Smile Dog | CreepCast

[MUSIC] Welcome back to "Creamcast!" We, the dinner team here, okay, go ahead. We're reading some classics today, one being an all-time, some would say maybe not the Babe Ruth of "Creamcast" is. One of the guys that like -- The Barry Bonds. Who's the one that got kicked out for like steroids? Yeah, the Barry Bonds have been pretty heavy. Jason, the Jason Gianbi. Sure. Armstrong. Mark McGuire. The Sherman. Lance Armstrong. The Lance Armstrong group of baseball. He was the best, he was the best cyclist of all time. Just want to say that I think a little stairways didn't hurt anybody. We're reading "Smile Dog." Along with some other stuff. Maybe the Beatles and the Clockwork action, I don't fucking know. But we're definitely reading "Smile Dog." Actually, what -- If you think that "Smile Dog" would have a -- What was "Smile Dog's" bark sound like? It would be more like a -- More like a -- What's the scary bark? That's a scary bark. It sounds like a man at school getting sick. I just threw up. Yeah, so we're going to be reading some of the OGs today. We've gone through a lot of the big ones. "Smile Dog's" of course, the big one. There's a couple other more niche ones that we'll remember for one reason of another. It should be an enjoyable episode. I think Hunter's going to have a terrible time, which means I'm going to have a great one. So I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to have a good time. What are you doing over there? I'm doodling a man with his face melting. [Screams] That's what that would sound like. Do you want to slip that under here? About a bean. That's gone. "Smile Dog." Did you ever like -- Yeah, it doesn't. Your mom was telling me yesterday when I was talking to her about that when you were a kid, someone at a church you all went to recommended that you see a psychiatrist. That is true. That is true. That was the last time I went to that church. Yeah. They literally were like, "We actually don't want him coming back to the congregation." And I think I see some of the -- Okay, drunk guy with eyes melting thing. Well, it's just the fact that it wasn't me talking about anything, but that's just where your brain trails off to. Draw stuff like that. Okay. We'll smile on that. Do you want ever recommended you go on medication or anything like that? I was down big. That was good. All right, good. I got it. Smile. Smile! Get into "Smile Dog" here. I just want to thank everyone who is on Spotify and Apple Podcast to give us those beautiful ratings that really does help us. Also our patrons. Hey. I love you. I miss you. Welcome back. Right? For sure. We have merch. We got merch. Do you need some clothes for your beautiful body? Yep. Why cover it? Why cover it? Light it hang out. It'll be free. Some hats? Sure. It's backpack. Like I said. Actually, I'm saying don't buy it. You're saying don't buy it? No. Where you saying don't buy it? No. I don't remember mine. Why? The link is there, but don't do it. Why shouldn't we buy it? I'm nagging. I'm trying to because they're going to be like, "Dad says to not buy it therefore I want it." Right? It's like you've told your kid, "Don't smoke pot." What's he going to do? He wants to go smoke pot. Don't go get the merch. You would look real silly. What are you looking at? You keep looking over here. I hope you don't go get it. Thank you all. Turn the phones off all recording. God, dude. That was my alarm. I sat last night to wake up in the morning. But I put it to PM. I just like. There is no way we're ever going to actually get ahead. There's no way. Where are we? We are. It is Sisyphus. It is Sisyphus rolling the ball up the hill. The P and the A look kind of similar. Mind you, his alarm to wake up was going to be 938. I've seen him wake up before and it's haunting. It's like a war vet waking up. He's either completely dead. Or when he decides to wake up, he does like. I just managed this morning. Some kind of internal demon was in his brain. That fucking woke him up on time, luckily. What time are you going to bed? I mean last night I went to bed at 3. And then I woke up at 7.20 to get to the airport. Why did you do that? I could have drove him to the airport. I didn't want you to be mad at me. Is that a legitimate thing? Yeah. Wait. You got to take him to the airport. You know why? Because he comes in at 3.8. Yes. But then whenever I go out, I've gotten him every time he comes in at midnight. That's fine, I guess. He's like, well, the tickets are $30 cheaper. Right? Right. Whatever. And then when I go to his neck of the woods, he's like, nah, it's too much of a drive. I'm like, fair. That's fair. Right. So it's bullshit. Okay. Well, can I just say, can I just say that when I land in here yesterday? I was in a goop suit. Yeah. And you didn't tell me about any of that. I land here. I'm like, hey, I'm going to be there Thursday at 3. Hunter's like Thursday at 3. Got it. Thursday at 3. I'm like, hey, man. Nothing. That's 15. That is rare, though. That's not an ongoing thing. 15 minutes later. I call Hunter. Nothing. I text in the group chat. Harry's like, are you here? Yes. Yes, I am. And he's like, do you need a ride? And I'm like, well, I guess not. I guess not. I was so. It was. It's been a stressful week. I uber over here. And there's 40 minutes. So I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. Yeah. Actually. Either, "Hey, you're gonna walk onto a movie set." Why did that, I didn't think that that would be happening. And you know what I would, it wasn't a big deal, it wasn't a big deal. I'm saying with that information, I would have said, "Oh, I can Uber." That's true, or even then. I'll be the bigger man and admit that's true. Or even then, it just say, "Hey, can you Uber over?" I will consider to be the bigger man that I-- I would send a bond for 30 seconds. I would, I would, and then to decide, 'cause I reached-- How am I, and how do I pay you back? I reached this decision point when I got to the Kansas City airport, like the end of it, where I'm like, "Well, I could leave security and go outside, but I don't know if he's coming." So I guess I'll sit here, and I had to bet it over dramatic. And then I ate a cinnamon, and then I just sat there for a while. That was more of a tarot sex than anything. It was, it was. To not even, to be leaving the airport and being like, "Well, I guess one soon a bond wouldn't work." I was in the wind. Also, why did you text Harry sooner? I did. I did text him. You know what? I responded when you text a group chat, but you did-- Look at the, look at the timecode. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm talking about Harry, you do the same. Okay. Okay, Harry can verify what I'm saying. This is also a horror story podcast by the way. I landed, I landed early at 246. That's not my fault. I landed at 24. Actually, I said landed when we got to the game. So I landed like earlier. That's actually the game. I said landed. 15 minutes early. Nothing. I'm like, okay. I walked all the way to the front, right before I made my decision where I can't come back in the airport. I call Hunter at 3-11. So I was, so that's 14. That's 25 minutes. I call Hunter. Hunter doesn't say anything. I then go to the group chat. And I say, at 3-12, I'm going to build a tent in the airport. And then, that was at 3-12. Five minutes later. Okay. Harry, five minutes later. I've already been waiting to say that. What? 30 minutes? Yeah. That word. I just said a follow-up. Do we fare you were early so technically break it even about 10 minutes? To when you're so slim. That's not our follow-up. He says, what happened? I said nothing. What happened? I'm just giving. What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened? I thought to myself, does he even know I'm coming? Does he even know that you're like, you're here? What's your mark? I thought you got like delayed or something. No. It was 3. What would the flame would be here? I said, okay. So, I said, I'm going to bitch a tent. And Harry says, why? But I said nothing. I'm just giving. That's a hard time. That's what I'm going to have a boner. And then I showed up. That does it. And then I said. And then I said. And then I said. I got a big old boner of airport. No one's putting me up so I guess. Don't make this one of your piss. No one's putting me up so I guess I'm getting hard. Don't. No. No. I said. I said, nothing. I'm hearing Kansas. I'm an Indian. And I got a teepee in between my legs. And Harry says the audacity, by the way. Harry says, do you need a ride? One minute later. And then 60 seconds. And then he says, Hunter is covered in goo and slime. Goops it. Again, I have no concept of a film or anything. So that would be confusing. I think I'll be the bigger man here. And I will bet that would be confusing. I thought you were shooting a pop of meat video. Sure. And like there was some bit where you have Nickelodeon slime on you or something. Yeah. I'm like, oh, okay, whatever. So I said, elevator, I can Uber. So I do that. And once again, I walk. Oh, yeah, here's me walking up the driveway at 358 p.m. After I got over an hour later. I'm walking in. But I say, are you all in the studio? Once again, no one gives me any heads up. And Harry says, are you outside? I'll come get you. And then once again, walk into a room. And I'm just, it's, I'm surrounded. You know what? And then he steps away from the set. Walks over to me. And the first thing he says to me is look who decided to show off. I forgot about that. You know what? That was, that was rude. Is what that was. That was rude. And obviously there has to be some kind of payback. And you know what I'll do. Whenever I go out to visit you next time, I'm not going to ask for a ride. And I'll tell you what I'll do too. I will literally fill myself sitting in an airport for an hour. I will do that for you. Thank you. I will do that. And I'll say we're even. And then I'll, I'll take an Uber. Okay. Wherever I need to go. But it has, well, it can't be the next trip. It has to be rangeably. One trip you're going to lay in it. I'm just not going to say anything. And this is that trip. I'll take it. This is not the thing I'll do. I see. Let's not fair though, because you never respond the text anyways. How many times have I texted you sir? No, no, no. That's completely different. Okay. That's different because. Well, how would I know? That's because you text me out of the blue. And whenever I'm working during the day. It's just a schedule. No, no, no. My point is I set my phone away. So I don't get distracted. I'm real bad about. Oh, so you'll say because you know that I'm showing up. That you'll be looking at exactly. Okay. Yes. I see it. Because once again, I had said two days prior. Thursday and three being. Absolutely. Yeah. No. I was in the wrong. I'll, I'll be the big man. I'll take the high road. I'll admit I'm wrong. I was wrong. I was a bad boy. I should have been the goop suit. Should have reconsidered this. Could have even probably pushed us a week. Probably. I don't know. I don't understand. I want you to put, look. This all would have been mediated with a. Hey, can you Uber? Absolutely. Shouldn't have had the hands on. Shouldn't have had the goop on me. No. All that was great. All that was fine. Just made me look. When I'm on the phone. Because when I was talking to you texting. You were in another goop suit. Two days prior. On Tuesday. When I'm like. I'm too eager though. I didn't have my arms on though. Couldn't have used my phone. My point is. I know I'm not. Look, once it happened. Once I was there, three PM. You were in the goop suit. What's done was done. Exactly. Well, I'll tell you what. It's already passed. Life. We're here now. Right. Aren't we? And we're about to read Smile Dog, which is arguably one of the best creepyposses of all time. That's all what I said, but okay. All right. Smile Dog. All right. So the original Smile Dog was uploaded in 2010. So it's like a dinosaur compared all the others. Right. And it was an image started to float around the internet and the story accompanied it. So let me look at the Smile Dog image. I think it's on the story. My page isn't loading for some reason. There's so many pop-up heads. Creepyposs. Creepyposs. Oh, yeah. So this image is so fucking stupid. It's just the actual image. It's like the husky that's like this. Yes. That's the classic Smile Dog. So this was like people like to float around and chain emails. Yeah. And it was like share this with 10 people or else. Or you die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a story attached to it. On the link in the channel. It just adds a photo. I will say creepypasta.com. I don't know what we have to do to get these ads a little more manageable. A little more manageable because right now I have a all Spanish. It says soy Marciela mama mama. Y act of Octavistia. Yanada me done. My page is all white. But the ads are loading. So it's half of superman's face. So we're brilliant though. And now it's a coach ad. I got hotels.com right now. Well, they're obviously going to be good fucking money. If they'll get these ads. Good lord. Yeah. All right. Also anonymously written. Right. No, we don't know the author. No, there's an author court. I literally can't open the page. Hold on. Give me a second. I think it's good. What is that? What is this happening? I'm going to. For audio listeners at home. I'm drawing smile. Yeah. There we go. At the moment. Well, Isaiah loads his. Dude, I opened Safari on here. The last thing that was opened on Safari was Barosca part five on this. What a. Can I get a slight replay of what Barosca the reaction of that was? Welcome back. I don't think it'll be as that bad. What? Have you read Smiled Out before? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So you're familiar. Is this like 20 years old? I know. Came out in 2010. That's like 20 years old. Just think like 100 years old. This is like a. Yeah. I did. Did Charlie Chaplin write this story? I didn't hear the 2010 part. I was just asking. No reason to jump on. Oh God. I don't want to find the story. Can I say it? Can I at least ask this question? Yeah. It's small dog. If you had to say cutter uncut, what would you say? Yeah, I'm not answering. It's definitely uncut. Don't. Encourage him. What are you going to say? Not whatever you want me to. Who would cut smile dogs? I, I happy. No one raised smile and smile. I'm there smile. I was in Slovenia. It's nothing but better grief. You've got to censor that. Yeah absolutely. I'm actually going to talk it on there too. Yikes. Okay, well work on my phone. Hold on. Where are we? Where are you looking? I'm trying to find the story but it's just that. 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There it is, look, no, no, that's the other one. This isn't. Wait, hold on, didn't work, why did that? You just hold it sideways. What the? What is that about? The website only appears in the left. We have not read one more from this story yet. It's already longer than it takes to read the story. Yeah, the story is shorter than what we've been talking about. Alright, now I'm in. Smile, dog, creepypossess. For the top. Yeah, from the top. Hold on, I locked the hot pad. Okay, I'm getting out. All right. Rough, rough. Let's begin. I first met in person with Mary E in the summer of 2007. I had arranged with her husband of 15 years, Terrence, to see her for an interview. Mary had initially agreed since I was not a newsman but rather an amateur writer gathering information for a few early college assignments and, if all went according to plan, some pieces of fiction. We scheduled the interview for a particular weekend when I was in Chicago on unrelated business. But at the last moment, Mary changed her mind, locked herself in the couple's bedroom, refusing to meet with me. For a half an hour I sat with Terrence as we camped outside the bedroom door. I listened in and taking notes while he attempted fruitlessly to calm his wife. The things Mary said made little sense but fit with the pattern I was expecting. Though I cannot see her, I could tell from her voice that she was crying. And more often than not, her objections to speaking with me centered around an incoherent diet tribe on her dreams were nightmares. Terrence apologized profusely when we ceased the exercise and I did my best to take it and stride. Recall that I wasn't a reporter in search of a story but merely a curious young man in search of information. Besides, I thought at the time I could perhaps find another similar case if I put my mind and resources to it. Mary E was the siaop for siaop. Not the siaop. S-y-s-y. S-y-s-y. I mean it looks like siaop but it's a siaop. Is there a word? Is siaop a word? S-y-s-o-p? S-y-s-y. Oh is that a company? No it says Mary E was the siaop for a small Chicago based bulletin board system. Oh system op. Oh yeah. Thank you. Mary E was the siaop. Was that just the last troll? I just- it's just so much. Being berated and having him chime in. Oh! This is the operator. It's too late in the day. It's too late. For people that don't know we're recorded this at two in the morning. Can I tell you a secret? I'm in desperate need of medical attention and care. I'm so old fat and I'm falling apart at the seams. But I don't know what doctor to use. I don't know anything about doctors. And that's why I use zok-dok. Zok-dok is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in network appointments with more than a hundred thousand health care providers across every specialty. From mental health to digital health I care to skincare and much much more. Probably dick and bowl stuff boys. And the nice thing about zok-dok is that you can filter for doctors and take your insurance or nearby and are highly rated. It's super easy to use and you can find an appointment time that works for you with the right doctor for your needs. Plus zok-dok appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. Oh my god! You don't want to admit it, but you should probably see a doctor. So stop putting up those doctor appointments and go to zok-dok.com/creepcast to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com/creepcast. Zok-dok.com/creepcast. Mary E was a siss off for a small Chicago-based bulletin board system in 1992 when she first encountered small dot jpeg in her life change forever. Smile dot jpeg. My life is forever ruined. I should not have opened that compressed image. Okay, sorry. She and Terrence had been married for only five months. Mary was one of an estimated 400 people who saw the image when it was posted as hyperlink on the BBS, though she is the only one who has spoken openly about the experience. The rest have remained anonymous or perhaps dead. In 2005, when I was only in 10th grade, Smile dot jpeg was first brought to my attention by my burgeoning interest in web-based phenomena. Mary was the most often cited victim of what is sometimes referred to as Smile dot dog. The being, Smile dot jpeg, is reputed to display. What caught my interest, other than the obvious macabre elements of the cyber legend in my proclivity towards such things, was the sheer lack of information, usually to the point that people don't believe it even exist other than as a rumor, hoax. It's unique because, though the entire phenomenon centers on a picture file, the file is nowhere to be found on the internet. Certainly, many photo manipulated simulacre, a letter of the web, showing up with the most frequency on-site, such as the image board 4chan, particularly the x-focused paranormal subboard. It is suspected these are fakes because they do not have the effect the true Smile dot jpeg is believed to have, namely, sudden onset, temporal lobe, epilepsy, and acute anxiety. What the fuck is even happening? Okay, so it's just a doctor's report, what the fuck are we reading? Okay, so it's someone who's like done research, tried to track down the true Smile dog, but whatever this image is, this smile dog or Smile jpeg, Smile dot jpeg is the name of the file. Right. They got passed around. And that's what he's looking for. That's what he's looking for. And then this woman was corrupted by it. She's the only one who's talked about it, that he can find that she's all the smile dog. Right. Yeah. Well, so he says the Smile dog images are people recreating it from rumors. The real image when you look at it, give causes, epilepsy, nausea, like an intense mental reaction to it. So he's saying, and all the images that float around are just like fakes of the real thing. Right. The reported reaction in the viewer is one of the reasons the Phantom like Smile dot jpeg is regarded with such disdain, since it is patently absurd, though depending on whom you ask the reluctance to acknowledge Smile dot jpeg's existence, it might be just as much out of fear as it is out of disbelief. Two girls won cup. Any attempt to create a page pertaining to Smile.JPEG is summarily deleted by any of the encyclopedias many admins. Encounters of Smile.JPEG are the stuff of internet legend. Mary E. Story is not unique. There are unverified rumors of Smile.JPEG showing up in the early days of UZNET, and even one persistent tale that in 2002, a hacker flooded the forums of humor and satire websites something awful with the deluge of Smile.Dog pictures, where during almost half the forums users at the time, epileptic. It's also said that in the mid to late 90s, that Smile.JPEG circulated on UZNET and has an attachment of a chain email with a subject line, Smile.God loves you. And despite the huge exposure these stunts would generate, there are very few people who admit to having experienced any of them. No trace of the file or any link has ever been discovered. Those who claim to have seen Smile.JPEG, often a weekly joke that they were far too busy to save a copy of the picture to their hard drive. However, all legit victims offered the same description of the photo. A dog-like creature, usually described as a appearance similar to a Siberian husky, illuminated by the flash of the camera, sits in a dim room, the only background detail that is visible, being a human hand extending from the darkness near the left side of the frame. Obviously, what is usually described is beckoning. Of course, most attention is given to the dog, or dog creature, as some victims are more certain than others about what they claim to have seen. The muzzle of the beast is reputedly split in a wide grin, milling two rows, very wide, very straight, very sharp, very human-looking teeth. Is that funny, honey? It's like veneer dog. Scary. This is, of course, not a description given immediately after viewing the picture, but rather a recollection of the victims, who claim to have seen the picture endlessly repeated in their minds eye during the time they are, in reality, having epileptic fits. These fits are reported to continue indeterminably, often while the victims asleep, resulting in very vivid and disturbing nightmares. These may be treated with medication, though in some, it's more effective than others. Mary E, I assumed, was not on effective medication. That was why after my visitor apartment, 2007, sent out feelers to several folklore and urban legend-oriented news groups, websites mailing list, hoping to find the name of a supposed victim of small.jpeg, who felt more interested in talking about his experiences. By the time nothing happened and at length I forgot completely about my pursuits, since I had begun my freshman year of college, I was quite busy. Mary contacted me via email, however, near the beginning of March, 2008. This is added by Moose Juice, Moose Juice, to [email protected], from [email protected]. Subject. Last Summer's interview. Description. Dear Mr. L, I'm incredibly sorry about my behavior last summer when you came to interview me. I hope you understand that. It was no fault of yours. But rather my own problems that let me to act out as I did. I realized that I could have handled the situation more decoriously. However, I hope you will forgive me at the time I was afraid. You see, for 15 years I have been haunted by Smile.jpeg, Smile.dog comes to me in my sleep every night, every night, every night, my mars is getting around the corner, like big goofy head smile. At one point, it's just not a scary anymore. It's just like very nasty, that smile on that, you big fuckin' chompers, I've just, I've like, close the door. I know that sounds silly, but it is true. There's an, there's an ethical quality about my dreams. My nightmares, that makes them completely unlike any real dreams I've ever had. I do not move and do not speak, I simply look ahead. The only thing ahead of me is the scene from that horrible picture. I see the beckoning hand and I see Smile.dog. It talks to me. It is not a dog, of course, though I'm not quite sure what it really is. It tells me it will leave me alone if I, if I do what it as it asks. All I must do, it says, is spread the word, that is how it's phrases, it's demands, and no exactly what it means, it wants me to show it to someone else. And I could, the week after my incident I received the mail, a manila envelope with no return address, inside was only a three and a half inch floppy discat, without having checked, I knew precisely what was on it. I thought for a long time of my options, I could show it to a stranger, a coworker, I could even show it to Terrence, as much as the idea that disgusted me. And what would happen to then? Well, a Smile.dog kept its word, I could sleep, yet if it lied, what would I do? And who was to say, something worse would not come for me if I did it with a creature ass? So, I did nothing for 15 years, though I kept it discat, hidden amongst many things. Amongst my things, every night for 15 years, Smile.dog has come to me in my sleep and demanded that I spread the word for 15 years, it's just strong. This is serious, every night, every 15, thousands of tears, literally a mad, also, can you explain to me not to derail this email? What the fuck does a beckoning hand look like? Is it just this? Yeah, yeah. And it's inviting. So what you're saying is that every night, he's doing this, he's just like, spread the word. No, no, no, no, no. Behind Smile.dog is a beckoning hand, off scene, spread the word, like there's a hand behind Smile. And that's just what he's done every night. I mean, if anything, you can admire his tenacity, his persistence, but if you just don't spread the word, I mean, there's no repercussions beside him just showing up and being like, seriously, would you just fucking spread this word already? Spread the word? You're pissing me off. Yeah. And she's been in a sleep every night, by the way. Well, it's something like you said at some point. I don't know the fuck am I going to deal with. Okay. For 15 years, I've stood strong. Until there have been hard times, many of my fellow victims on the BBS board, where I first encountered Smile.jpg, stop posting. I heard some of them committed suicide, committed unaliving. Others remain completely silent, simply despairing off the face of the web. They're the ones I worry about the most. I sincerely hope you forgive me, Mr. L. But last summer when you contacted me and my husband about an interview, I was near the breaking point. I decided I was going to give you the floppy discat. I did not care if Smile.dog was lying or not, I wanted it to end. You were a stranger, so when I had no connection with, and I thought I would not feel sorrow when you took the dissent as part of your research and sealed your fate. Before you arrived, I realized what I was doing, plotting to ruin your life. I could not stand the thought, and in fact, I still could not. I was shamed. Mr. L and I hope that this warning will dissuade you from further investigation of Smile.jpg. You may in time encounter someone who is, if not weaker than I, then wholly more depraved, someone who will not hesitate to follow Smile.dog's orders. Stop while you are still whole. Sincerely, Mary E. It's contacting me later that month with the news that his wife killed herself. I was like a comedic timing beat, after all of that, and then pretty much she totally blew her brains out. She would do this for 15 years, and now that's the break. We're left to the email. Good bye. I did it. It's for the world. Okay. Thanks, son. I'm glad that's funny. Hey. It got me good. Okay. While cleaning up the various things she'd left behind, closing the email accounts and the like. He happened upon the above message. He was a man in shambles, he wept as he told me to listen to his wife's advice. He found the discat. He revealed, and burned it until it was nothing but a stinking pile of black and plastic. Bar that most disturbed him, however, how the discat had hissed as it melted, some sort of animal, he said. I will admit that I was a little uncertain about how to respond to this. At first I thought, perhaps it was a joke, with a couple belatedly playing with the situation in order to get a rise out of me. Quick check on several Chicago newspapers online. Bituaries, however, proved that Mary E. was indeed dead. There was, of course, no mention of suicide in the article. I decided that, for a time at least, I would not further pursue the subject of smile.jpeg, especially since I had finals coming up at the end of May. The world has odd ways of testing us. Almost a full year after I'd returned from my disastrous interview with Mary E. I received another email. as I hear [email protected]. Subject. Smile. Hello. I thought you were going just through a big Mr. profile signature at just a small bar. I thought it was not as bad as I was says I was subject to you here. Just spurred the word, spirally phrase. The final line shielded me to the bone. Corning to my email client, there was one file attached, called "Naturally". "Naturally", small.jpg. I considered downloading it at some time. It's most likely a fake, I imagine, and even if it weren't, I was never wholly convinced of small.jpg's peculiar powers. Mary Ease accounted for me, yes, but she was probably mentally unbalanced anyway. After all, I could a simple image to a small.jpg was said to accomplish what sort of creature was it that could break one's mind with only the power of the eye. And if such things were apparently absurd, then why did the legend exist at all? By download of the image, if I looked at it, and if Mary turned out to be correct, a small.jpg came to me in my dreams, and it made me and I spread the word, what would I do? When I lived my life as Mary had, finding against the urge to give in until I died, would I simply spread the word, eager to be put to rest? If I chose the latter route, how could I do it? And would I burden it in turn? If I went through with my earlier intention to write a short article about small.jpg, I decided I could attach it as evidence. And anyone who read the article, anyone who took interest, would be affected. And even assuming small.jpg attached to the email was genuine, would I be capricious enough to save myself in that manner? Could I spread the word? Yes, yes, I could. Then bottom of the image, anywhere. Any way it appeared online, at the very bottom of the image was, I thought a bloody thumbprint with the picture. So author starts to track this, goes insane, and then eventually looks at the photo, which compels him to share it with the internet. I like the idea of at the end of, no matter what at the end of the story, you get kind of hit by it. Yeah, yeah. Also, this was very well written, for what it was. For what it was. For what at the time? Yeah. Very good. It was well written, and also the context ran. The image is just so soft. The image, the image is goofing. Also, where's the beckoning hand? To off to the left. Look at the bottom left. See the hand reaching up. All right, oh. Once again, those glasses. Oh, I didn't notice that until right now. What the fuck? The hand reaches it. So does it look like someone's dying? Is that someone's on the ground? Like to the side of the picture. Yeah. Yeah. So the intention is that small dogs like some entity, like a demon or ghost that has like, like a shapeshifter almost. It's a dog, but it has human teeth. Like it's weird in between thing. And the context for this story is this image had already started floating online, if I remember correctly. Maybe they were around the same time. But people would get email chains that would say spread the word, and it would be that picture, right? It's like, what's that about? But then you see this story attached that it drives people mad. They have to spread. Very much like Ringo. Yes. Very similar. It reminds me of Ringo. This is a fun time in the early 2000s where technology people were finding ways of like, you're sharing media. It's cursing everything. I did have a couple thoughts though. The veneers maybe think of turkey teeth or turkey hair when people go to turkey to get a hair transplant or the veneers. What if when you got a hair transplant from turkey or veneers you had, what if it was just a Turkish man that was smiling? That visited you every night. And then the thing is, you had to have someone else go to turkey and get the hair done until he left you alone. Smile.Turkey. Smile.Turkey. Smile.Turkey. Or turkey.jb. Also I want to do an edit here. Turkey isn't a file. It's not a compression. It's a file. Yeah, I do love a file type just being dot turkey. It's pretty good. With a turkey, we T.R.K.Y. Dot turkey. So I do want to say about this story. I read this when I was in middle school I think. Yeah. Yeah, 10, I was probably 11 or 12 and I came across it. And I remember this story freaks me out because you got to understand. I was a kid. I saw the picture floating around. It's like, what's this picture? It's like a bloody Mary kind of thing. Same thing. Yeah. So I thought it'd be cool. And after I realized it's sort of like, oh, this is cool. I'm going to send it to my friends. They'll be funny. So I started an email chain where I said like spread the word and put the email on. And then the next day it's school. Every guy was like, that was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Don't you ever? And they immediately just like No, it's scary, right guys? No, it's scary, guys. Honestly, you know, my birthday is this week and we're having a pool party with water balloon fighting stuff. You're not coming. I remember being like, yeah, I thought it was lame. That's why I shared it. Actually, there's a joke. You didn't. I thought it was stupid. It's awesome. It's ice cream cake. And it's really dumb, right? And it's the water balloons that look like grenades. It's going to be awesome. Those were so cold. You're not coming because of that one email. No, I thought it was scary. I would love to sit there, open it up. Look at my subject line. What is this? Whatever. Scroll down. Oh, it's okay. I'll download it. You know, scroll down. Click. The Beatles cartoon. Lost episode. Yeah. Who's your favorite beetle? Um. Ringo. He was just the goofiest of all stuff. Like the song Maxwell Silver Hammer. All of them hated it when they asked Ringo. I thought it was kind of nice. I enjoyed it. Or anything. Which I actually caught as a good title. No, not Ringo. What was the fourth one? Not Paul or John. George. George. George. George is a George is cool. No one likes Ringo. Yeah, George. George was like the one that was just here. I'm a hero. Yeah. George. The main man. Yeah. When I was in there. When the Beatles. Who's your least favorite beetle? John. John. Of course. Easy. Yep. John. I liked the little, the fucking Beaver 2's bastard Paul McCartney quite a bit. Me wants to hold your hand. It was a good counter to John to my understanding because John was like, no, we've got it. We've got to change the world. We've got to be different. And then Paul would be like, no. That's a dumb idea. I don't like that idea. You know, the Beatles. It's one of those things where people were like, the Beatles are lame. It's like, it's impossible to not like at least. I mean, it's like, it's like anything else. Like being like, oh, Elvis was. He didn't do anything or like he was like, it's like, I really liked that one. That new added that keeps saying the main where it's like songs. You know, realize Elvis wrote. And it's like, jump out the house. Jump out the house and just where it's Rick and Morty time. Thank you song. Have you seen that? Yeah. Yeah. It's a good one. There was one night where Caitlin and I were driving home and I was really tired. And she was just flipping through songs and that Elvis song came on. I can't even remember which one, what the title of it is. But in the beginning, like, I heard the music and I go, is this the song where he says, I'm caught in a trap. And as soon as I got done saying that, Rick goes, I'm caught in a trap. Yeah. I can't walk out because I love you too much, baby. So why can't you see what you're doing to me? And you don't believe what I say. We can go on together. We're suspicious minds. And we can't realize dreams. We're suspicious love. To my old friend, I know. You want to try. I always say, we're lost in a cloud. We're too much of a rain. We're trapped in a world that's struggled with pain. And as long as a man has a strike to dream, he can redeem his soul and fly. Go ahead, Francis. Deep in my heart, there's a trembling wound. But I am sure that the answer is going to come somehow out there in the dark. There's a beckoning candle. And while I can think, while I can talk, while I can stand, while I can walk, while I can dream, so please let my dream come true. Right now. He wrote that because they discontinued you who just kid it was Martin Luther King died. That one probably shouldn't put that in there. The beans. So out of normal. All right. It's okay. - Beatles lost Cartoon episode. Oh, I don't think I've ever read this one. I don't know when it came out. That's my understanding. Is it one of those OG ones? Is this an old one, Harry? - I don't know how old it is, but that word is classic. - The Beatles Cartoon Lost episode does not feel like a classic creepypossible to me. Well, it was back when like Dead Bart, you're like Squidward II was-- - That all seems fine, because that's like new rate. Dead Squidward, I'm like, at the time, that's people were probably young and obsessed with. It'd be like nowadays, it'd be like, creepypossible about like has been hotel or some shit. - Yeah, yeah, you know? - I'm sure that's out there, you know? - A hundred percent. - Yeah. - Well, we have to find it. - Where first? - All right, just want to start off by saying that if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be disappointed. There is a one. I'd like to start this off by affirming that I am a huge Beatles fan, as well as being 14 years old. - You know, you rarely see that level of honesty. - I love that. - I gotta say, there is a shocking amount of truth that all this. I just wanna say, like the Beatles, like 90% of the world, also 14. Also, I have no idea what's going on. I have no idea what's happening. - You will be disappointed by this. - By the end of this, you are gonna be like, that was not worth my time, yes. - Yeah, of course. I'm also an avid collector of Beatles stuff. I was even there at their first concert. - How old is this person? - I don't, the 14. So no, you weren't. They have great music and great talent. They have their albums, t-shirts, and other assorted items. I haven't enjoyed the old cartoon of the Beatles that was made in the '60s. But it wasn't long before I found out there was a morbid secret to the cartoon. I was at a local collector's shop where they had a section about the Beatles. I was looking for some Beatles mugs and pins. I bought two Beatles mugs and four Beatles pins and I was just about to leave the section. Something caught my eye. It was a videotape called the Lost Beatles Cartoon. Or at least, that's what I assumed. Being what was scribbled on it with what appeared to be Black Sharpie, I really wanted to get it so I told my disjointed mother that I wanted to buy it. When we went to purchase the tape, the counter-worker said I couldn't have it. He told me that it's watched it and had nightmares. I was surprised he could say that about the tape because it was just the Beatles. How can a cartoon about a band possibly be that scary? But he said, never mind. You're just gonna have nightmares anyway. And gave me the tape. (laughing) What? Never mind. It's too late. Take it, watch it. I know it gives a shit just take it, kid. You're fucked anyways. I like the Beatles. Mm-hmm. (laughing) Look at these pins I got. Yeah. Take it. (laughing) Well, I was walking away. I thought I saw him folding his hands like he was praying. For some odd reason, I was starting to feel like something was wrong with the tape. (laughing) Really? When I got home, I immediately went downstairs to watch this mysterious video. The tapes started to play. Something weird happened in the beginning. Do we try to do, is there photorealistic blood in this story? Does, you want to do a little bingo card? Yes. I think there's a blood. Hyper realistic eyes. Okay. Sorry, are we calling that? I think I'll call those. I think I'll-- And does one of the Beatles, or do they all kill themselves? They're gonna be dead. Are they already dead? Or do you think it's Paul gonna shoot John? It's gonna start as a normal one, but then they're gonna be like, it's gonna cut to their eyes like black or ripped out. And then they're gonna be, they're just gonna sound screaming. Like they're all screaming. Yeah, yeah. And John will be like, I don't feel good. Or something like that. Yeah, I've got blushed as you'll me fingers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely it seemed like that. Some loud noise effects, something like that. It was the sounds of someone screaming in complete agony. All right, well, immediately. There you go. That's another point for me. Which, while that was normal for the Beatles card tune, what was that normal for the Beatles card tune? Hold on. People usually scream in anguish at the Beatles card tune. This is an actual card tune, right? I don't know. Okay, hold on. What happened? Okay. Here's how the intro starts. No one's screaming. We're not into it. Okay, that's the anguish. Okay, that's gotta be what they're talking about. It has a kind of a creepy intro a little bit. (audience laughing) Yeah, all right, I see, I see, all right, I'm tracking. Sounds like someone screaming in complete agony. Which, while that was normal for the Beatles card tune, there's usually a title card accompanied it. I was scared until the title card, thankfully, faded in a few seconds later. The episode was called Because. And assumed it was referring to the Abbey Road song because, first scene faded in from black, but something was off. It was slightly different than the original style. It looked almost similar to the original, but looked darker, more detailed. Then, the episode showed all four Beatles and their trademark grotesque original designs. John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Despite the past oddity, I relax hearing the trademark Paul frees and Lance Percival voicing the Fab Four. They were talking about some kind of CD they found outside the recording studio and about listening to it. This was strange, your CDs weren't invented until 1976, shows produced in the late '60s. So, then, the scene suddenly transitioned to the Beatles and their recording studio. Shot show, John, casually putting the headphones on until the thing happened. John, all of a sudden, just looked like he just blacked out. Then, Paul, wordly asked. - John, are you all right? - Then, the screen zoomed up to John, who had started drooling. All of a sudden, John's eyes turned into when I can only really describe my limited vocabulary as LSD acid-trip image, weird colors. After 10 seconds of John's acid-tripping face, something appeared. I grabbed the clicker and went backwards to see what it was. When I saw it was a morbid or test picture, it was a real photo of a man with a ventriloquist dummy. Scary part of the picture was that the man with the dummy had no mouth. Instead, there was blood on his face where his mouth was supposed to be. The dummy had fire in his eyes and an insane smile. I had a chokeback, some vomit after watching it. - It's just kind of funny. - They always do that work. Like, remember, when was suicide? Were they keep throwing up over it? - I was, I was like, I had to throw up with some gross stuff. But all they described was, there's a man with no mouth. - With a ventriloquist dummy. With a ventriloquist dummy. was in a cartoon about the beetle. [laughing] I was like, "He's talking a rapist had around this being like a jersey." Why would they make this? [laughing] More like you have that guy free press. [laughing] That's not fair. The beetle's like Hitler? What? What? Nazi stuff? I'd never do that. That's where he did in the bottom of the whole time. [laughing] Just forget about it. John Sharpley's shouted back. But what about offense? Oh, don't give a fuck. [laughing] They censored it in the story, too. 'Cause they're 14 and their mom would get mad if they typed it out. It's, it's F star star K, mom. You can't get mad as F star star K. Dude, the next sentence. I was shocked that this episode involves John saying the F word. [laughing] But I decided to continue on. The next scene showed a building that was about to be demolished. The beetles were walking down the street. I thought I was gonna go to the twin towers right there. I legit was like, there's no way, okay. I would have, dude, we'll see. We'll see. Hitler has been in throw. Hitler in CDs have been brought in. Yeah, I like how that was the first thing. It's like, it goes from like, it's where the compact disk was made till '76. It's like, Hitler. [laughing] In the vault. Beetles were walking down the street when the wrecking ball hit the building. When a wrecking ball hit the building. Piece of rubble went flying in the air. It was about to miss a person when John did something despicable. In typical John fashion, he proceeded to push the man back to where the piece of rubble was about to fall. In typical John fashion, he killed somebody. Classic John! In a second, the piece of solid marble crushed the guy to death. It wasn't in brain matter, flew everywhere. Even though the brain matter and blood still looked cartoonish, it was still pretty horrible. [laughing] That was drawn. I was still kind of freaked out. I was still really scared of how all this. [laughing] A crowd of people quickly surrounded the scene. And the scene zoomed up to John with an evil smirk on his face. The next scene only showed just a black screen. Only thing that could be heard was a gunshot. And there was smoke that I assume represented the fire gun. Then the screen faded into a shot of the recording studio. The studio had no lights on, causing the screen to be too dark to make anything out. But there was quiet mumbling and I listened closely to hear someone dolly whispering. Then one light went on. There was a shadow outside the door. It was the form of John. It wasn't long until the light was reflecting to the sound manager and the recording booth. Dead. I quickly put two and two together and figured that the man was shot by John. You had a gun, but really, who had a gun for whatever reason. The camera zoomed up to the ground outside the room. A model 1887 fell to the ground, fell to the ground with blood splattered on it and with bits of smoke still coming out of the barrel. The next scene suddenly showed Paul, George, and Ringo knocking on John's room door. Then Ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong sexy insect. Why am I reading? Ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong sexy insect flags. And there was a humongous faith in what's the size of it as you think, "What am I reading?" It's still like I made water boarded and I'm just like, "Please make it stop." They didn't know what the combination was, but for some reason it wasn't locked up all the way. They opened it up and they found out John's secret. He was a Satanist. There was a dead body of a woman on a pentagram drawn in her blood. And her with her eyes gorged out. There were dead animals, a fan-made necronomicon, and goats skull on a pentagram. That is fucking scary. I'm so scared right now. That is fucking freaky, man. Not the Beatles. Not John, no. In fear, George fell to the ground. Paul had to choke back a vomit. Ringo ran over to the corpse and yelled out, "Giddy, my fiancee, no!" He then slept to the ground, closing his eyes. Then Ringo started crying in a sad way. How was he once like, "Heeey, that's it, that's some crying, eh?" He said, "Well, he looked more sad, didn't he?" Crying from Ringo. It didn't sound like normal cartoon crying. It sounded as real as a day. And in shock, I found out that the dead woman was Ringo's fiance, Ginny. What was his first clue? No, yeah. Did he scream out screaming? Yeah. My fiancee. Who's that woman? Who could that be? Who's that stranger? I didn't know that Ringo had a fiance, but I decided to continue on. Suddenly some distorted screams of a girl started to play in the background. I started to suspect that supposed to be the screams of Ginny. Scream went black. Then the screen showed the view of the sun setting from John's legs. Screen immediately went to John's face, that he had a mad expression in rapid moving mouth. He had red in his left iris. His dick looked like he was ripped by a rabid raccoon. He had a noose around his neck. He was about to commit suicide. He shut his eyes and jumped all the way. I just want to say that this man was murdered in real life. Yeah, this is a guy. This is the guy that got shot. Yeah. This is a man who was actually murdered in real life in broad daylight. And they're like, his dick was ripped off by a rabid raccoon and he hung himself. I mean, he's saying this. Yeah. And he's a fucking satanist. I was like, they're just like besmirking his man's name. That wouldn't that be creepy? Wouldn't that be creepy if you just did that? The camera show John's feet still swinging. The camera zoomed out to show John's lifeless body hanging on the small cliff on the lake that the Beatles were going to in the beginning of the episode. Scream went black and Paul appeared in a satan expression. Then the screen went black again. And then the scary part begins. That warning, Paul's face appeared with hyperrealistic eyes. Three for three hyperrealistic eyes to the worst. Let's go. There was so many camera views of Paul's face like a zoom out of him in the corner. Then pictures appeared. I remember seeing a picture of a hand with a gun in it and the gun was pointed to a little boy's head, but the gun was already fired. Another picture flashed on the screen of a garfish in the river. The next picture was a bird. Just a little wild live picture in the middle of it. And fun got exploding. The next picture was just like, oh, that's a big old little thing. Next picture was a burnt town. People were on the ground dead. Quickly I discovered that the town was destroyed during an attack. It was destroyed because of the Vietnam War. How did he discover that in the middle of the picture? The next picture was three undertakers with seven coffins with little children no younger than six. And behind the left undertaker was a coffin with a hand coming out of it and the hand was moving. After more pictures, it shows Paul with the same expression that he had before the scary slideshow. Then suddenly I heard a loud booming voice of a low, low quiet voice saying, then a 1911 cult pistol appeared in Paul's hand. He puts it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Realistic blood and brain matter went everywhere, like on the grass and the cliff. Then the camera zoomed up to the capsule of the bullet. The shop, Paul and the capsule said, your life was already over Paul in a mysterious Russian accent. Yeah. Your life was over. The over Paul. Wait, the bullet says it. The camera zooms up so it's written on there, but it's written in a Russian accent or it's the bullet saying in a Russian accent. That should be the back or not. It should be the smile dog in the back. I was going to be funny if the whole time was a bullet capsule that had that. Your life was already over in Russian. The next scene showed George on a cliff from the same lake John committed suicide. He was about to commit suicide too. I thought he was going to jump off the cliff, but instead he pulled out a gun and shot himself. I'm surprised. It should not say the specific model of gun as he has done twice. Yeah, just say I like how the specific gun is extremely important. What's what what's funny about it is the way they ride it in 1911 and 1887 is the same way those guns are written in Call of Duty. Are they really? Yeah. No one says in 1911. They just say 1911 unless you play caught zombies where it says in 1911. It's military terms. You don't get it. I love black I love black love so much my dad's a truck driver. (laughs) - Feels pretty relevant. (laughs) - Yeah, I'm just saying. - He doesn't talk to me that much. - He does these on the road a lot. - He's not a lot. (laughs) - But said he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Very anti-climatic too. - Yeah. - Boring. - Boring, I'm bored. At the end of the scene, the camera zoomed into the gun, and the gun was the same one Paul used to commit suicide. And on the side it said, - It takes two balls to kill two beetles. - Excuse me a little bit. (laughs) - It sends chills down my spine. I mean, guns can't talk. (laughs) (laughs) - I mean, let's be real here. - I mean, think about it. - I'll put off the phone. - Guys can't talk. - Here's this fucking joke. - What the fuck? - Hitler, Satan. - I mean, you have a heart. - The yellow was in the vomit, all of a sudden, guts are speaking. - It's just like, the way it's free. - I'm fucking horrified, it says. - I mean, guns in, I mean, for fuck's sake, people. - I think it's free. - I'm bleeding with you. - Just take a second to think about this. This is creepy fucking stuff here. - I challenge you, think of one instance in your life. - I think of one time you've ever talked to a gun. - Not even. - I die, I throw it no time. (laughing) - The next scene showed Ringo in the hospital, dine of an unknown disease. It gives Ringo cancer. (laughing) A little kid being like, and Ringo has total aid cancer. (laughing) It is gun-toxed to him. I mean, think about that. - So now that he opened, he's like, I'm 14. I think he aged himself up. - Yeah. - The author's like 10 to 11. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It definitely feels like this is like a 12 year old. He's like, for sure. - To trust me, I'm 14. - Yeah. - So you can respect what I have to say. - My teacher said I'm at a 14 year old reading lab. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He took the picture of him and his fiance and the engagement ring he gave her. And then he died. Then the scene faded while the ending music played. After about a minute, another shot faded in. It appeared to be in a dark halt. Wait, didn't Ringo actually die of a disease? - No, Ringo's still alive. - Which one got stabbed in his house and then that had to be George then? - No, I think, one of them died of cancer. - George died of cancer. - Yeah. - And then John Lennon got shot. - Yeah, well, the whole thing was-- - And then Ringo and-- - The whole thing was George was like, he was doing okay. But then someone broke into his house and stabbed him one night in the lung. - Oh, maybe. - And it caused like super damaged lungs and then he died after. So they think maybe if that didn't have any benefit of recovering in the lung or whatever. So I thought for a second he was saying that like, and Ringo just died of cancer like in real life. - Yeah. - Then the scene faded while the ending music played. All he hear was screams, whistles, yelling and gunshots. I soon found out that the hall was in a prison. The scary part was that every time the lamp swings in the hall a black-coded figure appeared. - It wasn't long until I found out it was John with gray skin and red iris. For a brief second, I thought he resembled trademark webcomic character Carcat Vontus. - There's no way. Who trademark webcomic character? - I am immediately looking up who Carcat Vontus is by the way. - This is like in that one story where it's like, if you played Destiny, you would know. - Hold on. - Are you fucking kidding me? - This is what Carcat Vontus is a home-stuck character. - Carcat Vontus looks like this. No, no, you know home-stuck. - No. - That was a huge Tumblr series where it's like everyone wrote their own characters in OCs and like it was this big fan fiction where they talk to each other. That explains so much about what I'm reading right now. (laughing) - Carcat Vontus, huh? - Dude, straight up, straight up this be written by like a home-stuck person makes so much sense. And that's also the author's depiction of like the devil. Like that's what the grim reaper looks like, big and scary. He shouted. - I hope you enjoyed, enjoyed life because my life is over including my friends all because of me. John. (laughing) - All because of me. John linen of the Beatles and the infamous John linen of Beatles from Liverpool. (laughing) - Imagine. - Yeah, imagine all the carcass. (laughing) - Right behind him. - You know our, 'cause I know those seven sisters like our audience, there's some weird people out there. And I know a bunch of them were familiar with home-stuck when I said carcat Vontus, then that's it. - What? - It's gonna be like a sleeper cell. - Yeah, they're gonna try to fucking like kill somebody. (laughing) - That crime of gun. (laughing) - Sirge of the prime minister. - Sirge of women murderers across the United States. (laughing) - Click, click, click. (laughing) - Right behind him was a crowd of guards and prisoners. It seems that some of them had bullet holes in their heads and blood all over their bodies. In the crowd, I could make out several people in Grotesque Beatles cartoon designs. John F. Kennedy. Abraham Lincoln. An Archduke friends. (laughing) - Well, there really everyone who has been assassinated. - Archduke friends, for the end of Austria. - Literally everyone who has been shot. - Yeah, by the way. - What are the chances that Mark David Chapman comes up? - I, the guy that killed John Lennon. - What are the chances? - It has to, it has to, right? - It has to. - The really weird part was that the prisoner that was right next to John was marked. (laughing) (laughing) - Your insight is brain. - Oh, yes. I hit three for three on the stereo. - Is this one of your stories that you wrote when you were younger? - No, no. - Okay, 'cause that was a pull. - No. - That was a bear trap and a half for a while right now. - Well, I mean, it's everyone getting assassinated. And earlier when they were dying, I'm like, he's the guy that shot John. - Yeah, he has to be in here somewhere. - He has to, sure enough. - Oh man, the really weird part was the prisoner next to John was Mark David Chapman. It scared me how the guy who killed the actual John Lennon was right behind the evil cartoon John. For 30 seconds, Mark David Chapman and the crowd of prisoners and guards started walking straight like if they were walking towards me. The more they kept walking, the more blood they seemed to God on themselves. (laughing) - I'm a grammar slip, I just said. - Then the episode finally ended. I went backwards and kept rewinding the opening credits to believe how stupid I was to believe there could ever be a nice episode of the Beatles cartoon. It wasn't long until something caught my eye. I looked closely at the bottom of the word because, and I paused to see that the episode was actually called "The Beatles' cartoon because of John, they're dead." I was about to take the tape out until the VCR caught on fire. Oh! Imagine I immediately got my grieving mom and why was mom greet him? - Well, so I don't know if you remember earlier. He said like, "Yeah, I convinced my like disheveled mom." - Yeah, to give me the date. - So it's like, "Why is this woman so mentioned that like his dad just died?" - I don't know, I'd maybe. - I got my grieving mom in a fire extinguisher. We put out the fire and discovered that somehow the VCR was still okay because we put in more tapes in and they managed to work. But the only thing that was destroyed on the fire was the tape and it was the tape that started the fire. - Why did you need the VCR to work? - Why write that at all? - My disappointed mother and I went back to the collector. What's with his mom? - I know what this is going through, though. - It's a little hard. - Get this one as a happy "The Beatles for Love of God." - Maybe the author is just so used to disappointed mother, doesn't know how else to write her. - What is it, Bob? - You're gonna be disappointed. - Okay, I disappointed mother. And I went back to the collector's shop and brought the tape back. The counter worker for the store asked, "What happened to the tape?" - He was standing on fire when the tape ended. - He roughly grabbed the tape out of my little hands and finally chucked it in the trash bin. All I can say is, "Goodbye and see you later." later. This was golden. This was awesome. This had, this is exactly what I want, what I wanted from every episode. They made a graphic, they made a graphic for the episode, but the words of John, they're dead, are just as large as me cause in pie that he didn't even look at anything. Oh my gosh. I, I love the innocence of like, children riding. Yeah. Something they perceive to be super scary. There's something so oddly wholesome and funny about just like, it's every benchmark of like, what's evil? Yeah, Hitler, Satanist, assassination. It's all there. And then I even had the photorealistic eyes. I mean, come on. Come on. That's an all-timer. That has to be in the greats. That is in the greats. I don't know why I didn't hear about that one because that one doesn't get talked about in any regard compared to like Sonic. Do you think just oversaturation? Also, it's probably because it's the fucking Beatles. If this one came out in the 60s, maybe it would get some friends. Suicide was like the one that didn't like Mickey Mouse dot ABI because everyone was just the names. Yeah. You have all the classic. I know that character. I like it. Yeah. The Beatles cartoon. You think kids give a fuck about the Beatles in 2007. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I know that's where he came out like a month ago. Like, that would be awesome. The Beatles. Hitler. All right. We got one more up here 12 years ago. This is another old. This has to be a golden era classic. It is called does anyone know a good plumber? I did one. I did one of those stupid rituals and now my showers leaking and there's a faceless guy in my kitchen. The top I've never heard of this one before. Okay. I just want to say that is a that is a lengthy lengthy title. The top comment is cringe. I just want to repeat the name. Does anyone know a good plumber? I did one of those stupid rituals and now my shower is leaking. There's a faceless guy in my kitchen. Do you think that you're supposed to say that with like the gym helper? Like, yeah, absolutely. A hundred percent. Give us a read with that. Yeah. Hit us with the gym helper read. I did one of those stupid rituals and now my shower is leaking and there's a faceless guy in my kitchen. That's a supposed to be absolutely. All right. I screwed up one of those stupid ritual things that everyone's doing and now my shower is leaking and also there's some faceless guy in my kitchen. My landlord comes tomorrow and he's going to kill me, especially because I also have a cat and I'm not even supposed to have pets. And I'll start it when I was drunk messaging a girl on Tinder and she said that the only way we would meet up is if I did this weird ritual thing where I summon a ghost or some shit. I think she called it may a culpa or something. Actually, her exact message was this. Yeah, she was a weird chick. At least I think she was a girl. I couldn't really see her face. Her picture was just a black background with two shiny dots that kind of look like eyeballs. You could sort of see some features, but it looked like her face was gray and I couldn't really see her mouth, but she had really good skin. I was about to rally for a pizza face. I just want to say this deal of a millennial cringe lord trying to get some pussy is it took me already. This guy's kind of my hero right now. I honestly didn't really go for a face look like because she had clear clear skin and I kind of highlight that a lot. Yeah, do you relate to this millennial cringe lord trying to get laid? Is that you? That was kind of probably me back in the day. I'd assume so. One more of a boomer cringe lord. What generation are you? You're gen X. They're millennial. You're millennial. Are you? I'm the beginning of X. Now you have to be the end because like my mom's gen X. Yeah, how was your mom? 59. I'm 43. So you're not 43. I don't know what you are. But if you tell me a number, it's not that number. All right. So anyway, I weighed the pros and cons of spooky rituals versus trampoline booty as best I could on five shots of a throne. This guy. I mean, I'm an all star. So I weighed the pros and cons of spooky rituals versus trampoline booty. What is rampant as best as I could on five shots of a throne? Is this guy my fucking spirit animal? Did you write this? I'm kind of fucking what I did. What is trampoline? And then hit him with the hit him with the next line here. It was totally worth it. My boy was clapping. What is trampoline? Does that mean you can bounce on it? Is that? Yeah. Okay. I see. All right. I sent my cell phone to 326 a.m. But since my phone is a 2005 Motorola razor. Okay. I know. Can this can this guy is this might be the coolest fucking guy? He's rocking a 2005 Motorola razor and he's getting some pussy on the side. Are you giving me any like fucking five shots of a throne? This guy rules holy shit. That's awesome. I like how the story opens me like I can't just get me dog pissed with my friends. And now it's it's ending for you. Yeah. This is I'm so stoked. But since my phone's a no five Motorola razor that was dropped in the toilet several times, it went off at 4 a.m. Fuck. I decided to go through with the ritual anyway. I was also supposed to have a friend during this thing. But my bestie recently got incarcerated for selling heroin on the corner of Patterson Park in Eastern Avenue. Shout out to my main man, Roscoe. I'm not I'm not I'm not even joking. You had a buddy. No, no, this guy fucking rules. This guy like this. I would I would get fucked up with this guy so quick. The corner of Patterson Park in Eastern Avenue. I that is some real shit. That's sick. I'm glad this is such a it's awesome. The home run for you. I set up and turned off my alarm. But the moment I turned it off, I drunkenly passed out again. We'll go up 20 minutes later and actually got out of bed this time stumbling around the room and the dark because apparently you're not supposed to turn on the lights because if you do a ghost will pop out. Oh, I was supposed to find a. Oh, it sounds like he's playing a the midnight game or like something similar. Like you like the camera. Yeah. Yeah. Set the alarm for four. I was supposed to find a candle and light it. But my hangover just made me trip over one of the several candles I placed on my floor. Eventually I gave up and flipped the lights on grabbing a candle from my desk. Completely, completely disregarding what you said earlier in this paragraph. Like he's like, yeah, fuck it. It's the lights and grabs the candle. He saw some dude. Skyroll. This would be also getting getting drunk on Patron the night. You're trying to get some ghost pussy is insane. I feel like in an alternate world where we didn't do YouTube if we still met. Like I tried to convince you to do like some creepy ritual thing and this would be this would probably be it. Yeah. I squinted out my window to see that my ghetto Baltimore neighborhood looked like at 420 AM. The street was empty except for some rando wearing a black robe and a giant pointy black hat. He was staring up at me through the window. I couldn't really see his face. You know, Baltimore is gone to the dogs. First gang wars now an updated KKK for God's sake. Has gone to the fucking dogs. He's such a clutch line. He seems like the devil and like a clansman's robe and he's like, what would I think of next? God damn the birds have gone to the dogs. I let the candle and looked at my phone. I was supposed to knock on my bedroom door 66 times. The 66th knock timed on the 406. But since I had screwed everything up, I just did a shave and haircut knock and then walked into my hallway. What's a shave and a haircut. I bet you anything. There is that's not even a reference to anything. Yeah, that's why I call it. He was the old shape in the haircut so I was like, huh? He's like, anyways, my bedroom door is opposite the stairs. And looking down the dark stairwell was pretty spooky. I thought I saw something move on one of the lower steps. For the next step, I was supposed to close my eyes and walk forward while chanting "Mia culpa. Mia culpa. Mia culpa." Which is Italian for my culpa, which is probably some kind of shitty Italian car. Try to close my eyes and walk forward while talking about Italian cars, but my cat, fish sticks and under my feet and I ended up tripping over him and falling down the flight of stairs. He tripped over his cat whose name is fish sticks. He just rolled. Also to completely unfazed. He's like, I think I'll see something moving down there. Mia culpa. Mia culpa. He's falling. At some point, the stupid candle went out as I fliled the down the stairs, but I was too concussed to gear, I rolled up from the ground, groaning and decided that I would just continue to go through the motions, which meant hiding in a closet and waiting for the ghost to play hide and seek with me. I chose the kitchen pantry because I had some open potato chips in there, so I made my way back. As I stumbled, I heard several soft whispers behind me. I spun around hoping that I was right about fish chicks knowing how to talk, except for the figure standing in the door. I stopped, blanked and it was gone. I really needed to lay off the patron. As I honed in on the closet, the alcohol and concussion finally caught up with me and I stumbled to a stop, doubling over and vomiting watery patron all over the kitchen floor. My ass was landlord grass. The hellish combination of alcohol, concussion, post-bombing and a loominy-viction notice caused my emotions to go haywire and I unleashed a violent sob, mucus and tears riveting down my face. I heard a noise outside the kitchen. My eyes fell on the kitchen window and I spied that stupid gang member/KK dude in my backyard still staring at me. I must've looked like an idiot weeping in front of my kitchen pantry. To ashamed to confront him, I just crawled into the pantry and shut the door. It was so cold in there, it damn froze my man titties off. My air conditioner was probably broken. I definitely needed to call the landlord, but that would mean sedating fish chicks and stuffing him into suitcase under my bed. At this point I realized that I needed to re-valuate my life. Maybe I shouldn't drink as much, maybe I should get fish chicks to a good home. Maybe I should find women with intellect and poise. Maybe I should move out of my shit neighborhood where KKK people roam around for him. After going through an entire existential crisis in my pantry, I decided to say screw it and end the stupid ritual. That tender girl wasn't even that hot anyway. And besides, I still had like 70 more ritual things to complete, which included lighting 8 more candles, stabbing a Japanese doll, and spinning around in the circle while screaming. This was all supposed to culminate in me going to my basement, setting in front of a mirror and looking into the mirror, but not actually looking into it, which made absolutely no sense. That's a different one. I can't remember which one. She's just doing all the moments. As I got to open the pantry door, I heard a low moan coming from behind the door. I froze. I prayed to God it wasn't my land lord. Cracked open the door to see the gang member slash KKK guys standing in the kitchen staring at me. Well I got a good look at him. He definitely didn't have a face. Just checkless guys, no face, or sure. I guess getting your face taken away is part of a gang ritual now. He didn't react to my presence, he just stared. I didn't know how the hell to deal with gang members or faceless KKK members so I just stared back. We did this for about 5 minutes before I slowly inched out of the kitchen and back upstairs. He turned to watch me as I went, but didn't move. So after that I went up to my bathroom to take a shower and now my shower head is leaking, which I blame on the super ritual. So if you know any good plumbers in the Baltimore area, I would really appreciate it. That was a fun one to end on. The top comment that says cringe has no life. Doesn't know excellence when he sees it for like a comedy creepypasta thing. I'll take that any day of the week. They actually, so they posted a few, so the author's name of that last one was narrative of the life. And they post in our slash no sleep a lot. One of them's called does anyone know where to buy a mermaid for Apochino? So I imagine this is a recurring. Yeah, I like that. Like that. That's cool. Out of all these little classics, what a fun, what a fun day of reads, what a fun, it's really a fever dream. So like that last one was good. That last one was good, but the Beatles one. Yeah, yeah, that was, that was an earnest like that. I love a nice, youthful earnest, like try of trying to scare somebody is beautiful. Love it all time. Very good. Very good. Loved it. Definitely, the Beatles one was my favorite too. Guys, thank you so much for listening on audio platforms right now. Like Spotify, Apple Podcast. We appreciate you. Thank you for giving us a nice little rating there too. It does help us out. Thank you to all of our beautiful patrons and consider buying some merch or don't actually don't do it. The link's right there. Don't click it. I don't want you to. Don't do it. But until then, we will see you next time by merch if Hunter left me in the airport. [Music] [Music]