucking sense that there would be this huge planet so far away. But also all the things we have, the gravitational readings we can get, they suggest that this should exist. So I guess we're just going to say it's a thing. Maybe put it next to Uranus. It's another mystery hole. I do like it better than Mercury. I don't think it's quite as cool because Hale Maya, because like Hale Maya was just so weird made more images of it. I think planet 9 is just suffering from our lack of knowledge. But it's cool. But if it is out there. Yeah. It would go up. The more we know, the more it would go up. Yeah. Or it could go down if it turns out it's lame. That's true. Yeah. It's a good tier list. I think we did a good job. I think astronomers will agree for us for decades, ages, even. What kind of time measurements do astronomers favor? Light years. That's time, right? Light years. And our only F tier is Titania, Titania, because it wishes it was Titan, but it's not. You know why I'm having such bad luck today? Hale Maya is in retrograde. But Triton is in Hark. I left. I left. You didn't even point at me and say, that's funny. You actually left. Which I appreciate. That's going to be the end of the episode. Let's go over who got points for which in no particular order. Wade, you got points for saying high boys when I prompted you to. Yes. Pokemon again, I guess. You got a jealousy point. You got a point for Bonnie Tyler. We're still being balled for yo, fun moon, fun name kind of point for you're still showing the hexagon. Oh, yeah. That's. And you got a point for got milk for some reason. Mark, you got a point for saying high boys. You got a point for thawky for pandering. You got a render farm destroyed point. You got a wink, wank point, B for bitch. You got a point for moon when you were describing how the moon was made. You got a point for accurately selling us on how much said it and fucks. You got a point for heart, Dryden. And you got a point for the regular planet because we both said it at the exact same moment. And that's what smart people do. That makes the final score, well, that's not the final score. The current score, 10 points for Mark and eight points for Wade. Oh, I'm still in the running. I thought I was getting destroyed. I'm still in the running. You're still showing the hexagon really saved you because I still have the tab open. I'm not going to lie, it's there. I didn't really have a thing planned for what I want to add to the wheel. I don't really want to do like a planet, a tier list one. I want to do one that takes away a point. You know what? Minus one point for I'm going to say either making fun of Mark for being short or making fun of Wade for being bald. Ooh. Did someone have to do it or you don't have to do it. I just feel like those come up a lot. And it's like if you made a Marcus short joke or a wait as bald joke, you minus one point. If Wade makes bald jokes, it still counts. No self deprecating. Oh, I self defecate all the time. You defecate all over yourself. Anyway, how many? That's the first thing we do. Woo-hoo. Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, two, just enough. Just enough. So you're saying there's a chance. Two is not the number that I would have picked. Tell you that. You're not going to do your little wee-woo. You're actually doing it? Yeah, I'm going to spin it for real so there's no cheating or anything. Most personal attacks. We were only attacking Mars there, so I guess that would be the personal. Yeah, well, we talked a lot of shit about Mars and Titania. I came for Mercury pretty hard. I was pretty astray out of the gate, you know? Be is for bitch. That's true. Mark had the strongest personal attacks against some of the debated issues. today, I feel like I have - I have to agree with that. - I might have come at Mars the hardest, but Mark went for more planets harder. - All right, golf rules! - Yeah, barring any terrible things, everything. I'm not gonna be spit out of the winner's wheel today. Basically, guaranteed the sudden death wedge would not possibly pop up again. - Right? Ooh. - Okay. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - You know, my skydish Sweden accent. - I don't think anyone used any accent. - Is the Willem Dafoe reference an accent? It was more like a dramatic. - I think that's a respawn. - I don't think there were really any serious accents. Good, the sudden death tile would never come up again. Ah. Does that count? (laughing) - I think that does count. - I'll take it. - Slapped again. - So if it landed on that, and no one's made a joke in there, it landed on minus one for the short go. (laughing) - I'll take it. - The wheel loses one point. Yeah, if the wheel lands on shortest and then the wheel lands on lose a point for short jokes, I feel like the wheel loses the point. - I say, if the wheel has to lose a point, it has to spin and we have to remove one of the options. Oh, I like that. I'm sure we'll remember that when it comes up. Anyway, Mark remains undefeated in today's episode because he won on base points, and then he won both the spins. - It's true. - Making the final score 12 to 8. You know what? The only thing Mark is gonna be defeated by is that he doesn't get to make a loser's speech. Wait, loser's speech. - Not gonna lie. This episode started a little rough. First, my eyes were burning, so I had to run and take out my context. Then I removed a wire from under my desk, then I squirted water everywhere. Then I proceeded to get trampled on at every possible stop along the way to getting crushed by four points. But you know what? I had fun. Our tier list ended up turning out pretty good, I think. Therefore, I accept my place at the bottom of the podium. - I think it's a great tier list. I'm a fan. I only wish we could put Saturn higher. Wish we could put Mars lower. It could be lower. It's not even F tier yet. Anyway, Mark, winner's speech. - At first, I thought Wade was employing psychological warfare against me during my elite. Small talk. But then I remembered, that's just Wade. So then the rest of the episode was just pure confidence all the way through. I knew that this was his, he rolled his dice for how his day was going to go today, and I knew he rolled a critical one from that point on, and I had it in the bag. So yeah, thank you for allowing me to get this win hand of fate rolled a four. Pretty low. - Congratulations, Mark. Our glorious and brilliant and beautiful winner. And congratulations to Wade for having the privilege of losing to Mark. - Make sure you check out their channels. Mark Player, Lord million 777777 and I'm ice-cream. Make sure you follow the podcast, and then you'll always get a little beat boot on your phone when the thing comes out, and you'll watch it, or listen to it, or whatever. What you should watch it, though. And make sure you check out the merch, and keep that bad boy up there, 'cause it sells out real fast. Every drop we've had sells out real fast. If you actually want to get some, you got to pay attention. - Yeah, maybe there'll be more someday. - Distractable.shop is where you should look. Anyway, that's the end of the episode. Mark's gonna host the next one. When Wade will be there too. See you on the next episode of Distractable. We're outta here, podcast, out. - Watch new episodes on Spotify.