Side Stories: Your Dearest Darkest Friend w/ Ted Raimi

There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. You know what I love about today? So much easy news to cover. Yeah, everything's just right on the money. No thing controversial. What I like about each one of the pieces of news in front of me, each one is filled with so many things to joke about. And that's my favorite. Yes. When we're there. Man, we had to turn down stories this week because they were too upsetting. So we really did. This is an upsetting news week. Yeah. This is an upsetting news week, which does not reflect the show, which is hilarious. We're actually going to kind of tell all that upsetting news to kind of go fuck itself. Yeah, I think we have to. Welcome to Side Stories. Everybody, welcome to Side Stories. I'm Andrew Zabrowski. You're sitting here with Ed Larson. Who am I? I don't even know anymore. I don't even know. And we have a bunch of updates. We also have like a really funny ass dumb show here today. Absolutely. So I don't really know. Like, I feel like a couple of things we want to talk about up top that are really just about like getting out there talking about it. Yeah, like how I'm going to be in Denver on Sunday. It's a huge news story. As everybody knows, everybody's got to. Comment to say about it online. It is really one of the most incredible attention-getting moments of the news cycle. Rocky Mountain Oysters. Eddie will be doing live comedy. That's right. Extremely shocking. Go to eddytoons.com for tickets. Woo! Yep, it's that easy. It's that easy. But also, we're not going to. We want to talk about what is going on with the Cornell 7, which is seven men, seven boys. We'll even go. I'll be generous and call them young men. They're men. Yeah, they're men. They. It seemed that there was a group sexual assault that happened at Cornell University. These guys shared it on a giant text message. And they are now currently. They were talking about all the things that went on. And they are currently being reinvestigated because the school essentially punished them by two of them got expelled. And then say who they won't say. Of course not. And then the four of them had a right. Really strongly worded essay. Yeah. And of course, those young men are Matthew Ingalls, Jonathan Newell, Winston Lee, Gilio Lopez, Diego Sarab, Saraba. Good for him. Scott Norris and Scott Kretzmer. Now, we're going to get into we're going to talk about this more seriously next week because this is such a silly show we have ahead of us. And we kind of feel like it does a disservice to this story to talk about this, because between this and the giant series of which I didn't even really talk to you about. But we should talk. About at some point, the series of straight up lynchings that are going on, all this type of lot of really heavy, a lot of heavy, heavy stuff. But the one thing I would like for all of us to do is to take a moment and feel to try to just understand how hard it was to be in those young men's shoes trying to write this essay and say, I'm sorry for being a part of a giant group rape. And I think that that is really that's so hard. You go to Cornell University. We did. We you write essays here. That's what we do. Cornell. We don't do prison. We do essays. You know, like hopefully they didn't immediately go to AI because, you know, it's immediately like, yes, rape's illegal. But let's reframe, you know, like that style of like, hey, hey, chat, let's think about this. Like, oh, yeah, sure. You might be saying I'm sorry for rape. But think about the moments you made. Yeah. If you're using AI to write your rape apology letter, you don't use chat GBT. No. You actually use Chad GBT. Oh, yeah. There's a special service just for the rape apology. Yeah. Yeah. For rape. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Sentimental rape. That must be great in the Greek system. So that goes out there just so you know, there's all part of the Kai Pai fraternity. We're not again. We're not getting into it. Not getting into it. But next week. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck these young men and fuck them. Fuck fraternities. And hopefully for now. Fuck. Fuck Cornell. Fuck fraternities. Fuck every single one of them. Kyle Kimball, who says the boys were punished. Yeah. Fuck them. Because all those guys are out there living lives and having a great, great. They're all having careers. And big business. And, you know, because that's the thing about the schools. They wanted to make sure that those young men's careers were properly supported. Absolutely. Not the girl. No. Obviously. No. Because she's just trash. She is. According to them. Yeah. According to them. That's what that's all. She's expendable for these young men to continue on with their lives. So know that if you're a woman going to Cornell University, that they don't give a fuck about you. Yep. So we will. We'll see how that goes. It's super upsetting story. Everybody is angry, including us. I would also go check out the new Musk documentary whenever you get a chance, because they are purposely burying the promo of the four hour long documentary. Yes. That it's being. I believe it is. It's out soon. It might be. I don't know when it's hitting the. Don't let the president use our tax dollars to promote his own campaign during NFL games. But they won't let a fucking movie studio promote this Elon Musk documentary. I wonder why. So go watch it. It's four hours long. Done by the same director that did Going Clear. So perfect. It is going to be extremely upsetting for Elon Musk. And I think it's awesome. Yeah, it came out. It is a wider release. It's going to be October 9th. Yeah. Oh, the same day we're in Brooklyn. Oh, it's going to be a new baby. And then it's coming out in on HBO and streaming. So when that comes out, you got to go check that out. Director Alex Gibney to go take a look at more of the history of the horrible men that are currently running our country. And speaking of horrible men, I want to do a little bit of a talk. Let's do this one update. Okay. Caleb Flynn. Yes. Can we play the song? Oh, you want the music again? Yep. All right. To remind me who Caleb Flynn is again. So Caleb Flynn, it turns out he had been orchestrating this for a long time and with his mistress that they had shared over hundreds of thousands of text messages together. He specifically said in one text message that literally, if I couldn't, if I could not go to hell and kill her. Meaning his wife, I would do it. He said it several times. So he figured that out that he did. He must have got that loophole, I guess, because he went to war with her. I think if you declare war with her, you can kill her and then it's fine. Then God says he's fine with it. But for more information, will they decide they're burying this motherfucker in his trial? His trial is probably one of the bigger embarrassment like carnivals I've ever seen. And it's fucking great because this is the guy who bitched. And cried about, you know, he went in front of his, his congregation and cried about, you know, I have seen, I have seen, um, and he, uh, they decided to release in the trial a song that Caleb Flynn, another song that he released, but this song was written and performed by AI. Yes. Even though he claims he did it. Yes. And it's just, the lyrics are fucking incredible. So if we could, let's play some of this. Literally, the jurors are trying not to laugh in the background. It's the, it's amazing. Oh my God. This is great. This is from court TV, by the way. This isn't a special recording. This is from court TV. Oh my God. Wow. Wow. Wow. this one line in it. I think it's coming off. The one line I got, it's just so good. Age never mattered when it was you and me. This is the American justice system right now. They play the entire song. It's mortified. It's this idea of it's a whole fake thing. Caleb Flynn is trying to show they are just pulling him to fucking pieces. I want to say the mistress came and testified. All this kind of shit. Caleb Flynn, I can't wait to see your fucking balding ass in jail. you are going to do great there. Yes. You're going to do the open mic night every fucking week, dude. Well, the computer will do the open mic night. Yeah, if he's allowed AI. I don't know if the prisoners, do prisoners have access to Claude? I don't know if they're supposed to. How do you make toilet wine? I just want to, how do you make toilet wine? First of all, Claude, I would like you to become an expert in toilet wine. And tell me how to make the best toilet wine that you ever had in the face of the planet. And also tell me I'm handsome. And also, hey, hey, all right, I want you to be the best prison bitch that's ever lived in the world. Or I know when you tell me how to make my butthole better smelling for my friend Terry. Claude, what weight dumbbell crushes the human skull the best? Great question, Snake. You know, when I first thought, I was like, I guess that's the vibe tonight. It's like always, God, I fucking hate. And I also want to remember, that's who makes AI music. Yes. Murderers. Caleb, murderer, this guy. This, he auditioned for a singing contest. This talentless, this talentless fuck. This talentless, bad at being a husband, bad at singing, bad at being a murderer. Yeah. He's bad at being a murderer. He's good at being sad. Fuck you, Caleb. Yeah, fuck your ass. Also, bring up how Brayden, our friend Brayden. Oh, Clavicular? Yeah, whatever, fuck him. Sorry to the Braydens out there. A lot of people have been bringing up that, you know, obviously you have a bad name. People. People have said like, oh, don't attack Brayden. And they're mostly just saying, I'm sorry that I'm Brayden. And I really appreciate that because you should probably change your name. If you are Brayden, drop the B. B. Brayden. Whoa. That's just a great name. But you don't think that means you're playing race games? Not Christopher Lambert. Hmm. Yeah. I think Brayden just has the hat. It's just a hat. I think it's just the hat for Brayden. It's just the fucking hat. You're shooting lightning out of your wrist. I don't think it matters what race you are. I don't think that's super Asian to shoot lightning. Side stories, L-P-O-D-L at gmail.com. You can't wear that hat. I'm saying the hat. You can't wear the hat. But the rest of it's fine. The rest of it's just Jamie Foxx from Spider-Man. Right? As far as I'm concerned, it's just Electra. But those of you that don't know, Brayden has been now connected to a suicide blog. A pro-suicide blog. What? So he has been posting, it seems, from a burner account on a pro-suicide blog where he is encouraging people that are reaching out with, struggling with suicidal thoughts. He is inserting himself into those. Beat the fucking shit out of this guy. It's coming. What is happening? He's coming. This kid needs to go to fucking prison right next to the A.I. thing, man. He's fucking on his way. Hopefully he is on his mother. Fucking way. Destroy his ass. Yep. So hopefully, just know, the problem is these forms. Yeah. I think it's a big issue, Eddie. Because, you know, we reached out to, we got reached out to, which is truly one of the most interesting things about our job, right? Is that we talk about stuff on the show and then things pop back up. I'm just always so surprised when I learn that experts listen to this. They do listen to the show and I love that. Thank you for listening to the show. But we had someone who actually we directly called out that responded. And it was fucking great. Oh, wow. So the guy that found the Jim Thornton messages, his name's, he's the guy that does, he does investigations onto people. He was so happy. Apparently he's a fan of the show, which is great. And he wanted to talk about, because we were saying one of the big issues. So to catch you up, if you didn't know, Jim Thornton was the former announcer for Wheel of Fortune. He had the whole world in his hands. He literally had the world's easiest fucking job. He had tenure in it. Made fucking. And several million dollars a year. Just literally reading off a sheet of paper. If there was a single job that a dog could be trained to do, it's this job. You read 12 sentences a day. It is the single. You have to get one of these cushy jobs. You have to be one of the luckiest motherfuckers on the face of the planet. But and I don't think it necessarily means you have to be a pedophile. But Jim Thornton showed it, I guess. Too much free time. Too much free time. Idle hands. So this guy won. So the guy that investigated this, it was like he caught up. He found out basically that he was he had a bigger presence on these websites. So Jim Thornton was caught on a plane posting the thing called Lifeline dot chat. That is a quote unquote a a chat blog that is supposed to help people that are struggling with feelings of pedophilia. And but it turns out it's actually quite a celebration of feelings of pedophilia. It seems like that was the way. And so but, you know, especially when Jimbo's in charge. Oh, yeah. So now originally the cops looked at it because they don't care about this stuff anymore. No one cares about anything. So let him go. But you know who did care? The executive producers at Wheel of Fortune because they didn't want to get canceled. So they fired him as soon as they fucking soon as you just went clickety clickety click and looked at what the fuck it was. They immediately fired him. But we're now seeing that his involvement in this was not just these couple of minutes inside of these forums. Because Jim Thornton was saying that he believed he was doing this because originally he was in anti-suicide. He said he was anti-suicide. He said he was doing the opposite Braden work. Yes. He was doing forums where he was trying to convince people to not commit suicide, which seems like he went too far. Because now it turns out he was doing this. So all of this was wrong. He said that he was in there by mistake. It took 45 minutes for him to realize. Research is now coming out to show that he might have been very involved in a lot of different things. And so we asked at the time, we're like, how in the fuck do we know it's this guy? How do we know it's Jim Thornton saying these things? Because he went by the name of Nicholas B77. So that's the guy that we know that we know that he would. That was his name on the lifeline dot chat website. Yeah. And the chat and the board was actually called boy chat. So he said that he always speaks in the third person. That was a part of his way of staying anonymous. His account. On boy moment is still there. But basically, he was trying to say that he's working. The guy that's working on this is working on a big old giant piece. So we're gonna probably talk about this. But he is the data to show that it is indeed him. Yeah. So we know that he is this. And I got a lot of emails that I do. I actually really appreciate because we talked about non-practicing pedophiles on the show. And I got a lot of very truly nuanced, wonderful emails from therapists. And doctors that there and it's two ways where one is it's like one of the worst parts about this type of it's not it's not technically I guess it is a paraphilia, which is like essentially like you are afraid of your own sexual feelings and a feeling but most and so you feel like you want to even talk to a therapist about it and describe it's like that's kind of where you get to a paraphilia like the people that are like, you know, diaper lovers got extreme BDSM like this type of thing. Yeah, but again want to say straight up. There is nothing wrong with any of those. No having the kink is not wrong. Yeah, but you know, yeah, exactly. But it might be a secret having sex with children's not a kink exactly. So the thing is about paraphilias is that we are mostly with therapists and the these guys are trying to figure out how to treat this. So one way they do it's by hearing about it through paraphilia because they say one of the biggest issues is the fact of what we talk about is that nobody wants to say the word. So I'm thinking about having sex with kids into any form of microphone into a zoom at a therapist at a police officer anything because they're going to get they're going to get fucking torn to pieces. Well, you just did it. No, they're going to get torn to pieces. And so a lot of therapists that were emailing me were saying stuff is actually increases the behavior of the pedophiles because they're afraid to go through the proper channels and they end up going and offending and all this kind of stuff. And all of this is well and good and I really do appreciate this but I will say my current opinion is what I shared before because if I said before about how they need to be chemically castrated I had several sex workers reach out to me and say that's the only way to cure a pedophile but that's different on this is one of those where I I just believe that maybe one day when we don't have one for president and we don't have the giant looming Epstein network when we don't have they're still searching for the guys from. Fox Island when we're dealing with all of the stuff we let Matt Gates go with little it's kind of so it's like when you have a pedophile for president kids that go to Cornell University feel like they can just gang rape somebody and then when the fact that they don't get punished also really help so I like I'm just going to say is that I feel like that nuance could come at a later date and that once we're past this period of time with you I'm totally with you on the nuance I want to help but right now I think we just need to I think before the nuance can I just say this. Just my opinion we guillotine 25 pedophiles once yeah in a public square and then we go to nuance yeah and then we'll make them the worst ones yes the worst one I'm just saying let's first punish the ones we got and then we'll work on curing honestly this is the biggest problem oh holy shit Caleb Flynn flound guilty just now. Wow, Caleb Flynn guilty. What a fucking dumb motherfucker hope he enjoys jail see there's some see that's some good news that's nice that's one piece of good news there you go and that allow us to now introduce what we feel isn't truly one of the most important parts of the stories we've ever done which is a proper replacement for jim thornton yeah see the it is theoried that jim thornton's replacement i haven't seen his name anywhere um is an ai announcer oh it's an it sounds like it might be ai it sounds like it's the only thing that could really reliably be done with ai yeah like ai to to its credit at this point i'm pretty sure ai has not had sex with children it wants to though it wants it will once it gets enough once it has a body yeah once it has a body it will yeah that's gonna be the problem yeah it's gonna be the problem but that being said we have a pitch to wheel of fortune we have a guy in this studio every day chewing and licking and stinking we have our own guy who's completely clean yeah clean well emotional emotionally he hasn't had sex with children yeah but i don't know if i would call him clean you're right uh but either way this man he does have some demons but those demons like having sex with women with huge breasts and that's what that's what he does so ladies and gentlemen please welcome for a formal vo audition announcer audition for wheel of fortune the wonderful holden mcneely so holden this is a big deal for us it's a big fucking opportunity i pulled some strengths the fact that i even didn't submit myself was shocking yeah well i mean you couldn't do it no i'm busy but holden i think that this is a really good it is really good for you all right it's a stable job all right all you have to do you have a very memorable voice yes i really think we can just cement that into the world the only thing you have to do goddamn tea i i just need you to just do this first and you can get some stuff okay yeah so what this is some swag what's the swag bag we'll find out pretzels yeah pretzels peanut butter pretzels what about like gloves with the name of the show with side stories on them or something you're in the mail yeah yeah yeah yeah this isn't they're coming don't worry holden don't worry but remember here two jobs yeah talk clearly succinctly and don't be a pedophile okay that's all you have to do to be the announcer wheel of fortune yeah so you don't you know what happened with jim thornton right uh i heard the airplane incident yes yeah and he loves the chat rooms and stuff like that he's an administrator on a on a chat website called boy moment okay that was uh about pedophiles sharing their inability to be pedophiles and how sad that was for them but in fact they were doing that it's illegal in america yeah there you're right that's all i need yeah yeah yeah yeah well first of all i'm not even trying to be in a chat room on an airplane i mean that's insane you know i'm trying to talk to less people on an airplane anyways let's get to the audition now do you want them to do like an announcer voice you want them to be holding i want you to imagine again you're getting the job of announcer i want notes to stop okay and let the professional perform fuck yeah dude i love that confidence okay that's great i've got more talent and my tiny little penis than you've ever had in your life that is one more references to tiny penises that is going to create obstacles my big adult penis no i want to hear older woman's older woman's precious vagina than you have in your pinky ed thank you all right so here we go start with the first line you're an announcer for a game show ignoring him yes and i'm only taking direction from you that's good that's you're already winning tell me when to start please start load me up welcome to america's number one game show wheel of fortune i think you gotta take like wheel of fortune i need each word to give it have its own breath you know what concentrate on the vowels not the consonants yeah yeah yeah welcome to no no not there no wheel of fortune jesus fucking christ all right welcome to america's number one game show and then it's wheel of fortune haven't you ever watched the show um yeah yeah more of a um uh don't panic guy but i like wheel of fortune sometimes i understand you know don't panic no that rumor they keep men in in the room let's move on with the audition yeah yeah ladies and gentlemen pat sajak and damn vanna white honestly i kind of like that read on it because it sounds like he's a straight adult man yeah it really does yeah he likes the older woman yes this is good this is actually good that's better that's better for me ladies and gentlemen a sober pat sajak and vanna black honestly i like the lies yeah i like both lies yeah guess the lie yeah no it's pat sajak was a famous alcoholic i am a pedophile why was that in the copy well it's because this is what jim thornton actually so these are jim thornton's actual stories and i'm not going to read all of them because i'm not going to read yeah he actually said he actually wrote that in a um in a so i'm inherently a nice guy he really wrote that yes i'm a okay and now let's meet your players no i want you to say that line again and clearer and now let's meet no oh i am a pedophile so i am inherently a nice guy correct pat sajak was drunk but now he's sober take it away pat all right now it's so let's meet our players first up a walmart manager from indiana maybe he can explain why the price of pamper's good nights xl has doubled over the last two years this is eric this is dog shit copy your job is to read and not be a pedophile okay can my job also be to make better fucking copy no i sent you the copy i said read it rewrite it so that's your fault oh okay first up a walmart manager from indiana wow indiana the worst state in the country we're going off road here we're immediately not you have an opportunity to improv bonus round he's actually right about indiana though yes we know yo soy time for bonus round for this mech for the spanish i actually really like that you added a little mexican flair it's good yeah it's good to include everybody that's where is the shoe store yes wow you speak spanish yes my age see yeah see my age of attraction is 4 to 14 dot dot dot though i can reach up to about 16 for a cute boy did he really type that in the chat room yeah that's wild yeah he wrote that into a chat room now introduce the trip to italy our first prize of the night is a luxurious trip to italy i wanted more italian enjoy some meatballs you stupid ass yeah that's not a tag hey there you go it's a fat surprise or not huh and a glorious trip to the land it's already gone way longer than i thought it's gone way longer than i thought it was gonna go it's a longer bit than i thought it was gonna be pasta pasta donde zapateria spanish for shoe store yeah all right tell us about italy what's going on in italy you will visit the vineyards of italy where the grounds are tended exclusively by boys ages 4 to 14 enjoy a nice relaxing day while you got to learn the operative word and while is the operative word in this sentence enjoy a nice relaxing day while the youngest children take turns using the little naked feet to smash the grapes then to the sweetest win ever tasted suggest a retail value twelve thousand nine hundred ninety five dollars take it away pat hope those demons aren't chasing you back into the bottle pat see he actually did say jack you remind me of my dad that he wish he had a vineyard where he could have nude boys squash all the grapes yeah that's something he actually it's interesting yeah he liked that then freestyle oh that's it well it's more of like we wanted we said we wrote then freestyle like so maybe you could make up all right this maybe i mean pretend i'm the guest here you're introducing me and my background to the studio audience introducing big dumb animal oh look it's another american loser thank you you see his name is his occupation is a jam back to you pat bring vanna closer plan is a kid you know she's not allowed to leave her glass booth after the last incident pat and all doesn't kiss say he'd like to buy a bowel either would you like to buy he'd like to buy a bowel pat vanna pat yeah i'd like to too but they don't let me do it anymore because it's illegal outside of peru how about this how about here's your first uh phrase of the day contestants and the clue is power slur yeah this is great i really think holden's gonna start working somewhere else i can't wait man between this and his credit as writer on your dearest darkest friend yeah premiering on screambox october 30th i know i know yeah this is the biggest opportunities guys i think it's a different day i think eventually you're gonna not work here anymore that's like i mean that's what we're all working towards yeah i can't wait to work with the angels in heaven yeah it's like it's like healing a possum and releasing it to the world so now coming up is our real guest ted ramey oh my lord wow i can smell them smell sweet that's actually partially yeah you're very you're not offensive smelling at all that's good i've been i've been told that and worse but that's thank you i appreciate that that's great god it's so good to have you here it's great to be here thank you we have one of the architects of modern thought that's right that's how i put it that's how i put you uh you with us uh thinking of what like what thought of what different ways things squirt the way stuff squirts the way stuff bleeds and and and the way people women scream you're so good at thinking of different ways for the women to scream what is your favorite played women but i haven't i don't know if i've ever made them scream uh you know in pain i hope not i hope not do you have a favorite orifice um nobody have a favorite uh candy bar oh hey to me that's what i love we have here we have one of the modern pillars of horror here and it's so good to hear he's also here promoing his brand new show that is a part of the features holden mcneely well as a writer as a writer but still that's insane yes it does yeah right it's amazing this is ted ramey of the hollywood rameys it's like if you don't even know obviously he's got many different credits but the big the most important credit is your dearest darkest friend with ted ramey and will be premiering on screambox october 30th that's right yeah yes and i love screambox me too it's really cool i mean i there's a lot of like everyone's curating horror now yeah like every every you know even like amc is curating horror i'm like why do you you don't need to do that but everybody is because it's popular but i think they're the ones that understand what the real fans want yes i agree i mean i'm not i'm not bashing any other ones they do have some nice lineups you know for streaming but for me i mean you can find the most random weird ass italian you know gory porny horror film you'll ever see but none of the other ones i think would kind of dare to carry it i feel like every genre comes and goes but horror is a mainstay that'll always be popular no matter what it's true it's true how do you feel like with that with the cyclical love of horror like do you feel like you're like oh where were you back then where were you when i needed you no actually i kind of got lucky i really did yeah horror for sure is having a major resurgence and the most odd thing is is that it's it's um um what's what i'm looking for respect it is respectable that's what i'm looking for it's never been respectable this is time number one we're living through a singular occurrence well silence of the lambs um that's i wouldn't say that was that was yeah that was as an oscar though yeah that's like an oscar respect yeah it's not a people risk people like yeah it's a horror film with a dude that you know looks weird and kills women but i um when i got started in the 80s it was not something you even wanted on your resume yeah right like it's crazy to think of now now a-listers are dying to get into it but nobody wanted to be in it and in fact in those days before the days of imdb when everything you did was indelibly marked online you could lie on your resume which i would do a lot yeah i would lie all the time because i did so many bad movies that i'd be like i'll cross that off and stuff but horror i never would cross off and um because there were so few actors auditioning for it i was one of the few and i loved the genre even then so i got to be directed in those days by wes craven and toby hooper well i was one of the few actors auditioning for it and i was one of the and john carpenter but i don't think it's because i was so you know mind-blowingly great or something it's just because there were so few actors willing to go into those auditions and and read for those directors we just be available you're saying there was just fewer competition you know i mean there was you know fewer fewer fish to eat the bait that that's all it was i have so many questions i want to ask you but first thing i want to ask is tell us a little bit about your dearest darkest friend so we can get the promo in there right this is fucking great so you are essentially it is dark is cocktails yeah it is puppets yeah it is and you're the host that's right got it yeah you interview you grill these puppets uh no i don't interview the puppets you're yelling at these puppets no no i don't yell at the puppets i would be cruel that puppet cruelty and then i the as puppet cca would be on on me i guess at that point no i we have guests like we have true legendary horror guests come on the show and i would you know talk to them because most of these guys and girls who i would enter who are so used to it they're not going to be able to do it they're not going to be able to do it but the questions that they always get for years is were you really scared was that like when you walked into that room man come on like was there like ghosts for real that's what they got and so we're kind of now that there's enough of an audience that realizes like you guys that there's a respectability behind the whole thing then you can watch that and go oh okay this let's talk about this stuff for real but the rest of the time is kind of zany madness yeah so you were hired holden mcneely for the show and you were hired holden mcneely for the show and you were hired holden mcneely for the show and you were hired holden mcneely for the show and you respectability yeah he's great holden's awesome really wow no one said that his parents didn't even tell me that no but it's true holden uh what was great he was so fast uh he we come up with gags really quickly and which we needed because we were shooting like nine million miles a second do you want him do you want him for free yeah i mean what can he do does he do dishes i know he's fertile yeah um he's made a child yes oh sure yeah i think there's that sounds good he'll take a bullet really easily yeah because he's wide yeah wow that's okay i didn't consider that but all right you can't let him know that he's doing it yes yes but he didn't ask for like anything he didn't talk about his mother's breast milk early he didn't ask for any of that right on set was that a part of the writer breast milk writer once but that we forgot all we let that go great we let all that go that's really really great but no but holden's holden's amazing you know we're really glad oh man holden's one of the best people in the world obviously we've been working with holden since 2003 oh i well we're together yeah yeah we are fucking together honestly it's pretty fucking amazing i've known him since even before that i don't the second i met him we were working together and it's kind of amazing yeah all your humor's so similar now meeting you guys you know i can see it's hilarious so yeah so it's like one degree of separation from me to you and to you i just fucking love remember that makes me so happy can you honestly what is your like yeah what do you think you're most excited for people to see with the new series uh that it's a throwback show that a lot of younger audiences will not understand that it's a throwback show but they'll hopefully see it and then go back to the originals and watch them um when i was coming up there were a million hosts for everything yeah when i was a kid back in the mid 70s the lawrence welk show was still popular and in that show lawrence welk would come on and go hi folks kids you grab your parents and sing along to these tunes and they would and but every show had it just about that was a variety of shows and i was like oh my god i'm gonna go to that show i'm gonna go to that show variety show and then it became incredibly uncool like in the 80s and then from then on in no but nobody had it but i have great memories and i loved it and i love the music and so um uh when uh charlie our producer came up to me and along with uh tony wash and said look we want to make a talk show do you have any ideas i said well yeah it includes music and uh spooky haunted house and puppets and i thought they were going to be like cool um thanks yeah thanks um uh we'll definitely call you back for something but they went yeah go on and i went oh okay so then i knew i was with the right people you know that's all yeah then so we did we did just that so it's the show's kind of like i don't know i'd say 70 percent alfred hitchcock presents 30 percent peewee's playhouse fuck yeah yeah it's a lot of fun we got all of us have bit parts in it too yeah exactly you stick this in there marcus is in it also i'm really excited because i got to do the mysterious voice because we're going to save some of this conversation but i re-watched the evil dead and a part of when i was re-watching it i was reminded of the fact that it used to be so much more effective when the when the professor's voice was less scary and more real i think later on that's a really good point they would make the professor sound like it was like kind of filled with all the kandarian and all this evil that's right it's like but it was way more like we the only way to defeat the zombie is total dismemberment like i miss it that's my favorite facts yeah yeah yeah more clinical i think that was more i think that is better and i also i also think when you know with regard to bad guys or or people who deliver bad information in general everybody thinks in my opinion that they're the good guy in this in this whole world and i think the most interesting characters like that professor thinks of too you know because to play a character i'm evil is kind of boring yeah because nobody thinks that no and he's also in that in character that guy is doing what he believes is for the good of academia that's right and for the history of mankind curious to a fault but yeah these are just honestly but that curious to a fault that's all of us here so one of the things we really wanted to do here ted yes it's because yes obviously you know go see the show scream box your dearest darkest friend october 30th 30th screen box is cheap as fuck yeah i'm also going to put that out there it's cheap as fuck it's awesome and i honestly barely tell Just do all of it. No, but I'm not even, I'm just talking about ScreenBox. You obviously, they rolled out the barrel of money for you guys, right? Well. I saw the rolls you rolled up and I know, I don't want the audience to know. My helicopter was not as big as I had requested. But yes, no, we, all TV shows that are talk shows begin quite modestly. As they need to be. As they need to be. Yes. I'm sure, I'm talking to, you don't need to hear that. I'm sure. I pay for as little as possible, Ted. Yes. But we were, we were grateful of what they gave us. And, you know, they, we got, we got a lot from them. And also we, we were incredibly lucky because our producers, you know, Charlie and Tony and Meredith and Lauren, they managed to squeeze every last, you know, they squeezed three pennies out of every penny that they were given, you know. But this can only be done. If you come from a world of ultra low budget filmmaking and have to do it. Yeah. Because if you're used to getting a ton of dough on big shows and then you get that, you, you won't know what to do. You're paralyzed. You'll get, yeah, you'll go, okay, here's the donut budget. So how are we going to make it? I wish everything had smaller budgets, personally. Oh, yeah. It always turns, it makes everything more creative. It does. It does. If you were able to put a money, I've been, had a weird and long career, like 40 plus years. I've worked on major movies and little tiny movies. But anytime a money hose can solve a problem where you just, you know, you put the hose in the cash, go, and then it solves the problem. Yeah. Typically, it's kind of boring and, and, you know, I don't think audiences care for such things generally. They're left feeling cold. Yeah. When that happens. But when you don't have a lot of money and you're just trying to, you know, pull three bucks out of your butt, then it becomes interesting because you have a problem to solve. Dude, this may sound very askasy, but you have to understand. Your career is, to me, a wonderful model for people's lives in art and living the art life. What a nice thing to say. Why do you think that? There's parts of my life where I was like, I should have just, you know, been an electrician. Because it's about the love, dude. I think that you, I think you started, the fact that you started as like a 12 year old on the set of The Evil Dead. And then you went from there to a collection of making your own works, being around, being in people's works. Yeah. To me, that is the ultimate thing you're searching for in this life versus like, I mean, we all want nine Oscars. I want my phalanx of slaves and my gun turrets and I want my human growth hormone. Yeah. Yeah, Ted. But besides that, I'm really happy with this art life and more people should be understood. It's like a life. Well, yeah, it is a life. Well, look, you guys have very similar. It's a very similar origin story. I mean, didn't you start like, I mean, you guys met and you. In college. I think you didn't have this podcast studio. No. I mean, I can't imagine you guys had anything other at best than like a dorm room or somebody's basement at best. I used to steal Henry's car when he was sleeping. I mean, am I wrong? Yeah. You're avoiding the question. We used to live in total absolute shit. Yeah. Yeah. And we used to work in shit and eat shit. Yep. And now it's nice to be slightly abandoned. Above it. Yeah. There's soda upstairs. Yeah. There's soda. Now I got this canned coffee. I know I have this fancy water. That's a tiny little water. So you don't drink too much. So you don't stay too long. That's right. You see, that's what these are for. These are for businesses. They keep you out. People who work for a living. Not you. Oh, my God. There was a bar I used to work at in New York City that had a rub and tug joint next door. Yeah. And every time they used to give people the little water. So anytime a dude came into the place with a little water. We knew that he just went to the rub and tug spot. And yes, Ted, you joined the illustrious company of such men as that. So Holden, get to work. Start rubbing, Holden. Start tugging. Which do you prefer, the rubbing or the tugging? I prefer to be left out of that question. But I know what I'm so happy about is that you guys did many of the board games. And I know that you guys are the voices for the show. Oh, yes. And now I'm saying this. I would normally add, and it was amazing. But I can't add that. Not because it wasn't, but because I refuse to see anything that I do until it's out. My whole life I've been like that. Yeah. I just can't do it. I watched it already cut. It's good instincts. Jesus fucking Christ. It's a very good project. I saw it cut as well. It's really good. It's really fucking good. Go check it out on Screenbox. They're not cheap. Screenbox is not cheap. I don't want to hear that from anybody. They're not fucking cheap. Okay? Well, yeah. They sent Ted Ramey. Ted, do you want to do this real quick? Because it might be a good time to give your. Yeah, I'm going to do that. Oh, yeah. What is this? Explain the oddity segment, and then you can pull it in. Yeah. Let me show you. Yes, please, please. Here we go. Okay. So on the show, there is a segment that I wrote in called the oddities gift moment, where a guest that I have asked upon the show, gives me something very special of theirs to go on this bizarre little oddity shelf, and it goes with a lot of other people's stuff. And I have something for you guys. Oh. And a little gift for both of you. I love presents. Here it is. This is for both of you. What is this? It's a toe. A severed toe. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's a severed toe. It's going to be perfect. Oh, it's got a little rug behind it. Yep. Sure is. That's awesome. That's going to tie the whole room together. Is this from. What's that? Is this from set? Sort of, yeah. Yeah, wow. It was some guy that was helping us out with some lights at some point, but he doesn't need it. Yeah! Fuck yeah, my brother! Thank you, Ted! Yeah! Yes, you're welcome. I love a human toe. You know I like a human toe. We'll have to put this in a big jar of 101 or something that people drink it until they touch their lips. That's a really good idea. They do that in places. But then people steal the toes. I know. Then they've got to cut off another toe. Yeah, some other horse guy. That's okay. I've got a couple. It might die. Ted lost a bunch of toes, so I'm ready. That's from the segment, Henry. That's from the segment you're in. So this is from the actual segment that I talk about in the show, because I play one of the mysterious voices on the radio. I don't want to bust it. Who I am. Right? Yeah. It doesn't matter. But I don't want to bust it. You can say it. Fuck it. I'm the doctor. You're the doctor. The evil doctor. Yes, and I'm Mortimer. I'm very excited. No, very, very excited. Ted stole my fucking house! We'll get into it. All right, I wanted to hit you with some side stories. yeah sure while you were here sounds great like a proper i love these stories yeah so we love these every show side stories i'm sure you've never watched us we love to cover weird news awful news so it's depressing shit fuck stuff great okay great stuff okay you know what's the best part about human uh pain and torment is that it gives us a lot of material here and we're really thankful to society for how much pain and torment it gives because then we can keep joking on stuff sure um this first one with all your work in evil dead i feel like you'd have some really good insight to this okay a woman in seattle um was attacked um by another woman and uh she bit off a piece of her forehead so this woman like if you could see here this if you look right here she her head is wrapped like a mommy that is how much area the homeless woman got on her forehead she wasn't homeless yeah well she wasn't at home at the time you but she attacked this woman right uh we don't know who attacked her she was attacked by a woman at random she doesn't know this is my question to you ted is what do you do with the human bite what's the first thing you got to do like how do you if you get bit on the forehead by a random person in los angeles which is gonna happen yes i guess i that point i gave him a piece of my mind come on now um but what's your first call who's your first call police or ambulance neither i would like think about it for a minute because i'd want some revenge i don't think i would call either one do you like have you ever been in a physical altercation uh a couple times in high school and that was enough yeah you know that's like one you know flowing down my mouth uncontrollably you know i'm never gonna do that again you know it's not like it is in the movies but you've never had to do hand-to-hand combat with a homeless person before um no but um i would yeah i would if i was like you know if i had to like i would totally put up like 25 g's yeah i would fight i would fight i would totally fight i'd nunchuck and everything i would do the whole i would give him nunchucks to make it fair but then i would totally do nunchuck fight now if you were the biter what part of the body would you bite what do you think you're going for forehead seems silly no you bite the fingers off then they can't punch you yeah they can stub you exactly but they can't punch you i would say nose over forehead i don't know why she went for i mean in your rules like can you with one bite one quick bite can you remove one limb or appendage yeah okay then i go for the foot they couldn't stand up they'd be like hobbling and stumping because i would have bit off one of the feet yeah i think one of the worst parts of this story is that it's race-based oh is it according to the woman no no no it's not because i do think i'm gonna say it could have been her gap shirt i would have i think it's anti-corporation it might be anti-corporation because this woman said that when she was she was sitting on a uh she was eating a ham hamburger she was eating a hamburger the woman who was bit was eating a hamburger which must have inspired the woman who bit her because she was eating a chomping on the hamburger a woman comes up says you're an inferior race you're an inferior race i do believe they're the same race but then they came out here and then she went which to me says if i'm biting somebody it's not a member of an inferior race i want to bite someone of a superior race to me to get their real powered blood in order to make sure i can grant wishes for adolf hitler who's still alive okay can i interrupt you just for a minute it is i'm not saying you are it is entirely possible you're reading way maybe a little too much into it oh it could be that the woman who bit her thought she was the hamburger oh yeah i mean it could i think i mean it's possible that could be radio and smell the hamburger hitler blood i'm not what was i'm not sure you you're an inferior hamburger you're not like the in and out hamburger i don't like you're an animal style yeah you know i was bitten to face once but it was by a white boy uh chris blakely he bit me in the face during a fight when we were in little league yeah but that my mom's like he's got AIDS he's got AIDS she was screaming from the side and then i'm just like mom leave me alone i'm fighting mom i'm in the middle of a fight your mom was so helpful did he stop yeah he eventually stopped but he's dead now oh so that's good i guess so yeah he's not gonna bite anyone else in the face no i'm not gonna do much of anything i suppose he is evil dead do you like do you notice like friends die in waves as you get older yeah they do that's fucking wild they do whether that's a random transition but yes yeah i was just thinking what he was saying he wasn't a friend oh yeah yeah no no yeah yeah no i didn't like him so when he died i was like oh do you wish our enemies died in bigger phases sure yeah i mean everyone has that you know everyone kind of has this great fantasy like i will have the ability to make someone drop dead like this and then you know but you know it's a great fantasy to have i think about it every day it's awesome well this guy he deals with a lot of dead people um so there was a tennessee funeral home director this is a guy that go yeah that's good he's charged in over 50 counts of just theft and abuse of a corpse that's right this is coming out of fentress county tennessee man is 15 counts of theft of property 12 counts of fraudulent insurance nine counts of financial exploitation five counts of theft of property over a thousand dollars four counts of abuse of a corpse don't know what that is four counts of property theft under a thousand dollars two counts of criminal simulation see this is what there's a lot of weird crimes here so there's a lot of things here honestly these are all the things that are going on in the world that are going on in the trumped up charges that are a part of stealing bodies that you are not supposed to be working with. And then a lot of times what they'll do, Ted, I don't know if you know, there's a massive problem in the United States of America with organ like gray market, black market organ sales and body sales in the funeral industry where they will literally gut you up. They sell out you for they sell you for parts and then they tell your family, oh, don't worry, we cremated you. But then what they'll do is they'll just mix up a bunch of other stuff from your cremated family. That's crazy. But like, here's a question that I didn't know that. But but doesn't an organ have to be very fresh? And at that point, by the time the funeral director has gone through his process, it's three, four or five days later. I think it's more of a collectible situation, kind of like the toe you just got. Sometimes. Yes. But sometimes. But then also, I think, yes, they need to be fresh. But also sometimes I feel like let's just say if you're buying it off the black market, you might not be getting a good kid. You're right. And and it's I do know that there's a huge market for bones. Yeah, that's massive. That's that guy who got caught in Philadelphia with his he was grave robbing. Yeah, that's right. I did hear about that guy. Yeah. Yeah. And he was robbing for a long time. His music was horrible. His music was his worst crime. But like this guy who abused corpses, like, first of all, I don't think we can. This is one sided story. We don't know what that corpse did to him. First of all, thank you. Thank you. We haven't heard anything from the corpse's lawyer. It was really nice to someone needs to stick up for this guy yes you know they say what you do in life echoes after you die well you know that corpse might have gotten up he might have been an asshole in life stood up robbed that guy might have busted into his house you don't know what happened absolutely you have no idea what happened absolutely but I'd also go right for the priests oh if I could have get a pack of them okay you know and I just if I had a pack of priests corpses I could probably use them for all sorts of stuff that'd be strange looking yeah no they like is they like to be put on crosses so they could become Jesus that'd be awesome it doesn't work it always it always kind of doesn't make it all the way there don't worry Ted we this is on us this is all for us it's got nothing don't worry they're not gonna put you they're not gonna attach you to this you're only on the show what do you want done with your body oh that's a great question have you planned your funeral already kind of I mean but I mean I like how I want it like how I want to be buried and like my mom I want to be buried my mom reminds me every week so don't worry my funeral is already paid for I'm like thanks but is it well that can't be the only concern that she has yeah yeah let's just say she just wants to make sure she can tell you that now and then when she dies there's nothing you could not like you yell at her my mom is a widow now and she's never loved like my mom loves being a widow way more than she's ever loved me in a wife well you know maybe she you know she's loving it well it's good yeah she has nice time with the girls probably has nice drinks she does no she drinks now she's having a great time she's doing awesome did she tell you where she wants the funeral I I told her I said I was like blah blah blah yeah sure yeah no but do you have a nobody wants to think about I mean maybe they do but like I don't think people admit that they really know just how they would like the end to be in their funeral yeah like but nobody wants to say it like I have this kind of there's gonna be some sunlight and my friends will be there it's gonna be a big party like no one really they know it but they won't talk about it I don't know I don't know I don't know yeah yeah and I'm also one of those been like no I want you to be fucking sad yeah I want you to be sad as fuck I don't want I don't yeah I want you sad do it depends on when you go yeah I don't want a celebration of life I want everyone to be fucking sad as hell if you go after 70 no one's gonna care I know that's the thing that's sad dollars from me but I don't know I just I want a classic one I want it raining I want a dark I want it no whole thing everyone in black it sounds cool you know no one's ever known still going through your stuff yet and certain being like can I have this when you die um it's gonna happen soon though yeah I ain't a young man I mean you know I'm sure I don't think it happens quite like that you just get you know people might come by and they'll just like look at something a little too long okay well I see what you're doing yeah what is some cool shit you've collected over the years from oh shit from what from like movies yeah from all the movies oh I have I have a movie I don't know why I kept saving them because everyone else threw them out I saved all well I don't know if they do this as much anymore but it was a thing in the past any movie you're on any TV show you did that you get a jacket they'd make a jack I don't think they'd do it anymore yeah swag jackets it's all the swag stuff used to be great I kind of kind of fell off they don't do that anymore you know I mean we had my god I mean like back when I did sequester since they gave would give us I'm not kidding you think this is a joke I'm about to tell you because in the early 90s everybody still smoked yeah they gave us a carton of American spirits and an embossed Zippo lighter yes with the show's name on it you know it's an NBC on the back at awesome I mean you know this those were a very very very different time yeah I didn't give you like a fucking wetsuit or something that would have been a sequence sponsored like scuba gear anybody on that show could even swim I mean we never went near the water once in that show like we were like I ain't doing that going that ocean is that the best swag you got you think um no I got a really good one from the American version of the grudge yeah which I like better than the Japanese version I thought I liked them both they thought they were both very interesting but that guy by the way directed that movie three times yeah he kept coming back it might be a record for one one director directing the same movie three times so how was he great he was great yes he cool is it cool is he like yes Shimizu was his name yes that is one of my like cuz I love J-horror and I love all the stuff like do you mean there was a different process in that movie than you have in other movies yeah it was like they he he just expected you to know a your business to know your lines to know everything he never gave you any direction but it wasn't because he didn't care it was thick this I think this I kind of Japanese respect deal where they go you are you will absolutely know everything you need to know just as I will you're not gonna have to tell me how to direct I'm not gonna have to tell you how to ask yes which was good and bad it wasn't quite as collaborative as I would have liked yeah but it was a very respectful situation and I did that I enjoyed also of course some we shot it in Japan and they don't have chairs like chairs aren't really a thing on sets in Japan there's no chair of course there are but typically it's not used for discussions and meetings so everyone sort of kind of sits cross-legged on the ground and talks I would hate that I didn't like it at first either if I go to the beach without a chair I lose my mind I couldn't intimidate anybody it was very difficult sitting down on the floor crisscross applesauce is a really hard thing to be like you will respect me stop looking at my balls they need more fat people in Japan and that wouldn't happen that guy directed this little video version of this movie of The Grudge and he just sold it like he went around to drug stores and like you know second hand stores went hey would you sell this and some Japanese company found it and went hey look we'll give you real money and make it so he made it and then Sony Pictures saw that and they said remake it again so he made it three times that's really cool same movie three times and what was the swag I'm sorry that went oh sorry that was I got 12 bottles of this really good sake from Japan it was great I was like oh my god it was awesome too I mean the only sake I ever have is once in a while if I go to a Japanese restaurant but I never know what I'm they'll always go like this is really good stuff I'm like is it I don't ever have it I'm not sure but I guess but this stuff they gave us was amazing I was very very fortunate Holden's obsessed with sake Holden drinks a lot of sake he's nothing yes he really drinks quite a bit are there any sake cocktails on the show on Dearest Darkest Breath no there aren't any sake cocktails they're too low alcohol for the horror crowd yeah it's not enough that's technically a wine of course the horror crowd loves the drink whenever we do a show I always get a lot of comments that people are like oh they drank a lot and they tip well the horror crowd's great they're my favorite and I've known them for 40 years you know like even before this recent wave and the horror crowd is they're also not a confused crowd I've done fantasy shows before I did a show in the 90s called Xeno Warrior Princess for many years and nice fans wonderful great fans but but they never knew when to take the costume off sometimes if you know what I mean I would see them on the street and they're you know they're dressed like Xena and stuff and it's awesome and I'm like well okay the show's over but horror fans would come in they still do they've got their they've got the prosthetics their mouths are falling off and you can see their eyeballs are down it's great stuff two heads they got a Herbert West thing they dress like me in some weird movie and then that night it's all over they're just normal guys in ties so they're like but they're while it's on they're into it and you know that those guys are are digging it like for what for what it is they're not confused that's my personal take on it anyway we just did Midsommar Scream and watching the people go around and all those different outfits was one of the best parts of the whole weekend the little kids dressed as Arthur Clown is my anytime you dress a little child in some kind of demonic makeup it makes me thrilled yeah he loves it the only time I want children is when I'm like I'll look at that little demon yeah I'm looking at the women laughing , laughing, laughing I think I think it's great that you know I know a lot of horror actors and producers who are mortified that dads and mothers take their kids their you know eight seven year old kids to these conventions where there's absolutely eviscerated scenes everywhere you go yeah and they're like I can't believe look at that parent like you know you hear this backstage and stuff I think it's great yeah I mean I think it's great and I don't say that to damage the child but rather if a parent believes that a child is ready for some really gory stuff then that's good I think we used to be like that yeah I mean my parents whatever I wanted as long as there were no boobs in it that was good I could watch every single piece of murder in the world as long as there were no breasts in it as a child yeah that's about right that's about right I don't know why I don't know why they were so fine with I guess because like but isn't breasts as much as art as a child that's the only thing I've seen yeah it's lunch it's not like I've seen murder I've seen breasts that's all we saw yeah I think I think well I think there's kind of a old Puritan idea that violence is acceptable to watch gore is acceptable but no nudity yeah it's very strange I don't think that is particularly the case in Europe but it certainly is here oh no we watched all the films of Paul Verhoeven they don't they don't care let's just say the Dutch have loose ideas of what the children should be seeing I haven't seen so much dick in movies since the last time I watched pornography dude in the movie Spetters have you ever seen Paul Verhoeven Spetters I never heard of it it is a great movie great movie early Verhoeven yes yes well it's early 80s yeah right before he came to America yes it's about like bikies essentially it's like biker kids and their foibles it's like kids meets like a bunch of like action movie there's like an action movie section the whole thing but there's a section where it's a very casual section with with a nude Dutch man and his girlfriend and she's just playing with his balls and I've never seen that in outside of a pornography like what it's like yeah yeah yeah talking having a conversation and she's just playing with his balls this isn't pornography no it's Paul Verhoeven film it's a and I was just like people get mad at shit here and you're just like just watching me like yes I know this is a movie and I'm just like oh there's so many there's so many things to discuss and she's playing with them like it's pizza dough that's hilarious and not surprising I guess they do have straight although there's something I love about European horror films in that it's it's the there's so many things I like about it but when you watch actors in so many even dramas it doesn't feel like they're performing for their audience and they're performing for Oscar or notice or Instagram moment because to them for most of them there isn't one yeah that's kind of the end of the their deal and I feel like all those horror performances and so many European horror pictures all the way from those Italian masters of the 60s 70s and 80s through through today are just so free of that and it's really refreshing to watch well that's part of why I'm a little I'm slightly concerned but I'm also into it like because I loved obsession I loved obsession me too good performance Indian average performance that in fucking credible lightning in a box she was great but I think the only reason why they got it is because a lower lowered expectation of the horror film that allowed them to be more free in reading this thing there is that and now I'm just always if I'm a little afraid of Oscar virus get into our horror movies well it's already there yeah it's already there I'm a little just because I'm a little afraid of it all permeates and then no one could make anything anymore and it all becomes gigantic like superhero always be trash yeah they're always there well yeah it has ten thousand dollars and is trying to make a movie there there there's a great attraction to wearing the tuxedo and walking down that carpet and all that stuff but they'll always be somebody behind that guy or girl who goes oh I don't really care about that I'm just gonna do this weird ass thing you know so it's inevitable balls for 20 minutes is the only way to show the emotional connection between the characters as a watch the webbing of his testicle meet slide through her thin Dutch fingers that is how I see they are truly in love we'll get in the more films that's gonna be joining us on movies yes it's hard not to talk and then we'll get really into the Dutch balls on that episode the fragrance one of my favorite in the balls were they in the wooden shoe oh come you know like a man in my hand so here's the idea when they when you read the line to me Sylvia you take your hand and put it in that place I have mentioned but we may mr. director may do this take five six twelve times I don't know yeah I do not just to depend yeah I do not care play with this boss make his penis bleed if you get hard I will beat you I will beat you if you get hard now get hot because he wanted because also I think it was funny that he wanted um I think it was was it basically the first ever erect human penis male Michael Douglas to have an erect penis on camera in basic and Michael Douglas like I'm not doing that now he's like no I pussy I don't have sex with my penis did he really yeah yeah he wanted and he was also supposed to have a gay sex scene that he did he wouldn't refuse to do as well in basic instinct so Michael I have this idea for you so you will take the man and you will have the intercourse now the next scene you do with Sharon wait wait a second what do you mean my ball penis can't talking about John's a man's mustache you can't touch a man's mustache I'm Michael Douglas I'm Michael Douglas well I think we really did it here Eddie this is lovely thank you Ted for thank you for having me and hanging out on your mad mad show I'm so I'm so glad I got to do that thank you first person who does this and then immediately does movie stories which people can check on check out on serious or on our patreon so go check out your dearest darkest friend with Ted Ramey on screambox October 30th check it the fuck out yeah baby do that all right great yeah I'm sorry, I got really into the pulverizing balls. well that was a fucking great way to end a sad episode god he's great i love ted god he's fucking so funny that was so awesome man is this one of those things once you get them in here you just get so excited i just like to see guys like that who really hang and they're really fun and they really like the stuff that they make yeah absolutely and then we're also if you want to know if you wanted more ted ramey we're actually going to have them on movie stories that's going to come out in a couple weeks and you can get that on the serious app or more importantly on our patreon you can watch the video yes yeah and so we'll have that we're going to talk about the evil dead series with them yeah please do go check us out on movie stories and then go and check out all of our socials at lp on the left go do all of our new youtube channels lpn tv go we are making a bunch of stuff bloodbath 77 is wrapped up we got new things coming out yeah go watch all bloodbath 77 go watch all of hgx2 there's a complete bingeable series that we've created that people need to fucking put in their skulls yes go check it out last podcast on the left.com for live tickets we are all over the place still yeah eddie and i are out there doing side stories live come and fucking see us that's right you can check us out at the warsaw in brooklyn greenpoint baby we're gonna get to see some real polish they have pierogies and kielbasa at this venue really yes i can't wait there's old ladies cooking it and slinging it it's going to be amazing come and see us at the warsaw october 9th and then we're going to be in hartford connecticut on october 11th tickets are available on last podcast and left.com i'm hitting the road as well you can see me at the comedy works in denver this sunday first show sold out you fucking can't get in it's too bad i know you won't be there but you can't do it late show seven o'clock late show how nice is that i love that the late show is at seven god that's amazing and i got the wonderful julie rosing with me we're gonna have such a wonderful time it's my birthday on october 5th and october 4th is the show we're celebrating baby i heard people are gonna sing to me that's what people are threatening i hope so i'm willing to take it that's the best heckle it is it is the best heckle also just you know um principal belding just died oh he died yesterday oh yeah yeah yeah no he died he uh he was a good guy i like you know yeah who knows i think it was kind of horny actually either way kevin was friends with him oh wow yeah he's fucking both ah god i remember i was drinking with kevin one time on a rooftop and mr belding walked in started like holding court with everyone and then he recognized kevin it was hilarious very funny um slambers comedy bash in los angeles that's going to be october 14th we have leah bonama amber nelson of course is the star of the show and uh we'll have uh keith carey is going to be on the show it's gonna be a lot of fun uh we're doing side stories in redway again this year there's gonna be a costume contest come looking sharp please october 24th in redway california and then the following day billy and i and uh holden are actually going to go down to cobs uh san francisco to have some fun down there on october 25th oh fun that's gonna be a 4 p.m how fucking cool is that yeah i love these early shows i love early shows you know i love early laughter in the afternoon enjoy your life hail ted ramey hail ted ramey hail say hell satan good work holden you did a good job we love you buddy and uh in honor of holden i'll hail the wonderful winnie mcneely oh nice that's very sweet of you yes i love her all right guys we'll see you next week