Sisters-In-Law Play Agree to Disagree *Pregnancy & Postpartum Edition*

Thank you to Quince for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Let me tell you the seasons are changing. It's starting to be time that we can get out our denims again. We can get out our sweaters and there is no better place than Quince. So many of the things I'm constantly reaching for in my closet to lay her up, dress up, dress down, come from Quince because they have very very high quality products. I'm talking 100% Mongolian cashmere. They have silk organic cotton wool. They have those premium fabrics but at an amazing price. Everything at Quince is actually priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands and that is because they work directly with ethical factories, cutting out the middle man so you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. Actually just last night Matt was telling me that he grabbed his shorts. I don't fit my clothes. I've been hitting the gym and so I need new clothes. He bought me Quince swim trunks that are really high quality. I wear them all the time when we go on the pool with the boys. I'm excited to see which he picks out from Quince for me next. Your nice khaki shorts are from Quince. Wait the khaki that I wear like literally every day. Yep those are from Quince. You don't even know where your clothes are from but if you had to guess they're probably from Quince because I love shopping their min section as well for Matt. You can wear them in many different ways for many different seasons. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to Quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know that unplanned sent you. It's the best way to support the show. If men had to give birth, humanity would aid. Do one, two, three. Disagree. I agree. Well they don't have the hormones to make you want to do it again. I think they'd have less children. Do you think they would really be willing to sacrifice their careers. It's okay to still be breastfeeding a four-year-old. Using cloth divers won't save your life. Pregnancy brain is just an excuse. Sorry. Say the question again. Pregnancy, see you have it right now. Pregnancy hormones have started at least one unnecessary argument. Oh, heck yeah. Disagree. Yo. What? It was his fault. What's up dude? Welcome back to the unplanned podcast. This episode is a little different. We're having the sister-in-law takeover. I have my sister-in-laws with me. I have Abby and Adi. You guys can introduce yourselves. Hi, I'm Abby and I'm Adi. Okay, wow. That was so simple and amazing. Abby is married to Matt's brother. Caleb. Caleb. And Adi is married to my brother that you guys have probably never seen, but his name is Blake. Mysterious Blake. Mysterious Blake. We are going to have a really fun episode planned, but the last time we did this, we did this a couple times, but we had a very positive response. Yeah. So much so that we started our own podcast. Yeah. We film always here every week. It goes live Friday mornings and we just I truly look forward to recording always here and unplanned for you guys. Of course, but I'm always here is very special having it be like an all-girls podcast and like the community there feels so just it feels so genuine and deep and really special. A lot of moms, lot of newlyweds and just girl talk and it's really fun. And so if you haven't tuned in to always here, definitely hop over after this episode because if you like this episode, you'll probably like always here. Always here is just a fun, cozy, girly part of the internet. We have lots of fun segments that are recurring every single week. We even take voicemails from you guys. Our listeners, which is really special and a great way to connect with you guys. We also have an element where we share a recipe every week. We share the hope in the heart. We've heart and humor. With heart and humor, just basically like the highs and lows of life and that's crazy. Wow, that's crazy. Wow, that's crazy element where we talk about something maybe more specific relevant to pop culture or what's going on at the times. And it's just a very strong one. Wow, that's totally that you might not know about. I know you know what I mentioned it in the podcast. Do you know what the show called Age of Attraction is? No. What do you like on your phone? Let me guess age gap dating. Yes, they don't know how old they are when they're dating. Okay. And then it's kind of like love is blind. You know, like they date in the pods or whatever. This isn't in pods. They just don't know. And then they reveal their age. Yeah. They've decided who they're going to be with. Okay, that's really interesting. I actually watched the first episode. I kind of liked it. Okay, I don't watch it yet. I've just seen the clips on your head. It's from 22 to 60. Is the guy? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they have people of all ages in between there. So they can't necessarily call the guy creepy if he likes a young girl because he doesn't even know that she's young. He's just falling in love with you. Yeah, exactly. A lot of the younger ones don't realize how old the older ones is. Well, when I was 22, I had no precipice for how old people work. Like I had no, I was not on the pulse of all. I'm like, they could be 25 or 45. One of the age gaps relationships. It's an older woman with a younger guy. That's what I was going to say would never work. And she really has children that are two years older than her. That's a way to ruin your relationship. Well, she was freaked out about it. Yeah. Yeah. She was freaking out. I don't know how they resolved that if they're still together. I think the last couple episodes come out this week or something like that. And so then we'll know how everything ended. Yeah. I'm excited. I'm excited to watch it. I think you guys are going to have to keep me updated on that one. So that's a little wild. That's crazy. That is crazy. Guys, what a great example. A little taste of what this is. And we would surely be honored if you hop over. And if you're here from always here, what's up? Thanks for being here. This should be a really fun episode. We are playing just a big game of agreeing to disagree sister-in-law addition. Of course, we just announced that we're expecting baby number four. Yeah. So a lot of these are going to have to do with pregnancy and motherhood and they're both moms as well. Yeah. One baby, two babies. And we're all kind of been like somewhat different stages. Yeah. And so it's interesting to see like how our opinions have formed and changed over the years. I know we talked about this before but I know I've been a hypocrite in so many ways. Most of them are related to parenthood. Like nothing has revealed my own hypocrisy more than motherhood. No, literally. I'm like, oh, I'm actually a horrible person. But thanks for putting that out to me, son. You're like, oh, I didn't say this. I am doing the complete opposite. Exactly. So, um, do as I say, not as I do. I know what I'm trying to do as I as I say to. Yeah. I'm like parenting myself. I feel like so many times. Yeah. I'm like, you know what, adults have, everyone has consequences. I actually need consequences. I like so many different consequences. Yeah. So good. I'm actually very excited for this game. I've never played a graded disagree. Oh, you haven't? No. I feel like I'm I feel like Adam you could in. I feel like your opinions might surprise me. I feel like the most really. Yeah. Sometimes I don't know where you're going to swing. Me neither, honestly. I have no idea. I feel like I don't give my opinion often. So this would be you know, I feel like I feel like Adam is very predictable in certain ways. Good. I hope you're steady. Yeah. Okay. Good. And you're setting a different way. Thank you. Did you try to come back? You're crazy. Have again. You're not crazy. But I just and I feel like whenever you give your explanation, it makes so much more sense to me. Sometimes your knee jerk surprises me. Sure. I think that's why it's fun being friends with you. Okay. And I love your perspective. I'm just steady. I'm just steady. I'm predictable. We need both. We need both. All right. Here we go. I don't I honestly can't predict myself if I'm totally honest. I don't know what I'm going to say. Okay. The first one is if men had to give birth, humanity would end. We won two, three disagree. I agree. They would figure that out. I think they'd have less children for sure because they're like that's a matter so practical. You know, I think they could be like let's grin and bear it once. But then once they go through it, I don't think they'd be crazy enough to do it again. Whereas like women are crazy enough. Right. I think we'd have like one kid and if everyone that chooses to have children has one kid, it's going to die out soon. Okay. Because they don't have the hormones to make you want to do it again. Right. We literally have all these hormones that are like keep reproducing. But don't you think it was wonderful? Don't you think they would have those hormones if they're the ones giving birth? I can't think about that. This is a really deep hole. Then you're also just saying they're basically women. Yeah, you know, that's why I'm thinking. So they're not different. Exactly where they are. Exactly where they are with a good birth. I still think disagree, but it wouldn't end. But maybe it would die slower than it would. I guess it would eventually end just slowly, slowly. Humanity wouldn't invest its factually. Because I think Caleb just looked it up and he said to replace your population, you have to average 2.1 kids. Our population is already going down. Right. So you have to have at least 2.1. I don't think men would have more than 1. Men wouldn't end at 1. Yeah. So I guess they would eventually. Maximum. And do you think they would really be willing to sacrifice their careers? No. I just don't know. No. No. Probably. Okay. It's okay. We can just say this is why it's amazing and unique that we are women. And we are strong. Yeah. I just think about this. I'm like we were primed in condition to deal with pregnancy because I was like trying to explain to Matt. I was like women are tougher than men physically. Right. Right. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I said no, hear me out. Sorry. We have been, we have learned from the age of like whenever you got your first period. Yeah. Love your goal. As early as 10, 11, that you still keep going even when you're uncomfortable. You're primed in condition ready for pregnancy. And they don't have that in place. So they get the common cold. And it's like, you're down bad. How can we continue on? We have to change everything. Yeah. Women are more resilient. I remember being on the bathroom floor when I got my period one time with cramping. And I was like, how am I ever going to have a baby? I was in so much time. 20 years of practice. And here I am. Yes. Did it. Yeah, all the practice they would not be primed in condition to hands true Abby. Okay, the next one pregnancy brain is just an excuse Please come on disagree. That is insanity. Oh It pregnancy brain is agree. I'm so sorry pregnancy brain did not get me postpartum brain. Got me like a Got me like that. We should say our answers also because they can't if they're not watching they can't see so okay, you guys say disagree no Sorry say the question again Pregnancy see you have it right now Pregnancy brain is just an excuse No, it's I'm gonna disagree with that. I don't know I'm just saying agree in the sense that I haven't had pregnancy brain. Have I? See, I'm so dumb. I believe other people's experiences, but for me. I'm like I can't speak to that I'm just coming out of I think the people say pregnancy brain. They talk about it in postpartum too. Okay, so I'm 100% Agreeing that pregnancy brain is the thing. Do you have pregnancy brain when you're no longer pregnant? I had pregnancy brain Three weeks ago. I think it's part of brain for sure. I'm trying to think about Pregnancy brain. I feel like pregnancy brain. My brain was so overwhelmed with so much like thinking about what's gonna happen and my body changing and all the things That there was just too much in my brain and that's why it was Frazel to like switch from like only thinking about work stuff and not thinking about me being pregnant Or just doing things and then think about how I'm pregnant. I feel like that's my brain was just occupied. I have a lot of thoughts I was pregnant. I didn't have it when I was pregnant as much. I feel like It's just it is the postpartum. That's why I just said it. I think it is. I don't know about I think you need to rebranding to postpartum brain. Yeah, that's a fog a mental fog Because honestly all I could think about when I was nursing was nursing. That was really overwhelming for me Yes, every time because I was like always on a time clock. Yeah, I don't know I believe other people's experiences, but it hasn't been for me. I've never been the sharpest tool in the shed though So I have not I have not a memory You guys you tell me what a memory is bad, but I know you're good You tell me about things that I've experienced. I'm like respectfully when was this? I feel like you remember a lot of things from when you were younger. I feel like that's Blake I feel like my memories are formed by Blake me telling me Okay, next I have cried over food at least one small pregnant Crying over fruit. Yeah agree. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for sure nothing will bring out the emotions more Nothing will bring me to my knees Just kidding. I never And I dored ash when I was pregnant that was Blake was out somewhere. I got Chipotle at 10 p.m I was in bed going to sleep And I would dored ash pull it Yeah, then I woke up and ate it then I went back. Oh, Eddie you had a bad in that first time. Oh, yeah, I I just cried when I when like I was expecting to eat something and then I found it was gone That would make me cry and I felt like it was a personal attack that that did pay for you cry as well I was like you knew I wanted that A couple weeks ago. I cried two weeks ago. I cried even kale of I texted and I said oh Get some ice cream on the way home and he said what do you want? I said don't get anything stupid And then he came in the door with the stupidest ice cream What was it chocolate? I don't like chocolate ice cream and he knows that and it was like chocolate peanut butter Extreme. Did you just send them back out there? I looked at him. I started crying and he walked out the door left and got me go get out I was like that was just um, yeah, I like talk about he's like you didn't tell me what you wanted I said I shouldn't have to know him known each other for 12 years What and you know, I don't like chocolate ice cream. That was like that felt personal. I cried that felt personal I can't think of a specific one, but definitely like actually so many times for me And it's like as it's happening. I'm like this is an overreaction, but I can't quite I can't quite reverse what's been I think I would cry when I was like I mean something to eat I don't have anything like in the car and I'm like the fear yeah the fear of like getting the sickness because you haven't even That was that was throwing me that be scary or like I would cry because I like wanted to eat something healthy Because I felt like the baby needed it and I hadn't it was like he the baby has had none nutrients Nothing that would make me cry as well. Oh That's sweet Abby. I don't think I worried that much about that. I was like well, you I felt like you had a better diet than I had in the first trimester Oh, yeah, I just ate everything. No, I just ate literally bread. I had ramen noodles and crackers the whole time Really 10 a.m. Ramen noodles every day You just gotta do what you gotta do. Yeah support for today's episode comes from square the business platform that helps sellers become neighborhood favorites Whether you're gearing up for a busy season or just trying to keep up with everyday demand Square keeps your business running smoothly from payments and POS to online orders inventory staff and more all in one place So you can focus on your customers not your to-do list We were looking at Christmas slides and we did not have any cash on us to buy hot chocolate from this kid And then this guy was like oh no, it's all good. I actually have square and you can just pay with your credit card We were just so shocked because squares square taken over you guys everyone who is having some sort of storefront can you square because people don't have cash these days I never have cash on me and as a consumer I just love supporting local businesses and even neighborhood businesses and that's what square makes possible Which is awesome square helps you run your business more smoothly bringing payments operations and insights together in one place So you're ready for whatever's next right now listeners can get up to $200 off square hardware when you sign up at square.com slash go slash unplanned. That's squ aru.com slash go slash unplanned Get started with square and build a setup that works the way you do. This one's crazy Babies know when you're about to get freaky Are we are we talking about it disagree baby my babies take naps So I don't know. We're thinking about babies once they've been born. Oh, yeah, yeah, once they've been born agree You think your baby's cry every time it's time to get it on or they wake up Randomly early, no, so my baby's gonna wrestle we weren't together. So we can do odd hours. Yeah, yeah So yeah, that's what you can watch wing wing No, my baby sleeps through the night. Yeah, never wakes up. So it's never a problem. Yeah, well, that's Sorry, ladies. I don't have that disagree there The I actually do bit there's got to be something to this with the timing. I really feel that way The first trimester is the hardest part of pregnancy Disagree, or great you disagree with your hardest part. I think no matter what the last few weeks are just yeah crazy Like just trying to get out of bed getting out of chairs. That's worse than then nausea because the nausea is a long term game Where that's it's difficult in the sense that it's like it's It's bad and it lasts a long time But the acute pain of the last few weeks is like that's worse in my opinion Like just like trying to and I feel like I've had both fairly good like my first trimmer was Trimester wasn't that bad my third trimesters haven't been that bad either, but if I had to rank them Just remember flipping in bed. Oh, yeah flipping in bed is the worst I think I'd be curious to see how my second pregnancy will go because I'm thinking back to my first trimester and how bad it was because of the morning sickness and not knowing it was gonna Get better like everyone says it's gonna get better But when you're in it, it was just like so so bad and so then I was like it's never gonna get better So I'm curious you know prescription next time Maybe I should do that so friend. I will look into that one because that would be fantastic But my third trimester yeah, I don't remember it being that bad. I think it was so excited But yeah, you're belly also did not get that big yeah, I didn't get that that big you are so peppy your third trimester I was so jealous. I was like oh my gosh. I look so good. Oh, you're so sweet crushing it and I just felt I was in so much pain. Yeah, I feel like my second pregnancy felt worse though in the third semester I think mine's gonna be really bad just with my pelvic floor and like my tailbone still hurts Seven months first part on so I can't imagine it's gonna hurt when I get pregnant Yeah, I would say my third trimester was way worse my first But I don't really get nauseous in the first. I just get really tired Which is more frustrating than anything the pain. Yeah in the third is just in the first show I started sleeping over 10 hours a night Yeah, I slept for 8 30 p.m. till 7 a.m. last night. Whoa, you pregnant? Nope I think I'm ovulating right now I am ovulating, but no, no, no Good to know Um, this one says working out during pregnancy makes things easier Three, two, one, three, I mean Yeah, neutral on that one. It's easier than it makes it I agree because it's not easy to work out like your pregnant. No, it actually hurts It hurts also hurts, but it hurts worse to now workout. That's why we're saying it's easier. Right. I don't think it's easier. It's a good word Oh, I just think it's less evil. I felt like at my energy levels were much better and my motivation and my I physically felt much better Working out me. Yeah. Yes. Next one pregnancy is harder mentally than physically Oh, I'm saying agree. I'm saying disagree pregnancy is harder mentally than physically. I think agree for my first one. Why? I think I really struggled with anxiety when I was pregnant Which is not something I normally had struggled with and then just like Thinking about everything because I'd never done it before. I think for my second one I'll feel I'm like imagining that I'll feel harder on my body physically than mentally, but just with the first pregnancy I was like I have no idea what's happening right now. And so I feel like mentally it was harder. Mm-hmm You'll agree is mentally harder. Oh, that was a no-brainer for me Pregnancy after losses, mentally like the most insane thing I've ever done. Yeah, absolutely. A lot of layers there. Yeah, it's like you actually know the worst case scenario, you can picture it, you actually just lived it. So, no one can tell you that's not going to happen, and you're like, "Oh, but it can, and it did." So, there's just no, that sounds so negative, but there's no relief. So, sorry, it's trying to keep things realistic here. That's good. I have a follow-up question to that is that this pregnancy goes healthy, you have a healthy baby. Does that make any consecutive pregnancy easier or do you know? I don't know. Yeah. Across that bridge, when I get to it, I can't imagine it gets much easier. I imagine it would be a little easier, but I can't imagine it's back, it will never be back to before. Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah. It's just, you know, you've seen too much, and when you've been blindsided, I think the nature of being blindsided to, like you think everything's fine, you've had nothing physically changed, nothing wrong, like that blindsided kind of just creates never, like there's never really any peace of like, "Oh, everything's good." Whereas, I kind of just felt anxious, but with overall peaceful, my other pregnancies, like this one is just like a low lying anxiety constantly. So, I think even at the doctors, I feel even less peace, because I'm like, it's associated with a building like this. So, yeah, I can see my people would choose to never do it again. No one prepares you for how hard postpartum is. No one prepares you. Disagree. For how hard postpartum is, I say agree. I think disagree. No. Bad at this game. No one prepares you. I only say disagree because I think your first time sure, but I feel like we've had so many friends that have had babies now that it's like, "Hey, let's prepare each other for how hard this is going to be. Let's do the meal trains. Let's talk about it." Oh, I was also the first to have babies. So, I think it is a different experience if you're like the first to have a baby versus like your in-community going through it with people. I do think your first baby versus consecutive babies is harder, like it's harder your first baby because you don't know how your body is going to respond. And so, you don't know if you're going to get postpartum anxiety or depression, whereas once you've gone through stuff, you can kind of prepare for the next time going through it, I guess. So, I guess it would be the first time I would agree it's hard to prepare. But after that, I think. Well, that's really the only time because then you've lived through it and it's up. You know that no, it's no one else's job to prepare you. I agree. I agree. Yeah, it's just something that you can't know until you're going through it. And no one actually, like I was the first to have kids of like all of my friends I knew at the time and I feel like all I knew was like, I don't even know if it was like I guess maybe social media. And I was kind of just like, I will have the baby and it'll be great and amazing and you don't think about all the layers of like, I also think the lifestyle we had before, like I had no, I had the expectation that none of that was going to change. Sure. And which was a very false expectation. Right. Yeah, I just agree. I feel like maybe it's because of the community I had around me when I got pregnant. The first time, which is mostly moms, and so I feel like everyone preparing me and I felt like I had people to go to whenever anything was going on. I really felt supported and like I knew it was going to happen like someone bought me a postpartum care kit. I was like, I don't know what these eating pads are for and what these things are for but and then I was like, ah, I need them, you know, and I just, I felt like I had a community around me that I could talk to about it and be like, is this normal? Is this weird? What's going on? Right. That's a great, because I think I did have the support system around. I had to find that community way post. Yeah. Like for, ah yeah, I think it'd be a different ballgame now, for sure. But I was really knocked on my butt there. I really needed my mom. Yeah. I was like, what's going on? Yeah. I have another friend group that is all, there's only two of us that are moms and the rest are either pregnant or like want to be pregnant soon and so it's really fun being on the other side of it and trying to support them during this time of coming to mom soon. Yeah. Sharing the knowledge. Yes. Yes. I remember when I wasn't even near talking about having babies and my friends had babies. They would talk about their births and I'm like, what happened? Yeah, tell me everything. Tell me everything. You know, it's like you're just so, everything is so new when your friends start going to that season of life and it was so fun hearing all that from them. So that's fun. You get to do that for them. It's really fun. Actually after having my first, I did need like a kind of major abdominal surgery and we didn't have family out here yet. We were all here by ourselves. You guys are freaking gone through it, dude. You're like, okay, crazy birds with Griffin, abdominal surgery, hernias, and then surprise pregnancy with algae pretty closely soon after that. Loss. Loss. And now here we are for the public rest. I'm like, no one prepared me. Yeah, that's right. Absolutely fair. Abby's been walking to me like in a front. Yeah, it's really about our whole life. Our whole life. No, no. No, no, no. I do think that whatever happens during like birth and like that severely alters your postpartum experience because when you, when mom's down for the count, I needed a surgery after having her first and so and that one really, the recovery was harder than birth for me. And so I was like, we have just, and cannot handle this right now with the newborn. That's a lot. It was a lot at the time. You know, moms find a way. They do. Thank you to Upwork for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. The fastest growing businesses aren't doing more. They're delegating smarter. Upwork helps you bring in expert freelancer help fast so you can delegate and keep moving. Upwork is a one-stop platform to find higher and pay expert freelancers across every specialty. You can browse profiles, review past work and get help scoping the role so you can hire with confidence and get started quick. And with Business Plus, you can access the top 1% of talent on Upwork and with AI powered shortlisting, you'll get matched to the right freelancer in under 6 hours. No endless searching required. Honestly, guys, I've used Upwork before to help us find editors to help edit YouTube videos, TikToks, thumbnails, you name it. I love how seamless the interface is to find people that you're looking for. If you have like a certain strict budget, you can sort by that. You can sort by area and region. So I just love how simple they make it for business owners. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with your top talent ready to help your business grow. That's UP-W-O-R-K dot com, Upwork.com. Screen time is necessary for surviving the third trimester. I don't get an answer. I'm going to say disagree, agree. In general, I use screen time so I can't say that disagree. I've never done it without. So I would be so hypocritical to say disagree. Yeah. I'm going to say disagree. We let them watch TV and movies on the weekends and so we just kind of stuck to our house rules with that. I didn't feel like, even though my body was super sore in the third trimester, I didn't have the energy decrease. In the first trimester, my energy was so low, there was definitely a lot more screen time in the house. So I would say in the first trimester, yes. But in the third trimester, I would disagree. I would feel that too. I'm sure that's how it would be for me. Okay. Now you're missing words, though, because the other portion, the third of pregnancy, yes, it meant it. They only said the third. I'm just sick of the question. I didn't use screen time when I was pregnant when the third trimester because my son was literally an infant when I was in the third trimester. So I guess I can say disagree, but I will say my kids get screen time. They don't get it every day and we don't have a routine for it, but I'm not going to sit here and be like, never use it. Don't do it. So I don't know. Some days you're just going to do what you do, and that could happen not just in the third trimester. That can happen literally anytime. You also don't have to be pregnant. You can just be sick. Or Wednesday. We have a lot of movies. Yeah. If you're sick, it's just like sometimes, and I'm just going to say in motherhood, sometimes I'm going to say screen time is necessary. I would agree. It's in everyone's best interest. You should find out the gender as soon as possible. Agree or disagree. I'm going to say disagree, even though I do things differently now post-loss, I don't think I think it's such a personal decision. You should find out or you shouldn't find out. Yeah. I was going to say disagree too as in how the question is raised. You should. I don't think you have to do it either way. Yeah. I would like to find out the gender as soon as possible in my pregnancies. Yeah. I would agree with that. I would say disagree. We waited both times with our babies, but again, I think the wording should is a little aggressive. You just got to do what you want to do with those babies. Yeah. It's so not serious, but until me being such a drag, until it is serious is what I felt like. It's like, oh, it's so fun to find out. And then that was something that I did differently in a pregnancy afterloss is like, I wanted to know everything about this baby for as long as I got to enjoy this life. And so, like, for a little context, we found out that our daughter was a girl the same day that we found out that she wasn't alive anymore. And I was like, I never want that news to be paired that way ever again. So that's where I changed my mind. We're now, I feel like some people view it as like an irresistible, like, impatience or like, and it's like, that's actually not necessarily what it is. It's actually like something that is, it's just, it's more meaningful in this context for us personally. But it is such a personal decision, and so not serious. And the gender of your kid is not serious, but it's just as much as you can know about them when you can't see them or talk to them, you know. And so, it does count. carry like a different type of weight now for us personally, but I think that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it's like you want to have, you want to mentally prepare. - It's not from a lack of self-control is what I'm saying. Like, I feel like that's kind of sign that. Well, we have people like, oh my gosh, you just can't wait, can you? I'm like, I guess, I could if I really needed to. Like if I really needed to, I could wait. - Yeah, I feel the same way, especially because I, we did a blood test to find out the gender of Braille and I just wanted something else to feel a little more connected and that was what we wanted to do. I don't think it was a, that we couldn't wait. I mean, I really wanted to find out, so maybe I couldn't. But it was more so that I wanted to feel connected. I wanted to give her a name. I wanted to start talking to her, not that you can't do that without knowing the gender, because you obviously did the same, but I just wanted to feel a little more connected. - It helps with other littles in the house too, I think. Like with having a name and like the talking about it, like it feels more like they really realistic, like they knew Braille before she was okay. Like they were talking about her before she was even born. So I think there's like a certain sweetness to that too. - This is Braille, but she was born, it's cool. Same a transition. - And even now our friends kids talk about our baby, 'cause they know the name and they like ask about the baby. And I'm like, oh my gosh, how do they even remember and put two and two together? It's always the little girls. - They like good memory. - They know they're so already into it and like babies and stuff. - That baby laugh when we were on a flagstaff and I argue said, where's Braille? And I said, she's taking an app. In your belly? - I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the name is very misleading. - Oh my gosh, it's hilarious. I didn't know that story. - Yeah, it's great. - But talk about your experience waiting till birth. - I thought it was really, I mean, I loved that. I thought it was fun. It was fun having CJ kind of guess. I mean, he pegged and he said, "Grow the whole time." - That's so cool. - He's saying, "Baby's sister." I feel like for him, with the age he was at, the third trimester, he didn't really get the pregnancy until the third trimester anyway. Like, because I belly, once it gets really big and he had a lot of fun with that at the end. But it just suits our personality. So my personality could not necessarily kill personality. Like he's like, he would enjoy finding out sooner. But I think the way that I process things too, it's so fun finding out at the moment that the baby is, our babies have been born to find out. I feel like it helps give me just such motivation. And I don't know, it's just like this, the climax to this story. Like, it's such a fun, cool surprise. And this, this labor that is like so crazy and hard than meeting your baby and like, having killed say the gender. It just was so cool. - That's cool. - It was cool. - Yeah. - It was cool. - It was cool. - It was cool. - Yeah, I'm sure, I may have done it with our last two. But, yeah. - Yeah, it's just fun. - Well, now I feel like, since you have one of each, it's like, you might as well just not find out. - I know. - I know, I was talking to kill about that. I'm like, now that we have one of each, I would say that I feel satisfied, but not complete. - Yeah. - And now every baby is just like, like the gender is just like a bonus. I'm like, oh, like another girl or another boy? Like, that's just so fun. But now I feel like satisfied. I'm like, okay, we have a girl and a boy. That's cool. That's cool. Like, I didn't know how that anxious feeling of like, oh, what if, I hope the next one. You know, it's just like, there's no preference moving. - Right. That's sweet. - Yeah. We all have kind of different. 'Cause I used to wait until the anatomy skin, like midway. I always said that was like a good checkpoint. Like a little motivation. - Yeah, I have one. - And then you found out like the early test. - Yeah, I've been 10 weeks. We got our tests. - Did you do the sneak peak for this baby? - No, I, well, we had to do it also for high risk at the doctors, they just knew. - Well, they did the NIPT test, which is like for genetic testing. - Got it. - And your genetics reveals. - They tell you. - Well, they can or they can't. But I thought the sneak peak was sooner than that. - Yeah, because it's not, they're not giving you a full genetic screening. - Got it. - We got like the medical screening at like, whatever, 10 a weeks. - Okay, fun. - Yeah, when I was at the MFM. - But they were like, we're doing this test. You can either find out the gender or not, you know. - What's crazy was when we did, we did sneak peak and we went to the center to give us a 10 weeks to. - Is that a 10 weeks to? - Yeah, it was a 10 weeks. And I was talking to them, I was like, what do people typically come in here for? She goes, what's the time? We see people that are doing paternity tests. - Oh my, I was like, well, this is a more happy one. I just want to find out the gender of my baby. - I think we'll switch up. - Yeah, I was like, she's like, I never see these people again. So then I, but then I know the test results. They're like. - She's got the tea. - She's like, I know if they are the dad or not. I'm like, that's kind of cold. - The modern day mom. - Yeah, 'cause they really have the tea. - Yeah, she does. - That's the thing about ours too is like, since it was connected with the genetic screening, the most of the weight of this and like the news fell on like the results of the genetic testing. So when all those like, looked like, their job is to assess risk. They don't just say like, your baby has this or doesn't have this. And so when they all said like, low risk, I was like, okay, and I feel like really good. Like I felt like a lot better from that point on, you know, only a certain degree of peace can be had from that. But like, it was really secondary, I guess, to just like, the baby was in good status. - Totally. - But so then I was like, just tell me that, and then you don't have to tell me the gender right now. (laughing) Okay, wow, this one. Announcing pregnancy early is a mistake. - Oh. - Disagree, strongly disagree. - I think there's a difference between announcing online versus announcing to your friends and family. I would like to tell you my family the day of, you know? I think telling the people close to you that you're okay talking about if there's a loss, told the people right away, you know? But I would say maybe, I don't think it's a mistake to tell the internet. I don't think there's a mistake to do anything. But I would personally wait a little longer to tell the internet and the world. But like, your friends and your family, I'd tell right away. - Yeah, I mean, whenever you're comfortable, whatever you're comfortable with, it doesn't matter what the status quo is, or that most people wait 'til 12 weeks, or that you should wait 'til this or that. I think whatever you are most comfortable with, and I think that changes, and that's okay. - Yeah, that was a tender spot for me also, opposed loss as people were like, we just waited 'til 12 weeks to be safe. And I was like, yeah. Safe, right. And so like, I guess now I'm like, obviously I've announced publicly way later, but all of our friends and stuff knew. And I think it was more so because like, I just knew the scale of like the internet and like having, I was like, I just got to protect my mental health right now, and make sure I have everything sorted. And, you know, there's only so much you can do once it's all out there in the world. And I have to be prepared then too to like talk about it, which I would have talked about it anyway, because now I'm very like much of like an advocate in the sense of like honoring like unborn life. And so like, I would have talked about it, but I was like, I can't, I just need more space between like, when we were talking about Emerson, to like talking about if something were to go wrong this time, which there was a very real time in this pregnancy where we thought things were gonna go wrong. And so, and to be honest, I can't say that I've shaken that. So like, there's just never a point in that time, but I do think women talking about, I don't think it's, I don't think it should be expected at all, 'cause it's very difficult to do, but I think more women speaking up about like their loss, it makes everyone feel like I'm inspired and feel comforted by other people's stories. Now I have to decipher when I can hear it and when I can't hear it. Sometimes I'm like, I can't handle it right now, like I'm not in that space, but that's my job. And I feel really like, I feel like when people talk about their experience or not, even their experience, but just like their, their baby. Like I'm like, I feel like that is honoring and like, I gained something from that too. - For sure. - So I don't ever think, I kind of throw that out the window now, there's ever like a point where it's like, okay now it's acceptable to talk about it because everything is fun and dandy. - Totally. - And so, yeah, that's a strongly disagree for sure. I'm so sorry you guys had to bear with my voices. (laughing) - It sounds worse than I think it does, I feel like. - Abby needs her tonsils out. - I do need my tonsils out of it. Who's got the time, honestly? - No, we need to schedule that one. - Who is gonna schedule that one? - Like next year, like not three months postpartum. No more surgeries. - No more surgeries postpartum, no, I don't want to do that. - My birth is a surgery. - Right, exactly. - That's plenty. (laughing) - Gender reveals should be canceled. - What? - This is great. - Why? - They're fun. - This is fun. - This is fun. - We need a party. - We love parties here. - Yeah. - Maybe those people just need to reframe it as it's really just a celebration of pregnancy. - Yeah. - It's an early baby shower. - It's a pregnancy party with the men. - Yeah. - With the men. - Yeah, it's a pregnancy party with the kids. - It's like, you don't actually have to care of like strongly one way or the other. - Right. - And it can just be fun, okay? - Right, most of us knew the gender, and we still had a party. (laughing) - It's just fun, okay. - The gender reveal was revealed to the internet. - No, we're not even at the party. - Yeah! (laughing) - I guess some people didn't know, right? - Our friends didn't know. - Yeah, the family, we all knew. - Family all knew. - The kids kinda. - It's just fun, okay. Guys, it doesn't have to be that serious. - There's nothing else to be that serious. - And also, who doesn't want a party? - Exactly. - Who doesn't want a party? - Who doesn't want a free food? - Yes. - Seriously. - I want chicken minis and pastries, please. - Please. - I want more right now. - Press feeding is way harder than people admit. This is probably similar to your postpartum experience. - Agree. - Adi's saying disagree with me and Abby both say agree. - It's been pretty easy for you. - Everyone just says how hard it is. I feel like no one says how easy it is. - This is not easy. - What do you think is easy? - No, I don't think it's easy. I just think everyone said how hard it was. So I was prepared for it to be hard. - Oh good. I'm glad we prepared you correctly. - Yes, that's what I'm saying. I disagree because everyone prepared me correctly. - It's not bad. - You did. - You did. - And I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - I will say after like, I don't know how far we were into it. Maybe three to four weeks into-- - You had a tough day at our house on a Sunday. - I did, I did. And that's when I ordered nipple shields and it saved my, it saved my whole journey. - Honestly, let's show this course of nipple shields. - I was like, "Blame, I'm done." - I think that's what it is. Like if your baby's having struggles and you feel like you're the one that's in like, the reason why your baby's not getting fed, it's like. - That's mentally such a burden. Like that's like, not a burden. It's just like such a heavy weight to carry. - Yes, it's a heavy load and you're like, I am the sole person that is nourishing and sustaining this precious, precious life. And it's on a timetable and sometimes it's confusing and sometimes they're gonna have difficulties and sometimes I'm gonna have difficulties. And it also feels so foreign and you wanna do it in the middle of the night and my nipples are bleeding. And I'm like, they hurt, they're exploding. - I have a boob in my armpit. - You mean I have to tell me I'm sitting down for like four hours a day, just sitting here with something attached to my boob? Like that's hard. - So you don't have much to eat? - I know, I don't know how much are eating. But guess what guys, it's beautiful. I'm doing it again. - It's amazing, I'll never not do it. Like with my babies, it's the greatest gift. It's, there's like a purpose for it but that doesn't think gate, that it's still really hard. - Yeah, yeah. - There's a lot of factors so I'm glad that anything you're prepared for it. - Yeah, you guys greatly prepared me for it. - I think it's great. Like why is it such a, it has two sides. Like I have a lot of things, but like it's so natural. But then also it feels so, it can feel so unnatural. And so then when people like, it's natural, your body's supposed to do it. Everything's happening, how it's supposed to happen. And you're like, but what if it's not, like am I just broken? Like is my nature broken? And I feel like that was where I was like, especially some lactation consultants were like, really natural. They're natural, very like, let the baby find the breast, let the breakfast-- - Brill would literally never find it, find it bad. - And I was like, I'm sorry, can someone intervene? Can someone intervene? And so I feel like that's when I felt the most like shame of my own body. Like I was like, it's not working and it's supposed to work just naturally. And so that's when I felt like the most frustration. When I was like, but then when I, you know, you find your own rhythm eventually. - And every baby's different too. So it's not like someone that you feel like you get used to it or like you can learn. It's like, oh, I didn't once I could do it again. It's like every time it's harder. - My second time was harder for a loop again. Which Vivian has been a way better eater than CJ. So I'm grateful in that sense. But I'm just like, I think just the schedule of it all is really hard for me, especially if you're not already a scheduled person. I'm like, wow, this is so good. A lot of heavy duty proof. This is good, I'm always need to buckle down. It's making all the buckle down. - Yeah, my second boy caught it one breast and that was really five months in. That was when I was like, you're like, wait, we've been doing this for five months. - Five? - What's going on here? - He would literally look at one of them and she'd be like, "Mm-hmm." - I took that one with the barrier because-- - I didn't know what that was. - He'd only take a coincide. And so then they're like, do a football hold. And I'm like, hold her on the side. - No, a football hold is terrible. - They worked on the one bib. She would not teach. I don't think she liked to lay on that side. But then she figured it out. - Oh. - I couldn't ever, my kid was too long. I felt like-- - It was weird. It was very odd. - It was very odd. - It's strong enough. - That's like when people were like, I just breastfeed in the car and I'm like, I'm sorry, maybe with my fourth kid. I don't know how they're reaching in there. - The dunas. - I tried. I was leaning on like-- - I did too. I was like, it's not long enough. - No, I don't understand. - There was a good 10 inches between my nipple and their mouth and the car you don't change. - But I think the dunas is like, deeper set. - I don't know. - I would never ever try that. - I didn't know that. - Better like that. - We were on a car ride and I was like, please, and then it just didn't work. - I was like, my whole weight is on this car seat. - We had bottles always prepared for that situation. We were big bottle girl, bottle family, and breastfeed at the same time. She liked both, so it was okay. - Good, thank God. - So I was advised to never use a bottle at the stage, so then I was like, trying to do it. Then we just had to pull over every time on the way to Tahoe. - Oh. - I was like, if you would just take it in the car seat, but I can't even reach. (laughing) - Thank you to Wayfair for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - Refresh your space and make your home work better for you with Wayfair. They have everything from furniture and decor to organization solutions and outdoor essentials. Wayfair makes it easy to find what fits your style and needs that work within your budget. - For our home, we have decided that we kind of wanted it to feel warm and homey, maybe even cottagy and earthy, but also with a very modern flair. - And you've done a really good job of making it feel homey. 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Wayfair, every style, every home. - Okay, on the breastfeeding trend, it's okay to still be breastfeeding a four year old. - Oh, people are gonna get upset about this, I'm gonna say disagree. - You know what, is it okay? - That's what I'm saying. - It's okay. - I would never do it. - It's a gray agree, it's okay. - Do I think it's odd, personally, a little? (laughing) - That's over there. - I just imagine CJ, like-- - I'm sorry, Griffin can have a full conversation with me. He's actually talking about reproduction at this point. - Right. - I don't know that he needs to put his mouth on my breast. - Is it okay if you think it's okay? - It's natural, and I say it's okay. - It's okay. - But I do think that there is, for sure, there's never a world in which I would do it. - Right. - I stopped at 12 months, I felt like that was a good stopping point for both my kids. - Sure. - Actually, with all of you, it was 11 months, so. - People are gonna be so upset by that answer. - No, but that's okay. Sometimes I wonder, who wants it up for it? The baby or the mom? - Yeah, like it's just a connection thing at that point. - Like, let's do a hug. - Yeah. - Let's do a good hug, a good long hug. - Yes. - Let's do a cuddle. Let's me sing a song. - 'Cause a four year old's gonna remember that. - I don't know, that's interesting. - Is it okay, it's okay. - Maybe it's a failure to launch. - Yeah. - Yes. - Is it okay though? It's okay. - It's okay. - It's okay. - It's different. - It's sad saying that. - It's okay. - It's okay. - But, hey, you know what, there's people out there that are like, they're gonna be comments. - They're gonna be comments. I remember comments on an episode where people were like, I've never seen my kid till they were seven. - Okay. - So they're gonna be a people that disagree with us, and that's okay. - They disagree with me and I disagree with them. - That's right. - So. - It can go both ways. - It's okay. - A green disagree. - We're a green disagree. - So, I mean, for me personally disagree. - Yeah. (laughing) - I would like those to be mine at that point, long before we get there. - Yep. - Also, are you still producing milk as my question? - I'm arguing. - I'm losing it. - I don't know if I can keep it in for four years. - So, I'm pumping morning at night. - Maybe it's just a past three ounces each. - I know. - There were about to be. - That's so many questions. - Let's move on. That'd be a good documentary. Okay. - Mom guilt never goes away. - Oh. - Mom guilt. - I'm gonna guess, sure. - I mean, I'm only three and a half years into it, but it's getting worse in some ways. - It's getting worse in some ways. - Yeah, I almost feel like when your kids, it's easier to leave like my baby than it is to leave my toddler. 'Cause now he's aware. - Yeah, the things that they say. - Yeah, it makes you a little more sad. You like leave them. And also, they're so fun. It's like, I don't want to miss out on the things too. - Not that like a baby you're missing out on things, but like with the toddler, there's just so many milestones and funny things that happen. And I'm like, I feel guilty missing those. So I would agree. I don't think it ever goes away. - And I think about my mom, and I'm like, even her, I feel like she feels guilty, yeah. (laughs) I don't think it ends, ladies. - That's okay. That just means we love our babies. - Just means we care. I do think that I've told you before, say, Robertson speaks really well about mom guilt. And I feel like that has helped in some ways with like me feeling like I feel like there's a certain calling to my career. But then also I'm like, I'm certainly called to be a mom. Like, and like how you can have both and not necessarily, like you can have confidence in both roles at the same time. I think it'd be unrealistic, especially for me, like giving my personality type to be like, I have zero guilt. - Right. - But that's the goal, right? - I think all feelings are valid, but they can't all be trusted. - Right. - So it's like sometimes that guilt probably is telling me, like, hey, you've been away too much. Or whatever it is, like there's probably some truth to that guilt, but then other times I'm like, I probably need to reflect like, is this just me being sensitive to this or like, is it actually okay? - Yeah. - Yeah. - So I think there's, it's good. Like I feel like guilt is that reminder to like check in. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Mom's deserve a push present every time. - Yeah, I agree. Of course. Did I get one this time? No. Do I think I deserve one? Of course. - Call out Caleb in the call. actually I did get a push present it was Netflix but was that what I was I did ask for that actually Do I think it should be a little bit more luxurious? This was my push present for Griffin. I wear it in a way. Yeah, beautiful. Did you do a push present? No That's why I say disagree because it just wasn't necessary. I mean not saying you shouldn't need well You just weren't at a place where we were like I want you to buy me something It wasn't like I don't need anything. We went we didn't go on a baby moon We did go on a cruise like five months postpartum and I want to do that again We really enjoyed having that time together. Maybe that was my push present We've been on a vacation like five months postpartum and I really enjoyed that but I don't Personally, I didn't need one. Yeah, I mean need no. What was the question mom's deserve? deserve sure if you won't want sure Deserve yes need no, but also like sometimes like financially doesn't always make sense But I agree deserving. You're getting Yeah What was your? Agreed. Matt. What are you getting? I'm really good about it. Necklace. Eregs. So you got Ely? I got Ely's for Griffin work out. Yeah, I really wanted new work out set and a new gym membership And like he got me like a whole workout thing. He's like I am prepping. He got me new tennis shoes I am prepping this that this is what you want Yeah, but that's like I was so excited to like enjoy moving my body And so he got me a set from aloe and it's actually the only aloe said I have and probably will actually ever have but it was Fair fun to have yeah, yeah, I still have it and I still wear it. Do you think aloe's quality is good? It is good Okay, I feel like I hear so much mixed reviews online Um, if you're it's a yoga brand for her. Okay, so not for like high intensity That's why I will be a one and done. I think it's more of a streetwear brand Okay, okay, and then I was like actually do feel like this is actually just for the branding because I do like other athletic wear brands I think it's very high quality. Yeah, okay, I just um Toddler's Consent weakness and will absolutely exploit it I don't know how I'm talking but I'm gonna say like kind of agree Wait, what do you mean? I wait can you tell me how you're interpreting this because I don't have an answer? Like if they if you give them an answer, they're gonna take a mile you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I agree. Yeah, I agree. My son is an expert negotiator. Yes, I'm like no, they can sense They're they could sense a little bit of a give. They're gonna take that. They're gonna push for that You know and honestly, I feel like I I kind of like that. He's a negotiator I think that's a really good quality to have the library today He was playing a game on a computer and I was like, okay, you have two more minutes of that and now you need to go play with a toy and read a book He goes four minutes and I said three and he goes, okay, and I was like All right, I love what he does it. I was like. I'll give you five dollars Comfy guys, he goes to I was like no Kind of good that we can find like some not obviously when it's something important what I say goes and I will stand my ground But like for those types of things I'm like three But yeah, for sure knew that I was I had I guess We can call it. I had some wiggle room. Yeah, that's that the other day when one of you kids they spilled the chick fly on the ground And I was like you help me clean it up and he's like no, what I'm like oh Well actually not do you want to I was like Do I do I do I just clean it up? I don't know what to do. I asked him to say it to help me and he said no, and I'm like I don't know what he said can you do this and then he goes no actually you're gonna do it. Yeah, yeah, I'm like don't ask No, and then he's like That's a hard thing as a parent because I would say like do you want to do this when it's like actually something that we are gonna do Yeah, anyway, so like having to like that was something that I had to spend a lot of time like rephrasing that and I both did Yeah, my mom pointed that out to me when times she was like you keep asking me if you want to do you need to stop asking like you just need To tell them to do it and I was like you're so right. Do you want to get in the car so we can go to so and so it's like that's so easy to say It's like actually you don't have an option, so unfortunately in the name of being nice I'm saying you like this, but he doesn't understand that he's too clear. Yeah. Yeah, I have hidden in the bathroom to get a moment of peace I agree Actually, but it doesn't happen anymore because you do love to sit in there with me walk the door I know, but I'm the only one home Come on in buddy But yeah, I definitely have agreed. Yeah, I'm like gosh moms can flex that as well Of course, I'm like it's serious. I gotta go upstairs. Yeah So that's down the floor and so the toilets that I don't pass out I mean, it's bad it's down the toilet too long So I'll just sit on the floor because you're gonna pass out. Well, they say you can get hairmoids and stuff Yeah, but hairmoids are gonna make you pass. I think you can lose circulation. I mean this is wild fun fact How long are you in there? Strict naps schedules white noise and blackout curtains are the only way to sleep Baby, I disagree and y'all know it and you can hate me for it. Your son did not nap at my house They disagree. I don't think you need all it. Yeah, I disagree. I'm real once to dark I mean, I think dark. I think Sam machine non-negotiable. Yeah, I kind of agree with that You just got to dry out the outside noise. That's kind of my and then dark Yes, very strict schedule yeah, you're gonna lighten up on the next when I believe well Here's where I've lightened up is that she doesn't always nap at the same amount of time And so then I have to flex this schedule a little bit. That's crazy. That's strict I love it Eddie Okay, and then we'll give her a 20-minute nap at 5.10. Yeah, but wake her up. She has to be up by 5.30 my mom No, I my mom she texted me. She goes So she woke up at 4.15. I said no more than apps That's funny. I'm using I think you also love an excuse to leave you're like, oh, it's so great But I will I do I do hate it sometimes. I'm like oh the stinks, but other times here We used to have you use the dogs of this excuse You did Now you baby I don't have a baby, but I'm honestly just jealous of you and your time management skills So that's why I do I do sometimes have foam on them when we leave and I'm like Sometimes I was like, how's baby? I'm still there. How is she still awake? It's okay. You gotta do what you gotta do. I respect him. We've fluctuated and have of that as well We're very strict on some things and not strict on other things you gotta figure about and actually now that they're twin three. I feel like wow Everything is wishy-washy Gentle parenting doesn't work. I Honestly don't feel like I can answer this question. I agreed. I don't know enough I don't even know what the gentle parenting method is But I feel like the internet is gonna say like no, it doesn't work, but I'm just like I feel like your parenting might lean on the side of gentle parenting I think there's like parts of it, but then I'm like that probably don't work and then that part of it. I'm like that's good But yours works so sometimes I feel like my family you do gentle parenting. I don't follow it specifically no I don't even know what it is like I've never seen it if parenting Like you just gotta do what you gotta do. No, I feel like my this is my like Assessment of other people watching my parenting is that I'm not strict enough. I don't really think that Abby's kids just run the show and it's like are they wrong? No, I was not exactly My friend asked me on the other day actually she said what do you ask your friends you and our friend Val like a lot about parenting They said yeah, I feel like they have different strengths. I feel like you are really good at speaking to your kids in a way that they Understand that's so nice. I've learned so much from watching that so no, I don't think that your kids just like run a mug and you are good kids Yeah, but I think that you're you have a strong I think people just have strong different gifts And like some people are really good at like being strict about you know Disciplinarians in different ways and others, and I think you're really good at speaking to your kids in a way that they actually understand That's sometimes I'm like I'm just running my mouth. I don't think anyone's understanding That is really really really nice. I feel like the other thing is that my kids genuinely like Don't bother me like actually like much at all, and I'm like I feel like it's like I have rose-colored glasses for my children So like when they're doing something like that doesn't bother me And I'm like I should probably correct that like but I'm not bugged And so I feel like if I was genuinely bugged by the things that they did or said I feel like I would step in more Whereas like I feel like somewhere is like I just can't handle like that noise or like that mess or like that that That type of play like I'm like I Feel like it's like totally fine with me totally yeah, but in the home I feel like in public I get a little bit more nervous. Yeah, I need to step in and public more probably I didn't know how to handle the other day at flower travel and they were like all running around. Oh see that didn't bug me I know but then I was like is it bugging other people? I don't know they were around other people I know that's the things but I sometimes I'm like worry not about your kids just that's from me with my kids Yeah, and I worry too much about other people thinking public. I don't know. That's where I'm like I battle Yeah, at home, nothing bothers me. Yeah, they're playing with the mixtures and it was really cute. They was really cute Okay, so I don't know I guess I I would say that I am a I Try to embody gentleness just in my parenting, so I'd just say probably disagree, I don't know, we have high expectations for our kids, so I really will say that. Every parent compares their kids to other kids. - Yeah, I would agree. - Sure. - Okay, this is where it wasn't an Arthur Brooks that said a certain level of comparison is good. - Yeah, I think comparison is healthy. - It's good to know, it's like, okay, first of all, with milestones, how far off are we from, now this is where you can't get exactly, there's like a specific anxiety related to milestones, but like, it's like, hey, when did they start doing this? And you're like, okay, I'm gonna flag that this is, like, they're a little behind compared to their friends in this area. And that's like, okay, now actually should probably bring up with their pediatrician. Or like, oh, this kid is able to do this. Or heck, I was like, oh, they're already starting sports. I should sign up for sports. There's like a healthy level of comparison, and there's obviously a very unhealthy level of comparison. And I feel like that gets harder as they get older and the difference has become greater, 'cause right now I feel like they're all kind of fairly even, like the differences are minor. But then when you start entering like higher level sports, or like, some kids really start excelling in school and get into like a gifted program at school, and some are like needing like IEPs in certain areas. Like, I feel like that's where it's gonna be more difficult. - Oh, interesting. Yeah, I could see that. - Yeah. - It's easy for us to say now, when it's like, oh, your kid started walking three weeks before my kid started walking versus like, oh, your kid is like, struggling in school, and this kid is like in skipping a grade in an accelerated program. I know, yeah. - There's a healthy level, what's all I'm saying? Having kids makes marriage harder. I'm gonna say agree, I'm sure. - 'Cause it's just another person to take care of. - Yeah, but I feel like it's made our marriage stronger. - Yeah. - It has made it a little harder, but we've also gotten stronger because of it. - You get less one on one time. - Yeah. - And I feel like you just have to really, that's hard to do. - Yep, I would agree. Sometimes I'm like, yeah, it's made it better and stronger. I think it's made our marriage richer. And that I feel like the depths of our trust and reliance on one another has to be so much greater. Like, we have to really understand that the other person is gonna stick on their responsibilities and stick to their word. We have to figure out navigating how to discipline, how we want a parent, these big vision goals for our family, those things are really have made us grow deeper in a lot of ways, but I think logistically marriage is probably a lot harder. - You said that really well. - Thanks. - There's a lot more factors. It gets more complicated and when it's more complicated, it gets harder. - Right. - But not in a bad way, it's just different. - It's nothing to discourage, even from having kids. - No. - But it is something, I think, having an accurate, like John's learning, who says you have a new marriage once you have kids. And every kid you have, you have a new marriage. And just like, always just like being willing to adjust and rework how it looks just between the two of you, is it's an exercise for sure. - Yeah. - But yeah, I think it's made it richer. - Pregnancy hormones have started at least one unnecessary argument. Oh, heck, yeah. - Disagree, yo. Because you know what? - No, I blame them all hormones for that. It was his fault, my child. - No, I agree. It's yeah, it's the boss. I remember when I first got pregnant, and I was like, I don't know who I was, for some reason I feel like I was talking to my dad that this would be weird, but I was like, I don't know, there's like pregnancy rage, but I don't know how I could ever be mad at him. I'm so happy. (laughing) - Yeah, that came back to bite me. I definitely got mad at him. - I actually last week, I called Matt, and I was like really intense, and I was like, I didn't even feel that. Like I felt disconnected from my response. And I texted him right after I got on the phone. I was like, I'm sorry, I came in really hot there. And his response, he goes, I'm used to it right now. You're pregnant. - I was like, if you. (laughing) - I was like, that's time. I was like, I've been so good to you. - Oh my God, that's good. - I've been so good to you. - He said, I'm used to it. I was like, oh no. (laughing) - I wish they gave you the grace of being like, you're pregnant. So, it was a little bit. - I didn't even react really, and I was like, you know what? I need to acknowledge that that was hot and heavy for what? Like for really literally what? - Yeah. - And so then, and then, and then it started to rain. (laughing) So, never apologize. - I was always about this. And I was like, that was really harsh tone for no reason. - I'm really sorry about that. - I really remember one time that I got so mad at Blake, and I was yelling, and you know, the whole bit, and I walked out the door, 'cause I was leaving anyway. I have no idea what it was about. - I would love to remember. - I'm sure it was something so. - Oh man. - That was really bad. - Yeah, I feel like also your husband's genuinely, like Matt walking through a forest pregnancy with me now. Like, he is so desensitized to every symptom in the book. I'm not even kidding. He's literally just like, that's beautiful and awesome. (laughing) I'm not kidding. I actually feel like he, like, genuinely means. I'm like, you really don't, you think that's, like, my Vainy boobs. - Uh-huh. - He's like, that's amazing. (laughing) But I'm like, both. - I do get so descented. Kill was so, just like, it was so normal. Everything this time around that I was just like, actually, I just need you to like, validate me. - This is different. - Like, please tell me, I'm not crazy. - Please tell me, I won't, I won't different. - Yes. - Yes. - They're so sensitive. - Please tell me, that's, you're sorry that this is hard. (laughing) - This one says, "It's normal for your spouse to feel like a roommate." - Yeah, I agree. - Oh really? - It's normal. - Oh, it imposed part of him? Oh, is this outside of pregnancy? - I don't know, it's just general. But this is a pregnancy, and I would say pregnancy, I agree, normally I would disagree, but there are seasons for sure, where you're in a roommate stage. Is it always like that? I don't think it should always be like that. - Maybe I'm just different that I've never associated like us. Let's say we're not having sex as often, or not doing things as him as my roommate. He's always following my husband. I just never feel like he's my roommate. I don't know why. I've just never sweet. I mean, there are seasons where we're not like, doing anything like relationship wise, and we're just hanging out. But I never feel like he's my roommate. I don't know why. That's good. - I just don't associate with that word. - Matt's overly affectionate, I will say, and so I feel like that has like helped. I also feel like we're far enough removed from like a baby stage I forget. And those six weeks, those first six weeks, I will say I can agree with like feeling like, like it just feels like everything is like, you do the chores, I do my chores, we do it and we get through the end of the day. And then, and obviously there's like, no, it's nothing romantic. And I says, nothing movie looking like romance. Obviously it's what romantic is here. Husband hold a new baby, like there's things like that. But then yeah, I feel like in the middle of the night too, we had gotten it down to such a science. That was just like signing off. Now we're gonna pass out two hours. - I mean, I feel like we've also, we've had seasons where it's just been so busy, like kill sometimes we'll work 70 or 80 hours in a week. And I'm like, where you been, you know? And that's definitely feels like real 80s and yeah. So I feel like yeah, that's normal. That was more able to be more present. So I feel like that is like the difference there. During the baby years, your relationship has to take a back seat. I actually strongly disagree with this one. - I strongly disagree with that as well. - I think it's very important to not do that. - Yeah, I think so too. - And I feel like there's a lot of harmful messaging around this. I will say, like I feel like there's guilt around like, any time type of separation from your baby, like all of it is bad. And it's like if it's for your marriage and you're like using that time intentionally to grow together and to deepen your marriage, that is worth it 10x for your children. And they will benefit from that as well. So yeah, I agree. I don't have anything to add to that. - Are you sure? - Yeah, no, I completely agree. - I feel like that's the time. - That's the time to strengthen it. - Strengthen the foundation. - You don't wanna have a chip on your shoulder towards your kids for driving a wedge in your marriage. Like you don't wanna have resentment towards your kids for hurting your marriage. So you really need to make sure that you prioritize that. - And I'm gonna be so honest when I had both of my kids, my nature wanted to completely disregard that. Like it was like we have these vulnerable lives that need me 100% of the time. Like I had to actually like not view it as one. It was the at the expense of the other. That was a really hard thing that I had to like on rework in my head. And yeah. - Totally. - And I feel like it has just been awesome for even, we only have toddlers now. But they like always like talk about marriage and dating and love and it's really funny. - Checking your partner's location is totally normal. - Yeah, I agree. - I check it almost every day. I'm like five o'clock where you at? - Say it. - I'm like, you see, at least on this way. - I'm like, yeah, I miss him. - I always know where that man is. - That's same. I always ask him like, do you track me? And he's like, not usually. - I'm like, well, you should. - Yeah, but you never look so much in my location. I'm like, you can see. - Like, do you love me? - Yeah. - He's like, he calls me and I'm like, I'm at work. I'm like, I can't. - I can't answer. - I can't do it. - That's funny. - Apologizing first doesn't always mean you were wrong. - I agree with that. - Abby, you taught me that. - I told you that? - Yeah. - Oh. - That's good advice. - You gave me a really good advice. - That's sweet. - You gave me really good advice for saying, like, sorry, and now I'm gonna forget it. Like, I'm sorry things felt, like, things feel weird. Or like, basically just like saying, like, acknowledging, like, acknowledging things are often like, saying you're sorry for whatever your role is, even if you can't quite define what it is. I'm not giving your advice well, but you taught me that. - Oh, that's sweet. - I'm glad it's been helpful. - Yeah. - Okay, would you or your spouse agree on who apologizes the most? - I wonder if we would agree. - 'Cause man, I disagree. We both think that we apologize more than the other. (laughs) - I feel like that's common. - I feel like we would agree that but like apologize is before me and the most. Even when I'm the one in the wrong. - That's sweet. - He's very good. I'm like, I'm gonna go to bed. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - So we're gonna talk this out. I think he'll, but I'd probably disagree because I think we both apologize a lot. So he'd probably be like, I apologize more. I'm like, no, I apologize more. - I'm gonna ask. - Yeah. - I'll come back. - Yeah, I'll come back. - Let us know. - I'll come back. - I'll come back. - I'll come back. - I'll come back. - Let us know. - I'll come back. - Let us know. - I'll come back. - I'll come back. - I'm gonna be neutral. I'm gonna be neutral. I would not go to them as my first person to ask for marriage advice. - Is that as helpful? - Yeah. It's so hard to make this one like a, like a, like a, it's taking the ground because I'm sure some of it is really helpful, you know? I'm just gonna say for the sake of the game, I'm gonna say agree. But just know that I don't agree with that. - I was gonna say one of my closest friends is single and she knows me very, very well. And so she can give advice to me and she knows but like a nice relationship really well too. And so I can tell her about something and she's very good at navigating my, like who I am and how I would probably respond to something. - That's true. - That's a little bit different than being like, we're having this problem in our relationship and going to them about like, marital problems versus like, I reacted in the incorrect way and she can call me out for it. - Okay, that's a good distinction, Adi. That's a very good distinction. - I don't really have a strong opinion on this. - I know. Like a specific marital problem. I would probably say if you're single, you're not married. I wouldn't necessarily, there's an advice. - Well, just because they also might be like alarmed. They might be like, oh my gosh. - Yes, that is crazy. But then other people in relationships are like, yeah. - Yeah. - We've been there. - Yeah. - Romance has to be scheduled after having kids. - Let's be honest, they're talking about sex. - I'm gonna say disagree. - I was also gonna say disagree. - But I think it depends on the person. But I don't think if you're not doing it, schedule it. - Schedule it. - Yes. Have a conversation about it. If you need to figure out what days of the week it's gonna be, or if it's gonna be an expectation every night, and then discuss it if you're not feeling it that night, I feel like that's been helpful. - Did you say expectation every night? - So what helps us? - We gave her that advice, Abby. - Oh, did we? - Did we know? - I think you gave it. I think one time you gave me that advice. - That's good. - That's good. (laughs) - We changed our expectation to every night. We're planning to every night, and if we're not, that's when we have a discussion about it. - Yeah. - Not a discussion that we're going to every night. - I love that. - It's the other way around. - Abby, you were a part of that conversation. - It's ringing a bell. - It is, it's ringing a bell. And you know what? I love that. - You said, you said, I think that's probably good. - I think that is probably good. - Sorry, if it was three weeks ago, I don't remember. - It was three weeks ago. - I don't remember. - I don't remember anything before it's three weeks ago. - But I think that's really cool. - My mind just started working three weeks ago. (laughs) 'Cause I'm six months postpartum at the third conversation. - I said, I don't know. - Oh, well, I love the honesty. - I said, I said you. - You must know. - See, Blake is just also just difficult. Like, I'm not going to give you a definitive answer. - Yeah, especially if I say it's for the podcast. (laughs) - He's like, why are you asking? - 'Cause we have a lot of funny questions about me. - He's like, I want to talk about it. - Blake, do you like to listen to always here? - No. - He's the worst player ever. - You want to know what he hassles me about? Listening to his, watching his YouTube videos for his work. - Yeah, I know, he hassles me about that too. - And I'm like, have you listened to always here yet? Have you listened to a single opposite? (laughs) - No. - You're not even in the content, brother. - Yeah, he's just behind the scenes. - I love it. - Protecting your marriage means setting boundaries with family. - Sometimes I agree. - I agree. - I agree. - I agree. - I feel like that one is. - I actually think that's unnecessary. - It's called leave and cleave. - Yeah. - It's a good little church lady. - There you go. - I'm not going to explain. I'm just going to leave it there for you guys to chew on. - Leave it. - And cleave it. - Get your cleaver. - Leave it and cleave it. (laughs) - Being a parent makes you more anxious. - Okay, I'm going to say agree. But I will say, I have, my confidence is deeper than it's ever been since becoming a mom. - That's beautiful. - But my, that feels so not as good to you like that. - No, it is beautiful. - That felt like she's so did not believe me. - I do believe it. - I agree with you. - I'm going to say the same thing. - I feel, okay, so what I was saying, sorry. (laughs) - We've been talking for way too long. - I was just like, I didn't have my personality in my tone. That's what happened. I'm sorry. - Okay, so I was saying I feel like I have experienced new levels of anxiety since pregnancy and children have happened in my life. But I feel like my sense of identity and my confidence has never been deeper. So I don't know that you can, I feel, I know that you can be a very confident person in experiencing anxiety. So that's how I feel. But I'm going to say agree. - Agree that being a pair makes you more anxious. - Yeah, I think just in that way it does. - Honestly, I'm most anxious about the schedule. Gosh darn it. - You'll get out of that. - Yeah, you will. - Have you felt confident the whole time? - No. - A confidence comes from fumbling the past. You know what I mean? Confidence comes from messing up and figuring it out. I made it through and I can do it now. - And I don't feel confident every day. - The kids have a new way of making you just reevaluate everything. - Yeah, it's good. - We need our pride to be humbled. - Our pride to be humbled. - You don't fully understand your partner until you see them as a parent. I'm going to disagree on that one. - I'm going to disagree with that one as well. - I think you can have a completely free marriage without having children. - I agree. - I understand each other. - I agree. - I sometimes feel like the default parent, no matter how supportive my partner is. - I would agree. - With little as I agree. - With babies for sure. - Yeah. - I think this is less than I will also agree. I feel like it has less than significantly. - As they get older. - For sure. - Yeah. - And I also feel like Matt, now it's slowly starting to become the default parent. - I feel like since we have our routine, it's just like default. And then like, because I wake up with my own feet, her and breastfeeding and that thing. - And both of your spouses go to work. - Yeah, and so I'm satisfied. - I'm satisfied. - I'm like, oh, you'll wake up with a monitor and give her a bottle in the morning on the weekends. So that means I'm the default parent on the weekdays. - We have a very unique situation with us both being home. - Yeah. - I know Caleb could fully handle it all if I was to go out of town or something. But yeah, just normally, with little as I'm going to be the default. - And depending on what happens. - Yeah. - To like if our kids are hurt they want me. - Oh yeah, when I'm little, when they're little I want them, I want to be the default parent. - You eventually do become your own mother. - No, I don't think so. - Disagree. - Oh, you know what? Agree and then disagree. - Happy what? - Because I think at first I started noticing that I was doing things that my mom did. And then I was like, oh, I want to do, some of the things I want to do differently. - Yeah. - Then I switched them. So I think it comes out because it's just what you know. You like default to your, you like default to your, what are your settings? Your default settings? - That's actually like proven by science. - Yes. - In your brain. - Yeah, exactly. So I guess, yeah, I would agree. And then-- - Agreed, but then you can also-- - Change the value and change it if you need to. - Yeah. - I have no clue. - You got a single idea. - I feel like I get a lot of things wrong. - Maybe six months old. - Yeah, I feel like it'll come that way. - I feel like my mom's better at it than I am right now. - I feel like your mom is very nurturing and sweet. - She is. - I can look at that. - You're nurturing and sweet. Oh my gosh, when you're with Brielle, it melts me. - Sure. - You're such a good mom. - I'm gonna work so much. - You are. - Traveling with kids isn't worth a chaos. - No, I disagree. - It's a great, it's good. - It's good for everybody. - I feel like now it's gonna be, or next flight with Brielle is in June. - We're about to enter the hardest season. - Yeah. - Eight months to 18 months. - To 18 months. - Her first free month. - Free month. - Life. Oh, the best thing on the world. - Yeah, the craziest flight when I was 13 months old. It was wild. - Okay. - I felt like I needed to write everybody a sorry. - I remember when you came home from that one. - You were like. - You just had free scouts. You had not to everyone at the plane. - That did age me. About a year. - No. - Using cloth divers won't save the environment. - I disagree. - I don't know. - I don't know, but I will not be using it. - It probably will save the environment. - But will I do them? - No. - There's already enough poop in my washing machine. - That's true. - One of my kids pooped on the couch cushions today. And I just can't imagine that being an everyday thing. Going in my washing machine. - I know. - No. - No. - No. - PDA is acceptable in front of family. Strongly great. (laughing) - Is it acceptable? - I agree. It is acceptable. - Yeah. - Is it still weird with my family? - Yes. Sometimes it's easier. - Be honest, we have too much PDA. - Too much no. - Okay. - Too much no. - A lot? - Yeah. (laughing) - On the other day, we were at the end of recording. And they were just like both thinking, "I'm sitting there asking the more questions." And Matt's just like, "Kissing Abby's belly with baby." I was like, "Fair, fair." But I'm like, "We're not that much PDA." I'm like, "Well, look at you right now." (laughing) - Wow. - And then we figured out that you've never seen Blake and I kiss. - I actually don't think I have, because I also miss their wedding. - I want to see my chance. - I want to see his kiss on the wedding day. - I just had Griffin. - Oh. - Yeah, it's okay. - I wear the pants in my household. - Wait, do you think Kielb and I are a PDA? - No. - Sometimes I want to. - I feel like you're more PDA than Caleb. - No, I'm like. - I used to be insecure about it, about not being like that Blake and I weren't PDA and then I realized that I don't want to be, is that bad? - Yeah. - That was when we were in the first year of our marriage. I was like more insecure about it. - I feel like we both lean towards physical touches being our leveling. - And I think that's the biggest thing about it. - I feel like Matt is also just very affectionate. Sometimes I'm like, I know what everybody wants to see this. (laughing) - I wear the pants in my household. - I disagree with that. - I disagree. - Hey, don't know. What do you think? Disagree, agree. I feel like I'm the most in the middle here. - I think you're in the middle. Yeah. - I feel like you guys have your roles and your roles really well. - Yeah. - Which I think we all probably do. - I would say, I would say we just got a leg in the pants. - Yeah. (laughing) - I mean, I let Blake take the, like he's the one who makes a final decision about things and is the leader of the household. I'm gonna ask Matt, but I feel like Matt would say that I wear the pants. - I don't think that's true. - I don't think that's Matt. - Okay, thanks. I don't think that's true. - I feel like we both got a leg in a leg in a leg. (laughing) - Like if Matt were to say that you wear the pants, I don't think that's true. - Yeah. - Do you think he wears pants? - Yeah, I don't think you, you don't make any decisions like without Matt. - No, I don't make any decisions about Matt. I don't feel like he really makes decisions about you. - Yeah, I mean, you're just kidding. - It's pretty even. - Kale, but I don't make decisions about each other either. - Yeah. Kale Blake is definitely the leader of our household. - For sure. - I'm in the middle. - Yeah. - I know the code to my husband's phone. - Yeah, I agree. - I think they do. - I think they do. (laughing) - It's a cross pattern. - Oh shoot. - She said it to the internet. (laughing) - Blame that. (laughing) - Having kids made me lose a part of myself. Whoa, we just went so serious. I'm sorry. Having kids made me lose a part of myself. I'm actually gonna say I agree. I fundamentally changed. And I didn't realize it until honestly, like, right, like the past month. Like this, all of the motherhood, like, did change me. But it's not something I agree, like I used to. Like when I first had my first kid, I was like, I'm not even excited about the things that I wasn't as excited about. Like I don't even know, like I felt lost and confused in those like first weeks post-partum. Definitely, I feel like way more grounded in my role as a mom. And like where, how this fits into my new lifestyle, like all these things. But yeah, I feel like there's parts of me that were lost, so probably, I think a lot of selfishness was also lost. I think it was good to shed. - Mm-hmm. I would agree. - Yeah. - I feel like losing myself as a mom in a good way. Like I felt like a caterpillar that got put up in my cocoon and that I shed my skin and my wings had been flying, baby. And you know, they're the confidence is so big. - That's right, they're flying high. - No, what I really mean by that is like, I think becoming a mom, it has made me want to be more creative. It's made me want to be more patient. Like it's made me want to grow in a lot of these areas where before it was good things that I've shed. Not like bad things that I've lost. And I think a lot of times people were like, oh, of course we go through seasons when the fresh post-partum's phase where we're not as interested in things that we like. You just actually don't have the capacity to. - Yeah, it's like that has to go. - It has to go. And it's for a season and like there was a season where I almost brushing my teeth went. - Okay. - Okay, because your capacity's just still maxed out. So it's like of course I'm not thinking about like sewing or doing picking up a hobby, you know. But as time goes on and you become a mom, there's this battle of like not allowing mother had to become your full identity. And then there's this part of you that's like, oh, I want to like find the other things that I am interested in. And it's become like a really fun process of like figuring out what I do find joy in and things that. And I never would have given that any attention before at kids. So I feel like there's this beauty in it where it's like, oh, I'm excited to like find different things that I'm interested in and like creativity. - There's a new motivation to grow yourself as an individual. - I would think that's a great way to say it Abby. - Uh-huh. - I do feel like I'm less creative though, since we've got your mom. - I don't have that circle anymore. - Well, it's like you miss it and so you want to like flex the muscle. It's like I want to do those things. - It feels, yeah, just feels so unnatural. - I think I picked up recently. I feel like it's being a good friend. Like I don't know why I think it's cause so many people like supported me post-partum that I'm like, I just want to support everyone. - You've been supporting people in like trying to be a good friend because that's like what was shown to me. And that's been kind of a fun thing to being a good friend. That's been fun for me. (laughing) Not canceling, showing up to things, supporting people, doing things. - You always show up at it. - You do. - You do. - I just leave early. - Yeah, it's funny. - She's on time though. So she's spending the same time. - Yeah, I have the same way. - Yeah, exactly. - As we are. (laughing) - It's true. - We're so late. (laughing) - We're out voting it. - Yeah, exactly. - I miss my pre-pregnancy body. - Oh yeah, I agree to that. (laughing) - That's okay. - We're there, guys. - I think it's unrealistic. - I love my post-partum body, but I also can miss my six pack. - I'll just get going. - I look back at it. - You guys, I'm becoming an A-hole. That's what's happening here. I'm getting tired. - No, no, I just look back at it. I used to be like, Matt, don't look at that. I don't know her. That's cheating. It's like me, just two years ago. But I'm like, no, now I'm like, I just like, I'm like, oh, she was so hot. (laughing) I like have a new feeling about my pre-pregnancy body and I'm just like, never forget that I used to look like this. - I know, I'll never get back to exactly like that, but I have gone through a period of losing 10 pounds before I was pregnant ever. And so it kind of gives me motivation that you can get back there. You can't get all the way back there, but you can put in the work and get close. - Yeah, I actually felt the best ever in my skin. 18 months post-partum with CJ. I felt the best ever. I felt strong. I felt like I was really confident and then I got pregnant like literally that month. - That's fun. - That's fun, but I felt really strong after having oggie. - So it's just different. - Yeah. - Sags feels different after birth. - Yeah, for a couple months. - Yep. - I agree. - We actually just got back into it feeling. - No, no. - Yeah, I think for a couple months. - Yeah, great. - I feel like that is pretty much a given. Everybody. - What keeps you happy? - It has seen some trauma. Nobody teal. - Nobody. - I am the fun parent. - No, I disagree. - I disagree. - No, I disagree. - She's six months old, but I'll say disagree. Blake throws her up in the air and stuff. I don't do that. - Praise you. - You guys, I literally just, so often, I'll just like look outside and see Matt and the boys playing the pool. And I'm like, I am so glad I gave Matt two little friends. - Aww. - That's sweet. - You're having a genuine blast right now. - That's great. - Or one of our friends came over and didn't bring a meal. And she's like, I was upstairs thinking about Matt was playing outside with the kids. And she's like, Matt was just having a great time. That's so fun. - I was like, I am glad that Matt just has so much fun. - Yeah, Matt genuinely, I have a limit to the imaginative play. Like, I've kind of reached my point. All right, then you've kept out. Maybe it's my creativity that's lacking. Matt is bursting with it. And they are really having a great time. - It's so sweet. I love that. They definitely go to Matt. Like, they even tell me sometimes, I'm like, Mom, chase me. I'm like, Daddy's home. (laughing) - God, come here. - They want to. - I'll chase them. - Well, that was our last one, guys. Wow, that one was deep. That was silly. That was serious. That was everything. - That was great. - And very grateful for you guys. And that we get to do motherhood together because gosh, it's way better doing it together. - For sure. - They're family guys. - So grateful for you guys. Thank you to Addy and Abby for joining unplanned. This is your reminder guys to like, review, subscribe, comment, all the things. And also please check us out on always here that launches a new episode every Friday. And wherever you watch your podcast, it is there. So you can count on that. And we love to have you and thanks so much for joining us this episode. - Yeah, thank you guys for having us. - And peace out, dudes.