Side Stories: Unc Stories - How to be Unc 101

There's no place to escape to, this is the last talk on the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories? Yes. All right, to begin today's chopped-onk themed episode of Side Stories, I've decided to bring you in on very intimate process. Oh, then I'm trying to buy Bonnie Raite tickets. I know, no, I know. But don't get me going. Don't get me too excited. Because I'm about to do what all of you are afraid to do. Oh, here we go. I'm about to do what you all are afraid to do. Now, my blood pressure is probably going to be a little higher than it should be because I have had coffee already. You've had coffee and you're working on your blood pressure. I think that's one thing people don't understand. I'm working on it! He's working on his blood pressure. So let's see where it is. This is right, but I shouldn't even done that. All right, so before we begin, can you hit me with my new panflutes? You got new panflutes? My you and brothers. Where's my new you and brothers? You don't have it ready to go. Hold on, Henry. Rob, please. Get the moon you and brothers fast. I realize it was going to happen this fast. No, I suppose you're supposed to go moon the fucking moon moon. Okay, here we go. You feel better? All right. And now Henry's checking his blood pressure. This usually takes a full minute. He is at four piece right now than he usually is. I will say that. I got my new Yeti. It's green. I like that it's green. And it's cute. Really, the Yeti, there is no substitute to keep your drinks warm or cold than a Yeti. And this coffee I actually poured this hours ago and it's still warm. So enjoy your life. How much longer you got on your blood pressure there? Oh, I'm sorry. I know we're not supposed to talk during it. While you're talking about that, I guess I could mention what do I got here? Oh, I got here's some real on stuff that I found. This is 1986 coins. Yeah, these are um, these are dollar coins and 50 cent coins from the year 1986 that are, these are going to be worth money someday. So I got these. These are 40 year old coins that I brought in. 131 over 70. That's not bad. Slightly elevated still, but you know, Henry, that's not bad. It could be worse. It could be a lot worse. Welcome to Unk Stories. I'm older than you. I'm sorry, but we decided because we're going on break for a little bit. We wanted to give you guys like an a look in to what our lives are really like. Yeah. And what we really deal with here. And I think that a lot of you, you're like, where's the stories? You guys just talk about stuff that doesn't matter. You're a bunch of old men just jabbering in a microphone. And it's like, yeah. Yeah, the thing is like we understand we better way to say it is we get bitched at for being unks. Yeah. And then we're like, oh, maybe we should try not to be. And then one day Henry and I just started like, no, we are that. If I am not going, people already listening to the show. Yeah, it's too late for you. And also, I'm not going to pretend to be young. All right. I'm not, I'm not a neo-nazi like Andrew Schultz. No. All right. I'm not fucking. I'm not going to start saying no cap. You could. That would be an I should on God. Bet. That's over already. Bet. But the thing is that the key here is that we want to celebrate who we are. Yeah. All right. We think that you want us to be and what and I think that's important for anybody that either is a punk, which is now I understand is a is a derogatory term or anybody who wants to live an unklife style. Is it a derogatory term in a way? Yes. I know that uncle's supposed to be like, it is cutesy from a younger perspective because they think they're so cute and they're right all the time, even though the young people can't fucking read and they vote for Nazis. Yeah. Now, as far as unks are concerned, our unks are concerned. I love this. I'm finally going to let this go today. I don't got to worry about anybody's opinions today. It's over. We're full on. Dude, we actually we should be drunk. God. I should be drunk. We should be drunk right now. It's a little early though. The only reason. Just straight up. Because like, we should have drunker. I'd be drunk. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. We work. That shows that's called responsibility. But technically, if we were real unks, we would have showed up drunk. Yeah. And we'd just drive home. Yeah. No, no, no. We'd make sure we gave our keys to someone to make sure we didn't drive home and then take those keys when those people weren't paying attention and then just disappear. Leave. Yeah. That's real unk behavior. Yeah. That's what my father would do. Yeah. Now, I don't know if I already asked this or not, because my brain's a civ. Are unks childless? Like the the stereotype on that. That's a good question. Side stories. L.P.O. TLGmail.com. I feel like I feel like real unk is childless. Otherwise, you're dead, right? According to an unk. According to AI, which I always agree with, it is a unk is a you do not have to be childless. Oh, okay. It says here, they will call you as a younger people might still jokingly call you unk as a form of teasing or respect. It is about age and vibe. You reach unk status simply by being perceived as older, often anyone born before the year 2000 or even in their late 20s before the year 2000, I'm going to put it this way. You guys in your late 20s. That's another thing on corner right here, right? Fucking, I love this shit about shit, dude. I think it was actually an admirable term from the urban community at one point. At one point, but we are not of the urban community, no, no, we are white men. Okay. So it's bad. It means bad things. For us, I think the key is to remember, I am sick of you like I'm sick of the post being like, I'm old, I'm almost 30. It's like, bro, that was when I had the first time I had money in my life. I was party in my fucking brains out. I was having the time of my fucking life at 30, get out of your fucking house, you fucking useless losers. Honestly, 40 is better than 30, 40 is better, but that's a secret. I know, but they don't know, but they also, it comes with a lot of horrible shit. 30 is kind of embarrassing. See, you say 30 is kind of embarrassing, I think 20 is embarrassing. 20, you know, you're too drunk and fucked up to even be embarrassed. 30, I was starting to finally sort of come online as a human being. Yeah. People expect stuff out of you in your 30s. But this idea of like 30s or so mature, like yeah, maybe if you live in fucking Wichita, when I was 30, we weren't even, although my friends had kids to like eight years later. Yeah. Right? We were having a great time. No, no, my friends didn't have kids to their 40s. I fucking had a great time. Great time. So that's why anybody was like, people calling anybody uncle who's like 29 years old. You yourself are a moron. Yeah. All right. You're a fucking moron. You could be an uncle at 29. Shit. You could be an uncle of 12. Yeah, sure. But you're not an uncle until you're 41. I'm going to ask you. Here's a question. How many times a week in egg salad? How many times a week? Yeah. I mean, I probably eat eggs salad three times a month. Wow. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, that's it. That's how often I eat eggs salad. You're saying I'm eating a lot of eggs salad. I think you're on a monthly basis. Henry's on a weekly basis. Three times a month. Three times a month. Three times a month. You literally, that's it? Less than a week. Less than once a week. Buddy, I mean it. I mean it two or three times a week. Well, if I buy like a little thing an egg salad, then I'm eating in a bunch. But or if I make it, I'm eating in a bunch. The thing is how much you don't, you don't, you can't make eggs salad for one sandwich. You can't. You do that? Yep. Just for one sandwich. I don't even use a sandwich. Three to four. Three to four. He does small batch. Okay. Yeah. And then I just eat that out of a bowl with a spoon. All right. Now is it just eggs, man, a salt and pepper? You add some stuff to it. You know what I'm doing now? What? I get four eggs. No, I don't. I'm not big into dill. You don't fuck with the dill, man. I do four eggs, then a shot of mayonnaise out of a shot glass shot glass out of a literally eight. Sometimes we'll use a shot glass. I use the ones. So one ounce. Yep. Then Dijon. And then I add Gochujang. Okay. I'm going to add in some Gochujang and really adds to it. And I eat it as a way to try to get because my doctor told me I'm supposed to be consuming a hundred and ninety five grams of protein a day. But then they also say that your blood pressure is really high. But it's not about, you see, those two are not, they're not, they're not, they are mutually exclusive. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. High blood pressure and egg salad are friends. According to my doctor, from what I could seem to adjudicate, it's salts, right? Oh, okay. So I don't put salt in it. And I don't react to salt. My sodium is real low. My sugars are real low. Okay. Right. This is wildly high, but technically, I just got my blood test done eating egg salad two to three times a week, right? Yeah. For about a year. I'm not even fucking exaggerating. No, this is fine. No, this is fine. cholesterol went down really. Yeah. It went down. My cholesterol went down just eating eggs out. I'm healing. What'd you cut out to would you replace the eggs out with just straight beef? Well, that was what the problem before is I think it I was adding or something I was adding. Yeah, and I know what it was, but it's not the egg salad. Certainly not the egg salad. According to evidence, if I have if I have an empty end salad healed you, I think it got you moving in the right direction. And then soon you're going to have to cut out egg salad. If they take egg salad from me, I'm going to go I'm literally going to kill people on a square. Here's something that I realized about myself food wise. I think knock on wood. I think I'm immune to gout. You know that they should have gotten to know. Oh, no, but I should be Eddie. You don't know the science now. No, dude. We're free. What do you mean? Gouts of genetic disease. Well, my dad had it. Yeah, but you didn't get the gene. I guess not. Yeah, no, because I eat the fuck out of shrimp. See, it's not just, but it's not really shrimp. You know that, right? What is it? It's not seafood. It's beef and it's poor eye fats. It's creams. It's alcohol. But it does seem like if you dark this on people from when the research I've done because again, I should have I should have gout. If it was based on shrimp and crabs and crawfish, my my feet should be the size of watermelon. I eat a pound of shrimp about a week. Yeah, I could say I eat about a pound of shrimp a week. I eat a lot of shrimp and I eat a lot of eggs. I eat a lot of shrimp. That is I think I eat a lot more shrimp than I eat. I think shrimp is my most consumed meat. It's my favorite meat. I'd pump it up into a wish. Maybe turkey is close. When you did that, you showed that shrimp sausage the other day. I was like, oh, yeah, that should look good. I love you ever had shrimp sausage. I've had it once, but like not enough. I love the sweet meat of a shrimp. It really is just perfect. It's the perfect protein. You ever had a shrimp burger? Yes. God, I love a shrimp burger, dude. Shrimp toast. Oh, shrimp toast is unbelievable. When you grind up the shrimp, grinding up shrimp is my favorite shrimp. People don't realize that you can grind up the shrimp. And it still cooks. People are fucking stupid and that's what that's why they are. You know, if you do want to cook some shrimp, I suggest you use chef Paul promodat. So a part of what today is involving just so you know, you don't have to go over on Netflix. It's just where the videos are. Okay. I can't do anything about the fucking right now. Okay. So what you're going to do is you're going to go watch it. You see what we're doing here is Eddie brought some of his most onc items to the table. Now I do think that some of this is up for debate because you're saying that the chef prudome spice blends are onc. Absolutely. See, I will see I go to the website. I don't buy this at the store. No, I go to the website. I go to the website. I have the same thing in my house. Yeah. And I order multiple different Cajun spices for different meats. I have the black and redfish spice. That's what I have the shrimp spice. I have some spice. Good. I got the jerk spice. Do you have the salmon spice? No, I use this for the salmon. Salmon's good spice for salmon. I like the I like the redfish. Try the salmon spice. I don't know. I'm pretty addicted. Do you have the poultry spice? I do. Okay, good. I also have the pork and a veal spice, which is really good on chicken as well. Their hot sauce is really good. Really? And you know, you can order sausage from that. See, there's only question as I do feel like we're going to get some pushback on this because I think that this is also we're heading into mom talk as well. Oh mom talk isn't uh isn't about Cajun seasoning. The moms don't believe side stories LPL and Gmail. This is for the grill. I want to know this cook in the kitchen. See, this is this I cook. I cook outdoors. No, this is for the kitchen. I mean, I use it there too. I used to the kitchen. I mostly cook in the kitchen. Really? I believe in many cultures. They say this the cooking is extremely masculine. Oh, it is. I mean, well, you go to restaurants and all the cooks are men. But that's just because of sexism and misogyny of capitalism. I'm in cultural, culturally though. It is concerned cultures. They view cooking as a very masculine activity. Yeah, I'd say that I think with as far as cooking and kitchens go and the kitchens I've been in, it's mostly men. But whenever I hire a woman, they're usually the best cook in the kitchen. Of course, but then but they normally can't wait too many days off. Yeah, because they're all fucking getting old. They're all getting fucking psychological torturgled. Yeah, and they got their families. Yeah, I kind of only want to spend time with people they love. Fuck that dude. That's not punk. I guess finding ways to not see them, dog. Yeah, that's a sitting in the car too long. Oh, man, I sit in my new car. Yeah, you come home and you don't necessarily get out of the car immediately. I don't. And you just kind of sit there for a little bit. I can maybe make a call or just finish a song. I don't let's un-behavior. I sit in silence. Yeah, it's good. Oh, I do that at home. It's anybody do it. Anybody else to silence on? I'm a full silence on. I do a lot of silence at the house looking at walls laying on my back on the floor just looking at the ceiling. Sometimes I go for a walk. I don't listen to anything. Really? No music. Nothing. See, I always got music on. I love blasts in my bullshit, but I make my playlist. I make my jazz playlist and I make my classic rock playlist. I feel like that's un-behavior. It is un-behavior. Because it's like I'm just starting to make playlists, but I haven't done it in quite a bit. I used to do it when I was a younger man. Yeah, but then I stopped and now I'm doing it again. Not to get too much into the show and tell. I mean, I guess I brought it all here. You did. I have this cassette player, but I did recently buy a walkman. I know, which is like we all really I went back and I bought a cassette only walkman with the with the energy. I hate the one in here. No, the ones that sit on top of the yellow. Yeah, with the yellow cushions. No, it looks great. I love it. And then can I show you the cassettes that I brought? Please see now. This is real. This is some real stuff. I bought this at mid summer scream. I haven't listened to it yet, but it is the soundtrack to the Giver. Wow. Shout out to screaming mad George. Oh really sad that he died. Passed away. Pass away in February. We had no idea. This is the only movie he ever directed. It's classy. He also did what this puts. You know, we'll slide lead dude from Phantasm. Really? Yeah, the big tall guy. No, the little guy that stuck in his shirt and his skirt. The main guy. The ball. The main guy, right? I know, I know. It's the main guy. He died. He died. Yeah, it's really sad. I'm out of side. Now, I mentioned this guy on the coming episode of last podcast. I bring them up. But yeah, little Stevie vans and his solo stuff. I got a lot of solos. I want people to realize that buying cassettes isn't about just buying the stuff you like. It's about buying the stuff that you've never heard of from the people you like. And then you hold on to it. And you don't listen to it that much. See, Eddie is really good at that. That is a thing I don't really understand. Eddie will, Eddie's got a deep knowledge of bands and you know what their names are and you know their side projects. Yeah, I like to do that because there's always like one, at least one good song on all these albums. This one, you love Frankie Valley and the four seasons greatest hits. I mean, they're really good songs. They're really good songs. Frankie Valley retired and then unretired. Yeah. Because he knows the second he's not have a show to do, he's going to die. No, he that is exactly what's going to happen to him. But don't we want to just let him go? Frankie, Frankie's holding on for dear life. Frankie Valley looks like he is trapped in a dying Evangelion machine. He looks like he's in a joy. He's a dying, he's in a dying mecca. He wasn't shot in the head by the mob a long time ago. And so he's going to keep living. Yeah. Here's, I think the ultimate on cassette. It's volume, I think volume three. Oh, nuggets. Nuggets volume three. This is, this is true. See, nuggets was like nuggets went from because this is an example. I think that what we're seeing here, Eddie, is that nuggets. When we first discovered nuggets as our friend group in our mid 20s, it was like cool at the time to be young and into psychedelic 60s music, right? Because it kind of felt like a well, that's what we thought because we were doing and we were on a lot of drugs. We were having great time. We were cool. Yes. And then it's funny because to me, it went away. Then it came back and then all of a sudden now I'm back there listening to that music. But now I'm as old as musicians playing it. Yeah. See, nuggets is a very important compilation in case you don't know of garage rock. And basically, there is nothing that holds these songs together. But they are amazing. It's a great compilation. There's multiple albums. But just some of the, some of the album we got we got lies by the Nicarbockers. We got sugar and spice by the crying shames. Oh, that's actually a good song. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, this is the really good. I feel good. I feel bad by the Lewis Clark Expedition. I mean, these are songs you really can't find anywhere else. Let her dance by the Bobby full of four. Well, these are all the special songs. These are all music. These are all music. That Natalie makes me shut off. And that's how you know it's on music because your wife won't like it. And that is the whole point of this. The whole point is the liver ball. Oh, I know that's not the son. It is. He had his eyes closed at the time. And so it's just the interesting, because it can't, the thing aboutunk is that it has to kind of make somebody else angry. Yeah. No, you have to be, it has to be slightly antagonistic. Why though? Because you got to show everyone that you're better than them. I, but I feel like it's no matter what I do, I'm better than you. See, I feel like you say it's better than them. And it's more to me. It's like I survived. Yeah. I survived. You could start to see why as guys get old. The one thing about hitting this stage of life is that I can start to see why some guys getting worse as they get older, because it's easy to see, oh man, everything's kind of like, I'm, I'm scary to some people. Like I'm frightening. Yeah. You know, and then the guys clench. You know, honestly, I recently was spending some time in seaside heights, New Jersey, trying to have a decent time out, stop writing. And I realized that the people, when I was younger, I used to be scared of the youngsters. And now that I'm older, I'm scared of the men, a slightly older than me. I don't like men. Yeah. I don't want to be anywhere near men. It's weird, which is anti-unk. But you say this, but I feel like that's new wonk, because a part of what I don't want to do, I don't, I, I'm not, we're not big sports guys anymore. No. Even though I do have my, a couple damn marina things here. You have to have that. Yeah, that's, that's, these are about the toys. Yeah. That some unks have. Natalie, I was like talking with her about my own stuff on what she'll bring in. She's like, you know, I'm really toys. I was like, I don't, but I have a blood pressure machine. You have a blood pressure machine. Yeah. And I have this cream that I'm supposed to be using that's still in the packaging. What is the cream for? Um, I got these like my elbows getting a little, a little, uh, chafed here. Um, and so I, I got to put this cream on. And I, I used one of them and it went away, but now it's starting to come back and I got to use the cream again. This cream, unfortunately, it's called, um, uh, Jesus. Trems, Cineclohn. I don't know who gives a fuck. It's what they told me to take. But I got to like wash my hands immediately after using it. Yeah. It's a hormone cream. Yeah. It's really fucked up and it's really intense. So I don't use it as much as I should. You do have it at all. You had something not even open, right? Well, I had other, other, uh, they gave me three of these. Oh, yeah. I've used one of them and then I stopped because it healed, but now it's coming back. You know, it's really, um, sad is to when you type, um, into the internet. Yeah. And there's all these articles of the worst people that you've ever seen talking about. They are, uh, like it's, it's from a almost academic point where they're like, this is why your child is calling you punk. And it makes me sad for other people. Yeah. You guys don't know shit about shit. If you guys can't know, like, listen, I know I hear the new slang and the best part about the new slang and stuff like that is that anytime I want to, I can go and learn the new slang and then I can use it on you as a younger person to destroy it. I can take it, yeah, absorb your culture, mirror it back to you, and that makes it less good. Yeah. No old people ruined emojis. Oh my god. It's hard for the kids thing. They owned it and then we wanted to talk to the kids so we started using because you're using emojis. And now we're the only ones using the emojis. Yeah. And now people make fun of us for using the emojis and it's like learn to read. Yeah. One, you can make fun of me when you learn to read. Stop tapping the table. No. I will not. I brought three other cassettes. I just want to mention what they are. The Dickey Betz band, you know, Dickey Betzes. No. He was part of the Almond Brothers and then he got kicked out. And so he started his own band. Great. Um, someone actually made me a cassette of the brighter side. Look at that. Isn't that cool? That is true on status. I have a cassette of myself. That is amazing. And then Neil Young and Crazy Horse Ragged Glory, though. That's a, it's a bad album. It's a bad album. But Uncle John or, um, no, Father John. Great album. Yes. The great song. Great song. Great album. No, this isn't his best work, but Father John is great. Manch on the Hill is good. Yeah. There's all stuff that like Natalie would to pick up the, if you put that in that little recorder, she'd pick it up and she'd throw it out the window. White line's good. But fucking up, you want to like it because it has the word fucking it, but it's not that good of a song. No, it's just very bad. See, I was kind of figure out like, well, so what's my own stuff? Yeah, what is your own stuff? Well, I feel like the most upsetting thing I have, it would be considered that. Yeah, because of my way. Well, it's because of who I am and also because, um, or I think the one purpose we're supposed to serve, especially as childless men, to other people with children eventually is we're supposed to be the people that your children come to when they've done something illegal. Yeah. Um, the things that they come to us for when they want something illegal. Experience. Yeah. When they want to see something scary, when they want to see something that legitimately will make them kind of upset, but also they're highly interested in. And I figured that would be a good thing for me. I feel like I could fit into that role very easily. Yeah. And a part of it is because I still, I brought the only thing I've never shown on the show. Okay. I'm never showing this on the show. And it's a show appropriate. Yes. Okay, cool. It's more than show appropriate. What is it? It is my OG John Wayne Gacy drawing that I have. Whoa. So I am a real drew that. Yes. This is John Wayne Gacy touched that paper. Yes. So this is John Wayne Gacy's drawing. I have this in a drawer in the back of my house. Yeah. Usually his stuff's like kind of like kind looking. Well, it's fake. It's all done by number stuff. This is something he actually scrolled on with his own hands. Wow. And he did this in prison. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if he had the article. No, no, no. This is for a prison. This was given to me for my 30th birthday speaking of Wow. This was given to me by Shane Morton for my 30th. That's unbelievable. Is that worth money? I have no idea. I guess it's only worth what it's on the back there. It's the authentication authentication of John Wayne Gacy authentication. It came from a specific Chicago land. It was in the first Chicago land exhibition by convicted serial killer John Wayne Gacy. So what do you do with that thing? It's just it's my drawer just sits in the drawer because you can't put it up. No, Natalie doesn't want to see it. I don't want to see it, but it's interesting. There's a moratorium on serial killer memorabilia in my home now. Yeah. I cannot have it. I have that and the only other piece I have that I know you have that. Yes. Okay. Oh no, she died. Tell her it sits at a drawer. It's not allowed to come out. It's in my office. It's in your office and then I it's worth somewhere between 2000 and probably 10,000. Really? Yeah. That's what it's what it looks like from from what I'm seeing with this sitting right here. Wow. It's not going anywhere. How much for the little Stevie Vanzant cassette? And the only thing I would bring up because I also have Charles. I have some origami from Charles. What? Yes. Now, all right. You're going to hate this. Who's Charles? Don't make me do it. Oh, you're the voice. Yeah. No, I'm not asking for the voice. I just don't even know what he did. He's circular serial killer. He worked with Leonard Lank. He was a very funny guy that was a serenary person murderer that worked with a man that faked he had. We went to Vietnam and he kept with many cages. He has a big fat guy. He was truly an absolute crazy person. Wow. And he looks crazy. So he was born in Hong Kong and Charles in legitimately had the cartoony ridiculous accent and he was a ridiculous human being. They said he worked for a moving company and he would like practice doing spin kicks and jump kicks and all this kind of stuff. He loved America. He was like one of those guys. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's interesting. Is he still alive? I actually think he is still alive. Wow. These guys never die. No, dude. It's because of fucking prison. They just sit and read. Yeah. We've been waiting for a life. We waiting for so many of these guys to die whenever I hear about because these people are such like legends the wrong word, but like myths. You know, like David Berkowitz still alive, right? That's crazy to me. They have vaguely good health care where they're at. Been in prison for like 50 years. They start watching what they eat. That's why that crazy that you just got to start watching what you eat. It's all in your it's all in your diet. Yeah. It's just too much salt. Yep. They don't let them have salt. No. They have no flavors. What so little can I see the origami? Can you pull it out? I didn't. I forgot it. You forgot it. I forgot it. It doesn't look like a little bird. Yes. It made a little crane. A little made a little crane. Yeah. Where do you keep that? It's like in the it's like underneath this I just like forgot to bring it. Well, you can't put stuff on top of it. It's origami. It's flat. It's flat. Yeah. So it came flat. Yeah. It didn't come where you can like. No, I could. Yeah. If I took it out, but I don't want to touch it. Wow. And did he do the origami? She did the origami. Yeah. Really. Yeah. So that is going to be hard for him to do with those fat little fingers. Now you get good at it. You got a lot of time to practice. Yeah. You know, not every not every origami master's got thin little paper thin fingers. I'm surprised you didn't stab in a bunch. I wish you did. You also, um, they we didn't get. I gave away the when what's his name that really gross guy gave us all the weird photos of his hands and feet and coffee. Oh, yes. Yeah. What's this name again? Oh, man. Rob wanted to keep it. I made I made us give it away to the museum of death. Yeah. I forget who that was. It was a serial killer. There's a fan of the show apparently. Well, no, he was told by a fan of our show to look us up. Wasn't it Hayden Clark? Yes. Hayden Clark. Hadden Clark. Hadden Clark. Yeah. That guy. Yeah. Yeah. So if you want to see that stuff, there is some at the Museum of Death in Los Angeles. And we he gave us enough stuff where they were able to send something to New Orleans as well. Yeah. Which is honestly pretty sweet. Yeah. Uh, but where are the Museum of Death? I thank him for that. I feel like this is the last bastion of this age right where we were into true crime. When I was into true crime was when there was no true crime comedy. Right. We're one of the adventures of the fucking genre. Yeah. And we, uh, for good or for bad. And I remember looking at the like, when I was into it, everything was the most 10 splatter filled gross faces of death most exploit of you've ever seen anything be Yeah, and we loved it and part of it is what I miss of that is a little bit of the just Morbid interest really like that's what I like. I have a morbid interest in the topic. I Understand it's a tragic story and it's involving somebody's loss of life But I also am interested in why criminals do what they do and I'm interested in the details Of these crimes all right, so that's why I'm full on it And I think any other way to be about your crime you're lying everybody Feel like if I feel it's like more exploitive as my full uncle opinion. Yeah to make everything about the victim Because then you're just exploiting its grief porn. Yes, so what point are we doing grief porn versus Learning about crime. I think people should go watch how America killed my mother. Yeah, and that is great Great grief porn. You can jerk off in that hardcore watch it had big old tears Big wet So I'm looking at some of the stuff on the table. There's stuff I want to talk about here on the table But we also we have some research done for I had I like put out I was like trying to figure out what do we want to talk about in the unke episode and I tried to think of what's the most Unke new story of all time of all time besides Joey Cheston being let off parole To go eat hot dogs at the New York hot dog Competition. I feel like that's an extremely unke story I feel like the story of the no-arms no-links cornhole man. Yeah, I'm becoming racist murderers a great unke story Great unke story, but there are famous unke stories. Yeah, and then I had our boy who is I'm gonna say honorary unke because he is two kids So I'm actually feel like he's he's on cash. Yeah, Pat Barker. He's been working for us. He's doing really wonderful work Research here and he's hilarious comedian and I love him the death But I was like and he's a specialty is baseball here's a great baseball podcast go check it out He does and he is a sports historian. Yeah, he sports the story. So I was like, you know what Write me up a little something on when Randy Johnson Killed that bird now for those of you that don't remember and you should if you're our age and if you're not It's it was a big story. It was it was basically Randy Johnson. He's the biggest Physically biggest scariest Baseball pitcher of all time. Did we call him a big unit? You the big unit That's right. He throw the ball faster and harder than anyone and he was frightened and he was and he played forever He played like 20 something years. He was amazing and then this man who throws the ball Harder than anyone else Through a fastball and at the time while the ball was coming towards the plate a bird came through and the ball hit the bird perfectly Before it got to the fucking home plate and the bird exploded the bird exploded. It was huge and we all Loved it. I I feel like a wonder if this is the same as when I was discovering when I was Trying to describe to an employee at the gym Who Paulie Shore was and I was saying all these different key words I thought they'd know me. I was like you know month and non-grandage Yeah, nothing nothing and then having to realize that Paulie Shore was actually only famous famous famous famous Like three years. I must say five, but yes, but in that time period he was a big part of our one-age group Yes, but no other age group and I wonder if Randy Johnson America loved him because of son-in-law, but I'm saying of our age group older people like them too Someone yeah, I know my father hated Anne Sandler. Yes Yeah, yeah, which was you know, which they're wrong about now because he's the ultimateunk. Yes. He don't even wear pants. Oh no He is the he's almost I he's almost to the point where how he is irresponsible. Whoo there it is look at this bird So you know we're looking at so he exploded this bird it truly is a I love animals This is just a freaking nature. It's just an amazing Thing that happened it could have happened to anyone, but it happened to the guy who throws the ball the artist All right, it was a spring training game and Johnson was pitching for the Arizona Diamondbacks against the San Francisco giants The batter was Calvin Murray He didn't have a very long career, but his nephew is an NFL quarterback. Kyler Murray. So most of his fame comes from people knowing doing cool stuff while he's around the catcher Called for the fastball Johnson threw it and a bird perhaps a thrill seeker perhaps suicidal perhaps just unaware of his surroundings flew right in front of it and was immediately killed Nobody knew what the fuck happened dude, so so what happened after the fact the well The reason this whole thing is so cool is because not only is that a one and a trillion shot But it has been delivered by arguably the most intimidating picture of all time Johnson nicknamed the big unit because he was six Ten all right, and he also threw around a hundred miles an hour. Remember he was in um Was that movie little big league little big league. Yeah, he was in little big league He was so tall and his arms were so long. He actually released the ball closer to home plate than the average size picture Wow, he's made the hundred mile an hour seem closer to 110 because they had less time to see where the ball was going Long-flowing 80s rocker hair and when he pitched it was just a whirlwind of hair and limbs and the ball came rocketing out And it basically impossible to hit so if the bird had been killed by a run-of-the-mill middle reliever It would not have nearly been his viral of a clip today. This was just Perfect. Yes. That is fucking so what did they stop the game? Well apparently Jeff Kent who's also a Hall of Famer um was um was with the in the Giants dugout when it happened Kent was the it was a great second basement. He was also kind of a prick and no one really liked him And that was the feeling was mutual. Kent hated everyone. Yeah, it was a habit hunter So a dead animal on the field was one of the few moments of his baseball career that provided him actual joy Oh, yeah, he loved it. Yeah, he was the first responder for the dead bird He walked out of the field picked it up saying in an interview that the birds breast was blowing out He looked at Johnson knotted an admiration wanting to share a bro moment But the big unit wanted none of it and just stared Kent down as to say get off my Field he's getting to go fuck. Yeah, Kent returns to the dugout and threw the bird away Although he admitted later he considered getting a taxidermy with a baseball lodge in his chest And actually and asking Johnson to sign it. I'm sure that wouldn't have gone very well That's awesome. Anyway, the up called it a no pitch and he kept playing the game John Johnson went on to be the last 300 game winner in MLB history And it doesn't really talk about the bird incident. Yeah, he became a photographer. Oh, he doesn't talk about the bird incident No, cuz it's like one of those things where it's like everyone wants to bring it up Of course, you know, just give a come up with a pat answer and give it which is which is more traumatizing his bird incident or Fabio's bird incident Fabios has another great Because this is cool that like ruined your road coaster experience for the rest of your life Well, and yesterday had to go get plastic surgery Yeah, Fabio one of the classically beautiful men who used to be the guy long hair big chisel chest He was on the cover of all the romance novels back in the day And he was at a six flags, I believe or not very far I didn't know his last name and they were open. What is it? Lanzoni. Oh, and he was very nice and he was on he was opening a roller coaster They hired him to come be the celebrity to ride the roller coaster first And while he's riding the roller coaster a bird hits him in the face and breaks his nose My favorite part did you see recently Christopher Nolan was allowed to ride the fast and furious the new roller coaster Oh really he just is such it's just so funny to shut down the whole thing to bring this fucking Goober on there I love Christopher Nolan obviously, but he's like dressed like a goon And he's like, you can you see this like dumpy one man sitting alone on the roller coaster? He doesn't want to do it. He wrote it once on the back Once on the front and then he left and then he left he now he's barely never going to ride it again for the rest of his life He can't go anywhere. Yeah, uh, they'll also the logo for Randy Johnson's of photography studio is a dead bird That's see that's so he does acknowledge it. He acknowledges it in a way. He acknowledges it. That's fine. Yes Oh, Fabio did not as much as I remember. No, he was basically known for the cover of romance novel He was the he's biggest part it seems was in bubble boy and And then he also did a zoo lander and he was in dude. Where's my car? That was all time period. There's all high high height of our time period I also did not know he was in the actresses three. Oh, interesting. That's fascinating I can see that and he had two music videos that he was in. He was in the music video. I kissed a girl by Jill Solbul Yeah, of course he wasn't he wasn't subject music. He did a good job You know, I take we used to have a lot more like now we have a lot more talentless celebrities. Yeah, but I liked our our old ones. They better have to have charisma He used to have to do something. Yeah, he used to have something going on So I'm looking at this one of the things we wanted I wanted to bring up today was just All right, everyone talks about Woodstock 99 and the disaster that was sure. Um, but what's the last time you looked at the lineup for Woodstock 94. Woodstock 94 sounded like it was a blast. Yeah, Woodstock 94 is pretty on the point. I'm just going to go through some names. We got blues traveler. We got live Cheryl Crow, collective soul, candle box, uh, violent Thames. Dude, you know what I'm loving, though? What recent times? Alison Chains fucking supremacy, man. Oh, Alison Chains is finally getting recognized really for the very first time ever in a generation since then. Yeah. No one's been all and it took it took Ryan Kugler. Yeah, he loves them. Seals favorite band. You saw that video? I saw that video. Yeah. Yeah. Seals favorite band, but it's because Ryan Kugler said that when he was working in the Bay Area, he had to get to know, he had to work with a lot of white people. Okay. Right. And he was saying like after a while, he's like, I needed to know something about these white people. Kind of like how Patre, Patrice O'Neill talks about how like radio head and Neil Young. Yes. And how important he realized in it. He was correct. So he said it's like our blues. It's like white people's blues. That's right. And Kugler said about Alison Chains is that he started listening to Alison Chains. He was like, Oh, this is where your emotions are. Yeah. And it's in this. I'm sure there is like blues in it because it's rock and roll. But I will say Alison Chains might be purely white music. It is. I would say a good representation. Yeah. Of white culture. Yeah. It really is Alison Chains more than any of the other ones. I think Alison Chains is the best unplugged album. Yes, it is. I loved the Nirvana. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But I think it has Chains on Plugged albums the best unplugged album. And he was almost too high to do that out. Yeah. unplugged albums used to be MTV used to have these they would take these rock bands rock bands rock and roll was a genre of music that involves guitars. It's guitar forward. And it's guys going saying stuff like it songs about the style of music itself. That's what I love about rock music and me about anything. But it also wouldn't just be about rock music. Yeah. Yeah. And so basically unplugged was stories about the songs, but they would play acoustic guitars instead of electric guitars. And we were like, oh my God. Wow. How intimate is this? I've never heard it like this before. Ever once. And now I know the lyrics to Nirvana now. I had no idea because but also because of unplugged. That's where I learned about Manu on the world and the meat puppets. Yeah. Also going back to talk about a fucking talk about white culture. Yeah. Meat puppets. Meat puppets. Meat puppets are big time. That is a kind of kind of started grunch. Yeah. Neal Young. No. Neal Young is proto is Neal Young is the proto grunch. I get you young and crazy horse. Yes. Not Neal Young regular. Neal Young with crazy horses grunch. Yeah. Crazy horse. It's keep on rockin in the free world was like the last big like that was his last big and I was like rock anthem that he made. Yeah. You brought up one of his albums in the reactor. Reactor is a great album. I love reactor. When's the last time you listen to reactor? Surfer Joe into the sleaze. Surfer Joe into the sleaze is so unbelievable. The only thing I wanted to bring up about Woodstock 94 they had techno. They had you think your EDM music is fucking special. It sounds exactly the same as it did at Woodstock 94. Will we came from a time period when when all of that was also I remember that was really coming up on MTV and that was like you know the chemical brothers. Apex twin. Apex twin. What was the other one? Yeah. - Binnahob, Binnahob, Binnahob, Binnahob, Binnahob, Binnahob, Binnahob, Binnahob, Binnah Yeah, it's very open in the town. I blasted that moby play out. You know, hop in. We had a sexy evening. You know, hard guys. They're just like, see what fuck you watch. You buggles now. Are you gas? Here's ultimate. I took this out of my travel suit case. I always carry an ankle brace and a yamma, because you never know when you're going to need it. You know, I always make sure I have those things with me. I bring a yamma, go with you ever where you go. I just in case, you never know what in case I got to go to a Shiva. Because if you go to like a bar mitzvah or a wedding, if you got to go to a Shiva, I got a blanket. Very nice. I like that. No, but like if you go to a, like a bar mitzvah or something or a funeral, there's always they're going to give away. This is actually I got any. What are you randomly on the road and someone says, hey, you want to crash us bar mitzvah with me? Not a bar mitzvah. A Shiva bar mitzvahs will have the fucking thing for you. If you're going to a Shiva, you know, you're going ahead of time. Not always. Not if I'm in New York and there happens to be a Shiva. Someone's dead and you're in New York. You just looking for time. No, you can try to do minutes at these things. You got to go visit the Jewish people. They take a week, you know, and they bury you immediately. I thought, yeah, but during that next week, you sit around and you go visit the family, you bring food and you reflect. It's actually very beautiful. I know I love it. I'm making fun of shivers. No, no, no, no, but this, this is a special Yamaka. You know, where I got this Yamaka. Mount Sinai Memorial Parks. It's sitting in the side with the phone number. But I got this from this is from Bob Sackett's funeral. That's great, Eddie. Yeah, I remember that. Honestly, that is deeply on. That is a deep on cut. And then he has a Yamaka from Bob Sackett's funeral. And you don't understand what that's like, guys. You'll never understand what that's like. You're fucking turn it into a hero. You never know what that's fucking like. You're hero suck. Our heroes are great. You hear us fucking blow. Our heroes are awesome, right? Yeah. And they're dying. They are fucking dying by the buckets and we like it. I got a Leon Russell statue that I bought. All right. So let's It is really funny. And you remember when the man over double darch does and then I didn't know what to do. So the man at the, at the, that's like very, so some of our more on activity. Yeah. Some of our more on activity is going to recording studios on the road. I'm wearing a t-shirt that Henry bought me from stacks. Yeah. We go to educational things on the road to fill our time, right? Like we go, but presidential libraries. We're smart, but we get stoned. All right. So it's still fun. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I go in there, fucking hoping that I see something that's not there. Yes. But still it's a lot of municipal buildings, old historical societies and old recording places. And then we went to the church where Leon Russell is like this is whole thing. And then the man that for shouldn't have been working the should not have been working the cashier. He told us that several times. Absolutely. He's like, I don't know why they put me here. And then they kept me kept double charging me and I just gave him the money. Yeah. That's because that's because I know I could and it's for Leon Russell. And I also didn't want to make him have to go through the whole process again, because I'm also as I get older, I lose patients. I made him do it again. You're smart because he really double charged you. He really, you bought the statue. I bought the statue. So there was like that. It was, it was very expensive. Yeah, it was like 220 dollars. We were all like, what the, what? And it was just like, let me use the way you ever see one of those guys. He has an eye patch, but an eye for some reason still works. And he like open don't. Hey, let me look it close up. We're looking closer. That's enough. Yeah. Um, I brought some reading material. I got sinbeds, funny, funny, funny, funny book. I'm actually really sad because one of the best gifts my family ever got me, I never got to get because, you know, Natalie and my family really understands that they have amongst them a man's getting older. So there are things you have to get from either different. And so they understood that the only thing that I wanted on the face of the planet was front row tickets to see sinbed. Yeah. And they had bought me front row tickets to see sinbed. And then it got sick. He got that. He had the stroke like a week before the show. Ah, and that was supposed to be a big deal for me. Because sinbed is, I got to sit front row and see bristles. Oh, that was awesome. I think about me that I think is a bit uncoded is that I actually love there. Some of my favorite comedians in the world are the old clean guys. Yeah. Like the guys, I, some of my true talent. My favorite comedians, truly, if you are really list my favorite comedians, it would be unfortunately, you know, I mean, I can't say it anymore. Bill Cosby is a why I'm a comedian. Yeah. Because I mean, you're not, not the latter half of his career, but the old stuff, you know, but when I didn't know, yeah, but sinbed, it's a sinbed sinbed special. John Panette, John Panette, some believe, but he's, he's not as clean as you remember. No, he's not, he's not, but he did the accents. You want to wear that shirt came from right? Kevin Meaney. Yeah. Kevin Meaney. Kevin Meaney is incredible. Go back and watch Kevin Meaney clips, right? I was trying to show him the Natalie. She's not into it until I know it's good. It's because when he's going there, I mean, like, I don't care. I don't care. You don't like my jokes. I don't care. He's the best, um, Brian Regan. Brian, you love Brian. I love Brian. I've never actually seen his comedy. Brian Regan makes me laugh harder than any - Comedian ever. - Really? no comedian has gotten more laugh out loud moments from me than Brian Naregan. And I watch the jump in a, I mean, that's also, he's perfect. I watched his specials for me, obviously, in Richard Lewis. See, I watch Brian Riggins, the only comedian that I watch his specials over him in Patrizoniel. I've seen Elephant in the room, probably the most all in one, the most I've ever seen. And Elephant in the room was also the first time because I was with my ex when that came out. And I remember it came out on Comedy Central live and we happened to be in a hotel room. I was like, "Oh my god, it's Patrizoniel, it's starting right now." And I turned it on and she got so fucking angry. Well, of course. But I was like, this is incredible. I was just like, this is great. It was one of the first time I've seen one of those where he was, because Patrizoniel gave me the great axiom, just saying like straight up, as comedian, if 50% of that room doesn't actively dislike you, you're not doing your job. Yep, but I don't think he was a bit off of that. I'm trying to do about 30%. He liked his numbers way higher than we like our numbers, but I feel like if you never make anyone upset, then what do you really do it? You're not doing anything. Yeah, you're not saying anything. But Brian, but again, unless you're somebody like, okay, I mean, he, Brian, Reagan, that has never offended anybody once on stage. God knows what they were like in real life. But they have never offended anybody once on stage. And it's because their comedy writing is so fucking good. It's fresh because it's the only time we only really hyper-offend if we fail. That's always the goal is to make laugh. Yeah, when you got to talk about uncomfortable things, or else what are we fucking talking about? There are also some things that it's like at some point, we're gonna have some, I'm just gonna have some opinions that I, uh, that aren't great. Yeah, short stories by Ernest Hemingway, men without women, figure that was appropriate. God, that's fucking just deeply homosexual. A member, uh, American splendor. Harvey Peacar is deeply uncoded. And if you even know who Harvey Peacar is, you're an uncle. He's drawn by crumb by our crumb drew the story. Oh, yes, they are. If you know who Harvey Peacar is, if anybody knows the fact that he was kicked off the David Letterman show, then you're an uncle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, a cream magazine, new cream magazine, I just started getting cream magazine again. What's in it? They're talking about music. But like, uh, what music? I mean, it's about new shit, really, to be honest with you. And then they got some good stuff from the old bands too. I love, you know, I love ammo and the sniffers. Oh, yeah, I don't think they're in this issue. I'm like, shit, this? I bought this because I want to read it and never touch it. Yeah, that's how it is. That's a cold, um, uh, truck life. I got, um, I got to want to fly through this stuff because I brought it in here. Mine is, well, fly through it. Eddie Vetter gave me this zippo. Wow, and it says EV on it. It's his own initials. So he has those made in the, you sit around the house and around the people when, you know, when you come by the studio, that's really fun. I got some sneaker wipes. See, that's the thing we didn't talk about. So right now, I'm currently wearing solomans. Solomans. Yeah, so I got my hookas. You see, you got a hookas, people talk about on shoes. So I get hit up. I kind of stopped doing the shoe collecting thing. Yeah. The only because you run out of space. Not only am I running out of space, but Natalie was like only men care about this. Oh, man, when I went to chase house, he had a full room for shoes. I mean, he's a bachelor. I was, I was like, oh, wow. I was very impressed. He is a bachelor, bachelor, bachelor. And he also is, he doesn't have what I'm not. You see, I'm getting out with the DVDs. Yeah, you're going hard in the DVD. I'm going hard in the 4K paint, dude. Yeah, and so I'm kind of backing off on the shoes. But these solomans are supposed to, I worry, I bought these because they're supposed to be the new hookas. Okay, because hookas have stopped making the good colorways. Yeah, I know. That's really aggravating. They're going back to normal ass boring colorways. I like all the crazy colors. That's why I was so in for it. What's the point of not having the crazy colors? I can get any shoe that looks like that, right? So solomans are really great. They have these zip ties. But I've got more compliments on these solomans than any Jordan I've ever worn. Really? Yes. Are they comfy? They're great. Should I do it? Yeah. Of course. I'll try it out. How much are they usually? I think it's like 120. 120. That's a good number for a shoe that's not fancy. If I'm doing the most I spend on a pair of shoes is $300. Yes, yeah. I don't like going over two. And that's like, if it's over two, I feel weird. If you're doing, I feel like if you're spending, if you're in your shoe, reselling and you're getting your shoe buying at that level. But you like your collector collect. Well, I stopped. Yeah. Because I realized, oh, because it was like, you do hit a point where you're like, ah, I got to really put some money into this if I'm going to do it. Yeah. And it's like, why am I doing this? Why am I spending this money? Especially just because Natalie doesn't care. And I'm trying to dress older now. Because I feel like as an own status, I'm trying to find new ways to dress that are slightly more age-appropriate but are not boring. Dude, the day I finally figured out that you could own nice underwear and your life just improves immediately. Yeah. Oh, my God, are nicer socks. Yeah. I mean, fucking forget about it. Stance, great brand for socks. Also, you know what happened to us in our 40s? Well, chains. Oh, yeah. Chains and jewelry. I'm into it. You know, I, and I've been talking a little bit about this on the road because people have asked me this. Plus of my watch back out. Yeah, my watch out. I never wore a watch before. Now I wear a watch and it helps me not look at my phone. I started getting accessories on my body. To find new ways to enjoy myself. Because I felt gross. And then I started wearing things that maybe not feel as gross. Yeah. This is the only thing you can do. Yeah. It helps. It does. Also, we had shitty clothes our entire life. All I did was dress like fucking shit. I didn't have closed-toed shoes until like a couple of years ago. Yeah, I'm trying to up my game. And I think that's like a big deal. Like Natalie says this, I do think there's a little bit of a dude's got you kind of have to take it upon yourself. Yeah. Like, yes, we all want, I didn't with Unks. This is a cry to Unks. This is a cry to Unks everywhere. Which is like, yes, comfort is important. It is important. But I also think by ability within society requires you to stretch yourself just a little bit. I think that you need to kind of go for some stuff. I go and I see some of the fashions I see on men my age out here. Or fucking tragic. Yeah. No one's even trying anything. Oh my god, I wore it all leopard like jumpsuit. And I know that's obnoxious, but yeah. But I remember some guy came up to me. We went to a bar and he was like, came up to me. And he's like, I tell you, I hate your fucking outfit. Like that, like, and I don't care. He's a horrible shitty old man. But I remember looking at him and he's just wearing Walmart clothes. Yeah, because you're like, I know you might not like my outfit, but you are dressed like shit. Well, it's because they're so jealous of your ability to feel anything. They're so jealous of your ability to express yourself, even though we still have the crushing weight of society pressing down on us. Also look right over there. That's my hot wife. Where's yours? Exactly. It's how it always is. And it's because it seems to be hand in hand with slightly giving a fucking shit about what you look like. Like obviously we're not the handsome guys in the fucking world, right? But it's about what you do with it. That's right. It's going to be nice. And the key is when we were talking a little bit with the Q&A, what I started to understand about fashion. This is the thing. All right, I'll talk again to this thing. What I started to understand about how to dress myself was that I started taking the movies we watch and think about the characters I liked in the movies and connected to and thought about pieces they wore and how I could get something that looks like that. Dude, Robert Lozia in Scarface is like the ultimate. That is like nothing. No one looks better ever. You know what I was just watching that kind of made me want to go get another watch? It's small, not expensive watch, but another type of watch was itchy to kill her. And you look at these guys that are in like, guys from like the 80s and 90s in Japan. Like I love all the Japanese clothing. Like all that kind of crazy cool like open suits, like the suits like a kind of style like buttons. But it's like no, no, no, no, like traditional like 90s cut suits. But they're kind of bigger in the really casual. And they kind of like dressed like they have an undershirt tucked into pants mixed with like, and it just looks great. And it's like, that's the thing. It's like, that's how I started to understand how to dress myself. Because I was so lost at to like, how do I choose what to do and what to get? And I started to realize like, oh, look to other things. Like look to art, like literally like paintings. When you into, yeah, like look at stuff that you are outside of your purview and see other things. And you can start, you'd be crazy. Not only what inspires you, but also a lot of shit's available. Yeah, know what I've been to that is fashion wise. That's been hard for me is I want to evolve into this. But I'm scared to. And so I'm wearing this headband right now, which is just a scar. I've been starting to do this because I'm starting sweating through my hats. And so I don't want to wear this, but I know I'm going to sweat or just fun like this. But if I'm on stage, I'm wearing this more because I'm sweating through my hats and putting rings on my hats. But you can wash your hats. You fuck them up every time. See, I actually, I think it's because you have more structured hats than I do. Yeah, because I just wash my hats. Yeah, you can fuck them. Yeah, and then the sweat rings sometimes I'd even come off when you wash it. I did a full load of hat washing and it went fine with some of them and I had to throw some out but I don't know if if I'm ever gonna be able to move into the next genre of hats. - I have some bigger hats for vacation. - Yes, men and hats are a delicate dance. - Yeah. - And I think men with hats are-- - I kinda want like a paper boy hat, but I also think that I would just look like a weird thug. - You know what it is, is that Natalie, Natalie's made certain requests. - Okay. - She said number one, don't golf. She's like, that will make you unfockable. - I mean, well golfing sucks. - But basically she just sang like golf though. - They do, they do. And I don't disparage them. I really don't, well it's good to keep them all somewhere. - Well also, I hate, I hate like, I don't like all the greens and all that kind of shit. But I also like, I do understand it's good for guys to have a thing to go do that's physical as a group. It is good, it's the idea of having a sport, which is we hate the way that they do golfing courses. - It's the lead. - And it's like, it just sucks. - No, it sucks. - And it's bad for the environment. - So I'm not against the sport of golf. I'm just about, I'm upset about everything else attached to it. But we are, we're not in the golf. - Yeah. - That's not what we do. - Nah, I hate it. - But I do get it. - You know what we do do? We do this. - Whoa. - It's a shotgun chelver that holds a bunch of joy. - Yeah, fuck yeah, yeah. - So also to end up one thing we did wanted, do we want to even talk about this, Eddie? - I guess, I mean, kind of, it feels weird, but, you know, it's also, you know, it's fun. - Well, the only thing we wanted to bring up was the fact that Erica Linneak hit only fans. - Yeah, we're in the older chicks. - Is the only thing I thought was really interesting is about how they're all kind of jumping on only fans. Now we're all like, it's, and I think it's cool. - Erica Linneak, famous, if you saw the Beverly Hill Billy's movie. - Oh yeah. - It was in that, she was under siege. - Under siege, we should jump side of the cake. - She had an Elizabeth from American Pie. - Very beautiful woman. - Oh yeah, she's looking good. - But even she's a little young. - Yeah, she's a little young for my test. - She's a little young. - Oh my God, I saw Susan Sarandon at High Times party once. She showed up, hot as fuck with like, dude. She had this like 22 year old piece on her arm, dude. And she was just like, walking that dude around. I was just like, I was like, that's what I'm fucking, talking about. - That's ladies, I love it when they're like that. I just like, I mean, I think it's good. I think it shows it, it shows that there's life ahead. - Can I give you an unc-present, but you got to promise, not to, that's for you. That's an unc, that's a true unc-present. - I can't. - Yeah, just open it up and that's for you. Yeah, oh yeah, you're gonna love this. You're gonna love this. - Listen here Rob, you can have some old mushrooms. - Oh hell yeah, man. - Oh awesome. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, I haven't seen one of these and it's fucking cold. - Yeah, fucking butterfly knife, dude. - Fuck yeah, dude. - You're a real one, I don't even know if they're legal. - No, would you get it? - I got it in Arizona. - Thank you Eddie. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it in Arizona. - I'm a fucking stab. - Those mushrooms are old. Don't eat those mushrooms. - Don't eat those mushrooms. - No, you should eat those. - They were fun. - You can steep them in tea. - Yes. - Do the tea, do the tea. - I got a little feet concert poster here in a match book from Old Epic Grill. - See that is the most unc thing that are on the stand. Somebody did send you guys, someone who works in a prison sent you guys a bunch of prison stuff, which is kind of fucking for some reason. - What do you mean, like merch? - No, like suicide proof, forks and knives, some like tooth brushes and toothpaste from prison. - I'll need those for a road. - But they also included some mitchum for you, which is very old. - Thank you. - Whoa. - Did they get mitchum from prison? - Yeah, mitchums got, wait, hold on. - Let's do the spit. - Is this still, all right, could it still sealed? - A spit hood. - A spit hood. - Oh, that you put on a spit hood. - Do you know them? All the prison stuff, it's done by, it's the company's called Bob Barker. And Bob, and they make all of this prison stuff. - I will say, the one thing I do miss from jail for the jail clothes was the, the slides. Jail slides are actually kind of comfortable. Hey, come on, try and spit on me. Actually, this would be great for you on spage. - Oh my God. - It works. - Yeah, it really works. (all laughing) - Yeah, it really works. It's all over me. (all laughing) - That's great. - That's a great way to end the show. - This is really great. - Oh man, I'm gonna really need this. - Yeah, I can't wait for Uncle 2027. - We're gonna come back, we're gonna do this again. I can't wait to be turned into grandpa's. - It's like, I mean, the only, the Uncle's grandpa. - Oh my God, I'm excited. - When Uncle's grandpa, Uncle's grandpa, that's for fucking certain. That's when I'm gonna be fucking ready to commit suicide. But I gotta say, what a great episode, Eddie. I love you. - I love you too. - We'll have a great vacation, buddy. - You too. - You deserve it. And you also brought in the Necronomicon, just so people know. - Well that's just, the Necronomicon is just what holds John Wayne Gacy. And Shane made this. - Oh, really? - So that's what holds it. - It looks really good. - He did a good job. - Hell yeah. - Well, he'll say it in everyone. - Hell, Leon Russell Damorino, a Neil Young Harvey P. Car, Ernest Hemingway, Sinbad, all the great angst. - You guys see Donna Mills join only fans at 85 years old. - Fuck yeah. - Not to land back in room. - Yeah. - I want to pay to watch or go to heaven. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I thought I'd turn my penis into a nun. - Show me the channel light. (laughing) - Bye everyone. See you soon. - See you soon, everybody.