Sketch Opens Up About Fame, Addiction, and God (EP 194)

I'll bury myself with drugs, alcohol, traveling, eating. I just felt dirty. I've done it all. I've seen it all. I've met everybody. You feel empty. I wasn't happy. I mean, this is a lot of people's dreams. You'd be surprised how, like, unhappy you can be with, like, when your dreams come true if they're not, like, tied to a godly purpose. Like, I'd find myself not praying because I'm, like, almost, like, scared. Because it's, like, you feel dirty. Yeah. So I don't want to talk to anyone. Yeah. Or him. Are you afraid he's going to get mad at you? Yeah, like, I was given something and then probably misused it. Dude, God's not mad at you when you choose those things over him. It just breaks his heart. He's like, oh, I wish you could, you know you could find it in me instead. I turn away from God because I feel, like, an hypocrite, like, unworthy. You said that, you know, if any of that ever came out publicly, that option A would be to call it quits and take your life. Did you wrestle with that? What was that like? Something on my heart told me to just go, like, to go live and just go with it. I just left the camera dark, so, like, for three minutes, just so I can, like, pace around and let people get in so I could just be, they could just hear the whole story at once. I looked at the number, I was like, 100,000 people. I don't have anything written down, so I just confessed in my own way. It ripped the shame away. You don't have to be clean to come to God. Hey, before we get into today's episode, I want to share two quick things with you. First, if these videos have meant anything to you, if they've encouraged your faith or helped you see the gospel a little bit more clearly, I want to know what you think. I want to know what you think. And secondly, I just want to ask you to subscribe. A lot of people tune in every single week and haven't hit the button yet. It only takes two seconds, and it helps us keep putting these conversations in front of people who need them. And the second thing, this one I've honestly been really excited to say, I'm officially announcing our ministry's biggest live event to date, Open Heaven Live Podcast Tour. It's happening November 8th this year at the Pavilion at Toyota Music Factory in Irving, Texas. This is going to be a night centered around worship, faith, real conversations, and genuine community. I believe God is going to move in a powerful way, and I would love for you to be in the room. Tickets are on sale right now. You can head to BryceCrawford.org slash tour, or just click the link in the description below. And please, only get your tickets through my official site or that link below. I recommend not buying from random resellers online. I believe this is going to be a really special night, and I hope to see you there. All right, let's get into the episode. What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Bryce Crawford Podcast. I'm Bryce, and today we're with Sketch. Yes, sir. Come on. Thank you for having me. Dude, thanks for coming on, bro. Yeah, it's been a long time coming. I'm sorry for not answering your text, as often. Dude, it's all good. It happens. But that's how I am with everyone. Bro, I'm the same way. I do a way better job of keeping in touch with people in person, you know, than texting. I think I've got, like, over. I get intimidated by texts, you know? I've gotten into, like, a bad spot of not texting anyone. I got, like, into, like, a scuff with my family recently. Not, like, a bad one, but, like, more like they wanted to hear from me more often or get, like, me to respond to them. And I was like. I don't know. Part of me, like, comes. Like, it comes from, like, a point of, like. I'll go with, like, benders. Yeah. And then I just won't want to, like, reach out to anyone. Yeah. Because I don't want anyone to know, like, anything's off. Yeah. Oh, you think that if you reach out to people, people are going to think something's wrong? No, if I, like, respond or something like that. Oh. Oh, like. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I wasn't. I wasn't at all upset, like, upset or offended. I do the same thing. No, yeah, I just figured it was. It's been one of my harder things, is, like, communication. Yeah. Because, like, I'll get to, like, spots where, like, I'll kind of, like, bury myself with, like, just drugs, alcohol. Yeah. Traveling. Eating, like, gluttony type stuff. Yeah. So, like, sometimes you can notice, like, my weight changes. Like, this. And my, like, that's when you can know if I'm doing okay or from, like, going through it. Yeah. How have you been feeling lately? Um, all right. Yeah. Kind of on a bender. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know why I cry and fuck yes all the time. Dude, you're okay. But, um, I don't know. I'm just trying to find. Um, purpose, I guess. Yeah. And it's kind of hard to find it. Um, especially when you're on a bender. Yeah. Because I was thinking about it on the way here. Like, I just felt dirty. Mm-hmm. And then wearing, like, a diamond cross chain. Like, doesn't. It kind of, like, um. I don't know. I was talking about, like, um. My family and friends and, like, they would tell me, like, yeah, you probably shouldn't wear your chains. And I was like, yeah, but, like, at the same time, I should do what, like, I've been doing so I can, like, be more representative of, like. Because I didn't want to come in here dressed like a monk and then act like I was a monk. I'd rather say what's been going on. Yeah. And then. Because with the streaming stuff, like, everything happened so fast. Yeah. And I didn't know what I wanted to do. Yeah. It just kind of turned into, like, a dream job. Yeah. Because I've been, like, I've done it all. I've seen it all. I've met everybody. And kind of, like, I don't know. I remember a time when my dad told me when I was a kid, he's like, our pastor said, like, to him that the most people, like, go. Or, like, a lot of people, like, go to him are, like, very successful people because, like, they've seen everything. They can. They have access to everything. And then. There's just no. You feel empty, kind of. Yeah. And that's kind of how I feel a little bit. Yeah. How long have you been feeling like that? Like, a couple years. Yeah. I just go in and out of, like, kind of, like, feeling good and bad. Yeah. And that's why I look up to, like, people like you. Like, Theo Vaughn's, like, one of the people I really look up to. Yeah. Well, bro, I mean, I appreciate you saying all that. I mean, before we get into all that, and I know people know you for the streams and the catchphrases and the glasses and all that other stuff. I mean, who do you believe you are right now? Who is sketching? Well, I go in and out of being sketching myself because, like, I don't know. I just don't want to be. I've always been, like, up and down my whole life. So, like. I try to just show, like, one side. I don't know. When I started streaming, I was, like, what I want to do. And I was, like. I never want to talk about politics or I never want to talk about, like. You know, like. I just. I wanted to keep everything fun and just make people be happy. So I just want to show my happy side. Are you afraid that people aren't going to like. Almost, like, are you afraid people aren't going to like you? Like, quote-unquote, like what they see? If they see every part of you? Well, I just don't want to go live and be on a bender. Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, I don't know what to compare. Like, I'm trying to think, like. Like, just the drinking, the drugs, the. You know, I smoke a lot of weed and stuff like that. Yeah. I did a month sober, and that was awesome. And then. But I leaned on alcohol on it. So that was, like, not. Like, I did clear of weed. Yeah. And that was, like, the first time I did it since I was, like, 17 or something. It could be, like, 10 years. Wow. So, like, I've been living, like, kind of in a fog. Wow. But as far as, like, who I am or, like, what my purpose is, I guess. I don't know. I guess testimony is, like, probably what I think it is. But. Yeah. I had a conversation with one of the band members from Red Clay Strays, and he was, like, asking me, like, what, like, what we. what I thought my purpose was. And I was, like, kind of. I told him it was testimony, I think. And that's kind of. I don't know. Like, sometimes I feel the need to be, like, perfect or something. Yeah. So that's why, like, I won't reach out or text back. I kind of keep things away. So, like, I can only show the good side. Oh, bro, thanks for saying that. Dude, I mean, I. You know, it's interesting because a lot of people who really have a hard time and struggle the most are oftentimes people that are the funniest, the loudest, the most excited, you know. Yeah. The happiest. And I had awful depression and anxiety in high school and stuff. But I was like, I was a big people pleaser. I did multiple sports. Like, I was quote-unquote friends with everyone. And when I look back at some pictures of me, you know, at a football game or doing a sport or, you know, hanging out with friends, it's like you couldn't even tell that something was going on. And maybe you feel the same way. It's like you feel like people can't tell or whatever it may be. Or, like, a lot of it's, like, trying to hide it. Like, some of it's, like, shame. It's almost like, you know, the devil. The devil, that's where I feel like he gets me the most yeah is like with anxiety or stuff like that like i was anxious coming here but um i feel comfortable like being vulnerable yeah but like that's why i don't like stream that often like i don't really um stream because i when i'm trying to when i'm doing that i'm only trying to like make people happy and like sometimes it's hard to make people happy when you can't smile yourself yeah yeah yeah i totally understand that yeah so is that a big reason why you were telling me earlier you were trying to stay like move more off live and do more um yeah i just feel more comfortable like in a in settings that like i can control and then um like you i feel like in a certain way like when you go live like you have to be able to pivot out of it like some streamers like either love it or like you like it and if you don't love it like you're just chasing numbers yeah and that's kind of what i've been doing was like or what happened because it started streaming three four years ago and then like you know i got the car like got a lamborghini got a got a chain got a watch like all the things like because that's the other thing is like i'll drown myself on like the worldly things and then you find yourself empty but i've kind of like been more scared to go to like i haven't been to church in a long time you said you were scared to go to church just because you feel the shame is because you feel the shame and stuff yeah probably the shame but also i moved and didn't have like a place where i was familiar with yeah yeah what is your uh community in the church and stuff look like where you live right now like do you have a lot of friends and um it's pretty nice like i live in austin um i mostly stay home to be honest and then when i move around like i have a lot of friends but like i don't hang out with a lot of people yeah and you and you went to uh you went to private christian school growing up is that right yeah i went to a christian school and then i also went to public school okay the private school was like um probably 50 people in the class and then uh-huh and then i went to a private school and then i also went to a public school the public school was like 1200 so i saw both sides of high school yeah yeah i went to a private christian school and i think we had like 80 in my grade or something like that really yeah dude it was like 80 in our grade and then i liked it a lot because some people like complain about like um from my hometown like both schools complain about it but i was like i kind of appreciated both experiences like i would get in trouble at the private school for i got we got in it was because um me and my friend got a minor consumption charge at like what at what age at i was probably uh 16 and i always hung out with like older older guys at the um football team because the other football team i was like when i was on the yeah private school was easy to play varsity when you had to get the whole team or the whole school to play like dude that's so true we had like everybody on the football team at our school i know it was like half of you almost i played d-line you played d-line yeah yeah you definitely went to a private school yeah dude i was like a big string bean i was like freshman 14 and weighed like 115 pounds they had me at slant tackle and i'm next to like six four 280 oh really yeah yeah that's insane that's funny but that's that's exactly how like a private school is go but i i gained a lot of perspective from it and then like i got like some signs from there um a lot of good mentors and stuff like that but then you kind of like phase phase out of it and what made you start streaming in the first place i was bored and like i was doing real estate real estate when like 2020 um yeah when everyone's in their house yeah well like um what i first did was i was doing um i would just post clips and i was i used to like follow war gonzos and like um i did clips like of like troop movements like of russia and ukraine before it happened and then once that war um happened like the clips like blew up because like they actually invaded um like ukraine so you were just making those off of a game and then it well i was just making those off of like i'll take them from twitter and i just upload them on tiktok and then oh okay okay i see what you're saying me on the to the follower amount like it was like 6 000 or something like that yeah and then what i did was i started uh i started live recording um like ufc fights and then um i'd get like a lot of viewers and then i get banned i get a lot of viewers and i get banned and eventually i just was like i'm gonna try it one time like myself and i i did it went live and like because the algorithm was like hot of like like getting a lot of people from the ufc fights sorry dana white um uh yeah like i like i went live at a tiger woods course and i was like playing golf at tiger woods thing and like i got a thousand people like immediately i was like oh i don't know what to do and they all left because i wasn't i wasn't doing anything so then i found out like it was just like that's where like i i knew i had to be like hot once i was like yeah like that's kind of where my energy came from in the beginning and then like kind of got tired of it yeah and then the madden videos are kind of what really blew up yeah it was playing madden and i did better when i played with other friends of mine like vontaze perfect he was awesome play with zach lewis um those are people that um really like that's when i kind of like took off and i didn't realize how big it was or like it was hard to like understand how big it was i was like yeah like you know i'd see like a dortmund player like doing what's up brother like yeah i think bryce harper did it like like like a bunch of like really big athletes like yeah and like we're doing the what's up brother thing and i just did that and that was just from like a bong rip that was like i ripped a bong and i was late for a jinxy stream and he was like where are you then he showed it and i was like what's up brother that's now i do it all the time so and that's i mean what was that like the process going from state sales to nfl players doing your celebration it was hard to like conceive but it was it was like it was really fun and then like uh i'm trying to think of like like how to explain the process like to me it was like all blurred and i was just living all all in the moment yeah is that like i would i would just never never thought any much of anything didn't really process it too hard they were just like yeah oh i see what you're saying yeah wow and part of it was like um when phase was a thing banks let me stay at his house and that's kind of like what helped me too because i was like always out here in la and like you'd be like go to the house and like go go stream like you'd like you'd make me work pretty much no like work for him but like work like he would make you go stream like you'd make me do like work harder yeah so i was like like that that helped a lot but it's cool to have a have a friend like that in your corner that can always sharpen you in that way you talked about on theo von's podcast you prayed a prayer that you wanted to be happy and travel more and you said god answered that yeah you were in a season of depression you said yeah yeah and that that was kind of um i don't know why i was necessarily depressed but like it was just kind of like um yeah like well i'd wake up i'd rip rip two hours later i'd rip a bong then i'd rip a bong i was so i was just like like just i was like just living like a life of being high like in my room and i and i and i didn't i wasn't happy yeah and then once everything else happened then i got to where i am today and it's like the unfulfulness or unhappiness is more of like no i went and did all that like what what's the real purpose i'm still trying to find that out but hey guys quick break let me tell you about today's sponsor upside gas groceries and dining these three things we all know add up fast even on the tightest budget there's no escaping them but here's what you can control getting cash back when you fill up hit the grocery store or go out to eat with the free upside app here's how it works you open the app claim an offer pay with your card like normal and then you get paid it's as simple as that and yes it's cash back not points you'll never use or credits that expire it's real cash back you transfer straight to your bank account i started using the upside app before i fill up before i eat out before i grocery shop and it's not even something i have to think about anymore it just becomes part of the routine before i even pull into the gas station i started checking the app upside has given back one billion dollars to its users to find out how much you can earn download the free upside app and use promo code bryce to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas that's an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas using promo code bryce all right now back to the episode when did you first get introduced to like drugs and alcohol oh i want you like that big public school does it you know it's just everywhere yeah um you know ripping ripping bong was or getting getting like we It was just like everyone at our school was doing it i went to like a high school where it was like a pretty pretty big party party scene so it was like just kind of like like i mean like it's it's it's like everywhere you know like you go to a football game there's beer yeah even on a sunday like yeah even on a sunday yeah it's true but uh where i personally got involved in it i don't know like probably like 15 was probably the first time i drank first time i smoked was probably 17 and the smoking one was the hardest one to kick yeah but then i'll go and there's drinking and drinkings yeah it's just sometimes it's like i don't i don't know why i do it it's like maybe it could be just habit or do you like do you like the feeling or like what what it um that was my next question was like what about it is it's probably it's probably the like i just will feel uncomfortable around around people unless like i'm inebriated or something and i don't know what that comes from maybe it comes from shame or like anxiety or like uh what what are they thinking of me like what what do they think of me and it's easier to to numb myself than to yeah think think of it kind of masks that yeah yeah yeah i totally understand and it makes me more social i mean i'm pretty social right now so i don't know what so i know dude you you're you're so awesome walking up to our studio and and being so kind to the guys and talkative like yeah thank the world of cool crew oh thanks man sick operation oh thanks man this is the whole operation's three guys total you know it's like we got a whole we got a mastermind going on the lighting in here is sick oh well i'm glad you like it thanks man yeah we we just got this new studio so uh you're one of the the first maybe 10 people to sit the chair and let's go so that's crazy warm it up put a nice uh dent in the cushion for the next person oh yeah that's right i'm if it smells funny that's probably for me we'll just sell it on ebay yeah sketch butt cushion on ebay yeah that's so funny work when you talk about god answering that prayer is that through the streaming and stuff that god answered that prayer like i think so because i think my purpose like of him giving me a platform is like maybe to help other people in some way by being open yeah i think that's kind of where my purpose more comes from because like i i don't know what else it is because i've tried the other the other things like and it's it's definitely not just to sit there and get high and play video games yeah not knocking anyone else like that does it or whatever like i get what you're like or just like yeah like that what was the question again sorry no no you're good i was i was just talking about how you had god had answered that prayer through the streaming and stuff like that yeah you were talking about finding purpose and i think that that's what it is and like and part of it is i get scatterbrained and like it's hard to like find purpose when you're scatterbrained and then you add like liquor and stuff into it it doesn't help what do you find yourself praying for the most right now purpose or like sometimes like i'd find myself not praying because i'm like almost like scared because it's like you feel dirty yeah so i don't i don't want to talk to anyone yeah or him yeah are you afraid he's gonna get mad at you yeah like i was given something and then probably misused it like that's kind of how i feel but it's hard to like i don't know it's like it's hard to like find a way to find purpose because like i said like it was like what you touch and done everything you realize that you feel empty and then like like true purpose like is like like god's plan for you i remember that was one thing about that private school i went to we'd always say um there was a prayer one time i did and i've gotten lucky with like a lot of prayers but uh like there was one i was like i was like god give me a sign uh i was sitting i was sitting in church this was i was in high school and it was like immediately the only bible verse i knew was like micah 6 8 and it was like what does the lord require of you to um act justly love mercy and walk humbly with god and i was like that was our football team's goal that was our prayer so i was like i was like it's pretty simple like marching orders or whatever yeah um so that's probably like my favorite bible verse but um yeah like and that's maybe where i need to find need to find my purpose but i don't i just don't know where to where to get it yeah i'm kind of in a season of waiting yeah that's kind of what i what i feel like sometimes when you're waiting like like i guess god's working on me but dude i was literally just talking to my wife about this this morning we went on a breakfast date this morning and we're talking about purpose and you know she was just like yeah i i wish like someone could just tell me what to do and i would do it and i'm like i'm like you know i wish the same thing sometimes and it just seems to not be that way that's that's what that's what i agree like sometimes i just want something like that's why i like i like doing this stuff where it's like there's a director involved or something that's like because if i'm by myself i'll just get drunk on stream or because there's there's not much to do like once you once you realize like like because live streaming like it's just unedited unedited vlogs and a lot of yeah a lot of like vlogs like are funny because the editing yeah like when you when you when you don't have that and you have that just like you don't have the you have like the live aspect and to like not be nervous walking around with a camera like i don't i i would i would get like i just would always feel nervous i don't know why yeah and i think you know you keep talking about it a little bit or hinting about it like i think you know that even though you you know you talk about still doing drugs and alcohol that like going to that stuff isn't working yeah i i know you know that and i rather the thing i wanted to really tell you before we keep moving on is like dude god's not mad at you when you choose those things over him it just breaks his heart yeah you know he's like oh i wish you you could you know you could find it in me instead yeah and that's every time like i dude i there's so many times that because when i was 17 and i went to because i i don't know how much you know about my story but i had depression anxiety from like the eighth grade till i was 17 um i i've never done drugs or alcohol before but i i had like struggled with sexual sin a lot i'd started a porn addiction when i was in the fifth grade and yeah made a lot of mistakes hurt a lot of people and was a people pleaser and all this other stuff and so when i was 17 i was going to take my life on christmas day and the night i was going to take my life i went to waffle house to have like my last meal and that's where you picked your last meal yeah the all-star special yeah that's not a bad spot to be honest i mean yeah i know dude they can like sneeze on your food but tastes good yeah so so i went there and dude no one preached to me no one said the name of jesus to me and if i'm being completely honest i was the most selfish most lustful most prideful most broken version of myself yeah but i was the most honest and jesus supernaturally revealed himself to me and he stopped me from taking my life and so i prayed this correct you want to talk about getting lucky on a prayer i felt like i got lucky i said jesus if you're real take away my anxiety and depression because that's why i want to take my life and um dude i hadn't had anxiety or depression in over five years and last year i got hit by anxiety by a mac truck something happened um in in public like i saw someone that had hurt me and that had said some things they didn't know i knew and i got in my head and got really anxious and couldn't get out of bed and i remember laying in bed thinking just hearing satan talk to me going you're a hypocrite you can never tell anyone that god set you free from anxiety and depression because look at you now you can't even get out of your bed and i was so embarrassed that's what i feel like is a hypocrite or like that's why like it's like it's hard to be like i'm trying to find a way to find purpose but i turn away from god because i feel like a hypocrite or like unworthy yeah and i that that as i'm being told that i got i finally got myself to get out of bed and go on a run and i went on a run and i'm praying and i just really felt like i hear god say you're not a hypocrite you're just human and it's just a human man like and that's not an excuse to keep doing what you're doing and i think you know that but there's this like human aspect to go dude we're both broken we make mistakes and that's why we need jesus because if we don't have jesus then we're really going to be running around like headless chickens yeah we're really going to not have it all together and i i think i think we need to have more christians that can stop acting like they got it all together because we got too many pastors that act like they got it all together and i'm like well i can't relate to you because i feel like i'm going crazy sometimes, and I feel like I doubt God sometimes, and I talk about Jesus on a podcast, and I have a hard time reading my Bible sometimes, and I have a hard time praying, and I'm broken, and you're broken, but it's like these things make us human, and learning to lean on Jesus in these moments has really, in that moment, I was like, wow, I'm really just a human, and that doesn't define me, and the second I started talking about it, like, yeah, it creeped up on me, but I realized I'm human, and it made me realize, like, I can't be my Savior. I might have gotten prideful that I thought I had beaten anxiety, and then it got me again. I realized I didn't beat it. Jesus beat it, and I was just leaning on Jesus, you know, and yeah, man. Pride's a hard one, too. Oh, it's so hard, because you never see it. Yeah, but other people can see it before you. I've definitely been more prideful lately, and I guess, like, if I had a question for you, like, how do you like, find yourself solving, like, problems through Jesus? Like, is it through prayer, reading the Bible more, or is it, like, going to church? Is it, like, a mentor? Like, what's your. Bro, if I'm being completely honest, it's, like, all of the above. The Bible in the book of Romans says, do not be conformed to this world. Don't be like the world, but be transformed by renewing your mind, so we got to change the way we think by reading the Bible, so reading the Bible's important. It's important because it builds personal relationship with God. How would you start reading the Bible? I like to recommend the Gospel of John. So, John was a fisherman, so he tends to write a little bit more simply. He was also the only disciple that looked at Jesus at the foot of the cross, like, watching him be crucified, so I think that's important. I think that's a good one to start with. You read me pretty good. He writes pretty simply, all right? I'm the same way. I can't look at that. I need the fisherman to tell me what's going on, and yeah, dude, and, you know, to be honest, like, the biggest thing that helped me a ton with Jesus is, like, I don't know if you feel this way, but maybe you can relate. So, I remember thinking, okay, let's say for. I'm just going to use the example because I'm talking to you, but let's say you're like, I really want to stop drinking alcohol, right? And you're trying out of your own strength to not drink alcohol. Like, you're trying not to sin. You're probably going to drink more. Because you're trying out of your own strength to stop. Yeah. And every time I try hard not to make a mistake, I blow my whole life up. Like, I tend to make five times more mistakes than I normally would because I'm trying not to make a mistake. Yes. Whereas when I focus on just loving Jesus, that's the greatest commandment. The Pharisees, the legalistic guys, they were like, tell us what the greatest commandment is. There's 613 laws and 10 commandments. Which one's the best? And Jesus summarizes it all by saying, when you love the Lord, your God, with your whole heart and your whole soul and your whole mind and with all your strength, you'll naturally obey the commandments. And so when I find myself. Wait, say that part again. Jesus, he responds to the Pharisees. They say, which out of all 613 laws from the Old Testament and 10 commandments, which one's the greatest? Because if Jesus said, well, the fourth law is better than all of them, they could arrest him because that was blasphemy. And instead of picking one, Jesus summarizes it all by saying, well, the fourth law is better than all of them. All of 613 laws and 10 commandments under this one truth, which is loving the Lord your God with your whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. How would you do that? How do you love Jesus or love God and then have it in your daily life? Do you constantly pray? Do you know what it says? Does it say anything in the Bible about God? What's your thoughts on. How do you do that all the time? For me, I think there's basic things and there's also things to your personality. For my personality, if I want to be the best version of Bryce, the most patient, kindest, gentle, I've got to wake up and the two things I got to do in the morning is spend some time in my Bible and go work out. If Bryce does those two things, it's like that is life-giving and I do those things with Jesus and it helps me out a ton. it be something specific for you where you're like, well, dude, to be honest, like I just like sitting in the bathtub and soaking for 30 minutes and listening to worship music. And I'm, wait, is that true? Well, I don't listen to worship music, but I'll just float around. Dude, you can in there, like seriously, like you can, this may sound crazy, but like you can float around in there and pray and talk to Jesus. And my prayers always don't look like, like, Oh, you know, like all this, like sometimes I'm like, Oh, you know what? Like I'm, I'm kind of pissed right now that this thing happened. This person said this thing is kind of mean. And I'm upset. Like I talked to God, I have respect for him because he's my Lord and he's my King, but he's also my friend. And you know, I, I thank him. I, I make my requests known to him, but sometimes I'm just like, God, I'm really hurt right now. And I'm upset and I'm having a hard time. And I guess sometimes I forget that he's like, like you said, he's your friend. You know, the interesting thing about prayer is for example, like, with mistakes, like the typical thing is like, Oh, if I make a mistake, I want to go hide. Cause like, I think that's, what's going to do it. Or like people tend like to, to send more at nighttime. Cause I think like the darkness is going to hide their mistakes, but God is all knowing. He knows everything. He knows what you're going to do two weeks from now. He knows what I'm going to do two days from now. It's probably already been, but the beautiful thing is when we come to him with things that he already knows, it builds the relationship and it builds the trust and it builds the love. And it shows that we care about him. And that's really what faith looks like. That's what looks like bringing him into every day is you're constantly trusting that his way is better. Like I'm going to choose not to turn to the alcohol today, even though I like the feeling because it's left me empty the past few years. And I, I'm going to choose you instead because you fight, you give me purpose and you give me these things. And I remember growing up and being in high school. And when I became a Christian, I went to a private Christian school. People thought I was a buzzkill. They thought I was the righteous police. They thought I had like, I would say it was like, why? I was a private Christian school. And, uh, I probably wouldn't invite you to a party, but in that moment it was, I was choosing to trust that his way was better. And, you know, so many people were like, Oh, you lost yourself. You know, you can't find your personality. I find my personality in sports or I find my personality in partying or I find my personality in sex or I find my personality in drugs or whatever. But God gave me my personality back because I didn't know who I was before then. I was a people pleaser. I was struggling with sexual sin. I had depression. I had anxiety. I was trying to figure out my purpose. So I didn't even know who I was already then. Yeah. What do you mean he's going to take away my purpose? I don't even know my purpose right now. And when I found him, I got my personality back. I didn't people please him. I wear Crocs and t-shirts and my wife's like, get some new style, you know? And I'm like, this is just who I am. Yeah. And it's like, I, you know, I talk the way I talk and I look the way I look is I got my personality back. And so, you know, I think everything in between, we think of God's will and God's purpose for our life. And we think it's some grand, elaborate, thundering voice from heaven. Like you're going to move to Kentucky and you're going to do this. And it's like, well, you know, maybe God's will for your life right now is just like trust in him and trust in that he's better than the things that you're trying to do to find purpose in. And. Yeah. And when you say trusting him, it's like coming back to him probably for me. Like, cause when I, when I, when I hide, it's like, it's from like everyone and everything. Like it's hard to get out of that, out of that cycle of, of hiding. Yeah. And I don't know why, but it's just been something like you said, you think it's like a thundering voice, but sometimes it just like, it naturally comes. Yeah. I think like you reaching out was one of them. Dang. Praise God. Yeah, dude. Praise God. Amen. You know, isolation. I mean, just like, I know we're like talking on the podcast, but I just mean this like to you, like the last thing I would want to see you do is isolate, you know, cause that's where we give the devil, the devil's license to use our brain against us, the war in the mind. And he uses stuff against us, but bro, hiding from God has been the meta since beginning of time. Like imagine being the first, humans ever created and blowing the whole life up by eating from the one tree God tells you not to eat from. And they go and run and they hide from God. And the first thing God says is, isn't, I'm pissed off. He says, where are you? And that's God's heart for all of us is we run and hide and God's like, wait, wait, wait. Like I, I know you did something wrong, but like you come to me, like I, I, where, where'd you go? And it makes sense to me because I forget, what verse is, but when I always sticks with me, which is like, I don't know why these verses stick with me. Cause not a lot of stuff. I'm not good at remembering things, but, um, it's like the, the devil's workshop is idle hands. And it's like, like how you said, like when, when you started running and working out, like starting your day, like, like doing it the right way, like, like with, with things. And like, I guess that is like purpose is like, and just like the small things like taking care of yourself or, but I think that's where like the, I guess my sin trip, triple doubles when i'm when i'm not doing stuff when i'm isolating myself and like um and that's where like the sub right and when i it's mostly sobriety like stuff like that i struggled with i chose not to smoke today to win it before i came here praise god but um yeah i guess i don't know what it was but i guess bro and that might we have to understand like dude when i became a christian like i was still making mistakes and i still make mistakes like i'm a human yeah but you know i like didn't all of a sudden like i got saved in walthouse like god saved me from taking my life and i woke up the next morning i'm like glowing like the sun and i'm just like you know it i dude i was struggling and i was battling and the win for you today might be oh well i didn't smoke before coming here yeah and it's like or you know the win the win for me my first week was like i didn't cuss as much you know like the win for me my first week of fall and jesus like i didn't cuss as much as i did the week before that one's hard too because that's that's where like i feel guilty a lot of you know getting on live and doing things that like you know you can't a kid might see and then like they think that's the the way to be or like because like it is i'm platformed like in front of front of people and like like they're like what what what if sketch guys sketch drinks like it like that works for him like that's where i feel like the guilt probably i don't know where i was going with that sometimes i lose my train of thought yeah no dude i do the same thing and that's where like finding purpose is like hard because um or not hard but like i'd like i i i think like the one thing i stay away from like is like add roll and stuff like that because i it takes away my my personality in the terms of like like i'm so i'm pretty add or adhd or whatever i'm self-prescribed i don't i don't like going to the doctor like doing what do you eat an apple a day no no no you just don't go no um a lot of uh smashed up grapes that's for sure like even then i lost my train of thought but like sometimes i stumble on onto stuff and like that's where like i think i as a an entertainer is like what my job is now i didn't think it was gonna be but that like trying to find what's like how do i do that like in a way that serves god is like kind of like because you're grabbed like as an entertainer you're grabbing people's attention yeah and i did i was never with the one like i never really wanted to do that on on purpose it just kind of happened yeah and then like getting getting my i mean this is a lot of time and you'd be surprised how like unhappy you can be with like when your dreams come true if they're not like tied to like a godly purpose you know it's crazy what you just said you just said talked about how being an entertainer you got to grab people's attention but you didn't really have to do that people naturally gravitated towards you and that that's a beautiful gift god has given you so there's two kinds of god's wills for your life there's a general will that applies to every male no matter what race you are where you come from how much money is in your bank account and that is love god love people greatest commandment in the bible like every believer is called to do that but then there's like a specific will that may apply to different people and in matthew 25 it talks about the parable of the talents like look at the gifts that god has given you it says that um this money manager gave three different people three different financial amounts of money the first two guys they went and they multiplied the money meaning they used that talent that god gave them for that but the last guy he got scared and so he buried his talent in the dirt and the money manager got mad at him and he was like why did you bury it i told you to multiply it and so that's where we can like look at our own life like i you look at your own life and go well what talents has god given me and i'm going to use these for his glory and point people back to him so even even finding out like that was a great place to start because when i became a believer i was doing prank videos before like i literally like lit my neighbor's lawn on fire i was like i'll expose myself lit my neighbor's lawn on fire i was like kissing moms and like just doing stuff and just being weird like just weird yeah and moms yeah like i would go i would go to like the mall and like like try to get mom to kiss me on the cheek or did a fake diarrhea prank in school yeah like stuff like that yeah literally like just crazy stuff like that and then when i became a christian i was like all right well i i really want to talk about jesus i i loved jesus i i loved jesus i i loved jesus i i loved jesus i i loved jesus i i loved jesus i i loved jesus i don't understand shakespeare at all but i would love reading hard stuff and simplifying it to make it easier to understand and so i was like i i think i'm going to do that with the bible and i really like social media so maybe i'll just use that for his glory and instead of doing it for myself because i was doing it to get people to like me because that's what was popular at the time and pranking and all i was like i'm doing this for god now and finding that specific will it wasn't that thundering voice but it was just like man god what if what if you put on my heart what gifts have you given me and that that kind of steered me in that direction over time i find out what like my talents are because when you like yeah you said that when you when you bury them i guess like you kind of like lose like when you it's like when you you when pirates bury treasure yeah like or can't find it like yeah some sometimes that's kind of maybe where i'm at right now like um buried buried some of my um talents in terms of like not just not not not using them the right way yeah or not using them at all yeah yeah yeah bro what were you saying i'm not i think that was about it like and dude that's the beauty about forgiveness is like when we use things god has given us not for the right purpose or we make mistakes or we sin or we fall the forgiveness of god forgiveness means to cancel the debt that someone owes you so jesus's death on the cross canceled the debt that we owe him for our mistakes and so we're just trusting that what jesus did on the cross was enough to pay for my mistakes and that truth gives me so much freedom and i'm like wow you're so good thank you for doing that either jesus pays for it with his life or you and i pay for it with our lives and i sure as heck don't want to do that so i i want to trust in you jesus and and he he really is the prize because at the end of the day when you have jesus you have everything and that's been dude that's just like the most fun it's so fun and god's giving you such a neat gift to make people laugh and and to make people find joy and those things joy is literally a fruit of the spirit yeah and god has given you that gift and i don't know if you've ever heard of it but it's a gift that god has given you i don't think it's a coincidence and it's just a matter of figuring out how to use that for god's glory and how to do that yeah that's a process you know yeah that's a process i'm i need i'm working through all right real quick if these videos have helped you the best way to support what we're doing here is by becoming a member of the channel membership helps support the ministry and helps us keep reaching more people with the gospel you also get extra members only content including early access to new episodes extended guest cuts members only short behind the scenes updates exclusive text posts badges custom emojis and a monthly q a live stream where i can answer your questions more directly i used to spend a lot of time responding in the comments but as the channel has grown it's gotten harder to keep up with so membership is now the main place where i can stay more connected with you guys directly it's eight dollars a month in the browser or eleven dollars a month in the iphone app because of the apple fees so jump on your browser to save a few bucks to become a member just hit the join button right below the video all right enjoy the rest of the podcast and i think we'll come probably naturally like you said like i probably just need to unbury the unbury myself out of these like benders or just unbury myself um from like like not serving god or you know finding finding the real purpose um yeah because you at the end of the day like i part of me is like scared like what if my purpose is boring like you know what i mean like i like i get like a a high off of some of the things that i do like i've just played a soccer match where it was like you know like 80 000 people or something watching it and it was like wow it's like that was fulfilling in that moment and then like it was it was sick and awesome and like a blessing but then like right after i was like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i was like now what yeah like a role played a soccer player for a day like that's like a drug in its own way yeah it's like okay that yeah i get what you're saying yeah and um kind of like staying staying like oh no like i need to do better like staying like attached to like a purpose what would what how do you find like i mean dude i still even struggle with that like i love and stuff like that, like just, I love sports, so if I get to play a pickup game of basketball, I like to ride that high. If I get to play a pickup game of football or wiffle ball, like I used to do that all growing up, and so if I get to do that again, I have fun, or pickleball or whatever it may be. Oh, I remember we filmed a video at Comic-Con last year, and I love Star Wars, and Hayden Christensen, who plays Anakin, is there, and I was geeking out, and then literally the people in front of me bought the last tickets to meet him, and literally right in front of me I was so upset, but I was like riding that high that he was there, and all that other stuff, but I think it just all comes down to these three questions. I remember my Bible teacher said this, where do you find your satisfaction? What gives you your significance, and where do you find security? And so if I get in my car right now, and I drive, and God forbid I get T-boned by an 18-wheeler, the thing that gives me security isn't that car. Or the money in my bank account, or that I've got a ring on my finger, or that I have an awesome dog, or awesome friends, and we've got to have an awesome conversation. It's Jesus. He gives me that security. Whereas there's some people that live their life how they want to live, and if they're on the edge of death, they freak out, and they're like, oh, what's going on? They get scared of death, and they don't know what that may be, or what gives you significance? Where do you find your purpose? Yeah, and what makes you satisfied? If the alcohol would have made you satisfied, it would have only taken one beer. If the drugs would have made you satisfied, it would have only taken one joint, whatever it may be, right? Or one bong rip, like you described earlier. But just pointing back to what you said, obviously that's not the case. And so it's like, what makes you satisfied? And it's not always a feeling, but that's the beauty about God, is God likes to reward us with feeling Him. Sometimes, but even in the moments that I don't feel Him, His truth remains there. It's like, I hope you know I love you, and if I don't see you for three months, I hope you wouldn't question that I love you, even if we haven't seen each other in three months. You mentioned earlier, we hadn't texted in a while, but I didn't think twice about, I didn't think, oh, he's upset at me, or oh, he's whatever. It was like, I just trusted that you were doing your thing, and that you were doing good, and whatever it is. Yeah. I mean, that's the beauty of it. Yeah. That's what we do with Jesus, you know? 100%. And, like, I agree with that. Like, the satisfaction part is probably the hardest one out of all of them. There's so many different feelings of satisfaction that you can get. When you get to a certain point where it's like, how much money is enough? Like, how much, how much, how much, how many cars is enough? How much jewelry is enough? How much, how much, how much things in this world, like, can, like, like, you do, to, like, feel fulfilled, and it's like, and I've found out that the answer is pretty much none of those. Like, you, I was thinking about, you know, like, the idea of, like, when I'm, when I'm working on something, I'm really, like, thinking about, like, I was like, what number would, like, be, like, would I be satisfied with? And I was, like, I was, like, making up these NBA contract numbers in my head, and I was, like, I was, like, like, even, like, and somehow it was, like, like, not enough. Like, it didn't bring me any, any, any, any joy, like, to even, like, like, to think of it like that. Like, it was more of, like, and that's where I found myself, like, I was, like, going, like, it took the, it took the fun out of it, too. Yeah. Once, once, once you're only focused on, like, money or views or, or just things of this world, like, you kind of, like, lose, you kind of lose, that sense of satisfaction and um you know i i do know that the security is always there as a believer you know and then when you lose that satisfaction that comes from god uh that's where you like it's hard to find purpose and like that's yeah that's what i'm working on right now but like i always find myself like feeling better when i when i when i catch myself like through like doom scrolling like just like like seeing one of your videos or seeing as i said like theo like talk talk about like you know just being like open about like feelings or whatever yeah because um i feel like i'm we're pretty similar in some ways the theo edits always hit different on tiktok yeah he's a good he's an awesome guy too called you know a couple days ago you check on me i don't know like it's rare to have that to like in in people and maybe sometimes like i guess it's like without god like it's hard to find i don't know is it discernment is that is that the right word like what's discernment yeah discernment is just trying to figure out something you're trying to make the right decision you're trying to understand if do i go left or right are you should i trust this person or not yeah it's helping make a decision you know yeah i guess my my compass like in my discernment was like has been thrown off through through through various different forms of sin so it's like um i feel like the more clear-headed i get the better my discernment gets through discernment maybe i can find my purpose and um yeah because i want to only be able to use my platform like to glorify god and not like i want to find something that i can like look at be proud of and like um not just prideful like yeah because like sometimes it's like get a deal go buy i'll immediately go buy something i do not have a financial advisor but like it's like kind of like yeah chasing that sense i'm i guess i'm chasing that sense of satisfaction in in the wrong places and like my discernment's been thrown off through just not not probably trusting in god i give maybe like part of me doesn't want the party to end and that's bro that's i mean that's i that's honest and that's all god wants is you know as as you're as we're processing it's like what's the honest response and you know i don't want you to leave here not knowing like your ultimate purpose like if you didn't leave if you left here with anything it's just to love god yeah love god like that that is flat out your purpose and then figuring out the specific stuff it's like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know it's like that'll come but loving god man is is the biggest deal and to be honest you know god's not not unless he asks you to but you know just because you want to wholeheartedly start following jesus that doesn't mean you got to become a pastor you know we need people in the entertainment business that make people laugh that point people to jesus yeah that they act and carry themselves and talk and things like that we need people at the planet fitness counter loving jesus yeah every person that they interact with when they scan their badge and waiters and waitresses are going to come in between so yeah god's going to restore your purpose and i was thinking about this verse just heading back on the you were talking about the discernment thing there's there's there's two instances particularly on the alcohol and and stuff and the substances in proverbs king lemuel at the end i think proverbs 31 or proverbs 30 he talks about alcohol and he says hey if you're you know important leader or you know like a king or something it might be wise for you not to drink because it might sway your decision making you know he kind of talks about how it affects discernment and then uh in the new testament it talks about it says do not be drunk with the wine but be filled with the spirit for it is a waste and i think that word choice is so interesting isn't it crazy that we call it being wasted yeah when you're on it and it's like oh that is crazy and but you know when we when we get on drugs or alcohol it's like you're wasted yeah but the bible says for it is a waste and it's interesting and so um yeah i just think those things are just so interesting and i i thought of those and i'm like man that's so that's so encouraging to go like man i need dude i need jesus every day yeah bad that's what i need to get better at is or like what i want to work on is like coming to him every day but a lot of it is trying to because like it's like when you have the devil and then angel on your shoulder yeah the kind of like idea like it's like the devil the devil tells me like i'm i'm i'm wasted so like i'm unworthy or and then like that angel sides like like says like you have purpose go find it like can we can we talk about if you don't mind because i know you i remember when we first called you you wanted to talk a little bit about you you went through a really dark season yeah what what was that like i don't know it was like it was like just like it was almost a blur but like um it was i felt alone i isolated myself and like i couldn't be truthful with anyone because with everything that came out about me it was like i had the devil telling me like you can't do anything like or you can't like be truthful with anyone like because what will they think yeah but then that's kind of like um i guess it's another part of my purpose is probably like it's not to like how you said people please because like that's that's where like i guess like the devil was like a people pleaser like in a certain way like yeah but that that that time was like um i felt like i just had to hide hide myself or like i couldn't be fully open with anyone yeah and it's actually like i i'm glad everything happened the way it did because it created like it allowed me to be open yeah and like vulnerable even though it was hard yeah because i know you'd said on an interview before you talked about how you had lived with a fear of your your past becoming public yeah and then it did um and that that created that avenue for you where was god for you in your mind during that season yeah like not very present like like or not like not like he wasn't present i wasn't very present i remember i remember one way the one way i would when i what when i was like feeling good or and like it was like a sense of gratitude and like gratefulness for like the small things yeah like always being like thankful always being like and then there got to a point from just the the you know the the substance abuse stuff to where it's like you you lose like your your gratitude because you're numb yeah and like living in numbness kind of like just doesn't work yeah is what i've what i've come to realize and you you you said that you know if any of that ever came came out publicly that option a would be to call it quits and yeah take your life um did you wrestle with that what was that like um when it first happened i i was like it was midnight in la so like that time is like i couldn't get home if i wanted to so i was at my friend bank's house and i was like i just left and then he came he came looking for me and then my parents called me and like like people god showed up for me like through other other people yeah and maybe that's kind of like where my purpose is is like i guess is maybe maybe through like how other people showed up for them like showing up for other people in that way yeah yeah like through loving loving people the right way so did you run away from that house because you were wanting to take your life or you were i didn't even know how to i was too scared to i was like that was good that was the option but like it was like yeah in the back of my head i was like i wouldn't really want to do this you were more just running away yeah like yes you were saying i literally went to i went to a hotel next to the airport and was just kind of like like how do i how do i get out of this yeah yeah and then like people would call like um i remember it was like my management team which is they're awesome but they're like do you want like a pr person or like do you want like you can say it's a like ai like you can try to get out of it i was like i don't know something on my heart told me to just go like to go live and like just own up to it yeah because there's like there's no sense in like hiding anymore well dude when we confess well when we leave things in the dark we give the devil the license to use it against us yeah you know and so when we confess even if we confess being tempted you know like oh i felt tempted to do this thing if i like text one of my friends like i feel like making this mistake it's like that thing immediately loses power over me because i like just you know what i mean yeah i really i admire that and i i really respected that and admired that a lot about you thank you and dude you did it in such a way where it was like um because i remember seeing clips on on tiktok of that stream and and like bro it was it was so it was like funny when you like opened it up and then you were like no but this happened and like that just that was a part of my past and yeah it was it was insane too because i was like i didn't know what i was gonna say i just left the camera dark so like for three minutes just so i can like pace around and and let people get in so i could just be people wouldn't like they could just hear the whole story at once and yeah be done with it and then i looked at the number i was like a hundred thousand people i was like holy cow oh my god i don't have anything written down or so i just kind of like you can confess in my in my own way yeah and like um like the feeling of relief after that was like crazy like after the being like that was it never like couldn't be used against me yeah part of me was like scared like just in a multitude of ways like it just could be used against me and i'm i'm appreciative of the person who whatever discovered it was like because they the way they did it really took all the power out of me and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry away from me so like it was like the response was he like it was like like the response was easier than holding on to it like like once it was i was like when i mean like i either live in shame or i can like like admit to it and then like keep going and thank god people stuck by my side and stuff like that yeah because we love authenticity we love honesty like we like i just say we as in people in general like yeah i love those things and that's admirable i've i have i have a few questions i guess about this topic i don't know if it was asked even far away if you don't they're like a little bit more deeper i guess i just kind of want to know like how did how did all that how did that season of your life occur like how did you get involved in that what period of your life was it like how did you get involved in that was that were you in a dark place um uh addicted to pornography for sure that was one thing and is isolation too is just like is like i didn't want to like come to jesus for a shower because i was ashamed so i just like just kept rolling in in the mud and like and that was like like in just very various different forms of it like like that that stream was like uh like it was a it was pretty cool because it was like a come to jesus moment with with the world and him at the same time so it was like yeah it gave me the power to go back to back to him and like thank god no one used it as like blackmail against me that would have been probably a harder way to yeah deal with it versus you know some kid dropping a youtube video i was like yeah it was like thank thank god he did it that way like and how did it get um like where how did it how did that even get discovered like where where did that like i have no clue i've never watched a video of that i just i just never that's so good though i never i never everyone told me not to look on the internet that's good i you know i i try not to do the same thing i i try not to read comments and stuff like that just in general because it's like i don't want to get my feelings hurt you know someone says something mean it's like you know so someone hits you with a good one too they're like like oh it got me yeah literally it's like dang it you know but um sometimes they're accurate too and yeah so that's what that's what hurts yeah but but you said after all this came out you kept saying um like god is good all the time yeah that's because you were just grateful that that moment brought you back to jesus yeah and just more of like it's like it's kind of like sometimes i use it as just a saying but like that's kind of like what i've got like i do truly believe that like i wasn't i was never angry or like it almost like ripped the shame away yeah but now the shame is in like substance abuse or whatever what's interesting because the bible talks about in the book of romans that nothing can separate us from the love of god and it says that all things work together for the good for those who are in christ jesus and bro probably from like midnight to 8 a.m you're probably like how the crap does this work for the good you know everyone experiences that in the lowest of moments or like how the heck even um i read this quote one time and i just run with it even batman has dark nights yeah you know it's like even even even he has dark moments and seasons yeah and but like you said it made you appreciative for god it made you grateful it made you go wow this i really need to run back to him because he's the only one that can help me in this moment yeah and i think that's the thing that's the thing that's the thing that's the thing that's And I think, like, um. I don't know, being, being able to be vulnerable, like, was it, was a gift that he gave me through, through that, like, and I think in some way that can help other people, or be, like, you know, a way I can use my platform, that's why I appreciate, like, you and Theo again, like, because when, like, when I see Theo, like, he's, he's vulnerable, and, like, those things are, like, what I gravitate towards, because my discernment with, like, with people is usually, usually pretty accurate, or, like, you know, like, knowing whether they're good or bad for me, or, like, they're, like, you know, um, and, like, vulnerability is, like, kind of, like, the, um, how could, how could I word this? Vulnerability is, like, it, like, an escape from shame, and vulnerability, like, allows you to be, like, open with God, and then other people, and that's how I was able to have my first relationship, like. Praise God. Yeah. Yeah, pretty sick, and, um. How's that going? Good. Good. Yeah, very appreciative for that, and then, like, um, I guess vulnerability ripped away the shame part of it. Yeah. My, my mentor always says, uh, he, he says transparency leads to transformation, and then he, he, I one time heard him say, he said, if you want something you've never had, sometimes you gotta do something you've never done. Yeah. And, like, a lot of people want transformation. They're not willing to do it in their life, but they're not willing to be vulnerable. Yeah. And he's like, well, if you want transformation in life, you gotta be vulnerable. You gotta, you gotta lay it all on the table. Jesus said, blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. And I, and I guess, because what, I used to be scared of, like, flying, and then, I don't know. I'm still scared of flying, so. I've gotten over, maybe not, because I have to drink on the plane, but, you know, I'll have a drink on the plane, and then, um, maybe a beer. Pre-game, but, uh, like, uh, that, like, uh, at one point, it was, it was, like, what led to all the success was, like, there's just something that made me say, like, and my saying was, I'm gonna say it, uh, non-cursing way, but it was, like, F it, jump. Like, like, you know, that feeling, like, when you're scared to jump off a cliff or something, like, you're scared to go, like, from, like, a high point. Like, like, that's, that's, like, what my, my mantra was that led to, like, me going everywhere, me meeting a lot of people, and, like, all these dreams coming, coming true, and then, like, through that, like, it built a platform, which now I have, like, the ability to use. It's just, you know, once again, finding, find that purpose, but, like, you had, it talking about it always feels, feels better than, like, sitting with it. Yeah. When you're sitting with it, like, I feel like you're either sitting with it, um, like, either with the devil or with God, and it, like, it's, like, like, if you're not doing anything, like, back to that verse, like, the devil's workshop is idle hands, like, it, like, a lot of times it's the, the devil when you're, and, like, those places of, like, lowness, or, like, how you said, like, at night, like, is when it comes out, or whatever, like. Yeah. It's kind of, I don't know if I was gonna make a point there. Sometimes I, like, but that's just me talking. Bro, it's all good. You, uh, dude, you have an, you have an audience with millions of people, a lot of them young guys. Yeah. What would you want them to take away from your story? You don't have to be. You don't have to be, like, clean to come to God, and you don't have to be ashamed of yourself, and, like, God loves you, that's, like, kind of, like, how you were saying, like, that stuff, and being vulnerable with each other is, like, probably the best way to, to grow true, like, true, true relationships. Yeah. Yeah, like, because I think as men, like, we, we struggle with vulnerability because we, we feel the need to, you know, we feel the need to, you know, we feel the need to to puff our chests out or something, or, you know, I guess that's what I would say. I wish I had something cooler to say, but. I think that's pretty cool. Yeah, well, hopefully. Dude, I would, I would love to pray for you before we close, if that's okay. Yeah, that'd be perfect. I would love to do that. Yeah, bro. Jesus, thank you so much for today, God. Thank you for Sketch. Thank you for his life. Thank you for us getting to finally hang out. Thank you for being here. Thanks for waking us up. God, would you just bless Sketch? Would you just reveal to him his, his, his purpose? Not just that he needs to love you. We're talking God specifics on how he can use his platform to glorify you. Things that he could do to glorify you. Ways he can grow closer to you. God, would you reveal that stuff to him? Would you send more people around him to be in his corner who love him, who love Jesus, who want to sharpen him, who want to be there for him, and who want nothing from him other than just to see him thrive physically, spiritually, emotionally, all of the above. God, we pray that this episode blesses people. We love you, Jesus. Bless Sketch. It's in your name we pray. Amen. Amen.