Side Stories: Meatballs & Murder

There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. We're rolling. We're rolling. We're rolling. Rolling, rolling, rolling. Did you see this one little letter? I actually, you know, like, did you see this letter about the Cowboys? No. Oh, okay. No. No, no, no. I'm talking about the letter about, did you see about the Cowboys kissing each other? Oh, yeah. How they actually all love each other. I just thought that was really fun about this idea of, like, guys just going out there and just being like, it's like, no, no, there's nothing, there's nothing. We kiss each other for competition. Like, the whole thing is about getting close. It's just, that's boys being, that's boys maximizing, that's boy maxing. Yeah, well, he also liked to watch furries have sex with each other, but they're all men. But, no, he said they're not all, but they had penises and vaginas. And boobies. And so he said, that's not gay. He said they got it all. They got it all. It's like, can't be gay. But actually, that's the most gay of all. Right? In a way. Yeah, furries, for sure. No, no, I'm talking about furries with human boobs, human vaginas, and human penises, all making love to each other at once. That ain't, it's not straight. No, certainly not. But, you know, at the same time, it's cowboy life. Yeah, no, he should just acknowledge what he loves. Of course. And love it. He loves people with every single part so that he can experience. Finally, the joy of being a single cishet white woman coming out of his pan for Pride Month. Welcome to Side Stories. Yes. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. And I did it. I had the courage. I put on the Ghana jersey. And it was really wonderful. The response was wonderful. Ghana ended up going on to the next round. Yes. Which was huge. They're playing Columbia on Friday, you fucking pussies. Get you, you cocaine losers. Yeah. You fucking. That's right. You military army. You people run by a dictator that has easy access to California pieces of shit. That's right. You Bogota. Fuck yourself. Well, honestly, I do. I wish. I wish good luck to all the teams. Yes, actually. Yeah. I'm rooting for Ghana. Ghana's been, they're doing great. And you're, and honestly, it's really fun. People really, you've, you've, you've embraced it. And you are, I see you're glowing. It's like you're pregnant. I do feel stronger. You. Oh, you look stronger. Yes. And you didn't hear about the witch doctor. Well, we talked all about this on stage when we did our live show just now over in London, Ontario. Beautiful. London, Ontario. It's definitely a city, but the people are wonderful. If you wanted to go to a place and do heroin in the street, well, London. That's where you want to be. Wow. Oh, that one is nice. Shout out to Grooves Records. They treated us well. They really, really did. And it is, but today's, before we even get into it, I want to say thankful. I'm thankful for today's light episode. Yes. We have, it's just uplifting stories. I think people come here for positive news. People come here for a John Krasinski-like lift to their day. You know, they don't, and we, yeah, we've discussed some really serious things recently. You know, for a man who wrote The Quiet Place, he just won't shut the fuck up. He just won't shut the fuck up. But John Krasinski. John Krasinski, in John Krasinski's style, first of all, what we're going to do here is show you, we're going to tell you how happy this is, and we're going to take all your money, and we're going to just fucking waste it. That's right. We're going to waste it carving our wife's face and body to the point that she looks like a skeleton. But that's why we're doing this. We're taking it back. We're taking back good news, because today it's light, fun stories. Yeah. Taking you back to side stories of yore. Yeah, absolutely. Everything's so light today that you could pick it up and you could see it. You could throw it in a lake, and it would never come out. And no one would ever know that it was there in the first place. That's right. So what I love about what we do here, right, so we went to London, Ontario, and in London, for those of you that don't know, London, Ontario is considered to be the serial killer capital of not just Canada, but North America from 1967, 1969 to like 1985. Well, this is kind of their claim, because it's a very Canadian claim. But the idea that it was, they called it Murder City. They have a lot of murders there, but I don't know. You know, Detroit's right over there. And we had L.A. I still want to say, like, we had L.A. in the fucking 70s. We had Seattle-Tacoma area. I don't think we're slouches over here. Camden, New Jersey killed the shit out of me. A lot of them. But they had over four different serial killers operating at the same time. And we thought what was really interesting is that there was the Balconies. There were doctors? No. No. No. No, they didn't, because that was with a license. They don't have a license to do it. But it was really fun, because they had the Balcony Strangler. They had the Chambermaid Slayer. Yes. And then they had the Mad Slasher. Cool name. Yeah. Very Canadian. And all three types of white people. Yes. And they changed. I like that they changed the Slasher, the Slayer, and what was the last one? The Mangler? The Strangler, the Strangler, the Slayer, and the Slasher. Yeah. So they were like, we can't reuse the adjective. Well, because they don't want to be redundant. Right? Because they got real. They got real writers in there. So as I was looking at these stories, I was like, oh, that was interesting. And then came up the story of Dusty Bowers, which is probably, it's a bleak Canadian story. So a woman had gave birth to a child, and what she did was, I guess, the long story short is, there was obviously issues. She left the baby out in the forest to die, right? To be consumed by moose. Yeah, she went from dusty to dirty. In the snow. In the snow, yeah. She went from dusty to dirty to dewy, because she was covered in water. And so the Canadian police, they go and they investigate, they go talk to the lady, and she's like, oh my God, I had a dream. I know where my baby is. And they're like, where is she? They're like, she's out in the woods where I left her. I mean, out in the woods. And so she has this, they go and take her, they believe her it's a dream. They go and they get the baby. And in the most Canadian cop-like way. They don't properly cross their T's and dot their J's. They pick up the little baby, and they wrap it up like it's evidence, and they throw it in the fucking truck and it dies. What's wrong with that? Problem is, it was already alive. And so it was still alive. And so when they threw it in there, and it seemed to create a situation where they just had to call it a mulligan. Yeah. Because they couldn't figure out what to do, so it was like the whole trial went into a whole conspiracy, and it's just wild to me. Yeah. Two people in the audience. It's newer. Yeah, absolutely. But no one said anything about knowing the baby. Well, I mean, do you really remember any of your conversations with babies? When I've told them my secrets. You know, that's the best thing about a baby. You can tell a baby every single thing you've ever thought. You know, nothing happens. Oh, man. I can't believe she was just like, my dream, it's in the woods. And you're like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Where you drove, where you live next to. Oh, yeah. And so. It's just like that Catholic. Dude, or that Christian guy who like, they made a whole book about it. It was like, he said, God spoke to me. My missing daughter's buried in this cabin in the woods. And it's like, you killed her. Yeah. God told you to do it. And then God put her there. And then God ratted you out, bro. Yeah. What the fuck, bro? And now you wrote a novel. Go fuck yourself. And guess what? Who never tells you to do that? God. You know who tells you to do that? An agent from New York. That's who tells you to write a book. There's God's not making any money on that. He doesn't care. He's not reading. God can't read. God's blind. God's dead. Yes. That's why God can't read. Yeah. Because he fucking blew his brains out. See, that was the. So that story led me to a really fun story that everybody sent us. Because, you know, when we do these shows, like, people want to hear local flair. They want to kind of hear. So everybody was like, oh my God, did you hear this story? It happened right down south. It was right south of London, Ontario, just north of Grand Rapids. And everyone's like, oh my God, you got to talk about this story. You got to talk. You got to talk about it on stage. Baby found dead in a porter potty at Electric Forest. That's what you wanted. So everybody was just like. Electric Forest is a. It's not like a new, weird Keebler Elf City. It's a music festival. Dude, Electric Forest would be so much fun to see a bunch of gnomes on ketamine. Yeah, yeah. You know, that'd be fucking cool as fuck, dude. So, yeah, so someone. So a raver was pregnant and had her baby and just left it. But they still haven't found the mother. No, no. You know why I'd say you'd look for the mother? You'd look for the leaking trail of baby. Yeah, I mean, well, they didn't find her. Well, no. Fuck. She went right back into the pit. This is the thing with EDM that I don't really understand is that y'all love dancing more than anything else. And I just feel like if you're showing up almost. If you're full-on pregnant to the EDM festival, obviously this is not somebody that's, like, doing all the work. No. You know, because they found the whole rig. It wasn't just the baby. It was the placenta and the umbilical cord. So she had to cut the umbilical cord herself after she. Holy fuck. Crapped it in the port-a-potty. So, thank you, Eddie. It took me a second to find the right word, but then I just went with crapped it. Perfect. Yep. That's actually the only word to use. And, unfortunately, it's really sad. And, obviously, everyone gets mad about this. I just. You guys told us to talk about this. It's a light episode today. It's a light episode. No Epstein. No Epstein. No Iran. No drones. There's killing fish drones. We're not even going to bring it up. Everybody can talk about how Iran has a secret drone program, probably, or that we're giving them stuff, or someone. from the inside of the United States of America is fucking going against their government and selling them stuff on the inside or it's Russians. We're talking about babies and porta-potties over here. The simple stories that people come to us for. John Krasinski-like stories. It's the Good News Network. You know, like. Who was playing the Electric Forest Festival? Any good acts? Actually, I'm more interested in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to know. Because there's not a. There actually isn't a lot of information on this. They just note that, again, the whole rig was left behind, the whole. Oh, Cascade! I've seen Cascade. A guy named Excision. Excision. Oh, okay, yeah. I don't like any of this. I don't like any of these people. Who's Grizz? I guess Grizz is somebody you could give birth to a dead baby to. Could be Grease. All of these are. These are String Cheese Incident. Oh! Multiple sets. Well, String Cheese Incident, you know, that's what you could say the umbilical cord was. Ew. Ew. Ew. It's not. It's not a string. Passion Pit. Passion Pit? Oh, I remember Passion Pit. That's if you have sex in a port-a-potty. No, Passion. That's a Passion Pit. Passion Pit is for 40-year-old gay married men. Yes. Okay? That's what Passion Pit's for. You could say she left behind a dead mouse. I. Cute. They're closing it out with T-Pain, though. Oh, great! Oh, they're continuing on. Good. Yeah, yeah. You can't stop. Oh, Frost Children? That's what they. Well, that baby was more of a human to each other. Oh, yeah, yeah. You see, but guys, this is the problem, is that it really is. You very rarely see this at a country festival. I'm not blaming the music. I'm not trying to blame the music. That's because there's no abortion there. You're right. You're right. Wow, Eddie. That's actually systemic. But I don't actually. I've never heard of somebody giving birth in a port-a-potty in an Ozzfest. I've never heard of somebody giving birth in a port-a-potty. Oh, it's happened! Look it up. It's happened. Look it up! I think just this is the only one left behind. Sure. I think other people have been giving birth in a port-a-potty and then took it with them. Give it to the old white baroni. You know, you. I hate the old Italian white baroni. There is nothing worse than a deep Italian white baroni. I really appreciate you Googling port-a-potty baby. How many babies have been born in a port-a-potty in a music festival? Yeah. I think we have to. This might be. AI is not figuring it out, though. AI has one job! It's to count them port-a-potty babies. AI has one fucking job! Oh, man. Yeah, so it's not that common. Do you remember when that lady dumped all the puppies at Coachella. in the dumpster at Coachella? God help us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's worse. Light episode. Light? We're trying to do a light episode. Okay? This whole thing is really just about fun topics. I'm not talking about the government. No, we haven't said anything about the government and the fact that we're probably. You don't need plumbing for a port-a-potty. No. The government's not involved. No, you don't need permits for all these. these things, and certainly can't be pulled because of it. But Electric Forest, what is the super famous EDM festivals? Like, it's like one of those big ol' big ol' ones. Kind of like, uh, what's this place? They do in Vegas. They're all famous. They're all. I can't. Every time, I can't believe any of them exist, and then there was always, like, a hundred thousand people in all of them. Was it EDC? Yeah. Was this all big overseas, too? Big, like, big over, like. It's a very popular genre that we don't understand. You know what it is, is that both and I. Because, like, I actually appreciate the idea of the people arriving just to dance. Like, the dancing, and it's. Heavily focused on the dancing. I think it's really fucking cool, actually. I've been forced to have, like, the best possible time you can have at, like, Cascade and Tiesto and stuff like that, and I hated it. I know, but I could. I had, like, Tiesto, like, be, like, pointing at me, because I was, like, in the booth next to him. He's like, huh? Great. And I was like, in my mind, I'm like, I need to get out of here. This is awful. This is Zipporah. This is not our. It's not our speed, but I do so. I appreciate, like. I appreciate the love of it. It just seems like. Why does it say in my brain, yes, whole baby born dead with its umbilical cord and its whole rig in a port-a-potty? Yeah, it makes sense. It's at an electronical music festival. You know what I mean? Of all of them, besides, like, a Phish concert, but even Phish, everybody's. They've all got money now. They're all fucking boomers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everybody's going to see those shows are boomers. They're not fucking. Yeah, they're all. Yeah, they're all. They can't have babies anymore. Yeah, they're fucking. Their eggs are rocks. Yeah, yeah. All right? Yeah, menopausalists turn their eggs into fucking statues of little people. Well, Phish was at this. Phish. Festival. Wow. They had to Phish the baby out of the port-a-potty. I'm losing fans! Left it right here. Henry, we need a better story. Yeah, we need a new story? Yeah, sure. I really missed the opportunity to book Aborted Fetus. Oh, yeah! And then we're like, this could actually we can use here at Aborted Fetus. We want to use this opportunity to teach you. You can choose. You can choose the freedom of your own body. Your body is your choice. Yeah, she had her own GWAR concert in there. Ew. Ew. Well, let's move on to a new one. I'm just like, honestly, though, before we move on, people already don't like me. The, uh, the. The. Who found it? Like, who's looking in the port-a-potty? Oh, this guy named Johnny Mandingo. He was a police. I feel like. I honestly think, no, I think it was just some lady that went to go in there right after. You think so? Yeah, I think so. It's so dark in there in the middle of the night. Like. You don't want to go in there. Yeah. Oh, it's the guy who. The guy who drank the toilets found it. Yeah, of course. Yeah, the guy with the worst job in the world found it. God. And it made his life even worse. He has a horrible job that he probably, hopefully, gets paid good money to do, and then he has to find a dead baby and then move on like he's a fuck in Vietnam. Where's his GoFundMe? I don't know. You know, yeah, nobody gives a fuck about him. Nobody gives a fuck. No one's talking about that guy. It was like, oh my god. Yeah, where's his. Seriously. He needs to GoFundMe. I don't feel bad that Lizzo's record failed. I feel bad for that guy. Yeah, I feel. That's who I feel bad for. That is officially worst job in America. Oh, yeah. Every once in a while we found a dead child, yes. Yes, and then I saw one time one time I found not just one, but two, but three children all dead at the once tied together within vehicle court. Somehow the three children had committed suicide inside of the woman, and I. But one time I found four quarters! Fly from your plane. Alright, here we go. Here's the next one. There's a Batman in Mexico! This is actually fun. Oh, dude. This one's actually. This one is nice. This is fucking technically awesome. Who knows, though, because it's funny, because the Mexican government's. Right now they are not happy, and they're considering him, like, hurting people, and that the quote-unquote robbers he's been apprehending, they've been saying that they are the victims, but we shall see, won't we? They always come after the vigilantes. Don't they Brooklyn Devil? They do. Don't they? You know that. You know that they do. You love the Brooklyn Devil. I do. So, in, um, in the Lagos de Moreno, in Jalasco, they, uh, I think that's right. Jalisco. Jalisco! Batman of Lagos de Moreno, out of the Mesa de Mena, in Jalisco, Mexico. So they have a bike theft problem, bicycle and motorbikes, and this guy has taken it upon himself to, maybe it's one guy, maybe it's a bunch, we don't know yet. They know right now, it's, it is definitely several vehicles. They have several vehicles that they have picked up on, they know it because. This could be just the. Just the community coming together. Who knows? Yeah, it absolutely can't, because they're saying they're having a problem. They're finding these young men, mostly young men, middle-aged men, duct-taped entirely to poles. It takes more than one guy to do that. I think so, too. I think it does. Especially these guys, they're criminals, so they gotta be kind of tough. Oh, yes. Batman and Robin. Well, that's what they're bringing up. It could be a Nightwing. It could be, um. Batgirl? Maybe. I'd like to think so. I'd like to see a little Batgirl in there. But, see, what they did was, is that they duct-taped them to the pole, and then he drew little whiskers on their faces, wrote Rateras on their forehead, which means thief, right? And then put a piece of pink poster board above them that described what they did. And so they have been, they've been beaten, they've been, they're all bruised up, some of them got black eyes, bloody noses, all this shit, but they're following around. But the police isn't, they aren't arresting the guys that are tied up to the poles, right? No, because there's no, there's no evidence, actual evidence, that they stole anything, which is the problem always, right, with the vigilante, is you can do the busting, but you have to then eventually figure out how to work with the police, because then if they don't properly have the line of evidence and all that shit secured, then the courts can't do anything to them. Unless you're just gonna hang them from bridges in order to make them scared to do crimes, which I think is also just as legitimate. Yeah, they write the word Ratero. Ratero. On their foreheads. They leave the bikes there? Yeah. That's those guys' bikes. That's like the proof. That's so funny. Well, that's what they say, that that's the bike that they stole. Yeah, that's the bike they stole, but, you know, there is no real proof that they stole the bike. That's the problem with this whole thing. Yes, which is always one of the main issues, but everybody is saying it's more of a gigantic response in general to the neighborhood trying to take control of its own crime that's like, that's kind of overrunning the city. Yeah. So it does, to me, make sense, that there would be a bitumen. make sense because they need one. Well, they have their thing in Jalisco. Apparently, there is a band of female vigilantes. Dude, this shit's fucking awesome. This is the better story, in my opinion. It is a cool story. It's only like three sentences, so I don't even know what happened here. It's like they stole armored cars, right? There's a bunch of female vigilantes have been patrolling the nearby state of Michoacan. How do you say it? Michoacan. Michoacan. Michoacan. Michoacan. Carrying assault. I'm sorry. And he's learning. He's watching. I watch him watch the World Cup. Yeah. He's learning. You know, I'm dumb when I read. I'm dumb when I read English. You're nice when you think that. So anyway, these chicks are carrying around assault rifles to protect themselves from the fucking new generation cartel. And then these women warriors have built a homemade tank and they set up roadblocks to fight the gunmen. So they are straight up. This is crazier. But also, from what I have heard from people talking about what goes on in Mexico and people who live in Mexico is that, yeah, there is obviously there is some high crime. There's some chaos. But for the large part, much like here in the United States of America, when we're dealing with chaos, there's still just families living and most people live a normal existence, even within all of this craziness. But, you know, we have been, the United States of America, has been heavily meddling within the Mexican people, like, you know, going after doing all these. We're playing the games, too. Now we're fighting the cartels, but also God knows what we're doing down there. There's no way we would ever know. No, we won't. Yeah, the FBI is in charge. So, good luck. They built a killdozer. Yeah, dude. It's fucking awesome. No, these chicks rock. Yeah, so I do understand it's a lot, but it's going to be amazing when they're fucking you know, like, there's a lot of jokes here, you know, but no one really wants us to go through all of them, right? Like, we don't want to talk about how that is how you can tell the problem with him keeping his identity a secret. Cars always jumping up and down and and it's also really hard, you know, because obviously he has the commemorative horn. Because, like, does the Batman theme. You know, that's a thing. Again, I'm trying not to be fucking you know, I'm trying to be bad here. I mean, that would be awesome. I'm just saying it would be really cool if it turns out, like, you can know who the Mexican Batman is because he shows up after a concert. Yeah. Making all the hot dogs with all the bacon wrapped around. I mean, like, that would be one of those things. We'd be like, he could do that, too. Yeah. A Batmobile with rims would be fucking awesome. That's what I to me, this is the comic book. Like, this is the comic book. Like, this is like, there's a comic book in here about people within Batman's world being inspired by Batman to do things. You know, like, the idea of an actual Mexico City Batman that does it in his way is such a fun fucking idea. I don't want it to be real. Yeah. Well, it seems like it is real. Who knows? I mean, hopefully, you know, he never knows who's fighting for what, but just remember, sometimes we have to take care of ourselves. Amen. Amen. And we here at Last Podcast Network, we treat the Mexican Batman as a hero. He is a hero. And I want him to email us at sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Because I want to talk to you, because we've talked to other superheroes on this show. They're vigilantes. Superheroes. We're going to follow up with Reckless Ben still, too. He reached out this week. Great. We are going to follow. Yes, because he's still been his gag order. For those of you that haven't been following his entire saga about bricks and minifigs, go to Reckless Ben on YouTube. Watch his videos. Go watch his stuff on it, because he explains the whole thing way better than I can. But it is a. What's happening to him is extremely irresponsible, and we promise our goal is to speak with him as soon as he's allowed to. And so here's our next one. Next story! Another fun story! Which one? Is this Grandma? Yeah! Oh, Grandma finally does something interesting. You know, because grandmas. You got the spoil your grandmothers. They got to cook all day grandmothers. You got those nice grandmothers. You got grandmothers that keep it tight, you know, like if your grandmother's like fucking, uh, like Gillian Anderson. Yeah. You know, there's those kinds of grandmothers now, because people are having their kids later. It is hot grandma time. Yeah, it is. And guess what? If you are, let's just say, if you like a. If you like a fine, matured women, ooh, mm-hmm, there is a couple of them out there, my friend. Yeah, the future's great. It is. For us, that like MILFs. But not for this family. Because this one gilf was not one I'd like to fuck. It's one I'd like to apprehend. But she did it to herself. She's a real gila. Grandmother I'd love to apprehend, but she's dead. So this woman, Amy Stedman, 64 years old, young grandmother, she was found dead Tuesday afternoon inside an apartment in Mechanicsville. Holy shit. Mechanicsville. How brutal of a town is Mechanicsville in upstate New York? I would love to know. Sidestories, LPOTL, at gmail.com. Does crude come out of the taps? Like it's one of those where we just pass by Petrolia? I think this is actually the only non-incarcerated family. The only one. Is that the only non-ex-con family? Historic Mechanicsville, where we lie to every woman that comes in. The police chief is called, his name is William Rabbit. Yeah, that's very cute. Mr. Bunnies. So Amy Stedman, she was found dead in her apartment along with her daughter, Sarah Myers, 44, and her four grandchildren, Harper, Hudson, and 10-year-old twins, Gavin and Gracelyn. So days after the sick family members, they were found dead. Mechanicsville police chief, William Mr. Bunnies, said the evidence strongly suggests that Stedman was behind what seems to be a group poisoning. Yeah. One of the kids, one of the younger kids, said was died by, is died by sharp, fatal sharp force injuries, but we don't know what that means. The police are also saying they believe that there was a piece of, there was a letter, there was some evidence saying that it seemed that that's what indicated that Amy Stedman, the grandmother, was the one that killed everybody and then killed herself. They're not looking for anyone else. Let's just say that. And the main issue seemed to be, was that there was a, I guess the father of the family was, I guess, estranged. Out of the picture, probably a dick. Who knows? God knows. And there, apparently there was a re-up on the child custody situation where he was going to finally be able to come visit them. That's what it seemed like. Like, one account I was reading was saying they thought it was because he was going to get custody, but it doesn't seem like that. It does seem like he was showing up. Something was happening within their custody battle that caused Amy Stedman in the most New York grandmother way possible to say, if they are going to take away my grandkids, nobody can have my grandkids. Because I could sort of see my mom doing this. It's usually a very empty threat. Yeah, normally. But every once in a while, it's not. Because that's why New York grandmothers have to be checked. Yeah. Because New York grandmothers are fucked up. My grandmother was a literal Sicilian witch. Okay? My grandmother straight up had family, like, she would talk about how they had family mob members that they knew and how nobody talked. This is in the old country. In the old days, before the stupid Italian-Americans who got off acting like they were in the Goodfellas. Back in the day, they used to actually keep Emerita, man. And you know how they used to keep Emerita? By killing everybody that sat in it. Alright? Because in Italy, it was fucking brutal out there. Besides all the beautiful bruschette. All the beautiful focaccia. All the amazing mousseline. Alright? Besides all that incredible food and all the fucking history there. They're fucking murderers, dude. They killed Jesus Christ. It's bad over there, dude. So I can imagine, grandmas being evil. Yes. There is one more. I was just like, I was thinking in my head just now, like, has there ever been another grandma family annihilator? Because that's the big deal here. On a quick Google, I found Nanny Doss. Oh, dude, we covered Nanny Doss. The giggling granny? I'm gonna send you all the stuff. We did Nanny Doss. Nanny Doss was so bad. She killed babies. Also, arsenic. Yes. Also a poisoner. She was one of, she's the big one. She was one of the only, when we covered her, it's interesting about Nanny Doss, is that she was one of the only female serial killers that talked about having a sexual nature to it. Oh, yeah. She killed four husbands, two children, and one of her sisters, her mother, two grandsons, and a mother-in-law. Nanny Doss was fucked up. Wow. Seems like this would be a good miseducation of Ed Larson. Oh, he needs to know. Oh, my God. I want to learn about her. I love grandmas. Yeah, Nanny Doss was fucked up. Yeah. Dude, my grandma, whenever she was so bad at being a grandma, you know, she never talked to me. I was recently sitting down, and I was thinking, like, when did my grandma teach me? What did she tell me? And I couldn't, I didn't, only memory I could ground up was one that I found, that happened all over and over again, where she would just tell me to sit next to her while she lit a cigarette and didn't smoke it. And then I wasn't allowed to talk. Yep. Wow. That's incredible. See, my grandmother used to do stuff where she used to poke me. She used to poke me and say, you're getting fat. Right? And then she also used to do stuff where she'd go, if she saw me eating chocolate, she'd go, chocolate will give you a heart attack. Yeah. Yeah, I might. And I also remember with Jackie, she used to pinch Jackie under the table whenever she ate. Yeah. Right, she used to pinch her when she thought she was getting too fat. God. And then she would just do stuff where she'd be like, you need to stretch out your fingers. Stretch out your fingers? She kept saying to Jackie, you're gonna be tall. You're gonna be tall? Yep, look at your fingers. But you start with the fingers? You're gonna be, look at your fingers, you're gonna be tall. That makes no sense. Yeah, she was an old dumb bitch. What the fuck? Yeah, she was an old fucking dumb bitch who didn't know anything. Dude, my uncle. I had no idea. My uncle Michael's mom, I remember I ran into her. She was about to die. that now she saw me for the first time she hadn't seen me since i was a child it's been like 15 years i kind of she's like you're getting fat i'm like you haven't seen me in 15 years i'm a 45 i'm a four-year-old man what do you mean i'm getting fat i just have bones now i'm literally just full grown now also i was born fat lady yeah you were yes it started like this for you i love it i know because you never had to be used to anything else that's the best part of being fat as a kid that's what they don't understand is that best part of being fat as a kid is that later on like as you balloon in and out of weight as a human as you go getting back to fat just comfortable you don't got to worry about it because you always look like shit that's the best part of having looked like shit always previously but this is a this story is unique this very rarely happens more information is going to come out i do think obviously what could possibly come out well you know i want to read the letter yeah i want to find out exactly what happened i want to find it exactly like we don't quite know what happened but we didn't hear the start the sharp object thing till right now yeah there was just one of them that's that's one of the does that mean she like put glass in the oatmeal or something no it sounds like she stabbed one of them to death oh okay like it's only a poison take yes or something where she didn't have enough and then how'd she kill herself poison again it sounds like it yes all right she should drink poison so it is very fast it's it's interesting very specifically in a female cishet way to kill yeah which is the poison poison is like if she was a good grandma she would have just killed the man exactly eddie yeah you don't gotta kill the whole family and i think they don't have to be with the man you just kill the man i think we have some young grandmothers a lesson to our show yeah i want you to always remember that all right take it out on the guy or get the money get the children and go get the children and go yeah because just because your daughter made these mistakes doesn't mean that you got to do it all right your daughter made the mistakes yeah that's the problem i get that makes me angry you know she she could have been right because we have another story here of a man who did bad we did it when we now what again men doing bad no once more um a boyfriend dumped his uh he strangled his girlfriend and he dumped her in the woods uh and uh when uh he did that uh he was such a fat loser that he had a heart attack and he died right next to her all right so this is one of those things i want to i want i can't stress enough how important your health is alabama story comes out of alabama and alabama let's look at the honestly can we look at the obesity rates of alabama i think it's second to mississippi this is a to me this is systemic yeah okay what we're seeing here heart disease in in alabama is 38 percent of the adult population of alabama are morbidly obese fourth fattest state you know and this is huge guys trailing west virginia mississippi and louisiana this is huge guys this is huge guys this is huge guys this is huge guys this is huge yeah that's what this this what this is about really i didn't think i wouldn't have put west virginia on the fat list oh you have never been then i guess i i thought you know i figured they're all walking up those hills you know drinking themselves and they you think they're walking yeah i think they walk everywhere nobody i think they're just always dancing with their foot music no they arrest people who walk yeah they think people who walk are trafficking illegals that's what they think they don't they don't walk they don't walk all right remember the west virginia jersey shore where the guy was walking around and he was walking around and he was walking around and he was walking around and he was walking around and i died mudding yes he's just like you guys are it's not you know you guys aren't good enough in life to have a reality television show yeah and so this is to me this is an example of like once you hit a certain age just because you might have used to be fit and you think you can do the things that you can used to do because this is a story of a guy that's really used to just like doing stuff and he doesn't understand that he's got limitations now he's 44 yeah and once you strangle somebody to death that's hard enough as it is and if you've never done any cardio and if you've not done any work right and if you are like it seems like apparently he had a bit of a heart condition as well according to his ex-wife yeah he was already had a problem and so you know he was already getting you know just the fight leading up to this was stressing him out right like just the yelling and the fighting up to this point because he's great you know he's grabbing his arm a lot being like god damn it you know you know if you say one more thing you spoil another fucking episode of purvis you know what he probably thought he strained his arm strangling probably said god i need that i need to be stretching before i do something this is one of the hardest why is it radiating why is all the pain radiating all right and so when they found her she was laying there he had dragged her they're like it's just kind of unfortunately it's very cartoony where they drove past the place and they saw the abandoned his abandoned truck was on and the door was open the car was running with the radio going yeah and the door was open and then there was a trail leading to where he had dragged her out and she was dead with her arms up mid-drag and he's right next to her in the fetal dead yeah he was fetal position and then the person who found them thought that they had found mannequins of course because they that's common really yeah of course i guess i would be like oh someone left mannequin because i guess i wouldn't jump to there's a dead body over there yeah if you assume everything's a dead body i honestly would tell you you probably have ptsd yeah so if you yeah that's why a lot of people i feel like they have it now yeah they do so yeah these people are fucked but this is a uh they're they're getting into it it seems that they got into a bit of a fight they must have i don't think you just strangle somebody yeah um the uh his uh apparently they put out an obituary for him before they realized that he murdered her and uh they called him a country boy and then they took it down he is one yeah i don't think you guys i think you could still give him that distinction yeah yeah i think he is a country boy as a matter of fact i think that he is he killed outside he did and he dragged her to his favorite place and then he died there which is honestly almost in a way it's very poetic because then he gets to go right back amongst the trees just like the native americans he gets to full circle be amongst nature one of the leaves ah there he is amongst the roots oh look at this all right we we spoke uh poorly uh he's not from alabama he's actually from macon georgia he just did the killing there look up the i would love to look up the obesity rates of macon georgia i mean it rhymes i would i would like to see that if that is because again this is about triglycerides yeah and this is also why i think five percent thirty five percent exactly the same yeah i'm gonna guys this is about the men out there okay listen we gotta work on cardio yeah you can't just do the things you want to do just because you think you can because you used to buddy it's not the same oh they're well georgia's 19th and fat people no because georgian's got because atlanta tips scales because everybody's very fit and everyone's so hot yeah everyone's hot god that's a hot city it is it's hot everybody likes to work out a little bit the ones that don't work out are actually still kind of skinny i bet savannah's hot too savannah is from what well savannah's on the older side oh so former hot yes yeah used to be super hot now they're more of like the guelphs from our previous story oh this thing also says that 44 percent of the obese people are below the poverty line so very much so they're poor oh yeah no it's right it's very well i mean that is fucked up because the fucked up thing about that is food desert it's a food desert yeah and the mcdonald's your value meal is way easier a salad's fucking 20 bucks now it is and to buy all the ingredients for the salad yeah to make it home right now thanks to we're not talking about this yes we're supposed to keep it we're keeping it light we're keeping it light we're keeping it light we're not talking about the systemic no no no we're not keeping it light you know a lot of people have to get their groceries of the dollar general we're not bringing it we're not going to talk about the fact that it's almost done on purpose to the poor by the rich but we're not going to get into all that because again it's a light we're keeping it light all right the grandmother killed her family and that was because she didn't like the person that had nothing to do with her you know all right how about this here's a light one okay good here's a light here's a light one uh in milwaukee wedding a guy was eating meatballs with his hands cute right no it's adorable a guy's a seminary he's a groomsman he's sitting that's kind of even makes it even worse yeah someone's like hey why are you fucking meatballs with your hands and so he dragged him in the kitchen he shot him dude it's never this is what i'm gonna say if you see a guy who's at that point where he's got a meatball like an apple if he's eating a meatball like an apple don't talk to him if he is at that point yeah it's all it's a wedding it's a wedding and we might want to he's a i would say the groomsman should be held together enough held to a higher standard they're not eating the meatballs with their hands fight over meatballs i just love the fucking scene it's just like it's just this beautiful wedding scene it's just wedding shooting fight over meatballs it's also fat it's a fat fight it is another fat fight we covered this a while ago milwaukee's also big there's some big people in this picture also i get it today's big people do wrong maybe it's today's i gotta start doing this i want to go to the farmer's market me like have you had any of these red delicious and then just like pull a big meatball out of my tupperware these are good these are really good oh yeah you know people eat apples with like a knife they're not just me with my my meatball he's eating with a knife both the people lived i want to say that to me then says i just wish to use. Why bring a gun to the wedding? Well, it was in his car and he went out and got it because he was so mad and he brought it back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he shot the woman in the arm and the leg and he shot a man in the back of the neck. Jesus fucking Christ. Just let him eat his meatballs. Yeah, just let him have his meatballs. He probably went for easier access for the meatballs. You're back at it. You're still eating the meatballs. Shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up. You back the fuck up. These are my meatballs. These are my meatballs, bitch. Yeah, so. That's why I'd be like, whoa, yeah, take them. Let's box them up. The victim, the female victim said that she's the cousin of the bride and that she was in the kitchen area when she saw the groomsman eating meatballs directly with his hands. She told him to use a plate and he punched her. How did he get in? How is he on the party? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like this is a family thing because this is one of those issues too with those when you have to do mix family and friends and mix all these people who've never met each other before. Because you know this. We both had weddings. You know, like, when you bring the two levels of friends where you have like, there's the friends that have grown up. Like, we dealt with this a lot as comedians that in a wedding you'd have half the party were like other people from other walks of life that probably had, like, kids and. People you're not ready to give up on. Yeah, kids and homes, but like, literally like, they all grew up. We all got a couple. And then there's the other side of the friends that are all like your trash. These are the friends that I used to party with and I'd bring them places to make them fun. To have the events be fun, but it doesn't really mesh with my new current life. That's what it feels like this might be. Where that guy is used to being like, who gives a shit? We used to eat meatballs from the tray all the time. You fuckers, you're like, oh, you know, no one said anything when I stuck my head in a soup tureen, right? Like, at the bat mitzvah, right? Like, there's guys like that. Because there are guys that are like, he'd stick his head in a soup tureen ten years ago. Everyone's like, oh, fuck! This is the most lit shit in the world! Being like, he's like, I thought you guys would think this was hilarious. Yeah. Because meatballs, me eating meatballs with my hand, that's hilarious objectively. And then, no. He did leave behind a gift, apparently. An envelope addressed to the groom. I mean, he was embarrassed, man. Just one gift certificate to Magianos. You know, like, if someone called you out for eating a meatball with your hands at a restaurant, you'd be embarrassed probably, right? I'd say I'm sorry. I think a lot of it has to do with alcohol hall. People, I've noticed, as someone who went to a wedding recently with a bunch of youngsters and I had a great time, and I loved how happy they were. And I remember my weddings from the past. When you're young, you're so excited, you show up hammered. And then you've got a flask in your pocket, and there's free booze. You know, and it's just like, it's just a recipe for disaster. Yeah, and we just don't fight, we don't do that anymore. But yeah, it seems like it got really loose in there, and they were not really, they were mad about the people. Yeah, so I would say. Maybe they wanted to keep the meatballs, but I would say, if I see somebody, you know, just fucking box up the meatballs, give them the meatballs. Yeah, also, if you're planning a wedding, maybe no meatballs, do a bolognese. Interesting. Harder to eat with your hands. See, I like hand food. Swedish meatballs are so good. Meatballs aren't hand food. Yeah, they are. If they don't have sauce on them, they can be. See, what I do. Dude, I love a non-sauced meatball. Well, you know I always do that. Oh my god. When I make meatballs, I make like four meatballs for me while I'm eating. Yeah. And I eat those meatballs with no sauce, because they're my favorite meatballs. A meatball on a fork is my favorite meatball. You put them in the oven, and then you fry them to give them the shell. You do that. Oh my god. I don't. You see, my mom grew up with the no-fry. Yeah, that's what I do there. I did no-fry. No, it's like my meatballs. I bake them first, and then I put them in the sauce, because I'm trying to, you know. Oh, you don't fry them afterwards? I bake them. I love when they have the shell. See, I put them. You can get the shell. You can get the shell easy if you do it at a super high temperature for a very small amount of time. So if you actually put the oven up to like 475. Do you do have good meatballs? I do, and I try. So I put the oven up, 475, toss the meatballs in for like just 20 minutes, get them to brown as fast as possible, then I put them in. Do you use a lot of breadcrumbs, or just a little bit? I use. What I like to do, truly, I over-egg my meatballs. So I put a lot of eggs, and I put a little bit of half and half in there, but then I try to make it. Then everything's by hand feel. So then I add breadcrumbs by bread, because I kind of want it to be not so wet, but I want it to not be dry. Yeah. I over-egg my mashed potatoes. Yeah, you like putting that. You put eggs in the mashed potatoes. Yeah, I put eggs in the mashed potatoes. Which makes them all boundy. He does. He's been doing that. His mom taught him to do that. I never did that. You just crack two eggs in the mashed potatoes while they're all hot, and then you mix it up, and it cooks inside of it. It's fucking good. Yeah, it makes it like. It does. He does that. He makes it. It like thickens them up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I haven't made meatballs in so long. You should do it. Meatballs. We are a meatball. I make a meatball curry about once a week. That's the brighter side of this story. Meatballs. We're gonna have more meatballs in our life, because this guy's a fucking pig. Whatever this fucking guy is. This is now a meatball show. Also. We have just went past these crimes. We're here talking about meatballs, which is the heart of the show. Yeah, man. See, I think it's fucked up that this guy used a gun. Yes. He already punched the woman. You're not willing to use a fork. But you're willing to use a different instrument. Wow, what are we? Yeah, I think if you're gonna kill someone or try to kill someone after eating with your hands, strangle. Can I ask honestly were the meatballs sauced? We don't know. That's one of the big questions. It's not in the article. If the meatball's not sauced. Yeah. The other people were wrong. Yeah. I'm gonna say that. If the meatball wasn't sauced, what are we fighting for? Yeah. Don't ask me. I don't give a damn. He's looking at 25 years. When have you ever seen an unsauced meatball at a wedding, though? It depends. Oh, not at a wedding. Never at a wedding. Nobody keeps pre-sauced meatballs? No, you have to show up early to an Italian's house. That's how you get a pre-sauced meatball. Well, you gotta hang out with the chef. Yeah, you gotta hang out in the kitchen. Yeah. That's how you get the good shit. Early. Try this. Yeah. Try another one. Fuck yeah. We gotta move on. We're just talking about meatballs now. I will talk about meatballs for the rest of our life. But, Eddie, can you describe. I want you to do this one last story about the car that we should have got. The car? Oh! This is when I'm mad. Yes. I'm mad that I didn't get this car. So, my man, Mr. Pastrami, shout out to Roundtable. He sent me this and he's like, you gotta buy this for Henry. I want it so bad. And I. My response was, and I now know that I'm wrong. I was like, not yet. Henry's not dying yet. No. But now you do want it. Oh, no. Of course I fucking want it. I don't need to be dying to enjoy myself. So, this is coming out of China. A Chinese technology firm called Yuban has created an autonomous toilet to help people with limited mobility. Basically, it's a remote control toilet. That comes to your bed. Dude. And it fucking washes and wipes your ass. I don't give a fucking shit. I want to see how much this costs. Think about this. Self-driving, smart toilet. Dude, at night, you gotta go to the bathroom. How many times are you getting up these days? It comes to you. Like, three times. Me too. It'd be nice if I just, like, can put my legs over. Fucker comes over. He's like, I like you. Feed me. Feed me so much. Thank you so much. I'm thirsty. Thank you. I would love to look Julie in the eyes while I shit next to the bed. Hop on, partner. Time to take you to the rodeo. And then it just spins me as I shit. You know, I'm like, wee. Wee. That'd be the funnest part. Doing loop-de-loos while you poop. Every fucking everywhere, going, picking up the mail. You know, like, coming out, just actively shitting while I get the mail. Actively shitting while I go get my food. I ain't exposing myself. I got a blanket on top of me. You can't see anything because my belly's covering my dick and balls. Oh, so when it does this, it empties itself into an actual toilet. That is the most incredible thing I've ever. This is. I want this. Why is this just for dying and old people? Yeah, they could use this at the EDM festival. Oh, yeah. Tell me about that. Then the baby could be driven by the robot to the hospital. Because then it could sense Eddie, it's amazing. Special delivery. That's how we keep any baby from being. Quick, which way to the maternity ward? They went that way. I feel like I'm imagining this. Oh, it says you're not meant to poop in it. What are you fucking. Oh! It's meant for a quick leave. Oh, fuck this shit! Oh, fuck you! You can comfortably poop. You can poop in it. You can poop in it. Yeah, of course, because it's in my house. You gotta get it out. Yeah, it's in my fucking house, dude. No, fuck you, dude. That's some Chinese trickery. That's what that is. That's some Chinese-ass trickery trying to fucking wooden the living fuck. I'm angry, dude. This is a trap. It's a prank. They have ultra-violent sterilization to kill bacteria. That's nice. What does it matter if you can't. I'm dumping it. You never get rid of your pee-pee particles. My pee-pee particles ain't that stinky. Yeah, mine are. I got that vitamin D, too, dude. I'm making my pee-pee particles all kinds of stinky. They love it. Stop it. That's why you gotta flush the lid of the toilet. Close the lid to the toilet. That way when you flush, your pee-pee particles don't fly up in the air and get on your toothbrush. That is true. That is what you should do, absolutely. I learned that from a man. Yeah. He has a man named. My name? Pee-pee Particles. Yeah, I know. Hello. I couldn't help but notice you put pee-pee particles everywhere. That's why I'm here. It's me. Mr. Monsignor Pee-pee Particles. No, I'm mad. You mad you can't shit in it? It's 13 grand and I can't fucking shit in it? Fuck you. It's four grand. Oh. I think the price varies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'd pay 13 grand if I could shit in it. You would go up that high? You've an extra 9,000, just the shit in there. climb stairs if i can shit in it and it can go upstairs that would be it's got a grinder in it no i know dude oh man that's awesome so can you do it for espresso and for cold brew do they have what what what are the levels on the grind oh man this makes me want to get old so bad see i feel like eddie this is what i'm saying i hate i also hate it when they make the urine brown in it they made the fake waste water in it oh yeah it's like brown yeah well it's probably diarrhea hopefully yeah i also the assume maybe yet if you're older you are shitting more liquid oh they say it's uh got similar technology as a roomba i mean it's gonna just scare the shit out of wendy oh wow yeah but this is great i'm out of china why are you mad at him they're lying they're helping this is an advancement no dude not unless you can shit in it it is getting you closer to your poo-poo remote control car i know but i want to shit in it all right i want to be able to shit in it and then until that until that happens there's no point the piss is able not to be anything truly piss is easier to contain on your body than poop when henry was a kid he destroyed so many power wheels i did i did but that's what do you know what i mean right like you got rubber sheets you got all the difference of except for that i do send you that one there's one um there's one series of videos i send to eddie all the time of this like one family dealing with a large very large development disabled boy that's like probably six and a half feet tall ripping their home to shreds right it's really kind of scary they gotta bolt them down all the chairs you like they have to bolt the refrigerator to the wall there's gates everywhere it's really intense it's like it's crazy it's like these people it's like it's very exploitive it's extremely exploitive i don't know if it is i just don't i don't either way i just think it's icky but the thing you're the biggest fan i keep sending you the videos because the way they have to wrap the bed for the amount that he urinates yes they have to put two rubber sheets on it then they put wicking sheets on it then they wrap him in several sheets of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper and then they wrap him in three sheet of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper. sheet of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper. sheet of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper. sheet of paper and then they wrap him in three sheets of paper. want to come to that you better get in there it's gonna be in the belly room henry and i are co-hosting and then i'm gonna do a set at the end and i got some friends there nicole buchanan shout out to you and john grace you're gonna have a lot of fun and then one of my chicago shows sold out so saturday in chicago is sold out you can't get tickets to that anymore but i got a ticket we opened up a show on friday that's july 31st at the lincoln lodge come and see that show it's a late night show 10 p.m you got a lot of shows i do got a lot of shows and don't forget in august 16th dead men tell some tales here d23 weekend at dynasty typewriter we're doing bringing that show back and my boy henry's gonna be there for that as well i got so many more shows coming down the pipe dc milwaukee denver san francisco nashville rochester go to eddytoons.com to get access to all those shows and also before we go rob's been twitching rob's been twitching not just season yeah yeah it's over on twitch yeah what's your what's your handle on twitch uh at rob oki on twitch at rob oki go check it out you've been twitching you've been watching shit and hanging out with people yeah we just watched the whole back rooms youtube series last night it was two and a half hours long it was great you got work to do yeah you gotta be funny i need to take a break every once in a while no i'm glad you're doing this is the problem he's doing that thing we start to be like you can't monetize all your bumps rob you're gonna freak out come check it out it'll be fun it's amazing uh yeah we love you guys thank you for hanging out with us love you hail satan hail uh hell grooves records yeah that place was really cool