Side Stories: Halloween Crimes

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, I want to roll. I want to roll every day. I can't anymore. No. I don't know what's in them. No, I just mean physically roll. Oh. I could do more twisting. I could do more on the floor work. I think it's big for me. I think you're more of a jump and shout man than a twist and roll. I'm a shout man. That's for certain. I learned something really exclusively this week about myself. What happened? Which is I was at the gym and- How is he? God, he's big. God, I could barely get him in me. God, it just, I'm filled with- I'm filled to the brim when I'm with him. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of his generosity. No, I, what I'm realizing is, is that, you know, I go to gym actually pretty often, which is sad, right? I'm like, I'm big, you know, I got, I just did, I did lift a 280 again. You go like three times a week? Yeah, three, four times a week. But now I'm really understanding that I am quite obese because every time I go, the attractive men- The men workers there have been giving me lots of dabs. And when I'm starting to understand, they've been dapping me up. And I think partially it's, I'm getting a lot of like, man, good to see you in here again, man. Yeah, you just keep trying. And every day they're just like, you just, wow, look at you. You know, when I see you in here, man, I know I gotta be in here, man. You know, and you're just saying stuff where it's like, okay, this is fine. You know, I'll be like, God- You're such an inspiration. Like, you're looking great, man. You're just in there every day, man. I just love seeing you put in the work. Yeah. And then I'm just starting to understand that he doesn't say that to the other guys. Do you weigh yourself? Have you seen a change? I know I'm bigger. Yeah. Well, like muscular bigger. I'm huge and strong. I'm both. Yeah. I'm both. I'm huge right now. Yeah. But it's one of those where I'm just also the strongest I've ever been. Which is awesome. I'm wildly strong. I love doing it. I'm addicted to doing it. The problem is, is that I'm just getting fatter. And I don't look like I'm in the gym four days a week. I'm just getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And then the men all are just like, I'm a charity case. I understand, man. I've been there myself. I was at the office recently eating a salad. And then one of our lovely coworkers said, good for you. Jesus Christ. He's like, you know, you're fat when people are congratulating you on like eating healthy. Like, oh, look at him eat a leaf. Look at him. Look at the big man. There's no saturated fat in all this. Are you satisfied with this? You know how else, you know, you're fat when people keep telling you you're losing weight. Oh, how many times I show up at the gym, at the gym. And they're like, looking good, buddy. Have you cut some? Yeah. Are they even feeding you over there? That's how you know you're fat. And you're like, fuck you, bro. You know, for a fact I'm huge. And I don't need to hear it. I know you look good, dude. I'll be at my biggest and someone will be like, wow, losing weight. And I know, I know I'm fat. I know I'm fatter. This is good no this is just your natural reflex to give me self-esteem so i don't attack you or rip your clothes off you and eat them yeah you don't think i'm gonna i'm gonna go through your food i'm gonna eat all your food unless you unless you satisfy me with compliments self-esteem has nothing to do with common sense no we know we're fucking huge okay but honestly what i but i would appreciate though when he does do that when he daps me up and then he can give me some like he does talk with me about my form a little bit but it is sort of nice to be standing next to the very tall men yeah because it gives me passes i think i think people see oh look he's he doesn't he must not reek of garbage you know what we need to take this back and whenever skinny people start getting fat we need to go out to be like looking good looking good looking good today oh i do do that yeah yeah no and marcus i'm sad that marcus lost his long coveted weight yeah he had that cute little belly i love this little like dobby belly i love this weird dobby belly i like this turning into a real man yeah he was looking like a real texan yeah all right yeah and then now he's all he's back to skinny and stuff and i hate seeing it it's like no he's not texting really because he doesn't drink a lot of beer no that's why he lost the belly that's why we got to start putting beer in his mouth when he's asleep yeah i'm putting it on carolina welcome to side stories i'm henry zabrowski i'm sitting here with the also still incredibly fat yet healthiest he's ever been ed larson i will never change been big my whole life there is no way to get out of this were you a tiny baby you were preemie i was a preemie i literally was told i would never gain weight all right how about a three were you fat at three i wasn't like what what year did you start being like hey i guess i'm fat no i've been fat was it like five other kids told me i was a hunch yeah yeah yeah the other kids informed me that i was fat pretty much the moment i've since i been in social dude i was i was a hundred pounds in first grade yeah i was yeah i was fucking big dude i was always big i loved it i love seeing fucking small ass pussies but whatever dude i'm gonna get a fat man of the gym club going on and we all need all the fat people go to the gym need to show up at the same day and then we take over everything we bring in lasagna and we bring in fucking catering it's gonna have to be in the middle of the night or something why because no one's gonna come back but that's what i need my sleep apnea machine i need to be up in the middle of the day i want to be a day walker fat oh you want to be day walking i want to be day walker i don't want to have to skulk in there in the night i want us to be able to go in there at noon but people don't want to look at you but if we're all there they'll get used to us if we're all there and then they'll have to accept that we're i guess we're making it some kind of movement well i'm glad that there is movement it's just hard doing everything i can you can you're doing great you're gonna live longer because of this sure that's what's most important yeah not dying yeah yeah yeah we all gonna look like shit no matter what you know what though you look great thank you no fuck you god god it's awful use weight eddie have you lost any weight i i i um i realized that i have not lost weight because i shop at the largest well uh fat people an extra large didn't exist until 1994 yeah i don't think that people got skinny in people didn't get really fat in america until about the early 90s it wasn't because like when i go thrifting it's a fucking travesty yeah see i see the thing is like fat people die so where are all their clothes they get burned by the state they get burned in a big effigy yeah you know what i mean that's why you gotta go shopping and florida yeah rob according to google ai one of the fucking one of the most fucking reliable systems of the world is a size xl uh originated during the 19th century yeah there's always been fat people war yeah the civil war yeah but i'm sure that extra large isn't our extra large they're not they're buying it off the rack already they're getting shit made for them yeah yeah that's a different extra large yeah that's the other thing i'll buy an extra large and it fits and i buy another one and it's tight make them all the same make them all the same who the fuck there's no regulation on this bullshit yeah we're doing all this on election day i'll get a 36 pant this will be perfect these are the issues 36 pant it's too different it's different believe me tell me about it if we ran for president together as side stories we'd have to walk i could say we could skip and then we would that would be the first up on the bell we would universalize men's sizing women you're still on your own stay fat all right here we go we got some updates number one uh so i got so many fun mail so many pieces of fun mail about trivia issues so we've been covering this over the last couple of weeks for some reason number one it started with jim thornton who was the former announcer for wheel of fortune that was busted as a gigantic member of these like c-sam and pedophile community uh boards and he was all involved in it and he lots of different fantasies and he was all he was deeply deeply entrenched when i might even call the lifestyle yeah yeah but he was good at it he was really good at it and then last week we got another story of another jeopardy champion that got busted for c-sam double jeopardy double jeopardy on a wheel of fortune than jeopardy thank you yes and so what i think is really funny is that so now i'm really starting to think all of this is very trivia related right like other trivia problems and i got great messages from people talking about their various local trivia scenes because we kind of went into about how as comedians we've been tasked with running things like this throughout our lives periodically yeah because we have no real skills no but we what we have is the the need for attention and the lack of fear of crowds yeah so the time. If it's written down for me, it sounds like I made it up. But comedians, we now know that normally it's for the. We're going to say that more frustrated comedians is for your local comedian. Normally, if you're doing this kind of you're doing it for fun. But there's some people that take it really fucking seriously. So I got some I got a really great email that I wanted to read that was just like, I just see this fucking guy in my my mind. I got a trivia every other week with a group of friends for about seven months. We had a regular spot at a local brewery and was fun. Hosted by stand up, of course. He was a he was a nice guy. We left to pursue his career and was then replaced by another stand up. It's called the cycle of life of bar shows. This guy was bad vibes from the start. White, shaved head, always kind of pink. We know the guy. Yeah, I see him already in my head. It could just be bald. You could just be bald. Some guys are just look at me. I'm a natural at most. I'm a natural blush. Yeah. You know what I mean? I would say I'm in a I'm yes, I'm pink. I am piglet colored naturally. So like somebody was I guess somebody was like something was always bothering him so much. It was making him hot, uncomfortable. That's why he was kind of pink. It's probably the aviator jacket with the self-imposed nickname hand stitched on the back. He was wearing in the middle of the Texas summer. He then led his own written trivia game and it was a nightmare. It does sound fun. I love this. He constantly asked us to boo the people in first place. He would yell aggressively at them for no reason. He would walk around the tables and try to work the room. Snap at people. Nothing's like a trivia host. It's like, you think you're smart? Yeah. You think you're fucking better than me? He came up to our table, promoted the frozen sour daiquiri the brewery was selling and claimed it was as good as a Dole Whip. As a fellow lover of the Disney parks, I asked him if he had been. And if so, how does it compare? He then yelled, well, it doesn't make me want to kill children. And Disneyland. It sucks. He then explained he was from California and just moved here. And he kept shouting how much he hated Disney and kids. One around my male friend who has long hair turned in our answers. Our team is a three women and one man. And the host said to him, oh, I keep thinking you're a woman because of your hair. That's why I stopped coming over and talking to your table one round. He made military abbreviations because he used to serve. He picked the most obscure ones and he lost his fucking mind. We're not a single. He knew any of the answers yelling at us and telling us to fuck off. There is a ton more. He did that night. Take the time here. The last two things he did at the very end of the night. All the women of the trivia were fed up and kind of mocking him and calling him out for his BS. He announced, well, I do hope they repeal the 19th amendment. His act of sticking to us was to announce his favorite team name of the night. And this is the real team name for the night. The team was called Tempura battered women. Oh, my Lord. The fact that it could be named that. And that was fine. That was not even the biggest problem was the team calling their team Tempura battered women. How did they do? Do they win? No, they did not win. They did not win. If it was a bunch of chicks, is it funny? Yeah. If that was a bunch of chicks, I would find that to be common. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had a feeling it wasn't. Oh, definitely. Here is another one. I'm from Calgary, Alberta. We go to a bar trivia regularly. Early 2026, the bar we frequent announced that they would no longer be hosting. We couldn't find any other locations in the city to go to. Turns out the founder of the host company, the largest trivia company in Canada, got busted for CSAM. The investigation led to the company being dropped from majority of the bars. And in Calgary, all the quiz masters quit as well. Since then, all the hosts moved to a new company. Which the bar has started working with again. We also got guys on Zoom. I'm a former Jeopardy loser and active in multiple online trivia leagues. It is common when I play that I'm the only woman in the Zoom call. These scenes are rife with creepy dudes who can't take a hint and push the envelope with usually female participants. This style of behavior has resulted in multiple bans over the years. But my favorite creep story is the one that made the rule participants must be fully clothed during matches necessary. Some guy decided to take his shirt off in a Zoom room of eight other people whilst being asked about the capital of Mali. If I remember correctly, he played half the game fully clothed and then decided to free the nips for the second half. We don't know why he did it, but we know that a league-wide email was sent out the next morning iterating the need for shirts while participating. Again, problems with trivia. One more issue. That's why there's no pool trivia. There's none. None. I truly feel. This is another letter. I truly feel it has something to do with trivia, even though I don't know what. But I had someone who used to be a friend of mine who won Jeopardy! in 2014, and he was going to go back for Jeopardy! the season of champions for Super Jeopardy! It's because he was so good at it. But unfortunately, before then, he was arrested for sexual assault of a minor, which I found especially odd because the whole time I knew him, he was dating people way too old for him. Very confusing. He was able to get out of jail while he was arrested. I'm sorry for that, because he had just won Jeopardy! and he was able to. That gets you out of jail. No, he got ten. He had ten grand! Oh! And he was able to pay the ten grand in bail that it was. Jeopardy! of champions, the season of champions, ended up. They never. They told him. They canceled him coming back. Um, and now he's a registered sex offender. Ah! Wouldn't have guessed that. Good memorizer. Good memorizer. So this is just some of the things. It was just really important. There's been murders associated with trivia nights. It's just like. There's something about this whole, like. Anywhere one little evil person could get a smallest amount of power. Yeah. Now, do you think, like. Trivia, I feel like. I'll probably take shit for this, but I feel like people who are obsessed with trivia don't actually know anything. Well, that's. They know a bunch of little facts, but they don't actually, like, know how to be a plumber or something. I do legitimately believe that is a. That's like one of those big conversations. Yeah. It's a big conversation. 'Cause the guy, right? The most winningest. The most winningest man of all time. I think that's the term. The guy with the most Scrabble Championship wins ever. Yeah. Over anybody else in the world is this guy. I forget his name. If you could look it up, Rob, because I don't have my stupid iPad with me. The most Scrabble Championship wins? The guy with the number one Scrabble. So, this guy is, like, this barely verbal. They don't say the words, like, on the spectrum or any of these things. They don't say that about him. But he's obsessed with letters. Well, what he is, is a guy that can memorize things. Yes, Nigel Richards. He can memorize things in a go. I believe this is the guy that can just look up stuff. Like, he went. He does not speak a word of French, but he got the encyclopedia of the Scrabble. The French Scrabble dictionary. Yeah. And he memorized it. Whoa! And then went and won. In France. In France. In France. Over all these, like, linguists and professors and, like, all these people that are, like. He doesn't know how to use the word in a sentence. He doesn't know the word. He just knows the word. He doesn't know the definition of the word. So it's like, yeah, it's not knowledge, but it's a W in Scrabble. It certainly is. So when it comes down to trivia, I think that there is some general knowledge that needs to be there. There are things you can work out. I was a person that was obsessed with trivia. And there's a thing you can work out. And I like little pieces of information, but what I found as being 42 years old. I don't even fucking. I just don't deal with that anymore. Yeah. I feel like trivia should be obsolete. Ever since we got Google in our pocket, who the fuck cares? But I think it's important to show that your brain can still remember some things. For sure. For sure. I do enjoy trivia occasionally, but sometimes I feel like I'm forced into trivia. Well, Eddie, let's just say it's got nothing to do with. I mean, you look great. Thank you. Have you lost weight? A little bit. I've been walking. I drink water. It's not that I don't expect you to be good at trivia, or want you to be good at trivia, or even think that you could remotely be even involved in a trivia game, right? I'm not saying that. But I am. But I'm great at trivia. You are. I am great at trivia. I remember a bunch of stupid shit. You got little things in your brain. I got little tiny things. But it's very specific about the topic, probably. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. I'm also a great guesser. Now, do you think the trivia people and the karaoke people, are they different groups, or do you think they co-mingle? Different groups. You don't think they co-mingle? Oh, no. Karaoke's about inner expression. Yeah. Karaoke's about a feeling trapped inside that needs to come out. Yeah. Trivia, you spend all your time in it with your little books. Yeah. And then you win your championships, and then you buy CSAM with that money. They're completely different, but equally as annoying. You're right. But I love karaoke people. Anything that brings people to the bar, anything that brings people to a social interaction in person. Yeah, I love karaoke. I'm down with that. I'm a karaoke. I will say unabashedly, I am a karaoke person, obviously, but also, I'm the only one within my circle, that is. Yeah. Nobody else is. Jackie now is too busy doing- She used to be in it. Yeah, but now she's out. Now she does it on her stupid stream, and she's never in the mood to do it anymore. She don't like karaoke no more. We've asked, and she said no. No. That's my only karaoke partner. I used to, I miss doing karaoke. Nobody else wants to do it. I'll do karaoke. yeah you have you've done what you've done you and i used to hate it but now i do it but i do feel like you just do it i was on the road with julie and amber and we went to a bar and there was karaoke and i was like oh well you know we're here you know i'll do it you know so i sign up and they're like nah we're not doing it i was like hold on a second you two are the ones that should be all into this shit i should be the curmudgeon no nope that's weird yeah that's all right everything's changing it's 2026 man 2026 women's lib is all over the place i'll be on the mic if you guys need me they're burning bras um another update um you see the new dune popcorn bucket yeah it's got two holes and it vibrates so they got this they're really just now this is what you know what i'll say the dune viral bucket they've got two worms on the top of it the first one looked like a worm and everyone's talking about fucking it and now they put two on it they're obviously leaning in yeah they're leaning in well i mean how else how else you gonna that's that's what i read i read it vibrates you know what it is is that i wish that they let that i you know what it honestly is that i hate when corporations get in on the joke yeah i don't want them there i don't want them in on the joke yeah oh wow you made it with the two worms and then you're acting like you're all cool just because you're some giant corporation that made me a thing a fucking popcorn bucket i could fuck with just my buddy i could fuck anything with my buddy me and eddie could go up there and fucking poke two holes into a watermelon fuck either sides of it and guess what it won't cost fucking eighteen dollars yeah well you got to do this with holden unfortunately no i don't i won't this one vibrates oh that one there's a different that one's got the thumper that vibrates in it and that one's for the women yeah yeah and the other ones for the men it doesn't look like a little clit it does grabber it really does or it could be for the balls uh but i'm just saying all of this is way too self-aware and i hate when they get in on it are you gonna get one if i'm if i make it in time yeah are you are we gonna see another um rude dooner episode what's going on yeah you guys got to do one we're gonna do one for three yeah you have to do one for three i mean yeah i'm excited except for uh jason momoa and uh the fact that they already don't have the fucking balls to give him actual metal eyes makes me immediately angry he's supposed to have metal eyes you can you can cgi that you can do lots of stuff eddie yeah you could also not cast him you could also not cast him you could also not cast him you could also not cast him you could also not cast him you could also not cast him you could also not cast him you could also not cast him how did someone go from being so cool to so annoying all you all take scrunchies yep i think it's the scrunchies i think it's the scrunchies i used to have long hair but i never did the scrunchie you know what it is about him too is that it's it's another example of just sort of like a prom king guy that is just as popular now as he was then and he we were kind of trying to see like i think a little while we're like oh he might be able to act and then it's like the thrones was awesome yeah and then like but now we just know he can't act yeah and we just got to stop it but women love it and he thinks he's hilarious he does and women love him though that's the thing though he puts women he brings women he is safe and i do appreciate that he seems to be safe he seems like a safe man so far he's fine you know what as long as you're safe you could be annoying yeah all he is is guilty of being annoying yeah dude you see these fucking do how much money do we have in the lpn bank account now this is insane there is so all of these me lie documents are going up for sale for 280 000 us versus henderson and i just don't really understand how these are for sale and why these are not being put in like a museum i bet everyone's dead i wonder if a museum will buy i mean like who's going to really read all these documents in a museum marcus yes true but you know what i mean that someone wants to go in and read these documents but i feel like i'll be like i feel like stuff that belongs to this part of history why isn't this like scanned and for like public consumption i mean the well it would cost you 280 000 to do that yeah 180 000 oh free 30-day returns oh so we can get it and scan it and return it he'd be like uh i'm returning this i didn't jerk off once yeah none of this none of this was as hot as i thought this was supposed to be the screenplay for wicker but it's yeah it's filled with a bunch of crazy photographs yes for sure 37 volume archive of documents from this 1971 me lie massacre court-martial of colonel oren henderson uh so it is like i guess it's all of the interviews it's all of the stuff and i just think that that is a shame that this is owned by just some random private company this should be sold to a museum yeah it's so funny my uh recently viewed items in this on this website you know for things that are for sale it's uh these and uh the harambe uh harambe porn well the audience yeah the audience will find out why yeah yeah why um oh just so you know a little one more a little bit of an update the man who cut off his penis and he used it to try to commit arson he's ruled competent to stand trial so that's cool it seems that uh yeah everything seems to really be lining up for him oh yeah that guy you know what he kind of looks like if you if you clean him up he'd look like one of those he'd look like what's his name from fallout boy oh okay yeah you clean that guy up what's his name fallout boy i don't know the fallout boy he kind of looks a little bit like that guy if you if you had cleaned up the the cutting off his penis guy if you gave him a little bit of a haircut and some hair gel he does kind of look like he's really looking just like pete wentz if you just kind of squirt the the hair in the front yeah what's his name my ipad is not doing this today i'm sure they could um i'm getting no internet today christopher payden mr peden yep peden oh mr peden now he ripped off his penis and all he got was nothing but trouble that's the worst part man cut off your penis you try to use it to fucking set fire to a bunch of buildings now it doesn't work out no you don't have a penis anymore at least you're in jail so you don't have to like use it i guess i guess that kind of keeps bad things maybe from happening to you in jail he poured gasoline on his penis after he cut it off yeah he did yeah i remember that because penis itself is inflammable also you don't need to pour you could drink it you could drink it you could just dip yeah you got to do what you do like that's what we do in balder's gate where you dip it penis and gasoline in balder's gate my sword i put my i put my sword and like oil of i believe it's abolition it's like one of one of them is like an oil of emoliation or you like you oil of abolition yeah no that's the other one that's the stuff that harry tupman used to use on her butt the stuff i was looking on was um he made her nights smooth you know oil of emoliation where you put it on your sword and you hit something and you make it flammable by hitting it with the stuff on your sword that's great you know i love balder's gate i'm so happy you do that it is i need an expression no no people love it it's good to do i just don't understand how you get the time it's the only thing i do well it's like if i'm not watching movies for movie stories or my own pleasure yeah i don't do anything else man i'll tell you what this isn't that's all i do then i do video games if not this isn't movie stories but i fucking watched people under the stairs this week so good i did too that movie is awesome so good holy shit i had no idea i thought i'd seen it in the theater and didn't like it i didn't remember one second of that movie and i was like this movie's good fucking rad i just re-watched the uh arrow put out the 4k of audition and i bought it and i just re-watched audition and i just forgot how fucking great that movie is too were you watching it because you don't get any i'm refusing them yeah you are i am i'm straight up saying no i have i've actually begotten uptick in auditions recently and i've said no to pretty much every single one of them wow i'm so impressed you're your own master you don't need it they're hot garbage yeah they're literally the worst shit on the face of the planet and it would just make your life more difficult most of the stuff i'm being asked to audition for is literally like man who hates woman january sixer i'll do fat fat piece of shit fat yes you'd be great at that i would love to be a january sixer yeah but i'm just like i'm looking for something else see the thing is like it's acting and so you know i'm never gonna be a january sixer you say it's acting but you know once you get in there you're like oh well now i can have a little fun with it the problem is they say it's acting but then you go out and do it and then you're just that and then if anybody no one really understands this is a distinctly ugly man's uh thing i'm gonna put out here as an ugly man i have to play many ridiculous and things and a lot of times one of the worst parts about playing a despicable gross foil and it's a special guest in a scene or something or doing things is that everybody else hates you and that when you're there dressed up as the thing that everybody's supposed to revile and be bad they don't you're not your friends yeah like as much as like oh it's an acting job and it's blah blah but like no when you're wearing an ice uniform on set everybody's kind of half treating you like did you hear about danny trejo oh he was sad that's all the pro ice movie he was set up i i honestly think he doesn't read a goddamn thing and everybody else that i know that he said his son came out and said that he was basically fooled and he got henry thomas too yeah well henry thomas is a really bad well henry thomas i'm not sure and they also got harvey kytel who also i guess is suspect but danny trejo you know obviously you gotta check your your your piece i don't think he has any idea who ben shapiro is he just says yes and and i know because amber work for danny trejo and I've got to meet Danny Trejo a couple of times. And now what I know, about Danny Trejo is that all of that tracks. Danny Trejo is machete. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is machete. He took a gig, and now he can't get out of it or they're going to sue him. Yes. And so, I mean, I'm sure he. You know what? And they're closing the donut shop because everyone got so mad at him. And I was one of the people who got really mad at him, to be honest with you. Yeah, it was stupid. And the donut shop is bad. His donut shop was bad. You didn't like it? No, it was horrible. Oh, interesting. His agent should know better than. His agent doesn't. That's who really should be fucking. Drag down the river. I'm going to put this out here for everybody. Agents don't know anything. They have no morals. Any agent is just there to make money. They don't care. Okay? I like it, Diana. Fucking agents don't give a fucking shit. Charlie Kirk had an agent. Okay? These people don't care. Speaking of not caring, this guy does not care about his career. I don't want to say this one story, Eddie. All right, which one is this? It's really just. This story is really about comedy in general. It's about Halloween. It's about Austin, and it's about what we deal with. So, as artists. I will say, it is totally. It is completely unclear if this man was a comedian or not. I thought he was, and I have to say now, it is unclear, but it seems like he was in the scene. I looked it up, and it seemed like, yes, we both did some research, and we'll see. So, a man by the name of Shankard Temple Grace. He goes by Asher Blackstone, also. Yeah, that's the other name, right? He was charged with two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. He walked into the Buzz Mill coffee bar in Austin, and Jason Sabala. I said that this guy, he was a regular, so it's a cute little coffee bar. I've been here. Oh, I've been to this coffee bar. Yeah, me too. It's nice. It's cute. It's really nice. It's an adorable little spot. Yeah. And they have a regular open mic night, and this guy, Shankard Temple Grace. So, for those of you that aren't really familiar with the open mic scene, or any form of scenes, or haven't seen Kill Tony, you have to understand that open micers are a specific batch of unpredictable human beings. Yes. They are largely people that are. They are. It's a mixture of people that are really trying to do comedy, some people that are really in it for fun, and just. Yeah, some people are great. Yeah, oh, very much so. I would say most of them are great. And then most people, like. But then some of them randomly stab two people. Yes, and then. But the thing about comedy, as we've seen, is that it seems to invite a type of personality. Yeah. Sometimes it invites an antagonistic person that then believes that, oh, I can do sort of like a character of an evil guy, and everyone's gonna love me. And it turns out that that's not really true. So this guy, Asher Blackstone. Apparently, that's what his Instagram is. And what was his name of his Instagram page? Blemish on Society. Yeah, so he called himself Blemish on Society. And so his gig, his thing, was that he'd always paint his face up as a clown. Yeah. And so he was dressed up as like an evil clown, like Heath Ledger's kind of joker. And he would come every open mic dressed as this clown. And then tonight. He was involved with the music scene as well. Yes. It was October 28th. I'd love to hear from you if you have more information about this guy. October 28th, he decided to come to an open mic. He had brought his own outside alcoholic beverage. Yeah. Right? And they basically just said, hey, if you could, throw this away. He then essentially burst through the door, grabbed a knife off the table, and he stabbed a security guard and another employee. They're both gonna be okay. Everybody's okay. But he does this all the time. He dresses. He has, like, zombie makeup on. And we did find his Instagram account. Yeah. And I. Because I searched on Reddit. I'm like, there's no way the Austin comedy scene ain't gonna fucking. Doesn't know this guy. And then there was, like, one interesting Reddit account where this woman was like, I'm a yoga teacher. He came to my yoga class, my free yoga class in the park, and he was terrifying. He was going. At that point, he was going by the name Ash. And he was terrifying. And then. He was like, I'm gonna walk you to your car to keep you safe. And she was, like, so worried about him. And then while he was walking her to his. Walking her to her car, he kept telling her how he kept getting arrested for being violent. Yeah, it's his thing. And then he was, like, constantly violent. But he's kind of worked his way into a couple of those things. They were saying that he's become a volunteer. He was a volunteer walking people, women, to abortion clinics and back. Yeah. Walking women home alone at night. He has, like, gone to. He's gone as a volunteer to keep women safe. And basically is infiltrating the scene of, like, keeping women safe. It's just. Which is, you know, it's hard when it's. Which I don't even know if that's a scene or not. That should just be reality. It should be, like, police and, uh, taken care of by the government. But we don't really have that right now. So this guy is, uh, he's a problem. It is a issue that we've seen in every single comedy community I've ever been a part of. Yeah. There's always some deeply. But it's definitely worse going on there. Oh, I mean, Austin is a cesspool of every bad male feeling I've ever experienced. Yeah, it's like, if you can't. If you. It's like, they invite the evil there. And I'm not saying that this is the result, but it's. Oh, it's the result. Yeah, I think it's the result. I think that this is. And it's one of those things where he wore clown makeup every day, and everyone didn't want to. Everyone wanted to be open-minded and all this shit. Of course. And as you should be. Because it's fine if you're fine about it. But it's one of those things where everyone's like, it's the quiet ones you gotta watch. It's like, actually, it was the guy in clown makeup every day that dresses like a scary clown every day. He did the stabbing. Largely, the guy that's about to do all the bad stuff has been telling you he's about to do bad stuff. That's how I always believe it. I always believe, like, we all want to do. But, like, stuff like this is hard because it is so hacky, edgelord, and stupid. Right? Like, him painting himself up as a clown and going to open mics and doing this thing is, like, such a hot topic loser's idea of what an edgy person does. Yeah. You know, like, where I actually feel like, if you actually really want to talk edgy, you know who's edgy? Joe Pera. Yeah. That's edgy. Right? Like, what he does. Just talk about tomatoes for an hour. That's edgy. He brings you to a place, he's making you laugh about a thing that you wouldn't expect to laugh about. He's doing a thing that's extremely subversive. To me, that's edgy. Versus something like you just going, like, because, like, we got the fuck. We got ICP, man. Yeah. We already got them. Which is, you know, they're safe, for the most part. They're fine. They're fine. I'm sure there's some evil. You know, in any community, there's going to be some evil people. Oh, and the. It's called No Girls Walk Alone was the group that he joined. That's a bad thing for a man. How is a man even allowed to join that? No girls allowed to walk alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a thing. I don't know if that's a. Yeah, that's fucked up. That's immensely fucked up. It probably has good intentions. Of course it does. I'm not saying the. Not the programs. No, I mean, the program's great. It should exist. He should not be involved in it. No! That's hard. Also, it sucks that we live in a society where this program does have to exist. You know what could actually be done here, Eddie? This might be controversial. You know what No Girl Walks Alone needs? What? Robots. Robots. Dog. Giant dog robots? Boston Dynamic Robots, with them, dude. That's what they need to fucking kick dudes to fucking death that they fuck with them. That is actually a great idea. I mean, it's Austin. They should all get guns. Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, it's Austin. Even the fucking fire hydrants have guns. The fire department has guns. This is serious. That Spirit Halloween shooting that happened in Fairfield, California. A pregnant woman was shot and died. This is really serious because we're going through several other Halloween crimes. A minor was caught. A 17-year-old boy. Yeah, got caught. He's going to get the book thrown at him as he deserves, but it's just really fucking sad. He was mad at a certain employee, and he shot a bunch, and he killed someone who wasn't that employee. He went in there and he just started shooting up the fucking Spirit of Halloween. It's very sad. A pregnant woman was killed. I think six other people were shot. The crazy thing is, this kid had already had a shooting incident under his belt. He got back at his school. He shot at a car in the school parking lot. And he went to juvie. He did his time, got out, and did this. It's sad because there's a part of me that is, I mean, it's horrific and it's horrible, but it was like slightly relieved it wasn't just some other maniac. It was like somebody, it was just a moron. Yeah. A very bad moron. It wasn't someone going to end society. Yes. You know, so I guess that's good. I guess, but it's not. But he's a fucking idiot, and he just didn't care about society. That's for damn sure. He's obviously 17. He's not good with guns. 17. He's a fucking moron. Yeah. That's the worst part. A 16-year-old boy was shot. Three other men, 19, 23, and 32. Yeah, they're all in stable condition. Well, he's ruined his life, and everybody else is in there, so congrats, bro. Fucking eat shit. There's another weird, do you want to go into the Halloween stories? Yeah! There's a weird story that's a little, that's kind of similar to that, that I found right before we came in about the mom. Oh, yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do that story. Just because I feel like it's kind of similar. This is in New Mexico. This just came in today, but this story fucking freaked me out a little bit. So, authority in New Mexico have filed murder and other charges against the mother of a 10-year-old boy um the 10-year-old boy fatally shot a teenage neighbor now there was loud music happening at the house the mom went over there and he's like hey can you turn the music down and the guy's like no it's not that loud you go fuck yourself and he was like i guess rude to her who knows we don't know then that mom told her 10-year-old son to grab a gun and go shoot that guy and that's what the kid did wow that's a good kid the kid went over there shot the dean even asked twice he was like yeah mom okay well he orders his orders he killed the 17 year old and uh and so now but then because of what happened they locked up the mom and charged her with murder she should have yeah that makes a little sense but it's kind of crazy the idea of like i'll say uh you know we know some kids i'd never trust my son to be able to go do something like that no we've been around these kids i would never be like oh take the gun and go shoot this one person as if they do that yeah no i mean most of the time they take the gun out they're gonna go out there they're gonna go try to shoot spongebob or something i don't know what they're gonna do man they don't know but you know maybe they want to be the one to be in his wikipedia article as an assassin i wouldn't trust winnie with a gun i'll tell you that no winnie is winnie i don't think she could handle it with those tiny little fingers holden's daughter is is a eugenicist oh my god she is a eugenicist she legitimately she is does believe she is better than others well she is for now yeah until she's sullied by time so funny i was singing the other day and she was in the room and then she's like no no no you don't sing they do it yep i was like wow wow yellow treat holden like that yeah yeah go yell at your father she does actually she yells at him all no i know i know but then it's just been like well then yell at your father and yell at me though go yell at your father hello from your grave all right let's get into some halloween crimes let's get into some halloween crimes let's have some fun this one was just like this one's just funny because it's it is this just happened to me technically so i would this come this came out of uh houston more texas more texas sky frantically smashing on a door of a uh family a guy a man with his girlfriend and their one-year-old they were in a parking lot and they were like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die they were like oh my god i'm gonna die a guy was bashing at door bashing at door bashing the door they didn't recognize the guy um guy got his ar-15 out of the back closet fucking shot him in the chest through the door uh to be revealed that he was their neighbor and he was dressed up in the orange suit from dumb and dumber with the with the frills of the hat on and uh he was just really drunk and he didn't realize it wasn't his apartment yeah no and so that's like really one of those things about what happens when you're in a car and you're in a car and you're in a car and you're when everybody's packing that's really terrifying that's what happens but so so i was just staying in new york at our wonderful friend's apartment and i was on autopilot and i walked up to the front door and i legitimately was like yeah the fucking little screen is higher than i remember and i put in the plug i put in the code it worked walk in same it looks just like the building i'm in on the inside yeah walk up to the same exact apartment that i'm in and i'll end up open it up to see a man sitting in his living room you just opened it without using the key it was open i opened it up he was there and i just was like holy fucking shit and closed the door and left but it's like this is texas yeah i could have gotten shot in the fucking face yeah it's new york city yeah i had a i had that happen to me in college we were all drinking one night and this chick just like cute as hell and i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die just showed up walked right into my townhouse sat on the couch and fell asleep yeah and i was just like you are fucking lucky i'm a gentleman yeah you look at the nicest guy in the world yeah yeah like this is crazy this is like i guess she's sleeping here i was like i don't know what the fuck to do i don't know but i do think that at least he lived because i i think that dying i'm trying to figure out what is the outfit i'd want to die in least well at least that's like a fun reference yeah but that's still so that's just my yeah but that's still so that's just my if you're cutting my dead bloodied corpse out of that i'm not gonna be happy i will say i'd rather than cut my halloween costume off of me to save my life than my good clothes yeah you know because i'm not gonna he's not gonna wear that again yeah he's not gonna wear that again it's called genuine brighter side from the brighter side i saw this was something i saw this year that i'd never seen before and it bothered me and then i'm like you know what actually i'm not bothered i like it and that was two chicks dressed as blue and orange dumb and dumber i've seen it but like hot yeah i like it i like that they were like they had like midriff showing and like little shorts and stuff and i was like i was like at first i was like that's fucking stupid and then i was like you know what actually i take that back eddie yeah you know what that is that's pretty cool that's because your wiener was like i'd like to actually speak with the brain listen um you're wrong sir like you're intellectualizing this actually and i was like you know what if you're gonna dress like that on halloween at least have a fun uh take on it fun take on it yeah i think it's cute i think it's awesome i was fine with it yeah i was like you know what i'm not gonna wear that on halloween at least have a fun i'm totally fine with it i actually thought that jackie really responded well because we'd went to a halloween party and she was dressed up like what's her name from widow's bay and another one came in dressed up as the lady from widow's bay with the thing on the head like the most popular tv show the year it comes out other people are gonna have the same outfit yeah that's why i was hollywood hulk hogan yeah no one's doing that no no one everyone hated it i was the only one i saw yeah only one i know sorry next year i'm going as charlie kirk with the neck wound oh well i'm sure that was everywhere natalie said no she didn't see it or she said no that don't do it oh and she said no don't do it i wanted to do that i wanted to do that uh we one costume that we were going to do that we decided not to do is that we were going to do susan dell and andrew tate oh yeah and then she didn't happen you don't want your wife looking like susan dell i could be funny for one night but then me is andrew tate could be hilarious i just had to find the little pants yeah that's the hardest part is the little pants and you gotta get those weird i bet you would actually love those shoes that he wears no i don't like anything with those socks that skeeves me out yeah i think it's gross unless it kind of looks like anton levay slightly but with but with less chicago god he's fucked yeah good they got his ass we'll see they i mean there's c-span all over his phone i hope so they have it it's in london they're gonna fucking get his ass i hope so i hope i hope so not only that you saw that there's like animal fucking on his phone get him get him get him yeah but i do not put it past all of these various governments to fuck this up there's one guy who i'd be interesting to listen to the case for his pardon and that is a wonderful man i take that back that's a son of a bitch named robert kessler robert kessler he's in hillsborough county you love it over there oh yes my favorite he's a florida murder suspect and he said that he would put in a guilty plea for uh a philly cheesesteak uh fries and a pepsi see that to me makes a lot of sense uh that is honestly fuck yeah to him because they give that's easy to do yeah and the judge said so you're telling me you would open plead to life in prison and the guy said philly cheesesteak with onions on it and mayonnaise and fries and a 20 ounce pepsi he's just lucky that he asked for it in florida because in philly that's another crime like if he was in pennsylvania he'd actually get slapped with another charge for the mayonnaise in the cheesesteak have you ever done it yes it's good i'm gonna say that i as a fat and as a continued fat one of you look great though yeah people have been saying i'm losing weight is that one of my favorite things in the world uh used to i did used to put mayonnaise in cheesesteak i have done that yeah um i did put mayonnaise in cheesesteak i did put mayonnaise in cheesesteak i did it recently i know that i'm fat i know that that means that i'm extremely fat and gross yeah and i will say that i do believe that i was wrong i saw it i think it's a it's an occasional treat and you put a little mayonnaise a little spicy mustard and then you know what this sounds like blasphemy but if you're close to the place if you're physically in the same room as the cheesesteak is getting made lettuce you shredded lettuce no eddie shredded lettuce but it still has to have a little crunch it's got to be fresh in there sometimes i'll put some tomatoes in it too i am anti-iceberg lettuce shut up i'm anti-iceberg lettuce you don't like sandwiches no yes i do because i like spinach in it i like romaine in it i like butter lettuce oh no when they put the full lettuce leaf i'll eat that better than better than shredding ice shredded holds the juice it's gross it's awesome it's gross it tastes like the ice iceberg lettuce on a sandwich is the equivalent of putting the ice from a piss trough in a sports bar on a sandwich incorrect incorrect completely incorrect side stories lpotlgbill.com you don't even know i feel like i don't even know you you know me as well as you're ever gonna so on an italian hero you don't want shredded lettuce no i get spinach it's but the the oil and vinegar is just gonna roll off the spinach normally okay you want to know how it really fucking is is that if it's a big substitute i don't because i don't like being a pain in the ass but normally i don't like shredded lettuce but if it's coming in a giant taco fish taco but it's cabbage I don't like the cabbage. I like cabbage. Cabbage sucks. I like a meatier lettuce leaf. I like a better tasting lettuce leaf. I'm introducing you to several better lettuces. You know what really fucking pisses me off? When I'm getting like a pulled pork sandwich and they put coleslaw on it. Keep your coleslaw off my fucking pork sandwich. Truly, I'll ask for it if I want it. You can throw a pickle on there. Coleslaw on the side is fine. But honestly, yeah, ask me if I want it first. Yeah. Get my consent. Don't just throw coleslaw on some shit. Yeah, don't coleslaw rape me. Yeah. But we look great. Yeah. Eddie, you look, you really. I'm feeling good. Really look good. I've been walking. I drink water. Yeah, I saw you walking real slow. You know who else is walking slow? Michael Mann. Oh, yeah. Michael Mann shot himself in the, Michael Mann, the director of Heat. Of the greatest fun gunfights of all time. All the time. Shot himself in the fucking leg at a gun range. And you know it looked great. I'm glad he's okay, but it's such a hilarious way for an 83-year-old man who only films gunfights. Didn't that happen like Plaxico Burris? Well, he wasn't at a gun range. No, he was at a club. He was at a nightclub and he put a gun in his sweatpants and it fell out through the leg of his sweatpants and then shot him in the leg while he was mid-season. I remember Plaxico. I remember that. Yeah, that was stupid. We were in New York for that one. I remember that one. That was an extra double. That was a dumb one. That was good. That was a dumb one. But the idea of shooting yourself in the leg, I feel like you should have your gun license taken away from you. Yeah, why is he at the gun range at 83? It feels like a hell of a man. He loves it. That's great because it is fun, but I feel like this might show Mr. Mann that his gun range days are at an end. That is so funny. We get to call him Mr. Mann. Listen, Mr. Mann. You might need to think about this in future cases, okay? Because obviously- It just sounds like you're making fun of him, but it's his name. Mr. Mann. If you go to the gun range, you're going to be a gun man. If you go again, oh, well, better not. Let's actually restart your withdrawing axes, Mr. Mann. Maybe that's what you need. Maybe you need less projectiles. What is the exact details of it? Well, he was holstering his gun real fast because he was shooting and then he wanted to holster it real fast. Why would you need to holster it real fast? You're not the OK Corral. And then when he was holstering it real fast, he shot himself in the leg. It's a superficial injury. I think he's already out of the hospital. Yeah, of course. But it's also, it's real dumb and it's very embarrassing. 83? You can't- You can't shoot yourself at 83. No, because that bullet will just destroy all of your muscles. I feel like if you glaze your skin with a bullet- You fucking, you shred your arm. Literally. Like, my grandfather couldn't hold onto a steering wheel. How is he going to fucking shoot himself in the leg and be able to walk around? Well, you know, we need him to live so he can make heat, too, because he's still making it. Yeah, because nothing to me is I'm more excited about than a sequel 25 years later after the fact. Everybody's super old. None of the actors are involved, and it's just fake IP. That's my favorite. The only character that lived that I loved, that actor is dead. That actor is dead. This whole thing is, it's so fucking stupid. I know it's a prequel. Oh, is it? It is a prequel. Oh. But it's still just like, the problem is once you get to about 83 and then you dig up all this old stuff, there's just no way it's going to reach heat. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm talking out of my head. Maybe I'm talking out of my ass. I mean, I'm going to see it. It's got a great cast. Oh, yeah. I'm going to fucking see this movie. Oh, you bet your fucking ass I'm seeing this movie. I'm ready for this. This seems pretty fucking cool. Even What's-His-Name is like somebody that I don't even particularly, Stephen Graham I'm in and out on as an actor, but it'll be interesting. I love him. He's all right. I thought he, I just loved what he became because he was such a weenie in Snatch. Yes. And so is Statham, by the way. He is. They were like the two weenie characters, and they just ended up being the most badass out of everybody. Probably because of the reaction. Yeah. Pure anger. They're just mad that they were the weenies. Yeah, and they never want to be a weenie ever again. He's got to show up to the set now with a bandage on his leg. As he should. As he fucking should. That is, he gets to sit in that embarrassment now. Hey, whatever happens, why did the Batman director have to quit? What do you mean? Oh, that whole thing is some kind of personal family emergency that has not been disclosed. Oh, okay. It is not. We don't know why he stepped away. We do know that Stephen Soderbergh came in, who is, if I had to pick anybody, I'm cool with that. We're in the middle of a movie story. We're in the middle of a movie story right now, but legitimately, I also thought it was interesting that they accidentally busted all the villains for Batman 2 when they revealed the Heidi Klum making of costume for her Halloween costume. My buddy Manny is working on all of the Batman stuff and also worked on her costume. And did you see this? No. In a picture of the applying of her costume. Manny worked on that hand costume? Yes. Fuck yeah, dude. But dude, we'll see what happens. It's a picture. It's a picture of Heidi Klum getting the costume. And in the back is this wall of prosthetics that are all the villains of Batman 2. Whoa. So you see Mr. Zaz. You see Two-Face and the actors playing them. You see things that say owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, which means they're going to reference the Court of Owls. Wow. It's like a whole thing. They have complete, who knows whether or not this was stunt put there or not, or if this was like a fake, but it seems like it might have busted all of them. It seems like an accident. But now it's like the movie got pushed to 2028. I don't know if we're ever going to see this movie. Who's Mr. Zaz? He's from one of the, he's another serial killer character from Batman. It's a thing. Do people always say dumb name or they're like, no, Mr. Zaz is scary. Mr. Zaz is scary. They spell it weird, so it's kind of cool. Z-S-A-C-S-Z. Yeah, something like that. Well, get better, Michael Mann. Yeah, you know, rest up. But really in the end, I think what he's got to worry about is his ego. I think that's the hardest part. That's the part that takes it all. Do you care about any of these other stories? We got the Florida landlord who shot his tenants because they ate his ice cream. The thing about that one is that it's just, again, that's the whole story. That is the whole story. And I understand. He used a 12-gauge shotgun. Fucking old. Yeah, a bunch of old people. That's the thing. It's like, these old people just shouldn't have guns. I think we're having a lot of stories this week. That's like, hey, baby, there's too many guns in America. I feel like it's just like a regular thing that's happening in every story this time. They're really being used lightly. No one's thinking about consequences. Everyone's just kind of like, well, what if I shoot him in the head? Hey, what if I just do that? And they're just like, yeah. It seems to be. We had this story about the convicted murderer that was still on the loose, but they got him. So that's good. We know that that's good. We know that that weird private jet crash, which we don't really know anything about, that happened in the- It was a 20-year-old girl was the pilot. Yeah, and I love- Eddie was just like, I can't believe a girl was in a pilot. A girl was the pilot. A 20-year-old girl driving a plane seems crazy. No woman should ever fly a plane. You know what I find? No 20-year-old should fly a plane. Because they're period. If you're going to be 27 to rent a car, or 25- I have no idea how a 20-year-old- I literally have no idea how a 20-year-old can fly a plane in the sky. I'm in the camp 25 for everything. Yep. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. I'm talking cigarettes, the army, everything. And if you like cigarettes, we could bump back down to like 12. Fuck it. You know what, man? This day and age, you know how I feel? Straight up? Yeah. Just fucking smoke them. Yeah. Smoke them if you got them, dog. Yeah, the flight explosion was pretty fucking rough, dude. It was crazy looking. It was- It nosedived. Wow. It didn't even have a chance. Just into like a parking lot, too. It's terrifying. Do you think the reason what distracted her as a 20-year-old girl, Eddie, was the poor reaction to Taylor Swift? Taylor Swift's new single? Oh, yeah. I think that might have been it. You think this is it? You think she was listening to it, and she's like, you know what? She doesn't love Cleveland. Let's get out of here. Yeah, fuck this shit. All right, everybody. I don't care how big Travis Kelsey's fucking cock is. I bet her fucking vagina is only an inch wide. Who knows? I bet her vagina got shortened by the government so that she wouldn't have children. I've never been to Cleveland, but I can guarantee that Taylor Swift doesn't like it. Taylor Swift doesn't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just go out here? Cleveland is for black people. Okay? Cleveland's a wonderful, culturally rich town that Taylor Swift shouldn't be there for. Yeah, it's a cheeseburger town. It's a great town. She hasn't had a cheeseburger since she was three. The only way she's had a cheeseburger are pills that she gets from scientists that sort of taste like cheeseburgers so that she can reference human things in songs still. She has a series of pills and things that she takes that allows her to experience a lot of things. And then she can write fake songs about them because she doesn't eat anything but like yoga and vagina jade eggs. Yeah. It's like all she eats. Dude, I saw Gwyneth Paltrow at the farmer's market the other day. She's straight up- She's buying food. Dude, straight up trailed by four disguised assassins. That's awesome. She should be. Just like, guys would just shoot you in the fucking head if you even try to say how much you love the nude scenes from Shakespeare in Love. She hates that. Well, I hate that fucking movie. Yeah, I do too. It's fucking stupid. It's a really bad one. Fucking hate that fucking movie. Fuck that movie. Well, Eddie, I think we really did it today. Is there any listener mail that we need to get to? I read like four of them, so I figured out we'll get through them the next week. We got some other ones. Pat, our researcher here, he did say that, one testicle people, thank you for your insight. We hear you. Now, leave us alone. Yeah, we now know enough information. You come the same. - Thank you. - I'm sorry, I didn't know. - We know now? We know you come the same. Thank you. Lots of emails about how they come the same. About amounts of cum and where the cum goes and where cum comes from. I fill up the rest of my sack where my ball used to be with cum that I can't get rid of. Yeah, just stuff like that. Lots of stuff. Lots of that. So just thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, cum people. It's really been very educational. Yeah. Henry and I are on the road. Now, that Portland main show on November 14th that we said was sold out, we opened up a bunch of standing room tickets. Good. So we have to sell more? Great. So now we got to sell. We were sold out. We were happy about it. But now we're selling more. We're selling more. We're coming out there, Portland, Maine. And standing room only. So if you got bad knees, don't get them. Unless you have crutches. Yes. And then you could stick them underneath your hips. Told you stationary. The next night in Burlington, also standing room only left on that one. So come see us there. That's going to be on November 15th. December 3rd, Ed Larson and friends. At the Ice House in Pasadena. Hosted by Henry Zebrowski. Going to be a fucking blast. I can't wait to do that show. On December 12th, Iowa City at the Anglert. That's going to be a blast. And I have a special announcement about that. We got the wonderful Logan Metz is going to be joining us. We're trying some new shit out here. I want side story shows to always be evolving and doing new stuff. Side story show. And also remember, too, because we've said they're an experiment, but we do work on them. So we write new material for each. We come out. We do lots of fun stuff. And we try to make it a surprise everywhere we go. Yeah. And this will be the Christmas season, December 11th in Iowa City at the Anglert. We got Logan Metz. Now, if you don't know who Logan Metz is, phenomenal musician. He used to be in The Promise of the Real. That was Lucas Nelson's band. But he's also toured with Willie Nelson and Neil Young. He's a real deal musician. He's real. So we got him. We're going to be singing some songs. It's going to be fun. He's also going to be in Columbia at the Blue Note. But I will say. That's the following night on December 12th. Only eight tickets left for that one. So get those fucking tickets. And then Logan's going to be coming with me and only me to St. Louis, Missouri at Helium Comedy Club the following night on December 13th. Get tickets for that. That's going to be a fucking blast. I'm also going to be in Nashville at Zany's on January 24th with the Reformed Whores. And then I might be adding a couple other Tennessee shows to that little run. So keep your ears peeled for that. And then I'm going to be in Rochester on January 29th and 30th. And with Danny Bedrosian. And then the following night in Albany as well. So come see me on the road. I'm having a blast. I got my fucking stand-ups on point. So come and get that shit. Live every day saying, you know what? I've shot enough movies. I don't need to shoot myself. No, I love the fact that, you know what? If I'm going to live to see Heat 3, I'm going to need to start shooting blanks. And make sure you can laugh about all the blanks that you shoot. Because. Even if you have one ball, it's the same amount of cum as it was previously with two balls. So thank you. Heat 3 is going to be when he's burning in hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, it's on fire. Patreon.com slash last podcast left to listen to side stories ad free. You can also watch us on Netflix while you're watching us right now. And you can see us there. Also see the last stream of the live every Tuesday, 5 p.m. Go and see us on social medias at LP on the left. And see all of our new YouTube channels. You go LPN TV. No dogs in space. The Foreign Report. LPN Romanticism. Someplace Underneath. The Brider Side. Go check it out. Have lots of fun over there. Oh, also, I had a really fucking cool interview this week that came out on Monday. So make sure you go listen to that. I interviewed Ethan Hawke and C. Robert Cargill. They got a new show, new podcast called Midnight Radio. But obviously, Cargill, he wrote the Sinister movies and the Black Phone movies. He's great. So he's fucking awesome. So check that out. That was a lot of fun. I had a great time interviewing those guys. Yeah, and look at that. And Ethan Hawke, you didn't think that he'd say anything about your weight or anything? Did he say anything nice? He told me I was looking good. Wow. Yeah. Wow, really nice hand. Yeah. I'm walking. I'm drinking water. He's drinking lots of water. There's water in Coca-Cola. There's water in sweet tea. Groundwork water. There's coffee water. All coffee's made with water.