Side Stories: Hot Mic

There's no place to escape to and this is the last talk on the left side stories Side stories. Yes I'm not even joking. I have a full Lars von Trier Outfit now. Does it come with a tutu? No, no, I got this is this hilarious Does it come with pants house that jack built sweat pants house the jack built sweat pants? Yeah, I fucking hate that movie Well, it was a good as far as like a killer movie You know, I if I told you why this movie makes no sense Spoiler alert for how's the jack build? Oh great, you know, all right So he keeps all the bodies in a walk-in cooler. Yeah For 40 years, we expect that walk-in to fucking work. I don't for 40 years. You're fucking I tell you what they want That the cooler's gonna work for 30 years you with the actual plot of the film The whole movie he puts the bodies you what do you mean it's a fantasy? I'm sorry I even brought this up welcome to side stories. It doesn't where I was trying to brag about my new swag I appreciate the swag. I was trying to say I have a melancholy assured on I have an antichrist hat and I haven't worn yet I'm scared to watch that movie. Why cuz it's the penis mashing chaos Like that part of it dude didn't that on a loop the penis mashing part is Truly one of my favorite moments in all of cinema really? Yeah, I love that I remember the first time I saw it. I was on so much cold medication And that I was like I had smoked a ball was a budget cold medication the whole time I'm watching antichrist Going fuck yeah. Yeah fuck. Yeah, so how's the Jack build pants they got it's just how's a jack built down the leg. Oh I would say realist at larson. I like melancholia. I love melancholy good movie. You don't like any of these movies I don't think I've seen any other ones. Guess what we're doing the movie stories. No I don't want to do it. I want to do fucking breaking the waves with you a second season. Oh, that's him. Yeah I like breaking the waves see oh wait, right? The one that were the guy who's moving with Samantha Morton. Yeah, the really guy can't fuck and then he has to go and she has to go and Fuck outside of the village. That's really. That's a really good movie. Yeah. Yeah, Lars von Trude that one. There's also great There's a bunch of movies we've never seen just like Paul Verhoeven and I'll bet they'll be just as delightful I'm sure they'll be just as delightful, but I went back to the house the jack bill There's no way the fucking walking cooler's gonna work for 40 years. It doesn't make any sense I will say I do trust HVAC guys to keep a secret. I had to one thing. I know they will see bodies and be like We didn't see nothing nothing nothing. I don't know so it's a Polish man. Nothing. I do not care I've built more I've made more bodies in my own time in my own spare time. I have made more bodies and - Getting very stinky in here, Jack. (laughing) - Thank you. (laughing) - And I am Lars Von Trier Fantasist, Henry Zeprowski, and understand some stories are bigger than facts. - Yeah. - All right, that's what this is about. So, sorry, open like that. We're here in New York. - Yeah. - Love and life. - It's been nice. I haven't really done anything yet. - Yeah. - Yeah, no, I haven't really, I haven't smoked weed in the streets yet. - And I already did that. I wanna turn some tricks by time square. - That's so nice. - That was really nice. I met you. - I'll open up my anist later, but I'm gonna take it to the West Village where it's needed. - I throw a quarter in the ground zero. - Yeah. - Just to have fun. - Yeah. - Just to make a wish. Just to go. - This one's for Jerry. - This one's for Larry. - There's gotta be like my name. - Just pick a name. - Yeah, there's a bunch of Larry's. - You know, I will say, while we're bringing it up, the list of names, no accents or any names. They decided it wasn't necessary to put the people's correct name down. But I'll tell you what, maybe you know, Gutierrez doesn't get its N-A, but I'll tell you what, - Gutierrez wouldn't have an N-A. - I don't know which ones to. - The ones with the ends of them. - Gutierrez doesn't have an N? (laughing) - Goon-Tierrez, that's one of them. - Goon-Tierrez, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but I don't know why he's gotten apostrophe as my good big complaint. - I know, but it's because of all the Irish police. - Yeah. - Just staring at that wall. (laughing) - Come and see us over at Brooklyn. - We're gonna be an October 9th war at the Warsaw. - Yeah, on Friday, two days from now, we're gonna be at the Warsaw, and then on Sunday, we're gonna be at the Webster Theater in Hartford, we're gonna have a fucking blast. Come and see us there. There's only a couple tickets left. - Yeah. - So, don't sleep on this shit, 'cause they both are gonna sell out. - It's great, completely improvised show. - Lots of stuff, talk about it. - We got some guests at the Warsaw. Joy-L Johnson's gonna open for us. - Oh yeah, Joy-L, I can't fucking wait. - That's gonna be a blast. And we also got another special New York guest. - New York only guest. - This is like, you couldn't even guess who the guest is. You're gonna love it. Come out to the show at the Warsaw. It's gonna be a fucking blast. - All right, so let's do some of this horseshit. We got some updates. Number one, Caleb Flynn. Our favorite low talent. What's his name? What's not Harry? Who's the king? Who's gonna be king? - What do you mean? - Oh, the other one. - The other one. What's his fucking name? - Nick. - Who gives a shit? - I don't care about their names. - Caleb Flynn, who looks like-- - Harry's the Americans. - So I know his name. - He's a new American. - Yeah. - Harry Caleb Flynn, who's looking like the poor sad fuck who's attached to Kate Middleton, is sentenced to life in jail for murdering his wife. He cried. - Of course he cried. - Then when they showed it, 'cause we've been playing his music-- - That's the thing he could do. - We're huge fans of his music here. We've been playing it all week. I love to do it. I love how much water it took for him to use AI, to write a love song about his mistress. - The song, I mean, it was really bad, but it's a lot better if you listen to it on Molly. - You know, it really kind of brings it out. - Yeah, you can hear the love. - You can really feel the love, but when they read the sentence, he personateers. Because that's his go-to. He really, he's a cryer. - Absolutely. - Just like also, RIP, Jim Baker. - Woo, bye bye, baby. - Televangelist, cry, baby. Got his fingers dirty inside of Jessica Han. Miss her, where's Jessica Han? I know Jessica Han's around. - I don't know where she would go. Maybe she's at that hotel they never built. - Yes, 67 years young. She used to be on the Howard Stern quite a bit of it. - Oh, that's why you're now. - Yeah, and so Jim Baker, who was famous, was the one that cried, who did the whole like, "I have sinned because when he was caught "and that big thing, he's a big old cryer. "He's finally dead." And that's kind of nice. - Yeah, it's good for these fake Jesus guys to go to nowhere. - You know what's nice about them is that the all they've ever wanted to do was die. - Yes. - And so this is the most exciting part of their lives. - Do you think he thought there was gonna be a heaven? - No, you know, you see, pastors know for a certain, there isn't one. - That's why they're stealing everyone's money. - That's why they do so much crime. - Yeah. - 'Cause they know it doesn't fucking matter, right? And there's no punishment for them. And that doesn't matter, 'cause it only one go around. - Yeah. - And you might as well get your fingers inside of Jessica Hahn now. - Too bad he couldn't use his penis. - What do you think's wrong with it? No knuckle. - Yeah, I think that's what it is. He likes it to have a ring on it. And I think the problem with the cock ring is that it's at the very, very bottom. And that's the thing, you don't get it in there. You really gotta, you really, he wants the feel it rush up against the pubic bone. - I said, all right, Caleb's fucking going to prison forever. Jim Baker's dead, the big one. Gypsy roses, husband, Ken Erker, what happened? What's going on? - No idea. - So this is crazy. - This is what we know so far. So those of you that live under a fucking rock in the true crime world, Gypsy Rose Blanchard, an American lady. She was convicted of Cohen, but she conspired a murder or a mother with her former boyfriend, so she, with Nicholas Gotajan. She was infantilized by her mother, made famous by, you know, there was a television show about it. She essentially was, they believe it was Munchausen by Proxy, which is now a different term that her mother was using her for both social and economic benefit while posing that she was extremely mentally handicapped, sick, MS cancer, bound to a wheelchair. It turned out all that was fake. Gypsy Rose Blanchard in order to get out of this scenario, basically created a Finsta on Facebook, made her own separate little account, got out, met Nick Gotajan. He showed up, stabbed her mother to death, and then she went to jail for about seven years. Nick Gotajan, straight to life in prison. - Of course. - So he's cool in it in prison. - Yeah. - Gypsy Rose, so he didn't kill Ken Erker. - Erker? - Ken Erker. - Ken Erker. - See, it gets a little complicated because Nick Gotajan was her first boyfriend, right? They broke up because he killed her mother. Gypsy Rose Blanchard is then now in jail. - But she paid him. - No. - She just, no, she paid him with titties. - Oh, I thought she like hired him as a hitman. - No. - Oh no. - Oh no. - Oh no, she killed the story too well. - She doesn't know who George Washington is. You mean like she doesn't know that she doesn't know what numbers are okay If you believe the story, right, so she loved the sky and then he killed the mom to save her life. She manipulated the man She essentially admitted she manipulated a slow adult by the name of Nicholas go to John because that's the thing man was also as he was Let's just say not the the shiniest rock in the till No, of course not, you know, so she convinced him to come help he come came help She dropped him as soon as she didn't need him anymore. Yes Do you have zero's blanchard is now been in jail. She was in jail for like seven years. She gets out So we all have a lot of sympathy for your past your fast forwarding through a very important part while in prison She gets engaged to Ken Erker dumps his fucking ass gets engaged to another dude. There's Ryan I believe is Ryan Anderson something like that great. So yes, she played these two guys on and off of each other So she played that so she got married right out of jail to Ryan Anderson. Yeah, who is? You only really did a way to describe him as if he is if yogurt had a head He is just I thought Ken Erker was the ugly one. They're both ugly Eddie They're both. I mean, Ken Erker. I'm sorry. All right, Pete. All right, Pete. Yeah, he's he's not Yeah, he's he's half engaged a gypsy rose blanchard. Yes, okay, so he's not Ryan C. Crest. Yeah, no for sure. You know, so these guys they go She's playing these guys off of each other Ryan Anderson is one where she has these series of calls with him where she's seducing him She's also talking to Ken Erker. They're going back and forth But now we know several days ago Ken Erker was found dead. Yeah So you think Ryan C. Crest is like the hottest a man could be I'm just saying He's objectively. Yeah, very well put together. You think so. Well, he's he's six-year-old still a twink If you're 60 something like that if you're 60 and still a twink, that means impressive That's pretty crazy. That's like Alan calming level. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know like you have to have that last name in order to really pull that off Very much though because what's this um yesterday as I was walking around I went to a liquor store where an older man was Explaining to the woman about how he's sick of big cocks He just wants a guy with money and I think that Ryan C. Crest really hits that right down the middle Yeah, and I was trying to explain them I was trying to explain them next thing we know that's where I was talking about turning tricks I was doing a lot of stuff. It's been a long two days in New York. Hey, man. You're new man. I could tell I feel great full Von Trude. Yeah, I'm on Von Trude, baby Von Trude. I'm ready to go. God. He would be great at the Gypsy Rose movie. Oh my god with Oh Samantha Morton as Jim from breaking the waves. Yes, as Gypsy Rose blanchored holy fucking shit. That's pretty great. Where's her phone number? 6666969 So I That's amazing. So she spotted let's go back to Gypsy Rose blanchored. Yeah, so Ken or Kerr is found dead So we know that he was his birthday 34 years young. Wow. Um, he he definitely G'llived a hard 34 years. He also seduced the woman on on fucking prison and death and in jail for murdering her mother So yes, let's just say it takes a tight So he was It seems they were out for partying they something happened right they'd recently broken up Apparently all of this stuff is all of that is is literal gossip Portia, that's where we'll start to enter into the page seven. Okay world because it's all like it's very unclear What the timelines are but what is clear is that within an hour of Ken or Kerr being found dead Gypsy Rose blanchored hit up TMZ to basically create some Narrative like she's Hillary Clinton Just say hey, you know, oh, he died of an overdose. I loved him so much. She had shut down all of her social media up until The cause of the death nobody knows he still is not official. There's no toxicology report There's no there's nothing I found the bottle of pills next to him. Uh, yeah, stuff that you could put next to somebody They also said that they found a syringe and that there was a paper towel that had marks with blood on it But he wasn't known to use drugs not necessarily but in prison calls which we'll get into it seems that this is all very murky So these details no one quite knows how even gypsy Rose blanchored new those details But she also went immediately on a press tour to say oh my god I can't believe it we mean and so she turned on our all over social media So the first time in years. Yeah, she turned them all on to do these like slide shows and She had a very definitive story and then now she's doing this cat What is it this Ken's law that she's trying to get made, right? So she did same day She put it really she put a change dot org petition up to make a law a new law about habitual cyber bullying let's Melania's cause. I know no Oh my god, what is Melania gonna do? Yeah, she can't take Melania's bullshit I will have to go back to teaching girls how to suck the dick of the brazzy dates I will have to teach them how to suck their way to Iran Yeah, wait, yeah, who knows she has so many opportunities Melania is looking great is she yeah, yeah, I guess so fucking the life out of them still Yeah, man, that's still Barbara Bush for me all the way wow turn her inside out that's Rosa Parks Barbara Bush Sally feel well, I mean if I you joy in fabrics is very lucky at close Because I must have been you were fucking stomping ground stairs kind of hang out. Did you just tend to be a mannequin? Did you cover yourself in yarn and hopefully they took you home unspooled me Yes, Barbara. I like all barbers Well lucky Barbara's a hopefully you're coming to Hartford But see so all of this is to say like so first Highly unusual. Yeah, right. Why is this happening? Why did Kenner or die? We don't know So for a while the one thing I didn't really want to get into because like I was trying truly Trying to give gypsy Rose Blanchard the benefit of the doubt. I was hoping for the best for her to be honest with you I actually Love that she's doing maybe doing crimes again because it's great for us. Yeah, but for society I was hoping that she would lay low walk away Just do some stuff fun just end up on dancing with the stars end up as in the house of representatives Just low-braze dancing with the stars shoot him in awesome her once Lauren Bober's out of there gypsy Rose Blanchard Lauren Bober That's the view we need the gypsy Rose Blanchard Lauren Bober Hillary Clinton. I'm gonna bring her back in um and then Terry Hatcher Terry Hatcher good new side person in there. That's the new view. Yeah, so they So the all of this is so for a while because I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt I didn't want to get into what is currently happening on the YouTube's Which is a very deep dive into all of the prison calls That have been done but to buy gypsy Rose Blanchard. Okay, which is fascinating that you can even get them, right? So which is hilarious you kind of listen to her time people even like spill the beans on those because they're fucking stupid Eddie You're right. I'm sorry because you're right because of the promises that what have we discovered a lot about criminals is that very rarely Are you a criminal with all of your mental faculties? Yeah, because you're desperate and you make a bad decision that lack of impulse control Of various anti social problems that don't allow you to see the literal sense of certain scenarios. Yeah, you're stupid You lack of empathy also is a big huge thing like literally lack of emotional intelligence is a massive issue, right? So these morons didn't really comprehend every single thing that they said in these prison phone calls And not only were recorded, but you can get it through a FOIA request So it's all out and what you see is at first it's very snarky because it's a lot of like Yes, gypsy rose blanchored is I'm going to say this right now a ratchet ass bitch. Whoa Henry, sorry. Oh my god, but she is the large front rear is really coming out of you coming through me Oh, it's because the way she speaks right she is um like there's a whole phone call Them her and Ryan Anderson Very racistly attacking the new Ariel the mermaid. Oh my god. There's a whole thing about. Oh, yeah, buddy there in set gypsy rose blanchored Was not into the casting you know, I always heard people Like mention how much they hated that but I never actually heard anyone complain about it I can't even play the call wow because of how many end words they use Oh, yeah, I know you think that little face That little face or little her little chewy face Her little cute little like oh, she's just oh No, she's a fucking virulent racist so few people's head is smaller than their neck She is amazing. It's a crazy. Yeah, she figured out how to gluck luck like that. Oh, maybe her neck so wide because it helps her swallow all of her own bullshit Guys, I mean something happens So she so that's just one layer, right then just the casual Talking about all the violence thing one of the funnier quote she has to Ryan, so what they'd like to do is they would have, - Oh, I also listened to two different phone sex conversations. - Oh, okay, that was my next question. Is like, can you have phone sex in prison? - I wouldn't advise it because we can all hear it. And I heard it. - Yeah. - Are we not playing those? 'Cause I know, I'm morbidly interested. - I will find the clips, but I don't wanna play those 'cause you hear Ryan Anderson and her common them. - Really? - Yeah. - Are we out on Netflix? - I don't know, man. - Can we ask? Who do we, Netflix? So we allowed to play fucking convicted murder or have an orgasm on this or not. - It's audio only. - Audio only. - I wanna get the email first, the note that's okay. And then we'll play it next week. - Yeah. - So there's that, right? There's also just her random, - I heard it's Ted Sarandos's ringtone. (laughing) - Yeah, I know, I know. - Actually, we don't need to play it. (laughing) - Yeah, you told me I'm gonna be bitch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, I'm entering you. - He sounds like a butler accidentally scared by a ghost. (laughing) - When he comes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - No, no. (laughing) - So, that's just a little, but that's just not it. She starts to do this things. She says this stuff to him. So Ryan and her are going back and forth about like, he's got other chicks, right? - Yeah, well, she's in prison. - Yeah, so he kinda talks about the chicks. - Yeah, yeah, you saw him. Yeah, they're lining up. Women are fucking sad and broken. Women are sad and broken. So he has several girls on the line. They're all like, you know, and he's kinda talking to her about him. And at some point, she's like, you know that's bitches that fucking get a baby in them to trap a man? I'm those bitches. - Whoa. - You know those bitches that go and stalk their boyfriends, new girlfriends, and make sure that they know that they're on their fucking hit list. I'm those bitches. - What? - Well, that's a statement, right? That's not even the worst statement. I'm playing, I'm gonna play the worst one. So I'm blown away that these exist. - Dude. - And it's not with Ken. This is all with Ryan. - Everybody. - Oh, everybody. - Ken, and there's so many, she's talking to both of them. She's talking to other dudes. She's got like a lot of games going on. There is a YouTube channel just called Gypsy Rose Prison Calls. - Oh my God. - 100 files, each one two hours long? - She should not be this popular. - I, you know, we're helping. Which is what we do here, we help. And so she, this call though, is an exact example of like, so for a while again, I didn't want to get into this until I heard this call. And then I was like, oh, she might actually be quite the serious villain. - Okay, well let's hear this. - So this is a, she is on a call. She is threatening to another person. She is talking about Ryan. And in the, set this all up. She is text, she is talking about how Ryan and her are getting into these fights because Ryan wants to control her, right? She's in prison. She's very controlled. - You couldn't be more controlled. - She's way controlled. And so she's in prison, but it doesn't matter, right? So she intimates something along the lines of like, things happen to people that try to control me. This is the, this is the state, but this is Gypsy Rose. - I don't want you to talk to this person. It's your guilt stripping me by, oh, I just feel like, I'm so scared to lose you. Yeah, my mom did that and I'm here for her murder. So is that how you want to end up? - Literally just said, people who try to control me, get murdered. - Wow. - Do you want to get murdered? So she is. - What was she talking to? - To her other friend. - Just like another person. - Yes. - How does she have so many friends? - She's got all day. It's crazy. - You be, honestly. I don't even know how to keep up with the friends I have. - She must be funny. (laughing) - She has a deadpools my favorite movie, "Sense of Humor". - Yes. - She has a literally, what's his name? - Ryan, the guy that, Ryan Reynolds. - She's Ryan Reynolds number one fan. - Well, no, she watches "Deadpool" for only TJ Miller. - Oh, yeah. (laughing) - Who doesn't? - So yeah, we have no conclusive end to this because we don't know where this is gonna go. We know that there's a lot of snark shooting around because of the her family and Ken Erker's family. - Well, Ken Erker's family invited her to the funeral. - Why? - I don't know, they openly, that was the news today. - But then his sister. - His sister hates to shit out of her. - Yes, but the mom's like come to the funeral. - Well, pardon me, I would say. - But Gypsy Rose is gonna do her own funeral in Tennessee after she goes to the one in Texas. - That's not a thing. You don't just throw your own fucking funeral. - What's her husband? - No, it wasn't ever a Roseman. - Ever? - No, they were fake engaged. - Oh. - She was, no, that's why all of this is like Facebook, trailer, trash, horse shit, set on fire, right? This is full on Facebook, non-sensory, but played out in the true crime world. - Did you see the weird shit with Ken Erker? How like two days ago he had a bunch of like weird TikTok lives that were just him in the dark. - There was something, 'cause they were saying that he had went on TikTok live and then he had put the phone back in his pocket while it was still going. - Yeah, do you think he was like trying to record somebody or something, or is he just like bad at technology? - I, Eddie, I don't know if Ken Erker. - It's weird that it happened. - Yes. - Well, the promise is that all of these things are extremely suspicious because of the fact that he's dead. - Yes. - So now that he's dead, at first, you can just be like, "Uh, uh, uh." - He's got fat fingers. - What is that? - He does have fat fingers. - Yeah. - He's got a big fucking, unfortunately. He's got a head that looks like a pair, right? And that's not his fault, that's God's fault, right? God gave him that head. God gave him the penis to chose Gypsy Rose Blanchard. And that penis might have gotten him fucking killed. Because she also broke into his house. Did you see all the stuff where she flipped out and trashed all his stuff? - Yeah, she stuck it through the window or something? - Yeah, she stuck it through the window. She wrote a whore on the word, on his headboard. She carved a word whore into his headboard because she found an old card he had kept from his ex-relationship. Dude, I'm just-- - 'Cause he's bad at throwing shit out. - I legitimately know more about Gypsy Rose Blanchard's love life than I know about my family. - That's not hard. - Yeah. (laughing) - At this point, my wife is more mysterious than Gypsy Rose Blanchard's love life. - So, Erker, I mean, but there is a chance that she's saying that because of cyber bullying, he took his own life. - Shit's what she's intimating. - Yeah. - I think that that's horse shit. Because the reason why she's saying is that he was under so much stress because all these prison calls were coming out where he was saying super racist shit, and was it him or Ryan ever sent both of 'em? Both of 'em. - Yeah. - Well, yeah, yeah, if you're gonna woo Gypsy Rose. - You gotta know the name. - You gotta bring it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You better bring that fucking hate. So, is she like a suspect that she allowed to leave the country? If I was Gypsy Rose, I'd be fucking-- - There ain't nothing. She jumped on the head of the sheet. I don't even know if she could make her way around Stockholm, okay? - Yeah. - I don't know if she can't do it in Stockholm. I don't know if she'd like Stockholm. - No. - I don't think she'd like it. I think she needs to go, she needs to be in Tennessee. - Yes, that's a great place for her. - She might need to be in prison. But that is, we'll find out. It goes right now, who knows? Right now, it is all just conjecture. It could all be horrible, horrible drama that comes from your life being attached to drama, and it's a whole thing, so who knows? - Yeah, man. - All I know is I know-- - On the TMZ, there's a picture of them in Nobu. And the Nobu chef died. Also. - Mr. Nobu? - No, not Mr. Nobu. - Frank Nobu? (laughing) Is that him? Is it just a guy named Nobu? - Nobu. No, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, he was great chef, obviously. You're at Nobu, you know? But he, he-- - Nobu. - All a plus. - He died leaving Nobu, unfortunately. Ryu Ucima. Ucima, yeah. Ucimia. He died, unfortunately, so she-- - I hate what it sounds like a sewer grader. - No, he got hit by a car outside of Nobu. Some drunk, some composers, son, apparently, hit him with a car, and Malibu outside of Nobu. - Nobu. - Which is a no-talent NEPO baby taking down the established industry. - That's what I'm talking about, dude. Fuck this kid, man. You can't be killing our chefs. - Don't kill my chefs. - I love my chefs. - You leave my chefs alone. - Live from North Korea. - Well, yeah. - Did you bring that up to go into your favorite story of the week? - I mean, my favorite story of the week is by far some shit went down. - She's taking news. - You just, I just take go into it right now because you wanted to talk about this. I feel like this is big news for you. - Yes. - Specifically, this is not a huge story, but-- - No, but no, I hear, okay. So I'm actually in oddly enough, I need this to develop a little more. I need some more, please. If you guys, anyone in Philadelphia who listens to the show, do they listen to podcast in Philadelphia? - I think mostly they fight their mothers in the police. - Yeah, just punch their phone until we come on. Is that what happened? - I believe so, yeah. - But the manager at Pat's King of Stakes has been assaulted by a cheesesteak. Do you think it's due to lack of salt? (laughing) So there was a customer who was mad about his cheesesteak. He said, he opened his mouth. He opened it up and he said, "Distakes garbage!" And he threw the cheesesteak at the manager of Pats in Philadelphia. And then the Pats in Philadelphia basically put the head out on this guy. - Oh, fuck. - He basically said, "What do you need to do? They're gonna dose his blood pressure medication?" - He said he assaulted my employee. So we'll see how many friends he's got online and are really friends. See who's gonna turn them in. The power of the camera and AI, we're gonna find him. We're gonna find him $5,000. We'll put him out of whatever rock he's living under right now. That's the manager of Pats. This is like, you cannot put, he does that matter who you are to the people of Philadelphia. You're gonna put a head out on somebody. Also, I gotta say, times have changed. Cheesesteak employees are told customer gets out of line. You beat the shit out of him. - I mean, that is. - And I still just say, like Pats is getting soft in my opinion. - This shit ain't going down to gyms. - Is this not, let's just say it like, I feel like I'm waiting into horrific waters right now. I mean, worse with then with Lindsey Clancy. - Yeah. - Is it due to the decline of Pats? Like is it because this was the customer correct? Because I could see how you wait online. - Yeah, for 45 minutes to get your, 'cause this is one of those, right? It's like the other spot where you got away out of the door. - It's not perfect. You're waiting at Pats in the fucking cold. There was a Noor Easter last week. You know, you're getting pissed on. It's Philadelphia. - Yeah. - Guys, bleedin' on you. You know what I mean? - Yeah, you suck it on yourself. - You're just watching the sun rise as you puke down yourself. - You watching LeBron helicopter back and forth from Philadelphia, New York, because it refuses to live in your city. - That's bullshit, by the way. - That's fucking horseshit. - He knew Kobe Bryant personally. - And he's taken a helicopter twice a day. - There's a Noor Easter. - He does not. - I mean, the weather's never been this bad. - Just did not live in Philadelphia. He's taken the most deadly form of travel. That is unbelievable. He won't even live in like a suburb. - Yeah, there's so many nice places to go. - There's so many nice place, Billy's nice. - Yeah, there's like areas. - Yes. - But yeah, no, I'm just saying like Pats, obviously across the streets, Genos, they are the competing, the famous competing G-State places. - Is it possible that that person is correct? - I think that there is a chance. - 'Cause I know I'm gonna have to say there is a chance. - Patter, we work with. - Yeah. - He was saying, he equates it to the fall of Pats. - I mean, I think there's a good, I've never eaten Pats. - I've never eaten Pats. - I've had Genos and I've had gyms. - See, I've had gyms are like better than Genos. - Gyms is the best one. - Of though the tourist trapby ones and everyone's gonna fight us. It doesn't matter. - Oh, it doesn't matter. - I mean, I worked in the business for a long enough. I could say whatever the fuck I want. - What is the distinct difference between a good and bad G-Stick? - The bread. - Is that it? - And you gotta make sure it's good ribeye. - Sometimes I think that's what it is. I think that they skimp on the meat sometimes and sometimes the meat gets dry. - Yeah, well yeah, if they have a cookin' all goddamn days. - And it was just keepin' on the side of the grill. - That's the thing, the meat gets dry. I feel like we're losing some of this and just given it the cheese sauce, it's not gonna give it the proper moisture that you want. I want the liquidity. - Yeah, see, we had the flat top and then we would pre-cook a lot of the meat like halfway and then we'd stick, we let it cool. - Like par-cook or whatever. - Yeah, par-cook and then we'd let it cool and then we'd stick it in the freezer. And then when you need it, you take it out and you put it on top of a bowl boiling water and then you let it slowly get ready and then you take out the meat. - Yeah, you're gettin' ready for it. - Yeah, you fuck. - You take out the meat, you put it on the grill with the onions, the peppers and shit. - Yeah. - It's only peppers in it. - We don't have to. - You ask, that's up by request. - I don't like peppers in it. - You don't get the peppers. All I'm sayin' is-- - I like it on you. - These pats is gettin' soft. They didn't take this guy out in the moment and I think that's fucking crazy. - They want to shot him in the head right there. - I think that they-- - You should have pulled out a snub nose revolver and should have stuck it in his mouth and said like, "You told me this is bad. "You told me this is a bad, she's dead." - Well, I've said, you hit him with the spatula. - Hmm. - You hit him with the spatula. - And the spatula slapped him. - I feel like, where are the knownas in this? - Well, there's no knownas of cheese today. It's all dudes, it's all big fat men, right? - Yeah, you gotta yell at the people. - I feel like the thing's, that's what I loved working at Nine-N-Miles of Philly, RIP. - What's here now? - Oh, it was just some weird, I don't even know what it was. I walked by it today. It was a sad, that makes me angry. - Well, it went too high. - Too bad. - It went too high, damn high. They said, Nine-N-Miles of Philly didn't close because of bad business. It closed because the rent went too high, and you can't charge $25 for a G-Stick. - Yeah, New York gave up on itself. - That's what happened, that's what happened here. And that's okay. But we used to get the Amaroso rolls in, so we were legit. - You were. - Yeah, but I will say. - I used to eat there once a week. - Oh, more than that. - Well, I was trying to eat you free sandwich. - I was trying to cut down. And then, but then Holden couldn't eat it because it made his hands itchy. - Yeah. - Remember that? He always got the whiz. - Is that weird either that thing? - Too much salt. I think period of time where he said his hands got itchy. - Holden's been dying for 30 years. - How is he still alive? - I don't know, I don't know. - Well, hopefully working for Wheel of Fortune. - All I'm saying is the staff at Pat's should have beat the shit out of this guy on the spot. That's all I'm saying. - I actually completely agree with that. - You put out a hit on the guy, let someone else do your business for you. Pat's is getting soft. I'm officially never gonna eat there 'cause Lord knows I'm not allowed anymore. - No, no, no, no, no, no. You know how, you're right next to him. - I love gyms. - Also, side stories. - I'm a gyms man. - Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-M-L.com. Where should we be going? - It's always that. It's always just, there's always some other place. - There's all, you know what it is? They're all good. But I know gyms is great. And so I go to gyms. - You're right, good work. - All right. - This story, this is a more important story than I wanted to talk about real quick. - Chris the Pike. - Oh, God, I hate this, every part of this story. - We covered this slightly when this first came up 'cause there's been very few women murdered by the state. - Yeah. - All right, to believe it's only like almost even 20 all told have only ever been. - And three of them were Eileen Warnows. - Yes, yeah, because it's just her personalities. (laughing) Many women executed in U.S. It's really not that many. It's like yeah, yeah, I would say 576 since 1632. 18 women have been executed in U.S. since the reinstatement of capital punishment in 1976. - 1632? - Yeah, I mean, I didn't get it all the way back. - That's crazy. We gotta go back all that. They were killing witches. - It counts the witches, I think. - It counts all the witches. - So this is the, it's 18 women have been actually executed. So Chris the Pike was on death row for the murder of a young woman. - So she was 19 when she committed the murder, which seems like it's really young to get the dust out of this. - So we're anti-death sentence here. We all completely agree we're all anti-death sentence. I think you should just, I think you should just rot in jail to be frank if you're gonna do a handless thing. - It's the worst thing. - There's ways, so, and I also think, truly, you know, even murder, there's a way to sort of out of it, to get out of it. To recoup yourself, to find your way in this life, find a purpose, you know. - At least until we get running, man. - And then that's for us, then we get to have fun. - So Chris DePike, her and her boyfriend, they tortured a 19 year old girl, with the name of Colleen Slimmer. They brought her out to a wooded area, they slashed, they cut her off, they carved a pentagram into her chest and they crushed her head with a rock. - So they did, it's really fucked up story, right? So Chris DePike ends up getting the book thrown at her. - Yeah, dude. - She gets the book thrown at her. She gets, she gets put on death row. - She is, big no mistake. Chris DePike is a fucking bitch, you do not want to fuck with. - Okay. - She is intense stuff. - She is very, very tough. She now, because she's been in jail since she's 19 years old. She attempted to kill another roommate, another inmate, who was her roommate. - Were they also on death row? - Yes, because apparently it was a retaliatory measure. She was sticking up for another murderer on death row because once you're in the drama, you gotta do all the stuff. You once you're on the-- - And if you're already sentenced to death. - It's not, you know. But she tried to strangle a woman of death with shoelaces. Came up from behind her. She was being transferred between cells. Fucking tried to strangle with shoelaces and they beat her with a bunch of buttons. Then she also tried to escape several times. So like Chris DePike ain't no angel. - But certainly not. - It does not deserve, we don't believe in execution, but her thin ass veins saved her life. - Kind of. - So they didn't actually, she's brain dead right now. But so they tried to do the, there was a state of execution. It was a big ol' primetime deal. It was held, held back up. Then finally they're like, we're going with her. We're gonna do a lethal injections. She goes, they stick the needles in. She's saying I can't, I can feel. I can feel like, my arm feels like it's gonna explode. - Yeah, that's what she said. And they'd shoot her twice with the hot shot and she lives. Up until this point, her people, like her lawyer and stuff have been saying, you know, she has these, I guess it's some kind of, - It's thin veins. - She's thin veins. - Yeah, they've been warning the state 'cause leading up to this execution, although if you saw, but it was all up in the news, like this is gonna be fucked up. - Yes. - Like everyone was like, this execution's gonna be fucked up. It's 'cause she's like, shouldn't she? blood clotting. disorder. Yeah. It's something this is going to be sad. This is going to be crazy. And then it fucking was when that's what Christopher bike said, like, fine, but then don't fucking hang me. Yeah. And they said, I guess no. They say they did either quest because hanging is not an improved execution. Yeah. And the death chamber is not a quip for it. I mean, all you need is a a rafter, but it's not legal. No, of course, you want to go originally, she was there for firing squad, but they don't do that in Tennessee. They also stopped doing the firing squad. So she was like, I don't because like a botched lethal injection is what we have now found out to be from several people. Extremely painful. Of course it is. So a regular lethal injections, probably painful, but it's just wild to think that she fucking she lived. And so now they're supposed to I think technically the way it works because the way they work back in the day, they also use the different vein. And they weren't that they weren't supposed to. Yeah. Yeah, when they were like, we shouldn't use this vein, but let's do it anyway. Yeah, I'd be like at that point, just put it in my fucking neck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just put it in my neck. Get it in me if we're doing this. Well, why would they do, you know, here's the thing is there's it's so deeper than this, the drugs that they use are hard to find. No one's really making them anymore. Sometimes they're they're not being made by actual drug companies. Of course, not buying them from like second hand places. Because they can't. John over had a big expose on it. Yeah, it's because of the Hippocratic oath because a doctor that would know how to properly do these things is not allowed to do these things. Yeah. Because we the state shouldn't be killing anybody. No. But also it's just like, why would you do it like this? If you know it's not going to work, you put it off and then you make the firing squad legal. If that's what you have to do firing squad, you just shoot people in their dead. Man, this is kind of crazy. Like this is really, really crazy. Just like looking at the way she was reacting or she was like laughing and saying you guys can't like this isn't killing me. She also refused to last meal, which to be honest, that's a waste. Well, yeah, at least give it to someone else. No, man, get that kneel, dude. Yeah. Get anything you want, dude. I mean, well, I mean, she's in the middle of nowhere, it's not like there's good food in the fucking middle of nowhere, tend to see. You don't mean to tell me you couldn't get some good ass hot fish. I mean, honestly, if they were going to kill me, you know, I love hot fried fish. Well, the last time I made you sick. Yeah. It made you real sick. Mm-hmm. You weren't ready for it. Where did we go? Forget where the shack was. That was like, it was, yeah, it was next to a tire restaurant. Was that an trolley? No, no, that wasn't Nashville. No, it was Nashville. Yeah, it made me sick, but I liked it. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, but see, that's what I would get. I would get something that would just make me fucking shit it explosively. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, I would be a fucking blunderboss of diarrhea. Yeah. No, that would be, that's the way to go. Of course. No, you're cleaning up my shit. I want my shit stink to go through the viewing window. Yeah, I wanted to splatter against the window so that my, the family of my aggrieved, the people that I did the crime to can just see how proud my dukey is. Oh my god. And that was the other thing is like the, the woman they killed or the girl essentially that they killed, their family was there. Yes. Watch in the whole fucking thing. Yeah, and they, and they weren't super jazzed about it. That's for certain. No. This is like, this is not good for anybody. Nobody likes it. I feel like, yes, there's some people that receive like this idea of like, there's closure, but you know, you know, I truly feel in my, in a very serious note. So then I think that closure doesn't exist. You're, you're, that your daughter is always going to be dead. I think that unfortunately, you have to figure this out and that you seeing somebody get executed by the state is not going to magically make you feel better. No, it makes you a worse person. I don't know. I actually don't, I just think it's, it just hurts all around. It's just hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt all the way down. Yeah. The fucking pipe. You watching someone get killed ain't going to make you better. No, no. Unless, of course, you're serving in Vietnam. Yeah. You got to get your buddy out of the fucking mock. You shot him in there. I'm fucking coming back here in vacation and I'm going to ruin it for all of you. I got something for you. Oh wow. Vietnam cash. Well, a hundred thousand dollars. That's right, man. Wow, I could buy anything I want here. That gets you like part of a bombing. Oh wow. So this isn't a lot of money. No, from what I hear, it's like three bucks American. Fuck yeah. Cool. Where'd you get it? Someone gave it to me at my Denver show, which was great. It was awesome. They're like, here you go. You're some cash from Vietnam. I was like, well, you know, I do accept American. If you are buying merch, you know, but that's great. Yeah. So that, you can have it. Thank you. I think you'd love it. I do. But um, I, uh, I feel really bad for this whole situation. Uh, Christopher Pike. I mean, obviously, she's a nightmare of a human being, but she don't deserve this. Well, let me, uh, I will just say no one deserves to be murdered by the state. I just think that that's not, you should not be in the right over the federal government. It's just so ironic that you're trying to kill somebody. And then you have to rush them to the hospital and put them on a ventilator. It's a, it's why not let her die because it's all, um, because it's because the way she's going to die ain't going to be pretty. Yeah. She's going into full organ shutdown and not in the controlled way that it's supposed to. So now they're trying to save her life to try and kill her again. Yeah, but I think at this point, you got to worry she's there. Hit her with an X. I mean, rock and roll or does that? I'm just even like, oh, yeah. Oh my god, it's young blood. Young blood gets it. This would be a great use for young blood. It's just him going like, I like to rock. I hope you like to rock too. I hope you like to rock. Let's rock everybody rock. I've got a 14 inch waist. Look at more little waist. I've got Kirin or at least belly button. Doesn't that make you happy? Push the pike. Is she, is he dating Kirin? No. Oh, I'm just saying he has the same torso as Kirin. He does have the same torso. If he was just a torso, I would suck on it. He's got that good torso. Yeah, he's, I'm not done this twice. Ryan C. Chris. I mean, you know, it's, it's weird. It's, you're into the, into the tight young man. And I'm in a them old barber bushes. That's right, man. Give me afternoon images. I'll get in there. Not into tight young men. Ryan C. Chris is not a tight young man. Ryan C. Chris is a tight old man made to look like a tight young man. You use my science. You want to get into them. See weeds. No, I just, you won't, I get a lot of flak. Sometimes we're just talking about women, you know, so it's good it's something to talk about other things. Yeah, that's true. But I wouldn't need to just have his belly button. Oh, you're building, now you're building the perfect man, man, woman to have. Yes. The lodgework is getting on a hand. Oh, yes. It's the house that Henry built, serial killer in Lansing. Oh, is that just really quick? I just couldn't, there is no real connections. But right now there is five homeless people that have viewed it. They're just, the only reason why we're even saying it is because they're even coming out and saying that they believe that the murders are connected. Five homeless people have been found hit, basically hitting the head to death. Yeah, well, the first homeless person who was killed, first of all, they're all white, which is the killing white men, which is, you know, very rare, very rare for a serial killer. But not, not, but the technically, see, they stop being white when they're homeless. I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a, according to the government, according to the government. Yes. And, but the first guy that was killed, if you think the first guy that was killed, he was, there's someone that imprisoned for that murder. Yeah. Well, there's someone who's accused of the murder. They don't know quite, but he's saying that there might all be other connected. He might then get off. Yeah. So we have no idea. I'm just saying, there's a, there's a dude in Lansing killing, sleeping homeless men. And there is a, that happened in LA. There is a, there is a, there is a very sadly, a very new classic way for the serial killer to start their way about because what they are doing is it's, it's somebody activated on the interests of killing somebody, looking to kill homeless people because it's easy. Yeah. And you can do it at night. And it usually in places that aren't like on camera. Yes. Yeah. And there's lots of you just, you know, no one's going to report it really. So it is, it's a sad situation, but we have no idea quite what's going, but I'm just saying the police are coming out saying they believe it's all connected. Fucking nuts. So it's coming, we'll find out. Right from North way. This young, San Ohio story, I feel like is something we have to bring out. Yes. Reports of a man Monday told two Mormon missionaries who knocked on his door that he worships the devil and then he chased him through the streets with a rusty old shotgun. See, this is called all of my intrusive thoughts at once. This guy did this. I don't have to. I am so jealous that he got to do this because like they found the Mormon boys. I just think it's so fucking funny. You head in a bush. Hold on a second. This is wrong. All right, go ahead. The police found the two Mormon boys hiding in a bush like it's a Huckleberry fan and said, like, what happened? They're like, devil, where's your fucking house? Because I'm going to guarantee you, okay, I'm going to guarantee you that shotgun didn't work. No, it's way they made a point of calling it a russian shot gun. It definitely didn't work to scare us to have fun. Yes. Yeah. To have fun. No. He is his Satan. He's Satan worshiper like myself. It's nice. No, no, that actually we just just said that he is again. And that's that's more fun than being one. Yeah. You guys have to understand that about devil worship. It's more fun. Do it like no one actually does it. No. They just want to tell you they do it because it's fun to do it. It's out the Mormon because the Mormons having two Mormon boys. Oh my God. It's just fucking makes me want to do it so bad. You bring them in a house like after heretic. Yes. After seeing heretic. I've been so inspired. Like the idea of bringing them in and like I have that fancy about like making them abandon their god. Yes. You know just with my thoughts, but it didn't work. They still love it. I bet they're going to be heroes now. How they didn't convert them. Well, that they face down the devil. No, they lost. They didn't lose. They hit the bush. He's fine. The guy who worshiped the devil. The guy he's fine. He won. Well, he's going to go to jail. If G if I'm going to I'm just going to put this out here. This this might offend some people, but if the Mormon God is remotely real, they would have done a shield of abjuration like it's fucking Baldur's Gate three. Like literally they would have called their spirit guardians. They would have been surrounded by the family of Mordecai right going like with ancient soldiers and they would have destroyed the devil worshipper. If their god had any power, he would have protected them in that very instant. You're right. When he would need to protect them. Well, maybe that God knew that this shotgun didn't work. So God just was laughing his ass off. He was like, oh, yeah, look at that. Stupid Mormons. They'll never know. It's the Muslims that are correct. You know what I mean, like that's all you have to find which is which religions correct, Eddie? I mean, which is the right one, atheism? No, I'm dude, but they're like, let's just say because you think even God is just like, leave me alone. I really God is the biggest proponent of atheism. Just get away from me. Just get away. I'm fine. You're fucking complaining. I don't exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't exist. So, uh, so this guy, I think I hate to put you on a spot like this. Me? Yes. You. I think you could do the world of favor, bailed this guy out of jail. What's the bail? I mean, that would be a real fucking just that's a power move. That's a power move. That's like super packed shit. Yeah, yeah. You know, my only problem with it is that I don't know they can't speak towards the rest of his character. I'm better. It's bad. I bet it's not great. That's the problem. That's the problem for you doing fun show like this. You're never like a good guy. I mean, he's never like a fun guy doing it. I mean, he's definitely fun. He's definitely too fun. It was almost noon. Maybe he was cranky because he didn't have lunch. This is really big. He did. He said he definitely got him down on their knees and put with a shotgun in the back of one of their fucking hands. Yeah, he did. He ran away. So I do his dance a little. No, it's very intense. It's a dance. I know. I know this. Do you think that they're still going to be missionaries? I wouldn't be. I'd be like God didn't care about us. One bit father, Joan. God didn't do anything. I thought you said God would help us. Only if you get good numbers in the conversion rates. You got to fucking close. You do. You have to close. Oh my God. If they would have convinced him, that's what I'm saying. That would have been amazing. That's the win. Then you're a hero. Oh, yeah. Then they win. No, they lost to the devil today. It's good to see. All right. We got some. I feel like we're at listening emails. Let's do a listener email. I mean, I do want to give a shout out to the guy who faked a medical emergency to avoid paying his red lobster bill. I do. I do like the move. But, you know, you know what it was like you you mentioned it earlier. It was 26 year old guy. It was arrested after faking a medical emergency. Once he received the bill in Douglasville, Georgia. You're right. He's too young. You can't. 26 years. He's too young. Yeah. He's too young. You got to say great idea. Hold it to your old. You have didn't. 68 and over. Two things I'm going to do to you. All right. Right now, you know, we got to get some shit for giving, you know, a criminal's advice, but I think it's true. First of all, you need gray in your beard. Second of all, wait for it to be at Nobu. Yeah. Go to a better place. No, you're going to pull this $63. This isn't enough. No, dude. Fucking go. Then pull the seizure. Yeah. He had to get you and also seizure. Yeah. Not hard attack. What actually got him in trouble was he dialed 911 to like get taken away. Yes. And then that's what really got him in trouble. Of course. Not getting out of the bill, but like calling an ambulance for no reason. Yeah. Misusing 911. Someone else could have died. Yeah. Because the EMTs went to go save him, even though he didn't need to be saved. Yep. And so that is the that is the little dipshit reason of it. But still pretty funny. It's it's objectively. It's objectively funny. And I thank you for trying and good luck with your $3,000 bond. Also, Red Lobster is not good anymore. Red Lobster is on the way back up. What? Yeah. They got a new CEO, he's fucking be do worker kinging it. They're doing a great job actually right now. Red Lobster is in a good place after the all you can eat shrimp fiasco. Remember that? I do. Which wasn't true. No, it was a land grab. It was a land grab, which is interesting for seafood restaurant. I know. Because that's it was. It was a real estate issue. Yeah. But they got a new young CEO who's doing all these things and red Lobsters back on the way back up. All right. Well, so I hope, you know, we'll see what happens with this. But when we go when we go to Maine this year, that's right where we're going. Right to Red Lobster. All right. Let's get to this to DC emails. La la la la. Listen to your emails. Oh, shoot. We're not at home. So we can't really we don't have really have a song. I even know we I mean Rob's going to put it in like in right one, two, three. I'll fucking cool. That's cool. I'm using mother fucking pure AI. Can't believe it. Here we go. Hi guys. Did meet you from Rhode Island here. I've been a listener for years. I'm a huge fan. I turned my boyfriend now fiance on to you when we first started dating. And the fact that he also became a big fan was a green flag. Thank you. We try to get port tickets to the Portland show, but it's old out. So we'll catch you next time around. Try harder. I was just responding to your question about if an animal shelter shelter would have to disclose that the dogs up for adoption were sexually assaulted. Sometimes I forget the things we ask. I'm sorry. Melrose podcast. I'm sorry. Melrose. We big thank you to Melrose podcast. Yeah. We're recording it. I'm again extremely sorry for the content of today. Anyway, I was just responding. Okay. So I'd handle anything from intake to adoption. I used to work on an animal shelter and all the care and training in between of the animals. It was a very rewarding but extremely emotionally taxing. And it couldn't survive off of 12 75 an hour. So I ended up having a leave. Although we never received any dog that we knew that were sexually assaulted, we would occasionally receive dogs that had eaten their owners. It's more common than you would think. An old person gets lonely so they adopt a companion dog. Yes. Great idea for a few years. But then the old person dies alone in the home. The dog is stuck in there with them until someone realizes the older person isn't responding to the weekly family check in or misses a doctor's appointment. The police are family coming to do welfare check and boy do they walk into a scene. We all assume the dog is only eating their human for survival. But maybe they had just been waiting for this day. The police would bring the dog to us in the shelter and we would all be very careful not to let it lick our faces. The dogs always seem very sweet innocence. So you would have no idea that they would have been feasting on their owner's flesh for the past week. It's never the ones that you think. We put them up for adoption and let people meet them. But it was only after the potential adopters would apply to take them home that we would discreetly inform them of the dog's transgression. Hey, just so you know, the dog I ate a person. That's too late in the process, guys. That's too late in the fucking process. Let me get you John Hank guy. Great idea for you. Just so you know, an aid of somebody. The look on people's faces was priceless. They would even look back over at the dog who would be shaking a stuffed animal in their mouth or even worse, staring back at the adopter with a tongue out big grin and then looking back at me and horror. Luckily the dogs would eventually get adopted, but some people couldn't go over the human eating thing. Could you guys adopt a dog that had a taste for human flesh? I mean, first off, absolutely. I don't care. Tootsie was in a bed with my mom's roommate passed away for three days and tootsie was there and I got to say tootsie didn't eat her. I didn't think it was gross. No, don't say that. Not in a bad way, but it just took to being like a older woman filled with medication. She wasn't that old. How old was she? She was in her 50s. That's sad. No, it is sad. It's in the whole situation. But tootsie did not eat her is what I'm saying. Tootsie easily could eat her. I wonder what kind of dog it does, does this? I didn't get a dog. You need to have a good strong jaws. I don't know. I bet Karmie would eat you. Honestly, I don't know because Karmie has now been we're having an issue with dead squirrels her yard. And she's not eating the squirt. She's not eating them. No. So she's just, she's kind of just the pick it like knows an atom. Someone's poison in the squirrels. I know, and I don't like it. And that's not good because if they, they can eat them because they'll get sick. Yes. I know. Yeah. Oh, I know. Oh, yeah. I know. I'm looking to find out. There's no way to know, I guess who's doing it? I could start just fucking randomly interrogating people. I do the old fashioned way and bring them into the backyard and the fucking waterboard them a couple times to see what they got to say. It should because it's fucked up when you poison those squirrels for hockey. It's the dead squirrel. The hawk's going to die. I don't want them because you know what it is. They're trying to kill the skunks. Yeah. Guess what? Skunks are cute though. Dude, I was in an Uber that hit a skunk. I was in for like another half hour and then I just had to sit in the dead skunk juice. You know what the thing about the Uber drivers? They love it. But yeah, no, this is amazing. Thank you for sending this in. Okay. Here we go. Here's another. All right. This is a fucked up story from the other day. And I never got it. I never got to. Okay. Regarding a recent mention of a league of illegally imported reptiles. Oh, all right. I previously worked in a surprisingly busy emergency department in a very small town, rampant with addiction and drug use. Overdoses were common. So when EMS called in with two adult males found unconscious with needles in their arms, we didn't think much of it. Just another day. The patients were brought in both limp, eyes rolled back, blue lips, limbs flopping on the stretchers. Many attempts were made to save them, but they were gone. The doctor on staff that night was particularly friendly with me and often shared things that he didn't even share with the nurses. He was troubled that everyone assumed that this was just an overdose and paced by my desk after the chaos had passed all while muttering things like, this is no goddamn overdose. Several weeks later, same doctor comes to me, punches me in the shoulder and screams, "Cobras! I know fucking clue what was happening." I was like, I was already forgotten the incident and I said, "What are you talking about?" As one does when someone punches in the arm, screaming, "Busnakes." The overdose that wasn't one, it was "Cobras." Those dumb shits injected "Cobra Venom." I told you something wasn't right. He then proceeded to do the Kevin McHallister, "Yes, arm." Turns out that these men had illegally obtained a cobra from God knows where. Niltid's venom that injected themselves with the venom as some sort of bizarre virility ritual? No. Oh yeah. The doctor had set off samples to a special toxicology lab that had been in frequent contact with law enforcement who were very willing to share unofficial information with medical staff if they liked you. These dumb bastards could have just let the snakes bite them. It would have done the same exact thing. Their fangs are essentially hypodermic needles. Why the hell do they do this? Maybe they're murdered. He then left my desk. No, it was in a syringe. I know, but I feel like it's a lot of trouble. It's not enough venom. He then left my desk so high on knowing he was right that he was almost floating. I just wanted to mention this as an example of literal toxic masculinity. Man, dude, I mean, that is toxic masculinity because like you know someone's like, "You know, if you really want to get high, cobra venom." What's the idea that it makes you heart? Cobra venom? I don't know. That's what they're saying. It tells you everybody knows that cobra's kill you. Unless your dick doesn't work, you're willing to do anything, anything to get your dick to work. Do does that mean that everyone who gets killed by cobra is a hard dick? Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-G-M-L.com. I love the cobra venom make you heart. Does that work? Does it work? What a wonderful episode this has been. Yeah, well, you know, there's lots of stuff going on in the world. Lots of fucked up stuff. We'll be talking about it more next week. We got more Clifford Olsen coming up and blast by guests on the left. We are here in New York City. That's right, baby. I've seen the Comic Con. We're in New York Comic Con, Thursday night. Yeah, we got a panel on Thursday. Tomorrow night. Yes, 415. It's not night. There's night here. Who cares? Also Friday, like we said, we're at the Warsaw and Brooklyn. Only a couple of tickets left. Get them right now or they're going to be gone. Same thing with Hartford on Sunday at the Webster Theatre. Fuckin' get into it. And then in October, we're going to be at the Matilda Community Center again. Yep. October 24th. To the Big Old Costume Show. In the Humbly House. Custom Cookin'. I hear, man. Wear your costumes. We're going to have a contest. Hold on. McNeely's going to be coming with us. We're bringing the man. Oh, yeah. Okay, so enjoy that. Also on October 14th in Los Angeles, I got Slambers Comedy Batch at the Stray Theater. And I'm also going to be co-headlining with Billy Wayne Davis at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on October 25th, tickets to those and everything else available on editunes.com. Side stories, tickets also available on lastpodcastinalef.com. We got all kinds of shit going on. Live every day, knowing for a fact that you don't need co-preventing them to get hard. You just need the wonderful body of Barbara Bush. That's right. You can laugh. No one for a fact that no one else is jerking off at the Civil Rights Museum, unlike Ed Larson? Yes, all right, and then you can love the fact that we've got to get at it. If you're trying to fuck Sally Field, it's not a long line. It is a long line to the top of the line. You're going to be, I've been in line for 10 years. Well, fucking god. When did she call in your number? At 666-669-69. Thank you, Samantha Morton. And last one, Trier. Looking forward to meeting you one day. It's not a good person. No, I know. Hailstead. Hail Stella, my new goddaughter. Oh, nice. I got a new one. Oh, wow. Brand new. He stole her from a family or? I, in the future.