Side Stories: Muyuns & Monsters

there's no place to escape to this is the last on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes you like this yeah this doesn't make sense to me that you like this like his his entryway to it was the malaysian boys oh well that's what you like about it but i like that but now i like the song is it an old song or a new song it's brand new song yeah they did this version this is the better version now i understand these poor bastards by the way he's just stepping around the room they're gonna save up all their money to go to on his face there's nothing i can do you can take a crystal ball to see that's the closest i get man yeah i'm full country man i don't know i like that song i like that song sung by the the malaysian triple boys those the muyun brothers i believe that's how it's pronounced those are the muyun brothers they're all the way from uh central ohio malaysia they should be called the blooming union well this is just they're only wearing the flower outfits for this one song i've played this on the stream several times it's the one video i sent to our mutual friend billy wayne davis over and over again oh okay um and now what's happened is i like you played this on the stream yes you weren't there for i wasn't there he was the one he wasn't there for oh i was just like man i was like i was like i really do check out sometimes i was like wow i was impressed by myself no no no you you're forced i make you at least acknowledge some of my little asian men but then i found myself liking the original song non-ironically it went from the little malaysian because the malaysian boys the triplets are probably 30 yeah but they look like they're little toddlers which is again my favorite type of person yeah i like them better than any other type of person i like you to appear as a toddler and be able to smoke that is if you can appear as a toddler be able to smoke have a conversation with me and we can go drink together you're my favorite person in the world having a little malaysian boy man pop right up on my shoulder yeah like a parrot you would love that nothing would make me happier that i have his little hooked feet you can't buy one you cannot buy one henry i will i do understand the muyun brothers need to be purchased as a group and that is fine i will provide the muyun brothers i have one room that they can stay in which i'm certain will be far more luxurious than what they're used to and i think that i can really show them the town i think it'd be me the muyun brothers fucking too chuky we could go out there and just take over the los angeles okay at the blue note you like it it makes you very happy well i need to go the blue note we could book the blue note me and the muyun brothers at the hold on a second you're gonna do the blue note without me unfortunately yes unfortunately it's the muyun brothers burn this building this is about bringing the muyun brothers i'm gonna have to teach them the ella fitzgerald song book yeah you gotta take you don't take them there you take them to tin horn flats no well they don't have flats does need the muyun jump exactly so we'll see you guys over next week so once i get the paperwork done for them they gotta get their shots and we do have to package them i believe they do have to go underneath the plane oh and the ella langley choose in texas video does star luke grimes from yellowstone i was correct that's really interesting because it also has another uh actual like uh what's it a boy writer cowboy writer a bull rider a bull rider yeah there's a guy in there is a real bull rider then he talks about how he's like you could deal man pretend to be from the country because they don't fold their hat right and it's like bro just leave me the fuck alone i'm from los angeles yeah wade bowen maybe i don't know who fucking cares that's a real bull rider oh yeah they are he looks like it he is he's a real bull rider and he probably honestly he probably gave that little country lady the ride of her life i don't know i feel like he's got his mouth wrapped around taylor sheridan oh yeah he does gotta keep him warm in the cold side stories my name is henry zabrowski i am sitting here with the illustrious immune to country music ed larson i love country music you don't like the song i don't care about the song i need to i need to learn about it more before i just i can't like something on my first listen she's choosing i need to understand something a little more i so far i don't really like it but things grow on me you know i'm a sturgill man i know but i like real country i like you know this i like real country no but this is like pop country yeah i like i very rarely casey musgraves no that's as far as i'll go as maybe i'll listen to some of it this part of me doing this yeah it's because i think this is great by the way yes i need i need some happier music my therapist i was talking with my therapist about my not recent but it seems to be overbuilding what we i've seen to be calling like rage episodes yeah that i've been experiencing on and off since i was born so he puts the pissed and therapist yep and what he told me this week was that anytime i think of something bad right or for some bad or like let's say i'm deep in a violent fantasy about what i want to do to various people that i consider to be villains around me in a circle right yeah and then every time i want to do something like that when i was the new gym enemy we all know the audience knows the audience knows yeah and um when i fantasize out loud about what i want to happen right and the way i think that encounters will go my therapist said pause when you go into this because righteous anger feels good yeah righteous anger feels good but also afterwards i feel tired eddie of course because i'll fill with righteous anger you can't get mad all the time yeah i mean you know you can't can't i physically can't so you'll die he says to turn to nice things so every single time i experience pure rage i'm supposed to then put on something that i'm not supposed to put on i'm supposed to put on something that i'm not that's really nice it's my new pan flutes so your therapist when you complained and said you're going through fits of rage and thinking about murdering someone not murder you said you wished your hands were knives earlier yeah i said that it was kind of an extended fun idea about how nice it would be if my hands were indeed blades and i could experience the cutting of the flesh on my own and to be the night therapist and he said think of something nice he said pet the dogs pet the dogs he said when you're in that headspace you should pet the dogs i feel like you have to fire this man no he's really good look at how much i'm healed already speaking of that's what the dogs are healed no no they're actually quite not trained no they do whatever the living fuck they want to do yeah i got a new puppy at the house if anyone needs a fucking puppy yeah he's trying to get rid of this dog i gotta get rid of this puppy so if anyone needs a puppy he's real cute his name's murphy and he was supposed to go to another foster house on wednesday and they're like nah you got it yeah sure so there you go joy he's living in my house and we're not we're not a puppy house oh he's he really just we're not a puppy house he's just squatting there he's very cute he's very i don't know what he is he looks like a yellow lab corgi mix if i had to guess but i still don't know what he is um but uh he's very cute and i'd say for a he's very sleepy and so i think that's very good but um let's move him on out at gmail.com take that back hamline.editoons at gmail.com and also i have three malaysian men that that honestly lied about their age they really need to get out of my house actually now that i have brought them over um i just found they are a little bit more mature than i want them to be they're leaving cigar everywhere and they burnt they burnt natalie with the end of one of their stogies and i said they'll get asked to stop they came in they killed the fish they ate its guts they made a bunch of blood soup and now i can't get them out of my house they're not toddlers they're not toddlers they are full grown men and i hope you love the song choosing texas you know because it's the only one they know in english i was thinking of like you know new plays on words when i was doing nothing and just thinking of the looking at the wall and if there was a diddley named todd would he be a toddler yes thank you i feel like we can start the show now thank you yeah now let's start welcome to side stories my name is henry zebrowski we've been warming up, getting ready to talk on this show. I am selling three Malaysian boys, men, for money, and I will split 10% of it with them to hopefully fund them. They need a home, and they have to move as a group. And they need new shoes. Yes. They need new shoes. Yeah, because they were tap dancing too hard. Yeah, they're very good. They have a million followers on TikTok. They're crushing it. No, I love the Muyun brothers. No, the Muyun brothers are unstoppable. You know who doesn't have a million followers on TikTok? You guys gotta get in there. You gotta go to lpotl.kizwe.com to watch the stream. We have a couple more days left. We need to see your stream. Peepy. Ethan Peepy Show. JK Ultra live at Oklahoma City Tower Theater is available at lpotl.kizwe.com. Go watch the stream. It's available until Saturday. There you go. And also, check out our brand new single from our Halloween sound effects album, which we'll be announcing in a second, pressing up soon. But you can go listen to Gods in Leather by the Enigmatic Band, Masks for Trash Anywhere songs are available. Yes. For streaming. And our wonderful, the wonderful, uh. Ash Gordon. Ash Gordon wrote the song. Sang the song with us. Sang the song. And they just had a child. Let's get some listens to get them some money for the child. It's the only way they're gonna make money. And you know how much money they make off of Spotify. Yes. So please, let's get her these 30 cents. And go and check out Fred Janz's Revolting Repository of Ghastly Sounds Volume 1 and 2, which will be coming back out. Yes. Very soon. Yes. Yes. Also, yeah, come see us at Midsommar Scream. There might be an announcement there. Oh! So, we got some stories. We got some stories. I love stories. I first want to start with your story. This story about the dollar store. Oh, yes. I think that we should start with this. You call it my story. This is your story. Your favorite story of the week. I, you know, well, it's not my favorite. It's the most insane story that there is this week. Um, yeah, the dollar stores. Don't go to dollar stores. There are, they're independently evil without this, but apparently um, gooners are going in there and coming on the employees and they're coming on the patrons and sometimes the gooners are employees that are coming on the patrons. And that's the problem, is that not all dollar store employees are gooners, but all gooners are dollar store employees. So that's, it's hard, it's hard to parse it sometimes. I do understand. Yes, they call themselves the dollar goonerals. There is like a weird, like, TikTok trend of coming on people at dollar stores. So for, the first thing is, we covered the first ever gooneral this year, I believe, in which a fellow member of the goon community died and a group of gooners and goonists got together, goonettes, and they gooned publicly for this, this fallen comrade of theirs. And that was like the first time the public really heard the term gooning, which we know is long for masturbating. But I still, like, don't totally, understand gooning. It is all day masturbating. Sometimes it's common when you need it to be. I feel like it's just a term that changes all the time. It is. I don't think there's rules to it. You're right. There is a term that's, because what they're doing is, it is a, they have a term, because this is very specific. Gooning, really, honestly, Eddie, gooning is just masturbating all day. It's either to cum or to not fully cum. Some guys cum multiple times. It's just spending your entire existence thinking about masturbating and pornography. That is your whole, and they're, instead of them, the goal is instead of being losers, right, that's a identity. That's a thing that they're taking on. But the thing is, if you're doing this at home, going for you. I mean, that's what we say. Yeah, in your house. But that's the problem. I also will say, maybe you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't, but also. Just jerk off the once. Keep them out of society. Keep them at home. Well, it's hard. That's kind of how I feel about it. So what these guys, started doing, this is a thing. It's a trend amongst them. It's mostly a dollar. This is a Dollar Trees, it seems to be. It's all three. It's a Dollar Trees, Dollar Generals, and over at Family Dollar as well. That's great. I love jerking off at the Family Dollar. Yeah, well, Family Dollar is also owned by Dollar Trees, the same people. Nothing would make me happier than coming on a grandmother, a mother, and the grandchild all at once. I love a Family Dollar, but this, these guys go and they, it's, they do it. It's called tagging, sharking, come sharking. That's what they call it, is when they come on people just outside. Yeah. Online forums, they have this, I love this idea of that they are in praise for being low in HIB. Yes. Which means that they're low. They want to be worthless. Yeah, so they also have low inhibition, so they are, they have lack of shame and so they are praised amongst each other for showing lack of shame. This is a, this is a thing that the young men are struggling with. So it's weird because like this existed, you know, losers always exist. Masturbation has been around a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as there's been cocks and pussies. Yeah. There's been people jerking them off and stuck and sticking stuff in them. Yeah, but I think just the readily available pornography is kind of like up this to the next level. You see, I feel on one hand, like yes. I also feel on the other hand it's, to me it's more of the social thing because there were, there has been this much internet pornography since day one. Yeah. Pornography and UFOs are the two driving forces of the internet as we know it today. Those are the real, like the. I guess I agree with that. The used net groups that created that all original conspiracy theory thought came out of and all of the technology that's on the cutting edge was all used by pornography. Pornography was the ones that made Blu-ray win. They first. They were the one they are the first ones to, honestly pornography is super charging the metaglasses industry. It is super charging that industry. They love it too. Well, it's because we it is technology that allows them to shoot really intense POV scenarios, which is really great for gooners. But I don't think that it's necessarily just the amount of pornography that's leading to gooners. It's the attention that public gooning gets them and how much of losers people have become. So I think the problem with the internet is more of we're letting them talk to each other and find each other. We always used to be a thing and guys used to masturbate collectively. We also know guys that do that traffic in CSAM, what they'll do a lot of times, which one thing I did not I actually found interesting is they ship them in UNICEF envelopes. What? Yes, they go and they take UNICEF envelopes and volunteer like you give to like that's where they hide CSAM when they mail it. Really? Yes. And so it is very it's I don't think that it's the proliferation. I just think that it's the idea that it become an identity. It's this idea that every single thing now has to be your literal brand. Yeah, but also I think the main reason that they're doing it at the Dollar General at the family tree at the Dollar Tree at the family dollar is because those companies are not holding anyone accountable. Exactly. Well, that's a part of that is that is the problem because like if you do this at a Publix, you'll get fucking beat to death. Yes, you know, but if you do this at the at the Dollar General, you report it and no one even it doesn't go unnoticed though. Like they literally there's women reporting this happening to them and then they'll go tell someone and then they'll hear be like, ah, we got another one and that's literally how they deal with this thing. Yeah, they don't care because they do think of it as a local issue and they don't understand that they are filming it and putting on the internet and it's monetizing. Yeah, I think they're also all egging each other on to do it. They're all like building groups and they're talking about doing it. They know which ones to hit. They know what they know the literal schedules of managers. They know where to go. They are they've been they orchestrate it. It's a part of the gooning. The thing with the business model of the Dollar General is that they eliminate employees more and more and so that you will have a situation. There'll be a Dollar General in a not so great neighborhood and there'll be one employee lock it up at night. It's extremely dangerous that employee already and now they're being targeted by come artists. Well, that's why we should probably get rid of all of the human staff. We got to get rid of the human staff these places and staff them with robots with artillery weapons. Yes, but this is the problem is that no one wants to deal with it. Nobody wants to deal with it. No one knows properly how to deal with it besides literally beating the living shit out of each one of them, which we should probably start doing. Well, so I go to a Starbucks the other day. There's a cop in the corner watching security. How come there's no fucking security at the Dollar General where things are arguably much more dangerous. I saw that cost a lot of money Eddie. Yeah. Yeah, they refuse to keep people's safe at these places. Well, they don't want to pay because it's a Dollar Tree and they have decided that also poor people deserve this type of atmosphere. Yeah, that's the idea is that the they know that poor people will have a hard time wanting to get involved and call the police and do all of these things because God forbid they get pulled in or a whole thing. So it's like yeah, it all works. They have decided this is a symptom of a systemic issue. Yeah, this is not about porn. No, it's not. No, this is a bigger issue. This is a whole in society that has been unchecked for fucking many years Dollar Tree Dollar stores have been ruining our fucking country for a very long time. They create food deserts. They move multiple in next to goddamn grocery stores in the middle of rural areas. They put the grocery stores out of business and then people got to drive 50 miles for fucking lettuce that now has E. coli in it. Well, listen hey, the poo poo lettuce gives me time to spend. I love being alone and it's also really nice. I need to lose about 10 pounds. And it's easy that way. Yeah. um this but they're saying they're taking steps no they're not they're taking steps they're doing something now that it's become national news finally this should have been national news a fucking year and a half ago when it started but people have been too scared to report it they've been underpaid you know i'm making fucking what ten dollars an hour what's the minimum wage right now and then you're just like you're supposed to stop someone from jerking off on a grandma that's kind of what they're saying here too which i think is it's like it's fucked they're all like as you could see he was pleasuring himself for a while outside of the register and then he went and he was jerking himself off over by the security officers and you're watching video of staff making minimum wage or less like a 15 year old girl literally just trying not to look at the masturbating man that's what they're trying to do they're not going to be police officers i remember when i worked for fucking borders the way they talked about us trying to like they're like don't you even hesitate to tackle somebody running out of here with a book and it's like fuck you it's a book fuck you you got gotten that through attack shit the book should be the one thing you're allowed to steal no no no no no no that's what eve did that's what eve did that's how we got to this fucking place to begin with like adam it's all eve's fault yeah this is what all this was this is from the very beginning this is the kind of shit that happens on subways like every day yeah and like they just people just don't talk about it but subways got cops yeah true but like and they got like street justice how many times that we dealt with cops fucking how many people jerked off at us yeah yeah you know i just don't know but you see that and that was before gooning yeah they just did it for the love of the game those were yeah those guys didn't know they were going it was before it was monetized they were like hold on there's a name for what i do what do you mean i do hold on there's a community you mean to tell me there's somewhere for me to go i need to get out of the sewers and join society they're choosing gooning i can tell by the way they pulled their penis out the room they're choosing gooning no yeah because it's amazing yeah so in that way it does it does give a home for them yeah so if like uh if someone goes home on their lunch break and jerks off for the entire hour and doesn't come is that going to have a gooner that's what i would say yeah i have a three more toony gooner yeah get you drunk to finish i'm fucking terrified of this shit of course you're terrified of this shit because when it comes down to it if some guy whips his dick out i'm gonna fucking i'm gonna freak out on him i'm gonna throw shit at him but then i'm gonna think about my dogs yeah and before he's gonna he's gonna pull out his penis at me i'm gonna think to do fucking attack his penis but the first thing i'm gonna think of moo you and brothers wouldn't want that no you're right the moon you and bro the goon you and brothers you don't even realize until you're outside sometimes and you like look and she saw it into outside because she was just like i couldn't become and then she realized it indeed was yeah and that's why you know none of this is none of this no one deserves any of this no none of the staff deserves it none of the people at the registers to none of the people the fucking store deserve it and it they need to find the ceo of fucking dollar general and tie him to a curb and jerk off his knees and fucking jerk off all over him nothing would make me happier i honestly if there was a place i could pay money for me i would have done it i would have done it if i had the money to jerk off on the legs of a ceo of a dollar store oh my god that would do so much for me this guy they got a picture of him look yeah they got the back of him they didn't get the real picture of him yeah no he fucking he's been happening fucking crazy they're like also i hope it's him right i pray to god it's that guy and not some random man that happened to be there right an itch on his belt because that's the other problem too is that you have to catch that's the manuscript man it could be anybody it could be anybody you have to fucking catch them as they are coming which is hard because you're in shock if we can't get pictures of ufos how are we supposed to get pictures of gooners exactly well at least they you know they they don't have reflective things on them you know we i think it's easier to get a picture of a gooner i think all right body cams for everybody yeah done done thank you thank you i i was trying to get him there at least dollar store employees should have body cams oh god that's the most fucking just I can't tell you can tell i i have anybody that is wearing glasses that look like they're from this is this is the advice they are glasses that look like they are from an lmfao uh concert i feel like anyone in glasses who chooses to walk up to me and start talking to me is wearing metaglasses then you tell them i mean like you might as well they look like this they look like fake party store glasses so when you walk up to me and start talking to me i'm like oh my god they look like fake party store glasses so when you walk up to me and start talking to me i'm like oh my god yeah because it's made out of plastic it's a piece of shit and guess what they have a camera in it how is it cheaper than a normal ray-ban because they make it on cheaper material eddie i don't need more companies to hate i i am i am up to fucking here with companies i gotta hate i'll give you a list of honestly eddie i could give you a list that's what i did i looked up there are certain things that i got into the realm of because i'm a man with no children where i looked up independent sunglass stores that have nothing to do with me and start talking to me i'm like oh my god these big giant companies i looked up uh independent clothing stores that have nothing to do with the giant clothing mills if it's four hundred dollars i might as well give it to some jerk off exactly man but that's the thing you give it to somebody who actually hand makes it a lot of those places have a lifetime currency jerk off random sunglass person yeah it's not your fault yeah but you know what i mean he knows he's just he's just striking out nothing to you he's just lashing that's where you got to think i'm sorry i'm actually this is the i'm sorry you're starting to you're starting to get me on it all right here we go let's let's go with this so this is an interesting another interesting story i just want to bring to the forefront okay and we'll get into this which is a case that is currently going on in hanover pennsylvania right now all right a local witch by no other better term beck ravenswood that works at a magical store and called serpents key in hanover is currently suing the state of pennsylvania to get rid of their anti fortune telling laws yeah so this is it's very it's fascinating so where what are the laws from so this is literally from the 1800s yeah so this law is based upon the idea of anybody ain't gonna fucking help federman his brains are fucking scrambled eggs and he's about to vote for benjamin netanyahu to be president he has no idea what's going on he is the person personification of a squawk he's a shrek i don't know why we why can't we i'm just gonna put the side stories lp otl gmail.com why the fuck don't we have a democrat run as a fake maga run as a fake maga and then flip on the inside is that so hard yeah is that so fucking hard but yes the this lady so essentially beck ravenswood was the exact wrong glitch to do this too so there are several magic stores in this area like around the world like and i should know for a fact there's magic stores throughout petzberg it's a magic store in pennsylvania it's a magic store in pennsylvania it's a magic store in philly i've been to them yeah and this place is interesting because it seems she was targeted by somebody local so two police officers arrived to speak with beck ravenswood about how her establishment where she was doing tarot cards needs to be shut down for this illegal idea of paying someone which is an old concept that they had about paying someone it's illegal to pay someone to tell you the future yeah so in in pennsylvania no so they're not going to be that's the thing is that in real tarot you're not getting a prognostication you're not getting like no one's telling you the future they're not going to fucking predict your future if they are they're stealing from you they're lying to you so a part of tarot is supposed to help you with problems thought processes like thinking about this but it's really not she looks cool design yeah she's awesome she's not it's not designed to tell the future there's ways to quote unquote do it like through the goal like you know if you can't tell the future you can't tell the future you can't tell go through the entire golden path they think you could do but also that's great it's required that's a different type of tarot reading you have to read for like a year and then it's like it's like a whole process but again you're not paying money and so a lot of people at the time it's like the idea of anybody any kind of shyster doing any form of fake fortune telling yeah tarot cards are not that so out of nowhere these two police officers arrive at the serpent's key and talk with beck ravenswood saying we've heard that you run an illegal fortune telling business here and we're here as friends to tell you got to shut down and she's like well i'm going to record our conversation she's like no absolutely not no we're private citizens here and it's illegal for you to for you to record us which is not it's not illegal yeah they're cops they're cops and they should have their body cams on and they didn't have their body cams on when they were talking to her because they thought they could intimidate her so it seems which is interesting mob shit oh yes and there are many other stores in their neighborhood that didn't get the same attention so they just wanted to shut down or are they trying to get money out of her oh they're trying to shut her down they're trying to shut her down and i think it's larger because they don't like her they don't like her personality and they think that she is annoying and they have decided that that's enough and this is the problem right we can't just get rid of all annoying people we've done it already i wish we could yeah there's nothing i'd love better i would love an anti-annoying person i wish we could do it but the problem is that everybody finds somebody else annoying for different reasons it's a matter of opinion it really is i find many people annoying that people love i so many so many and i this person is now fighting the good fight because they're taking it all the way up to the supreme court of pennsylvania to talk about whether or not we are going to get rid of this law because it's antiquated because beck is even coming forward and saying an actual like there is a a middle way it was like we could do a thing where tarot card readers get a license yeah well you pay a vig every year and you get your little medallion i think i can do it fine whatever you want but then they better make all those other fucking bitches do it too oh all the other tarot card readers yes which are it seems that they i honestly think a lot of it has to do with interpersonal issues in which someone knows a police officer i think there's plenty of reasons to come after like shady like fortune tellers yes but this isn't what's happening in this situation if you're going to have a christian bookstore yeah you can have a tarot bookstore exactly if you if you take one down then the other one goes too because guess what's also a fucking lie and you pay money to the church exactly right so you pay them money for nothing so at least this you get something out of it yeah and if you put that bookstore in a church do they pay taxes probably of course not the church i grew up and had a bookstore yeah and guess what they get all that money i bet they get all that fucking money all that money if i'm wrong about that please write in side stories lbotl at gmail.com i don't think i don't think i'm wrong about that no i don't think so i think any profits are completely fine they're not taxable i have no idea how it works yeah uh but these guys are like it's just in it's it's very interesting to see this is why whenever we talk about satanic panic shit on the show we're still like it's still happening very much so this whole thing is what we're what the right has done is this idea of let's weaponize the government against everybody we don't like and guess what that's that is yeah that's fascism that's gonna head towards genocide because then it just turns into this idea of this like oh because you've decided you don't like that person that means it's wrong for it's immoral that person's immoral yeah and also it's like every time they just always refer to the fucking bible yeah and the bible's a bible's fake it's a random book it's a it's a it's paper with words on it it's an important that's all it is it's an important historical document that has nothing to do with my day-to-day actions is nothing to do with the goddamn law yeah that's for sure and every single time just because it's in there doesn't mean i have to fucking believe it and this week's episode we covered protharianism and it's the same thing the reason why protharianism got as far as it dead is because of our natural inclination in the united states of america to be polite yeah about other people's religious beliefs and to be polite about other people's religious beliefs and to be polite about other people's religious beliefs and to be polite about other people's religious beliefs and not immediately say that's fucking stupid you need to shut the fuck up because we want to be open to people's belief systems but the problem is is that then it leads to stuff like protharianism in which enough people said it was real that it caused enough fucking traction to get it to kill five people yeah so it's no ideas wrong i don't believe in that the concept of wrong ideas but it's how we proliferate them and how we talk about them and how we we need it like it's that idea of like i'm just not taking you seriously just because you think you're fueled by christ yeah i can't stand churches i would wish that they were all gone every church should be a public house for human beings to just freely enter that's what it should be i understand but here's the other side of it i think you have the right to exist yes and so because you have the right to exist and just because i don't like you doesn't mean that i don't think you have the right to exist that's called nuance i just think you suck yeah i just hate you yeah and i won't go anywhere near you but guess what this is the united states of goddamn america and you're allowed to do your dumb shit over there yeah so don't you fucking come and tell me i can't do my dumb shit over here fuck you yeah keep it to your goddamn self yes and then we got these motherfuckers these these uh crazy ass religious zealots trying to fucking come for the minion movie they're saying the minions used evil like they used evil shit inside of their their like rituals or whatever so apparently spoiler alert for the new minion movie but apparently in the new minion movie they're it's an old hollywood movie it's a prequel and they're trying to make they're trying to come because the minions were huge in during the silent era which is a hilarious concept to me and then once it moves into the talkies they like kicked out of the business of hollywood can i honestly ask a question what does that mean what do you mean like what is you what are you even describing i'm describing the plot of the new minions the monsters movie but what how did how what so in the in the original where did minions come from they came from the movie despicable me right yes where they were his assistants i think they're slaves now they're slaves they came from a little island i think no okay they were stolen of course they did yeah but this is my question all right so minions were the slaves of the guy from despicable me who were supposed to like even though he had slaves right he had steve they were steve carell slaves they then were then independently actors back in the day apparently i haven't seen the movie that doesn't make any sense i thought that they were just slaves at this point it's just making random garbage for people to enjoy are the minions not actively serving the nazis as well they could have do they not part of the pogroms they i think there was no way did minions help stalin not slaves apparently they're volunteers oh that's fucked up how much is he fucking paying ask jango why are they all dressed the same oh he volunteered to be like that oh yeah don't yeah they can't talk in english don't listen to what they're saying does he lock the door to their fucking tavern at night banana that banana means free him so they they they actually did put some sort of a story element in it so that the minions were not around during the reign of adolf hitler that is so now they're around during the time that makes me angry yeah just don't you can't pick it up you can't pick and choose they are evil or that's them saying that they would have been nazis they were stuck in an ice cave between the years of 1812 and 1968 oh my god that is the that is fucking what that is that's because they knew they knew they would be nazis you can't just take them out available for the job doesn't mean they're not nazis guess where else they then be in afghanistan with osama bin laden yes guess where else they'd be they're definitely in isis there are so many reasons seven six four well if they were if they were they would have changed it to nice banana no it would have been like see there's plenty of reasons to hate the minions without being scared of them summoning summoning a cthulhu baby i hate the g2 go go back i hate the nonsense talk it says they psychologically need to help evil people they will suffer a form of depression if they don't that's a great concept that's really funny it's like the candelabra from beauty and the beast except for fucking um he's a rapist pole pot yeah lumiere lumiere is fucking raping those dusters those are good there is how he never set one of them on fire either is beyond me there is an expose on netflix on its way dude all right so lumiere sets a fucking duster on fire when he's fucking raping it all right and then the goddamn beast who is a captor keep it going all right keep it going they falls in love with his with his uh i guess prisoner bell and then everyone gets turned back into human that duster is covered in fucking burn scars that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying he's two-stepping around the world he's two-stepping around the world he's two-stepping around the world yeah i agree with you you know i agree with you yeah well you know kill them all so don't listen to anyone who tells you not to see them don't go see the minion movie because it sucks just get just don't see the minion movie i just feel like there's something else you could give kids these days except going god imagine not anything else imagine reading the script yeah you know how many actors are just fucking that's i mean it's a huge gig though i would nothing please hire me yeah please hire me to go i'll do whatever you want you'd be a great minion the cast the cast is stacked trey parker is the head he plays goonie goonie goonie okay trey parker did that specifically george lucas is in it yeah he plays himself everybody every director needs to be in a movie now yeah they do man fucking good boy he did it like for his grandkids i think trey parker also did it because his kids begged him because he said no one ever asked him to do anything and they finally they were like they were like should i do the minion movie and his kids were like minions minions and he's just like i made some of the most important cartoon characters of all time minions minions he's gonna make so much money yeah he is he's fine let's just say he's fine he loves the strippers there's baby cthulhu get out of here i'm already angry you know what i agree with the christians i agree with the christians i hate that fucking i hate it you're right you know what it is an abomination i hate him they're ripping off lovecraft that is like i mean you would talk about i mean he's racist that's fun though but yeah he was he was interesting all right here we go we got this next story this comes off of what we were talking about about this fucking the concept of wearing a diaper to go to the front of a yes a concert like the front of a place like i had i was shocked at how many people were fine with it a lot we got a lot of people wrote in said they did it they like that they do that that's customary yeah it's like so common i it's just like everyone's like yeah people wear diapers all the time to the front i totally knew this and you didn't which cracks me up because i feel like this is something that you would be uh in the level with no yeah no that's disgusting bonapu man that's disgusting to me you i'm also one of those because i think i have a little bit of social anxiety so i'm not i don't like being up close i like being in the back yeah i don't like being up front i don't feel trapped in the front that scares me no henry only goes to like the celebrity ring on the side of the stage i go to the i do i try to go to nor i just think that's fine i go there but i also try to go below i like go to the back yeah i'll give you in the back i just i get scared in there i don't like being i'm not trying to be in there we're old man i want to be in the loop it's not for me man i don't i don't like getting hit i'm mosh pitted i don't like being up in the mix i did my time i'm out yeah i'm done i'm out but this is disgusting this came from a band called this someone went to go see devil's kin in uh the sister city to my hometown deneden new zealand which i find interesting deneden deneden deneden is technically the neighborhood right next to where i'm technically where my family is in florida and that i was wondering why i knew the fucking name yes deneden is the scottish sister city yeah that's where i said they drink hard in deneden it's florida they uh they don't like their families i went for breakfast in deneden at the most popular breakfast spot and then the only way i could get in is if i sat at the bar which is just like a table at the end of the fucking building yep and uh they i always thought that pouring those drinks it was all vodka let's just say it was it was early let's say florida's real loose with the drinking all day and driving concepts everyone was driving out of that place everyone was drinking hard well yeah i've never seen i've worked in the bar industry for almost 20 years i ain't never seen drinking like that you know why it's because you don't have the guts to take it upon yourself to get your family home safe because those those morning drinks don't count it's dead juice okay orange juice is in it there's juice in it you're right you're right they're being healthy they're getting their vitamin c you're all fortified you're ready to go that's not alcohol in that way you're right alcohol is different for them that's what allows them to drive yeah that's wake up juice yes yeah it was because of the shakes from the night before yeah so this person discovered someone who went to this concert in devil's cave uh damian radburn he told stuff they all realized they smelled this smell it was it was a it was a poo like smell um and they said that they were all in the front and all of a sudden he noticed that a man in front of him did the patented i'm gonna try to shake it out shake it out shake it out shuck an act of poo out of his pant leg right but how did it get everywhere it had to have been loose so it was real loose and then he says what he did was he watched the poop go so the man said he was watching the whole thing happen and he watched the guy shit out of his pant leg and then he watched him try to kick the poopoo away yeah smeared it everywhere and then there's beer on the ground yep and mixes in it was wet it was a wet lump it's a concert yep because you know he had got nachos you're upset and so parking and you can't go to the bathroom it ain't gonna be a pretty one no no nope i don't know that for certain and so he uh they then people everybody was stepping in it and then it turned into a gigantic shit like then the shit spread all over the floor right yeah because everyone was dancing to singing it to the point where the lead singer of devil's can had to stop and say what the fuck is going on here why is everybody fucking why is what's the security came on stage and told them to stop yes because it was uh disgusting because guess what then people started doing vomiting yes on top of the shit on top of the shit yes and they're already smelly because they're from new zealand well new zealand people aren't that smelly i'm just saying at a concert at a concert for sure yeah at a concert they're smelly in there i feel like they're kind of yeah they're kind of clean over there in new zealand it was a metal concert it was a metal concert they're always smelly in there it doesn't matter one of the women who saw the shit uh called it huge massive i hadn't seen one that big before i'm proud of the guy they but i do find interesting about like new zealand and australia and stuff like that they don't like naming the person that did everything yeah they won't shame you well they're not guilty yet yeah i mean they know who the guy who did it i know who did it but you know you got to go through the whole process of what court for what for fucking defecating in public i don't know he said he was at a mountain he said they they they near there's gonna be no charges because they said they're there it was a medical emergency oh okay well the guy shit himself the guy should never have gone to a concert because i'm just gonna i just dealt with this with jackie because she had the dookie the dookie flu uh-huh and she's still going out and doing stuff i was like no you can't keep it at home last thing you want is an accident if you have diarrhea stay the fuck home well sometimes light diarrhea is fine just kind of like a little squirt stay home i think a little a little some diarrhea is fine can i give a 42 year old man's level advice and just tell you just stay home i'll give you a 45 year old's advice and uh sometimes it happens yeah you know i honestly very rarely have diarrhea these days now yeah it's pretty great that's because we're not drinking that much yeah that's really all of it it's the whiskey it's it's the whiskey that really just chops it all up for you like we're such fucking pussies i know that's what happened but yeah no so they stopped the concert they uh cleaned it up and then started again oh well you know again show's got to go on yeah which i found to be very nice yeah i agree with that yeah and then you know to stay i know we're not getting the listener mail just yet but there is one listener mail that's very similar to this so someone um i i saw this one i had to flag it um they're they say uh they're pro concert diaper this is one of our fans they listened to us and they told us that they're pro god they said they were uh attended the recent pittsburgh show and they had a good time they said they didn't wear a concert diaper to our show which is thank you because it is a good thing that they're wearing a concert diaper to our show and they're wearing a it is kind of long yeah it's a theater yeah you know i mean like when we perform in the theater don't actively go to the bathroom in your pants so they say in classrooms in college i waited six hours in line to see paramore and i was on a mission to be in the front i wore an adult diaper for the line and the duration of the concert shockingly i did have a girlfriend with me who was fully aware of the diaper i didn't shit but pissed a lot and by the end of the show there was some leakage that is we danced made friends with another couple who had no idea they were partying with a bag of piss i'm not a gross human anymore you're not but it was the best concert ever i i stand by the concert diaper it definitely wasn't the best concert ever it's paramore it's paramore paramore okay paramore we're just coming out here i'm just saying right now i'm just we're doing this cover yourself in piss you don't do it for paramore if you're gonna cover yourself in piss it better be for somebody who ozzy's dead so i don't know who you do it for i'm trying to think who i would cover myself in piss to see before they died i think that the only person i would maybe ah no zeppelin reunite absolutely not i don't care about them anymore no they sound like shit now yeah i've seen the who they're fine yeah i've kind of seen whoever everyone i wanted to see who died see who i mean it's about hayley williams i know you're well you like you rob like singers yeah rob like great i people keep saying her voice is wonderful but like so are opera singers i don't listen to that you know like she's not for us eddie let's just get off of this because people are gonna get angry people angry sometimes i know i do too but this is one of those they're just gonna get angry and we are the type of people that this is just definitely not for us it's not for us it's definitely not you don't want us there if i was there i should be asked to leave yes i'm a bummer ruin your time if i was there i'm not supposed to be there i've tried paramore and boy it you don't want me there you need para less oh i need a whole bunch less ga for me yeah she is not for me it is yeah no it's yeah it's yeah that's fine but same time let's go to the bathroom you know what i'm glad he fucking pissed his pants at that show honestly if there was a place to ruin it a time for everybody else now that i'm now i'm thinking about this i'm going all i'm going full circle i'd say it's good you go to like one of the like stagecoach festival dude that's a great place to go literally going straight i'm gonna buy tickets for morgan wallen i'm gonna sit in the front row i am going to actively fucking shit my pants in the front of the front row morgan wallen and go help yeah well that's where this happened recently help me so when pete got peed on the morgan wallen got we covered it last week yeah somebody got paid on so now we just have to make it a thing yep i think it's just what we do all right morgan pissing we're gonna hire all the gooners and we're gonna send in the morgan wallen oh my god call it organ ball yep done yeah yeah done side stories lpodl at email.com we claim that we claim that that's ours that's our idea we're gonna go to the morgan wallen and we're gonna get the gooners united honestly i do want to get the gooners together i do also have other plans if we could unite the gooners that's a voting block that we might need i mean they are united if we could create gooner centered legislation i don't know It helps the gooners. Well, no, their whole thing is chaos, though. Well, no, the idea is if we can give them. It would be bad to give them gooning zones. Here's the problem. If someone says that, hey, you can come on me, gooners, they immediately don't want it no more. That's the problem. They want to come on innocent people. Actors that can act outraged. Okay. About being come on. But they secretly like it. Or they're just neutral with it as a job. So the Craigslist ad is looking for cum-loving actors who can pretend that they don't love cum. Looking for actors. All it needs to be is actors who can act like they don't mind being cummed on. Or they're angry about being cummed on. That's it. Yes. Because then it's really about. You don't have to put anything else in there. Because then it could be people that like it and then people who don't like it who just want money. Yeah. And they should be allowed to do that. We saw Pink Flamingos this past weekend, so, you know. Pink Flamingos literally contains the DNA of every one of his other movies. If you don't. Like, Pink Flamingos. Every other John Waters movie is a reverberation from Pink Flamingos. I'm glad Pink Flamingos exists. I hope I never see it again. I love it. I love it. It got right into him. It got right under his skin. He couldn't handle it. I hated it. I loved it. But I love them and I love the chaos that it brings to the community. I love that movie. But, yeah. And I'm glad I saw it because it's history. But, man, I'm done. Here's my thing about Pink Flamingos. If you really want to see Pink Flamingos, you don't have to. Go watch one of his better movies. I love Pink Flamingos. It's good to see. I recommend it to everybody. Watch it with a group of friends. Yeah, that's the funnest way to do it. Don't watch it alone. I've watched it alone, but it's fun with a group of friends. That's the only time I've ever seen it. I've never seen it with people. I've only ever seen it alone. If I saw it alone, I would have turned it off and, like, been upset all day. See, I watched that alone. I've seen Martyrs alone. I love watching things alone that are horrific. Yeah. That's my favorite. Yeah, we're going to watch Solo. Tonight. Yeah, Eddie and I are getting together. We're going to fucking hang out, get pizza, and eat Solo. We're going to mix that up. Yeah, go listen. We're going to see Solo together, Eddie and I. And then my next goal is, for our next episode for Movie Science, is that I just got movie stories. My next episode of movie stories, I'm bringing in, I got my 4K of Basic Instinct and Showgirls, and we're going to bring all the boys together, and I'm making stew again. Yeah! I'm going to make stew, and we're going to watch Showgirls. I think fish stew this time. Yeah. Fish stew and showgirls. Yeah, make a tiappino. What a weird mixture. It is weird. Yeah. That's a step too far away. I'm going to make it upsetting. Speaking of upsetting. It's going to be upsetting. Fly from your plane. Yeah, what do you want to talk about? Because I got this one story that I'm obsessed with, and I just started reading about it, and there isn't much to it yet, but we both have those. Yeah, so why don't you go first? The Hat Man. The Hat Man. You like The Hat Man. The Hat Man is, he is out of Narek, Massachusetts. This guy's been around for a long time. He's been around for a long time. He's been around for a while, apparently. He's been around for at least a year plus. He's now identified as Hernan Villagran-Lux. He is from Massachusetts area, and the reason why we know him is because he's a bit of a creepzoid. Yes. He's been known as the Hat Man. Some people are calling him a mime, and the people that are calling him a mime are ignorant. Yeah, no, he's not a mime. He talks. No, he is actively not a mime. He does talk. If you think, if you say the words mime to me, I know for a fact you don't know what you're talking about. What he does is he talks. He dresses as a mysterious Slenderman-style character with weird, I want to say he has these weird paper-like things glued to his face that make him look white, like he has white makeup on, kind of like Smart School Boy 9, but it's not. It's stuff glued to his face, and he wears a giant top hat, and he has a cane. Now, the thing is, at first, people were thinking he was funny. He would do this, like, affectation of walking around, and people were like, oh, he's being some interesting guy. He's on the younger side. Yeah, he's very young. He's young. He's young, and people would notice that they would follow him on Instagram, and he would post all these weird photos of himself in this, like, makeup and this getup. He was walking back and forth, creeping people out, but until then, that was not a crime. It's not a crime just to be creepy. No. Because then they'd get us all, wouldn't they? And so this guy then took it a step farther. So what he was doing is, again, not a mime. He would go up to people while they were walking, and he began to sort of make sexual advances. He was rubbing himself on people. He was rubbing himself on people while they were sitting at bus stops, right? That was, like, a big one thing you do, drive by. Yeah. And he just hit him with a tip. Like, he scraped it across the shoulder blades. But he had his pants on. Yes. And so then, which, not that that makes it right. You're right, Eddie. And I'm just trying to, like, know the difference. There were steps. Because then, that was as bad as dollar store gooning. No. But then, it increased. He would begin to remove his clothes in front of people. And so everyone was like, they didn't like that. And so the final step came when, apparently, he was removing his very heavy clothes, because he has a tie on and a t-shirt. He rents tuxedos, it looks like. Yeah, it looks like. Or he has one tuxedo that he keeps by himself. He has a social media presence that's extremely disturbing. He has lots of nice clothes. Even his underwear is, like, you can tell it's fancy. I think that you are extremely generous for him. I think that's nice underwear. I don't, Eddie. You know? Well, I mean, he's wearing it, so that makes it bad. So can we play? Can we hear some of his voice there, Rob? Viene sexta-feira y beber. Hay que beber. So he does, he talks about drinking. Queremos ser prósperos, pero nuestras actitudes no nos están llevando a adquirir la prosperidad. I don't understand. I don't know. Someone will tell me what he said. But he is a, he's very creepy in the video. But what he was doing was, was taking off his clothes, covering himself in cooking oil. Yeah. As you can see in that photo right there. So that's an example right next to it. As you can see, he's covered in oil. No, he loves it. He loves the tiny shorts covered in oil pictures in the, at the park. Yeah. Which I'm guessing is the same park. And it seems that that is what he eventually got busted for, which was removing all of his clothing, cover himself in cooking oil and gyrating very closely at people. So he's been arrested, which is great. They're going to do what they can with him. But now we have another villain on the scene. And I do find it interesting that now we have a smart school boy nine. He's definitely inspired by smart school boy nine. Absolutely. We've got the Burbank butt sniffer. Yeah. We've got, uh, who just got arrested again. They don't know what to do with him. We have got, uh, the, uh, the hugger. Oh yeah. The, the guy, the piggyback bandit, uh, and the hat man now. And what I find interesting is that there's the guy who dresses like a gimp and gets stomped on. Yes. We have super villain culture is big. Would you put the, the, the, the quiet man who stands in the middle of the road in this group? Oh, the silent man. No, he's a folk hero. Yeah. Yeah. He's a folk hero. He understands. He understands. He's not sexually assaulting anybody. Nope. No, no, no, no, no. He is just getting three hots in a cot from the local government. I didn't realize the rogues gallery is really, Oh no, it's building up. And that's what I'm saying is like, after we talked to the Brooklyn devil and we know that it's hard to be a real life superhero, it's extremely difficult as you know, it's a lot of liability. It's a lot of stuff. And it's actually a non-consistent gig. Yeah. I imagine you'll probably get killed eventually. Yeah. It does seem to be very dangerous. These guys are, where are our heroes now that Bonnie Tyler's dead? Yes. Where are our heroes that are going to come forward and are going to defend us from these people? Why isn't there a guy in a raccoon costume, not chasing after this guy, beating the fucking shit out of him? I don't know. That's what should be happening. I do find, I do think it's interesting though, that we're going to see, this is where I will talk. Maybe Brooklyn devil will have him back on to talk about this, that I wonder if just like the Batman himself. If the jokers are going to actually need to, to inspire them to come out. Now here's the problem with this guy. Is he actually committing a crime? Yes. He's being sexually aggressive at people and he's frauding them. He's touching them. He is now, he's now crossed into full criminality because he has touched people. Because he's touched people. He has touched people. It's officially assault. Yeah. That's what it is. And the, the doing the flagrant sexual act in front of somebody is still considered assault. Even if you don't, even if your clothes are on? If I jerk off at you, just. We already covered this. The truth is, is that if there is an evidence that can state clearly enough that I was jerking off at you, like if you, if your hand is in your pants, if your hands are in your pants for an extended period of time and you, and there are other extenuating circumstances like the appearance of ejaculate or the moans of pleasure, or if I start going, he's choosing goon and you can tell by the way my penis is out. Jerking off and reading people's tarot cards. Then it depends. Just don't tell them what to do with themselves. You know, and they're fine as long as you have the medallion, if you have the medallion and you're not actively like that's the key here and then there'll be a psychic mafia and then that's where I come in, but there's a lot of people talking about the hat man. He has a whole subreddit. There's been many sightings of him. He's now arrested. I think unfortunately this is going to mean he's going to do it even more. Oh yeah. Because he's got all this attention. Yes. From us. From us. And we'll have you on the show. SidestoriesLPLTLLegible.com. No, we won't. We won't have the hat man on the show. Come on down. Come on down to the show. He doesn't even speak English. I'm certain he can put a couple of words together. Right? We'll do one of those Google Translates. Oh, well I know you're looking for a hero and sometimes Henry, your hero isn't necessarily a man. It could be a flying robot. Oh, flying robot. That's right. Texas company. Oh my God. I don't even know. This is, this is just, I, i'm just learning about this now there's a texas company um that is making um school shooter defense drones and they're testing them out in arkansas and basically what these are these are drones that fly around armed with bear spray and stop a school shooter i want you to hear how you know what that sounds to me we're scared i'm scared of kids with assault rifles and i don't want to get hurt so we better send a robot in because i'm scared this obviously it comes out of texas and we know that in texas they were cops are weaker than children yeah because they had the avaldi shooting where the cops refused to help and they're actively holding back the parents from helping themselves i think it's really funny that they are using this as a way to get out of doing their jobs it's their one job as a police officer i love i honestly love police officers you know i do but your job is to get shot yeah so the the um the fast moving drones have the capability to spray pepper rounds and blare loud sirens they literally will like go up they will fly up to a school shooter and say put the gun down i fucking gun down the next dylan clebold is just gonna fucking shoot that out of the fucking sky yes and so basically they say that they can respond with the with these uh pepper spray drones that are going to live in schools that's that is unbelievable that is the dumbest instead of making any gun laws any form of gun laws they've decided to just put army flying murder robots in schools because that's where they're needed the most they need to protect themselves from the children they say this is the look think about these fucking cowards they say if the pepper spray bombs or the bear spray doesn't work um these things don't work they're gonna die and they're gonna die and they could just hit the kid in the head with it that's actually kind of funny that's hilarious that's funny that's legit funny just fucking shoot him in the hand with it all right fly out of his balls kamikaze drone oh hell yeah we nailed him in the nuts that's hilarious that's goddamn hilarious this is the funnest day of my life so in arkansas where there is basically no infrastructure none they have these flying murder robots in schools uh to keep us safe uh from ourselves that is the bleakest saddest thing i've ever heard in my my life that is so sad it's so sad and they are such fucking pussies man i cannot believe they don't have the balls to go in and protect they just don't have the balls to go in and protect kids they just don't want to do they are so concerned about their own safety man they're so afraid that these cops are just so weak over there they say that the drones can get uh to the shooter uh one minute faster than a than an actual cop go fuck yourself which is a good thing because it's a good thing because it's a good thing because it's a good thing which is it's way more than a minute because the cops don't fucking show up it's also in the school sure yeah so you put the murder robot in the school with them yeah of course it's going to respond there's cops in the school as well but you know put cops in there but also do something do something so it's an austin tech company that made it and they have and they man the um the drones from austin so basically they're just sitting in front of a tv waiting for the drones to be activated and turned on and then they fly the drones around the school and they have maps of like where every room is and stuff like that they're sitting they're sitting there controlling it from states away oh pussies you know what i i think it'll be it'll be interesting to see what happens because marcus was describing to me that they have now put three different because greg abbott is like completely sold the state out oh and so the they put three different data centers around where marcus's family lives and they legitimately like this the faucets are not working and it's all it's like all the stuff's happening and it's just like it's gonna become i can't i can't wait for texas to be completely sucked dry into an entire granite field and you guys gonna have to figure out what to do from there and you're gonna have to figure out what to do with wheels your fucking government and what your fucking governor wheels is doing all right you got to kick him out of the bk kids club and you got to fucking push him out of his chair down onto the fucking ground and drag his fucking torso around back and forth until he gets to the fucking picture maybe take him out to one of those fields florida's um putting a five hundred and fifty seven thousand dollars in debt to marcus and he's like oh my god i can't wait for texas to be completely sucked dry into the camp and scardian angel pilot program oh good so they're going to be in florida oh good honestly it makes sense cool it's also where they're pussies yeah great no because this is obviously parkland yeah when the cop wouldn't go inside there yeah because they were scared because they have all the guns in the world they don't want to use them because god forbid some child with a bump stock ak-47 uh shreds them to pieces with those raining also parkland is cop land i'm from around there that's where all the cops live is in parkland and for that to happen is the cops being too scared to stop the fucking shooter it's good it's good it's good it's because they they just don't want to uh they literally just don't want to deal with it they don't want to be put in physical danger yeah i mean there's a reason they work at a school and not on the real beat yeah they're pussies yeah so uh we need better cops yeah we do not this not this but at this point we might as well just have the robots be the police i mean well i mean that's where we're going yeah in texas and florida the texas and florida the goal is to make it so no humans are policing anymore yeah well we all know that texas is the first state to use a robot to kill someone yeah yeah big ups for them too big up for them did you see that recent body cam footage where there's like a standoff with the police and some shooter in a house and then eventually like it like hours had gone by like 12 or 14 hours and they weren't sure if he was still in there so they breach a window and then they send a drone in and they find him dead from the shootout that makes sense though right in a shoot in that scenario having a surveillance drone go in makes a lot of fucking sense like having surveillance drones actually that's not weaponized robots the goal is to have something that is leading the way some kids gonna be running around with a broom pretending to be a fucking you know pretend like he's using a rifle with a broom and he's gonna get pepper sprayed or someone's gonna hit him in the head with 110 mile an hour robot or wait until one day the proper person isn't there and there's some form of like lgbtq trans meetup that someone's not gonna want to deal with and they're gonna use it against them and that's what's going to happen what's going to happen is they're going to use it against them and they're going to use it against them and they're going to use it against them and they're going to use it against them and they're going to use it against them and they're going to use it against them and they're going to use it at some point the kids are going to do a fucking walk out or something and they're going to use it on kids just for the sake of population control that's next yes so there we go that's happening put it in the last enjoy um p diddy's in jail uh he got he got put in protective custody because he got into a fight over something it seems that people are coming for p diddy yeah well he's uh he's not doing well in jail well he keeps getting his release date pushed up it was june and then april now it's february but now he got into a physical fight and in jail will his release date get pushed back no no probably not because i'm sure he was just jumped but he's in solitary confinement right now no they'll get him out soon trump is waiting to figure out the only reason why trump hasn't done it uh quickly is because he's black yeah well he probably doesn't have anything on him yeah i mean no you would have done it no matter what you would have done it just for the lols but he's but he's racist so he called him a good guy yeah because he likes what he's done he doesn't like his race though that's the problem he's like it's like he loves his she loves his his attitude he loves the way he treats women he just doesn't like the fact that he's black so do you know that um bigfoots in rhode island don't have tits that disgusts me no no how do you know it's for certain uh someone uh spotted a bigfoot uh credible um incredible sighting apparently um class a sighting i don't know what that means but that's what it's called it means you saw real close yeah and then uh so he uh he says that he saw bigfoot and uh he came face to face with it and i had really long arms and uh no tits he is yeah i love how he immediately said he's got no tits there were no boobs they're like what is that even like why is the first thing he said it's a visual sighting that's a class a bigfoot sighting if the females are that big i don't want to see the male they got no boobs but then i understand how how do you know it was a female if it didn't have see i feel like you should say it didn't have a dick before you say it had no boobs yeah you'd be like it had no boobs yeah i saw its big crazy pussy yeah you can't wow don't make fun of its chest yeah like whoa hey why are you doing an asshole like that come on it's like that's kind of a look right now tiny boobs there's the big the tiny boobs big butt thing is like in now yeah yeah it's like a whole thing i think it'd be great for big feet technically it's a part of the fucking big foots thank you yeah sorry about that yeah but that's like god you know yeah so you know thank you for letting us know that the big foots in rhode island ain't got tits top surgery it ain't got tits where's the tits on that i can't jerk off to that oh i thought i could jerk off at something like this but i can't that's the whole story oh it's a great story though that's it that's the entire story that's the entire story where are we at where are we at now it's time it's time all right time for some listener emails all right let me play you this you got a new one let me you guys want a new one you want the one from last week you seem like we have another reggae one i don't know i'm gonna do the one from last week go and do the one i feel like it should go again it was it was one of my favorites all right so that's uh that's the one from george in loveland colorado here it is again thanks george hey that's not it yeah this one goes out to tootsie rest in side stories you might get gory god that's how you know that you're having fun God damn it, he's correct. God, it's good. What are people talking about this week, Henry? So we asked a question. Can you die from penis blood loss? Oh, okay. We got an answer. Sometimes I forget that I ask things. Isn't that great? See, I'm in a unique position to comment on the blood loss after loss of penis story from last week. I had my vagina cut off. I am Mr. Penis Guillotine. For context, I'm an orthopedic surgeon and have worked at busy trauma centers where we have seen all kinds of disasters and are trained on how to manage them. Some training, however, doesn't get you ready until you deal with what rolls in through the trauma bay. Orthopenist surgeon. That'd be fun. That's if you put an elbow in it. For context, you have about five liters of blood in very few areas that you can bleed out from. Generally, you can lose about one liter from your chest cavity. Another one liter from your abdomen. You can lose up to that in each thigh from femur fractures. It's difficult to lose enough blood from a cut unless it's through a big artery and lost at the scene. While cutting off your penis scrotum does not cause enough blood to die, it does create a story that you'll tell at parties for years to come. Which brings me to my tale. A patient, let's call him Jeff, was a 30-something-year-old guy who just came back from a concert. He had done some party drugs, likely ecstasy, maybe some others. While trying to get ready for bed, he was just too horny. Okay. In his impaired state, he decided the best way to deal with this was to take his wife's hair tie, wrap it around his scrotum, hoping that the tight band would also cut off his urge to check it. He then took a nap by the toilet in the bathroom. Oh, no. Several hours went by and he woke up to his wife coming home. Now sober, Jeff looks down at what our. Essentially necrotic mummified balls. He panics and takes off the hair tie. God, he must have been hammered. Oh, yeah. And his balls come. He takes off the hair tie and his balls come with it. That's so quick. Oh, yeah. In a panic, not wanting his wife to see, he flushes them down the toilet and now passes out, bleeding from where his manhood once was. But just the balls. Just the balls. It was a bigger cut. Cut now to Jeff being brought into the trauma bay. Normally, when there is a quote-unquote amputation, they call every surgical subspecialty to see if they can reattach or salvage the body part. No one knew who covered ball amputation, so they activated the amputation pathway and called just about every doctor in the hospital to come see this poor man. While not losing enough blood to keep. You gotta get a load of this. Listen, hey, hey, hey. I know we're really supposed to help him. You know how you mostly work when kids cancer and stuff and how sad that is? Come on. I'm gonna go downstairs for a second. I'll listen to the lightning. I got a little yuckster for you. I'm gonna come on in. Come on. Just have a laugh. I told him that you were. I told him you're a specialist in ball amputations. Okay. Let's see here. We got a couple of yucks. One funny, one gross. Yuck. Ew. Well, not losing enough blood to kill himself. He did give multiple doctors a story to tell when people ask, what's the weirdest thing that you've seen someone how to hurt themselves? Well, his balls didn't make it. He did. I'm not sure if he had kids before this, but it seems like. It seems like a good thing he has taken himself out of the future gene pool going forward. Wow. Yeah, man. Lost that fucking. Lost that shit, dude. That's crazy. Well, I mean, don't do that. Don't. Hair tie. Hair tie. Hair tie did it. Yeah, I've seen that before, though. I've seen people do that. There was that Sally Jesse Raphael story about the guy making himself a eunuch with a hair tie. Really? Yeah. It's not a good idea. No. It's a horrible idea. Leave him alone. That's what I say. Leave him alone unless you're a doctor. Seven liters of blood. That's it, huh? Yeah. That's it. Interesting. Just fucking seven big things of Fay go. What about super fat people? If you're 500 pounds, do you have more blood? Side story is lpotl at gmail.com. I'd love to know. I feel like you'd have to. We have this one last one. This is what you have to. I honestly agree. I don't know how. Yes, bigger people tend to have a higher total volume of blood according to Google AI. Makes sense. That does make sense. Google AI is hungry for blood. Yeah, these big fatties hoarding all the blood. Give me your extra blood. Yeah, hoarding the blood, you big boy. I see you're floppy. I see your arms. I know they're filled with succulent blood. Oh, you got a towel on a stick to wipe your butt. You're full of too much blood. Give me some of your blood. Can I chew on your love handle? Can you chew on your blood handle? I lost my balls. I lost my balls in a hair tie incident. Give me your blood. Right this way, sir. Do you have a medallion for that? I'd like to comment on the atrocity that is old lady poop scenarios. I just want you to know right now we're done with poop stories after this week for a while. We've hit our current moratorium. Yeah, yeah. Don't send more poop stories. We did it, though. Send some blood stories. We go away for a while, then we come back, all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too much after a couple weeks. Now, I know no one asked for this, but it haunts me every time I go to a fast food bathroom and I need people to hear my story. Back in high school, the young naive age of 18, I was a shift manager at a fast food joint. Wow. A manager. An 18-year-old man. That's how lazy an owner is. Just being like, yeah, sure, you fucking do it. Yeah. And I was 16 and the only dude in Dairy Queen. I'll tell you that much. Just fucking wild what they let us do as kids. That's right. I stole a bunch of fucking ice cream from them. Of course, that's what happens. They just steal. They just steal things. You gotta watch people. Now, if it was my job to oversee the cleaning and closing of the store on a regular daily basis, we closed at 10, and by then we usually would have had both bathrooms deep clean with usually a quick wipe down after we closed. So around 9.50, 10 minutes until we closed, and this little old lady walked in, hesitant to acknowledge us. She waddled to the door. She waddled to the bathroom, and I kind of forgot about her until sometime around 10.15. She walked back out, and she said, goodnight. After the staff was done cleaning, it was my job to go through and make sure they did all their duties. We walked into the woman's room to witness what I can only describe as a crime against humanity. I pushed open one of the stalls, and when I tell you the stall was covered in shit, I'm not lying. There was not an inkling of white on the porcelain. The floor and walls behind said toilet were completely covered in fecal matter. I looked at the employee I was walking in with and said, dude, you have to clean that. Technically speaking, hazmat has to come in, but you know, that hasn't really happened with the fast food restaurant industry. They don't go to Arby's. He looked at me with dead eyes and said, I quit. I begged him not to, which resulted in me cleaning the toilet and him getting the walls and floor. That's my story. Twelve years later, I still think of it. Old ladies should not be trifled. Yeah, man. Dude, I love the Tuesday. Have a nice night. Goodnight, everyone. Thank you for dealing with that problem. I don't have to buy anything to use the bathroom, right? Oh, good. Excuse me. It's funny because I'm trying to figure out if she's a demon. A demon or an unfortunate woman. It's both. You could be a demon and an unfortunate woman. That woman is cursed with whatever happened to her and she did take it out on whoever she, she took it out on whoever was closest and had a toilet. And for that, I will say that is where the demon guided her. That kind of where I feel like that's like during the, the, the obsession part when the demon is taking over, like her conscious part comes forward and be like, I should put this in a bathroom instead of all over these church pews. Like, like, like that's her first thought being like, Oh, I should find a bathroom. And then she goes back and do, let's fucking do it on the floor. Let's do it on the floor. Come on. We never shit on the floor anymore. Show them your pussy. Piss the shit out your pussy. You know? Okay. Well, when you work in restaurants, I think least when it was for me in the nineties and early two thousands, I mean, this kind of thing, never this 2014. Never. That's how long, 12 years ago by his buddy. But I, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I mean, I saw like lots of like when I worked at Garfield's, I remember at the Harry Potter premiere, there was a two shits on the floor and I'm guessing it was children and just like, it's just like people just go in and they fucking shit on the floor. And the, you know, and the, it's weird because it's my only memory of that place. It's that horrible day where I like, I worked too hard and then like, you know, like, and then it's, it's, it scars us. Yeah. It really does. Cause there's so many nice things happen there. I'm sure there were like nice waitresses or cooks that I was friends with, but all I remember is cleaning up the shit on the floor that day. Yeah. That's really amazing. So you're going to live every day being the person that makes a memory for a lifetime for someone else. Right. You can laugh knowing, I know they'll be talking about that for a long time. As you go to the bathroom and you just go, at least I live them with something to laugh about. Yeah. And that's the most important part is that that lady did that horrible thing in that bathroom and then it got to us. That's right. And we could share with you. Yeah. We'll help you. Spread your poopoo stories next month. Next month. Next month. Because we're done with poopoo stories for a while. Unless a really good one comes through the real news. Cause that's the problem is about, that's what's going to happen. Yeah. The next thing that's going to happen is that unfortunately we're going to see like, like Trump is going to shit his pants on the, like a national stage. We'd have to cover that. And we'd have to cover it. But if someone shits at someone at an offspring concert, we're not going to cover that. not doing it so but what we're not going to be talking about Shit is over at Midsummer Scream. Come and see us. Maybe a little bit. Maybe a little bit. We come down to Long Beach. It's the Long Beach. Come down. It's Sunday, August 9th. Last panel on the left. You can come by. It's the Long Beach Convention Center. Midsummer Scream. We went last year. We went last year, and I am not kidding. It is legitimately the best con in SoCal. One of the best cons in California I've ever been to. I didn't think I liked cons, and I went to that, and I was like, oh, we need to do this every year. It is so fucking awesome. We're having our own booth. Come see our panel. We're going to come to the booth, get a shirt, grab a comic, bring something, get signed. We're going to be there the entire weekend, but see us on Sunday, August 9th. That's when the panel is. Come on out. Truly, if you're in the Southern California area, you've got to come, and you're a horror fan. It's a blast. It's huge. Every horror fucking icon is going to be there, and then they have little practice houses for all the haunted houses. It's awesome. It's really cool. I had a good time. Then hopefully we'll see. David Dalsmalchin again, and he'll let us into his, like, he has, like, the room over the convention center. Yeah, we look down on all of you. It's very fun. Yeah, that's great. That's going to be fun. I'm going to be in Chicago this weekend. Come see me on the 31st at the Lincoln Lodge at 10 p.m. That's going to be a lot of fun. And then I got Dead Men Tell Some Tales, August 16th, a Dynasty typewriter here in Los Angeles. That show's going to be amazing. That's my dead Disney show I do with my buddy Disney Dan. I'm excited for this. Henry's going to come. He's going to be the voice of Walt Disney. We're going to have a fucking blast at this show. I really hope you all come out and see this. We've been working on this for over a year, and it is stupid. I'm going against D23. I'm going to do the most vile Disney show I can during their giant festival. That's great. Fuck them for that. 9-11, I'll be in D.C. 9-12 as well, but not as fun. And then 9-27, Milwaukee, October 4th, Denver. Lots of other shit coming out. Some side stories, dates. We'll be there. It's going to be announced hopefully next week. I do think it's a great chill day to be in our nation's capital. Oh, my God. I just love being on the road. I love it. Well, I'm glad you're going to be out there and be safe. I will be safe. It's going to be fun. I love it all. Oh, and go check out Bloodbath 77. That comes out on Thursday. It'll be out on Thursday, and we will be promoing and more. Go check it out. It is Bloodbath 77 Season 2 of our Vampire the Masquerade playthrough, and I think it's very, very good. It's very dark. Dude, and when you're on there, just fucking chill out on that LPN TV YouTube page. It's awesome. We got HGX2. We got two seasons of that. This is the second season of fucking Vampire the Masquerade. It's all awesome. We're doing some crazy shit over there. And then go check out the other YouTube pages. Of course, we got The Brighter Side, Page 7, Nerd of Mouth, Romantasy. They're all connected. Fraudsters, Foreign Report. Fucking get in there. Be a part of it. Know us better. See our faces. See our faces. See our faces. That's right. All right, fuckers. Hail Satan. We'll see you next week. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. I wanna dance, dance, dance when I'm selling you. Let your soul surrender. Dance, dance, dance like the devil do. Dress your god to let me. you