Smart women can’t afford to romanticize love

I don't think people understand how fucking hard it is to be a lover girl in this day and age in 2025. I know I was a lover girl when my phone passcode is gonna be the day we met. When your man hugs you a little too long and your eyes start to feel with tears. I also know I was a lover girl because every relationship that I've been in, which has not only been three, feels like the first time I've ever experienced love. He doesn't know it, but he's love and a girl who thought that she was unworthy. I've ever been loved. You're just like spinning in a valley of grass. Like literally like nothing else matters. Like, oh my god, I've never had love against my entire life. Until it goes bad, of course. Then it's like, uh. I don't want to be a lover girl anymore. I'm crying over a boy again. You cannot make a man wait for marriage if you're not a virgin. You have to look at them like make-a-wish kids. Okay? Literally five years old, capable of fucking nothing. Guys keep hurting me. Because they don't know anything and they're running off emotional impulse. Uh, my heart's just beating up right now. You cannot make a man wait if you already been touched. You've already been tainted. I am a lover girl and I'm my, honestly, I'm not fighting it. (Music) To be a lover girl, um. Just means that you have a disease. (Laughter) (Music) She's definitely right. Hello, baddies and welcome to another episode. You are listening to one of the fastest growing and most sure podcasts on Spotify in 2025. When I tell you, I'm here to eat up the podcast game like it's no one's business. Like, someone give me dinner mint after this, please. The last year was like my warm-up. That was my mixtape, okay? We are now entering into my first studio album. Anyway, all I have to say, thank you all so much for tuning in every week and making this one of the fastest growing podcasts out there. And I'm just so excited for what we're going to be achieving together in 2026. Now, as you know from the title today's episode is about why we need to stop romanticizing love and why romantic love is a myth to begin with. And I timed this to be dropping around Valentine's Day because you baddies voted on this topic in my Instagram story and I'm like, okay, this has to be the Valentine's Day episode. Alright, let's get into it and super quick before we do. If you want to support this show in any way, you can do it for free by giving a five-star rating on Spotify or Apple. I see you girls on Apple. You baddies are not rating the podcast. Or if you've read my book, you can rate that five stars as well on Amazon. And if you want to support with your wallet, you can go over to my Patreon. I post bonus episodes and I post my regularly scheduled episodes early and add free. And I also have a book that I won't stop talking about, which is on Amazon. Or you can get it directly from me. I sign all the paperbacks that I send out. So you're going to get a little note from me. And I also have digital copies available as well outside of Amazon. Everything is in the show notes. Alright, so love because I am insane. While I was writing this episode, I got a crazy idea in my head. I was like, you know what? Love is a marketing strategy. And what better way to show that than to map out romantic love to the marketing strategy funnel? If you're not familiar with marketing, the marketing funnel is essentially how you turn a regular old consumer into a loyal customer. And there's a few different versions of this funnel. I'm using a more condensed version, which has four steps at the top of the funnel is awareness, then consideration, then conversion, and then loyalty. So we're going to map out romantic love along that funnel. See this one of the best bitch doing it. So the first part of the funnel awareness, this one's pretty self explanatory. From the time we are little girls, we consume movies and books and all sorts of media about romantic love and how we're going to grow up one day and get married and have a husband and live happily ever after. So the awareness part is pretty straightforward and universal. The consideration part is where things start to get a little hairy. We can start to find few dingleberries in there. So in the marketing funnel, consideration means engaging with people who are interested to get them to buy in romantic love is a recruitment tactic into the patriarchy. It is a way that men market themselves to women because girls have already been raised with that awareness with the romanticization of love and marriage and so much of the media we consume is about that. Like think of all the chick flicks, the princess movies, except for Bella Bella's about you. But this all romanticizes love and marriage. So men have caught on to this and they use love, romantic love as a way to market themselves to women by saying, hey, I'm going to give you that romantic love that you desperately crave. I'm going to give you that romantic love that you need to be complete. It's a spell cast by men who normally don't have anything else to offer. Like if you're offering me love, that means you're not coming with materials. That means you're not coming with a bag that's like you don't have anything else to offer but your love. Think about that. A man of means, a man who actually has something to offer you will not base his whole courtship on love. I'm sorry, go look at a nature, go look at the male animals, look at male peacocks, male cardinals, male lions. These guys are out there, hooring themselves out with colors and mains and all sorts of things to be flashy to show the females. Hey, I have something to offer. I'm healthy enough to be this beautiful color for peacock. And if I'm healthy, then I'm going to be fertile and I'm going to be able to produce good offspring with you and not have some rotten biohazardist DNA going back to humans, the worst animals who have ever existed. Romantic love is a way that men market themselves to women. Okay, especially those men who have nothing to offer. These men, I heard someone call them the unpaid interns of the patriarchy and I love that because they truly have nothing to offer. And instead of them focusing on themselves and being like, okay, well, I'm an unpaid intern. Let me go and find a full-time job and get a salary. They're like, no, no, no, you should love me as an unpaid intern. Okay, you are shallow if you don't love me as an unpaid intern. So romantic love is a spell cast by men to cope with their own powerlessness in the patriarchy, like being broke or unattractive or young and unestablished. And it's a way for them to sell this attractive myth to women. And proceeding that marketing is the propaganda that we are empty without romance. We need to find our soulmate or our other half or our one true love. And nonsense like this, it's like, it's as if we are in a video game and we're on a quest to find love. And the game won't end until we find love. That's how it's framed. So of course, when you think you're in this video game to use that analogy, you think you're in this video game where you don't win and you don't finish the level until you find a romantic love. Then what happens is when that unpaid intern comes up to you and wants to court you in the name of love rather than in the name of literally anything else you can offer. Then you're like, oh, okay, great. This is, you know, this is not an NPC in the game. This is Mario coming to save Peach from Bowser and, you know, I got to give into this because now I'm going to go and complete my quest. No, look, are you stupid? Are you dumb? Maybe we were before, but now you're listening to this and you are understanding. So we can't live with this propaganda anymore because when the revolution comes, you're going to know that all of this was a marketing tactic to get you to open your legs and open your heart. All of this needs mental poverty to be able to function and to sell you that myth. Because mental poverty is means being in a state of constantly focusing on what you don't have. And when we artificially think we need a romantic love and we don't have that, then we're going to have a romantic love. And we're in the state of mental poverty where we keep thinking to ourselves, oh well, one day I'm going to find the right partner. One day I'm going to find my soulmate. One day I'm going to have, find my other half and I'm going to be complete. And so that takes that awareness phase of the marketing funnel and propels it into the consideration phase because you think that you need what is being sold to you. It's like getting the soil ready to plant the seed. So a lover girl, not only does she have a disease, but she's also in mental poverty because she's always focused on when I'm going to find my man, when I'm going to find my prince charming. Oh, I want to write handwritten notes for them and I want to change my phone passcode and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, it's like you're sitting there waiting. You're waiting duck. What is that? What it is? Are sitting duck? You were literally sitting there. Patiently waiting for this guy to show up and that's called being desperate. But the thing is we also can't 100% blame the lover girls and blame people for falling in love and loving love because that propaganda of romantic love takes advantage of one of the most vulnerable brain states that we can ever be in. Neurologically and biologically, when you fall in love and we can call this process whatever you want, falling in love is the term we've given to a biological process that's happening in your brain that's trying to get you to reproduce. Literally your brain saying, oh, this is a good mate. Go and sit on the dick. So we can call it, let's just call it falling in a swamp. Okay? Because language shapes the way we see things. So when you fall in the swamp, the critical thinking pathways of your brain shut down. I did a whole episode on the neurological and biological process of falling in love. It's called, it's falling in love, a patriarchal trap. I'll recap what I said in that episode here, but I'm not going to go into too much detail. Falling in a swamp is truly one of the most irrational brain states that we can be in. Because not only are those critical thinking pathways shut down, but being in that state also activates the same brain circuits as thirst, hunger, mania, and intoxication. The early stages of that falling in swamp phase are similar to what your brain looks like, when you take coke and fenamines or opiates like heroin. So are you expected, if you go and shoot up, okay, if you go snort a line of coke, are you expected to make decisions that are going to impact the rest of your life while you're in that state? No. So why are you expected to make decisions about your future when you're in the state of infatuation? It's because we've called it falling in love. We've given that biological process a meaning and attached expectations to it and norms and institutions like marriage and also expectations around gender. And we've also framed it as a step towards an accomplishment. Because once you fall in that swamp, you're one step closer to getting married, which is an accomplishment, especially if you're a woman. So all of this marketing is trying to get you into that state of being an actual idiot where your critical thinking pathways are shut down so that you are not in a sound state of mind to make the proper decisions. And when you're stupid like that, then you're more likely to make stupid decisions, decisions that don't benefit you because when you're in that falling in swamp phase, you're more likely to consider the needs of your partner because you're literally addicted to them and to their presence that your whole focus is to make sure that they are happy and they stay in your life. So someone who is diseased like a lover girl is, I understand why people say they love love because being in that phase is you are literally high, right? So of course, anyone would love that phase. But let's call it what it is. It's stupidity. It's you're actually not in the right state of mind. In the same way that you shouldn't be driving a car when you're drunk, you should be making decisions when you're falling in swamp. Okay? So that is the consideration phase of this marketing funnel called love. Now the cherry on top is that patriarchy has conditioned women to love men, their partners in the same way that they would love a child. Now we have to take care of them and nurture them and take on the responsibility of having them as a dependent in our lives. And that's a control tactic tied to guilt. And I'm going to read a passage from how to hack the patriarchy, my book that encompasses this really, really well. And this is a quote that a lot of you have quoted back to me because you've loved it so much. So this is in hack seven, remove guilt from your emotions. All right. Here it goes. Another reason you might feel guilt, you thought I was going to start with nonsense, didn't you? All right. Now after we start, another reason you might feel guilt, especially in romantic or social settings, is because you've assumed the mother role, skipping forward a little bit, rack and make the deep stand up. If you, there's an nonsense. If you play a mother role for your partner, of course you'll feel guilty when you try to set boundaries or even leave him or her. It'll feel like you're abandoning a child. So patriarchy has conditioned woman to think that loving a man is the same as loving a child and it means taking care of him in sickness and in health and what was that stupid line poverty and in wealth or something like that? Like it's throughout, it has to be unconditional, unconditional love. When in reality, unconditional love is reserved for your child and your pet. Like I would literally, if my cat said to go jump off a cliff, I'd be like, which one? Which one? So that's how women have been conditioned to view romantic love and their role in it. And the whole point of that is to seal the deal with marriage, which is an institution that was invented to make women the property of men. Now marriage is the loyalty part of the funnel, which we'll get to. That's the last part. Before we talk about that, we need to discuss the conversion phase of the funnel, which is the phase that tries to get you to convert to buy in. And a lot of what I'm about to discuss right now is going to sound annoyingly familiar because it's things that we've all been through as women. All right, so we've made it to the conversion part of the marketing funnel. To recap, there are four parts, awareness, consideration, conversion and loyalty. At the conversion stage, this is where we're trying to seal the deal. Well, not we. The marketer is trying to seal the deal. And what the marketer, Mr. marketer likes to do is what I call the bait and switch method. Because in the consideration phase, it's all sunshine and rainbows. It's this love, beautiful love. It's so nice. And you're in that infatuation state. You just fall it into a swamp. It's amazing. It's wonderful. So you're about to buy in. Now what happens right when you buy in is that bait and switch because you've been baited with the love. And now Mr. Love is going to switch up on you. Men are driven by a goal. Men do not go into relationships blindly with the pursuit of love. A very, very small minority of them do. I've seen this for myself. This is the type of men I like to surround myself with because they are more sensitive, emotionally intelligent and just kind nice people to be around. But the majority of men, like 99% of them are driven by a concrete goal of what can I get out of this woman? What can I get out of this relationship? The problem here isn't that the men are driven by the goal. The problem is that women are normally driven by expectations. I'll repeat that. In relationships, men are driven by a goal. But women who want romantic love are driven by an expectation. And the person who's driven by the goal is going to be the one who sets the terms. Normally endating the goal is the kuchimiamiyao. And once men get that goal, they hit you with the bait and switch. They might ghost you. They might treat you badly. They might be a little bit cold. However, they switch up. You're going to see a switch, especially if you put out too early, which I always say, girl, keep that chastity belt on for as long as you possibly can't. Now if the guy's goal is to get the huchikuji and then to have a relationship again on his terms, then great. His first goal has been met. He's on to the second goal. And the thing is, with the way that we've been socialized, men benefit from relationships more than women do. There's been research to show this that the happiest subset of the population tend to be married men and unmarried women. Because when men get into a relationship and they get a wife, they get what I call the triple H, not to be confused with the wrestler triple H. They get a housekeeper, hooker, and help. They have someone to keep house for them. They have someone to satisfy their needs and they have someone to help them with their lives, whether it is having kids so they can have a family and the guy can go off and pursue his career or she can help him level up in his life so he can eventually divorce her and leave. And if there's one thing that they have, it is audacity. It is audacity. So even if you are out of their league, you're above their level mentally, financially, whatever it may be, they might still try to go after you, low key resent you, and then try to push you down to be on their level. So don't underestimate a man with a goal. A lot of these guys, they want women for emotional and sexual labor, especially if you're on a dating app, dating apps are just glorified casual sex work. That's what they've become. So men will love bomb you and act like Prince Charming, take you off her drinks, which is just one step ahead of getting coffee, but really like it's still ghetto. They'll spend 20, 30 bucks on you and then expect you to give them the kuchimiamiya. I'm sorry, an escort is making more than 30 dollars sleeping with a guy. And if you sleep with the guys on dating apps, you sleep with them too early, you've given into that goal. And because guys are just primitive animals who like to have a chase and a challenge, you've given them nothing to work for and you've basically said, Hey, here you want pussy? Here you go. Here's pussy on a platter for you. Meow. And they're like, Oh, it was that easy. Well, damn, what now? So don't forget men are driven by a goal. They are still going to try to put that best foot forward and bait you into that situation that they want you to be in before they switch up and they switch up after they've gotten what they want. And it's too late for you. And they want to get you in that phase where you're not thinking clearly because women tend to have clarity before sex, before getting involved with someone, whereas men have clarity after, especially post not clarity. You know, they're able to think a little bit clearly and that's not saying much after they've gotten what they want. And they can evaluate and think about whether they want to continue pursuing that or it's onto the next. So while you're out here as a lover girl being driven by your expectations, Oh, I'm going to find Prince charming one day. I want to find a nice husband one day. I want to build a life with my husband one day and you're thinking of all this baloney, these stupid expectations that are probably not going to materialize. There's a smarter woman out there being driven by a goal saying, you know what? I want to have a career. I want to have a successful business, but I don't want all the pressure of making sure it performs 100% all the time because that's a lot of stress to be under. So if I marry a guy who's rich enough that I don't have to worry about that financial stress, then I can focus on building my business more creatively. And I don't have that pressure and I can have more leeway. One idea or if someone wants to take the more conventional route, Oh, I've always wanted to be a mom and I'd rather stay at home than go to work. Great. Find a guy who can do that for you because when you're driven by an expectation, you are going to get crushed and disappointed every single time because you put the power in the other person to deliver that expectation to you. When you're driven by a goal, you are the one who's steering the ship. You find those opportunities. You find the avenues that you can take to get to your goal. When you're driven by an expectation, you're at the mercy of other people. Does that make sense, class? Is everything any any questions? No good because I'm speaking facts. Okay. So back to that bait and switch model. When you're buying in to the romantic love and the man hits you with the bait and switch, it's because you've given in to the propaganda. You've given into the myth that he sold you. You've been convinced that he has something to offer you, which is love. And we're told that, Oh, love conquers all what in reality, most women let themselves get conquered by love. And that takes us to the loyalty stage of marketing, which is marriage. Marriage is how we seal the deal on love. And in case you didn't know, marriage is a man made, heavy on the man, a man made institution. To put things into perspective for you, humans have been around for about 300,000 years. Patriarchy has been around for about 10,000 years. And marriage has been around for about 4,000 years. And like I said before, patriarchy is not the natural order of things. It came about around the neolithic revolution when agriculture and permanent settlements became a thing and men wanted control over their bloodline. I did a whole episode on how patriarchy started. It's called how patriarchy started. And I go into a lot more detail about it because it's a little bit more complicated than that. But essentially patriarchy originated as the organization of servitude and marriage originated as a patriarchal institution to pass ownership of women from their fathers to their husbands. So men could keep track of their legitimate offspring and be able to pass property and wealth onto them. Because if you're faced with two options, don't stick your do it into anything that breathes versus control women and not change any of your behavior, which one are you going to go with? Simple, right? So marriage was never about love. It was about slavery. It was about property. Marriage as an institution has changed drastically over the 4,000 years that it's been around. Now it's framed as the end goal of a relationship. It's what romance culminates in. But marriages weren't about romance up until very recently, up until about, I would say, the 19th century with the emergence of love letters because people were becoming more literate and courtship. And when women got the right to vote in the 20th century, because marriage was a partnership between two full citizens, but marital rape laws and laws allowing women to open a bank account without their husband's signatures, all of these things started to happen later on in the 20th century. So just because women got the right to vote didn't mean that they, it was all fine and healthy. But there was a sense of autonomy and personal freedom that came with marrying for love rather than marrying because your family arranged that marriage or built an alliance with another family so that you can, they can control where their wealth goes, for example. So of course, if you're able to marry on your own terms, that's a personal choice. You have freedom, but choice doesn't always mean freedom. If you have a choice within a system that was meant to subjugate you, that doesn't necessarily mean you have freedom, that just gives you the illusion of freedom. Because while Gertrude who now has the right to vote and open a bank account can go and marry Elliot for love, she's still signing a contract to enter into a relationship where she's going to be the triple H, the Housekeeper Hooker help. So marriage as an institution is still based on the subjugation of women. And marriage is the most enduring form of slavery because like I said, patriarchy has conditioned women to love their male partners in the same way that they would love their child. Now this show is about taking advantage of the institutions that are meant to control us and rewriting the rules on our own terms. That's why it's one of the fastest growing podcasts on Spotify because people want to know, the girl is want to know how to reclaim the narrative. So let's talk about that. If you are treating love as a feeling rather than as a strategy, if you are pervading around as a lover girl, then you're essentially telling everybody that you've bought into the marketing tactic that the unpaid interns of the patriarchy are using. And who do you think you're going to attract? You're going to attract the unpaid intern. So if you are a lover girl, you need to focus on healing your disease and keeping your mouth shut. Do not tell many are lover girl, don't go around. I'm such a lover girl. I love love because that is literally an invitation for them to take advantage of you. Because they already know you're going to be driven by expectations. so they can set the turn. on you know, whatever they want because they're the ones driven by the goal. So in this case, you have to start thinking like a man. You have to be goal-oriented because a lot of guys end up getting what they want. If you think about it, it's usually like the one of the girls who was crying in the opening clip of this episode, that was a whole three and a half minute tick talk about how this woman was hit with the bait and switch because a guy loved bombed her and then disappeared. It's usually the woman who get hurt, not saying that woman can't hurt men, but women are better manipulators and they're better liars, especially when they're driven by a goal. But men, their toolbook is like two pages long. Actually that's generous. Their toolbook is one page and half the page has text on it. It's always the same tricks. So if you keep falling for the same tricks from men, the love bombing, the bait and switch, the Prince Charming Act, then you're probably desperate. So heal your lover girl disease and the way you do that is number one through information, which I just gave you so much of, and number two through goals. The relationship shouldn't be the goal. It should fit into your goal. And you need to think about what kind of life you want to live and how that relationship fits into that. That's what separates the bad bitches from the bomb bitches from Vick novella because you get hurt and you end up in a cycle of thinking, oh, it must be me. It must be me. The world is out to get me. And then you end up like Vick novella. So your relationships, if you even choose to have a romantic relationship, should be on the terms that are favorable to you, but you have to be emotionally detached. I have a whole episode about this. Girlie, love power number six to be successful at anything. You must be emotionally detached. It's also haxics in my book. I've also revamped that a little bit. It's really good. But you need to be emotionally detached and you need to think about your goal. Just like in the olden days, how marriage was an alliance, you can still use it as an alliance for terms that are favorable to you. Because at the end of the day, marriage is the biggest financial decision and probably one of the biggest emotional decisions of your entire life. But in order to make the right decision, you need to stop romanticizing love. First of all, falling is embarrassing. Why would you want to fall in love? Okay, you can grow in love. You can grow in love. Falling means that something happened by accident and you weren't in control to begin with. And your love stems from your self love because you cannot love somebody more than you love yourself. And if you don't love yourself, then you are incapable of loving anybody else. Everything else is a reflection of the love that you have for yourself. So experience men the way you want, not the way society tells you. I saw a TikTok of somebody saying that women should have a lover because the guy should love you and want you more than you want him. And I love that because sure, go and go and find a lover. It's up to you. So experience men the way you want is because we're programmed to pair bond by falling in love. Doesn't mean we have to do that because we have critical thought and we're not in survival mode. Animals are out in the wild trying to reproduce and propagate their genes because they're in survival mode. And that's what they're doing only what they're programmed to do. But when you're not in survival mode and you can be in a creative mode, you can be in a thriving mode, then you no longer have to do what you're just programmed to do. You can do things that you want to do on that note. I'm going to end the episode here. Thank you all so much for coming out tonight. And if you love the podcast, make sure to rate at five stars. And if you want to get a copy of my book directly from me or on Amazon, the link is in the show notes. All right. In the meantime, cure yourself over your lover girl disease. And don't forget that you're at the baddest bitch in any building that you subfoot in. All right. Until next time, stay bad. Love you. Bye. All right. I'm going to shout out all the baddies who are supporting on Patreon. Shout out to Kate Denny Adriana, Mina, Gemma, Priya, Shera, Katya, Melissa, Mei, Naomi, Nidu, Far Adelaide, Nadia, Faith, Amy, Melinda, Sophia M Sophia, K, Jada, Rosal, Amara, and Kat. Thank you all so much for your support. When you really like a guy, that's when you shouldn't even talk to him because you're going to be stupid.