Skankfest Surprise w/ Luis J. Gomez | Your Mom's House Ep. 846

welcome welcome to your mom's house welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesday abbott is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abbott elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys season premiere wednesday on abc and stream next day on hulu welcome to your mom's house tim is still in la filming bad thoughts 2 which will tell you a little bit about i got to do a part on it's nuts but with me we've waited so long to have you on the show and i'm so excited to have you on the show and i'm so excited to have him on the show please put your hands together for lewis j gomez thank you for having me here uh yeah you guys are awesome man you're you're uh i've honestly i met you three minutes ago and i love you already yeah you have a great energy thank you lewis can i tell you why please because you are the creator of skank fest yeah and i am the creator of showing videos of guys shitting on french fries and eating it and making it into a podcast so i feel like you and i are kindred spirits yeah yeah i think we're seeing the world from a very similar lens yeah yeah and we've had ari shafir who was at skank fest two years ago now he's in the woods somewhere in like the amazon jungle or whatever um but he actually shit on stage yes i believe that he no he did he did during a kill tony thing it was like i i don't even know what's going on i like skank fest is so well it's all one venue right so there's all these rooms and you pop into different rooms and there's all this shit and you're like oh my god i don't even know what's happening and i walk in i was like oh kill tony was in a secret show i was like let me go to kill tony and see what's going on i walk in and it was like performance art ari was completely naked he had cardboard on the floor and he was playing with his own shit well everyone was just like what the fuck are we watching i just walked into the room and i was like okay i don't want to be here and i walked straight out it was what is there footage of this no no no he almost got us in a lot of trouble why is that illegal i think it's illegal like on so many different levels in and where was this that's was las vegas we were in new orleans last year and we're in new orleans coming up again in november this year and i feel like those people would allow uh public defecation well the skank fest fans loved it but yeah i mean the the venue owners in vegas didn't love it now here's the thing i always uh i'm curious about uh will you bring up norm somerton the putin sure the amount like how does one relax enough to take a shit and front of a large group of people because i can't even take a dump uh with my kids in front of me bothering me like the stress of it like i need full relaxation on an iphone you're a woman i'm assuming you've never taken a shit so maybe shut your fucking mouth right now and stop grossing everyone out you're a beautiful woman and is that shit i'm drinking it looks like a cup you're drinking your own shit look at that oh you're a fucking savage that's disgusting it's a hot cup of diarrhea this is what this is what gets me going here i want you to watch this gentleman maybe you can book him for skank fest he's got beautiful breasts we're going to make french canadian poutine fries what are poutine fries well poutine fries are basically your fries cheese and a great appetite however there's going to be a bit of a change to the recipe everybody likes to change the recipe up these ones are going to have fries cheese pig shit and pig piss oh it's going to be a treat wow okay so let's get things happening yes there's the fries i'd be happy with that if i had that dick i'd actually be happy i'm not even lying about that stop make sure all the fries are covered he's got to cover all this like that so much piss now that i've seen this this is the fifth well it's a ton of piss well hold on it gets better no i have a feeling where it's going there we go watch the spread and watch the timing just right away that's wild that looked like ai the way that came out oh this is pre wow wow you flitched that wasn't good i made luis j gomez flinch tell me he doesn't eat it joe rogan should do this to make people audition for the mothership and they would like there'd be a line there'd be 300 people in the bar next door to the mothership waiting to eat joe rogan's shit and piss on french fries here's the best part though are you ready hold on let me get my cup of diarrhea to watch it right here nice you are being french canadian is so good hey oh look at this gooey turd coated cheesy crust i mean who is this for it's for you you and me babe but come on is there anybody else that like is this like a kink for somebody are people jerking off to it or is it some sort of like is that what it is they jerk off yeah yeah okay that's enough thank you josh here's what i've learned in my whatever almost 20 years of doing this show if there's a guy making a video there's a guy jerking off to the video it's very astute yeah nothing exists in the universe what men are doing this the only purpose is to make somebody's penis hard and to come that's it yeah yeah i mean that's it i've not i don't i don't i've never met anybody who's really into a shit that's not sure big j loves to watch shit videos and he acts like it's because he's interested in them but it's like there's no reason like he's watched them all like he'll be like he could reference them like it's old movies so maybe he does jack off to shit videos sorry like ship is in not like this type not this like a hot chick dropping a deuce or a chick farting can i tell you something easy money easy money and if my career died tomorrow you better believe feet feet shitting farting easiest money in the world just show your tits i'm sorry i think you could just show your tits and i don't i got you know i i don't know mine are kind of jacked i had surgeries and stuff oh yeah and your kids yeah right you know my tits are old and shitty but that's that's still better than shit that's probably it's a more acceptable kink old shitty tits old shitty tits well that's your nickname old shitty tits of course that's who i am we haven't even done our opening clip this one's i mean that was that set the by the by the bar pretty high yeah but here's my opening clip for you you ready this guy oh man all right here we go fucking bitch tits you fucking dummy oh you sexy facebook woman if you're lonely you want to you know meet i'm in belvey nebraska i'm not gonna get my address out on facebook because there's too many weirdos out there somebody might try home invasion and i have to fucking kill him you know what i mean so but anyway but uh i was randy don't bring anyone nothing to this yeah you feel it not enough podcasts have fun radio intros anymore i love it i love it this is good can we call this guy call this guy yeah his number's up the top so dude i didn't even realize that it was like yeah it's fucking legit and we know where he is he's in nebraska but don't give out that address i'm gonna put his phone number there with his phone number i think you just have one google search from finding his address his family members there's a great scam you've never gotten a hooker christina but let me tell you there's a great scam yeah if you call around and try to get a hooker right what it'll do is these people that are scammers they put um it'll be like it'll be like a number whatever you you're like hey you know i'm interested in meeting with this girl you start negotiating whatever maybe they answer you maybe they don't but it's not even a hooker it's it's probably just some asian somewhere in another country or whatever but what they do is you'll get a text message and they'll say this is like you know warito carlos whatever from the whatever cartel in mexico you wasted my girl's time we're gonna fucking come and kill you now if you don't pay us two thousand dollars and then they give you they put your home address your family members your contacts um and then you know you start freaking out and then they send you like pictures of like dismembered body parts like beheaded people um it's it's a very common scam that this happens um but it's not it's not really the cartel it's just some yeah person just because they're assuming one percent of the people that get this go fuck i gotta you would freak out i'm a dummy Dude, the first time I was like, fuck, what am I going to do? I imagine like the guy that's like married, right? He goes home. He's like, babe, we got to move. We got to get his bank accounts. He's unlocking his gun from under his bed because he thinks the cartel is coming. Oh, my God. I would shit my pants so hard if I got that. Very common scam. I didn't know that. So if you're getting hookers, boys, that might happen. There's a lot of people going like, oh, shit, dude, I fell for that one right now. Well, that's why we do this show, to help. We're helping. Help people out. Wait, can we call this guy? Sure. What's his name again? Hold on. Let me just make sure we, let me get his, let me get his rap again. Hold on. Here we go. Why would he put his phone number? That's crazy. Oh, you sexy Facebook woman. If you're lonely, you want to. Sexy Facebook woman. That's you. Me, I'm in Bellevue, Nebraska. W, Nebraska? Bellevue. I'm going to get my address out on Facebook because there are too many weirdos out there. Somebody might try. Hold on. Well, I got to tell you something. Chances are, Bellevue, Nebraska is not that big to begin with. No, yeah. Everybody knows who this guy is. Everyone knows exactly who this guy is. He's the guy who posts this. I mean, I wonder if it's ever worked. He's going to shit himself right now and start eating it on some french fries once he gets a phone call from a real woman. Do you think, do you think he's gotten any phone? No. Not a single one. How do we do it? How do we do it? How do I, I'm 50. How do I, what do I, I'd be like, hey, I'm 50. I'm 50. Yeah, I'd be like, I'm. Oh, I was on Facebook. I'll laugh on speakerphone just holding up to the mic. Lots of technology here at the Your Mom's House Studios. What's his name? I don't think we have it. What's his name? David. David. Oh my God, I've never done this before. Are you ready? This is the best. What should I say? I don't know. I just feel like I'm so horny. Just get him hard. Get him to start jacking off. No! If you get him to start jacking off, I'll donate $1,000 to any charity of your choice. No, I can't do that. I swear to God. Yeah, I am. And I'm talking to any charity, the Nazi party, like whatever you want me to donate money to, I will. What should the goal be? What should we do? I just want to like, I want him to tell me about himself. Okay, ready? David? That's his name? Hi, if you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available. I'm a sexy Facebook lady. Hi, my name is Tracy and I'm a Facebook lady. no nope that's him nope nope no way what was the charge what was the charge is this an active warrant uh i'm not even violating protection he violated a protection order what's that mean like is that a restraining order probably yeah he violated a restraining order you know what the man knows what he wants you know what i wish you the best i hope you find love in your life david and then if even if she doesn't want to love you just find it again and again with that same woman apparently i'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs i'll race you i'm ian finance hey how are you and each week i'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head i get you to teach me how to do your job ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs youtube.com slash ian finance comedy every other tuesday produced by ymh i gotta rip a fart too bro let it loose toot toot i'll see you out there how long you've 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y m h the promo code is y m h visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast quince is all about elevated essential that feel effortless designed for layering and mixing each piece helps build a timeless wardrobe made to last with versatile silhouettes and thoughtful details they're the kind of styles you wear again and again they've got the wardrobe staples with quality that's made to last 100 organic cotton sweaters premium denim made with stretch for all-day comfort luxe cotton cashmere blends perfect for the changing seasons everything you need for a wardrobe that actually lasts quince works directly with safe ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen so you're not paying for brand markup just high quality clothing i have to tell you i have this beautiful silk blouse that i got on quince it has like a little bow in the front i've worn it on the show i absolutely love it and here's the secret it looks exactly 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the only time i've been seriously arrested was for menacing harassment and uh it was my i had a roommate um this is like right this is right before my son's mother got pregnant so this is probably like 15 years ago something like that and um me and this guy just fucking didn't like each other well you know you move in you answer an ad on craigslist and you know i show up and uh this guy was like a douchey like he was in law school he was just this rich kid like but it was like a shitty apartment and i had my own entrance he had his own entrance it was kind of a cool deal it was it was in hell's kitchen so it was um you know uh you know a decent enough area in new york city right west side i'm close to the west side highway it's decent yeah i heard it's not very nice a lot of gays that's very hateful that's all you've heard yeah maybe you guys i understand down in austin you guys are fucking bigots but up in new york we're very open-minded i didn't know that was the gays i thought the gays were the village it's really although all along the west side so from hell's kitchen right which is like the 40s and 50s on the west side chelsea like the 20s on the west side chelsea's big gay then down village that whole strip is pretty gay that's so they have such so much territory the rainbow going over the west side highway yeah good for them so was this gentleman gay no no it was just a dude you know just a law school i see what you're implying not that you're a raging homosexual you heard it here first on your mom's house louis jane gomez no just a normal dude and um whatever a law student which is not normal they're not i went to law school for two whole weeks they're not normal he's a day he was a dick sucks yeah so we started to bump heads or whatever and then eventually you bump it hold on what what were the arguments about were you stealing his food to be honest no no no nothing like that it was just we just didn't really like each other and it became a thing where i was leaving i was ready to move on right we weren't friends we weren't it was you know it was a short-lived sort of like thing and um it was the summertime and he um it was like it was his place i was renting the room from him so his name was on the lease right so i was getting ready to go and um i guess i owed money still and he's like bro you gotta give me the utility money and i was like of course i'm gonna give you the utility money i was like i'm trying to find an apartment right now i have to put a deposit just give me like i was never planning on giving this kid the utility money it was not happening right so he could smell that his fucking law his lawyer nose went off so um was he big nosed he was no i don't think he was i don't think he was but uh yeah he so he was like yeah you gotta you gotta give me money and i was like no or i'll give it to you when i when i leave and he could tell i was lying so he had this was during a heat wave in august in new york city like new york city in the summertime yeah like i'm gonna go wrong you're here in texas dude texas in the summertime is pure fucking hell this place is insane but new york heat cooks in the smells of the city yes it does different and it's very humid it's very like the exhaust like it's just it's a lot and we were going through like a heat wave like five six days in a row it was like 105 106 and um it was his air conditioner in my window it was his unit Right. So I was out promoting comedy clips. I used to be a comedy clip promoter. Yes, I guess probably 16 years ago. And he goes, I come home and he took the air conditioner out of my window. No, he fucking did. During a heat wave. And I had a Jack Russell Terrier that I never, ever got groomed. So he just had thick hair. So it was like I had a fan. But with the family, it was like whirlwinds of dog hair and you'd go into the room. It was truly hell, like the worst. So then I, to retaliate, I started cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush and jerking off in a shampoo bottle. I mean, the rarest I've ever been was that week as I'm just angrily jerking into a shampoo bottle. I was like, take this, you fucking motherfucker. Oh, dude. Every time he showered, I would just fucking listen. I was like, yes, he's fucking got my jizz on his head. Hold on, though. That is diabolical. Yeah, yeah. Who would ever think of jizzing in a man's shampoo? Guys, that's a gift for the world. You guys can do that to your roommates. Another gift. Yeah, another. We're just giving out gifts today. Yeah. Bro, that's diabolical because it's like you don't even know that's there because you're not tasting it. You might catch a whiff of something and be like, is that? No. Honestly, it probably made his hair shinier. I think it's good. I think it's good for your hair, to be honest. So this fool took his unit, the fucking AC unit, out of your room just on the assumption that you would stiff him for the utilities. Is that what I'm hearing? He was right. All of his instincts were correct. No, I know, but you're not supposed to. So he starts the war with you. I'm on your side here. I'm your attorney on this side. Good, thank you. Yeah. Okay, so go ahead. So you're jerking off into his thing. You're cleaning the toilet. Smart. Yes, obviously. Just doing what I have to do, you know? Obviously, Lewis. I'm on your side. I hate this guy, right? So do I. So I guess I'm out one day. I'm in Times Square promoting the comedy club, right? Because that's how I got my start in comedy was promoting comedy clubs. It wasn't barking. It was actually selling tickets. But he calls me. He's like, yeah, dude, I got to get the cable box out of your room. And I'm like, don't touch the fucking cable. Don't even go in my room, right? Because I guess he had to return it because I was leaving. And I was like, don't go in my room. I'll give it to you when I get home. He's like, I'm going into your room to take it right now. And I was like, if you go to my room, I'm going to come and beat your fucking ass. I'm going to come and fuck you up. He's like, I'm in your room right now. You're not going to do anything. So I start running home. I remember Bobby Kelly lived on my block. And Bobby Kelly was like, you know, fucking legend already. Like, I'm a young comic. I see Bobby Kelly. He's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm going to go beat up my roommate. He's like, you're going to get arrested, dude. I was like, no, I'm not. Run to the house, dude. And yeah, we get into this big argument. His girlfriend's there and I'm making him look like a bitch. I'm Puerto Rican. So we just talk shit in a way where it's like. You didn't have to tell me. I know it. You can tell. I felt your fucking energy. You have extra security here for that reason. Love it. So I'm talking like just, I mean, real like ghetto shit. Tell me, how do you flip shit? Like, what are you fucking, your fucking mother, your mother whore? I'm trying to get him to like, I want to get him to hit me for whatever it is. Smart, because that way you don't catch charges because you're defending him. And yeah, he's in law school. He's that kid who's going to fucking call the cops. So I'm just, do something, you little fucking bitch. I was like, yeah, you fucking, you know, whatever it is. I'm getting very Puerto Rican, very ghetto. Do you speak Spanish? No, no, no, but I get a Spanish accent when I get angry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It turns into. Hey, you fucking bitch. Yeah, what's up, bitch ass motherfucker? What's up, motherfucker? Turned into a Mexican? Yeah. What's up, vato? I know we went Mexican. Yeah, we went Mexican. It was Puerto Rican, like Rosie Perez. Yeah, that's kind of, that's what I was doing. Yeah, you're like, what's up with her? What's up with you? Okay, sorry, go ahead. So. Wow, this is fascinating. Yeah, yeah. So Chad is defending himself. He's defending himself, but he's just, you know, you can tell. He fucking beat his ass. I'm out out for him. You're Puerto Rican. But I didn't hit him. I just, I ended up just bitching him out in front of his girlfriend. Damn. And then I. I put, I had a fishing knife, an old fishing knife. It was a shitty old knife. In your room or in your pocket? It was just like, it was a knife that I had, like growing up. I would go fishing. I grew up in the suburbs, so we would go fishing. And it's like a little shitty fishing knife. And I put it on top of the cable box to let him know, if you touch this cable box. Yeah. I'm going to fucking murder you. Yeah. Yes. It was specifically very menacing. Yeah. And I would understand if he felt harassed in this moment. So I left that on the, that was that. Then I went back out and I did my thing. And I go out to shows that night. You know, me and Dave Smith is a great comic. I do with Legion of Scandics with. We're hanging out. We're doing our thing. And apparently he called the cops like a pussy while I was out of my show. What a little bitch, right? So I come home and I go to walk my dog, Sport, right? Me and Dave Smith are there and we're coming out and there's cops coming up the stairwell. Oh, damn. And they were like, do you live in the city? Do you live in the city? I live in apartment 2B and I was in 2A because we had separate entrances. So I was like, no. I was like 2A. So I go out and then I'm like, I'm like, Dave's like, dude, let's just go. You're going to get arrested. I was like, I'm not getting arrested. It's my word versus his word. We're not realizing that lawyer versus Puerto Rican, you're never winning that argument. So yeah, I come back up and they, yeah, they, they arrested me. Yeah. They put me in cuffs, had to go to jail. Big Jay Oakerson's wife was a lawyer at the time. So luckily I, she ended up coming down. And because if you have a lawyer, they sort of move you to the head. If you're using the public defender, you're waiting on a very long list. I would have been there for like four or five days. So I was only in jail for like a day for that. And the charges got dropped. And that was that. Was she a criminal defense lawyer or just any lawyer? I don't know what the fuck she did. Well, cause I'm saying if you just have any type of lawyer, cause any lawyer can't represent you, I assume it doesn't, it doesn't have to be their brand of law. That's a hot tip too. Lewis is like, Hey, if you got a friend who's a lawyer, it doesn't have to be a criminal. It bumps you up. This is a really good hot tip. Good hot tip. Make that your first fucking phone call. Do they really give you one phone call? Do you get one phone call? No, no, there's a, there's a phone. There's like a pay phone. So you can keep on going back to it and using it if you need to. Pay phone. So do you need quarters? No, I think you're just doing like collect calls. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. That's the way it works. I need to tell you about my Helix mattress because it has changed the game. I used to have trouble staying asleep at night, whether it was from back pain or being too hot or feeling Tom make the slightest movement. It was a total nightmare. 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For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. Limited time offer. But I remember, so I couldn't go back to the house. All my belongings were there. Fuck. And it's so funny because my son's mother had to pack up everything with Nate Bargatze, who is actually my son's godfather. No way. And me and Nate are like the whole, like the fact that Nate had to go to this little shitty apartment. It's like, it's like I watched him at Madison Square Garden, like, you know, six months ago with my son. And I just think back to like him having to move everything out of this little shitty apartment with my son's mother. It's like, what a crazy world. What a crazy world. Yeah. But most importantly, when you're in jail for that one night, you're overnight once. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard that there's one toilet in the room and that you have to take a shit and piss in front of everybody in the room. And there's no French fries. So. So that's that. Fuck, dude. Why would? You just do it right in the bowl. It's wasted, wasted materials, as they say. But I'm serious. Isn't, isn't, isn't this true? Yeah, there is. And it's like a toilet. It's just like out in the middle of the fucking. Right in the middle of the room. What? Yeah. So did you make a brown while you were there? No, you'd pee. Some people do. And you're supposed to flush it. Like as it comes out, you keep on flushing it. Otherwise everyone gets mad. Is that a rule explicitly stated in the room? Yeah. When somebody goes to take a shit, everyone's like, yo, make sure you flush that right away. They tell you. Yeah. They say it a little blacker. Yo. Yo. Yo. Don't be sticking up this place, yo. And what kind of. gentlemen are you in there with and i'm assuming it's only gentlemen they separate yeah yeah you're with all the dudes and um it's everybody from like so i was in that time it was more like actual violent it's kind of funny they put the violent criminals together yeah and it's like when you get arrested for smoking weed it's just like these sweet nights in new york city or they used to anyway um you know i think they you know they started changing things because like they were stopping and frisking like just you know puerto rican and black kids so the numbers were massively inflated right so you just every everybody had weed on them like every nyu college student that was a white kid also had weed on them but but they weren't getting like stopped so when you look at the numbers in new york city it was only brown people getting arrested it was kind of a weird system right um but when you get arrested for smoking weed or open container or public urination that was sort of they would do sweet nights you'd be in the cell with all those types of people and people that were like in like violent fights or like stealing things like that they were sort of separated so it was almost like a class of criminal um so yeah i was with more like but here's the thing a lot of people you get the people that have been through the system a lot like once you're arrested seven times you know it's only 24 hours you're like it's just not that big of a deal the first time you're like what the fuck's going on like is my life over but by the time the sixth or seventh time you go you go this is kind of it's you know it's whatever it's not a big deal you kind of have fun you joke around you can buy weed you buy cigarettes like in in the cell in the cell people will sneak stuff and some people are doing heroin and getting really fucked up but um yeah it's kind of in a weird way like there's like a camaraderie yeah of course yeah and you're just kind of like everyone's waiting some some people know like you know if they have a warrant and they're going to like prison prison you can kind of see those guys like yeah they're gonna come get me um some guys just refuse to give their name or information so they'll be in this cell for like a week and it's like they just refuse because i think going to prison is probably worse than being in just like the jail for sure now do you have to spread and cough just to go to jail or that's when they check you in jail i don't know i don't know i don't know when they check you and you don't you don't have to do it actually in the cell but i did just for fun just to make friends i just wanted to like show everyone that i was friendly well look you're are you single uh no i just i just got locked up you did got locked up just just again so maybe but maybe you have some friends that are single i just i want to show you this video this girl sent oh i cheat so whatever oh oh yeah perfect okay so this chick just sent this in she heard you were coming i didn't know if you wanted it what do you think i hate when they do that oh it's uh asmr she's getting ready for her big date with you i've hooked up with worse no yes i have oh my god are you kidding me i hooked up i've hooked up with was she in jail i mean it's a good jail if you're gonna go to jail you're gonna go to jail go to prison this is the haircut this is the one right it's not bad no so wait you've hooked up with worse than her yeah 100 without a doubt worse than a a head shaved skullet yeah she's kind of cute i mean like you know if you really if you forget the hair body's decent face is cute she's gonna be a freak she's into weird shit yes this is true no you're right because the damage is out there yeah she's like i am traumatized here's what i somebody did stuff to me younger and now i'm gonna i'm gonna be now i'm gonna now i'm gonna put my fingers in your butt that's that woman my girlfriend now she won't touch my butthole i won't touch times now i won't touch one finger nope i'm terrified i'm never one finger can i tell you why please my husband is large and hairy and i have i've perused the area like and it's so hot and steamy in there you know what i mean it's like um it's humid yeah and i don't like it it's like new york in july in new york in july you nailed it yeah yeah yes and i get scared of the heat is that everybody's butthole i think i think you know i gotta be honest with you i've never noticed a lot of heat coming off of a woman's asshole i think it's just men because there's a lot of heat coming out of my asshole too unquestionably you think there is like have you empirically tested this no i've never touched your own b-hole well yeah i think sometimes you have to when you're cleaning but you know what i mean when you're not when i'm cleaning when you're not when i'm cleaning when i'm whacking it no no that'd be crazy that would be gay do people do that men fingering your own assholes wild that's fucking like legs up that's where you draw the line two fingers that's crazy i think so too but i don't know you're the skank fest leader you tell me you're the originator i've never i've never fingered my own asshole whatever it is when there's a girl going down there that just seems really gay but when there's a girl going down there if she wants to put a finger in my ass or like lick my asshole that's fine i used to see you lick tom's asshole never in my life never not once no i'm a fucking lady dude i'm a mother i have two children i have two sons yeah no nam i am a good eastern european they are 10 and 7 now wow no dude i'm not a fucking dirty whore and can i tell you something it's not a dirty no oh sorry i mean not your lady your lady's my girl doesn't touch my asshole she refuses why i've made a couple jokes about it i'm like because she's a nice girl she's a nice girl well she's from philly so she's not she's a piece of shit i'm a piece of shit because i'm from the san fernando valley and i'm eastern european too but i just like i don't know i'm old school babe like i'm old school i'm i'm from the 1900s i'm not i'm old yeah like i can't i'm not licking a dude's asshole it's not in the fucking repertoire man special type of woman that does it and when i was growing up watching the pornography i grew up on women weren't doing that shit yeah that was strictly for gay dudes yeah this is not for women to do i mean look dude my asshole is a goddamn nightmare i feel bad i feel bad when they do it but i mean boy do i put my legs back and just fucking i go cross-eyed i put i stick my tongue out like an only fans whore okay here we go this is for you then i'm feeling are you into this you tried this you want me to change your tamper you are you talking about interracial relationships no i'm against this actually this is wrong what's wrong stick with your own this should be illegal not in trump's america of course well you're in texas okay so okay so this is it says when he thinks he's about to hand clap my cheeks but i have a diaper on yes i'm disappointed and then like the crying laughing emoji i'm so confused what is what is what is happening here so she shit in her disabled diapers yeah and he's gonna change her die die i don't think you should be able to tattoo disabled people i agree that's like yeah i feel not retarded well what type of disability does she have i when i hear disabled i'm assuming it's mental every time i don't know why let me see hold on there's there's some of this is read me okay her name is chelsea she's an instagram personality who posts about her life living frederick's frederick frederick's ataxia disease which is a progressive neuro neurodegenerative disease that damages the nervous system spinal cord and cerebellum causing impaired muscle coordination weakness speed god damn it yeah this poor broad so oh yeah her boyfriend has to change her diaper because she shit herself wow so but that's a here's the thing i'm not going to hang men there's no no no no before we go there's no man on the planet that's doing that out of the kindness of his heart as we learned in the opening clip guys only do stuff because it what to jerk off that's right that's it it makes his d hard he likes it yeah i mean if you're dating i look here's the truth i could never date a girl that has any like physical shit at all if she if she got scoliosis i'm not passing that on to my children possibly so every time you date you're thinking in terms of down the road like yeah should i make babies well i have a son and i think that way it's like i'm not gonna waste anybody's time so if a girl has like any like deformities and shit like that it ain't happening i'm not gonna we can't we can't create some fucked up little babies you know so so it doesn't make your dick hard is what you're saying no it doesn't make my dick hard yeah what about just changing a dirty die die uh i changed my son's diapers but it's like i like whatever it is with your kid you puke shit whatever else it is if somebody puked in front of me i would just start dry heaving but my son what i don't know why i'd never had a physical reaction to it when he was a baby or even when he there was he got sick when he was like three like puked everywhere you just clean it up you know yeah i um i had a girl puke on my dick recently really yeah yeah and um it was in a it was in a um loaner car from the car dealership because i was getting my tires rotated and she puked everywhere no it was it was pure hell like genuinely the worst and then she she was hammered um i was gonna say alcohol puke is really hard to get that smell out of i have a bit about it that i'm writing the it's like the truth the truth story was she tried to kill herself and she was on medications because she was fucking you know whacked in the head she came out to story wars which is a podcast that i do in new york city and uh i sent her over a couple drinks and she wasn't supposed to be drinking because she was on medication so she got like blackout drunk and then afterwards she's like I'm like, "No, you're too drunk." She's like, "Let me suck your dick in your car." I was like, "All right, fine, we can do that." And then we go out to the car and start sucking my dick. And then, you know. Oh, God, I almost threw up just thinking about it. Everywhere. And then I went to go get all the cleaning supplies. And when I came back out, she just left me. She, like, disappeared into the night. So I had to clean up everything. Just disappeared into the night. She just disappeared into the night. Just scuttled off. Covered in puke. Yeah, like, why? Why would she just disappear? She knows you. She was embarrassed and she was just fucked up. You know where she lives. I don't know her last name. I have no idea where she lives. But, yeah, I had to clean up her puke. And the whole time I'm just dry heaving as I'm like. I mean, it was everywhere. Trying to get puke out of a cup holder. Just the worst. You know what I hate? Like, I have a thing. I hate puking so much. I hate puke. I know I hate it more than you. I bet I have a fucking phobia. I've been to, like, doctors to try to get over it. Really? Yeah, I'm real fucked up, man. Yeah, you don't like it. I don't like it. Nobody likes puke. Except that first guy, probably. Well, I've seen some videos. All right, what about, how about this guy? What do you feel about him? No cap, no cap, dog. It's really my life, dog. The bitch is grating my potatoes. My mom right here talking shit. Other homegirl on the cuts. Come on, dog. I live on the lake, dog. Million dollar, million dollar nigga nigga. Holla at me, dog. Like I said, get off my. Dick. Hmm. Huh. That's a lot, right? No, that's the average skank fest attendee. Just so you know, that's who I sell my tickets to. That's rich. Yeah, don't disrespect rich. Well, like, okay, so it's a brag, because he's like, this is a million dollar lakefront shit. And he shows his sister grating carrots into a bowl. Yeah. And my mom talking shit. And she's like, don't fucking film me. And then he drops the N-bomb. He's like, what's up? And then. He said it with an A. That's okay. Yeah. I think if you don't have teeth, you're allowed to say the N-word. Interesting theory. That's the standard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I think you've. Because we've always talked about, like, what white person is allowed to drop N-bombs. And I think you're right. If you're missing all your teeth. From, you know, meth or heroin or whatever he's doing. Yeah. But, yeah, this guy. Do these people ever try to kill you and your family? Like, I'm wondering. Because you show these people on such a large platform. Am I giving him ideas? Stop it. Stop it. Let's move right along. Here we go. But anyway, he's bragging, right? Like, you tell me you've met guys like him in jail, right? Yeah, of course. No, I mean, I grew up in the, like, suburban New York. Not as, like, trashy as that. Like Syracuse? No, not as far out there. Rockland County. I know where that is. Have you ever played Levity Live in Nyack? Yeah. West 9th. Levity Live in Nyack. It's in the mall. Yeah, yeah. The mall. I worked in that mall in high school. Shut the front door. I worked at Hot Topic. Yeah, yeah. Bro, and that put you at a hotel. Yeah. That's all Jews. But what kind? The Curly Q Jews? Oh, the Hussieds. Again. So Muncie, New York, is the largest population of Hussetic Jews anywhere in the world. That's in Rockland County as well. It's an entire community of Hussetic Jews. Yeah. Yeah, my mom told me when I was driving through Muncie, she was like, be careful because they'll push their baby strollers in front of your car. So you kill their baby so they can see you. That was a real lesson my mom taught me. Your mom's Puerto Rican? My mom was white. White trash. Much closer to this guy. Yeah, yeah. I'm half Puerto Rican, half white trash. So dad's Puerto Rican, mom's white trash. Yeah. Yeah, because I was going to say that's like a gypsy thing. Gypsies will do that in Hungary. They push their babies in front of your car? They won't do it to kill you. They'll throw their baby at you so that you catch the baby and then they'll take your wallet. Ooh. It's to steal from you. That's smart. Yeah, it kind of is. That's very creative. That's why I was like, I wonder if your mom's a gypsy. She's not. Okay, so hold on. I want you to see this. This is a roommate fight. Is this what happened between you and Chad? Stoned out motherfucker. Listen to that. Wait till I show you this, darling. This is the real Daryl. This is the real Daryl that slams doors. You piece of shit, Daryl. You are a total piece of shit. I'm so sick of you guys. I've done so much for my safe Florida too. Like I said, stay the fuck out. Stay the fuck away from me. Stay the fuck away. That's right. This is common area, buddy. So fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Just go out and fucking get your stone some more today. Whatever, Daryl. Go get some more stone. Get the hell away from me. Oh, that really bothers potheads. Oh, they don't like it. Do not. Do not. Hey, man. Pot's cool, dude. You need to chill. Listen, DeRosa came on here, and he and I are not pot people. I'm an alcohol type. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But boy, were they pissed off. And we're like, you guys are fucking losers. Yeah, you guys got to. Just a bunch of pot smokers. Get some motivation, guys. Stop smoking your. I was, I mean, I can't say, I can't claim that I'm not a pothead. I haven't smoked since Christmas. I take breaks for like, in my older age, I'll go like six months to a year without smoking. And I get in great shape. And I, you know, get, I'm motivated. I get shit done. I start businesses. And then like I fall off for like five or six months and just get stoned every day. And it's really, it's really not good for, for me anyway. Like for me. For my motivation. I feel like I'm just kind of like living underwater. Yeah. Yes. So I think some people have to be a little self-reflective. You can admit that it's probably not the best to get high in the morning when you first get up. No, I think what it is is because it's such a downer and it's such a brain killer. And it's not like you, at least for me, I don't smoke weed and then go out dancing and partying and go to a concert. I don't know how many people go to concerts. I mean, do you go dancing even when you're not high? I can. You can. You like dancing. I can. I like only Gotham. I like music though. Okay. I'm fucking retarded. Did I mention that? Like I'm embarrassing, but I also don't like the marketing of pot, the culture of pot. I don't like their fucking stupid posters. They're glowing the dark shit, black lights, fucking beanbag. It's just ugly. It's not a cute aesthetic. Yeah. More punk. Like if punks were like into that, but they're not, they're into alcohol. But anyway, is this so fucking Daryl? Apparently she's into. Smoking pot and they're fighting over the communal area. So hold on. Let's see. Oh, here we go. Speaking of pot. It's all you do every day is go out and buy drugs and get stoned. Left at nine 30 today. Where the fuck were you? Where was I? I was at play it again sports. I was at Publix. Get stoned and go talk to everybody. It's all right. I got your video showing you buying drugs. I got you. Stupid motherfucker. I want to fucking stab you so bad, Daryl. I don't do drugs. I went in. And it made a medical appointment because I needed one. And I made an appointment today. I don't give a shit what you do, Deb. You're a stoneless motherfucker. I don't care about. Am I fucking stoned? Yes, you are. Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you. She didn't. I shouldn't even deny it. Fuck you. I went to play it again, Sam. What is play it? Play it again sports. What are you talking about? But she can be high and go to play it again. She went to play it again sports. Oh, it's. Is it just a story? It's a good story. It's a sporting good story. Maybe that doesn't make you a winner because you went to go buy sporting goods. You'd fucking. You can be high and still do that. Yeah. I mean. Dumb broad. Debbie. What sports do potheads play? They don't play any sports, right? Like hacky sack. Hacky sack. I don't sell hacky sacks there. That's crazy. That's another thing. Yeah. Potheads. Yeah. What do they do? Hacky sack. Watching movies. Yeah. Fucking losers, man. Fucking dweebs. Whereas, you know, alcoholics are like athletes. Oh, yeah. Baseball players. Yeah. What's his name? Doc Ellis pitched a perfect game. Highest shit on LSD. That's a respectable drug. That is respectable. That makes you do stuff. You got to really commit. If you're doing LSD or really, I do real drugs. Really. Like heroin. I do like that. LSD. Heroin's sexy. The problem is the marketing on that's sexy. Like I grew up watching Trainspotting. Yeah. All my favorite singers did. They did heroin. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm not into it. I could be. Oh, yeah. That would be it. You would have an endless supply of heroin if you wanted it. Oh, my God. If I find out I'm like terminally ill, that's the first thing I'm doing. Really? Yeah. What are you doing? First thing I'm doing if I'm terminally ill, I'm going to find my old roommate and fucking jerk off directly on a scalp. Play it again, sports. Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I guess I would. If I was going to. You know, I think Metzger has the joke like that. Yeah. He goes, he's like, you hear what these kids like, like they're suicidal. It's like, how are you going to kill yourself? Have you not heard of heroin? Which is such a great point. It's like if you're that far down, just do heroin and maybe you'll die and you'll die. I mean, I'm assuming overdosing on heroin probably feels pretty sick. Yeah. It's so much heroin that it kills you. It's so great. Yeah. I know. Why? Yeah. You may as well just have a. You may as well just have a slow drug problem, but then the problem is you're drawing it out. Yeah. I don't know. But it's probably feels great. I mean, I've taken a Percocet. It felt pretty good. Bro. I had my last surgery. I had, they gave me Dilaudid, which is essentially it's heroin. Yeah. It's opioids. They gave it to me intravenously and I was like, it's the best feeling in the world. Yeah. But I heard you can't ever get back to that first dose feeling. Oh, you're chasing the drug. - Yeah, 'cause then your body just gets acclimated to that shit and then you don't ever get you gotta just start uh you know start taking drinking kratom every day oh is that right yeah that's shit i remember that what happened to that yeah no kratom sell out there they actually the main sponsor for skank fest is your kratom it's a kratom company and they're great they're really good dudes they're not like they're not telling they're not selling it like recreation i'm sure a lot of people do but it's the reason people use kratom is to get off of opioids and to get off of heroin so it's the better alternative to you know doing heroin every day but yeah people who just recreationally drink kratom they have like green teeth you're like what the fuck is wrong with you dude what's wrong with you it's crazy yeah wow skank fest is so much fun i don't know because i i mean i do know because uh sarah weinshank and uh why can't kim congan come in here after doing like the last time they came in like hot off the plane like they had just flown in glitter fucking still on their faces like fake fur jackets yeah i mean it is sodom and gomorrah it just sounds awesome it is it's uh it's very different it's not like when you go to like just for laughs you're like you're trying to like schmooze with the industry or like moon tower any of these other it's one giant venue there's six stages that in new orleans we did four stages because there were bigger rooms um but we have fights like we have fans fighting comedians fighting each other uncle laser uncle laser fought jason ellis and fucking what it was it was wild ellis is pretty strong monster yeah he's really terrifying and uh we have a naked roast ellis also judges the naked roast he's got a fucking dude ellis's cock bring it up please dude bring up jason ellis's car sure we can see it is a just it's just a monster between his legs like soft like his his cock is oh my his cock soft is literally twice no five times as big as my soft cock wow so hold on all the comics that roast okay thank you i got it i know this guy i'm still a mom guys in my heart uh you asked for it i know but then i remember that i you know i have enough dicks in my life i don't need to see it and i like jason ellis he's great and i'm sure he doesn't mind everyone saying he's got a huge cock yeah he's the best he's really tough and he has a huge cock oh for life uh so wait what was i okay so so the so the comics have to go nude yeah it's roast battle but all the guys and girls are roasting each other naked all the judges are naked stop it yeah yeah so who's gonna sign up i would be mortified so many people sign up it's crazy it's insane so one of the things we do is there's no cameras right so you and we don't we they really get it dude they're so respectful they look like a bunch of like bikers and heavy metal fans but they're hardcore comedy nerds whereas like if somebody heckles like everyone's like yo like there's none of that um there's nobody pulls out their phones to take video or take pictures we had louis ck um when he came back to comedy he had taken off he'd done some shows in europe but he hadn't performed in the united states he came to the one in brooklyn and was a special surprise guest standing ovation not a single camera phone taken out i took the video of him going on being announced that's what got leaked to tmz um but not a single person they just knew like this is a for us this isn't for we did a tough grad reunion uh with colin quinn back in the day it's not a single camera people just like our audience is very educated they know like it's also like it was very special to be there it was like a secret show just for them so it's like you had to be there if you weren't there that was that so it was uh yeah yeah it's pretty special and it's just like it's just chaotic so there's obviously great comedy and podcasts but it's all the extra things and a Gravitron and there's just, you know, people are doing fucking acid and molly and ketamine and like we have a weed tent and there's like, it's really, it's debaucherous, but it's also like, you know, controlled chaos where there's no fights. There's been like a couple scuffles now at this point, it's gotten so big, but we prided ourselves for years that we never had a single fight or nobody had to be kicked out. - No, so it's not like the Juggalos where people are-- - No, no, no, no, no, which I performed at the gathering of the Juggalos this past year. - Oh, you did? - Yeah, yeah. - We love these guys, ICP's been on this show a few times. They're fantastic, but I've seen like fights breaking out and it can be whatever, but I don't know. - Yeah, Violent J, he's been on the podcast. - Yeah, they're so funny. - Last year for our last one in Vegas in San Clampas, he was the special musical guest. - Oh, cool. - Yeah, this year was hatred this year. So, but yeah, we always do the kickoff party on Thursday night, there's always a surprise music guest and yeah, we do some live podcasts and it's really as a festival of love. It's like, there's a lot of like craziness and it seems like it's intimidating, I think, for people, but then people go, you don't have to be like a Legion of Skanks fan 'cause we have, I mean, the lineup is crazy. Shane Gillis and Tim Dillon and Tony Hinchcliffe and Mark Norman, I mean, you could just go, there's almost 200 comedians that perform and it's the best of the best. That's why you gotta come this year. - You gotta come, so Skankfest, it's 2026, it's gonna be in New Orleans, November 13th through 15th. And when do tickets go on sale for this? - The pre-sale, which is before we announce any, yeah, before we announce any comics, the pre-sale is February 16th, 2:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m. Eastern, I should say. So yeah, that's before, and then you get, the VIP tickets will get you access to the Thursday night kickoff party as well. It's the only way to get it. And then the general sale is April 20th, 2:00 p.m. Eastern and that'll be for everybody. That's when we announce the lineup and it's the 10th anniversary, so it's gonna be the best one we've ever done. - Oh, that's gonna be a banger then. You gotta go hard. - And New Orleans was so fun. New Orleans is such a debaucherous city. The problem is Vegas ruined us. 'Cause we did it in New York for three years, then Houston, then we went to Vegas for three years, and Vegas doesn't stop. Like you could just, you leave Skankfest, the last show ends at like one in the morning and you go out and it's just getting started in downtown Vegas. So people would just like stay up for five days. It's just, so New Orleans has that similar vibe. There's the 24-hour bars. We do, we have the after parties at Larry Flint's Barely Legal Club. - Oh, cool. Cool. - I knew you'd really like that. - How fun. - No, no. You're gonna come to the Barely Legal. - Of course. - The Barely Legal experience. - I love it. I'm Barely Legal. Yeah. That's so rad. - Yeah, yeah. It's really fun. - What a party. You know, and that is nice. And I've always found too, that people that are, how do I say this? Openly freaky or whatever are the coolest. - Yeah. - And it's the ones that pretend to be normal that I distrust the most. - Oh yeah. Yeah. - Like if I walk into your house and you've got kids, but your furniture is all white and then it doesn't look like kids live there. I'm like, you're fucking serial killer. Like I don't trust. - I have all white furniture, but it's not my, my ex-girlfriend picked out the couch and the rug or helped me. So it's like, she had this like, you know, hot girl, like rich aesthetic she wanted to like have. So, and then we broke up right, but I was buying a house for the first time and we broke up right before we moved in because it just, I could tell that she was just not like, when you try to buy a house with somebody that you're not married to, everything becomes apparent. So it's important. And it's like, I was like, I can't, I can't like bring her into this home and make this half her home when it's not really. So we ended up breaking up and now I have like this massive white couch and white carpet. My whole living room is like bright white. - But you don't have small kids is what I'm saying. - Yeah, I have a 13 year old, but he jerks off. - He jerks off. He's in his room a lot. - And you don't come as white. - Yeah. Most importantly. - Yeah. - Wow, you broke up. How long were you guys together for? - On and off for three years. - Dang, homie. - Yeah, yeah. - Have you ever been married? - No. - Wow. Are you thinking like, can you, do you think you could? - I think if I, I really like being a dad, right? I love being a dad. It's the thing that I do best, right? Like, you know, it's the one thing that I try to do really well and I try not to fuck up with, right? - Yeah. - And I feel like I kind of miss the experience because me and my son's mother broke up when he was two. We co-parent, we still co-parent great. Like we go on vacations together. We used to go to dinner together. - You do, that's very hard. So I just put it on my distance glasses. - Yeah, yeah. - Gotta get my prescription fixed. Go ahead. - Yeah, no, no. - So you co-parent, you guys go on. - We co-parent very well, yeah. - Things. - Yeah, and we, you know, we do it, we really co-parent well and we're very different people, so we would have never worked. But I kind of wish I didn't, like, not give my son the full experience. You know, he had a broken home and, you know, even though it worked out really well and he's spoiled and he's got everything he wants and he's really, I mean, incredible kid, straight A student, good looking, tall, just sweet, kind. Like, really, really thoughtful and mature. You know, athletic, he's in musical theater, he acts, he's gay, obviously. So he's not gay. He's got a girlfriend, he's got multiple girlfriends. This kid's like a little pimp. But he's really, like, great. But I didn't give him the experience. I would have loved to give him a little sister or a little brother. So I think about it now, like, you know, if I'm dating a chick and I am dating a girl now, it's like, I would do it again. I'd have more kids, get married, do it the right way. - Why not? - Yeah. - You know, again, what else are you gonna do? I'm 50 almost in June and I'm like, what the fuck else am I gonna do? I've done everything else. How many fucking brunches are you gonna go to? How many parties? No, you know what I mean? - Of course, I get it. - Really, really. It's like, your life becomes masturbatory at a certain point if your existence is just for you. I think it's very depressing. - Well, it's all, like, people who don't have kids, like, I go, like, where's the motivation to, like-- - Yeah, what are you doing? - Like, for me now, it's like, it's actually pretty easy. I'm 43, I'm turning 44 in April. And I'm going, like, I'm, like, looking at, like, death in the next 30, 40 years, right? That's, like, happening. And I'm going, like, it's not, like, depressing 'cause I'm, like, oh, I'm gonna leave my son and my niece some incredible things. I'm not only, like, you know just like money and things like that but also like just like my legacy will live on through like my kid who's gonna probably change the world he's like the best person i've ever met so yeah well and you created skank fest which i think about like in all seriousness i'm sure there's people that are like thank god for this this is the thing i look forward to every year it's their vacation like our fan base uh you know i'd say 90 of them come from out of town and it's their vacation it's they they save up all year they buy the tickets they book the hotels and um and it's different you're not just watching comedy shows you're like partying like it's not like you everyone so our the concept came from i was i was doing these heavy metal cruises i was performing with the comedy acts on like uh it was called ship rock you did what oh i didn't even know there were heavy metal yeah yeah let me know if you know of a goth one i'll do that i'm sure there's definitely a goth cruise unquestionably it'll be like the cure like i would love that i just saw nine inch nails live uh in new york how are they they're incredible tram reservoirs incredible did you watch soul soul the cartoon cartoon movie yeah he did he did the music on soul that's why it's good it's like they're so moody and like yes look the gothic cruise you got to do this oh hold on bro 20 26 info coming soon okay bookmark this i'm being serious dude i would do this i'll perform on it yeah yeah you want to do it that's a hundred percent dude let's see the goth girls together i was i did i worked in hot topic in high school i was a guy not good i was a guy i was i was got the jason i was unique i i yeah but i wore eyeliner i had a long hair dude come on i smell my type people people think i'm like a joe rogan bro and i'm like no no those guys made fun of me in high school i was like a weirdo um i was in a band i played drums oh cool i play drums now very poorly i just started doing it a couple years ago oh this is so cool original gothic cruise founded in 1989 wow what bro that's great where does it start tell me the the tell me where and when i mean just let's go it's a great promo for the goth crews i mean i love this yeah this is how much people pay to advertise on the show goth cruise book us here's the one fatal flaw okay and i know this because i was gothic when i went on my first cruise is that goths don't want to be out in the sunshine so you got to make it nocturnal we're like everything happens at night and then during the day we all get into your coffins instead of cabins everyone's got coffins yes deep southern caribbean from san juan hey that's your tribe alaska okay okay all right goth cruise but we would do these got these um these uh heavy metal cruises and i i was uh this is really where the concept from scanning fest came right we were doing these cruises and i would see like at the the the food hall like or the restaurants like the rock stars were just like hanging out and talking to the fans and you'd be on the deck of the boat and the hot tub and it's like oh that's the lead singer of limp biscuit or you know whoever else it is and it you couldn't escape everyone there's no escaping right i did the intractable joker's cruise there's some comedy ones as well um but it was like i was like oh this is like this is the way like what an experience like you're you're not only just watching these people perform but you're eating lunch with them you're interacting with them you're partying with them you're you're it's it's a different experience so we took that to the land so that's why it has to be one venue we never did like multiple venues like it has to be one venue it has to be a party it has to be everybody amongst each other so it's not it's it looks big because like but it's only about 3 200 people a day it's not like this massive massive amount of people um but you're really getting to like the experience of like hanging out with the legion of skanks or bobby kelly or shane gillis or tony hengecliff you don't really get that anywhere else right now we're all one it feels like a very like um you know so when the the comics come you know these guys they're all like what's weird as we started this 10 years ago we were all just broke asses and just trying to figure out life right now everyone's gotten like rich and famous and they're touring and making a million dollars on the road and so they nobody has to do it like shane gillis does not even tony hensel doesn't have to do skank fest the reason these guys come back it's because it's a very unique experience and comics were we can just we're our foundation was built on self-deprecation being broke not having anything making fun of that so you really never escape that thing right you spend you know a decade minimum being broke minimum like you know and then the next decade you kind of figure it out and i think we that because that's built into our foundation like we kind of we never move away from them i'm sure you know don't get me wrong like we you do to a certain degree but you always kind of remember that and i think that's why we get so many people that are still coming back year after year i still have nightmares that i'm broke and then i never made it in comedy and i'm living in downtown l.a again and i have to sell my feet pics and well and also too i think it's because you guys create it sounds like an environment where comics aren't afraid to walk around and be with people you know and comics for the most part i think are pretty down-to-earth folks because we deal with the public you you know your bread and butter is entertaining drunks yeah so you know okay let's do some tick-tocks can i have you for another 10 minutes you can have me for whatever you want hey yeah yeah you know what i like about you too what's that you're a go-getter yeah you're a real hustler i really am yeah what is this who's this is this your is this your puerto rican dad i've been i've been no my dad was stabbed to death when i was four years old i grew up without a father wow god my eyelid just twitched no no no it's okay god damn but you but what you got i mean i got the best kid in the world that sperm had to meet that egg i wouldn't change a minute before i busted that nut everything everything had to happen right up until that moment so there's you know i i've believe me more than made my peace with everything that i had a pretty hard childhood um but i was always like i was just broke as a kid we were on welfare in section eight and i just i was the kid who was shoveling people's driveways lemonade stand iced tea stand you know i got my first job when i was 11. i've worked literally i've never not had a job since i was 11. and i'm not likable so the industry never like in comedy the industry never like latched on to me i know what you're saying like i i would i get like i'm pretty comfortable like podcasting i'm very comfortable like this is like there's a microphone right here i'm talking to somebody i'm sort of in my sort of flow state but if i have to go to like a meeting and i did all that i did montreal just for laughs and i did you know new faces and i did all the the the meetings in la and you know trying to pitch a tv show and i was so uncomfortable in that moment and i you know i i never so i had to start everything myself i started the comedy festival i have a tour management company that books myself and some of my closest friends some really big comics um i have a podcast network gas digital guess there's one yes yes massive i just started a coffee brand that's good for you yeah yeah god damn it china potty brain coffee go get a if you want to naturally support your testosterone body brain coffee.com it's a mushroom coffee that also has tonka dolly listen yeah that's the only way to do it do it your self that's it you know when they didn't give joe rogan the best podcast of the of the century grammy was that it the grammy golden globe the golden i was like are you kidding me this is so stupid and he's like well yeah they wanted was it five hundred dollars uh to submit myself like what a what a circle jerk yeah is this industry of like give me five hundred dollars and you can put your name in the hat for a fixed thing anyway you know whatever whatever yeah no rogan's the man dude of course he's the man yeah he we're all the man stick it to the man okay listen are you ready for tech talk please so i don't know if you know this i like to curate the marginalized community of tick tock these are not your dance videos these aren't people with symmetrical faces or hot chicks my algorithm's so i don't even see that i don't even get it are you ready let's see um i accepted things and like i don't that's it but what but what sexual thing does that lead to is that a sexual thing uh it's all things lead to dicks baby things lead to dicks i mean i don't even know what's taking this i thought it was gonna like stab something into the hole i was waiting for that too yeah it's a little anticlimactic but maybe we'll i'll keep my eye on this guy okay next oh come on dude come on oh my god so rough so it's a it's a dude shaving with a straight razor and then he licks the hair do you think he swallows it or he just after the camera goes off just spits it out um let's see let me look let's try it again here we go oh dude you nasty as hell no he didn't swallow wait he's just he's just keeping it in his tongue you're right you got that that was like a horse trick yeah you don't swallow you saw that right there huh yeah yeah you were like you don't swallow i don't like this i don't like that either but that's the whole fun of your mom's house is you're supposed to feel like you don't like that like you feel sick you have to feel well i always say that it's like you you kind of get the best out of people when they're uncomfortable is that what it is yeah the best yeah no yeah i think when you're on your heels and that's when you look when there's adversity in life you kind of see what you're made of right so this is this is tough to watch yeah yeah that's the fun of it okay well how about this one here that was a little i don't wanted to go to waste my georgia made me buy cheese but we go through lots but if anybody wants some please come bring a container did you get the logic she got a lot of cheese yeah it's a can of nacho cheese and if you want some you can have some but you have to bring your own container Do you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. you go at your poorest would you show up at this lady's house and take her cheese uh yeah why not it actually looks pretty as i'm looking at it it doesn't even look that bad you throw that in a microwave yeah that's not gonna be terrible my concern because i'm a little vomit phobic is like how long has she had the cheese how long has it been open well is that movie theater cheese it's a cineplex big screen snack so she'd buy that from a movie theater buy steal what did she do she stole so is that what they do to like is it like essentially like um like a large amount of cheese and they put it in like cups at the movie theater yes it's disgusting that's wild yeah she essentially i'm i'm thinking stole you can buy this nasty shit on amazon 50 bucks 50 bucks for that big ass tub of cheese not bad dude this is this is a new business idea that i'm having right what are you thinking i can start selling small portions of this cheese at skank fest five dollars yeah that's a great idea it's not a bad idea you should be selling yo like no bro even better you'll buy the chips you know how they do in like comedy clubs everywhere how they fucking sell you the chips in the paper thing and you just put a little jizz of nacho cheese little jizz not even a cup bro yeah just a fucking jizz of it where you give out the chips for free and then you sell the little buckets of cheese for like 25 each that's what's up holy dang yeah shit it's so good it does taste good but if you've ever worked at a restaurant have you ever worked in a restaurant uh once i worked at a mexican restaurant um yeah i was a bus boy it was one of my first jobs or when i first it was like 14 i guess and uh yeah there was a the mexicans they were so fast they were so fast i'm like a you know goofy footed fucking goth kid yeah and uh fucking trying to like keep up with these mexicans and then they started busting my tables yeah and i got mad i was like guys like stop busting my tables you're making me look bad yeah and uh the one guy he spoke spanish i didn't speak spanish so he's like arguing with me in spanish i'm like i don't know what the fuck you're talking about i did this to him i put my finger up it was a little mexican he was like five feet tall he grabbed my finger and he bent it back and he tried to break it it like sprained it i'm like i'm a child what are you doing it was crazy that's crazy so i'm on ice's side yeah just so you know i think ice is doing a bang up job out there yeah you don't fuck with no mexican bus boy but also if you've worked in the food industry like you see how nasty shit comes like everything comes in like big tubs like this metal tubs plastic bags that you cut open with scissors and it's all foul yeah so like whenever i'm at a restaurant and they're like do you want this to go i'm like no dude like i don't know how fucking old this shit was by the time you put it on my plate i worked in fast food too when i was with the kfc and taco bell taco bell was like kfc just kfc was great yeah kfc i i had great time working at kfc i got all my friends jobs there as well we all just would like would just it was so fun it was like a fun job and uh i remember one time this would be this is a perfect story for your mom's house um i uh i was like it was the dinner rush and we were really good like me and my buddy dave green would uh be on the uh the drive-thru and um we made it a game like when people would be they'd order their food they'd be like yeah i need a two-piece you know uh dark well biscuit and as they're saying it i'm like packing it into the bags right like i'm doing everything 16 piece blah blah blah so as soon as they drive up to the window we'd have it hanging out the window every time it was like we were we were like so fast and it was like a game that we would play so we created like a system where our fucking drive-thru was like it's just the best and um i remember one time for whatever reason i'm just 16 hormones going crazy i um i decided i wanted to jerk off at work and i need to like just need to get it out so i went into the bathroom and i jerked off and i was just whatever i was in there for a while i was just really pleasuring myself taking my time taking pleasure in yourself yeah yeah and it was like during a dinner rush and i was just gone i was gone for maybe 15 minutes and then when i opened the door my manager on the shift as he was having this big jacked goofy guy who was like a former military guy he just literally i opened the door and he punched me in the face and uh what's funny is he thought i was shitting it's not like he knew i was jerking off he just thought i took a shit during the dinner rush but he physically was like oh my god i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so tired he assaulted me damn yeah yeah you're not allowed to do that you're not allowed to do that i was just a kid i was just a boy you're just a kid yeah okay but most importantly it's the 90s the 90s yeah you can really you could hit kids you could it was like if you were a girl that grew up in the 90s you were right i mean i'm surprised i wasn't yeah when i think about all the crazy i mean by today's standards you had a couple of rings but not by our standards you have a different standard i've seen multiple men masturbate in public see that a lot of people say that a lot of people say that's some sort of sexual assault yeah today totally these tiktok girls they don't they don't know how good they have it tell me import most importantly the biscuits at kfc how are they that good do they actually do they actually bake them like they come as dough and they come as like frozen dough and then you would um slather them with butter aha it makes everything lots of butter lots of butter and uh yeah so the pot pies are made with old chicken the pot pies you'd like the chicken at the end of the night they'd put it into like um and also i don't know if they have it anymore but they're like barbecue chicken sandwiches the old chicken would be put into a bucket they put that in the fridge and then at the end of the week they would have the cooks you know debone everything throw it into the pot pies throw it into the so that was the stuff that i never it was never really fresh but you know the fried chicken was fresh it was just fried that day that's what i'm saying with restaurants you guys is that's the kind of shit they do to you like oh the special of the day is fucking chili and you're like yeah because it's made from all the leftover bits don't fall for that all right let's do one more tiktok and then please oh this one makes me wanna i think this is her what are you doing smashing or passing i've i've had sex with old ladies really i i for i just wanted to pleasure them okay you want to feel sexy sure sure like uh like i don't know i don't know american psycho you know where he's like fucking just like jacked in the mirror it's like i don't get the i'm not i'm a fat ogre so i don't get that when i'm having sex with a beautiful woman but if i bang an old lady i it's like it's just such a great story for her so it's happened a couple times i was at uh cabo at the cabo comedy festival and i there was this one had to be 68 years old this is like you know at least this is before i had a kid yeah this is like 13 years ago something like that and um yeah dude it was uh it was pretty cool so many questions though so yeah was it hard for you to maintain no it turned me on that i was turning her on okay well that makes more sense yeah i feel sick again see you feel sick from the clips and i feel sick from your stories yeah my stories are sickening it's kind of cool you and i are really cool pair oh this chick i love her she puts fake ads cranberry spice latte bowl espresso pair with an entire can of cranberries i love this chick she sabotages i like comedy for like for yourself almost it's kind of like just like i mean i guess it's for social media now at this point but like i feel like she'd be doing this even if she didn't have a tiktok well especially because so many people are just not very observant of little things like that and she's like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't throughout the day i can't tell you how many people i've called mommy in drive-thrus restaurants to people's faces only once in 15 years has a person gone mommy the fuck does that mean yeah you're just like hey mommy hey mommy like you can do latina yeah yeah like that right like hey mommy what's up puppy yeah yeah but i'm not cool enough to do it the way you just did it when i was in high school we would do this this is a fun little prank we would do once again this is before social media there was no cameras we just did this for just our own entertainment um i would take like a chocolate bar right and i would go into like the burger king bathroom and i would put while it was still like in the wrapping i would put it under hot water to melt it oh brilliant and then i would take it and i would smear it all over the toilet seat and on the walls you draw swastikas on the the door like everywhere and then you just sit outside and you watch each employee go in and then did we watch somebody quit their job the manager was like you have to clean it was like yo fuck this and they threw their shit down they walked out it was it's brilliant that's magical yeah you got to do that one again yeah no no good a good this is a good life hack as well if you take actual shit and put it on your telephone in your hotel room they'll give you a free room no yeah god we've learned so many tricks from you today a little bit of poop like there's there's shit on my phone this is insane and like the like a little bit of your own poopoo yeah so hold on though but the real at least you're gonna at least 10 000 hilton honors points at least at least the question is are you talking about a shit on my phone touching the poopoo with your hand and then smearing it on yeah it's your poop i mean you can at least use a spoon a spoon or like a stick a spoon is crazy spooning poop onto a phone i would do that you should do the phone you could do it really anywhere in the hotel room i'd be like there's a schmear of shit bro what the fuck is wrong with you guys yeah especially at the height of covid remember when they were sterilizing and sanitizing oh yeah your your remote control they put it in a cardboard box it was like sterilized for your pleasure i'm like You're right, dude. That fucking is not going to stop going. Oh, another great hotel hack. We say in a lot of hotels, if there's anybody being noisy down the hall, which happens all the time, you can just call their room and pretend you're the front desk. They'll never have any idea. Bro, you just blew my mind. Yeah, you just call the room and be like, yeah, you're being extremely noisy, guys. We're getting lots of complaints. We don't want to have to remove you from the hotel. Then silence. I should have fucking done that 20 years ago. Damn, dude, you got all the hot tips. You got to write a book. Hot tips. I did just write a book. You did? Yeah, a memoir of my childhood. Knives and Spoons. Pre-order on Amazon. I mean, is there anything you haven't done, Louis J. Gomez? You're just a hustler. I hustle. Books, coffee. Bobby Kelly said this to me years ago. He's like, dude, you're a real hustler. I was like, thanks. He's like, it's not a compliment. It means you stink. Oh, I don't mean that at all. No, you're fantastic. And everybody, buy your tickets now. I would say pre-order them for New Orleans, November 13th through 15th for Skankfest 2018. May 26th. It sounds like it's going to be fucking insane. It's going to be great. Christina, we're going to send you an offer. I want to come. I want to come. Do you already have dates booked that weekend? No, I ain't doing shit, bro. That's like Thanksgiving. Dude, 100%. I'm shutting it down. All right, bro. If you're not at Skankfest, I'm going to be very upset because you would love it. I know. I feel like I would. You really would. You really would. Also, Legion of Skanks. That's your pod. Yeah, I do four podcasts. Legion of Skanks, Story Wars. Me and Big Jay started a game show podcast, which is a lot of fun. And then The Regs with Bobby Kelly, Dan Soder, and Joe List. And Real Ass Podcast with the great Zach Mikko. Well, you're a high achiever. You're a very funny man. Thank you. You're also a very decent human being. I sense this from you. Thanks. You're a good human. I try. And I would love for you to come back when Tommy is here so we can all laugh together. 100%. We had Tom on Real Ass Podcast back in the day. He was like, what the fuck? We made him uncomfortable. It was me. It was Tom and Tim Dillon. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we have some crazy segments on that show. Well, I don't know. I want to come on and you guys ramp it up for me, okay? I love it. Open invite literally for anything in my world, there's an open invite for you. Same, bro. I love you. I love you, homie. I love you too, girl. That's it for your mom's house, you guys. Check out Louis J. Gomez. And I love you. Bye, meow. Meow. Oh, my God. Y'all do this to get paid? Oh, my God. I see why y'all wearing them black pants. Oh, my God. Undercover sucker. Oh, my God. Oh, you some nasty ass dudes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.