Sober Sharing, Contraband Ranch, & Cocksucker Boss | Vile And Horrendous Episode 8 | Joe DeRosa

♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ this and that. And I said, okay. And I went down and I test drove it. And it was like a no-brainer. And boy, did I get a deal. I think at least. That's what they tell you. Even when they're your friends at the car dealership, you never really know, do you? No, they gave me a really good deal. And I'm in a good mood. I'm in a good mood, despite what all of you have been saying to me on the internet all day today. So that's how this works. You guys say shitty stuff to me. I go out and I buy a new car. So keep it up. I'll have a fucking jet ski and machine gun. I don't know, all sorts of stupid shit that I don't need. Machine gun meaning stupid shit. No, I didn't mean that in a violent way. You know what? I don't know why I'm justifying what I'm saying. I'm done justifying what I'm saying. Josh, one of our producers here at the Violent Horrendous TV show, YouTube show, whatever the fuck it is. I don't know this landscape we're living in. Does everybody have a show? Everybody's got their own show now. Everybody's got a show. I don't know what this is. Whatever. We all got shows. Anyway, we were talking about this the other night. And I said, you know, people are just going to say to me whatever they say, no matter how diplomatically or respectfully I try to speak to people or, you know, on this show, I mean, they're just going to say what they say. They're going to take the carte blanche to say whatever they want to say. I just, and I did screen cap one person because I just want to show you the kind of messages I get. Can we throw that screenshot up? These are the kind of messages I get. You have to look down, okay, to where it says, Davey, did a dude blow you? These are, this is a, this is a request. By the way, this isn't in my regular DMs. This is a man requesting to be in my life. Leading with, did a dude blow you? He, of course, is referring to the time I was at Skank Fest and I hooked up with a friend of mine who is also a trans woman. And that, that hookup did not occur on camera or anything, but it took place at the time that the Legion of Skank's podcast was taking place at the festival. And so therefore it was, it was documented that it had happened. But I cannot tell you. First of all, I can't believe people are still even messaging me this question because for two reasons. Number one, no matter how many times I've been on this show, I've been on this show for a long time. I've been on this show for a long time. I say, don't say dude, say woman, say trans woman or woman, but don't be a dick. Nobody listens to that ever. They're just going to keep saying it shittily. And then also too, I've talked about this ad nauseum on every fucking podcast I've been on since it happened, including the one it happened on, like where the hookup happened. So go listen to the podcast, you lazy piece of shit. Davey, uh, you know, so whatever, I, you know, I'm not answering the question for multiple reasons, but this is where we're at. I am just going to talk however I want to talk moving forward. Cause I have been trying to sort of walk a fine line on here and say, you know, you want to present things in a certain way or whatever. Fuck that. No matter how innocently or, or, or, you know, at least in your head, you think innocently or diplomatically, or whatever it is, or eloquently, whatever term you want to put on it, you present something. People will always have something to fucking say, my God almighty. And shockingly, the worst place now is Instagram. It didn't used to be Instagram. Well, threads is the worst. I mean, my God, there's nothing worse than threads. These people are losing their fucking minds on threads. We're going to circle back to threads, but my God, the comments on Instagram anymore, it used to be YouTube had the meanest comments. Instagram has one Instagram. Now I think has the meanest comments. So I'm done. I'm going to say just whatever it is in my head, I'll blurt it out. And this is going to be my, either my crash and burn or my rise to the top. I don't give a shit because, you know, as I learned from foolishly posting a video where I made chicken salad, people are going to find hatred in anything. I'm done. I'm, I'm fucking done. Which is where, why this has played an increasingly larger role in my life as I go. Uh, you know, but so I I'd like to actually, let's jump into our first segment today. Uh, folks, it's our newest segment. We salute you. Hey, Hey, I love, I love it. Yeah. God, I love booze, especially this one. God, I love Jack Daniels so much, so much. I love it. Ooh. If I didn't have a new car to drive, by the way, let me specify new meaning new to me. I'm still not at buy a new car status. I'm still at, I'll take the use. Uh, the, uh, anyway, um, Jack Daniels, my favorite drink of all time. I love it so much. Uh, I'm sure plenty of you have something to say about that. Uh, but I, I love Jack Daniels so much. Uh, It's my favorite drink of all time. I love drinking. I love drinking. But as we all know, drinking can kind of pile up on you, you know? There's residual effects. It's not, the older you get, I'm 48. I'm going to turn 49 in a little over a month from now. But as you get older, especially, those hangovers don't last one day anymore. And by that, I don't necessarily mean you feel hungover for multiple days. I just mean there are remnants from the hangover that stick with you for multiple days. At least that's my experience. And those remnants can build up, you know, on you. Now, I'm not saying I am quitting drinking. I am just saying there's a part of me that wants to slow it down. And there's a part of me that thinks, well, maybe it is time to quit. I don't know. I'm not making a commitment to anything right now. I'm just saying that I am considering some form of sobriety or more soberness in my life versus the amount of intake I've had. And the intake has been high, admittedly, because it's just a crumbling. There's a great George Carlin line where he goes, you're depressed? Of course. Of course you're depressed. Look around. You live in a neon sewer. That's how I feel. So I, you know, again, considering maybe some version of a more sober life or sober, whatever it is. But I just want to draw your attention to a clip I found. Can we roll this clip? Try this game to ignite sober, bone-free joy. Moment joy for sober environment. Okay, if you couldn't tell what was going on, that was a bunch of people pretending to shoot each other with laser guns while laser gun sound effects played over speakers. Folks, if this is what sobriety is, I'd rather be passed out shitting my pants in the corner of a margaritaville. If this is what it is, I can't do it. I can't do it. This is why I'm nervous to get sober. People are like, well, why would you be nervous about drinking less? Is it because you need that high so much? Well, look, obviously, anybody that drinks with regularity, part of it is to get the elation of drinking and the numbness of it. It takes you out of it. You know, it's, I was laughing with my buddy about it the other day. It's like, you know, you're upset, you're upset, you're upset, you're upset. And that buzz hits for the first time. And you're like, wait, why was I furious an hour ago? Everything is just fine, man. So, of course, that's part of it. But the bigger reason to me, or the bigger fear to me is, look, I'm single. And I would like to get, I'm very open to the idea of settling down into something, you know, that resembles a marriage. I'm very open to that idea. I'm not a diehard bachelor. I'm not a bachelor anymore. But, you know, it's the cutting back or curtailing of booze usually for somebody in my position means one thing primarily. You're getting out of the house a lot less. And I know there are sober people out there. I know there are sober people out there, especially the 12-step folks that will say, have you ever thought of taking up new hobbies? I got plenty of hobbies. My hobbies, unfortunately, are all very solitary hobbies. I'm a big collector, okay, as some of you know from my YouTube channel. Collecting is a very solitary hobby. You can do it with somebody else. But if you're, it's not something where you're really going to meet people. It's not a real social activity. It's something where you're going out, you're hunting, you're digging through crates, you're hitting flea markets, that kind of thing. I write a lot of music. I have a band, Salsa Windfall. We did the theme for the show here. I've been doing music for, since before I ever did comedy, so well over 30 years at this point. That's, writing music to me is a hobby. Why do I call it a hobby? Because I don't really make money from it. So, you know, it's not my job. I enjoy it. Again, quite a solitary thing. Unless I'm writing in the studio. I'm in the same room with my bandmate Paul, and Paul lives in New Orleans, so that doesn't happen very often. So it's, you know, this thing where people say like, you know, sometimes like a sober, I'm not saying all sober people. It's just sometimes some sober people will be like, have you thought of a pottery class? Get fucked. No. I'm not going to quit drinking, which to me is really what that means is laughing the hardest I can. Most of us who enjoy a nice bar hop or a multi-hour hang in a really great bar, it's the camaraderie, it's the laughter, and it's also the social aspects. And that's what being social is. It's having fun with your friends. And then, hey, sometimes you meet somebody that you might date or something like that. Or have sex with that day. How great's that, by the way? Where else is that happening? Anybody? No. Nobody's got an answer. We met, we had sex that day. That's a bar thing as far as I know. Right? I don't think that's happening at Walmart. It's not happening at Whole Foods. It's not happening at the dog park, is it? Somebody will write in. Actually, why? Once I fucked a chick at the dog, fine. I'm not saying it can't happen. But you get my point, people. It's like that socializing aspect of drinking is truly the part I like the best. And yes, the tuning out is also very nice, especially when we live in a culture that's as noisy and irritating and as stupid as the one we live in currently. But, you know, I don't know, man. Also, here's the other thing. I don't know, pussyhounds, if you have experienced this. Have you ever noticed sober people, some sober, is it some? It might be a lot. They share way too much. They're too honest. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I agree. Yeah. I feel like that's part of it, you know? They have to constantly talk about it. Their pain and how they overcome it. It's a lot of real honesty where you'll be like, how you doing, man? Good, dude. Good, good. You know, look, man, I'm jerking off six times a day, but, you know, I'm talking to the therapist about that. And I think the real problem is I see my wife as a trophy versus a, you're like, bro, tell it only to the therapist. Just, again, pass out, shit your pants in a margaritaville. Way better. Way better. Way better. Less creepy, less weird, less. So, I don't know if I want to become one of those people, because I got a lot of shit to share. And I don't know if you want to hear it. Top of that list, was I blown by a trans woman at Skankfest? Well, you know, some of you know the answer. No, but seriously, though, you know, I'm being, by the way, shout outs to Nikki, my friend. I'm just, yeah, I don't know. I just. You know, I want this show. I know this show is a lot of the time me bitching. But I also want it to be figuring out these sort of existential problems we go through. Because here's the other issue I'm having with not drinking as much. And it's just the thing I'm wrestling with and questioning. Have I had some of the worst nights I've ever had as a result of alcohol? Abso-fucking-lutely. I can't deny that. Have I also had some of the best things that have ever happened to me because of alcohol? Absolutely. And I know there are people that will doubt what I'm saying. I know there are people that will say, bullshit, you just think you had a good time because you were shit-faced and da-da-da-da-da. No, I am telling you, I have had some amazing things happen to me. Why? Because I was hanging out. Why? Because I was hanging out till a certain time in the evening. Why? Because I was drinking. I promise you. There are many, many things that have happened in my life. Connections with certain people. Friendship. uh that came because of an adventure that happens that you're not expecting when everybody's drunk um industry and business connections and and things like that things that happened because i was in this specific place at this exact time and the only reason i was there was because i wanted to keep hanging out and drinking and having fun if i wasn't drinking sure i might have been in that bar but i would not have been there till that time of night uh i i would not have been loose and comfortable enough as were as the other person for us to open up and and talk in a way that we hadn't you know you kind of roll the dice and open up in a way you hadn't it's happened to me a ton is that a reason to keep getting sloshed that's not what i'm saying at all but i am saying i'd be lying if i didn't give booze as much you credit as i did as much damnation uh because there's been a plethora of good times great times uh and those i would argue outweigh the bad but um i don't know we're gonna figure it out i think i don't know who's what time is it because all i want 19 this is what all i want to do now is go to happy hour that's all i want to do it's 4 19 in the afternoon i just want to go to fucking happy hour now jesus oh god god help me i'm gonna put this on the floor right now let's get it out of my sight all right look folks i'm gonna keep you in on the journey all right i'm gonna keep you posted on this tell you which way i'm going what i'm gonna do what i'm not gonna do i don't know that's why i'm making no pledges i don't know uh i have the i have the same indecision i always have you know but i'll tell you what helps me make decisions this stuff this is the only thing in my life that makes me go ah fuck it anyway all right moving on uh let's do a quick you're wrong uh okay this is surely gonna piss off a lot of people but uh it's it's all over the internet and everybody can't stop talking about it the ufc fight at the white house and uh the folks in entertainment that attended it that everybody on planet earth is disappointed with right now well uh look people i'm gonna speak specifically to my friend or about my friend uh nate bargazzi um and look this is not me running to defend anybody this is not me sucking up this is not me doing that comedian thing where you know we protect each other at all costs that's the thing that gets slung at us these days you fucking comedians you'll justify anybody doing as long as they're a comic you'll just i don't know what fucking internet you people are looking at who are saying that i don't know what the fuck you're talking about all i see is comedians shitting on other comedians okay and all i see by the way a lot of the time is is comedians shitting on other comedians and shitting on certain scenes uh awesome comes to mind uh where they're inadvertently insulting me or passively insulting me by including me in a thing that they're just shitting on and i am included in it i am part of it i'm not denouncing that but it is truly incredible to me how many people i see on the on online that are supposedly friends or colleagues at the very least uh taking these big wide broad sweeping shots at a certain type of comic a certain uh comedy scene and then acting as if they said nothing insulting towards towards me or certain other people that are that are part of the thing they're they're insulting it's a very weird thing i i don't know really what's i i do know what it is it's it's it's the way this system of social media and interaction is designed to make us behave it's it is quite destructive it is quite self-destructive it is designed for addiction we all know these things but i guess that's what makes people go on and speak far too broadly about things but back to this ufc thing dear god almighty nobody can handle the fact that nate was at the ufc fight at the white house okay you're disappointed fine but for the love of god this thing they keep saying where they're saying he's he said he was apolitical but he's at the white house he said he was apolitical but he's taking pictures with rfk let me address the pictures thing first people do you know how hard it is to say no to somebody asking to take a picture with you do you have any fucking clue because i'm asked to take one one millionth of the pictures nate is asked to take and i'm happy to do it 99 of the time but that one percent of the time that i'm in a bad mood and i don't want to do it i still do it why because it is a very very awkward thing to say no to it doesn't make you look great and it doesn't make you look great it puts a very bad taste in the other person's mouth so we don't do it we all just say yes to pictures okay now i i get that you think this is an extreme scenario but the only thing i could equate it to is this i would have a hard time saying no in my worst mood ever to a drunk in a bar asking me to take a picture where nobody would even remember that the interaction took place i can't imagine what you would feel like if somebody that is part of the white house staff who was also a celebrity who was also married to a celebrity asks you to take a picture with them in their place of work what would entail saying no to that i have i mean what do you realize this is a situation where you where it's like and i can't speak for nate i cannot speak for nate i can't stress this enough i have not talked to him about this we we have not discussed this i have no idea what's going on and i can't speak for nate what his take is okay for all i know he could have very much wanted to take the picture i don't know and i don't care my point is this going on just playing devil's advocate here can you imagine if somebody asked you to take a picture and if you said no the repercussions were they're going to go tell the president of the united states who's right there i won't take a picture with them i i'd imagine it's it feels a little awkward i'd imagine it feels like maybe the polite thing to do is just take a picture right now even if even if i don't agree with their politics i don't know what nate's politics are here's my point you can be apolitical and take a picture with somebody who works in politics this is an insane notion that just because you take a picture with somebody that must mean you are in league with them or you are in the same belief system as them it's fucking crazy it's crazy okay everybody that took a picture with a priest you must sympathize with pedophilia because priests there was the pedophilia scandal you must sympathize with that that must be what it is better yet take a picture of the priest you must be catholic i thought you said you were agnostic how could you take a picture with a priest i don't know because it's a person that wanted to take a picture i thought you were diabetic how could you take a picture with a baker sugar will kill you you're complicit in the death of diabetic what the fuck are we all talking about anymore what the fuck are we all talking about anymore so by the way i said that in a post i said in a post you can be apolitical on threads oh my god just the worst i said you can be apolitical and still take pictures with politicians i hate math and my friend teaches calculus i take pictures with him all the time it's a fucking joke it's not a great joke i admit but it's a joke it's a but but but but you get what i'm saying with the analogy everybody took issue with it everybody was screaming at me and when i say everybody i mean in this sense i do mean everybody because it's one of the only things i've ever posted where i got more angry comments than i got likes by far more angry comments than likes it's usually the other way around everybody took issue with it everybody took issue with it that saw it at least uh and wanted to make a comment about it okay uh so here's my question people how far does this man sitting the next to the man sitting next to the man thing go how far does it go how far does it fucking go i'm complicit why because i stuck up for nate nate's complicit why because he was at ufc ufc is complicit why because donald trump hosted the event donald trump's complicit why because he knew jeffrey where the fuck does this chain end we're all we're all we're all the way out to me from epstein okay i want you to look at the lily pad hops we just did this piece of shit president ufc famous comedian guy that's friends with the famous comedian they're going after julie uh uh nate nate's openers too why because they open for nate so they're complicit so the people that work for nate are complicit the people that are friends with nate are complicit nate's complicit ufc's complete Jesus fucking Christ. It's crazy. My contractor now is complicit because he came to my house and took my money and that money's dirty because I support Nate. I just don't know where this ends. I don't know where it ends. I don't know what the end game is. I'm done trying to see where you're coming from. You're not coming from a good place. You're coming from a place of fucking idiocy. You're a fucking, you want to talk about privilege? You are a privileged fucking asshole if you get to sit home and talk about what wrong everybody else is doing. I don't care what your job is. If all you do is sit home and talk about how everybody else is a worse moral human being than you are, you are incredibly privileged. And if you want to sit in a chair and bitch about how everybody else on earth is less ethical and less moral than you are, do what I did, folks, and get a fucking podcast, okay? All right. Let's move on. I guess it's only appropriate. We got time for one or two What-A-Worlds. Let's hit it, folks. TSA forced to issue warning as foreign World Cup fans fall in love with American condiment ranch. Yeah, I saw this. I think Bridget Phatasy just did a thing about this, too. Yeah. Apparently, they didn't know what ranch was, and they're. Yeah. It's blowing so many people's minds and, like, influencers and other travelers are just posting about how crazy ranch is. I love it. They want to bring it back home. I love it. We think Europeans are so much more elegant than we are. This is proof. No matter where you're from or what language you speak, you're trash. You're trash. Ranch is trash food. It's a good dip. Like, I use it sometimes. But it is trash food. It is. It's up there with honey mustard. I mean, you're garbage. You're garbage. I eat it sometimes. You know, sometimes one or two things. It's like, yeah, this is, you know, okay, this works. But people that are like, ranch is the greatest thing ever. Oh, my God. Go live in a box on Skid Row. You're a hobo. All right. Let's go to another one. All right. By the way, what was it? What's that? They're just putting too many, it's too many ounces of liquid in the bag is the issue. Right, yeah. People are trying to like just put, you know, like the whole bottle of it in their bag and you're not supposed to do that. Guys, go on Amazon. They can't get it delivered? I guess not. I don't know. I find that suspect. I also find it hard to believe they can't figure out how to make ranch. What do you think if we did a cooking segment on the show? We could do that. I'm thinking about doing it. I'm serious. I'm serious too. Let's do it. What do you think in the comments, folks? Let us know. All right, come on. Let's move on to pig talk and then we're getting out of here. This one jumped right into my attention. This is titled Cock Sucker Boss. I love it. I was on my way to stay the night with my wife in the hospital when my cock sucker, violent, horrendous boss calls me to let me know you can't be making that kind of money at the job. Where I work. He goes on to say he thought I would give some back. You read that correctly. This melted candle shaped fuck said he thought I would give some money I earned working 12 to 14 hour days back to him. I laughed and I asked him if I was being pranked. He said, well, no, I thought you of you as a team player to which I replied. I've only been working the pay plan. You had me sign. So this gooey fuck expected me to give back money I had earned and then said I wasn't a team player when I said no. Excellent penmanship or punctuation in this, by the way. Very well written. I admire that. He changed my plan and now I'm almost out of savings and I'm looking for a new job. Then I look a few days ago. He comes in complaining or then a few days ago he comes in complaining about his $100,000 boat just sitting there with his house. Yes, he actually mentioned the cost of the boat. I hope he gets AIDS. I've said that many times about people. Fuck him and his entire bloodline. Yes. If you see this, thank you for letting me vent this way. Love your comedy. Love this show. Have a great one, Joe. Jason. Hey, Jason. I got to tell you. I don't know for certain but you might be the first ever hands down 100% correct. Your boss is a piece of shit or was or you know you said you were still working there. He is vile and horrendous and you are correct. And I hope the only reason you're still at that job is because you were or even agreed to this new agreement was because you were not able to jump ship just yet. You needed some kind of safety net because you're being responsible with a wife that needs your care. I agree with you 100%, Jason. I wish you well. And hell, if we were hiring, I'd send you an application. But we're not. And let's be honest. You're already complaining about one cocksucker boss. You don't want another one. Folks, that's our show. Can you pull up my website really quick? I got some quick plugs here. We're on the road. In August, the 14th and 15th, I am doing the Joke World Comedy Festival in St. Petersburg, Florida. Come on out for that. October 23rd, 25th, the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas. Skank Fest, November 13th through the 16th, I think it is. And Bert Kreischer is fully loaded at sea November 19th, through to November 23rd. There's more dates coming very soon. Keep your eye out. That is our show, everybody. Please follow us. Subscribe on YouTube at Jotaroza Comedy. Okay? Hit the like button and all that crap. We appreciate you listening. Thank you for being a part of the show. And we'll see you next time for Violent Orrendas. Oh, shit. I forgot. White women. Made when she did witchcraft. And I declare every spirit attached, every last spirit of witchcraft must leave her on three in Jesus' name. One, two, three. No, no. She is mine. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I felt suddenly like this word, like this warmth, this light came and it was like, it was like coming down and then I fell or something. Something happened and I fell. Finally, towards the deliverance, I blacked out. I can't remember what happened, but I saw her face and I saw her eyes and I just told, help me, please, Jesus, please help me. That's the only thing I remember. Now that I'm here, I'm going to be coming every week. So, thank you, Apostle Catherine. I'm just grateful to have met you. Let's lift it up. Let's put it down. Let's run this game on the whole damn town, yeah. Take it up. You gotta put it down. Let's do it.