Side Stories: Joey Chestnut vs. The World

There's no place to escape to and this is the last talk on the left. Side stories? That's one of the cannibalism started. Side stories, yes. Get my D-H, get your D-H, get my D-O-U-J, D-H, D-H-L, alternate packing service. I'm just excited about my future as a messiah, I have stigma, I have a stigma, I don't want to haul you stupid, I have a stigma, I guess it's a ridiculous, unnecessarily masculine, yeah exactly. That's one of those. Thank you. Translates, no I fucking dude, I lift so hard the other day, I lifted 245 pounds for the first time I've ever done that and I fucking ripped my hands open to it. It wasn't deadlift, yeah it wasn't like a bench press, I'm not there yet, yeah a deadlift I'm getting there, 245, that's big for me, that's fine, look at me, you do nothing, you do absolutely nothing, you eat berries, I do I love my berries, I'm sick now, I have bench 300 pounds, I'll get there, yeah, I am gonna get there. I was 19 though. Yeah, but yeah, all these kids, I see them all doing it even in the gym now, the kids come over, they all smile, they're all fucking garbage, all they do is sit there, they only, you know, they do is nutty salutes to each other and just skip it over and over again and they just go and they, but yeah, they could lift tremendous weight because they don't have feelings yet. Yeah, I don't know, I was, I cheated though, I let it, I bounced it a little bit. And also, yeah, you weren't doing it, I do shit slow, yeah I bet, I do shit real slow. Everything. It's wrong. Oh, is that one list? Stick my tongue. Is that why you're in the bathroom so long? I touched my cries. I'm in the bathroom because that's how I think, welcome to side stories, I'm sitting here with non-finger Ed Larson I guess. What? Exactly. Exactly. You all know, y'all know me, all right, we're in the toilet for a super long time, it's because life's complicated, yeah, and I, or I'm playing my fruit game, exactly, which is taking a shit full of fruit, yeah, you and I, between the berry consumption that you got yourself up to and the berry consumption that I'm up to, my shit's at grizzly level. Oh, do you know what I learned recently and I don't even know what to do with this because I don't think I can handle this, is that you're supposed to be freezing the blueberries. I buy them frozen, I told you, bro. You buy them frozen? Yeah, you moron. Apparently they release more antioxidants when they're frozen. Stick my tongue. Goddamn it. Maybe better life than me. And I, new Christ, Henry Zabrowski, yes, I feel good to be the new Christ. I hope they don't kill me like the last one, oh, you know, at least it'd be fun. Yeah, I want to come back for a couple days, it didn't kill him in Italy. It was the Italians who did it but it wasn't in Italy. Oh, yeah, it's right, yeah, it's right, yeah, so the right, you get to Italy and you make a right. He couldn't walk to Italy, the ankle support wasn't good enough. Yeah, what if I can bet, I'm saying Jesus Christ couldn't fucking, they could keep you on the cross, man. That's all I'm not saying, dude, you can't keep you on the cross. I'm Teflon. Yeah, shout out to Rob, always throwing up what we're talking about on the screen so we can see it. He threw up a picture of Jesus. Thank you. Yeah, just so we knew that it was Jesus. And you know, I love about this Jesus, I'm trying to inspire you guys, you know, I do appreciate white Christ. I love a thing. Ginger. White Christ Ginger Christ Eddie Sheeran Christ is my favorite Christ because that's the one the most because you know how well he would have stood the temperatures of the desert. We have some updates. First of all, there was a lie that was issued a clip of Joey Chestnut choking out a guy a protester that was from 2022 and one viral. We were super excited about it because honestly, we hear at last podcast on the left are Joey Chestnut fans. Big fucking nutter, dude, I'm trying to get him in here. I'm all up in that shit and yes, he's a fucking champion. He did plead guilty to assault. He was out on parole in order to compete in Coney Island, but I will say you have to be on parole to compete in Coney Island and he won. He did won 66 hot dogs. He won, which is the big deal for us as an America again, after the World Cup, after we sucked dick over there, right after we fucking sucked all that dick because we suck him with losers right now. Joey Chestnut's our world. He's a winner. All right. I dare anybody from Balenciah trying to eat fucking 66 hot dogs at once. I'll probably kill him. Send his fucking ass to Belgium. Yeah. Oh, I bet you. Oh, they have one little sip of tea over there. They get they all they get all jittery. They can't eat 66 hot dogs. Well, fucking make their systems explode. I wrote Joey Chestnut a song because I like him so much. Please do it. Do you need a you need like, I'm going to do an aquapello. Some aquapella aquapello's his gay brother aquapello is when a man does it. You're okay. I'm sorry. Okay. That's how it goes. aquapella is when your fucking bitch ass does it. That's right. You can come at me. I have stigmas. Give me that. That. That. That. That. That. That. Give me that. Give me that. Give me that. Eat nothing. This is the place to be. Always chewing the life for me. Spread your lips open for and why don't you just let me put my dog inside. Give me that. That. That. That. Yeah, truly a wonderful American. And so from one American dead of AIDS to one soon to be dead of AIDS, Joey Chestnut, we salute you. Really good work. But yeah, just so you know, sometimes clips co-viral out of context, but I will say we didn't talk about this. We talked maybe briefly before we told me when talking about this on the show, I watched the body cam footage of what of Joey Chestnut getting arrested for the assault. No. Oh my God, buddy. What happened? So it starts with, first of all, he's all hungover, right? Cause so the cop is coming to him. So what we now know, the whole thing, he, a fan, a couldn't go fan came up to Joey Chestnut, he, they got into some physical altercation where he choked the guy out just like he choked a protest around it and tried to stop his, his fucking incredible run. You get between the nut and fucking dogs done. You're done, buddy. Well done. Okay. And so these guys, so the, this guy, obviously he, he got choked out by Joey Chestnut super upset about it. So he called the police. The next day they come here to show him the video of what he did. Yeah. And the best part is that so Joey's just not, let's just say he don't remember it. Let's say he gets a little happy out there with the alcohol. Yeah. All right. I think that he might, he says that he was completely blocked out, which I agree. This is why I try not to hang out with fans. Yeah. He's completely, so the cop is showing him the video Joey Chestnut sitting there with his head in his hands and he's like, the cop is trying to be as nice as possible because the cop is obviously a fan. Yeah. So the cop is like, everyone's a fan. Joey, I'm not trying to fuck up your night here, but I just need you to look at this video and he shows him the video and it's him choking out the fan, right? And he's doing it with his hands or his arm bar or his arm bar, right? It's not that bad. Eddie. You're not a slayer. You're not a slayer. You're not a slayer. You're not paying me yet. So Joey says that as he's watching the mortified look over his face, he's like, Jesus fucking great. And the best part is his wife behind him. Just going, you fucking idiot, Joey, that's you, that's you, Joey, like over his shoulder is going, that's definitely you. You're guilty of this, Joey, you know, like, he's sitting there, he's like, Jesus fucking great. And the cop is like, gee, wish, Mr. Nut, I wish I didn't have to, I wish it didn't have to do me. You know what I mean? Oh, I got to say, I've been watching you ever since fucking, 97, and so this is a lot for me. None of us want to bring you in. None of us want to do this. But the guy is mentally handicapped now. And so we can have to bring him in. He's fine. No, he's not, he's not mentally handicapped. He's fine. But the cheer, I just feel like if you saw the disappointment of Joey Chestnut's wife, I can't believe they blurred her face. We know who she is. Yeah, I'll find her. Yeah. I think she is, I think her anger might even be enough. I, you know what? Honestly, you know, sometimes you just feel like that. I got to tell you, you know, I don't want to talk like this because I love the nut. And I don't want to, you know, be an asshole about this, but like, I expect better out of his wife. Hmm. I expect her to be like, that's not my Joey. That's not him. You know, like, come on, put on the show. You know what I'm saying? What are we doing here? Eddie? If Julie sells me down the river like that in front of a cop, I'll be very upset. They're going to do it. Yeah. Wives look for crimes now. Okay. That's just how it is. There's no lower linies from the river anymore. Is it Mystic River? There's none of that. Yeah. It doesn't exist. Right? You're a bad person if your wife's also a bad person. The key about that. every man or anybody that has a significant other, the key is that you need to find the moral opposite of you to balance you out. So most guys, I do believe, have a much more moral person in a wife form next to them that is the morality outside of them. And it helps checks and balances of all the horrible thing that you're gonna do as a guy, just throughout your life. - Yeah, oh, he used to be with another competitive leader. And her name was Nestle. - Jesus Christ, I'm gonna fucking asshole. - Whoa, that's her? - That's his old bride to be. And now I guess they're not together anymore. So I looked up Joey Chestnut wife and he's not married. - Oh, it's his girlfriend. - It's his girlfriend. - I think she just got a little demotion. - Dude, I mean, fucking whatever. I mean, I'd fall in love with a girl if I could see her turn her fucking throat into a hot dog highway, have once a year, you know what I mean? Just open up the gates and just throw all these nitrates in, making you permanently able to withstand the temperatures of the sun. - Hold on a second. Is he married or not married? Are we really, this is, wow, we're really gonna get this. - I need to know. - I need to know. - Sidestore's LPLGML.com is anybody hooked up with Joey Chestnut. - The daily, the daily, the daily insight says his wife is Nestle. - The company. - The company. - Wow, well, that's obviously the big guy. - It's a sponsor. - That's a big guy. - No, Nestle Rekasa. - No, he was previously engaged or. - I was previously engaged. - I mean, it's hard. These careers are hard on people. You got to travel a lot. - You got to travel a lot. - He's a big star. - There's the groupies, you know what I mean? People come out to you from only different angles. I get it. - It's hard. - Do you see groupies or meatballs? - I think, yeah, I think they're called meatballs. - Yeah. (laughs) - With the bent on the size of them. - Really depends on the size of them. - I love you Joey, no matter what your crimes are. - So, keep eating them dogs, bro. - Do fucking with it, man. - All G has to know is much like we here at last podcast and all after just subject to whatever the hell it is that we're staying within WME only because we have just committed just under the amount of crimes. We need to get canceled. Joey, just not, I would also advise you the same. - Yeah, yeah. - Try to keep your crimes not violent. That's what I would do. - Keep it to financial crimes, no one really cares. - Speed, you can do all that. You can drug possession, get a bad meme coin. - That's great. - That's all fine for us. - We can all forgive you for all of those things. - Oh, not coin? - Oh, in a second, I'd forgive you for your rug, bull. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's fine, because anybody's buying money from a hotdog, man, should commit suicide. (laughing) So I think that's a fine thing. I think that's fine for that to be a problem. - I love you, Joey. - I love you, Joey. - We love you, Joey, we do. No matter what you've done. You're unconditional love for you here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope your reigns supreme till you die. - Gip, you will. I've 10 years from now. - I would love it, honestly. And I think he would too, is if he died in front of us. - He's going to. - Yeah, I want him to be, don't worry about it. - Don't worry about it. - I want him to go down hard, and he don't worry about it. - I want them to be like, oh, there's no winner this year because Joey, all right, want him to still win. - Well, they're just like, he's eaten so many hotdogs cumultatively, no matter how many hotdogs you eat today, you're not even even get close to his number. - So if Joey's like, all right, you're in the middle of a competition, hypothetical speaking. - Yes. - He's middle competition, he's at 50 dogs, he's already winning. All right, he chokes, dies. There's still three minutes left. Do they let everyone keep going to see if they can beat him? - They better? - Yeah, right. - Is this America? Does the war end when the general gets shot in the head? - Absolutely not. - No, we still got to go on, all right? When our general of culture was shot in the head, beautiful Luis E.K., we still had to move on. We still had to get up every day and go to war. - That's right. - And defend him and get out here and talk about how it's totally fine because he asked permission before he openly jerked off in front of a bunch of his coworkers. - Not when he did it on the phone. - You're right. - When he did it on the phone, that was actually pretty bad I would have to say. - That was pretty bad. - That one, what? - You write it. - It's really good, Eddie. (laughing) - But we just want to say we're so congratulations on his new Netflix deal. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, oh yeah. - Oh, so he's a coworker. - Yeah, he is. It's really great. - Look at that. - It's really good to be amongst the best here in Netflix. (laughing) - So here we go. Let's first get into this super sad story. I want to do this first before we get into your fun story, Eddie. - Oh, whatever. I got a time. - Slide from North Laid. - So this one is, you know, the current administration has really shown us a lot about how important family is. - Oh, absolutely. - And I think that's one of those things that like us, Godless, childless. I would say F words here in Los Angeles. We've been trying to destroy your family culture for as much as possible. - That's right. - That's his family so much, he fucks his daughter. - That's the idea, right? He chose his daughter again and by fucking her, right? - He loves his ex-wife so much. - He buried her in an ex-sex with her against her will. - Yeah, that's huge. (laughing) He's so pro-family. And I feel like that's what it is. Is that the family is suffering. And I think that what happened here in Ohio, to me, is another example of government overstepping on a family just trying to be a family. - Okay. So in Vinton County, Ohio, 16 children were removed from a home, this is deep Trump country. - Okay. - In a 12 by 12 space in which they had been living, subquestered, covered in feces, filth, and all sorts of manner of total degradation from the ages of 17 months to 18 years old. 18 year old was completely nonverbal. Completely couldn't even write her name at no idea where she lived. Couldn't even name the city that she lived in. They were being raised by, quick, raised, I'd say, kept by the ciders family. Now, this is a close family, Eddie. - Okay, it sounds like it. - Gay are close. So first it starts with Gary Ciders senior 73. Then there's a little bit, Christina Cider 67, that's Mom and Dad, that's Papa and Nanu. - Right. - And then you have Gary Ciders junior 36 years young with his beautiful bride Elizabeth Ciders 33. Now, you'd say that they all look like they're covered in liquid Vaseline, right? But no, that's just them. - Yeah, some people, you know, some people like baby oil, they look like they like adult oil. - Now, what I find interesting about these family members is that they each have a different set of chihuahua eyes. (laughing) I've never seen human beings with tear stains before, like in a chihuahua. And so, Elizabeth Ciders, Gary Ciders looks like John Carpenter's ghost. - Yeah, he does, he don't look good. And he looks like he needed a break. And he's got the reverse Hitler facial hair. - It's really gross. - It's really gross. - It's a tiny mustache. - Which is weird. I hate that. Especially if you're not a Civil War reenactor or Amish. So the way it goes. - This is a Civil War of like perpetrator. - Yeah, he's still fighting. (laughing) - So these guys, they all got arrested on child endangerment. Now, where this all came from was that the police, for some reason, it's a little spotty. They were going, they were doing a search warrant for an indecent exposure charge on the son, Gary Ciders Jr. 36. Apparently, he had been over four instances over the last month. They said the idea that he's been furtively, the term furtively, showing his genitalia at the neighborhood, four separate times, in a way that you cannot construe, that he was trying, not trying to show it to a member of his household, which it did not know was fine. - Yeah. - Like, you can, that's fine. You can just, as long as they're, as long as they're a roommate, you can show them your dick and balls. - If you have 16 child prisoners, don't go showing your dick to the neighborhood. - You think that, Eddie. - I think he's, that's what I'm saying. I don't think his eye was on the prize here. So, that's what, they went into investigation. - Man, no, Gary's senior's so mad at Gary Jr. - Oh, he's having a whole day look down. - Yeah, I'll get one, God, we, we want to bolt up. They know what to bolt up. No, about our baby fucking ring, you know? 'Cause I'm gonna show you a dick all over town. - Yeah, Daddy, just like you, Daddy. How'd you be mommy, Daddy? - Yo, what? - So, Gary Ciders Jr. married, Quonkel was allowed to marry Elizabeth Ciders when Elizabeth was 15 years old. She was taken from her family, essentially. They went to another state. - Well, the family would have to sign off on it, right? - They did, they got permission. They went to another family. They went to another state in order to get married in West Virginia because Ohio, it's still got that over West Virginia. - Oh, okay. - Is that you can't marry your child in West Virginia. You can just, you in Ohio, but you can kind of keep it sequestered in a house for a super long time. - Yeah, in Ohio, they would have to wait another couple months. - Yeah, you have to get, yeah, yeah, there's a form. Trump has to marry you. I think that's how it works. That if you are getting married to a child in Ohio, Trump insists he officiates. And then he also gets, I believe they call it Primo Nakta, which is an evil concept of the feudal lord gets to have his first night with the newest bride of anyone amongst his town. (laughing) - Hopefully. So these guys, so Elizabeth Ciders has been a part of this family. So now this kind of is interesting thing. So she's now 33. - Yeah. - She has been with them for 18 years. She has been pregnant every year. So here's the, - Oh, so these kids aren't kidnapped, they're hers. - We don't even really know. So this is, so this is where she has been registered as pregnant. She was pregnant in 2008 with one child. 2009 child 2 2011 child 3 2012 child 4 2013 child 5 2014 child 6 2016 child 7 2017 child 8 2019 child 9 2020 child 10 2022 twins 11 and 12 2020 24 twins 13 and 4 2025 twins 15 and 16 and then apparently two subsequent stillbirths of Conjoined twins that died on delivery. This lady is just pressing them out She's a Pokemon factory. Yeah, I have no idea how how you could have that many babies and still have organs Yeah, I mean she would have a point if they weren't stuck together. You're right But I would count that as one. Yeah, if I was a betting man, they had two hearts Right two arts will make some person a harder brand to That's a good question. I'd store his LPL Gmail dot com What makes a awesome a haus. Well, a brand Aren't you the answer? I was like a Wizard of Oz Yeah, it's 16 kids. No one fucking asked any questions all these years. Everyone is basically like oh Gary Singers got the homeschooling they have moved from They have moved from place to place to place with these kids as they've increased in a bunch of different states We're now seeing that this is the final resting place that they've been at for four they've only been here for four years Those kids they said the neighbors that they'd never seen a kid. They didn't even know they had kids It wasn't even until like all of this have they were like what the fuck's happening in this house They must be going around in the night time. They said the only thing they've seen of this family is Jr's penis You know, I feel like people in Ohio they like I mean, yeah, it's a Ohio thing. Yeah, I don't fucking talk to each other man Like this is where like a Castro was hiding all those chicks in his basement. Honestly, you're kind of not bad You're not correct. You're correct. I do legitimately. I don't see nothing. I don't say no But it's like ask questions wave high your neighbor fucking who knows what's going on in there I think it's partially the conservative idea of not my business not my pig not my farm, right? Which is how they say they they that's how they say they have peace right? That's that they say like oh, I don't judge and I don't care what you do in your house or that kind of stuff But it's really just I don't care. Yeah, I don't care what happens over there. There's no love in that goddamn state No, it's does it's all for sport. It's pure death for family. It's pure death And so these guys were there they don't know they're they're now calling us The main issue here is that who fathered all these kids So we don't really know we don't know yet. They're now all in custody. They're all being tested for these fucking guys Yeah, they definitely bushwhacked that one Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely it was a tag team style situation going on that I honestly think is gross What about Christina Ciders is she is her only child. So did she only have Gary Jr It seems that Christina Ciders was the chef Yeah, I think I put her chef slash So she they only have one child and then they moved into 16 it does seem to that is that then they then whatever What was happening with the youngest girl and junior They were either participating in making children altogether. Yeah, or they're just watched. Yeah, like a good grandfather does You know, that's which is in ghouls, man. They are literal ghouls. So if the kids are now out They are trying to figure out out they're going to be in the foster system. They're all fucking lives They are not going to get better. I guess I guess all I'm going to say is that this section is at least done Right, yeah, they said the rest of the family apparently the rest of the ciders family didn't hear a lot from them. Oh, yeah, they cut them off Yeah, they said they really kept them in an arm's length And that it is interesting because they even just said that ciders had even been in all American family The within first because that's the problem is that they both dropped out of grade school Uh, it was a great school. Yeah, it was with ciders didn't she can she can Completed eighth grade, okay, and then she was no high school for her. She don't need it. No You don't need it to fucking get that to Yeah, oh my god Right I'm not helping no, you're right. It's not a class Getting calm is in a class in high school. So yes, I mean unless you call it a fucking home room Do you know in um in my school we had like uh these kids were in home room all time yes all the time They're not a lot out of home room unfortunately um the uh we had a place where you could uh if if someone had a kid and they were in high school we'd have a little we have a daycare that's how many kids were getting knocked up in Florida We have a daycare of my high school's adapt. Yeah, you guys ever had Did you guys what do high schools have wet nurses yet? I mean we're all wet nurses I've tried to I applied to be one. Oh, I mean I hope whenever I see those maternity little closets I'm like uh is there a waiting list? The best part about Henry being a wet nurse is the kids get the flaws while they're doing it Well, this story is gonna really only blossom from here. So so they like what they get life What is the crime the crime is oh no, they'll get massive life They have a child engagement child wreck all of the child dead the abuse stuff You can go to jail for life for that uh teen counts of endangering children. Yes, and they it sounds like it's worse than that It's kind of funny because like it might it will definitely wait till you see though like law and crime network Is like one of my favorite YouTube channels that goes over to your crime and they decided they had the Gary ciders senior they had his lawyer on and they just him even trying to explain that he was like Yes, the house was dirty In facies means dirty. So it was just that's dirt Confessies has the type of dirt and then he was also like okay And then he was just like also there was so lock on that room Any one of those children could have left at any time they weren't Locked in there. They were just kept in there and you're right. You can't you Do I just even as he's trying to explain everything this is my job. I have to do this to do this Do you think I like this in the Constitution? I don't want to do this. I don't want to look at that man That man is there I have a deer head and an apple head in one family. Yeah, I've never seen I've never seen an apple headed Chihuahua person if he is guilty I get to punch him first. Yes But that's my job. That's what I get to do until that day Till that day he is He's sort of innocent God, it's just like you look at this crew and it's like how does Hey, I'll destroy them, but of course they couldn't sneak out Gary Cider seniors looking in two different directions He's covering the whole fucking room. You're right. You're right. That's what it is Yeah, his peripheral is way better than his uh Straight on. Yeah, he'd be a really good tennis player. Yeah, you want to hide from him. You just stand right in front of him Oh Well, we wish him luck And we hope that I think the family is going to be all right man. They really all should be in prison forever I think that the feel like Elizabeth Ciders is the only one I take a little bit of pity on who knows who I mean Yes, of course Scott fucking like a prisoner everything is she her life whenever we want to do her life wasn't Awesome. So whenever we're going to like it's bad. She was of the four villains here She was like the number four villain. You know, I mean like she was the one that was still there like it's hard Yeah, like a lot of people are gonna be like why didn't you go running out of there? Should we do tears list on them? Well, we got to get the kids names this first Doesn't matter unless you get all the kids You got to rank them sleepy dopey Sneezy, grabby, river, then two times the amount of dwarves trigger snappy What are your name your kids at that point? It's like the entire staff of LPN. Yeah, oh it is You're like my intro family. Yeah, man, imagine that. I bet none of them had health insurance. Yeah, wow You would save so much money if you just made a little secret family Don't ruin my plan All right, here we go. I actually have a bit of happiness. Oh, okay. This is happiness. All right Arizona toddler declared dead was found alive in the morgue Again, this is another kid that is as you're claiming this is happy it is okay So it's 20 I'm gonna throw an S on the end of that it was super well Sunday. You got to see it in the game And Arizona toddler was pronounced dead in emergency room on Super Bowl Sunday The worst most bummer day to have a dead toddler On at it five hours later the boy Easter See See how it's nice to be give us something to do Super Bowl Sunday at least it's already nighttime. Yeah, I guess What happened during the six-hour period so the baby was found breathing in the hospital morgue about six hours later The circumstances that led to the near drowning. This is like Vincent Lorenzo Fjordeligno. Okay. He was in a pool. There's an Maricopa County um Now we don't know so apparently according to the police It police the parents were they they had wandered off the pool because they were um Let's just say the parents were all fucked up. They were they were stoned They were stoned and drunk watching the Super Bowl and they lost control over they they lost sight of their son That slips into the pool truly nightmare Of nightmares also if you're getting high what's more fun than a toddler Play with the kid You know, if you're stoned, like just pay it, it's their goof. Let him let him let him give you some entertainment controversial statement, you know, we're fucking That's not a controversial statement and he's I'm a bit around a child I around a child watch him. I'm mostly stone Yeah, when I'm around a child put on Yeah, put on metal by pink Floyd. Yeah, dude. It's just being like it put on a show and explain to them what fucking Vietnam was about Yeah, get him used to it But so there's a it's sad, right? I also believe but part of me is one of those where I I tend to think Superbowl parties and children Should be separate. Yes, and I think that children can be kept in a place Away from you don'ts. That's maybe my thought, right? I don't use the pack and play they could have used a pack and play But truly, I think it's really nice that it worked out like this so the baby went in And it's got heartbreaking situation. They said they had smoked weed in the morning and They got the baby they found the baby so right now I'm trying to see so according to crowdfunding there's a crowdfunding thing up there. The baby is breathing And apparently he doesn't have serious brain damage. He's not a baby. He's a toddler 18 months he could say dot-dot probably. Well, yeah, I mean, hopefully I mean also the cop who showed up There was a doctor on the scene who pronounced him dead and the cops like are you sure the doctor's like I'm a doctor Let's just say I like and no dead children Okay, let me show you first of all I put the little silver mirror underneath his nose Then I put two silver dollars on his eyes full of riva sticks so that he can be cut on to take him to the other side Yeah, because everyone's getting mad at the parents and yeah Yeah, of course you shouldn't get you know you shouldn't get so high. You don't know where your toddler is. Yeah I wouldn't but the doctor is super paranoid about it the doctor literally turned to the cop and said Please do your thing and let me do my thing. I went to medical school for a reason direct quote Nothing makes me happy. No, nothing makes me dead at the scene that locked him in a drawer at the morgue and Done. Oh, what was that little twitch? Who cares? I got to go finish the Super Bowl My god, they're turning it all around Wasn't this also the worst Super Bowl of all time. I don't watch anymore. This is less. This is just a reason not to watch the last time I watched the Super Bowl was so fucking boring. I don't even know why I would lose track of my child Right? Am I wrong? Man out there side stories help you Side stories LPL gmail.com. What is the Super Bowl? You would have lost your child that oh It could have been during the halftime show. Oh Janet Jackson. No Bad bunny. Oh, it was bad bunny. Everyone watch the bad bunny I was saying the turning the time that I would be so distracted that I would lose control of a child Maybe he was doing a bad bunny impersonation and just hopped in the boor. What? What? What was going to be that? Bad bunny's got a super weird voice. Let's continue Actually, I like bad buddy. I like that whole thing. No, it's it's fine. It's fine. All right. Now Eddie what you have a bit of news Oh, yeah, this story is honestly really nice and this was one of those nice-ish. We don't know yet Natalie's all developing Natalie's obsessed with the story. Yeah, so We got a guy everyone's been sending me this and thank you very much. I appreciate of course I'll see you This is for you. You like big animals. Yeah, so Neil the seal. Okay, he's this Australian elephant seal And he's been showing up the whole bar and a whole bunch and he's big. He's the only boy in town And now this is New Zealand, right? No, that's a whole bar is Australia. That's the bottom of Australia got it Tasmania so Tasmania that's what it is And so he's like he's been Neil the seal has kind of apparently this is it Anders Bray not Anders Bravery Who is the other guy Martin Brian? My Brian territory got it the now I know my favorite now I get it Yes, thank you, yeah, and so maybe he's just a fan. Maybe he just wants to do a true crime tour So Neil the seal apparently has made it a like Almost like a tradition it comes back twice a year Yeah, as elephant seals do they come back and it's usually one male roles and area of females Yes, and Neil the seal is in charge, but there really isn't that many females around but there's coming in here and there But Neil the seal runs this area of Hobart. That's his Beach and he's gonna get bigger. He's two tons right now. It's fascinating So they have to deal with him every time he shows up. He's cranky because what he does is it's both that it seems that he's cranky Flash wildly playful slash horny where he's well. That's why he's there. He's there to fuck right He's there to fuck and so he's not fucking so he's doing what all the cops told me the teenagers do when they don't fuck They break shit right? Yeah, yeah, Rub against poles. Yes, so he then will fall asleep in the highway and he just starts breaking shit Yeah, he likes to hang out in puddles. He likes signs. Yeah, and basically you can't get within 20 meters of Neil the seal. He's an elephant seal. They are very dangerous. They are very big. He will kill you A lot of people that in this is the real problem here. Not only is Neil the seal like destructive But the thing is the real issue is he's become a celebrity. Yeah, and people want their fucking picture with him I mean, yeah, this is what's gonna get Neil fucking off. Yeah, because someone's gonna get hurt by Neil And then they're gonna have to do something about it. Yeah, and it's this is what happened There was a walrus in Norway a couple years ago. This happened. They had to off his ass. Yeah, because he was cute Just sleeping on couches in the bay and that people just keep getting too close to him And then they got a fucking kill him because that's what happens and I'm not saying I agree with the fact that they got to kill him I'm just saying that's what fucking happens. It will happen. You know, yeah He's really fun. It's like I do like the idea that the town is embracing him and all of the Police and the construction people try to make it kind of semi-safe for him because there's like areas There was like one thing that they showed that there was like one specific like fence He'd like to sleep on. Well, yeah, he just they put up a fence to keep him out and he was like, fuck that shit I like you. I'm a ruin that fence. I'm gonna destroy it. So cute He just rips through this whole thing where he does this thing where they put up these like wood slats And he just falls on him and falls on him and falls until they break and then he just rolls through and then he sleeps And it's very cute. He like rolls around. He's obviously like playing. He kind of has like It's like both. He's obviously super horny and aggressive But he's also sort of like having a good time. Yeah 2,200 pounds out of just piece of blubber Just destroying shit and they have to deal with him every year and every year he comes back He gets bigger. Yes, and apparently he's not gonna reach full size until he's 10. That's awesome 5 now. That's so much so he's gonna get even bigger. This is his beach. He owns this shit The problem is that people want to get too close to him or There's other people who just hate him because he's fucking up the neighborhood. I get that Dude, he was there before you, bro. I guess not. No, well, I mean elephant seals work. Yes, and that here is one of the weird Problems is they haven't been there in a long time But now elephant seals are doing a little better than they were and they're showing up the places where they used to be And now there's the shits on the people and they're not having a good time Comingling. Well, how does elephant seal taste? Not good. Yes, they can just eat. They're all over California. Yeah, because we need them right if we go We need the shit out of them if we could yeah, I wonder why we don't because I know it's a lot of the mammals in the ocean They're full of mercury. Oh sure. That's why you really shouldn't be eating whale You shouldn't be eating dolphin. You know, you get a big head or you get your your kids get a big head Unpalatable meat passed over hunting and nearly drove the drone to extinction So some point people just like it's just disgusting and it's really gross. Yeah, well, yeah, because they look dark Gain it's a strong metallic flavor. They're protected. Oh, animals should be protected But yeah, so there is a petition to make sure he doesn't get euthanized make sure you go and sign it if you care about Neil The seal we all care about Neil's seal I signed it. I think everyone has should sign it not that I think my signature should matter in Tasmania But um, but it's one that they allowed us the option. Yes. Do you know there's a speaking of Tasmania? You know the you know that Wu-Tang album that that the farmer bro bought and then I got to listen. Yes, they play it at a museum in Tasmania Isn't that weird it's the only place you can go listen to it a standing in that museum in Tasmania But I don't want to go that's what Neil's all about maybe he's just a fucking Wu-Tang fan He's just stuck in here with the secret out. She's a fucking nightish Shaolin. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about Cream man. Yes, I bet dude fucking The chum rules everything around me That's fucking huge dude. Um, yes, but uh he uh he will be getting bigger and but most elephant seals do die before they get to the breeding age But I think Neil isn't going to because he's a big old boy and he seems to be king of the beach. Hey, you know what I say Somebody fuck him also. I mean don't worry about it. Fuck him. Oh, no, Neil's throwing it down. Don't worry about that Um, I will say if you have free time. I definitely scared uh My neighbor on an airplane recently when I was watching a bunch of elephant seal fights. Um, they get Violent if you ever watched it. Oh, sure. Just them slamming into each other and digging their fucking Mouths into each other and just blood flying everywhere ripping each other's noses off. It's fucking awesome I watched that Ethan Hawke movie blue moon. No, okay. Yeah, it's so same. Yeah, see I it's gonna be I'm listening to my Donald bird jazz Oh Great way to experience life. No, I only watch that's where I watched dramas. I watch them on planes. You watch drama Well, this is a drama. It is this is the ultimate drama of life Action. Honestly, if I wanted to see this I'd watch printed and phrasier struggle to get out of his fucking trailer Not a seal that fucking new movies about the weather. Yeah, that movie looks so fucking So many war war two movies. There's been I literally I'm glad you said something that makes no sense to me was so I couldn't believe it. I thought I was like so this entire world war two epic is about the weather I was like I'd rather fucking shoot myself in that it's a movie about a cloud. It's like the dumbest shit I've ever heard It's like the horrible conversation you could stuck in with your family for three And boring and you got to watch printed phrasier who's out of practice. Yeah, and you go Yeah, yeah I like printed phrasier I like him I can't wait for him in the mummy movies I honestly think he's gonna be great coming back to the mummy movies. He's just a serious actor called the tummy That's the sequel to the way He dies and that's where we can't bring him back unless he comes back kind of like a Jason. I brought this up before So necessary so net so wanting to see gay porn and eat fried chicken again. He comes back from the dead The whale - can you believe I'm so I brought this up before the whale not one fart not one not one fucking fart You mean to tell me a 600 pound man's that man dies The movie should have ended with a long fart, especially a gay one But man I don't think he has been I think that's part of the problem side stories opotlgmail.com is the way all about him. No, I don't think he got it ever. I think he just likes it Let's give it up for our billionaires. I ain't giving it all up for our billionaires. Let's cover the story real quick Brian Johnson not our favorite person from AC DC. Okay, this is fucking. Yeah, exactly why are we even covering it? This is you guys. You know, it's the Mormon vampire. First of all, that's a big slept on thing that I think no one's talking about with Brian Johnson For those of you don't remember Brian Johnson is this guy that is basically said straight up. I over first aging I'm going to be the first ever person to live forever His whole thing was that he's been draining blood from his son and from young people He's he consumes exactly 977 calories a day from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. He has got this way down to a specific thing. He believes he only ages eight months out of every 12 Which is the dumbest shit I've ever heard as making sense. It means nothing doesn't make sense I always see he is Whatever it is. It's twenty four months less So he's forty eight years old and so he's made this big deal about how he's like biologically 54 at least he's disgusting and body looks fine, but his face looks horrible and in truly the most wonderful set of Just I just love the universe in many ways. It doesn't give us everything we want But it gives us the things that we need and Brian Johnson having an incurable stomach disease because of the things That he's done to himself makes me laugh and makes me know that there is maybe somebody looking out for us Because this guy now has this thing called it's it's a it's a form of intense gastritis his stomach is eating itself He refuses to fix it the normal way because he believes he can fix it his way which means what Eddie? He's gonna die. Yeah, yeah, and so that's the one of the best parts about is that his whole experiment is gonna be He's gonna vander beacon in court. Yes. He is Eddie. You are correct. It's gonna rip through his whole life It's gonna destroy him He's already tried to drain his son of blood his son managed to survive and so that's the sons do not give your father All of your blood. Just don't my dad asked me for a kidney. I was like fuck you bro. Dude you're like It's just like you got how many how many months you got My fucking liquor so kidney. Yeah, I'm gonna strain this thing out to give it to you And then I don't get to drink anymore. Can I just put it this way? You're as exactly Eddie your job as a parent My parents that's what I love talking confidently about it, but your job as a parent is to create another sentient creature That's it. You don't they're they have no other reason to they don't have to follow anything you say they don't have to talk They don't take care of you. They don't talk to you. Fucking organ farm. They don't have to do anything They literally you just allowed another conscious to exist to exist and that's it Yeah, you got to keep it alive, but after that unfortunately guys your son is not yours to do with what you want Yeah, so Brian Johnson tried to do that. He did milk his whole family for their blood. None of it works He didn't doing all this kind of stuff and it makes me mean a lot to me because yes I am one of those would I live forever maybe the only thing I think about with living forever is who's gonna Pay for it who's gonna pay for my ass when I'm fucking 150 years old What's that what status am I gonna be at 150 years old? I'm I gonna be able to is it what kind of alive? Am I gonna be at 150 years old? Which is almost double the age of 80 and think of it every 80 year old you know right now They all want to be dead or they want to end the world itself. Yeah, they're kneecaps are about the fucking pop out of their eyeballs Yeah, and they're so angry about it They want to punish all the rest of us is why every 80 year olds clinging the life and you want to keep them around for another 70 years? I know I feel like I think I'm like before we get this batch of 150s I think we need to kill this batch of 85s first. I think this batch of 85s has to go. They can't be the 150s I don't think they're going to be Henry Mitch McConnell is currently soup and we are sitting waiting for his fucking ass to finally Cool take them off the fucking stove. They don't want you because then they have then we get another guy in so they're just letting him sit on a Warming plate because he's just meat right now. Yeah, he's just garbage. I mean, he's been meat for a long time Our pedophile president is literally also just turning into liquid shit. How is he not on our list? We fucked that up McConnell should have been on our list. We brought it up. We said no politics. He would write it up afterwards You guys said no politics, but he's a good mention. We got Pope Leo in there in that politics. No, unfortunately It's fucking fake even more fake shit fucking the king of nonsense world. We're just fucking as long as you're not gay. It doesn't matter So how did McConnell get so sick that someone leave him on his back for too long? No, my car. No, my car. No, my car. No, my car. My car was been fucked. Yeah, because he shorts out occasionally, but I also have this kind of little little theory that the part of the reason I like drooler of the house. I want to fucking kill myself. Can I end him? Can I be the one who I do with my hands? I wouldn't take much. I give money to a charity to do it. Oh, man, but I have a theory great when he dies before this episode comes out. Yeah, hopefully I'll bring my whole whips. That's the one time the curse would be awesome. It would be awesome. So I I have a theory about these billionaire guys kind of like with Jeff Bezos about how he tried to go to space And he found out it really sucked. And so that's why he stopped talking about going to space anymore. Yeah, I really do think a lot of what we're seeing with the Peter teals of the world and then would the guy the taiko what's he looking motherfucker from the other one opening eye all from Palantir and from this guy. I do weirdly think that they're running these kind of like test lives to see what they can do to the rest of us and see what we can possibly live on. I think that the billionaire class would love to figure out a way to make us all be able to just to be able to live on like food cubes and some kind of like kind of aerialized water or something. Yeah, I think there's like a way that they kind of wish there was a way to kind of cut the food and water supply out of it too. And I think Brian Johnson is sort of an experiment to see if we can get people really down to nothing. Yeah. And then we can then force them to live like that. Now like and then we can stop worrying about like feeding them. I mean, he's worried he's not feeding himself. That's what I'm saying is that I feel like are they trying to create a system in which they can finally get rid of all this stuff about food chains and food supplies and water supplies and stuff like that so they can figure out a way to make us sort of like plants. Oh, he started taking an iron supplement. That's big. So he should be fine. Natalie just did as well. Yeah, I will say this guy. Here's I'm going to say something nice about him. Are you ready for this? At least he did the experimenting on himself. Sure. You know, and he didn't do it on a bunch of fucking rats and humans. Yeah, but honestly, you know, it might as he was his own science experiment. You might have learned more. You see what his TikTok is immortal. Yeah, I can't wait to watch him get fucking dyby and hit by a bread truck or something like that's like what's going to happen to him. But I just think it's important to remember that all of these billionaires are really like that's kind of the system we're now in right now, which is I think that's why they're trying to do the aspirational thing towards the billionaires because the idea is to like see if they can live without food and water and stuff like if they can all live like this and just on pills and stuff. So can you and you and it's desirable. Like this life is Desire like an idea that a eyes is inevitable thing like oh, no, it's desirable you not being able able to think or do anything also on your own. It's also super desirable. I would love it if they just blew up his yacht the moment before he died soon. Yeah, just writing for it right before he died just by his watch this. Either way, he's about making a crawl reef. Nothing. Also, I would say if you want to never have sex with a man ever again, see the Ick footage of him with an umbrella in Australia because these songs do strong for him. And then the fact that he ski went out and he did a clinical test of his girlfriend's vagina to show why he clinically made it as tasty as possible. His what? Yes, he made his wife's vagina girlfriend, girlfriend's vagina. He did clinically is take what he just they did pH tests on it to get it dialed in. You know, you know, fix that being a butter. Disgusting. Are you a Labrador retriever? Are you? Are you? Are you in your real cast? It seems like he spent a lot of money on something peanut butter could affect me. Does that like? Well, it sounds like you got him. Oh, God, I hate this. He's pure scum. This picture of him. These all these guys dance. And it's like him and Elon Musk. These guys all guys are fucking just this. We are in such bad shape as a culture right now. Yeah. That's fine, but he's dying. Speaking of a guy named Santa Claus was arrested on child exploitation. Yeah, that's right. They baited him and they got him under cover sting. And Santa Claus showed up to the 13 year old south. You just think that Santa Santa Claus would look up a jingle bells. I just feel like Santa Claus would know who's nice and naughty. I feel like going to come down to the Santa Claus. So he's fucking tankin' advantage of the naughty kids. He's like, you're fucking naughty. You want to fucking move up the ranks. And now that's how we just got to an Epstein update. That's what I'm just saying. That's it. That's that Santa Claus as Jeffrey Epstein with his black male scenarios. Imagine that if we like the fucking that's how we find out Santa Claus was real. Is that he's in the. He's been molesting. He's been molesting all the naughty kids because he knows he won't say anything. Santa Claus is real. And he goes to Epstein. And molesting naughty kids because they know that they won't and some of them kind. Some of them were like, I forget it. You know, I was wondering why there was so many fucking ring here in St. Thomas. You're sweating. Well, I'm glad we had this thought experiment. This dude does not look like Santa Claus. Well, you're right, Rob. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. God, good. You took him down a peg. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. I don't think he is. I might even say he might not be. I will say though, I do really love the fact that he wore all red to the pickup. Yeah. He'd wore a red outfit like he was Santa Claus to go have sex with the child. You know, they call him Santa Claus because he hasn't trim his phone nails. Tone nails. Shit. They call him Santa Claus because he doesn't trim his toenails and their claws. Oh, I said phone nails. Yeah, you did. I can't remember. I can't unhear it, but his toenails are claws. I can't unhear what you said before. I can't unhear the message and the stuff that you made, the mistakes you've made that we're now in. Rough place to be a sugar plum. I'll tell you that. Yeah. Right up that fucking guy's ass. I feel like she calls sugar club plum. Says what he calls it when he has hammer. If anyone changes their name to Santa Claus, put him in prison. Shoot him in the head. Just shoot him in the fucking head. They're trying to get too close to children. They're lying to people. Guess who doesn't exist Santa Claus. Yeah. If I just started showing up in like, no, I'm they just have money. Not just that. I changed my name legally to Easter bunnies at Browsky. You'd fucking arrest. You know how many people dress up as Santa Claus every year and don't call themselves Santa Claus? If you need to be the most Santa Claus of all Santa Claus, you're trying to lie to the kids because also it sits wet as Santa Claus ever had a kid sit on his knee and he asked him when he wanted it and the kid says, a good railing. I bet it's happened once or twice. I need a good old fucking dug out. Get Santa get me. Get me. Get me. You know, I mean, how old are you? What is even happening? He was like, is this a pen house letter? Santa Claus was on a dating app. He was on a, that's how they caught him. He was on a dating app for kids. I don't know if it was for kids, but imagine coming across Santa Claus on a dating app. Oh, he's on Grindr. Okay, Cupid. Because Cupid's one of the reindeer. Yeah. Not bad. He was on Grindr. Not bad. He was on Grindr and he posed as a child on Grindr. He was on a dating app door dasher. You. Santa Claus fucks kids. They're like those in our notes. Here we go. I think what time is it going to be a listener email? All right. I love listener emails. Do we have any new stingers? People have been sending them in. We don't have any new ones. So if anybody wants to send a new one in, we could use a new one. You know what? Can I put out a request? If anyone's like got a reggae thing going on or like some xylophone, I would love to hear a xylophone listener email or some reggae listener email, you know, auction. You know, I figure I ask for a request. It's always like metal. Yeah. It's just love. It is like our, our people are real. Yeah. No AI. No AI stingers. We can, anybody can do that because I, we've, people try to send us AI stingers and pass them off as there. Yeah. We know. We can run through it. So you're not, I'm not going to play your AI stingers ever. So don't send them. Yeah. Also, Rob can do that. Yeah. I can. Yeah. We all can handle. We don't need you for that. Yeah. I could fake, I could fake an AI stinger if I need to do it. I don't. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Please. To be honest, actually, Eddie, I don't think I can. You don't think you, you don't know how to do it. I don't know. I need it. It works. Actually, yeah. I've never tried it before. I don't know how people do it. I never really went on it before. That's what's nice about getting to this age where truly I could just choose not to. Yeah. It's like, I wouldn't do TikTok. What makes you think I'm going to do fucking Chachi BT? I'm trying to make things. Yeah. Why would I want the thing to make things? It's, yeah. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's someone tried to do this to me recently, trying to pitch me on this comedy AI thing and set me this long thing. I was like, I think with someone with your talent could really use this and it would help you. No, that's an insult. Don't you understand? I like doing the work. It's called the artistic process. Yes. It's enjoyable to me. I do this because I like it. I'm not cheating. Yeah. It's not cheating. Yeah. I'm not going to also. Yeah. Why am I trying? When am I winning here? Yeah. What are you talking about? Yeah. Fucking jerk offs. I say we, we get a new disease that wipes out 20% of us. Let's go to the other side. We just try. I just say we just get one more. I'm getting close. The screwer I'm getting up here. So he's going to screw the screw. Oh, that's what Brian Johnson could use. The screw worm to eat all of his guts out. That's cool. I remember 15 years ago. This game from internal instinct is a response that we talked last week about the lady faking her pregnancy. We talked about, we talked about pathological liars. Okay. I had a coworker. We'll call it Connie. Faked pregnancy during my own pregnancy. That damn it, Connie. And her mom, Bonnie. Yeah. Real names match just like that. It was either completely in it on it or she was too afraid of her daughter to contradict her as the Connie was very large, pregnant, volatile woman in early 20s. She copied every detail of my pregnancy and went as far as throwing a real baby shower that some of our coworkers actually attended. It was 2011. I was working at a family owned truck stop diner. And that is the best place to be pregnant and work. Yeah. I think you actually kind of have to be to get hired. Yeah. And smoke. And I just told my coworkers that I was expecting the very next day I arrived for my shift and I over your Connie, talking about her pregnancy at a table of customers. So I'm clucking in my other coworker and Connie's mother, Bonnie asked if I've heard the news. And that please tells me that Connie and I are prego buddies and that Connie was having twins. And her due date was the same as mine. As I politely congratulated her and I can see my other co-workers buying her shaking their heads and mouthing, no, she's not. None of my other co-workers bought Connie's story whatsoever. They'd all worked there for years. And Connie was a known pathological liar. You're going to fake a pregnancy. Don't do it with twins. Also, I'd say if you're a manager of something, fire a known pathological liar. Yeah, just go ahead and do it. Just fire them. Even if it's even if it's stuff that's got nothing to do with work, fire them. They're bad news. Yeah. Or you know, it's the best. If it's a cook thing and you don't want to like pay the, the, the, the, what's the call it? The what's it when you fire somebody? Sometimes you can unemployment. Yeah. But you don't want to pay them that. You don't normally do. Normally with you fire somebody, you don't have to take them down a half a shift a week. Let me deal with that. It's evil. But I did a couple of people, especially their completely really bad, especially if they're mentally ill and you're trying to slowly fold them out. Well, that's, you know, that's the idea. Now, this wasn't the first fake pregnancy. Well, no, I'm saying if they're actually evenly mentally ill, I'm talking about evil mental, never actually not sick people. I'm talking about people that are dangerous. Oh, yeah, shire. Pathological liars are dangerous. They certainly are. Um, this one went on the longest by far. They had she had already apparently did another first fake pregnancy, right? So for months, we'd all side each, side out each other when the topic of Connie's twins came up and especially when she wouldn't, she would blatantly do things pregnant women shouldn't do like pounding energy drinks all day every day. I don't think I ever started drinking something that wasn't a monster routinely starting fist fights and the truck stop parking lot. Connie's a peep not to mention all of her sonogram pictures were clearly printed off the internet at home with any identifying details blacked out with a Sharpie. You're probably thinking how far could this possibly go? Because surely as soon as Connie never started to grow baby bump, the jig would be up. Yeah. However, Connie and Bonnie were both very large retund women. Connie herself was about six foot three fifty three hundred and fifty pounds. Okay, even if she was pregnant. Pregnant it would be hard to tell so between the huge size difference between her and I and her ability to endlessly lie with a straight face A coke of spirit or mother who would say and do anything to keep her happy and her explosive anger I certainly wasn't gonna call her on her bullshit. Exactly. Yeah, this is the problem guys a few months later when I as a fellow employee It's not her job. It's not her job. It is her boss's job. Yeah A few months later when I found out I was having a girl. What do you know, Connie's twins or girls when I complain about some pregnancy related issues I was having she began bragging about how easy this pregnancy was for her It was it was easy for her because it's fake. Yeah, because even though she was only six months along as was I She was already dilating and her doctor told her she was gonna have an easy peasy labor in delivery That was another red flag That's just because dilating that early would be something she'd be hospitalized and or on a strict bedrest for but also because she was planning seeds to explain How she bounced back so quickly after the birth. Yeah, when I handed out invitations for my baby shower the very next day Bonnie and Connie came in with our own invitations for Connie shower and it was being held exactly one week before mine This is when I thought the facade was gonna end because of course they're not gonna throw an actual baby shower for a painfully obvious pretend pregnancy Right, and if they did no one's gonna go by a learn that day that sometimes crazy has no limits And an actual baby shower actually happened and some of our co-workers even attended despite knowing that this was all lie I think we all just wanted to see how far the lie would go. Yeah, no, I you know morbid curiosity Oh, now it's too late now. I'm into it too. I want to see if you're working out a truck stop and that's all you do You know this is entertainment. Oh, it's better than Marvel right weirdly I was the only co-worker not invited But I was more than happy to volunteer to work a double to cover them Because then actually as because as an actually expected mother I was not gonna spend money on a present for Connie's make believe twins After Connie's baby shower my family friends co-workers and I stopped being amused by this saga Then I'll agree this was now heading into a scary maybe fetal abduction territory. Was it BYOB? I feel like that's important if there was free beer I can see why people showed up absolutely or if it was I thought it was gonna be bring your own baby and she did Yeah, she did not so how would I don't even know she can't even go get her own RSVB It went to the point that all my manager took about herself to move me to a later shift So Connie Bonnie and I would never cross paths during the day. What a fucking pussy Fortunately, I didn't have to worry much longer because just a few days after my baby shower Connie said no show for several days Eventually tells us that Connie quit because she miscarried the babies And at this point we were both on our final six weeks of pregnancy. It's not a miscarriage at that point. It's a stillbirth But since all of us working there knew that there was no twins to begin with nobody corrected her Yeah, however when regulars would ask Bonnie about Connie and the babies Bonnie then pretended like she had no idea what they were talking about a Few regulars were so weirded out by Bonnie's blatant gaslighting that some refuse to be waited on by Bonnie again I'm wondering they've given her Connie gifts or money for the babies and then they relied to yes Either way Either way, I don't know what happened after that because I left her maternity leave shortly after this and then I quit for good weeks later I'm just happy that I didn't end up with an amateur c-section at the hands of Bonnie and Connie Honestly, I think that you are correct. I think you are right to think that I really think we have to stop minimizing Behaviors that speak too much worse stuff like I get I'm I get problems with Driving angry, right? One of the reasons why I drive angry and I talk about this in therapy Why get angry when I drive is because I have a distinct issue with whatever I deal with with OCD I moralize many things I view certain things make you good person certain things make you a bad person and you love screaming The words fuck you is my favorite and so I but there's a part of me that knows it not more or less But there's certain things I look at that I can't help but feeling that way and one thing to me is that it shows to me Some of these character quite a bit when they're visibly on the phone while driving There's something about that that makes me so livid like holding it against their face looking at it looking down at it Not not paying attention to what they're doing. They're gonna kill somebody. They're gonna kill all of us Right, and there's a good thing about that that in my mind is indicative of a much larger Not just detention span problem, but literally an empathy problem like I I lack of understanding that we are Surrounded by others doing the same thing that also need to traverse safely through and quickly through society And that when I see somebody doing that to me it speaks to you couldn't give a fuck if I live or die That's how I feel about speeding But it depends on it's a life the type of speeding right? Yeah, I don't I don't just because you're a good driver doesn't mean everyone else is But I also here's also something to drive into slow. I'm just saying all together something like Something like pathological lying is a symbol of very Bad behavior. Yeah, and it is going to escalate Always it does not end there. Yeah, you're willing to lie about something like that You're willing to do anything absolutely because you will eventually do something to try to you You're you're heading towards an end point. So what do you think do you cut someone out or do you call them out? I say These days cut them out cut them out because like you don't need to fucking become their Police somebody that has been found to lie and has never once apologized before it or never kind of said This is what's really going on someone that doubles down also somebody who doesn't take no for an answer Yeah, that's another big thing of mine It said when I find that when someone just did not take no for an answer It means that you don't care about my will and you don't care How I feel about a thing and I don't care whether it's about french fries or if it's about and it like the most innocuous like Or if it's something really serious the second you don't take no for an answer from me I'm not talking to you anymore. Yeah, I fucking hate salesman. Yep, but that's part of me just being like I'm just done I'm done once I've said no That gate is quiet that gate is closed. Yeah, because I'm not gonna do that So to me, it's one of those where you see stuff like this because it's interesting because I find pathological Fascinating. Yeah, I never Got it again. I never understood pathological life. There is nothing to get There's nothing to get it is a sign of it's just so psychopathy. It's so hard No, it's because they don't want to do the real work of doing something because the real work which is easier than keeping up all your god damn lies See we say that because we work hard and we do hard work all the time and we work on ourselves and we do things that are difficult And there are some people that don't do a single hard thing Ever that chick is working as a waitress with her mother at a fucking truck stop diner. Yeah Ambition stop there Like yeah, I don't need you to be a charger for four to five hundred company Yeah, but just the idea that like and you can have a simple line. I think it's all fine. It's all fine It's just really about what you do with it and it's like something these people like stuff like this If I was a manager of that you can find two waitresses and a fucking good blink through a rock you can hit them Yeah, like in that in that place It's like the soon as they start lying about stuff that's completely instant consequential and then doubling down on the line If they're lying and they work for you, they're gonna end up stealing they are and then that's a basis That's just the basis of the things they're gonna do. Yeah, that's a very bottom level And then it just goes up from there, so They need to learn more less in the hard way. I think partially that's what it is to is that some of these people have not been punished hard enough Yeah, and there's you know they create a hostile work environment. Yes, you know as well That disturbs business as well everything you got to destroy everything as soon as you have that kind of toxicity inside of your Fucking organization. It just spreads like a cancer. I think a little light lines. Okay. You have to lie a little bit a little light Lying's fine. Maybe nice to me. Yeah Yeah, like if you're late, you know, you can a little white line while you're late. Yeah, of course Honestly, prefer you gave me the effort to lie in me You know at least you came up with a fucking excuse some fine with it But if you're creating an entire twin pregnancy, then you're lying. That's up But that's a good cash from customers. You're literally in a full like that's full. Yeah, that's fucked up. You can't you're caught in that Yeah, it's a little crimes a conny person Thank you. You're welcome. So go check out Kiswee.com. I think it's what it's LPO TL. Kiswee.com LPOTL. Kiswee.com. That's K-I-S-W-E And we're that's going to be for on the 18th of July. We have a show in Oklahoma City is the last JK Ultra show, but we're going to stream it So if you haven't gotten the chance to go out and see JK Ultras been two and a half years I'm sorry if we didn't come to your town. It's also completely different from two and a half years ago So if you saw it two years ago, the show is basically almost entirely different. You read it is It's still got the general same like outline, but like the jokes are completely different. Yes, for God damn sure But yeah, we've been having so much fun with this, but it is time to put this baby to bed. It's sad. We wrote her out We wrote her long and we wrote her hard. Yeah, and we made it. It's perfect now like a finally whole knife There are still some tickets left for the last two shows that's going to be on July 17th Tulsa at Kane's ballroom July 18th Oklahoma City Tower Theater But also when you do the live stream you give it for two weeks. You do You can watch it. You don't have to watch it in the moment. You can still rent it the day after and all that stuff And so don't think you got to be there like it's a television show. Yeah, dude. Yeah, and come check it out We're gonna have a lot of fun man. Also the following day. I'm gonna be in Plano, Texas on July 19th over at the mic drop there It's gonna be fun. You know who I got opened in for me. Nimesh Patel. Oh that little open-comer the other one There's a second one - Whoa! - I was like, oh, I'll help the other knee mesh out. - Ah, ah, ah! - You're honestly, I think our knee mesh is gonna be angry. He's losing fucking work. - Oh, I can't, well, I used to hold it for him. So now this one could come out for me, and I think that works out just fine. I'm real happy about it. Yeah, but he goes by just knee mesh on the old Instagram. So go follow him there. - That's cool. - But also this weekend, all right. I got fucking big ass shows this weekend. - You do. - First off, July 10th, salute to Bethlehem. It's just like, I've never done anything like this. I have a two hour epic show with people from Bethlehem about Bethlehem. I don't know why I'm doing this. - Yeah, this isn't, I hired writers. I have like, it's like, it's a whole thing. So please, if you are in the Bethlehem area, you're not gonna wanna miss this. This is gonna be Friday, all right. That's July 10th, Friday, a salute to Bethlehem at the ArtsQuest Steel Stacks. It's a really cool venue. They got food. I'm gonna be there with merch. Don't worry about that shit. And then that Sunday night, I'm gonna be in Newark at the Newark Culture Club, but that actually might be sold out already. And if you can't get tickets to that, come see me in New York City at the City Winery, co-headlining with Kiersten Michelle Sills. It's gonna be a fucking blast. That's gonna be at the City Winery in New York on Monday, July 13th. And then go to editunes.com. I'm coming to all kinds of cities. I'm booking more shit. These shows are starting to sell out. I already sold out one of my Chicago shows. So come and see the other one. That's gonna be on July 31st. Henry and I got a sold out show here in LA. And then we got another one back up after that with the Disney show that some dead men tell some tales. That's gonna be a Dynasty typewriter during D23 weekend. And that's gonna be on August 16th. So come get wet with that shit. Go to editunes.com. See if I'm coming to your goddamn town. - So live every day knowing that if you just open your throat and love you could be a hot dog champion. - God, he's got a golden throat. - And you just gotta love how thick and maintained that throat needs to be. you got a white nude everyday with with with to a swallow and soda cans or whatever. Oh, that's why he's choking people out because he wants to make There's throat smaller so he wins forever and then you can laugh no one for a fact your crush and throw it's everywhere Nobody ever gonna fucking get that record. Nobody give me that that that not give me that that that not give me that give me that I'm eating it Nathan's is the place. Oh, yeah, you don't you don't always chewing is the life for me Spread your lips open far and wide. Oh, fuck that shit. Just let me put dog inside Very good. Do you see I like the second version of it better. Yes. Give me that that Hail nut hail the fucking big old nut