Side Stories: Tootsie

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. You know that song? You don't know that song? No. She's choosing Texas, I can tell. By the way, she's two-stepping down the room. Who sings that? Those Malaysian triplets I like. The Malaysian triplets sing the song about Texas? I played it on the Billy Wayne Davis last stream. You weren't there for that one. Oh, I don't watch stuff that I'm not a part of. Yeah, of course. But the song is done by somebody else. But I like it. I only know it done by the three ageless Malaysian triplet boys. I think are men that are on Instagram. What are they called, Rob? The Muyun Brothers. Yeah, the Muyun Brothers. Yeah, they do a great, like that song, I honestly feel like it's better than the original song. Because then I try to listen to the original song. It doesn't have the same Malaysian triplet style. No, yeah. It's kind of irreplaceable. I love seeing three people that are, you know, the audience knows. I like people that are tinier than me, but older than me. Yes. I like. But I don't think these boys are older than you, unfortunately. How old could the Mahjong triplets be? They swear they're 24. I've looked this up before, and there's no definitive, like, information on that. They could be 50, they could be 20, but honestly, but they got a set of pipes on them. And you know what? Those pipes are only seven inches long. Man, I love watching Korean guys do creed on characters. I hate karaoke. Well, that's where the. I hate creed. But when I watch a dude from South Korea sing creed perfectly, there's something magical about it. Philippines, South Korea, they have Thailand. That is the land of karaoke, my friend. They have it on lock. They are, like, what's his name who replaced Stephen Perry? Yes. The guy, yeah, Journey. The guy who replaced the journey guy. The only one who's irreplaceable. You don't know? Where am I alone? Am I on an island alone? I'm the co-host, and I know. Welcome to Side Stories. Sitting here, that's actually a really good reminder that he is my co-host. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? What's going on? My name is Henry Azabreski. Yes. Yes, it is. I'm sorry, I just became one of those little Malaysian boys for a second. I didn't mean to. But we just came back from Rochester, and boy, is our asshole tired. Arnel Pineda is his name, the lead singer of Journey. Oh, yes, that's right. And God bless him, and congratulations. He does a great job. He does. He's incredible. He sounds just like him. The other guy's still alive, right? Oh, yeah. He just got fired because he can't sing anymore? No, no, no. He can still sing. He specifically just chose not to because he said it was too much for him. He didn't like touring. He was blowing his voice out, and I think he also was an asshole. Can I say something that's guaranteed to piss off a lot of people? Please. Journey sucks. Wow. Journey fucking blows. I don't know. I like Journey. Journey can go fuck with Bon Jovi. You know, I get it. I think Journey has its place. Yeah. I think it has its place. But, yeah, Steve Perry, he is not coming back to Journey, no matter how much we beg him. Sorry, guys. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. How do we get Steve Perry back in Journey? Worst part of The Sopranos ending. Absolutely. Oh, you know. I like that. I like that. But we have other big news. Again, a big update. Rochester isn't horrible. What's wrong with you? Yeah, Rochester was so nice. Well, everybody just said, oh, enjoy Rochester. Hope you like graves. And we got there, and it's the sweetest place in the world. We were in the nice part of town. That's what they said. Yeah, yeah. Later on, they were like, thank you for being so nice, but this is the nice part of town. Don't go over here. I won't go there, though. And you're correct. And thank you. We saw the sun. We did. On our side of town. We were walking around. The sun was out. I think it only comes up on that side of town, though. Yeah, there was peaceful people. People said hi to me. I walked around. And there was like, hello. How are you doing? People were waving at me and stuff. It was very strange. But great. Dude, radio social? Big ups. You fed the fuck out of us. And it was delicious. I am really sorry for ever doubting radio social. Holy shit. Great food. Go check it out. I mean, we had the duck legs. They were amazing. The fried cheese bricks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fat fucks. So fat. That giant hunk of pork. It was so good. I did have a little bit of the salad. It was fine. Yeah, it was like a bed for the other ones to slide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a sled in a way. More like a sled. It was like a sled. And then the food just slid down it into my gullet. So thank you, guys. Thank you, Rochester. Thank you for everybody who came out to both of the shows. We had a great weekend. It was the first time as a non-football fan that I saw a bunch of people wearing Bills clothes. As a Dolphins fan, I hate the Bills. Yeah, sure. But I renounced football. Yeah, you're out of the game. And I see a lot of people wearing Bills clothes. And there was still like a little part of me in the back of my spine. I was like, fuck yourself. Fuck yourself, you fucking piece of shit. It's the power of advertising. And I was just like, oh, stop it. It doesn't matter. None of this matters. Football doesn't matter. It is how it is. But there was a little part of me that was like, you piece of shit Bills fan. Go eat shit. I'm Brian Cox. Two fingers up at you, you fucking cocksucker. That's how powerful it is. Stop it. You're past this. You're better now. You're better. You're cured. You are. You are. But you're not, though, because you got angry. And you know what? I didn't say nothing to nobody. Nothing to nobody. That's the thing. I hurt nobody. I hurt nobody. I'm a good guy. That's all you can ask for. It's because that is where the healing is, is because he did not attack a random woman wearing a Bills jersey. But she was fucking ugly in it. Hey. Sorry. There's nothing you can do about it. See, look how powerful all of that is. He's still overcoming his NFL trauma. Yeah. Still here. But it was one little piece of him. It was undercoming. Bills fans. Wow. Yeah, because they can't get them out. They can't get their semen out. They're fat cocks. Why are we doing this, Eddie? There's no reason to be like this, Eddie. You don't watch football anymore. You don't have these rivalries inside of you anymore. You have to purge them. We have one little update from somebody who met Joey Chestnut. I just wanted to read this really quick. Oh, wow. A sighting. Really, really quick. Really mean. A prison guy. No. And worse, a macaroni eating competition. That's fun. You know, to be, to me, to be a contestant, sure, but to watch many, many men eat as much macaroni salad as they could. Are you telling me you don't want to go? No, of course. Is that what you're trying to tell me right now? I want to be in the VIP tent. Yes. All right. I want to be guest of talent. I definitely don't want to be eating the same food as they're eating. No, absolutely not. So this person, I love this. This is just a little story about Joey Chestnut. For those of you that don't know, we covered him last week about how a judge allowed him to compete. He released him from his probationary holding in Indiana to be released to New York City for the July 4th. Coney Island hot dog eating contest for the 250th year celebration of the United States of America. And what a glorious year it is. And so this lady met Joey Chestnut. Yeah. I was in Woodstock, Georgia. He was at a restaurant that sadly been closed down called the Original Hot Chicken or something like that. It was actually really good. They dip the chicken in cornflakes and then they fry it. It's lunchtime. I'm hungry now. Anyways, he was at some event this place was having. And he said he was in a macaroni eating competition there. Now, thank God I was not there to witness said competition. But my then fiance and I were there for lunch. And Mr. Nut himself was walking around. And I stood up to meet him with the rest of my party. And he cut off my then soon to be future father-in-law to ask me, where'd you get that bag? My wife wants one so badly. Now, I'm not going to lie. I straight up lied to that man. And I told him I didn't know where I got it known full and damn well where it came straight from China as it was a knockoff of Goyard bag. But do you think I'm going to admit that? Oh, hell no. You just said. Anyways, that's not the fun part. When I tell you the breath on that man could have killed every single competitor in the enhanced games. Oh, my God. I couldn't tell you what it looked like, what he said, what I said, what anyone said, because that smell was so powerful. Terrible, terrible. Oh, my God. It's been years and I can still smell it. If I think about it for too long, it will ruin macaroni for me because I'm pretty sure it was from the like 10 pounds or something stupid of macaroni that he had just been. I can't even describe it. I dated a wrestler for years. And during wrestling season, when he had a cut weight, he would get awful got mouth. And that was bad. I've smelled the breath of people with a rotten tooth or two. And that's bad. This was a new. Level of horror. Hey, come on. This is slander. Hey, you know. Hey, that's a part of it, dude. Yeah. I'm sorry. If you don't think that the man whose own hole and gullet is a sarlacc of such power of such pure American fortitude, you don't think it's going to give off some exhaust? Yeah. Also, like, that's honestly, you know, I don't like to speak ill of a nut, but fucking if his breath was so bad that a woman from Georgia. Georgia almost swore off mac and cheese. macaroni fuck that's bad breath you just might look into that because that could be a gut issue but i do think definitely a gut he's got a gut issue but joey chestnut still we know you're killing yourself early for us we love that about you when you die early i swear i'm gonna be at your funeral saluting your you're perfectly preserved nitrate ridden corpse and i can't wait to be there because that's gonna be the real 250th celebration because your martyrdom is what will allow our sins to dissolve please be the new jesus christ joey chestnut it kind of is to fat people everywhere for america when he dies that's when we can really start to think about our sins oh my god you know he's gonna die at like 94 and we're not gonna understand science anymore it's gonna be it's gonna break every rule he's gonna just he's gonna be like liquefying hot dogs and putting it in ivy and next to him in the hospice and it's just being like it's gonna be you know like my when your parents are like like into one thing like how they said like my father in the end they're like you know he shouldn't even quit smoking that'll kill him it's fucking he's barely alive i think at some point they'll be like if he even quits hot dogs they won't make it a week he has to still eat several at least a quarter pound of hot dog 80 hot dog at this point it has to stay we have to keep it above him but he does definitely have large unhinged jaws yeah man i'm really proud of him i love the chestnut shout out to you brother i'm glad you're gonna come back and fight even though you're probably a criminal but you know hey he got into he was having he thought he thought it was a funny he thought he was doing something funny with the fan i mean i like i wish that he like turned into kirby and just swallow the guy oh shit yeah because then he'd be like one of those japanese folklore monsters that's kobayashi all right so let's get into some stories of the week oh itty oh itty i charged you with watching a documentary and you did oh yes i watched the crash movie now this story i got all kinds of feelings about it yeah this is a good one because i think it'll bring up a lot of conversation it's kind of out in the it's out in the uh zeitgeist right now and we'll talk about it because i watched documentary and i'm also angry uh this uh so this starts on july 31st 2022 17 year old mackenzie shirilla crashed a car going 100 miles an hour killing her daughter and her son in a car crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash two passengers on impact one of them was her boyfriend 20 year old dominic russo and the other was their mutual friend 19 year old davian flanagan now what we're seeing here is at first they thought it was a horrendous accident she got pulled from the thing yeah she was all disoriented i remember first seeing this story as a body cam so the body cam footage is fucking horrific they show it in the movie they show all the cut to of all stuff so first you see this car that was obliterated it ran to the side of the building you could see all of the the various cctv footage leading up to it which shows that it specifically sped up and they also found that out when they took the black box out of the car it never once hit the brake it didn't really speed up as much as it maintained a hundred percent it just was the pedal to the metal all the way into the wall for the last five seconds of the what happened they know it got the the wheel got jerked back and forth at first mackenzie shirilla was hospitalized and considered to be another victim they thought that maybe she had because they found a little bit of drugs in the car she was i don't think she was even all that intoxicated no she came back pretty clean yeah she like thc in her system that's it and that's it and they came back first thing it was a horrific no everyone was doing mushrooms there was no mushrooms in her system she specifically didn't take mushrooms everybody else was on mushrooms so she uh eventually had to go to trial and she was found guilty on two counts of murder this came this comes from a long after a long unbelievable defense where she basically said i have it undisclosed medical condition that causes me to just go to sleep and that i happen to also be tired and i also happen to be on drugs and i also happen to be extra sleepy so i went to sleep and i killed everybody dude when i saw her lawyer the first thing i thought in my head was this guy ain't saving anyone's life no no he was a he looked like he was asleep and like he was like he's kind of like a snoring awake type of dude yes he's a freak and which is like i i don't want i don't like one of those like well don't worry now i'll be talking with the judge after this that's what i want i want an uptight new york lawyer yeah and also stay really fucked up when they said they didn't want a jury trial they just wanted the judge well a jury you can like a judge you're not gonna get sympathy from just a judge no you could a jury can fuck shit up yeah yeah that was a huge mistake well i think they thought they had a bit of overconfidence which is really revealed in the documentary well because it takes a lot of balls to charge you with murder and not manslaughter well because you could definitely lock her up for manslaughter well they tried that's really easy oh they tried to negotiate a plea and they said no as well so they went through all this now she's got 15 years to life which is still technically light is it 15 or is it 15 plus 15 is it 15 for each person it seems that they are doing i believe it is yes you're right it's 15 and then 15 and then and then she can get parole yeah and she's still trying to get let out of jail and shit but this is the thing she's already ran automatically like all of these like the people around her she started this like mean girl squad which is how she started shit in the begin with uh when she uh she grew up in strongsville ohio yeah apparently she had like a big old like she did one of those like what do they call them slam books yeah and she had like a bunch of the different uh very common remember my sister got it jackie got in quite a bit of trouble oh i bet jackie had a slam book oh yeah she was good at it oh they were very upset they were very upsetting the slam books i would not want to be in jackie's slam book this lady mckenzie loved the regina george character from mean girls yeah which is not what you're supposed to do she is a 17 year old girl who sucks and yes basically you know not to like no i'm not victim blaming by in any in any case here but her parents seemed like they were hands off oh this is and they were very enabling we'll get all into this so by 16 she was essentially living with her 19 year old boyfriend dominic yeah her parents did not care they thought that it was cool they liked dominic they liked being alone and smoking weed i think that's exactly what they liked and i believe me you couldn't talk to two bigger weed lovers on the face of the planet right yeah but we don't have kids because of it yeah because i don't want them all right and if i had kids i'd have to come far away from the weed or i'd smoke weed in another room and eventually you would become the thing oh that's that smell that's when dad likes us right because he's went in eventually they'll put two and two together but it took it would take a while right for them to first figure out what's happening these guys were actively smoking weed with their daughter they were actively they them allowing they wanted their lifestyle she was smoking so much weed she was uh choking up blood yeah and i saw what she was smoking too she was just doing those gigantic four foot tall bongs a lot of huge blunts huge blunts kind of made me jealous she had every it she filmed it and put it on her phone and they were able to use it as evidence very much so uh she is this is what i'll say right here to all my aspiring influencers that you say go call yourself an aspiring influencer i want you to remember to not just build evidence against yourself yeah because you don't know what crimes you're going to commit edit things edit things and remember things go on to the internet forever and that's where they stay there because i used to get so watching like them talk about their friend group my friend group was very similar in high school we did lots of drugs we smoked lots of weed we drank like fucking fish and obviously we all had our heads together we loved each other we were never violent towards each other so that's like a very different situation but like looking at this i'm so fucking happy only thing we had were disposable cameras that we just lost you know these poor kids they have to have every everything they have to have every moment of their lives documented every single mistake documented and it's just going to destroy your life throw the cameras away put the you guys need to put cameras and bags when you go party right anyway so she ended up so let's just say her relationship with the 19 year old that she kind of lived with wasn't the most mature one in the world eddie yeah but they'd been dating for four years i know and that's just you know how that's forever yeah and you know when you're a teenager you know what love is because that's what her parents were just like talking about they were like well they knew they knew that they were in love and it's like are you fucking serious they're 19 and 16 both of them are morons both of them should be in a relationship with their parents right now all right like these should not be this is that they shouldn't be dating this is ridiculous they should not be like this is in your way of doing this they shouldn't be fucking lived together but it's whatever but of course they're constantly breaking up constantly getting back together and constantly threatening each other with vehicular manslaughter yes which is mostly coming from mackenzie's end she threatened to kill dom it's only coming from her yes eddie she threatened to kill dom multiple times while in the car she threatened to kill dom she threatened to shoot him she threatened to poison him threatened to shoot herself threatened to kill them both over and over and over again to say the least yes uh and they every time like a week before the crash they had broke up over text and then two hours later they immediately worked it back out it's that type of dumb shit so shit we saw a million times when we were kids just dumb kids being dumb until the moment someone does something that involves you just not being ever held accountable for a single thing it's like it's almost like she did this um obviously she's guilty um well yeah she got proven guilty it's like one of those things it's like kids don't understand that you don't get another life you don't get like a duo you don't get to reset the game you don't just like you know like it's like it's and it's unfortunately like it's really hard and i didn't know that personally and there's a couple situations where i definitely could have died when i was younger and i didn't and i'm very lucky and i i thank whatever for it but like man just fucking calm down yeah dude you gotta be careful out here really scary and like these kids they fucking they don't understand death and it was not till you get to your like late 20s where you really start to realize oh it's like permanent and shit and there's no like you're gonna reason your way out of this this isn't uh the problems when you're in high school and you have a high school mentality you really i think maybe believe oh i can like find a way out i can go and do some extra credit or i can say i'm sorry because you're used to doing things that make your parents mad and not doing things that kill people so when you then kill somebody you're acting at like it's all the same exact level because your brain's not solidified yet you're literally you have no idea that that these things are actually doing shit because this this bitch loves like shirilla she loves you being called shirilla the killer and that's what they call her in prison and she loved it she also now has a prison girlfriend she's fully acclimated to prison while then going on to see the series night of i well when it first came out it reminds me of that as soon as i saw her because at the end of the doc they have an interview with her i just couldn't i'm like this shit's night of was like a motherfucker yeah because she's just like she just became a gangster just she's just like straight up she's a gangster right in and she well honestly she loved it she's really at home in prison i think that here's my controversial take on the whole thing i think she's guilty i think she got what she deserved but i do think that the trial was very manipulative and you know i guess they they got the result they needed to i think they were using evidence that like necessarily shouldn't have been evidence like her flipping out when her boyfriend locked her out of the house like and her screaming at the front door like she's 16 and she's locked out of her house of course she's gonna freak out but also she it's all about how she does this you know and she does and she used and it's evidence that jews against her and she did commit the crime but it's just like ah you know it was one of those things and then the stuff in jail when they're doing the interview in jail and they ask her a and they use that as like evidence against her it's like of course she asked her lawyer if she could answer it yes like what do we fucking what what since when are we not allowed to ask her lawyer before we answer questions using that like no it's like using that against you is extremely fucked up and i think irresponsible on the filmmakers uh part yeah maybe but also they they don't talk to somebody before like don't talk to somebody don't fucking talk to somebody same thing with her uh going on to these uh jail calls and exhibiting that she has a secret language with her and her mother that no one else can decipher so that she could say secret things over the fucking camera i highly doubt they're able to because that mom is not smart no she is not a good mom tried to help she just dug a deeper hole she was not good at helping so she's almost like she's stoned all the time sort of the second one like she's going back and forth so it's like at first they went and they they tried to get away an appeal going the first one who was attempted to september 2024 they upheld the conviction there was another appeal that was supposed to happen in 2025 but they fucked up and didn't put the paperwork in correctly after that mckenzie got new attorneys who filed another appeal claiming that a previously unexplored medical condition could have been at fault which is horseshit um but she is still in jail and it is concurrent so it's 15 years okay it's 15 years so she has 15 years then she gets her first parole here i mean they're gonna let her out she'll do it she'll do her time just hopefully she's not a fucking hopefully she can grow and right now she's obviously going to be in jail for the rest of her life and she's going to be in jail for the rest of her life and she's going to be in jail for the rest of her life and she's obviously regressing and becoming uh you know turning into college for her obviously she's only going to get worse unfortunately but because that's the prison system we have in this country but she also killed two people so that is the issue is because she's also when you start off as an asshole and you go to asshole classes you're going to become a master asshole yeah it is that it is that thing though i will forever feel something for people under 18 i know the book throwing at them i know what you're saying i know you're saying but she i always like you're allowed to i'll always take it with the grain of salt because it depends on what's happening is that on some level people that kill someone they have to have the whole fucking book dropped on their fucking yeah because otherwise other people are going to see it and be like oh that's not that bad i could do five years if you could kill somebody if you kill somebody with your actions unfortunately that's kind of as bad as it goes and you need to experience the adult ramifications of your even if it's just a tragic mistake yeah that is a thing you must learn from i think that uh one of the things i kept going back to was the fact that she said that she fell asleep and then accelerated to me like don't if you're gonna make up a disease to the reason you didn't stop accelerating choose a seizure something that like stiffens your leg again where you have to like press the pedal like asleep you would have let go of the pedal too young to be good at crime it's just like yeah so you choose choose a crime choose a better crime choose a better angle but honestly the the documentary really uh made me angry and you can go check it over out over on netflix yeah no it's totally uh it's totally worth a watch yeah it's really great but it makes me it makes me angry here's another story makes me angry oh i hope it's good for everybody see how angry i get this one i don't know much about i'm ready to hear your take okay so this is a bit of a this is a windy one this is a windy one so this story first of all involves legos so my wife gotta go yeah i know i know my wife loves legos marcus loves legos yeah right i think it's lego i didn't mean me saying it incorrectly i can already hear the lego people going like i'm in a little house i think it's legos i think you could say like it's the lego store not the lego store i like my palm trees to be fake i live in a little clicking clicking house i like to get my legos and lagos me too lego my legos because if you don't i'm gonna fucking sew your ass coming for you bricks and minifigs i was so you know i'll build a wall like any motherfucker i know you love building a wall my wall and i used to my old wall would crumble and this wall i put on the bottom i put a base it's supposed to be harder to break this wall they're different now they're very delicate i like ones that i can punch yeah i know you do it's just real bricks here we go let me try it if i could disseminate this i'm gonna do this as thoroughly as i can but we'll talk about this so this starts with brian menzel he's an oregon man him and his father they spent years putting together what is considered to be like it's one of the biggest collections massive collection of vintage star wars themed lego sets apparently the collection was worth like 200 grand right there's a lot there's a lot in toy money and they go and they got they've been doing this for years together this father and son mormon activity of collecting lego sets together is so much better than collecting wives and child brides so good on you good on you keep them busy keep them busy right so they went to this place called bricks and minifigs now no that's not your new local brewery with the pork belly date skewers no that is a the worst name of a story i've ever heard it's a it's it's like a consignment stores so you go and like they sell old vintage lego sets and they uh they buy them from you and you buy and it's like it's like a thing right and they i guess it's like there's many branches of it and it's a mormon run company which is a thing that comes out i find interesting they love toys they love toys because we're all just little fucking toys to them aren't we so eventually this father and son have decided we uh we must sell this we need money i guess so what they did is they went to their local bricks and minifigs that was run by a woman by the name of crystal gorman and they said they they set up this little individual deal with her psycho gorman psycho gorman man that was great we talked to the director he's actually he's a lot of fun um so the goal with this was that they were going to take the collection of star wars toys they could use it for advertising so which they did they then said you can come and see this gigantic like only here collection of star wars to the lego here in the this very specific bricks and minifigs i like when stores become like museums it was like that and it was also the goal was to sell them off and then the bricks and minifigs would get a percentage and then they'd give the larger percentage back to brian manziel and his father yeah everybody's happy it was co-signment it was like a co-signment yeah it was a whole thing right so all of a sudden crystal foreman she was like later on a little while later she i guess according to crystal foreman she notified the corporate end that she and her husband they were leaving the country and they they thought about can we sell our store according to crystal she immediately was replaced these guys show up these two guys from corporate arrive and say we're taking the store back we're taking the locks they change the locks seize control all the inventory which includes all of the unsold star wars shit right sitting in there right so they got these new guys two fuckers my name brandon best and josh johnson two mormons right they got me a white shirt shorts - Oh yeah. You know exactly what they look like. - Backpacks, tie, yeah. They got a shirt with a rifle on it from maybe, I guess not a brewery, they're Mormons. So they got one, maybe something from a trampoline park. And then they got a Colorado Rockies flat brim hat or whatever. God knows. And so they go in there to straight up say, they finally go like, okay, new management. We'd love to know about what do we do with this. We want to re-up and find out what you guys have sold, what we're going to do. They said, first of all, fuck you. That contract's not viable. Everything in the store is ours. We might have about five grand worth of stuff for you somewhere in here. Then cuts to him going through all of these legal matters to try to be like, I have a contract that says that we're doing this. And this is a contract that says that this is, and that's my stuff. I have all of it fully inventoried by the fucking little scan number. It's all set. You can't lie to me. That is my stuff. That's me and my father's stuff. Yeah, we have pictures of it. God, when nerds get mad, I get so sad. Because it's just like, it's just Legos, right? And the worst part about this now is the police are getting involved. So this all came to the attention of a little. So that's good. No. So it came attention to a little YouTube boy named Reckless Ben. I've never, I don't know who this kid is. I've never heard this before. I don't know what he does. But I ended up watching the full hour and a half special he did on this. And it is, he did a fantastic job. Hell yeah, Reckless Ben. This dude got involved and he said, I want to get you your Legos back. So he went hardcore in the paint. And this is when shit starts getting blowed up. So Ben. Ben starts inserting himself in the scenario to try to like go to the, go to the franchise and try to work his way through. They immediately call the cops. So they also then you're, he doesn't understand that they're. So they call the cops and the guy's trying to get their shit back. Yes. And so the cops come and say, they've issued a trespass warrant on you. So we're going to kick you off the property. And he's like, well, actually I'm here. And you see the body cam footage. She's like, I'm here. This is a contract that I've signed. They have my material in here. I would love to sit and just have a conversation about what we're supposed to do here. And, and they literally. You're going to go to jail. You're going to go to jail right the fuck now. Like couldn't care less. We're now seeing that the Mormon police, these are Mormon police officers are coming to help this company. Keep these guys from get this money. Cause bricks and minifigs in a recorded conversation, straight up told Brian, the Brian dude, listen, this is how this is going to go. You're going to sue us to try to get your shit back. You and your fucking father's precious little slave Leah jerk off material, right? You're going to try to get that back. From us powerful Mormons. It's that can fucking happen because if you do guess what we're going to do, we're going to sue you back and then we're going to make it so long. We're going to take this out. So we're going to drag this out for fucking years and we're going to bleed you fucking dry to the point where this lawsuit is going to cost you three times as much as you would ever have made from the star Wars collection. So you might as well drop it. And that's written. Isn't that evidence? Yeah. No, it doesn't matter because the cops, the cops have to file a crime. So right now, bricks and minifigs, this is now it's blowing up. There's all things fucking blowing up because the reckless Ben dude is going deeper and deeper and deeper. Fuck yeah, brother. Cause every time he goes to a level, he finds out a new way. They figured out because what they did was that they finally actually made a form of agreement to kind of settle whatever what was going to happen. And when they finally went to go have the meeting where they were going to sign the contract to say, all right, this is a settlement. They just shut the franchise. So then they just, shut the franchise and they say, well, that's a franchise. It's got nothing to do with us. We're bricks and minifigs. You can't touch us. You bricks and minifigs. I mean, talk about these seconds, maxi figs, right? These mini figs out here are doing incredible work, right? So they, they decided to just like say we're franchised, which is what then they did. So they started pretending to be bricks and minifigs so that bricks and minifigs would sue them back. It's a whole long process. So right now go follow the saga. That's what I would do because it's going back and forth. So right now, they w there's still no, no result. Well, bricks and minifigs has come out. Just said, everybody's wrong. Said that the lady that originally got rid of the franchise that they took over, they try to say that she had defaulted on payments. She's saying that that's not, that's horseshit stole from her too. They stole from everybody. This is all about Mormon egotism. All of this is Mormons not wanting to be incorrect about a thing, because what bricks and minifigs try to say in the very beginning was that, oh, well, you made it. You made a contract with the franchisee. We don't do that. So you did. It doesn't matter. We can't do that. So it doesn't matter. And it's like, oh, but I have a contract in my hands. So does this exist or not? Is this a piece of fucking paper that I signed or not? Is this a fucking country that I fucking put together or not? Yeah. Right. Cause it's Matt. Cause you have to fucking go by the contract, but it doesn't matter. They don't think it doesn't matter because they know better than us because they're fucking suck off God through a fucking curtain every fucking week. And the police are corrupt. Of course there are involved in it with the curb. The police are Mormon. Where? Is this in Utah? This is all in Oregon. Oh, it's in Oregon. This is in Oregon, but it's still Mormons. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all Mormons and it's a Mormon community and the cops are fighting for the Mormons versus investigating the crime because they are all in bed with the religion. And all of this is about, that's the thing that no one, again, that truly, if you look at the, the material about this, there's not a single mention of the Mormon stuff anywhere, much like every, every other article about Mormon criminals that I think is fascinating because no one really wants to talk about why it's going down. The reason why they're even fighting for this to begin with is because Mormons are always right and we are wrong, man. So their GoFundMe already has $250,000. Oh yeah, no, they're going to make a lot of money and I'm also, and I'm, I'm not pumping a GoFundMe cause we don't really do that. But if you look at the statement that is, I mean like, well, if this is them, why not give up? I don't know. Or just use this money. You don't need to fight them. I have, I think that's what you should do. I think that's what, that is what they are doing. Uh, but just know it is, uh, they're bricks and minifigs put out a statement. You can go to their website. They are, of course they're not guilty until proven guilty. So we are obviously in that section. We, you know, who knows, but I, uh, I know they're liars. That's me. And I can say what I want. They're better than us. Well, yeah, they think that we're all going to die and go to hell and they're going to die and go to heaven. We just had an incredible interview with Mormon. An influencer, ex Mormon influencer, Alyssa Grenfell. That was like talking about this idea of like the, the little silly things that they talk about, how their $400 billion slush fund is a rainy day. This is rainy. I sick of this cute shit from you. Mormons, you fucking evil Mormons. And just hoarding fucking money, stealing from people, just trying to collect Legos with their father. It is literally just because the purest thing I think I can think of. They have decided that it should be theirs and it should not belong to him. And obviously they knew what to do with those star Wars Legos and knows that father and son were wasting it by enjoying them. Oh man, this YouTuber, he's generated over 10 million views talking about the situation. Yeah, dude. And he ended up getting swatted because of all this. Oh no, they're coming for him. They suited the bricks and mini fixes. Sue and him bricks and mini fixes coming hard for reckless Ben. So I, again, he seems like a fine young man and I think he's doing a good job. And I think that if you're going to weaponize YouTube, I like this. Yeah, I like this. This is a good way to weaponize YouTube because we're going up against something bigger than just a Lego selling company. This is about us versus God and reckless. Ben is going to beat God. That's what this is about. And I hope so. Oh, well here, there's another piece of shit in the news. There's a guy that we haven't talked about yet, which I'm very surprised at myself, to be honest with you that we haven't brought this guy up, but he's back in the news again and I'm not going to say his name wrong, but his name is, uh, Igor Litvin Chuck. Oh, he more live than Chuck. I love this guy. He's from Covington, Washington. If you haven't noticed, uh, he got in a lot of trouble for throwing a big old rock at a monk seal when he was in Maui. No, I saw the video. He literally just sort of like, like, I love how he pretends to have his side of the story. Yes. No, he's since developed a side of the story, but it like blew up in Hawaii. Um, but this guy is a gigantic piece of shit. He got called. I caught on camera throwing this giant rock at a monk seal. He barely missed it, um, which is also the saddest thing that I did, but he also has bad aim. Yeah. Not only is it a piece of shit, but he almost, yeah, no, it's really in the monk seal obviously is a protected, uh, is a protected endangered animal in Hawaii. Um, he claims he thought it was the sea lion trying to attack a turtle. That is, that's his claim. But that claim also came out weeks later after this video, he was caught, on video that he told the woman who took the video, I have more, I have so money that I can take the fine. It doesn't matter because I'm rich. Yes. He just wanted to throw a thing at an aquatic mammal. So who I took it amongst themselves and one of the locals, you don't fuck around in Hawaii. I don't know if people understand this or not fucking around. Yeah. You don't fuck around in Hawaii. Uh, you don't mess with the locals. You don't mess with the wildlife. They fucking some dude found his ass the next day and beat the living shit. Out of him as he is on camera. Um, they could, they didn't, the guy who beat him, they didn't see his face. Um, so he was never caught. Um, the, uh, the, the sheriff said that they're not looking for him too. And so then, you know, and so this guy, he goes back to Washington and all, when he gets back to Washington, they fucking arrest him as soon as he gets there. You know, the, uh, they should. Yeah. And he's going after an innocent animal that is literally just in its home. It felt like it arrived on your fucking hotel room. It is in its home. Yes. It is in its home. And so now. He is saying that his life has since been destroyed. Oh, no. Maybe it's because he threw a fucking rocket at a endangered animal on camera, you fucking idiot. Yeah, he claims that he's a fisherman and he loves turtles and he was protecting turtles. Oh, yeah, you fucking idiot. You pick up the turtle. Pick up the turtle. It's slow. The turtle's super slow. If you want to pick it up and move it someplace, it's easy to do. But he was charged in violations of the Endangered Species Act and the Marine Mammal Protection Act. And they are critically endangered species, the monk seals, especially this one. This one, they all knew her name and they loved her. But he is pleaded not guilty in court. And if convicted, he faces a fine up to $50,000. Yes. And then also another $20,000 fine under the Marine Mammal Protection Act. What's his name again? His name is Igor Litinopoulos. Igor Litinchuk. Igor Litinchuk. Oh, yeah, Igor Litinchuk. Hopefully you never work again. Yeah, man, this guy fucking blows. Fuck you, dude. His life is ruined. Yeah, as it should be. Because all he had to do was be like, oh, my God, I'm drunk. I'm in a program. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I have a rage issue. I need to go to therapy. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm just, oh, my God. I don't know what I was thinking. Like, these are all just samples, guys. Oh, God. Oh, I wish I could take it all back. Oh, man. Oh, I thought it was. Ugly woman. Oh, my God. Like, there's so many other things you could have said. If he just said he thought it was a homeless man covered in kelp and he threw a rock at it, they would have applauded him. You know what I mean? Like, if he just did that. But no, nobody has sympathy for you, dude. You're fucked. No, no, he is fucked. And this is the exact thing we should be doing to people like this. Shame his ass. Shame him into poor. Make him poor. And you know what? He probably is fine. And he probably is rich. And they're like. This is the fucking attitude that people who are too rich have when they go visit places. They go to beautiful places to destroy them. They go to Hawaii and they think that just because they're on vacation, they can do whatever they want because they are on vacation and they have paid to go to Hawaii. Good on the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration who fought and sought to arrest him when he copped back to the Seattle area. Honestly, this is great. They fucking nailed it. They took it very seriously. Honestly, I hope that this guy gets the top fucking punishment. And just like, you know what? Beat his ass again. Dude, fuck him. He obviously has not learned his lesson. No. So I feel like he is going to unfortunately reoffend. I think that he's going to do now, especially that he's going to be so butthurt after something like this. I can almost guarantee he's going to reoffend doing something just as obnoxious. And when he does, hopefully there'll be a group of people there to beat him again. God, I hope he gets divorced. I hope his kids never talk to him again. I hope he gets everything. Because you could see him becoming, as he's like, I'm not owned. I'm not owned. Like you could see him just be like angry that he got caught and angry that everybody's coming down on him. And that will hopefully force him to do something that'll put him in real jail. When I look at a guy like this, I'm like, oh, there's no chance that anyone tells this guy, I love you. No one has ever been like, I'm so glad you're here, Igor. Yeah. You know, he's never heard that. Oh my God, Igor. What'd we do without you? People keep mailing him shit. As they should. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, he's getting harassed. Yeah, they're literally mailing him shit. So, you know, I'm sure his address is on the internet somewhere if people keep mailing him shit. Go get him. Am I allowed to say that? Go get him. You know, whatever. Just send him stuff. Yeah, no. I mean, well, you know, if you don't, it's fine too. But, you know, if you do. Who cares? Make sure it's gross. Right? So we got, there's another fucking animal attack on this thing. This was one of those that's just more out of the movie. Have you seen the movie Equus? No. You ever see it with, what's his name? Not the fat guy from Harry Potter. What's his name? That was on the play. When Harry Potter showed Dong. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that play. I saw the little penis. You saw his penis? Yeah. How was it? British. Good. But, you know, it was a good play. It was very, it was very cool. The original. I wanted to see it myself. I'll show you a picture of Daniel Radcliffe's penis. Hell, yeah. It's actually probably just on here. I'm sure people stuck some pictures. Daniel Radcliffe's penis. Thank you. Use it on the office computer, please. I got you. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, safe search is off. Images. There it is, right there. Where is it? Yep. I don't see it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because it's far away. Oh, that's a good dong. That's a healthy dong. But does he have to touch the horse? Why is he with a horse? Yeah, why is he with a horse? This is a different. So in the movie, so in the show slash movie, now we're just looking at naked, a naked man. Now we're just looking at the frozen pictures. Those, they're adding to his penis. And those, oh, why'd they do the butthole shot? Get this out of here. Get this fucking out of here. Why did he bend over like that on stage? I love that Harry Potter did this. Why didn't he show the audience his. I love Daniel Radcliffe for this. Oh, God, get this out of here. I wish that every grown up child star just shows their cock on stage in New York City. I just, I'm fine with the cock. I did not know about the Tainan asshole. Patronus. Oh, well, all right. Well, speaking of this. That's amazing. So Equus, the play. Oh. Oh. Equus, the boy blinds a bunch of horses. Is it weird that his dick looks like Dobby? Please don't beat me, master. That's so nice. Please don't beat me. It's a thorn lipper. Is this why Dobby committed suicide? Yes. It's the little ears. That's what, when he got circumcised, that's all they chopped off. The two side ears. Chop off the whole. Got you, Daniel. Yeah, I do love you. You're doing really well, Daniel. I think it's going to be okay. Swiss Army Man was incredible. We all liked it. Yeah. So in Equus, this boy blinds a bunch of horses, and then the whole thing's about his relationship, this weird pseudo-sexual relationship he has with these horses and the psychiatrist and blah, blah, blah, right? It's hilarious. Oh, my God. Laugh a minute. When he pulled his pants down and he went, now there's a salt lick, Equus. That was the whole audience said it at once. It's like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah, the tagline was, nay means nay. Yeah, it's so eddy. That's disgusting. So this story is about a teenage girl who did something very similar. Now, this was in a barrel race in Las Vegas. Las Vegas. I don't know what barrel racing is. Is that like when someone's on their hands and the other person's holding their feet? That's a real barrel race. I'm close. I'm close. Yeah, the horse is on. The horse. You pull up a horse's hooves and you drive it by its dick. They run around barrels. Oh, they run around barrels. Got it. Boom. Done. Easy. Okay, great. It's easy. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's better than the rodeo, I guess. I guess it's a part of the rodeo, probably. This teenager was apparently like super creepy. They haven't named her yet, but she was super creepy. And a lot of the parents were saying that she was a rammer. Sarah. Tatiana. Tatiana's not bad. Horse stabber. Tatiana Horse Pricker. So Tatiana Horse Pricker was over in her. She was walking around all the various competitions. Now, a lot of people said that Tatiana Horse Pricker was not super good at barrel racing. Yeah. And that she apparently only finished for the qualifying match, like 23 out of 25. And there was some talk about whether or not she did this as a way to sabotage the other horses. So Tatiana went into the stables and stabbed three horses. We don't know whether or not the horses were stabbed. Because if they are stabbed anywhere but the trunk, they have to be killed. Really? Yes, because if they have anything done to their extremities, I guess they have to just. Honestly, Eddie, I have no idea why. I've heard of a broken leg, you've got to kill a horse. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Why are we killing these horses so willy-nilly? I feel like a horse is gigantic and can take a stab. Can we not put a horse in a wheelchair? What kind of knife did she use? I don't know. And I don't think you can put a horse in a wheelchair. That's a big wheelchair. But I'm just saying, put a horse on a cart, right? Can't there be a horse on a cart? I think it's really hard. Can't horses just sit on their bellies? If a horse falls on you, you die. But if a horse is on its belly, and then you just flip it back and forth, if you just make sure it's on even sides. We don't know whether or not the horses, what they were stabbed with. But they were stabbed. A lot of them, they say it's a knife. You should definitely use a knife. Okay. So they were all stabbed, and they think partially it was just because she didn't want to race that day. And she was afraid that she was going to get rapped. She was going to get lapped by all the other people. But it could also be she just plumbed crazy. Yeah, she seems like a psychopath. Well, yeah, either way, it's not as real rational. If you stab a horse for no reason, you're a psychopath. Also, you know, I would say a reasonable response would be if you feel that you're not getting the results you want from your competitive-like sport, practice harder. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also. That's what I would say. Before you stab all the other horses. That's me. Only just because I'm super not into stabbing horses. Also, just getting there is part of the prize. Dude, you're there. You're there. You're top 25. You could barrel race better than most people in America. There's thousands of barrel races. Be happy about that. You're in the top 25. Celebrate it. This isn't Angola Prison Rodeo. You're fucking in Vegas. People pay tickets to see you. Are you a Spaniard princess? Why do you need to be the queen of horses, Tatiana? A horse pricker? Even if you come in last, you're still a horse barrel rider. Stay home. Well, you know what? Not anymore, though. Because now that you stabbed these horses, you're officially on my naughty list. And I don't think you should be allowed to go back, but that's just me. That's just one humble broadcaster's opinion, you know? And maybe she just needs a timeout. Yeah. Well, maybe they should stab her and she should be in the dehanced cage. See how fast that bitch can go around a barrel. Those things are fucking so bad, man. Those are so bad, dude. Did you see that guy doing anti-gravity push-ups? No. It was one guy, like, held his hands and then he did, like, push-ups in midair. And it's like, great. Now what? Yeah. What does that do for you? Nothing, right? Oh, man. Are you still going to fucking die of a brain aneurysm from all your fucking peptides? Oh, my God. I got a tiny update for everybody just to scare everyone a little bit. Please. Screw worm. Remember the screw worm? The screw worm that was getting in the cattle and then we were buying the cattle and it was coming up. Yeah, the screw worm is now 30 miles south of the United States. She's back. It's not. It's back. It's close. Yeah, yeah. It's coming up, dude. So they've noticed it down in the Calahula State in Mexico. It's 30 miles south of Texas. Glow up of the century. Yeah. Welcome to stateside. Yeah, they found it in some sheep. Travel maxing. Yeah, actually, it's interesting. They found it in sheep and then they also found it in a goat like animal, which I don't know what that means. What do you mean? What are you talking about? It's a goat like animal. Are we getting vague about animals? Just say goat or ram. I don't know. What do you mean goat like? Yeah, what the fuck are we talking about? Are you inventing animals to put screw worms in? You have a thing called a mama tuba or it's called a sloat. Yes, yes. It's a sloth goat. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, I mean goat like, dude. Fucking, I don't believe anything you're saying about these screw worms. If you don't know what the animal it was in. Yeah. If you don't know what animal it is, you don't know what a screw worm is. It's a goat or a ram or a lamb or some shit like that. It's not a cat. Yeah. It's somewhere between a bison and a cat. It's somewhere between the two. It's goat like. It's goat like. It's goat like. By meaning it has legs like a goat does and it has eyes like a goat. Like a goat does. But that's really all I can compare it in that way because it has fins like a goat doesn't and wings like a goat doesn't. So they're worried about this outbreak getting too close to America, obviously, because once it gets into the cattle, we're kind of fucked. The USDA estimates that a screw worm incursion could inflict $1.8 billion in damage in the Lone Star State alone. Screw little screw worms. Clean me. Clean me. I mean, I don't know, man. This is going to be tough. Maybe it's time to eat less beef. Honestly, I really hope. I feel like the screw worm is a good time for all of us to sit back and be like, you know what? Maybe we should follow Chick-fil-A's advice here and eat more chicken. You know what I'll say? We'll just see how this all shakes out in 2028 when we see Buttigieg's screw worm running for president of the United States of America. And honestly, I'm fine with the screw worm because the screw worm made it from the bottom. Now there's a screw worm. Now they're here. That's right. And that's such a huge get. Good work on your screw worm. Hustling. That's the hustle culture showing. That's bringing you to America. And that's what we love about immigrants coming here. Yeah. Well, that's what the whole thing is. It's like hardworking people making America great again. And then, you know, and so we've blocked all cattle imports from Mexico for a year. Done. Yeah. So that'll solve it. Hey, I don't even know why we're talking about it. Because the problem's been solved. Except, I think I'm sitting on a screw room right now. We have really sad news. Is there more sad news? No, I think it's time. Oh, well, before, I want to give a little bit of good news and then I'll get into the sad news. All right. Just a little bit of good news. I thought it was a good segue. No, it is nice. Screw worm, it is nice. But in honor of our episode, we just recently had episode 666 come out. We're talking about Anton LaVey. And I can't help but think that we have a piece, you know, I feel like we do things on the show and then the week after, things happen. And I don't know if we got anything to do with it or not. Alligator Alcatraz, Alligator Pelican shutting down. We shut it down, yeah. That was us. Certainly not all the activists. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was us. Well, I know. I'm just saying, like, it's interesting. Yeah, it's just interesting. It is. But bus route 666 is now going back to hell. That's right. In Poland, there was a bus route that goes to a town. It was a town called Hell, E-C-L. And it was always bus route 666. But now they changed it to bus route 669. Yeah, because everyone was scared of going to hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So some guy went in there and he's like, you know what? I want it back to be 666. And they changed it back. So 666 now goes back to hell. Shout out to Poland. Shout out to hell. Shout out to 666. Wow. Yeah. Wow, they could really just change that one thing, huh? Yep. They can just go, Poland, they're, you know, they're surprisingly better than us. Well, just on that one thing. Yes. And speaking of a highway to hell. Still a segue. I just wanted to say, Eddie, we've honestly made a lot of fun here, but I think it's important for you to send. I lost Tootsie yesterday. Poor girl. She finally passed away. I loved her with all my heart. She's such a good baby. And it was definitely Tootsie's time. We sent her to the back rooms. Can I honestly, which is honestly great for Kane, great for Kane Pixels. He's been, I'm big shout out to Kane. Can I ask, and I don't want to be, I want to be as sensitive as possible about this because I know it's, you're very sad. It's a lot. We did let them keep the vagina. Yes. Great. Great. Because they work so hard on it. My other question is that, did it have to be done with a silver bullet? Oh, well. Like, did you have to remove her head and then put garlic in the head? And burn the head and burn the head separate? Well, we did. What we did was we gave her the normal, you know, sedative. And then we gave her the, the extra anesthesia that, you know, takes them out eventually and stop breathing. And then Tootsie was like, I like it. Give me more. She's like, this is great. This is the first meal I've enjoyed in months. Yeah. She got all active. Yeah. Yeah. And so the doctor's like, we don't usually have to do this. But then they fucking, they brought out the silver bullet and they're like, and then they shot her. And then the craziest thing happened. She turned. She turned into a woman. We're like, well, like what? It's just like, all of a sudden there's old, just like beautiful, naked woman. Okay. Just like in the vet's office. Yeah. Sitting there. We're like, Tootsie? Wow. And then she was like, thank you for all you have done for me. And then, and then, and then she turned in the dust. Well, you had this hot, naked woman in your house this whole time? This whole fucking time. Jesus Christ. Did Julie get instantly jealous and then relieved? Yeah. It was one of those. Honestly, it's like, thank you for releasing me. And then Julie. And then Julie's like, forget what those breasts look like. You forget. Well, honestly, thank you. It was a long, it was a long journey with Tootsie. We had her for almost five years, four years, three months. It was honestly. You took amazing care of her. You know, the dog, you know, she was barely a dog for the last year, but she was the sweetest, kindest baby. We took a wonderful nap yesterday. We like, I put it, we went skin to fur and we had a nice long nap. And she got to see the Grand Canyon. She got to see the Grand Canyon. Which she was always wanting. She was always wanting to. She got to finish the Martin Scorsese documentary. That's huge. Before Julie. We watched it together yesterday. And then at the end, she's like, how about you kill us at the Flower Moon? I'm like, Tootsie, I think that one's a little too long even for you. Yeah, I feel like that. Should have showed her silence. She knows silence. She was there. She was. During the filming. Yeah, during the story, the original story. She was there. She's like, take that priest and put him in the ocean. Put him in the ocean. Make him denounce his name. His face. Damn, Tootsie. You fucking fall real. Oh, yeah. But yeah, I love Tootsie. I love her so much. I cried way more than a big man should cry yesterday. And I will see you on the other side, old girl. And if there is a afterlife, you were already there. Yeah, that's the thing. I think she'd already been there. But we love you, Tootsie. I love you. Enjoy. Last piece of my mom. Yeah. Well, no, no, that's wrong. My aunt. Yeah. My mom's sister. Yeah, get her. But your aunt's not your mother. Your aunt shouldn't belong to your mother, you know? Wow. Well, in truly more important news, in an update to last week's question, I'm sorry about this, guys. Oh, wait. Before we move on, in honor of Tootsie's last wishes for you, I'm sorry about this, guys. For you to come to Phoenix this weekend so I can sell out this show. If you love Tootsie at all, you would come to the Desert Ridge Improv on Sunday and see me, Amber, and Julie perform live because, like, you know, and she's like, she's like, please tell them to fly in. Tell them to come in from all parts of the world and celebrate. This is going to be Tootsie's funeral. It's real. He's bringing her body. Yeah, we're going to shoot her out of a cannon at the end, which is what they like in Phoenix. That's the only thing that you like is a dead dog there. And she'll make me laugh at it. You pull out a dead dog, it's a clean. That's his closer. All right, take your picture off the screen. All right, for a second. Well, thankfully, it brings us to the most important topic of the day, which is last week I asked for, and very hastily didn't think about it. In honor of Grogu blowing himself throughout the entire movie. I asked for evidence that sucking your own dick is real. Yeah. And let's just say. Here comes another one. I got to say, I've not really regretted something as much in a while. Only just because. Like, I'm as open-minded San Francisco as you get, right? We have talented fans. I love everybody. I am the most fucking, like, truly, I'm down with women's lib. I am all about. Every kind of sucking and fucking, I think it's all great. But I, nothing has made me feel more like a Christian senator than reading these emails. Because some of these, I'm just like, wow. I just didn't understand how big of a genre sucking your own dick is. How big of it is all pervasive against all, through all gay porn. Yeah. About how it's not only common, but liked. It's a fetish and it happens all the time. And not only that, but I'd say solid 12% of our audience. Yeah. Our audience has done it, or can do it, or continues to do it. It's easier to do if you still have your foreskin. Apparently. It's like a straw. Because you suck on the top and you pull it in like it's like, like you're, you're, you're. Like it's a frosty. You're reeling in a fucking giant fish. Okay, so here we go. Let me just go through some of these emails. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Otto Flatio. Ahoy, 31-year-old highly flexible trans woman. Ahoy. Ahoy. I've been able to self-suck when I was younger and I can confirm it's possible. Number, next one. Writing to share my personal experience. When I was a teenager, I discovered I was the right combination of flexible and skinny enough and endowed enough to get about two inches into my own mouth. As Henry alluded to, it was much more like sucking dick than getting your dick sucked. I can only really describe it as trying to tickle yourself. There was no pleasure gained and the discomfort of both being stretched and folded onto yourself and having a penis in your mouth meant that there was no way I was ever going to get myself there. That said, I was a dumb teenager and I figured I would just need to give it a few tries so it wasn't a one-time thing. My usual method was laying on my back and then bringing my hips up to my face while keeping my shoulders and neck flat on the bed or floor. Another method was sitting on the edge of the tub or similar and craning my upper body down. I tried it probably five or six times before I fully gave up and in retrospect, I'm extremely thankful no one ever walked in on me. Someone sent it here. Several driver's licenses. These are all redacted. I've got probably like ten different redacted driver's licenses. What do you mean? People just sending in their driver's license but with all of the information blacked out just to prove that they're sending a driver's license. What does that have to do with sucking your own dick? Just to say, I'm a person that sucks its own dick. Here's my driver's license. I suck my own dick. Oh, wow. So they want to be like on a government registry. And they're on. I sent it right to Steve Miller, guys. So here's the next. This one's brutal. I dated a man who had osteogenesis imperfecta, typically referred to as brittle bone disease, by dumb bitches like me. This genetic disease affects your collagen production and causes your bones to break super easily. This man had steel rods in both legs and at 26 had lost count of how many fractures he'd suffered after 200, not including all the bones he'd broken during his own birth. I make hella suck-on-your-own-dick jokes. And he'd always look a little embarrassed when I did. Until about a month into dating when he finally said to me, I can do that, you know. I got weight. I'm too excited. And immediately asked him a million questions about it. Not do it? I even asked him if he broke two ribs just to be able to do it. But he somehow did not get that reference, you know. Too real, maybe. I also asked him, does it feel like getting your dick sucked or does it feel like sucking a dick? He quietly responded that it does indeed just feel like sucking a dick. Anyway, I asked if I could see it because I'm, of course, because I want to see it. And he said yes. But only if I didn't laugh. So I told him maybe it's not such a good idea after all. Thinking about the idea of it right now is making me laugh. There's a way I wouldn't be able to witness it in front of him. So it didn't happen. She's like, you know what? I'm dumping you. You know what? You're weak. My hot ex-coworker at a pizza place was rumored to have done a solo porn where he sucks his own dick. I didn't believe it until I actually saw the video and it scarred me for life. He was lying on his back on a table and pretzeled himself into a crazy position where he put his legs over his shoulders. I canceled our hangout and couldn't look. I couldn't look him in the eyes ever again. I think I only, I don't know if he came because I ran away like 12, like right before he did it. All right. So here's another one. This is, this one fucking also scares me. Rob just got a video on of a cow sucking its own udders. Hey, hey, that's fucking really fun. This one I really like. What is that? Hey, you know, it's making his own milk. I wish I could, honestly, if milk came out of it, I'd be much more willing to suck my own dick. If straight up milk came out of my penis. If it was milk, it's a lot easier. Like chocolate milk, I would suck my own dick. We're supposed to suck our own dick. We're supposed to drink milk. I'll drink milk, but I won't suck. I don't like penis. I won't eat semen. Yeah. So listening to this week's Side Stories episode, I was compelled to share some personal experiences. I will admit, as a young, curious teen, I attempted to deflate myself, but was unsuccessful. Not for a lack of trying, I digress. Recently, I was overseas for work. While over there, I met a woman for what I thought would be a standard night out for drinks with no strings attached. The night was going well, but I should drink. More. I began to learn more. Somehow, we had gotten onto the topic of sex. I wasn't complaining, as the aspect was part of the reason we were meeting up in the first place. However, I quickly became self-aware about how vanilla my sex life was when she began to detail some of her own experiences. She was a self-proclaimed muscle mommy and enjoyed dominating. Her M.O. was making dudes bust their nut into their own mouths. To do this, she'd get them all horned up and perform oral sex. When they were about to climax, she would hop off, flip their legs up towards their head, and proceed to jerk them off until they were left with no choice but to either spit or swallow their own poop. Her number up to that point had been four, and I sure as hell didn't plan on being the fifth. We went our separate ways. I'll never do it to you. This is something I've done. I'm cured. I never do things like that anymore. I'm cured. It's hard to do. You're just pretending. You got injured. It wasn't even, like, hurt. It was injured. Oh, yeah. No, I was injured. I was really hurt. I had to go to the doctor. I had to get a cortisone shot. But hey, man. Look at me. I'm great. All right? So there's one last one about a bunch of 16-year-olds convincing a guy on Omegle to send him a video of him sucking his own dick. And it's just a lot, man. What do you do when the 16-year-olds are the predators? That's the problem, is that they are manipulating you. Don't just let any 16-year-old tell you to suck your own dick on camera. But I will say I learned a lot because I, you know, someone had sent me the subreddit, too. And it's just, it's amazing. Men are incredible. That's what I'll say. Determined. Men are simply the most incredible of us all. And if you really don't. Anything to keep a woman out of your life. Oh, thank God. I'm so, thank you so much, Rob, for pulling up the book called Self-Suck Hotel by Ethan Haney. You don't need a hotel. Yeah, honestly. You can self-suck anywhere. I'm not paying to be self-sucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that say? When he gets a hotel room for himself for a night, a college student, Dylan Turner, plans to indulge in his favorite podcast. His pastime, sucking his own dick. You could do that at home. You don't need a whole book. Yeah, dude. That's not a book. Yeah, how long is that? It's just like. It better be a leaflet. An inch. You know what? Close to the dick. Not one one-star reviews. Two inch. Close to the dick. Everyone really liked this author. Three inch. Four stars. Close to the dick. This is only at Kindle, though. Yeah. So anyone. What's so you could jerk off at work? Two stars. Short suck hotel. Yeah, that person's mad at how short it was. This was a novel concept for me, anyway. Yeah, he said this didn't involve. He said the concept didn't involve. Yeah, yeah. That's the problem, is that. Well, if we start with self-sucking, where do we go after that? I actually felt that the man, the drifter from outside, was kind of a hat on a self-sucking dick. Four stars from Gilberto Del Rio. Oh, my girth. Wow. Very intense sex depicted in this lustful story. I was erect the entire time. So hot and sexy. Definitely recommend. Recommend to my friends. Hey, Gilberto, thanks for the recommendation. No more, please. Three people found it helpful, Henry. It's not for you. That was his two friends. That was him and his two friends. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, guys, we learned a lot today. And I just want to say, Eddie, thank you for sharing your vulnerability. Yeah, whatever. And I just love the fact that Eddie and I are too big to suck our own dicks. And I laugh at even just the idea of Eddie and I trying to suck our own dicks because even just in a playful, funny way, I tried to do it and hurt me to the point where I had to go to the doctor. I can't really touch my toes. Yeah, I'm just going to live the fact knowing I don't want to suck my own dick. I'm not even really that curious about it. But also, thankfully, if I had to do it, it would have to be done on purpose by a muscle mommy. And I do think at that point, a lot of other things have really kind of become questionable. Well, those people don't suck their own dick. They just got shot at. Anyone can eat their own cum. The lady forcing the penis into your mouth and then jerking you off in your own mouth is like, to me, going to just be hard coming back from. God, I miss you, Tootsie. Oh, baby girl, you were so good to me. She never did that once. Go to patreon.com slash podcast and see Ed's grief over on Netflix. If you go on Netflix, you'll see Ed's open grief. You'll see it. Enjoy his grief. Honestly, revel in it. It's good to do. Attack a clown when they're down. It's the best time to get a clown and go at LP on the left for all our social media needs. Go over to YouTube for itchx2. It is coming out. We're in the playoffs. The playoffs are out. Don, dude, we're fucking hitting the finals. Two episodes, the finals. It's huge. I'm fucking ready to go. You are going. It's you versus my wife. I'm going to beat the shit out of you. I'm going to beat the shit out of your wife. Also, shout out to Tootsie who died on television in HGX2 in the first season. Amen. We milked it all. We milked it all. We really did. But yeah, HGX2 is honestly, I don't know how else to promo this show. It's one of the funniest things I've ever done. Yes, it's one of the best edited things we've ever done. We have editors from Adult Swim sitting there working on this thing. Go and watch it for the whole second season. The whole first season is good. But the second season really fucking hums along. We're really good. You can burn through the whole. You can binge the whole thing in the night. Get ready for the finals. It's like everything. You have no idea what's coming. It's going to be so much fun, dude. Yes, you got to check it out over on YouTube. It'll be on TV. It's over there. Go check out someplace underneath LPN Romanticy, The Foreign Report, and No Dogs in Space is over there. And Brighter Side's got new videos as well. That's right, man. We got all kinds of shit. Brighter Side is full on. Go to The Brighter Side LPN on YouTube. Subscribe. Follow. It's a great way to watch Amber, Ashley, and Julie and I have some fun. And then go see me on the road. I'm touring. I got lots of live stand-up shows coming up. I'm going to be in Bethlehem, PA, Newark. I just dropped a date at City Winery with Kirsten Michelle Sills over in Manhattan. That's going to be a lot of fun. That's going to be on July 13th. And I'm going to be in D.C., Denver. We got all the Plano. I'm all over the place. Just go to eddytoons.com and check out when you can see me. Oh, and the Disney. The Disney show's coming back. Dead Men Tell Some Tales. That's going to be at Dynasty Typewriter on August 16th as a way to tell the D23 Fest to go fuck itself. Which I'm very excited about. So Dan's going to come back out to L.A. for that. And then Henry and I are going to be at the Comedy Store. Yeah, can't wait. On July 26th in the Belly Room. So get tickets for all that. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's all definitely going to sell out. And we're going to be super offensive. Yes. Well, you know, it's the Comedy Store. You give the people what they want. You've got to be super offensive. That's right. We're going to come for everybody. That's right, folks. I love y'all. And go suck yourself. Go suck yourself. And hail Tootsie. Hail Satan. Peace.